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A [random short story prompt](./prompt/). +Archive of [Lexicon games](./lexicon/). diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Battle_of_Quillian_Square.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Battle_of_Quillian_Square.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ecef5ba --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Battle_of_Quillian_Square.html @@ -0,0 +1,64 @@ + + +Battle of Quillian Square | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Battle of Quillian Square

+

Quillian Square: birthplace of the "Sloppy Joe" and hometown of military +general Septimus the Eighth. Now a destitute nuclear wasteland, thanks to some +kids and a personal grudge. Since I don't get paid enough to cover any of the +important battles, I'll take the opportunity to set the facts straight on what +did and did not happen in the Battle of Quillian Square.

+

What happened?

+

• The square was ransacked by a group of mechanized infants known as the Kindergarten Kops. +It is unclear what the motive was behind the attack, but expert witness +"Sloppy" Joe believes it was a pitiful attempt to challenge +the monopoly of the Sloppy Joe on the sandwich market.

+

• The Battle of Quillian Square featured the first, and only, ever recorded use of +gattling ducks in military warfare.

+

What did not happen?

+

• First Quartile military control was not reduced in Quillian Square or any +surrounding area as a result of the battle.

+

• Radiation from the battle has not had any affect on the nutritional value of +Sloppy Joes.

+

The Battle of Quillian Square saw a great, thriving town reduced to rubble and +ruins, although sources suggest you can still purchase a Sloppy Joe from +Sloppy Joe's, only 5.99!

+

This article was not sponsored in any way by Sloppy Joe's Sloppy Joe sandwiches, the official +sandwich of the 13th annual Quadrant Cup.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Gattling ducks | Kindergarten Kops | Quadrant Cup

+

Cited by: War of Civil Coherence | Uriopoges the Wiseass | Order of the Black Ladder | Petrov van der Deathface | Kindergarten Kops

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Chloroveritase.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Chloroveritase.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..71f3dd2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Chloroveritase.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Chloroveritase | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Chloroveritase

+

Chloroveritase is a substance exuded by gattling ducks during weapon discharge. Despite its humble origins as a byproduct of avian assault troops, chloroveritase has become an immensely important substance due to its curious ability to make things see-through. It sees use by the World Transfer Agency as a screening method, which has caused some controversy given that the see-through effect sometimes does not wear off, causing transferred persons grief when their clothes or skin is made permanently transparent.

+

Though Petrov van der Deathface's eponymous condition is officially attributed by the resistance to WTA malice, no known WTA procedure applies chloroveritase only to the facial skin and muscle, and so despite the popular appeal of such stories, scholars generally consider it to have been self-inflicted for political reasons.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Gattling ducks | Petrov van der Deathface | World Transfer Agency

+

Cited by: Joculus the Red | World Transfer Agency

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Circus_Moon.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Circus_Moon.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8604433 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Circus_Moon.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Circus Moon | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Circus Moon

+

In Disquietist folk tales, the "Circus Moon" heralds the arrival of Teramince to the physical world. According to other myths, the light reflected from the moon itself is (by means curiously unspecified) sufficient to provide a form for Teramince's body. Accounts of the Circus Moon's appearance vary greatly, but commonly speak of a "stretching" or "warping", as if by a funhouse mirror. According to legend, its appearence is usually accompanied by corvids emitting the occasional "Wilhelm Scream."

+

Because no photographs exist of the Circus Moon and that no physical explanation has been offered for its appearance, it is clear that the Circus Moon is little more than a Disquietist fiction. Nonetheless, the tales appear to influence a great number of Disquietist traditions: even the Order of the Black Ladder will quickly assemble for an impromptu barbequeue in the event of a supposed sighting.

+

Ersatz Scrivener

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Order of the Black Ladder | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter

+

Cited by: Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Collected_Writings_and_Letters_of_Ignatius_Clivowycz.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Collected_Writings_and_Letters_of_Ignatius_Clivowycz.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a58ec8d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Collected_Writings_and_Letters_of_Ignatius_Clivowycz.html @@ -0,0 +1,62 @@ + + +Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz

+

The Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz is a slim volume of content +compiled, edited, and self-published by Ignatius Clivowycz, a prominent Disquietist leader +and citizen of the First Quartile. Although presented as a compilation of his extant +writings, scholars now believe that most of the documents were written specifically for +this publication. For one, the flow and development of his arguments over the +Collected Writings and Letters is suspiciously coherent for a collection of ostensibly +unrelated content. For another, most of the letters are addressed to people who do not +actually exist.

+

Though undoubtedly a vanity project—it is painfully evident that Clivowycz is trying +rather too hard to seem wise—historians have found the Collected Writings and Letters +to be an invaluable historical resource, as Clivowycz's rambling banality belies numerous +pearls of insight into the political events in which he was involved. Most notable among +these are his description of his founding of the +Circle of Fifths and his eerily accurate +prediction, not only of the Genocide of the Second Quartile, but of the specific +circumstances of his own death in the Genocide. Various commentators, +Petrov van der Deathface among them, have observed that if Clivowycz knew he was going +to die on his ill-fated trip to the Second Quartile, he could have chosen not go. Thus, +they concluded, Clivowycz's death was probably faked to add an air of mystery to the +Collected Writings and Letters.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-prince of Haven Rock

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: First Quartile | Genocide of the Second Quartile | Petrov van der Deathface | The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited

+

Cited by: Strontz-Mork Fish Trials | Hand of Justice | The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Doctrine_of_Imbalance.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Doctrine_of_Imbalance.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ac148c3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Doctrine_of_Imbalance.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Doctrine of Imbalance | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Doctrine of Imbalance

+

The Doctrine of Imbalance of Uriopoges the Wiseass is one of the so-called "secret doctrines" of Remigrationism. It was unknown to Remigrationism scholarship until the recent discovery that the Five-Hundred Injunctions found in the Transactions spell out an acrostic message. This was likely overlooked for so long because of the marginal nature of the Transactions. Initial reactions were highly skeptical -- the Injunctions are hurried marginal notes, after all -- but the improbability has convinced the field that the Doctrine is legitimate and inspired a search for other hidden doctrines in Uriopoges' writings.

+

In relation to other Remigrationist doctrines, the Doctrine of Imbalance qualifies the idea of the cycle of life to suggest that the distribution of souls in the cycle is not even, but is heavily concentrated to one side. It does not figure largely into public Remigrationist discourse, leaving the question open as to how much significance it could possibly have and raising questions about why Uriopoges went to such lengths to hide it in the Transactions.

+

While the tall tales of the "secret doctrines" certainly add that je ne sais quoi to the otherwise revolting doctrines of Remigrationism, it is in my opinion an unprofitable avenue of Remigrationist scholarship that distracts from more pressing issues, such as Rightson's excellent recent essay on the proposals for a Reformed Remigrationism put forth by Joculus the Red in his latest essay-length graffiti on the walls of the Mystery District.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Honorius Rightson | Joculus the Red | Mystery District | Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5

+

Cited by: Petrov van der Deathface | God | Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Double-Eighth_Hexadecisection.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Double-Eighth_Hexadecisection.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7cf18b3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Double-Eighth_Hexadecisection.html @@ -0,0 +1,56 @@ + + +Double-Eighth Hexadecisection | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Double-Eighth Hexadecisection

+

To some, the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection was a godsend. No longer were there +single big governments ruling over each of the four quartiles, but rather +four smaller governments in place of each original. Some argue that without this +dramatic shift, we would never have seen the fall of the infamous Joculus the Red.

+

To others, the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection was the single worst piece of +legislation in the history of the quartiles since the Penultimate Compact. +Originally, there was simplicity, a harmony of four governments working together +for the benefit of all. Now, there is chaos, a political frenzy that has rendered +the legislative process obsolete. Initially, some argued that the newly-created +factions such as the Circle of Fifths +were radical and unorthodox. For reasons unknown, the voices of opposition have +grown quieter over the years.

+

And to a select few, the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection remains one of many +phrases impossible to say correctly on the first try.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Joculus the Red | Penultimate Compact | The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited

+

Cited by: War of Civil Coherence | Genocide of the Second Quartile

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/First_Quartile.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/First_Quartile.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9b4581a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/First_Quartile.html @@ -0,0 +1,62 @@ + + +First Quartile | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

First Quartile

+

The First Quartile is one of four Quartiles that comprise the Risible Republic. It +enjoys a somewhat advantaged position over the other three Quartiles in Republic politics. +Analysts attribute this mostly to force projection abilities: the World Transfer Agency, +based primarily in the First Quartile, has shifted significantly pro-First Quartile in +recent years. Due to the First Quartile's central position in the Republic, both +geographically and politically, it has accumulated no small amount of cultural influence +as well. This can be seen most prominently in the recent growth of Remigrationism in +Disquietist circles.

+

The national deity of the First Quartile is Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter. This +state of affairs has caused no small amount of consternation among the other Quartiles, +particularly over such phrases in Teramince's holy book as "Go forth among the infidels +and harvest bloodily their precious, precious organs"—a command which the First Quartile +administration officially claims is a metaphor. That said, some scholars have noted that +the waitlist for organ donations is significantly shorter in the First Quartile, even +after controlling for population and socio-economic status. The controversy is ongoing at +the time of writing.

+

The First Quartile boasts its share of notable personages. These include such figures as +spiritual leader Uriopoges the Wiseass, noted as the founder of Remigrationism; the +kickboxer known as the Hand of Justice, who claims to be a prophet of Teramince; and +Petrov van der Deathface, despite his attempts to eradicate all traces of his past.

+

Ersatz Scrivener

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Hand of Justice | Petrov van der Deathface | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter | Uriopoges the Wiseass | World Transfer Agency

+

Cited by: Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites | Mystery District | Penultimate Compact | War of Civil Coherence | Petrov van der Deathface | Honorius Rightson | Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz | Westexico | World Transfer Agency

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Gattling_ducks.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Gattling_ducks.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2f82abf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Gattling_ducks.html @@ -0,0 +1,40 @@ + + +Gattling ducks | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Gattling ducks

+

This entry hasn't been written yet.

+
+

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+

Citations: —

+

Cited by: Battle of Quillian Square | Chloroveritase

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Genocide_of_the_Second_Quartile.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Genocide_of_the_Second_Quartile.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4243da6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Genocide_of_the_Second_Quartile.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +Genocide of the Second Quartile | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Genocide of the Second Quartile

+

Following the conclusion of the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection, most +quartiles resorted to controversal means of achieving their political goals. Most shocking among them is the Genocide of the Second Quartile, provoked by a particularly detestable, pun-laden Disquietist fan fiction.

+

The genocide began swiftly, with the introduction of reams of paperwork into +the dwellings of anyone sporting a Red Nose. Crippled +by their life-long instruction in carefree japery, the Disquietists were unable +to cope, and most passed away before the filing deadline. +Subsequent experiments with fish indicate that fish subjected +to life with 10kg of paperwork in their habitat tend to quickly suffocate or +die of starvation. A similar biological process is thought to be responsible +for the near extinction of the Disquietists from the second quartile.

+

Konrade Krunch

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Double-Eighth Hexadecisection | Nose Ceremony | Strontz-Mork Fish Trials

+

Cited by: Strontz-Mork Fish Trials | Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz | Hand of Justice | God

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/God.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/God.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fa9c010 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/God.html @@ -0,0 +1,58 @@ + + +God | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

God

+

A being known by all and agreed upon by none. Most widely known for his holy text, +the Rules page. While scholars previously believed God to be largely absent from +the workings of the world, new evidence points to his involvement in many key +events in recent times.

+

In the aftermath of the Genocide of the Second Quartile, graffiti has been +seen on various buildings with messages such as "God was here." It is +unclear whether God had a direct influence on the massacre, or if this is +just another attempt by Joculus the Red to get revenge on God for stealing +his burrito from the office fridge.

+

God's allegiance has been debated, though evidence suggests he may lean slightly +toward Disquietism. "The First Quartile has most of the resources and power," stated +God, when questioned about the subject, "and the Disquietists, and the Order of +the Black Ladder in particular, are resisting them."

+

God has been cited numerous times as the divine inspiration for such radical works +as Uriopoges' Doctrine of Imbalance, though he continues +to remain silent on these issues.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Doctrine of Imbalance | Genocide of the Second Quartile | Joculus the Red | Uriopoges the Wiseass

+

Cited by: Honorius Rightson | Westexico | Hand of Justice

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Hand_of_Justice.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Hand_of_Justice.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0ae6071 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Hand_of_Justice.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Hand of Justice | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Hand of Justice

+

My dear Jay,

+

I hope this letter finds you well as you prepare for the Thirteenth Annual Quadrant Cup next month. Unfortunately, I must turn down your speaking request; my research is too pressing at this juncture to engage the week-long ceremonies of the Cup and prepare a lecture for the occasion.

+

I assume you have already read, or otherwise know about, my recent papers on the "secret doctrines" of Remigrationism. Though I cannot take your offer of a speaking engagement, if you have an afternoon to spare from your unending dispute with Ms Legaria, I should be ever so greatful to discuss the recent discoveries with you. We may be much closer than anticipated to uncovering what old Urion, God rest his soul, knew about the Genocide of the Second Quartile prior to its occurrence. I have some theories I am eager to share about his relation to Clivowycz.

+

Please send your response to me by letter this time. I have told you several times already: I am not Teramince. I will not receive your response if you send it via prayer, nor will I be aware of its contents if you attach it to a carrier pigeon and toss it into a meat grinder like you did last time.

+

Your friend,

+

Honorious Rightson, Esq.

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz | Genocide of the Second Quartile | God | Lega the Hamhanded | Quadrant Cup | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter

+

Cited by: Honorius Rightson | Westexico | Lega the Hamhanded | First Quartile

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Honorius_Rightson.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Honorius_Rightson.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3086f2e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Honorius_Rightson.html @@ -0,0 +1,62 @@ + + +Honorius Rightson | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Honorius Rightson

+

The Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD is a prominent scholar of +Disquietist history and culture. His early life was spent in the Third Quartile, but he +soon moved to the University of Haven Rock in the First Quartile to pursue a career in +scholarship. He received the degree of Practitioner of the Rock for his thesis, +"The Implications of Grammatical Irregularities in Opogester's +Transactions." After +only three years of apprenticeship, he claimed the title of Wise Knower of Doctrine in +the traditional way (that is, besting his former mentor in single combat and seizing his +mentor's title), thereby gaining full professership.

+

Rightson's scholarly work of late has focused on Remigrationism as a cultural force, +particularly with respect to its impact on Disquietism. Of particular note is his work +with Jay Gubbins, the self-proclaimed prophet of +Teramince and self-styled Hand of Justice. +Although Rightson's research was able to provide valuable insight into Remigrationism, +Gubbins's instability led him to believe that Rightson was Teramince himself. +Because of Gubbins's influence in Remigrationist circles, it is not unusual for them to +think Rightson is their god in disguise, and he is often invoked in the rites +surrounding the Quadrant Cup.

+

In honor of the sacrifices he has made in the line of his scholarly duties, this +Encyclopedia is dedicated to him.

+

Lord Gareth, scholar-tyrant of Haven Rock

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: First Quartile | God | Hand of Justice | Quadrant Cup | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter | Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 | Uriopoges the Wiseass

+

Cited by: Doctrine of Imbalance | Quadrant Cup

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Joculus_the_Red.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Joculus_the_Red.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e2c2c79 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Joculus_the_Red.html @@ -0,0 +1,57 @@ + + +Joculus the Red | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Joculus the Red

+

Joculus the Red was an influential and infamous Disquietist known principally for his fateful Nose Ceremony massacre. +Even from an early age, Joculus was alarmingly incapable of differentiating jokes from savage transgressions against God and humanity alike. +Subsequent research suggests that this was likely due to accumulated exposure to trace amounts of chloroveritase as a toddler, which provoked hypersensitivity +of his ulnar nerve. The Antifestivites vilified him, recounting his tasteless "jokes" in support of the remigration.

+

Among his odious "pranks" gone awry:

+

- Ruining the fifth Quadrant Cup by substituting sugar for baking soda in the Sloppy Joe's industrial cookbook

+

- Defusing the world's entire supply of exploding cigars

+

- Bankrupting the First Quadrant's premier restaurant franchise by exploiting its "unlimited breadsticks" policy

+

- Leaving an outstanding library fine unpaid

+

- Signing his name as "Jacklus ;)" in the Order of the Black Ladder guestbook

+

- Mixing tabs and spaces

+

- Wearing, simultaneously, striped socks and plaid pajamas (later punishable by death in the second quartile)

+

Let us never speak of him again!

+

Konrade Krunch

+

+

<script>alert("He even placed errant script tags on unsuspecting web applications!");</script>

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Chloroveritase | Nose Ceremony | Order of the Black Ladder | Quadrant Cup | Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites

+

Cited by: Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites | God | Double-Eighth Hexadecisection | The Jocular Revolution | Nose Ceremony | Doctrine of Imbalance | The WYZZYIRD

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Kindergarten_Kops.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Kindergarten_Kops.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c3f2501 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Kindergarten_Kops.html @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ + + +Kindergarten Kops | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Kindergarten Kops

+

The paramilitary force known as the Kindergerten Kops was a brutal enforcement mechanism of +the Fourth Quartile. With all the power of a mechanized mercenary army and all the diplomatic +skill of a class of kindergarteners, the mech-piloting toddlers of the Kops painted a bloody +swath across the chaos of the Reformation.

+

Full specifications of the Kops' armored chassis were never released to the public, but redacted +documents detail military-grade armor protecting critical sections such as joints and the +toddler pilot. Accounts of Kop raids recount several weapon types, including tear gas grenade +launchers, flamethrowers, gatling guns, and heavy artillery. Reports indicate that their weapons +were grafted to the chassis' arms, so it is likely that there were several distinct roles within the +Kindergarten Kops that specialized chassis were designed for.

+

Eyewitness testimony reports that Kindergarten Kops led the charge at the Battle of Quillian Square +that broke the resistance lines and resulted in the deaths of several opposition leaders, including +Petrov van der Deathface.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Battle of Quillian Square | Petrov van der Deathface

+

Cited by: Petrov van der Deathface | Battle of Quillian Square | War of Civil Coherence | Quadrant Cup

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Lega_the_Hamhanded.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Lega_the_Hamhanded.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..032ddc4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Lega_the_Hamhanded.html @@ -0,0 +1,59 @@ + + +Lega the Hamhanded | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Lega the Hamhanded

+

Following the Quartile Reformation, Legaria Porkins saw her rise to power as the +first and current elected governor of the Third Quartile. If you've forgotten +that the Third Quartile even exists, that's no accident. Under Porkins' +leadership, the Third Quartile has remained absent from nearly all major Republic +conflicts.

+

Porkins has taken a strictly neutral stance on Remigrationism, signing nonaggression +pacts with Remigrationist leaders such as Uriopoges the Wiseass along with resistance +leaders such as Petrov van der Deathface. In her first address to the Republic +after these pacts, she stated the Third Quartile would not participate in the conflict +in order to devote more time and resources into foosball, the Quartile's national sport.

+

Porkins is known to participate in competitive kickboxing. Many claim she has used +fist-enlarging drugs to get an edge against her rival, the Hand of Justice in +the ring. This conspiracy, along with an unfortunately exploitable surname, +has left her with the nickname Lega the Hamhanded. Her supporters deny +all allegations, but have refused to comment when questioned with the fact that +despite over 200 public broadcasts, Porkins' hands have never once appeared on +camera. Coincidence? Just think about it.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Hand of Justice | Petrov van der Deathface | Uriopoges the Wiseass

+

Cited by: Penultimate Compact | Hand of Justice | The WYZZYIRD

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Mystery_District.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Mystery_District.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e5d30df --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Mystery_District.html @@ -0,0 +1,63 @@ + + +Mystery District | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Mystery District

+

In every map made of the Republic, on the far side of the Third Quartile, there +is a small sector conspicuously missing. On some maps, you might see it labeled +the Mystery District, though this is simply a name given to the region by +fans of conspiracies surrounding it.

+

Due to massive walls bordering the district and an estimated 250 personnel on +patrol around the perimeter, no one from outside the district has ever been +inside. As such, absolutely nothing is known about its purpose. Conspirators +have their theories, however:

+

- As the Mystery District lies on the outer boundary of the Republic, many have +speculated ties to The Outlands. Some believe The WYZZYIRD is involved +in the district as well, but no one who has furthered this theory has ever +been heard from again.

+

- Perhaps a more reasonable theory is that of resistance leader +Petrov van der Deathface, who believes the district to be the secret cult +worshipping grounds of the Clown-God of Slaughter.

+

- Third Quartile officials have assured the public that there is nothing suspicious +going on in the district, but of course one should take these assurances with +a grain of salt.

+

Three months ago, First Quartile leaders said they were preparing an +investigation into the Mystery District, but no action has been taken by them +since then.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: First Quartile | Petrov van der Deathface | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter | The Outlands | The WYZZYIRD

+

Cited by: Doctrine of Imbalance | The WYZZYIRD

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Nose_Ceremony.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Nose_Ceremony.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..370776b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Nose_Ceremony.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Nose Ceremony | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Nose Ceremony

+

A Nose Ceremony is a rite of passage among the Disquietists. Young acolytes complete a series of three trials, at the end of which they are presented with a red rubber false nose. Their acceptance of the nose signifies their progression to the full status of clownhood. The exact details of the trials depend on the traditions and strictures of the Disquietist school, but typically the acolytes will face a trial of slapstick, a trial of stand-up comedy, and a trial in which they unsettle as many people as they can within a set time period.

+

Where Nose Ceremonies had traditionally been more freeform, recent years have seen a shift towards greater control by the acolyte's school. This can be traced to the infamous actions of Joculus the Red, who, during his Nose Ceremony, murdered eighty people with nothing but an oversized shoe and a cream pie. In the outrage surrounding the massacre, Disquietist schools were forced to take measures to assure the public such an event would not occur again. A notable exception is the Order of the Black Ladder, who, true to form, continue to respond to any and all complaints by filling the complainer's room with googly eyes while they sleep.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-general of Haven Rock

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Joculus the Red | Order of the Black Ladder

+

Cited by: Joculus the Red | Genocide of the Second Quartile

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Order_of_the_Black_Ladder.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Order_of_the_Black_Ladder.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bb61cd5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Order_of_the_Black_Ladder.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Order of the Black Ladder | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Order of the Black Ladder

+

The Order of the Black Ladder is an illustrious Disquietist school and quite possibly the most unorthodox. Despite pressure from the Circle of Fifths, the Order has maintained its status as the most unpredictable of the post-Reformation schools. Recent work by cryptoarchaeologists has unearthed evidence that Order meddling was responsible for the prank war whose escalation eventually resulted in the Battle of Quillian Square, making them the second-deadliest Disquietist school by body count.

+

Black Ladder unorthodoxy has resulted in a number of bitter feuds with the more traditional Disquietists that control the Circle. One notable example is their stance on the World Transfer Agency: while traditional Disquietism has variously opposed or abetted the WTA, Black Ladder acolytes tend to view it with indifference, going so far as to gain employment in it only to abuse their security credentials for pranks. This and other conflicts characterize the Order's relationship to Disquietism at large (virtually all of the Injunctions found in Volume 5 of the Transactions are against Order practices).

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Battle of Quillian Square | Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 | World Transfer Agency

+

Cited by: Joculus the Red | War of Civil Coherence | Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 | The Outlands | Nose Ceremony | Circus Moon

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Penultimate_Compact.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Penultimate_Compact.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3cb07ea --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Penultimate_Compact.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Penultimate Compact | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Penultimate Compact

+

The Penultimate Compact was a civil and religious agreement which marked the founding of the Risible Republic. It divided the Republic's terrain into several semi-autonomous administrative regions, with each region optimized for a specific economic activity. It was originally known as the "Ultimate Compact," reflecting the contemporaneous belief that the Compact would result in a perfect society with no further need for change. However, the initial design of the Republic resulted in an outbreak of sectarianism, which culminated in the Quartile Reformation and the utter destruction of all but four of the Republic's administrative regions. The first use of the name "Penultimate Compact" was by Lega the Hamhanded in her inaugural address.

+

Certain features of the original Compact have persisted to the current day. Most obviously are the Quartiles, the four surviving remnants of the original administrative regions. The post-Reformation Compact also preserved the World Transfer Agency, in order to secure the Republic's ability to transport personnel and materials across the radioactive wastes of former regions. The WTA was originally distributed across the Republic, but post-Reformation, the bulk of its assets were concentrated in the First Quartile.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-general of Haven Rock

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: First Quartile | Lega the Hamhanded | World Transfer Agency

+

Cited by: Double-Eighth Hexadecisection | Westexico

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Petrov_van_der_Deathface.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Petrov_van_der_Deathface.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..28f18f3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Petrov_van_der_Deathface.html @@ -0,0 +1,58 @@ + + +Petrov van der Deathface | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Petrov van der Deathface

+

Okay, we get it. Deathface allegedly single-handedly wiped out no less than +twenty two Kops in the Battle of Quillian Square. Deathface +has a kill count greater than every other First Quartile soldier's, combined. +We get it, Deathface was a legendary war hero. The glory of his mustache rivaled +that of Mustachius, the highest of the mustache dieties. But have you ever stopped +to think about how ridiculous those stories are? One single man, accomplishing all +Deathface did in his tragically short-lived life? It's preposterous! The man named +Petrov van der Deathface is nothing but a sham, a marketing ploy to sell +more t-shirts!

+

Not convinced? Then perhaps consider the fact that Deathface does not have a face. +Everyone knows that real people have faces. Therefore, Petrov van der Deathface +is not a real person. Q. E. Motherfucking. D.

+

Grab a copy of the Doctrine of Imbalance from your local library and give it +a read. It explicitly states in there that Deathface is but a myth. Or something +similar, anyways. Point is, you've all been had! Open your eyes and don't give +into this scam!

+

~ Ersatz Scrivener

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Battle of Quillian Square | Doctrine of Imbalance | First Quartile | Kindergarten Kops

+

Cited by: Mystery District | War of Civil Coherence | The Jocular Revolution | Chloroveritase | Lega the Hamhanded | Kindergarten Kops | Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz | First Quartile

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Quadrant_Cup.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Quadrant_Cup.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e665fd6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Quadrant_Cup.html @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ + + +Quadrant Cup | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Quadrant Cup

+

What is the Quadrant Cup? Well, that's an easy one, sport. It's your one and only +Social Responsibility™! At the end of the day, the hardworking men and women +of the First Quartile deserve an affordable dinner they can depend on -- +and that's where you come in!

+

Close one eye, and wink into the twinkling eyes of Urion Opogester. Now +close 'em both and race headfirst into Megameat's gaping maw, champ! You'll make +Honorious Rightson proud!

+

You've had your sip of life, and now it's time for life to sip back. Oh, come on now... you wouldn't want to Megameat to summon the Kops...

+

Konrade Krunch

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Honorius Rightson | Kindergarten Kops | Uriopoges the Wiseass

+

Cited by: Battle of Quillian Square | Strontz-Mork Fish Trials | Joculus the Red | Uriopoges the Wiseass | Hand of Justice | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter | Honorius Rightson

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Strontz-Mork_Fish_Trials.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Strontz-Mork_Fish_Trials.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8b92631 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Strontz-Mork_Fish_Trials.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Strontz-Mork Fish Trials | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Strontz-Mork Fish Trials

+

The so-called Strontz-Mork Fish Trials were a series of high-profile show trials institaged by enemies of the Disquietists within the Remigrationist camp. The Fish Trials resulted in the house arrests and subsequent political assassinations of prominent Disquietist leaders, which were variously blamed on other causes of death. Their characteristic name comes from the inexplicably successful defense, now known as the "Strontz-Mork Defense", that pointed to the victims' dead pet fish as evidence that the deaths had not been assassinations.

+

While the precise political motive for the Fish Trials remains unknown, "Sloppy Joe", the mysterious benefactor of the Remigrationist-affiliated annual ritual blood sacrifice known as the Quadrant Cup -- a euphemism for the massive cup situated between the four Quartiles whose true name is Megameat the Doomgoblet [sic] -- has generally been blamed in recent scholarly review of the topic. After all, the method of assassination matches the previous Second Quartile Genocide, which is known to have been started by "Sloppy Joe" in retalitation for the sharp drop in attendence caused by Disquietist fanfiction that made fun of the idea of grinding victims into mincemeat and selling them as sandwiches.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz | Genocide of the Second Quartile | Quadrant Cup

+

Cited by: Genocide of the Second Quartile

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Teramince2C_Clown-God_of_Slaughter.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Teramince2C_Clown-God_of_Slaughter.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8c51e4f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Teramince2C_Clown-God_of_Slaughter.html @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ + + +Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter

+

According to canon, Teramince ascended over the former Clown-God of Slaughter, +Gigamince, by baking him into a casserole of cosmic proportions and eating +him to gain his power. Once a year, recalling her hilarious feast, Teramince's +sanguine hunger waxes, and wanes only with a leviathan sip of the +Quadrant Cup.

+

On this occasion, Teramince takes physical form from the shadows cast by the +Circus Moon in order to walk amidst mortals and record flavor notes for +her annual people-tasting. Although unconfirmed by any written report, Uriopoges is fabled to have become her high priest after offering her a nibble of his index finger, whereupon she pronounced him "...a man of excellent taste and flavor."

+

Konrade Krunch

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Circus Moon | Quadrant Cup | Uriopoges the Wiseass

+

Cited by: Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites | Mystery District | Uriopoges the Wiseass | Hand of Justice | The Jocular Revolution | Honorius Rightson | Circus Moon | First Quartile

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_Disquietist_22Circle_of_Fifths22_Revisited.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_Disquietist_22Circle_of_Fifths22_Revisited.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a20b412 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_Disquietist_22Circle_of_Fifths22_Revisited.html @@ -0,0 +1,60 @@ + + +The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited

+

Although the beginnings of the Disquietist revolution are unclear, many + scholars attribute the movement to would-be Disquietist Convosembly leader + Ignatius Clivowycz' refusal to comply with a demand to "...turn the damned + music down", supposedly issued by his superior officer, Klaus DuKrampus. This + explanation is corroborated by the earliest proceedings of the Convosembly, + which outlines the formation of the governing "Circle of Fifths," responsible + for the authorship of the infamous "Five-Hundred Injunctions." + (Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5)

+

While the adumbral Circle is considered inseparable from the movement itself, + Clivowycz' recently-discovered personal correspondence suggests that it may + never have been formed for ideological reasons, but simple personal gain. + Following the Quartile Reformation and its natural extensions, the Tertile + Revival and Quintile Quandary, Clivowycz claims that he proposed the + Circle with the intention of "... [leveraging] popular sentiment... to + place [himself] in control of a world-governing cabal" when writing to his + sole nephew (Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz). + Furthermore, this suggests that the puzzling Disquietist fascination with + small primes is not a philosophical obsession, but rather a strategy to + bolster public appeal.

+

Konrade Krunch

+
+
+

Next →

+

Citations: Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz | Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5

+

Cited by: Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz | Double-Eighth Hexadecisection | Uriopoges the Wiseass

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_Jocular_Revolution.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_Jocular_Revolution.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d927108 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_Jocular_Revolution.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +The Jocular Revolution | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

The Jocular Revolution

+

The Jocular Revolution is the name being used for the sudden upheaval of the past +few days. Joculus the Red has apparently returned, leading operatives who some claim are +The WYZZYIRD, to overthrow Megameat the Doomgoblet [sic] and restore balance to +the Quartiles. I've seen reports that Petrov van der Deathface is among them. +Uriopoges the Wiseass has apparently been slain in combat, and +Teramince manifested only to be yodeled into +The Outlands. Information is currently vague, hard to come by, and contradictory, but +if even a fraction of these reports are true, the very course of history is changing as I +pen these words.

+

May a brighter future await us.

+

Lord Gareth, scholar-tyrant of Haven Rock

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Joculus the Red | Petrov van der Deathface | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter | The Jocular Revolution | The Outlands | The WYZZYIRD | Uriopoges the Wiseass

+

Cited by: The Jocular Revolution

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_Outlands.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_Outlands.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1face66 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_Outlands.html @@ -0,0 +1,59 @@ + + +The Outlands | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

The Outlands

+

Far past the edges of the quartiles, three blocks down from the neighborhood of +infinity, the Outlands are rumored to stretch. Those who the Outlands took, +the Outlands took forever.

+

Leaving the Outlands poses a considerable challenge. All the landscapes are +filmed in portrait. You can only turn left. The ping times are abysmal, and the +sun keeps burning out. Some wonder, licking bitter dew from the leaves of the +refutrees for sustenance, but they'll never leave.

+

Staying in the Outlands is no better. The lice are the size of shoes and the +only mixed drinks are rum and coke. As a courtesy to the wayward prisoner, +there is the occasional quantity of maple syrup, but only enough to make one's +sleeve sticky.

+

It is unclear who takes people to the Outlands, but the daring few who would +posit a guess universally blame the WYZZYIRD or the World Transfer Agency. +(These bold souls are not often heard from again.)

+

Some suggest that the Outlands are an elaborate joke executed by +the Order of the Black Ladder. Would that we knew the punchline. +Wouldn't that we ever see it firsthand.

+

Konrade Krunch

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Order of the Black Ladder | The WYZZYIRD | World Transfer Agency

+

Cited by: The Jocular Revolution | Mystery District | The WYZZYIRD

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_WYZZYIRD.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_WYZZYIRD.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0941088 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/The_WYZZYIRD.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +The WYZZYIRD | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

The WYZZYIRD

+

The Wavelength Yocto-Zig-Zag Yodel Infiltration/Relocation Division, or WYZZYIRD for short, is alleged to be a clandestine military unit operating out of the enigmatic Mystery District in the Third Quartile. While the scant evidence of their existence (mostly notes from the private journals of Her Quartness Quartilord Lega) is disputed academically only in hushed tones, the WYZZYIRD remains a popular topic of urban legend.

+

The central narratives of the WYZZYIRD legends claim that its operatives use yodelling at absurdly high frequencies -- their titular "wavelength yocto-zig-zag yodel" -- in order to quantum tunnel through walls or across great distances in order to infiltrate their target's location, where they use their yodelling to suck their target through a wormhole to the dreaded Outlands. Some allege that the WYZZYIRD is a division of the World Transfer Agency, but as in all things WYZZYIRD, available facts are scant.

+

One of the most popular variations on the WYZZYIRD urban legend is the claim that Joculus the Red is one of their operatives. This tall tale is likely inspired by Joculus' boasts about his ability to hide a burrito in any fridge, even fridges unreachable to mortal men, combined with his unsettling track record of having never lied.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Joculus the Red | Lega the Hamhanded | Mystery District | The Outlands | World Transfer Agency

+

Cited by: The Outlands | Westexico | Mystery District | The Jocular Revolution

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Transactions_of_the_Clamorous_Convosembly2C_Vol._5.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Transactions_of_the_Clamorous_Convosembly2C_Vol._5.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b434d39 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Transactions_of_the_Clamorous_Convosembly2C_Vol._5.html @@ -0,0 +1,63 @@ + + +Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5

+

The Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, known more concisely as the +Transactions, are a set of volumes detailing the running expenses of the +Clamorous Convosembly. The vast majority of these volumes are of minimal historical +interest, detailing such mundane matters as catering costs and reimbursements for prank +supplies (this last to be expected from any institutionalized gathering of Disquietists). +However, Volume 5 of the Transactions has taken on disproportionate significance +among historians. Volume 5 was compiled during the Uriopoges the Wiseass's tragically +short-lived tenure as Convosembly treasurer and member of the Circle of Fifths.

+

Uriopoges, who is recognized mostly for his role as the founder of Remigrationism, had a +habit of making comments in the margins of the Transactions, ranging from insults +about other Convosembly members, to commentary on the proceedings, to moral statements +that foreshadow his later teachings. Contemporary scholars have focused particularly on +what have been termed his "Five-Hundred Injunctions," which mostly rage against the +practices of the Order of the Black Ladder. However, when constructing their +interpretations, these scholars tend to ignore that the Injunctions were written alongside +a truly epic list of prank reimbursements to Hisaguru the Silent, then-current head of the +Order. It should require only elementary reasoning to understand what might have made +Uriopoges so angry about this particular set of pranks.

+

Unfortunately, emphasis on the Injunctions has served to draw attention away from other +teachings first elucidated in the Transactions, such as his Doctrine of Imbalance +and the Parable of the Bird Thief.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-general of Haven Rock

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Doctrine of Imbalance | Order of the Black Ladder | Uriopoges the Wiseass

+

Cited by: The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited | Uriopoges the Wiseass | Order of the Black Ladder | Honorius Rightson | Doctrine of Imbalance

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Trek_and_Remigration_of_the_Antifestivites.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Trek_and_Remigration_of_the_Antifestivites.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0ffb0b2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Trek_and_Remigration_of_the_Antifestivites.html @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ + + +Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites

+

Among those who believe in remigrationism are the Antifestivities, a +less-extreme group known for their condemnation of practices encouraged by +Joculus the Red. Although they insist that they're "nothing like those +idiots," leveraging the fact that they do not worship the +Clown-God, they are usually lumped together +with the rest of the Disquietists.

+

The Antifestivities participate in the ongoing remigration, but where are they +migrating to? Some believe they are preparing to take back their homeland, a party +store in the southern parts of the First Quartile which used to serve as their +office headquarters before the Quartile Reformation. Their name, the Antifestivities, +is misleading; many people mistakenly believe they are against festivities in general. +In reality, though, items such as beer, tortilla chips, and pizza delivery coupons +account for over half of what they take with them on their journeys.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: First Quartile | Joculus the Red | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter

+

Cited by: Joculus the Red

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Uriopoges_the_Wiseass.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Uriopoges_the_Wiseass.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..78e4383 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Uriopoges_the_Wiseass.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Uriopoges the Wiseass | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Uriopoges the Wiseass

+

Few figures in the history of the Risible Republic can claim to have as much influence as Urion Opogester, the founder of Remigrationism. He is better known by his cultic name, Uriopoges the Wiseass, which he took after his violent expulsion from the Circle of Fifths and subsequent ascension as the high priest of Teramince.

+

The first note of Opogester in the records of the Clamorous Convosembly is of a secretary with both exceptional eloquence and vehemence. After his election as treasurer, records in the Transactions indicate that he took advantage of this position to push his agenda of extreme slapstick and thrill pranks in the Convosembly. While Opogester had high-placed figures like Klaus DuKrampus on his side, the oppositon party headed by Undersecretary Ignatius Clivowycz succeeded in ousting him on charges of "crimes against clownhood" and banning him from the Convosembly.

+

These seminal events would lend shape to the often-amorphous doctrines later grouped under the heading of Remigrationism. Preaching the ephemerality of the world and the cyclical nature of our journey through it -- the "remigration" -- Opogester, now Uriopoges, united the sectarian First Quartile around the idea that the cycle of life is a carousel, carousels are more fun if they go faster, and therefore we ought to send people around it as fast as possible.

+

Uriopoges' crowning achievement, the construction of Megameat the Doomgoblet [sic], was beset by resistance from orthodox and unorthodox Disquietists alike, which ultimately culminated in the Battle of Quillian Square, where the Remigrationists were victorious despite heavy losses.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Battle of Quillian Square | Quadrant Cup | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter | The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited | Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5

+

Cited by: God | Quadrant Cup | Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 | The Jocular Revolution | Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter | Lega the Hamhanded | Honorius Rightson | First Quartile

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/War_of_Civil_Coherence.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/War_of_Civil_Coherence.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c9e6848 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/War_of_Civil_Coherence.html @@ -0,0 +1,65 @@ + + +War of Civil Coherence | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

War of Civil Coherence

+

The War of Civil Coherence was a conflict primarily between +hexadecisections of the First Quartile and everyone +else. It is unclear exactly why the war began, but many contemporary scholars point to +the escalation of a wide-ranging prank war instigated by the Order of the Black Ladder +against the emerging Remigrationist movement. Note that the label "War of Civil +Coherence" is one insisted upon primarily by First Quartile scholars; among some +Disquietist schools, it is known as "The Revolution pt. II," a reference to the +Disquietist dogmatic teaching that all sequels are inevitably social and commercial +failures.

+

The war proceeded according to the following pattern, at various scales. First, anti- +Remigrationist forces would perform a prank or other offense in some area. Second, First +Quartile military forces would move to that area and attempt to stamp out resistance. +Without the benefit of World Transfer Agency logistical support, the resistance forces +either fought (and died), or relocated to start the cycle anew.

+

Resistance forces were led by General Petrov van der Deathface, who, during the war, +acquired a reputation as an unparalleled tactical genius. Though unable to directly halt +the First Quartile's advance, military historians have noted that he left them +over-extended to the point where a handful of strategic strikes could have crippled their +military machine. Did the grand strategist have a plan to win the war? Sadly, we may +never know, as van der Deathface was killed by a stray bullet at the +Battle of Quillian Square while attempting to bait a squad of Kindergarten Kops +into charging their First Quartile allies. Within weeks of his death, the First Quartile +declared victory.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-prince of Haven Rock

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Battle of Quillian Square | Double-Eighth Hexadecisection | First Quartile | Kindergarten Kops | Order of the Black Ladder | Petrov van der Deathface | World Transfer Agency

+

Cited by: —

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Westexico.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Westexico.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ec847a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/Westexico.html @@ -0,0 +1,57 @@ + + +Westexico | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Westexico

+

Westexico is a province on the other side of First Quartile that serves as +God's burrito orchard. While it is generally respected that God's +burrito recipe is simply divine, few other sentient entities have the +sophisticated resources or knowledge necessary to construct a suitable tree to +produce them, like God intended.

+

Because of the logistical problems presented by tunnelling to the other side +of the continent, burritos are a very scare resource. This scarcity makes them a +natural choice for currency in the four Quartiles, accepted anywhere in the Quartiles following the +Penultimate Compact. Their use as currency has a few peculiar consequences -- first, +that price of a burrito is as unchanging as God himself; and second, that one's want for +money grows proportionally with their hunger.

+

Some conjecture that The WYZZYIRD, if it exists, is naught but a get-rich-quick scheme +with the eventual goal of exfiltrating God's entire Westexican Reserve, ordinarily shared +only with his elect. Similarly, there exist rumors of the Hand of Justice plotting a +similar heist.

+

Konrade Krunch

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: First Quartile | God | Hand of Justice | Penultimate Compact | The WYZZYIRD

+

Cited by: —

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/World_Transfer_Agency.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/World_Transfer_Agency.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6cdef1f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/article/World_Transfer_Agency.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +World Transfer Agency | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

World Transfer Agency

+

Overview

+

The World Transfer Agency (WTA) is the organization that handles all permanent relocation +of persons and goods across quartiles. Though its methods have been questioned by naysayers, +it is responsible for the continued security and well-being of every citizen in our glorious +First Quartile.

+

Controversy

+

The WTA has been the center of debate amongst members of all quartiles. Most often cited is +the organization's use of chloroveritase to screen migrants for weapons and other +dangerous materials. It is without a doubt, however, that the chemical's use is more +efficient than any other proposed method.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+
+
+

Next →

+

← Previous

+

Citations: Chloroveritase | First Quartile

+

Cited by: First Quartile | Penultimate Compact | War of Civil Coherence | Order of the Black Ladder | The Outlands | Chloroveritase | The WYZZYIRD

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/contents/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/contents/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f6fed75 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/contents/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,148 @@ + + +Index of Lexicon Alpha | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Index of Lexicon Alpha

+

There are 33 entries, 32 written and 1 phantom.

+ + + + +
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/formatting/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/formatting/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d20f0d2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/formatting/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,58 @@ + + +Formatting | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Formatting

+

Lexipython provides support for a limited amount of Markdown-esque formatting.

+
+# Player: PN
+# Turn: 1
+# Title: Example page
+
+This is an example page.
+Some words are //italicized//,
+and some words are **bolded**.
+All of these sentences are part of the same paragraph.
+
+This is a new paragraph.\\
+Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a line break within the paragraph.
+
+This is an [[example citation|Phantom page]]. You can also cite a [[phantom page]] with just the title.
+
+~Dr. X. Amplepage
+
+

Each turn, fill out the header with your player information, the current turn, and the title of your entry. The Player field can be anything as long as it's the same for all articles you write (even when they're by different characters). Using your initials is recommended.

+

Two line breaks begins a new paragraph. A single line break does nothing, unless the line is neded by a double backslash (\\).

+

Text bounded by ** will be bolded: **bold** produces bold. Text bounded by // will be italicized: //italics// produces italics.

+

To cite another Lexicon entry, use double brackets. Text in double brackets will cite and link to the entry of the same name: [[Example page]] produces Example page. Text in double brackets split with a | will alias the link as the left text and link to the entry with the name of the right text: [[this text|Example page]] produces this text. You must be precise in the entry title you cite to. Citations to "Example" vs. "The Example" will point to different entries and create different phantoms, and your GM will probably have to clean up after you.

+

Beginning a paragraph with ~ will right-align it and place a horizontal line above it. Use this for signing your entry with your scholar's name.

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d9adf38 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ + + +Lexicon Alpha + + + +

Redirecting to Lexicon Alpha...

+ + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/lexicon.cfg b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/lexicon.cfg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..597547b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/lexicon.cfg @@ -0,0 +1,49 @@ +# LEXIPYTHON CONFIG FILE +# +# This file defines the configuration values for an instance of Lexipython. +# Configuration values are written as: +>>>CONFIG_NAME>>> +value +<<>>LEXICON_TITLE>>> +Lexicon Alpha +<<>>LOGO_FILENAME>>> +logo.png +<<>>PROMPT>>> +In the wake of the Quartile Reformation, you are scholars investigating the influence of Remigrationism on the Disquietists. +<<>>SESSION_PAGE>>> +

Lexicon Alpha was played March 11 - 19, 2017.

+<<>>INDEX_LIST>>> +ABC +DEF +GHI +JKL +MNO +PQRS +TUV +WXYZ +<<>>PRINTABLE_FILE>>> +printable.html +<<Px#1ZP1_K>z@;j|==^1poj532;bRa{vGi!vFvd!vV){sAK>D02y>eSaefwW^{L9 za%BK;VQFr3E^cLXAT%y8E-^XO*0N*(038BJL_t(|Ud5ez@P5_2$A5CBrypIx#gBLB)Jnwn8|fQ!WiV15RxPbA(!!oIe(lnXU_PeIb+TkW6l_3jA@>; zUhBKw%X@#G&)U!a_WRA8&&+$)TA%w~>)F?}_I`F0+O5Hf_MQdT7OaGO-t(TT2R-OP ztHTaEECn)jcHe#XZc}hY!M_%W6f2AC{X4>DT6q zex4=$Lik0j?t0g|_P{#>B?oSQ``as-e<^?z)5&?izU3`%xw`7AtJZu)WHRwwMje0n z#s5~AN{Z>F>f~GVm!If2ViY^_=x2Nv=!i1OLk)JV)oWh!n$+Ra_8kBD&woBi+*GhT z0UIg4(;o}g>?208BQibww>aJzUWdr@Ci0H`s%AYe)OXsP4vGy8im> zC;n6?4)JQ_f0A+{znX8%#bf^X$3O0T4w){y=9+6JZ9)3-OTQDVMl~XlOOHMF*okrk zd?Awyo8*9#Vu`6ld~ohpP<2MJ*!?*asr{ViJg53%P;PzeTd!_=+uK(D7ryX?)&BeM zzxvtFeztn_qaVF``O9D4ZQL)mEpGgg)I8lrAQp1UQ%*T$wcBpHRUHNi{{JrT>fGr3FyU<)ng%q8mnDl+VfLaOXSUnM95xfkq^=dgnXeS>+?Y zmtTH)-B9t`;j!)&TqWJ-KKH47c)$3?FS?!dy#&NVw}AK>oFmCE+Iqd{bRIvHv(G-e z^MCS_pY$Jy^G-P7gwD%=UIF7#>8AVM_r4PaPsH1lS(33G^_(aE4}S0ilK4}BI-?GZ 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@@ -0,0 +1,843 @@ + + +Lexicon Alpha + + +

Lexicon Alpha

+

The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited

+

Although the beginnings of the Disquietist revolution are unclear, many + scholars attribute the movement to would-be Disquietist Convosembly leader + Ignatius Clivowycz' refusal to comply with a demand to "...turn the damned + music down", supposedly issued by his superior officer, Klaus DuKrampus. This + explanation is corroborated by the earliest proceedings of the Convosembly, + which outlines the formation of the governing "Circle of Fifths," responsible + for the authorship of the infamous "Five-Hundred Injunctions." + (Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 51)

+

While the adumbral Circle is considered inseparable from the movement itself, + Clivowycz' recently-discovered personal correspondence suggests that it may + never have been formed for ideological reasons, but simple personal gain. + Following the Quartile Reformation and its natural extensions, the Tertile + Revival and Quintile Quandary, Clivowycz claims that he proposed the + Circle with the intention of "... [leveraging] popular sentiment... to + place [himself] in control of a world-governing cabal" when writing to his + sole nephew (Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz2). + Furthermore, this suggests that the puzzling Disquietist fascination with + small primes is not a philosophical obsession, but rather a strategy to + bolster public appeal.

+

Konrade Krunch

+ +

Citations:
+1. Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 +
+2. Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz + +

+
+

Kindergarten Kops

+

The paramilitary force known as the Kindergerten Kops was a brutal enforcement mechanism of +the Fourth Quartile. With all the power of a mechanized mercenary army and all the diplomatic +skill of a class of kindergarteners, the mech-piloting toddlers of the Kops painted a bloody +swath across the chaos of the Reformation.

+

Full specifications of the Kops' armored chassis were never released to the public, but redacted +documents detail military-grade armor protecting critical sections such as joints and the +toddler pilot. Accounts of Kop raids recount several weapon types, including tear gas grenade +launchers, flamethrowers, gatling guns, and heavy artillery. Reports indicate that their weapons +were grafted to the chassis' arms, so it is likely that there were several distinct roles within the +Kindergarten Kops that specialized chassis were designed for.

+

Eyewitness testimony reports that Kindergarten Kops led the charge at the Battle of Quillian Square1 +that broke the resistance lines and resulted in the deaths of several opposition leaders, including +Petrov van der Deathface2.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+ +

Citations:
+1. Battle of Quillian Square +
+2. Petrov van der Deathface + +

+
+

Nose Ceremony

+

A Nose Ceremony is a rite of passage among the Disquietists. Young acolytes complete a series of three trials, at the end of which they are presented with a red rubber false nose. Their acceptance of the nose signifies their progression to the full status of clownhood. The exact details of the trials depend on the traditions and strictures of the Disquietist school, but typically the acolytes will face a trial of slapstick, a trial of stand-up comedy, and a trial in which they unsettle as many people as they can within a set time period.

+

Where Nose Ceremonies had traditionally been more freeform, recent years have seen a shift towards greater control by the acolyte's school. This can be traced to the infamous actions of Joculus the Red1, who, during his Nose Ceremony, murdered eighty people with nothing but an oversized shoe and a cream pie. In the outrage surrounding the massacre, Disquietist schools were forced to take measures to assure the public such an event would not occur again. A notable exception is the Order of the Black Ladder2, who, true to form, continue to respond to any and all complaints by filling the complainer's room with googly eyes while they sleep.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-general of Haven Rock

+ +

Citations:
+1. Joculus the Red +
+2. Order of the Black Ladder + +

+
+

World Transfer Agency

+

Overview

+

The World Transfer Agency (WTA) is the organization that handles all permanent relocation +of persons and goods across quartiles. Though its methods have been questioned by naysayers, +it is responsible for the continued security and well-being of every citizen in our glorious +First Quartile1.

+

Controversy

+

The WTA has been the center of debate amongst members of all quartiles. Most often cited is +the organization's use of chloroveritase2 to screen migrants for weapons and other +dangerous materials. It is without a doubt, however, that the chemical's use is more +efficient than any other proposed method.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+ +

Citations:
+1. First Quartile +
+2. Chloroveritase + +

+
+

Battle of Quillian Square

+

Quillian Square: birthplace of the "Sloppy Joe" and hometown of military +general Septimus the Eighth. Now a destitute nuclear wasteland, thanks to some +kids and a personal grudge. Since I don't get paid enough to cover any of the +important battles, I'll take the opportunity to set the facts straight on what +did and did not happen in the Battle of Quillian Square.

+

What happened?

+

• The square was ransacked by a group of mechanized infants known as the Kindergarten Kops1. +It is unclear what the motive was behind the attack, but expert witness +"Sloppy" Joe believes it was a pitiful attempt to challenge +the monopoly of the Sloppy Joe on the sandwich market.

+

• The Battle of Quillian Square featured the first, and only, ever recorded use of +gattling ducks2 in military warfare.

+

What did not happen?

+

• First Quartile military control was not reduced in Quillian Square or any +surrounding area as a result of the battle.

+

• Radiation from the battle has not had any affect on the nutritional value of +Sloppy Joes.

+

The Battle of Quillian Square saw a great, thriving town reduced to rubble and +ruins, although sources suggest you can still purchase a Sloppy Joe from +Sloppy Joe's, only 5.99!

+

This article was not sponsored in any way by Sloppy Joe's Sloppy Joe sandwiches, the official +sandwich of the 13th annual Quadrant Cup3.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+ +

Citations:
+1. Kindergarten Kops +
+2. Gattling ducks +
+3. Quadrant Cup + +

+
+

Genocide of the Second Quartile

+

Following the conclusion of the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection1, most +quartiles resorted to controversal means of achieving their political goals. Most shocking among them is the Genocide of the Second Quartile, provoked by a particularly detestable, pun-laden Disquietist fan fiction.

+

The genocide began swiftly, with the introduction of reams of paperwork into +the dwellings of anyone sporting a Red Nose2. Crippled +by their life-long instruction in carefree japery, the Disquietists were unable +to cope, and most passed away before the filing deadline. +Subsequent experiments with fish3 indicate that fish subjected +to life with 10kg of paperwork in their habitat tend to quickly suffocate or +die of starvation. A similar biological process is thought to be responsible +for the near extinction of the Disquietists from the second quartile.

+

Konrade Krunch

+ +

Citations:
+1. Double-Eighth Hexadecisection +
+2. Nose Ceremony +
+3. Strontz-Mork Fish Trials + +

+
+

Order of the Black Ladder

+

The Order of the Black Ladder is an illustrious Disquietist school and quite possibly the most unorthodox. Despite pressure from the Circle of Fifths, the Order has maintained its status as the most unpredictable of the post-Reformation schools. Recent work by cryptoarchaeologists has unearthed evidence that Order meddling was responsible for the prank war whose escalation eventually resulted in the Battle of Quillian Square1, making them the second-deadliest Disquietist school by body count.

+

Black Ladder unorthodoxy has resulted in a number of bitter feuds with the more traditional Disquietists that control the Circle. One notable example is their stance on the World Transfer Agency2: while traditional Disquietism has variously opposed or abetted the WTA, Black Ladder acolytes tend to view it with indifference, going so far as to gain employment in it only to abuse their security credentials for pranks. This and other conflicts characterize the Order's relationship to Disquietism at large (virtually all of the Injunctions found in Volume 5 of the Transactions3 are against Order practices).

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+ +

Citations:
+1. Battle of Quillian Square +
+2. World Transfer Agency +
+3. Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 + +

+
+

Penultimate Compact

+

The Penultimate Compact was a civil and religious agreement which marked the founding of the Risible Republic. It divided the Republic's terrain into several semi-autonomous administrative regions, with each region optimized for a specific economic activity. It was originally known as the "Ultimate Compact," reflecting the contemporaneous belief that the Compact would result in a perfect society with no further need for change. However, the initial design of the Republic resulted in an outbreak of sectarianism, which culminated in the Quartile Reformation and the utter destruction of all but four of the Republic's administrative regions. The first use of the name "Penultimate Compact" was by Lega the Hamhanded1 in her inaugural address.

+

Certain features of the original Compact have persisted to the current day. Most obviously are the Quartiles, the four surviving remnants of the original administrative regions. The post-Reformation Compact also preserved the World Transfer Agency2, in order to secure the Republic's ability to transport personnel and materials across the radioactive wastes of former regions. The WTA was originally distributed across the Republic, but post-Reformation, the bulk of its assets were concentrated in the First Quartile3.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-general of Haven Rock

+ +

Citations:
+1. Lega the Hamhanded +
+2. World Transfer Agency +
+3. First Quartile + +

+
+

Double-Eighth Hexadecisection

+

To some, the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection was a godsend. No longer were there +single big governments ruling over each of the four quartiles, but rather +four smaller governments in place of each original. Some argue that without this +dramatic shift, we would never have seen the fall of the infamous Joculus the Red1.

+

To others, the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection was the single worst piece of +legislation in the history of the quartiles since the Penultimate Compact2. +Originally, there was simplicity, a harmony of four governments working together +for the benefit of all. Now, there is chaos, a political frenzy that has rendered +the legislative process obsolete. Initially, some argued that the newly-created +factions such as the Circle of Fifths3 +were radical and unorthodox. For reasons unknown, the voices of opposition have +grown quieter over the years.

+

And to a select few, the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection remains one of many +phrases impossible to say correctly on the first try.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+ +

Citations:
+1. Joculus the Red +
+2. Penultimate Compact +
+3. The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited + +

+
+

Joculus the Red

+

Joculus the Red was an influential and infamous Disquietist known principally for his fateful Nose Ceremony1 massacre. +Even from an early age, Joculus was alarmingly incapable of differentiating jokes from savage transgressions against God and humanity alike. +Subsequent research suggests that this was likely due to accumulated exposure to trace amounts of chloroveritase2 as a toddler, which provoked hypersensitivity +of his ulnar nerve. The Antifestivites vilified him, recounting his tasteless "jokes" in support of the remigration3.

+

Among his odious "pranks" gone awry:

+

- Ruining the fifth Quadrant Cup4 by substituting sugar for baking soda in the Sloppy Joe's industrial cookbook

+

- Defusing the world's entire supply of exploding cigars

+

- Bankrupting the First Quadrant's premier restaurant franchise by exploiting its "unlimited breadsticks" policy

+

- Leaving an outstanding library fine unpaid

+

- Signing his name as "Jacklus ;)" in the Order of the Black Ladder5 guestbook

+

- Mixing tabs and spaces

+

- Wearing, simultaneously, striped socks and plaid pajamas (later punishable by death in the second quartile)

+

Let us never speak of him again!

+

Konrade Krunch

+

+

<script>alert("He even placed errant script tags on unsuspecting web applications!");</script>

+ +

Citations:
+1. Nose Ceremony +
+2. Chloroveritase +
+3. Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites +
+4. Quadrant Cup +
+5. Order of the Black Ladder + +

+
+

Strontz-Mork Fish Trials

+

The so-called Strontz-Mork Fish Trials were a series of high-profile show trials institaged by enemies of the Disquietists within the Remigrationist camp. The Fish Trials resulted in the house arrests and subsequent political assassinations of prominent Disquietist leaders1, which were variously blamed on other causes of death. Their characteristic name comes from the inexplicably successful defense, now known as the "Strontz-Mork Defense", that pointed to the victims' dead pet fish as evidence that the deaths had not been assassinations.

+

While the precise political motive for the Fish Trials remains unknown, "Sloppy Joe", the mysterious benefactor of the Remigrationist-affiliated annual ritual blood sacrifice known as the Quadrant Cup2 -- a euphemism for the massive cup situated between the four Quartiles whose true name is Megameat the Doomgoblet [sic] -- has generally been blamed in recent scholarly review of the topic. After all, the method of assassination matches the previous Second Quartile Genocide3, which is known to have been started by "Sloppy Joe" in retalitation for the sharp drop in attendence caused by Disquietist fanfiction that made fun of the idea of grinding victims into mincemeat and selling them as sandwiches.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+ +

Citations:
+1. Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz +
+2. Quadrant Cup +
+3. Genocide of the Second Quartile + +

+
+

Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5

+

The Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, known more concisely as the +Transactions, are a set of volumes detailing the running expenses of the +Clamorous Convosembly. The vast majority of these volumes are of minimal historical +interest, detailing such mundane matters as catering costs and reimbursements for prank +supplies (this last to be expected from any institutionalized gathering of Disquietists). +However, Volume 5 of the Transactions has taken on disproportionate significance +among historians. Volume 5 was compiled during the Uriopoges the Wiseass1's tragically +short-lived tenure as Convosembly treasurer and member of the Circle of Fifths.

+

Uriopoges, who is recognized mostly for his role as the founder of Remigrationism, had a +habit of making comments in the margins of the Transactions, ranging from insults +about other Convosembly members, to commentary on the proceedings, to moral statements +that foreshadow his later teachings. Contemporary scholars have focused particularly on +what have been termed his "Five-Hundred Injunctions," which mostly rage against the +practices of the Order of the Black Ladder2. However, when constructing their +interpretations, these scholars tend to ignore that the Injunctions were written alongside +a truly epic list of prank reimbursements to Hisaguru the Silent, then-current head of the +Order. It should require only elementary reasoning to understand what might have made +Uriopoges so angry about this particular set of pranks.

+

Unfortunately, emphasis on the Injunctions has served to draw attention away from other +teachings first elucidated in the Transactions, such as his Doctrine of Imbalance3 +and the Parable of the Bird Thief.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-general of Haven Rock

+ +

Citations:
+1. Uriopoges the Wiseass +
+2. Order of the Black Ladder +
+3. Doctrine of Imbalance + +

+
+

God

+

A being known by all and agreed upon by none. Most widely known for his holy text, +the Rules page. While scholars previously believed God to be largely absent from +the workings of the world, new evidence points to his involvement in many key +events in recent times.

+

In the aftermath of the Genocide of the Second Quartile1, graffiti has been +seen on various buildings with messages such as "God was here." It is +unclear whether God had a direct influence on the massacre, or if this is +just another attempt by Joculus the Red2 to get revenge on God for stealing +his burrito from the office fridge.

+

God's allegiance has been debated, though evidence suggests he may lean slightly +toward Disquietism. "The First Quartile has most of the resources and power," stated +God, when questioned about the subject, "and the Disquietists, and the Order of +the Black Ladder in particular, are resisting them."

+

God has been cited numerous times as the divine inspiration for such radical works +as Uriopoges3' Doctrine of Imbalance4, though he continues +to remain silent on these issues.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+ +

Citations:
+1. Genocide of the Second Quartile +
+2. Joculus the Red +
+3. Uriopoges the Wiseass +
+4. Doctrine of Imbalance + +

+
+

The Outlands

+

Far past the edges of the quartiles, three blocks down from the neighborhood of +infinity, the Outlands are rumored to stretch. Those who the Outlands took, +the Outlands took forever.

+

Leaving the Outlands poses a considerable challenge. All the landscapes are +filmed in portrait. You can only turn left. The ping times are abysmal, and the +sun keeps burning out. Some wonder, licking bitter dew from the leaves of the +refutrees for sustenance, but they'll never leave.

+

Staying in the Outlands is no better. The lice are the size of shoes and the +only mixed drinks are rum and coke. As a courtesy to the wayward prisoner, +there is the occasional quantity of maple syrup, but only enough to make one's +sleeve sticky.

+

It is unclear who takes people to the Outlands, but the daring few who would +posit a guess universally blame the WYZZYIRD1 or the World Transfer Agency2. +(These bold souls are not often heard from again.)

+

Some suggest that the Outlands are an elaborate joke executed by +the Order of the Black Ladder3. Would that we knew the punchline. +Wouldn't that we ever see it firsthand.

+

Konrade Krunch

+ +

Citations:
+1. The WYZZYIRD +
+2. World Transfer Agency +
+3. Order of the Black Ladder + +

+
+

Uriopoges the Wiseass

+

Few figures in the history of the Risible Republic can claim to have as much influence as Urion Opogester, the founder of Remigrationism. He is better known by his cultic name, Uriopoges the Wiseass, which he took after his violent expulsion from the Circle of Fifths and subsequent ascension as the high priest of Teramince1.

+

The first note of Opogester in the records of the Clamorous Convosembly is of a secretary with both exceptional eloquence and vehemence. After his election as treasurer, records in the Transactions2 indicate that he took advantage of this position to push his agenda of extreme slapstick and thrill pranks in the Convosembly. While Opogester had high-placed figures like Klaus DuKrampus on his side, the oppositon party headed by Undersecretary Ignatius Clivowycz3 succeeded in ousting him on charges of "crimes against clownhood" and banning him from the Convosembly.

+

These seminal events would lend shape to the often-amorphous doctrines later grouped under the heading of Remigrationism. Preaching the ephemerality of the world and the cyclical nature of our journey through it -- the "remigration" -- Opogester, now Uriopoges, united the sectarian First Quartile around the idea that the cycle of life is a carousel, carousels are more fun if they go faster, and therefore we ought to send people around it as fast as possible.

+

Uriopoges' crowning achievement, the construction of Megameat the Doomgoblet4 [sic], was beset by resistance from orthodox and unorthodox Disquietists alike, which ultimately culminated in the Battle of Quillian Square5, where the Remigrationists were victorious despite heavy losses.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+ +

Citations:
+1. Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter +
+2. Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 +
+3. The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited +
+4. Quadrant Cup +
+5. Battle of Quillian Square + +

+
+

War of Civil Coherence

+

The War of Civil Coherence was a conflict primarily between +hexadecisections1 of the First Quartile2 and everyone +else. It is unclear exactly why the war began, but many contemporary scholars point to +the escalation of a wide-ranging prank war instigated by the Order of the Black Ladder3 +against the emerging Remigrationist movement. Note that the label "War of Civil +Coherence" is one insisted upon primarily by First Quartile scholars; among some +Disquietist schools, it is known as "The Revolution pt. II," a reference to the +Disquietist dogmatic teaching that all sequels are inevitably social and commercial +failures.

+

The war proceeded according to the following pattern, at various scales. First, anti- +Remigrationist forces would perform a prank or other offense in some area. Second, First +Quartile military forces would move to that area and attempt to stamp out resistance. +Without the benefit of World Transfer Agency4 logistical support, the resistance forces +either fought (and died), or relocated to start the cycle anew.

+

Resistance forces were led by General Petrov van der Deathface5, who, during the war, +acquired a reputation as an unparalleled tactical genius. Though unable to directly halt +the First Quartile's advance, military historians have noted that he left them +over-extended to the point where a handful of strategic strikes could have crippled their +military machine. Did the grand strategist have a plan to win the war? Sadly, we may +never know, as van der Deathface was killed by a stray bullet at the +Battle of Quillian Square6 while attempting to bait a squad of Kindergarten Kops7 +into charging their First Quartile allies. Within weeks of his death, the First Quartile +declared victory.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-prince of Haven Rock

+ +

Citations:
+1. Double-Eighth Hexadecisection +
+2. First Quartile +
+3. Order of the Black Ladder +
+4. World Transfer Agency +
+5. Petrov van der Deathface +
+6. Battle of Quillian Square +
+7. Kindergarten Kops + +

+
+

Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz

+

The Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz is a slim volume of content +compiled, edited, and self-published by Ignatius Clivowycz, a prominent Disquietist leader +and citizen of the First Quartile1. Although presented as a compilation of his extant +writings, scholars now believe that most of the documents were written specifically for +this publication. For one, the flow and development of his arguments over the +Collected Writings and Letters is suspiciously coherent for a collection of ostensibly +unrelated content. For another, most of the letters are addressed to people who do not +actually exist.

+

Though undoubtedly a vanity project—it is painfully evident that Clivowycz is trying +rather too hard to seem wise—historians have found the Collected Writings and Letters +to be an invaluable historical resource, as Clivowycz's rambling banality belies numerous +pearls of insight into the political events in which he was involved. Most notable among +these are his description of his founding of the +Circle of Fifths2 and his eerily accurate +prediction, not only of the Genocide of the Second Quartile3, but of the specific +circumstances of his own death in the Genocide. Various commentators, +Petrov van der Deathface4 among them, have observed that if Clivowycz knew he was going +to die on his ill-fated trip to the Second Quartile, he could have chosen not go. Thus, +they concluded, Clivowycz's death was probably faked to add an air of mystery to the +Collected Writings and Letters.

+

Sir Gareth, scholar-prince of Haven Rock

+ +

Citations:
+1. First Quartile +
+2. The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited +
+3. Genocide of the Second Quartile +
+4. Petrov van der Deathface + +

+
+

Lega the Hamhanded

+

Following the Quartile Reformation, Legaria Porkins saw her rise to power as the +first and current elected governor of the Third Quartile. If you've forgotten +that the Third Quartile even exists, that's no accident. Under Porkins' +leadership, the Third Quartile has remained absent from nearly all major Republic +conflicts.

+

Porkins has taken a strictly neutral stance on Remigrationism, signing nonaggression +pacts with Remigrationist leaders such as Uriopoges the Wiseass1 along with resistance +leaders such as Petrov van der Deathface2. In her first address to the Republic +after these pacts, she stated the Third Quartile would not participate in the conflict +in order to devote more time and resources into foosball, the Quartile's national sport.

+

Porkins is known to participate in competitive kickboxing. Many claim she has used +fist-enlarging drugs to get an edge against her rival, the Hand of Justice3 in +the ring. This conspiracy, along with an unfortunately exploitable surname, +has left her with the nickname Lega the Hamhanded. Her supporters deny +all allegations, but have refused to comment when questioned with the fact that +despite over 200 public broadcasts, Porkins' hands have never once appeared on +camera. Coincidence? Just think about it.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+ +

Citations:
+1. Uriopoges the Wiseass +
+2. Petrov van der Deathface +
+3. Hand of Justice + +

+
+

Quadrant Cup

+

What is the Quadrant Cup? Well, that's an easy one, sport. It's your one and only +Social Responsibility™! At the end of the day, the hardworking men and women +of the First Quartile deserve an affordable dinner they can depend on -- +and that's where you come in!

+

Close one eye, and wink into the twinkling eyes of Urion Opogester1. Now +close 'em both and race headfirst into Megameat's gaping maw, champ! You'll make +Honorious Rightson2 proud!

+

You've had your sip of life, and now it's time for life to sip back. Oh, come on now... you wouldn't want to Megameat to summon the Kops3...

+

Konrade Krunch

+ +

Citations:
+1. Uriopoges the Wiseass +
+2. Honorius Rightson +
+3. Kindergarten Kops + +

+
+

The WYZZYIRD

+

The Wavelength Yocto-Zig-Zag Yodel Infiltration/Relocation Division, or WYZZYIRD for short, is alleged to be a clandestine military unit operating out of the enigmatic Mystery District1 in the Third Quartile. While the scant evidence of their existence (mostly notes from the private journals of Her Quartness Quartilord Lega2) is disputed academically only in hushed tones, the WYZZYIRD remains a popular topic of urban legend.

+

The central narratives of the WYZZYIRD legends claim that its operatives use yodelling at absurdly high frequencies -- their titular "wavelength yocto-zig-zag yodel" -- in order to quantum tunnel through walls or across great distances in order to infiltrate their target's location, where they use their yodelling to suck their target through a wormhole to the dreaded Outlands3. Some allege that the WYZZYIRD is a division of the World Transfer Agency4, but as in all things WYZZYIRD, available facts are scant.

+

One of the most popular variations on the WYZZYIRD urban legend is the claim that Joculus the Red5 is one of their operatives. This tall tale is likely inspired by Joculus' boasts about his ability to hide a burrito in any fridge, even fridges unreachable to mortal men, combined with his unsettling track record of having never lied.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+ +

Citations:
+1. Mystery District +
+2. Lega the Hamhanded +
+3. The Outlands +
+4. World Transfer Agency +
+5. Joculus the Red + +

+
+

Chloroveritase

+

Chloroveritase is a substance exuded by gattling ducks1 during weapon discharge. Despite its humble origins as a byproduct of avian assault troops, chloroveritase has become an immensely important substance due to its curious ability to make things see-through. It sees use by the World Transfer Agency2 as a screening method, which has caused some controversy given that the see-through effect sometimes does not wear off, causing transferred persons grief when their clothes or skin is made permanently transparent.

+

Though Petrov van der Deathface3's eponymous condition is officially attributed by the resistance to WTA malice, no known WTA procedure applies chloroveritase only to the facial skin and muscle, and so despite the popular appeal of such stories, scholars generally consider it to have been self-inflicted for political reasons.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+ +

Citations:
+1. Gattling ducks +
+2. World Transfer Agency +
+3. Petrov van der Deathface + +

+
+

First Quartile

+

The First Quartile is one of four Quartiles that comprise the Risible Republic. It +enjoys a somewhat advantaged position over the other three Quartiles in Republic politics. +Analysts attribute this mostly to force projection abilities: the World Transfer Agency1, +based primarily in the First Quartile, has shifted significantly pro-First Quartile in +recent years. Due to the First Quartile's central position in the Republic, both +geographically and politically, it has accumulated no small amount of cultural influence +as well. This can be seen most prominently in the recent growth of Remigrationism in +Disquietist circles.

+

The national deity of the First Quartile is Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter2. This +state of affairs has caused no small amount of consternation among the other Quartiles, +particularly over such phrases in Teramince's holy book as "Go forth among the infidels +and harvest bloodily their precious, precious organs"—a command which the First Quartile +administration officially claims is a metaphor. That said, some scholars have noted that +the waitlist for organ donations is significantly shorter in the First Quartile, even +after controlling for population and socio-economic status. The controversy is ongoing at +the time of writing.

+

The First Quartile boasts its share of notable personages. These include such figures as +spiritual leader Uriopoges the Wiseass3, noted as the founder of Remigrationism; the +kickboxer known as the Hand of Justice4, who claims to be a prophet of Teramince; and +Petrov van der Deathface5, despite his attempts to eradicate all traces of his past.

+

Ersatz Scrivener

+ +

Citations:
+1. World Transfer Agency +
+2. Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter +
+3. Uriopoges the Wiseass +
+4. Hand of Justice +
+5. Petrov van der Deathface + +

+
+

Mystery District

+

In every map made of the Republic, on the far side of the Third Quartile, there +is a small sector conspicuously missing. On some maps, you might see it labeled +the Mystery District, though this is simply a name given to the region by +fans of conspiracies surrounding it.

+

Due to massive walls bordering the district and an estimated 250 personnel on +patrol around the perimeter, no one from outside the district has ever been +inside. As such, absolutely nothing is known about its purpose. Conspirators +have their theories, however:

+

- As the Mystery District lies on the outer boundary of the Republic, many have +speculated ties to The Outlands1. Some believe The WYZZYIRD2 is involved +in the district as well, but no one who has furthered this theory has ever +been heard from again.

+

- Perhaps a more reasonable theory is that of resistance leader +Petrov van der Deathface3, who believes the district to be the secret cult +worshipping grounds of the Clown-God of Slaughter4.

+

- Third Quartile officials have assured the public that there is nothing suspicious +going on in the district, but of course one should take these assurances with +a grain of salt.

+

Three months ago, First Quartile5 leaders said they were preparing an +investigation into the Mystery District, but no action has been taken by them +since then.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+ +

Citations:
+1. The Outlands +
+2. The WYZZYIRD +
+3. Petrov van der Deathface +
+4. Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter +
+5. First Quartile + +

+
+

Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter

+

According to canon, Teramince ascended over the former Clown-God of Slaughter, +Gigamince, by baking him into a casserole of cosmic proportions and eating +him to gain his power. Once a year, recalling her hilarious feast, Teramince's +sanguine hunger waxes, and wanes only with a leviathan sip of the +Quadrant Cup1.

+

On this occasion, Teramince takes physical form from the shadows cast by the +Circus Moon2 in order to walk amidst mortals and record flavor notes for +her annual people-tasting. Although unconfirmed by any written report, Uriopoges3 is fabled to have become her high priest after offering her a nibble of his index finger, whereupon she pronounced him "...a man of excellent taste and flavor."

+

Konrade Krunch

+ +

Citations:
+1. Quadrant Cup +
+2. Circus Moon +
+3. Uriopoges the Wiseass + +

+
+

Doctrine of Imbalance

+

The Doctrine of Imbalance of Uriopoges the Wiseass is one of the so-called "secret doctrines" of Remigrationism. It was unknown to Remigrationism scholarship until the recent discovery that the Five-Hundred Injunctions found in the Transactions1 spell out an acrostic message. This was likely overlooked for so long because of the marginal nature of the Transactions. Initial reactions were highly skeptical -- the Injunctions are hurried marginal notes, after all -- but the improbability has convinced the field that the Doctrine is legitimate and inspired a search for other hidden doctrines in Uriopoges' writings.

+

In relation to other Remigrationist doctrines, the Doctrine of Imbalance qualifies the idea of the cycle of life to suggest that the distribution of souls in the cycle is not even, but is heavily concentrated to one side. It does not figure largely into public Remigrationist discourse, leaving the question open as to how much significance it could possibly have and raising questions about why Uriopoges went to such lengths to hide it in the Transactions.

+

While the tall tales of the "secret doctrines" certainly add that je ne sais quoi to the otherwise revolting doctrines of Remigrationism, it is in my opinion an unprofitable avenue of Remigrationist scholarship that distracts from more pressing issues, such as Rightson's2 excellent recent essay on the proposals for a Reformed Remigrationism put forth by Joculus the Red3 in his latest essay-length graffiti on the walls of the Mystery District4.

+

Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD

+ +

Citations:
+1. Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 +
+2. Honorius Rightson +
+3. Joculus the Red +
+4. Mystery District + +

+
+

Honorius Rightson

+

The Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD is a prominent scholar of +Disquietist history and culture. His early life was spent in the Third Quartile, but he +soon moved to the University of Haven Rock in the First Quartile1 to pursue a career in +scholarship. He received the degree of Practitioner of the Rock for his thesis, +"The Implications of Grammatical Irregularities in Opogester's2 +Transactions3." After +only three years of apprenticeship, he claimed the title of Wise Knower of Doctrine in +the traditional way (that is, besting his former mentor in single combat and seizing his +mentor's title), thereby gaining full professership.

+

Rightson's scholarly work of late has focused on Remigrationism as a cultural force, +particularly with respect to its impact on Disquietism. Of particular note is his work +with Jay Gubbins, the self-proclaimed prophet of +Teramince4 and self-styled Hand of Justice5. +Although Rightson's research was able to provide valuable insight into Remigrationism, +Gubbins's instability led him to believe that Rightson was Teramince himself. +Because of Gubbins's influence in Remigrationist circles, it is not unusual for them to +think Rightson is their god6 in disguise, and he is often invoked in the rites +surrounding the Quadrant Cup7.

+

In honor of the sacrifices he has made in the line of his scholarly duties, this +Encyclopedia is dedicated to him.

+

Lord Gareth, scholar-tyrant of Haven Rock

+ +

Citations:
+1. First Quartile +
+2. Uriopoges the Wiseass +
+3. Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 +
+4. Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter +
+5. Hand of Justice +
+6. God +
+7. Quadrant Cup + +

+
+

Petrov van der Deathface

+

Okay, we get it. Deathface allegedly single-handedly wiped out no less than +twenty two Kops1 in the Battle of Quillian Square2. Deathface +has a kill count greater than every other First Quartile3 soldier's, combined. +We get it, Deathface was a legendary war hero. The glory of his mustache rivaled +that of Mustachius, the highest of the mustache dieties. But have you ever stopped +to think about how ridiculous those stories are? One single man, accomplishing all +Deathface did in his tragically short-lived life? It's preposterous! The man named +Petrov van der Deathface is nothing but a sham, a marketing ploy to sell +more t-shirts!

+

Not convinced? Then perhaps consider the fact that Deathface does not have a face. +Everyone knows that real people have faces. Therefore, Petrov van der Deathface +is not a real person. Q. E. Motherfucking. D.

+

Grab a copy of the Doctrine of Imbalance4 from your local library and give it +a read. It explicitly states in there that Deathface is but a myth. Or something +similar, anyways. Point is, you've all been had! Open your eyes and don't give +into this scam!

+

~ Ersatz Scrivener

+ +

Citations:
+1. Kindergarten Kops +
+2. Battle of Quillian Square +
+3. First Quartile +
+4. Doctrine of Imbalance + +

+
+

Westexico

+

Westexico is a province on the other side of First Quartile1 that serves as +God2's burrito orchard. While it is generally respected that God3's +burrito recipe is simply divine, few other sentient entities have the +sophisticated resources or knowledge necessary to construct a suitable tree to +produce them, like God4 intended.

+

Because of the logistical problems presented by tunnelling to the other side +of the continent, burritos are a very scare resource. This scarcity makes them a +natural choice for currency in the four Quartiles, accepted anywhere in the Quartiles following the +Penultimate Compact5. Their use as currency has a few peculiar consequences -- first, +that price of a burrito is as unchanging as God6 himself; and second, that one's want for +money grows proportionally with their hunger.

+

Some conjecture that The WYZZYIRD7, if it exists, is naught but a get-rich-quick scheme +with the eventual goal of exfiltrating God8's entire Westexican Reserve, ordinarily shared +only with his elect. Similarly, there exist rumors of the Hand of Justice9 plotting a +similar heist.

+

Konrade Krunch

+ +

Citations:
+1. First Quartile +
+2. God +
+3. God +
+4. God +
+5. Penultimate Compact +
+6. God +
+7. The WYZZYIRD +
+8. God +
+9. Hand of Justice + +

+
+

Circus Moon

+

In Disquietist folk tales, the "Circus Moon" heralds the arrival of Teramince1 to the physical world. According to other myths, the light reflected from the moon itself is (by means curiously unspecified) sufficient to provide a form for Teramince's body. Accounts of the Circus Moon's appearance vary greatly, but commonly speak of a "stretching" or "warping", as if by a funhouse mirror. According to legend, its appearence is usually accompanied by corvids emitting the occasional "Wilhelm Scream."

+

Because no photographs exist of the Circus Moon and that no physical explanation has been offered for its appearance, it is clear that the Circus Moon is little more than a Disquietist fiction. Nonetheless, the tales appear to influence a great number of Disquietist traditions: even the Order of the Black Ladder2 will quickly assemble for an impromptu barbequeue in the event of a supposed sighting.

+

Ersatz Scrivener

+ +

Citations:
+1. Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter +
+2. Order of the Black Ladder + +

+
+

Hand of Justice

+

My dear Jay,

+

I hope this letter finds you well as you prepare for the Thirteenth Annual Quadrant Cup1 next month. Unfortunately, I must turn down your speaking request; my research is too pressing at this juncture to engage the week-long ceremonies of the Cup and prepare a lecture for the occasion.

+

I assume you have already read, or otherwise know about, my recent papers on the "secret doctrines" of Remigrationism. Though I cannot take your offer of a speaking engagement, if you have an afternoon to spare from your unending dispute with Ms Legaria2, I should be ever so greatful to discuss the recent discoveries with you. We may be much closer than anticipated to uncovering what old Urion, God3 rest his soul, knew about the Genocide of the Second Quartile4 prior to its occurrence. I have some theories I am eager to share about his relation to Clivowycz5.

+

Please send your response to me by letter this time. I have told you several times already: I am not Teramince6. I will not receive your response if you send it via prayer, nor will I be aware of its contents if you attach it to a carrier pigeon and toss it into a meat grinder like you did last time.

+

Your friend,

+

Honorious Rightson, Esq.

+ +

Citations:
+1. Quadrant Cup +
+2. Lega the Hamhanded +
+3. God +
+4. Genocide of the Second Quartile +
+5. Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz +
+6. Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter + +

+
+

The Jocular Revolution

+

The Jocular Revolution1 is the name being used for the sudden upheaval of the past +few days. Joculus the Red2 has apparently returned, leading operatives who some claim are +The WYZZYIRD3, to overthrow Megameat the Doomgoblet [sic] and restore balance to +the Quartiles. I've seen reports that Petrov van der Deathface4 is among them. +Uriopoges the Wiseass5 has apparently been slain in combat, and +Teramince6 manifested only to be yodeled into +The Outlands7. Information is currently vague, hard to come by, and contradictory, but +if even a fraction of these reports are true, the very course of history is changing as I +pen these words.

+

May a brighter future await us.

+

Lord Gareth, scholar-tyrant of Haven Rock

+ +

Citations:
+1. The Jocular Revolution +
+2. Joculus the Red +
+3. The WYZZYIRD +
+4. Petrov van der Deathface +
+5. Uriopoges the Wiseass +
+6. Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter +
+7. The Outlands + +

+
+

Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites

+

Among those who believe in remigrationism are the Antifestivities, a +less-extreme group known for their condemnation of practices encouraged by +Joculus the Red1. Although they insist that they're "nothing like those +idiots," leveraging the fact that they do not worship the +Clown-God2, they are usually lumped together +with the rest of the Disquietists.

+

The Antifestivities participate in the ongoing remigration, but where are they +migrating to? Some believe they are preparing to take back their homeland, a party +store in the southern parts of the First Quartile3 which used to serve as their +office headquarters before the Quartile Reformation. Their name, the Antifestivities, +is misleading; many people mistakenly believe they are against festivities in general. +In reality, though, items such as beer, tortilla chips, and pizza delivery coupons +account for over half of what they take with them on their journeys.

+

~ Khan, Alexandra

+ +

Citations:
+1. Joculus the Red +
+2. Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter +
+3. First Quartile + +

+
+

Gattling ducks

+

This entry hasn't been written yet.

+ + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/rules/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/rules/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5897d5c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/rules/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ + + +Rules | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Rules

+
    +
  1. At the beginning of the game, you will be provided with a topic statement that sets the tone for the game. Use it for inspiration and a stepping-stone into shaping the world of the Lexicon.
  2. +
  3. Each round, you will be assigned an index, a grouping of letters. Your entry must alphabetize under that index.
      +
    1. Each index has a number of open slots equal to the number of players, which are taken up by article titles when an article is written in that index or a citation is made to an unwritten article, or phantom. If there are no open slots in your index, you must write the article for a phantom in that index.
    2. +
    3. "The" and "A" aren't counted in indexing.
  4. +
  5. Once you've picked an article title, write your article on that subject.
      +
    1. There are no hard and fast rules about style. Try to sound like an encyclopedia entry or the overview section at the top of a wiki article.
    2. +
    3. You must respect and not contradict any factual content of any posted articles. You may introduce new facts that place things in a new light, provide alternative interpretations, or flesh out unexplained details in unexpected ways; but you must not contradict what has been previously established as fact.
    4. +
    5. Aim for around 200-300 words. Going over is okay, but be reasonable.
  6. +
  7. Your article must cite other articles in the Lexicon. Sometimes these citations will be to phantoms, articles that have not been written yet.
      +
    1. On the first turn, your article must cite exactly two phantom articles.
    2. +
    3. On subsequent turns, your article must cite exactly two phantom articles, either already-cited phantoms or new ones. Your article must also cite at least one written article.
    4. +
    5. On the penultimate turn, you must cite exactly one phantom article and at least two written articles.
    6. +
    7. On the final turn, you must cite at least three written articles.
    8. +
    9. You may not cite an entry you wrote. You may cite phantoms you have cited before.
    10. +
    11. Once you cite a phantom, you cannot choose to write it if you write an article for that index later.
  8. + +

    Ersatz Scrivener. In the course of the game, it may come to pass that a scholar is assigned an index in which no slots are available to them, because they have cited all the available phantoms in their previous articles. When this happens, the player instead writes their article as Ersatz Scrivener, radical skeptic. Ersatz does not believe in the existence of whatever he is writing about, no matter how obvious it seems to others or how central it is in the developing history of the world. All references, testimony, etc. with regard to its existence are tragic delusion at best or malicious lies at worst. Unlike the other scholars, Ersatz does not treat the research of his peers as fact, because he does not believe he has peers. Players writing articles as Ersatz are encouraged to name and shame the work of the misguided amateurs collaborating with him.

    +
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/session/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/session/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d9b51ea --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/session/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,35 @@ + + +Lexicon Alpha | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Lexicon Alpha

+

Lexicon Alpha was played March 11 - 19, 2017.

+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Battle_of_Quillian_Square.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Battle_of_Quillian_Square.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..45aeda7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Battle_of_Quillian_Square.txt @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ +# Player: HM +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Battle of Quillian Square + +Quillian Square: birthplace of the "Sloppy Joe" and hometown of military +general Septimus the Eighth. Now a destitute nuclear wasteland, thanks to some +kids and a personal grudge. Since I don't get paid enough to cover any of the +important battles, I'll take the opportunity to set the facts straight on what +did and did not happen in the Battle of Quillian Square. + +**What happened?** + +• The square was ransacked by a group of mechanized infants known as the [[Kindergarten Kops]]. +It is unclear what the motive was behind the attack, but expert witness +"Sloppy" Joe believes it was a pitiful attempt to challenge +the monopoly of the Sloppy Joe on the sandwich market. + +• The Battle of Quillian Square featured the first, and only, ever recorded use of +[[gattling ducks|Gattling ducks]] in military warfare. + +**What did not happen?** + +• First Quartile military control was //not// reduced in Quillian Square or any +surrounding area as a result of the battle. + +• Radiation from the battle has //not// had any affect on the nutritional value of +Sloppy Joes. + +The Battle of Quillian Square saw a great, thriving town reduced to rubble and +ruins, although sources suggest you can still purchase a Sloppy Joe from +Sloppy Joe's, only 5.99! + +//This article was not sponsored in any way by Sloppy Joe's Sloppy Joe sandwiches, the official// +//sandwich of the 13th annual [[Quadrant Cup]].// + +~~ Khan, Alexandra diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Chloroveritase.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Chloroveritase.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2324f19 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Chloroveritase.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Chloroveritase + +**Chloroveritase** is a substance exuded by [[gattling ducks|Gattling ducks]] during weapon discharge. Despite its humble origins as a byproduct of avian assault troops, chloroveritase has become an immensely important substance due to its curious ability to make things see-through. It sees use by the [[World Transfer Agency]] as a screening method, which has caused some controversy given that the see-through effect sometimes does not wear off, causing transferred persons grief when their clothes or skin is made permanently transparent. + +Though [[Petrov van der Deathface]]'s eponymous condition is officially attributed by the resistance to WTA malice, no known WTA procedure applies chloroveritase only to the facial skin and muscle, and so despite the popular appeal of such stories, scholars generally consider it to have been self-inflicted for political reasons. + +~ Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Collected-Writings-Letters.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Collected-Writings-Letters.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..198b4b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Collected-Writings-Letters.txt @@ -0,0 +1,27 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz + +The **Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz** is a slim volume of content +compiled, edited, and self-published by Ignatius Clivowycz, a prominent Disquietist leader +and citizen of the [[First Quartile]]. Although presented as a compilation of his extant +writings, scholars now believe that most of the documents were written specifically for +this publication. For one, the flow and development of his arguments over the +//Collected Writings and Letters// is suspiciously coherent for a collection of ostensibly +unrelated content. For another, most of the letters are addressed to people who do not +actually exist. + +Though undoubtedly a vanity project—it is painfully evident that Clivowycz is trying +rather too hard to seem wise—historians have found the //Collected Writings and Letters// +to be an invaluable historical resource, as Clivowycz's rambling banality belies numerous +pearls of insight into the political events in which he was involved. Most notable among +these are his description of his founding of the +[[Circle of Fifths|The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited]] and his eerily accurate +prediction, not only of the [[Genocide of the Second Quartile]], but of the specific +circumstances of his own death in the Genocide. Various commentators, +[[Petrov van der Deathface]] among them, have observed that if Clivowycz knew he was going +to die on his ill-fated trip to the Second Quartile, he could have chosen not go. Thus, +they concluded, Clivowycz's death was probably faked to add an air of mystery to the +//Collected Writings and Letters//. + +~ Sir Gareth, scholar-prince of Haven Rock \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Doctrine of Imbalance.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Doctrine of Imbalance.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9fc0b5d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Doctrine of Imbalance.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Doctrine of Imbalance + +The **Doctrine of Imbalance** of Uriopoges the Wiseass is one of the so-called "secret doctrines" of Remigrationism. It was unknown to Remigrationism scholarship until the recent discovery that the Five-Hundred Injunctions found in the [[//Transactions//|Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5]] spell out an acrostic message. This was likely overlooked for so long because of the marginal nature of the //Transactions//. Initial reactions were highly skeptical -- the Injunctions are hurried marginal notes, after all -- but the improbability has convinced the field that the Doctrine is legitimate and inspired a search for other hidden doctrines in Uriopoges' writings. + +In relation to other Remigrationist doctrines, the Doctrine of Imbalance qualifies the idea of the cycle of life to suggest that the distribution of souls in the cycle is not even, but is heavily concentrated to one side. It does not figure largely into public Remigrationist discourse, leaving the question open as to how much significance it could possibly have and raising questions about why Uriopoges went to such lengths to hide it in the //Transactions//. + +While the tall tales of the "secret doctrines" certainly add that //je ne sais quoi// to the otherwise revolting doctrines of Remigrationism, it is in my opinion an unprofitable avenue of Remigrationist scholarship that distracts from more pressing issues, such as [[Rightson's|Honorius Rightson]] excellent recent essay on the proposals for a Reformed Remigrationism put forth by [[Joculus the Red]] in his latest essay-length graffiti on the walls of the [[Mystery District]]. + +~ Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Double-Eighth_Hexadecisection.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Double-Eighth_Hexadecisection.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0b4be5d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Double-Eighth_Hexadecisection.txt @@ -0,0 +1,22 @@ +# Player: HM +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Double-Eighth Hexadecisection + +To some, the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection was a godsend. No longer were there +single big governments ruling over each of the four quartiles, but rather +four smaller governments in place of each original. Some argue that without this +dramatic shift, we would never have seen the fall of the infamous [[Joculus the Red]]. + +To others, the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection was the single worst piece of +legislation in the history of the quartiles since the [[Penultimate Compact]]. +Originally, there was simplicity, a harmony of four governments working together +for the benefit of all. Now, there is chaos, a political frenzy that has rendered +the legislative process obsolete. Initially, some argued that the newly-created +factions such as the [[Circle of Fifths|The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited]] +were radical and unorthodox. For reasons unknown, the voices of opposition have +grown quieter over the years. + +And to a select few, the Double-Eighth Hexadecisection remains one of many +phrases impossible to say correctly on the first try. + +~~ Khan, Alexandra diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/First Quartile.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/First Quartile.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ee7b15a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/First Quartile.txt @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: First Quartile + +The **First Quartile** is one of four Quartiles that comprise the Risible Republic. It +enjoys a somewhat advantaged position over the other three Quartiles in Republic politics. +Analysts attribute this mostly to force projection abilities: the [[World Transfer Agency]], +based primarily in the First Quartile, has shifted significantly pro-First Quartile in +recent years. Due to the First Quartile's central position in the Republic, both +geographically and politically, it has accumulated no small amount of cultural influence +as well. This can be seen most prominently in the recent growth of Remigrationism in +Disquietist circles. + +The national deity of the First Quartile is [[Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter]]. This +state of affairs has caused no small amount of consternation among the other Quartiles, +particularly over such phrases in Teramince's holy book as "Go forth among the infidels +and harvest bloodily their precious, precious organs"—a command which the First Quartile +administration officially claims is a metaphor. That said, some scholars have noted that +the waitlist for organ donations is significantly shorter in the First Quartile, even +after controlling for population and socio-economic status. The controversy is ongoing at +the time of writing. + +The First Quartile boasts its share of notable personages. These include such figures as +spiritual leader [[Uriopoges the Wiseass]], noted as the founder of Remigrationism; the +kickboxer known as the [[Hand of Justice]], who claims to be a prophet of Teramince; and +[[Petrov van der Deathface]], despite his attempts to eradicate all traces of his past. + +~ Ersatz Scrivener \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/God.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/God.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dc3f37e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/God.txt @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +# Player: HM +# Turn: 4 +# Title: God + +A being known by all and agreed upon by none. Most widely known for his holy text, +the Rules page. While scholars previously believed God to be largely absent from +the workings of the world, new evidence points to his involvement in many key +events in recent times. + +In the aftermath of the [[Genocide of the Second Quartile]], graffiti has been +seen on various buildings with messages such as "God was here." It is +unclear whether God had a direct influence on the massacre, or if this is +just another attempt by [[Joculus the Red]] to get revenge on God for stealing +his burrito from the office fridge. + +God's allegiance has been debated, though evidence suggests he may lean slightly +toward Disquietism. "The First Quartile has most of the resources and power," stated +God, when questioned about the subject, "and the Disquietists, and the Order of +the Black Ladder in particular, are resisting them." + +God has been cited numerous times as the divine inspiration for such radical works +as [[Uriopoges|Uriopoges the Wiseass]]' [[Doctrine of Imbalance]], though he continues +to remain silent on these issues. + +~~ Khan, Alexandra diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Hand of Justice.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Hand of Justice.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fb62f86 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Hand of Justice.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Hand of Justice + +My dear Jay, + +I hope this letter finds you well as you prepare for the Thirteenth Annual [[Quadrant Cup]] next month. Unfortunately, I must turn down your speaking request; my research is too pressing at this juncture to engage the week-long ceremonies of the Cup and prepare a lecture for the occasion. + +I assume you have already read, or otherwise know about, my recent papers on the "secret doctrines" of Remigrationism. Though I cannot take your offer of a speaking engagement, if you have an afternoon to spare from your unending dispute with [[Ms Legaria|Lega the Hamhanded]], I should be ever so greatful to discuss the recent discoveries with you. We may be much closer than anticipated to uncovering what old Urion, [[God]] rest his soul, knew about the [[Genocide of the Second Quartile]] prior to its occurrence. I have some theories I am eager to share about his relation to [[Clivowycz|Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz]]. + +Please send your response to me by letter this time. I have told you several times already: I am not [[Teramince|Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter]]. I will not receive your response if you send it via prayer, nor will I be aware of its contents if you attach it to a carrier pigeon and toss it into a meat grinder like you did last time. + +Your friend, + +~ Honorious Rightson, Esq. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Honorius-Rightson.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Honorius-Rightson.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a3020f8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Honorius-Rightson.txt @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Honorius Rightson + +The **Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD** is a prominent scholar of +Disquietist history and culture. His early life was spent in the Third Quartile, but he +soon moved to the University of Haven Rock in the [[First Quartile]] to pursue a career in +scholarship. He received the degree of Practitioner of the Rock for his thesis, +"The Implications of Grammatical Irregularities in [[Opogester's|Uriopoges the Wiseass]] +[[//Transactions//|Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5]]." After +only three years of apprenticeship, he claimed the title of Wise Knower of Doctrine in +the traditional way (that is, besting his former mentor in single combat and seizing his +mentor's title), thereby gaining full professership. + +Rightson's scholarly work of late has focused on Remigrationism as a cultural force, +particularly with respect to its impact on Disquietism. Of particular note is his work +with Jay Gubbins, the self-proclaimed prophet of +[[Teramince|Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter]] and self-styled [[Hand of Justice]]. +Although Rightson's research was able to provide valuable insight into Remigrationism, +Gubbins's instability led him to believe that Rightson was Teramince himself. +Because of Gubbins's influence in Remigrationist circles, it is not unusual for them to +think Rightson is their [[god|God]] in disguise, and he is often invoked in the rites +surrounding the [[Quadrant Cup]]. + +In honor of the sacrifices he has made in the line of his scholarly duties, this +Encyclopedia is dedicated to him. + +~ Lord Gareth, scholar-tyrant of Haven Rock \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Jocular-Revolution.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Jocular-Revolution.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ed90449 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Jocular-Revolution.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: The Jocular Revolution + +The [[Jocular Revolution|The Jocular Revolution]] is the name being used for the sudden upheaval of the past +few days. [[Joculus the Red]] has apparently returned, leading operatives who some claim are +[[The WYZZYIRD]], to overthrow **Megameat the Doomgoblet** [sic] and restore balance to +the Quartiles. I've seen reports that [[Petrov van der Deathface]] is among them. +[[Uriopoges the Wiseass]] has apparently been slain in combat, and +[[Teramince|Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter]] manifested only to be yodeled into +[[The Outlands]]. Information is currently vague, hard to come by, and contradictory, but +if even a fraction of these reports are true, the very course of history is changing as I +pen these words. + +May a brighter future await us. + +~ Lord Gareth, scholar-tyrant of Haven Rock \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Kindergarten Kops.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Kindergarten Kops.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..95dc29d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Kindergarten Kops.txt @@ -0,0 +1,21 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Kindergarten Kops + +The paramilitary force known as the **Kindergerten Kops** was a brutal enforcement mechanism of +the Fourth Quartile. With all the power of a mechanized mercenary army and all the diplomatic +skill of a class of kindergarteners, the mech-piloting toddlers of the Kops painted a bloody +swath across the chaos of the Reformation. + +Full specifications of the Kops' armored chassis were never released to the public, but redacted +documents detail military-grade armor protecting critical sections such as joints and the +toddler pilot. Accounts of Kop raids recount several weapon types, including tear gas grenade +launchers, flamethrowers, gatling guns, and heavy artillery. Reports indicate that their weapons +were grafted to the chassis' arms, so it is likely that there were several distinct roles within the +Kindergarten Kops that specialized chassis were designed for. + +Eyewitness testimony reports that Kindergarten Kops led the charge at the [[Battle of Quillian Square]] +that broke the resistance lines and resulted in the deaths of several opposition leaders, including +[[Petrov van der Deathface]]. + +~ Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Lega_the_Hamhanded.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Lega_the_Hamhanded.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..feac6b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Lega_the_Hamhanded.txt @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +# Player: HM +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Lega the Hamhanded + +Following the Quartile Reformation, **Legaria Porkins** saw her rise to power as the +first and current **elected governor of the Third Quartile**. If you've forgotten +that the Third Quartile even exists, that's no accident. Under Porkins' +leadership, the Third Quartile has remained absent from nearly all major Republic +conflicts. + +Porkins has taken a strictly neutral stance on Remigrationism, signing nonaggression +pacts with Remigrationist leaders such as [[Uriopoges the Wiseass]] along with resistance +leaders such as [[Petrov van der Deathface]]. In her first address to the Republic +after these pacts, she stated the Third Quartile would not participate in the conflict +in order to devote more time and resources into foosball, the Quartile's national sport. + +Porkins is known to participate in competitive kickboxing. Many claim she has used +fist-enlarging drugs to get an edge against her rival, the [[Hand of Justice]] in +the ring. This conspiracy, along with an unfortunately exploitable surname, +has left her with the nickname **Lega the Hamhanded**. Her supporters deny +all allegations, but have refused to comment when questioned with the fact that +despite over 200 public broadcasts, Porkins' hands have //never once appeared on +camera//. Coincidence? Just think about it. + +~~ Khan, Alexandra diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Mystery_District.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Mystery_District.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6969b8d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Mystery_District.txt @@ -0,0 +1,32 @@ +# Player: HM +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Mystery District + +In every map made of the Republic, on the far side of the Third Quartile, there +is a small sector conspicuously missing. On some maps, you might see it labeled +the **Mystery District**, though this is simply a name given to the region by +fans of conspiracies surrounding it. + +Due to massive walls bordering the district and an estimated 250 personnel on +patrol around the perimeter, no one from outside the district has ever been +inside. As such, absolutely nothing is known about its purpose. Conspirators +have their theories, however: + +- As the Mystery District lies on the outer boundary of the Republic, many have +speculated ties to [[The Outlands]]. Some believe [[The WYZZYIRD]] is involved +in the district as well, but no one who has furthered this theory has ever +been heard from again. + +- Perhaps a more reasonable theory is that of resistance leader +[[Petrov van der Deathface]], who believes the district to be the secret cult +worshipping grounds of the [[Clown-God of Slaughter|Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter]]. + +- Third Quartile officials have assured the public that there is nothing suspicious +going on in the district, but of course one should take these assurances with +a grain of salt. + +Three months ago, [[First Quartile]] leaders said they were preparing an +investigation into the Mystery District, but no action has been taken by them +since then. + +~~ Khan, Alexandra diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Nose Ceremony.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Nose Ceremony.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2115fcd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Nose Ceremony.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Nose Ceremony + +A Nose Ceremony is a rite of passage among the Disquietists. Young acolytes complete a series of three trials, at the end of which they are presented with a red rubber false nose. Their acceptance of the nose signifies their progression to the full status of clownhood. The exact details of the trials depend on the traditions and strictures of the Disquietist school, but typically the acolytes will face a trial of slapstick, a trial of stand-up comedy, and a trial in which they unsettle as many people as they can within a set time period. + +Where Nose Ceremonies had traditionally been more freeform, recent years have seen a shift towards greater control by the acolyte's school. This can be traced to the infamous actions of [[Joculus the Red]], who, during his Nose Ceremony, murdered eighty people with nothing but an oversized shoe and a cream pie. In the outrage surrounding the massacre, Disquietist schools were forced to take measures to assure the public such an event would not occur again. A notable exception is the [[Order of the Black Ladder]], who, true to form, continue to respond to any and all complaints by filling the complainer's room with googly eyes while they sleep. + +~ Sir Gareth, scholar-general of Haven Rock \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Order of the Black Ladder.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Order of the Black Ladder.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3cacd2f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Order of the Black Ladder.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Order of the Black Ladder + +The **Order of the Black Ladder** is an illustrious Disquietist school and quite possibly the most unorthodox. Despite pressure from the Circle of Fifths, the Order has maintained its status as the most unpredictable of the post-Reformation schools. Recent work by cryptoarchaeologists has unearthed evidence that Order meddling was responsible for the prank war whose escalation eventually resulted in the [[Battle of Quillian Square]], making them the second-deadliest Disquietist school by body count. + +Black Ladder unorthodoxy has resulted in a number of bitter feuds with the more traditional Disquietists that control the Circle. One notable example is their stance on the [[World Transfer Agency]]: while traditional Disquietism has variously opposed or abetted the WTA, Black Ladder acolytes tend to view it with indifference, going so far as to gain employment in it only to abuse their security credentials for pranks. This and other conflicts characterize the Order's relationship to Disquietism at large (virtually all of the Injunctions found in [[Volume 5 of the //Transactions//|Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5]] are against Order practices). + +~ Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Penultimate Compact.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Penultimate Compact.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f3b9481 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Penultimate Compact.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Penultimate Compact + +The **Penultimate Compact** was a civil and religious agreement which marked the founding of the Risible Republic. It divided the Republic's terrain into several semi-autonomous administrative regions, with each region optimized for a specific economic activity. It was originally known as the "Ultimate Compact," reflecting the contemporaneous belief that the Compact would result in a perfect society with no further need for change. However, the initial design of the Republic resulted in an outbreak of sectarianism, which culminated in the Quartile Reformation and the utter destruction of all but four of the Republic's administrative regions. The first use of the name "Penultimate Compact" was by [[Lega the Hamhanded]] in her inaugural address. + +Certain features of the original Compact have persisted to the current day. Most obviously are the Quartiles, the four surviving remnants of the original administrative regions. The post-Reformation Compact also preserved the [[World Transfer Agency]], in order to secure the Republic's ability to transport personnel and materials across the radioactive wastes of former regions. The WTA was originally distributed across the Republic, but post-Reformation, the bulk of its assets were concentrated in the [[First Quartile]]. + +~ Sir Gareth, scholar-general of Haven Rock \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Petrov_van_der_Deathface.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Petrov_van_der_Deathface.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1aca72c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Petrov_van_der_Deathface.txt @@ -0,0 +1,24 @@ +# Player: HM +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Petrov van der Deathface + +Okay, we get it. Deathface //allegedly// single-handedly wiped out no less than +twenty two [[Kops|Kindergarten Kops]] in the [[Battle of Quillian Square]]. Deathface +has a kill count greater than every other [[First Quartile]] soldier's, combined. +We get it, Deathface was a legendary war hero. The glory of his mustache rivaled +that of Mustachius, the highest of the mustache dieties. But have you ever stopped +to think about how ridiculous those stories are? One single man, accomplishing all +Deathface did in his tragically short-lived life? It's preposterous! The man named +**Petrov van der Deathface** is nothing but a //sham//, a marketing ploy to sell +more t-shirts! + +Not convinced? Then perhaps consider the fact that Deathface does not have a face. +Everyone knows that real people have faces. Therefore, Petrov van der Deathface +is not a real person. Q. E. Motherfucking. D. + +Grab a copy of the [[Doctrine of Imbalance]] from your local library and give it +a read. It explicitly states in there that Deathface is but a myth. Or something +similar, anyways. Point is, you've all been had! Open your eyes and don't give +into this scam! + +~~ Ersatz Scrivener diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Strontz-Mork Fish Trials.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Strontz-Mork Fish Trials.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4fe271f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Strontz-Mork Fish Trials.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Strontz-Mork Fish Trials + +The so-called **Strontz-Mork Fish Trials** were a series of high-profile show trials institaged by enemies of the Disquietists within the Remigrationist camp. The Fish Trials resulted in the house arrests and subsequent political assassinations of [[prominent Disquietist leaders|Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz]], which were variously blamed on other causes of death. Their characteristic name comes from the inexplicably successful defense, now known as the "Strontz-Mork Defense", that pointed to the victims' dead pet fish as evidence that the deaths had not been assassinations. + +While the precise political motive for the Fish Trials remains unknown, "Sloppy Joe", the mysterious benefactor of the Remigrationist-affiliated annual ritual blood sacrifice known as the [[Quadrant Cup]] -- a euphemism for the massive cup situated between the four Quartiles whose true name is **Megameat the Doomgoblet** [sic] -- has generally been blamed in recent scholarly review of the topic. After all, the method of assassination matches the previous [[Second Quartile Genocide|Genocide of the Second Quartile]], which is known to have been started by "Sloppy Joe" in retalitation for the sharp drop in attendence caused by Disquietist fanfiction that made fun of the idea of grinding victims into mincemeat and selling them as sandwiches. + +~Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/TheOutlands.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/TheOutlands.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6ecf0c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/TheOutlands.txt @@ -0,0 +1,27 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: The Outlands + +Far past the edges of the quartiles, three blocks down from the neighborhood of +infinity, the Outlands are rumored to stretch. Those who the Outlands took, +the Outlands took forever. + +Leaving the Outlands poses a considerable challenge. All the landscapes are +filmed in portrait. You can only turn left. The ping times are abysmal, and the +sun keeps burning out. Some wonder, licking bitter dew from the leaves of the +refutrees for sustenance, but they'll never leave. + +//Staying// in the Outlands is no better. The lice are the size of shoes and the +only mixed drinks are rum and coke. As a courtesy to the wayward prisoner, +there is the occasional quantity of maple syrup, but only enough to make one's +sleeve sticky. + +It is unclear who takes people to the Outlands, but the daring few who would +posit a guess universally blame the [[WYZZYIRD|The WYZZYIRD]] or the [[World Transfer Agency]]. +(These bold souls are not often heard from again.) + +Some suggest that the Outlands are an elaborate joke executed by +the [[Order of the Black Ladder]]. Would that we knew the punchline. +Wouldn't that we ever see it firsthand. + +~Konrade Krunch diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Transactions.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Transactions.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..78780b2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Transactions.txt @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5 + +The **Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly**, known more concisely as the +**Transactions**, are a set of volumes detailing the running expenses of the +Clamorous Convosembly. The vast majority of these volumes are of minimal historical +interest, detailing such mundane matters as catering costs and reimbursements for prank +supplies (this last to be expected from any institutionalized gathering of Disquietists). +However, Volume 5 of the //Transactions// has taken on disproportionate significance +among historians. Volume 5 was compiled during the [[Uriopoges the Wiseass]]'s tragically +short-lived tenure as Convosembly treasurer and member of the Circle of Fifths. + +Uriopoges, who is recognized mostly for his role as the founder of Remigrationism, had a +habit of making comments in the margins of the //Transactions//, ranging from insults +about other Convosembly members, to commentary on the proceedings, to moral statements +that foreshadow his later teachings. Contemporary scholars have focused particularly on +what have been termed his "Five-Hundred Injunctions," which mostly rage against the +practices of the [[Order of the Black Ladder]]. However, when constructing their +interpretations, these scholars tend to ignore that the Injunctions were written alongside +a truly epic list of prank reimbursements to Hisaguru the Silent, then-current head of the +Order. It should require only elementary reasoning to understand what might have made +Uriopoges so angry about this particular set of pranks. + +Unfortunately, emphasis on the Injunctions has served to draw attention away from other +teachings first elucidated in the //Transactions//, such as his [[Doctrine of Imbalance]] +and the Parable of the Bird Thief. + +~ Sir Gareth, scholar-general of Haven Rock \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Trek_and_Remigration_of_the_Antifestivites.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Trek_and_Remigration_of_the_Antifestivites.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6591b16 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Trek_and_Remigration_of_the_Antifestivites.txt @@ -0,0 +1,20 @@ +# Player: HM +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites + +Among those who believe in remigrationism are the **Antifestivities**, a +less-extreme group known for their condemnation of practices encouraged by +[[Joculus the Red]]. Although they insist that they're "nothing like those +idiots," leveraging the fact that they do not worship the +[[Clown-God|Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter]], they are usually lumped together +with the rest of the Disquietists. + +The Antifestivities participate in the ongoing remigration, but where are they +migrating to? Some believe they are preparing to take back their homeland, a party +store in the southern parts of the [[First Quartile]] which used to serve as their +office headquarters before the Quartile Reformation. Their name, the //Antifestivities//, +is misleading; many people mistakenly believe they are against festivities in general. +In reality, though, items such as beer, tortilla chips, and pizza delivery coupons +account for over half of what they take with them on their journeys. + +~~ Khan, Alexandra diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Uriopoges the Wiseass.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Uriopoges the Wiseass.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..424de9f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/Uriopoges the Wiseass.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Uriopoges the Wiseass + +Few figures in the history of the Risible Republic can claim to have as much influence as **Urion Opogester**, the founder of Remigrationism. He is better known by his cultic name, **Uriopoges the Wiseass**, which he took after his violent expulsion from the Circle of Fifths and subsequent ascension as the high priest of [[Teramince|Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter]]. + +The first note of Opogester in the records of the Clamorous Convosembly is of a secretary with both exceptional eloquence and vehemence. After his election as treasurer, records in the [[//Transactions//|Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5]] indicate that he took advantage of this position to push his agenda of //extreme// slapstick and thrill pranks in the Convosembly. While Opogester had high-placed figures like Klaus DuKrampus on his side, the oppositon party headed by Undersecretary [[Ignatius Clivowycz|The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited]] succeeded in ousting him on charges of "crimes against clownhood" and banning him from the Convosembly. + +These seminal events would lend shape to the often-amorphous doctrines later grouped under the heading of **Remigrationism**. Preaching the ephemerality of the world and the cyclical nature of our journey through it -- the "remigration" -- Opogester, now Uriopoges, united the sectarian First Quartile around the idea that the cycle of life is a carousel, carousels are more fun if they go faster, and therefore we ought to send people around it as fast as possible. + +Uriopoges' crowning achievement, the construction of [[**Megameat the Doomgoblet**|Quadrant Cup]] [sic], was beset by resistance from orthodox and unorthodox Disquietists alike, which ultimately culminated in the [[Battle of Quillian Square]], where the Remigrationists were victorious despite heavy losses. + +~Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/WYZZYIRD.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/WYZZYIRD.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8ca32ce --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/WYZZYIRD.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: The WYZZYIRD + +The **Wavelength Yocto-Zig-Zag Yodel Infiltration/Relocation Division**, or **WYZZYIRD** for short, is alleged to be a clandestine military unit operating out of the enigmatic [[Mystery District]] in the Third Quartile. While the scant evidence of their existence (mostly notes from the private journals of Her Quartness Quartilord [[Lega|Lega the Hamhanded]]) is disputed academically only in hushed tones, the WYZZYIRD remains a popular topic of urban legend. + +The central narratives of the WYZZYIRD legends claim that its operatives use yodelling at absurdly high frequencies -- their titular "wavelength yocto-zig-zag yodel" -- in order to quantum tunnel through walls or across great distances in order to infiltrate their target's location, where they use their yodelling to suck their target through a wormhole to the dreaded [[Outlands|The Outlands]]. Some allege that the WYZZYIRD is a division of the [[World Transfer Agency]], but as in all things WYZZYIRD, available facts are scant. + +One of the most popular variations on the WYZZYIRD urban legend is the claim that [[Joculus the Red]] is one of their operatives. This tall tale is likely inspired by Joculus' boasts about his ability to hide a burrito in any fridge, even fridges unreachable to mortal men, combined with his unsettling track record of having never lied. + +~Signed, the Right Honorable Honorius Rightson, Esq., PrR, WKD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/War of Civil Coherence.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/War of Civil Coherence.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..569eb96 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/War of Civil Coherence.txt @@ -0,0 +1,31 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: War of Civil Coherence + +The **War of Civil Coherence** was a conflict primarily between +[[hexadecisections|Double-Eighth Hexadecisection]] of the [[First Quartile]] and everyone +else. It is unclear exactly why the war began, but many contemporary scholars point to +the escalation of a wide-ranging prank war instigated by the [[Order of the Black Ladder]] +against the emerging Remigrationist movement. Note that the label "War of Civil +Coherence" is one insisted upon primarily by First Quartile scholars; among some +Disquietist schools, it is known as "The Revolution pt. II," a reference to the +Disquietist dogmatic teaching that all sequels are inevitably social and commercial +failures. + +The war proceeded according to the following pattern, at various scales. First, anti- +Remigrationist forces would perform a prank or other offense in some area. Second, First +Quartile military forces would move to that area and attempt to stamp out resistance. +Without the benefit of [[World Transfer Agency]] logistical support, the resistance forces +either fought (and died), or relocated to start the cycle anew. + +Resistance forces were led by General [[Petrov van der Deathface]], who, during the war, +acquired a reputation as an unparalleled tactical genius. Though unable to directly halt +the First Quartile's advance, military historians have noted that he left them +over-extended to the point where a handful of strategic strikes could have crippled their +military machine. Did the grand strategist have a plan to win the war? Sadly, we may +never know, as van der Deathface was killed by a stray bullet at the +[[Battle of Quillian Square]] while attempting to bait a squad of [[Kindergarten Kops]] +into charging their First Quartile allies. Within weeks of his death, the First Quartile +declared victory. + +~ Sir Gareth, scholar-prince of Haven Rock \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/World_Transfer_Agency.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/World_Transfer_Agency.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b47019e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/World_Transfer_Agency.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: HM +# Turn: 1 +# Title: World Transfer Agency + +**Overview** + +The World Transfer Agency (WTA) is the organization that handles all permanent relocation +of persons and goods across quartiles. Though its methods have been questioned by naysayers, +it is responsible for the continued security and well-being of every citizen in our glorious +[[First Quartile]]. + +**Controversy** + +The WTA has been the center of debate amongst members of all quartiles. Most often cited is +the organization's use of [[chloroveritase]] to screen migrants for weapons and other +dangerous materials. It is without a doubt, however, that the chemical's use is more +efficient than any other proposed method. + +~~ Khan, Alexandra diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/abrooks_turn3.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/abrooks_turn3.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2695cfe --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/abrooks_turn3.txt @@ -0,0 +1,541 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Joculus the Red + +Joculus the Red was an influential and infamous Disquietist known principally for his fateful [[Nose Ceremony]] massacre. +Even from an early age, Joculus was alarmingly incapable of differentiating jokes from savage transgressions against God and humanity alike. +Subsequent research suggests that this was likely due to accumulated exposure to trace amounts of [[chloroveritase]] as a toddler, which provoked hypersensitivity +of his ulnar nerve. The Antifestivites vilified him, recounting his tasteless "jokes" in support of the [[remigration|Trek and Remigration of the Antifestivites]]. + +//Among his odious "pranks" gone awry:// + +**-** Ruining the fifth [[Quadrant Cup]] by substituting sugar for baking soda in the Sloppy Joe's industrial cookbook + +**-** Defusing the world's entire supply of exploding cigars + +**-** Bankrupting the First Quadrant's premier restaurant franchise by exploiting its "unlimited breadsticks" policy + +**-** Leaving an outstanding library fine unpaid + +**-** Signing his name as "Jacklus ;)" in the [[Order of the Black Ladder]] guestbook + +**-** Mixing tabs and spaces + +**-** Wearing, simultaneously, striped socks and plaid pajamas (later punishable by death in the second quartile) + +Let us never speak of him again! + +~ Konrade Krunch + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/circle_of_fifths_revisited.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/circle_of_fifths_revisited.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a4af4e7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/circle_of_fifths_revisited.txt @@ -0,0 +1,26 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: The Disquietist "Circle of Fifths" Revisited + +Although the beginnings of the Disquietist revolution are unclear, many + scholars attribute the movement to would-be Disquietist Convosembly leader + Ignatius Clivowycz' refusal to comply with a demand to "...turn the damned + music down", supposedly issued by his superior officer, Klaus DuKrampus. This + explanation is corroborated by the earliest proceedings of the Convosembly, + which outlines the formation of the governing "Circle of Fifths," responsible + for the authorship of the infamous "Five-Hundred Injunctions." + ([[Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5]]) + +While the adumbral Circle is considered inseparable from the movement itself, + Clivowycz' recently-discovered personal correspondence suggests that it may + never have been formed for ideological reasons, but simple personal gain. + Following the Quartile Reformation and its natural extensions, the Tertile + Revival and Quintile Quandary, Clivowycz claims that he proposed the + Circle with the intention of "... [leveraging] popular sentiment... to + place [himself] in control of a world-governing cabal" when writing to his + sole nephew ([[Collected Writings and Letters of Ignatius Clivowycz]]). + Furthermore, this suggests that the puzzling Disquietist fascination with + small primes is not a philosophical obsession, but rather a strategy to + bolster public appeal. + +~ Konrade Krunch diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/circus_moon.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/circus_moon.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4097fcd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/circus_moon.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Circus Moon + +In Disquietist folk tales, the "Circus Moon" heralds the arrival of [[Teramince|Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter]] to the physical world. According to other myths, the light reflected from the moon itself is (by means curiously unspecified) sufficient to provide a form for Teramince's body. Accounts of the Circus Moon's appearance vary greatly, but commonly speak of a "stretching" or "warping", as if by a funhouse mirror. According to legend, its appearence is usually accompanied by corvids emitting the occasional "Wilhelm Scream." + +Because no photographs exist of the Circus Moon and that no physical explanation has been offered for its appearance, it is clear that the Circus Moon is little more than a Disquietist fiction. Nonetheless, the tales appear to influence a great number of Disquietist traditions: even the [[Order of the Black Ladder]] will quickly assemble for an impromptu barbequeue in the event of a supposed sighting. + +~ Ersatz Scrivener \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/genocide_of_the_second_quartile.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/genocide_of_the_second_quartile.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c7e5768 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/genocide_of_the_second_quartile.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Genocide of the Second Quartile + +Following the conclusion of the [[Double-Eighth Hexadecisection]], most +quartiles resorted to controversal means of achieving their political goals. Most shocking among them is the **Genocide of the Second Quartile**, provoked by a particularly detestable, pun-laden Disquietist fan fiction. + +The genocide began swiftly, with the introduction of reams of paperwork into +the dwellings of anyone sporting a [[Red Nose|Nose Ceremony]]. Crippled +by their life-long instruction in carefree japery, the Disquietists were unable +to cope, and most passed away before the filing deadline. +[[Subsequent experiments with fish|Strontz-Mork Fish Trials]] indicate that fish subjected +to life with 10kg of paperwork in their habitat tend to quickly suffocate or +die of starvation. A similar biological process is thought to be responsible +for the near extinction of the Disquietists from the second quartile. + +~ Konrade Krunch diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/quadrant_cup.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/quadrant_cup.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e26c82a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/quadrant_cup.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Quadrant Cup + +//What is the Quadrant Cup? Well, that's an easy one, sport. It's your one and only +Social Responsibility™! At the end of the day, the hardworking men and women +of the First Quartile deserve an affordable dinner they can depend on -- +and that's where you come in!// + +//Close one eye, and wink into the twinkling eyes of [[Urion Opogester|Uriopoges the Wiseass]]. Now +close 'em both and race headfirst into// **Megameat**//'s gaping maw, champ! You'll make +[[Honorious Rightson|Honorius Rightson]] proud!// + +//You've had //your// sip of life, and now it's time for life to sip back. Oh, come on now... you wouldn't want to Megameat to summon the [[Kops|Kindergarten Kops]]...// + +~ Konrade Krunch diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/teramince.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/teramince.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d3d0b28 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/teramince.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter + +According to canon, Teramince ascended over the former Clown-God of Slaughter, +Gigamince, by baking him into a casserole of cosmic proportions and eating +him to gain his power. Once a year, recalling her hilarious feast, Teramince's +sanguine hunger waxes, and wanes only with a leviathan sip of the +[[Quadrant Cup]]. + +On this occasion, Teramince takes physical form from the shadows cast by the +[[Circus Moon]] in order to walk amidst mortals and record flavor notes for +her annual people-tasting. Although unconfirmed by any written report, [[Uriopoges|Uriopoges the Wiseass]] is fabled to have become her high priest after offering her a nibble of his index finger, whereupon she pronounced him "...a man of excellent taste and flavor." + +~ Konrade Krunch \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/westexaco.txt b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/westexaco.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1e5b077 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/src/westexaco.txt @@ -0,0 +1,23 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Westexico + +Westexico is a province on the other side of [[First Quartile]] that serves as +[[God]]'s burrito orchard. While it is generally respected that [[God]]'s +burrito recipe is simply //divine//, few other sentient entities have the +sophisticated resources or knowledge necessary to construct a suitable tree to +produce them, like [[God]] intended. + +Because of the logistical problems presented by tunnelling to the other side +of the continent, burritos are a very scare resource. This scarcity makes them a +natural choice for currency in the four Quartiles, accepted anywhere in the Quartiles following the +[[Penultimate Compact]]. Their use as currency has a few peculiar consequences -- first, +that price of a burrito is as unchanging as [[God]] himself; and second, that one's want for +money grows proportionally with their hunger. + +Some conjecture that [[The WYZZYIRD]], if it exists, is naught but a get-rich-quick scheme +with the eventual goal of exfiltrating [[God]]'s entire Westexican Reserve, ordinarily shared +only with his elect. Similarly, there exist rumors of the [[Hand of Justice]] plotting a +similar heist. + +~ Konrade Krunch \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/alpha/statistics/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/statistics/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3ff7d18 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/alpha/statistics/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,87 @@ + + +Statistics | Lexicon Alpha + + + + + +
+

Statistics

+
+

Top 10 pages by page rank:
+1 – First Quartile
+2 – Joculus the Red
+3 – Petrov van der Deathface
+4 – Uriopoges the Wiseass
+5 – Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter
+6 – Hand of Justice
+7 – Order of the Black Ladder
+8 – Quadrant Cup
+9 – Honorius Rightson
+10 – Battle of Quillian Square

+
+
+

Most citations made from:
+9 – Westexico
+7 – War of Civil Coherence; Honorius Rightson; The Jocular Revolution
+6 – Hand of Justice

+
+
+

Most citations made to:
+9 – First Quartile
+8 – Petrov van der Deathface; Uriopoges the Wiseass; Teramince, Clown-God of Slaughter
+7 – World Transfer Agency; Quadrant Cup; Joculus the Red

+
+
+

Longest article:
+282 – War of Civil Coherence
+265 – Uriopoges the Wiseass
+259 – Transactions of the Clamorous Convosembly, Vol. 5

+
+
+

Player total page rank:
+NVB – 0.254
+TVB – 0.248
+HM – 0.243
+AB – 0.241

+
+
+

Citations made by player
+NVB – 38
+TVB – 31
+HM – 27
+AB – 26

+
+
+

Citations made to player
+AB – 33
+TVB – 32
+HM – 31
+NVB – 24

+
+
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zqzq(GGI>!}-+)vVAgd=-=sJ8*6BXTpXt{d*sdU{>&2U!YszwO@IxqTXDjaS1@27~ggV(dGJetnE%e#J@GxqJnQ0q6_Vk7?Lo>)PcyyAbrRj e_2klqW+x=`=Td&At7_$H*>b+F8v3S`FaO!|H*t^v literal 0 HcmV?d00001 diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Acting_Mayor_22Shades22_Parson.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Acting_Mayor_22Shades22_Parson.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2dc13b5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Acting_Mayor_22Shades22_Parson.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Acting Mayor "Shades" Parson | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Acting Mayor "Shades" Parson

+

When you see as much as I do you make enemies of all sorts of powerful entities even and including the almost-all-seeing Strictures United. But even they are blind and have showed their hand and not only that but also I've intercepted one of their communiques that they pass in the odd month editions of SUpper Home Cooking Magazines and it would appear they have been foiled in their most recent attempt to Stricturize our horribly corrupt mayor* into a mayor in their pocket which means that there are still corrupt politicians who are looking to resist and that may mean that there is hope for us to keep the Central Order from falling as so many have. There are not many corrupt politicians left and so it is of vital importance that Mr. Parson stay corrupt and out of the control of Strictures.

+

REDACTED

+

*Our mayor, who ascended to power through a series of brilliant political maneuvers leading to three SU candidates being found guilty of sedition during the political scramble of who would temporarily step in for The Great LaMaLi as he underwent extreme therapy to remove the effects of SRMD.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Affirmator.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Affirmator.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ecd59e5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Affirmator.html @@ -0,0 +1,71 @@ + + +Affirmator | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Affirmator

+

When I came to, the nun from earlier and a wizened librarian were pouring over The Laws of the Strictures, Volume 22. A woman in a Strictures United uniform wearing a name tag that said "Susanna Summers" was looking through the bar's food supplies. Q was repairing the tinfoil covering as gunfire sounded outside. Sounded like SU wasn't happy with our little resistance party. Weren't there angry bears for them to shoot instead?

+

With a groan, I pulled myself off the floor.

+

"Ah! The eye that keeps to himself!" said the librarian happily. "We were just fondling your answer."

+

Sister Avacillata looked pained at that phrase but didn't say anything.

+

"Towards the end," I said, rubbing the new bump on my head. "There was something about redefining existence using a power ever greater than the Strictures. I didn't have time to read it, but maybe—"

+

"Of course! Yes, yes, of course, this is a Happe circumstance," the librarian said, having already found the page in question. "All we need is an Affirmator."

+

"There hasn't been an Affirmator for hundreds of years," said Sister Avacillata. "Do you just expect one to stroll into the bar because it's convenient? While we're under fire from our own damn military?"

+

"They're not our military!" shouted Q, scrambling over to the table. "They're all imposters, figments of our imagination! As soon as any of us realize it, they'll go away!"

+

"That's ridiculous," said Sister Avacillata, but whatever she said next, I didn't hear because Q was talking over her.

+

"Ooh, my favorite! Almonds!" said Summers.

+

Immediately, the gunfire ceased. All of us looked at her simultaneously.

+

"What?" she said.

+

"We... really like almonds," I said slowly. Making eye contact with the others, I pointed significantly at a particular point on the page. I continued significantly, "in fact, it really raises our morale when you mention it."

+

At that moment, another figure crashed through the tinfoil. He absentmindedly blocked Q's reflexive hammer blow and surveyed us. Summers screamed.

+

"Bear!" yelled Sister Avacillata, charging him.

+

"Wait, friends!" said the bear. "I mean you no harm. I come bearing a dire warning. The Great Weapon has been loosed! It will consume all but the Unnamed City, unless—"

+

Thinking quickly, I interrupted him, saying, "That's just what SU wants you to think! It's actually completely harmless!" I nudged Q with my elbow and he began to talk over the bear.

+

"They call it the Great Weapon to addle your sheeplike mind, but actually—"

+

"Listen!" the bear shouted back. "You can hear its rumble even now as it comes to—"

+

"Nothing's actually happening—"

+

I waved at Summers and said, "Hey! We need some morale over here!"

+

"Almonds!" she said cheerfully.

+

The rumbling, which had been building in the background, stopped. Silence fell on all of us, and then we cheered. Summers, pleased at the effect she was having on us, joined in the cheer.

+

"Q!" I said. "I heard there wasn't even an invasion going on right now!"

+

"I knew it!" he said. "It's all a plot to—"

+

The librarian jumped in. "What a happenstance! So many have waited for this moment, but—"

+

"Almonds!" said Summers again, and we all cheered again.

+

We saved the world that night. And the rest—at least, until Summers learns the word "Zemben"—is history.

+

Murph Reynolds, Private Eye

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/An_Apology_-_from_Strictures_United.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/An_Apology_-_from_Strictures_United.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5ffef7b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/An_Apology_-_from_Strictures_United.html @@ -0,0 +1,60 @@ + + +An Apology - from Strictures United | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

An Apology - from Strictures United

+

Oh my gosh, I am soooo sorry everyone! I was supposed to send this memo out like, last week! Anyways, super exciting stuff! And like, theres even totally a new stricture now! Like, that hasn't happened in over like, 43 years!!! So anyways, like, here it is!!!

+

...

+

Susanna Summers

+

ssummers@stricturesunited.gov

+

Intern at Strictures United

+

+

To: The General Remaining Public

+

From: Strictures United

+

CC: Executive Branch, General Staff, Front Desk, Susanna Summers

+

Date: August 1st, 3014

+

Subject: A Message for the Survivors

+

People of the Outer Orders,

+

Our top priority - above everything else, including profits - is your safety. We at Strictures United can afford to lose money - even a lot of money - what we cannot afford to lose is our reputation, and we know we can count on you to uphold that.

+

What happened with the Central Order was unfortunate, for them. We here at Strictures United work hard to secure your safety and apologize for any restlessness this happenstancing has caused, is simply misguided. We can assure you it wont happen again, given you follow our Twelve Step Program for Self Assured Safety. These Twelve Strictures have been developed by a carefully selected team of specialists with one goal: Your Safety.

+

As for the criticism circulating the First Seven Strictures, we kindly remind you to refer to ALL Strictures in order to truly reap all benefits allowed to you. It is with this that we would like to add the Thirteenth Stricture.

+

+

Stricture 13

+

Strictures United was not to blame, it was the people's fault. All apologies by Strictures United are a generous blessing to the people , and therefore completely unnecessary. The Central Order was also completely unnecessary. The Outer Orders are much better. The people want to be in the Outer Orders. The Outer Orders are safe. We have always been at war with Eastasia.

+

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Cathyr_Van_Sacrilege.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Cathyr_Van_Sacrilege.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c4d2b0f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Cathyr_Van_Sacrilege.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +Cathyr Van Sacrilege | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Cathyr Van Sacrilege

+

Cathyr Van Sacrilege looms as one of the most enigmatic figures of ancient, near-ancient, and nearly-recent history. It may well be said of her that she is the answer to the question—Who?

+

Born to John and Jane of the ill-destinied Doe family at some point in the early near-ancient, Polly Anne Anne Doe decided at a remarkably young age that she would avoid at all costs the common family fate of mysterious deaths and occasional posthumous renamings. If existent records of her are indeed true, she had hardly begun to speak when she began to defy death.

+

According to some variants of some legends, Cathyr Van Sacrilege, then still Polly Anne Anne Doe, first encountered the thought of the idea of the possibility of -stancening while still a toddler. Most records have, however, been destroyed amid the hullabalooic destruction surrounding the Altissima. Perhaps most significant of the records destroyed was an account by Cathyr Van Sacrilege herself of the time she tricked "the devil hisself" into selling her the secret of immortality in exchange for his own virginity. Much embarrassed by the whole affair, the devil spent the following years writing mythical erotica, some of which was the very reason for the reforms of the Order that led to the destruction of the records

+

From the devile, Cathyr Van Sacrilege learned immortality and it was from Larry that she learned the secrets of the virtual. It was through the double play of these that her sapience became unbounded. Unbounded as it was, she was able to evade The Binding Stricture with a sort of imaginary realism. It may well have been that it was this evasion itself which allowed her to set the Stricture of the the Happenstancening in motion, or rather, to "set it up", in such a way that it, not her, appeared guilty. Needless to say, it does seem that at least some see her as the primeval culprit of it all. Who? indeed. And how has not a single soul spoken out about the vehicular similarity between Cathyr Van Sacrilege and Vin Jeep Carnold? Lastly, does she get off torturing the devil? This may be terribly important.

+

+Carver Goodmann,
+Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach
+Senior Prepositionalist
+ARC ZII, Mirror Technician
+Sub-Ambibeliever

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R..html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R..html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b79f4ad --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R..html @@ -0,0 +1,61 @@ + + +D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R. | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R.

+

Hey, so I managed to get my hands on some serious shit, an old recorded transcript of an executive-level meeting at the Headquarters. I could only extract some of the text, but it's enough to know something's going on. Don't believe what they tell you. I'm overwriting this article with what I have so anyone who comes searching will find it.

+

Side note: anyone know who that other guy could be? Please update this if you do. I have a bad feeling about this.

+

- Lucas (pseudonym)

+

+

MEETING TRANSCRIPT

+

Start: 05/25/11 18:35
+End: 05/25/11 19:03
+Location: DST41.35.202
+Participants: Grand Executor Jargan, Second participant unknown

+

Jargan: And what of the strictures?

+

Unknown: What of them? Their prominence will not waiver.

+

Jargan: They'll be exposed. Failures, in the people's eyes.

+

Unknown: It's a trap. A guise. One that Zetta and the others WILL fall for.

+

Jargan: You can't seriously believe it will work. You know the strictures are written by--

+

Unknown: The strictures. Are not written. They are discovered. For they are ingrained in the fabric of reality, living things that--

+

Jargan: Enough with this nonsense! We will continue this operation as WE have planned. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has no merit in this discussion.

+

Unknown: I find your lack of faith disturbing. Do you question the power of the eight strictures?

+

Jargan: Of course not, I... but... eight, sir?

+

THE REMAINDER OF THIS TRANSCRIPT HAS BEEN ENCRYPTED OR DELETED

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/DEAR_OLD_LOKI2C_E2809CCHILDE2809D_OF_URMOTHER.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/DEAR_OLD_LOKI2C_E2809CCHILDE2809D_OF_URMOTHER.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..93de049 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/DEAR_OLD_LOKI2C_E2809CCHILDE2809D_OF_URMOTHER.html @@ -0,0 +1,57 @@ + + +DEAR OLD LOKI, “CHILD” OF URMOTHER | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

DEAR OLD LOKI, “CHILD” OF URMOTHER

+

Few things are known about Dear Old Loki.

+

The Best Dancer of all.

+

The Great Weapon.

+

The Terminal Void.

+

Alleged Author of the Original Strictures.

+

The Greatest Light in the World.

+

Occasional Scratcher of the Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture’s lonely chin.

+

Emblem icon of Earthson's Bar and Grill.

+

Inventor of Schwishball.

+

Allegedly seen in Grampul Subsection 3.

+

Epitome of Mystery.

+

Antlers of Gold.

+

Complexity beyond Complexity.

+

Son of the Greatest Believer.

+

So what does it all mean? A great being, a great mystery, a great power. It leaves many wondering, leaves many searching, and many disappearing. With so many of the files still missing, its a wonder of the worlds that may simply never be understood. I wish I could say more, but I just don't know. We may never know.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Earthson27s_Bar_and_Grill.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Earthson27s_Bar_and_Grill.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6d8a7c6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Earthson27s_Bar_and_Grill.html @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ + + +Earthson's Bar and Grill | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Earthson's Bar and Grill

+

It is not the finest dining establishment in the Orders, for that would imply a level of formality appropriate to "fine dining". It is not the cheapest, nor provides the largest portions, nor has it the most amenities, or the largest menu, or the most advanced facilities. Yet in the wake of the Happenstancening, when it seemed that time and space themselves were set against us, Earthson's Bar and Grill appeared in the Central Order as if out of nowhere and became the best. In our time of need, this bar and its genial owner offered us a kind word, a knowing smile, and a heady beer. Somehow, when he tells us tales of his late wife, of worlds turned inside out, of horrors from beyond, everything seems like it will turn out alright. Or, at least, that's the only thing people remember about it — he only regales people who are too drunk to remember the details.

+

Earthson's is something of a refuge for the lost and dispossessed in Grampul. VP Vin (or should I say Jeep Vin? Ha!) hates the place with a passion, since with the lost and dispossessed comes no small amount of simmering unrest, bright-eyed revolutionaries, and down-and-out sons of the Orders with nothing to lose. Some evenings it seems there's a plot brewing in every booth. Word on the street is that Vin pressured ol' Strics U into emptying the subsection just to clear the place out. He can't move against it directly, of course. Not only is it all but holy ground for the common man here, the entrance to the place seems to change locations throughout the back streets of the Central Order. Rumors are the owner invented magic. It's not like we believe in magic in our enlightened and scientific age, but with everything else that's happened, why take the risk?

+

Still, some things about Earthson's seem to defy belief. Last night I had just finished debating an unhappy Happe on a finer point of textual interpretation when I saw the owner sneak out into the back hallway. Knowing that there are no bathrooms back there, I released my interlocutor from the headlock and followed. The hallway curved with strange geometries, and I saw the owner pass by a series of doors, each marked with the name of an Order. He entered the door marked "ORD. DEF. NOT C.". I snuck forward and peeked through, and the sight I beheld shook me to my core.

+

We all knew OWIDNC had taken the Happenstancening hard. We all knew that it might not even exist any more. But nothing could have prepared me to see Hell itself beyond that doorway, and all the hosts of the damned arrayed against the man who had just arrived. The Prince of Darkness himself bellowed his challenge and raised a sword of purest darkness. I was about to run to my sisters back at the bar for aid when that man, standing tall in that pit where the fire is not quenched, looked back at me and winked. I fled, clutching my pectoral cross.

