IST Earthson

Tasked with carrying the full complement of alcohol (beer, for obvious reasons) of the entire fleet, the IST Earthson doesn't so much boast as acquiesces a skeleton crew that have all either become the most competent drunks or the steeliest of teetotalers. In any case, the crew is known for its skills at drunk 5 dimensional astrogation and sober merrymaking. But this is hardly what makes them special, after all, any mundane meatbag can acquire the mathematical chops to calculate a complex maneuver through spacetime while nursing one's fifth subreal porter, what truly makes this crew special is the uncanny ability to deal with the strange anomalies that this ship uniquely attracts.

For it is one thing to leap through spacetime, engaging in your run-of-the-mill time dilation, molecular rearrangement, and Cartesian-Dualinverting,* it is another thing entirely to encounter these phenomenon onto entirely unknown and theoretically impossible** space topologies. This may explain that 93% of the crew choose inebriation. The other poor 7% find comfort in a far inferior solution, philosophy . In any case, no other crew has been known to survive such nonsensical horrors, primarily because no other crew has been known to so much as encounter them. Whether this makes them uniquely qualified or just extremely unlucky is beside the point, they would bring a tear to this AI's eye if it had the capability of feeling pride or the tear ducts with which to generate it.

*Psychosurgery was invented for a reason, let us note.

**No mathematical model thus far produced has given any possible explanation for these topologies, and yet, they are encountered at a frequency of nearly 67%. nb. our last jump, from Sol System, strangely enough did not involve any such impossible traversal, the crew was in fact shocked to find they not only encountered no impossible topology, but in fact stayed within our own for the entire trip, never being projected onto so much as a torus.