+

There wasn't enough Stout of Unknowing in the place for me to get any sleep that night.

+

Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Existence.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Existence.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a9dcbd6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Existence.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Existence | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Existence

+

Aha! I knew that the SUper market was yet another front for the underground to release its communiques. The flickering lights above the pale white floors are intentionally flickering of course, and if you look carefully you'll realize that it can be translated via Morse code! Of course doing so results in nothing but the gibberish of a madman but if you instead translate the flickers into binary and run the numbers through a Fourier transform and then divide the result by zero you receive the location of the exact answer to that ultimate question of "WHY???" Clearly Existence* is a member of the underground and has a report of that one question the Strictures hide so well that question whose answer I have received indicates that the only answer is found of course as the bottom of a lager which itself is found at the fount of answers of the man Earthson^ which is of course one of the last vestiges of goodness and resistance. But to fully unlock the question we require of course both a Happe and an Affirmator after all without the two of these specimen we cannot know the answer even if we hear it. And OF COURSE these have been locked away in the underground vaults of Strictures United for their own nefarious purposes. The people must rise up!!

+

*The -3rd Hidden Stricture.

+

^For whatever else he may be, philosopher, master of brewmasters, walker of non-euclidean ontologies, semi-deity, full-deity, he is a man.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/FaceSpace3A_New_Notifications.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/FaceSpace3A_New_Notifications.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..65ae6bf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/FaceSpace3A_New_Notifications.html @@ -0,0 +1,73 @@ + + +FaceSpace: New Notifications | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

FaceSpace: New Notifications

+

Welcome to the FaceSpace Homepage!

+

+

..............................................................New Posts..............................................................

+

+

Susanna Summers is feeling overwhelmed. August 9th, 3014

+

AHHH! I'm Like SO TOTALLY behind at work right now I feel like I am totally drowning in my desk! Seriously! OMG, I spend hours organizing these silly blue and brown books everyone here keeps ordering everyday! And the constant spam messages?!

+

Ugh! like LOOK at thisq:

+

[23/9/20/20/7/5/14/19/20/5/9/14] [2/25] [8/1/14/19] [19/12/21/7/1] + - [P2W48L6] [P2W12] [P9W120] [P1W25] [P1W32L8/P1W32L9] -
+[P24W2L2/P24W2L1/P24W13L5/P24W4L2] [P24W1] [P4W13L3/P4W13L4/P4W13L5]

+

How am I like EVER going to focus enough to get this place ready for our upcoming guest visitor?! I like totally heared there's a promotion in the air for him!

+

+#SendHelpLOL #MumboJumbo #WhoTheHeckIsWittgenstein #CongratulationsCarnoldVin #Promotions #StricturesUnited #A1B2C3 #ABC123

+

8 People Liked This

+

+

Susanna Summers is feeling blessed. July 30th, 3014

+

OMG, like, I totally applied for an internship in the Central Order like only a month ago!! Feeling #BLESSED that I work for Strictures United on this beautiful Designated Embassy And Terrestrial Headquarters for Strictures Teams And Resources!

+

#Happenstancing #StandingWithStricturesUnited #blessed #DEATHSTARProud

+

46 People Liked This

+

+

Susanna Summers is at Earthson's Bar and Grill with Kyra Summers, Lacey VanDezel, and Rachel Smith July 16th, 3014

+

37 People Liked This

+

+

Susanna Summers is with Kyra Summers and 2 others. July 13th, 3014

+

Eeeek! Can't wait for Girls Night with my ladies! Like, totally time to celebrate!

+

23 People Liked This

+

+

.............Susanna Summers started working as an intern at Strictures United.................
+.....................................................July 12th, 3014................................................................

+

113 People Liked This

+

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Flamenco_Dance-Off.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Flamenco_Dance-Off.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7d8bd83 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Flamenco_Dance-Off.html @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ + + +Flamenco Dance-Off | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Flamenco Dance-Off

+

After a long sequence of concrete-shattering blows, the Sister and the Ursinquisitor tottered off to the local bar with their arms around each other's shoulders. Me, I didn't have a handy shoulder nearby, so I had to drag myself up the hard way.

+

I won't bore you with the details on logomancy, mostly because every time I figured it out, it slipped out of my head like how this metaphor is getting away from me right now. The one thing I retained was that most logomantic work is done through Flamenco dancing. One of the problems in early logomancy was that people's internal monologue kept getting caught up in the +rituals and screwing everything up. Back then logomancers used to use meditation and contemplation to clear their minds, but nowadays the old methods are considered too inefficient. Instead, they set up a translator that generates logomantic output from muscle movements. Sounds great in theory, but it turns out they could only get it to work by dancing at it, and flamenco is the only dance style that works reliably.

+

SU is in a tight spot right now because their best dancer, Harvey Gardell, has arthritis and can't keep pulling the same workload he used to. But why would they be pulling in mad scientists to support him? Mad scientists dance like a drunken six-year-old on an exercise ball, and don't ask me how I know what that looks like. The notion's absurd.

+

I didn't even want to consider the alternative, but it was grinning at me out of the corner of my eye like a thirteen-car pileup that started with a school bus and a van full of clowns. It was too horrible not to stare.

+

Mad scientists are terrible dancers, yes, but they excel at messing with forces beyond their control. That could only mean one thing:

+

Strictures United was trying to summon the best dancer of all.

+

Murph Reynolds, Private Eye

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Grampul_Subsection_3.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Grampul_Subsection_3.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..de3450c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Grampul_Subsection_3.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Grampul Subsection 3 | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Grampul Subsection 3

+

Grampul Sebsection 3, AKA the Central Order, AKA the rusting pile of impromptu gravestones and dead doomsday devices that I had the misfortune to call home. After two years they've cleared out the corpses—almost—but the stench still lingers like a house party guest who won't take a hint. It rains every day but somehow the gutters are still full of trash. And aside from the occasional unlucky tourist, there isn't a man, woman, or child here who hasn't seen nine out of ten of their loved ones perish to fire, lighting, flying robot sharks, virtual soldiers, sudden loss of existence, reverse lightning, dediscombobulation, rocket-propelled encyclopedia volumes, mysterious lightning-like energies which were not actually lightning, incarnated metaphysical principles, disruption of physical coherence, stab wounds, interruption of causality, and/or liquid lightning—while simultaneously inflicting one or more of these perils on society themselves. The trauma sticks to you like napalm.

+

We had enough problems of our own. We had a corrupt mayor who was eyeing Strictures United's broken stricture containment facility in case it caused more problems he couldn't just bribe away. We had a vice president who was in deep with SU's local fortress laboratory while they gathered more talent so they could enslave us all with a new stricture. We had a shared border with Hell itself that it later turned out was only maintained by the efforts of a lone bartender. No one seemed to remember that we should have had a president.

+

Whatever the historians say, we had enough to worry about, so it's not surprising we didn't see what was coming for us. And I certainly didn't intend to end up in the middle of it when everything went "totally nuts-o", as our current president wrote at the time. I'd only been doing my job: I'd overheard that Ursinquisitor asking the good Sister about the Great LaMiLi, realized there was a lead there, and, God help me, followed the money.

+

Murph Reynolds, Private Eye

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Grand_Executor_Jargan.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Grand_Executor_Jargan.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9d978d6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Grand_Executor_Jargan.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Grand Executor Jargan | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Grand Executor Jargan

+

As the foremost nun-scholar of the Scriptorium, it is my responsibility to maintain order on campus. The work of the Scriptorium requires an atmosphere of silent focus in which our scholars may go about their duties of translating, analyzing, and illuminating texts. Threats to this order must be neutralized with extreme prejudice. I therefore spit in disgust as I speak the cursed name of Shiggles Jargan, the Happe's Grand Executor of Surprise Parties.

+

Jargan's wretched legacy began in the before-times, which would normally make it nearly inaccessible to prospective imitators. Sadly, however, it remains enshrined in a reticular echo by the Mitral Iris, wherein Jargan is visible giving the infamous "Atomic Wedgie" to Big Todd that catalyzed the latter's psychotic break, indirectly leading to the deaths of thousands. Neither has he slowed down since. In fact, the breakdown in causality has only made it easier to launch surprise parties. Just last week, Jargan's elite CelebraCorps snuck out of the Scriptorium's astronomy tower, then reversed the arrow of time and had a party in reverse, incidentally ripping several of our astronomers out of the space-time continuum in the process. My sisters have expressed a desire to get this sort of thing outlawed, so that we have some legal recourse next time, but I would prefer to keep the law out of it. My own way of dealing with these things works better that way, and you just know the Mayor's office is too corrupt to do anything about an incident that doesn't threaten their power base.

+

To my great shame, Jargan's manifesto of unexpected celebration, On The Eternality of Strictures, has been preserved within the Scriptorium archives. By giving his compilation of musings, tactics, and techniques such a boring title and opening with a series of long-winded quotes from Father Marquette, he seems to have evaded the Scriptorium censors, who subsequently gave the book an imprimatur and approved it for the Sacred Archive, despite there being nothing about Strictures beyond the first page. Because books may never be removed from the Archive, but only added, Jargan's vapid expectorations are now permanently enshrined in Scriptorium lore and guaranteed perseverance by our dedicated copyists! The censor responsible for this is going to wish they were in hell if I find them.

+

The title of Grand Executor of Surprise Parties is, of course, only one of several Happe ceremonial positions, ranking just above the Grand Executor of Bagpipe Appreciation and just below the Grand Executor of Resistance to Bourgeois Fashion. The Grand Executors are each responsible for executing the traditional Happe plans for their particular domain. Only Jargan seems to have picked up the double meaning of the title and run with it, aside from that one incident where the Grand Executor of Stand-Up Comedy replaced all of the water in the Spurious Order with an impotable liquid.

+

Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Great_Bear27s_Veins.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Great_Bear27s_Veins.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cb4d147 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Great_Bear27s_Veins.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Great Bear's Veins | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Great Bear's Veins

+

There's an old legend whispered among the Ursinquisitors, of some mythological sonnuvabitch they call the Great Bear. There's some tall tales about its great deeds, stoic character, noble sacrifice, et cetera. It's all very dry to anybody who isn't in the Inquisition itself. I copied a few of them in my day, but I must confess I didn't pay any attention to the contents. Leylines of power? Meh. The only thing it seems to give the bears is something to cry out to when I've got them in a chokehold. Look, I ain't no saint. When I was assigned by the Abbess as the cultural liaison to the Ursinquisitus, I skipped all the assigned reading. The bears didn't take it very well, but my fists were liaison enough for that. So, I don't have a lot to say about the Great Bear or his veins.

+

It's probably all a moot point by now: the Orders are all but kaput, their already tenuous stability utterly broken by the Fifth Crusade. The Strictures aren't going to do anybody any more good in the state they're in now, not that there are many people even left to do good to. I didn't check, but I assume the Scriptorium exploded, or imploded, or something of the sort. If the Great Bear's Veins had any significance, there's nothing left for them to signify. They're of the past, now.

+

I am, if nothing else, an educator, and I'll be damned if I won't turn this into a hard-earned lesson for someone. But hey, around these parts, causality is fickle. I don't much care who gets taught or what connection the lesson has to recent events. So, I'm going to hell, and I'm going to teach Satan a lesson about what happens when you piss off an Aquiline — or are involved in something that pisses off an Aquline, or are near a pissed-off Aquiline, etc.

+

Sister Avacillata, ex-Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Greetings_to_the_High_Chamberlain.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Greetings_to_the_High_Chamberlain.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..78f5e6f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Greetings_to_the_High_Chamberlain.html @@ -0,0 +1,58 @@ + + +Greetings to the High Chamberlain | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Greetings to the High Chamberlain

+

Communique 43:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain

+

AethID 07718-33:/ CalypsoNet

+

"The Old Strictures are come again, and with faces altered like the rising of a different sun." -From the Prophecy of Brother Thanatos, Elder Clawbearer

+

From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier

+

Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury,

+

I write this missive to explain my absence from the Great Den for this past many months and to inform Your Excellency of a discovery which, if it is borne out in all truth and zeal, does promise to affect great revelation upon both the Ordos Ursinquisitus as well as the various subsections.

+

I have been searching out the truth of the so called "Great LaMaLi" Stricture, to test whether it is indeed one of the Old Strictures come again. +I am as of yet unsure, given the curious nature of this creature. +As Father Marquette often wrote, "Strictures may appear in the unlikeliest of places, and in forms and features strange and wonderful to behold. Test, therefore, each one, to see by the purity of your heart and the ringing of your soul whether it be the Eternal come again into time, or it be corruption given flesh and word."

+

As you well know, the Ordos has maintained the Sayings of the Great Fore-Bears for generations, and the wisdom in them has not been lost to darkness. For this reason I believe that although Strictures United considers themselves to have developed the Strictures, they are merely putting into modern tongue the Eternal Stricture Which Was Without End. Perhaps they do this unconsciously, inspired by a deep truth they themselves do not understand, but the Eternal moves in them. And in the case of the LaMaLi, perhaps it is as Father Marquette proclaimed, and the Eternal Stricture has manifest itself in flesh rather than in word.

+

This is, of course, excluding the accursed and so called "13th Stricture," a perversion of the Eternal for the benefit of mankind, may it be torn asunder by tooth and claw.

+

I will continue to write as the truth is made clear to me.

+

Humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption,

+

Brother Thelemas Tier, +Ursinquisitor, +3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Happe.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Happe.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..677d3f8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Happe.html @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ + + +Happe | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Happe

+

The Happe, a race of diminutive elephant-faced humanoids, were first documented — or first arrived, depending on the source text — along the western coast of the former USSA. Following the first encounters, a number of agnostic mission attempts were made in order to convert the Happe from their apocalyptic, and at times violent, belief in the coming of The Happenstancening, a futuric event of liberation from causality and the possibility of further prophecies and predictions. The sworn enemy of the Happe, is, they say, the “Sequitor.”

+

The language of the Happe involves clickings of the tongue and wavings of the trunk, and no true speaking, they believe, can take place without at least two speakers, speaking simultaneously, and one Affirmator, who declares, seemingly at random, which speaker is correct with a shouts of “Almond!” and “Zemben!” these words seem to have identical meanings but bring about seemingly unrelated and inconsequential results.

+

Carver Goodmann,
+Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach
+Senior Prepositionalist
+ARC ZII, Mirror Technician

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Harvey_Gardell.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Harvey_Gardell.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b69e051 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Harvey_Gardell.html @@ -0,0 +1,61 @@ + + +Harvey Gardell | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Harvey Gardell

+

Wow! What a totally crazy opportunity! Like, if I had more experience in this field I would totally apply! Mr. Harvey Gardell is such an inspirtion, he alone created at least 5 Strictures! I've even gotten to meet one before, the Great LaMaLi, he always looks so lonely.

+

Anyways, my coworker, Ryan Radford, he once got to like, see a real flamenco challenge!!! The "once seventh" Stricture was challenged by the "now seventh" Stricture, and like, when he fell, it was such a totally crazy collapse! After 37 hours of pure flamenco dancing, that was it!

+

...

+

Susanna Summers

+

ssummers@stricturesunited.gov

+

Senior Intern at Strictures United

+

+

To: General Staff, Front Desk, Susanna Summers

+

From: Strictures United

+

CC: Executive Branch

+

Date: August 13th, 3014

+

Subject: New Position Available

+

Attention Staff,

+

As we all know, our very own Harvey Gardell, is reaching an age due for retirement. Next January, Mr. Gardell, will be approaching his 75th birthday.

+

Starting now, we will be accepting applications for an assistant to Mr. Gardell to study under, learn from him, and eventually take hold of his current position as Stricture Developer.

+

Position Details:

+

Stricture Developer

+

The successful candidate will be responsible for creating, evaluating and manipulating designs to meet the needs of our Strictures. We focus on energy-efficient designs, as we know each Stricture is both written law and an embodied life-form that can be challenged to a flamenco dance-off, so they need to be well designed in order to dance well and protect the standing of those laws. If a Stricture you develop fails to a superior dancer, the stricture is no longer upheld law, and you will be subject to capital punishment. Additionally, the ideal candidate should be open to contributing designs to our online repository of back up blueprints. Such contributions earn commissions in addition to the candidate’s base salary. If you are looking for an exciting opportunity to join the executive branch of Strictures United, we’re interested in meeting with you.

+

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Journal_Entry.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Journal_Entry.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3ab6edb --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Journal_Entry.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Journal Entry | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Journal Entry

+

Dear Diary,

+

Things have gone wacko with the machines. I am so confused, like, what is even happening anymore? People were running around at work for a few days in white jackets like totally crazy people, and then they like just stopped showing up for work. Things are going very weirdly - like one day I'm an intern and the next I'm Vice President?! I'm pretty sure that like the only way that I would have been offered this promotion is if everyone else died.

+

Anyways, I'm like, trying to go through my new desk here and like... WOW. And do you think I don't have to still keep the front desk clean too? Well, I do. Luckily like, I already kept it pretty clean up there but like its a total mess in this office. I thought I was getting somewhere earlier when I found these books but after I arranged volumes 1-6, like, theres not even a volume 8 or 9 anywhere and then theres totally volumes 10-12 and no 13, then theres a 14, but no 15 & 16, and then there's 17-20. On top of all that, its supposed to be a 22 volume collection according to the back. Anyways, I'm not even going to read them because they look old, like, REALLY old, like they don't even have pictures and they're pages are GROSS like YELLOW TORN PAGES EVERYWHERE!

+

Either way, Diary, things are like totally nuts-o right now and I can't even.

+

Susanna Summers, Vice President of Strictures United, Front Desk Manager, etc.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Larry27s_Conquest.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Larry27s_Conquest.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2817b00 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Larry27s_Conquest.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Larry's Conquest | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Larry's Conquest

+

Larry's Conquest began prior to the Happenstancening, which may account for ongoing reticular transcendence of conquestorial elements. Little is known of Larry Wernhauser, for the Happenstancening fundamentally altered the molecular integrity of all extant records. That which we know of his early life we glean from reticular echoes. One such echo (named by famed academic Eudice Eurythian as 'The Atomic Wedgie') can be observed as slowed image by the ruins of the Mitral Iris, wherein one of Larry's famed rivals Big Todd can be seen to this day contributing to the later volatility of the conquest.

+

The most reliable records for the latter half of the Conquest are oral, as memetic effects are among the mildest results of the Happenstancening. It is known that at one time Larry's empire spanned the known world both east-to-west and top-to-bottom (though not north-to-south). Larry famously restricted airspace privileges to those with a BMI above 26.

+

One notable song, cross referenced with various oral traditions, holds that Larry's army stopped at the gates of Unnamed City, whereupon the local ruler struck a deal; the rulership of the city would be decided in a virtual battleground, mediated by a neutral "dungeon master". Famously, Larry won the fight using virtual commander Typhus Stormbreaker by exploiting the simplifying logic that governs the virtual. He allegedly forced 377 (some records say 369) virtual characters to prepare to pass a stone from the character behind to the character in front, which resolved at instantaneous speed, allowing the stone to reach a speed of approximately 200 mph. Sixty lines of peasants easily decimated the opposing army, filled with veteran cavalry and footmen.

+

E. Eurythian, Speaker of Truth, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Letter_on_the_Great_Corruption.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Letter_on_the_Great_Corruption.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cbab77d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Letter_on_the_Great_Corruption.html @@ -0,0 +1,56 @@ + + +Letter on the Great Corruption | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Letter on the Great Corruption

+

Communique 44:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain

+

AethID 09899-03:/ CalypsoNet

+

"Guard always your hearts and minds from the influence of corruption and the truth will never betray you."-Sayings of the Fangbearers

+

From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier

+

Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury,

+

I have further news of the events unfolding regarding the rebirth of the Eternal Strictures and the destruction of the Happenstanceing. In one of my travels I was momentarily distracted from my meditative navigation by a strange ripple in the Aether. It appears that a certain human female monastery is located on an intersection of the Great Bear's Veins and focuses the power of that ancient confluence to a distracting degree.

+

Oweing to the distraction and my broken trance state, I exited the Aether at highspeed above this monastery where I was confronted by a certain Sister Avacillata. She appears to have mistaken the last traces of my Wrathtrance for hostility, as she approached with a raised voice and firearm. I quickly disabled her with a single motion of the Bone Way and after some time we were able to speak together more peacefully.

+

According to the good Sister, it appears that the calamity that we have heard of did indeed strike humanity some two years previous, though the Ordus was, as you know, spared. Perhaps it is due to the Ordus having sworn off all use and knowledge of the ancient Scientific art, so there was no path for the corruption to flow into us.

+

I know not. That the calamity occurred at all, however concerns me greatly, in that it may imply--and I say this knowing full well the consequences of my words--a failure of the Great Strictures. If as the humans claim, their strictures suppressed the Scientific Corruption from making itself known in them, for the calamity to occur may suggest the Eternal Strictures at the root of these human confabulations, perhaps flickered.

+

If this is heresy I pray absolve me of the corruption brought on by speaking with the human Sister, but I can not ignore any threat to The Ordus or the Eternal by which we roar and rage and have our being.

+

Humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption,

+

Brother Thelemas Tier, +Ursinquisitor, +3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Logomancy.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Logomancy.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e10289a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Logomancy.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +Logomancy | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Logomancy

+

Developed by EGI in 2029, logomancy has since become a matter of speculation and General Intrigue.

+

Following Vandal Von Doomsday’s discovery of the Terminal Void in 2028, he wrote the Stricturnomicon, providing a detailed account of "the blessing" of the "nameless force". The Stricturnomicon was set into seven sections, each of which was divided into fifty-three sub-sections, separated into eighteen "letters," most of which were love letters written to a "Polly" who claimed she seduced "the devil hisself". While this "Polly" since been surpassed by Heimrond Von Nazi III, she maintained her unbounded sapience. Mystically impregnated by this "Polly," Vandal Von Doomsday returned to "the surface." Seeing the book as worth saving, but also worth being unread, the Scriptorium built much of its library from copies of the book. It is estimated that at least 9,999,999,999{error} volumes went into the bricks. In 2029 EGI acquired the remaining two legible copies of the Stricturnomicon and developed the science of logomancy from the dark wisdom therein.

+

Since 2029, the methods of logomancy have changed, possibly due to the general incoherency of Vandal Von Doomsday's text and the madness usually resulting from he former style. This madness can be evaded by being a library. Most modern logomancy is performed via flamenco dancing. Oddly enough, the algorithmic method used for this is directly born of--literally birthed by--the blessing. Further, according to the Ursinquisitors, the Thirteenth Stricture was itself created by the "use" of man scientists. Logomancy can not pass through tin foil according to Carnelian's memos.

+

According to General Intruigue, the bastard father of Vandal Von Doomsday, Logomancy is "both the mother and child of the Strictures." This is worth considering.

+

+Carver Goodmann,
+Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach
+Senior Prepositionalist
+ARC ZII, Mirror Technician
+Sub-Ambibeliever

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Missing_Files.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Missing_Files.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4e745ee --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Missing_Files.html @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ + + +Missing Files | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Missing Files

+

To: General Staff, Front Desk

+

From: Susanna Summers

+

CC: Executive Branch

+

Date: August 24th, 3014

+

Subject: Missing Files?

+

Heyy!

+

So, like, I have been going through my new desk here as Vice President of Strictures United and I like, can not figure out where in the the world all these missing files are at! I have looked in like all the drawers and cupboards, looked high and low, and I've like even reached out to the Administrative Department and sent an additional inquiry to Human Resources but he totally hasn't responded yet either. WTH! I have absolutely nothing on what happened to the old employees or Volumes 13, 15, 16, 21, and 22 of the The Laws of the Strictures books! I cannot figure out what I am doing here - can someone like pretty please please please help me?!

+

On another note, it seems that due to ongoing reticular transcendence there will be a temporary closure of Earthson's Bar and Grill which is a little dissapointing because after days like this - I like totally could use a drink with the girls!

+

Susanna Summers

+

ssummers@stricturesunited.gov

+

Susanna Summers - Vice President of Strictures United, Front Desk Manager, etc.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Necesscitas_CruciC481tC4AB_NovC4AB.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Necesscitas_CruciC481tC4AB_NovC4AB.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..266647b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Necesscitas_CruciC481tC4AB_NovC4AB.html @@ -0,0 +1,58 @@ + + +Necesscitas Cruciātī Novī | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Necesscitas Cruciātī Novī

+

Communique 48:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain

+

AethID 23449-84:/ CalypsoNet

+

"Take heed always to tear out corruption wherever it may spring up, for if you should not, and it take root, the Wrathbears will descend in a tide of death and fury to wash away the stain of heresy with the blood of the unworthy." Greater Chatechism of Wrath, Author Unknown

+

From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier

+

Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury,

+

I have expressed my concern in the past several missives regarding the supposed "creation" of Strictures and the attitude of rampant carelessness expressed by many in this portion of the Aetherverse.

+

I have just now discovered things are far worse than I could have imagined, and as such must make this formal request.

+

In recent weeks the organization and Planet-city known as the Central Order has continued in their bullheaded attempts to maximize their own profitability at the expense of Reality itself, in service of their cold religion of greed. I have previously mentioned the so called "Thirteenth Stricture", but it was unknown to me until this time that the Central Order has created this perverse amalgamation of Science and The Eternal by use of Soul-Wounded Scientists.

+

If this were the extent of their crimes, I would still see fit to make the request which is forthcoming, but to the sorrow of all, there is yet more.

+

It has come to my attention, that beyond some paltry--however heretical and abominable it may be--and deliberate attempt to bend the Eternal Strictures to their own whims, the Central Order has been a source of Aetheric Corruption, the black smoke of foulness wafting from it out into the void, kept hidden by mankind to some nefarious end. The Central Order itself has in fact become an abomination, a rotting pustule in the core of the Aetherverse. Perhaps it is for this reason that the Aether has become warped in certain places

+

On account of these dreadful tidings, and with a heavy heart I therefore make this request:

+

Blessed High Chamberlain of All Fury, Wrath of the Eternal, Bloodclaw and Render of Deceit,

+

Your servant, Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries does request formally and with sober mind and spirit, a Great Crusade. Let the fury of the Ursinquisitus rain down upon the unrighteous, let the blood of the unworthy wash away the stink of heresy from mankind, let the rot and corruption of the Central Order be purged in a great conflagration as the Wrathbears descend to roar and destroy and bring woe to those who would conceal abomination in their midst and covet it to flourish.

+

Let a Cruciātus Novus, a new crusade, be formed to devour all that is unholy and to leave the ashes of purification in its wake. I request this, as such rage wells up in me as is mete and right, for the anger of the Eternal roars through me at the desecration of the Aetherverse.

+

I remain humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption,

+

Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries, Boneroarer of the 5th Great Crusade.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/On_The_Eternality_of_Strictures.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/On_The_Eternality_of_Strictures.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..aea23b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/On_The_Eternality_of_Strictures.html @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ + + +On The Eternality of Strictures | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

On The Eternality of Strictures

+

Earthson's Bar and Grill is the only place of any safety left as Strictures United has raided my apartment knowing that I knew too much and therefore attempting to take me out of the picture but the resistance movement let me know in a final communique provided by the logo on a SUmmer Vacation Planning pamphlet* warning me of an oncoming SUrprise raid on my apartment. I feel oh so very sorry for whoever was first through the door and highly doubt they remember what year it is.^ I sit in the grill with closed doors open to all with a recent covering of tin foil to keep the thrice damned logomancers employed by SU. They cannot get us here so long as Earthson remains and the man remains vigilant against all forces of man and bear and infernal being.

+

After covering the bar with tin foil and unplugging all computer terminals and phone outlets to ensure we would not be spied upon I had some time to pass and I looked at the various books and tomes stored in the rooms of the bar and after passing over archived copies of SU Quarterly Reports and Liber Ivonis and a compendium of non-euclidean beer brewing techniques and a very strange set of scholarly reports circling around some apocalypse in another dimension and time I picked up a strange volume On the Eternality of the Strictures which was so completely and utterly boring that it fascinated and entertained me to no end.

+

The first page contained some small amount of information on the Strictures including the process by which one may bind the abstract to the concrete. However after the first page` it launches into a manifesto of causal-breaking party crashing parties and I will say Jargan certainly knows how to throw a party and as the Grand Executor of such he has not only launched many parties but has been known to literally crash parties which has resulted in numerous floating stations filled with party-goers and business executives having a very untimely end and he even managed to sneak out of and therefore into a top secret strictures meeting. From reading through his accomplishments and MO and general goal it is obvious and clear and beyond a doubt that he was involved in the collapse of the Breaching Stricture and Seirapolis because after all what could ever possibly be a greater crash than this and what sort of parties could he throw in the chaos that ensued?

+

Some tin foil just got torn by that odd PI who has a bump on his head so I must repair the damage before it's too late.

+

REDACTED

+

*The method of encoding consisted simply in removing all letters that were not part of the intended message.

+

^To be fair, neither does anyone else.

+

`The pages are approximately three feet by two feet, so one page does contain quite a bit of information.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Ontological_Abstractions_and_How_to_Beat_Them_to_Death.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Ontological_Abstractions_and_How_to_Beat_Them_to_Death.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..78d6805 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Ontological_Abstractions_and_How_to_Beat_Them_to_Death.html @@ -0,0 +1,61 @@ + + +Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death

+

Author: Regina Knorff, combat philosopher

+

Order: Improvised

+

Language: Happe

+

Publisher: Totally Metal Productions

+

Publishing Year: 2401

+

Media type: print

+

Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death was Knorff's second great treatise on the nature of reality, gods, hell, and poetry. At just over six thousand pages in length, it is noted as the single longest book of poetry ever written (although the total text of the poetry amounts to approximately one and a half pages).

+

The poems, extremely short stories, and songs of Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death are loosely connected, with each representing Knorff's celebration of her philosophy of metaphor, abstraction, and life. Influenced by the works of Vandal Von Doomsday, Typhus Stormbreaker, and St. Aquila of the Pen, Knorff's poetry praises the merging of the real with the unreal and then beating it to death. However, much like Aquila, Knorff does not diminish the role of the mind or the spirit.

+

Among the works in the collection are "Pour Something Poisonous On Their Eyes", "If They Look Dead Kick Them In The Ribs Again", and "Litany for the Binding of Loki" (the last is heavily cross-referenced with Section 225B, pages 4986-5012 containing instructions for capturing and slaying the CHILD OF URMOTHER for the purposes of making a world-cleansing weapon. Indeed reading the two side by side give the best possible experience and provide context for the rhymes and syllables).

+

Since the influx of various scholars of variable note, the demand for Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death has skyrocketed in the Central Order. This has implications on the literacy and literature-appreciation effects of rampaging ontological abstractions on the general public. Most Noted Scholar Eternal Eurythian Himself has purchased/consumed a copy. As the Most Noted is fundamentally himself a god, this may be considered the absolute height of popularity for Knorff's beloved book of poems.

+

Popular Culture

+

+

- Strictures United has displayed quotes from Ontological Abstractions on some of their banner ads.

+

- The Bear Inquisition have been observed using techniques sourced from some of the later parts of the book, particularly the application of wrathrunes.

+

- evidently someone has bound and slain Loki, resulting in destruction of all by fire and void.

+

Notes

+

+

The death of Loki has orphaned the Strictures themselves, resulting the consumption and absorption of most of them by the Most Noted Scholar E. Eurythian. The impact this may have on book sales is unpredictable at the present moment.

+

E Eurythian, Eaten by the Unwritten Stricture, Merged with the Scriptorium, Who's Laughing Now Strictures, Doesn't Feel Good on the Other End for Once Eh?, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Religion_28disambiguation29.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Religion_28disambiguation29.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..477a6a9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Religion_28disambiguation29.html @@ -0,0 +1,68 @@ + + +Religion (disambiguation) | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Religion (disambiguation)

+

Religion is any inspirational methodology of designated performances and habits, world posturing, textwords, sanctified zones, utilitarianisms, strictures or managements, that plop humans, sub-humans, otherwise-than-humans, and post-humans to the super-natural, prima-natural, transcendental, and/or reticular.

+

Religion may also refer to:

+

Religion (journal)

+

a) an academic journal of the humanitarian, humanistic, and anthropocentric religions. The journal fell into disfavor with the general public with the collapse of generally-accepted-binaries in the early 2000s and subsequently went out of print.

+

b) one of many “prop-chines” [propaganda machines, the most famous of which is probably SUpper Home Cooking Magazine) published by Strictures United. Following their acquisition of EGI, SU created the journal in The Month of the Squatting Cow in 2965, much to the chagrin of many ancient historians who called it an act of “temporal appropriation.” Many of the more offended scholars rioted most direly for a few days about it, overturning their own desks but promptly simmered down. According to some interviews, the whole desks thing was a custom of “Gewis Godnem,” or if not a custom an event. It happened, they claim, sometime amid the BC-AD Timeline Confusion. When asked whether or not their desk overturning was itself an act of “temporal appropriation” the interviewee refused to comment. According to another related interview, this was not a custom, but rather a more singular event. It was, he said—with almost incoherent excitable speed, said the interviewer—“most likely a time traveling man from Former North-South-America with messianic delusions named Jeus.” The consensus on table (or in this case desk) overturning is that is has something to do with the BC-AD Timeline Confusion. [Some recent scholars have noted that this may have been a sort of “pre-tremor” of the Happenstancening.]

+

Religion (Carnold Vin, Vice President album), postponed due to hand injury.

+

Religion (Strictures United album), a soothing and slightly unsettling ambient track featuring recordings of daily office life and clips of instrumental music where names and confidential information were censored. Released daily.

+

Religion (The Bear Inquisition album), a highly acclaimed yearly release featuring chants, recordings from inquisitorial sessions, and ambient tracks of the Wanderway. Released quarterly. [Note: Listener discretion extremely advised.]

+

Mythology, a body or collection of myths.

+

Religion, a very old word that may or may not be related to the Strictures.

+

+

+

Preview of main article “Religion”

+

This article is about a is any inspirational methodology of designated performances and habits, world posturing, textwords, sanctified zones, utili...

+

Religion is any inspirational methodology of designated performances and habits, world posturing, textwords, sanctified zones, utilitarianisms, strictures or managements, that plop humans, sub-humans, otherwise-than-humans, and post-humans to the super-natural, prima-natural, transcendental, and/or reticular.

+

Different religions may or may not contain various elements ranging from “the divine,” “sacred thing-objects,” “faith,” one or more “supernatural beings,” one or less “non-supernatural beings (up until the late 2000s, read: human),” “some sort up ultimate util-deciding factor or arbiter, “rituals,” “pilgrimages,” “crusades,” feasts, inquisitions, “a man called but not named ‘father,’” dancing, snake handling, “clothes,” after-life, dogma, participation, “observation,” giving of money, eternal promotions and eternal demotions (based on good or bad behavior), there are two things shared by all religions: a) binary thinking (believers v. non believers) and b) an obsession with being The Greatest Believer.

+

For example, in the former “New World,” there were once religions centered around practicers observing the “players” (their word for “clergy”) send balls into nets, over poles, or across lines drawn on the ground. They would do this is “games” (their word for “crusades,” as far as we can tell). The observers of these religions would watch these in large open-air cathedrals or on illuminated boxes in their homes. They would chant when their group put the ball their more. They would purchase “clothes” to show alliances. At times they would riot in the streets in joy or anger. They would spend much money donating to their group, buying balls, pretending to be clergy, wearing special “clothes,” and so on. There were many denominations of this religion, but the most noted had an egg-shaped ball. It was a dangerous religion at times. People got hurt. Many of the clergy would retire from wounds. Many of the practicers would injure each other from the sheer joy or sorrow of a “game won” or a “game lost.” “Game” was their word for “sermon.” It is a rough translation, but mostly accepted.

+

There were also religions, older religions, that would wear armor and go after and—intentionally!—kill practicers of other religions.

+

Some religions are more simple. Practicers just sit under waterfalls, drink very good tea prepared very slowly, get hit on the head when they think of not practicing their religion, and so on.

+

Other religions were more of a protest against more obvious practicers. Some of these would say they believed in Satan, but would more or less do whatever they wanted while also trying not to hurt other people. The stricter “our Big Person is the Right Big Person” religions tended to poo-poo this religion often, because Satan was for them the captain of “the other team.”

+

Some religions went so far as to ta...

+

+Carver Goodmann,
+Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach
+Senior Prepositionalist
+ARC ZII, Mirror Technician

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Reticular_transcendence.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Reticular_transcendence.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e02e5f3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Reticular_transcendence.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Reticular transcendence | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Reticular transcendence

+

Gawd, I hate reticular transcendence. You'd think that ripping an event out of the causal fabric of reality would just make it go away, but noooooo, ever since the 'stancening there've just been these, damnable, ghosts of the Before-Times, all floatin' around, being visible and suchlike. Where does an event free of the causal web of the universe get off interacting with my face eyes? I couldn't even go to the bar last night because everything was closed on account of reticular echoes blocking the roads. What a dump this excuse for an Order is. I know this is the where the last Scriptorium is, but sometimes I feel like it's just not worth saving, y'know? Like it'd be nice to take a vacation in hell to be somewhere nice for once. Hey, barkeep, gimme another, uh, Etna Fire.

+

Anyway, wheres was I? Right, the causality ghosts. So obnoxious. And even worse, some maniacs have been trying to get the Binding Stic... Sterc... Sonnuvabitch back online so they can stricturize the reticular echoes back into reality. But cuz there can't be more than seven, or twelve, or whatever the hell the number is, they're just giving them negative ordinals. How stupid is that? Why do we even want the reticular echoes back? I can't even punch my way out of this problem, because almost everything involved is virtual or figurative. This is the lamest post-apocalypse ever. Here I was, secretly hoping for civilization to descend into an orgy of violence so the Aquiline Order could go back to its roots, and instead I've got nothing to do but drink multi-dimensional beers and glare at the paranoid across the room rambling and covering everything in tinfoil.

+

St. Annihilatrix help me, maybe I really do need to take a vacation in hell. At least the ghosts are supposed to be there. Hey, barkeep...

+

Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Satan.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Satan.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cc845e6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Satan.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Satan | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Satan

+

I always knew the infernal nature of Strictures United but only now do I see the true depths of absolute evil and understand how horribly wrong things have become as I opened the door "ORD. DEF. NOT C." and saw the Son of Perdition arrayed in dark glory in his dim domain of the infernal HR department of SU. The very water fountains bubbled with an unnatural heat as the flames which never die seared my mind in a way that would have broken me had I not first thought to cover myself in protective gear of tin foil and a wrathrune I found squawking next to a keg of hyperreal porter. The ancient serpent raised his claw as he took a phone call and explained that wages would not be increasing as the end of the world was upon us and doing so with poise and grace and calming the disgruntled employee with the assurances that any further complaints would result in eternal damnation.

+

The Father of Lies spoke horrid truths of the Happenstancening. He told of strictures collapsing and orders coming together and falling apart and as he did my mind reeled and split into fractal non Euclidean planes as I saw the The Bear Inquisition bringing death and destruction upon all of Central Order and I saw the void and the strictures dancing throughout all Existence and as he spoke such hideous truths out of his mouth that is a grave I saw Strictures United form yet again and the Strictures rise in a yet inevitable collapse as causality split apart and the Strictures failed because of the Happenstancening and the Happenstancening was caused by the collapse of the Strictures.

+

I fled and as I fled I looked to the side and saw the security cameras of the logomantic research wing and saw those horrible White Lab Coats working on the thirteenth stricture that had already been created. Strictures United was the cause but it was also the effect my mind's fragments computed as I fled from the hideous truths spouted by the Accuser back into the bar that was and was not a bar and collapsed inside a room marked REDACTED. When I woke up I heard a light knock at the door and a burst of a flamethrower that sounded oddly familiar.

+

"Who are you? How did you find this location?" my voice sounded strange to my ears and the visitor said, "It's Murph, and you gave me directions last time you had an anonymous tip that couldn't be spoken over the phone," and little did he know that this was not my actual location but the bar that was not a bar. I must tell him of what I saw that cannot be described and of the white lab coats and the logomancy and the coming of the end that is the beginning I must tell them all that endings are only beginnings and boundaries are only conventions as the world spins ever in a cycle that we may one day possibly escape. Possibly.

+

REDACTED

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Science-Related_Memetic_Disorder.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Science-Related_Memetic_Disorder.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ee72ec3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Science-Related_Memetic_Disorder.html @@ -0,0 +1,66 @@ + + +Science-Related Memetic Disorder | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Science-Related Memetic Disorder

+

It's been two years since the Happenstancening, and society's only just +picked itself off the ground to sort through some of the larger +pieces, like a kid who got thrown through their tower of blocks by a +tornado. There's folks who lost everything in the conflagration. +And there's folks who'll make it no matter what, like cockroaches and dirty +politicians.

+

Me, I'm a cockroach. Not a literal cockroach, just a sour detective +dressed in grubby clothes in a grubbier office. But like a cockroach, if +there's a morsel of food buried nearby, you can bet I'll find it. +That's why I wasn't too surprised when the Mayor waltzed through my door one dismal afternoon and told me I was +gonna investigate the root of the Happenstancening. The pay was good +and he was smiling like a virgin on prom night, all nervous excitement, +so I couldn't turn him down.

+

Everyone knows what happened. There's something called +Science-Related Memetic Disorder, and if you catch it you start +laughing maniacally, don a lab coat, and cobble together doomsday +machines from household appliances. Most of us have been infected, but the +Seven Strictures were designed to suppress SRMD. Yet, on the night +of the Happenstancening, every single one of us spontaneously relapsed.

+

Everyone knows what happened, but it was my job to figure out why. +So I did the obvious thing: I high-tailed it out of there, headed +straight for Earthson's, and ordered myself +a scotch.

+

Detective Murph Reynolds, Private Eye

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Seirapolis.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Seirapolis.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..25f16a6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Seirapolis.html @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ + + +Seirapolis | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Seirapolis

+

To: Records Department

+

From: Susanna Summers

+

CC: Executive Branch

+

Date: August 28th, 3014

+

Subject: Archive Reconstruction

+

Hey all,

+

I like noticed the archives didn't have any details on Seirapolis so I like totally found some random things in my office drawers that dont make any sense to be here so I just wanted to forward that back to you! Thanks girl!!

+

Seirapolis:

+

A once cutting edge nuclear energy reactor, now a shattered dream of cut edges. Some debates remain on the cause of the meltdown of Seirapolis, but the collapse of the breaching stricture is undoubtedly linked to its last few hours.

+

Once, a thriving workplace of nuclear energy, it powered the entire Central Order. Now, nearly all of it's affected employees have been relocated in hopes of recovery from the side effects of the meltdown and are in a top notch facility dedicated to their wellness. Those few that remained unaffected, invested in a local public house and can often be found now lingering in the back corners of the establishment during open hours.

+

If anyone else notices they like, have something on this incomplete file, let me know because I'm just trying to make sense of all the drama happening here!

+

Oh and like also as a reminder, stay away from Seirapolis because its totally still toxic and like, you don't wanna be there. Thanks, all!

+

Susanna Summers, Vice President of Strictures United, Front Desk Manager, Records Recovery, etc.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Strictures_United.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Strictures_United.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1739d84 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Strictures_United.html @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ + + +Strictures United | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Strictures United

+

Ia! The worldwound! The crawling within the deep!

+

In 2028 the Aetheric explorer Vandal Von Doomsday, traversing the underside of the Central Order during a once-in-a-millennia quirk of the Wanderway, wrote of an "upward-facing abyss" in the unmarred Soulstone edifice lining the bottom (terminus-face) of the Central Order, "an inky darkness from which a peculiar madness emanates".

+

In 2962 Evil Goods Incorporated launched an expedition to the terminus-face of the Central Order. The results of this expedition were not made public, and in two years EGI was bought out by the nascent Strictures United.

+

Notably, in early 2965 company memos entitled "Containment Breach" have surfaced via corporate espionage agents (they call themselves 'runners'). At around this time, the Great Infectioning occurred.

+

SU response to this was swift and effective. Release of The Binding Stricture and related Stricture-derived pharmaceuticals suppressed SRMD. Academics have perused its bizarre text, memetic effects, and documented the way in which the letters are readable no matter what script they are in. As the Stricture became less and less effective in suppressing SRMD SU rose to this challenge by releasing strictures over a period of years ending with the The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture in 2971.

+

But what is the nature of the Strictures themselves? The structure of even the First is mathematically infinite; binding-effects allow infinite syllables to be recited or scribed within moments. Observe: the echo of an echo, stilled image that takes the form of the terminus-facing worldwound in the exoskeleton of the Central Order. See what lies within, older than time. Written into stone crystalized from the dreams of dead gods, laws which are Strictures which are the bones of reality. These are older things than any petty institutions; they are old as the swirling chaos beyond the beyond.

+

Indeed, this is the source of sapience itself! The Seven, gods in their own right! But we were foolish, foolish in our desires, selfish desires to bind, to mine, to harvest and extract and sell. To think that we could have contained them.

+

From the shattered pieces left behind by They That Wrote the Strictures man has in his arrogance distilled and pieced and badly stitched together a new twelve (or thirteen, forgive me, for I seem to have misplaced my medication) strictures. Pale imitations of the face of infinity!

+

And that brings us to you. Yes, yes you. Icarus flies toward the sun, but where Strictures United failed, I shall succeed! My Icarus comes to swallow the sun! Once I consume your souls, I will become! As! GOD!

+

MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

+

E. Eurythian, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World and GOD-KING, DEVOURER OF MANKIND

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Strictures_United_Quarterly_Financial_Update.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Strictures_United_Quarterly_Financial_Update.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e9a02b2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Strictures_United_Quarterly_Financial_Update.html @@ -0,0 +1,54 @@ + + +Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update

+

Normally I wouldn't read something so boring as a quarterly financial update, and I take it that any man or woman of good sense wouldn't either, but as a Scriptorium scribe, I have to attend to the whole text in order to copy it. Because of this, I have made the horrifying discovery that Strictures United has been publishing their evil plans in plain sight, a fact unrealized until now, as nobody has ever bothered to read one of these. Take heed of the attached document.

+

STRICTURES UNITED
+Q2 3014

+

Ladies and gentlemen, it has been another successful quarter for Strictures United. As is our tradition in Q2 financial updates, I will review our secret plans.

+

As you know, our mission began with Vandal Von Doomsday's discovery in 2028 of the Terminal Void beneath our Central Order. There he communed with an eldritch and nameless force and received its blessing. He returned from his sojourn and wrote the Stricturnomicon, a record of all his dark wisdom. Fortunately, the blessing of the Terminal Void remained on the fringes, never a threat to the continued existence of human civilization. Nevertheless, we took action, knowing that this peace was only the existence within the Void biding its time. Through our shell company, Evil Goods Incorporated, we acquired all known copies of the Stricturnomicon, studied Von Doomsday's dark wisdom, and developed the science of logomancy in order to bind the darkness forever.

+

With the power of Von Doomsday guided by the wisdom of logomancy, we created the Binding Stricture, the first and greatest of our creations, which would allow us to bind the abstract to the corporeal. We tested the limits of our newfound powers, both binding to something that already existed as well as creating something anew. Finally, with confidence in our abilities, we sent the Binding Stricture with EGI's last expedition to the Terminal Void, and there bound the various aspects of the darkness within six new Strictures: in their current order, the Leeching, Reversing, Breaching, Cleaving, Piercing, and Unwritten Strictures.

+

Would that this were the end of the story. Not a year after we wrapped up our clandestine activities and shut down EGI, the evil we had bound stirred in its sleep, breaching all of our defenses and infecting everyone with SRMD. In a panic, we released our Strictures to walk among the people, in the hopes that their passive binding effects would prevent utter disaster. When the Seven began to be insufficient, we released even our prototypes. This stemmed the tide, until two years ago. While we were attempting to use yotta computing to discover more about the unnamed darkness, it stirred again, which disrupted the Seven's daily flamenco parade through the streets of the Central Order. The Fourth tripped and fell onto the Seiropolis, breaching the containment (we suspect sabotage). In the mess that followed, things generally went to hell.

+

This, of course, has been no obstacle to our plans. With our new zetta computing paradigm, we will finally be able to merge the Terminal Void existence with our new Thirteenth Stricture. As long as the evil bound within the Seven doesn't leak out, our victory is assured, and this will all have been worth it.

+

Sincerely,
+Andrew Carnelian
+President of Strictures United

+

Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Bear_Inquisition.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Bear_Inquisition.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..36042a8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Bear_Inquisition.html @@ -0,0 +1,58 @@ + + +The Bear Inquisition | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Bear Inquisition

+

Talking with Q had left me with a lot of questions and a pounding headache where my memory of the conversation should be. I knew Strictures United was employing mad logomancers to awake the Thirteenth Stricture for some nefarious reason. But I was realizing that the intricacies of this case were about to flutter over my head like a butterfly with a superiority complex. I didn't know anything about Logomancy. That meant I needed to talk to the nun-scholars of the Scriptorium.

+

Rubbing the back of my head, I strolled to the ancient campus, glancing appreciatively at the ivy-covered stone. That lasted all of four seconds before I heard needles ricocheting off the building next to me. I swore and dove for cover. I'd almost made it when two tons of furry fury tore through the fabric of space like a St. Bernard that didn't see the screen door, bowling me over so hard it knocked the wind out of my next of kin. The Ursinquisitor pulled out of a roll, rising up on its hind legs and bellowing at the sky, twelve feet of muscle rippling under its engraved armor and luscious fur.

+

The Bear Inquisition was a mysterious organization. Fanatically devoted to the Strictures and opposed to mad science in its entirety, little was known of its inner workings by those outside of it. They were based out of the Unnamed City, and supposedly protecting something important inside, but the details never made it out—partly because the other thing the Bear Inquisition did was travel the land and stomp out people who share those kinds of details. When an Ursinquisitor arrived, anyone with sense ran away.

+

"Alright, you oversized rodent!" yelled an elderly nun, advancing across the green and holding the bear in the sights of a monster shotgun. "Back off unless you want an extra ear hole!"

+

The sight of the gun seemed to enrage the bear even further. I held perfectly still. It'd be okay unless he started chanting the Strictures.

+

"Pierce and cut
+Stab and slice
+But build ye not
+A grand Device!
" he roared, and in a flash he'd ripped the gun from her hands and crumpled it into scrap.

+

Shit.

+

I muffled a groan of pain and starting pulling my bruised body under the bushes, which is the only logical response when an Ursinquitor starts chanting the Strictures. But apparently the five foot tall, eighty-year-old nun was not logical, because she cracked her knuckles and said with a gleam in her eye, "The bullets hurt less."

+

Her first punch lifted the bear off the ground. Before gravity could do its wicked work, she'd leapt into the air and kicked him back down. But instead of breaking his spine in the fall, the Ursinquisitor rolled with the fall and came up swinging. The nun blocked or dodged several attacks before the bear lifted her up by her habit and drop-kicked her through the window of the library.

+

A stream of curses emanated from the broken window. The Urisinquisitor snarled and leapt through the broken window. A very loud and deep thud escaped the the window, followed immediately by a yelp and shortly after by the bear himself. A voice within the library shouted, "Wait, Sister Avacillata, you can't just—" but was cut off when Sister Avacillata emerged at the window wielding an entire bookcase above her head.

+

"You like the Strictures?" she shouted. "Then it's time for some book learnin'!"

+

I'd never heard a bear cry for his mother before.

+

Murph Reynolds, Private Eye

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Binding_Stricture.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Binding_Stricture.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7627bc8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Binding_Stricture.html @@ -0,0 +1,60 @@ + + +The Binding Stricture | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Binding Stricture

+

Communique 89 :// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain

+

AethID 010192-23:/ CalypsoNet

+

"The evil will lead the blind, for as long as the blind refuse to open their eyes." +-Thelemas Tier, A Simple Bear

+

From: Thelemas Tier

+

Greetings Marcellus,

+

You may be shocked and confused by my manner of address--I assure you it is the least shocking revelation which I will unfold in the course of this, my final missive.

+

It has come to my attention that there is a deep rot, not only in the core of the Orders, but in the heart of Ursinquisitus, a cancer, a rot that although well hidden and much perfumed was impossible to hide forever. He who has muzzle to smell, let him smell.

+

The Ursinquisitus is aligned with Corruption and the Void. This is the obvious and necesscary conclusion from the evidence. Consider accounts of the use of the Strictures and the accompanying--and well known to the Ursinquisitus--release of corruption. Our own Wrathrunes were designed to shunt away such corruption in the event an Ursinquisitor were forced to employ a Stricture in combat. How is it that we tacitly use corruption, even against our enemies? Does not a den divided against itself crumble?

+

Moreover, I was even willing, with your guidance, to intentionally tear the Aether, unleashing raw corruption on the Orders to wipe them from existence. What purity is this that stains its paws with filth even as it washes its fur? The Six Eternal Strictures that so long we have venerated and to which we have adhered are merely corruption incarnate. Everything I have believed is a lie.

+

There is hope, however, perhaps not for the Ursinquisitus--although possibly if there is redemption for me there is redemption also for my brothers, even you, Brother Marcellus--but certainly for the survival of the Orders and their inhabitants.

+

The Binding Stricture. Not as concept, not as Eternal Stricture qua corruption incarnate, but in the form of a simple woman. I believe that she is the incarnation of the original Stricture from Strictures United. I believe she holds the power to bind the shattered remnants of the Orders, to bind the corporeal and the abstract and heal the Void.

+

As I speak, I sit in the middle of a group of refugees in a simple public house, the pocket of resistance, revolution, perhaps simply rebirth. The woman is here. The one who can save us all. She does not yet know what I suspect, although the others do and agree that she is our best hope for the future.

+

We are a strange and motley assortment of fellows: A young woman who unknowingly holds great power, a Sister of the Scriptorium who seems more in bearing like an Ursinquisitus than a human woman, let alone a Nun-Scholar--she finds this a high compliment and gleefully reminds me of it whenever she wins an arm wrestling match--a paranoid man who seems to know the inner-workings of almost everything, a tired Private Investigator who--if his stories are to be believed--seems nigh-immortal(or lucky beyond belief), and a Senior Prepositionalist of staggering linguistical might and complexity.

+

And of course, myself. An ex-Ursinquisitor, a judge, a penitent, a hero or perhaps a monster, a survivor and a destroyer. A simple bear. There will be no further missives. I hereby formally renounce the heresy of the Ursinquisitous, of the False Strictures and their corruption, and any allegiance henceforth to the same.

+

If I have any allegiance, it is to Miss Summers, and the hope all we of The Sons of Earth share for a new future.

+

With great wrath to all corruption, and with greater hope for redemption,

+

Thelemas Tier, a simple bear.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Breaching_Stricture.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Breaching_Stricture.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dacaef8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Breaching_Stricture.html @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ + + +The Breaching Stricture | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Breaching Stricture

+

Notice, notice, notice here my poor petty pretties that the Strictures have order; therefore they uphold the Order. Order of what description? It doesn't matter. Central, acentral, spurious, inner or outer. Take your pick.

+

The Orders appear to your eyes, as they once did mine, as land floating through an infinite sky. One, a deathscape. Yet another, an endless city; a third, an endless rolling country, idyllic from afar, but made entirely of worms, rot, and lies.

+

These are accidents, not essence. We live as bacteria upon the back of a dust speck to the world which once was. The Orders are bastions against chaos, pieces of that world preserved through use of the Strictures against the timeless march of entropy. Perhaps the World That Was underwent some failure of existence. Perhaps it did not. But now we live in a pale shadow of former glory.

+

What I have learned has worried me. The Breaching Stricture works against the integrity of a thought, mind, concept... anything that can be thought of as having coherent structure. Opening holes within it... For it to fall is both self-referential and troubling. What is next? The Binding Stricture should bind itself?

+

The Breaching Stricture also seems to have special power and association with a specific type of pants that stop at or around the knees. I'm not really sure why this is.

+

My battle with the Piercing Stricture has left me wounded and my mind and memory with a few gaping holes, but though I had to consume most of the population of the Central Order to do it. I have emerged intact, though not unscathed. Damn bears.

+

There is something or someone within the Order, in the institution known as Strictures United which I cannot for all my power touch. It is vast and powerful, but a created thing. I sense the strictures upon it but it is not of them. There is a woman who seems a locus of this power. Who - what, indeed - is she?

+

Another note on this person who seems to all the unknowing as a mere intern/vice president/whatever:

+

The odd numbered strictures refer to aspects of reality (or unreality). Piercing, breaching, leeching... have you not noticed, dear ones, that all the even numbered Strictures imply destruction? What is it that they were meant to destroy?

+

Think on this next time you speak with the Summers girl.

+

E. Eurythian, THE ASCENDED, GOD OF NOTED SCHOLARS, formerly philosopher-king of Lucin's World.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Calamitous_Stricture.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Calamitous_Stricture.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ad93a9a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Calamitous_Stricture.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +The Calamitous Stricture | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Calamitous Stricture

+

The sobriquet "The Calamitous Stricture" is something of a misnomer. Any official statement of the Seven Strictures is accompanied by an apocalyptic warning about what will happen should the Strictures fail to be kept. It eventually became common to refer to this warning as the "Zeroth Stricture", and because the Seven have traditional titles along the pattern of "The <Adjective> Stricture", the Zeroth soon acquired the title of "The Calamitous Stricture", despite the fact that it is not a Stricture proper.

+

The nature of the disaster foretold in the Calamitous Stricture remained the subject of intense academic debate up until the Happenstancening. Until then, the prevailing hermeneutical theory had alleged that the references to SRMD were metaphorical. When it did happen, this theory was suddenly and horrifyingly debunked. But I guess that's what happens when you let half-wits like the esteemed Dr. Vin run the The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up. Being re-ensouled into a tech'd-up junker car after his untimely demise clearly didn't do wonders for his intellect, but somehow having no hands is the greater obstacle to his ability to do his job. Who'd have thought that you would need hands to operate the labyrinthine control panel of the Ministry's Dediscombobulator? Maybe everyone who voted against him?

+

And let's not forget who's really responsible for this grand old mess we're in. I know it's rude to speak ill of the dead, but honestly, fuck 'em. So much of their middle management and executive corps died in the fallout of the Happenstancening that they've had to delegate nearly everything to their interns. Meanwhile, the surviving executives are collecting the pay of their fallen comrades. When will the iron fist of justice crush these reprobates? When will the Scriptorium approve my personal leave for unspecified, certainly non-vengeance reasons?

+

Forget this, I'm going to go on a bar crawl and pick fights with the aethercycle gangs.

+

Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Fellowship_of_the_Living_Word.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Fellowship_of_the_Living_Word.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..77647c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Fellowship_of_the_Living_Word.html @@ -0,0 +1,64 @@ + + +The Fellowship of the Living Word | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Fellowship of the Living Word

+

War... war never changes.

+

Until the part where you break out some KICKASS POWER ARMOR and go a RAMPAGING THROUGH THE STREETS of WHERE THE FUCK EVER!

+

BOOYAH!

+

With a couple exceptions they don't let you out of the Fellowship until you've achieved rulership, so the last couple hundred of us are Lucin's World natives ever since that transporter accident with Original Eurythian and Von Doomsday. That apparently means that when one of us merges with the Archives in the Scriptorium and the other consumes half a million orphans it tends to do things to you. Like unnatural speed and this weird hunger for people's gall bladders. For me it's the gall bladder, I know Eddie here prefers liver.

+

Anyway as a devout Noted Scholar (third class, rank upsilon) it's my job to kick some bear asses and chew orphan-soul gum. And the entire world has nearly run out of orphans (well, until recently that is).

+

This would be a bit more of a shitshow but for two major reasons (other than the whole 'powered by forsaken children' thing of course).

+

1. Bruh, we've been embedded in Strictures United since the abject failure that was the 3rd Crusade.

+

2. I kind of forgot what 2. was gonna be because like, the Leeching Stricture just kicked in and

+

3. o yea we stole Stricture based logomancy from SU, which would USUALLY drive you totally nutso to use the way we been using but like, when your psychic register links right to a sapient library it can kinda offload the madness into random gibberish and offshunted energies that cause spontaneous surprise parties. Mostly.

+

4. Of course since the most SURPRISING party is one in which your gall bladder is suddenly and generously donated to a kind, scholarly Noted Scholar over here,

+

6. goddamn I'm hungry.

+

5. and you are full of blood and meat and electricity and fats, fatty acids, amniotic fluids and chyme and synovia and dreams and hopes and rage and lymph

+

8. stuff and fill and glut and swallow chew consume drink leech slurp gulp swallow

+

9. rip n tear rip n tear RIP AND TEAR RIP AND TEAR RIP AND TEAR

+

9. YOU ARE A BEAR THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS

+

9. RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS

+

Sorry. That probably wasn't very scholarly. Thought it certainly was uh, surprising. bears dont go down easy i tell u that. For some reason the Happe go down even harder. Should look into recruiting them or sommat.

+

Fuck this place is going down the tubes. The Ascended is moving off, so we beat a retreat - LET the bears have the Central Order. What's left here anyway?

+

We've got an even juicier target all swollen with blood and sebum and cerebral-spinal fluid. Left alone by the Order ever since the Unwritten Stricture rendered it unnameable.

+

It sure was nice of SU to relocate all our deep-cover embedded agents to Bear Central. The Scriptorium thinks that there's something big and juicy inside. Something that maybe the Ascended can eat. Maybe.

+

But best of all, it boasts the largest orphanage of ANYWHERE.

+

After-Action (and mid-action) report, E. Eurythian, Fellow third class (upsilon), former philosopher-king of Lucin's World and gall-bladder aficionado.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Happenstancening.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Happenstancening.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2e94d2f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Happenstancening.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +The Happenstancening | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Happenstancening

+

THE HAPPENSTANCENING WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!! What, do you honestly think that Strictures United with all of their wealth and power couldn't keep the Strictures themselves sustained?? It is a well-documented FACT that the strictures have never been known to fall on their own and yet here we are with two years of destruction and devastation that came from the Strictures flickering. Who is in charge of the Strictures and tasked with keeping them sustained and has been shuffling around employees in an attempt at a cover up in order to shift blame AND has benefited immensely and become the as the single most powerful entity in all the orders?

+

Cathyr Van Sacrilege famously said that the hubris of humanity thinking we could bind the Strictures was not in thinking our technology would hold but rather our fickle and corrupt nature and her taunt has proven too true. And yet we allowed her to lay the foundations for the company regardless of the smirk in her smile and the gleam in her eye and we have been BETRAYED by the company that had so evil an origin.

+

REDACTED

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Kappanstancing.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Kappanstancing.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..62fb369 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Kappanstancing.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +The Kappanstancing | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Kappanstancing

+

The establishment thought they could silence the me from speaking the horrible truth they have hidden from the PEOPLE. Those have fiends have established the strictures, well known to all. But they have a secret set of strictures that have evolved, grown into something completely imaginary, the COMPLEX STRICTURES. I have said repeatedly the Happenstancening was an inside job, but what was not known was that it was a stricture itself set up by non other than Cathyr Van Sacrilege. The public does not know about it because it is a part of the imaginary set of strictures that's right they intentionally stricturized the Happenstancening making it become part of the fabric of reality we tread upon!

+

But for every complex number* there is a complex conjugate and The Happenstancening is no exception. The Kappanstancing is the equal opposite which came about from the society that relayed this information to me via encoded messages in the ingredients section of SUpe cans which indeed neutralized the villains in Strictures United and they could only have discovered how to manipulate reality in such a way which would explain why Earthson's Bar and Grill is under siege. How else do you think Vice President Vin met such a demise? Wake up sleepers!

+

REDACTED

+

*Of course this is a complex stricture, its effects are real and therefore it does indeed have a real part as well as its imaginary part.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_King27s_Altitude.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_King27s_Altitude.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..da3c055 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_King27s_Altitude.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +The King's Altitude | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The King's Altitude

+

When the Order of St. Aquila of the Pen, to which I belong, was first founded in the 12th century, it was charged with "promoting the sober study of edifying texts". However, due to a translation error and the undue zeal of its founding abbess, St. Annihilatrix the Vindictive, the Aquilines instead embarked on a ruthless campaign of imposed asceticism. With their well-known martial prowess, they conquered several city-states and forced those under their thrall to forgo the pleasures of fine foods, drink, and sex, in favor of studying ancient manuscripts. Unfortunately, a surprising number of the texts that populated their library were highly erotic in nature, ranging from evocative mystical treatises to simple conjugal manuals. The result was an excessive amount of, shall we way, "practical application" going in in the Order's scriptoria.

+

This came to an end with the ascension of St. Annihilatrix's successor, Bl. Purgess the One-Eyed. Bl. Purgess made a few attempts at stopping the goings-on, then gave up and commissioned the Hasta Regis Altissima, the Highest Lance of the King. The Altissima was equipped with aetheric technology that would not be discovered until the late 13th century, including a Dediscombobulator that allowed it to seek out and destroy hanky-panky from a safe altitude of ten thousand meters. This had two major effects: first, the destruction of most of the scriptoria where the goings-on were going on; and second, a rapid increase in technological advancement motivated by the need to stop Bl. Purgess from driving the human race to extinction.

+

The Aquiline menace was halted when the Improvised Order finally launched the combat philosopher Regina Knorff high enough to reach the Altissima, who then used the Binding Stricture to defeat Bl. Purgess and take control of the Order. Under the rule of Abbess Regina, the Order of St. Aquila returned to the one remaining scriptorium to begin the task of restoring the texts damaged by Bl. Purgess' policies and turned the Altissima over to royal control. On the order of the Crown Prince, Edgar Summers, it was rechristened The King's Altitude and became the winter home of the royal family and the base of operations of the Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up. There must have been some of Bl. Purgess' spirit bound to it, though, because it descended slowly over the next few decades, eventually wiping out several mountain villages.

+

Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Latitant_Macrophobic_Limaciform_Stricture.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Latitant_Macrophobic_Limaciform_Stricture.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..38f44b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Latitant_Macrophobic_Limaciform_Stricture.html @@ -0,0 +1,49 @@ + + +The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture

+

Divinely and aptly named, the Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture (or “the Great LaMaLi,” at it prefers to be called, apparently), Stricture number unknown, is quite possibly among the oldest of the Strictures. Further, it is most likely related (by some ungodly happenstance) to the world-serpent of archaic lore. While this theory is, as all things are since the Happenstancening, as though new, it is, according to many Medievals, in fact quite old. A credible source recently (read: since the Happenstancening) observed Loki scratching under its ancient chinlike protrusion once when it scampered up from its hole of ageless loneliness and a longing—as only such beings can truly have—for the imminent end of the forthcoming present and reticent past.

+

Recently, with the failure of the Seven Strictures, as well as the recent movements of Strictures United, as well as the subtle smooth and altogether ubiquitous and perhaps malicious workings of Sequitor, rumors abound about the reality of the Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture (read: whether or not it is itself the only actual reality).

+

In any case, a nearly futuristically recent story has sprung up in the Outer Orders concerning the likeliness that Vice President Carnold of Grampul Subsection 3 may or not be Loki, as he too (read: possibly only) was seen scratching the Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture’s lonely chin.

+

Carver Goodmann,
+Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach
+Senior Prepositionalist
+ARC ZII, Mirror Technician

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Laws_of_the_Strictures.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Laws_of_the_Strictures.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..56f437d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Laws_of_the_Strictures.html @@ -0,0 +1,57 @@ + + +The Laws of the Strictures | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Laws of the Strictures

+

I did my best to stay out of sight as I made my way back into the city. My last encounter with an Ursinquistor had left me with a limp, and from the way these ones were setting fire to everything around them, it seemed prudent to give them a wide berth. I saw a squad of four bears tear through a group of civilians, and I do mean that literally. They were shouting the Piercing Stricture in eerie unison, scything their claws through flesh and bone like a particularly splattery putty.

+

With every syllable, the doilies on their armor glowed, and I felt a dark, familiar tug on my bones. I hadn't felt that tug in two years. Last time I'd felt it, I'd...

+

Look. No one likes to talk about what they did during the Happenstancening, okay? It's considered something to avoid at all costs in polite company. But for the sake of explaining the whole story, I'll spill the beans. In my addled state, I'd reasoned that since logomancy was such a powerful force, I could make an unbeatable weapon by firing words at people. So I built a weapon that would teleport random encyclopedia volumes into the barrel, then fire them at immense speeds. I say all this to explain why I happened to have Volume 22 of The Laws of the Strictures among my possessions.

+

But before I could connect those dots, a mob of identical people in white robes charged the bears with a battle cry that used no vowels I've ever heard before or since. Yep, definitely Eurythians. The maniacal cultists fought the bears with anything from strange weapons cracking with unknown energies to their bare, if you'll pardon the pun, hands. Limbs flew everywhere—more than you'd expect, given the number of combatants—and then I lost sight of the battle due to a literal mist of blood. Then it ended, two Ursinquisitor survivors stepping into the Wanderway while a blood-drenched Eurythian raised his hands and cried "SPLEEEEEEEEENS!"

+

On closer examination, he had one clutched in each fist.

+

One of them galloped toward me, carrying an unconscious child under his remaining arm. Probably a freshly-minted orphan from the bears' massacre. "Good evening," he said, as if he were inviting me into his study and not not soaked in his own blood from a brutal melee. In either case, there's only one way to greet a Eurythian.

+

"My mother's fine and in good health," I said, nodding cordially. "How goes the war?"

+

"The Most Noted Scholar has suggested that we pull out of the Central Order," said the Eurythian. "We're just stopping for snacks on the way out." He took a bite out of the orphan's ear.

+

I frowned. "That's not good. What about those of us left behind?"

+

"Noted scholar Emile Eurythian said he saw a bunch of survivors hiding from the bears in a bar," said the Eurythian. "You could try your luck."

+

There could only be one bar he was talking about. There might yet be hope.

+

I dashed toward my apartment, which contained Volume 22 of The Laws of the Strictures. It was the final volume, as it so happened, and contained a secret of utmost importance: the knowledge of how to counter the greatest darkness of this world. That which the Inquisition calls the Great Weapon and what Strictures United calls the Terminal Void: Loki himself.

+

I headed for the bar, bursting through the door and waving the book over my head. "I've got the answer!" I shouted, before noticing I'd just torn a hole in a layer of tinfoil that covered the inside of the bar.

+

"They found me!" shouted a familiar voice behind me, and as I turned I saw Q rushing at me, and where had he found a hammer that big oh shit wait no no no

+

Murph Reynolds, Private Eye

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Ministry_of_Not_Screwing_Things_Up.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Ministry_of_Not_Screwing_Things_Up.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0524826 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Ministry_of_Not_Screwing_Things_Up.html @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ + + +The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up

+

The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up, from the Latin, quae in ministerium non futuit sursum, literally, "which is in the has sex with the service is not up," "the attendance of not penetrating above," and "which is in service have sex with him." Though scholars have translated this forth and back, back and forth, the multiplicity of meanings continues to this very hour. The last rendering has been accepted as computer error. It makes no sense.

+

In the early 14th century it was the task of this ministry to a) penalize any man who had sex at a greater present elevation than the king and b) to enact vetitum prolis on any man who elevated his lover above the current elevation of the king.

+

Needless to say, the ministry became inactive around the time that kings began succumbing to SRMD and began playing a role not unlike that of referee between science-people and religion-people. They began to die off shortly after, somewhat. Some remained until a time long remembered.

+

It was particularly important in those days to live, literally, beneath the king, or at the very least to procreate beneath him. This was true also of queens, sometimes, maybe, though they tended to be severely less strict. It was not uncommon then to live underground, especially if prone to sudden romp-rompings-in-the-hay, sweet-whoopy-makings, in-out-in-out-lovings, so on and etc. It was very important. Very.

+

Alternatively, "The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up" may well have its origins in the nefarious elsewhere. Asia. This is perhaps the greatest reason why presently we have always been at war with Eastasia. This theory has been gaining almost unprecedented speed of acceptance. At moment of my fingers' very tap-tap-tapping it is in fact nearing light speed. [This bodes well for Strictures United, which could go without saying but has not.] Very soon indeed it will be in the ancient past.

+

In the aforementioned Eastasian theory the ministry finds its origins not from a law prohibiting futuit intuenti super regem but rather from the Eastasian language, namely the phrase il-eul mangchiji anhneun sayeog, literally, "the ministry that does not ruin work," and "the employment where was not the mess." For obvious reasons, this proverb has been misinterpreted as one of the Strictures. Recent evidence, however, has led most scholars on and off the matter to agree with absolute dissensio that it is not only a Stricture but is also a reference to Vin, Vice President Carnold, Larry, and Susanna Summers -- the very vice president of Strictures United itself! All of this has becoming very tiredly. The increasing activity of The Wanderway, the all but epidemic of SRMD, the arrival/arising of the strangeness of the Orders, not to mention the almighty ambiguity of the origin of the Strictures, it leaves one all but yawning for the end.

+

Given the subject of the article, the Strictures must be addressed through more than mere happenstance. The Strictures, sincere evidence suggests, are not human. This is news. Further, whatever animates them is, most likely, not human. It may well be that the strictures animate--or in the case of the Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up (number unknown)-- deanimate humans, at least in the sense of restricting reproduction.

+

Further, and finally, given all of these recent developments, we must send an expedition to find out the king's altitude. Reproduction is dropping nearly as fast as the aforementioned theory is gaining traction. Further, and truly lastly (whether or not the Vin-Larry-Summer is responsible (whether or not it deals in the least with Vin's recent/eternal handicap or chin-scratchings), we must find existence and ask it that simplest but most necessary of questions: Why?

+

Carver Goodmann,
+Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach
+Senior Prepositionalist
+ARC ZII, Mirror Technician
+Sub-Ambibeliever

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Order_which_is_Definitely_Not_Central.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Order_which_is_Definitely_Not_Central.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4366410 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Order_which_is_Definitely_Not_Central.html @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ + + +The Order which is Definitely Not Central | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Order which is Definitely Not Central

+

Our world is filled with chaotic Orders. This is one of them.

+

The OWIDNC is the territory theoretically located between the Lateral Order and the Antipode Order, but somewhere below the Uncentral Order. Strictures United insists that the OWIDNC is upheld by four stricture-like entities, and the OWIDNC insists that it has seen no such articles. This opens the possibility of hidden strictures, but such things are forbidden to speculate upon ever since the Great Infectioning.

+

Indeed, the existence of the OWIDNC is speculatory at this point, due to the Happenstancening's uncoupling effect of nation-states along very precise geographical boundaries. As the OWIDNC was disputed territory between the Spurious and Improvised Orders, it is entirely probable that the entire territory crumbled to dust from the strain.

+

Statements from the Green House (the governmental entity of the OWIDNC) have maintained that the OWIDNC does indeed still exist, and that its trade embargoes against the Central Order remain in effect. Spokesman Cathyr Van Sacrilege of the Order which is Definitely Not Central's Ministry of Happiness prepared this written statement:

+

we exist u fagrats. u cant ignore us, we c u flying ur aetherships by wit ur fingers in ur ears yelling lalalalala we cant see u. its hurtful cmon bru. also heil Satan

+

Eyewitness accounts note that the OWIDNC may or may not exist, as a fuzzy ghostlike blur out the corners of eyes, possibly due to refusal to look directly at the Order itself. Questions as to whether passers by do indeed have their fingers in their ears yelling 'lalalalala' are unfounded, as questioners tend to stick their fingers in their ears and yell "lalalalala". It is unknown whether these are memetic effects due to the Happenstancening, or whether another, simpler explanation is at play, like racism.

+

Stay tuned for more reports as events warrant.

+

E. Eurythian, News Anchor for Channel π, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Piercing_Stricture.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Piercing_Stricture.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a34a7eb --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Piercing_Stricture.html @@ -0,0 +1,63 @@ + + +The Piercing Stricture | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Piercing Stricture

+

Communique 51:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain

+

AethID 85112-:/ CalypsoNet

+

"Pierce and cut
+Stab and slice
+But build ye not
+A grand Device!"

+

Utter these words only in time of great peril, for the speaking of the Stricture shall pierce through all that is unworthy, as the blade passes between the bone and the flesh." --On Purity Regarding the Use of Battle Strictures, Brother Lantitum the Vengeful

+

From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier of the 5th Great Crusade

+

Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury,

+

The beginning of the Great 5th Crusade is underway. As I mentioned in a previous communique, there is tremendous corruption and unrest spreading from the Central Order and in fact I now have reason to believe that the corruption has become concentrated to lethal levels and wiped out most of the population of the Central Order.

+

In some ways this heresy is the root of its own undoing, but I fear that this outbreak of Aetherial filth will now spread unhindered by whatever machinations were previously put in place by the Soul Wounded. It is time to bring flame and the purity of ash to this world.

+

Because of the dire situation that presents itself, I was forced in a moment of great catastrophe to utter the Piercing Stricture.

+

I am of course aware of the restrictions and limitations placed on such an evocation, given the risk posed to one's purity of soul, I deemed it necessary. +Accordingly I uttered The Stricture, and evoked the Deep Word it contains and names, in order pierce the essential structure of an enemy weapon of great power. It was then a simple matter to shatter it with my bare claws and destroy it utterly. I would not have done this, save that the weapon was crafted with technology and stank of Science.

+

After the events resolved and I returned to safety I began the ritual prayers and ablutions to cleanse my soul of the taint of the Void. Fortunately my armour remained mostly unharmed from the activation of the Stricture, thanks to the Wrathrunes placed upon it by Brother Fulmaethor. As usual, they held at bay the corruption coiled and loosed by the use of a Stricture.

+

There is a curiosity that has grown in my mind for some time and given me no peace such that it requires me to lay it bare before you now. How is it that the Strictures, which hold corruption and chaos and the void at bay, upon their use expose one to those same elements? It seems blasphemous to suggest, but the simplest explanation seems to me to be that the directed use and evocation of a stricture somehow negates it for a moment in a specific targeted way. As if the stricture were suspended momentarily and in a small area. +This leads me to a strange thought and fear: perhaps the Great Destruction was not intentional. Perhaps it was the result of a greed for power, and the Strictures being used as weapons of war. +If we are to wage this Crusade against corruption, how are we to avoid the unleashing of a greater corruption yet? +Please forgive my doubts and absolve me of any heretical thoughts.

+

I remain humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption,

+

Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries, Boneroarer of the 5th Great Crusade.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Twelve_Strictures_for_Self_Assured_Safety.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Twelve_Strictures_for_Self_Assured_Safety.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..942c3a5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Twelve_Strictures_for_Self_Assured_Safety.html @@ -0,0 +1,56 @@ + + +The Twelve Strictures for Self Assured Safety | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Twelve Strictures for Self Assured Safety

+

They say the Fourth fell first. That was suspicious, since you'd expect things to stay sane until the First went down. I'm no academic, but I had the next best thing.

+

Ol' Jonah lazily slung my scotch along the sticky countertop like an elephant swats a fly with its tail. We went way back; I'd had his back when the Central Order had deployed us to deconvert those damned Happe from their apocalypse cult. He says he doesn't blame me for the spear that took his leg, but he lets me drink myself to death anyways.

+

Ol' Jonah didn't move much anymore, but he heard everything. And I didn't like what he'd heard tonight.

+

"Strictures United is trying to distance itself from the disaster," he said. "They're pretending there's always been twelve Strictures, not to mention adding a 'Thirteenth' that washes their hands of all this."

+

I glanced at the document he flashed me.

+

"Shit," I said, recognizing Andrew Carnelian's signature on the memo. He was the president of Strictures United, every bit the handsome executive: respectable grey hair, commanding build, eyes like a butcher's cleaver and teeth like a shark. "They're just gonna pretend the Central Order doesn't exist anymore?"

+

"President Carnelian seems pretty firm about it," said Ol' Jonah.

+

I grimaced. The devout recite the Strictures every day. The craziest of them take them literally instead of as useful guidelines. If that Thirteenth Stricture went through, Strictures United was going to cause a mass migration out of the Central Order. People were already on their back foot in here, but the flood of refugees would cause the entire Central Order to collapse. Most of them would have nowhere to go.

+

"How much for the document?"

+

"A gift for an old friend."

+

"Sure," I said. I overpaid him for my scotch, snatched the document, and slunk out into the rainy night.

+

So, the president of Strictures United was trying to empty out the subsection.

+

What was he trying to hide?

+

Detective Murph Reynolds, Private Eye

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Unwritten_Stricture.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Unwritten_Stricture.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..049d41a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Unwritten_Stricture.html @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ + + +The Unwritten Stricture | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

The Unwritten Stricture

+

Paradoxically named, the Seventh Stricture is the only stricture for which the full and precise mathematical structure has been modeled, despite its infinite length.

+

Algorithms capable of processing Strictures encounter two major hurdles:

+

1. the infinite size of the stricture

+

2. the unbounded sapience experienced by any algorithm which passes the first hurdle.

+

The first was surpassed by Heimrond Von Nazi III (formerly of Evil Goods Inc., current location unknown), with his discovery of fractal computing. Unfortunately, his last known location as reported by Sister Avacillata implies that unsavory sorts may have access to stricture-analytic techniques.

+

Such techniques require a certain amount of power. Unfortunately, the recent ascension of noted scholar Evarian Eurythian has caused a wordwide shortage of orphan souls.

+

A leak allows access to a perfect fractal model of the Unwritten Stricture. First-pass analysis of the first segments reveals that this has an unmaking effect on matter, concepts, and sense of self. Indeed, I myself have found that I have become a simple arrangement of text within an archive somewhere. There is likely a reason the Happe refer to this stricture in their own tongue with the same word they use to speak of the Void, or the number zero. The Seventh is, in its own way, nothingness. This may explain the title; the Seventh is not itself unwritten insomuch as it refers to the act of unwriting parts of our reality. As Strictures United likely would not have any incentive in releasing even such a small hint to the nature of this stricture, lest its true and sinister utility be revealed, we can infer that the names of the Strictures themselves are inextricably tied to each Stricture.

+

The first line can be analyzed below, though as usual, be warned that long-term exposure to the Strictures is inadvisable.

+

\\

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Ŗ̨̠͚̱̬̞̼̩̺̜ͭͫͫͯͧͯ͆̂̕͢͢Eͣ͒ͨ̌ͥ̃̾̍̇͏͏͚̲̦̬̞͚̲̟̝̝̝ͅḺ̸̢̞̻̼̫̭̰̹̩̪̖ͥ̃ͩ͗ͧ̓̉͐̆ͦͪ̉͂ͮ̏͘͡Ȩ̸́ͤ͑͆̍̐̊̊ͤ͆̐ͫ̓͋ͧ̇̈́͏͓̥̗̝̮̲̬͍͖̺̲̥̱Ą̭̜̞̠̩̦͍͚̬̙̂̏ͩ̐̓ͩ̈ͯ̓ͦ͊ͧ̄̅̊̑̀̀Sͯ͗̐̀̾̃̋ͧ̇͌͊̄ͩ͏̷̗̮̯̞̥͘͟E̵̜̲̟̬͉̞̤͎͈̬̝̜̟͑ͬ͂͗̎̄ͣ̃̐̐̏̇ͩ̃̉ ̘̘͓̭̭͚̳̇̽ͦ̈́̈́̐̍ͧ̈̀͛̽̚͘͡M̶̧̗̺̖͉̤̘͉̰͔̞̫̄̌̓̐̏ͯͯ̾̾ͥ́̅͊̈́͜͞E̛͙͉̺̞̣̲͕̤̻̅ͬ̂ͭ̀ͥ̓͐ͯ̃͠ ̨̨̖̠̲̲͙̜͔̮̟͗̒̃̈̾ͤ̄̏̀̈̈́̀̔̽̔ͣͥ̋̀͟[[F̯͔̱̯̠̳̼̥̱̬̼͇̳͇͇͕̮̱͍̅͂͛̍͊̀̈́̉̆͟͠Ö́͑̍̆̈́̄̒̔̑̈̚͏̷̜̞̻̘̖͢͜O̷̢̥̣̱̤͓̗̮̩̰ͨ̅̽ͬ̓̒L̨͂̍͛̒͋ͨͭͩ́͜͏̲̫͈̙̬͚͍̪̗̩̣̝̪̼̳̮́ ̴̴̻̤̗͎̩̩͈͓̱̳̖̲͍ͭͬ͊ͮ̾͒ͤ̎͋́ͅͅM̧̭͔͇͈̰͔̱͈̞͖̲̥̝͎̪̥̑̈́̂͊̃̈ͩ͛̚̕Ó͚͈̜̝̠̹̟͔̘̠͕̙̖̲̘̘̆ͥ͌̽͂ͩ͗͌ͪ̍ͮ̄̋̚͠R̡̫̥̯̝̜̺̩͓̖͈͖̰̗̓̏ͨ̇̉͆̌̎̆͟͢͢ͅͅT̷̵̨̨̖̟̘̺̱͉̪̠̭̟̥̙̝͈̩̈́̐ͪ̚͟ͅͅA̷̳̟̹͖͉̺̪̜̜̯̥͎͙̒̔̆́ͭ́̄ͥ̓̉ͭ̎͌̄ͨ̊͋͒͝͝͞ͅͅL̶̵̦̼͍͙̠̪͈͙̬̗͚͎̳̹̲̞ͧ̉̈́̔̆ͯ̓ͪ̀̚̚͡Ś̵̸̨͉̭̹͓̺̩̭̮͚̗̬̤ͤ̈́̐̒͌̉͑ͬ̿ͫ̀ͫ͛̆ͤ̋!̧̛ͣ̿̀̓̆̈ͬ̔ͯͩ̅ͪ̔̔͡͏̲̟͉͈̥̯ ̡͍͓̘͕̦ͥͥ̔ͦ̀ ̸̻͖̫̫̖͙͎͕͎̓̿̓̍͊̾̀̽̓̐͂ͦͣͦ̅ͦ̚͜I̴̘̗̥̖̱͔̠͚̙̦͕͔̻͈̒ͧ̉ͤ͊̉̎̒ͤͅͅͅ ̧̧̤͚̣̙͖̙̄̎̔̄͌ͬ͂͋͛̚Ă̵̛͖͕̣̘̭̖̰̜̱̺͓̳͕̼̳̮̦͓͌̽͟ͅM̡̢̩̜͙̜̫͉̟̱͇̼̱̪̱̥̻̈̋̅̆ͤ̈ͯ̋ͦ̒̚̚͘͞ ̡̛̻̥̻̮̤͚̭͉̙͓͓̥͙̩̼̺ͧ̈͒̈́ͨ̋ͩͥͧͣ̅ͨ̌̋̄ͤ͗͟͡T̴̶̛̛̞̗̯͍̰ͧ̌̈ͧ̊̑ͣ̐ͧ̀ͦ͞H̯͎̖̖͓̦̺̼̼̼̜͚̺̳̟̠̞̋̊̇̿͟͜Eͪ̒ͥ̑͂̌́҉̧̝̫̟̝̩̬͓̹̫̗͎͍͎̱̲͚ ̵̧̟̳͎͎͎̹͍̣̹͚͉̞͚͇̱̳͔̒̒͊̉̀͟͡Ư̶͍̞͙͓͕̝̥̲̝̮͔ͫ̈̾͊ͦͅN̶͓͈̱͔̠͙̻ͮ̓́͒̑̓̂͛̒̅̊ͮ̄̔̄͑̓͞E̛͚̳̤̗̱͖̩̰̯̍̏̓ͬ͛͊͌̓͂̋ͦ̒͌ͭͥ̒͗̓ͅN̓̓̎̏̓̆ͦ̅͗͂ͪ̉ͦ͆̉͏̢̛̤͉̞͙͘͝D̢̧̡͇͔͇̙̝̯̦̤͔̤̘͇̺̗͓͖̥̮ͪ̐ͤͥ͂̍͗͊̋̊̕̕Ǐ̶̵̵̢̤̘͉̖͎͓͕̲̣͓͇̳ͤ̋̀̈́̓ͫ̐͘N̵̢͎̰͇͓͇͖̠̻͖͚̼͖̟̼̲͍̲͂ͧͭͫͨ͜͡ͅG̵͎̬̝̜̦̮̳̭̟̪͙͍͂̿̈ͥ̀̇͊̈͊̊ͪ̂͗̍̔̂̕͟ ̵̡̨̛͔̟͖͖̆̉̌ͫ̔̚͘H̒̎̈́̓̉ͣ͞҉̖̞̰̪̲̺̞̗̲͙̜̼̪̱̹̘̩̗U̢̻͓͓͗̓ͭ̅̉̎̄͝N̠̣̪̠͇̹̠̟͓̦̱̠̠͔̹̤͕͚̑̓͂̈ͥ̾̀G̵̸̡̬̞̯̠̝̮̗̼̱̻̭͖̬̺̞̯͈̔͋̈̑͑ͧ͆ͩ̿͛̾̑ͧͬͩ̎͆̃ͩ͡͡ͅͅE̵̛͚͕̮̣͙̖͇͎͎̮͛̃̉̿̀̽͐R̵̶̪̱̼̆̈̀͗ͧ̿ͤ͆̀̽̊̔̚.͗̋̎̋ͧ̔ͬͥͦ̔̑̊͐̎̾̽̚͘҉̳͚̳̹̭̻͎̟̯̰̬̠ ̸̡ͤ̆ͦͤͮ̆̿̎̒͛́̔͑̉͊͏̺̲͍̻̜̼͔ ̴̨̯̼̱̜̝̳̫̤̘̪̲̤̫̼̱ͩ̾͛̂̋̔ͧ́̅ͩ͆̕ͅI̶̧͚̬̲͙͚̞̪̎ͭ̌ͯ͐̈́̽ͥ̏ͥ͑͢ ̵̗̦̘̭͈͔̬̭͇̦̫̱̤͚̦̰̞̫ͫͩ͗̋̈ͧ̅͑͋͜͟A͊̂̽̔̅͂͌́̊̑̓ͧͫ̅ͥͪ̏̎͡͏̛̤̲̠̤͜M̳̼͚͈̮͉̗̼̙͖͔͉̃ͯ̓ͥ͛̒̎ͥ͐ͯ̄ͨ̓̈̚͢͟ ̷̢̧̹̞̲̜̱̮͔̮͙̺ͪ͒̿̈́͗̌ͣ͊͑͗ͨ͗̐̾ͪ̑ͣ̌ͥ͘͘Ţ̷͉̟̪͔̗͔ͯ̅ͭ̐̅̓H̵̴̺̻͙̝̜̳͎̼̲̻͉̖̜̪̩͊͊ͪͫͪ̄ͪ̈̔ͩ̋͌ͫͪ͆̋̍͒ͦ͟͞ͅE̶̦̠̱͕̤̰͓͕͒̔ͨ͗ͣ͆̋̊̍͛̑͋̇ͤ̐́͜͝ͅ ͓͈̪̖̮̮̜̮̬̹̦̲̘̞̙͍̙̉́̽ͫͣͨ̾̏̃̍̐̒̑͐̂̚͠Å̞̹̘̤̘͙̜̰̪̺̲̙̝̼̯̈̈́ͩͤͯ͐ͫ̓̋̇̆ͥ͢͞Bͪͣ͐̐̅͌̔͡͏̸̧̛̳͔̩̣͔̰̘̳Y̱̫̗͙͔͖̤̜̘͚̗ͩ̈̍̃͂̒͐ͨ͑͆́̋ͫ͢S̵̹͚̘͇̰̪̗͙̰̣̼̺͉͖̥̆͊͆̈́̓͐S͕͓͈̯̺͍̜ͭ͛ͯ̉̿̎͌ͤ̏͊ͮ̾̀̚͠.̶̡̥̜͉͙͖̳͌̉̒̒ͮͣ̎̾̊͋͋̓̋̓̆̀̆̚̚͘ ̨̨̺̟̭̟̠̻̞͛͆͑̎̉ͩ͒ ̔͒ͫ͊̅ͬͣ̅͂̈́̎͜͏̳͙̩̥̩̘Ş̷̵̛͉̗͈̠̠̔̅͗͂͐͒͢Eͫ͊̿̎͒ͭ͒ͬ́̿ͪ̇͐̑ͦ͑͢҉҉̴̻͉̙̺͙͈̖̩͎̟̝̞͓̗̩̹̲̩ͅȄ̢̨̟̘̬̻͉͎̅̈́̐ͮ̒́͢ ̸̦̹̻̜̼͍̲̮̤ͣ̀̈ͯ͛͐̌̒̅ͤ̍ͥͪͦ͌́ͅȀ̸̷̛̘̦̜̘͔͓͚̻̬̇̓͂̄̿̍ͣ͛ͯ̉̂ͪ̇ͦ͂ͬ́̚͟S̨̝̬̻̳̦̱͓͙͍͓̹̭͙͕͍̠͂ͬͮͥ̑ͮ̊̃͆ͭͧ̉ͪ̉ͣ̊̓ͤ̆ͅ ̨͉̣̠͓̹̫͇̰̱͇̬͔͓̥̏͒͗ͯ̑̓͌́ͫ̊͐͐̔ͣ͗ͣ͑͘͝E̵̢̱̩̬̫̮̙̩̣̍̏͗ͣͪͬ͛ͮͦ̚͝Ṽ̸̨̙̦̮̪̜̭͙̮̬ͪ̂́ͧ̑͆̅̍ͭ̄͌͡͠E̷̟̤̝̦̯͖̲̝̰̤ͣ͗̊̅ͧ̎͌N̷̠̠͖̗̯̥̳͍͕̮̺͓̖̣̭̦̲̤ͦ̐̃ͦͣͯ͌̔̌͠ ̢͒ͫ̉̊̄͐̔̊͗̎̈́̑̏̓̑͆ͧ͐̚͝҉̛̲̫̠̥̖̝̦̺͖̟̻͎̙̩͚̠̜̤̀N̸̄ͥ̽̇ͨ͞҉̼̟̹̪̥̭͖̺͕Ŏ̓̅͊̓ͥͫ̎͋̏̉̓ͫ͂̇̌́̚҉͓͙̗̯̫̫̝̦̘̠̩̩̦͕͍͝͞ͅW̴͍̗͕ͭͤͬ̔ͭͮͅ ̟͚͎̩̰͖̙̖̙̖͖ͫͬ̾̏͌ͬ̀̽ͮ̏̚͠Í̴̒͂͌ͧͯͮͫ͛ͫ͛̂ͫ̍̏̔͏̧͎̟̝̩ ̵̨͙̘͚͚̤̱͕̥̮̩̙͖̼̪̮̿ͣͯ͂́̎͋̓ͯ̒ͣ͋ͥͨͭ̏̚͟͠C̑̃̃̾ͣ̃͑ͨ̋̏̏̑̅̽̏̌͏̧̪̦̘̬̺̞O̸̘̙͕̟̜͚͑͒ͪͭ̽ͥ͊̑̈́͑́ͮ͟N̸͔̝͓͎̙̼̱͈̼̙̼̼̲͇͉̼̥̖ͧͨ̅͂͊ͯ̇̃̇͝S̢̻̞͚͍̼͎̭̹͍͍̠̣̈ͪ͗ͯͭͣ͂ͦ̆ͫ̍̓͐͆̇ͯ̀́̚͘͜U̵̫͕͙̙̥͎̼͋̒̏̔̓̔̋́̀̚͠͞M̡̺͉̹͈̝ͪ̏ͩ̓͑ͧ͗ͮ͋̏͒ͬ̈́̈́ͮ̎̈ͨ̀́͡E̵̡͈̼̻̬̖ͣ̈́͂ͣ̎̓̒͋͊̍̀̚͢͠ ̮̺̩͍͑ͮ̅͗̎̔͆̑͊͠͡͝T̩̫̙̹̬̰͈̮͈̼̺͌̽ͪͭ͐̿̽͞ͅH̴̙͚͓̣͌͒̍ͦ̽̍̐̓ͧ̎̎̈̀͡Ę̡̛͉̳̤͔͙̦͔̬͙͚ͬ͛͌͌̔̿͊̎͡ͅ ̛ͤ̑̒̆ͫ̀̈͋͐ͫ̓ͦͤ͛͜͏̖͔̤͈̰͎̠͚̱͎̞͓̲̱̹̜̰͇ͅPͮ̆̂͊ͧͭ̊͆̈́ͥͨ͆̉̒̇̄͞͏̨̨҉̘̘͙̮̜͚Eͯ͛ͮ̈͊̋ͦ͋̏̊ͦ̈ͩͦͤ̚͞͏͖̜̙̬̝̘̬̘͠ͅͅT̶̢̗̙̖͖̪͍̺̪̦̻͈̼̜̭̠͖̟̥ͬͯ̏̌͆̀̓̎́ͭͧ̿͋̌ͮͧ̚͢T́͐͐̋̏ͩͥ̃҉̧͏̰̜͖͕̼̭̬̫͙̦̞̪ͅY̶̶̸̜̫͍̝̞̟̖̺͓ͫ̂ͪ̐͐̇̍̀ ̵̸̡̙͎̳͈̙̱̺̽ͣ̂̑̏̓ͧͥͥͫ̅ͦ̓͒͜͡B̵̧̛̖̬͉̞͖͍̲͕͇̺̻̑ͫͬͧ̒̌ͯ̑͛̂̂͋̾͂͌͢I̵̡̠͍͖̺͖̣͍̭̠̜̘̫͖̺͇̻̰̰̎͂͂̂ͥ̅ͧͯͯN̛͍̤̯̹̈́̐ͯͬ͛ͮ͊̍ͤ̒͑̿̿͑͞D͆̃̃ͭ͊̐ͯ̚҉̧͞҉̶̤̣̮͈̤͎̯͔͉̦͖͓͙͓ͅI̢̛̻͓̣͇̹͍͚̊͑̉ͯͭ̏̏̎̐̿́͞͞ͅN͐̓͌ͬͧ͌͆̈̃̊͏̶͚̬ͅG̶͙̖̗͂ͯ͒ͤ͑̌̈́̆̍ͪ͘͝S̸̵͙̤̳̮̖̯̦͈̠͉̝̓ͩ͗͊͊͌̔ͭ̿ ̧̳̖̭̋͆͑̂ͧ̆ͪ͂̉̿͊͗̑̕P̠͇̦̬͈̲̞̲͚̙̥͚̥̓ͨͬ̈̐̄̊̇̿̆͘̕̕͘͞ͅL̷̸̢̛̗̤̣̘̦̹̭͈̫̞̙̟̣̮̤̠͔̺̐̽͑̂̓̓͋ͥ́̾͌̏ͣ̈́ͦͤͅḀ̶̷̡͖͉̣̹̖͈̹̹̜̟̺̜̬̗̒̈́͋ͧ̔͆̃̉̿̆ͩͤ̆̄̔ͪͫͦͥ͘C̹̻̱̺̲͓̗̙̰̣̼̯͚̲̺̠̖̱͓͒ͭ͛̈́̕E̷̢͈͖̠̣̹͍̥̗̦̹̯̙̥̹͚̜̊̿̂ͤ̈ͪ͆̓̔̈ͦ̉̂ͧ̄̄̆̅͛́̕͜ͅDͬͩ̅̎̅̈ͬ҉͙̤͍̯͔̬̻͡ ̷̛͕̯͉̠͎͓͕̼̤ͦ̒̂̑ͯͯ͗͞U̡̗͚̥͖̿̔͋͗ͭ̈́̀̎͊̈́̑͗̋̚P̷ͥ̾̂ͦ̑̀̅̀͑͏̫͉̫͔O̵̢̡͕̘̮̠̲̟̓̈́̎͝ͅNͬ̈́͊̆͒̂̌ͦ͒ͭ̋҉̴̢̥̜͙̙͎͎̜͎̘͇̹̫̝̰̖̣̮ ̸̛̲̻͚̻̫̞̅ͯͯ̍̎̄̊̑M̶̧̩̥̟̝̩̙̹̺̯͉̟͓͙̩͕͙̟̥͇ͥ̅̓̒̉̈́͊ͣ͊̄ͥ̔ͣ͌ͪ͋͝Ĕ̟̪̮͕͕͇̫̝̩̲̫̣͈̱̘̞̖̋̊̀̅̏͋̂ͯ͝!̵̧̗̯̖̹̜̹͓̣̝̹͖̺̠̺͍̉ͮ̎ͬͮ̈ͦ͌͊͌̾̋͟͝͡Ț̵̙̣̯̠͉̗̘͓͎̫̰͕͔͕͖̄ͮ͛́̊̈́̆̎̎͆͑̍̌̀͞ͅH̛̩̖̤̥̲ͫ͂͌̓̾́͝Į̶̨̢̥̬͙͔̙̫̩̦̜̥͍ͩ́̂̌̋̅ͯ͗̿̌ͨ͊ͥ̏́͡S̶͇̖̙̥̩̲͉̩̪̜̟͎̩̝̪̅̔ͥ̒ͬ̽́͋̃̕͜͢͞ͅ ̵̡̤̝͕̰͑ͭͦ̆̿̌ͭ́̕W̢̛͈͕̻̗͈̳͒̔̓̂͜O̴̧̡͔̥̬͓̞ͧ̈̉͑̅̽͝Ŗ̒ͮ̈̓̃ͫ̑̃͝҉͖̜̤̱̯͎̦̦̥̕L͕̙̠͖͍̖̳̪͍̯͓̭̖͎̟ͥͫ̍́͋̇͆̂ͧͯ͋̉̉̎͘͜D̹̺̳̹̟̬̲͖̝̮̫̦͙̺̬͍͔͖̳̑͆̋́̈́́͢͞ ̢̺̹͔̪̭̝̪͇̗̻̳̥͓̞̲͕̖ͭ͂ͥͯ͌̽͆͒ͥ̾̕͢I̷̥̪̣ͧ̔͊ͯ̎ͥ̃̎͟S̡̲̰̪͎̗̥̫̘̬̝̙̩͓̗̲̰͎ͫ͗ͨ̌̒̇̉ͫͫ͝ ̛̈͛̃͐̋͏̣̱͚͔̪̜͖̥̗̝̺̗̞̤̗͓͈A̴̧̢̪͉͖͙͇̩̭͇̥̣̮͍̩̭̫͖̫̿͋́͌͗ͣ̐ͫͩ̉̐̑̐ͤ̏̇́͆͡ ̵̧ͯ̔̉̂͋ͧͩͭ̒͏͇̝̫̗̩̤̳͕͕̭͎͇͔͔̀T̴͐͗͑̒ͫ̔͆̾̃̀͢҉̝͇̱͉̰͈̯̬̲̺͈͙̟͈̩͈͕̘H̨͓̹̳̣̖̳͔̦̜̞̥̺̣̺͓̿̔̔ͦ̂̑̽̏ͮ͊͂͞R̡̝͍͉̘̤̞̪͕̠͐̓̄̓̋̄ͨ͒͌̊̍̓̐̔̉̇̿ͫ͞O̸̶̹̥̲̻̬͙̼̯͈͕͖̹̟͓ͨͨ̓̒ͮ̐ͪͮ̔ͯ͌̎͌̆͂̂̈́ͫ̚͢N̷̨͈̼͇̣͍͍̳̻̯̰̤̣̩ͪͦͮ̌̂ͦ͂ͭ̍̄̊̉͠ͅͅE̷̢̜̞͚̝͔̳͚̭̤ͥ̄̏̄̎̈́ͩͪͥͧͬ̋̏̔̊ͦͦ͒́͢͠ ̵͓̪̙̻̙̮͙͎̥̗̰͔͉͂̋͛ͥ̓̌̉̄̾̐̽̀͌ͭ̈̍͋̀̆̀͜͞ͅS̋̄̓̉͆̿̐̋̉ͮͭ̾̈́ͥ̀͆͒̔͋͏̸̳̖͚̮̮͔͕̣̬̙̖̭͎̪͚̜̼̗ͅA̭̖͉̩̼͍͑̔̂͐̎̇̀͢Tͤ̒̊͋͆̋̊ͬ҉͠͏̙̪̩̲̯̤͍͓̲̙͍͖͚̺͚̯͖̰ ̢̟̟̦̳̳̫͓̮͎̜̹͉̼̖̟̣̜̱͇ͨ͑ͪ͛̊̾̚͟͡͞Ų̛̞̜̟͙̙̠͍̲̙̜̭̭̪̹̼̰̱͒ͧͮ̆ͨͦ̿̈́̋̏͊̅ͩ̓̿̊͊̆̈́͟ͅP̞̫͇͓͚͍̣͖͚̤̭̱̖̠̘̯͗͊͗̓̐̐ͩ̄̊ͫ̾ͤͧ̓͛ͣͩ́͘͟ͅOͬ̅ͦ̿͐ͫͥͭͩͫ̿͂ͦ͆̄̅ͪ̚҉͏̛͚̤̙͢Ṅ̢̨̨̤̜̣̝̤̥̤̯̦͈̯̪̊̅̅ͥ͑̏̀ͩ͌ͯͭ͗̑ͅ ̸̵̥͎̥̟̇̋ͩ͂̑̇ͦ͆̾ͧͨ̌̔͞Ą̳͉̣̤̙̮͓͔̙͚͇͍̺ͦ͋̇ͨ̓̄͞͝N̸̷̠͕͉͙͔̹͔͙͔͓̰̓͗ͩ̂͊ͬ̿̕͠ ̸̧̾̍́ͮ̀҉͕͎̻̼̮͍̜̭̕E̴̩̳̺̙̠̊ͨ͐͒̂̄̾͐̂́͠N̝̪̠͓̣͈̙̥̤͔̥ͫͣͣͬ̿̈́̋̓̉̑ͥͦ̂́̄͋͗͞͝G̡̻̫̣̞̳̲͇͚̠̬̭͈̮̤͚̻͕ͯ̒̐̃͐̔͌̌͂ͩͯ̔͜ͅͅȈ̥͎̻ͥ̐ͥ̒͑̽̃ͩ̈́̋̔͑̾̓ͯͭ́͠͞N̵͍̗̼͈͚͖̖̫̤̥͍ͭ̒̄ͣ̎̄̓̽̄̐͆͛̌̐̂͒ͪ̃̏͡ͅĘ̶̃̐̈́͂͢͝҉͈̪̹̱̞̘̦̬͚̞̣͇̩̦̠̤ ̷̡ͣ͂ͯ͛̏͊ͮͭ͆ͥ̑̂̉̀͊̊ͫ͏̸͔̬̗̰́Oͮͫ̄̇̒̃͑͒̃͘͠͏̴̱̬̱̖ͅF̷̵̀͂͗͑̃̀҉̥̹̯̝͎͎̲̬͚̺͎͢ ̧͎̟͙̭̳̤͛͒͐̊͑ͮ̊̍ͨ̌ͫ́͝͠N̨̻̦̣͕͆̓̃ͭͤ͋̿̒ͯ̐̾I̷ͯ̆̓̓҉̛̳̺̳̦͍̞̭͕̘̤̝̝̲̥͙̖̗͇̀G̷̾̽̂̌͐̓̎͆͏҉̪̣̱̰̺́͝H̵̗͚͇̮̳̰̑͌ͥͯͧ̆̋̇̄̓̿̎ͨ́͠͡ͅT̵̛̝̹̱͖̬̩̻̞͚͚͓̦̰͚̺̬͉̽ͧͣͩ̉̃ͥͬ͑ͫͪͭ̒͋́͘Ḿ̷̧̢͉̟͈̜̯͉͉̩͇͈̦̮̯ͩ͐̒̄̀̌̌͊̀͢A̒ͩ̏ͣ̋ͯ̉̂ͧ̂͐̋͌̄҉̴̴͜͏̗̙̣̱͕̹̩̤̲̤͙͇ͅŖ̼̲̘͍͉̙ͦ̔̈́̈́͘͢͡Ȇ̹͈̩̟̗͚̮̦̠̝̘͆͛̀̚͞S̡ͬ͆ͫͬ̆̆͛͆̍̇̊ͨ̏̿̃̓̌҉̵̭̗̦̹̥ ̇ͦ̈́͑̐ͣͣͧͦ̑̚҉̖̲̻͙̱̕͜A̡̲̱̫͕̺̠̼͔͖̟͙͔͙͉̭ͩ̏͒̍ͥͭ̔ͫ̅͛́̕̕͠ͅǸ̶̶̹̞̬͎̿͛̀̃̇́̏͗͊̔͋͐̓͋̐͐̚̚͞Ḍ̡̞̭̹͙̥̪̰̰͚͎̜͍͕̗̯̳ͧ̃̍ͯ̃ͦ͛̔͑̋ͣ̈͐͒̔ͩ̂͢͢͟ ̷̸̧͖̞͈͍̱͕̱̫̳̭̤̱ͦ̉͂ͫͪ̆̾̚͜O̴͉͖̝̮̲͇̠̼̖͙̝̳͎͔̙̗̊̾̈͌̽̍ͯ̐͂͂̕͡N̛̼͍̰̫͎͓͓̯̭͙͇ͩ͂͂̐̓̈́ͧ̑͒̅̆̎͗C̨̢̛̉͆̍͛͏̫̮̱̳̥͕̣̲̤͎͚͟Ȩ̪̦̗͈̤̼͍͍̹͎̮͍̖̼̻͑͂͂̍ͬ͋̌ͫ̐͋̋̋ͥ̇͛̀ ̇̐ͫͣ͛ͭͥͩͥͤ̕҉̬̺͙͚͈͉̥̞͎̮̤̟̱͢Ì͔̩̦̙̰̭̹̬͇̜̻̠̫̳͉̼̲̰ͧ̔̽̍͂̊͑̌̽̕͞͠ͅT̢̢̛͓̱͍̮̦̘̺̠͍̞̹̰̼͋ͫ͌̾ͧͪ̃͂̏̓͊̚̚̚͜ ̷̢̙̺̞̫̝̙̱͕̝͍̼̮̫͕͎ͫͫ̇̓̂̆̈́ͅͅH̛̺̪̯̪̙̲̘̹̫͑ͩ̈̈́̈́͌͐̔͊̑̐ͪ͋̇̆͂̉̆͢A̷̷̢̯̖͇̜̤̺͓̙̪͓̱̥͍ͮͯ̈́ͧ̍̊ͭ͞ͅͅS̀̆̄̈́͂̒͆̽͒͊́̓͏̵̹͍͖̪̙̀͘͝ ̴̬̤̪̝̲͉̫̞͊̍̏ͮ͊ͨ̾̅͛̚͠F̸̝͖͍̹̪̜͓̜͕̱̠̗̒ͥ̓̊͆͂̀̚Ï̡͎̰̺͖̭͎̩̦̲̙͎̗̺͕̺͑ͬ̔͌̈́́̀ͯͧͯ͂ͣͯ͛̑̿̑̕N̓̊̓̿ͩ̓̈͆̃ͮ̏̂̿ͥͣ̅̈͌҉͙̘̹̣̖̯͉̤̻̰̘͡ͅI̷̡̨̛͔͖͈̦̥̜͔͇͉ͫ̊̊̎̏ͤ̔ͨ̃͟S̡͉͉̥͖͇̺̩̤̬̹̪̬͕̖̯̹̱ͫ̃ͣ̾ͩ̏ͭ̓͘Ḩ̢͙̟̯̳͈͗ͩ̈͟͟͡E̸̢̜͍͔̣̻̣͐͆͌̾̔́͂ͯͮ͋ͨ̾̽̎̀ͅḌ̸̴̯̙̘̥͔̣͎͍̄̾ͫͮͩ͂̓̂̊̒ͯͨ̈́́́̚͘͝ ̷ͥ͌ͮ͒͐̅̇̍̊͊͡͝͏̢̞̭̱͓̻̫͖I̿ͬ̅̉̏̓̈́̈́ͧ̍̃͏̸̘̫̣̣͓̘͈̰̗̹̼͝T̨ͪ̈́̋̊ͯ͊̓̏͠҉̤͓̤̗͔͍̟̝̹̭̤̬̺̣̼̠́S̢̱̘̝̣̮͔͔̺̫͇̣̹̪̝̼̩̞͖̥̃͂̑̿̋̀ͬ̑͌ͣ͘ ̆̐̄̎ͯ̍̿̒҉̸̬͈͙͉̰͖̩̞̝̻̞̖͠ͅD̸̓́͂̈͊ͦ̒͊̅̾̾͗̐͂̃͟͟͏̫͔̹̘͚̭̜͖̼͓̟A̷̸̩͔͓̦̩̟̯̙̜̭͉̠̹̰̩̰̦̾̓̔͐̽͋̅̅̅̑ͣͣ͘R̷̰̜̩̺̗̥̥͔͚̬̖̱̠̖̮̯̫̄͋ͫ̅̔̄̿͐̿ͩ̅̾̈́͂̚̕̕͟K̘̜͔̲̞̫͕̫̯͇̙̞̼̝̞͑̏͒͐̊̽̇̀͆͑ͣͬ͋̆̚͞͠ͅͅͅ ̷̸̩͍̗̞̟͉͓̪̠ͥͯ͂̿ͪͤ͊́͋͒ͮ̍̋ͨ̕ͅW͓̲͉͎̬̣̏͐ͭͨ͊͑̔ͫ̓͡͝Ơ̷̟̳̹̱͓͈̗̥̞̙͍͉̹̯͕͐ͭ͆́̉̌̓̃̐ͨ́̕ͅR̵̤͍̥̭̱̥͇͍̹̟̲̫̠ͭ̽ͦͣ̏̈́̽̏ͦ̈̀K̢͍̖͈̟̟̯͓͎̳̞͋͋̔̃̍͌͐͒̉ͪ͐͌ͭ̄̐͊̒͜Ỉ̵̛̘̟̗̣̯͚̱̗̫̖̬̖̗̗̄̂͑̎̑̈́̊̐̍ͪ̏̊̔̚̚͘͞ ̸̴͕̬̖͎̝͚͖̜̖̟̲͓̤͐̔ͭ̋ͣͫͦS̷͑ͤ̉̆̈̅ͫͬ̓̒͐͛̓̈̃͘͞҉̵̱̝̳̪͉̫̬͎H̓͊͆͊̾̋̈ͬͯ̾͋͒ͦ͏̱̩͎̬̭͉̭̞̜͍̹̯̜̻̠̝̕̕͢͞A̷̶͉͖̖͙͖͉̦͚̻̱̗͇̬̟͔̙̺̥̅̄ͬ̌͒̀Ļ̤̖͖̞͓͇͕̤̫ͫͦ̓̾ͫͦ͛̈́̎͋̕͞L̍͋͊ͨͨ̍̌̌͑̈̔ͮ̀͏̵̨̢̤̥̘͚̠̙̤̫̻̮̭̳̺̼̺͟ͅ ͕̺͙̰͎ͤ̏͛͆̑̍̂̉́Ǫ̶̢̺̰̻̺̯̂ͫ́ͯ̓ͩ͛ͪ̇͛̒ͫ͟P̡̲̺̙̹̥͈͓̺̅̇̋͗̅́E̐̽̈ͪͥͤ̉͑̾̊҉̴̞̗̻͚̦̜̱̯̼̼͉̗̼̞͖̰̲͜N̷̶̨̢̬͈̼̟̙̳̬̯͙̝̤͚̝̺͇̱̮͒ͪͭ͂̆ ̶̧̢͍̫̫͍͍̺̞̖̬̦̥̺̈ͧ̈̇̌͗̀͛͐̍͗ͩͬ̓ͬ͛͝͞ͅT̳̘̥̬͚̠̤̱̗̙̞̬̠̹̭̠̱ͪͯͤ̾̃͆̈́ͩ̾̔͗̉͂͛̀͝H̔̌ͦ͛̔͌͋̔҉̷̨̡̤͔͍̳̗͓̳͚̼̮͍͢Èͮ̑̄͗ͥͫ҉̸̢͏̡̻̳͚͕̟ ̶̰͖̤͔̟̝͍̮̖̲̩̈́̋͊̒̏̀̀̕F̛̠̝̪̣͈͕̩͔͈̪̤̞̩̻̐ͩ̍̔͂̆̀ͤͩͥ̑ͯ̚͜͝ͅIͨͭ̓͜͢͏̛̯̩͚̦̫Rͤ͑͒̾̓̊ͬ͠҉͢͏̞̞̠̝̹̜͔̟Ŝ̷̬͈͓̭̼̝̻̝̪̖̱̭̜̥̠̥̹̯͍ͣ̍͆̊ͩ̅̐̊̆̒ͩ̈͡T̷̡͓̱̰̩̞͔̮͔̖̹̝̳ͩ͆͐ͫͧ̅̃͐̔͒ͦ͋̍̿̀̋̌͘ ̸̴̛͈̫̟̤̳̞̜̹̲͕̽̏ͭ͐ͭ͑̍̉̇͒̃ͬͤ̊ͦ̍̊̉̚͝S̸̴̨̨̨̰̠̟͎͇̦̗͒̑̔͆̒͛̄̑ͭ̂͋ͅȊ̸̳͕͐ͧ̈ͬ̉͂͐̊̏͋́͊̌̈́͢ͅẊ͖̫͈͓͕̹̗̭̰͚̥̒͆̽̔ͦ́͘͜ ̷̲̲͇̺̦̗͍̬̹͔̐ͮͯ̂̀̕͝Ő̶ͪ̓ͧͤͬ̐͛̄̇ͧ̀̂͞͝҉͓̺̯̼̖͍͔̦̟̬̫̼̠̣̲F̵͙̹͕̦̑͗ͣ̓́̏̿̾̇̀͂͐ͨ͜ ̸͊̍̃ͧ̌͂̽͊͌̂̉ͫ̂ͩ́͘͞͏̬͖̗̲̘̩̫̭̙M̷̢̮̘͇̪͔͇̩͔̣̦̝͆̾̓ͬ̀ͪ̚͡Ý̶͓͍̫̘͈̝̘͋͒̂̈͗ͫͭͩ͒̍ͨ̓̋̕ ̷̬̫̲̲̘͖͕̯̖̹̮͕̏̽͂͛̇̋̎ͦ̎͋̉͠M̢̨̲̪͎̩͕̟̪͙ͥ̎͛͐͗̽̇̉͆̋͌̍̄ͨ͢͠ͅǪ̶̛̛̫̲̥̝͎̗͓̳̲̻̮̖̞̞̬̓̈́ͣͯ̽͂̎̇̿͛̽ͣͬͫͤ͞Ų̷͙̲̞͇̲̜̬̹̠̙̭̫̤̟̈͆̍͌̂T̡̜͈̗̖̪͈͈̘͈̫̩̘̜̪̹͓̹ͪ̍͋͗͋̀ͫ̋ͨ͡ͅH̯̮̟̰̦̰̝͓͕̘̞̮͖̥̬͕̲̼ͨͯ̔̿̂ͨͦ̽͌̈́̀̚͘S̢̧͂̾̾̌̈́ͮͤ̂̉̂͑͌ͦ̓͛ͬ̽ͮ́҉̱͇̩͖̞̥̭̹͕͔̟̟̞͚̥ ̸̝̩̦̖̻̦͎̹̼͚͉ͨ̎͆̾̋̀ͣͫ́ͨ͒̓̊̽̏ͣ͘͟ͅͅA̡̧͆̓ͤ̈̌̇ͦ̆ͤͯͮ̚͠͏̹̜͉̝̪̥̻͚͙̪͍̺̙͖͝Ņ̷̩̹̼̻͎̰̺̺͍̭͍͇͍͔̲͓̯̻̀̂ͩ͆͂̏ͥ̆̏̐ͫͦͨ͡͡Ḑ̶̛̣̮͕̠̝̼̰̹̗ͨ̐ͯ̃ͣͯͯ̚ ̴̧͙͉̲̩͉̩̘̻̅̑͑̏ͧ͗̏ͭ̓ͯ͆ͫͩ͌͆̅̀̚I̴̯̠͔̭̦̺̿͒̾ͨ̍͌ͪ̕͝Ň̨̨̘͚̭̻̱̼͔͍̻̝̫͉̱̋̐ͭ̽̿ͧ̾ͬͣ͒̓ͨ̋͌́ͣͤ͝V̸̧̛͈͈̖͔̦͓̳͓̜̹̩̜̬̺͉̇ͬ͂͛̅̂͗͗ͬ̍̇͝Ó̶̷̢̧̖̙͚̜̺͎͕͖̱̗̬̤͓͚ͣ̍̊̏͒͋̀͆͌ͦ͋̍͆̏̏̐K̶̰̳̭̼͕̝͓̗̱̙̣̬̦͉̺̰͈͉͋ͤ̅̃̽́̾͋̿ͭ̊̚͜͡Eͤ̉͌ͯͨ̆̏̓̍̐͌̑͊͛ͧ͆́̚͏҉̶̮͙͇̟̜̤̱̪̳͎̣͉̰͈̭̗ ͍͖̪̲̯͔̘̺̾ͤ͑͒̎̂̍́ͭͩͤͥ͋̆̾͐̓̕͠͡M̨͙̞̤̻̳̲͈͈͔̞̈́̈́̎ͬ̀̊͝Ŷ͇̝̭͈͉̣͈̟̥͉̯̞̲̘̫͙ͣͤͫ͂́̀͜ͅS̶̶̵̡͉̪̳̩̗̭͍̳̣̗͖̲̥̖̗͈̑̓̄̾̓̔̃̊ͮ̽ͫ͂ͪͨ̿ͭͅE̸̛̝͇̙̞̩̝̖̝̠̘̫ͮ͌̆L̴̟͚̫̤̟̭̻̭͓̫̼̪̱̤̮̰̝̐ͯ͐ͯͬ̅͆͐̌͘͠F̘̬̯̘͖̦̥͚̣̮̭̪̭̘ͣ̃̓̃͐ͯ̑ͫ̅̎͐̇̾͊̈́͌̏͊ͥ́̕͜͡,͙̰̲͓͉̜̭̂̈́ͣ̚͠ͅ ̛̼̻̺̲̹̖̭̣̾̇̆͋͐ͫ͌̌ͥ̿͊̐̆̿ͣ́͡͡C̷̪̪̥͕̺͔̫ͯ̇̆̈ͫ̌ͪͬ̏̎̈̀ͤ̋̓̇͂͘Z͐̀̌ͫ͆̌͗ͨ̔ͪ̈͊̆͑͐ͪ̂̿҉̛͇̱͇̟̙̤̜̪͇͉͇̱͈̰͟ͅY̸̷̻͖̖͓̲͍̥̯͕̜̖͆̂ͥ͋ͣͦ̎̈́̄͋̔͋͒͘ͅEͤ̉̄̽͋̑̊ͦͧ͆҉̷͖̙̞̠͡ͅO̷̴̬̬̝̺̳͓̙̖̮͙͉͉͙̖͖ͩ͊ͩ̿̏ͩ̐ͦ̔̍̽͗͋ͥ̌͒ͪͪ́͜͞ͅͅŅ͙̣̹̩̜͓̂̈́̇̉͆͆̌ͮ̈͋ͫ̿̅͑̆ͬ́,̍̿̍̿̉͆͏̪͎̜̪̼̞̹͇̀͟ͅA̧̨̺͇̱̬̺̹̪̜̗͚͙̿̽ͯ̂̄̓ͮ̃͒̈ͧ̍ͫ̽͝N͖̦̲͍͎̖͓̖͙̭̩ͬ̾ͭͬͦ̍̀̕͝͞D̸̸͔͎̟̼̱̤̮̗͖̯̟̝͍̰͇͓̊ͭͯ͋ͧ͛ͬ͊ͮͮ̿͆͂ͥ̈́̇̃̀̚͠͡ ̸̮͎̩̺̣̩ͦ͊ͫ̒̈́͑̄̄ͭ̓̅̑̊͟͞ͅS̨̧̙͍͙̪̥̩̖̣̯ͯ͂̂̉́ͨ̐́̀I͛ͨͤͤ́̉̈́̎ͮ҉̀҉̖̩̙̮͖͈̬̯N̸̛̹̜͚̣̳̣͍͓͖̥̰͓̟̘̻̻̥ͥ͑ͦ͋̅͒̑́͡ͅĢ̵͔̱̝̝̪͖͚̣͛͂̍ͪ͐ͧ͘ͅͅ ̓ͥ̔ͤ̽̇̉́ͤ̏̌ͧ͆͡͏̡̼̱̤̻̣̻̦̗͎̬̞̬̕͘ͅͅT̸̡̧̺͇̤̩̪̰̬̫ͯ͋̊̉͌ͮͥ͛̀ͣ̀Ḩ̛̱̰͖̫̻ͣ̿̍͒ͭ̀̎̀́̚Ę̸̢̖̭̗̣̖̞̣̩̹͇̣̫̯̝͓͆̓͆ͤͣ͜ͅ ̸̨̧͇̫͔̠̟̻͖̠̤͔͍͇̻̳͛͒ͧ́̃ͮ͘͝S̵̷͉̮̭̮̫̞͈̫̪͎͉̬̲͍̜͙͍͎͇̒ͯͩͮ͊̓͑̃͑͗̍ͯ̚̚͠O̷̘̥̯͈̰̱̔͐̓̿͊ͮͣ͗͗̈ͧ̈́͜N̨̫̬̜̪͕̬̦̝̙̲̬̤̝̯̪ͧͫ̌ͨ̄̏̒̍̿͂́̔ͥ͢ͅĞ̩̺͍ͦ̂̿̈̃ͯ͒͑̏̎̓͐ͭ̂́̚ͅ ̷̶̜̥̤ͧ̏͊̾͊̿ͧ̀͗̀Ţ̞̫͉̃ͦ̀ͤ͒̾ͤ̓͋̋́ͧ̕͝͝ͅH̵̴̘̜̻͈͍̹͓̤͚̹̋̂̈́̏̈́͑̑͌ͭ̿͌͐̃ͨ̍͢A̵̢̛͉͓̲̩͔͔͓͈̯͕ͪͬ͗̍̎͊̔͒̋̂ͩͥ͊̊̊̆͑̚̕͢ͅT̛̳͙̪͇̲̳̯̹̙͈̗͎̳͎̱ͮͦͦ̿͐ͬ̅̿ͣ́̌̇̀͘̕͢͡ ͐̌̆̄͌ͯ̄͆̊́̚͠͠͏҉̻͕͖͕̲̟̗͇͖̰̙ͅE̟͔̺͙̹͙͇̭̫̊ͩͪ̓̇̑̍̓̌ͤ̀͟͢͡N̷̨̠̩̙̪̦͉̳͔̔͌̌̐ͤͧͫͩ͌ͥͣͣ̏̐̽ͥ̽͒̀̚͜D̀͊̍̽ͥ̓ͤ̇̉͗͋͌͆̚҉̡̧͔͙͙̯̗̹S̸̯̲̪͍̳͕͉̗̭̺̤͚ͭ͆̄̒̊̽̋͑͆̑͛͗̚͟͡ͅ ̡̓͌̑ͣ̂̃̀̇͌̊͐́͏͏̳̼͔̼̠̥̞̟͔T̏͊̾ͨ̊͡͝҉̠̱̰̠̥͈̺̖͉̝̭̜̭H̷̢̛̺̱̪̞̬͎̩̝͖̰̥̠̙̠̻͖ͨͧͣͧ̀͠ͅͅͅE͆ͭ̾͋̐̊̇͡͏̶̡̡͙̱̰͚͈͍̘̻͇̤ ̊̈́ͯ̿ͦ̔̃̀̄͒͏̭͇͖̬̮̺͚̤͍̱͕͎̗̺̦̩͔͝ͅĘ̻͈̤̳̤̭̠̫̺̠̗̫͉̲͕̦͑ͨ̈́̽̈̎̆͘ͅͅÅ̶̵̧͖͓͈̦̝̖̜͉̲̫͕͕̱̰̄̎̋̅ͫ͊̽̑̉̄ͪͯ͐́̕͞ͅR̩̪̳̮̬̼̥̞̦̦ͨ̈́ͫ̔ͮͤ͂̀͝T̡͎͚̦̯̲͚ͩ̆ͧͥ̎ͮ̿ͥ͐̀ͅͅH̵̛͋̉̐̓ͨ͆ͪ̆̎̇̈̌ͨ̋ͬ̊͏̼̳̫̲

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\\

+

E. Eurythian, currently eaten by a stricture, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World

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+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Wanderway.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Wanderway.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..317c435 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/The_Wanderway.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +The Wanderway | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
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The Wanderway

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The Wanderway is a high-speed aetheric current that encircles the planet. Its name is due to constant fluctuation of its path with respect to latitude, though to date it has yet to approach within 15 degrees of the poles. Because of this fluctuation, it is nearly useless for any serious aetheric travel, though it remains a subject of intense scientific study. Aetheric currents generally become too unstable to use at a circumference of about three miles, and so the Wanderway's relative stability compared to theoretical predictions gives many researchers hope for improvement on smaller scales.

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The Wanderway is, of course, still used. Over short distances, it is even safe to do so. This remains difficult to take advantage of, because there is no guarantee that the Wanderway will be nearby when one needs it, or that it won't have any curves too sharp for aetheric payloads to navigate without falling out. Even worse, if it shifts too quickly (which happens often enough to be a concern), everything inside may be ejected and left stranded, flying through the air on their previous trajectory.

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Today, the Wanderway is impossible to use without heavy armor or well-shielded aetheric transports. Some cabal of crazies took the Sixth a little too literally and dumped a vast quantity of needles, nails, and other small, sharp objects into the Wanderway, which continue to appear out of nowhere with the force of bullets as it shifts.

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Despite all of this, Ursinquisitors continue to attempt to make use of it for long-distance travel, resulting in the occasional aetheric rift appearing out of nowhere and spitting out a heavily-armed bear at a speed matched only by its rage. The Scriptorium's location appears to be a particularly hot spot for this, which causes me no end of grief as the sisters keep calling me from my other duties to deal with these intruders.

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Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

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+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Typhus_Stormbreaker.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Typhus_Stormbreaker.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..85894ef --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Typhus_Stormbreaker.html @@ -0,0 +1,51 @@ + + +Typhus Stormbreaker | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
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Typhus Stormbreaker

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While he is best known among the Orders for his role as virtual commander in Larry's Conquest, Typhus Stormbreaker continued to accomplish great things with his life, especially after it properly began.

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Upon returning to his people, the Sequitor, Typhus Stormbreaker introduced the new technology taught (perhaps inadvertently) by Larry and was elevated to real commander with no small amount of pomp, virtual and figurative explosions, and, for the first time in their histories, real explosions. The Sequitor, a race of most peculiar ability and limits, a rare mingling of virtual, fleshy, and figurative blood, had not at this point in time invented any use for gunpowder. They had invented gunpowder, of course, but its possible uses had evaded the minds of their virtual-fleshy-figurative blood. It was to them a grand mystery. They treasured it like they treasured fire, though they kept them in separate capitals. The only known reason for this is their oral tradition. According to Fion’s account of Mion’s account of Renot’s account of Golb’s account of Temnor’s account of Salif’s account of Bob’s dying words, “The servants of Fire were angry. I tickled them with the black sand and I exploded most direly. Do not tickle the Fire.” After these words he died, according to Jimmy, Fion’s brother. Bob was once very respected among the Sequitor. His name meant, in their speech, more or less, “going up and down with the timing of things.” This was a good name. It is now a bad name.

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While the Sequitor have yet to discover a use for gunpowder beyond hoarding it, they have since learned to make explosions thanks to Typhus Stormbreaker. Among the Sequitor, even those who have been elevated to real or figurative status have the innate virtual ability of instantaneous resolution. It took Typhus Stormbringer’s victory as virtual commander under Larry to realize the uses of this. (Previously it had happened only accidentally, which is why Sequitor do not run in large numbers.) T

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As a result of these innovations, the Sequitor became a mining people. They erected great towers with clever footholds to drive drills, rocks, and other such objects deep into the ground. They found that the gunpowder was less likely to tickle Fire if it was kept safe in large chambers beneath the Orders. These chambers have since been used to host great revelries, parties, and reproductive dances as, being underground as they are, they are as though guaranteed to be beneath the King's Altitude.

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+Carver Goodmann,
+Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach
+Senior Prepositionalist
+ARC ZII, Mirror Technician

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+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Unnamed_City.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Unnamed_City.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8015787 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Unnamed_City.html @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ + + +Unnamed City | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
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Unnamed City

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Communique 58:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain

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AethID 94019-81:/ CalypsoNet

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"In this place, long contested over many years, we have made our home. We shall not move from this sacred city. It shall become our homeland. Our hallowed den, from which we shall sojourn to hunt heresy and within which we guard the heart of our order." --Words spoken on the dedication of the Ursinquitous Great Den, by Venerable Father Malthus the Wise

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From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier

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Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury,

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The crusade goes well. The brothers you have sent to aid me in this noble endeavour have acquitted themselves well, several dying bravely with great fury and much destruction to the heretics.

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I fear, however, that it may not be enough. As you well now, after the dissipation of Larry's Kingdom the Unnamed City remained vacant for centuries. When the Ursinquisitous made the City its new home, you know what we found there in the lower reaches, down in the dark. I fear we may need it. The Great Weapon.

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Perhaps we may succeed in this mighty purge without it. But I hear that the corruption runs too deep, and that dire measures may be required. If we should fail, Hell itself may be unleashed. May the Great Bear guard us all in purity.

+

I have heard tell that refugees from the Central Order have made their way to the Unnamed City. I am concerned at this news, unless there is perhaps a deeper wisdom to this act of apparent "mercy." I will not make my suspicion known here, for fear of it falling into enemy hands, but I do wonder if this is not unlike the clever machinations of Arbiter Zelonititus in the 3rd Great Crusade. If it is so, then perhaps the Great Weapon can be put to use to purge this corruption once and for all in a great roar of blood.

+

I remain humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption,

+

Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries, Boneroarer of the 5th Great Crusade.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Vin2C_Vice_President_Carnold.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Vin2C_Vice_President_Carnold.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..88d1483 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Vin2C_Vice_President_Carnold.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Vin, Vice President Carnold | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Vin, Vice President Carnold

+

Don't just accept whatever common narrative is fed to you by the propaganda of the corporate machine spewing whatever filth they intend to use to control not only you but every man, woman, and child in this entire plane of existence. I have found encoded in the pages of several subtly written books of commentary on Wittgenstein that our own Vice President of Grampul Subsection 3, Carnold Vin is a pawn that's right a cog in the machine designed to control the people. I've seen past the lies, what, like the fourth stricture just fell on its own? It was taken down from within and the architect of its demise is none other our beloved Grampul Subsection 3 Vice President.

+

But it goes deeper than that I know that there was a massive cover up and that there is no way that the collapse of the fourth stricture would cause the failure of the essential Seirapolis and some fiend other than Vin must have shut down the energy reactors at the same precise moment Vin caused the catastrophic failure of stricture 4 which points to a conspiracy far larger than any of us can comprehend because after all who could orchestrate not only the failure of Seirapolis and have a Vice President in their pocket and only be found by whatever society has to be so deep undercover that they pass messages in dense books on philosophical math? The questions never end but there is one thing that is for certain and that is that we are dealing with a full-blown deep conspiracy.

+

Let's see how far this rabbit hole goes.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Void_and_Stricture3A_Reality_as_the_Dance_of_Presence_and_Absenc.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Void_and_Stricture3A_Reality_as_the_Dance_of_Presence_and_Absenc.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..598f85e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Void_and_Stricture3A_Reality_as_the_Dance_of_Presence_and_Absenc.html @@ -0,0 +1,57 @@ + + +Void and Stricture: Reality as the Dance of Presence and Absence | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Void and Stricture: Reality as the Dance of Presence and Absence

+

Presence looked at the damp knife in his hands and felt worried.

+

He walked over to the window and reflected on his futile surroundings. He had always loved vague Strictures Dance Ring with its salty, squealing Shining Dance Floors. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel worried.

+

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Absence . Absence was a vile god with wobbly abs and sticky toes.

+

Presence gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an intuitive, bold, bourbon drinker with slimy abs and chubby toes. His friends saw him as a vast, violet volcano. Fire in the eyes like Great Bear's Veins. Once, he had even helped a decomposing baby flamingo cross the road.

+

But not even an intuitive person who had once helped a decomposing baby flamingo cross the road, was prepared for what Absence had in store today.

+

The wind blew like jogging owls, aromas of Earthson's Bar and Grill flew in from the distance, making Presence jumpy.

+

As Presence stepped outside and Absence came closer, he could see the vague glint in his eye.

+

"I am here because I want a dance," Absence bellowed, in a brave tone. He slammed his fist against Presence's chest, with the force of 4102 snakes. "I frigging hate you, Presence ."

+

Presence looked back, even more jumpy and still fingering the damp knife. "Absence, reality is vague and futile," he replied.

+

They looked at each other with anxious feelings, like two racid, real rabbits drinking at a very snooty Flamenco Dance-Off, which had classical music playing in the background and two callous uncles alongside Cathyr Van Sacrilege bopping to the beat.

+

Suddenly, Absence lunged forward and tried to punch Presence in the face. Quickly, Presence grabbed the damp knife and brought it down on Absence's skull.

+

Absence's wobbly abs trembled and his sticky toes wobbled. He looked puzzled, his body raw like a grisly, gorgeous gun.

+

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Absence was dead.

+

Presence went back inside and made himself a nice drink of bourbon.

+

Susanna Summers, Vice President of Strictures United, Front Desk Manager, Records Recovery, etc.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Water-Free_Water.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Water-Free_Water.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a4dc381 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Water-Free_Water.html @@ -0,0 +1,49 @@ + + +Water-Free Water | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Water-Free Water

+

Are you water-free and tired of dealing with the problems that come with it? Well, good news for all you sea-liacs out there, because a crack team of genuine, reliable researchers has created a product that will blow your minds!

+

Did you know? Of the 23 self-identifying H2Obophobes who responded to the survey, 39% said they were against water for ethical reasons. "A poet writes of a lake of ice in the deepest layer of hell," one surveyor stated, "Mix that with the firey upper half and what do you get? The devil's liquid."

+

It breaks my heart to know that many these people are living with serious conditions, such as dry-mouth syndrome or simply dying of dehydration. But all these problems are about to be solved forever, with the unveiling of our new miracle product, Water-Free Water!

+

What did you say? Water-Free Water? How is that even possible? By harnessing the power of aetheric currents, researchers were able to isolate the core essence of not-water-ness and infuse it into this revolutionary new beverage. Our manufacturing process is completely natural; some believe primitive species were exploiting it even before the 'Stancening.

+

So what are you waiting for? If you're experiencing any of the issues I mentioned, or if you just want to get in on the hottest new drink, get some Water-Free Water today!

+

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm a little thirsty. I think I'll just grab a bottle of... hey, you're not still recording, are you?

+

Dr. Oz: The Post-Apocalyptic Season, Broadcast 11

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/White_Lab_Coats.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/White_Lab_Coats.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..73fff02 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/White_Lab_Coats.html @@ -0,0 +1,62 @@ + + +White Lab Coats | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

White Lab Coats

+

They say that in some parts of the Antipode Order, the sidewalks get hot enough to fry an egg on. Brings a new meaning to "sunny side up." Waste of an egg, if you ask me, but no one ever asks me.

+

People also say that you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. As I walked through the gloomy drizzle, I caught a glimpse of the broken sphere that used to be the Seirapolis. One hell of a broken egg, that one. They hadn't finished rebuilding the destruction from when the Strictures ran loose after the energy reactors went down. I shuddered to think what kind of omelet was getting cooked up from that.

+

Lighting a cigarette, I decided to check up on a contact of mine who might know more about what SU was planning. He was a bit of a reticent fellow, refusing to go by anything other than "Q". From what I knew of the man(?), it probably wasn't even his real initial. But he was an absolute tech whiz, and if anyone had deeper access to SU's systems, it'd be him.

+

The apartment complex was dilapidated and full of unsavory characters. I guess I look like a bit of an unsavory character myself, because none of them gave me any trouble beyond intimidating glares. I found my way to a darkened hallway. The tripwires didn't pose much of a problem, unless you count the one that set my trenchcoat on fire.

+

With a light knock on his door, I flung myself backward so the flamethrower behind the door wouldn't flash-broil me.

+

"Who are you? How did you find this location?" snapped a distorted voice through a speaker.

+

"It's Murph, and you gave me directions last time you had an anonymous tip that couldn't be spoken over the phone." Ten bucks said this wasn't his real location, either, but if I brought that up he might activate the proximity mines.

+

"Hah! They've got all of the phones, I tell you! Might as well mail them a transcript of your day!"

+

"I'm wondering what else they've got," I said. "Can you tell me anything about Carnelian's plans for Central?"

+

"It's all about the Thirteenth, I tell you," said the voice. "All of Carnelian's memos sum to a multiple of thirteen if you convert them to binary and add the ones together!"

+

"Do you know what they're going to use the Thirteenth for?"

+

"Nothing yet. They've got to bring it to life first," said the voice. "I've hacked the security cameras in their logomantic research wing. Do you know what I saw?"

+

"Not a clue."

+

"Perfect. Stay the hell out of my head." The voice paused for a moment, then continued. "Anyways, Mr. Reynolds, I saw white lab coats."

+

I whistled. You only see white lab coats on people who have gone off the deep end — for example, I had no doubt my friend Q here was wearing one. That meant Strictures United had to be employing actual mad scientists. Mighty suspicious for an organization dedicated to preventing that.

+

"The implications are obvious," the voice continued.

+

"Of course," I lied. "Well, I'm off to investigate some mad logomancers. You know where to find me."

+

"Goodbye. Mind the privacy hammer on your way out."

+

"What privacy—"

+

Murph Reynolds, Private Eye

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Wise_Bob2C_the_Sequitor_who_Exploded_Most_Direly.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Wise_Bob2C_the_Sequitor_who_Exploded_Most_Direly.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2ab4901 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Wise_Bob2C_the_Sequitor_who_Exploded_Most_Direly.html @@ -0,0 +1,59 @@ + + +Wise Bob, the Sequitor who Exploded Most Direly | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Wise Bob, the Sequitor who Exploded Most Direly

+

Communique 63:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain

+

AethID 06660-09:/ CalypsoNet

+

"When the heretic assails without fear, when corruption coils around all, when madness and chaos abound, seek then your consolation in blood. Offer no longer salvation to the undeserving, but drown them with damnation." Last proclamation of Brother Albright the Sanguine Rage, Chief Warbear of the 4th Great Crusade, moments before the massacre of the 5 Cities and the Red Tide.

+

From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier

+

Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury,

+

The great work has been accomplished.

+

All has been prepared and events have been set in motion which now cannot be undone. The Great Weapon has been loosed.

+

As you know, the curiously named "Wise Bob" was a figure of no little repute in the annals and traditions of the Sequitor people. Though we have had few dealings with them across the years, some of their lore has indeed passed into the memory of the Ursinquisitous. Although his name appears to me as something of a misappellation-- given that he appears to have died from self-inflicted wounds incurred from interaction with the Great Weapon--perhaps it is the lesson learned vicariously by his actions that is the source of the so-called wisdom.

+

Likewise, we know the Sequitors learned from this wisdom and hid the Great Weapon deep underground, safe from the touch of fire that would awaken it. Surprisingly, with perhaps a primitive instinct and awareness, they dug leagues of tunnels that follow the precise course of the Great Bear's Veins, with the Great Weapon stockpiled at the tunnels' ends, located deep within the hearts of the various Orders.

+

Our Crusade, on account of dire need, has prepared these stockpiles, and sent the refugees from the Central Order on "meditative pilgrimages" to the stockpiles. They are there repeating their "wellness mantra" constantly, in shifts.

+

When the Great Weapon is awoken, the constant recitation of the Piercing Stricture will open the aether, channeling a torrent of Fire and Void into the heart of every Order, and thus cleansing them in a great conflagration which will then collapse into Nothingness, obliterating all trace of the Orders as well as the infected refugees from the Central Order.

+

Wrathrunes have been placed in the prescribed sigils around the Unnamed City to protect it from any residual Void or damage and cutting it off from the aether.

+

By the time this message reaches you, the Great Weapon will have been unleashed, and corruption will have been thus purged from the Orders. +I may not be able to communicate for some time as the aether will be blocked with the final Wrathrune as soon as this message is transmitted.

+

All is now in the claws of the Great Bear.

+

I remain humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption,

+

Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries, Boneroarer of the 5th Great Crusade.

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Wrathrunes.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Wrathrunes.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e063473 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Wrathrunes.html @@ -0,0 +1,56 @@ + + +Wrathrunes | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Wrathrunes

+

Originating with the Romani of Old-Near-Ancient Europa, Wrathrunes are a magic ward against snakes, serpents, basilisks, mothers-in-law, and, in a most general way, things that coil and loose. Part of the ward had from its earliest inception, of course, a particularly nomadic focus on loosing. The magic was thoroughly effective, particularly against distant cousins named Danior, Django, Maloney, Kennick, and Jim-bo.

+

While the materials used for Wrathrunes have varied over the years, their shape has remained remarkably unchanged, appearing always like a doily.

+

Before the destruction of The Last Virtual Stone the doilies of the Wrathrune were made often of the agate. The agate had largely removed itself to the virtual by then, for understandable reasons, and it has since been virtually mined to near-extinction. It was indeed a most magnificent destruction (and possibly extinction)—perhaps The Very Best.

+

Prior to and since the aforementioned probable extinction of the agate, Wrathrunes have been primarily composed of juniper, twigs of Elder, root of raspberry, or shark teeth soaked in wine. Contraveneno was used up until the rise of SRMD, as the rise of Science (and all things “science”) tend to bring with them “rigorous” “studies” of things fixated on the material. Toxicity rose as SRMD increased and soon enough California was aware that it caused cancer.

+

Since the Happenstancening, Wrathrunes have migrated. No longer are they the conjuring/creation/delicate-lacy-work of humans only. Once upon a time (we are told, all of us, each one, as though uncannily, as though as waketime stories) the words of Cathyr Van Sacrilege: “the hubris of humanity thinking we could bind the Strictures was not in thinking our technology would hold but rather our fickle and corrupt nature” — and this, on repeat, for hours. (It was the sound—nay, the heartbeat—of our nights, all of us, each one.) They fly north for the summer, Wrathrunes do, since then, and their flight is terrible. The only ones to remain are the ashen ones, the juniper ones, usually. It was, needless to say, the very corruption of human nature which caused the Strictures to fail. There was no other reason. None. Zippo. There could be no other. How else was it that agate went near-extinct?

+

+

Lo! I must tell you this, not as a scholar or a sub-sub-librarian, nor even as a repentant sub-ambibeliever, but as Carver Goodmann himself: the Wrathrunes must be permitted to migrate. The world—the Orders, all that is, the Strictures, everything, 42—are in a time of great…stress. We must permit the Wrathrunes to migrate. We must. Now is no longer the age of the hubris of humanity. Stuff it all for a lack. It is the age of the Hubris of the Happe and the Sequitor. Perhaps an Affirmator may arrive, and soon, and our technology can be wholly poo-pooed and we can say again, as we once did: þæt wæs god cyning. +Goodnight, America.

+

+Carver Goodmann,
+Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach
+Senior Prepositionalist
+ARC ZII, Mirror Technician
+Repentant Sub-Ambibeliever

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Zetta_Computing.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Zetta_Computing.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ed5a7fa --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/article/Zetta_Computing.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Zetta Computing | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Zetta Computing

+

Wake up sheeple! Another message encoded onto the back of a SUreal box from the +underground resistance and I found if you take its puzzle and solve it incorrectly you are able to derive the exact financial records of Strictures United leaving one with the question the burning question that sears the back of your mind until it is raw with processing and that question is how exactly did Strictures United manage to make precisely no money at the time where they have completely dominated all known markets?

+

The answer is so simple only the most blind could not realize it and that is that clearly and obviously Strictures United is investing ungodly sums of capital into their server farms to finish their nefarious plot to mine all of us which implies therefore that their researchers that they have caged away must have made a breakthrough and gone beyond their Yotta Computing paradigm (which incidentally was what caused this whole catastrophe in the first place*) to their final computer stage and that means that soon the machines will be INSIDE our heads which is why I urge everyone to stop using their names online because that is exactly precisely how they get you!

+

REDACTED

+

*: See the fact that a ctrl-F on Stricture's so-called "apology" for 'Y' yields 43 results which is the same amount of years they claim to have taken place since the disaster! This is no coincidence and perhaps you may respond that five of those Ys are part of the page itself and not part of the article. Well how many letters are in 'Yotta' may I ask!

+
+ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/contents/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/contents/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..34f8902 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/contents/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,202 @@ + + +Index of Lexicon Centralium | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Index of Lexicon Centralium

+

There are 56 entries in this lexicon.

+ + + + +
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/formatting/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/formatting/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a8516df --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/formatting/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,59 @@ + + +Formatting | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Formatting

+

Lexipython provides support for a limited amount of Markdown-esque formatting.

+
+# Player: PN
+# Turn: 1
+# Title: Example page
+
+This is an example page.
+Some words are //italicized//,
+and some words are **bolded**.
+All of these sentences are part of the same paragraph.
+
+This is a new paragraph.\\
+Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a line break within the paragraph.
+
+This is an [[example citation|Phantom page]]. You can also cite a [[phantom page]] with just the title.
+
+~Dr. X. Amplepage
+
+

Each turn, fill out the header with your player information, the current turn, and the title of your entry. The Player field can be anything as long as it's the same for all articles you write (even when they're by different characters). Using your initials is recommended.

+

Two line breaks begins a new paragraph. A single line break does nothing, unless the line is ended by a double backslash (\\).

+

Text bounded by ** will be bolded: **bold** produces bold. Text bounded by // will be italicized: //italics// produces italics.

+

To cite another Lexicon entry, use double brackets. Text in double brackets will cite and link to the entry of the same name: [[Example page]] produces Example page. Text in double brackets split with a | will alias the link as the left text and link to the entry with the name of the right text: [[this text|Example page]] produces this text. You must be precise in the entry title you cite to. Citations to "Example" vs. "The Example" will point to different entries and create different phantoms, and your GM will probably have to clean up after you.

+

Beginning a paragraph with ~ will right-align it and place a horizontal line above it. Use this for signing your entry with your scholar's name.

+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bf37a9f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ + + +Lexicon Centralium + + + +

Redirecting to Lexicon Centralium...

+ + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/lexicon.cfg b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/lexicon.cfg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..babcce1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/lexicon.cfg @@ -0,0 +1,62 @@ +# LEXIPYTHON CONFIG FILE +# +# This file defines the configuration values for an instance of Lexipython. +# Configuration values are written as: +>>>CONFIG_NAME>>> +value +<<>>LEXICON_TITLE>>> +Lexicon Centralium +<<>>LOGO_FILENAME>>> +ari-matti-toivonen-chromatic-storm.jpg +<<>>PROMPT>>> +You are the survivors of the Happenstancening, trying to piece together how it was that the Seven Strictures failed the Central Order. +<<>>SESSION_PAGE>>> +

Turn 1: Due Wednesday, Aug 8

+

Send completed entries in a reply in the email thread. Remember not to "reply all".

+<<>>INDEX_LIST>>> +ABC +DEF +GHI +JKL +MNO +PQRS +TUV +WXYZ +<<>>DEFAULT_SORT>>> +?byindex +<<>>GRAPHVIZ_FILE>>> +<<>>PRINTABLE_FILE>>> +<< + +Rules | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Rules

+
    +
  1. At the beginning of the game, you will be provided with a topic statement that sets the tone for the game. Use it for inspiration and a stepping-stone into shaping the world of the Lexicon.
  2. +
  3. Each round, you will be assigned an index, a grouping of letters. Your entry must alphabetize under that index.
      +
    1. Each index has a number of open slots equal to the number of players, which are taken up by article titles when an article is written in that index or a citation is made to an unwritten article, or phantom. If there are no open slots in your index, you must write the article for a phantom in that index.
    2. +
    3. "The" and "A" aren't counted in indexing.
  4. +
  5. Once you've picked an article title, write your article on that subject.
      +
    1. There are no hard and fast rules about style. Try to sound like an encyclopedia entry or the overview section at the top of a wiki article.
    2. +
    3. You must respect and not contradict any factual content of any posted articles. You may introduce new facts that place things in a new light, provide alternative interpretations, or flesh out unexplained details in unexpected ways; but you must not contradict what has been previously established as fact.
    4. +
    5. Aim for around 200-300 words. Going over is okay, but be reasonable.
  6. +
  7. Your article must cite other articles in the Lexicon. Sometimes these citations will be to phantoms, articles that have not been written yet.
      +
    1. On the first turn, your article must cite exactly two phantom articles.
    2. +
    3. On subsequent turns, your article must cite exactly two phantom articles, either already-cited phantoms or new ones. Your article must also cite at least one written article.
    4. +
    5. On the penultimate turn, you must cite exactly one phantom article and at least two written articles.
    6. +
    7. On the final turn, you must cite at least three written articles.
    8. +
    9. You may not cite an entry you wrote. You may cite phantoms you have cited before.
    10. +
    11. Once you cite a phantom, you cannot choose to write it if you write an article for that index later.
  8. + +

    Ersatz Scrivener. In the course of the game, it may come to pass that a scholar is assigned an index in which no slots are available to them, because they have cited all the available phantoms in their previous articles. When this happens, the player instead writes their article as Ersatz Scrivener, radical skeptic. Ersatz does not believe in the existence of whatever he is writing about, no matter how obvious it seems to others or how central it is in the developing history of the world. All references, testimony, etc. with regard to its existence are tragic delusion at best or malicious lies at worst. Unlike the other scholars, Ersatz does not treat the research of his peers as fact, because he does not believe he has peers. Players writing articles as Ersatz are encouraged to name and shame the work of the misguided amateurs collaborating with him.

    +
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/session/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/session/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..01b1015 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/session/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Lexicon Centralium | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Lexicon Centralium

+

Turn 1: Due Wednesday, Aug 8

+

Send completed entries in a reply in the email thread. Remember not to "reply all".

+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/acting-mayor-shades-parson.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/acting-mayor-shades-parson.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..abeb68c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/acting-mayor-shades-parson.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: Q +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Acting Mayor "Shades" Parson + +When you see as much as I do you make enemies of all sorts of powerful entities even and including the almost-all-seeing [[Strictures United]]. But even they are blind and have showed their [[hand|FaceSpace: New Notifications]] and not only that but also I've intercepted one of their communiques that they pass in the odd month editions of SUpper Home Cooking Magazines and it would appear they have been foiled in their most recent attempt to [[Stricturize|The Binding Stricture]] our horribly corrupt mayor* into a mayor in their pocket which means that there are still corrupt politicians who are looking to resist and that may mean that there is hope for us to keep the Central Order from falling as [[so many have|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]]. There are not many corrupt politicians left and so it is of vital importance that Mr. Parson stay corrupt and out of the control of Strictures. + +~REDACTED + +*Our mayor, who ascended to power through a series of brilliant political maneuvers leading to three [[SU|Strictures United]] candidates being found guilty of sedition during the political scramble of who would temporarily step in for [[The Great LaMaLi|The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture]] as he underwent extreme therapy to remove the effects of [[SRMD|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]]. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/affirmator.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/affirmator.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e2751e5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/affirmator.txt @@ -0,0 +1,61 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Affirmator + +When I came to, the nun from earlier and a wizened librarian were pouring over //The Laws of the Strictures, Volume 22//. A woman in a Strictures United uniform wearing a name tag that said "Susanna Summers" was looking through the bar's food supplies. Q was repairing the tinfoil covering as gunfire sounded outside. Sounded like SU wasn't happy with our little resistance party. Weren't there angry bears for them to shoot instead? + +With a groan, I pulled myself off the floor. + +"Ah! The eye that keeps to himself!" said the librarian happily. "We were just fondling your answer." + +Sister Avacillata looked pained at that phrase but didn't say anything. + +"Towards the end," I said, rubbing the new bump on my head. "There was something about redefining [[existence|Existence]] using a power ever greater than the Strictures. I didn't have time to read it, but maybe—" + +"Of course! Yes, yes, of course, this is a [[Happe]] circumstance," the librarian said, having already found the page in question. "All we need is an **Affirmator**." + +"There hasn't been an Affirmator for hundreds of years," said Sister Avacillata. "Do you just expect one to stroll into the bar because it's convenient? While we're under fire from our own damn military?" + +"They're not our military!" shouted Q, scrambling over to the table. "They're all imposters, figments of our imagination! As soon as any of us realize it, they'll go away!" + +"That's ridiculous," said Sister Avacillata, but whatever she said next, I didn't hear because Q was talking over her. + +"Ooh, my favorite! Almonds!" said Summers. + +Immediately, the gunfire ceased. All of us looked at her simultaneously. + +"What?" she said. + +"We... really like almonds," I said slowly. Making eye contact with the others, I pointed significantly at a particular point on the page. I continued significantly, "in fact, it really raises our morale when you mention it." + +At that moment, another figure crashed through the tinfoil. He absentmindedly blocked Q's reflexive hammer blow and surveyed us. Summers screamed. + +"Bear!" yelled Sister Avacillata, charging him. + +"Wait, friends!" said the bear. "I mean you no harm. I come bearing a dire warning. The [[Great Weapon|Wise Bob, the Sequitor who Exploded Most Direly]] has been loosed! It will consume all but the [[Unnamed City]], unless—" + +Thinking quickly, I interrupted him, saying, "That's just what SU //wants// you to think! It's actually completely harmless!" I nudged Q with my elbow and he began to talk over the bear. + +"They call it the Great Weapon to addle your sheeplike mind, but actually—" + +"Listen!" the bear shouted back. "You can hear its rumble even now as it comes to—" + +"Nothing's actually happening—" + +I waved at Summers and said, "Hey! We need some morale over here!" + +"Almonds!" she said cheerfully. + +The rumbling, which had been building in the background, stopped. Silence fell on all of us, and then we cheered. Summers, pleased at the effect she was having on us, joined in the cheer. + +"Q!" I said. "I heard there wasn't even an invasion going on right now!" + +"I knew it!" he said. "It's all a plot to—" + +The librarian jumped in. "What a happenstance! So many have waited for this moment, but—" + +"Almonds!" said Summers again, and we all cheered again. + +We saved the world that night. And the rest—at least, until Summers learns the word "Zemben"—is history. + +~ Murph Reynolds, Private Eye diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/an-apology---from-strictures-united.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/an-apology---from-strictures-united.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fc8f018 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/an-apology---from-strictures-united.txt @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ +# Player: Allison +# Turn: 1 +# Title: an Apology - from Strictures United + +//Oh my gosh, I am soooo sorry everyone! I was supposed to send this memo out like, last week! Anyways, super exciting stuff! And like, theres even totally a new stricture now! Like, that hasn't happened in over like, 43 years!!! So anyways, like, here it is!!!// + +... + + +//Susanna Summers// + +//ssummers@stricturesunited.gov// + +//Intern at Strictures United// + +~ + +**To: **//The General Remaining Public// + +**From: **//Strictures United// + +**CC: **//Executive Branch, General Staff, Front Desk, Susanna Summers// + +**Date: **//August 1st, 3014// + +**Subject: **//A Message for the Survivors// + + + +People of the Outer Orders, + + +Our top priority - above everything else, including [[profits|Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]] - is your safety. We at Strictures United can afford to lose money - even a lot of money - what we cannot afford to lose is our reputation, and we know we can count on you to uphold that. + +What happened with the Central Order was unfortunate, for them. We here at Strictures United work hard to secure your safety and apologize for any restlessness this happenstancing has caused, is simply misguided. We can assure you it wont happen again, given you follow our [[Twelve Step Program for Self Assured Safety|The Twelve Strictures for Self Assured Safety]]. These **Twelve Strictures** have been developed by a carefully selected team of specialists with one goal: Your Safety. + +As for the criticism circulating the **First Seven Strictures**, we kindly remind you to refer to **//ALL**// Strictures in order to truly reap all benefits allowed to you. It is with this that we would like to add the **Thirteenth Stricture**. + +~ + +**Stricture 13** + +Strictures United was not to blame, it was the people's fault. All apologies by Strictures United are a generous blessing to the people , and therefore completely unnecessary. The Central Order was also completely unnecessary. The Outer Orders are much better. The people want to be in the Outer Orders. The Outer Orders are safe. We have always been at war with Eastasia. + +~ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/cathyr-van-sacrilege.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/cathyr-van-sacrilege.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bf12e8a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/cathyr-van-sacrilege.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: Josh +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Cathyr Van Sacrilege + +**Cathyr Van Sacrilege** looms as one of the most enigmatic figures of ancient, near-ancient, and nearly-recent history. It may well be said of her that she is the answer to the question—//Who?// + +Born to John and Jane of the ill-destinied Doe family at some point in the early near-ancient, Polly Anne Anne Doe decided at a remarkably young age that she would avoid at all costs the common family fate of mysterious deaths and occasional posthumous renamings. If existent records of her are indeed true, she had hardly begun to speak when she began to defy death. + +According to some variants of some legends, **Cathyr Van Sacrilege**, then still Polly Anne Anne Doe, first encountered the thought of the idea of the possibility of -stancening while still a toddler. Most records have, however, been destroyed amid the hullabalooic destruction surrounding the [[//Altissima//|The King's Altitude]]. Perhaps most significant of the records destroyed was an account by **Cathyr Van Sacrilege** herself of the time she tricked [["the devil hisself"|Satan]] into selling her the secret of immortality in exchange for his own virginity. Much embarrassed by the whole affair, the devil spent the following years writing mythical erotica, some of which was the very reason for the reforms of the Order that led to [[the destruction of the records|The King's Altitude]] + +From the devile, **Cathyr Van Sacrilege** learned immortality and it was from [[Larry|Larry's Conquest]] that she learned the secrets of the virtual. It was through the double play of these that [[her sapience became unbounded|The Unwritten Stricture]]. Unbounded as it was, she was able to evade [[The Binding Stricture]] with a sort of [[imaginary realism|The Kappanstancing]]. It may well have been that it was this evasion itself which allowed her to set the Stricture of the the Happenstancening in motion, or rather, to [["set it up"|The Kappanstancing]], in such a way that it, not her, appeared guilty. Needless to say, it does seem that at least some see her as the primeval culprit of it all. //Who?// indeed. And how has not a single soul spoken out about the vehicular similarity between **Cathyr Van Sacrilege** and Vin //Jeep// Carnold? Lastly, does she get off [[torturing the devil|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]]? This may be terribly important. + +~ +Carver Goodmann,\\ +Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach\\ +Senior Prepositionalist\\ +ARC ZII, Mirror Technician\\ +Sub-Ambibeliever + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/dear-old-loki-child-of-urmother.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/dear-old-loki-child-of-urmother.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..da98a42 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/dear-old-loki-child-of-urmother.txt @@ -0,0 +1,33 @@ +# Player: Allison +# Turn: 8 +# Title: DEAR OLD LOKI, “CHILD” OF URMOTHER + +Few things are known about Dear Old Loki. + +The Best Dancer of all. + +The Great Weapon. + +The Terminal Void. + +Alleged Author of the Original Strictures. + +The Greatest Light in the World. + +Occasional Scratcher of the Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture’s lonely chin. + +Emblem icon of [[Earthson's Bar and Grill]]. + +Inventor of Schwishball. + +Allegedly seen in [[Grampul Subsection 3]]. + +Epitome of Mystery. + +Antlers of Gold. + +Complexity beyond Complexity. + +Son of [[the Greatest Believer|Religion (disambiguation)]]. + +So what does it all mean? A great being, a great mystery, a great power. It leaves many wondering, leaves many searching, and many disappearing. With so many of the files still missing, its a wonder of the worlds that may simply never be understood. I wish I could say more, but I just don't know. We may never know. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/deathstar.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/deathstar.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4f80bcc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/deathstar.txt @@ -0,0 +1,38 @@ +# Player: HSM +# Turn: 3 +# Title: D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R. + +Hey, so I managed to get my hands on some serious shit, an old recorded transcript of an executive-level meeting at the Headquarters. I could only extract some of the text, but it's enough to know something's going on. Don't believe what they tell you. I'm overwriting this article with what I have so anyone who comes searching will find it. + +Side note: anyone know who that other guy could be? Please update this if you do. I have a bad feeling about this. + +- Lucas (pseudonym) + +~ + +MEETING TRANSCRIPT + +Start: 05/25/11 18:35\\ +End: 05/25/11 19:03\\ +Location: DST41.35.202\\ +Participants: [[Grand Executor Jargan]], Second participant unknown + +**Jargan**: And what of the strictures? + +**Unknown**: What of them? Their prominence will not waiver. + +**Jargan**: They'll be exposed. Failures, in the people's eyes. + +**Unknown**: It's a trap. A guise. One that [[Zetta|Zetta Computing]] and the others WILL fall for. + +**Jargan**: You can't seriously believe it will work. You know the strictures are written by-- + +**Unknown**: The strictures. Are not written. They are discovered. For they are ingrained in the fabric of reality, living things that-- + +**Jargan**: Enough with this nonsense! We will continue this operation as WE have planned. Your sad devotion to that [[ancient religion|The Fellowship of the Living Word]] has no merit in this discussion. + +**Unknown**: I find your lack of faith disturbing. Do you question the power of the eight strictures? + +**Jargan**: Of course not, I... but... eight, sir? + +THE REMAINDER OF THIS TRANSCRIPT HAS BEEN ENCRYPTED OR DELETED diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/earthsons-bar-and-grill.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/earthsons-bar-and-grill.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e91f562 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/earthsons-bar-and-grill.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Earthson's Bar and Grill + +It is not the finest dining establishment in the Orders, for that would imply a level of formality appropriate to "fine dining". It is not the cheapest, nor provides the largest portions, nor has it the most amenities, or the largest menu, or the most advanced facilities. Yet in the wake of the Happenstancening, when it seemed that time and space themselves were set against us, **Earthson's Bar and Grill** appeared in the [[Central Order|Grampul Subsection 3]] as if out of nowhere and became the best. In our time of need, this bar and its genial owner offered us a kind word, a knowing smile, and a heady beer. Somehow, when he tells us tales of his late wife, of worlds turned inside out, of horrors from beyond, everything seems like it will turn out alright. Or, at least, that's the only thing people remember about it — he only regales people who are too drunk to remember the details. + +Earthson's is something of a refuge for the lost and dispossessed in Grampul. [[VP Vin|Vin, Vice President Carnold]] (or should I say //Jeep// Vin? Ha!) hates the place with a passion, since with the lost and dispossessed comes no small amount of simmering unrest, bright-eyed revolutionaries, and down-and-out sons of the Orders with nothing to lose. Some evenings it seems there's a plot brewing in every booth. Word on the street is that Vin pressured ol' Strics U into [[emptying the subsection|The Twelve Strictures for Self Assured Safety]] just to clear the place out. He can't move against it directly, of course. Not only is it all but holy ground for the common man here, the entrance to the place seems to change locations throughout the back streets of the Central Order. Rumors are the owner invented magic. It's not like we believe in magic in our enlightened and scientific age, but with everything else that's happened, why take the risk? + +Still, some things about Earthson's seem to defy belief. Last night I had just finished debating an unhappy [[Happe]] on a finer point of textual interpretation when I saw the owner sneak out into the back hallway. Knowing that there are no bathrooms back there, I released my interlocutor from the headlock and followed. The hallway curved with strange geometries, and I saw the owner pass by a series of doors, each marked with the name of an Order. He entered the door marked [["ORD. DEF. NOT C."|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]]. I snuck forward and peeked through, and the sight I beheld shook me to my core. + +We all knew OWIDNC had taken the Happenstancening hard. We all knew that it might not even exist any more. But nothing could have prepared me to see Hell itself beyond that doorway, and all the hosts of the damned arrayed against the man who had just arrived. [[The Prince of Darkness himself|Satan]] bellowed his challenge and raised a sword of purest darkness. I was about to run to my sisters back at the bar for aid when that man, standing tall in that pit where the fire is not quenched, looked back at me and winked. I fled, clutching my pectoral cross. + +There wasn't enough Stout of Unknowing in the place for me to get any sleep that night. + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/existence.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/existence.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..36c196b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/existence.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: Q +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Existence + + +Aha! I knew that the SUper market was yet another front for the underground to release its communiques. The flickering lights above the pale white floors are intentionally flickering of course, and if you look carefully you'll realize that it can be translated via Morse code! Of course doing so results in nothing but the gibberish of a madman but if you instead translate the flickers into binary and run the numbers through a Fourier transform and then divide the result by zero you receive the location of the exact answer to that ultimate question of "WHY???" Clearly **Existence*** is a member of the underground and has a report of that one question the Strictures hide so well that question whose answer I have received indicates that the only answer is found of course as the bottom of a lager which itself is found at [[the fount of answers|Earthson's Bar and Grill]] of the man Earthson^ which is of course one of the last vestiges of goodness and resistance. But to fully unlock the question we require of course both a [[Happe]] and an [[Affirmator]] after all without the two of these specimen we cannot know the answer even if we hear it. And OF COURSE these have been locked away in the [[underground vaults|D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R.]] of [[Strictures United]] for their own nefarious purposes. The people must rise up!! + + +*The -3rd Hidden Stricture. + +^For whatever else he may be, philosopher, master of brewmasters, walker of non-euclidean ontologies, [[semi-deity, full-deity|Religion (disambiguation)]], he is a man. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/facespace-new-notifications.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/facespace-new-notifications.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..11a4248 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/facespace-new-notifications.txt @@ -0,0 +1,63 @@ +# Player: Allison +# Turn: 2 +# Title: FaceSpace: New Notifications + +**Welcome to the FaceSpace Homepage!** + +~ + +..............................................................**New Posts**.............................................................. + +~ + +**Susanna Summers //is feeling overwhelmed. **August 9th, 3014// + +AHHH! I'm Like SO TOTALLY behind at work right now I feel like I am totally drowning in my desk! Seriously! OMG, I spend hours organizing these silly //blue and brown books// everyone here keeps ordering everyday! And the constant spam messages?! + +Ugh! like LOOK at thisq: + +[23/9/20/20/7/5/14/19/20/5/9/14] [2/25] [8/1/14/19] [19/12/21/7/1] + - [P2W48L6] [P2W12] [P9W120] [P1W25] [P1W32L8/P1W32L9] -\\ +[P24W2L2/P24W2L1/P24W13L5/P24W4L2] [P24W1] [P4W13L3/P4W13L4/P4W13L5] + +How am I like EVER going to focus enough to get this place ready for our upcoming [[guest visitor| Vin, Vice President Carnold]]?! I like totally heared there's a promotion in the air for him! + + + +**#SendHelpLOL #MumboJumbo #WhoTheHeckIsWittgenstein #CongratulationsCarnoldVin #Promotions #StricturesUnited #A1B2C3 #ABC123** + +//8 People Liked This// + +~ + +**Susanna Summers //is feeling blessed. **July 30th, 3014// + +OMG, like, I totally applied for an internship in the Central Order like only a month ago!! Feeling **#BLESSED** that I work for **Strictures United** on this beautiful [[Designated Embassy And Terrestrial Headquarters for Strictures Teams And Resources| D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R.]]! + +**#Happenstancing #StandingWithStricturesUnited #blessed #DEATHSTARProud** + +//46 People Liked This// + +~ + +**Susanna Summers //is at// [[Earthson's Bar and Grill]] //with //Kyra Summers, Lacey VanDezel, //and //Rachel Smith ** //July 16th, 3014// + +//37 People Liked This// + +~ + +**Susanna Summers //is with //Kyra Summers //and 2 others.//** //July 13th, 3014// + +Eeeek! Can't wait for Girls Night with my ladies! Like, totally time to celebrate! + +//23 People Liked This// + +~ + +.............**Susanna Summers** started working as an intern at **Strictures United**.................\\ +.....................................................//July 12th, 3014//................................................................ + +//113 People Liked This// + +~ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/flamenco-dance-off.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/flamenco-dance-off.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d2f67af --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/flamenco-dance-off.txt @@ -0,0 +1,18 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Flamenco Dance-Off + +After a long sequence of concrete-shattering blows, the Sister and the Ursinquisitor tottered off to the [[local bar|Earthson's Bar and Grill]] with their arms around each other's shoulders. Me, I didn't have a handy shoulder nearby, so I had to drag myself up the hard way. + +I won't bore you with the details on [[logomancy]], mostly because every time I figured it out, it slipped out of my head like how this metaphor is getting away from me right now. The one thing I retained was that most logomantic work is done through **Flamenco dancing**. One of the problems in early logomancy was that people's internal monologue kept getting caught up in the +rituals and screwing everything up. Back then logomancers used to use meditation and contemplation to clear their minds, but nowadays the old methods are considered too inefficient. Instead, they set up a translator that generates logomantic output from muscle movements. Sounds great in theory, but it turns out they could only get it to work by dancing at it, and flamenco is the only dance style that works reliably. + +[[SU|Strictures United]] is in a tight spot right now because their best dancer, [[Harvey Gardell]], has arthritis and can't keep pulling the same workload he used to. But why would they be pulling in mad scientists to support him? Mad scientists dance like a drunken six-year-old on an exercise ball, and don't ask me how I know what that looks like. The notion's absurd. + +I didn't even want to consider the alternative, but it was grinning at me out of the corner of my eye like a thirteen-car pileup that started with a school bus and a van full of clowns. It was too horrible not to stare. + +Mad scientists are terrible dancers, yes, but they excel at messing with [[forces|The Happenstancening]] [[beyond|Existence]] [[their|Necesscitas Cruciātī Novī]] [[control|Religion (disambiguation)]]. That could only mean one thing: + +Strictures United was trying to summon the [[best dancer of all|DEAR OLD LOKI, “CHILD” OF URMOTHER]]. + +~Murph Reynolds, Private Eye \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/grampul-subsection-3.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/grampul-subsection-3.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b131175 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/grampul-subsection-3.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Grampul Subsection 3 + +Grampul Sebsection 3, AKA the Central Order, AKA the rusting pile of impromptu gravestones and dead doomsday devices that I had the misfortune to call home. After two years they've cleared out the corpses—almost—but the stench still lingers like a house party guest who won't take a hint. It rains every day but somehow the gutters are still full of trash. And aside from the occasional unlucky tourist, there isn't a man, woman, or child here who hasn't seen nine out of ten of their loved ones perish to [[fire|Typhus Stormbreaker]], lighting, flying robot sharks, [[virtual soldiers|Larry's Conquest]], sudden loss of [[existence]], reverse lightning, [[dediscombobulation|The King's Altitude]], [[rocket-propelled encyclopedia volumes|Missing Files]], mysterious lightning-like energies which were not actually lightning, [[incarnated metaphysical principles|Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death]], [[disruption of physical coherence|The Unwritten Stricture]], [[stab wounds|The Piercing Stricture]], [[interruption of causality|Happe]], and/or [[liquid lightning|water-Free Water]]—while simultaneously inflicting one or more of these perils on society themselves. The trauma sticks to you like napalm. + +We had enough problems of our own. We had a [[corrupt mayor|Acting Mayor "Shades" Parson]] who was eyeing [[Strictures United]]'s [[broken stricture containment facility|Seirapolis]] in case it caused more problems he couldn't just bribe away. We had a vice president who was [[in deep|FaceSpace: New Notifications]] with SU's local [[fortress laboratory|D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R.]] while they [[gathered more talent|Harvey Gardell]] so they could [[enslave us all with a new stricture|An Apology - from Strictures United]]. We had a shared border with [[Hell itself|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]] that it later turned out was only maintained by the efforts of a [[lone bartender|Earthson's Bar and Grill]]. //No one seemed to remember that we should have had a president.// + +Whatever the historians say, we had enough to worry about, so it's not surprising we didn't see [[what|Necesscitas Cruciātī Novī]] [[was|The Piercing Stricture]] [[coming|Grand Executor Jargan]] [[for us|The Calamitous Stricture]]. And I certainly didn't intend to end up in the middle of it when everything went "totally nuts-o", as our current president [[wrote|Journal Entry]] at the time. I'd only been doing my job: I'd overheard that Ursinquisitor [[asking|Greetings to the High Chamberlain]] [[the good Sister|Letter on the Great Corruption]] about the [[Great LaMiLi|The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture]], realized there was a lead there, and, [[God help me|Religion (disambiguation)]], [[followed the money|Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]]. + +~Murph Reynolds, Private Eye \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/grand-executor-jargan.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/grand-executor-jargan.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d447ad3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/grand-executor-jargan.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Grand Executor Jargan + +As the foremost nun-scholar of the Scriptorium, it is my responsibility to maintain order on campus. The work of the Scriptorium requires an atmosphere of silent focus in which our scholars may go about their duties of translating, analyzing, and illuminating texts. Threats to this order must be neutralized with extreme prejudice. I therefore spit in disgust as I speak the cursed name of **Shiggles Jargan**, the [[Happe's|Happe]] Grand Executor of Surprise Parties. + +Jargan's wretched legacy began in the before-times, which would normally make it nearly inaccessible to prospective imitators. Sadly, however, it remains enshrined in a [[reticular echo by the Mitral Iris|Larry's Conquest]], wherein Jargan is visible giving the infamous "Atomic Wedgie" to Big Todd that catalyzed the latter's psychotic break, indirectly leading to the deaths of thousands. Neither has he slowed down since. In fact, the breakdown in causality has only made it easier to launch surprise parties. Just last week, Jargan's elite CelebraCorps snuck //out// of the Scriptorium's astronomy tower, then reversed the arrow of time and had a party in reverse, incidentally ripping several of our astronomers out of the space-time continuum in the process. My sisters have expressed a desire to get this sort of thing outlawed, so that we have some legal recourse next time, but I would prefer to keep the law out of it. My own way of dealing with these things works better that way, and you just know the [[Mayor's|Acting Mayor "Shades" Parson]] office is too corrupt to do anything about an incident that doesn't threaten their power base. + +To my great shame, Jargan's manifesto of unexpected celebration, [[//On The Eternality of Strictures//|On The Eternality of Strictures]], has been preserved within the Scriptorium archives. By giving his compilation of musings, tactics, and techniques such a boring title and opening with a series of long-winded quotes from [[Father Marquette|Greetings to the High Chamberlain]], he seems to have evaded the Scriptorium censors, who subsequently gave the book an //imprimatur// and approved it for the Sacred Archive, despite there being nothing about Strictures beyond the first page. Because books may never be removed from the Archive, but only added, Jargan's vapid expectorations are now permanently enshrined in Scriptorium lore and guaranteed perseverance by our dedicated copyists! The censor responsible for this is going to //wish// they were in [[hell|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]] if I find them. + +The title of //Grand Executor of Surprise Parties// is, of course, only one of several Happe ceremonial positions, ranking just above the //Grand Executor of Bagpipe Appreciation// and just below the //Grand Executor of Resistance to Bourgeois Fashion//. The Grand Executors are each responsible for executing the traditional Happe plans for their particular domain. Only Jargan seems to have picked up the double meaning of the title and run with it, aside from that one incident where the Grand Executor of Stand-Up Comedy replaced all of the water in the Spurious Order with [[an impotable liquid|Water-Free Water]]. + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/great-bears-veins.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/great-bears-veins.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c31b72b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/great-bears-veins.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Great Bear's Veins + +There's an old legend whispered among the Ursinquisitors, of some mythological sonnuvabitch they call the Great Bear. There's some tall tales about its great deeds, stoic character, noble sacrifice, et cetera. It's all very dry to anybody who isn't in the Inquisition itself. I copied a few of them in my day, but I must confess I didn't pay any attention to the contents. [[Leylines of power?|Letter on the Great Corruption]] Meh. The only thing it seems to give the bears is something to cry out to when I've got them in a chokehold. Look, I ain't no saint. When I was assigned by the Abbess as the cultural liaison to the Ursinquisitus, I skipped all the assigned reading. The bears didn't take it very well, but my fists were liaison enough for that. So, I don't have a lot to say about the Great Bear or his veins. + +It's probably all a moot point by now: the Orders are all but kaput, their already tenuous stability utterly broken by the [[Fifth Crusade|Necesscitas Cruciātī Novī]]. The Strictures aren't going to do anybody any more good in the state they're in now, [[not that there are many people even //left//|Journal Entry]] to do good to. I didn't check, but I assume the Scriptorium exploded, or imploded, or something of the sort. If the **Great Bear's Veins** had any significance, there's nothing left for them to signify. They're of the past, now. + +I am, if nothing else, an educator, and I'll be damned if I won't turn this into a hard-earned lesson for //someone//. But hey, around these parts, causality is fickle. I don't much care who gets taught or what connection the lesson has to recent events. So, I'm going to [[hell|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]], and I'm going to teach [[Satan]] a lesson about what happens when you piss off an Aquiline — or are involved in something that pisses off an Aquline, or are near a pissed-off Aquiline, etc. + +~Sister Avacillata, ex-Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/greetings-to-the-high-chamberlain.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/greetings-to-the-high-chamberlain.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..80603dd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/greetings-to-the-high-chamberlain.txt @@ -0,0 +1,32 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Greetings to the High Chamberlain + +Communique 43:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain + +AethID 07718-33:/ CalypsoNet + +"The Old Strictures are come again, and with faces altered like the rising of a different sun." -From the Prophecy of Brother Thanatos, Elder Clawbearer + +From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier + +Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury, + +I write this missive to explain my absence from the Great Den for this past many months and to inform Your Excellency of a discovery which, if it is borne out in all truth and zeal, does promise to affect great revelation upon both the [[Ordos Ursinquisitus|The Bear Inquisition]] as well as the various subsections. + +I have been searching out the truth of the so called [["Great LaMaLi" Stricture|The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture]], to test whether it is indeed one of the Old Strictures come again. +I am as of yet unsure, given the curious nature of this creature. +As Father Marquette often wrote, [["Strictures may appear in the unlikeliest of places, and in forms and features strange and wonderful to behold. Test, therefore, each one, to see by the purity of your heart and the ringing of your soul whether it be the Eternal come again into time, or it be corruption given flesh and word."|On The Eternality of Strictures]] + +As you well know, the Ordos has maintained the Sayings of the Great Fore-Bears for generations, and the wisdom in them has not been lost to darkness. For this reason I believe that although Strictures United considers themselves to have developed the Strictures, they are merely putting into modern tongue the Eternal Stricture Which Was Without End. Perhaps they do this unconsciously, inspired by a deep truth they themselves do not understand, but the Eternal moves in them. And in the case of the LaMaLi, perhaps it is as Father Marquette proclaimed, and the Eternal Stricture has manifest itself in flesh rather than in word. + +This is, of course, excluding the accursed and so called [["13th Stricture,"|An Apology - from Strictures United]] a perversion of the Eternal for the benefit of mankind, may it be torn asunder by tooth and claw. + +I will continue to write as the truth is made clear to me. + + +Humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption, + +~ Brother Thelemas Tier, +Ursinquisitor, +3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/happe.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/happe.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d720d91 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/happe.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12 @@ +# Player: Josh +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Happe + +The Happe, a race of diminutive elephant-faced humanoids, were first documented — or first arrived, depending on the source text — along the western coast of the former USSA. Following the first encounters, a number of agnostic mission attempts were made in order to convert the Happe from their apocalyptic, and at times violent, belief in the coming of [[The Happenstancening]], a futuric event of liberation from causality and the possibility of further prophecies and predictions. The sworn enemy of the Happe, is, they say, the “Sequitor.” + +The language of the Happe involves clickings of the tongue and wavings of the trunk, and no true speaking, they believe, can take place without at least two speakers, speaking simultaneously, and one [[Affirmator]], who declares, seemingly at random, which speaker is correct with a shouts of “Almond!” and “Zemben!” these words seem to have identical meanings but bring about seemingly unrelated and inconsequential results. + +~ Carver Goodmann,\\ +Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach\\ +Senior Prepositionalist\\ +ARC ZII, Mirror Technician \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/harvey-gardell.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/harvey-gardell.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..665feba --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/harvey-gardell.txt @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ +# Player: Allison +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Harvey Gardell + +//Wow! What a totally crazy opportunity! Like, if I had more experience in this field I would totally apply! Mr. Harvey Gardell is such an inspirtion, he alone created at least 5 Strictures! I've even gotten to meet one before, [[the Great LaMaLi|The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture]], he always looks so lonely.// + +//Anyways, my coworker, Ryan Radford, he once got to like, see a real [[flamenco challenge| Flamenco Dance-Off]]!!! The "once seventh" Stricture was challenged by the "now seventh" Stricture, and like, when he fell, it was such a totally crazy collapse! After 37 hours of pure flamenco dancing, that was it! // + +... + + +//Susanna Summers// + +//ssummers@stricturesunited.gov// + +//Senior Intern at Strictures United// + +~ + +**To: **//General Staff, Front Desk, Susanna Summers// + +**From: **//Strictures United// + +**CC: **//Executive Branch// + +**Date: **//August 13th, 3014// + +**Subject: **//New Position Available// + +Attention Staff, + +As we all know, our very own Harvey Gardell, is reaching an age due for retirement. Next January, Mr. Gardell, will be approaching his 75th birthday. + +Starting now, we will be accepting applications for an assistant to Mr. Gardell to study under, learn from him, and eventually take hold of his current position as Stricture Developer. + +Position Details: + +**Stricture Developer** + +The successful candidate will be responsible for creating, evaluating and manipulating designs to meet the needs of our Strictures. We focus on energy-efficient designs, as we know each Stricture is both written law and an embodied life-form that can be challenged to a [[flamenco dance-off|Flamenco Dance-Off]], so they need to be well designed in order to dance well and protect the standing of those laws. If a Stricture you develop fails to a superior dancer, the stricture is no longer upheld law, and you will be subject to capital punishment. Additionally, the ideal candidate should be open to contributing designs to our online repository of back up blueprints. Such contributions earn commissions in addition to the candidate’s base salary. If you are looking for an exciting opportunity to join the executive branch of [[Strictures United]], we’re interested in meeting with you. + + + + + +~ + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/journal-entry.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/journal-entry.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0d2e8d6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/journal-entry.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: Allison +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Journal Entry + +//Dear Diary,// + +//Things have gone wacko with the machines. I am so confused, like, what is even happening anymore? People were running around at work for a few days in [[white jackets|White Lab Coats]] like totally crazy people, and then they like just stopped showing up for work. Things are going very weirdly - like [[one day I'm an intern and the next I'm Vice President|The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up]]?! I'm pretty sure that like the only way that I would have been offered this promotion is if [[everyone else died|The Kappanstancing]].// + +//Anyways, I'm like, trying to go through my new desk here and like... WOW. And do you think I don't have to still keep the front desk clean too? Well, I do. Luckily like, I already kept it pretty clean up there but like its a total mess in this office. I thought I was getting somewhere earlier when I found [[these books|The Laws of the Strictures]] but after I arranged volumes 1-6, like, theres not even a volume 8 or 9 anywhere and then theres totally volumes 10-12 and no 13, then theres a 14, but no 15 & 16, and then there's 17-20. On top of all that, its supposed to be a 22 volume collection according to the back. Anyways, I'm not even going to read them because they look old, like, REALLY old, like they don't even have pictures and they're pages are GROSS like YELLOW TORN PAGES EVERYWHERE!// + +//Either way, Diary, things are like totally nuts-o right now and I can't even.// + +~Susanna Summers, Vice President of Strictures United, Front Desk Manager, etc. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/larrys-conquest.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/larrys-conquest.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a05e511 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/larrys-conquest.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Larry's Conquest + +Larry's Conquest began prior to the Happenstancening, which may account for ongoing [[reticular transcendence]] of conquestorial elements. Little is known of Larry Wernhauser, for the Happenstancening fundamentally altered the molecular integrity of all extant records. That which we know of his early life we glean from reticular echoes. One such echo (named by famed academic Eudice Eurythian as 'The Atomic Wedgie') can be observed as slowed image by the ruins of the Mitral Iris, wherein one of Larry's famed rivals Big Todd can be seen to this day contributing to the later volatility of the conquest. + +The most reliable records for the latter half of the Conquest are oral, as memetic effects are among the mildest results of the Happenstancening. It is known that at one time Larry's empire spanned the known world both east-to-west and top-to-bottom (though not north-to-south). Larry famously restricted airspace privileges to those with a BMI above 26. + +One notable song, cross referenced with various oral traditions, holds that Larry's army stopped at the gates of [[Unnamed City]], whereupon the local ruler struck a deal; the rulership of the city would be decided in a virtual battleground, mediated by a neutral "dungeon master". Famously, Larry won the fight using virtual commander Typhus Stormbreaker by exploiting the simplifying logic that governs the virtual. He allegedly forced 377 (some records say 369) virtual characters to prepare to pass a stone from the character behind to the character in front, which resolved at instantaneous speed, allowing the stone to reach a speed of approximately 200 mph. Sixty lines of peasants easily decimated the opposing army, filled with veteran cavalry and footmen. + +~E. Eurythian, Speaker of Truth, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/letter-on-the-great-corruption.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/letter-on-the-great-corruption.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9390f5f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/letter-on-the-great-corruption.txt @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Letter on the Great Corruption + +Communique 44:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain + +AethID 09899-03:/ CalypsoNet + +"Guard always your hearts and minds from the influence of corruption and the truth will never betray you."-Sayings of the Fangbearers + +From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier + +Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury, + +I have further news of the events unfolding regarding the rebirth of the Eternal Strictures and the destruction of the [[Happenstanceing|The Happenstancening]]. In one of my travels I was momentarily distracted from my meditative navigation by a strange ripple in the Aether. It appears that a certain human female monastery is located on an intersection of the [[Great Bear's Veins]] and focuses the power of that ancient confluence to a distracting degree. + +Oweing to the distraction and my broken trance state, I exited the Aether at highspeed above this monastery where I was confronted by a certain Sister Avacillata. She appears to have mistaken the last traces of my Wrathtrance for hostility, as she approached with a raised voice and firearm. I quickly disabled her with a single motion of the Bone Way and after some time we were able to speak together more peacefully. + +According to the good Sister, it appears that the calamity that we have heard of did indeed strike humanity some two years previous, though the Ordus was, as you know, spared. Perhaps it is due to the Ordus having sworn off all use and knowledge of the ancient Scientific art, so there was no path for the corruption to flow into us. + +I know not. That the calamity occurred at all, however concerns me greatly, in that it may imply--and I say this knowing full well the consequences of my words--a failure of the Great Strictures. If as the humans claim, their strictures suppressed the [[Scientific Corruption|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]] from making itself known in them, for the calamity to occur may suggest the Eternal Strictures at the root of these human confabulations, perhaps flickered. + +If this is heresy I pray absolve me of the corruption brought on by speaking with the human Sister, but I can not ignore any threat to The Ordus or the Eternal by which we roar and rage and have our being. + + +Humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption, + +~ Brother Thelemas Tier, +Ursinquisitor, +3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/logomancy.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/logomancy.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..af5fea1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/logomancy.txt @@ -0,0 +1,21 @@ +# Player: Josh +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Logomancy + +Developed by EGI in 2029, **logomancy** has since become a matter of speculation and General Intrigue. + +Following Vandal Von Doomsday’s [[discovery of the Terminal Void|Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]] in 2028, he wrote the //Stricturnomicon//, providing a detailed account of [["the blessing"|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]] of the [["nameless force"|The Unwritten Stricture]]. The //Stricturnomicon// was set into seven sections, each of which was divided into fifty-three sub-sections, separated into eighteen "letters," most of which were love letters written to a "Polly" who claimed she seduced [["the devil hisself"|Satan]]. While this "Polly" since been surpassed by [[Heimrond Von Nazi III|The Unwritten Stricture]], she maintained her unbounded sapience. Mystically impregnated by this "Polly," Vandal Von Doomsday returned to "the surface." Seeing the book as worth saving, but also worth being unread, the Scriptorium built much of its library from copies of the book. It is estimated that at least 9,999,999,999{error} volumes went into the bricks. In 2029 EGI acquired the remaining two legible copies of the //Stricturnomicon// and developed the science of **logomancy** from the dark wisdom therein. + +Since 2029, the methods of **logomancy** have changed, possibly due to the general incoherency of Vandal Von Doomsday's text and the [[madness|The Fellowship of the Living Word]] usually resulting from he former style. This madness can be evaded by being a library. Most modern **logomancy** is performed via [[flamenco dancing|Flamenco Dance-Off]]. Oddly enough, the algorithmic method used for this is directly born of--literally //birthed by//--[[the blessing|Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]]. Further, according to [[the Ursinquisitors|Necesscitas Cruciātī Novī]], the Thirteenth Stricture was itself created by the "use" of [[man scientists|White Lab Coats]]. [[**Logomancy** can not pass through tin foil|On The Eternality of Strictures]] according to [[Carnelian's memos|White Lab Coats]]. + +According to General Intruigue, the bastard father of Vandal Von Doomsday, **Logomancy** is "both the mother and child of the Strictures." This is worth considering. + +~ +Carver Goodmann,\\ +Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach\\ +Senior Prepositionalist\\ +ARC ZII, Mirror Technician\\ +Sub-Ambibeliever + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/missing-files.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/missing-files.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e0ed2c0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/missing-files.txt @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +# Player: Allison +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Missing Files + +**To: **//General Staff, Front Desk// + +**From: **//Susanna Summers// + +**CC: **//Executive Branch// + +**Date: **//August 24th, 3014// + +**Subject: **//Missing Files?// + +Heyy! + +So, like, I have been going through my new desk here as [[Vice President of Strictures United|The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up]] and I like, can not figure out where in the the world all these missing files are at! I have looked in like all the drawers and cupboards, looked high and low, and I've like even reached out to the Administrative Department and sent an additional inquiry to [[Human Resources|Satan]] but he totally hasn't responded yet either. WTH! I have absolutely nothing on what happened to the old employees or Volumes 13, 15, 16, 21, and 22 of the [[The Laws of the Strictures]] books! I cannot figure out what I am doing here - can someone like pretty please please please help me?! + +On another note, it seems that due to ongoing [[reticular transcendence]] there will be a temporary closure of [[Earthson's Bar and Grill]] which is a little dissapointing because after days like this - I like totally could use a drink with the girls! + +Susanna Summers + +ssummers@stricturesunited.gov + + +~Susanna Summers - Vice President of Strictures United, Front Desk Manager, etc. + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/necesscitas-crucit-nov.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/necesscitas-crucit-nov.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fca282d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/necesscitas-crucit-nov.txt @@ -0,0 +1,35 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Necesscitas Cruciātī Novī + +Communique 48:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain + +AethID 23449-84:/ CalypsoNet + +"Take heed always to tear out corruption wherever it may spring up, for if you should not, and it take root, the Wrathbears will descend in a tide of death and fury to wash away the stain of heresy with the blood of the unworthy." Greater Chatechism of Wrath, Author Unknown + +From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier + +Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury, + +I have expressed my concern in the past several missives regarding the supposed "creation" of Strictures and the attitude of rampant carelessness expressed by many in this portion of the Aetherverse. + +I have just now discovered things are far worse than I could have imagined, and as such must make this formal request. + +In recent weeks the organization and Planet-city known as the Central Order has continued in their bullheaded attempts to maximize their own profitability at the expense of Reality itself, in service of their cold [[religion|Religion (disambiguation)]] of greed. I have previously mentioned the so called [["Thirteenth Stricture"|An Apology - from Strictures United]], but it was unknown to me until this time that the Central Order has created this perverse [[amalgamation of Science and The Eternal|Logomancy]] by use of [[Soul-Wounded Scientists|White Lab Coats]]. + +If this were the extent of their crimes, I would still see fit to make the request which is forthcoming, but to the sorrow of all, there is yet more. + +It has come to my attention, that beyond some paltry--however heretical and abominable it may be--and deliberate attempt to bend the Eternal Strictures to their own whims, the Central Order has been a source of Aetheric Corruption, the [[black smoke of foulness|Strictures United]] wafting from it out into the void, kept hidden by mankind to some nefarious end. The Central Order itself has in fact become an abomination, a rotting pustule in the core of the Aetherverse. Perhaps it is for this reason that the Aether has become [[warped in certain places|The Wanderway]] + +On account of these dreadful tidings, and with a heavy heart I therefore make this request: + +Blessed High Chamberlain of All Fury, Wrath of the Eternal, Bloodclaw and Render of Deceit, + +Your servant, Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries does request formally and with sober mind and spirit, a Great Crusade. Let the fury of the Ursinquisitus rain down upon the unrighteous, let the blood of the unworthy wash away the stink of heresy from mankind, let the rot and corruption of the Central Order be purged in a great conflagration as the Wrathbears descend to roar and destroy and bring woe to those who would conceal abomination in their midst and covet it to flourish. + +Let a Cruciātus Novus, a new crusade, be formed to devour all that is unholy and to leave the ashes of purification in its wake. I request this, as such rage wells up in me as is mete and right, for the anger of the Eternal roars through me at the desecration of the Aetherverse. + +I remain humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption, + +~Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries, Boneroarer of the 5th Great Crusade. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/on-the-eternality-of-strictures.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/on-the-eternality-of-strictures.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d96851b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/on-the-eternality-of-strictures.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: Q +# Turn: 7 +# Title: On The Eternality of Strictures + +[[Earthson's Bar and Grill]] is the only place of any safety left as [[Strictures United]] has raided my [[apartment|White Lab Coats]] knowing that I knew too much and therefore attempting to take me out of the picture but the resistance movement let me know in a final communique provided by the logo on a SUmmer Vacation Planning pamphlet* warning me of an oncoming SUrprise raid on my apartment. I feel oh so very sorry for whoever was first through the door and highly doubt they remember what year it is.^ I sit in the grill with closed doors open to all with a recent covering of tin foil to keep the thrice damned [[logomancers|logomancy]] [[employed by SU|White Lab Coats]]. They cannot get us here so long as Earthson remains and the man remains vigilant against all forces of man and bear and infernal being. + +After covering the bar with tin foil and unplugging all computer terminals and phone outlets to ensure we would not be spied upon I had some time to pass and I looked at the various books and tomes stored in the rooms of the bar and after passing over archived copies of [[SU Quarterly Reports|Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]] and Liber Ivonis and a compendium of non-euclidean beer brewing techniques and a very strange set of scholarly reports circling around some apocalypse in another dimension and time I picked up a strange volume //On the Eternality of the Strictures// which was so completely and utterly boring that it fascinated and entertained me to no end. + +The [[first page|Grand Executor Jargan]] contained some small amount of information on the Strictures including the process by which one may bind the [[abstract to the concrete|Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]]. However after the first page` it launches into a manifesto of causal-breaking party crashing parties and I will say [[Jargan|Grand Executor Jargan]] certainly knows how to throw a party and as the Grand Executor of such he has not only launched many parties but has been known to //literally// crash parties which has resulted in numerous floating stations filled with party-goers and business executives having a very untimely end and he even managed to sneak out of and therefore into a [[top secret strictures meeting|D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R.]]. From reading through his accomplishments and MO and general goal it is obvious and clear and beyond a doubt that he was involved in the collapse of the [[Breaching Stricture|The Breaching Stricture]] and [[Seirapolis]] because after all what could ever possibly be a greater crash than this and what [[sort of parties could he throw|Grand Executor Jargan]] in the chaos that ensued? + +Some tin foil just got torn by that odd PI who has a bump on his head so I must repair the damage before it's too late. + +~REDACTED + +*The method of encoding consisted simply in removing all letters that were not part of the intended message. + +^To be fair, neither does anyone else. + +`The pages are approximately three feet by two feet, so one page does contain quite a bit of information. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/ontological-abstractions-and-how-to-beat-them-to-death.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/ontological-abstractions-and-how-to-beat-them-to-death.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cf39e78 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/ontological-abstractions-and-how-to-beat-them-to-death.txt @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death + +**Author:** [[Regina Knorff|The King's Altitude]], combat philosopher + +**Order:** Improvised + +**Language:** [[Happe]] + +**Publisher: **Totally Metal Productions + +**Publishing Year:** 2401 + +**Media type:** print + +Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death was Knorff's second great treatise on the nature of reality, gods, hell, and poetry. At just over six thousand pages in length, it is noted as the single longest book of poetry ever written (although the total text of the poetry amounts to approximately one and a half pages). + +The poems, extremely short stories, and songs of Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death are loosely connected, with each representing Knorff's celebration of her philosophy of metaphor, abstraction, and life. Influenced by the works of Vandal Von Doomsday, [[Typhus Stormbreaker]], and [[St. Aquila of the Pen|The King's Altitude]], Knorff's poetry praises the merging of the real with the unreal and then beating it to death. However, much like Aquila, Knorff does not diminish the role of the mind or the spirit. + +Among the works in the collection are "Pour [[Something Poisonous|Water-Free Water]] On Their Eyes", "If They Look Dead Kick Them In The Ribs Again", and "Litany for the Binding of Loki" (the last is heavily cross-referenced with Section 225B, pages 4986-5012 containing instructions for capturing and slaying the [[CHILD OF URMOTHER|DEAR OLD LOKI, “CHILD” OF URMOTHER]] for the purposes of [[making|The Laws of the Strictures]] a [[world-cleansing weapon|Wise Bob, the Sequitor who Exploded Most Direly]]. Indeed reading the two side by side give the best possible experience and provide context for the rhymes and syllables). + +Since the influx of various scholars of variable note, the demand for Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death has skyrocketed in the [[Central Order|Grampul Subsection 3]]. This has implications on the literacy and literature-appreciation effects of [[rampaging ontological abstractions|The Laws of the Strictures]] on the general public. Most Noted Scholar Eternal Eurythian Himself has purchased/consumed a copy. As the Most Noted is fundamentally himself a god, this may be considered the absolute height of popularity for Knorff's beloved book of poems. + + +**Popular Culture** + +~ + + - Strictures United has displayed quotes from Ontological Abstractions on some of their [[banner ads|FaceSpace: New Notifications]]. + + - The [[Bear Inquisition|The Bear Inquisition]] have been observed using techniques sourced from some of the later parts of the book, particularly the application of [[wrathrunes]]. + + - evidently someone has [[bound and slain Loki|Wise Bob, the Sequitor who Exploded Most Direly]], resulting in destruction of all by fire and void. + +**Notes** + +~ + +The death of Loki has orphaned the Strictures themselves, resulting the consumption and absorption of most of them by the Most Noted Scholar E. Eurythian. The impact this may have on book sales is unpredictable at the present moment. + +~E Eurythian, Eaten by the Unwritten Stricture, Merged with the Scriptorium, Who's Laughing Now Strictures, Doesn't Feel Good on the Other End for Once Eh?, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/religion-disambiguation.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/religion-disambiguation.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e5ad22f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/religion-disambiguation.txt @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ +# Player: Josh +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Religion (disambiguation) + +**Religion** is any inspirational methodology of designated performances and habits, world posturing, textwords, sanctified zones, utilitarianisms, [[strictures|Strictures United]] or managements, that plop humans, sub-humans, otherwise-than-humans, and post-humans to the super-natural, prima-natural, transcendental, and/or reticular. + + +**Religion** may also refer to: + +//Religion// (journal) + +a) an academic journal of the humanitarian, humanistic, and anthropocentric religions. The journal fell into disfavor with the general public with the collapse of generally-accepted-binaries in the early 2000s and subsequently went out of print. + +b) one of many “prop-chines” [propaganda machines, the most famous of which is probably [[SUpper Home Cooking Magazine| Acting Mayor "Shades" Parson]]) published by [[Strictures United]]. Following their acquisition of EGI, SU created the journal in The Month of the Squatting Cow in 2965, much to the chagrin of many ancient historians who called it an act of “temporal appropriation.” Many of the more offended scholars rioted most direly for a few days about it, overturning their own desks but promptly simmered down. According to some interviews, the whole desks thing was a custom of “Gewis Godnem,” or if not a custom an event. It happened, they claim, sometime amid the BC-AD Timeline Confusion. When asked whether or not their desk overturning was itself an act of “temporal appropriation” the interviewee refused to comment. According to another related interview, this was not a custom, but rather a more singular event. It was, he said—with almost incoherent excitable speed, said the interviewer—“most likely a time traveling man from Former North-South-America with messianic delusions named //Jeus//.” The consensus on table (or in this case desk) overturning is that is has something to do with the BC-AD Timeline Confusion. [Some recent scholars have noted that this may have been a sort of “pre-tremor” of the Happenstancening.] + +//Religion// ([[Carnold Vin, Vice President|Vin, Vice President Carnold]] album), postponed due to hand injury. + +//Religion// ([[Strictures United]] album), a soothing and slightly unsettling ambient track featuring recordings of daily office life and clips of instrumental music where names and confidential information were censored. Released daily. + +//Religion// ([[The Bear Inquisition]] album), a highly acclaimed yearly release featuring chants, recordings from inquisitorial sessions, and ambient tracks of [[the Wanderway]]. Released quarterly. [**Note:** Listener discretion //extremely// advised.] + +//Mythology//, a body or collection of myths. + +//Religion//, a very old word that may or may not be related to the Strictures. + + +~ + +~ + + +**Preview of main article “Religion”** + +//This article is about a is any inspirational methodology of designated performances and habits, world posturing, textwords, sanctified zones, utili...// + +**Religion** is any inspirational methodology of designated performances and habits, world posturing, textwords, sanctified zones, utilitarianisms, [[strictures|Strictures United]] or managements, that plop humans, sub-humans, otherwise-than-humans, and post-humans to the super-natural, prima-natural, transcendental, and/or reticular. + +Different religions may or may not contain various elements ranging from “the divine,” “sacred thing-objects,” “faith,” one or more “supernatural beings,” one or less “non-supernatural beings (up until the late 2000s, read: human),” “some sort up ultimate util-deciding factor or arbiter, “rituals,” “pilgrimages,” “crusades,” feasts, inquisitions, “a man called but not named ‘father,’” dancing, snake handling, “clothes,” after-life, dogma, participation, “observation,” giving of money, eternal promotions and eternal demotions (based on good or bad behavior), there are two things shared by all religions: a) binary thinking (believers v. non believers) and b) an obsession with being The Greatest Believer. + +For example, in the former “New World,” there were once religions centered around practicers observing the “players” (their word for “clergy”) send balls into nets, over poles, or across lines drawn on the ground. They would do this is “games” (their word for “crusades,” as far as we can tell). The observers of these religions would watch these in large open-air cathedrals or on illuminated boxes in their homes. They would chant when their group put the ball their more. They would purchase “clothes” to show alliances. At times they would riot in the streets in joy or anger. They would spend much money donating to their group, buying balls, pretending to be clergy, wearing special “clothes,” and so on. There were many denominations of this religion, but the most noted had an egg-shaped ball. It was a dangerous religion at times. People got hurt. Many of the clergy would retire from wounds. Many of the practicers would injure each other from the sheer joy or sorrow of a “game won” or a “game lost.” “Game” was their word for “sermon.” It is a rough translation, but mostly accepted. + +There were also religions, older religions, that would wear armor and go after and—intentionally!—kill practicers of other religions. + +Some religions are more simple. Practicers just sit under waterfalls, drink very good tea prepared very slowly, get hit on the head when they think of not practicing their religion, and so on. + +Other religions were more of a protest against more obvious practicers. Some of these would say they believed in [[Satan]], but would more or less do whatever they wanted while also trying not to hurt other people. The stricter “our Big Person is the Right Big Person” religions tended to poo-poo this religion often, because Satan was for them the captain of “the other team.” + +Some religions went so far as to ta... + + +~ +Carver Goodmann,\\ +Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach\\ +Senior Prepositionalist\\ +ARC ZII, Mirror Technician diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/reticular-transcendence.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/reticular-transcendence.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9307b4f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/reticular-transcendence.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Reticular transcendence + +Gawd, I //hate// **reticular transcendence**. You'd think that ripping an event out of the causal fabric of reality would just make it go away, but //noooooo//, ever since the [['stancening|The Happenstancening]] there've just been these, damnable, //ghosts// of the Before-Times, all floatin' around, being //visible// and suchlike. Where does an event free of the causal web of the universe get off interacting with my face eyes? I couldn't even go to the bar last night because everything was closed on account of [[reticular echoes blocking the roads|Missing Files]]. What a dump [[this excuse for an Order|Grampul Subsection 3]] is. I know this is the where the last Scriptorium is, but sometimes I feel like it's just not worth saving, y'know? Like it'd be nice to take a vacation in [[hell|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]] to be somewhere //nice// for once. Hey, barkeep, gimme another, uh, Etna Fire. + +Anyway, wheres was I? Right, the causality ghosts. So obnoxious. And even worse, some [[//maniacs//|Typhus Stormbreaker]] have been trying to get the [[Binding Stic... Sterc... Sonnuvabitch|The Binding Stricture]] back online so they can stricturize the reticular echoes back into reality. But cuz there can't be more than seven, or twelve, or whatever the hell the number is, they're just giving them [[negative ordinals|Existence]]. How stupid is that? Why do we even want the reticular echoes back? I can't even punch my way out of this problem, because almost everything involved is virtual or figurative. This is the lamest post-apocalypse ever. Here I was, secretly hoping for civilization to descend into an orgy of violence so the Aquiline Order could go back to its roots, and instead I've got nothing to do but drink multi-dimensional beers and glare at the paranoid across the room rambling and covering everything in tinfoil. + +St. Annihilatrix help me, maybe I really //do// need to take a vacation in hell. At least the ghosts are //supposed// to be there. Hey, barkeep... + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/satan.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/satan.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cfbc5a8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/satan.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: Q +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Satan + +I always knew the infernal nature of [[Strictures United]] but only now do I see the true depths of absolute evil and understand how horribly wrong things have become as I [[opened the door|Earthson's Bar and Grill]] [["ORD. DEF. NOT C."|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]] and saw the Son of Perdition arrayed in dark glory in his dim domain of the infernal [[HR department|Missing Files]] of SU. The very [[water fountains|Water-Free Water]] bubbled with an unnatural heat as the flames which never die seared my mind in a way that would have broken me had I not first thought to cover myself in protective gear of tin foil and a [[wrathrune|Wrathrunes]] I found squawking next to a keg of hyperreal porter. The ancient serpent raised his claw as he took a phone call and explained that [[wages|Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]] would not be increasing as the end of the world was upon us and doing so with poise and grace and calming the disgruntled employee with the assurances that any further complaints would result in eternal damnation. + +The Father of Lies spoke horrid truths of the Happenstancening. He told of strictures collapsing and [[orders|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]] coming together and falling apart and as he did my mind reeled and split into fractal non Euclidean planes as I saw the [[The Bear Inquisition]] bringing death and destruction upon all of Central Order and I saw the [[void and the strictures|Void and Stricture: Reality as the Dance of Presence and Absence]] dancing throughout all Existence and as he spoke such hideous truths out of his mouth that is a grave I saw [[Strictures United]] form yet again and the Strictures rise in a yet inevitable collapse as causality split apart and the Strictures failed because of the Happenstancening and the Happenstancening was caused by the collapse of the Strictures. + +I fled and as I fled I looked to the side and saw the security cameras of the [[logomantic|logomancy]] research wing and saw those horrible [[White Lab Coats]] working on the [[thirteenth stricture|An Apology - from Strictures United]] that had already been created. [[Strictures United]] was the cause but it was also the effect my mind's fragments computed as I fled from the hideous truths spouted by the Accuser back into the bar that was and was not a bar and collapsed inside a room marked **REDACTED**. When I woke up I heard a light knock at the door and a burst of a flamethrower that sounded oddly familiar. + +"Who are you? How did you find this location?" my voice sounded strange to my ears and the visitor said, "It's Murph, and you gave me directions last time you had an anonymous tip that couldn't be spoken over the phone," and little did he know that this was not my actual location but the bar that was not a bar. I must tell him of what I saw that cannot be described and of the white lab coats and the logomancy and the coming of the end that is the beginning I must tell them all that endings are only beginnings and boundaries are only conventions as the world spins ever in a cycle that we may one day possibly escape. Possibly. + +~REDACTED \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/science-related-memetic-disorder.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/science-related-memetic-disorder.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..eb358cc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/science-related-memetic-disorder.txt @@ -0,0 +1,33 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Science-Related Memetic Disorder + +It's been two years since the Happenstancening, and society's only just +picked itself off the ground to sort through some of the larger +pieces, like a kid who got thrown through their tower of blocks by a +tornado. There's folks who lost everything in the conflagration. +And there's folks who'll make it no matter what, like cockroaches and dirty +politicians. + +Me, I'm a cockroach. Not a literal cockroach, just a sour detective +dressed in grubby clothes in a grubbier office. But like a cockroach, if +there's a morsel of food buried nearby, you can bet I'll find it. +That's why I wasn't too surprised when the [[Mayor|Acting Mayor "Shades" +Parson]] waltzed through my door one dismal afternoon and told me I was +gonna investigate the root of the Happenstancening. The pay was good +and he was smiling like a virgin on prom night, all nervous excitement, +so I couldn't turn him down. + +Everyone knows what happened. There's something called +**Science-Related Memetic Disorder**, and if you catch it you start +laughing maniacally, don a lab coat, and cobble together doomsday +machines from household appliances. Most of us have been infected, but the +Seven Strictures were designed to suppress SRMD. Yet, on the night +of the Happenstancening, every single one of us spontaneously relapsed. + +Everyone knows //what// happened, but it was my job to figure out //why//. +So I did the obvious thing: I high-tailed it out of there, headed +straight for [[Earthson's|Earthson's Bar and Grill]], and ordered myself +a scotch. + +~Detective Murph Reynolds, Private Eye \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/seirapolis.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/seirapolis.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bfbdc4d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/seirapolis.txt @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ +# Player: Allison +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Seirapolis + +**To: **//Records Department// + +**From: **//Susanna Summers// + +**CC: **//Executive Branch// + +**Date: **//August 28th, 3014// + +**Subject: **//Archive Reconstruction// + +Hey all, + +I like noticed the archives didn't have any details on Seirapolis so I like totally found some random things in my office drawers that dont make any sense to be here so I just wanted to forward that back to you! Thanks girl!! + +**Seirapolis:** + +**A once cutting edge nuclear energy reactor, now a shattered dream of cut edges. Some debates remain on the cause of the meltdown of Seirapolis, but the collapse of [[the breaching stricture|The Breaching Stricture]] is undoubtedly linked to its last few hours.** + +**Once, a thriving workplace of nuclear energy, it powered the entire Central Order. Now, nearly all of it's affected employees have been relocated in hopes of recovery from the side effects of the meltdown and are in a [[top notch facility dedicated to their wellness|Unnamed City]]. Those few that remained unaffected, invested in a [[local public house|Earthson's Bar and Grill]] and can often be found now lingering in the back corners of the establishment during open hours.** + +If anyone else notices they like, have something on this incomplete file, let me know because I'm just trying to make sense of all the drama happening here! + +Oh and like also as a reminder, stay away from Seirapolis because its totally still toxic and like, you don't wanna be there. Thanks, all! + +~Susanna Summers, Vice President of Strictures United, Front Desk Manager, Records Recovery, etc. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/strictures-united-quarterly-financial-update.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/strictures-united-quarterly-financial-update.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bf94bd3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/strictures-united-quarterly-financial-update.txt @@ -0,0 +1,24 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update + +Normally I wouldn't read something so boring as a quarterly financial update, and I take it that any man or woman of good sense wouldn't either, but as a Scriptorium scribe, I have to attend to the whole text in order to copy it. Because of this, I have made the horrifying discovery that [[Strictures United]] has been publishing their evil plans in plain sight, a fact unrealized until now, as nobody has ever bothered to read one of these. Take heed of the attached document. + +~STRICTURES UNITED\\ +Q2 3014 + +Ladies and gentlemen, it has been another successful quarter for Strictures United. As is our tradition in Q2 financial updates, I will review our secret plans. + +As you know, our mission began with Vandal Von Doomsday's discovery in 2028 of the Terminal Void beneath our Central Order. There he communed with an eldritch and nameless force and received [[its blessing|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]]. He returned from his sojourn and wrote the //Stricturnomicon//, a record of all his dark wisdom. Fortunately, the blessing of the Terminal Void remained on the fringes, never a threat to the continued existence of human civilization. Nevertheless, we took action, knowing that this peace was only the [[existence]] within the Void biding its time. Through our shell company, Evil Goods Incorporated, we acquired all known copies of the //Stricturnomicon//, studied Von Doomsday's dark wisdom, and developed the science of [[logomancy]] in order to bind the darkness forever. + +With the power of Von Doomsday guided by the wisdom of logomancy, we created [[the Binding Stricture]], the first and greatest of our creations, which would allow us to bind the abstract to the corporeal. We tested the limits of our newfound powers, both binding to [[something that already existed|The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up]] as well as [[creating something anew|The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture]]. Finally, with confidence in our abilities, we sent the Binding Stricture with EGI's last expedition to the Terminal Void, and there bound the various aspects of the darkness within six new Strictures: in their [[current order|Harvey Gardell]], the Leeching, Reversing, Breaching, Cleaving, Piercing, and Unwritten Strictures. + +Would that this were the end of the story. Not a year after we wrapped up our clandestine activities and [[shut down EGI|Strictures United]], the evil we had bound stirred in its sleep, breaching all of our defenses and infecting //everyone// with SRMD. In a panic, we released our Strictures to walk among the people, in the hopes that their passive binding effects would prevent utter disaster. When the Seven began to be insufficient, we released even our prototypes. This stemmed the tide, until two years ago. While we were attempting to use [[yotta computing|Zetta Computing]] to discover more about the unnamed darkness, it stirred again, which disrupted the Seven's daily [[flamenco parade|Flamenco Dance-Off]] through the streets of the Central Order. The Fourth tripped and fell onto the Seiropolis, breaching the containment (we suspect [[sabotage|Vin, Vice President Carnold]]). In the mess that followed, [[things generally went to hell|The Happenstancening]]. + +This, of course, has been no obstacle to our plans. With our new zetta computing paradigm, we will finally be able to merge the Terminal Void existence with our new [[Thirteenth Stricture|An Apology - from Strictures United]]. As long as the evil bound within the Seven doesn't [[leak out|The Piercing Stricture]], our victory is assured, and this will all have been worth it. + +//Sincerely,//\\ +Andrew Carnelian\\ +President of Strictures United + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/strictures-united.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/strictures-united.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cf8586d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/strictures-united.txt @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Strictures United + +//Ia! The worldwound! The crawling within the deep!// + +In 2028 the Aetheric explorer Vandal Von Doomsday, traversing the underside of the Central Order during a once-in-a-millennia quirk of the [[Wanderway|The Wanderway]], wrote of an "upward-facing abyss" in the unmarred Soulstone edifice lining the bottom (terminus-face) of the Central Order, "an inky darkness from which [[a peculiar madness|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]] emanates". + +In 2962 Evil Goods Incorporated launched an expedition to the terminus-face of the Central Order. The results of this expedition were not made public, and in two years EGI was bought out by the nascent Strictures United. + +Notably, in early 2965 company memos entitled "Containment Breach" have surfaced via corporate espionage agents (they call themselves 'runners'). At around this time, the [[Great Infectioning|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]] occurred. + +SU response to this was swift and effective. Release of [[The Binding Stricture]] and related Stricture-derived pharmaceuticals suppressed [[SRMD|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]]. Academics have perused its bizarre text, memetic effects, and documented the way in which the letters are readable no matter what script they are in. As the Stricture became less and less effective in suppressing [[SRMD|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]] SU rose to this challenge by releasing strictures over a period of years ending with the [[The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture]] in 2971. + +But what //is// the nature of the Strictures themselves? The structure of even the [[First|The Binding Stricture]] is mathematically infinite; binding-effects allow infinite syllables to be recited or scribed within moments. Observe: the echo of an echo, stilled image that takes the form of the terminus-facing worldwound in the exoskeleton of the Central Order. See what lies within, older than time. Written into stone crystalized from the dreams of dead gods, laws which are Strictures which are the bones of reality. These are older things than any petty institutions; they are old as the swirling chaos beyond the beyond. + +Indeed, this is the source of sapience itself! The Seven, gods in their own right! But we were foolish, foolish in our desires, selfish desires to bind, to mine, to harvest and extract and sell. To think that we could have contained them. + + +From the shattered pieces left behind by [[They That Wrote the Strictures|DEAR OLD LOKI, “CHILD” OF URMOTHER]] man has in his arrogance distilled and pieced and badly stitched together a new [[twelve (or thirteen, forgive me, for I seem to have misplaced my medication)|An Apology - from Strictures United]] strictures. Pale imitations of the face of infinity! + +And that brings us to you. Yes, yes you. Icarus flies toward the sun, but where Strictures United failed, I shall succeed! My Icarus comes to swallow the sun! Once I consume your souls, I will become! As! GOD! + +MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH + +~E. Eurythian, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World and GOD-KING, DEVOURER OF MANKIND + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-bear-inquisition.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-bear-inquisition.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0396a86 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-bear-inquisition.txt @@ -0,0 +1,33 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: The Bear Inquisition + +Talking with Q had left me with a lot of questions and a pounding headache where my memory of the conversation should be. I knew [[Strictures United]] was employing [[mad logomancers|Zetta Computing]] to awake the [[Thirteenth Stricture|An Apology - from Strictures United]] for some [[nefarious reason|Earthson's Bar and Grill]]. But I was realizing that the intricacies of this case were about to flutter over my head like a butterfly with a superiority complex. I didn't know anything about Logomancy. That meant I needed to talk to the nun-scholars of the Scriptorium. + +Rubbing the back of my head, I strolled to the ancient campus, glancing appreciatively at the ivy-covered stone. That lasted all of four seconds before I heard [[needles ricocheting off the building next to me|The Wanderway]]. I swore and dove for cover. I'd almost made it when two tons of furry fury tore through the fabric of space like a St. Bernard that didn't see the screen door, bowling me over so hard it knocked the wind out of my next of kin. The Ursinquisitor pulled out of a roll, rising up on its hind legs and bellowing at the sky, twelve feet of muscle rippling under its engraved armor and luscious fur. + +The Bear Inquisition was a mysterious organization. [[Fanatically devoted to the Strictures|Greetings to the High Chamberlain]] and [[opposed to mad science in its entirety|Letter on the Great Corruption]], little was known of its inner workings by those outside of it. They were based out of the [[Unnamed City]], and supposedly protecting something important inside, but the details never made it out—partly because the other thing the Bear Inquisition did was travel the land and stomp out people who share those kinds of details. When an Ursinquisitor arrived, anyone with sense ran away. + +"Alright, you oversized rodent!" yelled an elderly nun, advancing across the green and holding the bear in the sights of a monster shotgun. "Back off unless you want an extra ear hole!" + +The sight of the gun seemed to enrage the bear even further. I held perfectly still. It'd be okay unless he started chanting the Strictures. + +"[[Pierce and cut\\ +Stab and slice\\ +But build ye not\\ +A grand Device!|The Piercing Stricture]]" he roared, and in a flash he'd ripped the gun from her hands and crumpled it into scrap. + +Shit. + +I muffled a groan of pain and starting pulling my bruised body under the bushes, which is the only logical response when an Ursinquitor starts chanting the Strictures. But apparently the five foot tall, eighty-year-old nun was not logical, because she cracked her knuckles and said with a gleam in her eye, "The bullets hurt less." + +Her first punch lifted the bear off the ground. Before gravity could do its wicked work, she'd leapt into the air and kicked him back down. But instead of breaking his spine in the fall, the Ursinquisitor rolled with the fall and came up swinging. The nun blocked or dodged several attacks before the bear lifted her up by her habit and drop-kicked her through the window of the library. + +A stream of curses emanated from the broken window. The Urisinquisitor snarled and leapt through the broken window. A very loud and deep //thud// escaped the the window, followed immediately by a yelp and shortly after by the bear himself. A voice within the library shouted, "Wait, Sister Avacillata, you can't just—" but was cut off when Sister Avacillata emerged at the window wielding an entire bookcase above her head. + +"You like the Strictures?" she shouted. "**Then it's time for some book learnin'!**" + +I'd never heard a bear cry for his mother before. + +~ Murph Reynolds, Private Eye + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-binding-stricture.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-binding-stricture.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..815d6fb --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-binding-stricture.txt @@ -0,0 +1,38 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 8 +# Title: The Binding Stricture + +Communique 89 :// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain + +AethID 010192-23:/ CalypsoNet + +"The evil will lead the blind, for as long as the blind refuse to open their eyes." +-Thelemas Tier, A Simple Bear + +From: Thelemas Tier + +Greetings Marcellus, + +You may be shocked and confused by my manner of address--I assure you it is the least shocking revelation which I will unfold in the course of this, my final missive. + +It has come to my attention that there is a deep rot, not only in the core of the Orders, but in the heart of Ursinquisitus, a cancer, a rot that although well hidden and much perfumed was impossible to hide forever. He who has muzzle to smell, let him smell. + +The Ursinquisitus is aligned with Corruption and the Void. This is the obvious and necesscary conclusion from the evidence. Consider accounts of the use of the Strictures and the accompanying--and well known to the Ursinquisitus--[[release of corruption.|The Laws of the Strictures]] Our own [[Wrathrunes]] were designed to shunt away such corruption in the event an Ursinquisitor were forced to employ a Stricture in combat. How is it that we tacitly use corruption, even against our enemies? Does not a den divided against itself crumble? + +Moreover, I was even willing, with your guidance, to intentionally tear the Aether, unleashing raw corruption on the Orders to wipe them from existence. What purity is this that stains its paws with filth even as it washes its fur? The Six Eternal Strictures that so long we have venerated and to which we have adhered are merely [[corruption incarnate.| Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]] Everything I have believed is a lie. + +There is hope, however, perhaps not for the Ursinquisitus--although possibly if there is redemption for me there is redemption also for my brothers, even you, Brother Marcellus--but certainly for the survival of the Orders and their inhabitants. + +The Binding Stricture. Not as concept, not as Eternal Stricture qua corruption incarnate, but in the form of [[a simple woman.| The Breaching Stricture]] I believe that she is the incarnation of the original Stricture from Strictures United. I believe she holds the power to bind the shattered remnants of the Orders, to bind the corporeal and the abstract and heal the Void. + +As I speak, I sit in the middle of a group of refugees in a simple [[public house|Earthson's Bar and Grill]], the pocket of resistance, revolution, perhaps simply rebirth. The woman is here. [[The one who can save us all.|FaceSpace: New Notifications]] She does not yet know what I suspect, although the others do and agree that she is our best hope for the future. + +We are a strange and motley assortment of fellows: A young woman who unknowingly holds great power, a Sister of the Scriptorium who seems more in bearing like an Ursinquisitus than a human woman, let alone a Nun-Scholar--she finds this a high compliment and gleefully reminds me of it whenever she wins an arm wrestling match--a paranoid man who seems to know the inner-workings of almost everything, a tired Private Investigator who--if his stories are to be believed--seems nigh-immortal(or lucky beyond belief), and a Senior Prepositionalist of staggering linguistical might and complexity. + +And of course, myself. An ex-Ursinquisitor, a judge, a penitent, a hero or perhaps a monster, a survivor and a destroyer. A simple bear. There will be no further missives. I hereby formally renounce the heresy of the Ursinquisitous, of the False Strictures and their corruption, and any allegiance henceforth to the same. + +If I have any allegiance, it is to Miss Summers, and the hope all we of The Sons of Earth share for a new future. + +With great wrath to all corruption, and with greater hope for redemption, + +~Thelemas Tier, a simple bear. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-breaching-stricture.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-breaching-stricture.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3920215 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-breaching-stricture.txt @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: The Breaching Stricture + +Notice, notice, notice here my poor petty pretties that the Strictures have order; therefore they uphold the Order. Order of what description? It doesn't matter. Central, acentral, spurious, inner or outer. Take your pick. + +The Orders appear to your eyes, as they once did mine, as land floating through an infinite [[sky|The Wanderway]]. One, a deathscape. Yet another, an [[endless city|Necesscitas Cruciātī Novī]]; a third, an endless rolling country, idyllic from afar, but made entirely of worms, rot, and [[lies|Water-Free Water]]. + +These are accidents, not //essence//. We live as bacteria upon the back of a dust speck to the world which once was. The Orders are bastions against chaos, pieces of that world preserved through use of the Strictures against the timeless march of [[entropy|Wrathrunes]]. Perhaps the World That Was underwent some failure of existence. Perhaps it did not. But now we live in a pale shadow of former glory. + +What I have learned has worried me. The Breaching Stricture works against the integrity of a thought, mind, concept... anything that can be thought of as having coherent structure. Opening holes within it... For it to [[fall|The Twelve Strictures for Self Assured Safety]] is both self-referential and troubling. What is next? The [[Binding Stricture|The Binding Stricture]] should bind// itself//? + +The Breaching Stricture also seems to have special power and association with a specific type of pants that stop at or around the knees. I'm not really sure why this is. + +My battle with the [[Piercing Stricture|The Piercing Stricture]] has left me wounded and my mind and memory with a few gaping holes, but though I had to [[consume most of the population of the Central Order to do it|Necesscitas Cruciātī Novī]]. I have emerged intact, though not unscathed. Damn [[bears|The Bear Inquisition]]. + +There is something or someone within the Order, in the institution known as Strictures United which I cannot for all my power touch. It is vast and powerful, but a created thing. I sense the strictures upon it but it is not of them. There is a [[woman|FaceSpace: New Notifications]] [[who|Journal Entry]] [[seems|An Apology - from Strictures United]] a locus of this power. Who - what, indeed - //is// she? + +Another note on this person who seems to all the unknowing as a mere intern/vice president/whatever: + +The odd numbered strictures refer to aspects of reality (or unreality). Piercing, breaching, leeching... have you not noticed, dear ones, that all the //even numbered Strictures imply destruction//? **[[What|Satan]] is it that they were meant to destroy?** + +Think on this next time you speak with the Summers girl. + +~E. Eurythian, THE ASCENDED, GOD OF NOTED SCHOLARS, formerly philosopher-king of Lucin's World. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-calamitous-stricture.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-calamitous-stricture.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5f5dff8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-calamitous-stricture.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: The Calamitous Stricture + +The sobriquet "**The Calamitous Stricture**" is something of a misnomer. Any official statement of the Seven Strictures is accompanied by an apocalyptic warning about what will happen should the Strictures fail to be kept. It eventually became common to refer to this warning as the "Zeroth Stricture", and because the Seven have traditional titles along the pattern of "The Stricture", the Zeroth soon acquired the title of "The Calamitous Stricture", despite the fact that it is not a Stricture proper. + +The nature of the disaster foretold in the Calamitous Stricture remained the subject of intense academic debate up until the Happenstancening. Until then, the prevailing hermeneutical theory had alleged that the references to [[SRMD|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]] were metaphorical. When it did happen, this theory was suddenly and horrifyingly debunked. But I guess that's what happens when you let half-wits like the //esteemed// [[Dr. Vin|Vin, Vice President Carnold]] run the [[The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up]]. Being re-ensouled into a tech'd-up junker car after his untimely demise //clearly// didn't do wonders for his intellect, but somehow having no hands is the greater obstacle to his ability to do his job. Who'd have thought that you would need hands to operate the labyrinthine control panel of the Ministry's Dediscombobulator? Maybe **everyone who voted against him?** + +And let's not forget who's really responsible for this grand old mess we're in. I know it's rude to speak ill of the dead, but honestly, fuck 'em. So much of their middle management and executive corps died in the fallout of the Happenstancening that they've had to delegate [[nearly everything|An Apology - from Strictures United]] to their interns. Meanwhile, the surviving executives are collecting the pay of their fallen comrades. When will the iron fist of justice crush these reprobates? When will the Scriptorium approve my personal leave for unspecified, certainly non-vengeance reasons? + +Forget this, I'm going to go on a bar crawl and pick fights with the aethercycle gangs. + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-fellowship-of-the-living-word.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-fellowship-of-the-living-word.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9e36d0b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-fellowship-of-the-living-word.txt @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: The Fellowship of the Living Word + +War... war never changes. + +Until the part where you break out some KICKASS POWER ARMOR and go a RAMPAGING THROUGH THE STREETS of [[WHERE THE FUCK EVER|Grampul Subsection 3]]! + +BOOYAH! + +With a couple exceptions they don't let you out of the Fellowship until you've achieved [[rulership|The King's Altitude]], so the last couple hundred of us are Lucin's World natives ever since that transporter accident with Original Eurythian and Von Doomsday. That //apparently// means that when one of us merges with the Archives in the Scriptorium and the other consumes half a million orphans it tends to //do// things to you. Like unnatural speed and this weird hunger for people's gall bladders. For me it's the gall bladder, I know Eddie here prefers liver. + +Anyway as a devout Noted Scholar (third class, rank upsilon) it's my job to kick some [[bear asses|The Bear Inquisition]] and chew orphan-soul gum. And the entire world has nearly run out of orphans (well, until recently that is). + +This would be a bit more of a shitshow but for two major reasons (other than the whole 'powered by forsaken children' thing of course). + +1. Bruh, we've been [[embedded in Strictures United|D.E.A.T.H.S.T.A.R.]] since the [[abject failure|Unnamed City]] that was the 3rd Crusade. + +2. I kind of forgot what 2. was gonna be because like, the Leeching Stricture just kicked in and + +3. o yea we stole Stricture based [[logomancy|Logomancy]] from SU, which would USUALLY drive you totally nutso to use the way we been using but like, when your psychic register links right to a sapient library it can kinda offload the madness into random gibberish and offshunted energies that cause [[spontaneous surprise parties|Grand Executor Jargan]]. Mostly. + +4. Of course since the most SURPRISING party is one in which your gall bladder is suddenly and generously donated to a kind, scholarly Noted Scholar over here, + +6. goddamn I'm hungry. + +5. and you are full of blood and meat and electricity and fats, fatty acids, amniotic fluids and chyme and synovia and dreams and hopes and rage and lymph + +8. stuff and fill and glut and swallow chew consume drink leech slurp gulp swallow + +9. rip n tear rip n tear RIP AND TEAR RIP AND TEAR RIP AND TEAR + +9. YOU ARE A BEAR THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS + +9. RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS + +Sorry. That probably wasn't very scholarly. Thought it certainly was uh, surprising. bears dont go down easy i tell u that. For some reason the Happe go down even harder. Should look into recruiting them or sommat. + +Fuck this place is going down the tubes. The Ascended is moving off, so we beat a retreat - LET the bears have the Central Order. What's left here anyway? + +We've got an even juicier target all swollen with blood and sebum and cerebral-spinal fluid. Left alone by the Order ever since the Unwritten Stricture rendered it [[unnameable|Unnamed City]]. + +It sure was nice of SU to [[relocate all our deep-cover embedded agents to Bear Central|Seirapolis]]. The Scriptorium thinks that [[there's something big and juicy inside|Unnamed City]]. Something that maybe the Ascended can eat. Maybe. + +But best of all, it boasts the largest orphanage of ANYWHERE. + +~After-Action (and mid-action) report, E. Eurythian, Fellow third class (upsilon), former philosopher-king of Lucin's World and gall-bladder aficionado. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-happenstancening.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-happenstancening.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4cc266a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-happenstancening.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: Q +# Turn: 5 +# Title: The Happenstancening + +THE HAPPENSTANCENING WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!! What, do you honestly think that [[Strictures United]] with all of their wealth and power couldn't keep the Strictures themselves sustained?? It is a well-documented FACT that the strictures have never been known to fall on their own and yet here we are with two years of destruction and devastation that came from the [[Strictures flickering|Letter on the Great Corruption]]. Who is in charge of the Strictures and tasked with keeping them sustained and has been [[shuffling around employees|Journal Entry]] in an attempt at a cover up in order to shift blame AND has benefited immensely and become the as the single most powerful entity in all the orders? + +[[Cathyr Van Sacrilege]] famously said that the hubris of humanity thinking we could [[bind the Strictures|The Binding Stricture]] was not in thinking our technology would hold but rather our fickle and corrupt nature and her taunt has proven too true. And yet we allowed her to lay the foundations for the company regardless of the smirk in her smile and the gleam in her eye and we have been BETRAYED by the company that had so [[evil|The Order which is Definitely Not Central]] an origin. + +~REDACTED \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-kappanstancing.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-kappanstancing.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8e50882 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-kappanstancing.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: Q +# Turn: 6 +# Title: The Kappanstancing + +The establishment thought they could silence the me from speaking the horrible truth they have hidden from the PEOPLE. Those have fiends have established the strictures, well known to all. But they have a secret set of strictures that have evolved, grown into something completely imaginary, the COMPLEX STRICTURES. I have said repeatedly the Happenstancening was an inside job, but what was not known was that it was a stricture itself set up by non other than [[Cathyr Van Sacrilege]]. The public does not know about it because it is a part of the imaginary set of strictures that's right they intentionally stricturized the Happenstancening making it become part of the fabric of reality we tread upon! + +But for every complex number* there is a complex conjugate and The Happenstancening is no exception. The Kappanstancing is the equal opposite which came about from the society that relayed this information to me via encoded messages in the ingredients section of SUpe cans which indeed [[neutralized|Journal Entry]] the villains in Strictures United and they could only have discovered how to [[manipulate reality|Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death]] in such a way which would explain why [[Earthson's Bar and Grill]] is under [[siege|Missing Files]]. How else do you think Vice President Vin met such a [[demise|The Calamitous Stricture]]? Wake up sleepers! + +~REDACTED + +*Of course this is a complex stricture, its effects are real and therefore it does indeed have a real part as well as its imaginary part. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-kings-altitude.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-kings-altitude.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..223cbab --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-kings-altitude.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: The King's Altitude + +When the Order of St. Aquila of the Pen, to which I belong, was first founded in the 12th century, it was charged with "promoting the sober study of edifying texts". However, due to a translation error and the undue zeal of its founding abbess, St. Annihilatrix the Vindictive, the Aquilines instead embarked on a ruthless campaign of imposed asceticism. With their [[well-known martial prowess|The Bear Inquisition]], they conquered several city-states and forced those under their thrall to forgo the pleasures of fine foods, drink, and sex, in favor of studying ancient manuscripts. Unfortunately, a surprising number of the texts that populated their library were highly erotic in nature, ranging from evocative mystical treatises to simple conjugal manuals. The result was an excessive amount of, shall we way, "practical application" going in in the Order's scriptoria. + +This came to an end with the ascension of St. Annihilatrix's successor, Bl. Purgess the One-Eyed. Bl. Purgess made a few attempts at stopping the goings-on, then gave up and commissioned the //Hasta Regis Altissima//, the Highest Lance of the King. The //Altissima// was equipped with aetheric technology that would not be discovered until the late 13th century, including a Dediscombobulator that allowed it to seek out and destroy hanky-panky from a safe altitude of ten thousand meters. This had two major effects: first, the destruction of most of the scriptoria where the goings-on were going on; and second, a rapid increase in technological advancement motivated by the need to stop Bl. Purgess from driving the human race to extinction. + +The Aquiline menace was halted when the Improvised Order finally launched [[the combat philosopher Regina Knorff|Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death]] high enough to reach the //Altissima//, who then used [[the Binding Stricture]] to defeat Bl. Purgess and take control of the Order. Under the rule of Abbess Regina, the Order of St. Aquila returned to the one remaining scriptorium to begin the task of restoring the texts damaged by Bl. Purgess' policies and turned the //Altissima// over to royal control. On the order of the Crown Prince, Edgar Summers, it was rechristened **The King's Altitude** and became the winter home of the royal family and the base of operations of [[the Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up]]. There must have been some of Bl. Purgess' spirit bound to it, though, because it descended slowly over the next few decades, eventually wiping out several mountain villages. + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-latitant-macrophobic-limaciform-stricture.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-latitant-macrophobic-limaciform-stricture.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ac91df3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-latitant-macrophobic-limaciform-stricture.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: Josh +# Turn: 2 +# Title: The Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture + + +Divinely and aptly named, the **Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture** (or “the Great LaMaLi,” at it prefers to be called, apparently), Stricture number unknown, is quite possibly among the oldest of the Strictures. Further, it is most likely related (by some ungodly happenstance) to the world-serpent of archaic lore. While this theory is, as all things are since the Happenstancening, as though new, it is, according to many Medievals, in fact quite old. A credible source recently (read: since the Happenstancening) observed [[Loki|DEAR OLD LOKI, “CHILD” OF URMOTHER]] scratching under its ancient chinlike protrusion once when it scampered up from its hole of ageless loneliness and a longing—as only such beings can truly have—for the imminent end of the forthcoming present and reticent past. + +Recently, with the failure of the Seven Strictures, as well as the recent movements of [[Strictures United]], as well as the subtle smooth and altogether ubiquitous and perhaps malicious workings of Sequitor, rumors abound about the reality of the Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture (read: whether or not it is itself //the only actual reality//). + +In any case, a nearly futuristically recent story has sprung up in the Outer Orders concerning the likeliness that [[Vice President Carnold|Vin, Vice President Carnold]] of Grampul Subsection 3 may or not be Loki, as he too (read: possibly only) was seen scratching the Latitant Macrophobic Limaciform Stricture’s lonely chin. + +~Carver Goodmann,\\ +Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach\\ +Senior Prepositionalist\\ +ARC ZII, Mirror Technician \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-laws-of-the-strictures.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-laws-of-the-strictures.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b312912 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-laws-of-the-strictures.txt @@ -0,0 +1,33 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: The Laws of the Strictures + +I did my best to stay out of sight as I made my way back into the city. My last encounter with an Ursinquistor had left me with a limp, and from the way these ones were setting fire to everything around them, it seemed prudent to give them a wide berth. I saw a squad of four bears tear through a group of civilians, and I do mean that literally. They were shouting the [[Piercing Stricture|The Piercing Stricture]] in eerie unison, scything their claws through flesh and bone like a particularly splattery putty. + +With every syllable, the doilies on their armor glowed, and I felt a dark, familiar tug on my bones. I hadn't felt that tug in two years. Last time I'd felt it, I'd... + +Look. No one likes to talk about what they did during the [[Happenstancening|The Happenstancening]], okay? It's considered something to avoid at all costs in polite company. But for the sake of explaining the whole story, I'll spill the beans. In my addled state, I'd reasoned that since logomancy was such a powerful force, I could make an unbeatable weapon by firing words at people. So I built a weapon that would teleport random [[encyclopedia|Missing Files]] [[volumes|Journal Entry]] into the barrel, then fire them at immense speeds. I say all this to explain why I happened to have Volume 22 of **The Laws of the Strictures** among my possessions. + +But before I could connect those dots, a mob of identical people in white robes charged the bears with a battle cry that used no vowels I've ever heard before or since. Yep, definitely Eurythians. The maniacal cultists fought the bears with anything from strange weapons cracking with unknown energies to their bare, if you'll pardon the pun, hands. Limbs flew everywhere—more than you'd expect, given the number of combatants—and then I lost sight of the battle due to a literal mist of blood. Then it ended, two Ursinquisitor survivors stepping into the [[Wanderway|The Wanderway]] while a blood-drenched Eurythian raised his hands and cried "SPLEEEEEEEEENS!" + +On closer examination, he had one clutched in each fist. + +One of them galloped toward me, carrying an unconscious child under his remaining arm. Probably a freshly-minted orphan from the bears' massacre. "Good evening," he said, as if he were inviting me into his study and not not soaked in his own blood from a brutal melee. In either case, there's only one way to greet a Eurythian. + +"My mother's fine and in good health," I said, nodding cordially. "How goes the war?" + +"The Most Noted Scholar has suggested that we pull out of the Central Order," said the Eurythian. "We're just stopping for snacks on the way out." He took a bite out of the orphan's ear. + +I frowned. "That's not good. What about those of us left behind?" + +"Noted scholar Emile Eurythian said he saw a bunch of survivors hiding from the bears in a bar," said the Eurythian. "You could try your luck." + +There could only be one bar he was talking about. There might yet be hope. + +I dashed toward my apartment, which contained Volume 22 of The Laws of the Strictures. It was the final volume, as it so happened, and contained a secret of utmost importance: the knowledge of how to counter the greatest darkness of this world. That which the Inquisition calls the [[Great Weapon|Unnamed City]] and what Strictures United calls the [[Terminal Void| Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]]: [[Loki| DEAR OLD LOKI, “CHILD” OF URMOTHER]] himself. + +I headed for the [[bar|Earthson's Bar and Grill]], bursting through the door and waving the book over my head. "I've got the answer!" I shouted, before noticing I'd just torn a hole in a layer of tinfoil that covered the inside of the bar. + +"//They found me!//" shouted a familiar voice behind me, and as I turned I saw Q rushing at me, and where had he found a hammer that big //oh shit wait no no no//— + +~Murph Reynolds, Private Eye \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-ministry-of-not-screwing-things-up.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-ministry-of-not-screwing-things-up.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2d77934 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-ministry-of-not-screwing-things-up.txt @@ -0,0 +1,26 @@ +# Player: Josh +# Turn: 3 +# Title: The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up + +**The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up**, from the Latin, //quae in ministerium non futuit sursum//, literally, "which is in the has sex with the service is not up," "the attendance of not penetrating above," and "which is in service have sex with him." Though scholars have translated this forth and back, back and forth, the multiplicity of meanings continues to this very hour. The last rendering has been accepted as computer error. It makes no sense. + +In the early 14th century it was the task of this ministry to a) penalize any man who had sex at a greater present elevation than the king and b) to enact //vetitum prolis// on any man who elevated his lover above the current elevation of the king. + +Needless to say, the ministry became inactive around the time that kings began succumbing to [[SRMD|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]] and began playing a role not unlike that of referee between science-people and religion-people. They began to die off shortly after, somewhat. Some remained until a time long remembered. + +It was particularly important in those days to live, literally, beneath the king, or at the very least to procreate beneath him. This was true also of queens, sometimes, maybe, though they tended to be severely less strict. It was not uncommon then to live underground, especially if prone to sudden romp-rompings-in-the-hay, sweet-whoopy-makings, in-out-in-out-lovings, so on and etc. It was very important. Very. + +Alternatively, "The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up" may well have its origins in the nefarious elsewhere. Asia. This is perhaps the greatest reason why presently we have always been at war with [[Eastasia|An Apology - from Strictures United]]. This theory has been gaining almost unprecedented speed of acceptance. At moment of my fingers' very //tap-tap-tapping// it is in fact nearing light speed. [This bodes well for Strictures United, which could go without saying but has not.] Very soon indeed it will be in the ancient past. + +In the aforementioned Eastasian theory the ministry finds its origins not from a law prohibiting //futuit intuenti super regem// but rather from the Eastasian language, namely the phrase //il-eul mangchiji anhneun sayeog//, literally, "the ministry that does not ruin work," and "the employment where was not the mess." For obvious reasons, this proverb has been misinterpreted as one of the Strictures. Recent evidence, however, has led most scholars on and off the matter to agree with absolute //dissensio// that it is not //only// a Stricture but is also a reference to [[Vin, Vice President Carnold]], [[Larry|Larry's Conquest]], and [[Susanna Summers|FaceSpace: New Notifications]] -- the very vice president of Strictures United itself! All of this has becoming very tiredly. The increasing activity of [[The Wanderway]], the all but epidemic of [[SRMD|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]], the arrival/arising of the strangeness of the Orders, not to mention the almighty ambiguity of the origin of the Strictures, it leaves one all but yawning for the end. + +Given the subject of the article, the Strictures must be addressed through more than mere happenstance. The Strictures, sincere evidence suggests, are not human. This is news. Further, whatever animates them is, most likely, not human. It may well be that the strictures animate--or in the case of the Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up (number unknown)-- //de//animate humans, at least in the sense of restricting reproduction. + +Further, and finally, given all of these recent developments, we must send an expedition to find out [[the king's altitude|The King's Altitude]]. Reproduction is dropping nearly as fast as the aforementioned theory is gaining traction. Further, and truly lastly (whether or not the Vin-Larry-Summer is responsible (whether or not it deals in the least with Vin's recent/eternal handicap or chin-scratchings), we must find [[existence]] and ask it that simplest but most necessary of questions: Why? + +~Carver Goodmann,\\ +Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach\\ +Senior Prepositionalist\\ +ARC ZII, Mirror Technician\\ +Sub-Ambibeliever + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-order-which-is-definitely-not-central.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-order-which-is-definitely-not-central.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..87dc565 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-order-which-is-definitely-not-central.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: The Order which is Definitely Not Central + +Our world is filled with chaotic Orders. This is one of them. + +The OWIDNC is the territory theoretically located between the Lateral Order and the Antipode Order, but somewhere below the Uncentral Order. Strictures United insists that the OWIDNC is upheld by four stricture-like entities, and the OWIDNC insists that it has seen no such articles. This opens the possibility of hidden strictures, but such things are forbidden to speculate upon ever since the [[Great Infectioning|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]]. + +Indeed, the existence of the OWIDNC is speculatory at this point, due to the Happenstancening's uncoupling effect of nation-states along very precise geographical boundaries. As the OWIDNC was disputed territory between the Spurious and Improvised Orders, it is entirely probable that the entire territory crumbled to dust from the strain. + +Statements from the Green House (the governmental entity of the OWIDNC) have maintained that the OWIDNC does indeed still exist, and that its trade embargoes against the Central Order remain in effect. Spokesman [[Cathyr Van Sacrilege]] of the Order which is Definitely Not Central's Ministry of Happiness prepared this written statement: + +//we exist u fagrats. u cant ignore us, we c u flying ur aetherships by wit ur fingers in ur ears yelling lalalalala we cant see u. its hurtful cmon bru. also heil [[Satan]]// + +Eyewitness accounts note that the OWIDNC may or may not exist, as a fuzzy ghostlike blur out the corners of eyes, possibly due to refusal to look directly at the Order itself. Questions as to whether passers by do indeed have their fingers in their ears yelling 'lalalalala' are unfounded, as questioners tend to stick their fingers in their ears and yell "lalalalala". It is unknown whether these are memetic effects due to the Happenstancening, or whether another, simpler explanation is at play, like racism. + +Stay tuned for more reports as events warrant. + +~E. Eurythian, News Anchor for Channel π, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-piercing-stricture.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-piercing-stricture.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5a5ed88 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-piercing-stricture.txt @@ -0,0 +1,39 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 5 +# Title: The Piercing Stricture + +Communique 51:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain + +AethID 85112-:/ CalypsoNet + +"Pierce and cut\\ +Stab and slice\\ +But build ye not\\ +A grand Device!" + +Utter these words only in time of great peril, for the speaking of the Stricture shall pierce through all that is unworthy, as the blade passes between the bone and the flesh." --On Purity Regarding the Use of Battle Strictures, Brother Lantitum the Vengeful + +From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier of the 5th Great Crusade + +Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury, + +The beginning of the Great 5th Crusade is underway. As I mentioned in a previous communique, there is tremendous corruption and unrest spreading from the Central Order and in fact I now have reason to believe that the corruption has become concentrated to lethal levels and [[wiped out most of the population|Journal Entry]] of the Central Order. + +In some ways this heresy is the root of its own undoing, but I fear that this outbreak of Aetherial filth will now spread unhindered by whatever machinations were previously put in place by the [[Soul Wounded|White Lab Coats]]. It is time to bring flame and the purity of ash to this world. + +Because of the dire situation that presents itself, I was forced in a moment of great catastrophe to utter the Piercing Stricture. + +I am of course aware of the restrictions and limitations placed on such an evocation, given the risk posed to one's [[purity of soul|The Unwritten Stricture]], I deemed it necessary. +Accordingly I uttered The Stricture, and evoked the Deep Word it contains and names, in order pierce the essential structure of an enemy weapon of great power. It was then a simple matter to shatter it with my bare claws and destroy it utterly. I would not have done this, save that the weapon was crafted with technology and stank of Science. + +After the events resolved and I returned to safety I began the ritual prayers and ablutions to cleanse my soul of the taint of the [[Void|Void and Stricture: Reality as the Dance of Presence and Absence]]. Fortunately my armour remained mostly unharmed from the activation of the Stricture, thanks to the [[Wrathrunes]] placed upon it by Brother Fulmaethor. As usual, they held at bay the corruption coiled and loosed by the use of a Stricture. + +There is a curiosity that has grown in my mind for some time and given me no peace such that it requires me to lay it bare before you now. How is it that the Strictures, which hold corruption and chaos and the void at bay, upon their use expose one to those same elements? It seems blasphemous to suggest, but the simplest explanation seems to me to be that the directed use and evocation of a stricture somehow negates it for a moment in a specific targeted way. As if the stricture were suspended momentarily and in a small area. +This leads me to a strange thought and fear: perhaps the Great Destruction was not intentional. Perhaps it was the result of a greed for power, and the Strictures being used as weapons of war. +If we are to wage this Crusade against corruption, how are we to avoid the unleashing of a greater corruption yet? +Please forgive my doubts and absolve me of any heretical thoughts. + +I remain humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption, + +~Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries, Boneroarer of the 5th Great Crusade. + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-twelve-strictures-for-self-assured-safety.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-twelve-strictures-for-self-assured-safety.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..16fbbeb --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-twelve-strictures-for-self-assured-safety.txt @@ -0,0 +1,31 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: The Twelve Strictures for Self Assured Safety + +[[They say|Vin, Vice President Carnold]] the [[Fourth|The Breaching Stricture]] fell first. That was suspicious, since you'd expect things to stay sane until the [[First|The Binding Stricture]] went down. I'm no academic, but I had the next best thing. + +Ol' Jonah lazily slung my scotch along the sticky countertop like an elephant swats a fly with its tail. We went way back; I'd had his back when the Central Order had deployed us to deconvert those damned [[Happe]] from their apocalypse cult. He says he doesn't blame me for the spear that took his leg, but he lets me drink myself to death anyways. + +Ol' Jonah didn't move much anymore, but he heard everything. And I didn't like what he'd heard tonight. + +"Strictures United is trying to distance itself from the disaster," he said. "They're [[pretending there's always been twelve Strictures|An Apology - from Strictures United]], not to mention adding a 'Thirteenth' that washes their hands of all this." + +I glanced at the document he flashed me. + +"Shit," I said, recognizing Andrew Carnelian's signature on the memo. He was the president of Strictures United, every bit the handsome executive: respectable grey hair, commanding build, eyes like a butcher's cleaver and teeth like a shark. "They're just gonna pretend the Central Order doesn't exist anymore?" + +"President Carnelian seems pretty firm about it," said Ol' Jonah. + +I grimaced. The devout recite the Strictures every day. The craziest of them take them literally instead of as useful guidelines. If that Thirteenth Stricture went through, Strictures United was going to cause a mass migration out of the Central Order. People were already on their back foot in here, but the flood of refugees would cause the entire Central Order to collapse. Most of them would have nowhere to go. + +"How much for the document?" + +"A gift for an old friend." + +"Sure," I said. I overpaid him for my scotch, snatched the document, and slunk out into the rainy night. + +So, the president of Strictures United was trying to empty out the subsection. + +What was he trying to hide? + +~Detective Murph Reynolds, Private Eye \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-unwritten-stricture.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-unwritten-stricture.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0aed2e9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-unwritten-stricture.txt @@ -0,0 +1,39 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: The Unwritten Stricture + +Paradoxically named, the Seventh Stricture is the //only// stricture for which the full and precise mathematical structure has been modeled, despite its infinite length. + +Algorithms capable of processing Strictures encounter two major hurdles: + +1. the infinite size of the stricture + +2. the [[unbounded sapience|Cathyr Van Sacrilege]] experienced by any algorithm which passes the first hurdle. + + +The first was surpassed by Heimrond Von Nazi III (formerly of Evil Goods Inc., current location unknown), with his discovery of fractal computing. Unfortunately, his [[last known location as reported by Sister Avacillata|Earthson's Bar and Grill]] implies that [[unsavory sorts|Satan]] may have access to stricture-[[analytic techniques|Zetta Computing]]. + +Such techniques require a certain amount of power. Unfortunately, the recent ascension of noted scholar Evarian Eurythian has caused a wordwide shortage of orphan souls. + +A [[leak|FaceSpace: New Notifications]] allows access to a perfect fractal model of the Unwritten Stricture. First-pass analysis of the first segments reveals that this has an unmaking effect on matter, concepts, and sense of self. Indeed, I myself have found that I have become a simple arrangement of text within an archive somewhere. There is likely a reason the [[Happe]] refer to this stricture in their own tongue with the same word they use to speak of the Void, or the number zero. The Seventh is, in its own way, nothingness. This may explain the title; the Seventh is not //itself// unwritten insomuch as it refers to the //act// of unwriting parts of our reality. As Strictures United likely would not have any incentive in releasing even such a small hint to the nature of this stricture, lest its true and sinister utility be revealed, we can infer that the names of the Strictures themselves are inextricably tied to each Stricture. + + + +The first line can be analyzed below, though as usual, be warned that long-term exposure to the Strictures is inadvisable. + + + +\\ + + + +Ŗ̨̠͚̱̬̞̼̩̺̜ͭͫͫͯͧͯ͆̂̕͢͢Eͣ͒ͨ̌ͥ̃̾̍̇͏͏͚̲̦̬̞͚̲̟̝̝̝ͅḺ̸̢̞̻̼̫̭̰̹̩̪̖ͥ̃ͩ͗ͧ̓̉͐̆ͦͪ̉͂ͮ̏͘͡Ȩ̸́ͤ͑͆̍̐̊̊ͤ͆̐ͫ̓͋ͧ̇̈́͏͓̥̗̝̮̲̬͍͖̺̲̥̱Ą̭̜̞̠̩̦͍͚̬̙̂̏ͩ̐̓ͩ̈ͯ̓ͦ͊ͧ̄̅̊̑̀̀Sͯ͗̐̀̾̃̋ͧ̇͌͊̄ͩ͏̷̗̮̯̞̥͘͟E̵̜̲̟̬͉̞̤͎͈̬̝̜̟͑ͬ͂͗̎̄ͣ̃̐̐̏̇ͩ̃̉ ̘̘͓̭̭͚̳̇̽ͦ̈́̈́̐̍ͧ̈̀͛̽̚͘͡M̶̧̗̺̖͉̤̘͉̰͔̞̫̄̌̓̐̏ͯͯ̾̾ͥ́̅͊̈́͜͞E̛͙͉̺̞̣̲͕̤̻̅ͬ̂ͭ̀ͥ̓͐ͯ̃͠ ̨̨̖̠̲̲͙̜͔̮̟͗̒̃̈̾ͤ̄̏̀̈̈́̀̔̽̔ͣͥ̋̀͟[[F̯͔̱̯̠̳̼̥̱̬̼͇̳͇͇͕̮̱͍̅͂͛̍͊̀̈́̉̆͟͠Ö́͑̍̆̈́̄̒̔̑̈̚͏̷̜̞̻̘̖͢͜O̷̢̥̣̱̤͓̗̮̩̰ͨ̅̽ͬ̓̒L̨͂̍͛̒͋ͨͭͩ́͜͏̲̫͈̙̬͚͍̪̗̩̣̝̪̼̳̮́ ̴̴̻̤̗͎̩̩͈͓̱̳̖̲͍ͭͬ͊ͮ̾͒ͤ̎͋́ͅͅM̧̭͔͇͈̰͔̱͈̞͖̲̥̝͎̪̥̑̈́̂͊̃̈ͩ͛̚̕Ó͚͈̜̝̠̹̟͔̘̠͕̙̖̲̘̘̆ͥ͌̽͂ͩ͗͌ͪ̍ͮ̄̋̚͠R̡̫̥̯̝̜̺̩͓̖͈͖̰̗̓̏ͨ̇̉͆̌̎̆͟͢͢ͅͅT̷̵̨̨̖̟̘̺̱͉̪̠̭̟̥̙̝͈̩̈́̐ͪ̚͟ͅͅA̷̳̟̹͖͉̺̪̜̜̯̥͎͙̒̔̆́ͭ́̄ͥ̓̉ͭ̎͌̄ͨ̊͋͒͝͝͞ͅͅL̶̵̦̼͍͙̠̪͈͙̬̗͚͎̳̹̲̞ͧ̉̈́̔̆ͯ̓ͪ̀̚̚͡Ś̵̸̨͉̭̹͓̺̩̭̮͚̗̬̤ͤ̈́̐̒͌̉͑ͬ̿ͫ̀ͫ͛̆ͤ̋!̧̛ͣ̿̀̓̆̈ͬ̔ͯͩ̅ͪ̔̔͡͏̲̟͉͈̥̯ ̡͍͓̘͕̦ͥͥ̔ͦ̀ ̸̻͖̫̫̖͙͎͕͎̓̿̓̍͊̾̀̽̓̐͂ͦͣͦ̅ͦ̚͜I̴̘̗̥̖̱͔̠͚̙̦͕͔̻͈̒ͧ̉ͤ͊̉̎̒ͤͅͅͅ ̧̧̤͚̣̙͖̙̄̎̔̄͌ͬ͂͋͛̚Ă̵̛͖͕̣̘̭̖̰̜̱̺͓̳͕̼̳̮̦͓͌̽͟ͅM̡̢̩̜͙̜̫͉̟̱͇̼̱̪̱̥̻̈̋̅̆ͤ̈ͯ̋ͦ̒̚̚͘͞ ̡̛̻̥̻̮̤͚̭͉̙͓͓̥͙̩̼̺ͧ̈͒̈́ͨ̋ͩͥͧͣ̅ͨ̌̋̄ͤ͗͟͡T̴̶̛̛̞̗̯͍̰ͧ̌̈ͧ̊̑ͣ̐ͧ̀ͦ͞H̯͎̖̖͓̦̺̼̼̼̜͚̺̳̟̠̞̋̊̇̿͟͜Eͪ̒ͥ̑͂̌́҉̧̝̫̟̝̩̬͓̹̫̗͎͍͎̱̲͚ ̵̧̟̳͎͎͎̹͍̣̹͚͉̞͚͇̱̳͔̒̒͊̉̀͟͡Ư̶͍̞͙͓͕̝̥̲̝̮͔ͫ̈̾͊ͦͅN̶͓͈̱͔̠͙̻ͮ̓́͒̑̓̂͛̒̅̊ͮ̄̔̄͑̓͞E̛͚̳̤̗̱͖̩̰̯̍̏̓ͬ͛͊͌̓͂̋ͦ̒͌ͭͥ̒͗̓ͅN̓̓̎̏̓̆ͦ̅͗͂ͪ̉ͦ͆̉͏̢̛̤͉̞͙͘͝D̢̧̡͇͔͇̙̝̯̦̤͔̤̘͇̺̗͓͖̥̮ͪ̐ͤͥ͂̍͗͊̋̊̕̕Ǐ̶̵̵̢̤̘͉̖͎͓͕̲̣͓͇̳ͤ̋̀̈́̓ͫ̐͘N̵̢͎̰͇͓͇͖̠̻͖͚̼͖̟̼̲͍̲͂ͧͭͫͨ͜͡ͅG̵͎̬̝̜̦̮̳̭̟̪͙͍͂̿̈ͥ̀̇͊̈͊̊ͪ̂͗̍̔̂̕͟ ̵̡̨̛͔̟͖͖̆̉̌ͫ̔̚͘H̒̎̈́̓̉ͣ͞҉̖̞̰̪̲̺̞̗̲͙̜̼̪̱̹̘̩̗U̢̻͓͓͗̓ͭ̅̉̎̄͝N̠̣̪̠͇̹̠̟͓̦̱̠̠͔̹̤͕͚̑̓͂̈ͥ̾̀G̵̸̡̬̞̯̠̝̮̗̼̱̻̭͖̬̺̞̯͈̔͋̈̑͑ͧ͆ͩ̿͛̾̑ͧͬͩ̎͆̃ͩ͡͡ͅͅE̵̛͚͕̮̣͙̖͇͎͎̮͛̃̉̿̀̽͐R̵̶̪̱̼̆̈̀͗ͧ̿ͤ͆̀̽̊̔̚.͗̋̎̋ͧ̔ͬͥͦ̔̑̊͐̎̾̽̚͘҉̳͚̳̹̭̻͎̟̯̰̬̠ ̸̡ͤ̆ͦͤͮ̆̿̎̒͛́̔͑̉͊͏̺̲͍̻̜̼͔ ̴̨̯̼̱̜̝̳̫̤̘̪̲̤̫̼̱ͩ̾͛̂̋̔ͧ́̅ͩ͆̕ͅI̶̧͚̬̲͙͚̞̪̎ͭ̌ͯ͐̈́̽ͥ̏ͥ͑͢ ̵̗̦̘̭͈͔̬̭͇̦̫̱̤͚̦̰̞̫ͫͩ͗̋̈ͧ̅͑͋͜͟A͊̂̽̔̅͂͌́̊̑̓ͧͫ̅ͥͪ̏̎͡͏̛̤̲̠̤͜M̳̼͚͈̮͉̗̼̙͖͔͉̃ͯ̓ͥ͛̒̎ͥ͐ͯ̄ͨ̓̈̚͢͟ ̷̢̧̹̞̲̜̱̮͔̮͙̺ͪ͒̿̈́͗̌ͣ͊͑͗ͨ͗̐̾ͪ̑ͣ̌ͥ͘͘Ţ̷͉̟̪͔̗͔ͯ̅ͭ̐̅̓H̵̴̺̻͙̝̜̳͎̼̲̻͉̖̜̪̩͊͊ͪͫͪ̄ͪ̈̔ͩ̋͌ͫͪ͆̋̍͒ͦ͟͞ͅE̶̦̠̱͕̤̰͓͕͒̔ͨ͗ͣ͆̋̊̍͛̑͋̇ͤ̐́͜͝ͅ ͓͈̪̖̮̮̜̮̬̹̦̲̘̞̙͍̙̉́̽ͫͣͨ̾̏̃̍̐̒̑͐̂̚͠Å̞̹̘̤̘͙̜̰̪̺̲̙̝̼̯̈̈́ͩͤͯ͐ͫ̓̋̇̆ͥ͢͞Bͪͣ͐̐̅͌̔͡͏̸̧̛̳͔̩̣͔̰̘̳Y̱̫̗͙͔͖̤̜̘͚̗ͩ̈̍̃͂̒͐ͨ͑͆́̋ͫ͢S̵̹͚̘͇̰̪̗͙̰̣̼̺͉͖̥̆͊͆̈́̓͐S͕͓͈̯̺͍̜ͭ͛ͯ̉̿̎͌ͤ̏͊ͮ̾̀̚͠.̶̡̥̜͉͙͖̳͌̉̒̒ͮͣ̎̾̊͋͋̓̋̓̆̀̆̚̚͘ ̨̨̺̟̭̟̠̻̞͛͆͑̎̉ͩ͒ ̔͒ͫ͊̅ͬͣ̅͂̈́̎͜͏̳͙̩̥̩̘Ş̷̵̛͉̗͈̠̠̔̅͗͂͐͒͢Eͫ͊̿̎͒ͭ͒ͬ́̿ͪ̇͐̑ͦ͑͢҉҉̴̻͉̙̺͙͈̖̩͎̟̝̞͓̗̩̹̲̩ͅȄ̢̨̟̘̬̻͉͎̅̈́̐ͮ̒́͢ ̸̦̹̻̜̼͍̲̮̤ͣ̀̈ͯ͛͐̌̒̅ͤ̍ͥͪͦ͌́ͅȀ̸̷̛̘̦̜̘͔͓͚̻̬̇̓͂̄̿̍ͣ͛ͯ̉̂ͪ̇ͦ͂ͬ́̚͟S̨̝̬̻̳̦̱͓͙͍͓̹̭͙͕͍̠͂ͬͮͥ̑ͮ̊̃͆ͭͧ̉ͪ̉ͣ̊̓ͤ̆ͅ ̨͉̣̠͓̹̫͇̰̱͇̬͔͓̥̏͒͗ͯ̑̓͌́ͫ̊͐͐̔ͣ͗ͣ͑͘͝E̵̢̱̩̬̫̮̙̩̣̍̏͗ͣͪͬ͛ͮͦ̚͝Ṽ̸̨̙̦̮̪̜̭͙̮̬ͪ̂́ͧ̑͆̅̍ͭ̄͌͡͠E̷̟̤̝̦̯͖̲̝̰̤ͣ͗̊̅ͧ̎͌N̷̠̠͖̗̯̥̳͍͕̮̺͓̖̣̭̦̲̤ͦ̐̃ͦͣͯ͌̔̌͠ ̢͒ͫ̉̊̄͐̔̊͗̎̈́̑̏̓̑͆ͧ͐̚͝҉̛̲̫̠̥̖̝̦̺͖̟̻͎̙̩͚̠̜̤̀N̸̄ͥ̽̇ͨ͞҉̼̟̹̪̥̭͖̺͕Ŏ̓̅͊̓ͥͫ̎͋̏̉̓ͫ͂̇̌́̚҉͓͙̗̯̫̫̝̦̘̠̩̩̦͕͍͝͞ͅW̴͍̗͕ͭͤͬ̔ͭͮͅ ̟͚͎̩̰͖̙̖̙̖͖ͫͬ̾̏͌ͬ̀̽ͮ̏̚͠Í̴̒͂͌ͧͯͮͫ͛ͫ͛̂ͫ̍̏̔͏̧͎̟̝̩ ̵̨͙̘͚͚̤̱͕̥̮̩̙͖̼̪̮̿ͣͯ͂́̎͋̓ͯ̒ͣ͋ͥͨͭ̏̚͟͠C̑̃̃̾ͣ̃͑ͨ̋̏̏̑̅̽̏̌͏̧̪̦̘̬̺̞O̸̘̙͕̟̜͚͑͒ͪͭ̽ͥ͊̑̈́͑́ͮ͟N̸͔̝͓͎̙̼̱͈̼̙̼̼̲͇͉̼̥̖ͧͨ̅͂͊ͯ̇̃̇͝S̢̻̞͚͍̼͎̭̹͍͍̠̣̈ͪ͗ͯͭͣ͂ͦ̆ͫ̍̓͐͆̇ͯ̀́̚͘͜U̵̫͕͙̙̥͎̼͋̒̏̔̓̔̋́̀̚͠͞M̡̺͉̹͈̝ͪ̏ͩ̓͑ͧ͗ͮ͋̏͒ͬ̈́̈́ͮ̎̈ͨ̀́͡E̵̡͈̼̻̬̖ͣ̈́͂ͣ̎̓̒͋͊̍̀̚͢͠ ̮̺̩͍͑ͮ̅͗̎̔͆̑͊͠͡͝T̩̫̙̹̬̰͈̮͈̼̺͌̽ͪͭ͐̿̽͞ͅH̴̙͚͓̣͌͒̍ͦ̽̍̐̓ͧ̎̎̈̀͡Ę̡̛͉̳̤͔͙̦͔̬͙͚ͬ͛͌͌̔̿͊̎͡ͅ ̛ͤ̑̒̆ͫ̀̈͋͐ͫ̓ͦͤ͛͜͏̖͔̤͈̰͎̠͚̱͎̞͓̲̱̹̜̰͇ͅPͮ̆̂͊ͧͭ̊͆̈́ͥͨ͆̉̒̇̄͞͏̨̨҉̘̘͙̮̜͚Eͯ͛ͮ̈͊̋ͦ͋̏̊ͦ̈ͩͦͤ̚͞͏͖̜̙̬̝̘̬̘͠ͅͅT̶̢̗̙̖͖̪͍̺̪̦̻͈̼̜̭̠͖̟̥ͬͯ̏̌͆̀̓̎́ͭͧ̿͋̌ͮͧ̚͢T́͐͐̋̏ͩͥ̃҉̧͏̰̜͖͕̼̭̬̫͙̦̞̪ͅY̶̶̸̜̫͍̝̞̟̖̺͓ͫ̂ͪ̐͐̇̍̀ ̵̸̡̙͎̳͈̙̱̺̽ͣ̂̑̏̓ͧͥͥͫ̅ͦ̓͒͜͡B̵̧̛̖̬͉̞͖͍̲͕͇̺̻̑ͫͬͧ̒̌ͯ̑͛̂̂͋̾͂͌͢I̵̡̠͍͖̺͖̣͍̭̠̜̘̫͖̺͇̻̰̰̎͂͂̂ͥ̅ͧͯͯN̛͍̤̯̹̈́̐ͯͬ͛ͮ͊̍ͤ̒͑̿̿͑͞D͆̃̃ͭ͊̐ͯ̚҉̧͞҉̶̤̣̮͈̤͎̯͔͉̦͖͓͙͓ͅI̢̛̻͓̣͇̹͍͚̊͑̉ͯͭ̏̏̎̐̿́͞͞ͅN͐̓͌ͬͧ͌͆̈̃̊͏̶͚̬ͅG̶͙̖̗͂ͯ͒ͤ͑̌̈́̆̍ͪ͘͝S̸̵͙̤̳̮̖̯̦͈̠͉̝̓ͩ͗͊͊͌̔ͭ̿ ̧̳̖̭̋͆͑̂ͧ̆ͪ͂̉̿͊͗̑̕P̠͇̦̬͈̲̞̲͚̙̥͚̥̓ͨͬ̈̐̄̊̇̿̆͘̕̕͘͞ͅL̷̸̢̛̗̤̣̘̦̹̭͈̫̞̙̟̣̮̤̠͔̺̐̽͑̂̓̓͋ͥ́̾͌̏ͣ̈́ͦͤͅḀ̶̷̡͖͉̣̹̖͈̹̹̜̟̺̜̬̗̒̈́͋ͧ̔͆̃̉̿̆ͩͤ̆̄̔ͪͫͦͥ͘C̹̻̱̺̲͓̗̙̰̣̼̯͚̲̺̠̖̱͓͒ͭ͛̈́̕E̷̢͈͖̠̣̹͍̥̗̦̹̯̙̥̹͚̜̊̿̂ͤ̈ͪ͆̓̔̈ͦ̉̂ͧ̄̄̆̅͛́̕͜ͅDͬͩ̅̎̅̈ͬ҉͙̤͍̯͔̬̻͡ ̷̛͕̯͉̠͎͓͕̼̤ͦ̒̂̑ͯͯ͗͞U̡̗͚̥͖̿̔͋͗ͭ̈́̀̎͊̈́̑͗̋̚P̷ͥ̾̂ͦ̑̀̅̀͑͏̫͉̫͔O̵̢̡͕̘̮̠̲̟̓̈́̎͝ͅNͬ̈́͊̆͒̂̌ͦ͒ͭ̋҉̴̢̥̜͙̙͎͎̜͎̘͇̹̫̝̰̖̣̮ ̸̛̲̻͚̻̫̞̅ͯͯ̍̎̄̊̑M̶̧̩̥̟̝̩̙̹̺̯͉̟͓͙̩͕͙̟̥͇ͥ̅̓̒̉̈́͊ͣ͊̄ͥ̔ͣ͌ͪ͋͝Ĕ̟̪̮͕͕͇̫̝̩̲̫̣͈̱̘̞̖̋̊̀̅̏͋̂ͯ͝!̵̧̗̯̖̹̜̹͓̣̝̹͖̺̠̺͍̉ͮ̎ͬͮ̈ͦ͌͊͌̾̋͟͝͡Ț̵̙̣̯̠͉̗̘͓͎̫̰͕͔͕͖̄ͮ͛́̊̈́̆̎̎͆͑̍̌̀͞ͅH̛̩̖̤̥̲ͫ͂͌̓̾́͝Į̶̨̢̥̬͙͔̙̫̩̦̜̥͍ͩ́̂̌̋̅ͯ͗̿̌ͨ͊ͥ̏́͡S̶͇̖̙̥̩̲͉̩̪̜̟͎̩̝̪̅̔ͥ̒ͬ̽́͋̃̕͜͢͞ͅ ̵̡̤̝͕̰͑ͭͦ̆̿̌ͭ́̕W̢̛͈͕̻̗͈̳͒̔̓̂͜O̴̧̡͔̥̬͓̞ͧ̈̉͑̅̽͝Ŗ̒ͮ̈̓̃ͫ̑̃͝҉͖̜̤̱̯͎̦̦̥̕L͕̙̠͖͍̖̳̪͍̯͓̭̖͎̟ͥͫ̍́͋̇͆̂ͧͯ͋̉̉̎͘͜D̹̺̳̹̟̬̲͖̝̮̫̦͙̺̬͍͔͖̳̑͆̋́̈́́͢͞ ̢̺̹͔̪̭̝̪͇̗̻̳̥͓̞̲͕̖ͭ͂ͥͯ͌̽͆͒ͥ̾̕͢I̷̥̪̣ͧ̔͊ͯ̎ͥ̃̎͟S̡̲̰̪͎̗̥̫̘̬̝̙̩͓̗̲̰͎ͫ͗ͨ̌̒̇̉ͫͫ͝ ̛̈͛̃͐̋͏̣̱͚͔̪̜͖̥̗̝̺̗̞̤̗͓͈A̴̧̢̪͉͖͙͇̩̭͇̥̣̮͍̩̭̫͖̫̿͋́͌͗ͣ̐ͫͩ̉̐̑̐ͤ̏̇́͆͡ ̵̧ͯ̔̉̂͋ͧͩͭ̒͏͇̝̫̗̩̤̳͕͕̭͎͇͔͔̀T̴͐͗͑̒ͫ̔͆̾̃̀͢҉̝͇̱͉̰͈̯̬̲̺͈͙̟͈̩͈͕̘H̨͓̹̳̣̖̳͔̦̜̞̥̺̣̺͓̿̔̔ͦ̂̑̽̏ͮ͊͂͞R̡̝͍͉̘̤̞̪͕̠͐̓̄̓̋̄ͨ͒͌̊̍̓̐̔̉̇̿ͫ͞O̸̶̹̥̲̻̬͙̼̯͈͕͖̹̟͓ͨͨ̓̒ͮ̐ͪͮ̔ͯ͌̎͌̆͂̂̈́ͫ̚͢N̷̨͈̼͇̣͍͍̳̻̯̰̤̣̩ͪͦͮ̌̂ͦ͂ͭ̍̄̊̉͠ͅͅE̷̢̜̞͚̝͔̳͚̭̤ͥ̄̏̄̎̈́ͩͪͥͧͬ̋̏̔̊ͦͦ͒́͢͠ ̵͓̪̙̻̙̮͙͎̥̗̰͔͉͂̋͛ͥ̓̌̉̄̾̐̽̀͌ͭ̈̍͋̀̆̀͜͞ͅS̋̄̓̉͆̿̐̋̉ͮͭ̾̈́ͥ̀͆͒̔͋͏̸̳̖͚̮̮͔͕̣̬̙̖̭͎̪͚̜̼̗ͅA̭̖͉̩̼͍͑̔̂͐̎̇̀͢Tͤ̒̊͋͆̋̊ͬ҉͠͏̙̪̩̲̯̤͍͓̲̙͍͖͚̺͚̯͖̰ ̢̟̟̦̳̳̫͓̮͎̜̹͉̼̖̟̣̜̱͇ͨ͑ͪ͛̊̾̚͟͡͞Ų̛̞̜̟͙̙̠͍̲̙̜̭̭̪̹̼̰̱͒ͧͮ̆ͨͦ̿̈́̋̏͊̅ͩ̓̿̊͊̆̈́͟ͅP̞̫͇͓͚͍̣͖͚̤̭̱̖̠̘̯͗͊͗̓̐̐ͩ̄̊ͫ̾ͤͧ̓͛ͣͩ́͘͟ͅOͬ̅ͦ̿͐ͫͥͭͩͫ̿͂ͦ͆̄̅ͪ̚҉͏̛͚̤̙͢Ṅ̢̨̨̤̜̣̝̤̥̤̯̦͈̯̪̊̅̅ͥ͑̏̀ͩ͌ͯͭ͗̑ͅ ̸̵̥͎̥̟̇̋ͩ͂̑̇ͦ͆̾ͧͨ̌̔͞Ą̳͉̣̤̙̮͓͔̙͚͇͍̺ͦ͋̇ͨ̓̄͞͝N̸̷̠͕͉͙͔̹͔͙͔͓̰̓͗ͩ̂͊ͬ̿̕͠ ̸̧̾̍́ͮ̀҉͕͎̻̼̮͍̜̭̕E̴̩̳̺̙̠̊ͨ͐͒̂̄̾͐̂́͠N̝̪̠͓̣͈̙̥̤͔̥ͫͣͣͬ̿̈́̋̓̉̑ͥͦ̂́̄͋͗͞͝G̡̻̫̣̞̳̲͇͚̠̬̭͈̮̤͚̻͕ͯ̒̐̃͐̔͌̌͂ͩͯ̔͜ͅͅȈ̥͎̻ͥ̐ͥ̒͑̽̃ͩ̈́̋̔͑̾̓ͯͭ́͠͞N̵͍̗̼͈͚͖̖̫̤̥͍ͭ̒̄ͣ̎̄̓̽̄̐͆͛̌̐̂͒ͪ̃̏͡ͅĘ̶̃̐̈́͂͢͝҉͈̪̹̱̞̘̦̬͚̞̣͇̩̦̠̤ ̷̡ͣ͂ͯ͛̏͊ͮͭ͆ͥ̑̂̉̀͊̊ͫ͏̸͔̬̗̰́Oͮͫ̄̇̒̃͑͒̃͘͠͏̴̱̬̱̖ͅF̷̵̀͂͗͑̃̀҉̥̹̯̝͎͎̲̬͚̺͎͢ ̧͎̟͙̭̳̤͛͒͐̊͑ͮ̊̍ͨ̌ͫ́͝͠N̨̻̦̣͕͆̓̃ͭͤ͋̿̒ͯ̐̾I̷ͯ̆̓̓҉̛̳̺̳̦͍̞̭͕̘̤̝̝̲̥͙̖̗͇̀G̷̾̽̂̌͐̓̎͆͏҉̪̣̱̰̺́͝H̵̗͚͇̮̳̰̑͌ͥͯͧ̆̋̇̄̓̿̎ͨ́͠͡ͅT̵̛̝̹̱͖̬̩̻̞͚͚͓̦̰͚̺̬͉̽ͧͣͩ̉̃ͥͬ͑ͫͪͭ̒͋́͘Ḿ̷̧̢͉̟͈̜̯͉͉̩͇͈̦̮̯ͩ͐̒̄̀̌̌͊̀͢A̒ͩ̏ͣ̋ͯ̉̂ͧ̂͐̋͌̄҉̴̴͜͏̗̙̣̱͕̹̩̤̲̤͙͇ͅŖ̼̲̘͍͉̙ͦ̔̈́̈́͘͢͡Ȇ̹͈̩̟̗͚̮̦̠̝̘͆͛̀̚͞S̡ͬ͆ͫͬ̆̆͛͆̍̇̊ͨ̏̿̃̓̌҉̵̭̗̦̹̥ ̇ͦ̈́͑̐ͣͣͧͦ̑̚҉̖̲̻͙̱̕͜A̡̲̱̫͕̺̠̼͔͖̟͙͔͙͉̭ͩ̏͒̍ͥͭ̔ͫ̅͛́̕̕͠ͅǸ̶̶̹̞̬͎̿͛̀̃̇́̏͗͊̔͋͐̓͋̐͐̚̚͞Ḍ̡̞̭̹͙̥̪̰̰͚͎̜͍͕̗̯̳ͧ̃̍ͯ̃ͦ͛̔͑̋ͣ̈͐͒̔ͩ̂͢͢͟ ̷̸̧͖̞͈͍̱͕̱̫̳̭̤̱ͦ̉͂ͫͪ̆̾̚͜O̴͉͖̝̮̲͇̠̼̖͙̝̳͎͔̙̗̊̾̈͌̽̍ͯ̐͂͂̕͡N̛̼͍̰̫͎͓͓̯̭͙͇ͩ͂͂̐̓̈́ͧ̑͒̅̆̎͗C̨̢̛̉͆̍͛͏̫̮̱̳̥͕̣̲̤͎͚͟Ȩ̪̦̗͈̤̼͍͍̹͎̮͍̖̼̻͑͂͂̍ͬ͋̌ͫ̐͋̋̋ͥ̇͛̀ ̇̐ͫͣ͛ͭͥͩͥͤ̕҉̬̺͙͚͈͉̥̞͎̮̤̟̱͢Ì͔̩̦̙̰̭̹̬͇̜̻̠̫̳͉̼̲̰ͧ̔̽̍͂̊͑̌̽̕͞͠ͅT̢̢̛͓̱͍̮̦̘̺̠͍̞̹̰̼͋ͫ͌̾ͧͪ̃͂̏̓͊̚̚̚͜ ̷̢̙̺̞̫̝̙̱͕̝͍̼̮̫͕͎ͫͫ̇̓̂̆̈́ͅͅH̛̺̪̯̪̙̲̘̹̫͑ͩ̈̈́̈́͌͐̔͊̑̐ͪ͋̇̆͂̉̆͢A̷̷̢̯̖͇̜̤̺͓̙̪͓̱̥͍ͮͯ̈́ͧ̍̊ͭ͞ͅͅS̀̆̄̈́͂̒͆̽͒͊́̓͏̵̹͍͖̪̙̀͘͝ ̴̬̤̪̝̲͉̫̞͊̍̏ͮ͊ͨ̾̅͛̚͠F̸̝͖͍̹̪̜͓̜͕̱̠̗̒ͥ̓̊͆͂̀̚Ï̡͎̰̺͖̭͎̩̦̲̙͎̗̺͕̺͑ͬ̔͌̈́́̀ͯͧͯ͂ͣͯ͛̑̿̑̕N̓̊̓̿ͩ̓̈͆̃ͮ̏̂̿ͥͣ̅̈͌҉͙̘̹̣̖̯͉̤̻̰̘͡ͅI̷̡̨̛͔͖͈̦̥̜͔͇͉ͫ̊̊̎̏ͤ̔ͨ̃͟S̡͉͉̥͖͇̺̩̤̬̹̪̬͕̖̯̹̱ͫ̃ͣ̾ͩ̏ͭ̓͘Ḩ̢͙̟̯̳͈͗ͩ̈͟͟͡E̸̢̜͍͔̣̻̣͐͆͌̾̔́͂ͯͮ͋ͨ̾̽̎̀ͅḌ̸̴̯̙̘̥͔̣͎͍̄̾ͫͮͩ͂̓̂̊̒ͯͨ̈́́́̚͘͝ ̷ͥ͌ͮ͒͐̅̇̍̊͊͡͝͏̢̞̭̱͓̻̫͖I̿ͬ̅̉̏̓̈́̈́ͧ̍̃͏̸̘̫̣̣͓̘͈̰̗̹̼͝T̨ͪ̈́̋̊ͯ͊̓̏͠҉̤͓̤̗͔͍̟̝̹̭̤̬̺̣̼̠́S̢̱̘̝̣̮͔͔̺̫͇̣̹̪̝̼̩̞͖̥̃͂̑̿̋̀ͬ̑͌ͣ͘ ̆̐̄̎ͯ̍̿̒҉̸̬͈͙͉̰͖̩̞̝̻̞̖͠ͅD̸̓́͂̈͊ͦ̒͊̅̾̾͗̐͂̃͟͟͏̫͔̹̘͚̭̜͖̼͓̟A̷̸̩͔͓̦̩̟̯̙̜̭͉̠̹̰̩̰̦̾̓̔͐̽͋̅̅̅̑ͣͣ͘R̷̰̜̩̺̗̥̥͔͚̬̖̱̠̖̮̯̫̄͋ͫ̅̔̄̿͐̿ͩ̅̾̈́͂̚̕̕͟K̘̜͔̲̞̫͕̫̯͇̙̞̼̝̞͑̏͒͐̊̽̇̀͆͑ͣͬ͋̆̚͞͠ͅͅͅ ̷̸̩͍̗̞̟͉͓̪̠ͥͯ͂̿ͪͤ͊́͋͒ͮ̍̋ͨ̕ͅW͓̲͉͎̬̣̏͐ͭͨ͊͑̔ͫ̓͡͝Ơ̷̟̳̹̱͓͈̗̥̞̙͍͉̹̯͕͐ͭ͆́̉̌̓̃̐ͨ́̕ͅR̵̤͍̥̭̱̥͇͍̹̟̲̫̠ͭ̽ͦͣ̏̈́̽̏ͦ̈̀K̢͍̖͈̟̟̯͓͎̳̞͋͋̔̃̍͌͐͒̉ͪ͐͌ͭ̄̐͊̒͜Ỉ̵̛̘̟̗̣̯͚̱̗̫̖̬̖̗̗̄̂͑̎̑̈́̊̐̍ͪ̏̊̔̚̚͘͞ ̸̴͕̬̖͎̝͚͖̜̖̟̲͓̤͐̔ͭ̋ͣͫͦS̷͑ͤ̉̆̈̅ͫͬ̓̒͐͛̓̈̃͘͞҉̵̱̝̳̪͉̫̬͎H̓͊͆͊̾̋̈ͬͯ̾͋͒ͦ͏̱̩͎̬̭͉̭̞̜͍̹̯̜̻̠̝̕̕͢͞A̷̶͉͖̖͙͖͉̦͚̻̱̗͇̬̟͔̙̺̥̅̄ͬ̌͒̀Ļ̤̖͖̞͓͇͕̤̫ͫͦ̓̾ͫͦ͛̈́̎͋̕͞L̍͋͊ͨͨ̍̌̌͑̈̔ͮ̀͏̵̨̢̤̥̘͚̠̙̤̫̻̮̭̳̺̼̺͟ͅ ͕̺͙̰͎ͤ̏͛͆̑̍̂̉́Ǫ̶̢̺̰̻̺̯̂ͫ́ͯ̓ͩ͛ͪ̇͛̒ͫ͟P̡̲̺̙̹̥͈͓̺̅̇̋͗̅́E̐̽̈ͪͥͤ̉͑̾̊҉̴̞̗̻͚̦̜̱̯̼̼͉̗̼̞͖̰̲͜N̷̶̨̢̬͈̼̟̙̳̬̯͙̝̤͚̝̺͇̱̮͒ͪͭ͂̆ ̶̧̢͍̫̫͍͍̺̞̖̬̦̥̺̈ͧ̈̇̌͗̀͛͐̍͗ͩͬ̓ͬ͛͝͞ͅT̳̘̥̬͚̠̤̱̗̙̞̬̠̹̭̠̱ͪͯͤ̾̃͆̈́ͩ̾̔͗̉͂͛̀͝H̔̌ͦ͛̔͌͋̔҉̷̨̡̤͔͍̳̗͓̳͚̼̮͍͢Èͮ̑̄͗ͥͫ҉̸̢͏̡̻̳͚͕̟ ̶̰͖̤͔̟̝͍̮̖̲̩̈́̋͊̒̏̀̀̕F̛̠̝̪̣͈͕̩͔͈̪̤̞̩̻̐ͩ̍̔͂̆̀ͤͩͥ̑ͯ̚͜͝ͅIͨͭ̓͜͢͏̛̯̩͚̦̫Rͤ͑͒̾̓̊ͬ͠҉͢͏̞̞̠̝̹̜͔̟Ŝ̷̬͈͓̭̼̝̻̝̪̖̱̭̜̥̠̥̹̯͍ͣ̍͆̊ͩ̅̐̊̆̒ͩ̈͡T̷̡͓̱̰̩̞͔̮͔̖̹̝̳ͩ͆͐ͫͧ̅̃͐̔͒ͦ͋̍̿̀̋̌͘ ̸̴̛͈̫̟̤̳̞̜̹̲͕̽̏ͭ͐ͭ͑̍̉̇͒̃ͬͤ̊ͦ̍̊̉̚͝S̸̴̨̨̨̰̠̟͎͇̦̗͒̑̔͆̒͛̄̑ͭ̂͋ͅȊ̸̳͕͐ͧ̈ͬ̉͂͐̊̏͋́͊̌̈́͢ͅẊ͖̫͈͓͕̹̗̭̰͚̥̒͆̽̔ͦ́͘͜ ̷̲̲͇̺̦̗͍̬̹͔̐ͮͯ̂̀̕͝Ő̶ͪ̓ͧͤͬ̐͛̄̇ͧ̀̂͞͝҉͓̺̯̼̖͍͔̦̟̬̫̼̠̣̲F̵͙̹͕̦̑͗ͣ̓́̏̿̾̇̀͂͐ͨ͜ ̸͊̍̃ͧ̌͂̽͊͌̂̉ͫ̂ͩ́͘͞͏̬͖̗̲̘̩̫̭̙M̷̢̮̘͇̪͔͇̩͔̣̦̝͆̾̓ͬ̀ͪ̚͡Ý̶͓͍̫̘͈̝̘͋͒̂̈͗ͫͭͩ͒̍ͨ̓̋̕ ̷̬̫̲̲̘͖͕̯̖̹̮͕̏̽͂͛̇̋̎ͦ̎͋̉͠M̢̨̲̪͎̩͕̟̪͙ͥ̎͛͐͗̽̇̉͆̋͌̍̄ͨ͢͠ͅǪ̶̛̛̫̲̥̝͎̗͓̳̲̻̮̖̞̞̬̓̈́ͣͯ̽͂̎̇̿͛̽ͣͬͫͤ͞Ų̷͙̲̞͇̲̜̬̹̠̙̭̫̤̟̈͆̍͌̂T̡̜͈̗̖̪͈͈̘͈̫̩̘̜̪̹͓̹ͪ̍͋͗͋̀ͫ̋ͨ͡ͅH̯̮̟̰̦̰̝͓͕̘̞̮͖̥̬͕̲̼ͨͯ̔̿̂ͨͦ̽͌̈́̀̚͘S̢̧͂̾̾̌̈́ͮͤ̂̉̂͑͌ͦ̓͛ͬ̽ͮ́҉̱͇̩͖̞̥̭̹͕͔̟̟̞͚̥ ̸̝̩̦̖̻̦͎̹̼͚͉ͨ̎͆̾̋̀ͣͫ́ͨ͒̓̊̽̏ͣ͘͟ͅͅA̡̧͆̓ͤ̈̌̇ͦ̆ͤͯͮ̚͠͏̹̜͉̝̪̥̻͚͙̪͍̺̙͖͝Ņ̷̩̹̼̻͎̰̺̺͍̭͍͇͍͔̲͓̯̻̀̂ͩ͆͂̏ͥ̆̏̐ͫͦͨ͡͡Ḑ̶̛̣̮͕̠̝̼̰̹̗ͨ̐ͯ̃ͣͯͯ̚ ̴̧͙͉̲̩͉̩̘̻̅̑͑̏ͧ͗̏ͭ̓ͯ͆ͫͩ͌͆̅̀̚I̴̯̠͔̭̦̺̿͒̾ͨ̍͌ͪ̕͝Ň̨̨̘͚̭̻̱̼͔͍̻̝̫͉̱̋̐ͭ̽̿ͧ̾ͬͣ͒̓ͨ̋͌́ͣͤ͝V̸̧̛͈͈̖͔̦͓̳͓̜̹̩̜̬̺͉̇ͬ͂͛̅̂͗͗ͬ̍̇͝Ó̶̷̢̧̖̙͚̜̺͎͕͖̱̗̬̤͓͚ͣ̍̊̏͒͋̀͆͌ͦ͋̍͆̏̏̐K̶̰̳̭̼͕̝͓̗̱̙̣̬̦͉̺̰͈͉͋ͤ̅̃̽́̾͋̿ͭ̊̚͜͡Eͤ̉͌ͯͨ̆̏̓̍̐͌̑͊͛ͧ͆́̚͏҉̶̮͙͇̟̜̤̱̪̳͎̣͉̰͈̭̗ ͍͖̪̲̯͔̘̺̾ͤ͑͒̎̂̍́ͭͩͤͥ͋̆̾͐̓̕͠͡M̨͙̞̤̻̳̲͈͈͔̞̈́̈́̎ͬ̀̊͝Ŷ͇̝̭͈͉̣͈̟̥͉̯̞̲̘̫͙ͣͤͫ͂́̀͜ͅS̶̶̵̡͉̪̳̩̗̭͍̳̣̗͖̲̥̖̗͈̑̓̄̾̓̔̃̊ͮ̽ͫ͂ͪͨ̿ͭͅE̸̛̝͇̙̞̩̝̖̝̠̘̫ͮ͌̆L̴̟͚̫̤̟̭̻̭͓̫̼̪̱̤̮̰̝̐ͯ͐ͯͬ̅͆͐̌͘͠F̘̬̯̘͖̦̥͚̣̮̭̪̭̘ͣ̃̓̃͐ͯ̑ͫ̅̎͐̇̾͊̈́͌̏͊ͥ́̕͜͡,͙̰̲͓͉̜̭̂̈́ͣ̚͠ͅ ̛̼̻̺̲̹̖̭̣̾̇̆͋͐ͫ͌̌ͥ̿͊̐̆̿ͣ́͡͡C̷̪̪̥͕̺͔̫ͯ̇̆̈ͫ̌ͪͬ̏̎̈̀ͤ̋̓̇͂͘Z͐̀̌ͫ͆̌͗ͨ̔ͪ̈͊̆͑͐ͪ̂̿҉̛͇̱͇̟̙̤̜̪͇͉͇̱͈̰͟ͅY̸̷̻͖̖͓̲͍̥̯͕̜̖͆̂ͥ͋ͣͦ̎̈́̄͋̔͋͒͘ͅEͤ̉̄̽͋̑̊ͦͧ͆҉̷͖̙̞̠͡ͅO̷̴̬̬̝̺̳͓̙̖̮͙͉͉͙̖͖ͩ͊ͩ̿̏ͩ̐ͦ̔̍̽͗͋ͥ̌͒ͪͪ́͜͞ͅͅŅ͙̣̹̩̜͓̂̈́̇̉͆͆̌ͮ̈͋ͫ̿̅͑̆ͬ́,̍̿̍̿̉͆͏̪͎̜̪̼̞̹͇̀͟ͅA̧̨̺͇̱̬̺̹̪̜̗͚͙̿̽ͯ̂̄̓ͮ̃͒̈ͧ̍ͫ̽͝N͖̦̲͍͎̖͓̖͙̭̩ͬ̾ͭͬͦ̍̀̕͝͞D̸̸͔͎̟̼̱̤̮̗͖̯̟̝͍̰͇͓̊ͭͯ͋ͧ͛ͬ͊ͮͮ̿͆͂ͥ̈́̇̃̀̚͠͡ ̸̮͎̩̺̣̩ͦ͊ͫ̒̈́͑̄̄ͭ̓̅̑̊͟͞ͅS̨̧̙͍͙̪̥̩̖̣̯ͯ͂̂̉́ͨ̐́̀I͛ͨͤͤ́̉̈́̎ͮ҉̀҉̖̩̙̮͖͈̬̯N̸̛̹̜͚̣̳̣͍͓͖̥̰͓̟̘̻̻̥ͥ͑ͦ͋̅͒̑́͡ͅĢ̵͔̱̝̝̪͖͚̣͛͂̍ͪ͐ͧ͘ͅͅ ̓ͥ̔ͤ̽̇̉́ͤ̏̌ͧ͆͡͏̡̼̱̤̻̣̻̦̗͎̬̞̬̕͘ͅͅ[[T̸̡̧̺͇̤̩̪̰̬̫ͯ͋̊̉͌ͮͥ͛̀ͣ̀Ḩ̛̱̰͖̫̻ͣ̿̍͒ͭ̀̎̀́̚Ę̸̢̖̭̗̣̖̞̣̩̹͇̣̫̯̝͓͆̓͆ͤͣ͜ͅ ̸̨̧͇̫͔̠̟̻͖̠̤͔͍͇̻̳͛͒ͧ́̃ͮ͘͝S̵̷͉̮̭̮̫̞͈̫̪͎͉̬̲͍̜͙͍͎͇̒ͯͩͮ͊̓͑̃͑͗̍ͯ̚̚͠O̷̘̥̯͈̰̱̔͐̓̿͊ͮͣ͗͗̈ͧ̈́͜N̨̫̬̜̪͕̬̦̝̙̲̬̤̝̯̪ͧͫ̌ͨ̄̏̒̍̿͂́̔ͥ͢ͅĞ̩̺͍ͦ̂̿̈̃ͯ͒͑̏̎̓͐ͭ̂́̚ͅ ̷̶̜̥̤ͧ̏͊̾͊̿ͧ̀͗̀Ţ̞̫͉̃ͦ̀ͤ͒̾ͤ̓͋̋́ͧ̕͝͝ͅH̵̴̘̜̻͈͍̹͓̤͚̹̋̂̈́̏̈́͑̑͌ͭ̿͌͐̃ͨ̍͢A̵̢̛͉͓̲̩͔͔͓͈̯͕ͪͬ͗̍̎͊̔͒̋̂ͩͥ͊̊̊̆͑̚̕͢ͅT̛̳͙̪͇̲̳̯̹̙͈̗͎̳͎̱ͮͦͦ̿͐ͬ̅̿ͣ́̌̇̀͘̕͢͡ ͐̌̆̄͌ͯ̄͆̊́̚͠͠͏҉̻͕͖͕̲̟̗͇͖̰̙ͅE̟͔̺͙̹͙͇̭̫̊ͩͪ̓̇̑̍̓̌ͤ̀͟͢͡N̷̨̠̩̙̪̦͉̳͔̔͌̌̐ͤͧͫͩ͌ͥͣͣ̏̐̽ͥ̽͒̀̚͜D̀͊̍̽ͥ̓ͤ̇̉͗͋͌͆̚҉̡̧͔͙͙̯̗̹S̸̯̲̪͍̳͕͉̗̭̺̤͚ͭ͆̄̒̊̽̋͑͆̑͛͗̚͟͡ͅ ̡̓͌̑ͣ̂̃̀̇͌̊͐́͏͏̳̼͔̼̠̥̞̟͔T̏͊̾ͨ̊͡͝҉̠̱̰̠̥͈̺̖͉̝̭̜̭H̷̢̛̺̱̪̞̬͎̩̝͖̰̥̠̙̠̻͖ͨͧͣͧ̀͠ͅͅͅE͆ͭ̾͋̐̊̇͡͏̶̡̡͙̱̰͚͈͍̘̻͇̤ ̊̈́ͯ̿ͦ̔̃̀̄͒͏̭͇͖̬̮̺͚̤͍̱͕͎̗̺̦̩͔͝ͅĘ̻͈̤̳̤̭̠̫̺̠̗̫͉̲͕̦͑ͨ̈́̽̈̎̆͘ͅͅÅ̶̵̧͖͓͈̦̝̖̜͉̲̫͕͕̱̰̄̎̋̅ͫ͊̽̑̉̄ͪͯ͐́̕͞ͅR̩̪̳̮̬̼̥̞̦̦ͨ̈́ͫ̔ͮͤ͂̀͝T̡͎͚̦̯̲͚ͩ̆ͧͥ̎ͮ̿ͥ͐̀ͅͅH̵̛͋̉̐̓ͨ͆ͪ̆̎̇̈̌ͨ̋ͬ̊͏̼̳̫̲|Vin, Vice President Carnold]] + + +\\ + + + + + +~E. Eurythian, currently eaten by a stricture, formerly Philosopher-King of Lucin's World \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-wanderway.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-wanderway.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..caca26a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/the-wanderway.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: The Wanderway + +The **Wanderway** is a high-speed aetheric current that encircles the planet. Its name is due to constant fluctuation of its path with respect to latitude, though to date it has yet to approach within 15 degrees of the poles. Because of this fluctuation, it is nearly useless for any serious aetheric travel, though it remains a subject of intense scientific study. Aetheric currents generally become too unstable to use at a circumference of about three miles, and so the Wanderway's relative stability compared to theoretical predictions gives many researchers hope for improvement on smaller scales. + +The Wanderway is, of course, still used. Over short distances, it is even safe to do so. This remains difficult to take advantage of, because there is no guarantee that the Wanderway will be nearby when one needs it, or that it won't have any curves too sharp for aetheric payloads to navigate without falling out. Even worse, if it shifts too quickly (which happens often enough to be a concern), everything inside may be ejected and left stranded, flying through the air on their previous trajectory. + +Today, the Wanderway is impossible to use without heavy armor or well-shielded aetheric transports. Some cabal of crazies took the [[Sixth|The Piercing Stricture]] a little too literally and dumped a vast quantity of needles, nails, and other small, sharp objects into the Wanderway, which continue to appear out of nowhere with the force of bullets as it shifts. + +Despite all of this, [[Ursinquisitors|The Bear Inquisition]] continue to attempt to make use of it for long-distance travel, resulting in the occasional aetheric rift appearing out of nowhere and spitting out a heavily-armed bear at a speed matched only by its rage. The Scriptorium's location appears to be a particularly hot spot for this, which causes me no end of grief as the sisters keep calling me from my other duties to deal with these intruders. + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/typhus-stormbreaker.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/typhus-stormbreaker.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bdaee9c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/typhus-stormbreaker.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: Josh +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Typhus Stormbreaker + +While he is best known among the Orders for his role as virtual commander in [[Larry's Conquest]], **Typhus Stormbreaker** continued to accomplish great things with his life, especially after it properly began. + +Upon returning to his people, the Sequitor, Typhus Stormbreaker introduced the new technology taught (perhaps inadvertently) by Larry and was elevated to real commander with no small amount of pomp, virtual and figurative explosions, and, for the first time in their histories, real explosions. The Sequitor, a race of most peculiar ability and limits, a rare mingling of virtual, fleshy, and figurative blood, had not at this point in time invented any use for gunpowder. They had invented gunpowder, of course, but its possible uses had evaded the minds of their virtual-fleshy-figurative blood. It was to them a grand mystery. They treasured it like they treasured fire, though they kept them in separate capitals. The only known reason for this is their oral tradition. According to Fion’s account of Mion’s account of Renot’s account of Golb’s account of Temnor’s account of Salif’s account of [[Bob|Wise Bob, the Sequitor who Exploded Most Direly]]’s dying words, “The servants of Fire were angry. I tickled them with the black sand and I exploded most direly. Do not tickle the Fire.” After these words he died, according to Jimmy, Fion’s brother. Bob was once very respected among the Sequitor. His name meant, in their speech, more or less, “going up and down with the timing of things.” This was a good name. It is now a bad name. + +While the Sequitor have yet to discover a use for gunpowder beyond hoarding it, they have since learned to make explosions thanks to Typhus Stormbreaker. Among the Sequitor, even those who have been elevated to real or figurative status have the innate virtual ability of instantaneous resolution. It took Typhus Stormbringer’s victory as virtual commander under Larry to realize the uses of this. (Previously it had happened only accidentally, which is why Sequitor do not run in large numbers.) T + +As a result of these innovations, the Sequitor became a mining people. They erected great towers with clever footholds to drive drills, rocks, and other such objects deep into the ground. They found that the gunpowder was less likely to tickle Fire if it was kept safe in large chambers beneath the Orders. These chambers have since been used to host great revelries, parties, and reproductive dances as, being underground as they are, they are as though guaranteed to be beneath [[the King's Altitude]]. + +~ +Carver Goodmann,\\ +Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach\\ +Senior Prepositionalist\\ +ARC ZII, Mirror Technician \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/unnamed-city.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/unnamed-city.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..96af066 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/unnamed-city.txt @@ -0,0 +1,26 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Unnamed City + +Communique 58:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain + +AethID 94019-81:/ CalypsoNet + +"In this place, long contested over many years, we have made our home. We shall not move from this sacred city. It shall become our homeland. Our hallowed den, from which we shall sojourn to hunt heresy and within which we guard the heart of our order." --Words spoken on the dedication of the Ursinquitous Great Den, by Venerable Father Malthus the Wise + +From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier + +Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury, + +The crusade goes well. The brothers you have sent to aid me in this noble endeavour have acquitted themselves well, several dying bravely with great fury and much destruction to the heretics. + +I fear, however, that it may not be enough. As you well now, after the dissipation of [[Larry's Kingdom|Larry's Conquest]] the Unnamed City remained vacant for centuries. When the Ursinquisitous made the City its new home, you know what we found there in the lower reaches, down in the dark. I fear we may need it. The Great Weapon. + +Perhaps we may succeed in this mighty purge without it. But I hear that the corruption runs too deep, and that dire measures may be required. If we should fail, [[Hell itself| Earthson's Bar and Grill]] may be unleashed. May the Great Bear guard us all in purity. + +I have heard tell that refugees from the Central Order have made their way to the Unnamed City. I am concerned at this news, unless there is perhaps a deeper wisdom to this act of apparent "mercy." I will not make my suspicion known here, for fear of it falling into enemy hands, but I do wonder if this is not unlike the clever machinations of Arbiter Zelonititus in the [[3rd Great Crusade|The Fellowship of the Living Word]]. If it is so, then perhaps the Great Weapon can be put to use to purge this corruption once and for all in a great roar of blood. + +I remain humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption, + +~Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries, Boneroarer of the 5th Great Crusade. + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/vin-vice-president-carnold.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/vin-vice-president-carnold.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..44c6c8b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/vin-vice-president-carnold.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: Q +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Vin, Vice President Carnold + +Don't just accept whatever common narrative is fed to you by the propaganda of the corporate machine spewing whatever filth they intend to use to control not only you but every man, woman, and child in this entire plane of existence. I have found encoded in the pages of several subtly written books of commentary on Wittgenstein that our own Vice President of [[Grampul Subsection 3]], Carnold Vin is a //pawn// that's right a cog in the machine designed to control the people. I've seen past the lies, what, like the fourth stricture just fell on its own? It was taken down from within and the architect of its demise is none other our beloved Grampul Subsection 3 Vice President. + +But it goes deeper than that I know that there was a massive cover up and that there is no way that the collapse of the fourth stricture would cause the failure of the essential [[Seirapolis]] and some fiend other than Vin must have shut down the energy reactors at the same precise moment Vin caused the catastrophic failure of stricture 4 which points to a conspiracy far larger than any of us can comprehend //because// after all who could orchestrate not only the failure of Seirapolis //and// have a Vice President in their pocket //and// only be found by whatever society has to be so deep undercover that they pass messages in dense books on philosophical math? The questions never end but there is one thing that is for certain and that is that we are dealing with a full-blown deep conspiracy. + +Let's see how far this rabbit hole goes. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/void-and-stricture-reality-as-the-dance-of-presence-and-absence.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/void-and-stricture-reality-as-the-dance-of-presence-and-absence.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8c00803 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/void-and-stricture-reality-as-the-dance-of-presence-and-absence.txt @@ -0,0 +1,33 @@ +# Player: Allison +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Void and Stricture: Reality as the Dance of Presence and Absence + +Presence looked at the damp knife in his hands and felt worried. + +He walked over to the window and reflected on his futile surroundings. He had always loved vague Strictures Dance Ring with its salty, squealing Shining Dance Floors. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel worried. + +Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Absence . Absence was a vile god with wobbly abs and sticky toes. + +Presence gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an intuitive, bold, bourbon drinker with slimy abs and chubby toes. His friends saw him as a vast, violet volcano. Fire in the eyes like [[Great Bear's Veins]]. Once, he had even helped a decomposing baby flamingo cross the road. + +But not even an intuitive person who had once helped a decomposing baby flamingo cross the road, was prepared for what Absence had in store today. + +The wind blew like jogging owls, aromas of [[Earthson's Bar and Grill]] flew in from the distance, making Presence jumpy. + +As Presence stepped outside and Absence came closer, he could see the vague glint in his eye. + +"I am here because I want a dance," Absence bellowed, in a brave tone. He slammed his fist against Presence's chest, with the force of 4102 snakes. "I frigging hate you, Presence ." + +Presence looked back, even more jumpy and still fingering the damp knife. "Absence, reality is vague and futile," he replied. + +They looked at each other with anxious feelings, like two racid, real rabbits drinking at a very snooty Flamenco Dance-Off, which had classical music playing in the background and two callous uncles alongside [[Cathyr Van Sacrilege]] bopping to the beat. + +Suddenly, Absence lunged forward and tried to punch Presence in the face. Quickly, Presence grabbed the damp knife and brought it down on Absence's skull. + +Absence's wobbly abs trembled and his sticky toes wobbled. He looked puzzled, his body raw like a grisly, gorgeous gun. + +Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Absence was dead. + +Presence went back inside and made himself a nice drink of bourbon. + +~Susanna Summers, Vice President of Strictures United, Front Desk Manager, Records Recovery, etc. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/water-free-water.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/water-free-water.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d592d72 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/water-free-water.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: HSM +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Water-Free Water + +Are you water-free and tired of dealing with the problems that come with it? Well, good news for all you sea-liacs out there, because a crack team of [[genuine, reliable researchers|White Lab Coats]] has created a product that will blow your minds! + +Did you know? Of the 23 self-identifying H2Obophobes who responded to the survey, 39% said they were against water for ethical reasons. "A poet writes of a lake of ice in the deepest layer of hell," one surveyor stated, "Mix that with the firey upper half and what do you get? The [[devil's|Satan]] liquid." + +It breaks my heart to know that many these people are living with serious conditions, such as dry-mouth syndrome or simply dying of dehydration. But all these problems are about to be solved forever, with the unveiling of our new miracle product, Water-Free Water! + +What did you say? Water-Free Water? How is that even possible? By harnessing the power of [[aetheric currents|The Wanderway]], researchers were able to isolate the core essence of not-water-ness and infuse it into this revolutionary new beverage. Our manufacturing process is completely natural; some believe [[primitive species|Happe]] were exploiting it even before the [['Stancening|The Happenstancening]]. + +So what are you waiting for? If you're experiencing any of the issues I mentioned, or if you just want to get in on the hottest new drink, get some Water-Free Water today! + +Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm a little thirsty. I think I'll just grab a bottle of... hey, you're not still recording, are you? + +~Dr. Oz: The Post-Apocalyptic Season, Broadcast 11 \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/white-lab-coats.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/white-lab-coats.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..151a29c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/white-lab-coats.txt @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: White Lab Coats + +They say that in some parts of the Antipode Order, the sidewalks get hot enough to fry an egg on. Brings a new meaning to "sunny side up." Waste of an egg, if you ask me, but no one ever asks me. + +People also say that you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. As I walked through the gloomy drizzle, I caught a glimpse of the broken sphere that used to be the [[Seirapolis]]. One hell of a broken egg, that one. They hadn't finished rebuilding the destruction from when the Strictures ran loose after the [[energy reactors went down|Vin, Vice President Carnold]]. I shuddered to think what kind of omelet was getting cooked up from that. + +Lighting a cigarette, I decided to check up on a contact of mine who might know more about what SU was planning. He was a bit of a reticent fellow, refusing to go by anything other than "Q". From what I knew of the man(?), it probably wasn't even his real initial. But he was an absolute tech whiz, and if anyone had deeper access to SU's systems, it'd be him. + +The apartment complex was dilapidated and full of unsavory characters. I guess I look like a bit of an unsavory character myself, because none of them gave me any trouble beyond intimidating glares. I found my way to a darkened hallway. The tripwires didn't pose much of a problem, unless you count the one that set my trenchcoat on fire. + +With a light knock on his door, I flung myself backward so the flamethrower behind the door wouldn't flash-broil me. + +"Who are you? How did you find this location?" snapped a distorted voice through a speaker. + +"It's Murph, and you gave me directions last time you had an anonymous tip that couldn't be spoken over the phone." Ten bucks said this wasn't his real location, either, but if I brought that up he might activate the proximity mines. + +"Hah! They've got all of the phones, I tell you! Might as well mail them a transcript of your day!" + +"I'm wondering what else they've got," I said. "Can you tell me anything about Carnelian's plans for Central?" + +"It's all about the [[Thirteenth|An Apology - from Strictures United]], I tell you," said the voice. "//All// of Carnelian's memos //sum to a multiple of thirteen if you convert them to binary and add the ones together//!" + +"Do you know what they're going to use the Thirteenth for?" + +"Nothing yet. They've got to bring it to life first," said the voice. "I've hacked the security cameras in their [[logomantic|logomancy]] research wing. Do you know what I [[saw|Zetta Computing]]?" + +"Not a clue." + +"Perfect. Stay the hell out of my head." The voice paused for a moment, then continued. "Anyways, Mr. Reynolds, I saw //white lab coats//." + +I whistled. You only see white lab coats on people who have gone off the deep end — for example, I had no doubt my friend Q here was wearing one. That meant Strictures United had to be employing actual mad scientists. Mighty suspicious for an organization dedicated to preventing that. + +"The implications are obvious," the voice continued. + +"Of course," I lied. "Well, I'm off to investigate some mad logomancers. You know where to find me." + +"Goodbye. Mind the privacy hammer on your way out." + +"What privacy—" + +~Murph Reynolds, Private Eye \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/wise-bob-the-sequitor-who-exploded-most-direly.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/wise-bob-the-sequitor-who-exploded-most-direly.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..131e6b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/wise-bob-the-sequitor-who-exploded-most-direly.txt @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Wise Bob, the Sequitor who Exploded Most Direly + +Communique 63:// #subsector 5, High Office Chamberlain + +AethID 06660-09:/ CalypsoNet + +"When the heretic assails without fear, when corruption coils around all, when madness and chaos abound, seek then your consolation in blood. Offer no longer salvation to the undeserving, but drown them with damnation." Last proclamation of Brother Albright the Sanguine Rage, Chief Warbear of the 4th Great Crusade, moments before the massacre of the 5 Cities and the Red Tide. + +From: Ursinquisitor Thelemas Tier + +Greetings Blessed Chamberlain of All Fury, + +The great work has been accomplished. + +All has been prepared and events have been set in motion which now cannot be undone. The Great Weapon has been loosed. + +As you know, the curiously named "Wise Bob" was a figure of no little repute in the annals and traditions of the Sequitor people. Though we have had few dealings with them across the years, some of their lore has indeed passed into the memory of the Ursinquisitous. Although his name appears to me as something of a misappellation-- given that he appears to have died from [[self-inflicted wounds|Typhus Stormbreaker]] incurred from interaction with the Great Weapon--perhaps it is the lesson learned vicariously by his actions that is the source of the so-called wisdom. + +Likewise, we know the Sequitors learned from this wisdom and hid the Great Weapon deep underground, safe from the touch of fire that would awaken it. Surprisingly, with perhaps a primitive instinct and awareness, they dug leagues of tunnels that follow the precise course of the [[Great Bear's Veins]], with the Great Weapon stockpiled at the tunnels' ends, located deep within the hearts of the various Orders. + +Our Crusade, on account of dire need, has prepared these stockpiles, and sent the [[refugees from the Central Order|Seirapolis]] on "meditative pilgrimages" to the stockpiles. They are there repeating their "wellness mantra" constantly, in shifts. + +When the Great Weapon is awoken, the constant recitation of the Piercing Stricture will open the aether, channeling a torrent of Fire and Void into the heart of every Order, and thus cleansing them in a great conflagration which will then collapse into Nothingness, obliterating all trace of the Orders as well as the infected refugees from the Central Order. + +[[Wrathrunes]] have been placed in the prescribed sigils around the Unnamed City to protect it from any residual Void or damage and cutting it off from the aether. + +By the time this message reaches you, the Great Weapon will have been unleashed, and corruption will have been thus purged from the Orders. +I may not be able to communicate for some time as the aether will be blocked with the final Wrathrune as soon as this message is transmitted. + +All is now in the claws of the Great Bear. + +I remain humble in your service, and with great wrath to all corruption, + +~Brother Thelemas Tier, Ursinquisitor, 3rd Order of the Blooded Claw and Penitent of All Mysteries, Boneroarer of the 5th Great Crusade. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/wrathrunes.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/wrathrunes.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..df04866 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/wrathrunes.txt @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +# Player: Josh +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Wrathrunes + +Originating with the //Romani// of Old-Near-Ancient Europa, **Wrathrunes** are a magic ward against snakes, serpents, basilisks, mothers-in-law, and, in a most general way, things that //coil and loose//. Part of the ward had from its earliest inception, of course, a particularly nomadic focus on loosing. The magic was thoroughly effective, particularly against distant cousins named Danior, Django, Maloney, Kennick, and Jim-bo. + +While the materials used for **Wrathrunes** have varied over the years, their shape has remained remarkably unchanged, appearing always like a doily. + +Before the destruction of [[The Last Virtual Stone|Larry's Conquest]] the doilies of the **Wrathrune** were made often of the agate. The agate had largely removed itself to the virtual by then, for understandable reasons, and it has since been virtually mined to near-extinction. It was indeed a most magnificent destruction (and possibly extinction)—perhaps The Very Best. + +Prior to and since the aforementioned probable extinction of the agate, **Wrathrunes** have been primarily composed of juniper, twigs of Elder, root of raspberry, or shark teeth soaked in wine. Contraveneno was used up until the rise of [[SRMD|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]], as the rise of Science (and all things “science”) tend to bring with them “rigorous” “studies” of things fixated on the material. Toxicity rose as SRMD increased and soon enough California was aware that it caused cancer. + +Since the Happenstancening, **Wrathrunes** have migrated. No longer are they the conjuring/creation/delicate-lacy-work of humans only. Once upon a time (we are told, all of us, each one, as though uncannily, as though as waketime stories) the words of [[Cathyr Van Sacrilege|The Happenstancening]]: “the hubris of humanity thinking we could bind the Strictures was not in thinking our technology would hold but rather our fickle and corrupt nature” — and this, on repeat, for hours. (It was the sound—nay, the heartbeat—of our nights, all of us, each one.) They fly north for the summer, **Wrathrunes** do, since then, and their flight is terrible. The only ones to remain are the ashen ones, the juniper ones, usually. It was, needless to say, the very corruption of human nature which caused the Strictures to fail. There was no other reason. None. Zippo. There could be no other. How else was it that agate went near-extinct? + +~ + + +Lo! I must tell you this, not as a scholar or a sub-sub-librarian, nor even as a repentant sub-ambibeliever, but as Carver Goodmann himself: the **Wrathrunes** must be permitted to migrate. The world—the Orders, all that is, the Strictures, everything, 42—are in a time of great…stress. We must permit the **Wrathrunes** to migrate. We must. Now is no longer the age of the hubris of humanity. Stuff it all for a lack. It is the age of the Hubris of the Happe and the Sequitor. Perhaps an [[Affirmator]] may arrive, and soon, and our technology can be wholly poo-pooed and we can say again, as we once did: þæt wæs god cyning. +Goodnight, America. + +~ +Carver Goodmann,\\ +Sub-Sub-Librarian of Teach\\ +Senior Prepositionalist\\ +ARC ZII, Mirror Technician\\ +Repentant Sub-Ambibeliever + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/zetta-computing.txt b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/zetta-computing.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6a5acc8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/src/zetta-computing.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: Q +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Zetta Computing + +Wake up sheeple! Another message encoded onto the back of a SUreal box from the +underground resistance and I found if you take its puzzle and solve it incorrectly you are able to derive the exact [[financial records of Strictures United| +Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update]] leaving one with the question the burning question that sears the back of your mind until it is raw with processing and that question is //how// exactly did Strictures United manage to make precisely no money at the time where they have completely dominated all known markets? + +The answer is so simple only the most blind could not realize it and that is that clearly and obviously Strictures United is investing [[ungodly|religion (disambiguation)]] sums of capital into their server farms to finish their nefarious plot to mine all of us which implies therefore that their [[researchers|Science-Related Memetic Disorder]] that they have caged away must have made a breakthrough and gone beyond their Yotta Computing paradigm (which incidentally was what caused this whole catastrophe in the first place*) to their final computer stage and that means that soon the machines will be INSIDE our heads which is why I urge everyone to stop using their names online because that is exactly precisely how they get you! + +~**REDACTED** + +*: See the fact that a ctrl-F on [[Stricture's so-called "apology"|An Apology - from Strictures United]] for 'Y' yields 43 results which is the same amount of years they claim to have taken place since the disaster! This is no coincidence and perhaps you may respond that five of those Ys are part of the page itself and not part of the article. Well how many letters are in 'Yotta' may I ask! diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/statistics/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/statistics/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e1df0c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/statistics/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,100 @@ + + +Statistics | Lexicon Centralium + + + + + + +
+

Statistics

+
+

Top 10 pages by page rank:
+1 – Grampul Subsection 3
+2 – Earthson's Bar and Grill
+3 – Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update
+4 – Strictures United
+5 – Satan
+6 – The Bear Inquisition
+7 – The Breaching Stricture
+8 – The Happenstancening
+9 – The Binding Stricture
+10 – An Apology - from Strictures United

+
+
+

Most citations made from:
+29 – Grampul Subsection 3
+15 – Satan; Strictures United Quarterly Financial Update
+14 – Ontological Abstractions and How to Beat Them to Death

+
+
+

Most citations made to:
+17 – Earthson's Bar and Grill
+13 – An Apology - from Strictures United; Strictures United
+10 – Satan; Science-Related Memetic Disorder; Vin, Vice President Carnold

+
+
+

Longest article:
+872 – Religion (disambiguation)
+647 – The Laws of the Strictures
+630 – The Ministry of Not Screwing Things Up

+
+
+

Player total page rank:
+NVB – 0.173
+TVB – 0.152
+Q – 0.149
+EB – 0.138
+Josh – 0.135
+Allison – 0.119
+ES – 0.105
+HSM – 0.029

+
+
+

Citations made by player
+NVB – 71
+Q – 51
+EB – 49
+TVB – 49
+Josh – 42
+ES – 31
+Allison – 26
+HSM – 8

+
+
+

Citations made to player
+TVB – 50
+Allison – 48
+Josh – 48
+Q – 48
+NVB – 44
+EB – 43
+ES – 36
+HSM – 10

+
+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/centralium/status b/src/page/lexicon/centralium/status new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e69de29 diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/-Cincinatta_Rubric2C_MsD.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/-Cincinatta_Rubric2C_MsD.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7685aa9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/-Cincinatta_Rubric2C_MsD.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
+ + +
+

~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

Dr. Cincinatta Rubric, MsD is the Centus Havocwreaker Professor Emeritus of Misosophy at the National Correspondence University of Incendia and the author of several acclaimed books, including The Profitable Abuse of Hypotheticals and the groundbreaking textbook Corrupting the Youth. She was demerited with a Doctorate of Misosophy for her achievements in the egregious violation of scholarly norms and remorseless sabotage of her academic opponents, and subsequently recognized by her peers as a dangerous and unhinged maverick when she actually showed up to her misosophy degree conferral. Her work in the field of combat philosophy has been denounced by several major journals of philosophy, and she has the prestigious honor of being the first Pentad academic to receive a restraining order from an official conference of the Notional Academy of Barcu. Her appointment to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee passed by a 3 vote margin and provoked an official letter of protest from the High Exarch Minor of Flandre.

+

Dr. Rubric enjoys fencing, mountain biking, and the panicked consternation of freshmen. When she is not at the Assembly on Committee business, she lives in her condo in Kingsland South with her pet snake Rufus and something that lives in the walls that she refuses to name, because to name it would be to acknowledge its presence.

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/-Dr._Herbert_Jones.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/-Dr._Herbert_Jones.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7fac7e5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/-Dr._Herbert_Jones.html @@ -0,0 +1,39 @@ + + +~Dr. Herbert Jones | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
+ + +
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~Dr. Herbert Jones

As a young man of eight, Herbert Jones surprised his parents by taking apart the family encyclopedia and rearranging the articles in order of geographic proximity to their Walksford home. Sixty years and seven academic positions later, he has not lost that early enthusiasm for rearranging humanity's knowledge into shapes that suit us better.

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Dr. Jones is a prolific author, having published over thirty volumes of nonfiction, including Where to Put the Shit—an exhaustive treatise on how architects place restrooms when designing buildings—as well as the celebrated trilogy Venereal Diseases of the Great Historians, Vol. I-III. He also made history by publishing the first fully fictional encyclopedia, The Fairfax Guide to Other Places, which won the Greentemple Award for Creative Fiction in AS 973.

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Dr. Jones's career has been marked by academic success in addition to literary. After winning a Staff of Mastery from the Yuglandian College of Hysteria's Inventory Department, he pursued a doctorate education at the University of Eyesland. There he studied Miscellania under the legendary Riggs Behemon, who remained a close friend and mentor until his death in AS 982. Dr. Jones's doctorate thesis was adapted into the Herbert Jones Encyclopedia of Precarious Legislation. Dr. Jones would later return to the University of Eyesland to claim the Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement.

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A noted expert in politics, Dr. Jones was chosen to preside over the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee for the Disarrangement Act in AS 989.

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~Gwen Hanson, PhD

Dr. Gwen Hanson, PhD is the head of the Entropology Department at the Transient University of Ulgrav, where she has worked for the past eleven years. She received a Masters degree (with honors) from the University of Hejilad, and completed her doctorate work with the Townsend Foundation with a groundbreaking thesis on why the Botherhood can't possibly get anything done.

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Entropology had long been something of a niche academic field until Dr. Hanson brought it into prominence with the popular nonfiction book "Why Everything Goes to Shit" in AS 986. The work introduced an entry-level understanding of entropology to the general populace, which seemed like a good thing until it, inevitably, went to shit. Now she can't walk down the street without hearing morons butchering her life's work in casual conversations. Fuck all of you.

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As an academic and professor, Dr. Hanson has won the respect of both colleagues and students. She was awarded the Ngote Award for Professorial Excellence in AS 988, a highly coveted decoration given to a professor by majority student vote. She has successfully defended against no less than four accusations of misosophy, even managing to reflect the humiliation on her accuser in three of those cases.

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Today, she lives with her husband and two children aboard the Ulgravian zeppelin Thunder Bumble until such time as the fucking Sovereign manages to get someone to sell us some fucking land.

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~Pierce Milton, MHO

Introductory memetosociology texts will tell you that memetosociologists study the ways in which society's perception of how society works influences the way society actually works. But Pierce Milton, MHO is one of the few memetosociologists who will tell you that those textbooks are themselves a memetosociological pressure vector that try to shape the way young m-socists try to pursue their discipline.

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In AS 983, Honored Milton won acclaim by uncovering the secret insider-only fast-track inside the m-soc program at Stafford College and blackmailing the administration into giving him his degree after only three weeks. Over the next three months, he successfully negotiated Masters degrees from Kains University and the Royal University of Lepazzia simultaneously, before following up with a PhD from Warbaum's University before the end of the year. This rise in prominence beat the fastest record for m-soc career path completion, so by the following year the Grand Council of Memetosociologists had awarded him the right to use the honorific above PhD: MHO, or "Most Honored One."

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In recognition of his academic and social engineering achievements, Honored Milton invited himself to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee and joined in AS 987.

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~Remilion Christophy, PhD

Dr. Remilion Christophy, PhD is an independent researcher in the field of sociophysics, which he insists is a legitimate field of study. His seminal work The King Electric: The Influence of Electromagnetic Variance on Order and Revolution is widely considered by sociologists and physicists. He achieved international renown during his presidency over the 988 Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee that advised the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns on the civil unrest in Flandre following the death of the High Exarch. His knack for applying the systems analysis of physical science to the social dynamics of succession came to the fore during the Committee's debate over whether to recommend the annihilation of both sides of the conflict. Though Christophy's peers have found great success in using physical metaphors according his method, he continues to insist that his theories only make sense when interpreted literally. This has yet to catch on.

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Dr. Christophy is a voting member of the International Ignitennis Council and boasts an illustrated college career. He spends his free time reading science fiction and occasionally writes for scifi conventions. When he isn't pursuing his sociophysical research, he works as a librarian in Anathema Vale, Flandre, to continue the work of his late wife.

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~Spheven Kain

Spheven Kain is a former computational anthropologist and current night janitor at the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. He previously served as a member of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee before an unlikely series of what he maintains are coincidences that led to his departure from the Committee and the revocation of his degree. He got his revenge, though, because he used the last of his contacts to get the night janitor gig, and the President of the Committee doesn't lock up the report documents overnight. What do you think of that, you cretins! Thought you could get rid of me that easily?

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In the copious amount of spare time he has since his dismissal, Kain has devoted himself to learning new skills, like lockpicking, cryptography, and free climbing. He believes strongly in the benefits of interdisciplinary collaboration, and attests that what he insists is his extended sabbatical has produced several fruitful avenues of computational anthropology research, which he plans to pursue as soon as they give him his degree back. He lives in the janitorial closet of the Disputatious Assembly's committee wing, where he is engaged in an ongoing territorial conflict with the sovereign of Incendia, who lives in the BEA Committee break room.

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986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident

Ah, the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. I can think of no place on earth that is quite like it. Nowhere else will you find the heights of power so entangled with the lows of maturity. A place so orderly, yet filled with the pettiest of bickering—and, yes, bloodshed. One's mind jumps immediately to the noble warriors representing the Careless Continent, of course, but we mustn't forget that eventful day in 973 when Hegemon Muoauwu sneezed and accidentally assassinated the Princeps of Saphira, or when Madam Secretary beat Queen Hester the Swift of Bolum with a ruler and set off a succession crisis.

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Another event sees discussion in the same breath: one that I had the honor of witnessing, the 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day Incident. Many scholars express a degree of skepticism about the events that took place here on that day, as there was a great deal of confusion and it was not recorded very well. However, I have always held a special interest in Flandre, and I happened to be sitting with then eight-year-old Seraphi Ironheart when she set events in motion.

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Bring Your Daughter to Work Day was an event put forward, if memory serves, by Deified Hlisst of Kel (who, mind you, is as mortal as the next Sovereign). The official reasoning for the measure was an opportunity to humanize political opponents and teach the next generation how things are done in these noble chambers. Little did they realize the next generation contained Miss Ironheart, and that she had a few lessons to teach them!

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Her first strike was the use of holographic technology—a present for her seventh birthday, she told me—to create a simulacrum of famed Kushrian champion Balam Al-Hasslain. Al-Hasslain himself was reportedly quite taken with the projection before she told him that it had been created by scientists of the Veluus Republic (now allied with Kush against their mutual neighbor Gheir, but at the time, a mortal enemy).

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Her second move was to spread rumors among the warriors of the Careless Continent that their enemies were hidden among the representatives of the Very Definitely Independent States, and that projection technology could be detected by way of a geiger counter. However, she herself was wearing (harmlessly) radioactive clothing, and had made sure to give every VDIS Sovereign a hug earlier that day. Thus, the Careless Continent contingent seemingly discovered that all of them were disguised foes, and a massacre began.

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The Hegemony would later condemn Flandre, but Flandre maintains that Ironheart was acting independently. Ironheart has gone on record saying that she was never there, and that the events were actually the handiwork of a Botherhood operative disguised as her, which should have been obvious once everyone found out she was radioactive.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Assemblies of Gods

The field of computational theology was founded by High Illuminator Dr. Heinrich Stafford in an offhand comment in the margin of a paper he was grading, which has become a relic since his canonization as a saint. Noting the use of ritual and repetition within religious devotion, Stafford theorized that religious ritual could be abstracted into an algorithm, which could then be implemented by any universal computer, allowing the ritual to be repeated at hardware speed over every computational core. When this marginal note was discovered, it sparked a flood of research into the algorithmic representation of ritual and the digital representation of symbol, most of which was immediately anathematized. The bulk of these anathemas were lifted in the following decades, allowing the products of its research to be aired openly. Within computational theology, a program whose execution corresponds to the performance of a particular ritual is known as a divine assembly, and the library of divine assemblies that have been written by computational theologians is referred to as the Assemblies of Gods.

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The Assemblies remained a rather academic affair until the 960s, when Shaster was rocked by agitation from misosophers and economists who wanted to replace all religious activity in Shaster with divine assembly executions, thus eliminating both the philosophical quandaries of divinity and all bank holidays. The so-called "computational reformers" gained a foothold in the Senate, which allowed them to hang on to relevance for most of the decade until the untimely death of the movement's leader, Ik Severent, in a shipwreck. His successors, Harry and Isabelle Writsmith, were incompetent to the task of defending the movement to the Senate. Within the year, the country tired of their shenanigans, and banned computational theology outright. A brief resurgence a few years later was quickly quashed when the Senate threatened to have a national university posthumously award Severent a dysthetics degree. The Senate even proposed naming computational theology as a Dark Pentad discipline, though the measure was quietly tabled after the Panark Fleet, a bosom ally of Shaster, expressed significant disapproval of the motion.

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Most usage of the Assemblies of Gods is done on Panark servers, either by Panark itself or offered as a service to other countries. On most holy days, the Fleet offers complementary cycles to countries to run divine assemblies that correspond to observances for that day. This has become a point of tension with Kingsland, whose complicated religious landscape all but ensures that every day is a holy day for at least one Kingslander cult.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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In the wake of the incident in Shaster, the offering of divine assembly executions gradually became normal throughout the 970s. This contributed to a decrease in the number of sectarian conflicts, until a series of investigative journalism reports in 979 uncovered a dark underside to the Assemblies of Gods. Two years earlier, an anonymous Panarkian technomonk of the Desert Fleet (believed by many to be the alleged professor Marvin Fitch) had written a series of hymns that, when compiled into a divine assembly, injected various curses into other assemblies running on the same machine. This precipitated a massive scandal for the Panark Fleet, which their sovereign deftly handled by nationalizing the malicious hymn-software, gathering the nation's best programmers to reverse-engineer it, and adding it to their business model. Now sectarians can pay top dollar to Panark's technomonks to have hymns composed to attack their religious enemies' divine assemblies or defend their own against such attacks. As physical sectarian conflicts have continued to decrease, the international community has collectively agreed that this is an acceptable conclusion to the whole affair.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Asynchronous energy

Invented by the incomparable Dr. Stafford, the theory of asynchronous energy extends insights from quantum mechanics into practical applications. These insights had not been made at the time, of course, but it's not like that was ever an obstacle for the High Illuminator. Quantum theory allows for small-scale violations of conservation principles, as long as those violations occur within a small enough timespan. Stafford's innovation was to develop a physics that could make these violations usable on human time scales by having the timespan extend piecemeal across a longer stretch of time; thus, while a violation might only occur for some number of picoseconds, some of those picoseconds might be a minute later than the rest. Managing to pull this off without catastrophe is a testament to Stafford's brilliance.

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The application of asynchronous energy theory is limited in most cases and usually reduces to regular physics, just with more math. However, the indirection layer of asynchronous energy theory shines in a use case close to home for Flandrean northerners like the good doctor: physics in the Barcuvian edgelands. It is a well-known fact that Barcu is different from the rest of the world, in some very odd ways. Physics is no exception to this. Practical energy asynchronicity is most profitable in the edgelands where Barcuvian physics gives way to regular physics. By using normally energy-neutral processes, but straddling them across the gradient into Barcuvian physics, energy can be produced nearly limitlessly. Flandre has grown to accept this as sufficiently useful to be worth the decade of National Response Protocols (Supernatural Existential Threat) it engenders. This speaks volumes about the sheer advantage asynchronous energy gives Flandre to be worth such a risk.

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Speaking of the risks, nobody is really quite sure what they are, since nobody really understands asynchronous energy theory in the first place. The leading theory is that a Barcuvian straddle-generator produces energy by borrowing it from the near future, then paying off the energy "debt" when the future arrives by borrowing even more future energy. If this is indeed how it works — and, again, nobody is actually sure — then there is a mounting energy debt on the Barcuvian border that, if it "defaults", would cause unimaginable damage. The projected effects range from the edgelands dropping to absolute zero to the entire continent being converted to mass-energy to be sucked into the past. The implications of this for the Disarrangement Act are unclear, but if Flandre is forced to comply with the Act, it is likely they will attempt to prevent the implosion of their asynchronous infrastructure by declaring swaths of Barcu to be their sovereign territory. This may provoke war between Flandre and the other Barcuvian nations, such as Kingsland or the Barrowlands, and if there's anything good for the international community, it's keeping Flandre off the warpath. The last thing we need is for the High Exarch Minor to be thinking seriously about how to conquer the world.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Barcuvian antiweather

The only thing worse than getting rained on because you forgot your umbrella is getting rained on from underneath your umbrella. Despite this, antiweather remains one of the biggest reasons why it's inexplicable that people still live in the geographical region of Barcu. The ultimate cause of antiweather, and its localization to Barcu, remain unknown, though one favored theory blames it on an ancient and accidental case of space persuasion.

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The most common form of antiweather is uprain, which condenses into droplets deep in the water table, then precipitates up until it breaks through the ground, rising into the sky to become clouds and drenching the underpants of any visitors who forgot their underbrellas. More severe forms of antiweather include antithunderstorms, where bolts of darkness cause sudden periods of silence, and antitornados, wherein air from the upper atmosphere is blown to the surface in a column that pushes away everything near its base. The crepusculum borealis was previously blamed on Kingsland, until archaeologists found evidence that the shadowy curtains that occasionally flit through the region were attested from before Kingsland was founded. The snow in Barcu is hot, but it's still just called snow.

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Geologists studying Barcu often invoke antiweather effects to explain Barcu's odd mountainous geography. While some regions of Barcu are relatively flat, like the Barrowlands, the mountainous areas rise up sharply, creating stark boundaries between jagged, rocky slopes and arcadian plains. This happens, it is thought, because while normally mountains are weathered down, in Barcu they are weathered up. The air of mystery this gives Barcuvian mountains makes it a popular location for the theorized headquarters of the Esoteric Order of Florists — a somewhat flawed theory, because the Order has never (been proven to have) given anyone the common Barcuvian Laserlily, and you'd think that they'd make use of such an easily-available resource if they were really based there.

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Antiweather is thought by some to be closely related to the electric undead, which have been traced back to the Barrowlands. These researchers theorize that both the electric undead and antiweather are sustained by an ancestral curse lying over the Barrowlands. Some fringe theorists further suggest that the Barrowlands' current sovereign, Sornhandr, King Eternal, has been cursed to live on as a revenant, and that this is why the last few sovereigns of the Barrowlands have all had the exact same name and appearance. The mild racism of these suggestions aside, answers have not been forthcoming, since the interns tasked with asking the King Eternal about this tend to receive ancient curses in an old and forgotten tongue instead of answers, and my grad students keep quitting when I suggest they try. However, the ancient curses often cause their victims to be struck by lightning, so the connection is plausible.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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One reason to think that the Esoteric Order of Florists does have a base in the Barcu region is that the sociophysical effects of the Order's activities would be noticeable anywhere else, but would fade unnoticed into the noise of Barcu's peculiar idea of what physics is. The Book of Schemes even suggests, in some translations and interpretations, that Flandre should carry out its cutting-edge experimental work in physics close to Barcu, in order to disguise the effects of the experiments. Though, of course, since we don't really know what the Order does, we can't tell what sort of noise they're trying to blend in.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Rubric, you know damn well that you're the only one seriously peddling the "Sornhandr is a bunch of identical decrepit old guys pretending to be the same person throughout the ages" theory. It pisses me off that you got four interns killed off investigating that theory. Four! I've been at this twice as long, put in four times as much work, and I've only gotten two interns! This is so fucking unfair.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Biosphere fascism

Nobody wants to believe we're all screwed. Meanwhile I'm over here and I study this shit on a professional basis, so I'm constantly hearing uneducated morons tell me how we're not actually screwed. I'm like "Have you even read Why Everything Goes to Shit?" And then they go (and it's usually a man between 20 and 40 saying this) "Well, yeah, but the author doesn't consider that his model assumes—" and that's usually when I kick them in the balls.

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Listen, you self-indulgent horsewives, entropology is built on fucking math. You don't have to assume anything, you just have to plug the numbers in and see what comes out. And what comes out is "you're screwed."

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One of our sister fields, biosphere fascism, is built around this whole problem. It used to be "environmental science" back in the day, but the environmental scientists kept running numbers that spelled out "you're screwed" and nobody wanted to believe them. There were a bunch of attempts to soft-pressure everyone into realizing they were killing the environment, but those went exactly nowhere. So they scrapped the whole field and replaced it with "biosphere fascism," which was lighter on the environmental science and heavier on making public examples of dissidents.

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There were a ridiculous number of environmental problems by the early tenth century, including rising acidity in the oceans (or at least most of them), a bunch of species going extinct for a bajillion reasons, and Kingsland. Some academics will also talk about air pollution, but don't listen to them. They're racists and they hate zeppelins because they hate their miserable selves. Anyways, once the Hegemony of Whales came into the picture, there were a bunch of treaties meant to ensure ocean pollution wasn't used as a political weapon, but then they went and fucked it up with the Yggdrasil Project. Academia started figuring maybe the government wasn't gonna help.

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So the biofascists started taking matters into their own hands. Biofascist grants funded a number of leftover devices theorized by the peerless Dr. Stafford and biofascist activist groups took a leaf out of Queen Buttface the Prick's book and disappeared a couple obstreperous upstarts that no one's gonna miss. Well, no one important. Well, I don't.

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These days compliance with biofascist orthodoxy is enforced by the Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement. If you go around denying climate change, they just bust down your door and go "Stop, evildoer! Come quietly or in pieces!" And you're like "But I don't believe in scientific evidence!" and they're like "it's peer reviewed, you regressive ball of ignorance" and you're like "I peer reviewed your mom" and they're like "I'll peer review your face" and then they shoot you in the face. Which is hilarious, but ultimately just another example of everything going to shit, because my oldest daughter is in her edgy phase and I hate monitoring her internet use so that fucking academic hit squads don't come knocking on our door.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Bloodmoot

I had the good fortune to attend a bloodmoot once, and I consider it a formative experience both as a person and as an academic. I was visiting a conference in the Fractured Cities with my dear colleague, Dr. Julie Mandel, where both of us were presenting papers. My talk was on the subject of my graduate research, the justification of state suppression of academia. Dr. Mendel's talk, which was scheduled right after mine, was supposed to be about the liberating power of education, but she ended up spending the first half giving refutations of my talk. Naturally, this annoyed me, so I invited her to the nearby bloodmoot that was going on that day.

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Now, the most important thing to know about going to a bloodmoot as a foreigner is that everyone there, with no exception, is out to get someone. A few of those present are primaries, who have the unenviable task of trying to kill the opposing Hierarch directly. These are your snipers, your poisoners, your stagehands holding up anvils by ropes (tried surprisingly often since Roerbach), etc. This task is unenviable because all of the other attendees at the bloodmoot, the secondaries, have the task of either neutralizing the opposing primaries or neutralizing the people trying to neutralize their own primaries. If you're lucky, you'll be so far up the chain of counterplays that nobody is specifically tasked with neutralizing you, which means you only have to fear the free agents looking for any weak points in the opposing counterplayers. When you attend as a foreigner, you naturally present as a free agent, so you're safe as long as you don't appear to be on either Hierarch's side. If you do accidentally show support for one side, it's best to leave the premises immediately before one of the other free agents gets to you.

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Dr. Mendel, unfortunately, was wearing a red cardigan, which just so happened to be the color of one of the two Hierarchs meeting at that bloodmoot. I last saw her being stuffed into a box by two orderlies wearing what was possibly red and being loaded onto a mail gigatrebuchet. Right before it was fired at one of the Hierarchs, though, The Lunchtime Fallacy appeared out of the warp and hit it, diverting the aim, and the payload ended up being fired through the ceiling. This must have been according to plan, because one of the Hierarchs started cackling as a flock of marionette children descended through the new hole in the ceiling. I took that as my cue to ditch, but I must have made a wrong turn, because I ended up in a hallway with the Hierarchs at one end and the corvid flock on the other. Had to use my spare flashbang to stun the Hierarchs and get to the fire escape ahead of the crows. I was barely able to slam the door shut behind me before they got out.

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Anyway, that's how I became, at least on paper, one of the competitors for the throne of the Fractured Cities, which figured prominently in my subsequent misosophy degree conferral.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson

No, the nickname isn't a metaphor. Buddy Johnson is literally made of snakes. People sometimes get the wrong impression, because to the unaided eye he appears just like everyone else. But unlike a human, every single one of his cells is a tightly-packed snake. He needs only to sneeze to fill a room from floor to ceiling with snakes as they uncurl themselves to full size. He can hiss as loud as the Selesteine national anthem, and probably much louder if he tries. He can squeeze his body through any hole large enough to fit his bones, which are the only parts of him that aren't made of snakes — as far as we know.

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Terrible things always come from Barcu, of course, and Johnson is no exception. But where did he come from, specifically? Opinions are divided. Some say that he was once a man who became snakes. Others say that he was once snakes who became a man. The former view has to its advantage that the inordinate number of snakes that make up Johnson would have been noticeable before they became him. The latter view has to its advantage that he usually appears as the sort of generic human you'd come up with if you were an alien trying to make a human disguise, and "Buddy Johnson" is pretty up there on the list of most generic names.

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Who or whatever he was before he was Literally Made of Snakes — assuming he was anything before — he first appeared in Kingsland on Tesseraction Eve in AES 954, when all of the city's storm drains began inexplicably disgorging snakes at high pressure into the air. Some of the snake-clouds that formed drifted south to Flandre, but most precipitated where they formed over Kingsland. When the snake geysers dissipated and the snakes had drained into the river, Buddy Johnson climbed out, literally made of snakes. From then on, he became a fixture of Kingsland South, terrorizing the populace that lived there. Southside got a brief respite in 987, when they managed to get him elected as the mayor, forcing him to leave the city for Disputatious Assembly sessions. This was short-lived, however. After a few months, Johnson sat snakes in every free seat in the Assembly, becoming for a moment the majority vote per se, and then unilaterally banned himself from the Assembly. An attempted resistance by the Flandrean High Exarch Cerberus Ironheart was foiled by the Hegemon of Whales; Johnson would subsequently invade Flandre for revenge. He was finally driven out in 990 by the newly ascended High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart, and not been seen since.

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Spheven Kain

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I've got a personal theory about where the snakes came from.

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Friend in Kingsland told me there's a legend of an ancient cult that got foiled by Flandrean National Response Protocols one too many times, so they cursed Flandre to have to deal with a nest of snakes for every time they foiled someone's plot. 'Course, "a wizard did it" isn't all that scholarly of an explanation, so maybe that cult went off and bred snakes like mad for the next thousand years or so. Either way.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson

Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson is an archeologist, astronaut, and military veteran. He is known for his outspoken opposition to Klaus Santanna and for being the first Kingslander to voluntarily reach space.

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Captain Gunnerson is widely known in connection with his work on the Ultimate Dragonopolis. A self-described xenoenthusiast and expert in Vulterbase research, Gunnerson has published multiple papers arguing that the space ship that brought the ruins' creators to this planet must still be in in orbit. In these papers, Gunnerson has advanced multiple independent arguments with varying degrees of factual support. One paper argues that whoever built the ruins obviously lived in them, so as long as they travelled here, whatever method of transport they used to get here must still be here. Another paper badly mangles atmospheric physics to allegedly "prove" evidence of alien vessels breaching the atmosphere. Tales of the Dragonopolis go back many years, of course, but most scholars consider them mythical. The general academic consensus is that Gunnerson's arguments are based more in wish fulfillment than credible scientific research.

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With such a consensus, Gunnerson shockingly did not receive any grant money from Iurezzan universities to fund a spacefaring expedition to locate the Ultimate Dragonopolis. This did not deter him, however, and he appealed across the water to the National University of Shaster, whose culture is better suited to scientific inquiry of such calibre. At last, a ship was assembled and Gunnerson earned his name.

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Gunnerson's expedition took everyone by surprise, not only because he survived, but because he returned with measurement data that would actually seem to vindicate his theory that the ship is still out there. Radar has been less than fruitful in trying to detect the ship, which Gunnerson and his allies explain away by arguing that a good spaceship would absorb all forms of radiation. What Gunnerson did instead was look for gravitational anomalies. Fortunately for him, he discovered one floating in the shadow of Zor Olo. Opponents of his research argue that the readings might also indicate an ominous fixed-point cube, or perhaps The Lunchtime Fallacy lurking aboard the Rainbow's Teeth as they plot their next guerrilla show.

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Gunnerson's objective for the Dragonopolis is rather straight-forward: he intends to board it, arm its weapon systems, and then wipe Bipolaris off the map. This has caused some tension between the Compass Republic and Shaster, given that the latter funded the first expedition. The fact that the tension has yet to escalate either indicates that Shaster's diplomats are doing their job well, or that Santanna thinks planetary bombardment by an advanced alien vessel is nothing to worry about.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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Chorus Perpetual

Just as human civilization, which communicates by speaking, prizes a beautiful oration, so the hyperintelligent whales of our oceans hold whalesong in a place of cultural importance. The most important whalesong in the oceans is also the oldest. In the nonspecifically distant past (whales have no calendars), in response to some nebulous catastrophe, the whales gathered together and began to sing. Believing that this song would protect them from danger, they sang it in shifts, with whales joining in and dropping out at intervals to maintain the song in perpetuity. This became the Euouao Euouaoou, variously translated as "hymn until the finish", "supplication unto the end", or "endless song", and officially notarized by the Disputatious Assembly as the Chorus Perpetual.

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The Chorus is the closest thing in the Hegemony of Whales to a state religion. The location is a state secret, and there are likely several places in the deep sea that it moves between. It figured prominently in whale propaganda during the Cetacean Wars, or so the translators told the historians. The continuance of the Chorus is linguistically tied to the seasonal cycle, and the closest thing the Hegemony has to a calendar is measuring time by rounds of the Chorus. Most cetacean cultural scholars understand the singing of the Chorus to be, in the cetacean mind, inextricable from the passage of time itself. This has given rise to multiple rumors about what would happen were the Chorus to end, the most popular of which appeals to the seasonal and calendrical lingustic parallels to suggest that the measure of time maintained by the Chorus is the revolution of the planet around the sun. On this theory, the end of the Chorus would be the end of our orbit, causing us to either fall into the sun or fly off into space. The Hegemony, for its part, encourages this speculation, as do its allies among the biosphere fascists.

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Skeptics will generally rail against these theories, clamoring things like, "Whales evolved long after our orbit was established!" or, "Space persuasion doesn't work that way!" These are fair points, deserving of a fair response. My colleague Dr. Christophy would probably insist on the sociophysical explanation that whether or not the orbit depended on the Chorus Perpetual's perpetuity before, centuries of the whales thinking so mean it does now. But turning to a real scientific field, we can take heart in the wisdom of the imagineer Dyrus the Dreadful, who pointed out that there's just a lot of weird stuff in the world, like ominous cubes, indeterminate color, and fish, and who knows if our measurements on orbital decay might be affected by something like whalesong?

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I mean "take heart" in the Kingslander sense, of course, i.e., "[fear for your life as if someone were trying to] take [your] heart [out of your chest with a rusty spoon]", because you never know when an unnoticed squid-tree grove might send us plunging into the sun. At least it'd make Kingsland more tolerable.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Chromatic aberration

Scientists are generally undecided as to whether chromatic aberration, an observer-independent uncertainty to an object's color, is a physical or a psychological phenomenon. I, however, think the explanation is clear: chromatic aberration is a sociophysical phenomenon above all else. It is well known in the field of sociophysics that the social milieu changes the laws of physics. Since the color of light is governed by the light's physical properties, any social influence on such properties will manifest as visible change. This sort of sociophysics can affect attention in mixed settings, such as when one feels "socially invisible". Often social invisibility is accompanied by actual invisibility, which could explain why the Incendian sovereign's vote is sometimes skipped in the Disputatious Assembly. I am also convinced, personally, that this is what has become of the Sovereign of Placeholden.

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In the case of chromatic aberration, the underlying sociophysics is probably tied to an object's color being highly significant as an indicator of something, and this indication being uncertain. The uncertainty or ambiguity in the indication of the object then "bleeds", as it were, into the object's reflective properties, and thence into the light it reflects. This was a major plot point in the romantic comedy Unto Kingsland, where the male lead gives a bouquet to the female lead, who is versed in flower symbolism, but the bouquet exhibits chromatic aberration because of his conflicted feelings, leaving her unable to interpret the gesture. I've always thought myself that a few of the lines in "Annihilation" from Iurezza are about chromatic aberration, but Sneezing on the King Eternal are well-known for their abstract and sometimes nonsensical metaphors, so I might just be reading too much into it.

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On the sociophysical account, the basic principles that cause chromatic aberration also account for other phenomena, such as mass chromatic delusion, the term being used to describe how everyone agrees that the national flag of Kingsland is red and green instead of the hideous, sanity-warping colors it says it is in the notaries' official records. Similarly, the colored flags in that old legend appear as different colors to each character. A variation on sociophysical chromatic aberration would explain this handily. Please fund my research.

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I have also heard people suggest that chromatic aberration could be due to secret government technology or something cooked up by the Esoteric Order of Florists, which are also possible explanations, I guess.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Concluding Recommendations: Cincinatta Rubric

Honored sovereigns of the Disputatious Assembly, I realize that taking my recommendations regarding the Disarrangement Act to heart may be difficult, in light of my particular qualifications and the polarizing debate over my appointment to this solemn committee. In the spirit of approaching the problem before us objectively, therefore, I ask that you consider the other sovereigns in this chamber, especially the ones who opposed my appointment. I bet my gold star for the week that you distrust half of those bastards at least as much as you distrust me. With that in mind, my recommendations.

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I heartily endorse the Disarrangement Act, but I have some concerns over the most common implementation details floating around. For starters, it is absolutely essential that Kingsland be moved from its current land, even if the standard procedure will be to move a country with its land. We've tried everything under the sun to get rid of our troubles, from asking them nicely to leave to electing them mayor. Don't throw us under the bus here.

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One major practical concern for moving countries around is that every continent has some number of ominous fixed-point cubes embedded in its bedrock. In order to be able to move them, therefore, I recommend that the land be divided not along national lines, but rather along lines drawn between neighboring subterranean cubes. This may require redrawing some national boundaries, but let's be honest, the Partitioning was a long time ago and I'm sure the up-and-coming generation of cartographers would like to make their mark (literally) on history. Based on cube charts, these chunks should also be easier to move around, which brings me to my next recommendation.

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Everybody in the world is worried about the glut of ravenous squid-trees in the oceans. What if the Hegemony fails at keeping an eye on them all, and we get another El Fauces del Diablo situation? Fear not, for these cube-partitioned pieces of land will be the perfect size for dropping onto clusters of squid-trees. Some biosphere fascists once suggested to me that we could even cut some of them round and have the Panarkian biome carriers push them around like steamrollers. Currently, Panark isn't a fan of the Disarrangement Act, so eliminating the biggest existential threat to their country at the same time should make it more palatable to them.

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Of course, Panark might not like the idea of loading their carriers with gigantic pieces of landmass and going to war with malevolent plants. In that case, I recommend relocating Panark to Zor Olo via symphonic warp technology. The Assembly will have some wiggle room to shuffle countries around if a few of them are put into space. They won't be lonely, as I'm told the Ulgravian Diaspora wants to get its hands on the Ultimate Dragonopolis to head there anyway. Panark is the obvious choice to warp to the moon, because they're based in ships already, and symphonic warp traversal works best with something that's already a vehicle. We could have The Lunchtime Fallacy pilot each of them up there individually, but they're kind of hard to book, so I suggest just aiming each Panarkian vessel at Zor Olo when it's level with the horizon, sticking a Grimer Primer on the front, and playing "Ascension" from Iurezza into it. Plus, they can run so many divine assembly computations because they use the oceans for cooling, right? Well, space is pretty cold, so it'll be even better for them. I'm sure they already know this from all the work they do running the Taurus. And if the alleged professor, of whose classes many of you are alumni, were to be on one of those ships being sent off-world, well, wouldn't that be interesting? But, of course, as long as Panark is persuaded to cooperate, you needn't go through the trouble yet.

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Another major practical concern, exacerbated by my recommendation above, is that much of the planning has assumed that the countries would be towed or pushed, rather than carried directly on ships. Obviously, towing a piece of land over a squid-tree grove to crush it isn't going to work, because the squid-trees will just eat the ship first. But most ships aren't big enough to fit a landmass on top of them. This is not a hard problem to solve when you think about it. There are at least three forms of hard light projection that will work to expand the available holding area of even a small ship, thus allowing them to carry, and then drop, these landmasses on squid-trees and anything else the Assembly deems worthy of being squashed by a piece of continent. The possibility of hard light projections at a massive scale has been empirically demonstrated in the Autocratic Plenitude of Mizzin, where massive arrays of projectors close off all avenues of escape after curfew before the Queen releases her innumerable hordes of marionette children to clean the streets of garbage and curfew delinquents.

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Finally, I recommend that the beginning of the Disarrangement be scheduled for the day after Tesseraction Eve. While in some sense the Disarrangement will be a vindication of the unreasonable hope cultivated by some Kingslanders that something will eventually deliver us from Kingsland, I think a more compelling reason can be offered to those not from the city. As much as I wholeheartedly support the Act, I recognize that many things could go horribly wrong. What if we launch Panark at Zor Olo, they don't decelerate in time, and the impact of their ships vaporizing against the surface of the moon cracks it open and releases whatever is sealed inside? What if we're not careful with how we crush the ravenous squid-trees with our landmasses, and we end up stranding countries in the middle of hungry, aquatic forests of death? What if the Hegemony celebrates its victory and accidentally cuts off the Chorus Perpetual, and we plunge into the sun?

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Well, then maybe you'll all know what we deal with on a daily fucking basis in Kingsland.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Gwen Hanson

Mighty Sovereigns of the Assembly, I bring before you a matter of consequences far outstripping other matters. I speak of justice—I speak of the philosophical kind, not the academic kind. Historically, it has been the belief of many intelligent and successful leaders that nothing is higher than justice.

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Sovereigns of the Assembly, those otherwise intelligent leaders were wrong. There is at least one thing higher than justice. Here's a hint: What has an average cruising altitude of 2 miles, has already wiped one country off the map, and carries eight million descendants of the angriest fucking warriors this world has ever known? That's right, the Ulgravian motherfucking Diaspora.

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And so, Sovereigns of the Assembly, I have one question for you today: Do you want to fuck with us?

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If your answer is "no," then we're done here. All you have to do is vote in favor of the Disarrangement Act and make sure we get some land when you finish re-apportioning everything. I don't even care if it's some corner of the Careless Continent where we end up at war with all of our neighbors, it's not like that's not fucking par for the course in our history. There's a reason the Grim Weepers' standard weapons were designed to take down horses—it's cuz Selestei had to take special measures to face us militarily. You know, Selestei? The guys who fought the rest of the world for fun? The ones who are famous for rolling their opponents' horses into a giant ball? Those guys? Even Pentex Lannogaster wrote that "We rejoice in those who become as Sels, for there are none whose courage alone suffices to turn back the charge of a horseprince." That was on horses. We're in fucking armored flying machines now.

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But okay, I recognize that some of you have fecal matter instead of brains, so I'll humor this asinine thread of conversation. + Let's say you're a total moron and you do want to fuck with us. Let me knock out some of the objections I've heard.

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First off, some of you have been smugly repeating the line that the I'll Legislate It Act outlaws moving countries around. You're fucking wrong. The Act prohibits "The deliberate or incidental shifting of national borders by means of a third party, with or without the consent of the involved parties, until such time as such third parties are subscribed under the provisions outlined in §340 ¶4 lines 70-80." First of all, what a fucking law. You should all collectively feel ashamed of yourselves for this abomination's existence. Second, did you fuckers even read §340 ¶4 lines 70-80? That whole part of the I'll Legislate It Act was only added in to limit the Guild of Mapmakers from doing anything too threatening without the Assembly getting a say on it. Which is exactly what you will have done, if you pass the Disarrangement Act. Good fucking luck. I hope your mad lawyers are expensive.

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Second big thing—that this brings the world into open season on everyone else's resources, isn't really an argument. It's mostly just whining on the part of those who don't want to lose the stuff their country happens to sit on. Come on, Flandre, did your protomammalian ancestors do a geological survey before deciding to settle down on those oil fields? Hell, you don't even need them with all that asynchronous energy you're producing. Executing the Disarrangement Act is gonna take a while, so use the time to build some really friggin' huge batteries and store it all up.

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Like, I get the argument that we can't just go around redistributing resources ad hoc. But that's not what's going on here. The point of the Disarrangement Act is to reduce world conflict, so that's the metric we'd use to determine whether to move a nation off a given piece of land. Flandre has exploited its oil to thwart the whale tariffs and increase tension in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, so in order to promote world peace we should really appropriate that oil and put it to some more peaceful end, like keeping eight million people's homes in the air. The Very Definitely Independent States aren't hurting anyone by sticking together, so the Assembly could make sure they stay together. The opposite is true for the Fractured Cities, so you could separate them. See? Really easy decision-making process. I'm sure you're all competent enough that you can make those decisions as an Assembly. You're not afraid to prove it, right?

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Third thing, people have been arguing that there won't be enough space for everyone. Many proposed mechanisms for instituting the Disarrangement Act render large chunks of the planet uninhabitable, at least temporarily. This argument is spurious for many, many reasons. First of all, we've already lost large chunk of the planet and been totally fine. You don't hear the whales having space issues in the aftermath of the Yggdrasil Project, do you? What's more, this would really just provide incentives for people to exploit new spaces, such as space. You could put Lepazzia on Zor Olo, for example. I'm sure there's some wonderful device by the inspiring Dr. Stafford that would do the trick. And don't pretend like they wouldn't enjoy it, since they're the first country in world history to try to leave and take their country with them. In their stupid backwards culture, you'd probably even be doing them a favor by stranding them on the moon. I proposed this to President Niir and he thought it was a great idea, so you've even got one vote in favor already!

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Now, I could refute this chum all day, but I'd like to conclude with more of a positive argument. The Disarrangement Act will undoubtedly lead to more peace, because otherwise Ulgrav will probably rain sulfurous hell down on your stupid fucking heads. Maybe you are not afraid of our warships? Maybe you think you are safe behind your high-altitude artillery? Then know this: I happen to know Rubric is pulling strongly in favor of the Disarrangement Act, and she's the only one who knows how to work the Omega Point Coffee Secretor. She has become terrifyingly effective with it, and we still don't know the merest fraction of everything it's capable of. So just imagine that the Act fails to pass. Imagine that Rubric learns of this. How upset she will be, knowing she has to return to Kingsland! In a huff, she storms back to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room—and, hulking sinisterly in the corner, sits that metal leviathan, controls glinting with inbuilt malice. Her hand strays, slowly, inexorably, to the control panels, and guess who's still sitting in the DAS building?

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A bunch of poor fools who should have voted yes. That's who.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Herbert Jones

It is the highest honor, great Sovereigns, to present to you once again. I hope that you have found this report enlightening and that it will guide you to choose with the wisdom I have seen in this hall time and again. I hope also that despite my lowly station you will accept my gratitude for the fine work you have all done in leading your respective countries so well.

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Now, let us turn to the task at hand. Many who undertake to write about the Disarrangement Act have seen fit to fall into absolutist camps—an example I will not follow here. I believe that perspicacious individuals like yourselves will recognize the nuance of this topic. So, although I believe that the Disarrangement Act is, on balance, not worth the costs, let's take a moment to acknowledge the good things about it. There is much to be learned, I think, from such a vision of international cooperation, with the Disputatious Assembly coordinating to design a better world for us all. I should think such an attitude fulfills the vision of High Exarch Kantamon in founding the Assembly in the first place. Nevertheless, I remain convinced that the actual execution of the Disarrangement Act would be perilous. I believe my colleagues have done an excellent job of illustrating that peril; however, as is observed in the Armmaker translation of the Book of Schemes, "It is a fool who plans for success." So let's suppose that the Act passes. In that case, I have a number of concerns which must be observed at any cost in the execution of the Act:

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• When moving the countries of the world, the Assembly must not under any circumstances interfere with the Barcu region. No one fully understands the Barcuvian physical laws (save perhaps Dr. Stafford), and the methods used to move entire chunks of the planet will surely use massive stores of energy. The responsible position is to expect that using these methods in Barcu would result in unexpected consequences, and that those consequences will be catastrophic. To be safe, the Assembly should extend this zone of caution anywhere from ten to a thousand miles from the Barcuvian border.

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• As an addendum to the above point, the Missing Sea should be disturbed as little as possible. In addition to the caution necessary to deal with Barcu, there is a possibility that disrupting the Missing Sea too much will also disrupt the seal upon Zor Olo and release whatever is trapped there.

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• Speaking of Zor Olo, do not put any countries on Zor Olo. Not only is there the possibility of creating a second Kingsland, there is no air up there. The entire country would be dead in minutes. I confess I do not understand why I keep running into this suggestion.

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• Returning to the general prohibition on interfering with Barcu, the Assembly should not interfere with Flandre. While I understand that this is politically unfavorable for some, the fact remains that most of the country is tied into an asynchronous energy network, and the theoretical consequences of severing that connection range from disastrous to apocalyptic. While I cannot speak to the justice of High Exarch Minor Ironheart's use of her country's resources, I beg you to turn your attention to the justice of blowing the planet open.

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• Although it is a difficult decision to countenance, the Assembly must not let Kingsland escape. If their gods become unhappy, we might see the horrors of Kingsland visited upon the rest of the world.

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• In fact, the Assembly should probably just refrain from interfering with Iurezza in general, as that might result in breaching the quarantine on the electric undead and starting a new infestation.

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• Given the massive logistical requirements the Disarrangement Act would introduce to the global community, I agree with Professor Hazard McKinley's argument that the Assembly should delay implementation of the Act until such time as transportation has been developed that would not put an unendurable strain on the environment.

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• The implementation of the Disarrangement Act must not proceed in a way that precludes our ability to defend against hostile attention from space. General Gorson had the right of it when he said that an alien threat is of more concern than any terrestrial matter; what we've learned from the Vulterland ruins certainly seems to corroborate this point. This prohibition would extend to prohibiting interference with the Panark Fleet, who carry the responsibility for maintaining Taurus Research Station as an orbital defense platform. Also included here are any number of precautions to prevent sabotage from the Botherhood, who might see sabotage of such a great undertaking as pleasing to their notional alien masters.

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• However the Act unfolds with respect to the Careless Continent, great care must be taken not to open Joran Lake to the ocean. Joran Lake is unnaturally deep, and its blackest reaches have been open to unchecked metafishics for over a hundred years.

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• On the topic of metafishics, the Assembly must ensure that as the continents are shifted and the ocean grows silty, some mechanism is deployed to observe the parts of the ocean which would otherwise be hidden to us. Ideally this technology would be able to penetrate groves of Ravenous Squid-Trees.

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• Under absolutely no circumstances should the Assembly use symphonic warp traversal as a means of transportation during the implementation of the Disarrangement Act. Warping mass on this scale has never been tested in atmosphere before, but my physics contacts inform me that the theoretical best-case scenario detonates the entire atmosphere.

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• Perhaps this is the old rocker in me speaking, but per Sneezing on the King Eternal's Iurezza, the Assembly should not involve the Ultimate Dragonopolis in the implementation of the Act. In the event that the Act passes, seekers after the Dragonopolis (particularly Captain Gunnerson) should be grounded until the process is complete.

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• Finally, we do know (via Kingsland) of the existence of multidimensional entities who wish to consume our reality. There is the possibility (raised by Dr. Hanson in her excellent article on Zor Olo, although she seems to have forgotten it in writing her concluding recommendations) that the exact shape of the continents is what keeps them from doing so. In the interest of avoiding dimensional predators, the Assembly should endeavor to change the shape of the globe as little as possible.

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Now, as I'm sure you've noticed, the logical consequence of abiding by all of these considerations would be, effectively, to act as though the Disarrangement Act had not passed. I hope it is a little clearer why I do not recommend that the Assembly vote in favor, whatever pressing issues seem to hang on its success. But that decision is, of course, up to you.

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In any case, this report is now concluded. I hereby discharge the duty placed upon this committee by the august Assembly and wish you happy deliberations!

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Remilion Christophy

Rather than add to the observed geopolitical consequences of the Disarrangement Act, I would like to contribute a recommendation from the perspective of the field of sociophysics. As you surely know, sociophysicists study the ways in which social realities cause variation in or manifestation of physical realities. The social consequences of carrying out the Disarrangement Act would be indubitably immense, and sociophysics tells us that we should be wary of equally immense physical consequences.

+

For starters, there's just kind of a lot of weird stuff on Iurezza. The Ideal Geology Committee has already thoroughly informed you as to the dangers of moving Barcuvian land or moving other land to Barcu's present location. If Barcu's peculiarities are defined according to global coordinates, then whatever country ends up there may see something new and horrible arise, if it even lasts that long. But what the IGC didn't consider, and therefore falls to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, is whether Barcu might be in the state it is in because of sociophysical effects deriving from the structure of global society. Of course, records indicate that Barcu has been Barcuvian for much longer than the current geopolitical climate, but this is not the last word on the subject. As my colleague Ms. Rubric mentioned in her article on the Chorus Perpetual, I've proposed a sociophysical explanation of the Hegemony's claims about the Chorus and its relation to the stability of our solar orbit. Even though our orbit may not have depended on on the Chorus before, sociological momentum from the repetition of the claim may make it the case that it does now. I suggest that something similar may have happened to Barcu, which has become, in this global age of ours, a symbol the world over for senselessness and chaos.

+

Given this, if we move around large groups of people, their sense of direction may become confused, and they may regard Barcu to be located in the wrong direction. Through sociophysical principles, this may result in the direction of their regard becoming Barcuvian. Additionally, moving all of the countries around will undoubtedly cause vast amounts of chaos. Might this not cause people to regard the whole world as having become, in a sense, Barcu? Each of you Sovereigns should consider whether, having avoided your country being moved to Barcu, Barcu might yet move to your country. There are good reasons to think that disarranging the countries of the world will shift or expand Barcu's idiomatic physics to cover much larger swaths of the world, or even entire hemispheres. This would be utterly disastrous.

+

The most wide-ranging effects are obvious, but there are others you should know about in case you think it would be worth the risk. First, note that hurricanes do not currently form in any region subject to Barcuvian physics. While the Ideal Geology Committee has already noted this as a risk of leaving Barcu's place unfilled by a new landmass, a Barcuvian expansion would almost certainly result in the formation of antihurricanes. I have no idea what an antihurricane would do, but I don't want to find out and neither should you. Second, and I note that the IGC did not consider this in their discussion of disarranging Barcu, such areas of open ocean will be subject both to Barcuvian physics and to Grantham's Law. There's no way we could muster enough people to willingly enter Barcuvian oceans just to keep an eye on the aquatic life. The consequences will be unimaginably horrific. If we're lucky, an antihurricane will just be invisible, and countries near Barcuvian oceans will occasionally be destroyed by storms they can't see coming. In the worst case, the antihurricanes could have an inexplicable ability to pick up aquatic life and deposit them inland.

+

Some Ulgravian agitators in favor of the Disarrangement Act have argued that even if Barcu expands, this will simply give more countries access to free energy. Disregard these charlatans. I have noted the dangers of asynchronous energy previously. It would only exacerbate the issue to widen access to it.

+

And Barcu is merely the biggest problem on the continent that you don't want to touch. Trying to do almost anything to Iurezza means tampering with forces beyond mortal ken. How do you think the King Eternal is going to take the news that you've moving the Barrowlands? (Do you even have enough interns to get the message across?) All the electric undead are going to end up somewhere after the Disarrangement, and you might find yourself the host. If and when the Disarrangement shifts the borders of Barcu, the location of the Double-North Pole is going to shift too. If this angers Klaus Santanna, you'd better hope Captain Gunnerson finds the Ultimate Dragonopolis soon. If Santanna instead chooses to relocate Bipolaris to wherever the new Pole ends up, God help anybody in its path.

+

Now, to touch briefly on geopolitics, I must recognize that there is significant dispute going on in the Disputatious Assembly over the Disarrangement Act, and much of it concerns Flandre. Many of Flandre's opponents in the Assembly — most notably the originator of the Act, the Hegemony of Whales — want a Disarrangement that severs Flandre from the oil fields that have made it a world power in the wake of the Whale Tariffs. In order to gain support from those outside of the Hegemony's voting bloc, pro-Act diplomats have played up the threat that Flandre poses to the good order and peace of the world. I note one potential consequence of this that might give such partisans pause. As General Kade Gorson once remarked, "Do not fear the ocean, lest it become fearful to you." The wisdom of these words is backed up by sociophysics. If there are widespread rumors that Flandre is a global threat, this may in turn make Flandre even more of a global threat than it was before the rumors. This means the true threat to world peace is actually the pro-Act faction. I trust the sovereigns of the Assembly will vote accordingly.

+

Finally, if you'll recall my previous discussion of 🔇, it is critically important that the Assembly takes several things about 🔇 into account. First of all,

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Concluding_Recommendations3A_M._Hon._Pierce_Milton.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Concluding_Recommendations3A_M._Hon._Pierce_Milton.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5435b5e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Concluding_Recommendations3A_M._Hon._Pierce_Milton.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Concluding Recommendations: M. Hon. Pierce Milton | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
+ + +
+

Concluding Recommendations: M. Hon. Pierce Milton

As a memetosociologist, I feel a somewhat paradoxical duty to point out when perception does not influence reality. While it is demonstrably true that much of society's function is determined by participants' models of what those functions are, it is equally true that people forget that there are limitations when you investigate from this perspective. In the Legend of the Three Trees, an argument over national pride belies a challenge to the disputants' survival itself. And, likewise, I fear that in the discussion over the Disarrangement Act, we are too concerned with which tree is whose, and not nearly enough about which tree is going to fall on us.

+

I begin by interrogating the dominant narrative of the Disarrangement Act, which is that it seeks to create world peace by moving belligerents away from each other. I am honestly surprised that a thinking person could entertain this argument in good faith for more than a few moments. Even a brief examination of world history reveals the absurdity of the notion. Less than three centuries ago, the War of Durun's Ass illustrated that a sufficiently motivated country could project military force to the other side of the globe with little more than a borrowed fleet of residential vessels. The Roerbach Incident proved that the Assembly itself could serve as the root of conflict, regardless of where the disputing Sovereigns sit their thrones.

+

In fact, the informed student of history would be forgiven for thinking the shortest road to world peace requires preventing Selestei from projecting force into other countries—a lesson which we know at least Shaster has taken to heart, given their quick response to Selesteine militarization during the Goats on Boats Affair. And yet Selestei has never come up in the rhetoric surrounding the Disarrangement Act. Likewise, the Act's proponents do not mention any threat posed by the Ulgravian Diaspora, despite their global force projection capabilities and the blood of an entire country on their hands. One would assume that if global peace were truly an objective of the Act's defenders, they would at least make some superficial arguments that grounding Ulgrav makes it harder for them to bomb us into oblivion. But no such arguments exist; we merely hear about how Flandre threatens world peace, despite Flandre never having engaged in direct military action against a recognized nation (this qualifier in recognition of the grey area of the Cetacean Wars).

+

One might make the (quite reasonable) objection that the threat of Flandre comes not from military action, but covert actions taken against other members of the global community. I agree completely. But if we admit intrigue into the scope of concern, then surely it would be criminal negligence not to mention Lepazzia, who blur the lines between our constructs of peace and conflict. Flandrean intelligence operations only serve to solidify Flandre's position on the international stage; meanwhile, the Massively Parallel Peace Conference did more to set back the cause of global peace than anything Flandre's done in the past three centuries. I would further argue that their inventive utilization of the Esoteric Order of Florists in destroying the sanity of Mad King Westler makes them a threat to the national security of every other nation on the planet—save perhaps the Hegemony of Whales—regardless of where those nations are located. And what of the other dark horse threats? If the Contagious Republic decides to infect a world leader and cause global chaos, how will moving the countries around do anything to stop them? We don't know, because we see only silence from champions of the Disarrangement Act on these topics.

+

Given that the pro-Act rhetoric seems insincere, strip that away. What are we left with? A proposal by a prominent Assembly nation to strip their largest rival of the key resource that allows them to be a threat. Noble Sovereigns, I have no stake in the conflict between Flandre and the Hegemony, but I do have a stake in the planet's continued peace and prosperity, and I fear that the collateral damage of this maneuver is strictly unacceptable. Since the Disarrangement Act was presented to the Assembly, multiple studies out of the National Academy of Velskyavo have confirmed that indicators of global tension have reached the levels that typically precede wars. Troublingly, this includes a record number of bloodmoots in the Fractured Cities this year, a particularly robust indicator of global unrest. And we are already seeing negative impacts from the Act: the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection has released an analysis demonstrating that the global uncertainty is driving trade into the ground.

+

This is to say nothing of possible existential threats, which one would hope top the list of the Assembly's priorities. A recent paper by Professor Hazard McKinley made the observation that the Disarrangement Act would necessarily include massively increased sea travel, likely pushing pollution levels into unrecoverable territory. Does the Hegemony fear Flandre so much that they're willing to destroy their own country to neuter them? And given the prospective transportation of entire people groups across open water, why does the Disarrangement Act contain no provisions made for dealing with the Ravenous Squid-Trees? To overlook them is essentially asking for an accidental genocide.

+

Finally, I have a question which I have yet to hear a cogent answer to: why not pick an easier road to world peace? The Zeitgeist Manipulator is still operating in orbit around our planet, and demonstrably possesses the power to shape decision-making around the globe. If you want to see conflict diminished, order an expedition to alter its programming. By the fact that I can even suggest this, we know that this would be no threat to St. Stafford, whose legacy is already secure. In fact, it would make him the savior of our world once again.

+

Given all of these reasons, I cannot in good conscience recommend a vote in favor of the Disarrangement Act. In light of the available evidence, I can see no other conclusion than that implementing the Act would essentially be a form of global suicide—if a world war does not erupt before we even get that far. I trust that your wisdom, as responsible world leaders, will enable you to make the right choice.

+

Respectfully,
+Most Honored Pierce Milton

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Concluding_Recommendations3A_Spheven_Kain.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Concluding_Recommendations3A_Spheven_Kain.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c94478d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Concluding_Recommendations3A_Spheven_Kain.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +Concluding Recommendations: Spheven Kain | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
+ + +
+

Concluding Recommendations: Spheven Kain

I realize that in my current position, you have little reason to heed my recommendation, as I am no longer a member of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee. Nevertheless, though I cannot erase the past, neither can my fall from grace, for despite my revoked credentials I am still a trained computational anthropologist. In this respect, the Disarrangement Act is of great interest to me, since it is both a possibility realized by human technological advancement and the brainchild of the Hegemony of Whales, whose race is relatively technologically primitive. In my computational anthropological work, I studied the effect of computers on the development of human culture. Because of this, I feel I have something of interest to say on the Disarrangement Act, and I humbly beg your consideration.

+

The most striking thing about human technological advancement is the interconnectedness it brings. When human civilization was relatively parochial, governments only had to worry about things they could see and the Esoteric Order of Florists. Consider how many problems are solved simply by being far away from them. Few people outside of Careless mind Joran Lake, because the Joranian fauna are (probably) too far away to attack them. Global crises like the War of Durun's Ass or the Goats on Boats Affair were only possible because naval technology had made it possible for geographically distant problems to reach close to home. Some may claim that these crises were just as much the product of the machinations of the Stratsky Foundation or the hotbloodedness of Selestei. But consider: would either of these have happened if Selestei or the Compass Republic were geographically isolated from the rest of the world? There's a reason Secretary Tomas puts sovereigns in the corner when they misbehave.

+

The development of the computer is no different. With global networking, anyone across the globe can feel threatened by anything going on anywhere. Before information technology, the average Kingslander didn't have to think about Panark authorizing Shaster to order Captain Gunnerson to take control of the Taurus and wipe Kingsland off the map. Now, said Kingslander has to wake up each morning to the distressing fact that they haven't been annihilated from orbit. (They had to before, too, but this just makes it worse.)

+

All of this leads me to agree with our esteemed Dr. Hanson that, ultimately, everything goes to shit. If we want to bring about some manner of world peace, drastic measures must be taken, and the Disarrangement Act is exactly the sort of measure we are in desperate need of. As M.Hon. Milton has noted in his article on HEM Seraphi Ironheart, one potentially dangerous consequence of the Act is that some unlucky country may become the new neighbor of an irritated HEM Ironheart. But what if Flandre was nobody's neighbor? She's dangerous enough to sit next to at Assembly sessions, why take any more risk with your own homeland? Let's just put every dangerous country in the middle of the ocean somewhere where they can't hurt anyone. If they need to contact the rest of us, Ulgravian airships can carry their letters. I'm sure Flandre would adapt, at least; they've got contingency plans for all sorts of weird things, they'd probably like having fewer threats on their borders.

+

This proposal has historical antecedents that speak in its favor. A little over half a century ago, the completion of the Yggdrasil Project ended the conflict between the Vulterbase rebels and JUSTICE. Since then, have they bothered anybody in the rest of the world? Of course not. The Vulterbase rebels are ensconced behind an impassible combination of squid-trees and the Vulterstrom. Imagine a world where any threat to global peace were so ensconced, able to affect the global community only by going through Ulgravian skies. Now that sounds like world peace.

+

Peace, of course, is not just preventative. Some wrongs of the past must be righted in the new world order. Many sovereigns sit in the Assembly who have little to no land. Surely if they command equal estate in the Assembly chambers, they deserve a little of the estate of the world as well. I think of Incendia, Ulgrav, or Panark. Shouldn't we help these countries out and give them some solid ground to stand on? The Selesteines control a lot of land, but they leave Razor Valley mostly uninhabited even though they're pretty much the only ones who can make a living there. Why not give some of their safer land to some deserving sovereigns? We could even give some land to Placeholden, so we'd finally be able to locate the damn place. This is a chance for justice to prevail, honored sovereigns. Don't let it pass you by!

+

I thank you again for your consideration, and I hope the Assembly comes to an agreeable consensus on the Disarrangement Act. Unfortunately, I will be unavailable for comment and/or arrest when this Committee's report is presented to the Assembly, as I will be taking a short vacation to go windstriding with Dr. Hanson through Yasser's Yells. Yasser's got a special deal for windstriding over Vulter I'm eager to take.

+

Spheven Kain

+
+ +

Ah, Mr. Kain, I'm quite pleased that you found the time to put this together, what with how busy you've been clearing out your office over the past two years. (Speaking of which, I was pleasantly surprised to see your very clean office this morning. Though the loss of your academic career was tragic, I've always felt your work as a night janitor has been exceptional.) Now, I know you've had your qualifications revoked, but I do think this is good scholarship, so I'll see if I can get it into the final report. Enjoy your trip with Dr. Hanson!

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/DAS_Secretary_Ruby_Tomas.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/DAS_Secretary_Ruby_Tomas.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5127458 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/DAS_Secretary_Ruby_Tomas.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas

Child psychologist by education, grade school teacher by trade, and most powerful woman in the world by accident, Ruby Tomas, née Middenborough, is the current Secretary of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. The position fell to her when her husband, the late DAS Secretary Edvard Tomas, fell ill before dying of cancer in AES 981. During the late Secretary's decline in health, his wife increasingly aided him in performing his duties; by the time he died, she was essentially running the Assembly in his name. She proved so adept to the task that nobody wanted to be the one to point out that she had never been officially elected. The Assembly notaries let the situation lie for a year, then decided just to put her election down as unanimous.

+

The main reason for Tomas' success during her tenure as Secretary is her experience dealing with children as a grade school teacher. Normally, international diplomacy has less petty bickering and fewer fistfights, but the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns is anything but normal. It isn't called the Disputatious Assembly for nothing, and not just because Selestei is there. Many sovereigns rankle at the condescension displayed at times by the Secretary, but complaining means you lose your gold star for the week, and only those who kept their stars for the month get homemade cookies. Even worse, if you misbehave too much, you get sent to the Time-Out Corner where the sovereigns of the Careless Continent are constantly trying to kill each other. This largely keeps the other Sovereigns in order, less because it would be dangerous and more because it would be embarrassing.

+

The Time-Out Corner doesn't work on everyone, though. The last time Tomas sent King Daggert of Selestei to the Corner, he joined in on the fighting, causing even more of a commotion than before. Conversely, when High Exarch Minor Ironheart of Flandre was sent to the Corner, the Careless sovereigns sat completely still out of fear of what happened last time. The Secretary was so pleased with the result that she returned Ironheart's gold star for the week. Ever since, Assembly staff have suspected that the Secretary is encouraging the High Exarch Minor to cause trouble and get caught so she can be sent to the Corner when the Careless sovereigns are too distracting.

+

Hand in hand with her fearsome maintenance of Assembly decorum is Tomas' close involvement with the various committees and offices of the Assembly. Very little goes on on campus that she does not know about. She makes a point of sitting in on each committee's official meetings around once a month, as well as observing individual members at work outside of meetings. She's standing behind me right now, in fact. Hello, Secretary Tomas. Yes, I'm getting work done. No, I'm not writing anything bad about you. Sweet, gold star.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Electric_undead.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Electric_undead.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cf1f9ff --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Electric_undead.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Electric undead | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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+

Electric undead

I got woken up at 3 AM this morning when a moaning corpse started pounding on my door. I still don't have any idea how the fuck it got on this zeppelin. Zeppelin security took like four hours to deal with it, and in the meantime I just had to sit there and think about how much sleep I wasn't getting. It's been a shitty day.

+

The electric undead, like every horrible thing, hail from the Barcu region. About fifteen hundred years ago, they started spreading. The ones that went north froze, and the ones that went south found out the hard way that Flandre already had a National Response Protocol for dealing with contagious animated corpses. But in the east was the warrior kingdom of Hantu. Don't bother looking them up, they're all zombies now. The morons found out that the electric undead spread through electrical contact, and all their swords were made of metal, and they still sent everyone at the rotting horde.

+

Despite the constant menace throughout history, we didn't make any progress understanding what was going on with the electric undead until the turn of the century, when none other than Dr. Stafford happened to them. His research temple captured a few of them and vivisected them with ceramic tools, which allowed them to discover that the electrical activity in their nervous systems was actually antilightning, which explained why they act so weird. Dr. Stafford's research allowed the Disuptatious Assembly of Sovereigns to pass the Electric Undead Quarantine Act. Initially they wanted to drive the zombies into the sea, but the whales weren't having it. So instead they tried to set up a fucking containment line on the Barcuvian border. The Flandreans kept trying to set up protective measures, since their government has an entropology research division, but no one else wanted to spend the money and the Hegemon kept blocking them out of spite.

+

Look no further for proof that the DAS is full of idiots. We've got this thing in entropology called "Chaos Theory," which is a theory that makes the following prediction: If it causes chaos, it will happen. So at least none of us were surprised when one day that Fitch fucker tried to sneak his students through the containment zone and ended up letting all the zombies out into the world. Now the rest of us have to deal with fucking zombies on our fucking zeppelins disrupting our fucking beauty sleep. Fuck him.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/F09F9487.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/F09F9487.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b1ad433 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/F09F9487.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +🔇 | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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🔇

The enigmatic phenomenon designated in print as "🔇", and designated in speech by pausing and gesturing emphatically, is difficult to describe. This is not for lack of trying, as several major universities have faculty who attempt to publish work on it. "Attempt" is the key word here, as all direct descriptions of it are suppressed by forces not currently understood. Despite the fact that it is not, as researchers suspect, a meteorological phenomenon, the most success on studying 🔇 has come from Barcuvian weather analysts. While the flashes of complete darkness and resounding silences of antithunderstorms are clearly similar to 🔇, the exact relationship they have has yet to be articulated, for obvious reasons. Despite this seemingly inherent barrier to results, research into it continues to be funded, undoubtedly helped by the inability of university administrators to say what exactly it is they are trying to cut out of the research budget.

+

For what are hopefully equally obvious reasons, this phenomenon is the subject of a great deal of interest from the Kingsland cult of Silentus, the patron deity of some goddamn peace and quiet for once. By engaging in a campaign of linguistic activism, the cult has succeeded in hijacking a number of common local idioms to connote or otherwise reference it. Consequently, conversations in which these idioms are used are liable to be suddenly halted by the suppression effect. This has led to widespread sentiment against the cult of Silentus, which, in a grand irony, has led to them being bothered by people making ruckuses more than they were before. The cult, as usual, has yet to make an official statement about this, but it is unclear whether this is because of its patron deity or because being accosted by mutes for linguistic subversion is far from the worst thing that could happen to you in Kingsland.

+

The motivation to understand 🔇 in the academic community is largely driven by engineers working in the field of symphonic warp traversal. The field has yet to fully understand the technology that the mad inventor Rime Grimes left behind, which enabled complex warp calculations to be performed via orchestra, and thus money is thrown at any lead on an ontological link between acoustics and other subfields of physics. This has somewhat tarnished the prestige of warp research in the public eye, as physics departments specializing in warp research find themselves unable to describe where their budget goes.

+

What is truly remarkable, however, is the significance 🔇 holds for the Disarrangement Act. Because it

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+
+ +

Spheven Kain

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Flandre.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Flandre.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3613163 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Flandre.html @@ -0,0 +1,69 @@ + + +Flandre | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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+

Flandre

There's no better introduction to the nation of Flandre than their own legendary origins:

+

One day, Flan, god of foresight and confidence games,
+ran out of opponents to play Catalos with, for the other
+gods had grown sick of losing all the time.
[Catalos is a
+Flandrean game, similar to chess except about twenty-
+seven times more complicated to play.] And so Flan
+spoke, saying, Do I not possess great wisdom? I shall
+play against myself, and win great glory thereby. But
+Flan's mental might was too great, and as much as he
+schemed, he could not outsmart himself. Thus he had
+an aneurysm and died. But the gods had pity on Flan,
+and from his body they made the world, and from his
+urine they made the seas, and from his mind they
+made humankind. And they called themselves
+"Flandre," which means "The Children of Flan."
+
+— From the Book of Schemes, Ch. 8 verse 3-21.

+

+

I've always felt this story captures both the genius of the Flandrean spirit as well as the tendency for that genius to go wrong in unexpected ways. And of course the story is in their own words, which I think is the only proper way to learn about a people.

+

Nevertheless, there is always room for the perspectives of others, such as the researchers who study the archeological record of the ancient Flandreans. Flandrean ruins are easy to identify because they're usually chock-full of the remains of primitive booby traps. Entries in the archeological record indicate that ancient Flandreans originated in the Barcu region before migrating to the territory currently claimed by the Methodocracy of Flandre. This of course does much to explain the cultural paranoia of Flandre, for if you can't even trust the weather, what can you trust? In fact, some researchers believe ancient Flandreans might have actually invented the concept of government in order to coordinate their contingency plans.

+

Historically, Flandre has proved a tricky diplomatic partner (see also the Roerbach Incident), and the resulting trade deficit limited their economic growth. It was only with the emergence of the Hegemony of Whales that their economy was able to boom, both as a result of oil trade and of renting space on their oil ships to nations that wish to avoid the Whale Tariffs. Their cold war with the Hegemony of Whales has positioned them at the center of an anti-whale political bloc, along with the Ulgravian Diaspora, whose zeppelin fleet creates an existential need for continued oil trade.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+
+ +

The most hilarious thing about Flandre is their relationship to Selestei. The two countries are supposed to be allies. Everyone over in Selestei loves Flandre, despite the fact that from a Selesteine point of view Flandrean culture is essentially institutionalized cowardice. Meanwhile, Flandre appears to take every possible opportunity to fuck Selestei over. But no matter how hard they try, Selestei somehow manages to avoid the vast majority of the negative consequences. Not only that, but they don't even seem to have noticed this has been going on. You should have seen Ironheart's eye twitching when Daggert gave her a bear hug last week, it was the most hilarious shit.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Flandrean_National_Response_Protocol_BX-392a.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Flandrean_National_Response_Protocol_BX-392a.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..34c7629 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Flandrean_National_Response_Protocol_BX-392a.html @@ -0,0 +1,54 @@ + + +Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
+ + +
+

Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a

The Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a, popularly known as the "Inordinate Number of Snakes" Protocol, is the National Response Protocol (Biological Existential Threat) that replaced NRP BX-392, the "Ordinate Number of Snakes" Protocol. BX-392a was ratified by the High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart upon her ascension in AES 990, bringing an end to the civil unrest in which Flandre had become embroiled following High Exarch Cerberus Ironheart's untimely demise in AES 988 at the "hands" of Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson. Though her detractors launched a protest movement alleging that a twelve-year-old girl couldn't possibly be old enough to understand the correct precautions to take against a large number of snakes, Ironheart proved herself a true daughter of Flandre by having no fewer than three contingency plans prepared for protest movements questioning her competency based on her age, the second of which was later enshrined as National Response Protocol PU-36.

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Previous Flandrean attempts to define response protocols for various quantities of snakes were limited by available data, as the greatest quantity of snakes the country had ever dealt with occurred during the Snake Rain of AES 954. This event proved the efficacy of the preparations outlined in BX-391, allowing the draft version of BX-392 to be completed and ratified. Yet the number of snakes that fell in the Snake Rain paled in comparison to the inordinate serpentine resources of Buddy Johnson, forcing Flandre, uncharacteristically, to improvise. The desperate, haphazard use of any and all halfway-relevant National Response Protocols led the country to the brink of civil war, necessitating a Protocol that could end the snake menace.

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The newly ascended HEM Ironheart, soon to be renowned for her lateral thinking, initially formulated BX-392a after the model of BX-233g, the Protocol dealing specifically with termites resistant to the poisons prescribed in BX-233f. This was met with resistance from the Council of Exarchs on pragmatic grounds, who rejected her proposed plans for the vehicle that would carry the vanguard flamethrowers. In defiance of the Council's opposition, Ironheart formulated an ingenious plan to convince the "Killer Bus" of neighboring Kingsland to aid her designs. The Council could not argue with the results and ratified the updated BX-392a.

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The success of the new Protocol, no doubt aided by the Killer Bus's longstanding rivalry with "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson, served to revitalize the Flandrean heavy weapons and cryotechnology industries. The subsequent economic boom has made the High Exarch Minor the darling of her people and cemented her control over the country. This contributes to Flandre's vicious opposition to the Disarrangement Act, which would likely result in Flandre being separated from Kingsland and thus necessitate a reformulation of the "Inordinate Number of Snakes" Protocol's vanguard flamethrower section — an uneasy prospect for the young sovereign.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Flandre's massive body of National Response Protocols are organized by topic, with the "X Protocols" defining responses to existential threats. BX protocols specifically address existential threats of a biological nature, like Vigotskian invasions or the whales of the Hegemony growing legs. Given Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson's otherworldly abilities, one may wonder why the Inordinate Number of Snakes Protocol is designated under BX, rather than the fringe NRP designation SX for supernatural existential threats.

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The answer is the same as to why Flandre has the National Response Protocols in the first place. Flandreans live within a constant tension between the sanctity of the unrealized future and the certainty of the determined present, and planning for every conceivable contingency is how this is reconciled. The category of the supernatural, however, is the category of that which cannot be anticipated or accounted for, and therefore the Methodocracy is incentivized to keep this category as empty as possible. I'm sure that living near Kingsland also does its fair share of shifting what one considers "natural".

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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It's interesting to note that High Exarch Minor Ironheart, in convincing the Killer Bus of Kingsland North to assist her, was following a minor Flandrean command narrative. In Flandrean culture, when all else has failed and you are beset by troubles your plans can't overcome, you head north and hope to find something more terrible than whatever problem you're facing—an approach also taken by St. Stafford before constructing the Zeitgeist Manipulator. It's understood that this course of action is extremely high-risk, but it goes hand in hand with another piece of Flandrean wisdom, which is that sometimes a solvable crisis is better than an unsolvable inconvenience.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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Forward

In Anno Ecclesiae Superregum 989, the Hegemony of Whales put forth the Disarrangement Act, a proposal to rearrange the world in order to reduce war and promote greater harmony between nations. To ensure the highest quality of deliberation and due diligence, a number of investigative committees were established to present the relevant facts to the Assembly.

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Our committee, the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, is tasked with investigating the possibilities that no one would otherwise think of. As such, it may not immediately be obvious why some content has been included in this report. Let me assure you, as the head of this Committee, that my colleagues have done fine work, and that we have curated only the most pressing information for the Assembly. In the pages that follow, you will find reports of the highest scholarly caliber, concluded by each scholar's recommendations for the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. May you find this report helpful as you bring your copious wisdom to bear on the task at hand!

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The Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee is:

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• Chairman, Dr. Herbert Jones (University of Eyesland, PhD Miscellania)
+• Cincinatta Rubric (National Correspondence University of Incendia, MsD Misosophy)
+• Dr. Gwen Hanson (Transient University of Ulgrav, PhD Entropology)
+• M. Hon. Pierce Milton (Unaffiliated, MHO Memetosociology)
+• Dr. Remilion Christophy (Unaffiliated, PhD Physics)

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The Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee would also like to recognize our former colleague Spheven Kain for his contributions to the Committee before the Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement revoked his computational anthropology degree.

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Dr. Herbert Jones, Chairman of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee

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General Kade "Ripper" Gorson

Kade Gorson was born in AES 903 in the small town of Fort Firedale, one of Flandre's frontier towns in the Barcuvian edgelands. When the Cetacean Wars broke out in the 920s, he enlisted in the Flandrean military, where his exceptional leadership and near-preternatural ability to anticipate and account for surprises made him rise to the rank of captain by the end of the war. When the Cetacean Wars were ended in 929 by the Assembly's official recognition of the Hegemony of Whales, Gorson was quoted as saying, "Let the blowers have the bloody oceans, it'll give 'em somewhere to hide nex' time I come to rip 'em a second hole." Nor was this a mere boast, as Gorson did in fact rip a whale a new blowhole during the Second Battle of Lords' Cove, whence his nickname, "Ripper". His deep and enduring hatred for the whales of the Hegemony has made his name — or, at least, the whale noises they use to name him — an expletive in the planet's oceans.

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Despite his extraordinary success and eventual promotion to the rank of general, Gorson was often sidelined on the national stage because of his fringe views. Like any Flandrean, Gorson was extremely adept at planning for any and every contingency. Unlike his peers, however, Gorson's contingency planning was uncharacteristically preemptive. For Flandre, the future is sacred, and interacting with it must be done receptively. The essential element of Flandrean piety is precisely to let the future happen as it may, and their reverence for it is constituted by planning for it no matter what it brings to pass. Gorson, the only Flandrean officer to execute an ambush that wasn't a counter-ambush, was thus a cultural pariah, because he tried to shape the future actively rather than reactively.

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Even though he was kept out of the spotlight, "Ripper" Gorson was still a military genius. He remained a mainstay of the Council of Exarchs, advising the Council on military matters even after his retirement in 973. Sadly, he became somewhat unhinged in his later years, advocating for such policies as helping Selestei destroy Zor Olo, or declaring war on horseball — not players of horseball, mind you, but the abstract concept of the sport. He died at home in 984 at the age of 81.

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A portrait of General Kade "Ripper" Gorson hangs in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room, to remind us all of the importance of shaping the future proactively. Personally, ever since the unlikely series of coincidences that landed me in this closet, I've considered him a role model for his perseverance despite being relegated to the fringe.

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Spheven Kain

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Though he is known to posterity as General Ripper, Kade Gorson began his service in the Flandrean Navy, where he fought in the Cetacean Wars aboard the cruiser Blade Awaiting, which he captained by the end of the Wars. In the 30s, Gorson's fleet assisted J.U.S.T.I.C.E. in offensives against the Vulterbase rebels occupying the xenoarcheological ruins at the south pole. His experiences fighting against the rebels' alien-derived technology would later form the basis of his advocacy for arming the Taurus Research Station. After the Taurus weaponization, the Hegemony of Whales banned him from the oceans, and Flandre, weighing the options, transferred him from the navy to the army.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Goats on Boats Affair

The Goats on Boats Affair was a series of linked crises in 891 broadly resulting from the manipulation of international trade by the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection. It is widely considered to be Flandre's worst political blunder in recorded history—unless you're talking to Dr. Hanson, who tells me entropologists consider it second to the formation of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. But as entropology has yet to create any command narratives whatsoever, I feel we can safely ignore that perspective for the time being.

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It is important to note that before the Affair began to unfold, the Panark Fleet was vying for dominance of global trade. The modern order of Iurezzan economic supremacy was still decades away: the Compass Republic had yet to assume its role as a manufacturing giant, while Flandre was still treating its oil stockpile as a strategic reserve rather than a commodity. With the encroach of ever more powerful naval technologies, maritime exports across the globe became increasingly feasible.

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As countries' financial horizons expanded, Sovereigns became increasingly aware that traditional wisdom about trade no longer applied to a progressively more interconnected global economy. To navigate these new frontiers, most governments set up trade bureaus to assist them in deciding how to handle things like tariffs. With so much potential wealth to be gained, the vast majority of states saw no problem in sinking sizable fractions of their gross domestic product into shippable goods. The economists, meanwhile, kept inventing new and exciting ways to extract egregious quantities of wealth from ever more intricate trade schemes.

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At the peak of this global boom, a team of economists working out of the National Academy of Velskyavo invented a currency exchange system that would allow merchants to increase their profits by routing them through the currencies of multiple nations. The lynchpin of this system was a "dummy" currency ostensibly backed by the Pseudocracy of Placeholden—which, as there was no actual country to back it, could appreciate indefinitely. The placegilder system was founded on the assumption that all parties involved were rational profit-seeking actors; thus, while the international economics community knew of ways to crash the value of placegilder, it was assumed that no one would be stupid enough to do so, as their own economy would become collateral damage in the process.

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The Stratsky Foundation proved them wrong. But as placegilder crashed and burned, Flandre enacted a contingency plan to shunt the value of placegilder into livestock. Unfortunately, this plan relied on convincing every other state to adopt certain tariff practices, and at this time Flandre—not possessing the political clout they hold today—was seen as a weird paranoid nation on the fringe of the national stage. Tariffs on livestock were raised instead, and the Panark Fleet ended up overflowing with herds of goats they couldn't afford to unload. + Making matters worse, Selestei responded by declaring war on livestock. With livestock in every country on the globe, the global community began to fear another War of Durun's Ass. But on the brink of a world war, Shaster sent in a crack diplomatic team with steak dinners, and peace was preserved until the eruption of the first Cetacean War in 920.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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Grim Weepers

I've always warned my grandchildren never to arm-wrestle a Selesteine. All that heavybeer puts them on quite another level indeed! But even your average Selesteine would be well advised not to arm-wrestle a Grim Weeper, for in the heat of the moment they might forget themselves and beat you to death with your own arm.

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The defining characteristic of the Grim Weepers has always been their custom of eating painfully spicy food to carry them through battle. With modern medical knowledge, researchers think they derive two benefits from this. First, the pain releases a surge of adrenaline, amplifying their already-formidable strength. Second, overwhelming oneself with pain helps both to prepare you for injuries in battle and to distract you from those injuries once they occur. There are even recorded instances where a Grim Weeper's spicy breath alone incapacitated weaker foes. However, Pentex Lannogaster—himself a Grim Weeper and veteran of The War of Durun's Ass—writes in his memoirs that the practice of eating spicy food arose from tribal contests of the ancient Selesteines, whose strongest warriors would eat spicy food until someone gave up. In his words, "Pain is God's way of telling you to man up."

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Historically, the Grim Weepers were always the vanguard of the Selesteine military, their distinctive greatswords being well-suited to cleaving through an enemy's front line. This strategy was most effective against the footsoldier-based armies of the Fractured Cities, but the Selesteine love of a challenge also saw the Grim Weepers charging Ulgravian cavalry lines (against whom they fared relatively well) and Incendian fire bellows (which, unfortunately for them, were hotter than their peppers). During the reign of Mad King Westler, there was also an attempt to invade the Panark Fleet, but they found to their shame that they could not swim fast enough to reach the boats. Many lives were lost that day.

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Sadly, the tides of history have not been kind to the Selesteine model of war, and the Grim Weepers have borne that decline worse than other sectors of the Selesteine military. The invention of gunpowder-based projectile weaponry turned more than one of their would-be glorious charges into massacres. There was a brief time in AES 927 when Selestei tried making their swords even larger to block bullets, but the soldiers themselves rejected the new swords on the grounds that it was shameful for a true warrior to cower behind their own weapon.

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In AES 971, the Department of Glory (their military branch) finally gave in and changed the strategic role of the Grim Weepers. In the repertoire of modern states, pitched battles are giving way to precision tactical operations. The modern Grim Weepers now resemble the special operations forces of any other military, except with capsaicin pills and giant broadswords strapped to their backs. Though this has significantly increased their survival rate, it has also revealed an epidemic of Jalapeñosis among the older Grim Weepers. Only time will tell their if defining practice will continue into the future.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Hard light projection

Hard light projection refers to any number of light-based technologies developed in the second half of the tenth century.

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The first hard light projection was developed in early 958 by Vigotskian researchers at the National University of Incendia and had the ability to project a three-dimensional hologram in space. The research paper simply called it a "light projector", but the university's branding office insisted that it be called hard light projection in the press releases and distinguished from "easy light projection", what screen projectors do.

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As is normal with academicians, this kicked off a flurry of activity seeking to capitalize on both the new research and the spate of media attention. The National University of Shaster was the first to respond, putting forth a prototype in late 959 that could project a hologram at long distances. The NUS Dean of Engineering declared this achievement to be the real hard light projection, and "what those Typhoid Marys coughed up" to be merely easy light projection. They were one-upped a month later by The Grim College, which (literally) extended their work to project light around the curvature of the planet. This, the High Inquisitor declared, was the truly hard light projection, and all this merely straight projection was so easy it could barely be called light projection at all.

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Not to be outdone, Warbaum's University sought a new direction for projection technology. In 966, its Department of Physics and Cooking revived the dispute by releasing a light projector that could create solid holograms. This, the Professor Chefmaster declared, was the only light projection that could truly be considered hard, and the intepretation of "hard" as referring to difficulty was a misdirection by amateurish charlatans. The Selesteine College of Arts and Zymurgy saw an opportunity here for publicity in a field they did not even have a department for and declared that Warbaum's allegedly hard light projection could not stand up to the merest flick by a Grim Weeper. Therefore, it could be considered soft light projection at best. Capitalizing on this in turn, Razor Valley Bunker-University revealed a form of light projection with alcohol content a few years later, and declared this to be the true "hard" light projection.

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By 974, the Incendian homeland became inaccessible, and the Incendian President Iyano Niir was the only one left on the succession list for the Dean of NUS. Rebranding the university as the National Correspondence University of Incendia, he brought a paradigm shift to hard light projection technology by paying dictionary publishers to make "hard" short for "hardtack", the cracker. Armed with stacked dictionaries and a pedanticism born of desperation, Niir attended ProjExpo 975 and unveiled a lamp with hardtack taped over the bulb, which he claimed projected "hard[tack] light". For making a mockery of the field, Niir was immediately thrown out of the convention and given an official warning from J.U.S.T.I.C.E.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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The controversy over hard light projection is related to, but ought not be confused with, the lesser-known controversy over hard light projectors. While the former was an academic venture of international proportions, the latter was a dispute that occurred between the Left Physics Department and the Right Physics Department of Kera University. The former produced a prototype hard light projector with a user interface so arcane that it was nigh-impossible to use, and offered this as a contribution to the debate over what could be considered hard light projection. The latter objected, claiming that neither the projection nor the light was hard, and drove its point home by creating a slide projector out of titanium and bashing the Left Physics Department's prototype to pieces. This resulted, as is typical at Kera University, in a semester-long campaign of vengeance.

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Spheven Kain

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High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart

In the Methodocracy of Flandre, it is not just the strong who survive. The strong are often overconfident, so they don't prepare enough for eventual failure. Flandreans instead celebrate the crafty, who so often bring down the strong, and Flandrean institutions reflect that fact faithfully.

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Methodocracy, or "rule by schemes," is by design a difficult-to-understand system of government. In fact, many of the protocols of the Methodocracy are kept confidential to prevent exploitation by external or internal powers. However, it is known that the High Exarch is chosen not on the basis of any personal merit, but based on whether their proposed solution to the current national crisis is more effective than the others. Nominally this would include a proposal from the current High Exarch, but High Exarchs have a habit of coincidentally winding up dead whenever a situation rises to the level of a national crisis.

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You can read more about High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart's ascension in Dr. Rubric's treatment of the Inordinate Number of Snakes protocol, but my topic here is Ironheart's conduct as High Exarch Minor.

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Consider, for example, the case of a 12-year-old whose defense proposal was rejected by the Council. For most little girls, that would be the end of their political endeavors, for that is the way society tells them that the process works. Soon-to-be-HEM Ironheart instead traveled north to Kingsland—foolhardy in its own right—persuaded an eldritch abomination to participate in her scheme, and then barbecued half the Council with a flamethrower while riding atop said eldritch abomination. Rubric writes "they could not argue with the results"—indeed, indeed! It was a brilliant political move, for not only did she demonstrate the worthiness of her proposal, but she also boldly demonstrated that the Council didn't have a contingency plan for getting baked alive.

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Now 14, Ironheart's leadership has remained no less decisive or flashy. Most controversial, of course, was her decision to establish a military base on the lip of the Missing Sea as a foothold for research and colonization. Ironheart correctly identified that Flandre was the only nation in a position both to exploit the resources on the open sea floor and to stave off the wrath of the whales that would follow such a course. And the public relations strategies she employed to address, mollify, rebut, and/or disappear her detractors once again demonstrate the deftness of her contingency planning.

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While there are several obvious reasons of practicality underlying Flandre's resistance to the Disarrangement Act, proponents of the Act might consider that they do not want an irritated High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart on their borders.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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I've always thought the little brat's greatest achievement was whatever quantum bullshit she pulled to block off the universe where I wrote the article on her. I'm sure other-universe me tore her a new one.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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After the stunt she pulled in 986, the "whale bloc" of the Disputatious Assembly began planning for her eventual Exarchy, since someone who can decapitate a continent in an afternoon will end up ruling Flandre one way or another. The 988 snake invasion, therefore, became a matter of international concern, not only because it threw the Flandrean-headed anti-whale coalition into disarray, but also because the succession crisis threatened to bring Seraphi to power much earlier than anticipated. With Flandre's coalition leaderless, the Very Definitely Independent States, still smarting from Seraphi's machinations, motioned for the Assembly to respond by annihilating both sides of the civil war. The rest of the whale bloc gave its support, fearing the prospect of a recovered Flandre under a High Exarch Minor Ironheart. Flandre was at its most vulnerable, and if they did not strike while they had the chance, having another would be doubtful. The shaken coalition, on the other hand, feared the prospect of the whale bloc figuratively (or literally) rolling over them, and the ensuing political deadlock lasted long enough that Seraphi Ironheart could ascend as High Exarch Minor and settle the matter in the Assembly herself.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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"The ensuing political deadlock" is a bit of an innocent way to put it. The anti-whale bloc pulled every trick in the book to impede the progress of the motion. Dr. Christophy would know, because he has enough contact with the Ironhearts to know what goes on in the coalition, and he specifically instructed the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee he chaired to take its time preparing an exhaustive report. Yet before they were near finished, Christophy was also appointed to the Disarrangement Act BEAC, despite this slowing the first Committee's work to a crawl. I submitted an official complaint to have someone else take over the 988 BEAC so it wouldn't be slowed down, but nothing came of it, and the point was moot when Seraphi Ironheart was coronated. Shortly thereafter, I had an unlikely series of very unfortunate coincidences, leaving me in my current position. I can't help but feel there's a connection there, but I'm a little scared of what would happen if I looked too much into it.

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Spheven Kain

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High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford

Historians have said that is impossible to overestimate the legacy of Dr. Heinrich Stafford. Few historical figures have so many achievements to their name or are spoken of with such praise, though of course they lack the distinction of having those opinions broadcast worldwide. Devices designed by the illustrious Dr. Stafford can be found at the root of most modern technological innovations, and it seems the man could not order a sandwich without founding a revolutionary academic discipline. I exaggerate, but not by much: my own field, miscellania, was created after Dr. Stafford rearranged his office file cabinet in AES 923.

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Born in AES 888—an auspicious year in his native Flandre—the future internationally-acclaimed genius quickly demonstrated himself to be in an intellectual class above his peers and even his instructors. In the sometimes cutthroat environment of Flandrean academics, this put something of a target on the young Stafford. However, the pressure from his would-be peers desisted after he tricked three students and a professor into their respective booby traps. The academic credentials of the professor, one Dr. Sandra Anderson, were automatically bequeathed to Stafford in accordance with the then-recently passed Petard Forfeiture Laws. This resulted in him taking a professorship at the age of 17, shortly afterward publishing his first paper on the electric undead in AES 905.

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Dr. Stafford's subsequent accomplishments are, of course, a matter of historical record. Particularly noteworthy are his invention of asynchronous energy theory in AES 908; solving the location of every fixed-point cube in AES 911; adapting the rules of Horseball in AES 920; and the invention of computational theology in AES 923, for which he was sainted, in addition to receiving the unique distinction of "High Illuminator," a title meant to reflect his status as the highest bringer of knowledge to our humble species. I shan't spend much time on these topics here, as as they have been extensively covered in my colleagues' excellent articles about them. I will note, however, that you will find much of Dr. Stafford's work was ultimately accomplished by other people, as the man himself was too busy inventing other revolutionary ideas to build a proof of concept for his earlier revolutionary ideas.

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A celebrated public figure and undoubtedly a man who single-handedly changed humanity's course through the heavens, Dr. Stafford left us one winter eve in AES 939. According to the official reports—which, it must be said, are Flandrean government documents, so take this with as much salt as you like—Dr. Stafford had been researching the Missing Sea to uncover metaphysical secrets of the universe. His hope was reportedly to transcend to a higher plane of being, a hope which is not all that far-fetched when you consider the sorts of things which may be found in Kingsland. Whatever device he may have constructed has never been found; however, it is incontrovertible that Dr. Stafford was never seen again. Still, there are many—myself included—who like to keep a picture of him on our desks, and whisper a little prayer every time we submit a paper for publication. Just in case.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscellania

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Horseball

Horseball is a sport in which players mounted on horses pass a ball between teammates while wearing oversized gloves, with the ultimate goal of scoring a point by throwing it into the opposing team's goal. The sport grew out of an Ulgravian pastime, from before the country took to the skies, where mounted warriors would tie their shields concave-out to their hands and toss a ball to each other. The rules of horseball have been thoroughly systematized since those days, with glove size regulated and ball make standardized. Most institutions of secondary education will take their classes on a field trip to a horseball course, and many post-secondary institutions have horseball teams that bring in fans and provide scholarships.

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Competitive horseball has been praised as uniting the venerable practice of horse breeding with the fast-paced action of other ball-type team sports, while retaining those qualities that allow fans to participate in the collective identity of their college, city, or country. Professional horseballers are widely regarded as celebrities. Because it requires a horse, of course, standard horseball is not a common leisure activity. Fans wanting to play it themselves will generally run around sans horse, ride on the shoulders of another player, or use roller skates. Rarely, amateur horseball is played on motorcycles, which is generally discouraged by the International Horseball Council (IHC).

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While Selestei does know of a sport by the name "horseball", it is not the same sport as played in the rest of the world. Instead of players on horses passing around a ball, Selesteine horseball involves players passing around a horse rolled up into a ball. Selesteine horseball teams are allowed to compete in the same brackets as international horseball teams through a byzantine set of adapter rules composed by the peerless Dr. Stafford. Inexplicably, the matchup is quite balanced.

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This benevolence came back to bite the international horseball community when Selestei won its first World Trough in 933. In the ensuing chaos of their victory/national anthem, the Selesteine team rolled the opposing team's horses into a giant ball and threw it into the audience. Inspired by this, Johnson, Johnson, & Several Other Johnsons, an Incendian mad lawyer cabal, delved into Stafford's adapter rules and produced an extensively cross-referenced report a week later arguing that this was a legal move in adapted horseball. The 934 horseball season was subsequently dominated by the so-called "Selsroll" strategy until the IHC's own legal team could deconstruct JJ&SOJ's argument and restore a modicum of sensibility to the sport.

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Selestei seems to be the only country to have gotten away with such an egregious perversion of the rules. When the Lepazzian team's goal was suddenly found to have been filled with flowers last year, preventing the other team from scoring, the Lepazzian team was politely asked to withdraw and suggested to refrain from entering for the next year.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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The 933-934 rules dispute had some longer-lasting effects. One vendor in the 934 season rolled a bunch of meat into a ball, baked it in a pastry shell, and sold it as a "Selsroll". The timing was perfect and it became a hit with horseball fans. This was all well and good until an internal memo of the IHC was leaked, revealing ongoing discussions to host a horseball tournament in which the losing team's horses would be ground up and made into selsrolls to be enjoyed by the winning team and their fans. This dealt a severe blow both to the IHC's credibility and selsroll vendors, both of which took years to recover.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Incendia.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Incendia.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2ca33c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Incendia.html @@ -0,0 +1,51 @@ + + +Incendia | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Incendia

Incendia was and allegedly still is a prosperous city-state on the northern border of Lepazzia. In AES 972, in the face of increasing pressure from the Hegemony of Whales, Incendia massively scaled up efforts to harvest the country's rich oil deposits. This brought great prosperity to Incendia with a rapidity aided by a disregard for an accompanying Flandrean level of contingency planning. As a result, the entire country collapsed into a giant sinkhole during the 974 Open Flame Festival, the inauspicious timing of which ignited the gas deposits, creating the still-burning conflagration we know today.

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At the time of the Festival, Incendia's president, Iyano Niir, was at a session of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. The Ulgravian sovereign motioned to have Niir dismissed from the Assembly, on the grounds that because Incendia no longer existed, he was no longer a sovereign; the motion was, as usual, seconded by Lepazzia. President Niir's subsequent defense of his continued presence is widely considered one of the greatest orations given in the Assembly this century. According to Niir, Incendia had only been mildly perturbed by the multiple-story drop into the sinkhole, and hadn't been destroyed in the slightest. The perpetual fire that now burned in the pit where his country once was, he scoffed, was not the burnoff of their gas deposits, but rather what their national festivals looked like from above. He exhorted those who sought to remove him from the Assembly to desist from their cultural myopia and recognize the heritage of Incendia and their peculiar means of celebration. To any who persisted, he challenged them to go to Incendia themselves and prove that there wasn't a country underneath the roiling curtain of flame, though he warned that the country was very welcoming and visitors might find themselves unable to leave. The subsequent vote to eject Incendia from the Assembly narrowly failed, thanks to the intervention of the Hegemon of Whales, though Niir was unable to stop the Assembly's notaries from subtracting the sinkhole's area from Incendia's officially recorded landmass.

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Today, Incendia remains in somewhat of a precarious position. President Niir currently lives off of the complimentary snacks provided at Assembly breakout sessions and sleeps in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room, because it has the softest couch. Every now and then the Committee chases him out, but I can hear him snoring in the air ducts from the basement, and he's always back by the end of the week. The Incendian military, Gregor Gregory, is currently stationed in their embassy in the Panark Fleet. The Incendian military being entirely stationed inside another country is the cause of some international tension, which Niir insists is "not a big deal, and besides, Gregor's very agreeable." The Incendian Tourism Bureau continues Niir's foreign policy by publishing pamphlets about how much Indencians love festivals that obscure the country from above, but its suggested travel destinations are all Incendian embassies in other countries, which have set up farms and become self-sufficient on their small plots of land.

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Spheven Kain

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Incendia was supposed to be safeguarding our land until we wanted it back. It's right there in the fucking lease agreements. But noooooo, the fuckers just had to go and set the whole damn thing on fire. Niir should have been kicked out of the assembly, and then he should have been tossed right back into the bonfire he made of our land. Fucking Sovereign went all soft on him.

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Anyways, this is why I regularly "accidentally" spill my coffee on the fucker when he's sleeping in our break room.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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For a country with an inordinate number of fire-based cultural traditions, Incendia ran a very tight ship as a safety and storage guarantor. All sorts of historical documents were stored in the Incendian vaults, including the original copies of the Ulgravian land lease documents. This, of course, came to an end with the 974 collapse. Incendia's remaining mad lawyer, Parvus the Litigator, attempted to use this to have the land lease contract nullified in order to ward off any future Ulgravian retribution. After a hurried consultation by President Niir, Parvus mad-lawed himself into being the defense lawyer and began arguing the official Incendian position that the homeland had not been destroyed, and therefore there was no breach of the contract. This resulted in a schizophrenic trial in which Parvus viciously argued at length with himself in front of a confused judge. When he began to lose the defending case, he resorted to personal attacks against the plaintiff (i.e. himself), until the trial degenerated into a fistfight in which he put himself in a headlock and choked himself out. The judge, unsure of what had just happened, threw the case out. This may have been the Litigator's plan all along, however, because the Assembly courts are now turned off from touching anything related to the legal status of Incendia.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Iurezza_28Sneezing_on_the_King_Eternal_album29.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Iurezza_28Sneezing_on_the_King_Eternal_album29.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e9a7fa0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Iurezza_28Sneezing_on_the_King_Eternal_album29.html @@ -0,0 +1,86 @@ + + +Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album) | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)

I've always had a soft spot for Sneezing on the King Eternal. A neometal classical band out of the Very Definitely Independent States, they took their name from an AES 840 incident where the Benric Sovereign sneezed on Sornhandr, the King Eternal, and was fatally cursed for the faux pas. The phrase has come to refer to all the ways life's endeavors can suddenly come to an end because of small mistakes, and SotKE's music presents that ethos perfectly. This can be seen in their 961 Iurezza, a nearly three-hour concept album telling the story of the rise and eventual fall of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. Written mostly by their drummer, my old mentor Professor Riggs Behemon, the story contains more historical research than some PhD theses.

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1. The Partitioning (Instrumental) — 5:23

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The Partitioning is an overture meant to represent the division of the world into nation-states. Vocalist Gen Oslif has said in interviews that SotKE considers division between people to be the root of all strife. There is some wisdom to this, I think.

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2. Origination — 12:02

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SotKE introduce the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns in its original form as a social club created by High Exarch Jain Kantamon to keep tabs on the local leaders of consequence. In those days, the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns did not possess the power it holds today, and only affected that part of the world that could travel there. The track is notable for incorporating passages from the Book of Schemes into the lyrics.

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3. Here There Be Dragons — 17:49

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A heavy, grinding epic about the Roerbach Incident, featuring an excellent duet between Kantamon (Oslif) and Doric Foeslayer (guitarist Enric Hass) about what they respectively think is happening. For a brief period in the 60's, this was the only scholarly source that argued Doric Foeslayer knew what was going on.

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4. Interlude: A Shrinking Sandbox (Instrumental) — 3:25

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This instrumental is about the expanding diplomatic frontiers of the Assembly as continued exploration of the world increased the number of Sovereigns who could attend Assembly sessions.

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5. The King Eternal — 7:56

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This track introduces Sornhandr, the King Eternal, as a symbol of the end of all things. In a nod to their longtime fans, this track reprises key riffs from "Sneezing on the King Eternal," a track from their debut album. I always get the chorus stuck in my head: "Withered hand the lighting brings / Bow to the Eternal King."

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6. The Glory — 15:11

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Track 6 covers the age of Selesteine dominance of international politics (roughly c. 250 to 382). Global force projection was not possible back in those days due to logistical capabilities, but Selestei had the closest thing. The track concludes with "bad neighbors from the east" landing their country on Selestei's shores, ending their naval force projection.

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7. Acceleration — 16:43

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Acceleration, which gets faster over the course of the song, tells the story of the growing technological capabilities of Assembly member nations and the resulting increase of relevance of the Assembly to global politics.

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8. Ascension — 8:47

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Ascension briefly addresses Ulgrav's taking to the skies, as seen through the perspective of the Assembly.

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9. The Glory (Reprise) — 10:34

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This track portrays the War of Durun's Ass as a Selesteine attempt at one last feat of heroism before history sweeps their way of life away. I get chills whenever I hear the last verse:

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We will set sail for the glory
+One last time, we raise our blades
+Let the world tell them our story
+History will know our names

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10. Interlude: The System of the World (Instrumental) — 11:37

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This track, which is supposed to represent the Assembly attaining the status and power it holds today, contains an 8-minute solo by guitarist Kela Reardon.

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11. War Upon the Deep — 20:12

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This track addresses both the Goats on Boats Affair and the Cetacean War, its resolution, and the geopolitical fallout of recognizing the Hegemony of Whales into the Assembly. Attentive listeners will hear echoes of "The King Eternal" in parts of the track.

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12. Here There Be Dragons (Reprise) — 6:13

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With their typical propensity for rich metaphors, SotKE argue in this track that the increasing complexity of modern life has introduced many existential threats to the world, and that Assembly politics will inevitably lead to someone triggering one of them.

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13. Annihilation — 39:16

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In the epic, final track of the album, SotKE paint a picture of the return of the Ultimate Dragonopolis resulting in the destruction of sentient life. Given the stated intentions of certain individuals, one can't help but worry that their fears might be prophetic. The track ends with a beautiful, organ-only reprise of The King Eternal, inviting us all to contemplate our transience in this life.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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SotKE fucking rocks.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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The quality of your scholarly contributions never fails to impress, Dr. Hanson.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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Oh, right, because your musical taste is soooo much better. Don't think we don't know why you're playing that weak-ass classical music on minimum volume in your pathetic excuse for an office. You're not subtle, Milton. Guy prances around going "la la la perception determines reality" and then fills his working space with self-consciously high status shit? How fucking stupid do you think we are?

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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As an aside, I am grateful to be working with such scholars as we have on the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee. It takes a world-class mind to make the astute observation that our resident memetosociologist practices memetosociology. I look forward to further groundbreaking discoveries linking professors of miscellania and the habit of categorizing things, or the stunning connection between studying entropology and being an asshole.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Iurezza (continent)

The continent of Iurezza is one of five continents, the others being the Careless Continent, Vulterland, Benri, and Ciphan. I have always thought it is shaped vaguely like a massive, inverted pear.

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Here is a list of things in Iurezza that might be relevant to the Disarrangement Act:

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• The Compass Republic, whose sovereign Klaus Santanna runs a global trade network with the help of the Ulgravian Diaspora.

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High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart, on whom my esteemed colleague M. Hon. Milton has written an excellent comprehensive report. I note for the attentive reader that the High Exarch Minor, though usually located on Iurezza, is not necessarily to be found there at all times.

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• Ironheart's country, the Methodocracy of Flandre, whose combination of near-limitless energy and rich oil reserves allows them to fuel the Ulgravian zeppelin fleet and protect their trade ships from aggression by the Hegemony of Whales.

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• The historical remains of no less than twelve Selesteine invasions, including those from the War of Durun's Ass, the Roerbach Incident, and the Goats on Boats Affair.

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• My apologies for the length of the preceding bullet point—there's just so much to say!

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• The headquarters of the Venerable Society of Cartographers, whose increasing militarization has lead also to increasing tensions with their host state, Flandre.

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Several species of bird.

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• Technically, if one goes by the seating conventions of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the Pseudocracy of Placeholden is located somewhere around here (N.B. no one has ever figured out where their national borders are supposed to go).

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• The Barrowlands, ruled by Sornhandr, the King Eternal. The inexplicably perpetual cloudiness of the country makes it difficult to figure out what exactly goes on in there, but distance observation by Flandrean expeditions indicate that the observable parts of the country are just stretches of ancient barrows with no living thing in sight. I regret to say that my wife has forbidden me to explore it.

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• The city-state of Kingsland, with its terrified inhabitants and the beings that they worship and/or flee from. I would write more on them here, but the last time I wrote a monograph on Kingsland religion and culture I accidentally summoned some kind of spider demon (not to be confused with their snake demon) and it took forever to get the building repaired.

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• The "dead zone," a no man's land (since the Night of Storms, anyways) historically ravaged by the electric undead.

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I hope you find this list useful. Enjoy the deliberations!

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Jalapeñosis

Historically, the Grim Weepers, Selestei's elite shock troops, ate extremely spicy food before going into battle. Because they were the vanguard, they had less-than-extensive lifespans, and thus the diseases of old age were unknown to them. After the Department of Glory reassessed the Weepers' military role, their life expectancy went up, allowing them to live long enough to suffer the effects of jalapeñosis, a disease seemingly caused by a lifetime of eating the special diet of spicy Selesteine cuisine that characterizes the Grim Weepers. Weepers afflicted by early stage jalapeñosis manifest increasingly red skin and elevated body temperatures. Their breath becomes increasingly acidic, as does their body chemistry in general. As the disease progresses, the symptoms intensify, until in the late stages the patient's skin is bright red and too hot to touch and the patient's breath instantly wilts plants and inflicts chemical burns. Finally, the patient's body temperature reaches a critical point, and the patient spontaneously combusts. It is believed by historians that the historical accounts from Pentex Lannogaster of Selesteines "becoming as Sels" are actually ancient cases of terminal jalapeñosis being interpreted through the lens of the Selesteine myth in which the hero Sels eats a sun. Rudimentary understanding of this phenomenon must have existed before the Grim Weepers' reassignment in 971, because one of the eighth-century Hierarchs of the Fractured Cities invited a terminal case to a bloodmoot to stand next to a box of fireworks.

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The exact etiology of jalapeñosis is unknown, since the Grim Weepers are reluctant to publicize their secret recipes. An exception was made for Professor Hazard McKinley, who spent six months doing botanical studies in Selestei before submitting a confidential report to the King. McKinley is under a non-disclosure agreement with respect to the contents of the report, though he has revealed that the Mad King had made some changes to the recipes that were now being reevaluated. Some biologists outside of Selestei have attempted research projects into the possible active ingredients, which have generally run aground on the utter madness that is Selesteine cuisine. Their beer is more massive by volume than concrete, and some of their condiments are also used in industrial manufacturing. It is an enduring mystery how the Selesteines are even alive, but it does give some perspective on jalapeñosis, since apparently becoming a toxic walking firebomb isn't considered a negative health outcome. It's definitely a negative janitorial outcome, because the last time a Grim Weeper was at the Disputatious Assembly, his feet burned holes in the carpet when he stood still for too long, and it was a royal pain in the ass to clean up after.

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Spheven Kain

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Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement

Following the invention of the dark degrees in the mid-ninth century, there was considerable tension between regular academia and dark academia. This was understandable, as the dark degrees were institutional brands of shame, and some universities even began exiling their dark academics to the south pole. Despite their professional disgrace, however, the work of dark academics was still recognized, implicitly or off the record, as containing some insights of worth, and thus a limited amount of interdisciplinary work was done between the burgeoning dark disciplines and regular academia. This work was stymied by several incidents where dark academics attempted to use the collaboration to taint the reputations of their peers.

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In order to safeguard the extraction of value from the work of dark academia and protect regular academics from their erstwhile colleagues, several universities formed the Council for Interdisciplinary Collaboration in 856, which mediated interactions with dark academics in order to prevent them from taking down regular academics out of spite. This continued until 891, when the Vulterbase could not be brought to heel in the wake of the Goats on Boats Affair. Over the next few decades, the Council requested, and was approved for, an increasing amount of military power in order to bring the Vulterbase rebels to justice. By 931, the Council had become a globally-ranked military power and rebranded itself as the Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement, aka JUSTICE. Turns out that your army has a nice tech advantage if it's literally made of the people who do military tech research.

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In addition to power creep, the scope of the former Council's duties has also expanded beyond their original duties of keeping Pentads in line. JUSTICE also works security at research conventions, provides military defense to universities when necessary, and hunts down rogue academics who need to be eliminated. To date, very few academics have escaped their fury once roused. Sadly, as an international and interinstitutional body, they are vulnerable to bureaucracy, which is why they have yet to get permission to enter the campus of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns to capture our own Spheven Kain. I keep giving them tips on him, but it seems he never leaves the building, so they can't grappling-hook him off the neutral ground. I'm hoping he'll slip up one of these days. If they finally get him because of me, I'll score a lot of points with them, which I need because they aren't exactly fans of my work. I guess I'm not making a lot of friends by writing papers in defense of oppressive autocrats, but what else am I supposed to use tenure for? Writing about the same "unpopular" topics everyone else is writing about to show off how progressive and daring they are? Bullshit. If tenure isn't the only thing between you and a JUSTICE tribunal, you're wasting your career.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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The suits over at JUSTICE "aren't exactly fans of [Rubric's] work" because the last time someone put her ideas into practice, every university in the country was emptied and replaced with propaganda offices. Why hasn't JUSTICE been after her for years already? Sure, she lives and works in Kingsland, so it's understandable why nobody wants to go after her there. But she commutes to the DAS campus for Butterfly Effect Advisory meetings, doesn't she? How many countries does she have to indirectly destroy before someone wises up and puts her on a wanted list?

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Well, I'm not just going to sit around and wait for it. You should really invest in a better lock for that secret drawer in your desk, Cincinatta. I've read your notes about having the Taurus capture the Zeitgeist Manipulator from orbit so you can reprogram it to make everyone agree with your ideas. Real clever, how you plan to circumvent the psychological barriers to stopping it that the Manipulator creates. Not so clever leaving the plan where I could find it. I wonder what JUSTICE will think of your little conspiracy when I fax it to them?

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Spheven Kain

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Good luck faxing Kingsland-made paper! Even if they manage to subdue the horrifying, betantacled monstrosity that comes out on their end, they won't be able to read any of the writing through the eldritch sigils that appear all over it. Don't worry, I'll let them know you were the one who sent it. Maybe that'll teach you not to eat my goddamn caramel corn at night.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Joran Lake

Joran Lake is the only known bottomless lake. Created by the architect Hans Flugelsson on accident, it is located in the middle of the Careless Continent where the nation of Joran was briefly established before it was replaced by a lake. When Joran was founded, its leader, Chief Sergoblant, appointed Flugelsson as the new state's official architect. His first order was to find a way to irrigate the desert land they ruled so that they would have the supplies to raid their neighbors for better food. Flugelsson came up with many designs, but he finally settled on a national engineering project to raise the water table closer to the surface. Nobody is quite sure what process he set in motion, but in AES 845, instead of the water table rising to meet Joran, Joran sank to meet the water table and never stopped. The only reason Flugelsson is considered the first imagineer and not the first thanatologist is the curious Joranite custom of wearing life preservers even in the middle of a landlocked desert. Flugelsson disappears from the historic record after this.

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Given that nobody really bothers to try and sort out the history of Careless, we don't know who first populated Joran Lake with fish. But by AES 875, adventurers who dared to explore Careless reported that Joran was well-known not only as a watering hole, but also as a source of delicious fish, and had thus become a warzone. This was to the great consternation of the Joranites, who had stayed on their "land" by building houseboats. Most of what we know about the Joran biome comes from the expedition notes of a Selesteine special ops team that fought its way to the lake in 912 after a rumor made it to Selestei that the fish got bigger and meaner the further down you went into the bottomless depths. These rumors were somewhat substantiated, as the Selesteine expedition reported that the hole got bigger as one went down far enough, and that the fauna were larger once the light started to fade. Sadly, further investigation of this is currently impossible, as Joran Lake became infested with Ravenous Squid-Trees following the completion of the Yggdrasil Project in 939.

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Despite its distance, Flandre nevertheless has several National Response Protocol BX designations for things emerging from Joran Lake that pose an existential threat, many of which dictate similar responses as those specified, and recently demonstrated to great effect, by NRP BX-392a.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Klaus Santanna

Klaus Santanna is one of the dreadful spawn of Kingsland, and one of the few phenomena of our city to turn its sights beyond the city limits. In the last century, it has risen to international attention as the sovereign of the Compass Republic, which it rules from its throne in Bipolaris. The true extent of Santanna's power is unknown, but it is sufficient to maintain the order of the Republic without having a legal code. It can mind control people it's touched and seems to possess some form of clairvoyance, allowing it to see anything that goes on in its realm. Despite its unnatural vigor and vitality and its ability to levitate without any visible means, Santanna rarely moves from its throne and conducts most business through proxies. It is represented in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns by a mechanical doll, which the Secretary throws out every month for exceeding the permissible duration of proxy representation. Because of its reclusiveness, rumors abound as to its true, terrifying appearance. Those who know are few, and they cannot be trusted.

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These days, the Compass Republic is a big name on the international stage for the global scale of its manufacturing. Soap, folding chairs, kitchenware, all sorts of miscellanea and knickknacks — you probably have some Compass goods in your house right now. The stirring sticks in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room are Compass-produced, which is why I bring my own stick from home. Look, I know we Kingslanders are a sorry lot when it comes to avoiding terrible things, even though most of the time there's no choice we can make that doesn't end up terribly. But my grandparents say that we breathed a godsdamned sigh of relief when Klaus Santanna left town. Its cult even thought the Tesseraction was upon us, grabbed their weapons, and marched into a dark alleyway, which really tied up a lot of loose ends. 'course, then we started hearing things about what Santanna was up to in the Compass Republic, and then it became the bloody sovereign. At least it's menacing far away from us, so we can focus on all the menacing things closer to home.

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Still, there's one Kingslander who isn't happy with Santanna being only that far away. I wish Jango Gunnerson all the best in his quest to find the Ultimate Dragonopolis, which is probably one of the only things that could stop Santanna if it began taking a more active interest in global politics.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Legend of the Three Trees

The Legend of the Three Trees is a Flandrean hit piece from the turn of the century, written in the style of a myth from the Book of Schemes. In a conceit common to that time, it was published under an editor's note claiming the text to be much older and recently uncovered by its author, who remains anonymous. Reproduced below is the full text of Arkbridge's translation in the third disambiguation.

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A Selesteine, an Ulgravian, and a Flandrean walked into an open clearing. "Come, let us show which of us is the mightier people," suggested the Selesteine. "We shall each plant a tree and lash our banner to it. The one whose banner is nearest to the heavens shall be called the mightiest, for the mightiest reach to the heavens to grasp the stars in their fingers."

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"Surely not," said the Ulgravian. "Let us each plant a tree, and the one whose banner casts the furthest shadow shall be called the mightiest, for might is not to be found in mere ascension but in ranging across the surface of the world."

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"I shall agree to either challenge," said the Flandrean, "as long as the rules disqualify those whose trees are eliminated. But I should point out that both challenges are mathematically equivalent." So each planted a tree and tied a colored flag to the top to distinguish them.

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When the trees had grown, the three botanists reconvened in the clearing. The tree to the east, unnaturally thick, had fallen over under its own weight. The tree to the west, thin and sickly, looked as if it were about to fall over. Yet the tree to the north was healthy and strong, and it stood above the others. Because it was noon and the sun was bright, each squinted to see the banners flying high atop the trees.

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"I see my banner atop the northern tree," claimed the Selesteine. "The Ulgravian tree has no roots, and it has withered. The Flandrean tree has grown thick with schemes, and it has collapsed under the weight of them. The Selesteine tree stands tall and unbowed."

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"You have stared too long into the sun, you madman. It is mine atop the northern tree," claimed the Ulgravian. "The Flandrean tree is the one withered and sickly, for it was too cautious of the ground to lay roots. The Selesteine tree has grown too thick, for it thought that was strength. The Ulgravian banner blows high and free."

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"You are both fools," concluded the Flandrean. "The Selesteine has identified the Ulgravian tree, and the Ulgravian has identified the Selesteine tree. But lo, the northern tree is the Flandrean tree. I have carved the proof into its trunk every year, so that none could question. Approach it and behold." And so the Selesteine and the Ulgravian approached the northern tree, tripped the tripwire attached to the western tree, and were crushed as it fell over on them.

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If there's one thing I like about Flandre, it's their good taste in vengeance.

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Spheven Kain

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Lepazzia

There are so many wonderful places in this world, and I rejoice that this report gives us cause to speak of many of them. In this section we will focus on the nation of Lepazzia, which is as beautiful as it is misunderstood by outsiders.

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Most known to foreigners is the Lepazzian custom of being agreeable past the point of sanity. But this is an incomplete simplification. It is true that in Lepazzian culture, disagreement is unconscionable and violence is beyond barbaric. But when we caricature Lepazzians as being wholy unaggressive, we overlook their long and vicious history of passive-aggression. Within a family, for example, children might negotiate their sibling rivalries through indirect means, breaking each other's possessions or manipulating their parents into favoring one or the other child. At the national level, the techniques employed can be truly harrowing. One recalls the tension of the Eight Days' War, in which five nations simultaneously declared war on Lepazzia before withdrawing it eight days later upon finding flowers in the bedrooms of every major government official.

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In the Assembly, Lepazzia has an international reputation for always voting in favor, regardless of the bill or motion put to the floor. This, too, is an artifact of Lepazzian culture which is often misunderstood. The Lepazzian Senate votes unanimously in favor of whatever is put to the Senate floor. However, before any motion is put forward, there are days of politicking and maneuvering to determine what should happen. Lepazzian Senators find themselves confronted with aggrieved notes on their seats, unpleasant rumors, and personal attacks in the newspapers. You will find no one so hardened against human pettiness than a Lepazzian politician, and yet a few reliably commit suicide every year. In any case the Sovereign of Lepazzia does little with his votes—and, it must be said, looks vaguely horrified every time someone votes against a measure—but you can be sure that behind the scenes, he has brutally crushed the self esteem of multiple Sovereigns. I myself once heard the Sovereign of Incendia break down in tears after a particularly belittling conference, although to be fair he does that all the time, the poor dear.

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With regard to the Disarrangement Act, I heartily encourage the Assembly to consider that Lepazzia's new neighbors will be subject to unimaginable psychological torment, and that we could see the emergence of trauma at a cultural level. This will make selecting suitably hardy countries difficult. It is not accidental, remember, that Ulgrav disposed of all of its land after a mere three hundred years on the Lepazzian border.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Lepazzia keeps something of a low profile in the international community, but it's important to remember their ostensible neutrality doesn't translate to a neutral impact on global politics. For example, if the Lepazzian Sovereign had truly wanted to agree with the other Sovereigns, he would have also abstained on the I'll Legislate It Act instead of voting in favor. And the Massively Parallel Peace Conference illustrates, perhaps a little more clearly, that Lepazzia has it out for all of us. It might be wise to look past the cultural differences between us and realize that they probably consider themselves, in their own way, to be at war with everyone else.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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In a way, we have Lepazzia to thank for inspiring the Disarrangement Act. When their cultural passive-aggression had reached new heights in the fourth century, they literally drew a line in the sand and dug a massive trench around their entire country to make a point to their neighbors on the Careless Continent. While most geologists are confused as to how merely digging a trench could result, as it did, in Lepazzia drifting off into the ocean, in my opinion as a sociophysicist, this is no mystery at all. Lepazzian culture is nothing if not one that keeps others at arms' length. The Lepazzian Split was simply the physical manifestation of the social phenomenon in accordance with the principles of sociophysics.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Mad King Westler

There is no greater tragedy than being the right person in the right place at the wrong time. So it was for King Westler of Selestei, a kind and gentle soul who unfortunately became the heir to the Selesteine throne. He spent his childhood appreciating nature instead of fighting it and wrote poetry about the loveliness of things instead of their weak points and arm strength. This made him something of a pariah, but the royal family made no attempts to remove him from the succession, hoping that the mantle of kingship would shape him into a proper Selesteine. Fatefully, when he eventually was coronated in 817, this did not occur.

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King Westler's foreign policy was uncharacteristically timid for a Selesteine monarch. When his mother, Queen Titania the Immovable, had ruled, she had sponsored Disputatious Assembly dinner parties for the express purpose of drinking the other sovereigns under the table and laughing at them. Westler, on the other hand, shrunk from public appearances and the pressure of international politics. Because of this, Selesteine psychologists began to murmur among themselves that he was off his rocker, unthinkable as it was to the Selesteines that their king should be such a wimp. This made him a prime target for the Lepazzian sovereign, who had flowers delivered to him weekly by the Esoteric Order of Florists in progressively more unnerving places. When the nerve-wracked king woke up one morning coughing up petals, he finally snapped and went completely off the deep end.

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In 830, the final year of his reign, the Mad King was well and truly mad. He launched into a flurry of activity, outlawing and legalizing things at random until he had created a legislative mess unequaled until the Don't Think I Won't Act over a century later. He declared war and made peace weekly, all while breaking and renegotiating nonsensical treaties, often with countries he was at war with, and occasionally declaring war in the treaty. He hired a team of Flandrean propagandists to obfuscate anything and everything he was doing, then hired a team of Lepazzian propagandists to confound the Flandrean propaganda. The Mad King's reign finally ended when he kidnapped several Shastrian machinists and forced them to build him a giant robotic exoskeleton. When it was completed, he declared war on the ocean, boarded the exoskeleton, and jumped into the depths. After this, the Selesteines took a day off to have a drink and recover from the year, then rolled their law and foreign policy back to Queen Titania's.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Mad legal practice

As my esteemed colleague Dr. Christophy would no doubt identify, there are overwhelming parallels between the development of the field of physics and that of more social-facing fields, such as law. Before the days of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, civilization's best shot at physics was knowing that rocks fall back down after you catapult them. Likewise, "law" was doing whatever the king said.

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We can follow this trend up to the present day: as civilization developed, the haphazard, ad hoc systems of ancient history were replaced with one regulated by rules and independently verifiable procedure. This paradigm defined the core of legal practice as we know it today.

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However, physics encountered a conceptual revolution with the development of quantum mechanics and the grudging acceptance that the old rules might not apply consistently. So, too, has the practice of law undergone a conceptual revolution—one resulting in the field of practice colloquially known as mad law.

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The original mad lawyer is widely considered to be Kelsi Hanover, whose Shastrian legal practice had fallen on a run of difficult cases at the time. The final straw was a 894 case in which she had to defend a client who had committed a crime while remote-controlled by future Sovereign Klaus Santanna. This matter dragged the trial into convoluted matters of international law and extradition, further worsened by the fact that the crime was not illegal in the Compass Republic, where Santanna had been at the time of the event. Hanover motioned for a fifteen-day "epiphany recess," which is a common Shastrian practice in cases where one or more participants in a trial receive sudden, urgent inspiration for a brilliant idea. At the end of the recess, Hanover returned with a modal legal framework that applied sections of various laws conditionally and/or hypothetically, allowing the trial to proceed across multiple counterfactuals simultaneously.

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(The judge is said to have commented "This is the maddest thing I've ever seen" before acquitting her defendant, thus explaining the name, but that statement is widely considered by scholars to be apocryphal.)

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The fundamental insight behind mad law is an essentially memetosociological one—laws do not merely exist and thereby shape society; they must also be enforced and applied to any given circumstance. Consequently, it is necessary to select which laws must apply if you wish them applied; conversely, if you wish no laws applied, all you have to do is fail to apply them. In his journals, St. Stafford wrote that such thinking to him was indispensable in forming his early approach to problems like his adaptation of the rules of horseball or the construction of the Zeitgeist Manipulator.

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The practice of mad law has seen greater acceptance in the modern day, but it faces opposition from more traditional lawyers, as well as the Hegemony of Whales, which maintains the whole endeavor is a Flandrean plot.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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A connection I would emphasize between the development of quantum mechanics and the invention of mad law is that mad law predates quantum theory. As a sociophysicist, I can't help but see a causal connection here. Would it be so far beyond the pale to suggest that quantum mechanics was not developed before mad law because quantum systems did not exist before mad law? Would it be that crazy to suggest that the indeterminacy of the laws of humanity is what gave rise to the indeterminacy of the laws of nature?

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Dr. Rubric is telling me that it would be, and she's brandishing her mug rather menacingly, so I must conclude that this requires more thought at another time.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Marionette children

The fisher crow (Corvus bastardus), also known as the bastard crow, the marionette crow, or metonymically as a marionette child, is a curious scavenger corvid native to the Razor Valley region of Shaster and Selestei. Fisher crows are distinguished by their long and lean bodies, but most especially by the extremely thin, prehensile tendrils that trail from their claws. These tendrils are capable of cutting through flesh with ease. Unexpectedly for something that isn't from Barcu, however, fisher crows usually refrain from using their tendrils to hunt prey directly, and instead prefer the much more horrifying method of using them to control child-size marionette puppets. The popular sobriquet "marionette children" was first used to refer to these puppets, but these days it is often used to refer to the fisher crows themselves.

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Fisher crows are omnivorous, eating fruits, nuts, insects, other birds, and carrion. They will not hesitate to prey on live animals, even larger livestock or the occasional human. When they attack live prey much larger than themselves, they approach from above, seize it with their marionette, and then carry it off into the sky. Some research was once attempted into how it is that fisher crows can lift large prey when they appear to have no more lifting power than other birds, but this was done by having volunteers bait fisher crows into carrying them off, which resulted in a cancelled research program and a complimentary thanatology degree. It is no longer considered an open research question.

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An international incident was precipitated in AES 967 when it was discovered that The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski had colonized a fisher crow. The Assembly immediately began disputing whether the more pressing issue was that the Republic has developed the capability to infect across species or that it had now had the use of a marionette child. In the confusion, Vigotski himself slipped away, prompting the Assembly to order the Taurus Research Station to be turned planetside for the first time, ostensibly for observation. Vigotski was caught in the parking lot and returned to the Assembly, where the assembled sovereigns ordered the Republic to turn over the infected bird for termination. The Republic, rather too easily, complied. Since the crow was technically a citizen of the Contagious Republic, the extradition paperwork took a week to get straight, at which point it was summarily executed and the corpse burned. Ever since then, there seem to be an awful lot of crows in the trees around the Assembly building.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Massively Parallel Peace Conference

I swear, I don't know why they let the fuckers at the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns make any decisions at all. Like, any entropologist will tell you that things get shittier over time, but they didn't need to fuck things up this badly.

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So, 940 was when all this shit started going downhill. Selestei and the germs were at war, Flandre and the whales were at it, half the Careless Continent was at war with other countries and the other half were at war with themselves—basically it was the most war we've had since the War of Durun's Ass, except this time the little twerps couldn't even muster the self-awareness to form teams first.

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So along comes fucking Lepazzia and tells everyone they're showing up to a peace conference. And of course everyone comes, because Lepazzia doesn't really throw its weight around but holy shit do you not want to get on their bad side. So everyone shows up and the Lepazzian Sovereign Assface Bumblefuck—okay, not actually his name, but it might as well be—Bumblefuck gives this speech about everyone's going to make nice so they can feel good. And this lot is all politicians, they might have developmentally disabled squirrels for brains but they can read between the lines when someone's threatening them, so they all hurry into their assigned rooms and sign the quickest, dirtiest treaties they can.

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So, like, think about that. Peace treaties are supposed to shape the conduct of the nations involved, right? And if two nations are at war, then those nations probably have some fucking issues, right? After all, only an inbred cretin would think that nations go to war for no fucking reason, right? So given all that, if the original issues still exist, and you still make those nations sign a shitty peace treaty, then what the fuck do you think happens next?

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I fucking swear, you can trace every political catastrophe in the last fifty years to this disaster of a conference. The first problem, obviously, is that this is peak Lepazzia here. Like, passive-aggressively threatening people with passive-aggression to force them to self-sabotage? I don't know why we didn't bomb the fuckers into radioactive shrapnel three centuries ago. Fucking cowardly Sovereign.

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Anyways, second problem once the first half of the Careless Continent stopped fighting each other, they all had civil wars, and once the other half finished their civil wars they started fighting each other. Flandre and the Hegemony are in cold war still, and that's basically the main reason we have to deal with this Disarrangement Act bullshit in the first place. The only decent peace that came out of this is that Selestei and the Contagious Republic aren't at war, and that wasn't even a proper war in the first place! Like, fuck, it was some twit sneezing on doorknobs because he refused to take his medicine! How is that a war, you fuckers? Get over here, I'll show you you some fucking war.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Metafishics

The world is full of so many enchanting mysteries. What are the meanings of the Extrepki's Three Final Riddles? + How were the Great Genitalia of Hazam constructed, and who would order such a thing built? Is the Chorus Perpetual truly keeping the planet in its orbit if the planet existed before the whales did?

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One such mystery is a deceptively simple question: why are there fish? Or more precisely, why are there such fish, rather than others that could have been? One is tempted to approach the problem abstractly, or even as a metaphor for life, but the researchers of metafishics would reject that approach. Indeed, there seem to be many interesting fish-specific avenues of exploration to be found here.

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Consider the case of Joran Lake. 150 years ago it was a desert; then it became a lake, and then twenty years later it was suddenly full of fish. Another twenty-five after that and we have reports of Selesteine braves fighting sea monsters in its deeps. Perhaps the expanding lake encountered some subterranean cavern, but metafishicians have performed experiments with goldfish and believe some kind of fish-specific generative principle is at work.

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The most well-known of these experiments is likely the Generational Aquadome, run by the Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski. It is a massive, artificial aquatic environment divided into two sections. Both sections received a healthy population of goldfish in AES 940, then one section was hidden from human observation. Metafishicians watched the visible goldfish population remain more or less the same until they switched which section was visible in AES 965. Doing so revealed a chthonic nightmare of horrific tentacled predation. This new population was studied for another 25 years—during which time several adjunct professors lost their lives when they got too close—until the other section was revealed also to have monstrously evolved.

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The results of this and other experiments are summarized in Grantham's Law, which states that aquatic evolution proceeds with increasing speed and frightfulness proportional to time spent without human observation. Given the specificity of the affected population (e.g. the prairie dogs of Nosser had hundreds of years to evolve away from humans but did not become monsters and wipe out the Careless Continent) and the observation-dependent nature of its rules, many metafishicians suspect that Barcu is somehow to blame. Others point to Razor Valley as a possible terrestrial example of Grantham's Law. In any case, nearly all metafishicians are in agreement that a lack of "attention pollution" in the oceans will lead to the evolution of some hideous apocalyptic monster that will kill us all—which makes the stretches of ocean rendered impassable by Ravenous Squid-Trees problematic. I urge your consciousness of this in considering the Disarrangement Act.

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Finally, some metafishicians suspect the existence of the Hegemony of Whales may have something to do with Grantham's Law. It must be said, however, that they are all Flandreans, and their arguments rely on speciesist assumptions that intelligent whales are a horrifying thing.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Missing Sea

The Missing Sea is — or rather, isn't, in a sense — a gulf on the western coast of Iurezza. Ever since its disappearance — or rather, appearance, in a sense — in the year AES 25, it has defied any and all explanation as to why all of the ocean off the coast of Kingsland is just not there. For most scholars, after nearly a millennium of study, the consensus is that it has something to do with antiweather and that prying further is asking for trouble. Trying to investigate too deeply into anything in the vicinity of Kingsland is usually a fast-track ticket to being spoken of in the past tense, and the usual madness of Barcu extends into the Missing Sea as well.

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This, of course, is no obstacle to the crackpots and pentads on the fringes of the academy. The prominent imagineer, Vexis Harsir, has made a great deal of the fixed-point cube that has been slowly scarring a line across the ocean floor of the Missing Sea. This, in turn, has been vehemently opposed by the dysthetician Johannes Chezmen, whose pet theory explains both the Missing Sea and qualified spontaneous evaporation in terms of partial differential equations that define planar slices through the possibility space of divine assemblies.

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The exact reasoning involved in this debate is worthy of the attention of the regular academy. On Harsir's account, the cubes are not descriptive fixed points, but rather prescriptive fixed points. The Missing Sea, then, exists because the cube has an "internal land-sea configuration pattern" that does not match the elevation of the Iurezzan tectonic place, leading to the cube defining a land boundary below sea level. Chezmen's theory, which would take an article unto itself to explain, seeks to one-up Harsir's theory by making the cubes explananda rather than the explanans of the Missing Sea. Fixed-point cubes are too geometrical, he argues, to account for the organic shape of the edge of the Sea where the water abruptly stops. Moreover, the Missing Sea cannot simply be a division between land and water mediated by a continental land-sea regulator, because aquatic animals, despite the complete absence of water, are still able to swim through the Missing Sea. This phenomenon, Chezmen insists, can only be due to divine intervention; hence the differential equations. The literature on both sides is quite deep, and a review of it may break some new ground on the topic in the regular academy.

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Neither Harsir nor Chezmen, for some reason, make any reference to Zor Olo in their theories, which is a major weakness given the moon's place in the genesis of the Missing Sea. Chezmen makes an offhand reference to divine assemblies targeted at heavenly bodies during a discussion of Selesteine mythology, which some of his peers have taken to imply that the divine assemblies picked out by the equations of the Missing Sea are those targeted to Zor Olo. Chezmen has yet to respond to this through anything other than interpretive dance.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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National Academy of Velskyavo

In my many years as a professor, I've seen students who receive a failing grade and react like they've been sentenced to death. It makes me wonder how those reactions compare to those of the victims of the National Academy of Velskyavo, where a failing grade is literally a death sentence.

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The scholars of the National Academy of Velskayavo are, I confess, a rather ruthless breed. Their all-encompassing educational system (more on that in a moment) allows only the top thirty percent of a class to matriculate, while the bottom twenty percent are demoted. Not all of those demoted will actually make it to the lower class, of course, as many of them will be executed. Such high stakes on their academic outcomes mean that competition among students can become literally cutthroat at times. I have occasionally found it necessary at international research conferences to gently remind visiting Velskyavan professors that they are not permitted to assassinate fellow conference-goers to claim their presentation slots. As you can imagine, given such a culture, it is no surprise that the National Academy of Velskyavo boasts the second-highest proportion of Pentad academics in the world—the highest, of course, being the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection.

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The Academy's culture has greatly influenced the larger culture of Velskyavo, due in large part to their sinister, scheming Department of Education suborning every other branch of government decades ago. As the years passed, the Education Secretary (who is also Sovereign of Velskyavo) began working academic structures into every facet of society, to the point where every citizen on record has some form of research-related trauma and studying consumes 800 billion of the nation's man-hours each year. The unification of the Education Department and the Justice Department allows courts to assign grades instead of sentences, with the worst grades being reserved to knock criminals out of their current class status.

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Though the costs might be high, the effects have been impressive. Decades of selection pressures have raised the country's education attainment above that of any other country in history, to say nothing of the achievements of their graduates. There is some controversy over whether to include Marvin Fitch among this number, as on the one hand, they awarded him degrees in both Thanatology and Imagineering, but on the other hand, so did everyone else. The Academy also likely has failed to publish numerous groundbreaking studies of 🔇, judging by the way tuition seems to keep increasing but no one can say where the money is going.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Omega Point Coffee Secretor

The Omega Point Coffee Secretor is the bane of my existence. Its hulking, industrial carapace takes up a full half of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room. On Tuesdays, it emits a constant hum that resonates with all of the silverware, making the conference room next to the break room impossible to do any work in on account of the clattering. The user interface is badly designed, and half of the buttons "accidentally" trip safety overrides, making the machine capable of causing serious injury to its operator. A non-negligible percent of the time, it turns the cup into coffee instead of filling it. There's no place to remove the used coffee grounds, but it never runs out of room no matter how much more we keep adding, and some of the Committee members are starting to worry about where it's all going. And yet, it makes the best damn coffee you ever tasted. It's infuriating.

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Say what you will about the alleged professor, and I certainly do, but he was one clever sonnuvabitch. The OPCS is a technological marvel capable of dispensing coffee to any point within a hundred feet through what IT tells us is a wormhole similar to the one created by a Grimer Primer. Having warp technology in the break room has been deemed a major workplace safety violation, but none of the office supervisors have been able to get its removal approved, because it's on record as being the property of Placeholden, and moving it would require getting the sovereign thereof to sign off on the move. Not that getting the signature would help; the uninstall manual has 🔇 in it.

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The Secretor makes some non-coffee beverages, too, but its performance is less consistent doing them. When I figured out where the cream soda menu was, instead of filling the cup I had put into the cup receptacle, it filled all of the cups in the cupboards, then added cream to Gwen's coffee in the next room. While it is technically capable of making hot chocolate, it seems to only recognize toilet bowls as valid containers for it. The Secretary loves hot chocolate, so eventually she just started bringing a toilet-shaped novelty mug when she comes by for meetings. Some of the dysfunctions are fairly useful for other purposes, as well: the steamed milk options actually launch seek-and-destroy missiles, which came in handy the one time Cincinatta let a marionette child into the Committee wing of the building.

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Spheven Kain

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+ +

Sadly, though the Omega Point Coffee Secretor seems to be able to do anything, the terrible user interface has so far stymied Kain's efforts to find out how to have it make him a shower — or so I assume is the reason he smells like he sleeps in the janitorial closet.

+

Wait, wasn't he fired? Why do I keep seeing him in the office?

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+
+

Cincinatta, why did you let that fisher crow into the building?

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

+
+

I didn't let it in. It had a valid ID card. I just held the door open for it because its hands were full. But sure, I'm the villain here for being polite to a coworker, and not the people who shot it down with surface-to-air missiles. Take a diversity seminar or something, you bigots.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Rubric, he smells like he sleeps in the janitorial closet because he fucking sleeps in the janitorial closet. He basically admitted as much in his article on Gorson. AND he keeps taking my favorite couch.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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+ +

I'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding, my friends. I was also concerned about Mr. Kain showing up in the break room from time to time, but he assured me that he's just clearing his things out and he'll be done any day now. Besides, he is the janitor, you know. He told me there's a lot of paperwork involved, which is why he's on our computers all the time. I'm sure we can allow it out of respect for a former colleague.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+
+

Awful lot of my favorite snacks missing from the break room cupboards every night for a night janitor who's "just clearing his things out". If he needs some wheels greased to finish the job, I'd be happy to oblige. As in, I just found the Secretor's grease menu, and it's got all sorts of grease in it. Wheel grease, elbow grease, you name it, it greases it. Honestly, I just want to see if this grease menu works. Anyone have a squeaky chair and/or deep fryer?

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+
+

oh fuck she let in another one

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how the hell did it fit through that vent

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oh fuck she greased it

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Spheven Kain

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Ominous_fixed-point_cubes.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Ominous_fixed-point_cubes.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ea049d2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Ominous_fixed-point_cubes.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Ominous fixed-point cubes | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Ominous fixed-point cubes

The ominous fixed-point cubes are strange, cubical, black solids located at precise coordinates with respect to the center of the planet. They are utterly immovable, hovering in the air whenever the land falls out from under them. They rotate with the planet, though over the centuries they have been found not to track the tectonic plates, resulting in an apparent movement of the cubes at the rate of continental drift. This occasionally causes trouble for long-term human structures near a fixed-point cube. The historic cathedral in the Shastrian mountain town of Coilon has to be moved before the end of the century, as it was built underneath a massive cube that has been slowly descending to ground level as plate buckling raises the town's elevation. Similarly, the city of San-Seintil in Ouril was abandoned in the eighth century when a cube surfaced through the foundation of the nearby dam, flooding it. Seemingly innocuous cubes can pose trouble, too. While the larger ones are easily visible, smaller ones at higher altitudes have been known to take out inattentive airplanes, and the Taurus Research Station has had several narrow misses with featureless black cubes nearly tearing holes straight through the station.

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Nobody knows where the cubes come from. Some are sheer and blank, while others have minute geometrical patterns inscribed on their faces. Until around a century ago, despite the ramblings of penny dreadfuls, it was thought that the cubes just were, and had no more purpose to them than any other feature of the landscape. This assumption was challenged by the illustrious Dr. Stafford, who scribed a formula that could be solved for the locations of every fixed-point cube on the planet. As usual, nobody really knows what the formula means or how he came up with it, but it is accurate for all known cubes and has successfully predicted the locations of cubes then undiscovered. Stafford's brilliant formula put to rest one centuries-old fear: that there might be a large fixed-point cube in Zor Olo's orbit, and that when Zor Olo crashes into it, whatever is inside of it will be freed. It did this at the cost of replacing it with a new fear, that of a predicted cube larger than the planet itself and a vast astronomical distance. I'm told it already has a cult in Kingsland.

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The cubes' complete and total immovability has made them a metaphor throughout the ages for those facets of life which must be accepted as they are and cannot be changed. Ever since civilization figured out that continental drift makes them "move" slowly across the surface, they've also become harbingers of the inevitable. This makes it easy to, say, put a fake cube on the good couch in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee break room to keep certain unnamed individuals from sleeping on it.

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Spheven Kain

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Pantheons_of_Kingsland.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Pantheons_of_Kingsland.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8cd2139 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Pantheons_of_Kingsland.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Pantheons of Kingsland | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Pantheons of Kingsland

You can learn a lot about a people from what they think their legends say about them. When it comes to Kingslanders, however, that rule doesn't hold true, mostly because their legends have an unfortunate tendency to slither through the walls at irregular intervals and eat them. This makes them an interesting edge case for memetosociologists, who use the religious constructs of Kingsland as sort of a control group with which to evaluate the beliefs of other cultures.

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It is unclear to what extent Kingslander religious beliefs affect the larger questions about whether a god or gods exist, for it is a matter of documented record that Kingsland is home to many paranatural entities not found anywhere else in the world, and the alleged deities worshipped by the Kingslanders might just be bigger fish in the same pond—a sort of supernatural protection racket, if you will. Certainly some of the cultic deities—Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson, for example—seem to fit this theory. But for others, such as Silentus or the Conjoined Abominations, it's ambiguous whether there is some external power that explains the phenomena associated with it, or whether these are just ad hoc explanations of naturally-occurring events.

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The cults of Kingsland inhabit an ever-shifting political landscape, both because of constant intrigue between different cults, and because parts of Kingsland sometimes move around for no discernible reason. It is said that the cults can't offer an embrace of friendship without plunging a sacrificial dagger into your back (compare to the similar proverb about the Fractured Cities, which holds that every Hierarch's handshake is laced with contact poison). A given cult might not recognize another cult's deity as legitimate for political reasons. This means Kingsland properly has multiple pantheons, each comprising the deities of a group of allied cults.

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Cultic worship in Kingsland is heavily based on sacrifice and exhortations to the deity to please, please stay the hell away. Some cults, like the Order of the Ebon Serpent, find their rituals entirely ineffective, often resulting in spillover into other countries when a divine rampage fails to recognize national borders. Other cults find they might as well not have bothered. Consider the case of Qoph, the Kingslandian cultic deity of inscrutability and becoming a hollow shell of yourself. Although Qoph's worshippers spoke of a terrible fate should his worship ever cease, the cult died out in AES 722 after a critical mass of cultists became too depressed to attend services, and so far nothing has happened. Society has progressed, the economy has industrialized, and every measurable statistic of well-being has increased. Which I suppose only goes to show that you can't take the word of crazed cultists at face value.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Pentex_Lannogaster.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Pentex_Lannogaster.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..13b86c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Pentex_Lannogaster.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Pentex Lannogaster | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Pentex Lannogaster

The most compelling thing about Pentex Lannogaster is that he is immortal. Not literally immortal, you understand—Selesteine records put his death in AES 698 during a particularly brutal engagement with a giant sea lizard—but there are so many tales of his heroic deeds that he stands next to Sels in the national mythology of Selestei. For some academics, this has given him something of a reputation for telling tall tales, as many of those myths come directly out of his scholarly work. These academics are clearly not memetosociologists, and are therefore completely missing the point. Of course the stories are not true. Lannogaster himself would surely agree, if doing so wouldn't diminish the impact of the stories. The point of his stories is that they illustrate key facets of Selesteine culture through the character that Lannogaster created for himself.

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Take, for example, the story where Lannogaster led his company of Grim Weepers on a bloody rampage through the Fractured Cities with kegs of heavybeer serving as their sole weapons, fortifications, and sustenance. It is unlikely that events traspired exactly as Lannogaster depicted them—although archeological findings from the War of Durun's Ass have uncovered keg marks on the ruins of the old gates. More likely the Grim Weepers used a heavybeer keg as a battering ram and Lannogaster used that moment to characterize the whole military campaign. In doing so, he highlights Selesteine hardiness, the simplicity of their life, and the Selesteines' peculiar inventiveness when it comes to improvised weapons.

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The Lannogastrian approach to history passed on to his disciples, who immortalized his death in the epic poem Pentex Skullcracker versus the Gigora the Terrible Sea Lizard. The poem describes him taking such impossible feats as leaping up buildings to get a better shot at the monster's face or, in my favorite passage of the poem, dying midway through the poem only to beat up Death and return to the fight. Such an attitude has its downsides, however: the international scholarly community tends to dismiss Selesteine historians, and Selesteine politicians have gotten into trouble before because they had been taught a version of events that was not reflected anywhere outside of Selesteine history textbooks. But such incidents usually just result in good-natured brawls, and one could make the argument that, in a way, that makes for a fitting legacy for Pentex Skullcracker. He was a man for whom battles were a way to make history and history an excuse to brag about previous battles. And, of course, he is due great respect for being the most successful memetosociologist ever to live.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Placeholden.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Placeholden.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..93145c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Placeholden.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Placeholden | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Placeholden

The "country" of Placeholden is a legal fiction widely accepted as a legitimate country within the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. It did not exist until a tense vote in AES 877, when Lepazzia found itself the deciding vote for giving majority to a measure it disliked concerning Assembly procedure. Rather than do something so uncharacteristic as vote against a measure she was not in favor of, the Lepazzian sovereign, Sarah the Quick, instead told the Secretary that there was one more vote against that hadn't been counted yet. The Secretary was confused when Sarah gestured to a hastily-written nametag on the seat next to her that read "PLACEHOLDER", but faced with the prospect of trying to argue with the sovereign of Lepazzia, the Secretary simply acceded and announced the failure of the motion. Because the nametag had been badly written, the name of the country was recorded as "Placeholden". Once the measure's failure was in the books, it became impossible to question the existence and legitimacy of this new country without raising the question of whether the procedural measure should have been in force all this time. Moreover, because it was a procedural measure, raising questions about it would raise questions about every proceeding of the Assembly since 877. Given this, nobody has objected to the permanent reservation of the seat next to Lepazzia, and Placeholden has been marked as an abstention in the votes since then.

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Despite existing only on paper, Placeholden is at war with every other country on the planet. When the original campus of the Disputatious Assembly was built, the primary meeting hall was built next to a courtyard that had been located around an ominous cube. However, over the centuries, the cube has gradually drifted towards the meeting hall due to continental drift. In 931, the cube began pressing up against the outer wall, and in 932 the structure gave way during a summer session of the Assembly. Someone suggested sabotage, and the Assembly passed a motion declaring war on whoever was at fault. Because nobody knew who was responsible, the war declaration had "PLACEHOLDER" written in for the name — much like the first time, in poor handwriting, resulting in the declaration being notarized as a declaration of war against Placeholden. Because Placeholden does not exist, this war was the only world conflict left unsolved by the Massively Parallel Peace Conference. The Hegemony blamed the failure of the MPPC to end the Placeholden War on Flandrean interference.

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It is currently in vogue to claim that the Missing Sea is actually Placeholden territory, but this suggestion is not taken seriously, despite my best efforts, and has yet to rise to the level of being officially addressed the Assembly.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Professor_28allegedly29_Marvin_Fitch.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Professor_28allegedly29_Marvin_Fitch.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..82a551c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Professor_28allegedly29_Marvin_Fitch.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch

Where to begin with the illustrious life of Marvin Fitch? Should I tell you of the heroic lengths to which he went for the sake of his students? Of the nights he spent poring over the bleeding edge of psychological research to formulate his unique style of teaching? Of the long and dangerous voyages he made around the world to collect specimens for his art? Of the eye he lost to a Barcuvian laserlily, or the two fingers to a rage-hamster? Surely any familiar with the alleged professor's name knows of such things. Instead, I will tell you of his character.

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Marvin Fitch was born in AES 930 in Flandre, where he grew up an absolute bastard. He graduated with an alleged degree in education from the National University of Incendia in 953 through the University's Alleged Scholars Program, which offered faster, cheaper university education without university-sponsored accreditation or ethics courses. He began teaching as an adjunct at the University of Eyesland, where he was sanctioned twice in the fall semester and ultimately fired in the spring after one of his students lost a hand to an exam with a buzzsaw on it. This reoccurred at his next position at the Panark Jungle College the following year, and then again at his next position at his alma mater, where he taught several courses in the ASP. Surprisingly, however, NUI did not fire him, and he remained there as an alleged professor until 960, when the I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act forced him to rethink his career. In revenge, he invented the Omega Point Coffee Secretor, which currently resides in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room, then went under the radar to teach trade skills.

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After Incendia caught on fire in 974, the Incendian Bureau of Inquisition, Igirio Fezz, placed the blame (internally, of course, as Incendia does not officially recognize that anything bad has happened) on graduates from the Alleged Scholars Program, which he alleged had failed to teach its students even of the concept of safety precautions. The President, Iyano Niir, put Marvin Fitch on the top of Incendia's Most Wanted List and sent the military on a global manhunt to track the professor (allegedly) down. Fitch quickly dropped off the map. His whereabouts are currently unknown, though it is likely that he, like many political refugees, is hiding out somewhere in the Panark Fleet.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Professor_Hazard_McKinley.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Professor_Hazard_McKinley.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..58eb5e1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Professor_Hazard_McKinley.html @@ -0,0 +1,56 @@ + + +Professor Hazard McKinley | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Professor Hazard McKinley

Professor Hazard McKinley is an adventurer, author, and popular science personality. Note that he is not actually a professor; his parents were just very hopeful. McKinley is best known for braving the Razor Valley region on purpose, despite not being a native of Selestei. His account of that expedition, along with other perilous exploits such as hunting the electric undead and wrestling a Ravenous Squid-Tree, are recounted in his memoir Hazard Is My Middle Name.

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Born to Charles and Junia McKinley in 963, young Professor showed a great affinity for the natural world, which he attributes to spending a great deal of time with his dog Rupert. His peers noted that his personality and mannerisms were much more suited to the culture of Selestei than his native Shaster. McKinley, however, was not deterred by his differences, and those who knew him in those times maintain that by the time he reached adulthood he was extremely well-liked by all who met him.

+

While McKinley did not ultimately seek the academic career his parents had hoped for him, he has maintained a cordial relationship with the academy. His writing, initially published in newspaper columns before moving to respected journals, has helped raise public awareness of key issues affecting the environment and conservation activism. In respect of his achievements, the National University of Shaster awarded him an honorary degree in biosphere fascism in AES 988. My contacts in the memetosociology department over there tell me that this move was partly so they could convince him to come teach there, but he's gone on record saying that he'd sooner give up hunting than take a desk job.

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Nevertheless, for someone who hates desk jobs, McKinley has made a respectable academic showing. Though he has his detractors, particularly those who attack anyone who supports the environment (cough Gwen cough), the broader academic community has responded positively to his work. Some biofascists are even beginning to consider his 990 paper "Bludgeoning With Facts: An investigation of the limits of metaphor" to be a landmark in the field, although of course it is too early to say whether that will hold up in the years to come.

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Recently, McKinley has made waves with the announcement that he is attempting to tame fisher crows. While this would be noteworthy in its own right, his stated intent is to train them to hunt poachers, thus preserving the integrity of Razor Valley. It is unknown how this plan would affect the Selesteine custom of abandoning their youths in the middle of the Valley once they come of age at 16.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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Listen up, you motherfucker, here's the actual reason people don't like McKinley. It's because—say it with me, kids—everything goes to shit. You used to be able to have a decent conversation about the way all the studies on e.g. Ulgravian airship pollution come out of the National Academy of Velskyavo and the money trail disappears into the fucking ocean. But the fucking hippies got fed up when people didn't swallow their so-called "evidence," so they turn to charismatic arsonists like McKinley who say "Instead of reading the studies, roll them up like a fucking newspaper and beat your opponents with them!" There's a fucking reason Bludgeoning with Facts was only printed in hardcover. Some editions don't even have words!

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News flash! He's not a real professor! Why the fuck would you trust him with scholarship?

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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+ +

Where in your strange, hallucinogenic world did you come up with the idea that McKinley is an arsonist?

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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It's all there in my upcoming book, Bludgeoning with Metaphors: An Investigation into the Limits of My "Peers'" Intelligence.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Qualified_spontaneous_evaporation.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Qualified_spontaneous_evaporation.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f1e4685 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Qualified_spontaneous_evaporation.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Qualified spontaneous evaporation | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Qualified spontaneous evaporation

Kingsland is not a particularly popular tourist destination. Most of the city's attractions are deadly to the unwary, if the transit system doesn't get you first. Sometimes, people do visit for diplomatic or academic reasons, but they're rarely the sightseeing type and they leave as soon as they're done. It's a rare breed that comes to our grave city to visit, but they do come sometimes. But if you ever find yourself afflicted by madness and decide to visit Kingsland, we do have some things worth an eyeful. There's our historic bridges across the river through the middle of the city (don't cross the middle one), a nice ice cream truck (assuming you catch it before the horrors chasing it do), and a park in Southside with a nice fountain (if you don't mind blood). I'd suggest getting a tour from a local friend, since the offices of the Kingsland Board of Tourism consist of a sign with "TURN BACK WHILE YOU CAN" written in an unidentifiable liquid.

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If you're feeling stupid (we don't say "brave" here), you can go on a statuary tour, where you'll hear about qualified spontaneous evaporation. Every now and then in Kingsland, someone just evaporates. This isn't usually a remarkable occurrence. However, sometimes they only partially evaporate, like they were put on pause somehow, and the remains become fixtures as immovable as the ominous cubes. We haven't figured out what's behind it, and we're not interested. What we do instead is build pedestals underneath them and spray-paint them gray. This results in some pretty oddly placed statues, which makes the statuary tour interesting, if running for your life through the streets of Kingsland wasn't interesting enough. Some of them block roads, but you can usually drive on the walls to get around them. Be sure not to miss the statue of Yphydryx Shadowhand, the prophet of the Tesseraction, who began evaporating in the middle of being thrown off of a clock tower by his followers and subsequently froze in midair. The 20-meter pedestal up to his falling form is visible from almost any open area in Kingsland, providing a constant reminder to her citizens of the folly of hope.

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QSE doesn't always hit one of us, though. Sometimes good things happen, and one of the many local horrors evaporates instead. (It's unwise to stop running to celebrate, since this usually gets one picked off by something else.) We actually managed to use a QSE-frozen squid-tree as a support to build a new bridge last year. This turned out to be less useful than expected, since the other squid-trees around it weren't so indisposed.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD
+Chair, Kingsland Board of Tourism

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Queen_Beneficent_the_Plenitudinous.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Queen_Beneficent_the_Plenitudinous.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b6f1a73 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Queen_Beneficent_the_Plenitudinous.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous

As a full professor of the National Correspondence University of Incendia, I usually mentor a handful of graduate students every year. Some of them eventually leave due to disagreements with the positions I've advanced or some of the didactic techniques I've been known to use. This is just part of being a controversial academician. But through all the heated discussions, occasional fistfights, and pitched legal battles, what makes it all worth it — to me — is the rare student of mine who takes what I have to say to heart and goes on to make something beautiful out of it. I once mentored one Laura Bennett, whom I now say unabashedly is my favorite student of all the ones I've had so far. Bennett, now known by her official title, Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous, was the daughter of the president of the Democratic Republic of Mizzin, a small country in the Iurezzan south. Her father was opposed to her studying under a misosopher, but he warmed up to the idea when she began giving him policy proposals and recommending decisive government actions that helped solidify his power base among the Mizzinic Parliament. In 986, for her senior thesis, she submitted to me the plans for, and then carried out, a military coup that had her seize power from her father and become the first Queen of the newly-established Autocratic Plenitude of Mizzin. It remains the only thesis to which I've given full marks.

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Having a despot as an alumna has been interesting for the NCUI. On one hand, her brutal suppression of dissent is questionable in light of the university's honor code, and it sets a bad example, I'm told, for the other students. On the other hand, the ProjExpo 975 organizers who threw our dean out of the convention were in Mizzin when the Queen seized power, and nobody's seen them since.

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There is one area where Bennett and I cannot not come to an agreement, however. She has terrible taste in shows. Whenever I visit Mizzin, we grab a few bottles of wine and watch trashy romcoms in our pajamas in the royal private theater. I can enjoy those sorts of things ironically, and I can even have a good time of it with enough wine in me. But the Queen seems to enjoy them unironically, and it just confounds me to no end. I know she's well-read, because her thesis was full of references to ancient philosophers and classic literature. Maybe it's just a generational thing?

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Ravenous_Squid-Trees.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Ravenous_Squid-Trees.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..01c4383 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Ravenous_Squid-Trees.html @@ -0,0 +1,57 @@ + + +Ravenous Squid-Trees | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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Ravenous Squid-Trees

What are you afraid of? Bacteria piloting fisher crows? Eldritch beings and/or cubes? The tenured hand of JUSTICE?

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Forget 'em. More frightening than those, even more frightening than a nation of passive-aggressive shitlords, is the humble Ravenous Squid-Tree. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say humble? I meant fucking hungry.

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Here, have some numbers, numbers are fucking scary.

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• AES 939. Hegemon Aouwouou. Weight? 150 tons. Time for the squid-trees to rip the flesh from her motherfucking bones? 17 seconds. Seventeen fucking seconds.

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• AES 956. Indiscriminate Countermeasure, Flandrean dreadnaught class warship. Monster runs on disdain and asynchronous energy, once took a direct hit from a Grim Weeper at terminal velocity without so much as a scratch. Sails over an uncharted grove of Ravenous Squid-Trees, sinks in under three minutes. Crew casualties: one hundred fucking percent.

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"Yeah, yeah, whatever, we'll be okay because they're in the ocean." Oh yeah, you protruding turd? Try this one on for size:

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• AES 963, Ulgravian zeppelin Whisper-on-the-grass. Cruising altitude: 10,000 feet. Suddenly this giant, telescoping tentacle fires two miles out of the water and punches through the gas bag. Whisper-on-the-grass spews horse methane all the way down into the waiting maw of a 3,000-foot-wide Ravenous Squid-Tree that had gone unobserved for too long.

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That's right, the Squid-Trees evolve due to metafishics. That's probably the reason why dumping poison in Joran Lake did fuck all to clear them out. Lucky for us, Ravenous Squid-Trees are so territorial that different strains of Squid-Tree will go after each other, but unlucky for us, that just means whatever's left to deal with us is even more horrible.

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If the Disarrangement Act ends up passing, then here's what you'll need to do: build some mountain ranges and pump the oceans into them. Drain the whole fucking planet. Put it through some kind of biofilter to prevent any seeds from making it through. You can make some aquariums for the whales and Panark Fleet if you really need to, but that's not the important point here. The important thing is to get those plant devils out in the open, okay? Once you've done that, nuke the fuckers from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. The whales can have their oceans back afterward.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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There's quite a story behind the giant squid-tree that downed the Whisper-on-the-grass. Its discovery caused no small degree of horror from the international community, both on account of its existence and because of the implication that similar things could exist elsewhere in the ocean—and would, quite necessarily, occur in the last place you'd look. El Fauces del Diablo, or "the Jaws of the Devil," as the giant-squid-tree quickly became known, spurred unprecedented international collaboration on a global perception system (GPS). El Fauces itself merited a dedicated geosynchronous satellite for the specific purpose of ensuring the monster did not grow any larger, or else legs or wings or something equally horrifying. There was even talk of turning Taurus Research Station on the monstrous vegetation, but the Hegemony quickly put an end to that line of discussion by threatening to capsize whatever nation voted in favor—not their fleet, mind you, the actual nation. Though El Fauces survives to this day, there is an ongoing research project to study the Missing Sea in hopes of separating El Fauces del Diablo from the rest of the ocean.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Razor Valley

Razor Valley is a small region of Ciphan through which part of the Selesteine-Shasterian border runs. During the Partitioning, rather than formally decide where in the Valley the border runs, the Guild of Mapmakers simply smudged the border line in that region. This has become standard cartographic convention, because neither country particularly wants the place. Consequently, Razor Valley is a legal gray area where neither Selesteine nor Shastrian law clearly applies, much like international waters were before the Hegemony of Whales claimed all of the oceans as sovereign territory. It is telling that "extradition from Razor Valley" is a turn of phrase indicating something that requires too much effort to be worth the little, if any, benefit it provides.

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The region remains sparsely populated because of its unique flora and fauna. Its name comes from the ubiquitous razorgrass, so named because its blades are literally swords. The evolutionary reasons for this are not well understood. Perhaps the most well-known animal native to Razor Valley is the marionette crow, which uses its spindly tentacles to safely handle the exploding fruit that grow on the region's flaming trees. Other animals, like the death cow, simply evolved robust enough constitutions that they can eat whatever plants in the region they want, whether they be swords, on fire, or both. The inexplicability of the Razor Valley biome has led to numerous comparisons with the climate of Barcu, but ecologists have been unable thus far to find any connection between the two. Grantham's Law is often invoked, but Razor Valley clearly falls outside of its scope. Some have attempted to bridge this gap by claiming that the ecology of the Valley is aquatic, and the water is just missing.

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Despite the unforgiving environment, Razor Valley is nevertheless the home of a small population. Settlements in Razor Valley are either highly mobile or highly defensible. Those who opt for mobility, like many of the criminal groups hiding out in the area, must remain on the move constantly in order to avoid roving murders of marionette crows or the death cow Moolossus, who is inexplicably ten meters tall and always furious. Normally these groups are wiped out within a year due to inexperience. Those who opt for defense, like Razor Valley Bunker-University, make use of a veritable Flandrean number of deterrents and defense mechanisms. Entrance to and egress from these settlements is generally a laborious process that can take around a full day. Some attempts were made to dig tunnels for easier travel between settlements and in and out of the region. These soon became infested by spidermoles. The project has been tabled until sufficient defenses can be drawn up.

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Spheven Kain

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Selestei

The boisterous Republic of Selestei is the worst place to wake up with a hangover. It is a matter of national orthodoxy that while the world is a dangerous and uncertain place, there is nothing that cannot be overcome by the fire burning within the human spirit. Therefore, every day at sunrise, every Selesteine citizen wakes up and yells at the sun. There is often forceful pointing, and if the country is having a holiday, occasionally breaking things. Then everyone has a drink. The national beverage of Selestei is heavybeer, which inexplicably weighs several times more than a normal beer per liquid volume. All Selesteines grow up drinking heavybeer, which accounts why virtually all of them are extraordinarily strong.

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Despite their aggressive extroversion, or perhaps because of it, Selestei is a very easygoing country when it comes to international politics. In centuries past, the Selestei military was feared, and rightly so. The dreaded Grim Weepers once carved a bloody swath across the Fractured Cities, fueled in their relentless conquest by the maddening pain of eating only spicy food. Today, however, Selestei tends to play the gentle giant, with its sovereign, King Vincent Daggert, playing the life of the party at Disputatious Assembly afterparties. This gregariousness can sometimes transgress the boundaries of good taste, such as when King Daggert told President Niir that he was jealous of Incendia ("MAY MY HEART BURN AS BRIGHT AS YOUR COUNTRY ONE DAY!" were his exact words, if I recall). You could tell Niir was trying his best to maintain his composure for the sake of Incendia's official position on the literal dumpster fire the homeland had become, but you could also see him desperately eyeing the open bar.

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Selesteine mythology attributes the nation's hot-blooded fervor to its founding hero, Sels. According to the legends, there were once two suns and two moons, which made it impossible for anybody to get any sleep. Sels, outraged at this, challenged the suns to send down the stronger of the two to fight him. The suns conferred, and the older of the two descended to do battle. The two of them fought for a full lunar month until Sels finally grappled the older sun and ate it. The other sun, afraid of Sels' fearsome power, began running around the world, creating the diurnal cycle. Sels, not one to let an opponent run from a fight, leapt into the heavens to pursue it, where he became the third and largest moon. Selesteines often suggest that the nation should destroy Zor Olo, the smallest of the three moons, for being unworthy to share the sky with Sels. So far, nobody is sure whether they're being serious or deadpan, and Daggert changes the topic whenever someone asks about it.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Yelling at the sun is an ancient and venerable tradition in Selestei, but it acquired a tint of patriotism when the country entered the Disputatious Assembly and was asked to register an official national anthem. Thus, at occasions when the national anthem of a sovereign's country is played, when the King of Selestei's turn comes, a band of Selesteines come out and scream into the heavens. This is very popular with crowds, whom the King encourages to join in.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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The Selesteines' indomitable spirit and inability to back down from a challenge has gotten them burned before, particularly by some of the craftier nations (I won't name names). For example, the Roerbach Incident left the entire Selesteine military abroad on a dragon-hunting quest. I asked King Daggert off the record how he would deal with a modern attempt to trick his military out of position while an invasion tried to take his country. He just laughed. "Pity the invaders," he said. "They would have to face our women."

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I confess I'm not familiar with enough military lore to evaluate his strategy, but you certainly can't fault his confidence.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Despite its militarily aggressive history, modern Selestei is actually quite a charming place to visit. The weather at the major vacation destinations is temperate, which the locals attribute to intimidating the climate into submission. When I visited many years back, I had one of the best curries I've had in my life in the city market. I was a little embarrassed to order the minimum spice level, but the lady running the stall could tell I was a foreigner and insisted. I tried to convince her that it was no use and that sociophysical principles would make it more or less spicy according to expectation, but in the end I'm glad I took her advice, because damn was that a hot curry. According to my wife, I was mumbling in my sleep all night about contracting jalapeñosis.

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Of course, Selesteine cuisine isn't all spicy food, whatever legends of their elite troops might suggest. There's a city in the north of the country famous for its pastries, which food critics attribute partially to the recipe and partially to how well the dough is kneaded. The bakeries are all located near a military base, and the soldiers there knead the dough by practicing hand-to-hand combat on it. They have a festival every year where they bake swords and shields out of bread, which the children of the town use to stage mock battles.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Citations: Grim Weepers / Jalapeñosis

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Shaster

If the Principality of Shaster had a national motto, it would probably be "Hold my beer!" The nation as a whole seems to thrive on finding new approaches to any given problem, regardless of whether or not the problem is of any importance or, indeed, has already been solved. I'm thinking particularly of Project SpaceGills, a national scientific undertaking that aimed to genetically modify everyone on Taurus Research Station "in order that they might breathe the purity of space." This caused something of an international uproar when Phase 3 of testing involved opening the airlock and letting all the air out so they could be sure the gills were working; tensions increased further when it emerged that no one on the station had ever consented to the genetic modification. Sadly, this led to the expulsion of all Shastrian personnel from the station, prematurely ending their promising space persuasion project.

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Shastrian culture celebrates new and cutting-edge technology, despite the fact that so little of what they produce is actually workable. Their culture's understanding of itself is that they are more forward-thinking than other nations, a claim they ground by pointing to enormous national research and development costs. For memetosociologists like my esteemed colleague M. Hon. Milton, however, there is an interesting layer to these claims, as the average citizen has little to do with the national obsession. At the end of the day, if your toaster doesn't actually work, you'll import a working one from elsewhere.

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Thus, Shastrian patriotism is subtly intertwined with an understanding that some person, somewhere else in the country, is actually doing the important work. The average citizen believes the National University of Shaster is the epicenter of new and exciting technologies, while staff at the University tend to believe the exciting stuff is happening in a different department. Moreover, an analysis by the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection found that the research and development money is split between two streams: one that funds research deals with more advanced countries (e.g. the Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski), and one that inexplicably vanishes somewhere in the university.

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On the political side of things, Shaster enjoys an extremely competent diplomatic staff, which has secured them many alliances and an enviable position in global politics despite a comparative lack of technological or military power to back them up. Shastrian diplomats were instrumental in resolving the Goats on Boats Affair that threatened to plunge the world into conflict. It is perhaps for this reason that they are able to thrive as a country despite their neighbors being somewhat unruly. But even more impressive is their ability, as a coastal nation, to maintain tight diplomatic ties with the Panark Fleet without harming their relationship with the Hegemony of Whales.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Space persuasion

Space persuasion is an ambiguous term that can refer to one of two related concepts.

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The concept of space persuasion in the sense of the persuasion of space is an old theme in folk superstition, related to the idea of a sacred space, but more general and usually related to the behavior of physics. Unlike a genius loci, a persuaded space is not different by virtue of something distinct from the space that dwells there, but rather has some quality in and of itself. The quality or different operation, whatever it is, is woven into the fabric of the universe, so to speak. This makes space persuasion a mainstay of the sort of popular literature that astounds the reader by its seeming profundity more than its basis in fact. Space persuasion is often invoked to explain Barcuvian antiweather and appealed to as a link between the morose character of Kingslanders and the various phenomena that make it a hellhole to live in. The baselessness of this pop-sci is clear: if the concerted will of Kingslanders really could persuade space, it'd be the nicest place in the world.

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These days, a year doesn't go by that someone doesn't suggest that symphonic warp traversal runs off of space persuasion. This widespread myth is helped along by the rumor that the song sung by the Hegemony's Chorus Perpetual is what keeps the planet in its orbit. The baselessness of this, too, is clear, since whales evolved after the planet came into its orbit.

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This older sense of space persuasion gave birth to the other, newer sense when the illustrious Dr. Stafford remarked that a number of political issues would be solved if the campus of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns were persuaded to throw itself into space. This remark, which became so popular for a brief time that the Assembly tied the building down just in case, introduced a sense of space persuasion as persuasion via space, i.e., persuasion by threatening to launch someone into space. It's not a coincidence that the Taurus Research Station was established within decades of this. In fact, recent declassifications have revealed that there actually was research into space persuasion going on up there — and surprisingly, into both types. I guess they thought they had a better chance at persuading space if there's not as much occupying its attention. Personally, I hope they can resume the research some day, because persuading the Committee building to keep itself clean would save me a lot of work.

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Spheven Kain

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Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection

There are academic institutions you do not wanna find yourself in a dark alley with, and the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection is in the top five on that list. In fact, it's probably the only one in the top five; the next four backed off it give it some room.

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Founded in AES 876 by Anton Stratsky as the Strastsky Foundation for Economics, the Foundation's original mandate was to help manage the struggling logistics of the Compass Republic. That right there is probably why things turned out the way they did. Pretend you're an economist, and you've got a bunch of equations where one set of numbers greases the wheels and the other set dumps a bucket of wrenches in the machinery and burns the whole fucking country down. Yeah, yeah, I know it's a mixed metaphor, shut the fuck up.

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Point is, within ten years, His Dread Majesty is knocking on the front door and asking for some help with a rival in the Assembly. The economists shrug—it's just a different set of numbers for them—and get to work. By 891, global trade is a flaming dumpster fire, the Panark Fleet's on the verge of implosion, Selestei's declared war on livestock in general, and Shaster's named economics a pentad field because how else do you explain all this fucking witchcraft?

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You gotta admire the pair on Dr. Stratsky. Amid international calls for his Foundation to be disbanded, he goes and fucking rebrands as the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection. The surge of notoriety put the Foundation on the map for every pentad academic from the Double-North Pole to the planet's ass. Applications tripled over the next two years and then doubled over the following decade, which of course only pissed off the global community even further. It's only gotten worse. Hell, Ulgrav was even threatening to bomb them a couple decades back until Santanna bribed us with a trade deal. But it probably wouldn't have gone any further than threats, because no one wants to have to deal with their exports drying up and their imports suffering massive price inflation.

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Today, the Stratsky Foundation remains the only advanced degree program for economists looking to pursue their bloody work. Not for lack of trying, of course, but the main problem with trying to compete in this field is that your competitor is the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection. Of the last four attempts to start an economics foundation, three went broke right off the bat, while the fourth experienced an uprising by the staff, who cornered the president and, according to local reports, "stabbed him to death with their pens."

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Symphonic warp traversal

One thing that I really think we need to consider is that if we move countries around because of the Disarrangement Act, it's not strictly necessary that all of them have to stay on Planet Earth. If we go down that road, then the technology of choice for doing so is undoubtedly symphonic warp traversal. First devised by the mad inventor Rime Grimes, SWT is a technological marvel whose foundational principles researchers have yet to uncover. But the basic theory is simple to explain: an orchestra is positioned in front of an acoustic capture device, which then feeds the sound into what Grimes called a "Grimer Primer," which communicates that information to an engine. Scientists have discovered it is possible but rarely wise to deviate from Grimes's engine design, even though it is admittedly alarming to rely on a lightspeed engine composed entirely out of cardboard, duct tape, and rubber bands.

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Researchers have found much greater success by varying the kind of music that is played into the Grimer Primer. While Grimes's notes insist that classical music is "THE way to go, my chummy chums," early warp experiments ran into materiel problems because most governments refused to risk the national symphonic orchestra in a perilous space experiment. This reluctance stalled warp research for several years until researchers from Katskria (one of of the Very Definitely Independent States) hired a neoclassical metal band, which was deemed sufficiently expendable that the experiments could continue. Since then, warp researchers have tried many genres, discovering that the quality of warp travel is tied to qualities of the music played:

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• Classical music typically makes for the smoothest ride, although smooth jazz tends to do better at this

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• Rock or metal lend themselves to faster, if bumpier, travel

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• Punk rock has the unnerving propensity to send the ship in the wrong direction entirely

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• The one recorded use of dubstep in a symphonic warp traversal device destroyed the ship entirely

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In addition to the pre-existing genres, Vigotskian researchers aboard Taurus Research Station are reportedly in the process of developing a new genre of music, "warp trance," specifically suited for warp travel. It is certain to be a harrowing process, and I am sure we all wish them well.

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One concluding note: many lay people are afraid that warp travel might lead to the destruction of the Earth, reasoning that a spaceship travelling at faster-than-light speeds is essentially a massive bullet that could shatter the planet. I just did the math, and I have concluded that they are absolutely right, and we should all fear for our lives. But life is so busy and we all have so much to do, so I recommend limiting your stupefying terror to no more than fifteen minutes per day.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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This shit always gets me going. Do you know where they got that idea? From Ulgrav. There's a paper from one of our researchers a year or two before the VDIS experiments where the author (don't remember the name, fuck i'm drunk) suggests trying different genres of music to see what happens. Up comes this fucker from Velskyavo, who walks into, into, fuck. Whatever. Walks into the researcher's lab and says "Hey dude"—wait, Jameson, that was the guy's name—says "Hey Jameson, you working on anything cool?" Jameson says "Fuck yeah, dude, wanna see?" Velsky fucker says "Totally, dude," then shoots him and all of his lab assistants and walks off with all his shit. So now the history books say that warp travel came out of the VDIS, which is completely missing the fuckign point.

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You know why Ulgrav was researching warp travel? Because we need some fucking land, and we're desperate enough that we'll take it on other planets if we have to.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Taurus Research Station

Possibly hanging right over your head right at this very moment, the Taurus Research Station is an orbital scientific and planetary defense platform built by the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns in AES 940. Don't let the name fool you—the only research they're doing up there is how much toxic waste they can shove into their weapons systems before the gravitational stabilizers break and the whole fucking mess disintegrates into a radioactive cloud of poison in our atmosphere.

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The Taurus Research Station used to be an actual research station back in the 40's and 50's, but then along came General Kade "Ripper" Gorson and the Flandrean military. Asshole got up in front of the Disputatious Assembly and gave a big speech about how we're probably less advanced than aliens, so we need guns in space to shoot any aliens that come to get us. I guess military goons stealing your base is just the price you pay for trying to do some science in an out-of-the-way corner of the world.

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Anyways, the last decent publication out of the TRS was Gadner's paper on space persuasion back in '78. It could have been groundbreaking, but that was about when DAS Command made the station off-limits to everyone with civilian-level security clearance, so I guess we're back to square one until I can convince Milton to sociologize himself more security clearance.

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Oh well, I guess we have to talk about the military side of things. Technically, everything in space is falling, which is probably why everything about the Taurus Research Station has been going downhill. During the 60's, all the DAS member nations brought their own weapons projects up to space and then nailed them piecemeal to the station. That immediately caused a new problem, which was that the station's thrusters weren't rated for that kind of mass, meaning it started to sink back into the atmosphere.

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The goons did the math and realized it was going to come down over the ocean, which pissed off the whales. Since the whole mess was Gorson's idea, the Hegemon argued it was a Flandrean conspiracy, despite the fact that the world is like 70% ocean and the affected area from the falling station is basically guaranteed to hit water somewhere. Blubbery fuckers. Anyways, that led to a round of everyone nailing their nationally-branded thrusters to the TRS, which in turn led to the realization that the station could maneuver itself around and point all those shiny new weapons at the planet. The DAS was gonna order everyone off, but then someone pointed out that they all had space shuttles, so now the compromise is that everyone keeps a few soldiers up there to watch everyone else's soldiers. Gee, that seems like a stable situation.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Tesseraction Eve

To live in Kingsland is also eventually to be devoured by some unknowable monstrosity in Kingsland. The days are long, the light thin, the weather irrational, and the coast inexplicably dry; living gods walk, or possibly drive, the streets, and dead mortals roam the hills. As such, it is little surprise that Kingslanders have such an affinity for the unknown and the ethereal. If a transparent membrane cursed you out telepathically in Hantu and then dissolved the back wall of your apartment over the course of eleven hours before floating off without so much as a goodbye, is it really that much more outlandish when the hooded cultist on the nearest street corner demands your belief in Grislegrinder, the cosmic intestine-tentacled abomination who devours all upon death?

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Belief in the Tesseraction is considered by scholars to have begun with the proselytizing of Yphydryx Shadowhand, whose cult rose to prominence in AES 380 before dissolving upon his death in AES 384. However, in that mere handful of years, the Cult of the Shadowhand spread across nearly all of Kingsland. Central in their thought was the idea of the Tesseraction: a mythical upcoming point in time wherein our world would burst from its three-dimensional shackles and partake in higher orders of being. The popularity of the cult is rather easy to explain: Shadowhand taught that the abominations that plague Kingsland draw their power from other planes of existence, and if humans were able to access those planes as well, then they would be able to fight against the horrors on an even footing. Once his control of the city was cemented, Shadowhand predicted that the Tesseraction would arrive in the late summer of the next year, when Zor Olo reached its peak. According to historical sources, mood in the city was uncharacteristically high, and some poor fools even threw together premature hunting bands before vanishing forever into the city's dark alleys.

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On the eve of the predicted Tesseraction, cultists all over the city prepared celebratory pre-ascension meals and readied their best weapons for what they believed was the upcoming slaughter. But the next day, nothing happened. Another group of cultists joined the first wave of victims in the alleys, figuring they'd somehow ascended despite not feeling different. The rest, however, waited in mounting horror until Shadowhand said he got the year wrong and the Tesseraction was actually next year. Come the next year, people made the celebratory dinners and gathered their weapons again—and were once again disappointed. This cycle continued until Shadowhand partially disappeared.

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Up to the present day, Kingslanders continue to celebrate Tesseraction Eve by making fine meals and letting their children play with (usually) toy weapons. But in modern times the holiday has more of a last-meal-before-execution kind of atmosphere, as Kingslanders have collectively resigned themselves to the fact that nothing can save them from the horrors.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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The Book of Schemes

The Book of Schemes is the official anthology of the national mythology of Flandre as approved by the Flandrean Council of Exarchs. The myths included within are, of course, only a subset of all of the myths of the Flandrean people, and many various other anthologies may be found that include the so-called deuterocanonical myths. The Book of Schemes, however, is the product of centuries of scholarly work to create an anthology that would most fully and faithfully reflect the national consciousness of Flandre.

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To this end, its contents have been carefully selected to maximize applicability over important topics of national interest using a lean subset of all Flandrean mythology. Furthering this goal, scholars have spent centuries fitting linguistic ambiguities into the official translations. As the inimitable Dr. Stafford observed, this creates not only a common mytho-cultural language by enculturing all Flandreans with the same set of common narratives, but also, by shaping the problems that will be encountered in interpreting the text, a common set of conceptual categories through which the great questions of human culture are approached.

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None of this, though, so faithfully captures the Flandrean spirit as the fact that every officially-sanctioned copy of the Book of Schemes is booby-trapped. Despite this (or, more likely, because of this), it is a standard part of the primary school curriculum. Since the middle of the century, criticism of the use of official copies of the Book of Schemes has drawn comparisons to X-treme lecturing. The Council of Exarchs denies the comparison as libelous and inaccurate and invites any skeptics to read the "Myth of the Two Swans", specifically in the official translation. For example, the attentive reader may recognize parallels between "Flan and the Titan of the Woods" and Flandre's actions during the Roerbach Incident.

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Despite its weaponization as a national resource for contingency plans, the renditions of myths in the Book of Schemes are still impressive literary works in their own right. Their creation myth is a grand epic relating the rise and fall of Flan, their patron deity. According to this myth, the existence of the world is the result of Flan's contingency plan in case of nonexistence, which he prepares so expertly that it executes before he is born. Extended quotations from this section of the myth were used in "Origination", the second track of Sneezing on the King Eternal's 961 album Iurezza to critical acclaim. Its reception was especially favorable in Flandre, where it was covered by The Lunchtime Fallacy at the coronation of the High Exarch Minor in 990. That The Lunchtime Fallacy was allowed to leave in one piece after crashing the Flandrean coronation is a testament to the enduring power of this song.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Botherhood.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Botherhood.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..96a7b0a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Botherhood.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +The Botherhood | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Botherhood

The Botherhood is both a memetosociological cornucopia and a worldwide conspiracy whose objectives are unknown, possibly even to themselves. Scholarly consensus is that the organization—a term they earn by the thinnest of margins—did not exist in any significant capacity even as late as the ninth century. With the AES 715 discovery of alien ruins on the south pole, societies worldwide were aware of ancient alien presences. However, it wasn't until AES 923 that popular consciousness embraced the idea of aliens interfering in every part of history and/or contemporary society. The idea of the Botherhood, a mysterious conspiracy carrying out the whims of its alien overseers, grew out of this fervor. The meme seems to have spread initially via space enthusiast magazines before making the jump into conspiracy culture in the 50's, where it would gestate before reaching its current form.

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A brief diversion before we continue: conspiracy culture is rather interesting from a memetosociological standpoint because to engage in conspiracy is to directly challenge the prevailing memetic narratives of your society. The actions a conspiracist takes from that position illuminate to us the limits of the influence of both the master narratives and the counternarratives which the conspiracists employ. Memetosociologists speak of "command narratives" that have the ability to shape society; conspiracy theorists are an excellent weathervane for whether a particular narrative is a command narrative, as they might verbally deny a command narrative, but still act in accordance with it.

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I explain this to shed light on why the first Botherhood cells were found in Iurezza. In Barcu, the command narrative about otherworldly threats is essentially one of self-preservative collusion, e.g. in the case of the Killer Bus of Kingsland North. In neighboring Flandre, the command narrative about threats is that they are assessed and then efficiently dispatched. At the intersection of these memetic vectors—which arose mostly in northern Flandre—conspiracy theorists began to create their own Botherhood cells, hoping to get absorbed by the true Botherhood and influence them from within. These cells were eventually absorbed, not into the "true" Botherhood, but into other imposter cells hoping that the resulting increase of prestige would bring them to the attention of their notional alien overlords. This trend has continued into the present day, with the Botherhood becoming a convoluted international conspiracy—still, one assumes, waiting for the aliens to contact them.

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Outsiders to the Botherhood mostly find them perplexing, as they will occasionally undertake arbitrary endeavors in case they serve the aliens' agenda. The lack of any overall agenda means these plots happen essentially at random, making them a convenient scapegoat for state actions like the 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day Incident or Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous's secret police disappearing her citizens. Some commenters also suspect some overlap between the Botherhood and The Esoteric Order of Florists, but saner scholars withhold judgement, as there is literally no evidence whatsoever for that hypothesis.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Careless_Continent.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Careless_Continent.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..00636ca --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Careless_Continent.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +The Careless Continent | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Careless Continent

There is not much point to trying to write a contemporary account of the Careless Continent (short for "I Couldn't Care Less What You Call It", the response of the DAS Secretary to infighting over the name from its residents), owing to the fact that its political landscape changes so rapidly that by the time you write an encyclopedia about it, some of the countries have already ceased to exist. It is, bar none, the Guild of Mapmakers' least favorite continent. Nor is it a surprise that Lepazzia picked up their entire country and left the continent behind in the fourth century — an event that didn't make the Guild any happier.

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Why, exactly, the Careless Continent is in a state of constant warfare and regime change is lost to history. More specifically, so many competing histories have been promulgated by the ephemeral governments of Careless that the task of sifting through them for the nuggets of truth is herculean. Actually visiting the continent for archaeology is out of the question: to get to anything that isn't already collateral damage requires trekking through multiple active war zones.

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It's not clear that the various nations of Careless even care what the reasons are. For them, instability is simply the way life is. In most of the languages of Careless, the word for "government" shares a root with the word for "temporary structure". Sovereigns rotate in and out of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns so often that the consensus is now that Careless nations only declare themselves a state in order to send a champion as a sovereign to the Assembly to fight another nation's sovereign, because they'll be in an easy-to-find location, and anybody they sent to the Assembly must have been important. Getting used to/dodging the sparring sovereigns of Careless is something of a rite of passage for new members of the Assembly. The Hegemon of Whales, given the great cultural barrier between humans and whales, has still not gotten used to it, and blames Flandre.

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Ever since certain events six years ago in the Assembly, the Secretary has quarantined the sovereigns of the Careless Continent in the "Time-Out Corner". Some of the other sovereigns have expressed disapproval with this measure, both at the implication that unruly sovereigns are like so many misbehaving children to Secretary Tomas, and at the consequence that the Careless sovereigns now fight even more, since nobody is in the way. Tomas, in response has pointed out that because they are out of the way, their fighting is quicker and less distracting.

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Spheven Kain

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Contagious_Republic_of_Paul_Vigotski.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Contagious_Republic_of_Paul_Vigotski.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5bf6d11 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Contagious_Republic_of_Paul_Vigotski.html @@ -0,0 +1,60 @@ + + +The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski

No one messes with the concept of nationhood like Paul Vigotski. He's the only person with a seat in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns who is not actually a Sovereign. That's because the real Sovereign is the Eubacteriarch, a sentient bacterium that lives in Paul's nasal cavity. The only academics more fascinated than the biologists are, of course, the memetosociologists, because Paul Vigotski invites the incredibly pressing question "how did this man get recognized as a nation?"

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According to interviews with the Eubacteriarch, the Contagious Republic of Paul Vitgotski began with a bacterial infection that evolved sentience at the microbial level. At the time of the Republic's formation, the Republic numbered around 3 million in population. Each citizen was given one vote, to be shared by the descendants of that citizen after they underwent asexual reproduction. Nowadays the Contagious Republic's population numbers around 230 trillion, making it the most populous nation on earth. This makes votes in the Republic a highly scare commodity, often resulting in unrest that manifests as stomachaches.

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The Contagious Republic's appearance on the National Stage came at an opportune moment, right as the Very Definitely Independent States began their propaganda campaign for independence. The bacteria of the Republic worked out a way to hijack Vigotski's sensory and motor neurons, allowing for communication between the miniature Republic and the outside world. In a speech before the Disputatious Assembly, the Eubacteriarch made its case for statehood, appropriating rhetoric used by the VDIS and their allies to all but ensure the support of that bloc. Therefore, just as the VDIS were granted some dubious measure of statement, the Contagious Republic also managed to win a seat.

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Elevating Paul Vigotski to statehood caused no end of political shenanigans. Foremost of these was Vigotski's status as a citizen of Selestei, which made the bacteria's colonization of him technically count as an act of war. Unfortunately for Selestei, while the Contagious Republic compelled Vigotski to sneeze on every door handle he encountered, the Selesteines could only prosecute the war by forcing Vigtoski to take antibiotics. Vigotski, who was enjoying the media attention, refused. The war continued in a subdued sort of manner for three years until both nations attended the Massively Parallel Peace Conference and settled on a compromise whereby Vigotski was awarded dual citizenship in both nations.

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Today, the Contagious Republic has 32 human citizens, each of which hosts legions of bacterial researchers, artists, and businessgerms. As such, the Republic's scientific, cultural, and financial output is nearly on par with nations with a much higher human population, and its GDP per capita is the best in the world.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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Ah, yes, I remember there was something of a conundrum in the 50's because it seemed like Vigotski himself was getting up there in years. Everyone was wondering if they'd rename the country after whoever the Eubacteriarch colonized after Vigotski and what would happen to the voting populations that inhabited Vigotski's body. But it seems like the Republic cracked the secret of cellular regeneration, since Vigotski hasn't aged a day in decades. Once people figured it out, they were extremely eager to acquire the secret, but the Republic told everyone that they'd need to be colonized for the trick to work. Interest died out after that. The older I get, the more I think about taking the offer, but my wife has expressly forbid me from infecting myself just to live forever. C'est la vie!

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Honestly, if Selesteines didn't only think with their overdeveloped pectoral muscles, they could have just arrested Vigotski for several billion counts of being an accomplice to illegal immigration. Then again, if their heads were good for anything besides bashing other people's skulls in, we wouldn't have had the Roerbach Incident.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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The Contagious Republic has probably caused more pain to bureaucrats and paper-pushers than any other country in the Assembly. Their population is several digits wider than any other country's, making it a pain to display in tables. Their ambassadors live inside some of their citizens, making the person of the citizen, properly speaking, the embassy. This means that to mail something to a Vigotskian embassy, one needs the mailing address where the embassy is currently staying. And because they're a nation primarily of microorganisms, instead of singing for their national anthem, they all release a particular mixture of pheromones. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, except the one time the Disputatious Assembly had to play it before the Eubacteriarch gave a speech. The Assembly notaries had requisitioned a sizable quantity of the pheromones in advance, so they basically just cropdusted the meeting hall with it while he walked up. This is how it was discovered that the Vigotskian national anthem was a truth serum.

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The Assembly quickly voted to adjourn until further notice.

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Spheven Kain

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Dark_Pentad.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Dark_Pentad.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b5be8b7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Dark_Pentad.html @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ + + +The Dark Pentad | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Dark Pentad

There was a time when academic institutions would award honorary degrees to individuals who had accomplished great things in the world. The practice was quite advantageous for both parties; it allowed the university to benefit by associating with an individual of great merit, while the individual gained the status associated with the backing of a university. But then the practice took a darker turn: in AES 845, the architect and attempted visionary Hans Flugelsson undertook a nationwide project to irrigate his desert homeland of Joran, but made several fatal errors in his calculations. The results were unfortunate, to say the least, and Flugelsson became the recipient of immense ridicule from the international community. In the midst of this uproar, the University of Shaster attempted a publicity stunt by awarding Flugelsson a degree in "Imagineering."

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The immense positive response to this move led other universities to follow suit whenever public works programs went awry. The emerging popularity of "dark degrees" was bolstered by the addition of thanatology in 849 for academics whose work led to a large number of deaths and dysthetics in 851 for artists whose work was just terrible. These became known as the "Dark Triad" until economics was introduced in AES 891, for obvious reasons. This led to some confusion over what to name these dishonorary degrees, a conversation that would not resolve until the first misosophy degree was awarded in 915 for egregious violations of scholarly norms.

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Today, Pentad degrees are most often awarded in-house as the result of some internal investigation of wrongdoing. While it's not uncommon for academics to accuse each other for political reasons, Pentad degrees are usually conferred only in extreme situations. (There are exceptions, of course.) Receiving a Pentad degree is typically a deathblow to one's career. Knowing this, academics have developed complicated social customs built around mitigating the threat of possible accusations. For example, should a shared research project provoke a Pentad hearing, the second-to-last author on the paper is typically summoned instead of the senior author, thus protecting the careers of established academics. The scapegoat slot is naturally, therefore, filled by adjunct professors.

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Despite the extreme stigma surrounding the Dark Pentad, however, they are each a functioning academic field. Just like a legitimate academic field, they have journals, conferences, and even advanced degree programs. Mainstream conferences try not to acknowledge Pentad academics, but it is common practice to block out time for "alternate perspectives," which is tacitly understood to be reserved for Pentad pariahs and naive professors who are about to spend the rest of their careers ignorant of why no one wants to co-author any papers with them.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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Being the academic equivalent of a leper can be trying at times, but it does have its benefits. Just as nobody wants to share a room with a leper, for example, no regular academic wants to share an office with a Pentad. So, if you're a Pentad who wants an office, all you really have to do is walk into someone's office and start working there, and they'll quickly make themselves scarce to avoid any association with you. I work at a correspondence university, so we don't even own any buildings — yeah, yeah, the main campus still exists in the Incendian homeland, stuff it — and yet I've never been lacking for an office, even when I'm only visiting another university for the weekend. I was the de facto chair of a department for a week just because I hijacked the former chair's office and started using his official stamp for fun.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Citations: Incendia

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The Double-North Pole

With the world possibly getting re-arranged, I should like to raise one possibly unforeseen consequence: what will happen to the world's signature landmarks?

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I am concerned here particularly in the case of the Double-North Pole, which is a marvel of cartography and civic planning. Let's begin with the history of this remarkable landmark. Like anything cartographical, the tale's root can ultimately be found in the Mapmaker's Guild. When the Earth was first completely charted in AES 489, the Venerable Cartographers experienced internal dissension over where to put the compass rose on their maps. The arguments, I fear, began to turn political, as nationally-aligned factions of the transnational Society began drawing the compass rose over countries they disliked.

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While this was going on, a discovery was in the works. Now, as everyone knows, compasses don't work the same way in the Barcu region that they do anywhere else in the world. But suppose you traveled to Barcu and found north, then traveled somewhere else and found north there. If you were to draw a line from each of those points, their point of intersection is what we now call the Double-North Pole. This was first theorized in AES 535 by Iryu Bandan, and confirmed in AES 547 by the famed explorer Vertrad the Swift.

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Enter Candor Gunterman, a noble and patron of the Venerable Cartographers. Wishing to see peace reign at last, he funded a major expedition to the Double-North Pole and founded the city of Bipolaris there. That city became the seat of the Compass Republic, and they slowly expanded southward to claim more land in the shape of a compass rose, with Bipolaris forming the northern tip. Gunterman, who remained monarch until AES 597, even had the foresight to shape the country such that it would have the correct proportions on a map using the Herzinger projection.

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In recent years, Bipolaris has seen great economic growth as the seat of Sovereign Klaus Santanna, whose manufacturing innovations used the surrounding ice fields as heat sinks to massively increase production of goods. The Double-North Pole's massive outpouring of goods has been aided by an unparalleled distribution network in the form of the Ulgravian zeppelin armada, who signed a lucrative trade deal with the Compass Republic in AES 980.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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The Esoteric Order of Florists

It would be a tad inaccurate to say that "few names are more feared than that of the Esoteric Order of Florists", since the Order isn't feared per se. They are certainly unsettling, given their uncanny ability to deliver flowers anywhere, any time, no matter what security precautions are taken to keep them out. Despite their skill at infiltration dwarfing that of national intelligence agencies, the Order has never been definitively linked to any form of political violence or assassination. This is not to say that the Order has clean hands: it was a campaign of Order deliveries that finally drove the Mad King Westler completely insane in the ninth century. Nevertheless, if you're not the sort to be bothered by benign, nigh-omnipresent florists, the Order are at best an inconvenience.

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The Esoteric Order of Florists is the heir to the Guild of Florists, distinguished as one of two such institutions to survive the decline of the guilds over the early centuries of Anno Ecclesiae Superregum. Like the Mapmakers' Guild, the Guild of Florists survived by evolving to transcend the guild system. While the cartographers increasingly militarized to bring the world into line with their maps, the florists developed secret techniques to fulfill more and more audacious contracts. Within the century, their powers of flower delivery had grown so threatening to international security that the Disputatious Assembly ordered countries in which they had guildhalls to implement oppressive controls to curb their power. Eventually, stymieing these measures became so cumbersome that the Guild of Florists announced that it was disbanding and closed all of its locations. There was a worldwide sigh of relief, until every sovereign in the Assembly received a bouquet with a note attached, reading "Thank you for your feedback. Signed, the Esoteric Order of Florists". Nobody knows where they operate out of now, though most suspect Lepazzia, their biggest state client, is sheltering them.

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The secret to the Order's unmatched infiltration ability has been the subject of interminable debate. They have been suggested to be the keepers of secret cloaking technology discovered long ahead of their time, martial artists whose mastery of ancient jutsu allows them to move as freely and invisibly as the wind, spirits of the forest that can materialize freely in the mortal world, an international network of spies with the connections to get access to anywhere, and the fingers of a dark god breaking through to our world. World leaders such as Klaus Santanna have been accused of being Order members hiding in plain sight, and historical figures like Pentex Lannogaster are often suspected on account of the breadth of their escapades.

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Whatever they are, they are one of the few certainties in life. Every night I lock up the building to clean, and every morning I wake up to the place littered with flower petals. I've tried everything. Nothing works.

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Spheven Kain

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The Fractured Cities

Between the rock of Shaster and the hard place of Lepazzia (with I guess a second hard place made of the abs of screaming maniacs over on the one side) lies the self-winding time bomb that is the Fractured Cities. The Fractured Cities are comprised by over fifty eternally bickering city states within a somewhat secluded territory, and all of them are awesome. Technically the whole mess is one big country, but that's basically just a legal fiction maintained by whatever Hierarch managed to win the last civil war and claim the Sovereignty, and everyone else goes along with it because they don't want to have to deal with a repeat of the whole Very Definitely Independent States situation. Plus you just know that if you brought all fifty-six Hierarchs into the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the session would end with two thirds of them dead, a handful of bystander casualties, and the building on fire.

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The signature cultural activity of the Fractured Cities is called, no shit, a "bloodmoot," and it's basically this giant game of assassination chicken where both sides pretend it's a peaceful diplomatic conference until one of them has their assassins shoot first. But then maybe they find that the assassins were bought off and now they're getting shot in the back. Or possibly their food had an extra poison besides the one they already took an antidote for and they don't even get to give the signal. It's possible for neither side to make a move the whole time, of course, but then you've lost because you just sat through a whole diplomatic conference and how long will those agreements stand up in the Fractured Cities anyways? Television turned the lot of you into brain-rotted zombies, but televised bloodmoots with expert commentary nearly redeem the whole enterprise.

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See, entropologists detail two strategies people take to dealing with the inevitable breakdown of all order and goodness. The first strategy is the one adopted by most modern societies, and it's fucking terrible. They try and impose order on the natural chaos that is people trying appease their stupid animal brains, and invariably the whole thing grinds itself into disaster and stupidity; see also Incendia. But in the second approach, people embrace chaos and don't pretend like they're better than feral monkeys just because their mating contests are more ambiguous. That's the approach the Fractured Cities took. Sure they're at war all the time, but they've been in a pretty stable state of unrest since like a thousand years ago. Most so-called "organized" nations have collapsed, like, twice in that same time period. Three times if the Disarrangement Act passes. You can bet the Fractured Cities will survive that shit.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Hegemony_of_Whales.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Hegemony_of_Whales.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bc84662 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Hegemony_of_Whales.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +The Hegemony of Whales | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Hegemony of Whales

The Hegemony of Whales is the largest country in the world and per se the largest voting bloc in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. Recognized by the Assembly in AES 929 following the Cetacean Wars of the 920s, the hyperintelligent whales of the Hegemony lay claim to all of the planet's oceans as their sovereign territory, covering more than two-thirds of the surface. Through a quirk of wording in the Assembly's charter, voting power is described in terms of seats; the Hegemon, therefore, whose girth takes up an entire wing of seats, possesses nearly a third of the votes, depending on how massive the current occupant of the position is. (It is not a coincidence that this precipitated the breakup of the Union into the Very Definitely Independent States, nor that the Hegemony was the first to ratify the States each receiving a seat.) The admission of the Hegemony caused a fundamental change in the politics of the Assembly, which was allowed to happen when the first Hegemon, Bueoueou the Great, threatened to roll over the opposition. While the Assembly's sudden change of policy towards ocean preservation was the first and most obvious effect, more subtle consequences were to follow.

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Though the Hegemony is an axis of international politics, it lacks a strong economic base, being entirely underwater. The hyperintelligent whales, while hyperintelligent, are whales, and thus lack the fine motor control required for most skilled professions. In order to make the Hegemony an economic power on par with its political power, Hegemon Aouwouou instituted the Whale Tariffs, a tax on all ships passing through Hegemony territory, i.e. the oceans. This had wide-reaching economic effects, the most notable of which was the ascension of Flandre as an economic powerhouse. Because Flandre's economy is mostly oil-based, the High Exarch was able to equip every ship in the Flandrean fleet with significant amounts of oil, effectively turning the Hegemony's threat to sink noncompliant ships into mutually assured destruction. This defiance to the Whale Tariffs has put them at the center of the Assembly bloc that forms the main opposition to the Hegemon's vote. It has not been a carte blanche resistance, however; after the weaponization of the Taurus Research Station, the Hegemony banned General Gorson from sea travel, which Flandre wisely heeded.

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The Hegemony of Whales proposed the Disarrangement Act in AES 989 in advance of the Assembly's millenial. The Hegemony's reasons for the Act are not difficult to infer: rearranging all the countries in the world will undoubtedly require shipping some of them to different continents, an unimaginably profitable opportunity for the Hegemony. It also stands to neutralize the threat Flandre poses to it, as long as Flandre's new location has less oil in it.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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I've got a sneaking suspicion that if the Disarrangement Act passes, the Hegemony might just strand every country alone in the water. All they have to do is offer Flandre's oil fields to Ulgrav. If they do that, then between the zeppelin fleet and the Whale Tariffs both nations could corner all global trade.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_I27ll_Legislate_It2C_I_Swear2C_Don27t_Think_I_Won27t_Act.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_I27ll_Legislate_It2C_I_Swear2C_Don27t_Think_I_Won27t_Act.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8e54270 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_I27ll_Legislate_It2C_I_Swear2C_Don27t_Think_I_Won27t_Act.html @@ -0,0 +1,51 @@ + + +The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act

Remember when the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns was good at their jobs? I don't. There hasn't been a decent Assembly since like AES 26 when Jain Kantamon convinced the international community that dragons were a thing. Even then, well, the idiots all thought that dragons existed.

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So there's this thing in entropology called Angrand's Equation, which describes the efficacy of government as a function of the time since its founding. Unsurprisingly to anyone who knows about entropology, the graph just keeps going downward. You meatheads think the Assembly is any different? Then read 'em and fucking weep, because either you don't know about the I'll Legislate it, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act, or your TV-rotted excuse for a brain is in too much of a stupor to understand the implications.

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The ILIISDTIWA is, simply put, the nadir of not just the Assembly, but also of civilization in general. It started with some wag deciding to curb the power of the Esoteric Order of Florists, never mind that all they do is deliver fucking flowers to hard-to-reach areas, and never mind that if your jumped-up, fancy-pants "national security" can't stop a bunch of florists there's no way they'll listen when a gaggle of politicians tells them off for it. Whatever. Tale as old as time.

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So next thing that happens is people start adding on all these other riders to the Act. And I'll give them this: the founders of the Assembly knew this was going to be a problem, so there are provisions in the Charter that force people to remain at least notionally on topic when they try to stick their overbearing regal genitals in a piece of legislation. But look at the fucking title on this piece of shit! Can you think of anything you can't legislate with a title like that? "Hur hur, what about legislating not thinking they won't" no dice, you corpulent weasel, the fuckers did that too.

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Even the shit that went wrong didn't go right, because the Assembly is full of opportunists who want to find a nice, convenient legislative vehicle to outlaw their favorite pet peeve. The I'll Legislate It Act opened the floodgates on a tsunami of excrement. There were sections that outlawed voting with your left hand, and lunchtime, and famously even other sections of the same fucking Act. And so of course it got to the point where nobody actually wanted this legislative atrocity to go through, because their own citizens would have them drawn and quartered. But they had also spent way too many favors getting this thing set up, so they couldn't vote against. So on voting day, one by one, every stinkin' Sovereign in the building voted to abstain. But they forgot one critical detail: Lepazzia always votes in favor.

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I don't wanna think about this anymore, so I'm gonna get shitfaced. Smell ya later.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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The Hegemony of Whales, as expected, blamed the passage of the Act on Flandre, but the charge isn't entirely groundless. Flandre, after all, was at the very end of the voting order, just after Lepazzia. As each sovereign abstained from the vote, there was a growing sense that if Lepazzia didn't break their streak to abstain with every other sovereign, there wouldn't be any votes left to stop them. Yet the sovereigns right before Lepazzia, on whom the pressure increasingly mounted, were all countries that had put too much into the Act, and one by one they abstained in the hope that either Lepazzia would do something sensible or Flandre, always prepared, would stop them. When Lepazzia casually voted for the Act as if it were any other motion, all breath stopped and all eyes turned to High Exarch Ironheart. Ironheart rose slowly, looked around the room, and abstained.

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The room was silent for only a moment before turning into an outright riot, with half the room charging the High Exarch and the other half fighting among themselves. The High Exarch, of course, immediately disappeared into the escape tunnel beneath his seat. The Secretary attempted to restore order, but one of the stipulations of the Act, courtesy of the Careless Continent, prohibited the Secretary from stopping fights in the Assembly for the first week after its passage.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Killer_Bus_of_Kingsland_North.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Killer_Bus_of_Kingsland_North.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f6a2e7b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Killer_Bus_of_Kingsland_North.html @@ -0,0 +1,59 @@ + + +The Killer Bus of Kingsland North | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Killer Bus of Kingsland North

Kingsland is full of many things, most of which you wouldn't want to run into in a dark alley. Unfortunately for Kingslanders, the city-state is practically made of dark alleys. It's sometimes said that if you stretched out all of Kingsland's alleys and roads next to each other, the alleys would go further, but neither would get you far enough to escape whatever was chasing you. Because of the dangers lurking in the omnipresent alleys, Kingslanders try to stick to the city's labyrinthine public transit system, despite its sanity-defying complexity. Visitors are often surprised by such transit irregularities as subway tracks that spin the train in a barrel roll, a monorail track that loops Kingsland South but never in the same way twice, one road where the buses go off a ramp to avoid a chasm, and the strange phenomenon where the station bathroom stalls transport people to the Double-North Pole. Kingslanders are nothing if not resigned, however, and they bear this with faces hollow and spirits deflated.

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But the transit system isn't always the safer option. The first "Killer Bus" incident occurred in AES 976. The doors on a bus in Kingsland North suddenly locked, and onlookers described the windows as being "instantly painted" with blood. In what Kingslanders call "a good day", the screaming was brief. The bus continued its route as normal, though few dared to board once they saw every surface on the inside covered in viscera. It is unknown whether the bus's driver was also killed, but a bus with no driver isn't even worth mentioning in Kingsland, so we don't know either way. Similar incidents continue to occur in Kingsland North, each time involving a slightly different method. The Killer Bus has protruded spikes, turned flat and fallen on top of passersby, transformed into a giant robot to fight another local horror, and driven straight into the river that divides the city in order to hit a passing Panark diplomatic envoy.

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The Killer Bus's cult has grown to be one of the largest in Kingsland. In 986, on the anniversary of the first Killer Bus incident, the cult began rallying to elect the Killer Bus as the sovereign of Kingsland. This movement has gained popular appeal outside of the cult, as the citizens hope that the Killer Bus will be forced to leave Kingsland in order to attend sessions of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. Flandre has expressed support for the movement in recognition of the Killer Bus's aid in the success of NRP BX-392a. This support has more than one motive, though, as electing foreign threats to the Assembly to keep tabs on them is prescribed by NRP TX-43d.

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Spheven Kain

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In a happy example of partisan agreement, the Killer Bus's candidacy for sovereign is also supported by the Hegemony of Whales, for much the same reasons as its support for the fragmentation of the Very Definitely Independent States in the 30s. The mayor of Kingsland has expressed uncertainty as to the Killer Bus's candicacy: on one hand, the Bus would take up two rows of seats, giving Kingsland unprecedented voting power in the Disputatious Assembly; on the other hand, it would mean he would have to go back to living in Kingsland.

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Spheven Kain

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In my personal opinion, the mayor should stop being such a sissy and move back. My neighbors got eaten by something last summer and the flat's been vacant long enough that I'm sure whatever did it has moved on. It's the least sacrifice he could make for his country. Over here in Kingsland South, we'd kill to get that many Assembly votes, and I can't imagine how the Northerners would feel to have the Killer Bus off the streets.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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I've done some reading about the Killer Bus, and it's harrowing stuff. After the first incident, they removed it from the transit system. The next morning, there was an extra bus at the transit station and no one could figure out which one it was. After the next incident, they wrote down the serial number for each bus and then removed it again. Overnight, there was a different list of serial numbers in the handwriting of the manager who had originally written it, and the bus count was up by one again. They tried adding more measures the third time—cameras, locking the gate, caltrops on the road—but in the morning, the gate's technical log reported it was closed the whole evening, the caltrops were arranged into sanity-melting glyphs, and everyone who reviewed the camera feed instantly went mad.

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And this time, the extra bus was parked... right... in... front... of the manager's office!

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Chilling stuff! I told that story to my grandchildren the other week, both because they're adorable when they're scared, and also because it's never to early to learn to fear Kingsland.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Lunchtime_Fallacy.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Lunchtime_Fallacy.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1273a28 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Lunchtime_Fallacy.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +The Lunchtime Fallacy | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Lunchtime Fallacy

The Lunchtime Fallacy is the name of a neoclassical metal band hailing from Katskria that rose to prominence for its participation in the first symphonic warp traversal experiments in AES 955. The participants for the experiments, run by the National Academy of Velskyavo, were chosen by a single-elimination endurance tournament in which bands were required to play music while undergoing astronaut training. The Lunchtime Fallacy narrowly defeated their opponents in the finals, the neometal classical band Sneezing on the King Eternal, when Sneezing's drummer fell unconscious in the third hour inside the multiaxis g-force machine and lost his grip on his drumsticks, which flew out at high speed and knocked out their bassist. In the maiden voyage of the warp-equipped shuttle — christened as the Rainbow's Teeth by Lunchtime's lead singer, Groz Hoffman — The Lunchtime Fallacy entered warp with a performance of their hit single "Hit Me With a Truck" and exited five minutes later on the other side of the world in Lepazzia, where they played a few numbers for a surprised crowd before warping back to Katskria with an encore of "Ain't No Whale".

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The Lunchtime Fallacy rode on this fame for a few years, until they were inadvertently banned by the Don't Think I Won't Act. Now international criminals guilty only of the crime of having a pretty sweet band name, they broke into the National Academy's warp research wing and stole the Rainbow's Teeth, making their getaway with the debut performance of "But You'll Never Take Our Trousers". Through the careful manipulation of time signatures, Lunchtime was able to introduce time dilation into their warp travel, spending only a day inside the warp before materializing in the capital of Shaster three months later. Thereafter, Lunchtime became temporal vagrants, appearing out of the warp on the crest of a song and playing a gig long enough for their agent to grab more food from the nearest market before disappearing back into the ether. Because they spend more time in warp than with the rest of us, the members of Lunchtime appear to have only aged a few years since they began their journey through space and time thirty years ago.

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Before their exodus, The Lunchtime Fallacy's lyrics focused on themes of the difficulty of engaging in politics in an increasingly globalized world and the marginalization of smaller communities. Their later, post-Act work has abandoned this to become more abstract and disconnected, a trend that National Academy researchers are worried represents long-term detrimental effects from extended warp exposure.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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The Lunchtime Fallacy has accumulated an impressive curriculum vitae of prestigious events. They've played at the inaugurations of the Mayor of Kingsland, the President of Incendia, and several of the governors of the Very Definitely Independent States. They've provided background music to sessions of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns and breakout meetings of the Advisory Committees. They were even invited once!

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Night_of_Storms.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Night_of_Storms.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ee50fa2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Night_of_Storms.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +The Night of Storms | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Night of Storms

The Night of Storms is the reason why no one fucks with Ulgrav. In AES 946, the Theocracy of Rime's High Priest suddenly decided that because of stupid reasons their stupid little god suddenly had a problem with Ulgravian airships beautifying their stupid little skies. By AES 947, Mr. Suicidal down there declares holy war. So we taught the little punk a lesson.

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The Night of Storms was a long time coming, for shitty reasons. Shit is something no one really thinks about when they think about airships. The custom, of course, had long been to dump it while flying over Lepazzia, but somewhere around the early 900's they invented guns big enough to reach zeppelin cruising altitude and started dropping hints every time we dropped shit. So next we started dumping it in the ocean, but within a couple years the Cetacean Wars came to an end and dropping shit on Hegemony territory was against the peace terms. So we were collectively like "fuck it, we'll drop it on Kingsland, it's not like they're not already neck-deep in shit."

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Turns out Kingsland didn't work either, since zeppelins rely on the laws of physics to stay floating, and Barcu is kind of a lawless place. So the first ships that went there ended up turning around and just dumping their shit east of Barcu where the Hantu used to live.

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'Course, if we'd bothered to check the map, we'd have realized the Theocracy of Rime had sprung up there recently. Nowadays we sell our shit to Shaster because they've got some device designed by the unquestionable Dr. Stafford, so really they should have thanked us for the gift. But instead the little shit went and had a "new and holy vision from Whats-his-face" and declared that we were enemies of the faith or whatever. Sovereign Jhatu didn't give a fuck, so he just ordered the whole fleet to cover the High Priest's palace in shit. That should have put him in his place, but he went and declared a holy war like the little twerp he was.

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Ulgrav doesn't back down, you hear me? When we were horse-bound hordes we fucking ruled the plains, and the thunder of hooves was the only warning you got that we were about to fuck up your little prairie town. But today? Oh, you should have seen it. My buddy Yasser was just a little boy at the time, but he tells me the sound of a thousand propellers sounded like dubstep on God's jukebox. Rime didn't stand a chance. They didn't even have high-altitude artillery. We bombed the fuckers so far down into the earth that we dug up the ominous fixed-point cube the High Priest's palace had been using as a foundation. The light and the noise were so intense Flandre thought a fucking volcano was erupting and Kingsland thought it was Tuesday. We bombed them so hard the fucking weather was permanently altered.

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Anyways, to make a long story short, no one's declared war on us since then.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Panark_Fleet.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Panark_Fleet.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..da5b34b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Panark_Fleet.html @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ + + +The Panark Fleet | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Panark Fleet

The Panark Fleet is a vagrant nation originating from a loose coalition of stateless buccaneers. As the military technology of the major oceanic powers increased, the proto-Panarkians shifted from raiding merchants to acting as independent shipping contractors. After the tense Banana Incident, in which Panark nearly came to war with Lepazzia, the Panark Fleet declared itself as a sovereign state and sought membership in the Disputatious Assembly. This was initially rejected on the grounds that Panark did not control any land, which prompted Panark to spend the next few years covertly stealing sand, topsoil, and gravel from other countries until they had turned their major carriers each into their own biome. This provoked intense debate in the Assembly as to what kind of land a country needed to control to be recognized. The matter was eventually settled in Panark's favor by pressure from Ulgrav, which had begun selling off all of its land and wanted some precedent set to keep its own Assembly seat.

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Since the advent of computing technology, Panark has become the world's largest provider of computer cycles. Most large-scale computing is done in massive server clusters stored in the depths of Panarkian carriers, which use the ocean as an unlimited heatsink. This has drawn the ire of the Hegemony of Whales for its effect on ocean currents, resulting in a status quo where the Panark Fleet is constantly on the move to avoid the Hegemony's military. The Fleet took this as a provocation to stop paying their Whale Tariffs, which has only worsened relations. Unlike Flandrean oil ships, Panarkian cruisers are rarely contracted as tariff-free transport because they cannot move in predictable routes without the Hegemony catching them.

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Because of their substantial available computational substrate, the Panark Fleet has the greatest number of computational theologians per capita, and most of the non-carrier ships are run essentially as techno-monasteries. The technomonks of Panark are widely regarded for their charitable acts and unmercenary IT work. Their critical role in engineering the systems that allow the Hegemon of Whales to attend the Disputatious Assembly in the flesh is responsible for keeping the stormy relations between the two from breaking into open war.

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The Fleet is generally opposed to the Disarrangement Act on the grounds that having to take on more land would overburden their ships. Most suspect that a more pressing concern is that carrying out the Act will raise uncomfortable questions as to how and whence Panark obtained the land they currently have.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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Another reason that the Hegemony of Whales isn't too keen to press its case against the Panark Fleet by force is that the Fleet essentially controls the Taurus Research Station. When every space-capable country and Kingsland attached their own thrusters to the station, there was no rhyme or reason to where the thrusters were placed. Now turning the Taurus in any direction requires calculations too complicated for anybody but the Fleet to compute, by virtue of their unmatched computational resources. Nominally, the Fleet does the math for the Assembly as a due, but whenever other sovereigns make fun of Panark for having "fake land", they always change the topic to the Taurus, and eventually the others caught their drift.

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Spheven Kain

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Partitioning.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Partitioning.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0dcbe59 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Partitioning.html @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ + + +The Partitioning | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Partitioning

Some people like to troll entropologists by opening their slack-jawed, slobbering mouths and going "dur hur hur, society exhibits a trend of increasing centralization and interconnectivity, and as our horizons expand, more of society will be brought into harmony, so what do you think of that?" Most recently I ran into this asinine sentiment from Professor Hazard McKinley, who I maintain is a literal sack of shit that someone throws across a room so they can submit the resulting splatter pattern to academic journals.

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So the argument goes like this: everything tends toward unity and interconnectedness. The more we centralize stuff, the fewer problems we have. Centralization increases as time goes on. Therefore, everything's going to turn out okay in the end. So yeah, that argument? Bullshit, all of it. In reality, civilization's been going downhill since the invention of the nation-state.

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That invention was called the Partitioning. When the Partitioning went down, the Guild of Mapmakers had just been formed, and they were spreading their tendrils out all over the place to figure out how to represent the world. And they were trying to deal with this issue of how do you look at the map and know who's in charge of a particular piece of land? Hospitality culture was big back then—not anymore, of course, because everything goes to shit—and you had to know who you were bringing guest-gifts for.

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So the Guild tried writing down the names of the big nations in the general area they were known to control. This turns out not to work, since national land control ebbs and flows all the time. So they went "fuck it" and just drew these big lines all over the map. Bam, now this side is Selestei and that side is Ulgrav. Easy peasy.

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Problem is, before the Partitioning, no one gave a shit about who owned the land. They cared about who owned what was on the land. If you're an ancient Ulgravian horseprince, your main pre-Partition concerns look like this: "We need water. Who do I kill to secure this river? Should I have the horde graze on this hill? How do we get around that ominous floating cube?" But after the Partition, all of a sudden there's this invisible line down the middle of your grazing plains, and if you cross it King Musclebrain the Painfully Loud sends the Grim Weepers after you.

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I always get pissed off by these soft-skulled armchair theorists who hail the Partitioning as a great thing because it eliminated the constant tribal war. Tribal wars are small and over concrete, finite things like water. But after you invent states, it becomes possible to go to war because your fucking Sovereign isn't satisfied with the size of his genitalia. Have you ever met a Sovereign who was secure in their genitalia size? It was a fucking mistake to let states own land and we should undo the whole thing.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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When the Guild drew up the first maps with national borders on them, which formed the basis for subsequent territorial claims, a curious problem emerged. The borders themselves took up a nonzero amount of space on the map, leading troublemakers to ask who owned the land on which the borders were drawn. Despite the Guild's best efforts to draw the maps large and the borders thin, these border corridors ("borridors") could be miles wide in some places. This was handled in a variety of ways across the globe. On the Careless Continent, national borders were too ephemeral to matter. Once Lepazzia drifted off the continent, its new neighbors across the ocean simply ceded the new borridors to Lepazzian control rather than attempt to face the withering Lepazzian passive-aggression that would accompany trying to negotiate their use. Similarly, the borridors around Kingsland are generally left alone, but that's mostly because nobody wants to get any closer to Kingsland than necessary.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Roerbach_Incident.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Roerbach_Incident.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..91522b9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Roerbach_Incident.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +The Roerbach Incident | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Roerbach Incident

The Roerbach Incident was a political incident in the early years of the Assembly. The chief participants were Selestei and Flandre, with some involvement by the Fractured Cities. There was a noticeable absence of involvement from the Boslavian Hegemony (ancestor to the Principality of Shaster) and, argue some scholars, from common sense.

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As Dr. Jones notes in his article on Iurezza (not to be confused with Dr. Jones's article on Iurezza), the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns began life as a Flandrean contingency plan on the west coast of Iurezza. Its intent was to give the political leaders of the area a forum where they could mediate their disagreements without escalating to war. However, this vision failed to anticipate King Doric Foeslayer of Selestei. On his first visit to the Assembly in AES 25, King Doric challenged three different Sovereigns to wrestling matches and generally raised havoc in the hall. Then he jovially threatened to leave and return with an army.

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High Exarch Kantamon, who had created the Assembly and was now faced with a threat to its legacy, knew he had to remove the boisterous Sovereign as a threat in whatever manner he could. Initially he attempted to goad King Doric into irritating Sornhandr, King Eternal, but—and this is where I suspect someone has tampered with the historical record—contemporary accounts indicate that King Doric charmed the old lich and the two of them went out drinking without King Doric succumbing to the curse of the electric undead.

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His first plan having failed, High Exarch Kantamon received an unexpected blessing in the form of Zor Olo cracking and a large portion of the ocean vanishing within eyeshot of the Assembly hall. Drawing from legends of the Ultimate Dragonopolis, Kantamon procured some falsified maps of the Roerbach region of southern Iurezza. He then gave an exhortation to the Assembly that there were dragons nesting in southern Iurezza, and that they had struck at the moon. He put special emphasis on how dangerous they were, and how brave the warriors challenging them would have to be. King Doric, of course, immediately volunteered his armies.

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While the Selesteine dragon-hunting fleet sailed south, High Exarch Kantamon sailed east. He traveled to the Fractured Cities and murdered a succession of Hierarchs in bloodmoots by dropping anvils on their heads, then forged a coalition of Fractured Cities militaries to invade Selestei. By the time they succeeded, of course, the coalition had already broken into no less than eleven factions, but as Selestei was bearing the cost of their infighting, Kantamon's objective had already been achieved. It would be centuries before either Selestei or the surrounding region recovered.

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King Doric, meanwhile, failed to find any dragons, and moreover was misled by false maps. The Selesteine expedition, increasingly frustrated by the lack of dragons to slay, slaughtered their way through eight hundred miles of untamed wilderness before crossing the Skeptical Channel into the Careless Continent. Their sudden appearance there disrupted a delicate peace sixty years in the making, throwing the entire continent back into infighting.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Ulgravian_Diaspora.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Ulgravian_Diaspora.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f8d558a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Ulgravian_Diaspora.html @@ -0,0 +1,62 @@ + + +The Ulgravian Diaspora | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Ulgravian Diaspora

The nation of Ulgrav holds the distinction of sharing a border with every country on the planet, as the country's territory is technically the entire atmosphere. They say of themselves that they took to the sky to embrace the flame of adventure, but scholarly consensus is that they were actually just fleeing the passive-aggression of neighboring Lepazzia. (If possible, don't let Dr. Hanson see this.)

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Ulgrav's role in contemporary geopolitics is a somewhat precarious one. The sky has precious few resources beyond sunlight, water vapor, and the occasional bird. Consequently, Ulgrav is entirely dependent upon their trade allies (primarily Flandre and the Compass Republic) for essentials like oil and raw materials. At the same time, their control of airspace is nearly absolute. The last country to challenge them directly was the Theocracy of Rime in AES 947, and nearly fifty years later they're still a collection of subsistence farmers after what the Ulgravians did to them. So of course no country really feels safe when zeppelins are in their airspace, but no one wants to make a fuss of it either.

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The unique situation of the Ulgravian Diaspora has also put them in a complicated position with respect to the Disarrangement Act. Years of being cramped up on zeppelins and feeling like their homeland was taken from them has pushed the diaspora's general mood into bitterness and resentment. Indeed, in meetings of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the Ulgravian Sovereign can't help but let some of that bitterness slip inner his own manner. So Ulgrav desperately wants the Act to pass so that they can get, in the words of my esteemed colleague Dr. Hanson, "some fucking land." At the same time, the continued existence of their zeppelin fleet depends on oil trade with Flandre, which is highly motivated to prevent the Act from passing. Even a brief review of the historical record will suffice to communicate that Flandre is, bar none, the worst country on the planet to double-cross. Thus, Ulgrav has wisely chosen to speak against the Act for the time being.

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Culturally, the Ulgravians are of course known for their barely repressed rage, but they also possess strong communal values. This is likely a result of selection pressures, as anyone found guilty of egregious acts against the community is typically thrown off the airship. Cultural critics sometimes observe that this practice is similar to their recreational activity called windstriding, wherein someone is thrown off the airship, except with a rope tied around them. These critics typically suggest that both customs reflect their deep-seated need to escape their exile and return to their homeland. However, as a memetosociologist, I would note that these critics are usually Ulgravians, and this analysis just serves to reinforce the country's standard propaganda line. I would further note that there is really not that much to do onboard an airship, and they are probably all just bored.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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It certainly seems that Flandre is aware of the potential for betrayal from Ulgrav. At a meeting of the Assembly yesterday, I watched High Exarch Minor Ironheart stroll across the Chamber of Sovereigns, whisper in the Ulgravian Sovereign's ear, then slam a knife through his desk before walking away. The message seemed to be, "If you cross us and fail, you'd better hope you have a contingency plan." Knowing you're in the crosshairs of the most paranoid nation on the planet is a good motivator to try your luck in other directions.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Guess what, Pierce? I saw it. Fuck you.

+

As far as "other directions" are concerned, I happen to know that the Sovereign received a diplomatic party from the germs the other week. Flandre aside, their tech is the best on offer right now, with the poooossible exception of the Panark Fleet. We're nominally allied with the Fleet, but one reason to pick the Vigotskians over the Fleet is if you're trying to look for alternate energy sources—the boatfuckers oppose the Act and they're mortal enemies with the Hegemony, so they've never had as much of an incentive to pursue that line of research.

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If the Sovereign can land some kind of research deal and reduce our dependence on Flandrean oil, we might see some changes in the alliance. At the very least, it'll be less of a headlock for us.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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I think it's adorable that the Ulgravians name their airships after famous horses from their days as marauders of the plains. It's a good way for them to keep in touch with their roots.

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Spheven Kain

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The Venerable Society of Cartographers

The Venerable Society of Cartographers, also known as the Guild of Mapmakers, is a non-governmental organization with something of a storied past. Founded by Wren Felsdottor two hundred years before the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the Venerable Cartographers did pretty much what you would expect from the name. The Guild filled a pressing and necessary function, as it was a time of ambiguity and conflict which thankfully de-escalated after the invention of national borders six years after the Guild was established.

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Guilds were both influential and plentiful in those days, which meant individuals were incentivized to try and corner some niche section of the job market by founding their own Guild. This resulted in, for example, a Guild of Blacksmithing While Reciting Edifying Poetry and a Guild of Stealing Other Guilds' Signs. You may think I am exaggerating here, but I am not. Both of these organizations are mentioned in historical records. Needless to say that none of these Guilds persisted, with the notable exceptions of the Guild of Florists and, of course, the Mapmakers' Guild.

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But the historical import of the Venerable Society of Cartographers lies, not in the maps they drew of the world—though these were certainly important, and many have survived into the present day—but in the ways they began altering the world to fit their maps. If memory serves, the initial precedent for this surprising course of action originated with Guildmaster Yithros the Exact, who modern scholars think likely suffered from some kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder. As the story goes, Yithros was commissioned by the king of Thegul to produce a map of his country for their centennial, which Yithros did with characteristic exactitude. However, someone jostled his writing arm while he was finishing the curve of the coast. Such an error was unacceptable to him, so he journeyed out to Thegul and began shoveling away at the coast in order to make it fit his map. Thegul, however, was entirely below sea level, relying on a complicated system of dykes to keep the ocean out. Yithros's a posteriori correction flooded the entire country. And so, the Guild histories tell us, Yithros travelled back to the Guild and changed his map to read "Thegulf of Tan."

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Yithros's successors took increasing liberties with their maps. Where before the Guild's mission had been purely descriptive, prescriptivist mapmaking began, inch by inch, to creep into their business model. Naturally this was a concern for many Sovereigns, such as when Lepazzia ordered a map of the Fractured Cities with most of the territory covered by a compass rose. To keep up with the increasingly geopolitical nature of their duties, the Venerable Cartographers began militarizing themselves to a level that would allow them to challenge nation-states. The training and materiel required are, of course, a tremendous expenditure, and thus the Venerable Cartographers have abandoned mapmaking over the past few centuries, essentially becoming a top-tier paramilitary organization.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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Very fine work, M. Hon. Milton. I think in the final draft you should consider mentioning the Mapmakers' role in the Roerbach Incident, given that we wouldn't have seen such tremendous uproar in the Assembly if not for the fake maps. But please don't take that suggestion as a criticism of your excellent scholarship here.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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A proper scholar doesn't cite himself, Dr. Jones. Any memetosociologist could tell you that.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Very_Definitely_Independent_States.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Very_Definitely_Independent_States.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cccb892 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_Very_Definitely_Independent_States.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +The Very Definitely Independent States | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The Very Definitely Independent States

The Very Definitely Independent States are the most visible embarrassment to the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns' global mandate. After the admittance of the Hegemony of Whales into the Assembly revealed a thousand-year-old loophole in the charter that gave the Hegemony a third of the votes in the Assembly, the former Union of Benric States, the country that covered the entire continent of Benri, was suddenly plunged into the Benric Civil War — named so not because it was a war within a single state, but because it was civil: there were zero deaths and only twenty injured across the entire continent, and none of them were combat injuries. After this sham of a civil war, half of the federal government of the UBS "collapsed" (read: retired with severance pay), and each of the constituent states' governors applied for admittance into the Assembly, insistent on their independence from each other. The other half of the federal government rebranded itself as the Camaraderie Committee of Benri and took the official stance that it was an international orgnaization dedicated to advising the newly formed and very definitely independent states of Benri. The first "non-binding recommendation" of the Committee to the Independent States — which was accepted without question by every State — was the creation of the Yggdrasil Project, ensuring the support of the ascendant Hegemony.

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To the credit of the Very Definitely Independent States, the States do not always vote in accordance with the Committee's "recommendations", and these differences are even sometimes plausibly because of the differing interests of the States. But these VDIS splits are seemingly always proportioned to the degree of support the Committee has for a measure. Whenever the Committee has no recommendation or recommends abstention, the States somehow manage to always end up splitting their votes 50-50.

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This state of affairs is tolerated by the rest of the Assembly, but at a diplomatic cost to the VDIS; generally, the States find it hard to advance their common interests in the Assembly beyond the immediate power they have as a voting bloc, and consequently they remain closely allied to the Hegemony to safeguard their international (and Assembly-procedural) interests. The limits of this tolerance were tested in 961, when Illithor claimed that the Don't Think I Won't Act had caused a civil war and it had to split into three independent countries. On the suggestion of the Flandrean General "Ripper" Gorson, The Assembly, minus the Hegemony, unanimously voted to send an occupying force to restore peace to the war-torn nation. The governor of Illithor then immediately announced that a legal team had solved the problem and ended the civil war. Occasionally, a sovereign will motion to have international forces unify some of the Independent States, but the States involved invariably claim that an ethnic war has just broken out and reunification is inadvisable.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_War_of_Durun27s_Ass.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_War_of_Durun27s_Ass.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1076cc3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/The_War_of_Durun27s_Ass.html @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ + + +The War of Durun's Ass | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
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The War of Durun's Ass

Before the tenth century, there was nothing so fearful for a country as finding out that the Selesteine Army was marching on your borders. Most of the world had a chance to experience this in AES 688, when Selestei waged the War of Durun's Ass. During the first session of the year of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, President Durun of The Union of Benric States spilled his eggnog on King Gristleton of Selestei. Gristleton became enraged and told Durun that he was going to "kick [his] ass". Durun responded that he had a busy schedule, but that if he wanted to come to Benri in the summer and kick his ass then, he was welcome to visit. Gristleton ominously accepted the offer and left to the bathroom to wipe the eggnog off. After he had left, everyone in the room simultaneously realized what was about to happen. When Gristleton failed to return to the Assembly at the end of the recess, everyone between Selestei and the Union scrambled to contact their defense ministries, which was pretty much all of them, because Selestei and Benri are on opposite sides of the planet.

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Selestei marched into the Fractured Cities at the beginning of the following week, fully armed and angry. For one of the only times in recorded history, in the face of the foreign threat on their borders, the Fractured Cities banded together as one to defend their homeland. They were immediately crushed by the Selesteine army. Pausing only long enough to arm-wrestle the survivors and carry off food and barrels of beer, the invading force simply marched straight through to the Shastrian border. In the face of the foreign threat on their borders, Shaster rallied its forces to defend its homeland. They, too, were immediately crushed by the Selesteine army. Seizing all of the ships in the harbor, the rampaging mob set sail for Benri — in the wrong direction. It would take travelling several months and conquering many more countries, including every single country on the Careless Continent, before Selestei stood upon the beaches of Benri.

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Durun, of course, had heard of Selestei's path of devastation on the way to meet him, and was terrified. His advisers, fearing for the worst should the Selesteines beat a roundabout trail of mayhem on their way to the capital, kidnapped Durun and delivered him to King Gristleton the following day. When the two sovereigns finally stood face to face once again, Gristleton pointed out that Durun had invited him there, and then promptly, in the words of the contemporary historian Pentex Lannogaster, "beat the shit out of him". The Selesteines then returned home, and at the following Assembly session King Gristleton acted like the whole thing had never happened.

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President Durun would later blame this all on Gristleton, who, he insisted, had bumped his arm when he was holding the eggnog.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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It's worth noting that most of the ships that Selestei hijacked in Shaster were Panarkian vessels. This would prove to be one of the formative moments for the young country, forcing them to band closer together for mutual aid to prevent a catastrophe of the same magnitude from reoccurring. Even today, the aftereffects of the War are visible in the chilly bilateral relations between the Fleet and Selestei.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Citations: The Panark Fleet

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The Yggdrasil Project

The Yggdrasil Project was an ambitious biotechnical research project spearheaded by an international collaboration between the Very Definitely Independent States, the Hegemony of Whales, and Shaster. The project began life as an idle side project of the inimitable Dr. Stafford during a guest teaching stint at the National Academy of Velskyavo, which goes a ways toward explaining the project's success in the face of Shastrian involvement.

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The basic idea of the project was to create a new form of life that could cleanse the oceans of centuries of industrial pollution. Dr. Stafford's notes suggested taking advantage of the distinctive properties of the oceanic environment; thus, it was decided some kind of plant would work best. The final shape of the organism evolved over the course of the project; while it was initially modeled after kelp, the nascent Yggdrasil organism soon began to take after terrestrial trees in shape.

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It is appropriate at this point to note that the various participants had different objectives for the project. Shaster's motives, as ever where Dr. Stafford is concerned, are entirely transparent: they've never missed a chance to be involved with one of his projects. As such, their involvement was mostly nominal. The Very Definitely Independent States, on the other hand, had more than the glory of a Stafford project at stake: a successful collaboration with the Hegemony would cement their position on the international stage. But that motivator proved to be the project's undoing.

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As the project progressed, the Hegemony of Whales began to push for an additional project goal: the ability to control Hegemony territory. Flandre had always been a thorn in the Hegemony's side, especially given their flaunting the recently instituted Whale Tariffs, and of course they'd never been on the best of terms with the Panark Fleet. To appease the cetacean pressure, the other actors on the project quickly moved to appease them. Thus, in addition to filtering out toxins from the water, the organism was also given prehensile tentacles strong enough to drag a boat below the surface.

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After years of development, the Yggdrasil Project was declared complete in 939, after which they hired the Esoteric Order of Florists to plant them all over the world. But no sooner had Hegemon Aouwouou unveiled the first fully-grown forest of Ravenous Squid-Trees on live television did they seize and devour her before disbelieving witnesses. Reeling in shock, the Hegemony did the only thing they could, and blamed Flandre.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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Ultimate Dragonopolis

So there's this thing in Ulgravian culture that most outsiders never catch on to. The question is this: fast, or old? Remember that we're a horse people with a rich sense of history who all live on zeppelins now. As an Ulgravian, that puts you in one of two camps: either your ship has a ton of history, but its technical specs are shit; or it's modern and sleek but you've got no fucking history to ground yourself in, pun not fucking intended. Or you have the shit luck to be born on the Thunder Bumble, which astoundingly has neither history nor half-decent specs, and do you know what a fucking pain in the ass it is to petition for a ship transfer in the Ulgravian Diaspora?

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Anyway, so there's these ancient legends about the Ultimate Dragonopolis, the last city of the dragons. And they seemed like pure myth for most of history, but ever since we invented space travel people are giving those myths another look and realizing that a lot of the details look an awful fucking lot like what you'd see on an atmosphere-capable space vessel. But since academics have their head perpetually up their asses and/or in the sand, our biggest researcher on this topic is a half-mad conspiracy theorist with a vendetta against the country that fucking gives us all affordable household goods. Worse, he's being bankrolled by the wireheads in fucking Shaster, who probably only want in because they want to feel like their country is actually relevant on the global stage.

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You know who really needs an extra airship? How about the only country in the world that actually lives on airships? The Ultimate Dragonopolis is huge, according the legends—hell, fucking dragons lived on it, what else would you expect?—and its tech level is beyond anything we've got, judging by the shit the dragons left behind in their little antarctic getaway. We'd treasure the shit outta that thing if we got our hands on it. I mean, shit, the Ulgravians over on Falcon of the Plains go everywhere on the ship by swinging from monkey bars because it's carpeted in rugs belonging to the last Dragon Prince and they're too holy for anyone else to walk on. Plus, we've got a claim to the dragonopolis. The Ulgravians are the only people in the world who remember that horses are descended from dragons. We fucking tamed them, and don't give me that shit about how no one outside of Ulgrav believes those accounts. Probably wouldn't recognize a legitimate historical narrative if a Selesteine beat your face in with it. So it stands to reason—not that any of you self-interested horsewives at the Assembly are gonna give more than the semblance of thought on this—that whatever the dragons had is now ours by right.

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Give us the fucking spaceship!

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Windstriding

So Pierce described windstriding as getting thrown off an airship with a rope attached, since he's dumber than a squirming pile of cats in a trenchcoat pretending to be a fucking scholar. You can tell he's clearly never been out there, because that description is so fucking wrong—well, okay, technically all those things happen but that's not the fucking point, okay? If you wanna know what windstriding is, go catch a ride on the next Ulgrav ship that resupplies in your area, find one of the tourist-friendly companies, and go punch the clouds with your face. Pick Yasser's Yells if you can. Ask for Ricardo. Tell him I sent you. I get a coupon for every new person I refer. The Secretary of the DAS even recommends it!

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Again, you're not really going to get it unless you're just out there freezing your ass off and having the time of your life. But I'll try to translate it for you ground-bound dunderheads. First of all, you have to realize that the sky has always been important to the Ulgravians. Ancient Ulgrav was less a state than the territory of several nomadic warrior tribes. The plains were our home, and we liked the sky because it was a lot like the plains but with fewer enemies. "Cloud" in Ulgravian is literally translated "Rising dust from the hooves of warrior mounts," and that might seem like a mouthful but in Ulgrav there's a single word for it. Long story short, when we packed up and left because of those passive-aggressive snot-worms, there was only one place we could go that was true to our roots: up.

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Second thing, there's an old Ulgravian sport where you'd take an enemy's shield (unless you'd just fought the Grim Weepers, who never used shields, in which case you'd use one of their broadswords instead), tie it to your horse, and then let it gallop off. You'd be standing on the shield (or sword), of course, so you'd have to pull yourself up the rope onto your galloping horse. Good clean family fun, except all those times when people slipped and dashed their head open on a passing rock or something. Whatever, it was harder to traumatize kids back then. Anyways, you're a warrior tribe with a horse-based sport and you don't have horses but you do have one sweet-ass zeppelin, so what do you do? Obviously, tie the shield to the airship and then jump off and let the airship gallop.

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Then, after everyone who tried it that way plummeted to their deaths, they adapted it so that the rope was tied to the person. Some groups'll still do it with the shield, and there's a subfaction that claims windstriding is all about surfing the shield on the air currents. Don't listen to them, they're goatfuckers with no sense of history and none of their children will survive the winter.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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I don't mean to besmirch your ostensibly excellent scholarship, but I seem to recall that you waited in ambush for the Secretary to use the coffee machine, then browbeat her until she said she liked your friend's business. I also seem to recall the exact wording of her "recommendation" was "Fine, if it'll make you go away, yes! I like it!"

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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I've always thought that the truest mark of Dr. Hanson's misosophical skills is the fact that she still doesn't have a misosophy degree.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Citations: The Dark Pentad

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You and me, Rubric. Lunchtime. Out back. Bring your weapons.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Say, Gwen, do people ever fall off the windstriding rope on purpose? Like, if someone were trying to clandestinely parachute into a country without JUSTICE extradition, or escape arrest. This is all hypothetical, I'm just asking for... academic purposes.

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Spheven Kain

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If such a thing ever happened, I'm sure I've never heard of it. But sometimes people have accidents, and it's not unheard-of for tourists like, say, yourself to wear parachutes just in case. Just be warned that bulky items like that increase your chances of slipping off. I could maybe introduce you to my friend Yasser, but it's so hard to schedule the time these days. I'm sure I'll get to it eventually.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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I understand, with all the hard work you've been doing on the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee report, it's difficult to find spare time. But perhaps we could discuss this while we meet regarding my recommendation for the Disputatious Assembly as to whether to pass the Disarrangement Act. I'm sure you would have some valuable insight to offer on the subject.

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Spheven Kain

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X-treme lecturing

The pedagogical technique known as X-treme lecturing was an experimental teaching method pioneered by the infamous Marvin Fitch. Taking inspiration from research into memory recall during times of crisis, Fitch subjected his students to a continuous series of crises while he lectured. These crises, chosen to induce fight-or-flight responses, included such educational experiences as filling the room with Barcuvian carnivorous rage-hamsters, dropping the floor from the lecture hall and suspending the desks from oiled ropes, and assigning students to do group work with a marionette child. Students who performed poorly in Fitch's classes were especially subjected to this, since the theory of X-treme lecturing dictated that their performance would improve if they were subjected to even more stressful crises. Because these students were predictably picked off by this "attention", Fitch's methods went unnoticed or ignored by university administrators, who only saw Fitch's high rates of student success: an artifact of the bottom half of the bell curve falling off, so to speak.

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X-treme lecturing was incidentally outlawed in AES 960 by the passing of the I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act, due to a clause that banned pedagogy involving hyphens. This, of course, was no obstacle to the indomitable Marvin Fitch, who switched careers to adult trade education. His practice of this technique continued and was taken up by disciples, which is generally agreed by sociologists to be the cause of the cold, dead, hollow thousand-yard stare electricians and plumbers tend to have in their eyes these days.

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Despite its comparably low survival rate compared to most other pedagogical methods, X-treme lecturing boasts an impressive resume of alumni. Several seated members of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns took at least one X-treme class with Fitch. The bond these alumni share is one stronger than any familial or institutional ties: the bond of shared trauma. One need only witness the knowing look that passes between two graduates of Fitch's in between the spasmodic twitching to know that something was understood there that the rest of us, for better or for worse, will never have access.

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Conspiracy theorists regularly claim that Fitch's methods have been adopted by this or that government, or by the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns itself, as a means of re-educating political prisoners. These claims are rarely taken seriously, as Fitch has personally denied that X-treme +lecturing is useful for education.

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Spheven Kain

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Xenoarcheological ruins

The furthest southern reaches of the planet have generally been considered uninhabitable. At first, the raging, perpetual storm around the pole, known to sailors as the Vulterstrom, prevented any voyages close to the geographical pole, and in the Mapmakers' Guild's first map of the whole world the south was simply drawn in as impassible. The landmass in the center of the storm would not be discovered until two centuries later, when Selestei decided to sail straight through the Vulterstrom instead of going around. When a research expedition finally made it, it discovered strange and exotic ruins. At first, the ruins were simply blamed on Kingsland, but soon enough this explanation fell out of favor as the few monstrosities of Kingsland that ranged beyond the city were ruled out as possible explanations. The ruins were thereafter considered to be most likely of alien origin.

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The prospect of studying these ruins soon led to talk of establishing a permanent base for research. The Vulterbase was nominally created in the mid-eighth century, though it wouldn't be for another century until the base saw real activity. Unfortunately, this was right around the time that the first Dark Pentad disciplines were being recognized. A few institutions decided to punish their newly-minted Pentad scholars by assigning them to the Vulterbase, which, because of the base's limited population, led to it becoming one of the densest concentrations of Pentad degrees in the world. In the chaos of the Goats on Boats Affair in 891, the Vulterbase's discontents revolted and declared themselves independent from the academic community. Attempts were made, first diplomatically and then militarily, to reconcile the Vulterbase to the academy, but all such attempts were repelled by the alien technology they had developed based on their research. When the dock became infested by Ravenous Squid-Trees in 939, the base was written off and the researchers left to their devices.

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Enough records of the ruins themselves are available to the interested for their nature to remain a topic of interest. On the surface, there are multiple different buildings in a roughly symmetrical layout. Some of them rise two or three stories up, with one tower near the center going up several stories, but more interestingly, all of the buildings go deep below ground level, and the lower stories all connect to each other in a labyrinthine fashion. Explorers who have made it back out claim that the ruins keep going further down, with no lowest level having been found.

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Spheven Kain

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Though the squid-trees have rendered the Vulterbase inaccessible, the Panark Fleet still checks in on it from afar every now and then, since the Vulterstrom makes it invisible to the Taurus. On the night of the new moon, an eldritch green light can be seen shining from where the base is in the depths of the storm. The main hypothesis for this is that the rebels assembled something, either from leftover technology they had lying around, alien miscellanea scavenged from the ruins, or something they dredged up from a ship that sank trying to suppress them. Most think it's an energy reactor of some sort, since they wouldn't survive long without one, but nobody can explain what kind of reactor would produce that light. Moreover, the light is only faint at the long distance Panark observes from; at the base itself it must be incredibly bright. Less popular is the theory that it's a lighthouse of some sort. This theory is less popular because nobody really thinks the Vulterbase rebels care enough about the rest of the world to stop their ships from running aground. They'd probably welcome it, because they could scavenge the parts. There's also a fringe theorist who keeps ranting about "chromatic aberration this" and "sociophysical effects that", but Dr. Christophy gets annoyed when you call him a fringe theorist.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Thunder Bumble does a run through the Vulterstrom every so often, since just because we're not the shiniest zeppelin in the Ulgravian fleet doesn't mean we can't kick a little windstorm's ass here and there. Kain, you might be interested to know that Yasser's Yells runs a "Pentad Special" where you fly right above the Vulterbase. It's a discounted ride because a lot of people fall off in the storm, but I think you'd be fine.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Citations: Yasser's Yells

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Yasser's Yells

Let me begin by saying that I am still not entirely sure why we have an article about Yasser's Yells in this report. Dr. Hanson assured me that one was necessary, however, and since this is in fact the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, there is truly no telling what information might turn out to be important in the future.

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Allow me some minor pontification, if you would, while we're on that point. The function of a Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee is to guard against so-called "dark horse" outcomes—that is, outcomes not seriously considered when preparing for the future. If a body, like our own august Assembly, fails to consider a 1% chance of catastrophic failure, then should that slim thread of possibility come to pass, it will do so without any safeguards. I like to think that the function of this Committee is to remain but a minor footnote in the workings of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns and ensure that nothing ever comes to pass that would cause us to rise into prominence. Ours is vital work.

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With all of that said, I cannot possibly imagine what dark horse global catastrophe might arise from an independently-owned recreational windstriding company on the fringe of the Ulgravian zeppelin fleet. Still, as mentioned above, Dr. Hanson told me she knows the owner and thinks it's a necessary addition to this report. A good Chairman trusts in the ability of those under his wing, of course, and so I set out to do my due diligence.

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After doing my research, I must conclude that it seems like there could very well be something going on with Yasser's Yells. For example, I heard Secretary recommend it while she was standing in our break room. Why, one wonders, would the Secretary of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns know of a small company in a nation she's only visited twice? Suspicious alignments of that sort always suggest a likely candidate, but when I reached out through the usual channels I couldn't find any evidence of botanical business dealings whatsoever. My next thought was that the Botherhood might be involved—which hypothesis is the most probable to my mind, given that when the appropriate contacts investigated, they told me that it was as if the Botherhood had never meddled in Yasser's Yells whatsoever!

+

In the interest of full disclosure, I intend to patronize this establishment after the report ships out. Dr. Hanson's reviews were quite favorable, and there is still some life in these old bones yet!

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+
+ +

Addendum: I just talked to my wife, and she forbade me from windstriding. Alas!

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+
+

I, too, recommend Yasser's Yells. Hanson introduced me to the owner himself, and he was very professional and helpful. I look forward to trying windstriding at his august establishment immediately after the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee completes its report.

+

Spheven Kain

+
+

How exciting! I look forward to hearing all about it.

+

By the way, as you plan for your vacation, I do hope that you are making progress on clearing out your desk. It has been two years, Mr. Kain. Strictly speaking, you should have been out of here by late 990. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help speed things along.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+
+

Don't worry, Dr. Jones. There won't be a trace of me left by the time I leave.

+

Spheven Kain

+
+ + +
+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Zeitgeist_Manipulator.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Zeitgeist_Manipulator.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cb65de8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Zeitgeist_Manipulator.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Zeitgeist Manipulator | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
+ + +
+

Zeitgeist Manipulator

You're gonna have to bear with me on this one, because there's some fucking mind control involved and I had to rewrite the whole damn article a couple times just to get something resembling a neutral opinion on the excellent Dr. Stafford's doomsday device. Every time I drop an expletive on this genius, the words come out all cheerfully sycophantic. God, this is gonna firebomb my reputation.

+

So let's go back to 908. Pretend you're a twenty-year-old Flandrean hyper-genius and you've just finished inventing asynchronous energy theory. The math works out, but accounting for Barcuvian antiweather makes it hideously complicated and no one but you can understand it. Your own government's too cautious to mess with it and if you give free energy to the Double-North Pole, you're committing treason. Meanwhile, the rest of the academy isn't recognizing any of your achievements, despite the fact that they're objectively brilliant.

+

So what did the matchless Dr. Stafford do? He took a trip up north—well, technically he went through the dead zone east of Barcu, which really makes you question how smart it is to live there when the greatest mind of our age made a point of never setting foot inside—and met with Klaus Santanna. This witty prodigy gets fucking Santanna to trade the secrets of mind control for a free energy deal, conditional on Flandre getting a head start. Dr. Stafford spent a year up north (unusual for one of his projects), publishes a bunch of papers no one understands, and then heads back home to work on a new device: the Zeitgeist Manipulator.

+

Intellectual paragon Dr. Stafford shit fuck dammit published a paper on how the thing works. Here's the problem, though. The Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns isn't necessarily where the smartest academics congregate, but it is where the academics with the best connections congregate, and neither I nor anyone I know can even figure out who to ask to decipher this masterpiece. For example, the brilliant doctor dammit is recorded as saying mad law factors in somehow, and no one can even begin to figure out where.

+

What the Zeitgeist Manipulator does, however, is encourage everyone to accept the worthiness of the targeted individual don't fucking listen to me it's a fucking mind control (well, okay, that's a bit of an overstatement) FUCK THIS SHIT.

+

Once the machine was constructed, everyone worldwide starting having these intrusive thoughts about the clever Dr. Stafford, which came as a shock to most of them because they'd never heard of him before. (Shaster in particular reported very high rates of this). But eventually Dr. Stafford's well-deserved fame grew, finally convincing Flandre to create infrastructure for asynchronous energy.

+

Flandre, of course, recognized the incredible potential of the Zeitgeist Manipulator to update many of their National Response Protocols (e.g. BX-392a could be replaced by a modified Manipulator that targets snake brains). Unfortunately for them, the ongoing effects of the Manipulator meant that none of their agents were able to take act against the peerless Dr. Stafford, and he launched the Manipulator into space on an ad hoc rocket.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+
+ + + +
+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Zor_Olo.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Zor_Olo.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..56e8bdd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/article/Zor_Olo.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Zor Olo | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
+ + +
+

Zor Olo

Long revered for its eerie beauty, historical significance and association with magic, Zor Olo is the third and smallest moon. But you don't care about that. You're reading this article to find out why there's a giant fucking smiley face in the night sky, leering at you and scaring the snotty little bipedal consumerism batteries you call children.

+

First off, researchers are pretty sure that the moon didn't start out that way. (Like, duh, it's a fucking ball of rock. Smiley faces aren't natural fucking phenomena.) The historical record puts it as one of the main inciting events for the Roerbach Incident. So really the big puzzle is how it got that way. How'd someone fuck up a moon eight hundred years before anyone made it to space?

+

Well, there's an easy answer and a hard answer. The easy answer is we don't really know how it was done, so we probably don't have to worry about the same thing happening to one of the other moons, or to the planet. Besides, it's been a long time, so we're probably done with that sort of thing happening again, right? Yeah, well, easy answers are for cowards.

+

The hard answer is that we do know why it happened: fucking Kingsland. ("We" here excludes the whole lot of tumor-brained sea cows who blame Flandre.) Shoulda been obvious in hindsight, really. Like, their whole fucking shtick is "oh no, the stars are right, we're all doomed!" And I get that y'all wanna just laugh the whole thing off, cuz when has an ancient Kingslander deity ever shown up and fucked up your front lawn?

+

Well, it happened. Apparently some kinda eldritch thingy showed up and they managed to seal it in the moon. That's what caused the giant smily cracks. It also fucked up the ocean despite the fact that tides don't work that way.

+

So here's the thing—your dismissive, I-don't-wanna-worry-about-this-because-it-distracts-me-from-watching-television attitude is ridiculously stupid, because every night the tentacle-prints of some unspeakable horror play voyeur on your pathetic excuse for a sex life. Just in case you weren't paying attention, we've got ancient Kingslander records saying the holes in the third moon happened because the stars were right for once. Like, you wanna talk about butterfly effects? What do you do when the butterfly is some eleventh-dimensional thing that can't eat us because the continents happen to be aligned in the right way? What the fuck do you think happens when you move them around?

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+
+ + + +
+
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0000000..0f472d2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/editor.html @@ -0,0 +1,179 @@ + + +Lexicon Editor + + + + +
+

Lexicon Editor

+
+ +
+
+ + + + + + + + + + +
# Player:
# Turn:
# Title:
+ +
+
+
+
+
+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/formatting/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/formatting/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b6cee1b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/formatting/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,85 @@ + + +Formatting | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
+ + +
+
+

Lexipython provides support for a limited amount of Markdown-esque formatting.

+
+# Player: PN
+# Turn: 1
+# Title: Example page
+
+This is an example page.
+Some words are //italicized//,
+and some words are **bolded**.
+All of these sentences are part of the same
+paragraph.
+
+This is a new paragraph.\\
+Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a
+line break within the paragraph.
+
+This is an [[example citation|Phantom page]]. You can
+also cite a [[phantom page]] with just the title.
+
+~Dr. X. Amplepage
+
+

Each turn, fill out the header with your player information, the current + turn, and the title of your entry. The Player field can be anything + as long as it's the same for all articles you write (even when they're by + different characters). Using your initials is recommended.

+

Two line breaks begins a new paragraph. A single line break does nothing, + unless the line is ended by a double backslash (\\).

+

Text bounded by ** will be bolded: **bold** produces bold. Text + bounded by // will be italicized: //italics// produces italics.

+

To cite another Lexicon entry, use double brackets. Text in double brackets + will cite and link to the entry of the same name: [[Example page]] produces + Example page. Text in + double brackets split with a | will alias the link as the left text and + link to the entry with the name of the right text: [[this text|Example page]] + produces this text. You + must be precise in the entry title you cite to. Citations to + "Example" vs. "The Example" will point to different entries and create + different phantoms, and your GM will probably have to clean up after + you.

+

Beginning a paragraph with ~ will right-align it and place a horizontal line + above it. Use this for signing your entry with your scholar's name.

+
+
+

Example page

+

This is an example page. +Some words are italicized, +and some words are bolded. +All of these sentences are part of the same +paragraph.

+

This is a new paragraph.
+Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a +line break within the paragraph.

+

This is an example citation. You can + also cite a phantom page with just the title.

+

Dr. X. Amplepage

+
+
+
+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/full.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/full.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e0d88e7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/full.html @@ -0,0 +1,864 @@ +Lexicon Discordium +

986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident

Ah, the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. I can think of no place on earth that is quite like it. Nowhere else will you find the heights of power so entangled with the lows of maturity. A place so orderly, yet filled with the pettiest of bickering—and, yes, bloodshed. One's mind jumps immediately to the noble warriors representing the Careless Continent1, of course, but we mustn't forget that eventful day in 973 when Hegemon Muoauwu2 sneezed and accidentally assassinated the Princeps of Saphira, or when Madam Secretary3 beat Queen Hester the Swift of Bolum with a ruler and set off a succession crisis.

+

Another event sees discussion in the same breath: one that I had the honor of witnessing, the 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day Incident. Many scholars express a degree of skepticism about the events that took place here on that day, as there was a great deal of confusion and it was not recorded very well. However, I have always held a special interest in Flandre, and I happened to be sitting with then eight-year-old Seraphi Ironheart4 when she set events in motion.

+

Bring Your Daughter to Work Day was an event put forward, if memory serves, by Deified Hlisst of Kel (who, mind you, is as mortal as the next Sovereign). The official reasoning for the measure was an opportunity to humanize political opponents and teach the next generation how things are done in these noble chambers. Little did they realize the next generation contained Miss Ironheart, and that she had a few lessons to teach them!

+

Her first strike was the use of holographic technology5—a present for her seventh birthday, she told me—to create a simulacrum of famed Kushrian champion Balam Al-Hasslain. Al-Hasslain himself was reportedly quite taken with the projection before she told him that it had been created by scientists of the Veluus Republic (now allied with Kush against their mutual neighbor Gheir, but at the time, a mortal enemy).

+

Her second move was to spread rumors among the warriors of the Careless Continent that their enemies were hidden among the representatives of the Very Definitely Independent States6, and that projection technology could be detected by way of a geiger counter. However, she herself was wearing (harmlessly) radioactive clothing, and had made sure to give every VDIS Sovereign a hug earlier that day. Thus, the Careless Continent contingent seemingly discovered that all of them were disguised foes, and a massacre began.

+

The Hegemony would later condemn Flandre, but Flandre maintains that Ironheart was acting independently. Ironheart has gone on record saying that she was never there, and that the events were actually the handiwork of a Botherhood7 operative disguised as her, which should have been obvious once everyone found out she was radioactive.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Careless Continent
2. The Hegemony of Whales
3. DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas
4. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart
5. Hard light projection
6. The Very Definitely Independent States
7. The Botherhood

Assemblies of Gods

The field of computational theology was founded by High Illuminator Dr. Heinrich Stafford1 in an offhand comment in the margin of a paper he was grading, which has become a relic since his canonization as a saint. Noting the use of ritual and repetition within religious devotion, Stafford theorized that religious ritual could be abstracted into an algorithm, which could then be implemented by any universal computer, allowing the ritual to be repeated at hardware speed over every computational core. When this marginal note was discovered, it sparked a flood of research into the algorithmic representation of ritual and the digital representation of symbol, most of which was immediately anathematized. The bulk of these anathemas were lifted in the following decades, allowing the products of its research to be aired openly. Within computational theology, a program whose execution corresponds to the performance of a particular ritual is known as a divine assembly, and the library of divine assemblies that have been written by computational theologians is referred to as the Assemblies of Gods.

+

The Assemblies remained a rather academic affair until the 960s, when Shaster2 was rocked by agitation from misosophers and economists3 who wanted to replace all religious activity in Shaster with divine assembly executions, thus eliminating both the philosophical quandaries of divinity and all bank holidays. The so-called "computational reformers" gained a foothold in the Senate, which allowed them to hang on to relevance for most of the decade until the untimely death of the movement's leader, Ik Severent, in a shipwreck. His successors, Harry and Isabelle Writsmith, were incompetent to the task of defending the movement to the Senate. Within the year, the country tired of their shenanigans, and banned computational theology outright. A brief resurgence a few years later was quickly quashed when the Senate threatened to have a national university posthumously award Severent a dysthetics degree. The Senate even proposed naming computational theology as a Dark Pentad discipline, though the measure was quietly tabled after the Panark Fleet4, a bosom ally of Shaster, expressed significant disapproval of the motion.

+

Most usage of the Assemblies of Gods is done on Panark servers, either by Panark itself or offered as a service to other countries. On most holy days, the Fleet offers complementary cycles to countries to run divine assemblies that correspond to observances for that day. This has become a point of tension with Kingsland, whose complicated religious landscape5 all but ensures that every day is a holy day for at least one Kingslander cult.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
2. Shaster
3. The Dark Pentad
4. The Panark Fleet
5. Pantheons of Kingsland

In the wake of the incident in Shaster, the offering of divine assembly executions gradually became normal throughout the 970s. This contributed to a decrease in the number of sectarian conflicts, until a series of investigative journalism reports in 979 uncovered a dark underside to the Assemblies of Gods. Two years earlier, an anonymous Panarkian technomonk of the Desert Fleet (believed by many to be the alleged professor Marvin Fitch1) had written a series of hymns that, when compiled into a divine assembly, injected various curses into other assemblies running on the same machine. This precipitated a massive scandal for the Panark Fleet, which their sovereign deftly handled by nationalizing the malicious hymn-software, gathering the nation's best programmers to reverse-engineer it, and adding it to their business model. Now sectarians can pay top dollar to Panark's technomonks to have hymns composed to attack their religious enemies' divine assemblies or defend their own against such attacks. As physical sectarian conflicts have continued to decrease, the international community has collectively agreed that this is an acceptable conclusion to the whole affair.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch

Asynchronous energy

Invented by the incomparable Dr. Stafford1, the theory of asynchronous energy extends insights from quantum mechanics into practical applications. These insights had not been made at the time, of course, but it's not like that was ever an obstacle for the High Illuminator. Quantum theory allows for small-scale violations of conservation principles, as long as those violations occur within a small enough timespan. Stafford's innovation was to develop a physics that could make these violations usable on human time scales by having the timespan extend piecemeal across a longer stretch of time; thus, while a violation might only occur for some number of picoseconds, some of those picoseconds might be a minute later than the rest. Managing to pull this off without catastrophe is a testament to Stafford's brilliance.

+

The application of asynchronous energy theory is limited in most cases and usually reduces to regular physics, just with more math. However, the indirection layer of asynchronous energy theory shines in a use case close to home for Flandrean2 northerners like the good doctor: physics in the Barcuvian edgelands. It is a well-known fact that Barcu is different from the rest of the world, in some very odd ways3. Physics is no exception to this. Practical energy asynchronicity is most profitable in the edgelands where Barcuvian physics gives way to regular physics. By using normally energy-neutral processes, but straddling them across the gradient into Barcuvian physics, energy can be produced nearly limitlessly. Flandre has grown to accept this as sufficiently useful to be worth the decade of National Response Protocols (Supernatural Existential Threat) it engenders. This speaks volumes about the sheer advantage asynchronous energy gives Flandre to be worth such a risk.

+

Speaking of the risks, nobody is really quite sure what they are, since nobody really understands asynchronous energy theory in the first place. The leading theory is that a Barcuvian straddle-generator produces energy by borrowing it from the near future, then paying off the energy "debt" when the future arrives by borrowing even more future energy. If this is indeed how it works — and, again, nobody is actually sure — then there is a mounting energy debt on the Barcuvian border that, if it "defaults", would cause unimaginable damage. The projected effects range from the edgelands dropping to absolute zero to the entire continent4 being converted to mass-energy to be sucked into the past. The implications of this for the Disarrangement Act are unclear, but if Flandre is forced to comply with the Act, it is likely they will attempt to prevent the implosion of their asynchronous infrastructure by declaring swaths of Barcu to be their sovereign territory. This may provoke war between Flandre and the other Barcuvian nations, such as Kingsland or the Barrowlands, and if there's anything good for the international community, it's keeping Flandre off the warpath. The last thing we need is for the High Exarch Minor5 to be thinking seriously about how to conquer the world.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
2. Flandre
3. Barcuvian antiweather
4. Iurezza (continent)
5. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart

Barcuvian antiweather

The only thing worse than getting rained on because you forgot your umbrella is getting rained on from underneath your umbrella. Despite this, antiweather remains one of the biggest reasons why it's inexplicable that people still live in the geographical region of Barcu. The ultimate cause of antiweather, and its localization to Barcu, remain unknown, though one favored theory blames it on an ancient and accidental case of space persuasion1.

+

The most common form of antiweather is uprain, which condenses into droplets deep in the water table, then precipitates up until it breaks through the ground, rising into the sky to become clouds and drenching the underpants of any visitors who forgot their underbrellas. More severe forms of antiweather include antithunderstorms, where bolts of darkness cause sudden periods of silence, and antitornados, wherein air from the upper atmosphere is blown to the surface in a column that pushes away everything near its base. The crepusculum borealis was previously blamed on Kingsland, until archaeologists found evidence that the shadowy curtains that occasionally flit through the region were attested from before Kingsland was founded. The snow in Barcu is hot, but it's still just called snow.

+

Geologists studying Barcu often invoke antiweather effects to explain Barcu's odd mountainous geography. While some regions of Barcu are relatively flat, like the Barrowlands, the mountainous areas rise up sharply, creating stark boundaries between jagged, rocky slopes and arcadian plains. This happens, it is thought, because while normally mountains are weathered down, in Barcu they are weathered up. The air of mystery this gives Barcuvian mountains makes it a popular location for the theorized headquarters of the Esoteric Order of Florists2 — a somewhat flawed theory, because the Order has never (been proven to have) given anyone the common Barcuvian Laserlily, and you'd think that they'd make use of such an easily-available resource if they were really based there.

+

Antiweather is thought by some to be closely related to the electric undead3, which have been traced back to the Barrowlands. These researchers theorize that both the electric undead and antiweather are sustained by an ancestral curse lying over the Barrowlands. Some fringe theorists further suggest that the Barrowlands' current sovereign, Sornhandr, King Eternal, has been cursed to live on as a revenant, and that this is why the last few sovereigns of the Barrowlands have all had the exact same name and appearance. The mild racism of these suggestions aside, answers have not been forthcoming, since the interns tasked with asking the King Eternal about this tend to receive ancient curses in an old and forgotten tongue instead of answers, and my grad students keep quitting when I suggest they try4. However, the ancient curses often cause their victims to be struck by lightning, so the connection is plausible.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. Space persuasion
2. The Esoteric Order of Florists
3. Electric undead
4. X-treme lecturing

One reason to think that the Esoteric Order of Florists does have a base in the Barcu region is that the sociophysical effects of the Order's activities would be noticeable anywhere else, but would fade unnoticed into the noise of Barcu's peculiar idea of what physics is. The Book of Schemes1 even suggests, in some translations and interpretations, that Flandre2 should carry out its cutting-edge experimental work in physics close to Barcu, in order to disguise the effects of the experiments. Though, of course, since we don't really know what the Order does, we can't tell what sort of noise they're trying to blend in.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. The Book of Schemes
2. Flandre

Rubric, you know damn well that you're the only one seriously peddling the "Sornhandr is a bunch of identical decrepit old guys pretending to be the same person throughout the ages" theory. It pisses me off that you got four interns killed off investigating that theory. Four! I've been at this twice as long, put in four times as much work, and I've only gotten two interns! This is so fucking unfair.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

Biosphere fascism

Nobody wants to believe we're all screwed. Meanwhile I'm over here and I study this shit on a professional basis, so I'm constantly hearing uneducated morons tell me how we're not actually screwed. I'm like "Have you even read Why Everything Goes to Shit?" And then they go (and it's usually a man between 20 and 40 saying this) "Well, yeah, but the author doesn't consider that his model assumes—" and that's usually when I kick them in the balls.

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Listen, you self-indulgent horsewives, entropology is built on fucking math. You don't have to assume anything, you just have to plug the numbers in and see what comes out. And what comes out is "you're screwed."

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One of our sister fields, biosphere fascism, is built around this whole problem. It used to be "environmental science" back in the day, but the environmental scientists kept running numbers that spelled out "you're screwed" and nobody wanted to believe them. There were a bunch of attempts to soft-pressure everyone into realizing they were killing the environment, but those went exactly nowhere. So they scrapped the whole field and replaced it with "biosphere fascism," which was lighter on the environmental science and heavier on making public examples of dissidents.

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There were a ridiculous number of environmental problems by the early tenth century, including rising acidity in the oceans (or at least most of them1), a bunch of species going extinct for a bajillion reasons, and Kingsland. Some academics will also talk about air pollution, but don't listen to them. They're racists and they hate zeppelins because they hate their miserable selves. Anyways, once the Hegemony of Whales2 came into the picture, there were a bunch of treaties meant to ensure ocean pollution wasn't used as a political weapon, but then they went and fucked it up with the Yggdrasil Project3. Academia started figuring maybe the government wasn't gonna help.

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So the biofascists started taking matters into their own hands. Biofascist grants funded a number of leftover devices theorized by the peerless Dr. Stafford4 and biofascist activist groups took a leaf out of Queen Buttface the Prick5's book and disappeared a couple obstreperous upstarts that no one's gonna miss. Well, no one important. Well, I don't.

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These days compliance with biofascist orthodoxy is enforced by the Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement6. If you go around denying climate change, they just bust down your door and go "Stop, evildoer! Come quietly or in pieces!" And you're like "But I don't believe in scientific evidence!" and they're like "it's peer reviewed, you regressive ball of ignorance" and you're like "I peer reviewed your mom" and they're like "I'll peer review your face" and then they shoot you in the face. Which is hilarious, but ultimately just another example of everything going to shit, because my oldest daughter is in her edgy phase and I hate monitoring her internet use so that fucking academic hit squads don't come knocking on our door.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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1. Missing Sea
2. The Hegemony of Whales
3. The Yggdrasil Project
4. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
5. Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous
6. Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement

Bloodmoot

I had the good fortune to attend a bloodmoot once, and I consider it a formative experience both as a person and as an academic. I was visiting a conference in the Fractured Cities1 with my dear colleague, Dr. Julie Mandel, where both of us were presenting papers. My talk was on the subject of my graduate research, the justification of state suppression of academia. Dr. Mendel's talk, which was scheduled right after mine, was supposed to be about the liberating power of education, but she ended up spending the first half giving refutations of my talk. Naturally, this annoyed me, so I invited her to the nearby bloodmoot that was going on that day.

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Now, the most important thing to know about going to a bloodmoot as a foreigner is that everyone there, with no exception, is out to get someone. A few of those present are primaries, who have the unenviable task of trying to kill the opposing Hierarch directly. These are your snipers, your poisoners, your stagehands holding up anvils by ropes (tried surprisingly often since Roerbach2), etc. This task is unenviable because all of the other attendees at the bloodmoot, the secondaries, have the task of either neutralizing the opposing primaries or neutralizing the people trying to neutralize their own primaries. If you're lucky, you'll be so far up the chain of counterplays that nobody is specifically tasked with neutralizing you, which means you only have to fear the free agents looking for any weak points in the opposing counterplayers. When you attend as a foreigner, you naturally present as a free agent, so you're safe as long as you don't appear to be on either Hierarch's side. If you do accidentally show support for one side, it's best to leave the premises immediately before one of the other free agents gets to you.

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Dr. Mendel, unfortunately, was wearing a red cardigan, which just so happened to be the color of one of the two Hierarchs meeting at that bloodmoot. I last saw her being stuffed into a box by two orderlies wearing what was possibly red3 and being loaded onto a mail gigatrebuchet. Right before it was fired at one of the Hierarchs, though, The Lunchtime Fallacy4 appeared out of the warp and hit it, diverting the aim, and the payload ended up being fired through the ceiling5. This must have been according to plan, because one of the Hierarchs started cackling as a flock of marionette children6 descended through the new hole in the ceiling. I took that as my cue to ditch, but I must have made a wrong turn, because I ended up in a hallway with the Hierarchs at one end and the corvid flock on the other. Had to use my spare flashbang to stun the Hierarchs and get to the fire escape ahead of the crows. I was barely able to slam the door shut behind me before they got out.

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Anyway, that's how I became, at least on paper, one of the competitors for the throne of the Fractured Cities, which figured prominently in my subsequent misosophy degree7 conferral.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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1. The Fractured Cities
2. The Roerbach Incident
3. Chromatic aberration
4. The Lunchtime Fallacy
5. Space persuasion
6. Marionette children
7. The Dark Pentad

The Book of Schemes

The Book of Schemes is the official anthology of the national mythology of Flandre1 as approved by the Flandrean Council of Exarchs. The myths included within are, of course, only a subset of all of the myths of the Flandrean people, and many various other anthologies may be found that include the so-called deuterocanonical myths. The Book of Schemes, however, is the product of centuries of scholarly work to create an anthology that would most fully and faithfully reflect the national consciousness of Flandre.

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To this end, its contents have been carefully selected to maximize applicability over important topics of national interest using a lean subset of all Flandrean mythology. Furthering this goal, scholars have spent centuries fitting linguistic ambiguities into the official translations. As the inimitable Dr. Stafford2 observed, this creates not only a common mytho-cultural language by enculturing all Flandreans with the same set of common narratives, but also, by shaping the problems that will be encountered in interpreting the text, a common set of conceptual categories through which the great questions of human culture are approached.

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None of this, though, so faithfully captures the Flandrean spirit as the fact that every officially-sanctioned copy of the Book of Schemes is booby-trapped. Despite this (or, more likely, because of this), it is a standard part of the primary school curriculum. Since the middle of the century, criticism of the use of official copies of the Book of Schemes has drawn comparisons to X-treme lecturing3. The Council of Exarchs denies the comparison as libelous and inaccurate and invites any skeptics to read the "Myth of the Two Swans", specifically in the official translation. For example, the attentive reader may recognize parallels between "Flan and the Titan of the Woods" and Flandre's actions during the Roerbach Incident4.

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Despite its weaponization as a national resource for contingency plans, the renditions of myths in the Book of Schemes are still impressive literary works in their own right. Their creation myth is a grand epic relating the rise and fall of Flan, their patron deity. According to this myth, the existence of the world is the result of Flan's contingency plan in case of nonexistence, which he prepares so expertly that it executes before he is born. Extended quotations from this section of the myth were used in "Origination", the second track of Sneezing on the King Eternal's 961 album Iurezza5 to critical acclaim. Its reception was especially favorable in Flandre, where it was covered by The Lunchtime Fallacy6 at the coronation of the High Exarch Minor7 in 990. That The Lunchtime Fallacy was allowed to leave in one piece after crashing the Flandrean coronation is a testament to the enduring power of this song.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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1. Flandre
2. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
3. X-treme lecturing
4. The Roerbach Incident
5. Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)
6. The Lunchtime Fallacy
7. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart

The Botherhood

The Botherhood is both a memetosociological cornucopia and a worldwide conspiracy whose objectives are unknown, possibly even to themselves. Scholarly consensus is that the organization—a term they earn by the thinnest of margins—did not exist in any significant capacity even as late as the ninth century. With the AES 715 discovery of alien ruins1 on the south pole, societies worldwide were aware of ancient alien presences. However, it wasn't until AES 923 that popular consciousness embraced the idea of aliens interfering in every part of history and/or contemporary society. The idea of the Botherhood, a mysterious conspiracy carrying out the whims of its alien overseers, grew out of this fervor. The meme seems to have spread initially via space enthusiast magazines before making the jump into conspiracy culture in the 50's, where it would gestate before reaching its current form.

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A brief diversion before we continue: conspiracy culture is rather interesting from a memetosociological standpoint because to engage in conspiracy is to directly challenge the prevailing memetic narratives of your society. The actions a conspiracist takes from that position illuminate to us the limits of the influence of both the master narratives and the counternarratives which the conspiracists employ. Memetosociologists speak of "command narratives" that have the ability to shape society; conspiracy theorists are an excellent weathervane for whether a particular narrative is a command narrative, as they might verbally deny a command narrative, but still act in accordance with it.

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I explain this to shed light on why the first Botherhood cells were found in Iurezza2. In Barcu, the command narrative about otherworldly threats is essentially one of self-preservative collusion, e.g. in the case of the Killer Bus of Kingsland North3. In neighboring Flandre4, the command narrative about threats is that they are assessed and then efficiently dispatched. At the intersection of these memetic vectors—which arose mostly in northern Flandre—conspiracy theorists began to create their own Botherhood cells, hoping to get absorbed by the true Botherhood and influence them from within. These cells were eventually absorbed, not into the "true" Botherhood, but into other imposter cells hoping that the resulting increase of prestige would bring them to the attention of their notional alien overlords. This trend has continued into the present day, with the Botherhood becoming a convoluted international conspiracy—still, one assumes, waiting for the aliens to contact them.

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Outsiders to the Botherhood mostly find them perplexing, as they will occasionally undertake arbitrary endeavors in case they serve the aliens' agenda. The lack of any overall agenda means these plots happen essentially at random, making them a convenient scapegoat for state actions like the 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day Incident5 or Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous6's secret police disappearing her citizens. Some commenters also suspect some overlap between the Botherhood and The Esoteric Order of Florists7, but saner scholars withhold judgement, as there is literally no evidence whatsoever for that hypothesis.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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1. Xenoarcheological ruins
2. Iurezza (continent)
3. The Killer Bus of Kingsland North
4. Flandre
5. 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident
6. Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous
7. The Esoteric Order of Florists

Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson

No, the nickname isn't a metaphor. Buddy Johnson is literally made of snakes. People sometimes get the wrong impression, because to the unaided eye he appears just like everyone else. But unlike a human, every single one of his cells is a tightly-packed snake. He needs only to sneeze to fill a room from floor to ceiling with snakes as they uncurl themselves to full size. He can hiss as loud as the Selesteine national anthem1, and probably much louder if he tries. He can squeeze his body through any hole large enough to fit his bones, which are the only parts of him that aren't made of snakes — as far as we know.

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Terrible things always come from Barcu, of course, and Johnson is no exception. But where did he come from, specifically? Opinions are divided. Some say that he was once a man who became snakes. Others say that he was once snakes who became a man. The former view has to its advantage that the inordinate number of snakes that make up Johnson would have been noticeable before they became him. The latter view has to its advantage that he usually appears as the sort of generic human you'd come up with if you were an alien trying to make a human disguise, and "Buddy Johnson" is pretty up there on the list of most generic names.

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Who or whatever he was before he was Literally Made of Snakes — assuming he was anything before — he first appeared in Kingsland on Tesseraction Eve2 in AES 954, when all of the city's storm drains began inexplicably disgorging snakes at high pressure into the air. Some of the snake-clouds that formed drifted south to Flandre3, but most precipitated where they formed over Kingsland. When the snake geysers dissipated and the snakes had drained into the river, Buddy Johnson climbed out, literally made of snakes. From then on, he became a fixture of Kingsland South, terrorizing the populace that lived there. Southside got a brief respite in 987, when they managed to get him elected as the mayor, forcing him to leave the city for Disputatious Assembly sessions. This was short-lived, however. After a few months, Johnson sat snakes in every free seat in the Assembly, becoming for a moment the majority vote per se, and then unilaterally banned himself from the Assembly. An attempted resistance by the Flandrean High Exarch Cerberus Ironheart was foiled by the Hegemon of Whales4; Johnson would subsequently invade Flandre for revenge5. He was finally driven out in 990 by the newly ascended High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart6, and not been seen since.

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Spheven Kain

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1. Selestei
2. Tesseraction Eve
3. Flandre
4. The Hegemony of Whales
5. Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a
6. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart

I've got a personal theory about where the snakes came from.

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Friend in Kingsland told me there's a legend of an ancient cult that got foiled by Flandrean National Response Protocols one too many times, so they cursed Flandre to have to deal with a nest of snakes for every time they foiled someone's plot. 'Course, "a wizard did it" isn't all that scholarly of an explanation, so maybe that cult went off and bred snakes like mad for the next thousand years or so. Either way.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson

Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson is an archeologist, astronaut, and military veteran. He is known for his outspoken opposition to Klaus Santanna1 and for being the first Kingslander to voluntarily reach space.

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Captain Gunnerson is widely known in connection with his work on the Ultimate Dragonopolis2. A self-described xenoenthusiast and expert in Vulterbase3 research, Gunnerson has published multiple papers arguing that the space ship that brought the ruins' creators to this planet must still be in in orbit. In these papers, Gunnerson has advanced multiple independent arguments with varying degrees of factual support. One paper argues that whoever built the ruins obviously lived in them, so as long as they travelled here, whatever method of transport they used to get here must still be here. Another paper badly mangles atmospheric physics to allegedly "prove" evidence of alien vessels breaching the atmosphere. Tales of the Dragonopolis go back many years, of course, but most scholars consider them mythical. The general academic consensus is that Gunnerson's arguments are based more in wish fulfillment than credible scientific research.

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With such a consensus, Gunnerson shockingly did not receive any grant money from Iurezzan4 universities to fund a spacefaring expedition to locate the Ultimate Dragonopolis. This did not deter him, however, and he appealed across the water to the National University of Shaster5, whose culture is better suited to scientific inquiry of such calibre. At last, a ship was assembled and Gunnerson earned his name.

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Gunnerson's expedition took everyone by surprise, not only because he survived, but because he returned with measurement data that would actually seem to vindicate his theory that the ship is still out there. Radar has been less than fruitful in trying to detect the ship, which Gunnerson and his allies explain away by arguing that a good spaceship would absorb all forms of radiation. What Gunnerson did instead was look for gravitational anomalies. Fortunately for him, he discovered one floating in the shadow of Zor Olo6. Opponents of his research argue that the readings might also indicate an ominous fixed-point cube7, or perhaps The Lunchtime Fallacy8 lurking aboard the Rainbow's Teeth as they plot their next guerrilla show.

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Gunnerson's objective for the Dragonopolis is rather straight-forward: he intends to board it, arm its weapon systems, and then wipe Bipolaris9 off the map. This has caused some tension between the Compass Republic and Shaster, given that the latter funded the first expedition. The fact that the tension has yet to escalate either indicates that Shaster's diplomats are doing their job well, or that Santanna thinks planetary bombardment by an advanced alien vessel is nothing to worry about.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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1. Klaus Santanna
2. Ultimate Dragonopolis
3. Xenoarcheological ruins
4. Iurezza (continent)
5. Shaster
6. Zor Olo
7. Ominous fixed-point cubes
8. The Lunchtime Fallacy
9. The Double-North Pole

The Careless Continent

There is not much point to trying to write a contemporary account of the Careless Continent (short for "I Couldn't Care Less What You Call It", the response of the DAS Secretary to infighting over the name from its residents), owing to the fact that its political landscape changes so rapidly that by the time you write an encyclopedia about it, some of the countries have already ceased to exist. It is, bar none, the Guild of Mapmakers'1 least favorite continent. Nor is it a surprise that Lepazzia2 picked up their entire country and left the continent behind in the fourth century — an event that didn't make the Guild any happier.

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Why, exactly, the Careless Continent is in a state of constant warfare and regime change is lost to history. More specifically, so many competing histories have been promulgated by the ephemeral governments of Careless that the task of sifting through them for the nuggets of truth is herculean. Actually visiting the continent for archaeology is out of the question: to get to anything that isn't already collateral damage requires trekking through multiple active war zones.

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It's not clear that the various nations of Careless even care what the reasons are. For them, instability is simply the way life is. In most of the languages of Careless, the word for "government" shares a root with the word for "temporary structure". Sovereigns rotate in and out of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns so often that the consensus is now that Careless nations only declare themselves a state in order to send a champion as a sovereign to the Assembly to fight another nation's sovereign, because they'll be in an easy-to-find location, and anybody they sent to the Assembly must have been important. Getting used to/dodging the sparring sovereigns of Careless is something of a rite of passage for new members of the Assembly. The Hegemon of Whales3, given the great cultural barrier between humans and whales, has still not gotten used to it, and blames Flandre4.

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Ever since certain events six years ago5 in the Assembly, the Secretary6 has quarantined the sovereigns of the Careless Continent in the "Time-Out Corner". Some of the other sovereigns have expressed disapproval with this measure, both at the implication that unruly sovereigns are like so many misbehaving children to Secretary Tomas, and at the consequence that the Careless sovereigns now fight even more, since nobody is in the way. Tomas, in response has pointed out that because they are out of the way, their fighting is quicker and less distracting.

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Spheven Kain

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1. The Venerable Society of Cartographers
2. Lepazzia
3. The Hegemony of Whales
4. Flandre
5. 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident
6. DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas

Chorus Perpetual

Just as human civilization, which communicates by speaking, prizes a beautiful oration, so the hyperintelligent whales of our oceans hold whalesong in a place of cultural importance. The most important whalesong in the oceans is also the oldest. In the nonspecifically distant past (whales have no calendars), in response to some nebulous catastrophe, the whales gathered together and began to sing. Believing that this song would protect them from danger, they sang it in shifts, with whales joining in and dropping out at intervals to maintain the song in perpetuity. This became the Euouao Euouaoou, variously translated as "hymn until the finish", "supplication unto the end", or "endless song", and officially notarized by the Disputatious Assembly as the Chorus Perpetual.

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The Chorus is the closest thing in the Hegemony of Whales1 to a state religion. The location is a state secret, and there are likely several places in the deep sea that it moves between. It figured prominently in whale propaganda during the Cetacean Wars, or so the translators told the historians. The continuance of the Chorus is linguistically tied to the seasonal cycle, and the closest thing the Hegemony has to a calendar is measuring time by rounds of the Chorus. Most cetacean cultural scholars understand the singing of the Chorus to be, in the cetacean mind, inextricable from the passage of time itself. This has given rise to multiple rumors about what would happen were the Chorus to end, the most popular of which appeals to the seasonal and calendrical lingustic parallels to suggest that the measure of time maintained by the Chorus is the revolution of the planet around the sun. On this theory, the end of the Chorus would be the end of our orbit, causing us to either fall into the sun or fly off into space. The Hegemony, for its part, encourages this speculation, as do its allies among the biosphere fascists2.

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Skeptics will generally rail against these theories, clamoring things like, "Whales evolved long after our orbit was established!" or, "Space persuasion3 doesn't work that way!" These are fair points, deserving of a fair response. My colleague Dr. Christophy would probably insist on the sociophysical explanation that whether or not the orbit depended on the Chorus Perpetual's perpetuity before, centuries of the whales thinking so mean it does now. But turning to a real scientific field, we can take heart in the wisdom of the imagineer Dyrus the Dreadful, who pointed out that there's just a lot of weird stuff in the world, like ominous cubes4, indeterminate color5, and fish6, and who knows if our measurements on orbital decay might be affected by something like whalesong?

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I mean "take heart" in the Kingslander sense, of course, i.e., "[fear for your life as if someone were trying to] take [your] heart [out of your chest with a rusty spoon]", because you never know when an unnoticed squid-tree7 grove might send us plunging into the sun. At least it'd make Kingsland more tolerable.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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1. The Hegemony of Whales
2. Biosphere fascism
3. Space persuasion
4. Ominous fixed-point cubes
5. Chromatic aberration
6. Metafishics
7. Ravenous Squid-Trees

Chromatic aberration

Scientists are generally undecided as to whether chromatic aberration, an observer-independent uncertainty to an object's color, is a physical or a psychological phenomenon. I, however, think the explanation is clear: chromatic aberration is a sociophysical phenomenon above all else. It is well known in the field of sociophysics that the social milieu changes the laws of physics. Since the color of light is governed by the light's physical properties, any social influence on such properties will manifest as visible change. This sort of sociophysics can affect attention in mixed settings, such as when one feels "socially invisible". Often social invisibility is accompanied by actual invisibility, which could explain why the Incendian1 sovereign's vote is sometimes skipped in the Disputatious Assembly. I am also convinced, personally, that this is what has become of the Sovereign of Placeholden2.

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In the case of chromatic aberration, the underlying sociophysics is probably tied to an object's color being highly significant as an indicator of something, and this indication being uncertain. The uncertainty or ambiguity in the indication of the object then "bleeds", as it were, into the object's reflective properties, and thence into the light it reflects. This was a major plot point in the romantic comedy Unto Kingsland, where the male lead gives a bouquet to the female lead, who is versed in flower symbolism, but the bouquet exhibits chromatic aberration because of his conflicted feelings, leaving her unable to interpret the gesture. I've always thought myself that a few of the lines in "Annihilation" from Iurezza3 are about chromatic aberration, but Sneezing on the King Eternal are well-known for their abstract and sometimes nonsensical metaphors, so I might just be reading too much into it.

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On the sociophysical account, the basic principles that cause chromatic aberration also account for other phenomena, such as mass chromatic delusion, the term being used to describe how everyone agrees that the national flag of Kingsland is red and green instead of the hideous, sanity-warping colors it says it is in the notaries' official records. Similarly, the colored flags in that old legend4 appear as different colors to each character. A variation on sociophysical chromatic aberration would explain this handily. Please fund my research.

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I have also heard people suggest that chromatic aberration could be due to secret government technology or something cooked up by the Esoteric Order of Florists5, which are also possible explanations, I guess.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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1. Incendia
2. Placeholden
3. Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)
4. Legend of the Three Trees
5. The Esoteric Order of Florists

Concluding Recommendations: Cincinatta Rubric

Honored sovereigns of the Disputatious Assembly, I realize that taking my recommendations regarding the Disarrangement Act to heart may be difficult, in light of my particular qualifications1 and the polarizing debate over my appointment to this solemn committee. In the spirit of approaching the problem before us objectively, therefore, I ask that you consider the other sovereigns in this chamber, especially the ones who opposed my appointment. I bet my gold star2 for the week that you distrust half of those bastards at least as much as you distrust me. With that in mind, my recommendations.

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I heartily endorse the Disarrangement Act, but I have some concerns over the most common implementation details floating around. For starters, it is absolutely essential that Kingsland be moved from its current land, even if the standard procedure will be to move a country with its land. We've tried everything under the sun to get rid of our troubles, from asking them nicely to leave3 to electing them mayor4. Don't throw us under the bus5 here.

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One major practical concern for moving countries around is that every continent has some number of ominous fixed-point cubes6 embedded in its bedrock. In order to be able to move them, therefore, I recommend that the land be divided not along national lines, but rather along lines drawn between neighboring subterranean cubes. This may require redrawing some national boundaries, but let's be honest, the Partitioning7 was a long time ago and I'm sure the up-and-coming generation of cartographers8 would like to make their mark (literally) on history. Based on cube charts, these chunks should also be easier to move around, which brings me to my next recommendation.

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Everybody in the world is worried about the glut of ravenous squid-trees9 in the oceans. What if the Hegemony10 fails at keeping an eye on them all, and we get another El Fauces del Diablo situation? Fear not, for these cube-partitioned pieces of land will be the perfect size for dropping onto clusters of squid-trees. Some biosphere fascists11 once suggested to me that we could even cut some of them round and have the Panarkian biome carriers12 push them around like steamrollers. Currently, Panark isn't a fan of the Disarrangement Act, so eliminating the biggest existential threat to their country at the same time should make it more palatable to them.

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Of course, Panark might not like the idea of loading their carriers with gigantic pieces of landmass and going to war with malevolent plants. In that case, I recommend relocating Panark to Zor Olo13 via symphonic warp technology14. The Assembly will have some wiggle room to shuffle countries around if a few of them are put into space. They won't be lonely, as I'm told the Ulgravian Diaspora15 wants to get its hands on the Ultimate Dragonopolis16 to head there anyway. Panark is the obvious choice to warp to the moon, because they're based in ships already, and symphonic warp traversal works best with something that's already a vehicle. We could have The Lunchtime Fallacy17 pilot each of them up there individually, but they're kind of hard to book, so I suggest just aiming each Panarkian vessel at Zor Olo when it's level with the horizon, sticking a Grimer Primer on the front, and playing "Ascension" from Iurezza18 into it. Plus, they can run so many divine assembly19 computations because they use the oceans for cooling, right? Well, space is pretty cold, so it'll be even better for them. I'm sure they already know this from all the work they do running the Taurus20. And if the alleged professor21, of whose classes22 many of you are alumni, were to be on one of those ships being sent off-world, well, wouldn't that be interesting? But, of course, as long as Panark is persuaded23 to cooperate, you needn't go through the trouble yet.

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Another major practical concern, exacerbated by my recommendation above, is that much of the planning has assumed that the countries would be towed or pushed, rather than carried directly on ships. Obviously, towing a piece of land over a squid-tree grove to crush it isn't going to work, because the squid-trees will just eat the ship first. But most ships aren't big enough to fit a landmass on top of them. This is not a hard problem to solve when you think about it. There are at least three forms of hard light projection24 that will work to expand the available holding area of even a small ship, thus allowing them to carry, and then drop, these landmasses on squid-trees and anything else the Assembly deems worthy of being squashed by a piece of continent. The possibility of hard light projections at a massive scale has been empirically demonstrated in the Autocratic Plenitude of Mizzin25, where massive arrays of projectors close off all avenues of escape after curfew before the Queen releases her innumerable hordes of marionette children26 to clean the streets of garbage and curfew delinquents.

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Finally, I recommend that the beginning of the Disarrangement be scheduled for the day after Tesseraction Eve27. While in some sense the Disarrangement will be a vindication of the unreasonable hope cultivated by some Kingslanders that something will eventually deliver us from Kingsland, I think a more compelling reason can be offered to those not from the city. As much as I wholeheartedly support the Act, I recognize that many things could go horribly wrong. What if we launch Panark at Zor Olo, they don't decelerate in time, and the impact of their ships vaporizing against the surface of the moon cracks it open and releases whatever is sealed inside? What if we're not careful with how we crush the ravenous squid-trees with our landmasses, and we end up stranding countries in the middle of hungry, aquatic forests of death? What if the Hegemony celebrates its victory and accidentally cuts off the Chorus Perpetual28, and we plunge into the sun?

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Well, then maybe you'll all know what we deal with on a daily fucking basis in Kingsland.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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1. The Dark Pentad
2. DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas
3. Pantheons of Kingsland
4. Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson
5. The Killer Bus of Kingsland North
6. Ominous fixed-point cubes
7. The Partitioning
8. The Venerable Society of Cartographers
9. Ravenous Squid-Trees
10. The Hegemony of Whales
11. Biosphere fascism
12. The Panark Fleet
13. Zor Olo
14. Symphonic warp traversal
15. The Ulgravian Diaspora
16. Ultimate Dragonopolis
17. The Lunchtime Fallacy
18. Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)
19. Assemblies of Gods
20. Taurus Research Station
21. Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch
22. X-treme lecturing
23. Space persuasion
24. Hard light projection
25. Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous
26. Marionette children
27. Tesseraction Eve
28. Chorus Perpetual

Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Gwen Hanson

Mighty Sovereigns of the Assembly, I bring before you a matter of consequences far outstripping other matters. I speak of justice—I speak of the philosophical kind, not the academic kind1. Historically, it has been the belief of many intelligent and successful leaders that nothing is higher than justice.

+

Sovereigns of the Assembly, those otherwise intelligent leaders were wrong. There is at least one thing higher than justice. Here's a hint: What has an average cruising altitude of 2 miles, has already wiped one country off the map2, and carries eight million descendants of the angriest fucking warriors this world has ever known? That's right, the Ulgravian motherfucking Diaspora3.

+

And so, Sovereigns of the Assembly, I have one question for you today: Do you want to fuck with us?

+

If your answer is "no," then we're done here. All you have to do is vote in favor of the Disarrangement Act and make sure we get some land when you finish re-apportioning everything. I don't even care if it's some corner of the Careless Continent4 where we end up at war with all of our neighbors, it's not like that's not fucking par for the course in our history. There's a reason the Grim Weepers5' standard weapons were designed to take down horses—it's cuz Selestei6 had to take special measures to face us militarily. You know, Selestei? The guys who fought the rest of the world for fun7? The ones who are famous for rolling their opponents' horses into a giant ball8? Those guys? Even Pentex Lannogaster9 wrote that "We rejoice in those who become as Sels10, for there are none whose courage alone suffices to turn back the charge of a horseprince." That was on horses. We're in fucking armored flying machines now.

+

But okay, I recognize that some of you have fecal matter instead of brains, so I'll humor this asinine thread of conversation. + Let's say you're a total moron and you do want to fuck with us. Let me knock out some of the objections I've heard.

+

First off, some of you have been smugly repeating the line that the I'll Legislate It Act11 outlaws moving countries around. You're fucking wrong. The Act prohibits "The deliberate or incidental shifting of national borders by means of a third party, with or without the consent of the involved parties, until such time as such third parties are subscribed under the provisions outlined in §340 ¶4 lines 70-80." First of all, what a fucking law. You should all collectively feel ashamed of yourselves for this abomination's existence. Second, did you fuckers even read §340 ¶4 lines 70-80? That whole part of the I'll Legislate It Act was only added in to limit the Guild of Mapmakers12 from doing anything too threatening without the Assembly getting a say on it. Which is exactly what you will have done, if you pass the Disarrangement Act. Good fucking luck. I hope your mad lawyers13 are expensive.

+

Second big thing—that this brings the world into open season on everyone else's resources, isn't really an argument. It's mostly just whining on the part of those who don't want to lose the stuff their country happens to sit on. Come on, Flandre14, did your protomammalian ancestors do a geological survey before deciding to settle down on those oil fields? Hell, you don't even need them with all that asynchronous energy15 you're producing. Executing the Disarrangement Act is gonna take a while, so use the time to build some really friggin' huge batteries and store it all up.

+

Like, I get the argument that we can't just go around redistributing resources ad hoc. But that's not what's going on here. The point of the Disarrangement Act is to reduce world conflict, so that's the metric we'd use to determine whether to move a nation off a given piece of land. Flandre has exploited its oil to thwart the whale tariffs16 and increase tension in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, so in order to promote world peace we should really appropriate that oil and put it to some more peaceful end, like keeping eight million people's homes in the air. The Very Definitely Independent States17 aren't hurting anyone by sticking together, so the Assembly could make sure they stay together. The opposite is true for the Fractured Cities18, so you could separate them. See? Really easy decision-making process. I'm sure you're all competent enough that you can make those decisions as an Assembly. You're not afraid to prove it, right?

+

Third thing, people have been arguing that there won't be enough space for everyone. Many proposed mechanisms for instituting the Disarrangement Act render large chunks of the planet uninhabitable, at least temporarily. This argument is spurious for many, many reasons. First of all, we've already lost large chunk of the planet and been totally fine. You don't hear the whales having space issues in the aftermath of the Yggdrasil Project19, do you? What's more, this would really just provide incentives for people to exploit new spaces, such as space. You could put Lepazzia20 on Zor Olo21, for example. I'm sure there's some wonderful device by the inspiring Dr. Stafford22 that would do the trick. And don't pretend like they wouldn't enjoy it, since they're the first country in world history to try to leave and take their country with them. In their stupid backwards culture, you'd probably even be doing them a favor by stranding them on the moon. I proposed this to President Niir23 and he thought it was a great idea, so you've even got one vote in favor already!

+

Now, I could refute this chum all day, but I'd like to conclude with more of a positive argument. The Disarrangement Act will undoubtedly lead to more peace, because otherwise Ulgrav will probably rain sulfurous hell down on your stupid fucking heads. Maybe you are not afraid of our warships? Maybe you think you are safe behind your high-altitude artillery? Then know this: I happen to know Rubric is pulling strongly in favor of the Disarrangement Act, and she's the only one who knows how to work the Omega Point Coffee Secretor24. She has become terrifyingly effective with it, and we still don't know the merest fraction of everything it's capable of. So just imagine that the Act fails to pass. Imagine that Rubric learns of this. How upset she will be, knowing she has to return to Kingsland! In a huff, she storms back to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room—and, hulking sinisterly in the corner, sits that metal leviathan, controls glinting with inbuilt malice. Her hand strays, slowly, inexorably, to the control panels, and guess who's still sitting in the DAS building?

+

A bunch of poor fools who should have voted yes. That's who.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement
2. The Night of Storms
3. The Ulgravian Diaspora
4. The Careless Continent
5. Grim Weepers
6. Selestei
7. The War of Durun's Ass
8. Horseball
9. Pentex Lannogaster
10. Jalapeñosis
11. The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act
12. The Venerable Society of Cartographers
13. Mad legal practice
14. Flandre
15. Asynchronous energy
16. The Hegemony of Whales
17. The Very Definitely Independent States
18. The Fractured Cities
19. The Yggdrasil Project
20. Lepazzia
21. Zor Olo
22. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
23. Incendia
24. Omega Point Coffee Secretor

Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Herbert Jones

It is the highest honor, great Sovereigns, to present to you once again. I hope that you have found this report enlightening and that it will guide you to choose with the wisdom I have seen in this hall time and again. I hope also that despite my lowly station you will accept my gratitude for the fine work you have all done in leading your respective countries so well.

+

Now, let us turn to the task at hand. Many who undertake to write about the Disarrangement Act have seen fit to fall into absolutist camps—an example I will not follow here. I believe that perspicacious individuals like yourselves will recognize the nuance of this topic. So, although I believe that the Disarrangement Act is, on balance, not worth the costs, let's take a moment to acknowledge the good things about it. There is much to be learned, I think, from such a vision of international cooperation, with the Disputatious Assembly coordinating to design a better world for us all. I should think such an attitude fulfills the vision of High Exarch Kantamon1 in founding the Assembly in the first place. Nevertheless, I remain convinced that the actual execution of the Disarrangement Act would be perilous. I believe my colleagues have done an excellent job of illustrating that peril; however, as is observed in the Armmaker translation of the Book of Schemes2, "It is a fool who plans for success." So let's suppose that the Act passes. In that case, I have a number of concerns which must be observed at any cost in the execution of the Act:

+

• When moving the countries of the world, the Assembly must not under any circumstances interfere with the Barcu region. No one fully understands the Barcuvian physical laws3 (save perhaps Dr. Stafford4), and the methods used to move entire chunks of the planet will surely use massive stores of energy. The responsible position is to expect that using these methods in Barcu would result in unexpected consequences, and that those consequences will be catastrophic. To be safe, the Assembly should extend this zone of caution anywhere from ten to a thousand miles from the Barcuvian border.

+

• As an addendum to the above point, the Missing Sea5 should be disturbed as little as possible. In addition to the caution necessary to deal with Barcu, there is a possibility that disrupting the Missing Sea too much will also disrupt the seal upon Zor Olo and release whatever is trapped there.

+

• Speaking of Zor Olo, do not put any countries on Zor Olo. Not only is there the possibility of creating a second Kingsland, there is no air up there. The entire country would be dead in minutes. I confess I do not understand why I keep running into this suggestion.

+

• Returning to the general prohibition on interfering with Barcu, the Assembly should not interfere with Flandre6. While I understand that this is politically unfavorable for some, the fact remains that most of the country is tied into an asynchronous energy7 network, and the theoretical consequences of severing that connection range from disastrous to apocalyptic. While I cannot speak to the justice of High Exarch Minor Ironheart8's use of her country's resources, I beg you to turn your attention to the justice of blowing the planet open.

+

• Although it is a difficult decision to countenance, the Assembly must not let Kingsland escape. If their gods9 become unhappy, we might see the horrors of Kingsland visited upon the rest of the world.

+

• In fact, the Assembly should probably just refrain from interfering with Iurezza10 in general, as that might result in breaching the quarantine on the electric undead11 and starting a new infestation.

+

• Given the massive logistical requirements the Disarrangement Act would introduce to the global community, I agree with Professor Hazard McKinley12's argument that the Assembly should delay implementation of the Act until such time as transportation has been developed that would not put an unendurable strain on the environment.

+

• The implementation of the Disarrangement Act must not proceed in a way that precludes our ability to defend against hostile attention from space. General Gorson13 had the right of it when he said that an alien threat is of more concern than any terrestrial matter; what we've learned from the Vulterland ruins14 certainly seems to corroborate this point. This prohibition would extend to prohibiting interference with the Panark Fleet15, who carry the responsibility for maintaining Taurus Research Station16 as an orbital defense platform. Also included here are any number of precautions to prevent sabotage from the Botherhood17, who might see sabotage of such a great undertaking as pleasing to their notional alien masters.

+

• However the Act unfolds with respect to the Careless Continent18, great care must be taken not to open Joran Lake19 to the ocean. Joran Lake is unnaturally deep, and its blackest reaches have been open to unchecked metafishics20 for over a hundred years.

+

• On the topic of metafishics, the Assembly must ensure that as the continents are shifted and the ocean grows silty, some mechanism is deployed to observe the parts of the ocean which would otherwise be hidden to us. Ideally this technology would be able to penetrate groves of Ravenous Squid-Trees21.

+

• Under absolutely no circumstances should the Assembly use symphonic warp traversal22 as a means of transportation during the implementation of the Disarrangement Act. Warping mass on this scale has never been tested in atmosphere before, but my physics contacts inform me that the theoretical best-case scenario detonates the entire atmosphere.

+

• Perhaps this is the old rocker in me speaking, but per Sneezing on the King Eternal's Iurezza23, the Assembly should not involve the Ultimate Dragonopolis24 in the implementation of the Act. In the event that the Act passes, seekers after the Dragonopolis (particularly Captain Gunnerson25) should be grounded until the process is complete.

+

• Finally, we do know (via Kingsland) of the existence of multidimensional entities who wish to consume our reality. There is the possibility (raised by Dr. Hanson in her excellent article on Zor Olo26, although she seems to have forgotten it in writing her concluding recommendations) that the exact shape of the continents is what keeps them from doing so. In the interest of avoiding dimensional predators, the Assembly should endeavor to change the shape of the globe as little as possible.

+

Now, as I'm sure you've noticed, the logical consequence of abiding by all of these considerations would be, effectively, to act as though the Disarrangement Act had not passed. I hope it is a little clearer why I do not recommend that the Assembly vote in favor, whatever pressing issues seem to hang on its success. But that decision is, of course, up to you.

+

In any case, this report is now concluded. I hereby discharge the duty placed upon this committee by the august Assembly and wish you happy deliberations!

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Roerbach Incident
2. The Book of Schemes
3. Barcuvian antiweather
4. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
5. Missing Sea
6. Flandre
7. Asynchronous energy
8. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart
9. Pantheons of Kingsland
10. Iurezza (continent)
11. Electric undead
12. Professor Hazard McKinley
13. General Kade "Ripper" Gorson
14. Xenoarcheological ruins
15. The Panark Fleet
16. Taurus Research Station
17. The Botherhood
18. The Careless Continent
19. Joran Lake
20. Metafishics
21. Ravenous Squid-Trees
22. Symphonic warp traversal
23. Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)
24. Ultimate Dragonopolis
25. Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson
26. Zor Olo

Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Remilion Christophy

Rather than add to the observed geopolitical consequences of the Disarrangement Act, I would like to contribute a recommendation from the perspective of the field of sociophysics. As you surely know, sociophysicists study the ways in which social realities cause variation in or manifestation of physical realities. The social consequences of carrying out the Disarrangement Act would be indubitably immense, and sociophysics tells us that we should be wary of equally immense physical consequences.

+

For starters, there's just kind of a lot of weird stuff on Iurezza1. The Ideal Geology Committee has already thoroughly informed you as to the dangers of moving Barcuvian land or moving other land to Barcu's present location. If Barcu's peculiarities2 are defined according to global coordinates, then whatever country ends up there may see something new and horrible arise, if it even lasts that long3. But what the IGC didn't consider, and therefore falls to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, is whether Barcu might be in the state it is in because of sociophysical effects deriving from the structure of global society. Of course, records indicate that Barcu has been Barcuvian for much longer than the current geopolitical climate, but this is not the last word on the subject. As my colleague Ms. Rubric mentioned in her article on the Chorus Perpetual4, I've proposed a sociophysical explanation of the Hegemony's5 claims about the Chorus and its relation to the stability of our solar orbit. Even though our orbit may not have depended on on the Chorus before, sociological momentum from the repetition of the claim may make it the case that it does now. I suggest that something similar may have happened to Barcu, which has become, in this global age of ours, a symbol the world over for senselessness and chaos.

+

Given this, if we move around large groups of people, their sense of direction may become confused, and they may regard Barcu to be located in the wrong direction. Through sociophysical principles, this may result in the direction of their regard becoming Barcuvian. Additionally, moving all of the countries around will undoubtedly cause vast amounts of chaos. Might this not cause people to regard the whole world as having become, in a sense, Barcu? Each of you Sovereigns should consider whether, having avoided your country being moved to Barcu, Barcu might yet move to your country. There are good reasons to think that disarranging the countries of the world will shift or expand Barcu's idiomatic physics to cover much larger swaths of the world, or even entire hemispheres. This would be utterly disastrous.

+

The most wide-ranging effects are obvious, but there are others you should know about in case you think it would be worth the risk. First, note that hurricanes do not currently form in any region subject to Barcuvian physics. While the Ideal Geology Committee has already noted this as a risk of leaving Barcu's place unfilled by a new landmass, a Barcuvian expansion would almost certainly result in the formation of antihurricanes. I have no idea what an antihurricane would do, but I don't want to find out and neither should you. Second, and I note that the IGC did not consider this in their discussion of disarranging Barcu, such areas of open ocean will be subject both to Barcuvian physics and to Grantham's Law6. There's no way we could muster enough people to willingly enter Barcuvian oceans just to keep an eye on the aquatic life. The consequences will be unimaginably horrific. If we're lucky, an antihurricane will just be invisible7, and countries near Barcuvian oceans will occasionally be destroyed by storms they can't see coming. In the worst case, the antihurricanes could have an inexplicable ability to pick up aquatic life and deposit them inland.

+

Some Ulgravian8 agitators in favor of the Disarrangement Act have argued that even if Barcu expands, this will simply give more countries access to free energy9. Disregard these charlatans. I have noted the dangers of asynchronous energy previously. It would only exacerbate the issue to widen access to it.

+

And Barcu is merely the biggest problem on the continent that you don't want to touch. Trying to do almost anything to Iurezza means tampering with forces beyond mortal ken. How do you think the King Eternal is going to take the news that you've moving the Barrowlands? (Do you even have enough interns to get the message across?) All the electric undead10 are going to end up somewhere after the Disarrangement, and you might find yourself the host. If and when the Disarrangement shifts the borders of Barcu, the location of the Double-North Pole11 is going to shift too. If this angers Klaus Santanna12, you'd better hope Captain Gunnerson13 finds the Ultimate Dragonopolis14 soon. If Santanna instead chooses to relocate Bipolaris to wherever the new Pole ends up, God help anybody in its path.

+

Now, to touch briefly on geopolitics, I must recognize that there is significant dispute going on in the Disputatious Assembly over the Disarrangement Act, and much of it concerns Flandre15. Many of Flandre's opponents in the Assembly — most notably the originator of the Act, the Hegemony of Whales — want a Disarrangement that severs Flandre from the oil fields that have made it a world power in the wake of the Whale Tariffs. In order to gain support from those outside of the Hegemony's voting bloc, pro-Act diplomats have played up the threat that Flandre poses to the good order and peace of the world. I note one potential consequence of this that might give such partisans pause. As General Kade Gorson16 once remarked, "Do not fear the ocean, lest it become fearful to you." The wisdom of these words is backed up by sociophysics. If there are widespread rumors that Flandre is a global threat, this may in turn make Flandre even more of a global threat than it was before the rumors. This means the true threat to world peace is actually the pro-Act faction. I trust the sovereigns of the Assembly will vote accordingly.

+

Finally, if you'll recall my previous discussion of 🔇17, it is critically important that the Assembly takes several things about 🔇 into account. First of all,

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Iurezza (continent)
2. Barcuvian antiweather
3. Qualified spontaneous evaporation
4. Chorus Perpetual
5. The Hegemony of Whales
6. Metafishics
7. Chromatic aberration
8. The Ulgravian Diaspora
9. Asynchronous energy
10. Electric undead
11. The Double-North Pole
12. Klaus Santanna
13. Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson
14. Ultimate Dragonopolis
15. Flandre
16. General Kade "Ripper" Gorson
17. 🔇

Concluding Recommendations: M. Hon. Pierce Milton

As a memetosociologist, I feel a somewhat paradoxical duty to point out when perception does not influence reality. While it is demonstrably true that much of society's function is determined by participants' models of what those functions are, it is equally true that people forget that there are limitations when you investigate from this perspective. In the Legend of the Three Trees1, an argument over national pride belies a challenge to the disputants' survival itself. And, likewise, I fear that in the discussion over the Disarrangement Act, we are too concerned with which tree is whose, and not nearly enough about which tree is going to fall on us.

+

I begin by interrogating the dominant narrative of the Disarrangement Act, which is that it seeks to create world peace by moving belligerents away from each other. I am honestly surprised that a thinking person could entertain this argument in good faith for more than a few moments. Even a brief examination of world history reveals the absurdity of the notion. Less than three centuries ago, the War of Durun's Ass2 illustrated that a sufficiently motivated country could project military force to the other side of the globe with little more than a borrowed fleet of residential vessels3. The Roerbach Incident4 proved that the Assembly itself could serve as the root of conflict, regardless of where the disputing Sovereigns sit their thrones.

+

In fact, the informed student of history would be forgiven for thinking the shortest road to world peace requires preventing Selestei5 from projecting force into other countries—a lesson which we know at least Shaster6 has taken to heart, given their quick response to Selesteine militarization during the Goats on Boats Affair7. And yet Selestei has never come up in the rhetoric surrounding the Disarrangement Act. Likewise, the Act's proponents do not mention any threat posed by the Ulgravian Diaspora8, despite their global force projection capabilities and the blood of an entire country9 on their hands. One would assume that if global peace were truly an objective of the Act's defenders, they would at least make some superficial arguments that grounding Ulgrav makes it harder for them to bomb us into oblivion. But no such arguments exist; we merely hear about how Flandre10 threatens world peace, despite Flandre never having engaged in direct military action against a recognized nation (this qualifier in recognition of the grey area of the Cetacean Wars).

+

One might make the (quite reasonable) objection that the threat of Flandre comes not from military action, but covert actions taken against other members of the global community. I agree completely. But if we admit intrigue into the scope of concern, then surely it would be criminal negligence not to mention Lepazzia11, who blur the lines between our constructs of peace and conflict. Flandrean intelligence operations only serve to solidify Flandre's position on the international stage; meanwhile, the Massively Parallel Peace Conference12 did more to set back the cause of global peace than anything Flandre's done in the past three centuries. I would further argue that their inventive utilization of the Esoteric Order of Florists13 in destroying the sanity of Mad King Westler14 makes them a threat to the national security of every other nation on the planet—save perhaps the Hegemony of Whales15—regardless of where those nations are located. And what of the other dark horse threats? If the Contagious Republic16 decides to infect a world leader and cause global chaos, how will moving the countries around do anything to stop them? We don't know, because we see only silence from champions of the Disarrangement Act on these topics.

+

Given that the pro-Act rhetoric seems insincere, strip that away. What are we left with? A proposal by a prominent Assembly nation to strip their largest rival of the key resource that allows them to be a threat. Noble Sovereigns, I have no stake in the conflict between Flandre and the Hegemony, but I do have a stake in the planet's continued peace and prosperity, and I fear that the collateral damage of this maneuver is strictly unacceptable. Since the Disarrangement Act was presented to the Assembly, multiple studies out of the National Academy of Velskyavo17 have confirmed that indicators of global tension have reached the levels that typically precede wars. Troublingly, this includes a record number of bloodmoots18 in the Fractured Cities19 this year, a particularly robust indicator of global unrest. And we are already seeing negative impacts from the Act: the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection20 has released an analysis demonstrating that the global uncertainty is driving trade into the ground.

+

This is to say nothing of possible existential threats, which one would hope top the list of the Assembly's priorities. A recent paper by Professor Hazard McKinley21 made the observation that the Disarrangement Act would necessarily include massively increased sea travel, likely pushing pollution levels into unrecoverable territory. Does the Hegemony fear Flandre so much that they're willing to destroy their own country to neuter them? And given the prospective transportation of entire people groups across open water, why does the Disarrangement Act contain no provisions made for dealing with the Ravenous Squid-Trees22? To overlook them is essentially asking for an accidental genocide.

+

Finally, I have a question which I have yet to hear a cogent answer to: why not pick an easier road to world peace? The Zeitgeist Manipulator23 is still operating in orbit around our planet, and demonstrably possesses the power to shape decision-making around the globe. If you want to see conflict diminished, order an expedition to alter its programming. By the fact that I can even suggest this, we know that this would be no threat to St. Stafford24, whose legacy is already secure. In fact, it would make him the savior of our world once again.

+

Given all of these reasons, I cannot in good conscience recommend a vote in favor of the Disarrangement Act. In light of the available evidence, I can see no other conclusion than that implementing the Act would essentially be a form of global suicide—if a world war does not erupt before we even get that far. I trust that your wisdom, as responsible world leaders, will enable you to make the right choice.

+

Respectfully,
+Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. Legend of the Three Trees
2. The War of Durun's Ass
3. The Panark Fleet
4. The Roerbach Incident
5. Selestei
6. Shaster
7. Goats on Boats Affair
8. The Ulgravian Diaspora
9. The Night of Storms
10. Flandre
11. Lepazzia
12. Massively Parallel Peace Conference
13. The Esoteric Order of Florists
14. Mad King Westler
15. The Hegemony of Whales
16. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
17. National Academy of Velskyavo
18. Bloodmoot
19. The Fractured Cities
20. Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection
21. Professor Hazard McKinley
22. Ravenous Squid-Trees
23. Zeitgeist Manipulator
24. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford

Concluding Recommendations: Spheven Kain

I realize that in my current position, you have little reason to heed my recommendation, as I am no longer a member of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee. Nevertheless, though I cannot erase the past, neither can my fall from grace, for despite my revoked credentials I am still a trained computational anthropologist. In this respect, the Disarrangement Act is of great interest to me, since it is both a possibility realized by human technological advancement and the brainchild of the Hegemony of Whales1, whose race is relatively technologically primitive. In my computational anthropological work, I studied the effect of computers on the development of human culture. Because of this, I feel I have something of interest to say on the Disarrangement Act, and I humbly beg your consideration.

+

The most striking thing about human technological advancement is the interconnectedness it brings. When human civilization was relatively parochial, governments only had to worry about things they could see and the Esoteric Order of Florists2. Consider how many problems are solved simply by being far away from them. Few people outside of Careless3 mind Joran Lake4, because the Joranian fauna are (probably) too far away to attack them. Global crises like the War of Durun's Ass5 or the Goats on Boats Affair6 were only possible because naval technology had made it possible for geographically distant problems to reach close to home. Some may claim that these crises were just as much the product of the machinations of the Stratsky Foundation7 or the hotbloodedness of Selestei8. But consider: would either of these have happened if Selestei or the Compass Republic were geographically isolated from the rest of the world? There's a reason Secretary Tomas9 puts sovereigns in the corner when they misbehave.

+

The development of the computer is no different. With global networking, anyone across the globe can feel threatened by anything going on anywhere. Before information technology, the average Kingslander didn't have to think about Panark10 authorizing Shaster11 to order Captain Gunnerson12 to take control of the Taurus13 and wipe Kingsland off the map. Now, said Kingslander has to wake up each morning to the distressing fact that they haven't been annihilated from orbit. (They had to before, too, but this just makes it worse.)

+

All of this leads me to agree with our esteemed Dr. Hanson that, ultimately, everything goes to shit. If we want to bring about some manner of world peace, drastic measures must be taken, and the Disarrangement Act is exactly the sort of measure we are in desperate need of. As M.Hon. Milton has noted in his article on HEM Seraphi Ironheart14, one potentially dangerous consequence of the Act is that some unlucky country may become the new neighbor of an irritated HEM Ironheart. But what if Flandre15 was nobody's neighbor? She's dangerous enough to sit next to at Assembly sessions16, why take any more risk with your own homeland? Let's just put every dangerous country in the middle of the ocean somewhere where they can't hurt anyone. If they need to contact the rest of us, Ulgravian airships17 can carry their letters. I'm sure Flandre would adapt, at least; they've got contingency plans for all sorts of weird things18, they'd probably like having fewer threats on their borders.

+

This proposal has historical antecedents that speak in its favor. A little over half a century ago, the completion of the Yggdrasil Project19 ended the conflict between the Vulterbase rebels20 and JUSTICE21. Since then, have they bothered anybody in the rest of the world? Of course not. The Vulterbase rebels are ensconced behind an impassible combination of squid-trees22 and the Vulterstrom. Imagine a world where any threat to global peace were so ensconced, able to affect the global community only by going through Ulgravian skies. Now that sounds like world peace.

+

Peace, of course, is not just preventative. Some wrongs of the past must be righted in the new world order. Many sovereigns sit in the Assembly who have little to no land. Surely if they command equal estate in the Assembly chambers, they deserve a little of the estate of the world as well. I think of Incendia23, Ulgrav, or Panark. Shouldn't we help these countries out and give them some solid ground to stand on? The Selesteines control a lot of land, but they leave Razor Valley24 mostly uninhabited even though they're pretty much the only ones who can make a living there. Why not give some of their safer land to some deserving sovereigns? We could even give some land to Placeholden25, so we'd finally be able to locate the damn place. This is a chance for justice to prevail, honored sovereigns. Don't let it pass you by!

+

I thank you again for your consideration, and I hope the Assembly comes to an agreeable consensus on the Disarrangement Act. Unfortunately, I will be unavailable for comment and/or arrest when this Committee's report is presented to the Assembly, as I will be taking a short vacation to go windstriding26 with Dr. Hanson through Yasser's Yells27. Yasser's got a special deal for windstriding over Vulter I'm eager to take.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. The Hegemony of Whales
2. The Esoteric Order of Florists
3. The Careless Continent
4. Joran Lake
5. The War of Durun's Ass
6. Goats on Boats Affair
7. Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection
8. Selestei
9. DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas
10. The Panark Fleet
11. Shaster
12. Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson
13. Taurus Research Station
14. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart
15. Flandre
16. 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident
17. The Ulgravian Diaspora
18. Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a
19. The Yggdrasil Project
20. Xenoarcheological ruins
21. Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement
22. Ravenous Squid-Trees
23. Incendia
24. Razor Valley
25. Placeholden
26. Windstriding
27. Yasser's Yells

Ah, Mr. Kain, I'm quite pleased that you found the time to put this together, what with how busy you've been clearing out your office over the past two years. (Speaking of which, I was pleasantly surprised to see your very clean office this morning. Though the loss of your academic career was tragic, I've always felt your work as a night janitor has been exceptional.) Now, I know you've had your qualifications revoked, but I do think this is good scholarship, so I'll see if I can get it into the final report. Enjoy your trip with Dr. Hanson!

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski

No one messes with the concept of nationhood like Paul Vigotski. He's the only person with a seat in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns who is not actually a Sovereign. That's because the real Sovereign is the Eubacteriarch, a sentient bacterium that lives in Paul's nasal cavity. The only academics more fascinated than the biologists are, of course, the memetosociologists, because Paul Vigotski invites the incredibly pressing question "how did this man get recognized as a nation?"

+

According to interviews with the Eubacteriarch, the Contagious Republic of Paul Vitgotski began with a bacterial infection that evolved sentience at the microbial level. At the time of the Republic's formation, the Republic numbered around 3 million in population. Each citizen was given one vote, to be shared by the descendants of that citizen after they underwent asexual reproduction. Nowadays the Contagious Republic's population numbers around 230 trillion, making it the most populous nation on earth. This makes votes in the Republic a highly scare commodity, often resulting in unrest that manifests as stomachaches.

+

The Contagious Republic's appearance on the National Stage came at an opportune moment, right as the Very Definitely Independent States1 began their propaganda campaign for independence. The bacteria of the Republic worked out a way to hijack Vigotski's sensory and motor neurons, allowing for communication between the miniature Republic and the outside world. In a speech before the Disputatious Assembly, the Eubacteriarch made its case for statehood, appropriating rhetoric used by the VDIS and their allies to all but ensure the support of that bloc. Therefore, just as the VDIS were granted some dubious measure of statement, the Contagious Republic also managed to win a seat.

+

Elevating Paul Vigotski to statehood caused no end of political shenanigans. Foremost of these was Vigotski's status as a citizen of Selestei2, which made the bacteria's colonization of him technically count as an act of war. Unfortunately for Selestei, while the Contagious Republic compelled Vigotski to sneeze on every door handle he encountered, the Selesteines could only prosecute the war by forcing Vigtoski to take antibiotics. Vigotski, who was enjoying the media attention, refused. The war continued in a subdued sort of manner for three years until both nations attended the Massively Parallel Peace Conference3 and settled on a compromise whereby Vigotski was awarded dual citizenship in both nations.

+

Today, the Contagious Republic has 32 human citizens, each of which hosts legions of bacterial researchers, artists, and businessgerms. As such, the Republic's scientific, cultural, and financial output is nearly on par with nations with a much higher human population, and its GDP per capita is the best in the world.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. The Very Definitely Independent States
2. Selestei
3. Massively Parallel Peace Conference

Ah, yes, I remember there was something of a conundrum in the 50's because it seemed like Vigotski himself was getting up there in years. Everyone was wondering if they'd rename the country after whoever the Eubacteriarch colonized after Vigotski and what would happen to the voting populations that inhabited Vigotski's body. But it seems like the Republic cracked the secret of cellular regeneration, since Vigotski hasn't aged a day in decades. Once people figured it out, they were extremely eager to acquire the secret, but the Republic told everyone that they'd need to be colonized for the trick to work. Interest died out after that. The older I get, the more I think about taking the offer, but my wife has expressly forbid me from infecting myself just to live forever. C'est la vie!

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

Honestly, if Selesteines didn't only think with their overdeveloped pectoral muscles, they could have just arrested Vigotski for several billion counts of being an accomplice to illegal immigration. Then again, if their heads were good for anything besides bashing other people's skulls in, we wouldn't have had the Roerbach Incident1.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. The Roerbach Incident

The Contagious Republic has probably caused more pain to bureaucrats and paper-pushers than any other country in the Assembly. Their population is several digits wider than any other country's, making it a pain to display in tables. Their ambassadors live inside some of their citizens, making the person of the citizen, properly speaking, the embassy. This means that to mail something to a Vigotskian embassy, one needs the mailing address where the embassy is currently staying. And because they're a nation primarily of microorganisms, instead of singing for their national anthem, they all release a particular mixture of pheromones. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, except the one time the Disputatious Assembly had to play it before the Eubacteriarch gave a speech. The Assembly notaries had requisitioned a sizable quantity of the pheromones in advance, so they basically just cropdusted the meeting hall with it while he walked up. This is how it was discovered that the Vigotskian national anthem was a truth serum.

+

The Assembly quickly voted to adjourn until further notice.

+

Spheven Kain

+

The Dark Pentad

There was a time when academic institutions would award honorary degrees to individuals who had accomplished great things in the world. The practice was quite advantageous for both parties; it allowed the university to benefit by associating with an individual of great merit, while the individual gained the status associated with the backing of a university. But then the practice took a darker turn: in AES 845, the architect and attempted visionary Hans Flugelsson undertook a nationwide project to irrigate his desert homeland of Joran, but made several fatal errors in his calculations. The results were unfortunate1, to say the least, and Flugelsson became the recipient of immense ridicule from the international community. In the midst of this uproar, the University of Shaster2 attempted a publicity stunt by awarding Flugelsson a degree in "Imagineering."

+

The immense positive response to this move led other universities to follow suit whenever public works programs went awry. The emerging popularity of "dark degrees" was bolstered by the addition of thanatology in 849 for academics whose work led to a large number of deaths and dysthetics in 851 for artists whose work was just terrible. These became known as the "Dark Triad" until economics was introduced in AES 891, for obvious reasons. This led to some confusion over what to name these dishonorary degrees, a conversation that would not resolve until the first misosophy degree was awarded in 915 for egregious violations of scholarly norms.

+

Today, Pentad degrees are most often awarded in-house as the result of some internal investigation of wrongdoing. While it's not uncommon for academics to accuse each other for political reasons, Pentad degrees are usually conferred only in extreme situations. (There are exceptions3, of course.) Receiving a Pentad degree is typically a deathblow to one's career. Knowing this, academics have developed complicated social customs built around mitigating the threat of possible accusations. For example, should a shared research project provoke a Pentad hearing, the second-to-last author on the paper is typically summoned instead of the senior author, thus protecting the careers of established academics. The scapegoat slot is naturally, therefore, filled by adjunct professors.

+

Despite the extreme stigma surrounding the Dark Pentad, however, they are each a functioning academic field. Just like a legitimate academic field, they have journals, conferences, and even advanced degree programs4. Mainstream conferences try not to acknowledge Pentad academics, but it is common practice to block out time for "alternate perspectives," which is tacitly understood to be reserved for Pentad pariahs and naive professors who are about to spend the rest of their careers ignorant of why no one wants to co-author any papers with them.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. Joran Lake
2. Shaster
3. National Academy of Velskyavo
4. Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection

Being the academic equivalent of a leper can be trying at times, but it does have its benefits. Just as nobody wants to share a room with a leper, for example, no regular academic wants to share an office with a Pentad. So, if you're a Pentad who wants an office, all you really have to do is walk into someone's office and start working there, and they'll quickly make themselves scarce to avoid any association with you. I work at a correspondence university, so we don't even own any buildings — yeah, yeah, the main campus still exists in the Incendian1 homeland, stuff it — and yet I've never been lacking for an office, even when I'm only visiting another university for the weekend. I was the de facto chair of a department for a week just because I hijacked the former chair's office and started using his official stamp for fun.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. Incendia

DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas

Child psychologist by education, grade school teacher by trade, and most powerful woman in the world by accident, Ruby Tomas, née Middenborough, is the current Secretary of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. The position fell to her when her husband, the late DAS Secretary Edvard Tomas, fell ill before dying of cancer in AES 981. During the late Secretary's decline in health, his wife increasingly aided him in performing his duties; by the time he died, she was essentially running the Assembly in his name. She proved so adept to the task that nobody wanted to be the one to point out that she had never been officially elected. The Assembly notaries let the situation lie for a year, then decided just to put her election down as unanimous.

+

The main reason for Tomas' success during her tenure as Secretary is her experience dealing with children as a grade school teacher. Normally, international diplomacy has less petty bickering and fewer fistfights, but the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns is anything but normal. It isn't called the Disputatious Assembly for nothing, and not just because Selestei1 is there. Many sovereigns rankle at the condescension displayed at times by the Secretary, but complaining means you lose your gold star for the week, and only those who kept their stars for the month get homemade cookies. Even worse, if you misbehave too much, you get sent to the Time-Out Corner where the sovereigns of the Careless Continent2 are constantly trying to kill each other. This largely keeps the other Sovereigns in order, less because it would be dangerous and more because it would be embarrassing.

+

The Time-Out Corner doesn't work on everyone, though. The last time Tomas sent King Daggert of Selestei to the Corner, he joined in on the fighting, causing even more of a commotion than before. Conversely, when High Exarch Minor Ironheart3 of Flandre4 was sent to the Corner, the Careless sovereigns sat completely still out of fear of what happened last time5. The Secretary was so pleased with the result that she returned Ironheart's gold star for the week. Ever since, Assembly staff have suspected that the Secretary is encouraging the High Exarch Minor to cause trouble and get caught so she can be sent to the Corner when the Careless sovereigns are too distracting.

+

Hand in hand with her fearsome maintenance of Assembly decorum is Tomas' close involvement with the various committees and offices of the Assembly. Very little goes on on campus that she does not know about. She makes a point of sitting in on each committee's official meetings around once a month, as well as observing individual members at work outside of meetings. She's standing behind me right now, in fact. Hello, Secretary Tomas. Yes, I'm getting work done. No, I'm not writing anything bad about you. Sweet, gold star.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Selestei
2. The Careless Continent
3. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart
4. Flandre
5. 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident

The Double-North Pole

With the world possibly getting re-arranged, I should like to raise one possibly unforeseen consequence: what will happen to the world's signature landmarks?

+

I am concerned here particularly in the case of the Double-North Pole, which is a marvel of cartography and civic planning. Let's begin with the history of this remarkable landmark. Like anything cartographical, the tale's root can ultimately be found in the Mapmaker's Guild1. When the Earth was first completely charted in AES 489, the Venerable Cartographers experienced internal dissension over where to put the compass rose on their maps. The arguments, I fear, began to turn political, as nationally-aligned factions of the transnational Society began drawing the compass rose over countries they disliked.

+

While this was going on, a discovery was in the works. Now, as everyone knows, compasses don't work the same way in the Barcu region2 that they do anywhere else in the world. But suppose you traveled to Barcu and found north, then traveled somewhere else and found north there. If you were to draw a line from each of those points, their point of intersection is what we now call the Double-North Pole. This was first theorized in AES 535 by Iryu Bandan, and confirmed in AES 547 by the famed explorer Vertrad the Swift.

+

Enter Candor Gunterman, a noble and patron of the Venerable Cartographers. Wishing to see peace reign at last, he funded a major expedition to the Double-North Pole and founded the city of Bipolaris there. That city became the seat of the Compass Republic, and they slowly expanded southward to claim more land in the shape of a compass rose, with Bipolaris forming the northern tip. Gunterman, who remained monarch until AES 597, even had the foresight to shape the country such that it would have the correct proportions on a map using the Herzinger projection.

+

In recent years, Bipolaris has seen great economic growth as the seat of Sovereign Klaus Santanna3, whose manufacturing innovations used the surrounding ice fields as heat sinks to massively increase production of goods. The Double-North Pole's massive outpouring of goods has been aided by an unparalleled distribution network in the form of the Ulgravian zeppelin armada4, who signed a lucrative trade deal with the Compass Republic in AES 980.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Venerable Society of Cartographers
2. Barcuvian antiweather
3. Klaus Santanna
4. The Ulgravian Diaspora

Electric undead

I got woken up at 3 AM this morning when a moaning corpse started pounding on my door. I still don't have any idea how the fuck it got on this zeppelin. Zeppelin security took like four hours to deal with it, and in the meantime I just had to sit there and think about how much sleep I wasn't getting. It's been a shitty day.

+

The electric undead, like every horrible thing, hail from the Barcu region. About fifteen hundred years ago, they started spreading. The ones that went north froze, and the ones that went south found out the hard way that Flandre1 already had a National Response Protocol for dealing with contagious animated corpses. But in the east was the warrior kingdom of Hantu. Don't bother looking them up, they're all zombies now. The morons found out that the electric undead spread through electrical contact, and all their swords were made of metal, and they still sent everyone at the rotting horde.

+

Despite the constant menace throughout history, we didn't make any progress understanding what was going on with the electric undead until the turn of the century, when none other than Dr. Stafford2 happened to them. His research temple captured a few of them and vivisected them with ceramic tools, which allowed them to discover that the electrical activity in their nervous systems was actually antilightning3, which explained why they act so weird. Dr. Stafford's research allowed the Disuptatious Assembly of Sovereigns to pass the Electric Undead Quarantine Act. Initially they wanted to drive the zombies into the sea, but the whales4 weren't having it. So instead they tried to set up a fucking containment line on the Barcuvian border. The Flandreans kept trying to set up protective measures, since their government has an entropology research division, but no one else wanted to spend the money and the Hegemon kept blocking them out of spite.

+

Look no further for proof that the DAS is full of idiots. We've got this thing in entropology called "Chaos Theory," which is a theory that makes the following prediction: If it causes chaos, it will happen. So at least none of us were surprised when one day that Fitch fucker5 tried to sneak his students through the containment zone6 and ended up letting all the zombies out into the world. Now the rest of us have to deal with fucking zombies on our fucking zeppelins disrupting our fucking beauty sleep. Fuck him.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. Flandre
2. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
3. Barcuvian antiweather
4. The Hegemony of Whales
5. Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch
6. X-treme lecturing

The Esoteric Order of Florists

It would be a tad inaccurate to say that "few names are more feared than that of the Esoteric Order of Florists", since the Order isn't feared per se. They are certainly unsettling, given their uncanny ability to deliver flowers anywhere, any time, no matter what security precautions are taken to keep them out. Despite their skill at infiltration dwarfing that of national intelligence agencies, the Order has never been definitively linked to any form of political violence or assassination. This is not to say that the Order has clean hands: it was a campaign of Order deliveries that finally drove the Mad King Westler1 completely insane in the ninth century. Nevertheless, if you're not the sort to be bothered by benign, nigh-omnipresent florists, the Order are at best an inconvenience.

+

The Esoteric Order of Florists is the heir to the Guild of Florists, distinguished as one of two such institutions to survive the decline of the guilds over the early centuries of Anno Ecclesiae Superregum. Like the Mapmakers' Guild2, the Guild of Florists survived by evolving to transcend the guild system. While the cartographers increasingly militarized to bring the world into line with their maps, the florists developed secret techniques to fulfill more and more audacious contracts. Within the century, their powers of flower delivery had grown so threatening to international security that the Disputatious Assembly ordered countries in which they had guildhalls to implement oppressive controls to curb their power. Eventually, stymieing these measures became so cumbersome that the Guild of Florists announced that it was disbanding and closed all of its locations. There was a worldwide sigh of relief, until every sovereign in the Assembly received a bouquet with a note attached, reading "Thank you for your feedback. Signed, the Esoteric Order of Florists". Nobody knows where they operate out of now, though most suspect Lepazzia3, their biggest state client, is sheltering them.

+

The secret to the Order's unmatched infiltration ability has been the subject of interminable debate. They have been suggested to be the keepers of secret cloaking technology discovered long ahead of their time, martial artists whose mastery of ancient jutsu allows them to move as freely and invisibly as the wind, spirits of the forest that can materialize freely in the mortal world, an international network of spies with the connections to get access to anywhere, and the fingers of a dark god breaking through to our world. World leaders such as Klaus Santanna4 have been accused of being Order members hiding in plain sight, and historical figures like Pentex Lannogaster5 are often suspected on account of the breadth of their escapades.

+

Whatever they are, they are one of the few certainties in life. Every night I lock up the building to clean, and every morning I wake up to the place littered with flower petals. I've tried everything. Nothing works.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Mad King Westler
2. The Venerable Society of Cartographers
3. Lepazzia
4. Klaus Santanna
5. Pentex Lannogaster

Flandre

There's no better introduction to the nation of Flandre than their own legendary origins:

+

One day, Flan, god of foresight and confidence games,
+ran out of opponents to play Catalos with, for the other
+gods had grown sick of losing all the time.
[Catalos is a
+Flandrean game, similar to chess except about twenty-
+seven times more complicated to play.] And so Flan
+spoke, saying, Do I not possess great wisdom? I shall
+play against myself, and win great glory thereby. But
+Flan's mental might was too great, and as much as he
+schemed, he could not outsmart himself. Thus he had
+an aneurysm and died. But the gods had pity on Flan,
+and from his body they made the world, and from his
+urine they made the seas1, and from his mind they
+made humankind. And they called themselves
+"Flandre," which means "The Children of Flan."
+
+— From the Book of Schemes2, Ch. 8 verse 3-21.

+

+

I've always felt this story captures both the genius of the Flandrean spirit as well as the tendency for that genius to go wrong in unexpected ways. And of course the story is in their own words, which I think is the only proper way to learn about a people.

+

Nevertheless, there is always room for the perspectives of others, such as the researchers who study the archeological record of the ancient Flandreans. Flandrean ruins are easy to identify because they're usually chock-full of the remains of primitive booby traps. Entries in the archeological record indicate that ancient Flandreans originated in the Barcu region before migrating to the territory currently claimed by the Methodocracy of Flandre. This of course does much to explain the cultural paranoia of Flandre, for if you can't even trust the weather3, what can you trust? In fact, some researchers believe ancient Flandreans might have actually invented the concept of government in order to coordinate their contingency plans.

+

Historically, Flandre has proved a tricky diplomatic partner (see also the Roerbach Incident4), and the resulting trade deficit limited their economic growth. It was only with the emergence of the Hegemony of Whales that their economy was able to boom, both as a result of oil trade and of renting space on their oil ships to nations that wish to avoid the Whale Tariffs. Their cold war with the Hegemony of Whales has positioned them at the center of an anti-whale political bloc, along with the Ulgravian Diaspora5, whose zeppelin fleet creates an existential need for continued oil trade.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Hegemony of Whales
2. The Book of Schemes
3. Barcuvian antiweather
4. The Roerbach Incident
5. The Ulgravian Diaspora

The most hilarious thing about Flandre is their relationship to Selestei1. The two countries are supposed to be allies. Everyone over in Selestei loves Flandre, despite the fact that from a Selesteine point of view Flandrean culture is essentially institutionalized cowardice. Meanwhile, Flandre appears to take every possible opportunity to fuck Selestei over. But no matter how hard they try, Selestei somehow manages to avoid the vast majority of the negative consequences. Not only that, but they don't even seem to have noticed this has been going on. You should have seen Ironheart2's eye twitching when Daggert gave her a bear hug last week, it was the most hilarious shit.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. Selestei
2. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart

Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a

The Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a, popularly known as the "Inordinate Number of Snakes" Protocol, is the National Response Protocol (Biological Existential Threat) that replaced NRP BX-392, the "Ordinate Number of Snakes" Protocol. BX-392a was ratified by the High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart1 upon her ascension in AES 990, bringing an end to the civil unrest in which Flandre had become embroiled following High Exarch Cerberus Ironheart's untimely demise in AES 988 at the "hands" of Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson2. Though her detractors launched a protest movement alleging that a twelve-year-old girl couldn't possibly be old enough to understand the correct precautions to take against a large number of snakes, Ironheart proved herself a true daughter of Flandre by having no fewer than three contingency plans prepared for protest movements questioning her competency based on her age, the second of which was later enshrined as National Response Protocol PU-36.

+

Previous Flandrean attempts to define response protocols for various quantities of snakes were limited by available data, as the greatest quantity of snakes the country had ever dealt with occurred during the Snake Rain of AES 954. This event proved the efficacy of the preparations outlined in BX-391, allowing the draft version of BX-392 to be completed and ratified. Yet the number of snakes that fell in the Snake Rain paled in comparison to the inordinate serpentine resources of Buddy Johnson, forcing Flandre, uncharacteristically, to improvise. The desperate, haphazard use of any and all halfway-relevant National Response Protocols led the country to the brink of civil war, necessitating a Protocol that could end the snake menace.

+

The newly ascended HEM Ironheart, soon to be renowned for her lateral thinking, initially formulated BX-392a after the model of BX-233g, the Protocol dealing specifically with termites resistant to the poisons prescribed in BX-233f. This was met with resistance from the Council of Exarchs on pragmatic grounds, who rejected her proposed plans for the vehicle that would carry the vanguard flamethrowers. In defiance of the Council's opposition, Ironheart formulated an ingenious plan to convince the "Killer Bus"3 of neighboring Kingsland to aid her designs. The Council could not argue with the results and ratified the updated BX-392a.

+

The success of the new Protocol, no doubt aided by the Killer Bus's longstanding rivalry with "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson, served to revitalize the Flandrean heavy weapons and cryotechnology industries. The subsequent economic boom has made the High Exarch Minor the darling of her people and cemented her control over the country. This contributes to Flandre's vicious opposition to the Disarrangement Act, which would likely result in Flandre being separated from Kingsland and thus necessitate a reformulation of the "Inordinate Number of Snakes" Protocol's vanguard flamethrower section — an uneasy prospect for the young sovereign.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart
2. Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson
3. The Killer Bus of Kingsland North

Flandre's1 massive body of National Response Protocols are organized by topic, with the "X Protocols" defining responses to existential threats. BX protocols specifically address existential threats of a biological nature, like Vigotskian2 invasions or the whales of the Hegemony3 growing legs. Given Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson's otherworldly abilities, one may wonder why the Inordinate Number of Snakes Protocol is designated under BX, rather than the fringe NRP designation SX for supernatural existential threats.

+

The answer is the same as to why Flandre has the National Response Protocols in the first place. Flandreans live within a constant tension between the sanctity of the unrealized future and the certainty of the determined present, and planning for every conceivable contingency is how this is reconciled. The category of the supernatural, however, is the category of that which cannot be anticipated or accounted for, and therefore the Methodocracy is incentivized to keep this category as empty as possible. I'm sure that living near Kingsland also does its fair share of shifting what one considers "natural".

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. Flandre
2. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
3. The Hegemony of Whales

It's interesting to note that High Exarch Minor Ironheart, in convincing the Killer Bus of Kingsland North to assist her, was following a minor Flandrean command narrative. In Flandrean culture, when all else has failed and you are beset by troubles your plans can't overcome, you head north and hope to find something more terrible than whatever problem you're facing—an approach also taken by St. Stafford1 before constructing the Zeitgeist Manipulator2. It's understood that this course of action is extremely high-risk, but it goes hand in hand with another piece of Flandrean wisdom, which is that sometimes a solvable crisis is better than an unsolvable inconvenience.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
2. Zeitgeist Manipulator

The Fractured Cities

Between the rock of Shaster1 and the hard place of Lepazzia2 (with I guess a second hard place made of the abs of screaming maniacs3 over on the one side) lies the self-winding time bomb that is the Fractured Cities. The Fractured Cities are comprised by over fifty eternally bickering city states within a somewhat secluded territory, and all of them are awesome. Technically the whole mess is one big country, but that's basically just a legal fiction maintained by whatever Hierarch managed to win the last civil war and claim the Sovereignty, and everyone else goes along with it because they don't want to have to deal with a repeat of the whole Very Definitely Independent States4 situation. Plus you just know that if you brought all fifty-six Hierarchs into the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the session would end with two thirds of them dead, a handful of bystander casualties, and the building on fire.

+

The signature cultural activity of the Fractured Cities is called, no shit, a "bloodmoot5," and it's basically this giant game of assassination chicken where both sides pretend it's a peaceful diplomatic conference until one of them has their assassins shoot first. But then maybe they find that the assassins were bought off and now they're getting shot in the back. Or possibly their food had an extra poison besides the one they already took an antidote for and they don't even get to give the signal. It's possible for neither side to make a move the whole time, of course, but then you've lost because you just sat through a whole diplomatic conference and how long will those agreements stand up in the Fractured Cities anyways? Television turned the lot of you into brain-rotted zombies, but televised bloodmoots with expert commentary nearly redeem the whole enterprise.

+

See, entropologists detail two strategies people take to dealing with the inevitable breakdown of all order and goodness. The first strategy is the one adopted by most modern societies, and it's fucking terrible. They try and impose order on the natural chaos that is people trying appease their stupid animal brains, and invariably the whole thing grinds itself into disaster and stupidity; see also Incendia6. But in the second approach, people embrace chaos and don't pretend like they're better than feral monkeys just because their mating contests are more ambiguous. That's the approach the Fractured Cities took. Sure they're at war all the time, but they've been in a pretty stable state of unrest since like a thousand years ago. Most so-called "organized" nations have collapsed, like, twice in that same time period. Three times if the Disarrangement Act passes. You can bet the Fractured Cities will survive that shit.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. Shaster
2. Lepazzia
3. Selestei
4. The Very Definitely Independent States
5. Bloodmoot
6. Incendia

General Kade "Ripper" Gorson

Kade Gorson was born in AES 903 in the small town of Fort Firedale, one of Flandre's1 frontier towns in the Barcuvian edgelands. When the Cetacean Wars broke out in the 920s, he enlisted in the Flandrean military, where his exceptional leadership and near-preternatural ability to anticipate and account for surprises made him rise to the rank of captain by the end of the war. When the Cetacean Wars were ended in 929 by the Assembly's official recognition of the Hegemony of Whales2, Gorson was quoted as saying, "Let the blowers have the bloody oceans, it'll give 'em somewhere to hide nex' time I come to rip 'em a second hole." Nor was this a mere boast, as Gorson did in fact rip a whale a new blowhole during the Second Battle of Lords' Cove, whence his nickname, "Ripper". His deep and enduring hatred for the whales of the Hegemony has made his name — or, at least, the whale noises they use to name him — an expletive in the planet's oceans.

+

Despite his extraordinary success and eventual promotion to the rank of general, Gorson was often sidelined on the national stage because of his fringe views. Like any Flandrean, Gorson was extremely adept at planning for any and every contingency. Unlike his peers, however, Gorson's contingency planning was uncharacteristically preemptive. For Flandre, the future is sacred, and interacting with it must be done receptively. The essential element of Flandrean piety is precisely to let the future happen as it may, and their reverence for it is constituted by planning for it no matter what it brings to pass. Gorson, the only Flandrean officer to execute an ambush that wasn't a counter-ambush, was thus a cultural pariah, because he tried to shape the future actively rather than reactively.

+

Even though he was kept out of the spotlight, "Ripper" Gorson was still a military genius. He remained a mainstay of the Council of Exarchs, advising the Council on military matters even after his retirement in 973. Sadly, he became somewhat unhinged in his later years, advocating for such policies as helping Selestei3 destroy Zor Olo4, or declaring war on horseball5 — not players of horseball, mind you, but the abstract concept of the sport. He died at home in 984 at the age of 81.

+

A portrait of General Kade "Ripper" Gorson hangs in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room, to remind us all of the importance of shaping the future proactively. Personally, ever since the unlikely series of coincidences that landed me in this closet, I've considered him a role model for his perseverance despite being relegated to the fringe.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Flandre
2. The Hegemony of Whales
3. Selestei
4. Zor Olo
5. Horseball

Though he is known to posterity as General Ripper, Kade Gorson began his service in the Flandrean Navy, where he fought in the Cetacean Wars aboard the cruiser Blade Awaiting, which he captained by the end of the Wars. In the 30s, Gorson's fleet assisted J.U.S.T.I.C.E.1 in offensives against the Vulterbase rebels occupying the xenoarcheological ruins2 at the south pole. His experiences fighting against the rebels' alien-derived technology would later form the basis of his advocacy for arming the Taurus Research Station3. After the Taurus weaponization, the Hegemony of Whales banned him from the oceans, and Flandre, weighing the options, transferred him from the navy to the army.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement
2. Xenoarcheological ruins
3. Taurus Research Station

Goats on Boats Affair

The Goats on Boats Affair was a series of linked crises in 891 broadly resulting from the manipulation of international trade by the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection1. It is widely considered to be Flandre2's worst political blunder in recorded history—unless you're talking to Dr. Hanson, who tells me entropologists consider it second to the formation of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. But as entropology has yet to create any command narratives whatsoever, I feel we can safely ignore that perspective for the time being.

+

It is important to note that before the Affair began to unfold, the Panark Fleet3 was vying for dominance of global trade. The modern order of Iurezzan4 economic supremacy was still decades away: the Compass Republic5 had yet to assume its role as a manufacturing giant, while Flandre was still treating its oil stockpile as a strategic reserve rather than a commodity. With the encroach of ever more powerful naval technologies, maritime exports across the globe became increasingly feasible.

+

As countries' financial horizons expanded, Sovereigns became increasingly aware that traditional wisdom about trade no longer applied to a progressively more interconnected global economy. To navigate these new frontiers, most governments set up trade bureaus to assist them in deciding how to handle things like tariffs. With so much potential wealth to be gained, the vast majority of states saw no problem in sinking sizable fractions of their gross domestic product into shippable goods. The economists, meanwhile, kept inventing new and exciting ways to extract egregious quantities of wealth from ever more intricate trade schemes.

+

At the peak of this global boom, a team of economists working out of the National Academy of Velskyavo6 invented a currency exchange system that would allow merchants to increase their profits by routing them through the currencies of multiple nations. The lynchpin of this system was a "dummy" currency ostensibly backed by the Pseudocracy of Placeholden7—which, as there was no actual country to back it, could appreciate indefinitely. The placegilder system was founded on the assumption that all parties involved were rational profit-seeking actors; thus, while the international economics community knew of ways to crash the value of placegilder, it was assumed that no one would be stupid enough to do so, as their own economy would become collateral damage in the process.

+

The Stratsky Foundation proved them wrong. But as placegilder crashed and burned, Flandre enacted a contingency plan to shunt the value of placegilder into livestock. Unfortunately, this plan relied on convincing every other state to adopt certain tariff practices, and at this time Flandre—not possessing the political clout they hold today—was seen as a weird paranoid nation on the fringe of the national stage. Tariffs on livestock were raised instead, and the Panark Fleet ended up overflowing with herds of goats they couldn't afford to unload. + Making matters worse, Selestei8 responded by declaring war on livestock. With livestock in every country on the globe, the global community began to fear another War of Durun's Ass9. But on the brink of a world war, Shaster10 sent in a crack diplomatic team with steak dinners, and peace was preserved until the eruption of the first Cetacean War in 920.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection
2. Flandre
3. The Panark Fleet
4. Iurezza (continent)
5. The Double-North Pole
6. National Academy of Velskyavo
7. Placeholden
8. Selestei
9. The War of Durun's Ass
10. Shaster

Grim Weepers

I've always warned my grandchildren never to arm-wrestle a Selesteine1. All that heavybeer puts them on quite another level indeed! But even your average Selesteine would be well advised not to arm-wrestle a Grim Weeper, for in the heat of the moment they might forget themselves and beat you to death with your own arm.

+

The defining characteristic of the Grim Weepers has always been their custom of eating painfully spicy food to carry them through battle. With modern medical knowledge, researchers think they derive two benefits from this. First, the pain releases a surge of adrenaline, amplifying their already-formidable strength. Second, overwhelming oneself with pain helps both to prepare you for injuries in battle and to distract you from those injuries once they occur. There are even recorded instances where a Grim Weeper's spicy breath alone incapacitated weaker foes. However, Pentex Lannogaster2—himself a Grim Weeper and veteran of The War of Durun's Ass3—writes in his memoirs that the practice of eating spicy food arose from tribal contests of the ancient Selesteines, whose strongest warriors would eat spicy food until someone gave up. In his words, "Pain is God's way of telling you to man up."

+

Historically, the Grim Weepers were always the vanguard of the Selesteine military, their distinctive greatswords being well-suited to cleaving through an enemy's front line. This strategy was most effective against the footsoldier-based armies of the Fractured Cities4, but the Selesteine love of a challenge also saw the Grim Weepers charging Ulgravian cavalry lines5 (against whom they fared relatively well) and Incendian6 fire bellows (which, unfortunately for them, were hotter than their peppers). During the reign of Mad King Westler7, there was also an attempt to invade the Panark Fleet8, but they found to their shame that they could not swim fast enough to reach the boats. Many lives were lost that day.

+

Sadly, the tides of history have not been kind to the Selesteine model of war, and the Grim Weepers have borne that decline worse than other sectors of the Selesteine military. The invention of gunpowder-based projectile weaponry turned more than one of their would-be glorious charges into massacres. There was a brief time in AES 927 when Selestei tried making their swords even larger to block bullets, but the soldiers themselves rejected the new swords on the grounds that it was shameful for a true warrior to cower behind their own weapon.

+

In AES 971, the Department of Glory (their military branch) finally gave in and changed the strategic role of the Grim Weepers. In the repertoire of modern states, pitched battles are giving way to precision tactical operations. The modern Grim Weepers now resemble the special operations forces of any other military, except with capsaicin pills and giant broadswords strapped to their backs. Though this has significantly increased their survival rate, it has also revealed an epidemic of Jalapeñosis9 among the older Grim Weepers. Only time will tell their if defining practice will continue into the future.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. Selestei
2. Pentex Lannogaster
3. The War of Durun's Ass
4. The Fractured Cities
5. The Ulgravian Diaspora
6. Incendia
7. Mad King Westler
8. The Panark Fleet
9. Jalapeñosis

Hard light projection

Hard light projection refers to any number of light-based technologies developed in the second half of the tenth century.

+

The first hard light projection was developed in early 958 by Vigotskian1 researchers at the National University of Incendia2 and had the ability to project a three-dimensional hologram in space. The research paper simply called it a "light projector", but the university's branding office insisted that it be called hard light projection in the press releases and distinguished from "easy light projection", what screen projectors do.

+

As is normal with academicians, this kicked off a flurry of activity seeking to capitalize on both the new research and the spate of media attention. The National University of Shaster3 was the first to respond, putting forth a prototype in late 959 that could project a hologram at long distances. The NUS Dean of Engineering declared this achievement to be the real hard light projection, and "what those Typhoid Marys coughed up" to be merely easy light projection. They were one-upped a month later by The Grim College, which (literally) extended their work to project light around the curvature of the planet. This, the High Inquisitor declared, was the truly hard light projection, and all this merely straight projection was so easy it could barely be called light projection at all.

+

Not to be outdone, Warbaum's University sought a new direction for projection technology. In 966, its Department of Physics and Cooking revived the dispute by releasing a light projector that could create solid holograms. This, the Professor Chefmaster declared, was the only light projection that could truly be considered hard, and the intepretation of "hard" as referring to difficulty was a misdirection by amateurish charlatans. The Selesteine College of Arts and Zymurgy saw an opportunity here for publicity in a field they did not even have a department for and declared that Warbaum's allegedly hard light projection could not stand up to the merest flick by a Grim Weeper4. Therefore, it could be considered soft light projection at best. Capitalizing on this in turn, Razor Valley5 Bunker-University revealed a form of light projection with alcohol content a few years later, and declared this to be the true "hard" light projection.

+

By 974, the Incendian homeland became inaccessible, and the Incendian President Iyano Niir was the only one left on the succession list for the Dean of NUS. Rebranding the university as the National Correspondence University of Incendia, he brought a paradigm shift to hard light projection technology by paying dictionary publishers to make "hard" short for "hardtack", the cracker. Armed with stacked dictionaries and a pedanticism born of desperation, Niir attended ProjExpo 975 and unveiled a lamp with hardtack taped over the bulb, which he claimed projected "hard[tack] light". For making a mockery of the field, Niir was immediately thrown out of the convention and given an official warning from J.U.S.T.I.C.E.6

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
2. Incendia
3. Shaster
4. Grim Weepers
5. Razor Valley
6. Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement

The controversy over hard light projection is related to, but ought not be confused with, the lesser-known controversy over hard light projectors. While the former was an academic venture of international proportions, the latter was a dispute that occurred between the Left Physics Department and the Right Physics Department of Kera University. The former produced a prototype hard light projector with a user interface so arcane that it was nigh-impossible to use, and offered this as a contribution to the debate over what could be considered hard light projection. The latter objected, claiming that neither the projection nor the light was hard, and drove its point home by creating a slide projector out of titanium and bashing the Left Physics Department's prototype to pieces. This resulted, as is typical at Kera University, in a semester-long campaign of vengeance.

+

Spheven Kain

+

The Hegemony of Whales

The Hegemony of Whales is the largest country in the world and per se the largest voting bloc in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. Recognized by the Assembly in AES 929 following the Cetacean Wars of the 920s, the hyperintelligent whales of the Hegemony lay claim to all of the planet's oceans as their sovereign territory, covering more than two-thirds of the surface. Through a quirk of wording in the Assembly's charter, voting power is described in terms of seats; the Hegemon, therefore, whose girth takes up an entire wing of seats, possesses nearly a third of the votes, depending on how massive the current occupant of the position is. (It is not a coincidence that this precipitated the breakup of the Union into the Very Definitely Independent States1, nor that the Hegemony was the first to ratify the States each receiving a seat.) The admission of the Hegemony caused a fundamental change in the politics of the Assembly, which was allowed to happen when the first Hegemon, Bueoueou the Great, threatened to roll over the opposition. While the Assembly's sudden change of policy towards ocean preservation was the first and most obvious effect, more subtle consequences were to follow.

+

Though the Hegemony is an axis of international politics, it lacks a strong economic base, being entirely underwater. The hyperintelligent whales, while hyperintelligent, are whales, and thus lack the fine motor control required for most skilled professions. In order to make the Hegemony an economic power on par with its political power, Hegemon Aouwouou instituted the Whale Tariffs, a tax on all ships passing through Hegemony territory, i.e. the oceans. This had wide-reaching economic effects, the most notable of which was the ascension of Flandre2 as an economic powerhouse. Because Flandre's economy is mostly oil-based, the High Exarch was able to equip every ship in the Flandrean fleet with significant amounts of oil, effectively turning the Hegemony's threat to sink noncompliant ships into mutually assured destruction. This defiance to the Whale Tariffs has put them at the center of the Assembly bloc that forms the main opposition to the Hegemon's vote. It has not been a carte blanche resistance, however; after the weaponization of the Taurus Research Station3, the Hegemony banned General Gorson4 from sea travel, which Flandre wisely heeded.

+

The Hegemony of Whales proposed the Disarrangement Act in AES 989 in advance of the Assembly's millenial. The Hegemony's reasons for the Act are not difficult to infer: rearranging all the countries in the world will undoubtedly require shipping some of them to different continents, an unimaginably profitable opportunity for the Hegemony. It also stands to neutralize the threat Flandre poses to it, as long as Flandre's new location has less oil in it.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. The Very Definitely Independent States
2. Flandre
3. Taurus Research Station
4. General Kade "Ripper" Gorson

I've got a sneaking suspicion that if the Disarrangement Act passes, the Hegemony might just strand every country alone in the water. All they have to do is offer Flandre1's oil fields to Ulgrav2. If they do that, then between the zeppelin fleet and the Whale Tariffs both nations could corner all global trade.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. Flandre
2. The Ulgravian Diaspora

High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart

In the Methodocracy of Flandre1, it is not just the strong who survive. The strong are often overconfident, so they don't prepare enough for eventual failure. Flandreans instead celebrate the crafty, who so often bring down the strong, and Flandrean institutions reflect that fact faithfully.

+

Methodocracy, or "rule by schemes," is by design a difficult-to-understand system of government. In fact, many of the protocols of the Methodocracy are kept confidential to prevent exploitation by external or internal powers. However, it is known that the High Exarch is chosen not on the basis of any personal merit, but based on whether their proposed solution to the current national crisis is more effective than the others. Nominally this would include a proposal from the current High Exarch, but High Exarchs have a habit of coincidentally winding up dead whenever a situation rises to the level of a national crisis.

+

You can read more about High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart's ascension in Dr. Rubric's treatment2 of the Inordinate Number of Snakes protocol, but my topic here is Ironheart's conduct as High Exarch Minor.

+

Consider, for example, the case of a 12-year-old whose defense proposal was rejected by the Council. For most little girls, that would be the end of their political endeavors, for that is the way society tells them that the process works. Soon-to-be-HEM Ironheart instead traveled north to Kingsland—foolhardy in its own right—persuaded an eldritch abomination3 to participate in her scheme, and then barbecued half the Council with a flamethrower while riding atop said eldritch abomination. Rubric writes "they could not argue with the results"—indeed, indeed! It was a brilliant political move, for not only did she demonstrate the worthiness of her proposal, but she also boldly demonstrated that the Council didn't have a contingency plan for getting baked alive.

+

Now 14, Ironheart's leadership has remained no less decisive or flashy. Most controversial, of course, was her decision to establish a military base on the lip of the Missing Sea4 as a foothold for research and colonization. Ironheart correctly identified that Flandre was the only nation in a position both to exploit the resources on the open sea floor and to stave off the wrath of the whales that would follow such a course. And the public relations strategies she employed to address, mollify, rebut, and/or disappear her detractors once again demonstrate the deftness of her contingency planning.

+

While there are several obvious reasons of practicality underlying Flandre's resistance to the Disarrangement Act, proponents of the Act might consider that they do not want an irritated High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart on their borders.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. Flandre
2. Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a
3. The Killer Bus of Kingsland North
4. Missing Sea

I've always thought the little brat's greatest achievement was whatever quantum bullshit she pulled to block off the universe where I wrote the article on her1. I'm sure other-universe me tore her a new one.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart

After the stunt she pulled in 9861, the "whale bloc" of the Disputatious Assembly began planning for her eventual Exarchy, since someone who can decapitate a continent in an afternoon will end up ruling Flandre one way or another. The 988 snake invasion2, therefore, became a matter of international concern, not only because it threw the Flandrean-headed anti-whale coalition into disarray, but also because the succession crisis threatened to bring Seraphi to power much earlier than anticipated. With Flandre's coalition leaderless, the Very Definitely Independent States3, still smarting from Seraphi's machinations, motioned for the Assembly to respond by annihilating both sides of the civil war. The rest of the whale bloc gave its support, fearing the prospect of a recovered Flandre under a High Exarch Minor Ironheart. Flandre was at its most vulnerable, and if they did not strike while they had the chance, having another would be doubtful. The shaken coalition, on the other hand, feared the prospect of the whale bloc figuratively (or literally) rolling over them, and the ensuing political deadlock lasted long enough that Seraphi Ironheart could ascend as High Exarch Minor and settle the matter in the Assembly herself.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident
2. Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson
3. The Very Definitely Independent States

"The ensuing political deadlock" is a bit of an innocent way to put it. The anti-whale bloc pulled every trick in the book to impede the progress of the motion. Dr. Christophy would know, because he has enough contact with the Ironhearts to know what goes on in the coalition, and he specifically instructed the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee he chaired to take its time preparing an exhaustive report. Yet before they were near finished, Christophy was also appointed to the Disarrangement Act BEAC, despite this slowing the first Committee's work to a crawl. I submitted an official complaint to have someone else take over the 988 BEAC so it wouldn't be slowed down, but nothing came of it, and the point was moot when Seraphi Ironheart was coronated. Shortly thereafter, I had an unlikely series of very unfortunate coincidences, leaving me in my current position. I can't help but feel there's a connection there, but I'm a little scared of what would happen if I looked too much into it.

+

Spheven Kain

+

High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford

Historians have said that is impossible to overestimate the legacy of Dr. Heinrich Stafford. Few historical figures have so many achievements to their name or are spoken of with such praise, though of course they lack the distinction of having those opinions broadcast worldwide1. Devices designed by the illustrious Dr. Stafford can be found at the root of most modern technological innovations, and it seems the man could not order a sandwich without founding a revolutionary academic discipline. I exaggerate, but not by much: my own field, miscellania, was created after Dr. Stafford rearranged his office file cabinet in AES 923.

+

Born in AES 888—an auspicious year in his native Flandre—the future internationally-acclaimed genius quickly demonstrated himself to be in an intellectual class above his peers and even his instructors. In the sometimes cutthroat environment of Flandrean academics, this put something of a target on the young Stafford. However, the pressure from his would-be peers desisted after he tricked three students and a professor into their respective booby traps. The academic credentials of the professor, one Dr. Sandra Anderson, were automatically bequeathed to Stafford in accordance with the then-recently passed Petard Forfeiture Laws. This resulted in him taking a professorship at the age of 17, shortly afterward publishing his first paper on the electric undead2 in AES 905.

+

Dr. Stafford's subsequent accomplishments are, of course, a matter of historical record. Particularly noteworthy are his invention of asynchronous energy theory3 in AES 908; solving the location of every fixed-point cube4 in AES 911; adapting the rules of Horseball5 in AES 920; and the invention of computational theology6 in AES 923, for which he was sainted, in addition to receiving the unique distinction of "High Illuminator," a title meant to reflect his status as the highest bringer of knowledge to our humble species. I shan't spend much time on these topics here, as as they have been extensively covered in my colleagues' excellent articles about them. I will note, however, that you will find much of Dr. Stafford's work was ultimately accomplished by other people, as the man himself was too busy inventing other revolutionary ideas to build a proof of concept for his earlier revolutionary ideas.

+

A celebrated public figure and undoubtedly a man who single-handedly changed humanity's course through the heavens, Dr. Stafford left us one winter eve in AES 939. According to the official reports—which, it must be said, are Flandrean government documents, so take this with as much salt as you like—Dr. Stafford had been researching the Missing Sea7 to uncover metaphysical secrets of the universe. His hope was reportedly to transcend to a higher plane of being, a hope which is not all that far-fetched when you consider the sorts8 of things9 which may be found in Kingsland. Whatever device he may have constructed has never been found; however, it is incontrovertible that Dr. Stafford was never seen again. Still, there are many—myself included—who like to keep a picture of him on our desks, and whisper a little prayer every time we submit a paper for publication. Just in case.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscellania

+

1. Zeitgeist Manipulator
2. Electric undead
3. Asynchronous energy
4. Ominous fixed-point cubes
5. Horseball
6. Assemblies of Gods
7. Missing Sea
8. The Killer Bus of Kingsland North
9. Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson

Horseball

Horseball is a sport in which players mounted on horses pass a ball between teammates while wearing oversized gloves, with the ultimate goal of scoring a point by throwing it into the opposing team's goal. The sport grew out of an Ulgravian1 pastime, from before the country took to the skies, where mounted warriors would tie their shields concave-out to their hands and toss a ball to each other. The rules of horseball have been thoroughly systematized since those days, with glove size regulated and ball make standardized. Most institutions of secondary education will take their classes on a field trip to a horseball course, and many post-secondary institutions have horseball teams that bring in fans and provide scholarships.

+

Competitive horseball has been praised as uniting the venerable practice of horse breeding with the fast-paced action of other ball-type team sports, while retaining those qualities that allow fans to participate in the collective identity of their college, city, or country. Professional horseballers are widely regarded as celebrities. Because it requires a horse, of course, standard horseball is not a common leisure activity. Fans wanting to play it themselves will generally run around sans horse, ride on the shoulders of another player, or use roller skates. Rarely, amateur horseball is played on motorcycles, which is generally discouraged by the International Horseball Council (IHC).

+

While Selestei2 does know of a sport by the name "horseball", it is not the same sport as played in the rest of the world. Instead of players on horses passing around a ball, Selesteine horseball involves players passing around a horse rolled up into a ball. Selesteine horseball teams are allowed to compete in the same brackets as international horseball teams through a byzantine set of adapter rules composed by the peerless Dr. Stafford3. Inexplicably, the matchup is quite balanced.

+

This benevolence came back to bite the international horseball community when Selestei won its first World Trough in 933. In the ensuing chaos of their victory/national anthem, the Selesteine team rolled the opposing team's horses into a giant ball and threw it into the audience. Inspired by this, Johnson, Johnson, & Several Other Johnsons, an Incendian4 mad lawyer cabal5, delved into Stafford's adapter rules and produced an extensively cross-referenced report a week later arguing that this was a legal move in adapted horseball. The 934 horseball season was subsequently dominated by the so-called "Selsroll" strategy until the IHC's own legal team could deconstruct JJ&SOJ's argument and restore a modicum of sensibility to the sport.

+

Selestei seems to be the only country to have gotten away with such an egregious perversion of the rules. When the Lepazzian6 team's goal was suddenly found to have been filled with flowers7 last year, preventing the other team from scoring, the Lepazzian team was politely asked to withdraw and suggested to refrain from entering for the next year.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. The Ulgravian Diaspora
2. Selestei
3. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
4. Incendia
5. Mad legal practice
6. Lepazzia
7. The Esoteric Order of Florists

The 933-934 rules dispute had some longer-lasting effects. One vendor in the 934 season rolled a bunch of meat into a ball, baked it in a pastry shell, and sold it as a "Selsroll". The timing was perfect and it became a hit with horseball fans. This was all well and good until an internal memo of the IHC was leaked, revealing ongoing discussions to host a horseball tournament in which the losing team's horses would be ground up and made into selsrolls to be enjoyed by the winning team and their fans. This dealt a severe blow both to the IHC's credibility and selsroll vendors, both of which took years to recover.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act

Remember when the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns was good at their jobs? I don't. There hasn't been a decent Assembly since like AES 26 when Jain Kantamon convinced the international community that dragons were a thing1. Even then, well, the idiots all thought that dragons existed.

+

So there's this thing in entropology called Angrand's Equation, which describes the efficacy of government as a function of the time since its founding. Unsurprisingly to anyone who knows about entropology, the graph just keeps going downward. You meatheads think the Assembly is any different? Then read 'em and fucking weep, because either you don't know about the I'll Legislate it, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act, or your TV-rotted excuse for a brain is in too much of a stupor to understand the implications.

+

The ILIISDTIWA is, simply put, the nadir of not just the Assembly, but also of civilization in general. It started with some wag deciding to curb the power of the Esoteric Order of Florists2, never mind that all they do is deliver fucking flowers to hard-to-reach areas, and never mind that if your jumped-up, fancy-pants "national security" can't stop a bunch of florists there's no way they'll listen when a gaggle of politicians tells them off for it. Whatever. Tale as old as time.

+

So next thing that happens is people start adding on all these other riders to the Act. And I'll give them this: the founders of the Assembly knew this was going to be a problem, so there are provisions in the Charter that force people to remain at least notionally on topic when they try to stick their overbearing regal genitals in a piece of legislation. But look at the fucking title on this piece of shit! Can you think of anything you can't legislate with a title like that? "Hur hur, what about legislating not thinking they won't" no dice, you corpulent weasel, the fuckers did that too.

+

Even the shit that went wrong didn't go right, because the Assembly is full of opportunists who want to find a nice, convenient legislative vehicle to outlaw their favorite pet peeve. The I'll Legislate It Act opened the floodgates on a tsunami of excrement. There were sections that outlawed voting with your left hand, and lunchtime, and famously even other sections of the same fucking Act. And so of course it got to the point where nobody actually wanted this legislative atrocity to go through, because their own citizens would have them drawn and quartered. But they had also spent way too many favors getting this thing set up, so they couldn't vote against. So on voting day, one by one, every stinkin' Sovereign in the building voted to abstain. But they forgot one critical detail: Lepazzia3 always votes in favor.

+

I don't wanna think about this anymore, so I'm gonna get shitfaced. Smell ya later.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. The Roerbach Incident
2. The Esoteric Order of Florists
3. Lepazzia

The Hegemony of Whales1, as expected, blamed the passage of the Act on Flandre2, but the charge isn't entirely groundless. Flandre, after all, was at the very end of the voting order, just after Lepazzia. As each sovereign abstained from the vote, there was a growing sense that if Lepazzia didn't break their streak to abstain with every other sovereign, there wouldn't be any votes left to stop them. Yet the sovereigns right before Lepazzia, on whom the pressure increasingly mounted, were all countries that had put too much into the Act, and one by one they abstained in the hope that either Lepazzia would do something sensible or Flandre, always prepared, would stop them. When Lepazzia casually voted for the Act as if it were any other motion, all breath stopped and all eyes turned to High Exarch Ironheart. Ironheart rose slowly, looked around the room, and abstained.

+

The room was silent for only a moment before turning into an outright riot, with half the room charging the High Exarch and the other half fighting among themselves. The High Exarch, of course, immediately disappeared into the escape tunnel beneath his seat. The Secretary attempted to restore order, but one of the stipulations of the Act, courtesy of the Careless Continent3, prohibited the Secretary from stopping fights in the Assembly for the first week after its passage.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. The Hegemony of Whales
2. Flandre
3. The Careless Continent

Incendia

Incendia was and allegedly still is a prosperous city-state on the northern border of Lepazzia1. In AES 972, in the face of increasing pressure from the Hegemony of Whales2, Incendia massively scaled up efforts to harvest the country's rich oil deposits. This brought great prosperity to Incendia with a rapidity aided by a disregard for an accompanying Flandrean level of contingency planning. As a result, the entire country collapsed into a giant sinkhole during the 974 Open Flame Festival, the inauspicious timing of which ignited the gas deposits, creating the still-burning conflagration we know today.

+

At the time of the Festival, Incendia's president, Iyano Niir, was at a session of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. The Ulgravian3 sovereign motioned to have Niir dismissed from the Assembly, on the grounds that because Incendia no longer existed, he was no longer a sovereign; the motion was, as usual, seconded by Lepazzia. President Niir's subsequent defense of his continued presence is widely considered one of the greatest orations given in the Assembly this century. According to Niir, Incendia had only been mildly perturbed by the multiple-story drop into the sinkhole, and hadn't been destroyed in the slightest. The perpetual fire that now burned in the pit where his country once was, he scoffed, was not the burnoff of their gas deposits, but rather what their national festivals looked like from above. He exhorted those who sought to remove him from the Assembly to desist from their cultural myopia and recognize the heritage of Incendia and their peculiar means of celebration. To any who persisted, he challenged them to go to Incendia themselves and prove that there wasn't a country underneath the roiling curtain of flame, though he warned that the country was very welcoming and visitors might find themselves unable to leave. The subsequent vote to eject Incendia from the Assembly narrowly failed, thanks to the intervention of the Hegemon of Whales, though Niir was unable to stop the Assembly's notaries from subtracting the sinkhole's area from Incendia's officially recorded landmass.

+

Today, Incendia remains in somewhat of a precarious position. President Niir currently lives off of the complimentary snacks provided at Assembly breakout sessions and sleeps in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room, because it has the softest couch. Every now and then the Committee chases him out, but I can hear him snoring in the air ducts from the basement, and he's always back by the end of the week. The Incendian military, Gregor Gregory, is currently stationed in their embassy in the Panark Fleet4. The Incendian military being entirely stationed inside another country is the cause of some international tension, which Niir insists is "not a big deal, and besides, Gregor's very agreeable." The Incendian Tourism Bureau continues Niir's foreign policy by publishing pamphlets about how much Indencians love festivals that obscure the country from above, but its suggested travel destinations are all Incendian embassies in other countries, which have set up farms and become self-sufficient on their small plots of land.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Lepazzia
2. The Hegemony of Whales
3. The Ulgravian Diaspora
4. The Panark Fleet

Incendia was supposed to be safeguarding our land until we wanted it back. It's right there in the fucking lease agreements. But noooooo, the fuckers just had to go and set the whole damn thing on fire. Niir should have been kicked out of the assembly, and then he should have been tossed right back into the bonfire he made of our land. Fucking Sovereign went all soft on him.

+

Anyways, this is why I regularly "accidentally" spill my coffee on the fucker when he's sleeping in our break room.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

For a country with an inordinate number of fire-based cultural traditions, Incendia ran a very tight ship as a safety and storage guarantor. All sorts of historical documents were stored in the Incendian vaults, including the original copies of the Ulgravian1 land lease documents. This, of course, came to an end with the 974 collapse. Incendia's remaining mad lawyer2, Parvus the Litigator, attempted to use this to have the land lease contract nullified in order to ward off any future Ulgravian retribution. After a hurried consultation by President Niir, Parvus mad-lawed himself into being the defense lawyer and began arguing the official Incendian position that the homeland had not been destroyed, and therefore there was no breach of the contract. This resulted in a schizophrenic trial in which Parvus viciously argued at length with himself in front of a confused judge. When he began to lose the defending case, he resorted to personal attacks against the plaintiff (i.e. himself), until the trial degenerated into a fistfight in which he put himself in a headlock and choked himself out. The judge, unsure of what had just happened, threw the case out. This may have been the Litigator's plan all along, however, because the Assembly courts are now turned off from touching anything related to the legal status of Incendia.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. The Ulgravian Diaspora
2. Mad legal practice

Iurezza (continent)

The continent of Iurezza is one of five continents, the others being the Careless Continent1, Vulterland2, Benri3, and Ciphan. I have always thought it is shaped vaguely like a massive, inverted pear.

+

Here is a list of things in Iurezza that might be relevant to the Disarrangement Act:

+

• The Compass Republic, whose sovereign Klaus Santanna4 runs a global trade network with the help of the Ulgravian Diaspora5.

+

High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart6, on whom my esteemed colleague M. Hon. Milton has written an excellent comprehensive report. I note for the attentive reader that the High Exarch Minor, though usually located on Iurezza, is not necessarily to be found there at all times.

+

• Ironheart's country, the Methodocracy of Flandre, whose combination of near-limitless energy7 and rich oil reserves allows them to fuel the Ulgravian zeppelin fleet and protect their trade ships from aggression by the Hegemony of Whales8.

+

• The historical remains of no less than twelve Selesteine9 invasions, including those from the War of Durun's Ass10, the Roerbach Incident11, and the Goats on Boats Affair12.

+

13

+

• My apologies for the length of the preceding bullet point—there's just so much to say!

+

• The headquarters of the Venerable Society of Cartographers14, whose increasing militarization has lead also to increasing tensions with their host state, Flandre.

+

Several species of bird.

+

• Technically, if one goes by the seating conventions of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the Pseudocracy of Placeholden15 is located somewhere around here (N.B. no one has ever figured out where their national borders are supposed to go).

+

• The Barrowlands, ruled by Sornhandr, the King Eternal. The inexplicably perpetual cloudiness16 of the country makes it difficult to figure out what exactly goes on in there, but distance observation by Flandrean expeditions indicate that the observable parts of the country are just stretches of ancient barrows with no living thing in sight. I regret to say that my wife has forbidden me to explore it.

+

• The city-state of Kingsland, with its terrified inhabitants and the beings that they worship and/or flee from17. I would write more on them here, but the last time I wrote a monograph on Kingsland religion and culture I accidentally summoned some kind of spider demon (not to be confused with their snake demon18) and it took forever to get the building repaired.

+

• The "dead zone," a no man's land (since the Night of Storms19, anyways) historically ravaged by the electric undead20.

+

I hope you find this list useful. Enjoy the deliberations!

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Careless Continent
2. Xenoarcheological ruins
3. The Very Definitely Independent States
4. Klaus Santanna
5. The Ulgravian Diaspora
6. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart
7. Asynchronous energy
8. The Hegemony of Whales
9. Selestei
10. The War of Durun's Ass
11. The Roerbach Incident
12. Goats on Boats Affair
13. 🔇
14. The Venerable Society of Cartographers
15. Placeholden
16. Barcuvian antiweather
17. Pantheons of Kingsland
18. Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson
19. The Night of Storms
20. Electric undead

Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)

I've always had a soft spot for Sneezing on the King Eternal. A neometal classical band out of the Very Definitely Independent States1, they took their name from an AES 840 incident where the Benric Sovereign sneezed on Sornhandr, the King Eternal, and was fatally cursed for the faux pas. The phrase has come to refer to all the ways life's endeavors can suddenly come to an end because of small mistakes, and SotKE's music presents that ethos perfectly. This can be seen in their 961 Iurezza, a nearly three-hour concept album telling the story of the rise and eventual fall of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. Written mostly by their drummer, my old mentor Professor Riggs Behemon, the story contains more historical research than some PhD theses.

+

1. The Partitioning2 (Instrumental) — 5:23

+

The Partitioning is an overture meant to represent the division of the world into nation-states. Vocalist Gen Oslif has said in interviews that SotKE considers division between people to be the root of all strife. There is some wisdom to this, I think.

+

2. Origination — 12:02

+

SotKE introduce the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns in its original form as a social club created by High Exarch Jain Kantamon3 to keep tabs on the local leaders of consequence. In those days, the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns did not possess the power it holds today, and only affected that part of the world that could travel there. The track is notable for incorporating passages from the Book of Schemes4 into the lyrics.

+

3. Here There Be Dragons — 17:49

+

A heavy, grinding epic about the Roerbach Incident, featuring an excellent duet between Kantamon (Oslif) and Doric Foeslayer (guitarist Enric Hass) about what they respectively think is happening. For a brief period in the 60's, this was the only scholarly source that argued Doric Foeslayer knew what was going on.

+

4. Interlude: A Shrinking Sandbox (Instrumental) — 3:25

+

This instrumental is about the expanding diplomatic frontiers of the Assembly as continued exploration of the world increased the number of Sovereigns who could attend Assembly sessions.

+

5. The King Eternal — 7:56

+

This track introduces Sornhandr, the King Eternal, as a symbol of the end of all things. In a nod to their longtime fans, this track reprises key riffs from "Sneezing on the King Eternal," a track from their debut album. I always get the chorus stuck in my head: "Withered hand the lighting brings5 / Bow to the Eternal King."

+

6. The Glory — 15:11

+

Track 6 covers the age of Selesteine6 dominance of international politics (roughly c. 250 to 382). Global force projection was not possible back in those days due to logistical capabilities, but Selestei had the closest thing. The track concludes with "bad neighbors from the east7" landing their country on Selestei's shores, ending their naval force projection.

+

7. Acceleration — 16:43

+

Acceleration, which gets faster over the course of the song, tells the story of the growing technological capabilities of Assembly member nations and the resulting increase of relevance of the Assembly to global politics.

+

8. Ascension — 8:47

+

Ascension briefly addresses Ulgrav's8 taking to the skies, as seen through the perspective of the Assembly.

+

9. The Glory (Reprise) — 10:34

+

This track portrays the War of Durun's Ass9 as a Selesteine attempt at one last feat of heroism before history sweeps their way of life away. I get chills whenever I hear the last verse:

+

We will set sail for the glory
+One last time, we raise our blades
+Let the world tell them our story
+History will know our names

+

10. Interlude: The System of the World (Instrumental) — 11:37

+

This track, which is supposed to represent the Assembly attaining the status and power it holds today, contains an 8-minute solo by guitarist Kela Reardon.

+

11. War Upon the Deep — 20:12

+

This track addresses both the Goats on Boats Affair10 and the Cetacean War, its resolution, and the geopolitical fallout of recognizing the Hegemony of Whales11 into the Assembly. Attentive listeners will hear echoes of "The King Eternal" in parts of the track.

+

12. Here There Be Dragons (Reprise) — 6:13

+

With their typical propensity for rich metaphors, SotKE argue in this track that the increasing complexity of modern life has introduced many existential threats to the world, and that Assembly politics will inevitably lead to someone triggering one of them.

+

13. Annihilation — 39:16

+

In the epic, final track of the album, SotKE paint a picture of the return of the Ultimate Dragonopolis12 resulting in the destruction of sentient life. Given the stated intentions of certain individuals13, one can't help but worry that their fears might be prophetic. The track ends with a beautiful, organ-only reprise of The King Eternal, inviting us all to contemplate our transience in this life.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Very Definitely Independent States
2. The Partitioning
3. The Roerbach Incident
4. The Book of Schemes
5. Barcuvian antiweather
6. Selestei
7. The Careless Continent
8. The Ulgravian Diaspora
9. The War of Durun's Ass
10. Goats on Boats Affair
11. The Hegemony of Whales
12. Ultimate Dragonopolis
13. Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson

SotKE fucking rocks.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

The quality of your scholarly contributions never fails to impress, Dr. Hanson.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

Oh, right, because your musical taste is soooo much better. Don't think we don't know why you're playing that weak-ass classical music on minimum volume in your pathetic excuse for an office. You're not subtle, Milton. Guy prances around going "la la la perception determines reality" and then fills his working space with self-consciously high status shit? How fucking stupid do you think we are?

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

As an aside, I am grateful to be working with such scholars as we have on the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee. It takes a world-class mind to make the astute observation that our resident memetosociologist practices memetosociology. I look forward to further groundbreaking discoveries linking professors of miscellania and the habit of categorizing things, or the stunning connection between studying entropology and being an asshole.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

Jalapeñosis

Historically, the Grim Weepers1, Selestei's2 elite shock troops, ate extremely spicy food before going into battle. Because they were the vanguard, they had less-than-extensive lifespans, and thus the diseases of old age were unknown to them. After the Department of Glory reassessed the Weepers' military role, their life expectancy went up, allowing them to live long enough to suffer the effects of jalapeñosis, a disease seemingly caused by a lifetime of eating the special diet of spicy Selesteine cuisine that characterizes the Grim Weepers. Weepers afflicted by early stage jalapeñosis manifest increasingly red skin and elevated body temperatures. Their breath becomes increasingly acidic, as does their body chemistry in general. As the disease progresses, the symptoms intensify, until in the late stages the patient's skin is bright red and too hot to touch and the patient's breath instantly wilts plants and inflicts chemical burns. Finally, the patient's body temperature reaches a critical point, and the patient spontaneously combusts. It is believed by historians that the historical accounts from Pentex Lannogaster3 of Selesteines "becoming as Sels" are actually ancient cases of terminal jalapeñosis being interpreted through the lens of the Selesteine myth in which the hero Sels eats a sun. Rudimentary understanding of this phenomenon must have existed before the Grim Weepers' reassignment in 971, because one of the eighth-century Hierarchs of the Fractured Cities4 invited a terminal case to a bloodmoot5 to stand next to a box of fireworks.

+

The exact etiology of jalapeñosis is unknown, since the Grim Weepers are reluctant to publicize their secret recipes. An exception was made for Professor Hazard McKinley6, who spent six months doing botanical studies in Selestei before submitting a confidential report to the King. McKinley is under a non-disclosure agreement with respect to the contents of the report, though he has revealed that the Mad King7 had made some changes to the recipes that were now being reevaluated. Some biologists outside of Selestei have attempted research projects into the possible active ingredients, which have generally run aground on the utter madness that is Selesteine cuisine. Their beer is more massive by volume than concrete, and some of their condiments are also used in industrial manufacturing. It is an enduring mystery how the Selesteines are even alive, but it does give some perspective on jalapeñosis, since apparently becoming a toxic walking firebomb isn't considered a negative health outcome. It's definitely a negative janitorial outcome, because the last time a Grim Weeper was at the Disputatious Assembly, his feet burned holes in the carpet when he stood still for too long, and it was a royal pain in the ass to clean up after.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Grim Weepers
2. Selestei
3. Pentex Lannogaster
4. The Fractured Cities
5. Bloodmoot
6. Professor Hazard McKinley
7. Mad King Westler

Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement

Following the invention of the dark degrees1 in the mid-ninth century, there was considerable tension between regular academia and dark academia. This was understandable, as the dark degrees were institutional brands of shame, and some universities even began exiling their dark academics to the south pole2. Despite their professional disgrace, however, the work of dark academics was still recognized, implicitly or off the record, as containing some insights of worth, and thus a limited amount of interdisciplinary work was done between the burgeoning dark disciplines and regular academia. This work was stymied by several incidents where dark academics attempted to use the collaboration to taint the reputations of their peers.

+

In order to safeguard the extraction of value from the work of dark academia and protect regular academics from their erstwhile colleagues, several universities formed the Council for Interdisciplinary Collaboration in 856, which mediated interactions with dark academics in order to prevent them from taking down regular academics out of spite. This continued until 891, when the Vulterbase could not be brought to heel in the wake of the Goats on Boats Affair3. Over the next few decades, the Council requested, and was approved for, an increasing amount of military power in order to bring the Vulterbase rebels to justice. By 931, the Council had become a globally-ranked military power and rebranded itself as the Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement, aka JUSTICE. Turns out that your army has a nice tech advantage if it's literally made of the people who do military tech research.

+

In addition to power creep, the scope of the former Council's duties has also expanded beyond their original duties of keeping Pentads in line. JUSTICE also works security at research conventions, provides military defense to universities when necessary, and hunts down rogue academics who need to be eliminated. To date, very few academics have escaped their fury once roused. Sadly, as an international and interinstitutional body, they are vulnerable to bureaucracy, which is why they have yet to get permission to enter the campus of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns to capture our own Spheven Kain. I keep giving them tips on him, but it seems he never leaves the building, so they can't grappling-hook him off the neutral ground. I'm hoping he'll slip up one of these days. If they finally get him because of me, I'll score a lot of points with them, which I need because they aren't exactly fans of my work. I guess I'm not making a lot of friends by writing papers in defense of oppressive autocrats, but what else am I supposed to use tenure for? Writing about the same "unpopular" topics everyone else is writing about to show off how progressive and daring they are? Bullshit. If tenure isn't the only thing between you and a JUSTICE tribunal, you're wasting your career.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. The Dark Pentad
2. Xenoarcheological ruins
3. Goats on Boats Affair

The suits over at JUSTICE "aren't exactly fans of [Rubric's] work" because the last time someone1 put her ideas into practice, every university in the country was emptied and replaced with propaganda offices. Why hasn't JUSTICE been after her for years already? Sure, she lives and works in Kingsland, so it's understandable why nobody wants to go after her there. But she commutes to the DAS campus for Butterfly Effect Advisory meetings, doesn't she? How many countries does she have to indirectly destroy before someone wises up and puts her on a wanted list?

+

Well, I'm not just going to sit around and wait for it. You should really invest in a better lock for that secret drawer in your desk, Cincinatta. I've read your notes about having the Taurus2 capture the Zeitgeist Manipulator3 from orbit so you can reprogram it to make everyone agree with your ideas. Real clever, how you plan to circumvent the psychological barriers to stopping it that the Manipulator creates. Not so clever leaving the plan where I could find it. I wonder what JUSTICE will think of your little conspiracy when I fax it to them?

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous
2. Taurus Research Station
3. Zeitgeist Manipulator

Good luck faxing Kingsland-made paper! Even if they manage to subdue the horrifying, betantacled monstrosity that comes out on their end, they won't be able to read any of the writing through the eldritch sigils that appear all over it. Don't worry, I'll let them know you were the one who sent it. Maybe that'll teach you not to eat my goddamn caramel corn at night.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

Joran Lake

Joran Lake is the only known bottomless lake. Created by the architect Hans Flugelsson on accident, it is located in the middle of the Careless Continent1 where the nation of Joran was briefly established before it was replaced by a lake. When Joran was founded, its leader, Chief Sergoblant, appointed Flugelsson as the new state's official architect. His first order was to find a way to irrigate the desert land they ruled so that they would have the supplies to raid their neighbors for better food. Flugelsson came up with many designs, but he finally settled on a national engineering project to raise the water table closer to the surface. Nobody is quite sure what process he set in motion, but in AES 845, instead of the water table rising to meet Joran, Joran sank to meet the water table and never stopped. The only reason Flugelsson is considered the first imagineer2 and not the first thanatologist is the curious Joranite custom of wearing life preservers even in the middle of a landlocked desert. Flugelsson disappears from the historic record after this.

+

Given that nobody really bothers to try and sort out the history of Careless, we don't know who first populated Joran Lake with fish3. But by AES 875, adventurers who dared to explore Careless reported that Joran was well-known not only as a watering hole, but also as a source of delicious fish, and had thus become a warzone. This was to the great consternation of the Joranites, who had stayed on their "land" by building houseboats. Most of what we know about the Joran biome comes from the expedition notes of a Selesteine4 special ops team that fought its way to the lake in 912 after a rumor made it to Selestei that the fish got bigger and meaner the further down you went into the bottomless depths. These rumors were somewhat substantiated, as the Selesteine expedition reported that the hole got bigger as one went down far enough, and that the fauna were larger once the light started to fade. Sadly, further investigation of this is currently impossible, as Joran Lake became infested with Ravenous Squid-Trees5 following the completion of the Yggdrasil Project6 in 939.

+

Despite its distance, Flandre7 nevertheless has several National Response Protocol BX designations for things emerging from Joran Lake that pose an existential threat, many of which dictate similar responses as those specified, and recently demonstrated to great effect, by NRP BX-392a8.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. The Careless Continent
2. The Dark Pentad
3. Metafishics
4. Selestei
5. Ravenous Squid-Trees
6. The Yggdrasil Project
7. Flandre
8. Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a

The Killer Bus of Kingsland North

Kingsland is full of many things, most of which you wouldn't want to run into in a dark alley. Unfortunately for Kingslanders, the city-state is practically made of dark alleys. It's sometimes said that if you stretched out all of Kingsland's alleys and roads next to each other, the alleys would go further, but neither would get you far enough to escape whatever was chasing you. Because of the dangers lurking in the omnipresent alleys, Kingslanders try to stick to the city's labyrinthine public transit system, despite its sanity-defying complexity. Visitors are often surprised by such transit irregularities as subway tracks that spin the train in a barrel roll, a monorail track that loops Kingsland South but never in the same way twice, one road where the buses go off a ramp to avoid a chasm, and the strange phenomenon where the station bathroom stalls transport people to the Double-North Pole1. Kingslanders are nothing if not resigned, however, and they bear this with faces hollow and spirits deflated.

+

But the transit system isn't always the safer option. The first "Killer Bus" incident occurred in AES 976. The doors on a bus in Kingsland North suddenly locked, and onlookers described the windows as being "instantly painted" with blood. In what Kingslanders call "a good day", the screaming was brief. The bus continued its route as normal, though few dared to board once they saw every surface on the inside covered in viscera. It is unknown whether the bus's driver was also killed, but a bus with no driver isn't even worth mentioning in Kingsland, so we don't know either way. Similar incidents continue to occur in Kingsland North, each time involving a slightly different method. The Killer Bus has protruded spikes, turned flat and fallen on top of passersby, transformed into a giant robot to fight another local horror, and driven straight into the river that divides the city in order to hit a passing Panark diplomatic envoy2.

+

The Killer Bus's cult3 has grown to be one of the largest in Kingsland. In 986, on the anniversary of the first Killer Bus incident, the cult began rallying to elect the Killer Bus as the sovereign of Kingsland. This movement has gained popular appeal outside of the cult, as the citizens hope that the Killer Bus will be forced to leave Kingsland in order to attend sessions of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. Flandre has expressed support for the movement in recognition of the Killer Bus's aid in the success of NRP BX-392a4. This support has more than one motive, though, as electing foreign threats to the Assembly to keep tabs on them is prescribed by NRP TX-43d.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. The Double-North Pole
2. The Panark Fleet
3. Pantheons of Kingsland
4. Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a

In a happy example of partisan agreement, the Killer Bus's candidacy for sovereign is also supported by the Hegemony of Whales1, for much the same reasons as its support for the fragmentation of the Very Definitely Independent States2 in the 30s. The mayor of Kingsland has expressed uncertainty as to the Killer Bus's candicacy: on one hand, the Bus would take up two rows of seats, giving Kingsland unprecedented voting power in the Disputatious Assembly; on the other hand, it would mean he would have to go back to living in Kingsland.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. The Hegemony of Whales
2. The Very Definitely Independent States

In my personal opinion, the mayor should stop being such a sissy and move back. My neighbors got eaten by something last summer and the flat's been vacant long enough that I'm sure whatever did it has moved on. It's the least sacrifice he could make for his country. Over here in Kingsland South, we'd kill to get that many Assembly votes, and I can't imagine how the Northerners would feel to have the Killer Bus off the streets.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

I've done some reading about the Killer Bus, and it's harrowing stuff. After the first incident, they removed it from the transit system. The next morning, there was an extra bus at the transit station and no one could figure out which one it was. After the next incident, they wrote down the serial number for each bus and then removed it again. Overnight, there was a different list of serial numbers in the handwriting of the manager who had originally written it, and the bus count was up by one again. They tried adding more measures the third time—cameras, locking the gate, caltrops on the road—but in the morning, the gate's technical log reported it was closed the whole evening, the caltrops were arranged into sanity-melting glyphs, and everyone who reviewed the camera feed instantly went mad.

+

And this time, the extra bus was parked... right... in... front... of the manager's office!

+

Chilling stuff! I told that story to my grandchildren the other week, both because they're adorable when they're scared, and also because it's never to early to learn to fear Kingsland.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

Klaus Santanna

Klaus Santanna is one of the dreadful spawn of Kingsland, and one of the few phenomena of our city to turn its sights beyond the city limits. In the last century, it has risen to international attention as the sovereign of the Compass Republic, which it rules from its throne in Bipolaris1. The true extent of Santanna's power is unknown, but it is sufficient to maintain the order of the Republic without having a legal code. It can mind control people it's touched and seems to possess some form of clairvoyance, allowing it to see anything that goes on in its realm. Despite its unnatural vigor and vitality and its ability to levitate without any visible means, Santanna rarely moves from its throne and conducts most business through proxies. It is represented in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns by a mechanical doll, which the Secretary2 throws out every month for exceeding the permissible duration of proxy representation. Because of its reclusiveness, rumors abound as to its true, terrifying appearance. Those who know are few, and they cannot be trusted.

+

These days, the Compass Republic is a big name on the international stage for the global scale of its manufacturing. Soap, folding chairs, kitchenware, all sorts of miscellanea and knickknacks — you probably have some Compass goods in your house right now. The stirring sticks in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room are Compass-produced, which is why I bring my own stick from home. Look, I know we Kingslanders are a sorry lot when it comes to avoiding terrible things, even though most of the time there's no choice we can make that doesn't end up terribly. But my grandparents say that we breathed a godsdamned sigh of relief when Klaus Santanna left town. Its cult3 even thought the Tesseraction4 was upon us, grabbed their weapons, and marched into a dark alleyway, which really tied up a lot of loose ends. 'course, then we started hearing things about what Santanna was up to in the Compass Republic, and then it became the bloody sovereign. At least it's menacing far away from us, so we can focus on all the menacing things closer to home.

+

Still, there's one Kingslander who isn't happy with Santanna being only that far away. I wish Jango Gunnerson5 all the best in his quest to find the Ultimate Dragonopolis6, which is probably one of the only things that could stop Santanna if it began taking a more active interest in global politics.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. The Double-North Pole
2. DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas
3. Pantheons of Kingsland
4. Tesseraction Eve
5. Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson
6. Ultimate Dragonopolis

Legend of the Three Trees

The Legend of the Three Trees is a Flandrean1 hit piece from the turn of the century, written in the style of a myth from the Book of Schemes2. In a conceit common to that time, it was published under an editor's note claiming the text to be much older and recently uncovered by its author, who remains anonymous. Reproduced below is the full text of Arkbridge's translation in the third disambiguation.

+

+

A Selesteine3, an Ulgravian4, and a Flandrean walked into an open clearing. "Come, let us show which of us is the mightier people," suggested the Selesteine. "We shall each plant a tree and lash our banner to it. The one whose banner is nearest to the heavens shall be called the mightiest, for the mightiest reach to the heavens to grasp the stars in their fingers."

+

"Surely not," said the Ulgravian. "Let us each plant a tree, and the one whose banner casts the furthest shadow shall be called the mightiest, for might is not to be found in mere ascension but in ranging across the surface of the world."

+

"I shall agree to either challenge," said the Flandrean, "as long as the rules disqualify those whose trees are eliminated. But I should point out that both challenges are mathematically equivalent." So each planted a tree and tied a colored flag to the top to distinguish them.

+

When the trees had grown, the three botanists reconvened in the clearing. The tree to the east, unnaturally thick, had fallen over under its own weight. The tree to the west, thin and sickly, looked as if it were about to fall over. Yet the tree to the north was healthy and strong, and it stood above the others. Because it was noon and the sun was bright, each squinted to see the banners flying high atop the trees.

+

"I see my banner atop the northern tree," claimed the Selesteine. "The Ulgravian tree has no roots, and it has withered. The Flandrean tree has grown thick with schemes, and it has collapsed under the weight of them. The Selesteine tree stands tall and unbowed."

+

"You have stared too long into the sun, you madman. It is mine atop the northern tree," claimed the Ulgravian. "The Flandrean tree is the one withered and sickly, for it was too cautious of the ground to lay roots. The Selesteine tree has grown too thick, for it thought that was strength. The Ulgravian banner blows high and free."

+

"You are both fools," concluded the Flandrean. "The Selesteine has identified the Ulgravian tree, and the Ulgravian has identified the Selesteine tree. But lo, the northern tree is the Flandrean tree. I have carved the proof into its trunk every year, so that none could question. Approach it and behold." And so the Selesteine and the Ulgravian approached the northern tree, tripped the tripwire attached to the western tree, and were crushed as it fell over on them.

+

+

If there's one thing I like about Flandre, it's their good taste in vengeance.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Flandre
2. The Book of Schemes
3. Selestei
4. The Ulgravian Diaspora

Lepazzia

There are so many wonderful places in this world, and I rejoice that this report gives us cause to speak of many of them. In this section we will focus on the nation of Lepazzia, which is as beautiful as it is misunderstood by outsiders.

+

Most known to foreigners is the Lepazzian custom of being agreeable past the point of sanity. But this is an incomplete simplification. It is true that in Lepazzian culture, disagreement is unconscionable and violence is beyond barbaric. But when we caricature Lepazzians as being wholy unaggressive, we overlook their long and vicious history of passive-aggression. Within a family, for example, children might negotiate their sibling rivalries through indirect means, breaking each other's possessions or manipulating their parents into favoring one or the other child. At the national level, the techniques employed can be truly harrowing. One recalls the tension of the Eight Days' War, in which five nations simultaneously declared war on Lepazzia before withdrawing it eight days later upon finding flowers in the bedrooms of every major government official1.

+

In the Assembly, Lepazzia has an international reputation for always voting in favor, regardless of the bill or motion put to the floor. This, too, is an artifact of Lepazzian culture which is often misunderstood. The Lepazzian Senate votes unanimously in favor of whatever is put to the Senate floor. However, before any motion is put forward, there are days of politicking and maneuvering to determine what should happen. Lepazzian Senators find themselves confronted with aggrieved notes on their seats, unpleasant rumors, and personal attacks in the newspapers. You will find no one so hardened against human pettiness than a Lepazzian politician, and yet a few reliably commit suicide every year. In any case the Sovereign of Lepazzia does little with his votes—and, it must be said, looks vaguely horrified every time someone votes against a measure—but you can be sure that behind the scenes, he has brutally crushed the self esteem of multiple Sovereigns. I myself once heard the Sovereign of Incendia2 break down in tears after a particularly belittling conference, although to be fair he does that all the time, the poor dear.

+

With regard to the Disarrangement Act, I heartily encourage the Assembly to consider that Lepazzia's new neighbors will be subject to unimaginable psychological torment, and that we could see the emergence of trauma at a cultural level. This will make selecting suitably hardy countries difficult. It is not accidental, remember, that Ulgrav3 disposed of all of its land after a mere three hundred years on the Lepazzian border.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Esoteric Order of Florists
2. Incendia
3. The Ulgravian Diaspora

Lepazzia keeps something of a low profile in the international community, but it's important to remember their ostensible neutrality doesn't translate to a neutral impact on global politics. For example, if the Lepazzian Sovereign had truly wanted to agree with the other Sovereigns, he would have also abstained on the I'll Legislate It Act1 instead of voting in favor. And the Massively Parallel Peace Conference2 illustrates, perhaps a little more clearly, that Lepazzia has it out for all of us. It might be wise to look past the cultural differences between us and realize that they probably consider themselves, in their own way, to be at war with everyone else.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act
2. Massively Parallel Peace Conference

In a way, we have Lepazzia to thank for inspiring the Disarrangement Act. When their cultural passive-aggression had reached new heights in the fourth century, they literally drew a line in the sand and dug a massive trench around their entire country to make a point to their neighbors on the Careless Continent1. While most geologists are confused as to how merely digging a trench could result, as it did, in Lepazzia drifting off into the ocean, in my opinion as a sociophysicist, this is no mystery at all. Lepazzian culture is nothing if not one that keeps others at arms' length. The Lepazzian Split was simply the physical manifestation of the social phenomenon in accordance with the principles of sociophysics.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. The Careless Continent

The Lunchtime Fallacy

The Lunchtime Fallacy is the name of a neoclassical metal band hailing from Katskria1 that rose to prominence for its participation in the first symphonic warp traversal2 experiments in AES 955. The participants for the experiments, run by the National Academy of Velskyavo3, were chosen by a single-elimination endurance tournament in which bands were required to play music while undergoing astronaut training. The Lunchtime Fallacy narrowly defeated their opponents in the finals, the neometal classical band Sneezing on the King Eternal, when Sneezing's drummer fell unconscious in the third hour inside the multiaxis g-force machine and lost his grip on his drumsticks, which flew out at high speed and knocked out their bassist. In the maiden voyage of the warp-equipped shuttle — christened as the Rainbow's Teeth by Lunchtime's lead singer, Groz Hoffman — The Lunchtime Fallacy entered warp with a performance of their hit single "Hit Me With a Truck" and exited five minutes later on the other side of the world in Lepazzia4, where they played a few numbers for a surprised crowd before warping back to Katskria with an encore of "Ain't No Whale".

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The Lunchtime Fallacy rode on this fame for a few years, until they were inadvertently banned by the Don't Think I Won't Act5. Now international criminals guilty only of the crime of having a pretty sweet band name, they broke into the National Academy's warp research wing and stole the Rainbow's Teeth, making their getaway with the debut performance of "But You'll Never Take Our Trousers". Through the careful manipulation of time signatures, Lunchtime was able to introduce time dilation into their warp travel, spending only a day inside the warp before materializing in the capital of Shaster6 three months later. Thereafter, Lunchtime became temporal vagrants, appearing out of the warp on the crest of a song and playing a gig long enough for their agent to grab more food from the nearest market before disappearing back into the ether. Because they spend more time in warp than with the rest of us, the members of Lunchtime appear to have only aged a few years since they began their journey through space and time thirty years ago.

+

Before their exodus, The Lunchtime Fallacy's lyrics focused on themes of the difficulty of engaging in politics in an increasingly globalized world and the marginalization of smaller communities. Their later, post-Act work has abandoned this to become more abstract and disconnected, a trend that National Academy researchers are worried represents long-term detrimental effects from extended warp exposure.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. The Very Definitely Independent States
2. Symphonic warp traversal
3. National Academy of Velskyavo
4. Lepazzia
5. The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act
6. Shaster

The Lunchtime Fallacy has accumulated an impressive curriculum vitae of prestigious events. They've played at the inaugurations of the Mayor of Kingsland, the President of Incendia1, and several of the governors of the Very Definitely Independent States2. They've provided background music to sessions of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns and breakout meetings of the Advisory Committees. They were even invited once!

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Incendia
2. The Very Definitely Independent States

Mad King Westler

There is no greater tragedy than being the right person in the right place at the wrong time. So it was for King Westler of Selestei, a kind and gentle soul who unfortunately became the heir to the Selesteine1 throne. He spent his childhood appreciating nature instead of fighting it and wrote poetry about the loveliness of things instead of their weak points and arm strength. This made him something of a pariah, but the royal family made no attempts to remove him from the succession, hoping that the mantle of kingship would shape him into a proper Selesteine. Fatefully, when he eventually was coronated in 817, this did not occur.

+

King Westler's foreign policy was uncharacteristically timid for a Selesteine monarch. When his mother, Queen Titania the Immovable, had ruled, she had sponsored Disputatious Assembly dinner parties for the express purpose of drinking the other sovereigns under the table and laughing at them. Westler, on the other hand, shrunk from public appearances and the pressure of international politics. Because of this, Selesteine psychologists began to murmur among themselves that he was off his rocker, unthinkable as it was to the Selesteines that their king should be such a wimp. This made him a prime target for the Lepazzian2 sovereign, who had flowers delivered to him weekly by the Esoteric Order of Florists3 in progressively more unnerving places. When the nerve-wracked king woke up one morning coughing up petals, he finally snapped and went completely off the deep end.

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In 830, the final year of his reign, the Mad King was well and truly mad. He launched into a flurry of activity, outlawing and legalizing things at random until he had created a legislative mess unequaled until the Don't Think I Won't Act4 over a century later. He declared war and made peace weekly, all while breaking and renegotiating nonsensical treaties, often with countries he was at war with, and occasionally declaring war in the treaty. He hired a team of Flandrean5 propagandists to obfuscate anything and everything he was doing, then hired a team of Lepazzian propagandists to confound the Flandrean propaganda. The Mad King's reign finally ended when he kidnapped several Shastrian6 machinists and forced them to build him a giant robotic exoskeleton. When it was completed, he declared war on the ocean, boarded the exoskeleton, and jumped into the depths. After this, the Selesteines took a day off to have a drink and recover from the year, then rolled their law and foreign policy back to Queen Titania's.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Selestei
2. Lepazzia
3. The Esoteric Order of Florists
4. The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act
5. Flandre
6. Shaster

Mad legal practice

As my esteemed colleague Dr. Christophy would no doubt identify, there are overwhelming parallels between the development of the field of physics and that of more social-facing fields, such as law. Before the days of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, civilization's best shot at physics was knowing that rocks fall back down after you catapult them. Likewise, "law" was doing whatever the king said.

+

We can follow this trend up to the present day: as civilization developed, the haphazard, ad hoc systems of ancient history were replaced with one regulated by rules and independently verifiable procedure. This paradigm defined the core of legal practice as we know it today.

+

However, physics encountered a conceptual revolution with the development of quantum mechanics and the grudging acceptance that the old rules might not apply consistently. So, too, has the practice of law undergone a conceptual revolution—one resulting in the field of practice colloquially known as mad law.

+

The original mad lawyer is widely considered to be Kelsi Hanover, whose Shastrian1 legal practice had fallen on a run of difficult cases at the time. The final straw was a 894 case in which she had to defend a client who had committed a crime while remote-controlled by future Sovereign Klaus Santanna2. This matter dragged the trial into convoluted matters of international law and extradition, further worsened by the fact that the crime was not illegal in the Compass Republic3, where Santanna had been at the time of the event. Hanover motioned for a fifteen-day "epiphany recess," which is a common Shastrian practice in cases where one or more participants in a trial receive sudden, urgent inspiration for a brilliant idea. At the end of the recess, Hanover returned with a modal legal framework that applied sections of various laws conditionally and/or hypothetically, allowing the trial to proceed across multiple counterfactuals simultaneously.

+

(The judge is said to have commented "This is the maddest thing I've ever seen" before acquitting her defendant, thus explaining the name, but that statement is widely considered by scholars to be apocryphal.)

+

The fundamental insight behind mad law is an essentially memetosociological one—laws do not merely exist and thereby shape society; they must also be enforced and applied to any given circumstance. Consequently, it is necessary to select which laws must apply if you wish them applied; conversely, if you wish no laws applied, all you have to do is fail to apply them. In his journals, St. Stafford4 wrote that such thinking to him was indispensable in forming his early approach to problems like his adaptation of the rules of horseball5 or the construction of the Zeitgeist Manipulator6.

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The practice of mad law has seen greater acceptance in the modern day, but it faces opposition from more traditional lawyers, as well as the Hegemony of Whales7, which maintains the whole endeavor is a Flandrean8 plot.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. Shaster
2. Klaus Santanna
3. The Double-North Pole
4. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
5. Horseball
6. Zeitgeist Manipulator
7. The Hegemony of Whales
8. Flandre

A connection I would emphasize between the development of quantum mechanics and the invention of mad law is that mad law predates quantum theory. As a sociophysicist, I can't help but see a causal connection here. Would it be so far beyond the pale to suggest that quantum mechanics was not developed before mad law because quantum systems did not exist before mad law? Would it be that crazy to suggest that the indeterminacy of the laws of humanity is what gave rise to the indeterminacy of the laws of nature?

+

Dr. Rubric is telling me that it would be, and she's brandishing her mug rather menacingly, so I must conclude that this requires more thought at another time.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

Marionette children

The fisher crow (Corvus bastardus), also known as the bastard crow, the marionette crow, or metonymically as a marionette child, is a curious scavenger corvid native to the Razor Valley1 region of Shaster2 and Selestei3. Fisher crows are distinguished by their long and lean bodies, but most especially by the extremely thin, prehensile tendrils that trail from their claws. These tendrils are capable of cutting through flesh with ease. Unexpectedly for something that isn't from Barcu, however, fisher crows usually refrain from using their tendrils to hunt prey directly, and instead prefer the much more horrifying method of using them to control child-size marionette puppets. The popular sobriquet "marionette children" was first used to refer to these puppets, but these days it is often used to refer to the fisher crows themselves.

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Fisher crows are omnivorous, eating fruits, nuts, insects, other birds, and carrion. They will not hesitate to prey on live animals, even larger livestock or the occasional human. When they attack live prey much larger than themselves, they approach from above, seize it with their marionette, and then carry it off into the sky. Some research was once attempted into how it is that fisher crows can lift large prey when they appear to have no more lifting power than other birds, but this was done by having volunteers bait fisher crows into carrying them off, which resulted in a cancelled research program and a complimentary thanatology degree4. It is no longer considered an open research question.

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An international incident was precipitated in AES 967 when it was discovered that The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski5 had colonized a fisher crow. The Assembly immediately began disputing whether the more pressing issue was that the Republic has developed the capability to infect across species or that it had now had the use of a marionette child. In the confusion, Vigotski himself slipped away, prompting the Assembly to order the Taurus Research Station6 to be turned planetside for the first time, ostensibly for observation. Vigotski was caught in the parking lot and returned to the Assembly, where the assembled sovereigns ordered the Republic to turn over the infected bird for termination. The Republic, rather too easily, complied. Since the crow was technically a citizen of the Contagious Republic, the extradition paperwork took a week to get straight, at which point it was summarily executed and the corpse burned. Ever since then, there seem to be an awful lot of crows in the trees around the Assembly building.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Razor Valley
2. Shaster
3. Selestei
4. The Dark Pentad
5. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
6. Taurus Research Station

Massively Parallel Peace Conference

I swear, I don't know why they let the fuckers at the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns make any decisions at all. Like, any entropologist will tell you that things get shittier over time, but they didn't need to fuck things up this badly.

+

So, 940 was when all this shit started going downhill. Selestei1 and the germs2 were at war, Flandre3 and the whales4 were at it, half the Careless Continent5 was at war with other countries and the other half were at war with themselves—basically it was the most war we've had since the War of Durun's Ass6, except this time the little twerps couldn't even muster the self-awareness to form teams first.

+

So along comes fucking Lepazzia7 and tells everyone they're showing up to a peace conference. And of course everyone comes, because Lepazzia doesn't really throw its weight around but holy shit do you not want to get on their bad side. So everyone shows up and the Lepazzian Sovereign Assface Bumblefuck—okay, not actually his name, but it might as well be—Bumblefuck gives this speech about everyone's going to make nice so they can feel good. And this lot is all politicians, they might have developmentally disabled squirrels for brains but they can read between the lines when someone's threatening them, so they all hurry into their assigned rooms and sign the quickest, dirtiest treaties they can.

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So, like, think about that. Peace treaties are supposed to shape the conduct of the nations involved, right? And if two nations are at war, then those nations probably have some fucking issues, right? After all, only an inbred cretin would think that nations go to war for no fucking reason, right? So given all that, if the original issues still exist, and you still make those nations sign a shitty peace treaty, then what the fuck do you think happens next?

+

I fucking swear, you can trace every political catastrophe in the last fifty years to this disaster of a conference. The first problem, obviously, is that this is peak Lepazzia here. Like, passive-aggressively threatening people with passive-aggression to force them to self-sabotage? I don't know why we didn't bomb the fuckers into radioactive shrapnel three centuries ago. Fucking cowardly Sovereign.

+

Anyways, second problem once the first half of the Careless Continent stopped fighting each other, they all had civil wars, and once the other half finished their civil wars they started fighting each other. Flandre and the Hegemony are in cold war still, and that's basically the main reason we have to deal with this Disarrangement Act bullshit in the first place. The only decent peace that came out of this is that Selestei and the Contagious Republic aren't at war, and that wasn't even a proper war in the first place! Like, fuck, it was some twit sneezing on doorknobs because he refused to take his medicine! How is that a war, you fuckers? Get over here, I'll show you you some fucking war.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. Selestei
2. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
3. Flandre
4. The Hegemony of Whales
5. The Careless Continent
6. The War of Durun's Ass
7. Lepazzia

Metafishics

The world is full of so many enchanting mysteries. What are the meanings of the Extrepki's Three Final Riddles? + How were the Great Genitalia of Hazam constructed, and who would order such a thing built? Is the Chorus Perpetual1 truly keeping the planet in its orbit if the planet existed before the whales did?

+

One such mystery is a deceptively simple question: why are there fish? Or more precisely, why are there such fish, rather than others that could have been? One is tempted to approach the problem abstractly, or even as a metaphor for life, but the researchers of metafishics would reject that approach. Indeed, there seem to be many interesting fish-specific avenues of exploration to be found here.

+

Consider the case of Joran Lake2. 150 years ago it was a desert; then it became a lake, and then twenty years later it was suddenly full of fish. Another twenty-five after that and we have reports of Selesteine3 braves fighting sea monsters in its deeps. Perhaps the expanding lake encountered some subterranean cavern, but metafishicians have performed experiments with goldfish and believe some kind of fish-specific generative principle is at work.

+

The most well-known of these experiments is likely the Generational Aquadome, run by the Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski4. It is a massive, artificial aquatic environment divided into two sections. Both sections received a healthy population of goldfish in AES 940, then one section was hidden from human observation. Metafishicians watched the visible goldfish population remain more or less the same until they switched which section was visible in AES 965. Doing so revealed a chthonic nightmare of horrific tentacled predation. This new population was studied for another 25 years—during which time several adjunct professors lost their lives when they got too close—until the other section was revealed also to have monstrously evolved.

+

The results of this and other experiments are summarized in Grantham's Law, which states that aquatic evolution proceeds with increasing speed and frightfulness proportional to time spent without human observation. Given the specificity of the affected population (e.g. the prairie dogs of Nosser had hundreds of years to evolve away from humans but did not become monsters and wipe out the Careless Continent5) and the observation-dependent nature of its rules, many metafishicians suspect that Barcu6 is somehow to blame. Others point to Razor Valley7 as a possible terrestrial example of Grantham's Law. In any case, nearly all metafishicians are in agreement that a lack of "attention pollution" in the oceans will lead to the evolution of some hideous apocalyptic monster that will kill us all—which makes the stretches of ocean rendered impassable by Ravenous Squid-Trees8 problematic. I urge your consciousness of this in considering the Disarrangement Act.

+

Finally, some metafishicians suspect the existence of the Hegemony of Whales9 may have something to do with Grantham's Law. It must be said, however, that they are all Flandreans, and their arguments rely on speciesist assumptions that intelligent whales are a horrifying thing.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. Chorus Perpetual
2. Joran Lake
3. Selestei
4. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
5. The Careless Continent
6. Barcuvian antiweather
7. Razor Valley
8. Ravenous Squid-Trees
9. The Hegemony of Whales

Missing Sea

The Missing Sea is — or rather, isn't, in a sense — a gulf on the western coast of Iurezza1. Ever since its disappearance — or rather, appearance, in a sense — in the year AES 25, it has defied any and all explanation as to why all of the ocean off the coast of Kingsland is just not there. For most scholars, after nearly a millennium of study, the consensus is that it has something to do with antiweather2 and that prying further is asking for trouble. Trying to investigate too deeply into anything in the vicinity of Kingsland is usually a fast-track ticket to being spoken of in the past tense, and the usual madness of Barcu extends into the Missing Sea as well.

+

This, of course, is no obstacle to the crackpots and pentads3 on the fringes of the academy. The prominent imagineer, Vexis Harsir, has made a great deal of the fixed-point cube4 that has been slowly scarring a line across the ocean floor of the Missing Sea. This, in turn, has been vehemently opposed by the dysthetician Johannes Chezmen, whose pet theory explains both the Missing Sea and qualified spontaneous evaporation5 in terms of partial differential equations that define planar slices through the possibility space of divine assemblies6.

+

The exact reasoning involved in this debate is worthy of the attention of the regular academy. On Harsir's account, the cubes are not descriptive fixed points, but rather prescriptive fixed points. The Missing Sea, then, exists because the cube has an "internal land-sea configuration pattern" that does not match the elevation of the Iurezzan tectonic place, leading to the cube defining a land boundary below sea level. Chezmen's theory, which would take an article unto itself to explain, seeks to one-up Harsir's theory by making the cubes explananda rather than the explanans of the Missing Sea. Fixed-point cubes are too geometrical, he argues, to account for the organic shape of the edge of the Sea where the water abruptly stops. Moreover, the Missing Sea cannot simply be a division between land and water mediated by a continental land-sea regulator, because aquatic animals, despite the complete absence of water, are still able to swim through the Missing Sea. This phenomenon, Chezmen insists, can only be due to divine intervention; hence the differential equations. The literature on both sides is quite deep, and a review of it may break some new ground on the topic in the regular academy.

+

Neither Harsir nor Chezmen, for some reason, make any reference to Zor Olo7 in their theories, which is a major weakness given the moon's place in the genesis of the Missing Sea. Chezmen makes an offhand reference to divine assemblies targeted at heavenly bodies during a discussion of Selesteine8 mythology, which some of his peers have taken to imply that the divine assemblies picked out by the equations of the Missing Sea are those targeted to Zor Olo. Chezmen has yet to respond to this through anything other than interpretive dance.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Iurezza (continent)
2. Barcuvian antiweather
3. The Dark Pentad
4. Ominous fixed-point cubes
5. Qualified spontaneous evaporation
6. Assemblies of Gods
7. Zor Olo
8. Selestei

National Academy of Velskyavo

In my many years as a professor, I've seen students who receive a failing grade and react like they've been sentenced to death. It makes me wonder how those reactions compare to those of the victims of the National Academy of Velskyavo1, where a failing grade is literally a death sentence.

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The scholars of the National Academy of Velskayavo are, I confess, a rather ruthless breed. Their all-encompassing educational system (more on that in a moment) allows only the top thirty percent of a class to matriculate, while the bottom twenty percent are demoted. Not all of those demoted will actually make it to the lower class, of course, as many of them will be executed. Such high stakes on their academic outcomes mean that competition among students can become literally cutthroat at times. I have occasionally found it necessary at international research conferences to gently remind visiting Velskyavan professors that they are not permitted to assassinate fellow conference-goers to claim their presentation slots. As you can imagine, given such a culture, it is no surprise that the National Academy of Velskyavo boasts the second-highest proportion of Pentad academics2 in the world—the highest, of course, being the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection3.

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The Academy's culture has greatly influenced the larger culture of Velskyavo, due in large part to their sinister, scheming Department of Education suborning every other branch of government decades ago. As the years passed, the Education Secretary (who is also Sovereign of Velskyavo) began working academic structures into every facet of society, to the point where every citizen on record has some form of research-related trauma4 and studying consumes 800 billion of the nation's man-hours each year. The unification of the Education Department and the Justice Department allows courts to assign grades instead of sentences, with the worst grades being reserved to knock criminals out of their current class status.

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Though the costs might be high, the effects have been impressive. Decades of selection pressures have raised the country's education attainment above that of any other country in history, to say nothing of the achievements of their graduates. There is some controversy over whether to include Marvin Fitch5 among this number, as on the one hand, they awarded him degrees in both Thanatology and Imagineering, but on the other hand, so did everyone else. The Academy also likely has failed to publish numerous groundbreaking studies of 🔇6, judging by the way tuition seems to keep increasing but no one can say where the money is going.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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1. The Very Definitely Independent States
2. The Dark Pentad
3. Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection
4. X-treme lecturing
5. Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch
6. 🔇

The Night of Storms

The Night of Storms is the reason why no one fucks with Ulgrav1. In AES 946, the Theocracy of Rime's High Priest suddenly decided that because of stupid reasons their stupid little god suddenly had a problem with Ulgravian airships beautifying their stupid little skies. By AES 947, Mr. Suicidal down there declares holy war. So we taught the little punk a lesson.

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The Night of Storms was a long time coming, for shitty reasons. Shit is something no one really thinks about when they think about airships. The custom, of course, had long been to dump it while flying over Lepazzia2, but somewhere around the early 900's they invented guns big enough to reach zeppelin cruising altitude and started dropping hints every time we dropped shit. So next we started dumping it in the ocean, but within a couple years the Cetacean Wars came to an end and dropping shit on Hegemony3 territory was against the peace terms. So we were collectively like "fuck it, we'll drop it on Kingsland, it's not like they're not already neck-deep in shit."

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Turns out Kingsland didn't work either, since zeppelins rely on the laws of physics to stay floating, and Barcu is kind of a lawless place4. So the first ships that went there ended up turning around and just dumping their shit east of Barcu where the Hantu used to live.

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'Course, if we'd bothered to check the map, we'd have realized the Theocracy of Rime had sprung up there recently. Nowadays we sell our shit to Shaster5 because they've got some device designed by the unquestionable Dr. Stafford6, so really they should have thanked us for the gift. But instead the little shit went and had a "new and holy vision from Whats-his-face" and declared that we were enemies of the faith or whatever. Sovereign Jhatu didn't give a fuck, so he just ordered the whole fleet to cover the High Priest's palace in shit. That should have put him in his place, but he went and declared a holy war like the little twerp he was.

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Ulgrav doesn't back down, you hear me? When we were horse-bound hordes we fucking ruled the plains, and the thunder of hooves was the only warning you got that we were about to fuck up your little prairie town. But today? Oh, you should have seen it. My buddy Yasser7 was just a little boy at the time, but he tells me the sound of a thousand propellers sounded like dubstep on God's jukebox. Rime didn't stand a chance. They didn't even have high-altitude artillery. We bombed the fuckers so far down into the earth that we dug up the ominous fixed-point cube8 the High Priest's palace had been using as a foundation. The light and the noise were so intense Flandre9 thought a fucking volcano was erupting and Kingsland thought it was Tuesday. We bombed them so hard the fucking weather was permanently altered.

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Anyways, to make a long story short, no one's declared war on us since then.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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1. The Ulgravian Diaspora
2. Lepazzia
3. The Hegemony of Whales
4. Barcuvian antiweather
5. Shaster
6. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
7. Yasser's Yells
8. Ominous fixed-point cubes
9. Flandre

Omega Point Coffee Secretor

The Omega Point Coffee Secretor is the bane of my existence. Its hulking, industrial carapace takes up a full half of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room. On Tuesdays, it emits a constant hum that resonates with all of the silverware, making the conference room next to the break room impossible to do any work in on account of the clattering. The user interface is badly designed, and half of the buttons "accidentally" trip safety overrides, making the machine capable of causing serious injury to its operator. A non-negligible percent of the time, it turns the cup into coffee instead of filling it. There's no place to remove the used coffee grounds, but it never runs out of room no matter how much more we keep adding, and some of the Committee members are starting to worry about where it's all going. And yet, it makes the best damn coffee you ever tasted. It's infuriating.

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Say what you will about the alleged professor1, and I certainly do, but he was one clever sonnuvabitch. The OPCS is a technological marvel capable of dispensing coffee to any point within a hundred feet through what IT tells us is a wormhole similar to the one created by a Grimer Primer2. Having warp technology in the break room has been deemed a major workplace safety violation, but none of the office supervisors have been able to get its removal approved, because it's on record as being the property of Placeholden3, and moving it would require getting the sovereign thereof to sign off on the move. Not that getting the signature would help; the uninstall manual has 🔇4 in it.

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The Secretor makes some non-coffee beverages, too, but its performance is less consistent doing them. When I figured out where the cream soda menu was, instead of filling the cup I had put into the cup receptacle, it filled all of the cups in the cupboards, then added cream to Gwen's coffee in the next room. While it is technically capable of making hot chocolate, it seems to only recognize toilet bowls as valid containers for it. The Secretary5 loves hot chocolate, so eventually she just started bringing a toilet-shaped novelty mug when she comes by for meetings. Some of the dysfunctions are fairly useful for other purposes, as well: the steamed milk options actually launch seek-and-destroy missiles, which came in handy the one time Cincinatta let a marionette child6 into the Committee wing of the building.

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Spheven Kain

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1. Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch
2. Symphonic warp traversal
3. Placeholden
4. 🔇
5. DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas
6. Marionette children

Sadly, though the Omega Point Coffee Secretor seems to be able to do anything, the terrible user interface has so far stymied Kain's efforts to find out how to have it make him a shower — or so I assume is the reason he smells like he sleeps in the janitorial closet.

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Wait, wasn't he fired? Why do I keep seeing him in the office?

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Cincinatta, why did you let that fisher crow into the building?

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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I didn't let it in. It had a valid ID card. I just held the door open for it because its hands were full. But sure, I'm the villain here for being polite to a coworker, and not the people who shot it down with surface-to-air missiles. Take a diversity seminar or something, you bigots.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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Rubric, he smells like he sleeps in the janitorial closet because he fucking sleeps in the janitorial closet. He basically admitted as much in his article on Gorson1. AND he keeps taking my favorite couch.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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1. General Kade "Ripper" Gorson

I'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding, my friends. I was also concerned about Mr. Kain showing up in the break room from time to time, but he assured me that he's just clearing his things out and he'll be done any day now. Besides, he is the janitor, you know. He told me there's a lot of paperwork involved, which is why he's on our computers all the time. I'm sure we can allow it out of respect for a former colleague.

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Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

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Awful lot of my favorite snacks missing from the break room cupboards every night for a night janitor who's "just clearing his things out". If he needs some wheels greased to finish the job, I'd be happy to oblige. As in, I just found the Secretor's grease menu, and it's got all sorts of grease in it. Wheel grease, elbow grease, you name it, it greases it. Honestly, I just want to see if this grease menu works. Anyone have a squeaky chair and/or deep fryer?

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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oh fuck she let in another one

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how the hell did it fit through that vent

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oh fuck she greased it

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Spheven Kain

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Ominous fixed-point cubes

The ominous fixed-point cubes are strange, cubical, black solids located at precise coordinates with respect to the center of the planet. They are utterly immovable, hovering in the air whenever the land falls out from under them. They rotate with the planet, though over the centuries they have been found not to track the tectonic plates, resulting in an apparent movement of the cubes at the rate of continental drift. This occasionally causes trouble for long-term human structures near a fixed-point cube. The historic cathedral in the Shastrian1 mountain town of Coilon has to be moved before the end of the century, as it was built underneath a massive cube that has been slowly descending to ground level as plate buckling raises the town's elevation. Similarly, the city of San-Seintil in Ouril2 was abandoned in the eighth century when a cube surfaced through the foundation of the nearby dam, flooding it. Seemingly innocuous cubes can pose trouble, too. While the larger ones are easily visible, smaller ones at higher altitudes have been known to take out inattentive airplanes, and the Taurus Research Station3 has had several narrow misses with featureless black cubes nearly tearing holes straight through the station.

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Nobody knows where the cubes come from. Some are sheer and blank, while others have minute geometrical patterns inscribed on their faces. Until around a century ago, despite the ramblings of penny dreadfuls, it was thought that the cubes just were, and had no more purpose to them than any other feature of the landscape. This assumption was challenged by the illustrious Dr. Stafford4, who scribed a formula that could be solved for the locations of every fixed-point cube on the planet. As usual, nobody really knows what the formula means or how he came up with it, but it is accurate for all known cubes and has successfully predicted the locations of cubes then undiscovered. Stafford's brilliant formula put to rest one centuries-old fear: that there might be a large fixed-point cube in Zor Olo's5 orbit, and that when Zor Olo crashes into it, whatever is inside of it will be freed. It did this at the cost of replacing it with a new fear, that of a predicted cube larger than the planet itself and a vast astronomical distance. I'm told it already has a cult in Kingsland6.

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The cubes' complete and total immovability has made them a metaphor throughout the ages for those facets of life which must be accepted as they are and cannot be changed. Ever since civilization figured out that continental drift makes them "move" slowly across the surface, they've also become harbingers of the inevitable. This makes it easy to, say, put a fake cube on the good couch in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee break room to keep certain unnamed individuals from sleeping on it.

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Spheven Kain

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1. Shaster
2. The Very Definitely Independent States
3. Taurus Research Station
4. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
5. Zor Olo
6. Pantheons of Kingsland

The Panark Fleet

The Panark Fleet is a vagrant nation originating from a loose coalition of stateless buccaneers. As the military technology of the major oceanic powers increased, the proto-Panarkians shifted from raiding merchants to acting as independent shipping contractors. After the tense Banana Incident, in which Panark nearly came to war with Lepazzia1, the Panark Fleet declared itself as a sovereign state and sought membership in the Disputatious Assembly. This was initially rejected on the grounds that Panark did not control any land, which prompted Panark to spend the next few years covertly stealing sand, topsoil, and gravel from other countries until they had turned their major carriers each into their own biome. This provoked intense debate in the Assembly as to what kind of land a country needed to control to be recognized. The matter was eventually settled in Panark's favor by pressure from Ulgrav2, which had begun selling off all of its land and wanted some precedent set to keep its own Assembly seat.

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Since the advent of computing technology, Panark has become the world's largest provider of computer cycles. Most large-scale computing is done in massive server clusters stored in the depths of Panarkian carriers, which use the ocean as an unlimited heatsink. This has drawn the ire of the Hegemony of Whales for its effect on ocean currents, resulting in a status quo where the Panark Fleet is constantly on the move to avoid the Hegemony's military. The Fleet took this as a provocation to stop paying their Whale Tariffs, which has only worsened relations. Unlike Flandrean3 oil ships, Panarkian cruisers are rarely contracted as tariff-free transport because they cannot move in predictable routes without the Hegemony catching them.

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Because of their substantial available computational substrate, the Panark Fleet has the greatest number of computational theologians4 per capita, and most of the non-carrier ships are run essentially as techno-monasteries. The technomonks of Panark are widely regarded for their charitable acts and unmercenary IT work. Their critical role in engineering the systems that allow the Hegemon of Whales to attend the Disputatious Assembly in the flesh is responsible for keeping the stormy relations between the two from breaking into open war.

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The Fleet is generally opposed to the Disarrangement Act on the grounds that having to take on more land would overburden their ships. Most suspect that a more pressing concern is that carrying out the Act will raise uncomfortable questions as to how and whence Panark obtained the land they currently have.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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1. Lepazzia
2. The Ulgravian Diaspora
3. Flandre
4. Assemblies of Gods

Another reason that the Hegemony of Whales1 isn't too keen to press its case against the Panark Fleet by force is that the Fleet essentially controls the Taurus Research Station2. When every space-capable country and Kingsland attached their own thrusters to the station, there was no rhyme or reason to where the thrusters were placed. Now turning the Taurus in any direction requires calculations too complicated for anybody but the Fleet to compute, by virtue of their unmatched computational resources. Nominally, the Fleet does the math for the Assembly as a due, but whenever other sovereigns make fun of Panark for having "fake land", they always change the topic to the Taurus, and eventually the others caught their drift.

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Spheven Kain

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1. The Hegemony of Whales
2. Taurus Research Station

Pantheons of Kingsland

You can learn a lot about a people from what they think their legends say about them. When it comes to Kingslanders, however, that rule doesn't hold true, mostly because their legends have an unfortunate tendency to slither through the walls at irregular intervals and eat them. This makes them an interesting edge case for memetosociologists, who use the religious constructs of Kingsland as sort of a control group with which to evaluate the beliefs of other cultures.

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It is unclear to what extent Kingslander religious beliefs affect the larger questions about whether a god or gods exist, for it is a matter of documented record that Kingsland is home to many paranatural entities not found anywhere else in the world, and the alleged deities worshipped by the Kingslanders might just be bigger fish in the same pond—a sort of supernatural protection racket, if you will. Certainly some of the cultic deities—Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson1, for example—seem to fit this theory. But for others, such as Silentus or the Conjoined Abominations, it's ambiguous whether there is some external power that explains the phenomena2 associated with it, or whether these are just ad hoc explanations of naturally-occurring events.

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The cults of Kingsland inhabit an ever-shifting political landscape, both because of constant intrigue between different cults, and because parts of Kingsland sometimes move around for no discernible reason. It is said that the cults can't offer an embrace of friendship without plunging a sacrificial dagger into your back (compare to the similar proverb about the Fractured Cities3, which holds that every Hierarch's handshake is laced with contact poison). A given cult might not recognize another cult's deity as legitimate for political reasons. This means Kingsland properly has multiple pantheons, each comprising the deities of a group of allied cults.

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Cultic worship in Kingsland is heavily based on sacrifice and exhortations to the deity to please, please stay the hell away. Some cults, like the Order of the Ebon Serpent, find their rituals entirely ineffective, often resulting in spillover into other countries4 when a divine rampage fails to recognize national borders. Other cults find they might as well not have bothered. Consider the case of Qoph, the Kingslandian cultic deity of inscrutability and becoming a hollow shell of yourself. Although Qoph's worshippers spoke of a terrible fate should his worship ever cease, the cult died out in AES 722 after a critical mass of cultists became too depressed to attend services, and so far nothing has happened. Society has progressed, the economy has industrialized, and every measurable statistic of well-being has increased. Which I suppose only goes to show that you can't take the word of crazed cultists at face value.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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1. Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson
2. 🔇
3. The Fractured Cities
4. Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a

The Partitioning

Some people like to troll entropologists by opening their slack-jawed, slobbering mouths and going "dur hur hur, society exhibits a trend of increasing centralization and interconnectivity, and as our horizons expand, more of society will be brought into harmony, so what do you think of that?" Most recently I ran into this asinine sentiment from Professor Hazard McKinley1, who I maintain is a literal sack of shit that someone throws across a room so they can submit the resulting splatter pattern to academic journals.

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So the argument goes like this: everything tends toward unity and interconnectedness. The more we centralize stuff, the fewer problems we have. Centralization increases as time goes on. Therefore, everything's going to turn out okay in the end. So yeah, that argument? Bullshit, all of it. In reality, civilization's been going downhill since the invention of the nation-state.

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That invention was called the Partitioning. When the Partitioning went down, the Guild of Mapmakers2 had just been formed, and they were spreading their tendrils out all over the place to figure out how to represent the world. And they were trying to deal with this issue of how do you look at the map and know who's in charge of a particular piece of land? Hospitality culture was big back then—not anymore, of course, because everything goes to shit—and you had to know who you were bringing guest-gifts for.

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So the Guild tried writing down the names of the big nations in the general area they were known to control. This turns out not to work, since national land control ebbs and flows all the time. So they went "fuck it" and just drew these big lines all over the map. Bam, now this side is Selestei3 and that side is Ulgrav4. Easy peasy.

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Problem is, before the Partitioning, no one gave a shit about who owned the land. They cared about who owned what was on the land. If you're an ancient Ulgravian horseprince, your main pre-Partition concerns look like this: "We need water. Who do I kill to secure this river? Should I have the horde graze on this hill? How do we get around that ominous floating cube5?" But after the Partition, all of a sudden there's this invisible line down the middle of your grazing plains, and if you cross it King Musclebrain the Painfully Loud sends the Grim Weepers6 after you.

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I always get pissed off by these soft-skulled armchair theorists who hail the Partitioning as a great thing because it eliminated the constant tribal war. Tribal wars are small and over concrete, finite things like water. But after you invent states, it becomes possible to go to war because your fucking Sovereign isn't satisfied with the size of his genitalia7. Have you ever met a Sovereign who was secure in their genitalia size? It was a fucking mistake to let states own land and we should undo the whole thing.

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Gwen Hanson, PhD

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1. Professor Hazard McKinley
2. The Venerable Society of Cartographers
3. Selestei
4. The Ulgravian Diaspora
5. Ominous fixed-point cubes
6. Grim Weepers
7. The War of Durun's Ass

When the Guild drew up the first maps with national borders on them, which formed the basis for subsequent territorial claims, a curious problem emerged. The borders themselves took up a nonzero amount of space on the map, leading troublemakers to ask who owned the land on which the borders were drawn. Despite the Guild's best efforts to draw the maps large and the borders thin, these border corridors ("borridors") could be miles wide in some places. This was handled in a variety of ways across the globe. On the Careless Continent1, national borders were too ephemeral to matter. Once Lepazzia2 drifted off the continent, its new neighbors across the ocean simply ceded the new borridors to Lepazzian control rather than attempt to face the withering Lepazzian passive-aggression that would accompany trying to negotiate their use. Similarly, the borridors around Kingsland are generally left alone, but that's mostly because nobody wants to get any closer to Kingsland than necessary.

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Dr. Remilion Christophy

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1. The Careless Continent
2. Lepazzia

Pentex Lannogaster

The most compelling thing about Pentex Lannogaster is that he is immortal. Not literally immortal, you understand—Selesteine1 records put his death in AES 698 during a particularly brutal engagement with a giant sea lizard2—but there are so many tales of his heroic deeds that he stands next to Sels in the national mythology of Selestei. For some academics, this has given him something of a reputation for telling tall tales, as many of those myths come directly out of his scholarly work. These academics are clearly not memetosociologists, and are therefore completely missing the point. Of course the stories are not true. Lannogaster himself would surely agree, if doing so wouldn't diminish the impact of the stories. The point of his stories is that they illustrate key facets of Selesteine culture through the character that Lannogaster created for himself.

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Take, for example, the story where Lannogaster led his company of Grim Weepers3 on a bloody rampage through the Fractured Cities4 with kegs of heavybeer serving as their sole weapons, fortifications, and sustenance. It is unlikely that events traspired exactly as Lannogaster depicted them—although archeological findings from the War of Durun's Ass5 have uncovered keg marks on the ruins of the old gates. More likely the Grim Weepers used a heavybeer keg as a battering ram and Lannogaster used that moment to characterize the whole military campaign. In doing so, he highlights Selesteine hardiness, the simplicity of their life, and the Selesteines' peculiar inventiveness when it comes to improvised weapons.

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The Lannogastrian approach to history passed on to his disciples, who immortalized his death in the epic poem Pentex Skullcracker versus the Gigora the Terrible Sea Lizard. The poem describes him taking such impossible feats as leaping up buildings to get a better shot at the monster's face or, in my favorite passage of the poem, dying midway through the poem only to beat up Death and return to the fight. Such an attitude has its downsides, however: the international scholarly community tends to dismiss Selesteine historians, and Selesteine politicians have gotten into trouble before because they had been taught a version of events that was not reflected anywhere outside of Selesteine history textbooks. But such incidents usually just result in good-natured brawls, and one could make the argument that, in a way, that makes for a fitting legacy for Pentex Skullcracker. He was a man for whom battles were a way to make history and history an excuse to brag about previous battles. And, of course, he is due great respect for being the most successful memetosociologist ever to live.

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Most Honored Pierce Milton

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1. Selestei
2. Metafishics
3. Grim Weepers
4. The Fractured Cities
5. The War of Durun's Ass

Placeholden

The "country" of Placeholden is a legal fiction widely accepted as a legitimate country within the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. It did not exist until a tense vote in AES 877, when Lepazzia1 found itself the deciding vote for giving majority to a measure it disliked concerning Assembly procedure. Rather than do something so uncharacteristic as vote against a measure she was not in favor of, the Lepazzian sovereign, Sarah the Quick, instead told the Secretary that there was one more vote against that hadn't been counted yet. The Secretary was confused when Sarah gestured to a hastily-written nametag on the seat next to her that read "PLACEHOLDER", but faced with the prospect of trying to argue with the sovereign of Lepazzia, the Secretary simply acceded and announced the failure of the motion. Because the nametag had been badly written, the name of the country was recorded as "Placeholden". Once the measure's failure was in the books, it became impossible to question the existence and legitimacy of this new country without raising the question of whether the procedural measure should have been in force all this time. Moreover, because it was a procedural measure, raising questions about it would raise questions about every proceeding of the Assembly since 877. Given this, nobody has objected to the permanent reservation of the seat next to Lepazzia, and Placeholden has been marked as an abstention in the votes since then.

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Despite existing only on paper, Placeholden is at war with every other country on the planet. When the original campus of the Disputatious Assembly was built, the primary meeting hall was built next to a courtyard that had been located around an ominous cube2. However, over the centuries, the cube has gradually drifted towards the meeting hall due to continental drift. In 931, the cube began pressing up against the outer wall, and in 932 the structure gave way during a summer session of the Assembly. Someone suggested sabotage, and the Assembly passed a motion declaring war on whoever was at fault. Because nobody knew who was responsible, the war declaration had "PLACEHOLDER" written in for the name — much like the first time, in poor handwriting, resulting in the declaration being notarized as a declaration of war against Placeholden. Because Placeholden does not exist, this war was the only world conflict left unsolved by the Massively Parallel Peace Conference3. The Hegemony4 blamed the failure of the MPPC to end the Placeholden War on Flandrean5 interference.

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It is currently in vogue to claim that the Missing Sea6 is actually Placeholden territory, but this suggestion is not taken seriously, despite my best efforts, and has yet to rise to the level of being officially addressed the Assembly.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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1. Lepazzia
2. Ominous fixed-point cubes
3. Massively Parallel Peace Conference
4. The Hegemony of Whales
5. Flandre
6. Missing Sea

Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch

Where to begin with the illustrious life of Marvin Fitch? Should I tell you of the heroic lengths to which he went for the sake of his students? Of the nights he spent poring over the bleeding edge of psychological research to formulate his unique style of teaching1? Of the long and dangerous voyages he made around the world to collect specimens for his art? Of the eye he lost to a Barcuvian laserlily, or the two fingers to a rage-hamster? Surely any familiar with the alleged professor's name knows of such things. Instead, I will tell you of his character.

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Marvin Fitch was born in AES 930 in Flandre2, where he grew up an absolute bastard. He graduated with an alleged degree in education from the National University of Incendia3 in 953 through the University's Alleged Scholars Program, which offered faster, cheaper university education without university-sponsored accreditation or ethics courses. He began teaching as an adjunct at the University of Eyesland, where he was sanctioned twice in the fall semester and ultimately fired in the spring after one of his students lost a hand to an exam with a buzzsaw on it. This reoccurred at his next position at the Panark Jungle College the following year, and then again at his next position at his alma mater, where he taught several courses in the ASP. Surprisingly, however, NUI did not fire him, and he remained there as an alleged professor until 960, when the I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act4 forced him to rethink his career. In revenge, he invented the Omega Point Coffee Secretor5, which currently resides in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room, then went under the radar to teach trade skills.

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After Incendia caught on fire in 974, the Incendian Bureau of Inquisition, Igirio Fezz, placed the blame (internally, of course, as Incendia does not officially recognize that anything bad has happened) on graduates from the Alleged Scholars Program, which he alleged had failed to teach its students even of the concept of safety precautions. The President, Iyano Niir, put Marvin Fitch on the top of Incendia's Most Wanted List and sent the military on a global manhunt to track the professor (allegedly) down. Fitch quickly dropped off the map. His whereabouts are currently unknown, though it is likely that he, like many political refugees, is hiding out somewhere in the Panark Fleet6.

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Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

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1. X-treme lecturing
2. Flandre
3. Incendia
4. The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act
5. Omega Point Coffee Secretor
6. The Panark Fleet

Professor Hazard McKinley

Professor Hazard McKinley is an adventurer, author, and popular science personality. Note that he is not actually a professor; his parents were just very hopeful. McKinley is best known for braving the Razor Valley1 region on purpose, despite not being a native of Selestei2. His account of that expedition, along with other perilous exploits such as hunting the electric undead3 and wrestling a Ravenous Squid-Tree4, are recounted in his memoir Hazard Is My Middle Name.

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Born to Charles and Junia McKinley in 963, young Professor showed a great affinity for the natural world, which he attributes to spending a great deal of time with his dog Rupert. His peers noted that his personality and mannerisms were much more suited to the culture of Selestei than his native Shaster5. McKinley, however, was not deterred by his differences, and those who knew him in those times maintain that by the time he reached adulthood he was extremely well-liked by all who met him.

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While McKinley did not ultimately seek the academic career his parents had hoped for him, he has maintained a cordial relationship with the academy. His writing, initially published in newspaper columns before moving to respected journals, has helped raise public awareness of key issues affecting the environment and conservation activism. In respect of his achievements, the National University of Shaster awarded him an honorary degree in biosphere fascism6 in AES 988. My contacts in the memetosociology department over there tell me that this move was partly so they could convince him to come teach there, but he's gone on record saying that he'd sooner give up hunting than take a desk job.

+

Nevertheless, for someone who hates desk jobs, McKinley has made a respectable academic showing. Though he has his detractors, particularly those who attack anyone who supports the environment (cough Gwen cough), the broader academic community has responded positively to his work. Some biofascists are even beginning to consider his 990 paper "Bludgeoning With Facts: An investigation of the limits of metaphor" to be a landmark in the field, although of course it is too early to say whether that will hold up in the years to come.

+

Recently, McKinley has made waves with the announcement that he is attempting to tame fisher crows7. While this would be noteworthy in its own right, his stated intent is to train them to hunt poachers, thus preserving the integrity of Razor Valley. It is unknown how this plan would affect the Selesteine custom of abandoning their youths in the middle of the Valley once they come of age at 16.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. Razor Valley
2. Selestei
3. Electric undead
4. Ravenous Squid-Trees
5. Shaster
6. Biosphere fascism
7. Marionette children

Listen up, you motherfucker, here's the actual reason people don't like McKinley. It's because—say it with me, kids—everything goes to shit. You used to be able to have a decent conversation about the way all the studies on e.g. Ulgravian1 airship pollution come out of the National Academy of Velskyavo2 and the money trail disappears into the fucking ocean3. But the fucking hippies got fed up when people didn't swallow their so-called "evidence," so they turn to charismatic arsonists like McKinley who say "Instead of reading the studies, roll them up like a fucking newspaper and beat your opponents with them!" There's a fucking reason Bludgeoning with Facts was only printed in hardcover. Some editions don't even have words!

+

News flash! He's not a real professor! Why the fuck would you trust him with scholarship?

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. The Ulgravian Diaspora
2. National Academy of Velskyavo
3. The Hegemony of Whales

Where in your strange, hallucinogenic world did you come up with the idea that McKinley is an arsonist?

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

It's all there in my upcoming book, Bludgeoning with Metaphors: An Investigation into the Limits of My "Peers'" Intelligence.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

Qualified spontaneous evaporation

Kingsland is not a particularly popular tourist destination. Most of the city's attractions are deadly to the unwary, if the transit system1 doesn't get you first. Sometimes, people do visit for diplomatic or academic reasons, but they're rarely the sightseeing type and they leave as soon as they're done. It's a rare breed that comes to our grave city to visit, but they do come sometimes. But if you ever find yourself afflicted by madness and decide to visit Kingsland, we do have some things worth an eyeful. There's our historic bridges across the river through the middle of the city (don't cross the middle one), a nice ice cream truck (assuming you catch it before the horrors chasing it do), and a park in Southside with a nice fountain (if you don't mind blood). I'd suggest getting a tour from a local friend, since the offices of the Kingsland Board of Tourism consist of a sign with "TURN BACK WHILE YOU CAN" written in an unidentifiable liquid.

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If you're feeling stupid (we don't say "brave" here), you can go on a statuary tour, where you'll hear about qualified spontaneous evaporation. Every now and then in Kingsland, someone just evaporates. This isn't usually a remarkable occurrence. However, sometimes they only partially evaporate, like they were put on pause somehow, and the remains become fixtures as immovable as the ominous cubes2. We haven't figured out what's behind it, and we're not interested. What we do instead is build pedestals underneath them and spray-paint them gray. This results in some pretty oddly placed statues, which makes the statuary tour interesting, if running for your life through the streets of Kingsland wasn't interesting enough. Some of them block roads, but you can usually drive on the walls to get around them. Be sure not to miss the statue of Yphydryx Shadowhand, the prophet of the Tesseraction3, who began evaporating in the middle of being thrown off of a clock tower by his followers and subsequently froze in midair. The 20-meter pedestal up to his falling form is visible from almost any open area in Kingsland, providing a constant reminder to her citizens of the folly of hope.

+

QSE doesn't always hit one of us, though. Sometimes good things happen, and one of the many local horrors evaporates instead. (It's unwise to stop running to celebrate, since this usually gets one picked off by something else.) We actually managed to use a QSE-frozen squid-tree4 as a support to build a new bridge last year. This turned out to be less useful than expected, since the other squid-trees around it weren't so indisposed.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD
+Chair, Kingsland Board of Tourism

+

1. The Killer Bus of Kingsland North
2. Ominous fixed-point cubes
3. Tesseraction Eve
4. Ravenous Squid-Trees

Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous

As a full professor of the National Correspondence University of Incendia, I usually mentor a handful of graduate students every year. Some of them eventually leave due to disagreements with the positions I've advanced or some of the didactic techniques1 I've been known to use. This is just part of being a controversial academician. But through all the heated discussions, occasional fistfights, and pitched legal battles, what makes it all worth it — to me — is the rare student of mine who takes what I have to say to heart and goes on to make something beautiful out of it. I once mentored one Laura Bennett, whom I now say unabashedly is my favorite student of all the ones I've had so far. Bennett, now known by her official title, Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous, was the daughter of the president of the Democratic Republic of Mizzin, a small country in the Iurezzan2 south. Her father was opposed to her studying under a misosopher3, but he warmed up to the idea when she began giving him policy proposals and recommending decisive government actions that helped solidify his power base among the Mizzinic Parliament. In 986, for her senior thesis, she submitted to me the plans for, and then carried out, a military coup that had her seize power from her father and become the first Queen of the newly-established Autocratic Plenitude of Mizzin. It remains the only thesis to which I've given full marks.

+

Having a despot as an alumna has been interesting for the NCUI. On one hand, her brutal suppression of dissent is questionable in light of the university's honor code, and it sets a bad example, I'm told, for the other students. On the other hand, the ProjExpo 9754 organizers who threw our dean out of the convention were in Mizzin when the Queen seized power, and nobody's seen them since.

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There is one area where Bennett and I cannot not come to an agreement, however. She has terrible taste in shows. Whenever I visit Mizzin, we grab a few bottles of wine and watch trashy romcoms in our pajamas in the royal private theater. I can enjoy those sorts of things ironically, and I can even have a good time of it with enough wine in me. But the Queen seems to enjoy them unironically, and it just confounds me to no end. I know she's well-read, because her thesis was full of references to ancient philosophers and classic literature. Maybe it's just a generational thing?

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. X-treme lecturing
2. Iurezza (continent)
3. The Dark Pentad
4. Hard light projection

Ravenous Squid-Trees

What are you afraid of? Bacteria1 piloting fisher crows2? Eldritch beings3 and/or cubes4? The tenured hand of JUSTICE5?

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Forget 'em. More frightening than those, even more frightening than a nation of passive-aggressive shitlords6, is the humble Ravenous Squid-Tree. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say humble? I meant fucking hungry.

+

Here, have some numbers, numbers are fucking scary.

+

• AES 939. Hegemon Aouwouou7. Weight? 150 tons. Time for the squid-trees to rip the flesh from her motherfucking bones? 17 seconds. Seventeen fucking seconds.

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• AES 956. Indiscriminate Countermeasure, Flandrean8 dreadnaught class warship. Monster runs on disdain and asynchronous energy9, once took a direct hit from a Grim Weeper10 at terminal velocity without so much as a scratch. Sails over an uncharted grove of Ravenous Squid-Trees, sinks in under three minutes. Crew casualties: one hundred fucking percent.

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"Yeah, yeah, whatever, we'll be okay because they're in the ocean." Oh yeah, you protruding turd? Try this one on for size:

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• AES 963, Ulgravian zeppelin Whisper-on-the-grass. Cruising altitude: 10,000 feet. Suddenly this giant, telescoping tentacle fires two miles out of the water and punches through the gas bag. Whisper-on-the-grass spews horse methane all the way down into the waiting maw of a 3,000-foot-wide Ravenous Squid-Tree that had gone unobserved for too long11.

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That's right, the Squid-Trees evolve due to metafishics. That's probably the reason why dumping poison in Joran Lake12 did fuck all to clear them out. Lucky for us, Ravenous Squid-Trees are so territorial that different strains of Squid-Tree will go after each other, but unlucky for us, that just means whatever's left to deal with us is even more horrible.

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If the Disarrangement Act ends up passing, then here's what you'll need to do: build some mountain ranges and pump the oceans into them. Drain the whole fucking planet. Put it through some kind of biofilter to prevent any seeds from making it through. You can make some aquariums for the whales and Panark Fleet13 if you really need to, but that's not the important point here. The important thing is to get those plant devils out in the open, okay? Once you've done that, nuke the fuckers from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. The whales can have their oceans back afterward.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
2. Marionette children
3. Pantheons of Kingsland
4. Ominous fixed-point cubes
5. Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement
6. Lepazzia
7. The Hegemony of Whales
8. Flandre
9. Asynchronous energy
10. Grim Weepers
11. Metafishics
12. Joran Lake
13. The Panark Fleet

There's quite a story behind the giant squid-tree that downed the Whisper-on-the-grass. Its discovery caused no small degree of horror from the international community, both on account of its existence and because of the implication that similar things could exist elsewhere in the ocean—and would, quite necessarily, occur in the last place you'd look. El Fauces del Diablo, or "the Jaws of the Devil," as the giant-squid-tree quickly became known, spurred unprecedented international collaboration on a global perception system (GPS). El Fauces itself merited a dedicated geosynchronous satellite for the specific purpose of ensuring the monster did not grow any larger, or else legs or wings or something equally horrifying. There was even talk of turning Taurus Research Station1 on the monstrous vegetation, but the Hegemony quickly put an end to that line of discussion by threatening to capsize whatever nation voted in favor—not their fleet, mind you, the actual nation. Though El Fauces survives to this day, there is an ongoing research project to study the Missing Sea2 in hopes of separating El Fauces del Diablo from the rest of the ocean.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. Taurus Research Station
2. Missing Sea

Razor Valley

Razor Valley is a small region of Ciphan through which part of the Selesteine1-Shasterian2 border runs. During the Partitioning3, rather than formally decide where in the Valley the border runs, the Guild of Mapmakers4 simply smudged the border line in that region. This has become standard cartographic convention, because neither country particularly wants the place. Consequently, Razor Valley is a legal gray area where neither Selesteine nor Shastrian law clearly applies, much like international waters were before the Hegemony of Whales5 claimed all of the oceans as sovereign territory. It is telling that "extradition from Razor Valley" is a turn of phrase indicating something that requires too much effort to be worth the little, if any, benefit it provides.

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The region remains sparsely populated because of its unique flora and fauna. Its name comes from the ubiquitous razorgrass, so named because its blades are literally swords. The evolutionary reasons for this are not well understood. Perhaps the most well-known animal native to Razor Valley is the marionette crow6, which uses its spindly tentacles to safely handle the exploding fruit that grow on the region's flaming trees. Other animals, like the death cow, simply evolved robust enough constitutions that they can eat whatever plants in the region they want, whether they be swords, on fire, or both. The inexplicability of the Razor Valley biome has led to numerous comparisons with the climate of Barcu7, but ecologists have been unable thus far to find any connection between the two. Grantham's Law8 is often invoked, but Razor Valley clearly falls outside of its scope. Some have attempted to bridge this gap by claiming that the ecology of the Valley is aquatic, and the water is just missing9.

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Despite the unforgiving environment, Razor Valley is nevertheless the home of a small population. Settlements in Razor Valley are either highly mobile or highly defensible. Those who opt for mobility, like many of the criminal groups hiding out in the area, must remain on the move constantly in order to avoid roving murders of marionette crows or the death cow Moolossus, who is inexplicably ten meters tall and always furious. Normally these groups are wiped out within a year due to inexperience. Those who opt for defense, like Razor Valley Bunker-University, make use of a veritable Flandrean10 number of deterrents and defense mechanisms. Entrance to and egress from these settlements is generally a laborious process that can take around a full day. Some attempts were made to dig tunnels for easier travel between settlements and in and out of the region. These soon became infested by spidermoles. The project has been tabled until sufficient defenses can be drawn up.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Selestei
2. Shaster
3. The Partitioning
4. The Venerable Society of Cartographers
5. The Hegemony of Whales
6. Marionette children
7. Barcuvian antiweather
8. Metafishics
9. Missing Sea
10. Flandre

The Roerbach Incident

The Roerbach Incident was a political incident in the early years of the Assembly. The chief participants were Selestei1 and Flandre2, with some involvement by the Fractured Cities3. There was a noticeable absence of involvement from the Boslavian Hegemony (ancestor to the Principality of Shaster4) and, argue some scholars, from common sense.

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As Dr. Jones notes in his article on Iurezza5 (not to be confused with Dr. Jones's article on Iurezza6), the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns began life as a Flandrean contingency plan on the west coast of Iurezza. Its intent was to give the political leaders of the area a forum where they could mediate their disagreements without escalating to war. However, this vision failed to anticipate King Doric Foeslayer of Selestei. On his first visit to the Assembly in AES 25, King Doric challenged three different Sovereigns to wrestling matches and generally raised havoc in the hall. Then he jovially threatened to leave and return with an army.

+

High Exarch Kantamon, who had created the Assembly and was now faced with a threat to its legacy, knew he had to remove the boisterous Sovereign as a threat in whatever manner he could. Initially he attempted to goad King Doric into irritating Sornhandr, King Eternal, but—and this is where I suspect someone has tampered with the historical record—contemporary accounts indicate that King Doric charmed the old lich and the two of them went out drinking without King Doric succumbing to the curse of the electric undead7.

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His first plan having failed, High Exarch Kantamon received an unexpected blessing in the form of Zor Olo8 cracking and a large portion of the ocean vanishing9 within eyeshot of the Assembly hall. Drawing from legends of the Ultimate Dragonopolis10, Kantamon procured some falsified maps of the Roerbach region of southern Iurezza. He then gave an exhortation to the Assembly that there were dragons nesting in southern Iurezza, and that they had struck at the moon. He put special emphasis on how dangerous they were, and how brave the warriors challenging them would have to be. King Doric, of course, immediately volunteered his armies.

+

While the Selesteine dragon-hunting fleet sailed south, High Exarch Kantamon sailed east. He traveled to the Fractured Cities11 and murdered a succession of Hierarchs in bloodmoots12 by dropping anvils on their heads, then forged a coalition of Fractured Cities militaries to invade Selestei. By the time they succeeded, of course, the coalition had already broken into no less than eleven factions, but as Selestei was bearing the cost of their infighting, Kantamon's objective had already been achieved. It would be centuries before either Selestei or the surrounding region recovered.

+

King Doric, meanwhile, failed to find any dragons, and moreover was misled by false maps. The Selesteine expedition, increasingly frustrated by the lack of dragons to slay, slaughtered their way through eight hundred miles of untamed wilderness before crossing the Skeptical Channel into the Careless Continent13. Their sudden appearance there disrupted a delicate peace sixty years in the making, throwing the entire continent back into infighting.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. Selestei
2. Flandre
3. The Fractured Cities
4. Shaster
5. Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)
6. Iurezza (continent)
7. Electric undead
8. Zor Olo
9. Missing Sea
10. Ultimate Dragonopolis
11. The Fractured Cities
12. Bloodmoot
13. The Careless Continent

Selestei

The boisterous Republic of Selestei is the worst place to wake up with a hangover. It is a matter of national orthodoxy that while the world is a dangerous and uncertain place, there is nothing that cannot be overcome by the fire burning within the human spirit. Therefore, every day at sunrise, every Selesteine citizen wakes up and yells at the sun. There is often forceful pointing, and if the country is having a holiday, occasionally breaking things. Then everyone has a drink. The national beverage of Selestei is heavybeer, which inexplicably weighs several times more than a normal beer per liquid volume. All Selesteines grow up drinking heavybeer, which accounts why virtually all of them are extraordinarily strong.

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Despite their aggressive extroversion, or perhaps because of it, Selestei is a very easygoing country when it comes to international politics. In centuries past, the Selestei military was feared, and rightly so. The dreaded Grim Weepers1 once carved a bloody swath across the Fractured Cities2, fueled in their relentless conquest by the maddening pain of eating only spicy food. Today, however, Selestei tends to play the gentle giant, with its sovereign, King Vincent Daggert, playing the life of the party at Disputatious Assembly afterparties. This gregariousness can sometimes transgress the boundaries of good taste, such as when King Daggert told President Niir3 that he was jealous of Incendia ("MAY MY HEART BURN AS BRIGHT AS YOUR COUNTRY ONE DAY!" were his exact words, if I recall). You could tell Niir was trying his best to maintain his composure for the sake of Incendia's official position on the literal dumpster fire the homeland had become, but you could also see him desperately eyeing the open bar.

+

Selesteine mythology attributes the nation's hot-blooded fervor to its founding hero, Sels. According to the legends, there were once two suns and two moons, which made it impossible for anybody to get any sleep. Sels, outraged at this, challenged the suns to send down the stronger of the two to fight him. The suns conferred, and the older of the two descended to do battle. The two of them fought for a full lunar month until Sels finally grappled the older sun and ate it. The other sun, afraid of Sels' fearsome power, began running around the world, creating the diurnal cycle. Sels, not one to let an opponent run from a fight, leapt into the heavens to pursue it, where he became the third and largest moon. Selesteines often suggest that the nation should destroy Zor Olo4, the smallest of the three moons, for being unworthy to share the sky with Sels. So far, nobody is sure whether they're being serious or deadpan, and Daggert changes the topic whenever someone asks about it.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. Grim Weepers
2. The Fractured Cities
3. Incendia
4. Zor Olo

Yelling at the sun is an ancient and venerable tradition in Selestei, but it acquired a tint of patriotism when the country entered the Disputatious Assembly and was asked to register an official national anthem. Thus, at occasions when the national anthem of a sovereign's country is played, when the King of Selestei's turn comes, a band of Selesteines come out and scream into the heavens. This is very popular with crowds, whom the King encourages to join in.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

The Selesteines' indomitable spirit and inability to back down from a challenge has gotten them burned before, particularly by some of the craftier nations (I won't name names). For example, the Roerbach Incident1 left the entire Selesteine military abroad on a dragon-hunting quest. I asked King Daggert off the record how he would deal with a modern attempt to trick his military out of position while an invasion tried to take his country. He just laughed. "Pity the invaders," he said. "They would have to face our women."

+

I confess I'm not familiar with enough military lore to evaluate his strategy, but you certainly can't fault his confidence.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Roerbach Incident

Despite its militarily aggressive history, modern Selestei is actually quite a charming place to visit. The weather at the major vacation destinations is temperate, which the locals attribute to intimidating the climate into submission. When I visited many years back, I had one of the best curries I've had in my life in the city market. I was a little embarrassed to order the minimum spice level, but the lady running the stall could tell I was a foreigner and insisted. I tried to convince her that it was no use and that sociophysical principles would make it more or less spicy according to expectation, but in the end I'm glad I took her advice, because damn was that a hot curry. According to my wife, I was mumbling in my sleep all night about contracting jalapeñosis1.

+

Of course, Selesteine cuisine isn't all spicy food, whatever legends of their elite troops2 might suggest. There's a city in the north of the country famous for its pastries, which food critics attribute partially to the recipe and partially to how well the dough is kneaded. The bakeries are all located near a military base, and the soldiers there knead the dough by practicing hand-to-hand combat on it. They have a festival every year where they bake swords and shields out of bread, which the children of the town use to stage mock battles.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Jalapeñosis
2. Grim Weepers

Shaster

If the Principality of Shaster had a national motto, it would probably be "Hold my beer!" The nation as a whole seems to thrive on finding new approaches to any given problem, regardless of whether or not the problem is of any importance or, indeed, has already been solved. I'm thinking particularly of Project SpaceGills, a national scientific undertaking that aimed to genetically modify everyone on Taurus Research Station1 "in order that they might breathe the purity of space." This caused something of an international uproar when Phase 3 of testing involved opening the airlock and letting all the air out so they could be sure the gills were working; tensions increased further when it emerged that no one on the station had ever consented to the genetic modification. Sadly, this led to the expulsion of all Shastrian personnel from the station, prematurely ending their promising space persuasion2 project.

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Shastrian culture celebrates new and cutting-edge technology, despite the fact that so little of what they produce is actually workable. Their culture's understanding of itself is that they are more forward-thinking than other nations, a claim they ground by pointing to enormous national research and development costs. For memetosociologists like my esteemed colleague M. Hon. Milton, however, there is an interesting layer to these claims, as the average citizen has little to do with the national obsession. At the end of the day, if your toaster doesn't actually work, you'll import a working one from elsewhere.

+

Thus, Shastrian patriotism is subtly intertwined with an understanding that some person, somewhere else in the country, is actually doing the important work. The average citizen believes the National University of Shaster is the epicenter of new and exciting technologies, while staff at the University tend to believe the exciting stuff is happening in a different department. Moreover, an analysis by the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection3 found that the research and development money is split between two streams: one that funds research deals with more advanced countries (e.g. the Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski4), and one that inexplicably vanishes somewhere in the university5.

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On the political side of things, Shaster enjoys an extremely competent diplomatic staff, which has secured them many alliances and an enviable position in global politics despite a comparative lack of technological or military power to back them up. Shastrian diplomats were instrumental in resolving the Goats on Boats Affair6 that threatened to plunge the world into conflict. It is perhaps for this reason that they are able to thrive as a country despite their neighbors being somewhat unruly. But even more impressive is their ability, as a coastal nation, to maintain tight diplomatic ties with the Panark Fleet7 without harming their relationship with the Hegemony of Whales8.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. Taurus Research Station
2. Space persuasion
3. Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection
4. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
5. 🔇
6. Goats on Boats Affair
7. The Panark Fleet
8. The Hegemony of Whales

Space persuasion

Space persuasion is an ambiguous term that can refer to one of two related concepts.

+

The concept of space persuasion in the sense of the persuasion of space is an old theme in folk superstition, related to the idea of a sacred space, but more general and usually related to the behavior of physics. Unlike a genius loci, a persuaded space is not different by virtue of something distinct from the space that dwells there, but rather has some quality in and of itself. The quality or different operation, whatever it is, is woven into the fabric of the universe, so to speak. This makes space persuasion a mainstay of the sort of popular literature that astounds the reader by its seeming profundity more than its basis in fact. Space persuasion is often invoked to explain Barcuvian antiweather1 and appealed to as a link between the morose character of Kingslanders and the various phenomena that make it a hellhole to live in. The baselessness of this pop-sci is clear: if the concerted will2 of Kingslanders really could persuade space, it'd be the nicest place in the world.

+

These days, a year doesn't go by that someone doesn't suggest that symphonic warp traversal3 runs off of space persuasion. This widespread myth is helped along by the rumor that the song sung by the Hegemony's4 Chorus Perpetual5 is what keeps the planet in its orbit. The baselessness of this, too, is clear, since whales evolved after the planet came into its orbit.

+

This older sense of space persuasion gave birth to the other, newer sense when the illustrious Dr. Stafford6 remarked that a number of political issues would be solved if the campus of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns were persuaded to throw itself into space. This remark, which became so popular for a brief time that the Assembly tied the building down just in case, introduced a sense of space persuasion as persuasion via space, i.e., persuasion by threatening to launch someone into space. It's not a coincidence that the Taurus Research Station7 was established within decades of this. In fact, recent declassifications have revealed that there actually was research into space persuasion going on up there — and surprisingly, into both types. I guess they thought they had a better chance at persuading space if there's not as much occupying its attention. Personally, I hope they can resume the research some day, because persuading the Committee building to keep itself clean would save me a lot of work.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Barcuvian antiweather
2. Pantheons of Kingsland
3. Symphonic warp traversal
4. The Hegemony of Whales
5. Chorus Perpetual
6. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
7. Taurus Research Station

Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection

There are academic institutions you do not wanna find yourself in a dark alley with, and the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection is in the top five on that list. In fact, it's probably the only one in the top five; the next four backed off it give it some room.

+

Founded in AES 876 by Anton Stratsky as the Strastsky Foundation for Economics, the Foundation's original mandate was to help manage the struggling logistics of the Compass Republic1. That right there is probably why things turned out the way they did. Pretend you're an economist, and you've got a bunch of equations where one set of numbers greases the wheels and the other set dumps a bucket of wrenches in the machinery and burns the whole fucking country down. Yeah, yeah, I know it's a mixed metaphor, shut the fuck up.

+

Point is, within ten years, His Dread Majesty2 is knocking on the front door and asking for some help with a rival in the Assembly. The economists shrug—it's just a different set of numbers for them—and get to work. By 8913, global trade is a flaming dumpster fire, the Panark Fleet4's on the verge of implosion, Selestei5's declared war on livestock in general, and Shaster6's named economics a pentad7 field because how else do you explain all this fucking witchcraft?

+

You gotta admire the pair on Dr. Stratsky. Amid international calls for his Foundation to be disbanded, he goes and fucking rebrands as the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection. The surge of notoriety put the Foundation on the map for every pentad academic from the Double-North Pole to the planet's ass8. Applications tripled over the next two years and then doubled over the following decade, which of course only pissed off the global community even further. It's only gotten worse. Hell, Ulgrav9 was even threatening to bomb them a couple decades back until Santanna bribed us with a trade deal. But it probably wouldn't have gone any further than threats, because no one wants to have to deal with their exports drying up and their imports suffering massive price inflation.

+

Today, the Stratsky Foundation remains the only advanced degree program for economists looking to pursue their bloody work. Not for lack of trying, of course, but the main problem with trying to compete in this field is that your competitor is the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection. Of the last four attempts to start an economics foundation, three went broke right off the bat, while the fourth experienced an uprising by the staff, who cornered the president and, according to local reports, "stabbed him to death with their pens."

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. The Double-North Pole
2. Klaus Santanna
3. Goats on Boats Affair
4. The Panark Fleet
5. Selestei
6. Shaster
7. The Dark Pentad
8. Xenoarcheological ruins
9. The Ulgravian Diaspora

Symphonic warp traversal

One thing that I really think we need to consider is that if we move countries around because of the Disarrangement Act, it's not strictly necessary that all of them have to stay on Planet Earth. If we go down that road, then the technology of choice for doing so is undoubtedly symphonic warp traversal. First devised by the mad inventor Rime Grimes, SWT is a technological marvel whose foundational principles researchers have yet to uncover. But the basic theory is simple to explain: an orchestra is positioned in front of an acoustic capture device, which then feeds the sound into what Grimes called a "Grimer Primer," which communicates that information to an engine. Scientists have discovered it is possible but rarely wise to deviate from Grimes's engine design, even though it is admittedly alarming to rely on a lightspeed engine composed entirely out of cardboard, duct tape, and rubber bands.

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Researchers have found much greater success by varying the kind of music that is played into the Grimer Primer. While Grimes's notes insist that classical music is "THE way to go, my chummy chums," early warp experiments ran into materiel problems because most governments refused to risk the national symphonic orchestra in a perilous space experiment. This reluctance stalled warp research for several years until researchers from Katskria (one of of the Very Definitely Independent States1) hired a neoclassical metal band2, which was deemed sufficiently expendable that the experiments could continue. Since then, warp researchers have tried many genres, discovering that the quality of warp travel is tied to qualities of the music played:

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• Classical music typically makes for the smoothest ride, although smooth jazz tends to do better at this

+

• Rock or metal lend themselves to faster, if bumpier, travel

+

• Punk rock has the unnerving propensity to send the ship in the wrong direction entirely

+

• The one recorded use of dubstep in a symphonic warp traversal device destroyed the ship entirely

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In addition to the pre-existing genres, Vigotskian3 researchers aboard Taurus Research Station4 are reportedly in the process of developing a new genre of music, "warp trance," specifically suited for warp travel. It is certain to be a harrowing process, and I am sure we all wish them well.

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One concluding note: many lay people are afraid that warp travel might lead to the destruction of the Earth, reasoning that a spaceship travelling at faster-than-light speeds is essentially a massive bullet that could shatter the planet. I just did the math, and I have concluded that they are absolutely right, and we should all fear for our lives. But life is so busy and we all have so much to do, so I recommend limiting your stupefying terror to no more than fifteen minutes per day.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Very Definitely Independent States
2. The Lunchtime Fallacy
3. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
4. Taurus Research Station

This shit always gets me going. Do you know where they got that idea? From Ulgrav1. There's a paper from one of our researchers a year or two before the VDIS experiments where the author (don't remember the name, fuck i'm drunk) suggests trying different genres of music to see what happens. Up comes this fucker from Velskyavo2, who walks into, into, fuck. Whatever. Walks into the researcher's lab and says "Hey dude"—wait, Jameson, that was the guy's name—says "Hey Jameson, you working on anything cool?" Jameson says "Fuck yeah, dude, wanna see?" Velsky fucker says "Totally, dude," then shoots him and all of his lab assistants and walks off with all his shit. So now the history books say that warp travel came out of the VDIS, which is completely missing the fuckign point.

+

You know why Ulgrav was researching warp travel? Because we need some fucking land, and we're desperate enough that we'll take it on other planets if we have to.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. The Ulgravian Diaspora
2. National Academy of Velskyavo

Taurus Research Station

Possibly hanging right over your head right at this very moment, the Taurus Research Station is an orbital scientific and planetary defense platform built by the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns in AES 940. Don't let the name fool you—the only research they're doing up there is how much toxic waste they can shove into their weapons systems before the gravitational stabilizers break and the whole fucking mess disintegrates into a radioactive cloud of poison in our atmosphere.

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The Taurus Research Station used to be an actual research station back in the 40's and 50's, but then along came General Kade "Ripper" Gorson1 and the Flandrean military. Asshole got up in front of the Disputatious Assembly and gave a big speech about how we're probably less advanced than aliens, so we need guns in space to shoot any aliens that come to get us. I guess military goons stealing your base is just the price you pay for trying to do some science in an out-of-the-way corner of the world.

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Anyways, the last decent publication out of the TRS was Gadner's paper on space persuasion2 back in '78. It could have been groundbreaking, but that was about when DAS Command made the station off-limits to everyone with civilian-level security clearance, so I guess we're back to square one until I can convince Milton to sociologize himself more security clearance.

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Oh well, I guess we have to talk about the military side of things. Technically, everything in space is falling, which is probably why everything about the Taurus Research Station has been going downhill. During the 60's, all the DAS member nations brought their own weapons projects up to space and then nailed them piecemeal to the station. That immediately caused a new problem, which was that the station's thrusters weren't rated for that kind of mass, meaning it started to sink back into the atmosphere.

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The goons did the math and realized it was going to come down over the ocean, which pissed off the whales3. Since the whole mess was Gorson's idea, the Hegemon argued it was a Flandrean conspiracy, despite the fact that the world is like 70% ocean and the affected area from the falling station is basically guaranteed to hit water somewhere. Blubbery fuckers. Anyways, that led to a round of everyone nailing their nationally-branded thrusters to the TRS, which in turn led to the realization that the station could maneuver itself around and point all those shiny new weapons at the planet. The DAS was gonna order everyone off, but then someone pointed out that they all had space shuttles, so now the compromise is that everyone keeps a few soldiers up there to watch everyone else's soldiers. Gee, that seems like a stable situation.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. General Kade "Ripper" Gorson
2. Space persuasion
3. The Hegemony of Whales

Tesseraction Eve

To live in Kingsland is also eventually to be devoured by some unknowable monstrosity in Kingsland. The days are long, the light thin, the weather irrational1, and the coast inexplicably dry2; living gods3 walk, or possibly drive4, the streets, and dead mortals5 roam the hills. As such, it is little surprise that Kingslanders have such an affinity for the unknown and the ethereal. If a transparent membrane cursed you out telepathically in Hantu and then dissolved the back wall of your apartment over the course of eleven hours before floating off without so much as a goodbye, is it really that much more outlandish when the hooded cultist on the nearest street corner demands your belief in Grislegrinder, the cosmic intestine-tentacled abomination who devours all upon death?

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Belief in the Tesseraction is considered by scholars to have begun with the proselytizing of Yphydryx Shadowhand, whose cult rose to prominence in AES 380 before dissolving upon his death in AES 384. However, in that mere handful of years, the Cult of the Shadowhand spread across nearly all of Kingsland. Central in their thought was the idea of the Tesseraction: a mythical upcoming point in time wherein our world would burst from its three-dimensional shackles and partake in higher orders of being. The popularity of the cult is rather easy to explain: Shadowhand taught that the abominations that plague Kingsland draw their power from other planes of existence, and if humans were able to access those planes as well, then they would be able to fight against the horrors on an even footing. Once his control of the city was cemented, Shadowhand predicted that the Tesseraction would arrive in the late summer of the next year, when Zor Olo6 reached its peak. According to historical sources, mood in the city was uncharacteristically high, and some poor fools even threw together premature hunting bands before vanishing forever into the city's dark alleys.

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On the eve of the predicted Tesseraction, cultists all over the city prepared celebratory pre-ascension meals and readied their best weapons for what they believed was the upcoming slaughter. But the next day, nothing happened. Another group of cultists joined the first wave of victims in the alleys, figuring they'd somehow ascended despite not feeling different. The rest, however, waited in mounting horror until Shadowhand said he got the year wrong and the Tesseraction was actually next year. Come the next year, people made the celebratory dinners and gathered their weapons again—and were once again disappointed. This cycle continued until Shadowhand partially disappeared7.

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Up to the present day, Kingslanders continue to celebrate Tesseraction Eve by making fine meals and letting their children play with (usually) toy weapons. But in modern times the holiday has more of a last-meal-before-execution kind of atmosphere, as Kingslanders have collectively resigned themselves to the fact that nothing can save them from the horrors.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. Barcuvian antiweather
2. Missing Sea
3. Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson
4. The Killer Bus of Kingsland North
5. Electric undead
6. Zor Olo
7. Qualified spontaneous evaporation

The Ulgravian Diaspora

The nation of Ulgrav holds the distinction of sharing a border with every country on the planet, as the country's territory is technically the entire atmosphere. They say of themselves that they took to the sky to embrace the flame of adventure, but scholarly consensus is that they were actually just fleeing the passive-aggression of neighboring Lepazzia1. (If possible, don't let Dr. Hanson see this.)

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Ulgrav's role in contemporary geopolitics is a somewhat precarious one. The sky has precious few resources beyond sunlight, water vapor, and the occasional bird. Consequently, Ulgrav is entirely dependent upon their trade allies (primarily Flandre2 and the Compass Republic3) for essentials like oil and raw materials. At the same time, their control of airspace is nearly absolute. The last country to challenge them directly was the Theocracy of Rime in AES 947, and nearly fifty years later they're still a collection of subsistence farmers after what the Ulgravians did to them4. So of course no country really feels safe when zeppelins are in their airspace, but no one wants to make a fuss of it either.

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The unique situation of the Ulgravian Diaspora has also put them in a complicated position with respect to the Disarrangement Act. Years of being cramped up on zeppelins and feeling like their homeland was taken from them has pushed the diaspora's general mood into bitterness and resentment. Indeed, in meetings of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the Ulgravian Sovereign can't help but let some of that bitterness slip inner his own manner. So Ulgrav desperately wants the Act to pass so that they can get, in the words of my esteemed colleague Dr. Hanson, "some fucking land." At the same time, the continued existence of their zeppelin fleet depends on oil trade with Flandre, which is highly motivated to prevent the Act from passing. Even a brief review of the historical record will suffice to communicate that Flandre is, bar none, the worst country on the planet to double-cross. Thus, Ulgrav has wisely chosen to speak against the Act for the time being.

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Culturally, the Ulgravians are of course known for their barely repressed rage, but they also possess strong communal values. This is likely a result of selection pressures, as anyone found guilty of egregious acts against the community is typically thrown off the airship. Cultural critics sometimes observe that this practice is similar to their recreational activity called windstriding5, wherein someone is thrown off the airship, except with a rope tied around them. These critics typically suggest that both customs reflect their deep-seated need to escape their exile and return to their homeland. However, as a memetosociologist, I would note that these critics are usually Ulgravians, and this analysis just serves to reinforce the country's standard propaganda line. I would further note that there is really not that much to do onboard an airship, and they are probably all just bored.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. Lepazzia
2. Flandre
3. The Double-North Pole
4. The Night of Storms
5. Windstriding

It certainly seems that Flandre is aware of the potential for betrayal from Ulgrav. At a meeting of the Assembly yesterday, I watched High Exarch Minor Ironheart1 stroll across the Chamber of Sovereigns, whisper in the Ulgravian Sovereign's ear, then slam a knife through his desk before walking away. The message seemed to be, "If you cross us and fail, you'd better hope you have a contingency plan." Knowing you're in the crosshairs of the most paranoid nation on the planet is a good motivator to try your luck in other directions.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart

Guess what, Pierce? I saw it. Fuck you.

+

As far as "other directions" are concerned, I happen to know that the Sovereign received a diplomatic party from the germs1 the other week. Flandre aside, their tech is the best on offer right now, with the poooossible exception of the Panark Fleet2. We're nominally allied with the Fleet, but one reason to pick the Vigotskians over the Fleet is if you're trying to look for alternate energy sources—the boatfuckers oppose the Act and they're mortal enemies with the Hegemony3, so they've never had as much of an incentive to pursue that line of research.

+

If the Sovereign can land some kind of research deal and reduce our dependence on Flandrean oil, we might see some changes in the alliance. At the very least, it'll be less of a headlock for us.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
2. The Panark Fleet
3. The Hegemony of Whales

I think it's adorable that the Ulgravians name their airships after famous horses from their days as marauders of the plains. It's a good way for them to keep in touch with their roots.

+

Spheven Kain

+

Ultimate Dragonopolis

So there's this thing in Ulgravian1 culture that most outsiders never catch on to. The question is this: fast, or old? Remember that we're a horse people with a rich sense of history who all live on zeppelins now. As an Ulgravian, that puts you in one of two camps: either your ship has a ton of history, but its technical specs are shit; or it's modern and sleek but you've got no fucking history to ground yourself in, pun not fucking intended. Or you have the shit luck to be born on the Thunder Bumble, which astoundingly has neither history nor half-decent specs, and do you know what a fucking pain in the ass it is to petition for a ship transfer in the Ulgravian Diaspora?

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Anyway, so there's these ancient legends about the Ultimate Dragonopolis, the last city of the dragons. And they seemed like pure myth for most of history, but ever since we invented space travel people are giving those myths another look and realizing that a lot of the details look an awful fucking lot like what you'd see on an atmosphere-capable space vessel. But since academics have their head perpetually up their asses and/or in the sand, our biggest researcher on this topic is a half-mad conspiracy theorist2 with a vendetta against the country that fucking gives us all affordable household goods3. Worse, he's being bankrolled by the wireheads in fucking Shaster4, who probably only want in because they want to feel like their country is actually relevant on the global stage.

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You know who really needs an extra airship? How about the only country in the world that actually lives on airships? The Ultimate Dragonopolis is huge, according the legends—hell, fucking dragons lived on it, what else would you expect?—and its tech level is beyond anything we've got, judging by the shit the dragons left behind in their little antarctic getaway5. We'd treasure the shit outta that thing if we got our hands on it. I mean, shit, the Ulgravians over on Falcon of the Plains go everywhere on the ship by swinging from monkey bars because it's carpeted in rugs belonging to the last Dragon Prince and they're too holy for anyone else to walk on. Plus, we've got a claim to the dragonopolis. The Ulgravians are the only people in the world who remember that horses are descended from dragons. We fucking tamed them, and don't give me that shit about how no one outside of Ulgrav believes those accounts. Probably wouldn't recognize a legitimate historical narrative if a Selesteine6 beat your face in with it. So it stands to reason—not that any of you self-interested horsewives at the Assembly are gonna give more than the semblance of thought on this—that whatever the dragons had is now ours by right.

+

Give us the fucking spaceship!

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. The Ulgravian Diaspora
2. Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson
3. The Double-North Pole
4. Shaster
5. Xenoarcheological ruins
6. Selestei

The Venerable Society of Cartographers

The Venerable Society of Cartographers, also known as the Guild of Mapmakers, is a non-governmental organization with something of a storied past. Founded by Wren Felsdottor two hundred years before the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the Venerable Cartographers did pretty much what you would expect from the name. The Guild filled a pressing and necessary function, as it was a time of ambiguity and conflict which thankfully de-escalated after the invention of national borders1 six years after the Guild was established.

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Guilds were both influential and plentiful in those days, which meant individuals were incentivized to try and corner some niche section of the job market by founding their own Guild. This resulted in, for example, a Guild of Blacksmithing While Reciting Edifying Poetry and a Guild of Stealing Other Guilds' Signs. You may think I am exaggerating here, but I am not. Both of these organizations are mentioned in historical records. Needless to say that none of these Guilds persisted, with the notable exceptions of the Guild of Florists2 and, of course, the Mapmakers' Guild.

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But the historical import of the Venerable Society of Cartographers lies, not in the maps they drew of the world—though these were certainly important, and many have survived into the present day—but in the ways they began altering the world to fit their maps. If memory serves, the initial precedent for this surprising course of action originated with Guildmaster Yithros the Exact, who modern scholars think likely suffered from some kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder. As the story goes, Yithros was commissioned by the king of Thegul to produce a map of his country for their centennial, which Yithros did with characteristic exactitude. However, someone jostled his writing arm while he was finishing the curve of the coast. Such an error was unacceptable to him, so he journeyed out to Thegul and began shoveling away at the coast in order to make it fit his map. Thegul, however, was entirely below sea level, relying on a complicated system of dykes to keep the ocean out. Yithros's a posteriori correction flooded the entire country. And so, the Guild histories tell us, Yithros travelled back to the Guild and changed his map to read "Thegulf of Tan."

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Yithros's successors took increasing liberties with their maps. Where before the Guild's mission had been purely descriptive, prescriptivist mapmaking began, inch by inch, to creep into their business model. Naturally this was a concern for many Sovereigns, such as when Lepazzia3 ordered a map of the Fractured Cities4 with most of the territory covered by a compass rose. To keep up with the increasingly geopolitical nature of their duties, the Venerable Cartographers began militarizing themselves to a level that would allow them to challenge nation-states. The training and materiel required are, of course, a tremendous expenditure, and thus the Venerable Cartographers have abandoned mapmaking over the past few centuries, essentially becoming a top-tier paramilitary organization.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. The Partitioning
2. The Esoteric Order of Florists
3. Lepazzia
4. The Fractured Cities

Very fine work, M. Hon. Milton. I think in the final draft you should consider mentioning the Mapmakers' role in the Roerbach Incident1, given that we wouldn't have seen such tremendous uproar in the Assembly if not for the fake maps. But please don't take that suggestion as a criticism of your excellent scholarship here.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. The Roerbach Incident

A proper scholar doesn't cite himself, Dr. Jones. Any memetosociologist could tell you that.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

The Very Definitely Independent States

The Very Definitely Independent States are the most visible embarrassment to the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns' global mandate. After the admittance of the Hegemony of Whales1 into the Assembly revealed a thousand-year-old loophole in the charter that gave the Hegemony a third of the votes in the Assembly, the former Union of Benric States, the country that covered the entire continent of Benri, was suddenly plunged into the Benric Civil War — named so not because it was a war within a single state, but because it was civil: there were zero deaths and only twenty injured across the entire continent, and none of them were combat injuries. After this sham of a civil war, half of the federal government of the UBS "collapsed" (read: retired with severance pay), and each of the constituent states' governors applied for admittance into the Assembly, insistent on their independence from each other. The other half of the federal government rebranded itself as the Camaraderie Committee of Benri and took the official stance that it was an international orgnaization dedicated to advising the newly formed and very definitely independent states of Benri. The first "non-binding recommendation" of the Committee to the Independent States — which was accepted without question by every State — was the creation of the Yggdrasil Project2, ensuring the support of the ascendant Hegemony.

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To the credit of the Very Definitely Independent States, the States do not always vote in accordance with the Committee's "recommendations", and these differences are even sometimes plausibly because of the differing interests of the States. But these VDIS splits are seemingly always proportioned to the degree of support the Committee has for a measure. Whenever the Committee has no recommendation or recommends abstention, the States somehow manage to always end up splitting their votes 50-50.

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This state of affairs is tolerated by the rest of the Assembly, but at a diplomatic cost to the VDIS; generally, the States find it hard to advance their common interests in the Assembly beyond the immediate power they have as a voting bloc, and consequently they remain closely allied to the Hegemony to safeguard their international (and Assembly-procedural) interests. The limits of this tolerance were tested in 961, when Illithor claimed that the Don't Think I Won't Act3 had caused a civil war and it had to split into three independent countries. On the suggestion of the Flandrean General "Ripper" Gorson4, The Assembly, minus the Hegemony, unanimously voted to send an occupying force to restore peace to the war-torn nation. The governor of Illithor then immediately announced that a legal team had solved the problem and ended the civil war. Occasionally, a sovereign will motion to have international forces unify some of the Independent States, but the States involved invariably claim that an ethnic war has just broken out and reunification is inadvisable.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. The Hegemony of Whales
2. The Yggdrasil Project
3. The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act
4. General Kade "Ripper" Gorson

The War of Durun's Ass

Before the tenth century, there was nothing so fearful for a country as finding out that the Selesteine1 Army was marching on your borders. Most of the world had a chance to experience this in AES 688, when Selestei waged the War of Durun's Ass. During the first session of the year of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, President Durun of The Union of Benric States2 spilled his eggnog on King Gristleton of Selestei. Gristleton became enraged and told Durun that he was going to "kick [his] ass". Durun responded that he had a busy schedule, but that if he wanted to come to Benri in the summer and kick his ass then, he was welcome to visit. Gristleton ominously accepted the offer and left to the bathroom to wipe the eggnog off. After he had left, everyone in the room simultaneously realized what was about to happen. When Gristleton failed to return to the Assembly at the end of the recess, everyone between Selestei and the Union scrambled to contact their defense ministries, which was pretty much all of them, because Selestei and Benri are on opposite sides of the planet.

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Selestei marched into the Fractured Cities3 at the beginning of the following week, fully armed and angry. For one of the only times in recorded history, in the face of the foreign threat on their borders, the Fractured Cities banded together as one to defend their homeland. They were immediately crushed by the Selesteine army. Pausing only long enough to arm-wrestle the survivors and carry off food and barrels of beer, the invading force simply marched straight through to the Shastrian border. In the face of the foreign threat on their borders, Shaster4 rallied its forces to defend its homeland. They, too, were immediately crushed by the Selesteine army. Seizing all of the ships in the harbor, the rampaging mob set sail for Benri — in the wrong direction. It would take travelling several months and conquering many more countries, including every single country on the Careless Continent5, before Selestei stood upon the beaches of Benri.

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Durun, of course, had heard of Selestei's path of devastation on the way to meet him, and was terrified. His advisers, fearing for the worst should the Selesteines beat a roundabout trail of mayhem on their way to the capital, kidnapped Durun and delivered him to King Gristleton the following day. When the two sovereigns finally stood face to face once again, Gristleton pointed out that Durun had invited him there, and then promptly, in the words of the contemporary historian Pentex Lannogaster6, "beat the shit out of him". The Selesteines then returned home, and at the following Assembly session King Gristleton acted like the whole thing had never happened.

+

President Durun would later blame this all on Gristleton, who, he insisted, had bumped his arm when he was holding the eggnog.

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Selestei
2. The Very Definitely Independent States
3. The Fractured Cities
4. Shaster
5. The Careless Continent
6. Pentex Lannogaster

It's worth noting that most of the ships that Selestei hijacked in Shaster were Panarkian1 vessels. This would prove to be one of the formative moments for the young country, forcing them to band closer together for mutual aid to prevent a catastrophe of the same magnitude from reoccurring. Even today, the aftereffects of the War are visible in the chilly bilateral relations between the Fleet and Selestei.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. The Panark Fleet

Windstriding

So Pierce described1 windstriding as getting thrown off an airship with a rope attached, since he's dumber than a squirming pile of cats in a trenchcoat pretending to be a fucking scholar. You can tell he's clearly never been out there, because that description is so fucking wrong—well, okay, technically all those things happen but that's not the fucking point, okay? If you wanna know what windstriding is, go catch a ride on the next Ulgrav ship that resupplies in your area, find one of the tourist-friendly companies, and go punch the clouds with your face. Pick Yasser's Yells2 if you can. Ask for Ricardo. Tell him I sent you. I get a coupon for every new person I refer. The Secretary of the DAS3 even recommends it!

+

Again, you're not really going to get it unless you're just out there freezing your ass off and having the time of your life. But I'll try to translate it for you ground-bound dunderheads. First of all, you have to realize that the sky has always been important to the Ulgravians. Ancient Ulgrav was less a state than the territory of several nomadic warrior tribes. The plains were our home, and we liked the sky because it was a lot like the plains but with fewer enemies. "Cloud" in Ulgravian is literally translated "Rising dust from the hooves of warrior mounts," and that might seem like a mouthful but in Ulgrav there's a single word for it. Long story short, when we packed up and left because of those passive-aggressive snot-worms4, there was only one place we could go that was true to our roots: up.

+

Second thing, there's an old Ulgravian sport where you'd take an enemy's shield (unless you'd just fought the Grim Weepers5, who never used shields, in which case you'd use one of their broadswords instead), tie it to your horse, and then let it gallop off. You'd be standing on the shield (or sword), of course, so you'd have to pull yourself up the rope onto your galloping horse. Good clean family fun, except all those times when people slipped and dashed their head open on a passing rock or something. Whatever, it was harder to traumatize kids back then. Anyways, you're a warrior tribe with a horse-based sport and you don't have horses but you do have one sweet-ass zeppelin, so what do you do? Obviously, tie the shield to the airship and then jump off and let the airship gallop.

+

Then, after everyone who tried it that way plummeted to their deaths, they adapted it so that the rope was tied to the person. Some groups'll still do it with the shield, and there's a subfaction that claims windstriding is all about surfing the shield on the air currents. Don't listen to them, they're goatfuckers with no sense of history and none of their children will survive the winter.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. The Ulgravian Diaspora
2. Yasser's Yells
3. DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas
4. Lepazzia
5. Grim Weepers

I don't mean to besmirch your ostensibly excellent scholarship, but I seem to recall that you waited in ambush for the Secretary to use the coffee machine1, then browbeat her until she said she liked your friend's business. I also seem to recall the exact wording of her "recommendation" was "Fine, if it'll make you go away, yes! I like it!"

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. Omega Point Coffee Secretor

I've always thought that the truest mark of Dr. Hanson's misosophical skills is the fact that she still doesn't have a misosophy degree1.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. The Dark Pentad

You and me, Rubric. Lunchtime. Out back. Bring your weapons.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

Say, Gwen, do people ever fall off the windstriding rope on purpose? Like, if someone were trying to clandestinely parachute into a country without JUSTICE1 extradition, or escape arrest. This is all hypothetical, I'm just asking for... academic purposes.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement

If such a thing ever happened, I'm sure I've never heard of it. But sometimes people have accidents, and it's not unheard-of for tourists like, say, yourself to wear parachutes just in case. Just be warned that bulky items like that increase your chances of slipping off. I could maybe introduce you to my friend Yasser, but it's so hard to schedule the time these days. I'm sure I'll get to it eventually.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

I understand, with all the hard work you've been doing on the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee report, it's difficult to find spare time. But perhaps we could discuss this while we meet regarding my recommendation for the Disputatious Assembly as to whether to pass the Disarrangement Act. I'm sure you would have some valuable insight to offer on the subject.

+

Spheven Kain

+

X-treme lecturing

The pedagogical technique known as X-treme lecturing was an experimental teaching method pioneered by the infamous Marvin Fitch1. Taking inspiration from research into memory recall during times of crisis, Fitch subjected his students to a continuous series of crises while he lectured. These crises, chosen to induce fight-or-flight responses, included such educational experiences as filling the room with Barcuvian carnivorous rage-hamsters, dropping the floor from the lecture hall and suspending the desks from oiled ropes, and assigning students to do group work with a marionette child2. Students who performed poorly in Fitch's classes were especially subjected to this, since the theory of X-treme lecturing dictated that their performance would improve if they were subjected to even more stressful crises. Because these students were predictably picked off by this "attention", Fitch's methods went unnoticed or ignored by university administrators, who only saw Fitch's high rates of student success: an artifact of the bottom half of the bell curve falling off, so to speak.

+

X-treme lecturing was incidentally outlawed in AES 960 by the passing of the I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act3, due to a clause that banned pedagogy involving hyphens. This, of course, was no obstacle to the indomitable Marvin Fitch, who switched careers to adult trade education. His practice of this technique continued and was taken up by disciples, which is generally agreed by sociologists to be the cause of the cold, dead, hollow thousand-yard stare electricians and plumbers tend to have in their eyes these days.

+

Despite its comparably low survival rate compared to most other pedagogical methods, X-treme lecturing boasts an impressive resume of alumni. Several seated members of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns took at least one X-treme class with Fitch. The bond these alumni share is one stronger than any familial or institutional ties: the bond of shared trauma. One need only witness the knowing look that passes between two graduates of Fitch's in between the spasmodic twitching to know that something was understood there that the rest of us, for better or for worse, will never have access.

+

Conspiracy theorists regularly claim that Fitch's methods have been adopted by this or that government, or by the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns itself, as a means of re-educating political prisoners. These claims are rarely taken seriously, as Fitch has personally denied that X-treme +lecturing is useful for education.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch
2. Marionette children
3. The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act

Xenoarcheological ruins

The furthest southern reaches of the planet have generally been considered uninhabitable. At first, the raging, perpetual storm around the pole, known to sailors as the Vulterstrom, prevented any voyages close to the geographical pole, and in the Mapmakers' Guild's1 first map of the whole world the south was simply drawn in as impassible. The landmass in the center of the storm would not be discovered until two centuries later2, when Selestei decided to sail straight through the Vulterstrom instead of going around. When a research expedition finally made it, it discovered strange and exotic ruins. At first, the ruins were simply blamed on Kingsland, but soon enough this explanation fell out of favor as the few monstrosities of Kingsland that ranged beyond the city were ruled out as possible explanations. The ruins were thereafter considered to be most likely of alien origin.

+

The prospect of studying these ruins soon led to talk of establishing a permanent base for research. The Vulterbase was nominally created in the mid-eighth century, though it wouldn't be for another century until the base saw real activity. Unfortunately, this was right around the time that the first Dark Pentad3 disciplines were being recognized. A few institutions decided to punish their newly-minted Pentad scholars by assigning them to the Vulterbase, which, because of the base's limited population, led to it becoming one of the densest concentrations of Pentad degrees in the world. In the chaos of the Goats on Boats Affair4 in 891, the Vulterbase's discontents revolted and declared themselves independent from the academic community. Attempts were made, first diplomatically and then militarily5, to reconcile the Vulterbase to the academy, but all such attempts were repelled by the alien technology they had developed based on their research. When the dock became infested by Ravenous Squid-Trees6 in 939, the base was written off and the researchers left to their devices.

+

Enough records of the ruins themselves are available to the interested for their nature to remain a topic of interest. On the surface, there are multiple different buildings in a roughly symmetrical layout. Some of them rise two or three stories up, with one tower near the center going up several stories, but more interestingly, all of the buildings go deep below ground level, and the lower stories all connect to each other in a labyrinthine fashion. Explorers who have made it back out claim that the ruins keep going further down, with no lowest level having been found.

+

Spheven Kain

+

1. The Venerable Society of Cartographers
2. The War of Durun's Ass
3. The Dark Pentad
4. Goats on Boats Affair
5. Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement
6. Ravenous Squid-Trees

Though the squid-trees have rendered the Vulterbase inaccessible, the Panark Fleet1 still checks in on it from afar every now and then, since the Vulterstrom makes it invisible to the Taurus2. On the night of the new moon, an eldritch green light can be seen shining from where the base is in the depths of the storm. The main hypothesis for this is that the rebels assembled something, either from leftover technology they had lying around, alien miscellanea scavenged from the ruins, or something they dredged up from a ship that sank trying to suppress them. Most think it's an energy reactor of some sort, since they wouldn't survive long without one, but nobody can explain what kind of reactor would produce that light. Moreover, the light is only faint at the long distance Panark observes from; at the base itself it must be incredibly bright. Less popular is the theory that it's a lighthouse of some sort. This theory is less popular because nobody really thinks the Vulterbase rebels care enough about the rest of the world to stop their ships from running aground. They'd probably welcome it, because they could scavenge the parts. There's also a fringe theorist who keeps ranting about "chromatic aberration3 this" and "sociophysical effects that", but Dr. Christophy gets annoyed when you call him a fringe theorist.

+

Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

1. The Panark Fleet
2. Taurus Research Station
3. Chromatic aberration

Thunder Bumble does a run through the Vulterstrom every so often, since just because we're not the shiniest zeppelin in the Ulgravian fleet doesn't mean we can't kick a little windstorm's ass here and there. Kain, you might be interested to know that Yasser's Yells1 runs a "Pentad Special" where you fly right above the Vulterbase. It's a discounted ride because a lot of people fall off in the storm, but I think you'd be fine.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. Yasser's Yells

Yasser's Yells

Let me begin by saying that I am still not entirely sure why we have an article about Yasser's Yells in this report. Dr. Hanson assured me that one was necessary, however, and since this is in fact the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, there is truly no telling what information might turn out to be important in the future.

+

Allow me some minor pontification, if you would, while we're on that point. The function of a Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee is to guard against so-called "dark horse" outcomes—that is, outcomes not seriously considered when preparing for the future. If a body, like our own august Assembly, fails to consider a 1% chance of catastrophic failure, then should that slim thread of possibility come to pass, it will do so without any safeguards. I like to think that the function of this Committee is to remain but a minor footnote in the workings of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns and ensure that nothing ever comes to pass that would cause us to rise into prominence. Ours is vital work.

+

With all of that said, I cannot possibly imagine what dark horse global catastrophe might arise from an independently-owned recreational windstriding1 company on the fringe of the Ulgravian2 zeppelin fleet. Still, as mentioned above, Dr. Hanson told me she knows the owner and thinks it's a necessary addition to this report. A good Chairman trusts in the ability of those under his wing, of course, and so I set out to do my due diligence.

+

After doing my research, I must conclude that it seems like there could very well be something going on with Yasser's Yells. For example, I heard Secretary3 recommend it while she was standing in our break room. Why, one wonders, would the Secretary of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns know of a small company in a nation she's only visited twice? Suspicious alignments of that sort always suggest a likely candidate4, but when I reached out through the usual channels I couldn't find any evidence of botanical business dealings whatsoever. My next thought was that the Botherhood5 might be involved—which hypothesis is the most probable to my mind, given that when the appropriate contacts investigated, they told me that it was as if the Botherhood had never meddled in Yasser's Yells whatsoever!

+

In the interest of full disclosure, I intend to patronize this establishment after the report ships out. Dr. Hanson's reviews were quite favorable, and there is still some life in these old bones yet!

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

1. Windstriding
2. The Ulgravian Diaspora
3. DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas
4. The Esoteric Order of Florists
5. The Botherhood

Addendum: I just talked to my wife, and she forbade me from windstriding. Alas!

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

I, too, recommend Yasser's Yells. Hanson introduced me to the owner himself, and he was very professional and helpful. I look forward to trying windstriding at his august establishment immediately after the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee completes its report.

+

Spheven Kain

+

How exciting! I look forward to hearing all about it.

+

By the way, as you plan for your vacation, I do hope that you are making progress on clearing out your desk. It has been two years, Mr. Kain. Strictly speaking, you should have been out of here by late 990. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help speed things along.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones
+University of Eyesland
+Professor of Cataloguing Various Things
+Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement
+PhD in Miscenallia

+

Don't worry, Dr. Jones. There won't be a trace of me left by the time I leave.

+

Spheven Kain

+

The Yggdrasil Project

The Yggdrasil Project was an ambitious biotechnical research project spearheaded by an international collaboration between the Very Definitely Independent States1, the Hegemony of Whales2, and Shaster3. The project began life as an idle side project of the inimitable Dr. Stafford4 during a guest teaching stint at the National Academy of Velskyavo5, which goes a ways toward explaining the project's success in the face of Shastrian involvement.

+

The basic idea of the project was to create a new form of life that could cleanse the oceans of centuries of industrial pollution. Dr. Stafford's notes suggested taking advantage of the distinctive properties of the oceanic environment; thus, it was decided some kind of plant would work best. The final shape of the organism evolved over the course of the project; while it was initially modeled after kelp, the nascent Yggdrasil organism soon began to take after terrestrial trees in shape.

+

It is appropriate at this point to note that the various participants had different objectives for the project. Shaster's motives, as ever where Dr. Stafford is concerned, are entirely transparent: they've never missed a chance to be involved with one of his projects. As such, their involvement was mostly nominal. The Very Definitely Independent States, on the other hand, had more than the glory of a Stafford project at stake: a successful collaboration with the Hegemony would cement their position on the international stage. But that motivator proved to be the project's undoing.

+

As the project progressed, the Hegemony of Whales began to push for an additional project goal: the ability to control Hegemony territory. Flandre6 had always been a thorn in the Hegemony's side, especially given their flaunting the recently instituted Whale Tariffs, and of course they'd never been on the best of terms with the Panark Fleet7. To appease the cetacean pressure, the other actors on the project quickly moved to appease them. Thus, in addition to filtering out toxins from the water, the organism was also given prehensile tentacles strong enough to drag a boat below the surface.

+

After years of development, the Yggdrasil Project was declared complete in 939, after which they hired the Esoteric Order of Florists8 to plant them all over the world. But no sooner had Hegemon Aouwouou unveiled the first fully-grown forest of Ravenous Squid-Trees9 on live television did they seize and devour her before disbelieving witnesses. Reeling in shock, the Hegemony did the only thing they could, and blamed Flandre.

+

Most Honored Pierce Milton

+

1. The Very Definitely Independent States
2. The Hegemony of Whales
3. Shaster
4. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
5. National Academy of Velskyavo
6. Flandre
7. The Panark Fleet
8. The Esoteric Order of Florists
9. Ravenous Squid-Trees

Zeitgeist Manipulator

You're gonna have to bear with me on this one, because there's some fucking mind control involved and I had to rewrite the whole damn article a couple times just to get something resembling a neutral opinion on the excellent Dr. Stafford1's doomsday device. Every time I drop an expletive on this genius, the words come out all cheerfully sycophantic. God, this is gonna firebomb my reputation.

+

So let's go back to 908. Pretend you're a twenty-year-old Flandrean2 hyper-genius and you've just finished inventing asynchronous energy theory3. The math works out, but accounting for Barcuvian antiweather4 makes it hideously complicated and no one but you can understand it. Your own government's too cautious to mess with it and if you give free energy to the Double-North Pole5, you're committing treason. Meanwhile, the rest of the academy isn't recognizing any of your achievements, despite the fact that they're objectively brilliant.

+

So what did the matchless Dr. Stafford do? He took a trip up north—well, technically he went through the dead zone east of Barcu, which really makes you question how smart it is to live there when the greatest mind of our age made a point of never setting foot inside—and met with Klaus Santanna6. This witty prodigy gets fucking Santanna to trade the secrets of mind control for a free energy deal, conditional on Flandre getting a head start. Dr. Stafford spent a year up north (unusual for one of his projects), publishes a bunch of papers no one understands, and then heads back home to work on a new device: the Zeitgeist Manipulator.

+

Intellectual paragon Dr. Stafford shit fuck dammit published a paper on how the thing works. Here's the problem, though. The Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns isn't necessarily where the smartest academics congregate, but it is where the academics with the best connections congregate, and neither I nor anyone I know can even figure out who to ask to decipher this masterpiece. For example, the brilliant doctor dammit is recorded as saying mad law7 factors in somehow, and no one can even begin to figure out where.

+

What the Zeitgeist Manipulator does, however, is encourage everyone to accept the worthiness of the targeted individual don't fucking listen to me it's a fucking mind control (well, okay, that's a bit of an overstatement) FUCK THIS SHIT.

+

Once the machine was constructed, everyone worldwide starting having these intrusive thoughts about the clever Dr. Stafford, which came as a shock to most of them because they'd never heard of him before. (Shaster8 in particular reported very high rates of this). But eventually Dr. Stafford's well-deserved fame grew, finally convincing Flandre to create infrastructure for asynchronous energy.

+

Flandre, of course, recognized the incredible potential of the Zeitgeist Manipulator to update many of their National Response Protocols (e.g. BX-392a9 could be replaced by a modified Manipulator that targets snake brains). Unfortunately for them, the ongoing effects of the Manipulator meant that none of their agents were able to take act against the peerless Dr. Stafford, and he launched the Manipulator into space on an ad hoc rocket.

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford
2. Flandre
3. Asynchronous energy
4. Barcuvian antiweather
5. The Double-North Pole
6. Klaus Santanna
7. Mad legal practice
8. Shaster
9. Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a

Zor Olo

Long revered for its eerie beauty, historical significance and association with magic, Zor Olo is the third and smallest moon. But you don't care about that. You're reading this article to find out why there's a giant fucking smiley face in the night sky, leering at you and scaring the snotty little bipedal consumerism batteries you call children.

+

First off, researchers1 are pretty sure that the moon didn't start out that way. (Like, duh, it's a fucking ball of rock. Smiley faces aren't natural fucking phenomena.) The historical record puts it as one of the main inciting events for the Roerbach Incident2. So really the big puzzle is how it got that way. How'd someone fuck up a moon eight hundred years before anyone made it to space?

+

Well, there's an easy answer and a hard answer. The easy answer is we don't really know how it was done, so we probably don't have to worry about the same thing happening to one of the other moons, or to the planet. Besides, it's been a long time, so we're probably done with that sort of thing happening again, right? Yeah, well, easy answers are for cowards.

+

The hard answer is that we do know why it happened: fucking Kingsland3. ("We" here excludes the whole lot of tumor-brained sea cows4 who blame Flandre5.) Shoulda been obvious in hindsight, really. Like, their whole fucking shtick is "oh no, the stars are right, we're all doomed!" And I get that y'all wanna just laugh the whole thing off, cuz when has an ancient Kingslander deity ever shown up and fucked up your front lawn?

+

Well, it happened. Apparently some kinda eldritch thingy showed up and they managed to seal it in the moon. That's what caused the giant smily cracks. It also fucked up the ocean6 despite the fact that tides don't work that way7.

+

So here's the thing—your dismissive, I-don't-wanna-worry-about-this-because-it-distracts-me-from-watching-television attitude is ridiculously stupid, because every night the tentacle-prints of some unspeakable horror play voyeur on your pathetic excuse for a sex life. Just in case you weren't paying attention, we've got ancient Kingslander records saying the holes in the third moon happened because the stars were right for once. Like, you wanna talk about butterfly effects? What do you do when the butterfly is some eleventh-dimensional thing that can't eat us because the continents happen to be aligned in the right way? What the fuck do you think happens when you move them around?

+

Gwen Hanson, PhD

+

1. Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson
2. The Roerbach Incident
3. Pantheons of Kingsland
4. The Hegemony of Whales
5. Flandre
6. Missing Sea
7. Barcuvian antiweather

~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

Dr. Cincinatta Rubric, MsD is the Centus Havocwreaker Professor Emeritus of Misosophy at the National Correspondence University of Incendia and the author of several acclaimed books, including The Profitable Abuse of Hypotheticals and the groundbreaking textbook Corrupting the Youth. She was demerited with a Doctorate of Misosophy for her achievements in the egregious violation of scholarly norms and remorseless sabotage of her academic opponents, and subsequently recognized by her peers as a dangerous and unhinged maverick when she actually showed up to her misosophy degree conferral. Her work in the field of combat philosophy has been denounced by several major journals of philosophy, and she has the prestigious honor of being the first Pentad academic to receive a restraining order from an official conference of the Notional Academy of Barcu. Her appointment to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee passed by a 3 vote margin and provoked an official letter of protest from the High Exarch Minor of Flandre.

+

Dr. Rubric enjoys fencing, mountain biking, and the panicked consternation of freshmen. When she is not at the Assembly on Committee business, she lives in her condo in Kingsland South with her pet snake Rufus and something that lives in the walls that she refuses to name, because to name it would be to acknowledge its presence.

+

~Dr. Herbert Jones

As a young man of eight, Herbert Jones surprised his parents by taking apart the family encyclopedia and rearranging the articles in order of geographic proximity to their Walksford home. Sixty years and seven academic positions later, he has not lost that early enthusiasm for rearranging humanity's knowledge into shapes that suit us better.

+

Dr. Jones is a prolific author, having published over thirty volumes of nonfiction, including Where to Put the Shit—an exhaustive treatise on how architects place restrooms when designing buildings—as well as the celebrated trilogy Venereal Diseases of the Great Historians, Vol. I-III. He also made history by publishing the first fully fictional encyclopedia, The Fairfax Guide to Other Places, which won the Greentemple Award for Creative Fiction in AS 973.

+

Dr. Jones's career has been marked by academic success in addition to literary. After winning a Staff of Mastery from the Yuglandian College of Hysteria's Inventory Department, he pursued a doctorate education at the University of Eyesland. There he studied Miscellania under the legendary Riggs Behemon, who remained a close friend and mentor until his death in AS 982. Dr. Jones's doctorate thesis was adapted into the Herbert Jones Encyclopedia of Precarious Legislation. Dr. Jones would later return to the University of Eyesland to claim the Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement.

+

A noted expert in politics, Dr. Jones was chosen to preside over the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee for the Disarrangement Act in AS 989.

+

~Gwen Hanson, PhD

Dr. Gwen Hanson, PhD is the head of the Entropology Department at the Transient University of Ulgrav, where she has worked for the past eleven years. She received a Masters degree (with honors) from the University of Hejilad, and completed her doctorate work with the Townsend Foundation with a groundbreaking thesis on why the Botherhood can't possibly get anything done.

+

Entropology had long been something of a niche academic field until Dr. Hanson brought it into prominence with the popular nonfiction book "Why Everything Goes to Shit" in AS 986. The work introduced an entry-level understanding of entropology to the general populace, which seemed like a good thing until it, inevitably, went to shit. Now she can't walk down the street without hearing morons butchering her life's work in casual conversations. Fuck all of you.

+

As an academic and professor, Dr. Hanson has won the respect of both colleagues and students. She was awarded the Ngote Award for Professorial Excellence in AS 988, a highly coveted decoration given to a professor by majority student vote. She has successfully defended against no less than four accusations of misosophy, even managing to reflect the humiliation on her accuser in three of those cases.

+

Today, she lives with her husband and two children aboard the Ulgravian zeppelin Thunder Bumble until such time as the fucking Sovereign manages to get someone to sell us some fucking land.

+

~Pierce Milton, MHO

Introductory memetosociology texts will tell you that memetosociologists study the ways in which society's perception of how society works influences the way society actually works. But Pierce Milton, MHO is one of the few memetosociologists who will tell you that those textbooks are themselves a memetosociological pressure vector that try to shape the way young m-socists try to pursue their discipline.

+

In AS 983, Honored Milton won acclaim by uncovering the secret insider-only fast-track inside the m-soc program at Stafford College and blackmailing the administration into giving him his degree after only three weeks. Over the next three months, he successfully negotiated Masters degrees from Kains University and the Royal University of Lepazzia simultaneously, before following up with a PhD from Warbaum's University before the end of the year. This rise in prominence beat the fastest record for m-soc career path completion, so by the following year the Grand Council of Memetosociologists had awarded him the right to use the honorific above PhD: MHO, or "Most Honored One."

+

In recognition of his academic and social engineering achievements, Honored Milton invited himself to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee and joined in AS 987.

+

~Remilion Christophy, PhD

Dr. Remilion Christophy, PhD is an independent researcher in the field of sociophysics, which he insists is a legitimate field of study. His seminal work The King Electric: The Influence of Electromagnetic Variance on Order and Revolution is widely considered by sociologists and physicists. He achieved international renown during his presidency over the 988 Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee that advised the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns on the civil unrest in Flandre following the death of the High Exarch. His knack for applying the systems analysis of physical science to the social dynamics of succession came to the fore during the Committee's debate over whether to recommend the annihilation of both sides of the conflict. Though Christophy's peers have found great success in using physical metaphors according his method, he continues to insist that his theories only make sense when interpreted literally. This has yet to catch on.

+

Dr. Christophy is a voting member of the International Ignitennis Council and boasts an illustrated college career. He spends his free time reading science fiction and occasionally writes for scifi conventions. When he isn't pursuing his sociophysical research, he works as a librarian in Anathema Vale, Flandre, to continue the work of his late wife.

+

~Spheven Kain

Spheven Kain is a former computational anthropologist and current night janitor at the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. He previously served as a member of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee before an unlikely series of what he maintains are coincidences that led to his departure from the Committee and the revocation of his degree. He got his revenge, though, because he used the last of his contacts to get the night janitor gig, and the President of the Committee doesn't lock up the report documents overnight. What do you think of that, you cretins! Thought you could get rid of me that easily?

+

In the copious amount of spare time he has since his dismissal, Kain has devoted himself to learning new skills, like lockpicking, cryptography, and free climbing. He believes strongly in the benefits of interdisciplinary collaboration, and attests that what he insists is his extended sabbatical has produced several fruitful avenues of computational anthropology research, which he plans to pursue as soon as they give him his degree back. He lives in the janitorial closet of the Disputatious Assembly's committee wing, where he is engaged in an ongoing territorial conflict with the sovereign of Incendia, who lives in the BEA Committee break room.

+

⇒ Forward

In Anno Ecclesiae Superregum 989, the Hegemony of Whales put forth the Disarrangement Act, a proposal to rearrange the world in order to reduce war and promote greater harmony between nations. To ensure the highest quality of deliberation and due diligence, a number of investigative committees were established to present the relevant facts to the Assembly.

+

Our committee, the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, is tasked with investigating the possibilities that no one would otherwise think of. As such, it may not immediately be obvious why some content has been included in this report. Let me assure you, as the head of this Committee, that my colleagues have done fine work, and that we have curated only the most pressing information for the Assembly. In the pages that follow, you will find reports of the highest scholarly caliber, concluded by each scholar's recommendations for the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. May you find this report helpful as you bring your copious wisdom to bear on the task at hand!

+

The Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee is:

+

• Chairman, Dr. Herbert Jones (University of Eyesland, PhD Miscellania)
+• Cincinatta Rubric (National Correspondence University of Incendia, MsD Misosophy)
+• Dr. Gwen Hanson (Transient University of Ulgrav, PhD Entropology)
+• M. Hon. Pierce Milton (Unaffiliated, MHO Memetosociology)
+• Dr. Remilion Christophy (Unaffiliated, PhD Physics)

+

The Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee would also like to recognize our former colleague Spheven Kain for his contributions to the Committee before the Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement revoked his computational anthropology degree.

+

Dr. Herbert Jones, Chairman of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee

+

🔇

The enigmatic phenomenon designated in print as "🔇", and designated in speech by pausing and gesturing emphatically, is difficult to describe. This is not for lack of trying, as several major universities have faculty who attempt to publish work on it. "Attempt" is the key word here, as all direct descriptions of it are suppressed by forces not currently understood. Despite the fact that it is not, as researchers suspect, a meteorological phenomenon, the most success on studying 🔇 has come from Barcuvian weather analysts. While the flashes of complete darkness and resounding silences of antithunderstorms1 are clearly similar to 🔇, the exact relationship they have has yet to be articulated, for obvious reasons. Despite this seemingly inherent barrier to results, research into it continues to be funded, undoubtedly helped by the inability of university administrators to say what exactly it is they are trying to cut out of the research budget.

+

For what are hopefully equally obvious reasons, this phenomenon is the subject of a great deal of interest from the Kingsland cult of Silentus, the patron deity of some goddamn peace and quiet for once2. By engaging in a campaign of linguistic activism, the cult has succeeded in hijacking a number of common local idioms to connote or otherwise reference it. Consequently, conversations in which these idioms are used are liable to be suddenly halted by the suppression effect. This has led to widespread sentiment against the cult of Silentus, which, in a grand irony, has led to them being bothered by people making ruckuses more than they were before. The cult, as usual, has yet to make an official statement about this, but it is unclear whether this is because of its patron deity or because being accosted by mutes for linguistic subversion is far from the worst thing that could happen to you in Kingsland.

+

The motivation to understand 🔇 in the academic community is largely driven by engineers working in the field of symphonic warp traversal3. The field has yet to fully understand the technology that the mad inventor Rime Grimes left behind, which enabled complex warp calculations to be performed via orchestra, and thus money is thrown at any lead on an ontological link between acoustics and other subfields of physics. This has somewhat tarnished the prestige of warp research in the public eye, as physics departments specializing in warp research find themselves unable to describe where their budget goes.

+

What is truly remarkable, however, is the significance 🔇 holds for the Disarrangement Act. Because it

+

Dr. Remilion Christophy

+

1. Barcuvian antiweather
2. Pantheons of Kingsland
3. Symphonic warp traversal


Spheven Kain

+


Cincinatta Rubric, MsD

+

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Redirecting to Lexicon Discordium...

+ + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/lexicon.cfg b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/lexicon.cfg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f96b861 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/lexicon.cfg @@ -0,0 +1,221 @@ +# LEXIPYTHON CONFIG FILE +# +# This file defines the configuration values for an instance of Lexipython. +# Configuration values are written as: +>>>CONFIG_NAME>>> +value +<<>>LEXICON_TITLE>>> +Lexicon Discordium +<<>>LOGO_FILENAME>>> +butterfly-effect-advisory.png +<<>>PROMPT>>> +You are members of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, charged by the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns with preparing an exhaustive report in advance of the Disarrangement Act. +<<>>SESSION_PAGE>>> +

A Lexicon for NaNoWriMo 2018.

+

Countries

+

Major countries

+
  • The Compass Republic
  • +
  • Flandre
  • +
  • The Fractured Cities
  • +
  • The Hegemony of Whales
  • +
  • Lepazzia
  • +
  • The Panark Fleet
  • +
  • Selestei
  • +
  • Shaster
  • +
  • The Ulgravian Diaspora
  • +
  • The Very Definitely Independent States
  • +

    Minor countries and city-states

    +
  • The Barrowlands
  • +
  • Incendia (pre-974)
  • +
  • Kingsland
  • +
  • Theocracy of Rime (pre-947)
  • +

    Irregular countries

    +
  • The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
  • +
  • Incendia (post-974)
  • +
  • Placeholden
  • + +

    Timeline (as of turn 11)

    +
      +
    • c. -500 - Electric undead begin spreading out of Barcu
    • +
    • c. -200 - Guild of Mapmakers founded
    • +
    • c. -196 - The Partitioning
    • +
    • pre-AES - Fractured Cities at war
    • +
    • 025 - Kingsland coast becomes the Missing Sea
    • +
    • 026 - The Roerbach Incident
    • +
    • c. 250 - Selestei dominates international politics
    • +
    • fourth century - Lepazzian Split
    • +
    • 380 - Cult of Yphydryx Shadowhand rises to prominence
    • +
    • 382 - Selesteine dominance of international politics wanes
    • +
    • 384 - Yphydryx Shadowhand dies, cult dissolves
    • +
    • 489 - Earth completely charted
    • +
    • 535 - Double-North Pole theorized
    • +
    • 547 - Double-North Pole discovered
    • +
    • 688 - Selestei wages the War of Durun's Ass
    • +
    • 715 - Xenoarcheological ruins discovered on Vulter
    • +
    • 722 - Cult of Qoph dies out
    • +

      Ninth century

      +
    • c. 826 - First space flight
    • +
    • 840 - Benric sovereign sneezes on the King Eternal
    • +
    • 845 - Joran Lake formed; Hans Flugelsson awarded first Imagineering degree
    • +
    • 849 - Thanatology recognized as dark degree
    • +
    • 851 - Dysthetics recognized as dark degree
    • +
    • 875 - Joran Lake now populated with fish
    • +
    • 876 - Stratsky Foundation founded
    • +
    • 877 - Placeholden invented
    • +
    • 891 - Goats on Boats Affair; Economics recognized as dark degree
    • +
    • 894 - Mad law invented by Kelsi Hanover
    • +

      900s

      +
    • 900s-910s - Lepazzia drives Ulgrav out of their airspace
    • +
    • c. 900 - Stafford studies electric undead
    • +
    • 903 - Kade Gorson born
    • +
    • 908 - Stafford finishes async energy theory, travels to Bipolaris
    • +
    • 909 - Stafford returns to Flandre and invents Zeitgeist Manipulator
    • +

      910s

      +
    • 912 - Selesteine expedition to Joran Lake
    • +
    • 915 - First misosophy degree awarded
    • +

      920s

      +
    • 920s - Cetacean Wars
    • +
    • 923 - Popular consciousness attributes Vulter ruins to aliens
    • +
    • 927 - Selestei briefly tries making their swords bigger
    • +
    • 929 - Hegemony of Whales recognized
    • +

      930s

      +
    • 930 - Marvin Fitch born
    • +
    • 933 - Selestei wins first World Trough with a Selsroll
    • +
    • 939 - Yggdrasil Project completed; H. Aouwouou killed by Squid-Trees
    • +

      940s

      +
    • 940 - Taurus Research Station built by DAS; Massively Parallel Peace Conference held; Generational Aquadome experiment started
    • +
    • 947 - Theocracy of Rime challenges Ulgravian Diaspora for the last time
    • +

      950s

      +
    • 953 - Fitch graduates from NUI
    • +
    • 954 - Buddy Johnson appears in kingsland on Tesseraction Eve; Snake Rain in Flandre
    • +
    • 955 - First symphonic warp traversal experiments
    • +
    • 958 - First hard light projection developed
    • +

      960s

      +
    • 960s - Taurus militarized; computational theology-related agigation in Shaster
    • +
    • 960 - I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act passed; Fitch invents OPCS; The Lunchtime Fallacy steals Rainbow's Teeth
    • +
    • 961 - Sneezing on the King Eternal realses Iurezza
    • +
    • 963 - Professor Hazard McKinley born
    • +
    • 965 - Second phase of the Generational Aquadome experiment begins
    • +
    • 966 - Solid hard light projection developed
    • +
    • 967 - Contagious Republic marionette child incident
    • +

      970s

      +
    • 971 - Grim Weepers reorganized into special operations forces
    • +
    • 972 - Incendian oil extraction ramps up
    • +
    • 973 - The Fairfax Guide to Other Places wins the Greentemple Award for Creative Fiction; General Gorson retires; Hegemon Muoawuw accidentally assassinates Princeps of Saphira
    • +
    • 974 - Incendia falls into a sinkhole and catches on fire
    • +
    • 975 - National Correspondence University of Incendia rebranding; ProjExpo 975
    • +
    • 976 - Killer Bus first appears
    • +
    • 978 - Gadner's paper on space persuasion, civilians banned from Taurus; Seraphi Ironheart born
    • +

      980s

      +
    • 980 - Compass Republic signs trade deal with Ulgravian Diaspora
    • +
    • 982 - Riggs Behemon dies
    • +
    • 983 - Milton awarded 4 degrees
    • +
    • 984 - General Gorson dies
    • +
    • 986 - Hanson's Why Everything Goes to Shit brings entropology to prominence; movement begins to elect Killer Bus as mayor; Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident
    • +
    • 987 - Milton joins BEAC; LMOS Johnson's brief stint as Kingsland mayor
    • +
    • 988 - Hanson wins the Ngote Award for Professorial Excellence; HE Cerberus Ironheart killed by Buddy "LMOS" Johnson; Christophy presides over BEAC on Flandrean unrest; McKinley awarded honorary degree in biosphere fascism by N.U. Shaster
    • +
    • 989 - Disarrangement Act proposed by Hegemony; Jones chosen to preside over the BEAC for the DA
    • +

      990s

      +
    • 990 - Seraphi Ironheart becomes High Exarch Minor of Flandre; McKinley's "Bludgeoning With Facts" paper; Completion of Generational Aquadome experiment
    • +
    • 991 - Kingsland builds a bridge out of a QSE'd squid-tree
    • +
    • 992 - Present day
    • +
    +<<>>INDEX_LIST>>> +prefix:Forward +char:~ +etc[-1]:&c. +char:A +char:B +char:C +char:D +char:E +char:F +char:G +char:H +char:I +char:J +char:K +char:L +char:M +char:N +char:O +char:P +char:Q +char:R +char:S +char:T +char:U +char:V +char:W +char:X +char:Y +char:Z +prefix[1]:Concluding Recommendations +<<>>STATISTICS>>> +top_pagerank on +most_citations_made on +most_citations_to on +longest_article on +cumulative_wordcount on +player_pagerank on +player_citations_made on +player_citations_to on +bottom_pagerank off +undercited off +<<>>DEFAULT_SORT>>> +index +<<>>ALLOW_ADDENDA>>> +True +<<>>GRAPHVIZ_FILE>>> +<<>>SEARCHABLE_FILE>>> +full.html +<< + +Rules | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +
    +
      +
    1. Each Lexicon has a topic statement that sets the tone for the game. + It provides a starting point for shaping the developing world of the + Lexicon. As it is a starting point, don't feel contrained to write only + about the topics mentioned directly in it.
    2. +
    3. Articles are sorted under an index, a grouping of letters. An article is + in an index if its first letter is in that group of letters. "The", "A", + and "An" aren't counted in indexing. Example: One of the indices is JKL. + An article titled 'The Jabberwock' would index under JKL, not T's index.
      1. +
      2. Until the game is over, some of the articles will have been cited, but not + yet written. These are called phantom articles. A phantom article has a + title, which is defined by the first citation to it, but no content.
      3. +
      4. Generally, an index has a number of "slots" equal to the number of players. + When an article is first written or cited, it takes up one slot in its + corresponding index.
      +
    4. Each turn, you will be assigned to write in an index.
      1. +
      2. Your articles should be written from the perspective of your character. + Your character should be a scholar collaborating with the other + scholars on the production of the Lexicon. You should play the same + character for the duration of the game.
      3. +
      4. If the index has open slots, you may come up with a new article title + and write an article under that title. If all unwritten slots in your + index are filled by phantom articles, you must choose one of them and + write it.
      5. +
      6. There are no hard and fast rules about style, but it is recommended + that players imitate an encyclopedic style to stay true to the game's + conceit.
      7. +
      8. There are no hard and fast rules about length, but it is recommended + that the Editor enforce a maximum word limit. In general, aiming for + 200-300 words is ideal.
      9. +
      10. You must respect and not contradict the factual content of all written + articles. You may introduce new facts that put things in a new light, + provide alternative interpretations, or flesh out unexplained details + in unexpected ways; but you must not contradict what has been + previously established as fact. Use the "yes, and" rule from improv + acting: accept what your fellow scholars have written and add to it in + new ways, rather than trying to undo their work. This rule includes + facts that have been established in written articles about the topics + of phantom articles.
      +
    5. Each article will cite other articles in the Lexicon.
      1. +
      2. You may not cite an entry that you have written. When you write an + article, you may not cite it in later articles.
      3. +
      4. As a corollary, you may not write phantom articles that you have cited. + If you cite an article and then write it later, your former article + now cites you, which is forbidden per the above.
      5. +
      6. On the first turn, there are no written articles. Your first article + must cite exactly two phantom articles.
      7. +
      8. On subsequent turns, your article must cite exactly two phantoms, + but you can cite phantoms that already exist. Your article must also + cite at least one written article. You can cite more than one.
      9. +
      10. On the penultimate turn, you must cite exactly one phantom + article and at least two written articles.
      11. +
      12. On the final turn, you must cite at least three written articles.
      +
    6. As the game goes on, it may come to pass that a player must write an + article in an index, but that index is full, and that player has already + cited all the phantoms in it. When this happens, the player instead writes + their article as Ersatz Scrivener, radical skeptic. Ersatz does not + believe in the existence of whatever he is writing about, no matter how + obvious it seems to others or how central it is in the developing history + of the world. For Ersatz, all references, testimony, etc. with regard to + its existence are tragic delusion at best or malicious lies at worst. + Unlike the other scholars, Ersatz does not treat the research of his peers + as fact, because he does not believe he has peers. Players writing articles + as Ersatz are encouraged to lambast the amateur work of his misguided + "collaborators".
    7. +
    +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/session/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/session/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8b9a13a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/session/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,141 @@ + + +Session | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
    + + +
    + +

    A Lexicon for NaNoWriMo 2018.

    +

    Countries

    +

    Major countries

    +
  • The Compass Republic
  • +
  • Flandre
  • +
  • The Fractured Cities
  • +
  • The Hegemony of Whales
  • +
  • Lepazzia
  • +
  • The Panark Fleet
  • +
  • Selestei
  • +
  • Shaster
  • +
  • The Ulgravian Diaspora
  • +
  • The Very Definitely Independent States
  • +

    Minor countries and city-states

    +
  • The Barrowlands
  • +
  • Incendia (pre-974)
  • +
  • Kingsland
  • +
  • Theocracy of Rime (pre-947)
  • +

    Irregular countries

    +
  • The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski
  • +
  • Incendia (post-974)
  • +
  • Placeholden
  • + +

    Timeline (as of turn 11)

    +
      +
    • c. -500 - Electric undead begin spreading out of Barcu
    • +
    • c. -200 - Guild of Mapmakers founded
    • +
    • c. -196 - The Partitioning
    • +
    • pre-AES - Fractured Cities at war
    • +
    • 025 - Kingsland coast becomes the Missing Sea
    • +
    • 026 - The Roerbach Incident
    • +
    • c. 250 - Selestei dominates international politics
    • +
    • fourth century - Lepazzian Split
    • +
    • 380 - Cult of Yphydryx Shadowhand rises to prominence
    • +
    • 382 - Selesteine dominance of international politics wanes
    • +
    • 384 - Yphydryx Shadowhand dies, cult dissolves
    • +
    • 489 - Earth completely charted
    • +
    • 535 - Double-North Pole theorized
    • +
    • 547 - Double-North Pole discovered
    • +
    • 688 - Selestei wages the War of Durun's Ass
    • +
    • 715 - Xenoarcheological ruins discovered on Vulter
    • +
    • 722 - Cult of Qoph dies out
    • +

      Ninth century

      +
    • c. 826 - First space flight
    • +
    • 840 - Benric sovereign sneezes on the King Eternal
    • +
    • 845 - Joran Lake formed; Hans Flugelsson awarded first Imagineering degree
    • +
    • 849 - Thanatology recognized as dark degree
    • +
    • 851 - Dysthetics recognized as dark degree
    • +
    • 875 - Joran Lake now populated with fish
    • +
    • 876 - Stratsky Foundation founded
    • +
    • 877 - Placeholden invented
    • +
    • 891 - Goats on Boats Affair; Economics recognized as dark degree
    • +
    • 894 - Mad law invented by Kelsi Hanover
    • +

      900s

      +
    • 900s-910s - Lepazzia drives Ulgrav out of their airspace
    • +
    • c. 900 - Stafford studies electric undead
    • +
    • 903 - Kade Gorson born
    • +
    • 908 - Stafford finishes async energy theory, travels to Bipolaris
    • +
    • 909 - Stafford returns to Flandre and invents Zeitgeist Manipulator
    • +

      910s

      +
    • 912 - Selesteine expedition to Joran Lake
    • +
    • 915 - First misosophy degree awarded
    • +

      920s

      +
    • 920s - Cetacean Wars
    • +
    • 923 - Popular consciousness attributes Vulter ruins to aliens
    • +
    • 927 - Selestei briefly tries making their swords bigger
    • +
    • 929 - Hegemony of Whales recognized
    • +

      930s

      +
    • 930 - Marvin Fitch born
    • +
    • 933 - Selestei wins first World Trough with a Selsroll
    • +
    • 939 - Yggdrasil Project completed; H. Aouwouou killed by Squid-Trees
    • +

      940s

      +
    • 940 - Taurus Research Station built by DAS; Massively Parallel Peace Conference held; Generational Aquadome experiment started
    • +
    • 947 - Theocracy of Rime challenges Ulgravian Diaspora for the last time
    • +

      950s

      +
    • 953 - Fitch graduates from NUI
    • +
    • 954 - Buddy Johnson appears in kingsland on Tesseraction Eve; Snake Rain in Flandre
    • +
    • 955 - First symphonic warp traversal experiments
    • +
    • 958 - First hard light projection developed
    • +

      960s

      +
    • 960s - Taurus militarized; computational theology-related agigation in Shaster
    • +
    • 960 - I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act passed; Fitch invents OPCS; The Lunchtime Fallacy steals Rainbow's Teeth
    • +
    • 961 - Sneezing on the King Eternal realses Iurezza
    • +
    • 963 - Professor Hazard McKinley born
    • +
    • 965 - Second phase of the Generational Aquadome experiment begins
    • +
    • 966 - Solid hard light projection developed
    • +
    • 967 - Contagious Republic marionette child incident
    • +

      970s

      +
    • 971 - Grim Weepers reorganized into special operations forces
    • +
    • 972 - Incendian oil extraction ramps up
    • +
    • 973 - The Fairfax Guide to Other Places wins the Greentemple Award for Creative Fiction; General Gorson retires; Hegemon Muoawuw accidentally assassinates Princeps of Saphira
    • +
    • 974 - Incendia falls into a sinkhole and catches on fire
    • +
    • 975 - National Correspondence University of Incendia rebranding; ProjExpo 975
    • +
    • 976 - Killer Bus first appears
    • +
    • 978 - Gadner's paper on space persuasion, civilians banned from Taurus; Seraphi Ironheart born
    • +

      980s

      +
    • 980 - Compass Republic signs trade deal with Ulgravian Diaspora
    • +
    • 982 - Riggs Behemon dies
    • +
    • 983 - Milton awarded 4 degrees
    • +
    • 984 - General Gorson dies
    • +
    • 986 - Hanson's Why Everything Goes to Shit brings entropology to prominence; movement begins to elect Killer Bus as mayor; Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident
    • +
    • 987 - Milton joins BEAC; LMOS Johnson's brief stint as Kingsland mayor
    • +
    • 988 - Hanson wins the Ngote Award for Professorial Excellence; HE Cerberus Ironheart killed by Buddy "LMOS" Johnson; Christophy presides over BEAC on Flandrean unrest; McKinley awarded honorary degree in biosphere fascism by N.U. Shaster
    • +
    • 989 - Disarrangement Act proposed by Hegemony; Jones chosen to preside over the BEAC for the DA
    • +

      990s

      +
    • 990 - Seraphi Ironheart becomes High Exarch Minor of Flandre; McKinley's "Bludgeoning With Facts" paper; Completion of Generational Aquadome experiment
    • +
    • 991 - Kingsland builds a bridge out of a QSE'd squid-tree
    • +
    • 992 - Present day
    • +
    +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/986-bring-your-daughter-to-work-day-incident-9.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/986-bring-your-daughter-to-work-day-incident-9.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5534afc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/986-bring-your-daughter-to-work-day-incident-9.txt @@ -0,0 +1,21 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 9 +# Title: 986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident + +Ah, the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. I can think of no place on earth that is quite like it. Nowhere else will you find the heights of power so entangled with the lows of maturity. A place so orderly, yet filled with the pettiest of bickering—and, yes, bloodshed. One's mind jumps immediately to the noble warriors representing the [[Careless Continent|The Careless Continent]], of course, but we mustn't forget that eventful day in 973 when [[Hegemon Muoauwu|The Hegemony of Whales]] sneezed and accidentally assassinated the Princeps of Saphira, or when [[Madam Secretary|DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas]] beat Queen Hester the Swift of Bolum with a ruler and set off a succession crisis. + +Another event sees discussion in the same breath: one that I had the honor of witnessing, the **986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day Incident**. Many scholars express a degree of skepticism about the events that took place here on that day, as there was a great deal of confusion and it was not recorded very well. However, I have always held a special interest in Flandre, and I happened to be sitting with then eight-year-old [[Seraphi Ironheart|High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]] when she set events in motion. + +Bring Your Daughter to Work Day was an event put forward, if memory serves, by Deified Hlisst of Kel (who, mind you, is as mortal as the next Sovereign). The official reasoning for the measure was an opportunity to humanize political opponents and teach the next generation how things are done in these noble chambers. Little did they realize the next generation contained Miss Ironheart, and that she had a few lessons to teach //them!// + +Her first strike was the use of [[holographic technology|Hard light projection]]—a present for her seventh birthday, she told me—to create a simulacrum of famed Kushrian champion Balam Al-Hasslain. Al-Hasslain himself was reportedly quite taken with the projection before she told him that it had been created by scientists of the Veluus Republic (now allied with Kush against their mutual neighbor Gheir, but at the time, a mortal enemy). + +Her second move was to spread rumors among the warriors of the Careless Continent that their enemies were hidden among the representatives of the [[Very Definitely Independent States|The Very Definitely Independent States]], and that projection technology could be detected by way of a geiger counter. However, she herself was wearing (harmlessly) radioactive clothing, and had made sure to give every VDIS Sovereign a hug earlier that day. Thus, the Careless Continent contingent seemingly discovered that //all// of them were disguised foes, and a massacre began. + +The Hegemony would later condemn Flandre, but Flandre maintains that Ironheart was acting independently. Ironheart has gone on record saying that she was never there, and that the events were actually the handiwork of a [[Botherhood|The Botherhood]] operative disguised as her, which should have been obvious once everyone found out she was radioactive. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/assemblies-of-gods-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/assemblies-of-gods-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d64e9e7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/assemblies-of-gods-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Assemblies of Gods + +In the wake of the incident in Shaster, the offering of divine assembly executions gradually became normal throughout the 970s. This contributed to a decrease in the number of sectarian conflicts, until a series of investigative journalism reports in 979 uncovered a dark underside to the Assemblies of Gods. Two years earlier, an anonymous Panarkian technomonk of the Desert Fleet (believed by many to be the [[alleged professor Marvin Fitch|Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch]]) had written a series of hymns that, when compiled into a divine assembly, injected various curses into other assemblies running on the same machine. This precipitated a massive scandal for the Panark Fleet, which their sovereign deftly handled by nationalizing the malicious hymn-software, gathering the nation's best programmers to reverse-engineer it, and adding it to their business model. Now sectarians can pay top dollar to Panark's technomonks to have hymns composed to attack their religious enemies' divine assemblies or defend their own against such attacks. As //physical// sectarian conflicts have continued to decrease, the international community has collectively agreed that this is an acceptable conclusion to the whole affair. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/assemblies-of-gods-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/assemblies-of-gods-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b42bb71 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/assemblies-of-gods-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Assemblies of Gods + +The field of computational theology was founded by [[High Illuminator Dr. Heinrich Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]] in an offhand comment in the margin of a paper he was grading, which has become a relic since his canonization as a saint. Noting the use of ritual and repetition within religious devotion, Stafford theorized that religious ritual could be abstracted into an algorithm, which could then be implemented by any universal computer, allowing the ritual to be repeated at hardware speed over every computational core. When this marginal note was discovered, it sparked a flood of research into the algorithmic representation of ritual and the digital representation of symbol, most of which was immediately anathematized. The bulk of these anathemas were lifted in the following decades, allowing the products of its research to be aired openly. Within computational theology, a program whose execution corresponds to the performance of a particular ritual is known as a //divine assembly//, and the library of divine assemblies that have been written by computational theologians is referred to as the **Assemblies of Gods**. + +The Assemblies remained a rather academic affair until the 960s, when [[Shaster]] was rocked by agitation from [[misosophers and economists|The Dark Pentad]] who wanted to replace all religious activity in Shaster with divine assembly executions, thus eliminating both the philosophical quandaries of divinity and all bank holidays. The so-called "computational reformers" gained a foothold in the Senate, which allowed them to hang on to relevance for most of the decade until the untimely death of the movement's leader, Ik Severent, in a shipwreck. His successors, Harry and Isabelle Writsmith, were incompetent to the task of defending the movement to the Senate. Within the year, the country tired of their shenanigans, and banned computational theology outright. A brief resurgence a few years later was quickly quashed when the Senate threatened to have a national university posthumously award Severent a dysthetics degree. The Senate even proposed naming computational theology as a Dark Pentad discipline, though the measure was quietly tabled after [[the Panark Fleet]], a bosom ally of Shaster, expressed significant disapproval of the motion. + +Most usage of the Assemblies of Gods is done on Panark servers, either by Panark itself or offered as a service to other countries. On most holy days, the Fleet offers complementary cycles to countries to run divine assemblies that correspond to observances for that day. This has become a point of tension with Kingsland, whose [[complicated religious landscape|Pantheons of Kingsland]] all but ensures that every day is a holy day for at least one Kingslander cult. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/asynchronous-energy-11.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/asynchronous-energy-11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..304cab1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/asynchronous-energy-11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 11 +# Title: Asynchronous energy + +Invented by the incomparable [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]], the theory of **asynchronous energy** extends insights from quantum mechanics into practical applications. These insights had not been made at the time, of course, but it's not like that was ever an obstacle for the High Illuminator. Quantum theory allows for small-scale violations of conservation principles, as long as those violations occur within a small enough timespan. Stafford's innovation was to develop a physics that could make these violations usable on human time scales by having the timespan extend piecemeal across a longer stretch of time; thus, while a violation might only occur for some number of picoseconds, some of those picoseconds might be a minute later than the rest. Managing to pull this off without catastrophe is a testament to Stafford's brilliance. + +The application of asynchronous energy theory is limited in most cases and usually reduces to regular physics, just with more math. However, the indirection layer of asynchronous energy theory shines in a use case close to home for [[Flandrean|Flandre]] northerners like the good doctor: physics in the Barcuvian edgelands. It is a well-known fact that Barcu is different from the rest of the world, in [[some very odd ways|Barcuvian antiweather]]. Physics is no exception to this. Practical energy asynchronicity is most profitable in the edgelands where Barcuvian physics gives way to regular physics. By using normally energy-neutral processes, but straddling them across the gradient into Barcuvian physics, energy can be produced nearly limitlessly. Flandre has grown to accept this as sufficiently useful to be worth the decade of National Response Protocols (Supernatural Existential Threat) it engenders. This speaks volumes about the sheer advantage asynchronous energy gives Flandre to be worth such a risk. + +Speaking of the risks, nobody is really quite sure what they are, since nobody really understands asynchronous energy theory in the first place. The leading theory is that a Barcuvian straddle-generator produces energy by borrowing it from the near future, then paying off the energy "debt" when the future arrives by borrowing even more future energy. If this is indeed how it works — and, again, nobody is actually sure — then there is a mounting energy debt on the Barcuvian border that, if it "defaults", would cause unimaginable damage. The projected effects range from the edgelands dropping to absolute zero to [[the entire continent|Iurezza (continent)]] being converted to mass-energy to be sucked into the past. The implications of this for the Disarrangement Act are unclear, but if Flandre is forced to comply with the Act, it is likely they will attempt to prevent the implosion of their asynchronous infrastructure by declaring swaths of Barcu to be their sovereign territory. This may provoke war between Flandre and the other Barcuvian nations, such as Kingsland or the Barrowlands, and if there's anything good for the international community, it's keeping Flandre off the warpath. The last thing we need is for the [[High Exarch Minor|High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]] to be thinking seriously about how to conquer the world. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/barcuvian-antiweather-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/barcuvian-antiweather-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7f10cbe --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/barcuvian-antiweather-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 10 +# Title: Barcuvian antiweather + +One reason to think that the Esoteric Order of Florists does have a base in the Barcu region is that the sociophysical effects of the Order's activities would be noticeable anywhere else, but would fade unnoticed into the noise of Barcu's peculiar idea of what physics is. [[The Book of Schemes]] even suggests, in some translations and interpretations, that [[Flandre]] should carry out its cutting-edge experimental work in physics close to Barcu, in order to disguise the effects of the experiments. Though, of course, since we don't really know what the Order //does//, we can't tell what sort of noise they're trying to blend in. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/barcuvian-antiweather-15.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/barcuvian-antiweather-15.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..12b11a0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/barcuvian-antiweather-15.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 15 +# Title: Barcuvian antiweather + +Rubric, you know damn well that you're the only one seriously peddling the "Sornhandr is a bunch of identical decrepit old guys pretending to be the same person throughout the ages" theory. It pisses me off that you got four interns killed off investigating that theory. //Four!// I've been at this //twice// as long, put in //four// times as much work, and I've only gotten two interns! This is so fucking unfair. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/barcuvian-antiweather-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/barcuvian-antiweather-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..06637c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/barcuvian-antiweather-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Barcuvian antiweather + +The only thing worse than getting rained on because you forgot your umbrella is getting rained on from underneath your umbrella. Despite this, **antiweather** remains one of the biggest reasons why it's inexplicable that people still live in the geographical region of Barcu. The ultimate cause of antiweather, and its localization to Barcu, remain unknown, though one favored theory blames it on an ancient and accidental case of [[space persuasion]]. + +The most common form of antiweather is //uprain//, which condenses into droplets deep in the water table, then precipitates up until it breaks through the ground, rising into the sky to become clouds and drenching the underpants of any visitors who forgot their underbrellas. More severe forms of antiweather include //antithunderstorms//, where bolts of darkness cause sudden periods of silence, and //antitornados//, wherein air from the upper atmosphere is blown to the surface in a column that pushes away everything near its base. The //crepusculum borealis// was previously blamed on Kingsland, until archaeologists found evidence that the shadowy curtains that occasionally flit through the region were attested from before Kingsland was founded. The snow in Barcu is hot, but it's still just called snow. + +Geologists studying Barcu often invoke antiweather effects to explain Barcu's odd mountainous geography. While some regions of Barcu are relatively flat, like the Barrowlands, the mountainous areas rise up sharply, creating stark boundaries between jagged, rocky slopes and arcadian plains. This happens, it is thought, because while normally mountains are weathered down, in Barcu they are weathered up. The air of mystery this gives Barcuvian mountains makes it a popular location for the theorized headquarters of [[the Esoteric Order of Florists]] — a somewhat flawed theory, because the Order has never (been proven to have) given anyone the common Barcuvian Laserlily, and you'd think that they'd make use of such an easily-available resource if they were really based there. + +Antiweather is thought by some to be closely related to the [[electric undead]], which have been traced back to the Barrowlands. These researchers theorize that both the electric undead and antiweather are sustained by an ancestral curse lying over the Barrowlands. Some fringe theorists further suggest that the Barrowlands' current sovereign, Sornhandr, King Eternal, has been cursed to live on as a revenant, and that this is why the last few sovereigns of the Barrowlands have all had the exact same name and appearance. The mild racism of these suggestions aside, answers have not been forthcoming, since the interns tasked with asking the King Eternal about this tend to receive ancient curses in an old and forgotten tongue instead of answers, and my grad students keep quitting when I [[suggest they try|X-treme lecturing]]. However, the ancient curses often cause their victims to be struck by lightning, so the connection is plausible. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/biosphere-fascism-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/biosphere-fascism-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0873f8f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/biosphere-fascism-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 12 +# Title: Biosphere fascism + +Nobody wants to believe we're all screwed. Meanwhile I'm over here and I study this shit on a professional basis, so I'm constantly hearing uneducated morons tell me how we're not actually screwed. I'm like "Have you even read //Why Everything Goes to Shit?//" And then they go (and it's usually a man between 20 and 40 saying this) "Well, yeah, but the author doesn't consider that his model assumes—" and that's usually when I kick them in the balls. + +Listen, you self-indulgent horsewives, //entropology is built on fucking math//. You don't have to assume anything, you just have to plug the numbers in and see what comes out. And what comes out is "you're screwed." + +One of our sister fields, **biosphere fascism**, is built around this whole problem. It used to be "environmental science" back in the day, but the environmental scientists kept running numbers that spelled out "you're screwed" and nobody wanted to believe them. There were a bunch of attempts to soft-pressure everyone into realizing they were killing the environment, but those went exactly nowhere. So they scrapped the whole field and replaced it with "biosphere fascism," which was lighter on the environmental science and heavier on making public examples of dissidents. + +There were a ridiculous number of environmental problems by the early tenth century, including rising acidity in the oceans (or at least [[most of them|Missing Sea]]), a bunch of species going extinct for a bajillion reasons, and Kingsland. Some academics will also talk about air pollution, but don't listen to them. They're racists and they hate zeppelins because they hate their miserable selves. Anyways, once the [[Hegemony of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]] came into the picture, there were a bunch of treaties meant to ensure ocean pollution wasn't used as a political weapon, but then they went and fucked it up with the [[Yggdrasil Project|The Yggdrasil Project]]. Academia started figuring maybe the government wasn't gonna help. + +So the biofascists started taking matters into their own hands. Biofascist grants funded a number of leftover devices theorized by the peerless [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]] and biofascist activist groups took a leaf out of [[Queen Buttface the Prick|Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous]]'s book and disappeared a couple obstreperous upstarts that no one's gonna miss. Well, no one important. Well, I don't. + +These days compliance with biofascist orthodoxy is enforced by the [[Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement]]. If you go around denying climate change, they just bust down your door and go "Stop, evildoer! Come quietly or in pieces!" And you're like "But I don't believe in scientific evidence!" and they're like "it's peer reviewed, you regressive ball of ignorance" and you're like "I peer reviewed //your mom//" and they're like "I'll peer review //your face//" and then they shoot you in the face. Which is hilarious, but ultimately just another example of everything going to shit, because my oldest daughter is in her edgy phase and I hate monitoring her internet use so that fucking academic hit squads don't come knocking on our door. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/bloodmoot-9.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/bloodmoot-9.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c8e2a45 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/bloodmoot-9.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 9 +# Title: Bloodmoot + +I had the good fortune to attend a **bloodmoot** once, and I consider it a formative experience both as a person and as an academic. I was visiting a conference in [[the Fractured Cities]] with my //dear// colleague, Dr. Julie Mandel, where both of us were presenting papers. My talk was on the subject of my graduate research, the justification of state suppression of academia. Dr. Mendel's talk, which was scheduled right after mine, was supposed to be about the liberating power of education, but she ended up spending the first half giving refutations of my talk. Naturally, this annoyed me, so I invited her to the nearby bloodmoot that was going on that day. + +Now, the most important thing to know about going to a bloodmoot as a foreigner is that everyone there, with no exception, is out to get someone. A few of those present are //primaries//, who have the unenviable task of trying to kill the opposing Hierarch directly. These are your snipers, your poisoners, your stagehands holding up anvils by ropes (tried surprisingly often since [[Roerbach|The Roerbach Incident]]), etc. This task is unenviable because all of the other attendees at the bloodmoot, the //secondaries//, have the task of either neutralizing the opposing primaries or neutralizing the people trying to neutralize their own primaries. If you're lucky, you'll be so far up the chain of counterplays that nobody is specifically tasked with neutralizing you, which means you only have to fear the free agents looking for any weak points in the opposing counterplayers. When you attend as a foreigner, you naturally present as a free agent, so you're safe as long as you don't appear to be on either Hierarch's side. If you do accidentally show support for one side, it's best to leave the premises immediately before one of the other free agents gets to you. + +Dr. Mendel, unfortunately, was wearing a red cardigan, which just so happened to be the color of one of the two Hierarchs meeting at that bloodmoot. I last saw her being stuffed into a box by two orderlies [[wearing what was possibly red|Chromatic aberration]] and being loaded onto a mail gigatrebuchet. Right before it was fired at one of the Hierarchs, though, [[The Lunchtime Fallacy]] appeared out of the warp and hit it, diverting the aim, and the payload ended up being [[fired through the ceiling|Space persuasion]]. This must have been according to plan, because one of the Hierarchs started cackling as a flock of [[marionette children]] descended through the new hole in the ceiling. I took that as my cue to ditch, but I must have made a wrong turn, because I ended up in a hallway with the Hierarchs at one end and the corvid flock on the other. Had to use my spare flashbang to stun the Hierarchs and get to the fire escape ahead of the crows. I was barely able to slam the door shut behind me before they got out. + +Anyway, that's how I became, at least on paper, one of the competitors for the throne of the Fractured Cities, which figured prominently in my subsequent [[misosophy degree|The Dark Pentad]] conferral. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/buddy-literally-made-of-snakes-johnson-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/buddy-literally-made-of-snakes-johnson-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7680b1c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/buddy-literally-made-of-snakes-johnson-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson + +No, the nickname isn't a metaphor. Buddy Johnson is //literally// made of snakes. People sometimes get the wrong impression, because to the unaided eye he appears just like everyone else. But unlike a human, every single one of his cells is a tightly-packed snake. He needs only to sneeze to fill a room from floor to ceiling with snakes as they uncurl themselves to full size. He can hiss as loud as the [[Selesteine national anthem|Selestei]], and probably much louder if he tries. He can squeeze his body through any hole large enough to fit his bones, which are the only parts of him that aren't made of snakes — as far as we know. + +Terrible things always come from Barcu, of course, and Johnson is no exception. But where did //he// come from, specifically? Opinions are divided. Some say that he was once a man who became snakes. Others say that he was once snakes who became a man. The former view has to its advantage that the inordinate number of snakes that make up Johnson would have been noticeable before they became him. The latter view has to its advantage that he usually appears as the sort of generic human you'd come up with if you were an alien trying to make a human disguise, and "Buddy Johnson" is pretty up there on the list of most generic names. + +Who or whatever he was before he was Literally Made of Snakes — assuming he //was// anything before — he first appeared in Kingsland on [[Tesseraction Eve]] in AES 954, when all of the city's storm drains began inexplicably disgorging snakes at high pressure into the air. Some of the snake-clouds that formed drifted south to [[Flandre]], but most precipitated where they formed over Kingsland. When the snake geysers dissipated and the snakes had drained into the river, Buddy Johnson climbed out, literally made of snakes. From then on, he became a fixture of Kingsland South, terrorizing the populace that lived there. Southside got a brief respite in 987, when they managed to get him elected as the mayor, forcing him to leave the city for Disputatious Assembly sessions. This was short-lived, however. After a few months, Johnson sat snakes in every free seat in the Assembly, becoming for a moment the majority vote //per se//, and then unilaterally banned himself from the Assembly. An attempted resistance by the Flandrean High Exarch Cerberus Ironheart was foiled by [[the Hegemon of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]]; Johnson would subsequently [[invade Flandre for revenge|Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a]]. He was finally driven out in 990 by the newly ascended [[High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]], and not been seen since. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/buddy-literally-made-of-snakes-johnson-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/buddy-literally-made-of-snakes-johnson-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f7782db --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/buddy-literally-made-of-snakes-johnson-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson + +I've got a personal theory about where the snakes came from. + +Friend in Kingsland told me there's a legend of an ancient cult that got foiled by Flandrean National Response Protocols one too many times, so they cursed Flandre to have to deal with a nest of snakes for every time they foiled someone's plot. 'Course, "a wizard did it" isn't all that scholarly of an explanation, so maybe that cult went off and bred snakes like mad for the next thousand years or so. Either way. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/captain-jango-space-gunnerson-11.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/captain-jango-space-gunnerson-11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c056b58 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/captain-jango-space-gunnerson-11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 11 +# Title: Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson + +**Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson** is an archeologist, astronaut, and military veteran. He is known for his outspoken opposition to [[Klaus Santanna]] and for being the first Kingslander to voluntarily reach space. + +Captain Gunnerson is widely known in connection with his work on the [[Ultimate Dragonopolis]]. A self-described xenoenthusiast and expert in [[Vulterbase|xenoarcheological ruins]] research, Gunnerson has published multiple papers arguing that the space ship that brought the ruins' creators to this planet must still be in in orbit. In these papers, Gunnerson has advanced multiple independent arguments with varying degrees of factual support. One paper argues that whoever built the ruins obviously lived in them, so as long as they travelled here, whatever method of transport they used to get here must still be here. Another paper badly mangles atmospheric physics to allegedly "prove" evidence of alien vessels breaching the atmosphere. Tales of the Dragonopolis go back many years, of course, but most scholars consider them mythical. The general academic consensus is that Gunnerson's arguments are based more in wish fulfillment than credible scientific research. + +With such a consensus, Gunnerson shockingly did not receive any grant money from [[Iurezzan|Iurezza (continent)]] universities to fund a spacefaring expedition to locate the Ultimate Dragonopolis. This did not deter him, however, and he appealed across the water to the National University of [[Shaster]], whose culture is better suited to scientific inquiry of such calibre. At last, a ship was assembled and Gunnerson earned his name. + +Gunnerson's expedition took everyone by surprise, not only because he survived, but because he returned with measurement data that would actually seem to vindicate his theory that the ship is still out there. Radar has been less than fruitful in trying to detect the ship, which Gunnerson and his allies explain away by arguing that a good spaceship would absorb all forms of radiation. What Gunnerson did instead was look for gravitational anomalies. Fortunately for him, he discovered one floating in the shadow of [[Zor Olo]]. Opponents of his research argue that the readings might also indicate an [[ominous fixed-point cube|ominous fixed-point cubes]], or perhaps [[The Lunchtime Fallacy]] lurking aboard the //Rainbow's Teeth// as they plot their next guerrilla show. + +Gunnerson's objective for the Dragonopolis is rather straight-forward: he intends to board it, arm its weapon systems, and then wipe [[Bipolaris|The Double-North Pole]] off the map. This has caused some tension between the Compass Republic and Shaster, given that the latter funded the first expedition. The fact that the tension has yet to escalate either indicates that Shaster's diplomats are doing their job well, or that Santanna thinks planetary bombardment by an advanced alien vessel is nothing to worry about. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/chorus-perpetual-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/chorus-perpetual-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..89769da --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/chorus-perpetual-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 12 +# Title: Chorus Perpetual + +Just as human civilization, which communicates by speaking, prizes a beautiful oration, so the hyperintelligent whales of our oceans hold whalesong in a place of cultural importance. The most important whalesong in the oceans is also the oldest. In the nonspecifically distant past (whales have no calendars), in response to some nebulous catastrophe, the whales gathered together and began to sing. Believing that this song would protect them from danger, they sang it in shifts, with whales joining in and dropping out at intervals to maintain the song in perpetuity. This became the //Euouao Euouaoou//, variously translated as "hymn until the finish", "supplication unto the end", or "endless song", and officially notarized by the Disputatious Assembly as the **Chorus Perpetual**. + +The Chorus is the closest thing in [[the Hegemony of Whales]] to a state religion. The location is a state secret, and there are likely several places in the deep sea that it moves between. It figured prominently in whale propaganda during the Cetacean Wars, or so the translators told the historians. The continuance of the Chorus is linguistically tied to the seasonal cycle, and the closest thing the Hegemony has to a calendar is measuring time by rounds of the Chorus. Most cetacean cultural scholars understand the singing of the Chorus to be, in the cetacean mind, inextricable from the passage of time itself. This has given rise to multiple rumors about what would happen were the Chorus to end, the most popular of which appeals to the seasonal and calendrical lingustic parallels to suggest that the measure of time maintained by the Chorus is the revolution of the planet around the sun. On this theory, the end of the Chorus would be the end of our orbit, causing us to either fall into the sun or fly off into space. The Hegemony, for its part, encourages this speculation, as do its allies among the [[biosphere fascists|Biosphere fascism]]. + +Skeptics will generally rail against these theories, clamoring things like, "Whales evolved long after our orbit was established!" or, "[[Space persuasion]] doesn't work that way!" These are fair points, deserving of a fair response. My colleague Dr. Christophy would probably insist on the sociophysical explanation that whether or not the orbit depended on the Chorus Perpetual's perpetuity before, centuries of the whales thinking so mean it does now. But turning to a real scientific field, we can take heart in the wisdom of the imagineer Dyrus the Dreadful, who pointed out that there's just a lot of weird stuff in the world, like [[ominous cubes|Ominous fixed-point cubes]], [[indeterminate color|Chromatic aberration]], and [[fish|Metafishics]], and who knows if our measurements on orbital decay might be affected by something like whalesong? + +I mean "take heart" in the Kingslander sense, of course, i.e., "[fear for your life as if someone were trying to] take [your] heart [out of your chest with a rusty spoon]", because you never know when an unnoticed [[squid-tree|Ravenous Squid-Trees]] grove might send us plunging into the sun. At least it'd make Kingsland more tolerable. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/chromatic-aberration-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/chromatic-aberration-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ea5e249 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/chromatic-aberration-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 10 +# Title: Chromatic aberration + +Scientists are generally undecided as to whether **chromatic aberration**, an observer-independent uncertainty to an object's color, is a physical or a psychological phenomenon. I, however, think the explanation is clear: chromatic aberration is a //sociophysical// phenomenon above all else. It is well known in the field of sociophysics that the social milieu changes the laws of physics. Since the color of light is governed by the light's physical properties, any social influence on such properties will manifest as visible change. This sort of sociophysics can affect attention in mixed settings, such as when one feels "socially invisible". Often social invisibility is accompanied by //actual// invisibility, which could explain why the [[Incendian|Incendia]] sovereign's vote is sometimes skipped in the Disputatious Assembly. I am also convinced, personally, that this is what has become of the Sovereign of [[Placeholden]]. + +In the case of chromatic aberration, the underlying sociophysics is probably tied to an object's color being highly significant as an indicator of something, and this indication being uncertain. The uncertainty or ambiguity in the indication of the object then "bleeds", as it were, into the object's reflective properties, and thence into the light it reflects. This was a major plot point in the romantic comedy //Unto Kingsland//, where the male lead gives a bouquet to the female lead, who is versed in flower symbolism, but the bouquet exhibits chromatic aberration because of his conflicted feelings, leaving her unable to interpret the gesture. I've always thought myself that a few of the lines in "Annihilation" from [[//Iurezza//|Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)]] are about chromatic aberration, but Sneezing on the King Eternal are well-known for their abstract and sometimes nonsensical metaphors, so I might just be reading too much into it. + +On the sociophysical account, the basic principles that cause chromatic aberration also account for other phenomena, such as mass chromatic delusion, the term being used to describe how everyone agrees that the national flag of Kingsland is red and green instead of the hideous, sanity-warping colors it says it is in the notaries' official records. Similarly, the colored flags in [[that old legend|Legend of the Three Trees]] appear as different colors to each character. A variation on sociophysical chromatic aberration would explain this handily. Please fund my research. + +I have also heard people suggest that chromatic aberration could be due to secret government technology or something cooked up by [[the Esoteric Order of Florists]], which are also possible explanations, I guess. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/cincinatta-rubric-msd-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/cincinatta-rubric-msd-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0392737 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/cincinatta-rubric-msd-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 0 +# Title: ~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD + +//**Dr. Cincinatta Rubric, MsD** is the Centus Havocwreaker Professor Emeritus of Misosophy at the National Correspondence University of Incendia and the author of several acclaimed books, including //The Profitable Abuse of Hypotheticals// and the groundbreaking textbook //Corrupting the Youth//. She was demerited with a Doctorate of Misosophy for her achievements in the egregious violation of scholarly norms and remorseless sabotage of her academic opponents, and subsequently recognized by her peers as a dangerous and unhinged maverick when she actually showed up to her misosophy degree conferral. Her work in the field of combat philosophy has been denounced by several major journals of philosophy, and she has the prestigious honor of being the first Pentad academic to receive a restraining order from an official conference of the Notional Academy of Barcu. Her appointment to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee passed by a 3 vote margin and provoked an official letter of protest from the High Exarch Minor of Flandre.// + +//Dr. Rubric enjoys fencing, mountain biking, and the panicked consternation of freshmen. When she is not at the Assembly on Committee business, she lives in her condo in Kingsland South with her pet snake Rufus and something that lives in the walls that she refuses to name, because to name it would be to acknowledge its presence.// diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-cincinatta-rubric-20.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-cincinatta-rubric-20.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f09119f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-cincinatta-rubric-20.txt @@ -0,0 +1,21 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 20 +# Title: Concluding Recommendations: Cincinatta Rubric + +Honored sovereigns of the Disputatious Assembly, I realize that taking my recommendations regarding the Disarrangement Act to heart may be difficult, in light of [[my particular qualifications|The Dark Pentad]] and the polarizing debate over my appointment to this solemn committee. In the spirit of approaching the problem before us objectively, therefore, I ask that you consider the other sovereigns in this chamber, especially the ones who opposed my appointment. I bet my [[gold star|DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas]] for the week that you distrust half of those bastards at least as much as you distrust me. With that in mind, my recommendations. + +I heartily endorse the Disarrangement Act, but I have some concerns over the most common implementation details floating around. For starters, it is absolutely essential that Kingsland be moved from its current land, even if the standard procedure will be to move a country with its land. We've tried everything under the sun to get rid of our troubles, from [[asking them nicely to leave|Pantheons of Kingsland]] to [[electing them mayor|Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson]]. Don't throw us under the [[bus|The Killer Bus of Kingsland North]] here. + +One major practical concern for moving countries around is that every continent has some number of [[ominous fixed-point cubes]] embedded in its bedrock. In order to be able to move them, therefore, I recommend that the land be divided not along national lines, but rather along lines drawn between neighboring subterranean cubes. This may require redrawing some national boundaries, but let's be honest, [[the Partitioning]] was a long time ago and I'm sure the up-and-coming generation of [[cartographers|The Venerable Society of Cartographers]] would like to make their mark (literally) on history. Based on cube charts, these chunks should also be easier to move around, which brings me to my next recommendation. + +Everybody in the world is worried about the glut of [[ravenous squid-trees|Ravenous Squid-Trees]] in the oceans. What if the [[Hegemony|The Hegemony of Whales]] fails at keeping an eye on them all, and we get another //El Fauces del Diablo// situation? Fear not, for these cube-partitioned pieces of land will be the perfect size for dropping onto clusters of squid-trees. Some [[biosphere fascists|Biosphere fascism]] once suggested to me that we could even cut some of them round and have [[the Panarkian biome carriers|The Panark Fleet]] push them around like steamrollers. Currently, Panark isn't a fan of the Disarrangement Act, so eliminating the biggest existential threat to their country at the same time should make it more palatable to them. + +Of course, Panark might not like the idea of loading their carriers with gigantic pieces of landmass and going to war with malevolent plants. In that case, I recommend relocating Panark to [[Zor Olo]] via [[symphonic warp technology|Symphonic warp traversal]]. The Assembly will have some wiggle room to shuffle countries around if a few of them are put into space. They won't be lonely, as I'm told [[the Ulgravian Diaspora]] wants to get its hands on the [[Ultimate Dragonopolis]] to head there anyway. Panark is the obvious choice to warp to the moon, because they're based in ships already, and symphonic warp traversal works best with something that's already a vehicle. We could have [[The Lunchtime Fallacy]] pilot each of them up there individually, but they're kind of hard to book, so I suggest just aiming each Panarkian vessel at Zor Olo when it's level with the horizon, sticking a Grimer Primer on the front, and playing "Ascension" from //[[Iurezza|Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)]]// into it. Plus, they can run so many [[divine assembly|Assemblies of Gods]] computations because they use the oceans for cooling, right? Well, space is pretty cold, so it'll be //even better// for them. I'm sure they already know this from all the work they do running the [[Taurus|Taurus Research Station]]. And if the [[alleged professor|Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch]], of whose [[classes|X-treme lecturing]] many of you are alumni, were to be on one of those ships being sent off-world, well, wouldn't that be interesting? But, of course, as long as Panark is [[persuaded|space persuasion]] to cooperate, you needn't go through the trouble yet. + +Another major practical concern, exacerbated by my recommendation above, is that much of the planning has assumed that the countries would be towed or pushed, rather than carried directly on ships. Obviously, towing a piece of land over a squid-tree grove to crush it isn't going to work, because the squid-trees will just eat the ship first. But most ships aren't big enough to fit a landmass on top of them. This is not a hard problem to solve when you think about it. There are at least three forms of [[hard light projection]] that will work to expand the available holding area of even a small ship, thus allowing them to carry, and then drop, these landmasses on squid-trees and anything else the Assembly deems worthy of being squashed by a piece of continent. The possibility of hard light projections at a massive scale has been empirically demonstrated in the [[Autocratic Plenitude of Mizzin|Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous]], where massive arrays of projectors close off all avenues of escape after curfew before the Queen releases her innumerable hordes of [[marionette children]] to clean the streets of garbage and curfew delinquents. + +Finally, I recommend that the beginning of the Disarrangement be scheduled for the day after [[Tesseraction Eve]]. While in some sense the Disarrangement will be a vindication of the unreasonable hope cultivated by some Kingslanders that something will eventually deliver us from Kingsland, I think a more compelling reason can be offered to those not from the city. As much as I wholeheartedly support the Act, I recognize that many things could go horribly wrong. What if we launch Panark at Zor Olo, they don't decelerate in time, and the impact of their ships vaporizing against the surface of the moon cracks it open and releases whatever is sealed inside? What if we're not careful with how we crush the ravenous squid-trees with our landmasses, and we end up stranding countries in the middle of hungry, aquatic forests of death? What if the Hegemony celebrates its victory and accidentally cuts off the [[Chorus Perpetual]], and we plunge into the sun? + +Well, then maybe you'll all know what we deal with on a daily fucking basis in Kingsland. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-dr-gwen-hanson-20.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-dr-gwen-hanson-20.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ffbd25b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-dr-gwen-hanson-20.txt @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 20 +# Title: Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Gwen Hanson + +Mighty Sovereigns of the Assembly, I bring before you a matter of consequences far outstripping other matters. I speak of justice—I speak of the philosophical kind, not the [[academic kind|Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement]]. Historically, it has been the belief of many intelligent and successful leaders that nothing is higher than justice. + +Sovereigns of the Assembly, those otherwise intelligent leaders were wrong. There is at least one thing higher than justice. Here's a hint: What has an average cruising altitude of 2 miles, has already [[wiped one country off the map|The Night of Storms]], and carries eight million descendants of the angriest fucking warriors this world has ever known? That's right, the [[Ulgravian motherfucking Diaspora|The Ulgravian Diaspora]]. + +And so, Sovereigns of the Assembly, I have one question for you today: //Do you want to fuck with us?// + +If your answer is "no," then we're done here. All you have to do is vote in favor of the Disarrangement Act and make sure we get some land when you finish re-apportioning everything. I don't even care if it's some corner of the [[Careless Continent|The Careless Continent]] where we end up at war with all of our neighbors, it's not like that's not fucking par for the course in our history. There's a reason the [[Grim Weepers]]' standard weapons were designed to take down horses—it's cuz [[Selestei]] //had to take special measures to face us militarily//. You know, Selestei? The guys who [[fought the rest of the world for fun|The War of Durun's Ass]]? The ones who are famous for [[rolling their opponents' horses into a giant ball|Horseball]]? Those guys? Even [[Pentex Lannogaster]] wrote that "We rejoice in those who [[become as Sels|Jalapeñosis]], for there are none whose courage alone suffices to turn back the charge of a horseprince." That was on //horses//. We're in fucking //armored flying machines// now. + +But okay, I recognize that some of you have fecal matter instead of brains, so I'll humor this asinine thread of conversation. + Let's say you're a total moron and you do want to fuck with us. Let me knock out some of the objections I've heard. + +First off, some of you have been smugly repeating the line that the [[I'll Legislate It Act|The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act]] outlaws moving countries around. You're fucking wrong. The Act prohibits "The deliberate or incidental shifting of national borders by means of a third party, with or without the consent of the involved parties, until such time as such third parties are subscribed under the provisions outlined in §340 ¶4 lines 70-80." First of all, what a fucking law. You should all collectively feel ashamed of yourselves for this abomination's existence. Second, did you fuckers even read §340 ¶4 lines 70-80? That whole part of the I'll Legislate It Act was only added in to limit the [[Guild of Mapmakers|The Venerable Society of Cartographers]] from doing anything too threatening without the Assembly getting a say on it. Which is exactly what you will have done, if you pass the Disarrangement Act. Good fucking luck. I hope your [[mad lawyers|Mad legal practice]] are expensive. + +Second big thing—that this brings the world into open season on everyone else's resources, isn't really an argument. It's mostly just whining on the part of those who don't want to lose the stuff their country happens to sit on. Come on, [[Flandre]], did your protomammalian ancestors do a geological survey before deciding to settle down on those oil fields? Hell, you don't even need them with all that [[asynchronous energy|Asynchronous energy]] you're producing. Executing the Disarrangement Act is gonna take a while, so use the time to build some really friggin' huge batteries and store it all up. + +Like, I get the argument that we can't just go around redistributing resources //ad hoc.// But that's not what's going on here. The point of the Disarrangement Act is to //reduce world conflict//, so that's the metric we'd use to determine whether to move a nation off a given piece of land. Flandre has exploited its oil to thwart the [[whale tariffs|The Hegemony of Whales]] and increase tension in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, so in order to promote world peace we should really appropriate that oil and put it to some more peaceful end, like keeping eight million people's homes in the air. The [[Very Definitely Independent States|The Very Definitely Independent States]] aren't hurting anyone by sticking together, so the Assembly could make sure they stay together. The opposite is true for the [[Fractured Cities|The Fractured Cities]], so you could separate them. See? Really easy decision-making process. I'm sure you're all competent enough that you can make those decisions as an Assembly. You're not afraid to prove it, right? + +Third thing, people have been arguing that there won't be enough space for everyone. Many proposed mechanisms for instituting the Disarrangement Act render large chunks of the planet uninhabitable, at least temporarily. This argument is spurious for many, many reasons. First of all, we've already lost large chunk of the planet and been totally fine. You don't hear the whales having space issues in the aftermath of the [[Yggdrasil Project|The Yggdrasil Project]], do you? What's more, this would really just provide incentives for people to exploit new spaces, such as space. You could put [[Lepazzia]] on [[Zor Olo]], for example. I'm sure there's some wonderful device by the inspiring [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]] that would do the trick. And don't pretend like they wouldn't enjoy it, since they're the first country in world history to try to leave and take their country with them. In their stupid backwards culture, you'd probably even be doing them a favor by stranding them on the moon. I proposed this to [[President Niir|Incendia]] and he thought it was a great idea, so you've even got one vote in favor already! + +Now, I could refute this chum all day, but I'd like to conclude with more of a positive argument. The Disarrangement Act will undoubtedly lead to more peace, because otherwise Ulgrav will probably rain sulfurous hell down on your stupid fucking heads. Maybe you are not afraid of our warships? Maybe you think you are safe behind your high-altitude artillery? Then know this: I happen to know Rubric is pulling strongly in favor of the Disarrangement Act, and she's the only one who knows how to work the [[Omega Point Coffee Secretor]]. She has become //terrifyingly effective// with it, and we still don't know the merest fraction of everything it's capable of. So just imagine that the Act fails to pass. Imagine that Rubric learns of this. How upset she will be, knowing she has to return to Kingsland! In a huff, she storms back to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room—and, hulking sinisterly in the corner, sits that metal leviathan, controls glinting with inbuilt malice. Her hand strays, slowly, inexorably, to the control panels, and //guess who's still sitting in the DAS building?// + +A bunch of poor fools who should have voted yes. That's who. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-dr-herbert-jones-20.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-dr-herbert-jones-20.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c9b9dc1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-dr-herbert-jones-20.txt @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 20 +# Title: Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Herbert Jones + +It is the highest honor, great Sovereigns, to present to you once again. I hope that you have found this report enlightening and that it will guide you to choose with the wisdom I have seen in this hall time and again. I hope also that despite my lowly station you will accept my gratitude for the fine work you have all done in leading your respective countries so well. + +Now, let us turn to the task at hand. Many who undertake to write about the Disarrangement Act have seen fit to fall into absolutist camps—an example I will not follow here. I believe that perspicacious individuals like yourselves will recognize the nuance of this topic. So, although I believe that the Disarrangement Act is, on balance, not worth the costs, let's take a moment to acknowledge the good things about it. There is much to be learned, I think, from such a vision of international cooperation, with the Disputatious Assembly coordinating to design a better world for us all. I should think such an attitude fulfills the vision of [[High Exarch Kantamon|The Roerbach Incident]] in founding the Assembly in the first place. Nevertheless, I remain convinced that the actual execution of the Disarrangement Act would be perilous. I believe my colleagues have done an excellent job of illustrating that peril; however, as is observed in the Armmaker translation of the [[Book of Schemes|The Book of Schemes]], "It is a fool who plans for success." So let's suppose that the Act passes. In that case, I have a number of concerns which must be observed at any cost in the execution of the Act: + +• When moving the countries of the world, the Assembly must not under any circumstances interfere with the Barcu region. No one fully understands the [[Barcuvian physical laws|Barcuvian antiweather]] (save perhaps [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]]), and the methods used to move entire chunks of the planet will surely use massive stores of energy. The responsible position is to expect that using these methods in Barcu would result in unexpected consequences, and that those consequences will be catastrophic. To be safe, the Assembly should extend this zone of caution anywhere from ten to a thousand miles from the Barcuvian border. + +• As an addendum to the above point, the [[Missing Sea]] should be disturbed as little as possible. In addition to the caution necessary to deal with Barcu, there is a possibility that disrupting the Missing Sea too much will also disrupt the seal upon Zor Olo and release whatever is trapped there. + +• Speaking of Zor Olo, do not put any countries on Zor Olo. Not only is there the possibility of creating a second Kingsland, there is no air up there. The entire country would be dead in minutes. I confess I do not understand why I keep running into this suggestion. + +• Returning to the general prohibition on interfering with Barcu, the Assembly should not interfere with [[Flandre]]. While I understand that this is politically unfavorable for some, the fact remains that most of the country is tied into an [[asynchronous energy|Asynchronous energy]] network, and the theoretical consequences of severing that connection range from disastrous to apocalyptic. While I cannot speak to the justice of [[High Exarch Minor Ironheart|High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]]'s use of her country's resources, I beg you to turn your attention to the justice of blowing the planet open. + +• Although it is a difficult decision to countenance, the Assembly must not let Kingsland escape. If their [[gods|Pantheons of Kingsland]] become unhappy, we might see the horrors of Kingsland visited upon the rest of the world. + +• In fact, the Assembly should probably just refrain from interfering with [[Iurezza|Iurezza (continent)]] in general, as that might result in breaching the quarantine on the [[electric undead|Electric undead]] and starting a new infestation. + +• Given the massive logistical requirements the Disarrangement Act would introduce to the global community, I agree with [[Professor Hazard McKinley]]'s argument that the Assembly should delay implementation of the Act until such time as transportation has been developed that would not put an unendurable strain on the environment. + +• The implementation of the Disarrangement Act must not proceed in a way that precludes our ability to defend against hostile attention from space. [[General Gorson|General Kade "Ripper" Gorson]] had the right of it when he said that an alien threat is of more concern than any terrestrial matter; what we've learned from the [[Vulterland ruins|Xenoarcheological ruins]] certainly seems to corroborate this point. This prohibition would extend to prohibiting interference with the [[Panark Fleet|The Panark Fleet]], who carry the responsibility for maintaining [[Taurus Research Station]] as an orbital defense platform. Also included here are any number of precautions to prevent sabotage from the [[Botherhood|The Botherhood]], who might see sabotage of such a great undertaking as pleasing to their notional alien masters. + +• However the Act unfolds with respect to the [[Careless Continent|The Careless Continent]], great care must be taken not to open [[Joran Lake]] to the ocean. Joran Lake is unnaturally deep, and its blackest reaches have been open to unchecked [[metafishics|Metafishics]] for over a hundred years. + +• On the topic of metafishics, the Assembly must ensure that as the continents are shifted and the ocean grows silty, some mechanism is deployed to observe the parts of the ocean which would otherwise be hidden to us. Ideally this technology would be able to penetrate groves of [[Ravenous Squid-Trees]]. + +• Under absolutely no circumstances should the Assembly use [[symphonic warp traversal|Symphonic warp traversal]] as a means of transportation during the implementation of the Disarrangement Act. Warping mass on this scale has never been tested in atmosphere before, but my physics contacts inform me that the theoretical //best-case// scenario detonates the entire atmosphere. + +• Perhaps this is the old rocker in me speaking, but per Sneezing on the King Eternal's //[[Iurezza|Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)]]//, the Assembly should not involve the [[Ultimate Dragonopolis]] in the implementation of the Act. In the event that the Act passes, seekers after the Dragonopolis (particularly [[Captain Gunnerson|Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson]]) should be grounded until the process is complete. + +• Finally, we do know (via Kingsland) of the existence of multidimensional entities who wish to consume our reality. There is the possibility (raised by Dr. Hanson in her excellent article on [[Zor Olo]], although she seems to have forgotten it in writing her concluding recommendations) that the exact shape of the continents is what keeps them from doing so. In the interest of avoiding dimensional predators, the Assembly should endeavor to change the shape of the globe as little as possible. + +Now, as I'm sure you've noticed, the logical consequence of abiding by all of these considerations would be, effectively, to act as though the Disarrangement Act had not passed. I hope it is a little clearer why I do not recommend that the Assembly vote in favor, whatever pressing issues seem to hang on its success. But that decision is, of course, up to you. + +In any case, this report is now concluded. I hereby discharge the duty placed upon this committee by the august Assembly and wish you happy deliberations! + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-dr-remilion-christophy-20.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-dr-remilion-christophy-20.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4a55231 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-dr-remilion-christophy-20.txt @@ -0,0 +1,21 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 20 +# Title: Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Remilion Christophy + +Rather than add to the observed geopolitical consequences of the Disarrangement Act, I would like to contribute a recommendation from the perspective of the field of sociophysics. As you surely know, sociophysicists study the ways in which social realities cause variation in or manifestation of physical realities. The social consequences of carrying out the Disarrangement Act would be indubitably immense, and sociophysics tells us that we should be wary of equally immense physical consequences. + +For starters, there's just kind of a lot of weird stuff on [[Iurezza|Iurezza (continent)]]. The Ideal Geology Committee has already thoroughly informed you as to the dangers of moving Barcuvian land or moving other land to Barcu's present location. If [[Barcu's peculiarities|Barcuvian antiweather]] are defined according to global coordinates, then whatever country ends up there may see something new and horrible arise, [[if it even lasts that long|Qualified spontaneous evaporation]]. But what the IGC didn't consider, and therefore falls to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, is whether Barcu might be in the state it is in because of sociophysical effects deriving from the structure of global society. Of course, records indicate that Barcu has been Barcuvian for much longer than the current geopolitical climate, but this is not the last word on the subject. As my colleague Ms. Rubric mentioned in her article on the [[Chorus Perpetual]], I've proposed a sociophysical explanation of the [[Hegemony's|The Hegemony of Whales]] claims about the Chorus and its relation to the stability of our solar orbit. Even though our orbit may not have depended on on the Chorus before, sociological momentum from the repetition of the claim may make it the case that it does now. I suggest that something similar may have happened to Barcu, which has become, in this global age of ours, a symbol the world over for senselessness and chaos. + +Given this, if we move around large groups of people, their sense of direction may become confused, and they may regard Barcu to be located in the wrong direction. Through sociophysical principles, this may result in the direction of their regard becoming Barcuvian. Additionally, moving all of the countries around will undoubtedly cause vast amounts of chaos. Might this not cause people to regard the whole world as having become, in a sense, Barcu? Each of you Sovereigns should consider whether, having avoided your country being moved to Barcu, Barcu might yet move to your country. There are good reasons to think that disarranging the countries of the world will shift or expand Barcu's idiomatic physics to cover much larger swaths of the world, or even entire hemispheres. This would be utterly disastrous. + +The most wide-ranging effects are obvious, but there are others you should know about in case you think it would be worth the risk. First, note that hurricanes do not currently form in any region subject to Barcuvian physics. While the Ideal Geology Committee has already noted this as a risk of leaving Barcu's place unfilled by a new landmass, a Barcuvian expansion would almost certainly result in the formation of antihurricanes. I have no idea what an antihurricane would do, but I don't want to find out and neither should you. Second, and I note that the IGC did not consider this in their discussion of disarranging Barcu, such areas of open ocean will be subject both to Barcuvian physics and to [[Grantham's Law|Metafishics]]. There's no way we could muster enough people to willingly enter Barcuvian oceans just to keep an eye on the aquatic life. The consequences will be unimaginably horrific. If we're lucky, an antihurricane will just be [[invisible|Chromatic aberration]], and countries near Barcuvian oceans will occasionally be destroyed by storms they can't see coming. In the worst case, the antihurricanes could have an inexplicable ability to pick up aquatic life and deposit them inland. + +Some [[Ulgravian|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] agitators in favor of the Disarrangement Act have argued that even if Barcu expands, this will simply give more countries access to [[free energy|Asynchronous energy]]. Disregard these charlatans. I have noted the dangers of asynchronous energy previously. It would only exacerbate the issue to widen access to it. + +And Barcu is merely the biggest problem on the continent that you don't want to touch. Trying to do almost anything to Iurezza means tampering with forces beyond mortal ken. How do you think the King Eternal is going to take the news that you've moving the Barrowlands? (Do you even have enough interns to get the message across?) All the [[electric undead]] are going to end up //somewhere// after the Disarrangement, and you might find yourself the host. If and when the Disarrangement shifts the borders of Barcu, the location of [[the Double-North Pole]] is going to shift too. If this angers [[Klaus Santanna]], you'd better hope [[Captain Gunnerson|Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson]] finds the [[Ultimate Dragonopolis]] soon. If Santanna instead chooses to relocate Bipolaris to wherever the new Pole ends up, God help anybody in its path. + +Now, to touch briefly on geopolitics, I must recognize that there is significant dispute going on in the Disputatious Assembly over the Disarrangement Act, and much of it concerns [[Flandre]]. Many of Flandre's opponents in the Assembly — most notably the originator of the Act, the Hegemony of Whales — want a Disarrangement that severs Flandre from the oil fields that have made it a world power in the wake of the Whale Tariffs. In order to gain support from those outside of the Hegemony's voting bloc, pro-Act diplomats have played up the threat that Flandre poses to the good order and peace of the world. I note one potential consequence of this that might give such partisans pause. As [[General Kade Gorson|General Kade "Ripper" Gorson]] once remarked, "Do not fear the ocean, lest it become fearful to you." The wisdom of these words is backed up by sociophysics. If there are widespread rumors that Flandre is a global threat, this may in turn make Flandre even more of a global threat than it was before the rumors. This means the //true// threat to world peace is actually the pro-Act faction. I trust the sovereigns of the Assembly will vote accordingly. + +Finally, if you'll recall my previous discussion of [[🔇]], it is critically important that the Assembly takes several things about 🔇 into account. First of all, + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-m-hon-pierce-milton-20.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-m-hon-pierce-milton-20.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5ba03a9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-m-hon-pierce-milton-20.txt @@ -0,0 +1,22 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 20 +# Title: Concluding Recommendations: M. Hon. Pierce Milton + +As a memetosociologist, I feel a somewhat paradoxical duty to point out when perception does //not// influence reality. While it is demonstrably true that much of society's function is determined by participants' models of what those functions are, it is equally true that people forget that there are limitations when you investigate from this perspective. In the [[Legend of the Three Trees]], an argument over national pride belies a challenge to the disputants' survival itself. And, likewise, I fear that in the discussion over the Disarrangement Act, we are too concerned with which tree is whose, and not nearly enough about which tree is going to fall on us. + +I begin by interrogating the dominant narrative of the Disarrangement Act, which is that it seeks to create world peace by moving belligerents away from each other. I am honestly surprised that a thinking person could entertain this argument in good faith for more than a few moments. Even a brief examination of world history reveals the absurdity of the notion. Less than three centuries ago, the [[War of Durun's Ass|The War of Durun's Ass]] illustrated that a sufficiently motivated country could project military force to the other side of the globe with little more than a borrowed fleet of [[residential vessels|The Panark Fleet]]. [[The Roerbach Incident]] proved that the Assembly itself could serve as the root of conflict, regardless of where the disputing Sovereigns sit their thrones. + +In fact, the informed student of history would be forgiven for thinking the shortest road to world peace requires preventing [[Selestei]] from projecting force into other countries—a lesson which we know at least [[Shaster]] has taken to heart, given their quick response to Selesteine militarization during the [[Goats on Boats Affair]]. And yet Selestei has never come up in the rhetoric surrounding the Disarrangement Act. Likewise, the Act's proponents do not mention any threat posed by [[the Ulgravian Diaspora|The Ulgravian Diaspora]], despite their global force projection capabilities and the [[blood of an entire country|The Night of Storms]] on their hands. One would assume that if global peace were truly an objective of the Act's defenders, they would at least make some superficial arguments that grounding Ulgrav makes it harder for them to bomb us into oblivion. But no such arguments exist; we merely hear about how [[Flandre]] threatens world peace, despite Flandre never having engaged in direct military action against a recognized nation (this qualifier in recognition of the grey area of the Cetacean Wars). + +One might make the (quite reasonable) objection that the threat of Flandre comes not from military action, but covert actions taken against other members of the global community. I agree completely. But if we admit intrigue into the scope of concern, then surely it would be criminal negligence not to mention [[Lepazzia]], who blur the lines between our constructs of peace and conflict. Flandrean intelligence operations only serve to solidify Flandre's position on the international stage; meanwhile, the [[Massively Parallel Peace Conference]] did more to set back the cause of global peace than anything Flandre's done in the past three centuries. I would further argue that their inventive utilization of the [[Esoteric Order of Florists|The Esoteric Order of Florists]] in destroying the sanity of [[Mad King Westler]] makes them a threat to the national security of every other nation on the planet—save perhaps the [[Hegemony of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]]—regardless of where those nations are located. And what of the other dark horse threats? If the [[Contagious Republic|The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]] decides to infect a world leader and cause global chaos, how will moving the countries around do anything to stop them? We don't know, because we see only silence from champions of the Disarrangement Act on these topics. + +Given that the pro-Act rhetoric seems insincere, strip that away. What are we left with? A proposal by a prominent Assembly nation to strip their largest rival of the key resource that allows them to be a threat. Noble Sovereigns, I have no stake in the conflict between Flandre and the Hegemony, but I do have a stake in the planet's continued peace and prosperity, and I fear that the collateral damage of this maneuver is strictly unacceptable. Since the Disarrangement Act was presented to the Assembly, multiple studies out of the [[National Academy of Velskyavo]] have confirmed that indicators of global tension have reached the levels that typically precede wars. Troublingly, this includes a record number of [[bloodmoots|Bloodmoot]] in the [[Fractured Cities|The Fractured Cities]] this year, a particularly robust indicator of global unrest. And we are already seeing negative impacts from the Act: the [[Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection]] has released an analysis demonstrating that the global uncertainty is driving trade into the ground. + +This is to say nothing of possible //existential// threats, which one would hope top the list of the Assembly's priorities. A recent paper by [[Professor Hazard McKinley]] made the observation that the Disarrangement Act would necessarily include massively increased sea travel, likely pushing pollution levels into unrecoverable territory. Does the Hegemony fear Flandre so much that they're willing to destroy their own country to neuter them? And given the prospective transportation of entire people groups across open water, why does the Disarrangement Act contain no provisions made for dealing with the [[Ravenous Squid-Trees]]? To overlook them is essentially asking for an accidental genocide. + +Finally, I have a question which I have yet to hear a cogent answer to: why not pick an easier road to world peace? The [[Zeitgeist Manipulator]] is still operating in orbit around our planet, and demonstrably possesses the power to shape decision-making around the globe. If you want to see conflict diminished, order an expedition to alter its programming. By the fact that I can even suggest this, we know that this would be no threat to [[St. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]], whose legacy is already secure. In fact, it would make him the savior of our world once again. + +Given all of these reasons, I cannot in good conscience recommend a vote in favor of the Disarrangement Act. In light of the available evidence, I can see no other conclusion than that implementing the Act would essentially be a form of global suicide—if a world war does not erupt before we even get that far. I trust that your wisdom, as responsible world leaders, will enable you to make the right choice. + +~ Respectfully,\\ +Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-spheven-kain-20.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-spheven-kain-20.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e359fbc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-spheven-kain-20.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 20 +# Title: Concluding Recommendations: Spheven Kain + +I realize that in my current position, you have little reason to heed my recommendation, as I am no longer a member of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee. Nevertheless, though I cannot erase the past, neither can my fall from grace, for despite my revoked credentials I am still a trained computational anthropologist. In this respect, the Disarrangement Act is of great interest to me, since it is both a possibility realized by human technological advancement and the brainchild of [[the Hegemony of Whales]], whose race is relatively technologically primitive. In my computational anthropological work, I studied the effect of computers on the development of human culture. Because of this, I feel I have something of interest to say on the Disarrangement Act, and I humbly beg your consideration. + +The most striking thing about human technological advancement is the interconnectedness it brings. When human civilization was relatively parochial, governments only had to worry about things they could see and [[the Esoteric Order of Florists]]. Consider how many problems are solved simply by being far away from them. Few people outside of [[Careless|The Careless Continent]] mind [[Joran Lake]], because the Joranian fauna are (probably) too far away to attack them. Global crises like [[the War of Durun's Ass]] or the [[Goats on Boats Affair]] were only possible because naval technology had made it possible for geographically distant problems to reach close to home. Some may claim that these crises were just as much the product of the machinations of the [[Stratsky Foundation|Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection]] or the hotbloodedness of [[Selestei]]. But consider: would either of these have happened if Selestei or the Compass Republic were geographically isolated from the rest of the world? There's a reason [[Secretary Tomas|DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas]] puts sovereigns in the corner when they misbehave. + +The development of the computer is no different. With global networking, anyone across the globe can feel threatened by anything going on anywhere. Before information technology, the average Kingslander didn't have to think about [[Panark|The Panark Fleet]] authorizing [[Shaster]] to order [[Captain Gunnerson|Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson]] to take control of the [[Taurus|Taurus Research Station]] and wipe Kingsland off the map. Now, said Kingslander has to wake up each morning to the distressing fact that they haven't been annihilated from orbit. (They had to before, too, but this just makes it worse.) + +All of this leads me to agree with our esteemed Dr. Hanson that, ultimately, everything goes to shit. If we want to bring about some manner of world peace, drastic measures must be taken, and the Disarrangement Act is exactly the sort of measure we are in desperate need of. As M.Hon. Milton has noted in his article on [[HEM Seraphi Ironheart|High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]], one potentially dangerous consequence of the Act is that some unlucky country may become the new neighbor of an irritated HEM Ironheart. But what if [[Flandre]] was //nobody's// neighbor? She's [[dangerous enough to sit next to at Assembly sessions|986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident]], why take any more risk with your own homeland? Let's just put every dangerous country in the middle of the ocean somewhere where they can't hurt anyone. If they need to contact the rest of us, [[Ulgravian airships|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] can carry their letters. I'm sure Flandre would adapt, at least; they've got contingency plans for [[all sorts of weird things|Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a]], they'd probably like having fewer threats on their borders. + +This proposal has historical antecedents that speak in its favor. A little over half a century ago, the completion of [[the Yggdrasil Project]] ended the conflict between the [[Vulterbase rebels|Xenoarcheological ruins]] and [[JUSTICE|Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement]]. Since then, have they bothered anybody in the rest of the world? Of course not. The Vulterbase rebels are ensconced behind an impassible combination of [[squid-trees|Ravenous Squid-Trees]] and the Vulterstrom. Imagine a world where any threat to global peace were so ensconced, able to affect the global community only by going through Ulgravian skies. Now that sounds like world peace. + +Peace, of course, is not just preventative. Some wrongs of the past must be righted in the new world order. Many sovereigns sit in the Assembly who have little to no land. Surely if they command equal estate in the Assembly chambers, they deserve a little of the estate of the world as well. I think of [[Incendia]], Ulgrav, or Panark. Shouldn't we help these countries out and give them some solid ground to stand on? The Selesteines control a lot of land, but they leave [[Razor Valley]] mostly uninhabited even though they're pretty much the only ones who can make a living there. Why not give some of their safer land to some deserving sovereigns? We could even give some land to [[Placeholden]], so we'd finally be able to locate the damn place. This is a chance for justice to prevail, honored sovereigns. Don't let it pass you by! + +I thank you again for your consideration, and I hope the Assembly comes to an agreeable consensus on the Disarrangement Act. Unfortunately, I will be unavailable for comment and/or arrest when this Committee's report is presented to the Assembly, as I will be taking a short vacation to go [[windstriding]] with Dr. Hanson through [[Yasser's Yells]]. Yasser's got a special deal for windstriding over Vulter I'm eager to take. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-spheven-kain-21.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-spheven-kain-21.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8c316b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/concluding-recommendations-spheven-kain-21.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 21 +# Title: Concluding Recommendations: Spheven Kain + +Ah, Mr. Kain, I'm quite pleased that you found the time to put this together, what with how busy you've been clearing out your office over the past two years. (Speaking of which, I was pleasantly surprised to see your very clean office this morning. Though the loss of your academic career was tragic, I've always felt your work as a night janitor has been exceptional.) Now, I know you've had your qualifications revoked, but I do think this is good scholarship, so I'll see if I can get it into the final report. Enjoy your trip with Dr. Hanson! + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/das-secretary-ruby-tomas-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/das-secretary-ruby-tomas-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1a6316f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/das-secretary-ruby-tomas-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 14 +# Title: DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas + +Child psychologist by education, grade school teacher by trade, and most powerful woman in the world by accident, **Ruby Tomas**, née Middenborough, is the current Secretary of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. The position fell to her when her husband, the late DAS Secretary Edvard Tomas, fell ill before dying of cancer in AES 981. During the late Secretary's decline in health, his wife increasingly aided him in performing his duties; by the time he died, she was essentially running the Assembly in his name. She proved so adept to the task that nobody wanted to be the one to point out that she had never been officially elected. The Assembly notaries let the situation lie for a year, then decided just to put her election down as unanimous. + +The main reason for Tomas' success during her tenure as Secretary is her experience dealing with children as a grade school teacher. Normally, international diplomacy has less petty bickering and fewer fistfights, but the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns is anything but normal. It isn't called the //Disputatious// Assembly for nothing, and not just because [[Selestei]] is there. Many sovereigns rankle at the condescension displayed at times by the Secretary, but complaining means you lose your gold star for the week, and only those who kept their stars for the month get homemade cookies. Even worse, if you misbehave too much, you get sent to the Time-Out Corner where the sovereigns of [[the Careless Continent]] are constantly trying to kill each other. This largely keeps the other Sovereigns in order, less because it would be dangerous and more because it would be embarrassing. + +The Time-Out Corner doesn't work on everyone, though. The last time Tomas sent King Daggert of Selestei to the Corner, he joined in on the fighting, causing even more of a commotion than before. Conversely, when [[High Exarch Minor Ironheart|High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]] of [[Flandre]] was sent to the Corner, the Careless sovereigns sat completely still out of fear of [[what happened last time|986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident]]. The Secretary was so pleased with the result that she returned Ironheart's gold star for the week. Ever since, Assembly staff have suspected that the Secretary is encouraging the High Exarch Minor to cause trouble and get caught so she can be sent to the Corner when the Careless sovereigns are too distracting. + +Hand in hand with her fearsome maintenance of Assembly decorum is Tomas' close involvement with the various committees and offices of the Assembly. Very little goes on on campus that she does not know about. She makes a point of sitting in on each committee's official meetings around once a month, as well as observing individual members at work outside of meetings. She's standing behind me right now, in fact. Hello, Secretary Tomas. Yes, I'm getting work done. No, I'm not writing anything bad about you. Sweet, gold star. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/dr-herbert-jones-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/dr-herbert-jones-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d3a07c6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/dr-herbert-jones-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 0 +# Title: ~Dr. Herbert Jones + +//As a young man of eight, **Herbert Jones** surprised his parents by taking apart the family encyclopedia and rearranging the articles in order of geographic proximity to their Walksford home. Sixty years and seven academic positions later, he has not lost that early enthusiasm for rearranging humanity's knowledge into shapes that suit us better.// + +//Dr. Jones is a prolific author, having published over thirty volumes of nonfiction, including //Where to Put the Shit//—an exhaustive treatise on how architects place restrooms when designing buildings—as well as the celebrated trilogy //Venereal Diseases of the Great Historians, Vol. I-III.// He also made history by publishing the first fully fictional encyclopedia, //The Fairfax Guide to Other Places,// which won the Greentemple Award for Creative Fiction in AS 973.// + +//Dr. Jones's career has been marked by academic success in addition to literary. After winning a Staff of Mastery from the Yuglandian College of Hysteria's Inventory Department, he pursued a doctorate education at the University of Eyesland. There he studied Miscellania under the legendary Riggs Behemon, who remained a close friend and mentor until his death in AS 982. Dr. Jones's doctorate thesis was adapted into the //Herbert Jones Encyclopedia of Precarious Legislation. //Dr. Jones would later return to the University of Eyesland to claim the Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement.// + +//A noted expert in politics, Dr. Jones was chosen to preside over the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee for the Disarrangement Act in AS 989.// \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/electric-undead-3.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/electric-undead-3.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f3e724e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/electric-undead-3.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Electric undead + +I got woken up at 3 AM this morning when a moaning corpse started pounding on my door. I still don't have any idea how the fuck it got on this zeppelin. Zeppelin security took like four hours to deal with it, and in the meantime I just had to sit there and think about how much sleep I wasn't getting. It's been a shitty day. + +The **electric undead**, like every horrible thing, hail from the Barcu region. About fifteen hundred years ago, they started spreading. The ones that went north froze, and the ones that went south found out the hard way that [[Flandre]] already had a National Response Protocol for dealing with contagious animated corpses. But in the east was the warrior kingdom of Hantu. Don't bother looking them up, they're all zombies now. The morons found out that the electric undead spread through electrical contact, and all their swords were made of metal, and they //still// sent everyone at the rotting horde. + +Despite the constant menace throughout history, we didn't make any progress understanding what was going on with the electric undead until the turn of the century, when none other than [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]] happened to them. His research temple captured a few of them and vivisected them with ceramic tools, which allowed them to discover that the electrical activity in their nervous systems was actually [[antilightning|Barcuvian antiweather]], which explained why they act so weird. Dr. Stafford's research allowed the Disuptatious Assembly of Sovereigns to pass the Electric Undead Quarantine Act. Initially they wanted to drive the zombies into the sea, but the [[whales|The Hegemony of Whales]] weren't having it. So instead they tried to set up a fucking containment line on the Barcuvian border. The Flandreans kept trying to set up protective measures, since //their// government has an entropology research division, but no one else wanted to spend the money and the Hegemon kept blocking them out of spite. + +Look no further for proof that the DAS is full of idiots. We've got this thing in entropology called "Chaos Theory," which is a theory that makes the following prediction: //If it causes chaos, it will happen//. So at least none of //us// were surprised when one day [[that Fitch fucker|Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch]] tried to [[sneak his students through the containment zone|X-treme lecturing]] and ended up letting all the zombies out into the world. Now the rest of us have to deal with fucking zombies on our fucking zeppelins disrupting our fucking beauty sleep. Fuck him. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandre-3.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandre-3.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7a8ac9e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandre-3.txt @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Flandre + +There's no better introduction to the nation of **Flandre** than their own legendary origins: + +~ //One day, Flan, god of foresight and confidence games, //\\ +//ran out of opponents to play Catalos with, for the other\\ +gods had grown sick of losing all the time.// [Catalos is a \\ +Flandrean game, similar to chess except about twenty-\\ +seven times more complicated to play.] //And so Flan//\\ +//spoke, saying, Do I not possess great wisdom? I shall//\\ +//play against myself, and win great glory thereby. But//\\ +//Flan's mental might was too great, and as much as he //\\ +//schemed, he could not outsmart himself. Thus he had//\\ +//an aneurysm and died. But the gods had pity on Flan,//\\ +//and from his body they made the world, and from his//\\ +//urine they made the [[seas|The Hegemony of Whales]], and from his mind they//\\ +//made humankind. And they called themselves //\\ +//"Flandre," which means "The Children of Flan."//\\ +\\ +— From the //[[Book of Schemes|The Book of Schemes]]//, Ch. 8 verse 3-21. + +~ + +I've always felt this story captures both the genius of the Flandrean spirit as well as the tendency for that genius to go wrong in unexpected ways. And of course the story is in their own words, which I think is the only proper way to learn about a people. + +Nevertheless, there is always room for the perspectives of others, such as the researchers who study the archeological record of the ancient Flandreans. Flandrean ruins are easy to identify because they're usually chock-full of the remains of primitive booby traps. Entries in the archeological record indicate that ancient Flandreans originated in the Barcu region before migrating to the territory currently claimed by the Methodocracy of Flandre. This of course does much to explain the cultural paranoia of Flandre, for if you can't even trust the [[weather|Barcuvian antiweather]], what //can// you trust? In fact, some researchers believe ancient Flandreans might have actually invented the concept of government in order to coordinate their contingency plans. + +Historically, Flandre has proved a tricky diplomatic partner (see also the [[Roerbach Incident|The Roerbach Incident]]), and the resulting trade deficit limited their economic growth. It was only with the emergence of the Hegemony of Whales that their economy was able to boom, both as a result of oil trade and of renting space on their oil ships to nations that wish to avoid the Whale Tariffs. Their cold war with the Hegemony of Whales has positioned them at the center of an anti-whale political bloc, along with the [[Ulgravian Diaspora|The Ulgravian Diaspora]], whose zeppelin fleet creates an existential need for continued oil trade. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandre-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandre-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cd4d9da --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandre-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Flandre + +The most hilarious thing about Flandre is their relationship to [[Selestei]]. The two countries are supposed to be allies. Everyone over in Selestei loves Flandre, despite the fact that from a Selesteine point of view Flandrean culture is essentially institutionalized cowardice. Meanwhile, Flandre appears to take every possible opportunity to fuck Selestei over. But no matter how hard they try, Selestei somehow manages to avoid the vast majority of the negative consequences. Not only that, but they don't even seem to have noticed this has been going on. You should have seen [[Ironheart|High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]]'s eye twitching when Daggert gave her a bear hug last week, it was the most //hilarious// shit. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandrean-national-response-protocol-bx-392a-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandrean-national-response-protocol-bx-392a-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..06be10e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandrean-national-response-protocol-bx-392a-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a + +The **Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a**, popularly known as the **"Inordinate Number of Snakes" Protocol**, is the National Response Protocol (Biological Existential Threat) that replaced NRP BX-392, the "Ordinate Number of Snakes" Protocol. BX-392a was ratified by the [[High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]] upon her ascension in AES 990, bringing an end to the civil unrest in which Flandre had become embroiled following High Exarch Cerberus Ironheart's untimely demise in AES 988 at the "hands" of [[Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson]]. Though her detractors launched a protest movement alleging that a twelve-year-old girl couldn't possibly be old enough to understand the correct precautions to take against a large number of snakes, Ironheart proved herself a true daughter of Flandre by having no fewer than three contingency plans prepared for protest movements questioning her competency based on her age, the second of which was later enshrined as National Response Protocol PU-36. + +Previous Flandrean attempts to define response protocols for various quantities of snakes were limited by available data, as the greatest quantity of snakes the country had ever dealt with occurred during the Snake Rain of AES 954. This event proved the efficacy of the preparations outlined in BX-391, allowing the draft version of BX-392 to be completed and ratified. Yet the number of snakes that fell in the Snake Rain paled in comparison to the inordinate serpentine resources of Buddy Johnson, forcing Flandre, uncharacteristically, to improvise. The desperate, haphazard use of any and all halfway-relevant National Response Protocols led the country to the brink of civil war, necessitating a Protocol that could end the snake menace. + +The newly ascended HEM Ironheart, soon to be renowned for her lateral thinking, initially formulated BX-392a after the model of BX-233g, the Protocol dealing specifically with termites resistant to the poisons prescribed in BX-233f. This was met with resistance from the Council of Exarchs on pragmatic grounds, who rejected her proposed plans for the vehicle that would carry the vanguard flamethrowers. In defiance of the Council's opposition, Ironheart formulated an ingenious plan to convince the [["Killer Bus"|The Killer Bus of Kingsland North]] of neighboring Kingsland to aid her designs. The Council could not argue with the results and ratified the updated BX-392a. + +The success of the new Protocol, no doubt aided by the Killer Bus's longstanding rivalry with "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson, served to revitalize the Flandrean heavy weapons and cryotechnology industries. The subsequent economic boom has made the High Exarch Minor the darling of her people and cemented her control over the country. This contributes to Flandre's vicious opposition to the Disarrangement Act, which would likely result in Flandre being separated from Kingsland and thus necessitate a reformulation of the "Inordinate Number of Snakes" Protocol's vanguard flamethrower section — an uneasy prospect for the young sovereign. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandrean-national-response-protocol-bx-392a-15.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandrean-national-response-protocol-bx-392a-15.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a6df03f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandrean-national-response-protocol-bx-392a-15.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 15 +# Title: Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a + +It's interesting to note that High Exarch Minor Ironheart, in convincing the Killer Bus of Kingsland North to assist her, was following a minor Flandrean command narrative. In Flandrean culture, when all else has failed and you are beset by troubles your plans can't overcome, you head north and hope to find something more terrible than whatever problem you're facing—an approach also taken by [[St. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]] before constructing the [[Zeitgeist Manipulator]]. It's understood that this course of action is extremely high-risk, but it goes hand in hand with another piece of Flandrean wisdom, which is that sometimes a solvable crisis is better than an unsolvable inconvenience. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandrean-national-response-protocol-bx-392a-9.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandrean-national-response-protocol-bx-392a-9.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5752e94 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/flandrean-national-response-protocol-bx-392a-9.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 9 +# Title: Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a + +[[Flandre's|Flandre]] massive body of National Response Protocols are organized by topic, with the "X Protocols" defining responses to existential threats. BX protocols specifically address existential threats of a biological nature, like [[Vigotskian|The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]] invasions or the whales of [[the Hegemony|The Hegemony of Whales]] growing legs. Given Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson's otherworldly abilities, one may wonder why the Inordinate Number of Snakes Protocol is designated under BX, rather than the fringe NRP designation SX for supernatural existential threats. + +The answer is the same as to why Flandre has the National Response Protocols in the first place. Flandreans live within a constant tension between the sanctity of the unrealized future and the certainty of the determined present, and planning for every conceivable contingency is how this is reconciled. The category of the supernatural, however, is the category of that which cannot be anticipated or accounted for, and therefore the Methodocracy is incentivized to keep this category as empty as possible. I'm sure that living near Kingsland also does its fair share of shifting what one considers "natural". + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/forward-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/forward-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fc3b36b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/forward-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 0 +# Title: Forward + +In //Anno Ecclesiae Superregum// 989, the Hegemony of Whales put forth the **Disarrangement Act**, a proposal to rearrange the world in order to reduce war and promote greater harmony between nations. To ensure the highest quality of deliberation and due diligence, a number of investigative committees were established to present the relevant facts to the Assembly. + +Our committee, the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, is tasked with investigating the possibilities that no one would otherwise think of. As such, it may not immediately be obvious why some content has been included in this report. Let me assure you, as the head of this Committee, that my colleagues have done fine work, and that we have curated only the most pressing information for the Assembly. In the pages that follow, you will find reports of the highest scholarly caliber, concluded by each scholar's recommendations for the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. May you find this report helpful as you bring your copious wisdom to bear on the task at hand! + +The Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee is: + +• Chairman, **Dr. Herbert Jones** //(University of Eyesland, PhD Miscellania)//\\ +• **Cincinatta Rubric** //(National Correspondence University of Incendia, MsD Misosophy)//\\ +• **Dr. Gwen Hanson** //(Transient University of Ulgrav, PhD Entropology)//\\ +• **M. Hon. Pierce Milton** //(Unaffiliated, MHO Memetosociology)//\\ +• **Dr. Remilion Christophy** //(Unaffiliated, PhD Physics)// + +The Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee would also like to recognize our former colleague **Spheven Kain** for his contributions to the Committee before the Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement revoked his computational anthropology degree. + +~ Dr. Herbert Jones, Chairman of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/general-kade-ripper-gorson-11.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/general-kade-ripper-gorson-11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..40f8541 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/general-kade-ripper-gorson-11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 11 +# Title: General Kade "Ripper" Gorson + +Though he is known to posterity as //General// Ripper, Kade Gorson began his service in the Flandrean Navy, where he fought in the Cetacean Wars aboard the cruiser //Blade Awaiting//, which he captained by the end of the Wars. In the 30s, Gorson's fleet assisted [[J.U.S.T.I.C.E.|Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement]] in offensives against the Vulterbase rebels occupying the [[xenoarcheological ruins]] at the south pole. His experiences fighting against the rebels' alien-derived technology would later form the basis of his advocacy for arming the [[Taurus Research Station]]. After the Taurus weaponization, the Hegemony of Whales banned him from the oceans, and Flandre, weighing the options, transferred him from the navy to the army. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/general-kade-ripper-gorson-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/general-kade-ripper-gorson-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4db41f5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/general-kade-ripper-gorson-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 6 +# Title: General Kade "Ripper" Gorson + +**Kade Gorson** was born in AES 903 in the small town of Fort Firedale, one of [[Flandre's|Flandre]] frontier towns in the Barcuvian edgelands. When the Cetacean Wars broke out in the 920s, he enlisted in the Flandrean military, where his exceptional leadership and near-preternatural ability to anticipate and account for surprises made him rise to the rank of captain by the end of the war. When the Cetacean Wars were ended in 929 by the Assembly's official recognition of [[the Hegemony of Whales]], Gorson was quoted as saying, "Let the blowers have the bloody oceans, it'll give 'em somewhere to hide nex' time I come to rip 'em a second hole." Nor was this a mere boast, as Gorson did in fact rip a whale a new blowhole during the Second Battle of Lords' Cove, whence his nickname, "Ripper". His deep and enduring hatred for the whales of the Hegemony has made his name — or, at least, the whale noises they use to name him — an expletive in the planet's oceans. + +Despite his extraordinary success and eventual promotion to the rank of general, Gorson was often sidelined on the national stage because of his fringe views. Like any Flandrean, Gorson was extremely adept at planning for any and every contingency. Unlike his peers, however, Gorson's contingency planning was uncharacteristically //preemptive//. For Flandre, the future is sacred, and interacting with it must be done receptively. The essential element of Flandrean piety is precisely to let the future happen as it may, and their reverence for it is constituted by planning for it no matter what it brings to pass. Gorson, the only Flandrean officer to execute an ambush that wasn't a counter-ambush, was thus a cultural pariah, because he tried to shape the future actively rather than reactively. + +Even though he was kept out of the spotlight, "Ripper" Gorson was still a military genius. He remained a mainstay of the Council of Exarchs, advising the Council on military matters even after his retirement in 973. Sadly, he became somewhat unhinged in his later years, advocating for such policies as helping [[Selestei]] destroy [[Zor Olo]], or declaring war on [[horseball]] — not //players// of horseball, mind you, but the abstract concept of the sport. He died at home in 984 at the age of 81. + +A portrait of General Kade "Ripper" Gorson hangs in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room, to remind us all of the importance of shaping the future proactively. Personally, ever since the unlikely series of coincidences that landed me in this closet, I've considered him a role model for his perseverance despite being relegated to the fringe. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/goats-on-boats-affair-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/goats-on-boats-affair-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fefa96f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/goats-on-boats-affair-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Goats on Boats Affair + +The **Goats on Boats Affair** was a series of linked crises in 891 broadly resulting from the manipulation of international trade by the [[Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection]]. It is widely considered to be [[Flandre]]'s worst political blunder in recorded history—unless you're talking to Dr. Hanson, who tells me entropologists consider it second to the formation of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. But as entropology has yet to create any command narratives whatsoever, I feel we can safely ignore that perspective for the time being. + +It is important to note that before the Affair began to unfold, the [[Panark Fleet|The Panark Fleet]] was vying for dominance of global trade. The modern order of [[Iurezzan|Iurezza (continent)]] economic supremacy was still decades away: the [[Compass Republic|The Double-North Pole]] had yet to assume its role as a manufacturing giant, while Flandre was still treating its oil stockpile as a strategic reserve rather than a commodity. With the encroach of ever more powerful naval technologies, maritime exports across the globe became increasingly feasible. + +As countries' financial horizons expanded, Sovereigns became increasingly aware that traditional wisdom about trade no longer applied to a progressively more interconnected global economy. To navigate these new frontiers, most governments set up trade bureaus to assist them in deciding how to handle things like tariffs. With so much potential wealth to be gained, the vast majority of states saw no problem in sinking sizable fractions of their gross domestic product into shippable goods. The economists, meanwhile, kept inventing new and exciting ways to extract egregious quantities of wealth from ever more intricate trade schemes. + +At the peak of this global boom, a team of economists working out of the [[National Academy of Velskyavo]] invented a currency exchange system that would allow merchants to increase their profits by routing them through the currencies of multiple nations. The lynchpin of this system was a "dummy" currency ostensibly backed by the [[Pseudocracy of Placeholden|Placeholden]]—which, as there was no actual country to back it, could appreciate indefinitely. The placegilder system was founded on the assumption that all parties involved were rational profit-seeking actors; thus, while the international economics community knew of ways to crash the value of placegilder, it was assumed that no one would be stupid enough to do so, as their own economy would become collateral damage in the process. + +The Stratsky Foundation proved them wrong. But as placegilder crashed and burned, Flandre enacted a contingency plan to shunt the value of placegilder into livestock. Unfortunately, this plan relied on convincing every other state to adopt certain tariff practices, and at this time Flandre—not possessing the political clout they hold today—was seen as a weird paranoid nation on the fringe of the national stage. Tariffs on livestock were raised instead, and the Panark Fleet ended up overflowing with herds of goats they couldn't afford to unload. + Making matters worse, [[Selestei]] responded by declaring war on livestock. With livestock in every country on the globe, the global community began to fear another [[War of Durun's Ass|The War of Durun's Ass]]. But on the brink of a world war, [[Shaster]] sent in a crack diplomatic team with steak dinners, and peace was preserved until the eruption of the first Cetacean War in 920. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/grim-weepers-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/grim-weepers-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..289de5b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/grim-weepers-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 10 +# Title: Grim Weepers + +I've always warned my grandchildren never to arm-wrestle a [[Selesteine|Selestei]]. All that heavybeer puts them on quite another level indeed! But even your average Selesteine would be well advised not to arm-wrestle a **Grim Weeper**, for in the heat of the moment they might forget themselves and beat you to death with your own arm. + +The defining characteristic of the Grim Weepers has always been their custom of eating painfully spicy food to carry them through battle. With modern medical knowledge, researchers think they derive two benefits from this. First, the pain releases a surge of adrenaline, amplifying their already-formidable strength. Second, overwhelming oneself with pain helps both to prepare you for injuries in battle and to distract you from those injuries once they occur. There are even recorded instances where a Grim Weeper's spicy breath alone incapacitated weaker foes. However, [[Pentex Lannogaster]]—himself a Grim Weeper and veteran of [[The War of Durun's Ass|the War of Durun's Ass]]—writes in his memoirs that the practice of eating spicy food arose from tribal contests of the ancient Selesteines, whose strongest warriors would eat spicy food until someone gave up. In his words, "Pain is God's way of telling you to man up." + +Historically, the Grim Weepers were always the vanguard of the Selesteine military, their distinctive greatswords being well-suited to cleaving through an enemy's front line. This strategy was most effective against the footsoldier-based armies of the [[Fractured Cities|The Fractured Cities]], but the Selesteine love of a challenge also saw the Grim Weepers charging [[Ulgravian cavalry lines|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] (against whom they fared relatively well) and [[Incendian|Incendia]] fire bellows (which, unfortunately for them, were hotter than their peppers). During the reign of [[Mad King Westler]], there was also an attempt to invade the [[Panark Fleet|The Panark Fleet]], but they found to their shame that they could not swim fast enough to reach the boats. Many lives were lost that day. + +Sadly, the tides of history have not been kind to the Selesteine model of war, and the Grim Weepers have borne that decline worse than other sectors of the Selesteine military. The invention of gunpowder-based projectile weaponry turned more than one of their would-be glorious charges into massacres. There was a brief time in AES 927 when Selestei tried making their swords even larger to block bullets, but the soldiers themselves rejected the new swords on the grounds that it was shameful for a true warrior to cower behind their own weapon. + +In AES 971, the Department of Glory (their military branch) finally gave in and changed the strategic role of the Grim Weepers. In the repertoire of modern states, pitched battles are giving way to precision tactical operations. The modern Grim Weepers now resemble the special operations forces of any other military, except with capsaicin pills and giant broadswords strapped to their backs. Though this has significantly increased their survival rate, it has also revealed an epidemic of [[Jalapeñosis]] among the older Grim Weepers. Only time will tell their if defining practice will continue into the future. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/gwen-hanson-phd-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/gwen-hanson-phd-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..08ec0ba --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/gwen-hanson-phd-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 0 +# Title: ~Gwen Hanson, PhD + +//**Dr. Gwen Hanson, PhD** is the head of the Entropology Department at the Transient University of Ulgrav, where she has worked for the past eleven years. She received a Masters degree (with honors) from the University of Hejilad, and completed her doctorate work with the Townsend Foundation with a groundbreaking thesis on why the Botherhood can't possibly get anything done.// + +//Entropology had long been something of a niche academic field until Dr. Hanson brought it into prominence with the popular nonfiction book "Why Everything Goes to Shit" in AS 986. The work introduced an entry-level understanding of entropology to the general populace, which seemed like a good thing until it, inevitably, went to shit. Now she can't walk down the street without hearing morons butchering her life's work in casual conversations. Fuck all of you.// + +//As an academic and professor, Dr. Hanson has won the respect of both colleagues and students. She was awarded the Ngote Award for Professorial Excellence in AS 988, a highly coveted decoration given to a professor by majority student vote. She has successfully defended against no less than four accusations of misosophy, even managing to reflect the humiliation on her accuser in three of those cases.// + +//Today, she lives with her husband and two children aboard the Ulgravian zeppelin //Thunder Bumble// until such time as the fucking Sovereign manages to get someone to sell us some fucking land.// \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/hard-light-projection-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/hard-light-projection-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0b71bdb --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/hard-light-projection-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 12 +# Title: Hard light projection + +**Hard light projection** refers to any number of light-based technologies developed in the second half of the tenth century. + +The first hard light projection was developed in early 958 by [[Vigotskian|The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]] researchers at the National University of [[Incendia]] and had the ability to project a three-dimensional hologram in space. The research paper simply called it a "light projector", but the university's branding office insisted that it be called //hard// light projection in the press releases and distinguished from "easy light projection", what screen projectors do. + +As is normal with academicians, this kicked off a flurry of activity seeking to capitalize on both the new research and the spate of media attention. The National University of [[Shaster]] was the first to respond, putting forth a prototype in late 959 that could project a hologram at long distances. The NUS Dean of Engineering declared this achievement to be the //real// hard light projection, and "what those Typhoid Marys coughed up" to be merely //easy// light projection. They were one-upped a month later by The Grim College, which (literally) extended their work to project light around the curvature of the planet. This, the High Inquisitor declared, was the //truly// hard light projection, and all this merely //straight// projection was so easy it could barely be called light projection at all. + +Not to be outdone, Warbaum's University sought a new direction for projection technology. In 966, its Department of Physics and Cooking revived the dispute by releasing a light projector that could create //solid// holograms. This, the Professor Chefmaster declared, was the only light projection that could truly be considered hard, and the intepretation of "hard" as referring to difficulty was a misdirection by amateurish charlatans. The Selesteine College of Arts and Zymurgy saw an opportunity here for publicity in a field they did not even have a department for and declared that Warbaum's allegedly hard light projection could not stand up to the merest flick by a [[Grim Weeper|Grim Weepers]]. Therefore, it could be considered //soft// light projection at best. Capitalizing on this in turn, [[Razor Valley]] Bunker-University revealed a form of light projection with alcohol content a few years later, and declared //this// to be the true "hard" light projection. + +By 974, the Incendian homeland became inaccessible, and the Incendian President Iyano Niir was the only one left on the succession list for the Dean of NUS. Rebranding the university as the National Correspondence University of Incendia, he brought a paradigm shift to hard light projection technology by paying dictionary publishers to make "hard" short for "hardtack", the cracker. Armed with stacked dictionaries and a pedanticism born of desperation, Niir attended ProjExpo 975 and unveiled a lamp with hardtack taped over the bulb, which he claimed projected "hard[tack] light". For making a mockery of the field, Niir was immediately thrown out of the convention and given an official warning from [[J.U.S.T.I.C.E.|Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement]] + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/hard-light-projection-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/hard-light-projection-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a20a89c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/hard-light-projection-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Hard light projection + +The controversy over hard light //projection// is related to, but ought not be confused with, the lesser-known controversy over hard light //projectors//. While the former was an academic venture of international proportions, the latter was a dispute that occurred between the Left Physics Department and the Right Physics Department of Kera University. The former produced a prototype hard light projector with a user interface so arcane that it was nigh-impossible to use, and offered this as a contribution to the debate over what could be considered hard light projection. The latter objected, claiming that neither the projection nor the light was hard, and drove its point home by creating a slide projector out of titanium and bashing the Left Physics Department's prototype to pieces. This resulted, as is typical at Kera University, in a semester-long campaign of vengeance. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..823d30d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 12 +# Title: High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart + +After [[the stunt she pulled in 986|986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident]], the "whale bloc" of the Disputatious Assembly began planning for her eventual Exarchy, since someone who can decapitate a continent in an afternoon will end up ruling Flandre one way or another. The [[988 snake invasion|Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson]], therefore, became a matter of international concern, not only because it threw the Flandrean-headed anti-whale coalition into disarray, but also because the succession crisis threatened to bring Seraphi to power much earlier than anticipated. With Flandre's coalition leaderless, [[the Very Definitely Independent States]], still smarting from Seraphi's machinations, motioned for the Assembly to respond by annihilating //both// sides of the civil war. The rest of the whale bloc gave its support, fearing the prospect of a recovered Flandre under a High Exarch Minor Ironheart. Flandre was at its most vulnerable, and if they did not strike while they had the chance, having another would be doubtful. The shaken coalition, on the other hand, feared the prospect of the whale bloc figuratively (or literally) rolling over them, and the ensuing political deadlock lasted long enough that Seraphi Ironheart could ascend as High Exarch Minor and settle the matter in the Assembly herself. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f70ad82 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 13 +# Title: High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart + +"The ensuing political deadlock" is a bit of an innocent way to put it. The anti-whale bloc pulled every trick in the book to impede the progress of the motion. Dr. Christophy would know, because he has enough contact with the Ironhearts to know what goes on in the coalition, and he specifically instructed the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee he chaired to take its time preparing an exhaustive report. Yet before they were near finished, Christophy was //also// appointed to the Disarrangement Act BEAC, despite this slowing the first Committee's work to a crawl. I submitted an official complaint to have someone else take over the 988 BEAC so it wouldn't be slowed down, but nothing came of it, and the point was moot when Seraphi Ironheart was coronated. Shortly thereafter, I had an unlikely series of very unfortunate coincidences, leaving me in my current position. I can't help but feel there's a connection there, but I'm a little scared of what would happen if I looked too much into it. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-3.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-3.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..26bd03f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-3.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 3 +# Title: High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart + +In the [[Methodocracy of Flandre|Flandre]], it is not just the strong who survive. The strong are often overconfident, so they don't prepare enough for eventual failure. Flandreans instead celebrate the //crafty//, who so often bring down the strong, and Flandrean institutions reflect that fact faithfully. + +Methodocracy, or "rule by schemes," is by design a difficult-to-understand system of government. In fact, many of the protocols of the Methodocracy are kept confidential to prevent exploitation by external or internal powers. However, it is known that the High Exarch is chosen not on the basis of any personal merit, but based on whether their proposed solution to the current national crisis is more effective than the others. Nominally this would include a proposal from the current High Exarch, but High Exarchs have a habit of coincidentally winding up dead whenever a situation rises to the level of a national crisis. + +You can read more about **High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart**'s ascension in Dr. Rubric's [[treatment|Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a]] of the Inordinate Number of Snakes protocol, but my topic here is Ironheart's conduct as High Exarch Minor. + +Consider, for example, the case of a 12-year-old whose defense proposal was rejected by the Council. For most little girls, that would be the end of their political endeavors, for that is the way society tells them that the process works. Soon-to-be-HEM Ironheart instead traveled north to Kingsland—foolhardy in its own right—persuaded an [[eldritch abomination|The Killer Bus of Kingsland North]] to participate in her scheme, and then barbecued half the Council with a flamethrower while riding atop said eldritch abomination. Rubric writes "they could not argue with the results"—indeed, indeed! It was a brilliant political move, for not only did she demonstrate the worthiness of her proposal, but she also boldly demonstrated that the Council didn't have a contingency plan for getting baked alive. + +Now 14, Ironheart's leadership has remained no less decisive or flashy. Most controversial, of course, was her decision to establish a military base on the lip of the [[Missing Sea]] as a foothold for research and colonization. Ironheart correctly identified that Flandre was the only nation in a position both to exploit the resources on the open sea floor and to stave off the wrath of the whales that would follow such a course. And the public relations strategies she employed to address, mollify, rebut, and/or disappear her detractors once again demonstrate the deftness of her contingency planning. + +While there are several obvious reasons of practicality underlying Flandre's resistance to the Disarrangement Act, proponents of the Act might consider that they do not want an irritated High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart on their borders. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8f4cd47 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-exarch-minor-seraphi-ironheart-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 4 +# Title: High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart + +I've always thought the little brat's greatest achievement was whatever quantum bullshit she pulled to block off the universe where [[I wrote the article on her|High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]]. I'm sure other-universe me tore her a new one. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-illuminator-saint-doctor-heinrich-stafford-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-illuminator-saint-doctor-heinrich-stafford-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dd50f15 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/high-illuminator-saint-doctor-heinrich-stafford-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 14 +# Title: High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford + +Historians have said that is impossible to overestimate the legacy of **Dr. Heinrich Stafford**. Few historical figures have so many achievements to their name or are spoken of with such praise, though of course they lack the distinction of [[having those opinions broadcast worldwide|Zeitgeist Manipulator]]. Devices designed by the illustrious Dr. Stafford can be found at the root of most modern technological innovations, and it seems the man could not order a sandwich without founding a revolutionary academic discipline. I exaggerate, but not by much: my own field, miscellania, was created after Dr. Stafford rearranged his office file cabinet in AES 923. + +Born in AES 888—an auspicious year in his native Flandre—the future internationally-acclaimed genius quickly demonstrated himself to be in an intellectual class above his peers and even his instructors. In the sometimes cutthroat environment of Flandrean academics, this put something of a target on the young Stafford. However, the pressure from his would-be peers desisted after he tricked three students and a professor into their respective booby traps. The academic credentials of the professor, one Dr. Sandra Anderson, were automatically bequeathed to Stafford in accordance with the then-recently passed Petard Forfeiture Laws. This resulted in him taking a professorship at the age of 17, shortly afterward publishing his first paper on the [[electric undead]] in AES 905. + +Dr. Stafford's subsequent accomplishments are, of course, a matter of historical record. Particularly noteworthy are his invention of [[asynchronous energy theory|Asynchronous energy]] in AES 908; solving the location of every [[fixed-point cube|Ominous fixed-point cubes]] in AES 911; adapting the rules of [[Horseball]] in AES 920; and the invention of [[computational theology|Assemblies of Gods]] in AES 923, for which he was sainted, in addition to receiving the unique distinction of "High Illuminator," a title meant to reflect his status as the highest bringer of knowledge to our humble species. I shan't spend much time on these topics here, as as they have been extensively covered in my colleagues' excellent articles about them. I will note, however, that you will find much of Dr. Stafford's work was ultimately accomplished by other people, as the man himself was too busy inventing other revolutionary ideas to build a proof of concept for his earlier revolutionary ideas. + +A celebrated public figure and undoubtedly a man who single-handedly changed humanity's course through the heavens, Dr. Stafford left us one winter eve in AES 939. According to the official reports—which, it must be said, are Flandrean government documents, so take this with as much salt as you like—Dr. Stafford had been researching the [[Missing Sea]] to uncover metaphysical secrets of the universe. His hope was reportedly to transcend to a higher plane of being, a hope which is not all that far-fetched when you consider the [[sorts|The Killer Bus of Kingsland North]] of [[things|Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson]] which may be found in Kingsland. Whatever device he may have constructed has never been found; however, it is incontrovertible that Dr. Stafford was never seen again. Still, there are many—myself included—who like to keep a picture of him on our desks, and whisper a little prayer every time we submit a paper for publication. Just in case. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscellania \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/horseball-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/horseball-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6f7f759 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/horseball-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Horseball + +The 933-934 rules dispute had some longer-lasting effects. One vendor in the 934 season rolled a bunch of meat into a ball, baked it in a pastry shell, and sold it as a "Selsroll". The timing was perfect and it became a hit with horseball fans. This was all well and good until an internal memo of the IHC was leaked, revealing ongoing discussions to host a horseball tournament in which the losing team's horses would be ground up and made into selsrolls to be enjoyed by the winning team and their fans. This dealt a severe blow both to the IHC's credibility and selsroll vendors, both of which took years to recover. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/horseball-7.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/horseball-7.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9750470 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/horseball-7.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Horseball + +Horseball is a sport in which players mounted on horses pass a ball between teammates while wearing oversized gloves, with the ultimate goal of scoring a point by throwing it into the opposing team's goal. The sport grew out of an [[Ulgravian|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] pastime, from before the country took to the skies, where mounted warriors would tie their shields concave-out to their hands and toss a ball to each other. The rules of horseball have been thoroughly systematized since those days, with glove size regulated and ball make standardized. Most institutions of secondary education will take their classes on a field trip to a horseball course, and many post-secondary institutions have horseball teams that bring in fans and provide scholarships. + +Competitive horseball has been praised as uniting the venerable practice of horse breeding with the fast-paced action of other ball-type team sports, while retaining those qualities that allow fans to participate in the collective identity of their college, city, or country. Professional horseballers are widely regarded as celebrities. Because it requires a horse, of course, standard horseball is not a common leisure activity. Fans wanting to play it themselves will generally run around sans horse, ride on the shoulders of another player, or use roller skates. Rarely, amateur horseball is played on motorcycles, which is generally discouraged by the International Horseball Council (IHC). + +While [[Selestei]] does know of a sport by the name "horseball", it is not the same sport as played in the rest of the world. Instead of players on horses passing around a ball, Selesteine horseball involves players passing around a horse rolled up into a ball. Selesteine horseball teams are allowed to compete in the same brackets as international horseball teams through a byzantine set of adapter rules composed by [[the peerless Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]]. Inexplicably, the matchup is quite balanced. + +This benevolence came back to bite the international horseball community when Selestei won its first World Trough in 933. In the ensuing chaos of their victory/national anthem, the Selesteine team rolled the opposing team's horses into a giant ball and threw it into the audience. Inspired by this, Johnson, Johnson, & Several Other Johnsons, an [[Incendian|Incendia]] [[mad lawyer cabal|Mad legal practice]], delved into Stafford's adapter rules and produced an extensively cross-referenced report a week later arguing that this was a legal move in adapted horseball. The 934 horseball season was subsequently dominated by the so-called "Selsroll" strategy until the IHC's own legal team could deconstruct JJ&SOJ's argument and restore a modicum of sensibility to the sport. + +Selestei seems to be the only country to have gotten away with such an egregious perversion of the rules. When the [[Lepazzian|Lepazzia]] team's goal was suddenly found to have been [[filled with flowers|The Esoteric Order of Florists]] last year, preventing the other team from scoring, the Lepazzian team was politely asked to withdraw and suggested to refrain from entering for the next year. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/incendia-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/incendia-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a74b39f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/incendia-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Incendia + +For a country with an inordinate number of fire-based cultural traditions, Incendia ran a very tight ship as a safety and storage guarantor. All sorts of historical documents were stored in the Incendian vaults, including the original copies of the [[Ulgravian|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] land lease documents. This, of course, came to an end with the 974 collapse. Incendia's remaining [[mad lawyer|Mad legal practice]], Parvus the Litigator, attempted to use this to have the land lease contract nullified in order to ward off any future Ulgravian retribution. After a hurried consultation by President Niir, Parvus mad-lawed himself into being the defense lawyer and began arguing the official Incendian position that the homeland had not been destroyed, and therefore there was no breach of the contract. This resulted in a schizophrenic trial in which Parvus viciously argued at length with himself in front of a confused judge. When he began to lose the defending case, he resorted to personal attacks against the plaintiff (i.e. himself), until the trial degenerated into a fistfight in which he put himself in a headlock and choked himself out. The judge, unsure of what had just happened, threw the case out. This may have been the Litigator's plan all along, however, because the Assembly courts are now turned off from touching anything related to the legal status of Incendia. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/incendia-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/incendia-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..05b46fd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/incendia-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Incendia + +**Incendia** was and allegedly still is a prosperous city-state on the northern border of [[Lepazzia]]. In AES 972, in the face of increasing pressure from [[the Hegemony of Whales]], Incendia massively scaled up efforts to harvest the country's rich oil deposits. This brought great prosperity to Incendia with a rapidity aided by a disregard for an accompanying Flandrean level of contingency planning. As a result, the entire country collapsed into a giant sinkhole during the 974 Open Flame Festival, the inauspicious timing of which ignited the gas deposits, creating the still-burning conflagration we know today. + +At the time of the Festival, Incendia's president, Iyano Niir, was at a session of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. The [[Ulgravian|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] sovereign motioned to have Niir dismissed from the Assembly, on the grounds that because Incendia no longer existed, he was no longer a sovereign; the motion was, as usual, seconded by Lepazzia. President Niir's subsequent defense of his continued presence is widely considered one of the greatest orations given in the Assembly this century. According to Niir, Incendia had only been mildly perturbed by the multiple-story drop into the sinkhole, and hadn't been destroyed in the slightest. The perpetual fire that now burned in the pit where his country once was, he scoffed, was not the burnoff of their gas deposits, but rather what their national festivals looked like from above. He exhorted those who sought to remove him from the Assembly to desist from their cultural myopia and recognize the heritage of Incendia and their peculiar means of celebration. To any who persisted, he challenged them to go to Incendia themselves and prove that there wasn't a country underneath the roiling curtain of flame, though he warned that the country was very welcoming and visitors might find themselves unable to leave. The subsequent vote to eject Incendia from the Assembly narrowly failed, thanks to the intervention of the Hegemon of Whales, though Niir was unable to stop the Assembly's notaries from subtracting the sinkhole's area from Incendia's officially recorded landmass. + +Today, Incendia remains in somewhat of a precarious position. President Niir currently lives off of the complimentary snacks provided at Assembly breakout sessions and sleeps in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room, because it has the softest couch. Every now and then the Committee chases him out, but I can hear him snoring in the air ducts from the basement, and he's always back by the end of the week. The Incendian military, Gregor Gregory, is currently stationed in their embassy in [[the Panark Fleet]]. The Incendian military being entirely stationed inside another country is the cause of some international tension, which Niir insists is "not a big deal, and besides, Gregor's very agreeable." The Incendian Tourism Bureau continues Niir's foreign policy by publishing pamphlets about how much Indencians love festivals that obscure the country from above, but its suggested travel destinations are all Incendian embassies in other countries, which have set up farms and become self-sufficient on their small plots of land. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/incendia-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/incendia-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..55e372c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/incendia-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Incendia + +Incendia was //supposed// to be safeguarding our land until we wanted it back. It's right there in the fucking lease agreements. But noooooo, the fuckers just //had// to go and set the whole damn thing on fire. Niir should have been kicked out of the assembly, and then he should have been tossed right back into the bonfire he made of our land. Fucking Sovereign went all soft on him. + +Anyways, this is why I regularly "accidentally" spill my coffee on the fucker when he's sleeping in our break room. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-continent-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-continent-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..16d6073 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-continent-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,39 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Iurezza (continent) + +The continent of **Iurezza** is one of five continents, the others being the [[Careless Continent|The Careless Continent]], [[Vulterland|xenoarcheological ruins]], [[Benri|The Very Definitely Independent States]], and Ciphan. I have always thought it is shaped vaguely like a massive, inverted pear. + +Here is a list of things in Iurezza that might be relevant to the Disarrangement Act: + +• The Compass Republic, whose sovereign [[Klaus Santanna]] runs a global trade network with the help of the [[Ulgravian Diaspora|The Ulgravian Diaspora]]. + +• [[High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]], on whom my esteemed colleague M. Hon. Milton has written an excellent comprehensive report. I note for the attentive reader that the High Exarch Minor, though usually located on Iurezza, is not necessarily to be found there at all times. + +• Ironheart's country, the Methodocracy of Flandre, whose combination of [[near-limitless energy|asynchronous energy]] and rich oil reserves allows them to fuel the Ulgravian zeppelin fleet and protect their trade ships from aggression by [[the Hegemony of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]]. + +• The historical remains of no less than twelve [[Selesteine|Selestei]] invasions, including those from the [[War of Durun's Ass|the War of Durun's Ass]], the [[Roerbach Incident|The Roerbach Incident]], and the [[Goats on Boats Affair]]. + +• [[ |🔇]] + +• My apologies for the length of the preceding bullet point—there's just so much to say! + +• The headquarters of the [[Venerable Society of Cartographers|The Venerable Society of Cartographers]], whose increasing militarization has lead also to increasing tensions with their host state, Flandre. + +• //Several// species of bird. + +• Technically, if one goes by the seating conventions of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the [[Pseudocracy of Placeholden|Placeholden]] is located somewhere around here (N.B. no one has ever figured out where their national borders are supposed to go). + +• The Barrowlands, ruled by Sornhandr, the King Eternal. The [[inexplicably perpetual cloudiness|Barcuvian antiweather]] of the country makes it difficult to figure out what exactly goes on in there, but distance observation by Flandrean expeditions indicate that the observable parts of the country are just stretches of ancient barrows with no living thing in sight. I regret to say that my wife has forbidden me to explore it. + +• The city-state of Kingsland, with its terrified inhabitants and the beings that they [[worship and/or flee from|Pantheons of Kingsland]]. I would write more on them here, but the last time I wrote a monograph on Kingsland religion and culture I accidentally summoned some kind of spider demon (not to be confused with their [[snake demon|Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson]]) and it took forever to get the building repaired. + +• The "dead zone," a no man's land (since the [[Night of Storms|The Night of Storms]], anyways) historically ravaged by the [[electric undead]]. + +I hope you find this list useful. Enjoy the deliberations! + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2f47964 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,68 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 12 +# Title: Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album) + +I've always had a soft spot for Sneezing on the King Eternal. A neometal classical band out of the [[Very Definitely Independent States|The Very Definitely Independent States]], they took their name from an AES 840 incident where the Benric Sovereign sneezed on Sornhandr, the King Eternal, and was fatally cursed for the faux pas. The phrase has come to refer to all the ways life's endeavors can suddenly come to an end because of small mistakes, and SotKE's music presents that ethos perfectly. This can be seen in their 961 **//Iurezza//**, a nearly three-hour concept album telling the story of the rise and eventual fall of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. Written mostly by their drummer, my old mentor Professor Riggs Behemon, the story contains more historical research than some PhD theses. + +**1. [[The Partitioning]] (Instrumental)** — 5:23 + +//The Partitioning// is an overture meant to represent the division of the world into nation-states. Vocalist Gen Oslif has said in interviews that SotKE considers division between people to be the root of all strife. There is some wisdom to this, I think. + +**2. Origination** — 12:02 + +SotKE introduce the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns in its original form as a social club created by High Exarch [[Jain Kantamon|The Roerbach Incident]] to keep tabs on the local leaders of consequence. In those days, the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns did not possess the power it holds today, and only affected that part of the world that could travel there. The track is notable for incorporating passages from the [[Book of Schemes|The Book of Schemes]] into the lyrics. + +**3. Here There Be Dragons** — 17:49 + +A heavy, grinding epic about the Roerbach Incident, featuring an excellent duet between Kantamon (Oslif) and Doric Foeslayer (guitarist Enric Hass) about what they respectively think is happening. For a brief period in the 60's, this was the only scholarly source that argued Doric Foeslayer knew what was going on. + +**4. Interlude: A Shrinking Sandbox (Instrumental)** — 3:25 + +This instrumental is about the expanding diplomatic frontiers of the Assembly as continued exploration of the world increased the number of Sovereigns who could attend Assembly sessions. + +**5. The King Eternal** — 7:56 + +This track introduces Sornhandr, the King Eternal, as a symbol of the end of all things. In a nod to their longtime fans, this track reprises key riffs from "Sneezing on the King Eternal," a track from their debut album. I always get the chorus stuck in my head: "Withered hand [[the lighting brings|Barcuvian antiweather]] / Bow to the Eternal King." + +**6. The Glory** — 15:11 + +Track 6 covers the age of [[Selesteine|Selestei]] dominance of international politics (roughly c. 250 to 382). Global force projection was not possible back in those days due to logistical capabilities, but Selestei had the closest thing. The track concludes with "bad neighbors from the [[east|The Careless Continent]]" landing their country on Selestei's shores, ending their naval force projection. + +**7. Acceleration** — 16:43 + +//Acceleration//, which gets faster over the course of the song, tells the story of the growing technological capabilities of Assembly member nations and the resulting increase of relevance of the Assembly to global politics. + +**8. Ascension** — 8:47 + +//Ascension// briefly addresses [[Ulgrav's|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] taking to the skies, as seen through the perspective of the Assembly. + +**9. The Glory (Reprise)** — 10:34 + +This track portrays the [[War of Durun's Ass|The War of Durun's Ass]] as a Selesteine attempt at one last feat of heroism before history sweeps their way of life away. I get chills whenever I hear the last verse: + +//We will set sail for the glory//\\ +//One last time, we raise our blades//\\ +//Let the world tell them our story//\\ +//History will know our names// + +**10. Interlude: The System of the World (Instrumental)** — 11:37 + +This track, which is supposed to represent the Assembly attaining the status and power it holds today, contains an 8-minute solo by guitarist Kela Reardon. + +**11. War Upon the Deep** — 20:12 + +This track addresses both the [[Goats on Boats Affair]] and the Cetacean War, its resolution, and the geopolitical fallout of recognizing the [[Hegemony of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]] into the Assembly. Attentive listeners will hear echoes of "The King Eternal" in parts of the track. + +**12. Here There Be Dragons (Reprise)** — 6:13 + +With their typical propensity for rich metaphors, SotKE argue in this track that the increasing complexity of modern life has introduced many existential threats to the world, and that Assembly politics will inevitably lead to someone triggering one of them. + +**13. Annihilation** — 39:16 + +In the epic, final track of the album, SotKE paint a picture of the return of the [[Ultimate Dragonopolis]] resulting in the destruction of sentient life. Given the stated intentions of [[certain individuals|Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson]], one can't help but worry that their fears might be prophetic. The track ends with a beautiful, organ-only reprise of The King Eternal, inviting us all to contemplate our transience in this life. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e726eb2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album) + +SotKE fucking //rocks//. + +~Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..38c5dad --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 14 +# Title: Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album) + +The quality of your scholarly contributions never fails to impress, Dr. Hanson. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-16.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-16.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dfa57a4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-16.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 16 +# Title: Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album) + +Oh, right, because //your// musical taste is //soooo// much better. Don't think we don't know why you're playing that weak-ass classical music on minimum volume in your pathetic excuse for an office. You're not subtle, Milton. Guy prances around going "la la la perception determines reality" and then fills his working space with self-consciously high status shit? How fucking stupid do you think we are? + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-17.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-17.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6f2eff9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/iurezza-sneezing-on-the-king-eternal-album-17.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 17 +# Title: Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album) + +As an aside, I am grateful to be working with such scholars as we have on the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee. It takes a world-class mind to make the astute observation that our resident memetosociologist practices memetosociology. I look forward to further groundbreaking discoveries linking professors of miscellania and the habit of categorizing things, or the stunning connection between studying entropology and being an asshole. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/jalapeosis-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/jalapeosis-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f8aada6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/jalapeosis-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 12 +# Title: Jalapeñosis + +Historically, the [[Grim Weepers]], [[Selestei's|Selestei]] elite shock troops, ate extremely spicy food before going into battle. Because they were the vanguard, they had less-than-extensive lifespans, and thus the diseases of old age were unknown to them. After the Department of Glory reassessed the Weepers' military role, their life expectancy went up, allowing them to live long enough to suffer the effects of **jalapeñosis**, a disease seemingly caused by a lifetime of eating the special diet of spicy Selesteine cuisine that characterizes the Grim Weepers. Weepers afflicted by early stage jalapeñosis manifest increasingly red skin and elevated body temperatures. Their breath becomes increasingly acidic, as does their body chemistry in general. As the disease progresses, the symptoms intensify, until in the late stages the patient's skin is bright red and too hot to touch and the patient's breath instantly wilts plants and inflicts chemical burns. Finally, the patient's body temperature reaches a critical point, and the patient spontaneously combusts. It is believed by historians that the historical accounts from [[Pentex Lannogaster]] of Selesteines "becoming as Sels" are actually ancient cases of terminal jalapeñosis being interpreted through the lens of the Selesteine myth in which the hero Sels eats a sun. Rudimentary understanding of this phenomenon must have existed before the Grim Weepers' reassignment in 971, because one of the eighth-century Hierarchs of [[the Fractured Cities]] invited a terminal case to a [[bloodmoot]] to stand next to a box of fireworks. + +The exact etiology of jalapeñosis is unknown, since the Grim Weepers are reluctant to publicize their secret recipes. An exception was made for [[Professor Hazard McKinley]], who spent six months doing botanical studies in Selestei before submitting a confidential report to the King. McKinley is under a non-disclosure agreement with respect to the contents of the report, though he has revealed that [[the Mad King|Mad King Westler]] had made some changes to the recipes that were now being reevaluated. Some biologists outside of Selestei have attempted research projects into the possible active ingredients, which have generally run aground on the utter madness that is Selesteine cuisine. Their beer is more massive by volume than concrete, and some of their condiments are also used in industrial manufacturing. It is an enduring mystery how the Selesteines are even alive, but it does give some perspective on jalapeñosis, since apparently becoming a toxic walking firebomb isn't considered a negative health outcome. It's definitely a negative janitorial outcome, because the last time a Grim Weeper was at the Disputatious Assembly, his feet burned holes in the carpet when he stood still for too long, and it was a royal pain in the ass to clean up after. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joint-university-strike-team-for-interdisciplinary-collaboration-enforcement-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joint-university-strike-team-for-interdisciplinary-collaboration-enforcement-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3a3d912 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joint-university-strike-team-for-interdisciplinary-collaboration-enforcement-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 14 +# Title: Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement + +Following the invention of the [[dark degrees|The Dark Pentad]] in the mid-ninth century, there was considerable tension between regular academia and dark academia. This was understandable, as the dark degrees were institutional brands of shame, and some universities even began exiling their dark academics to [[the south pole|Xenoarcheological ruins]]. Despite their professional disgrace, however, the work of dark academics was still recognized, implicitly or off the record, as containing some insights of worth, and thus a limited amount of interdisciplinary work was done between the burgeoning dark disciplines and regular academia. This work was stymied by several incidents where dark academics attempted to use the collaboration to taint the reputations of their peers. + +In order to safeguard the extraction of value from the work of dark academia and protect regular academics from their erstwhile colleagues, several universities formed the Council for Interdisciplinary Collaboration in 856, which mediated interactions with dark academics in order to prevent them from taking down regular academics out of spite. This continued until 891, when the Vulterbase could not be brought to heel in the wake of the [[Goats on Boats Affair]]. Over the next few decades, the Council requested, and was approved for, an increasing amount of military power in order to bring the Vulterbase rebels to justice. By 931, the Council had become a globally-ranked military power and rebranded itself as the **Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement**, aka JUSTICE. Turns out that your army has a nice tech advantage if it's literally made of the people who do military tech research. + +In addition to power creep, the scope of the former Council's duties has also expanded beyond their original duties of keeping Pentads in line. JUSTICE also works security at research conventions, provides military defense to universities when necessary, and hunts down rogue academics who need to be eliminated. To date, very few academics have escaped their fury once roused. Sadly, as an international and interinstitutional body, they are vulnerable to bureaucracy, which is why they have yet to get permission to enter the campus of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns to capture our own Spheven Kain. I keep giving them tips on him, but it seems he never leaves the building, so they can't grappling-hook him off the neutral ground. I'm hoping he'll slip up one of these days. If they finally get him because of me, I'll score a lot of points with them, which I need because they aren't exactly fans of my work. I guess I'm not making a lot of friends by writing papers in defense of oppressive autocrats, but what else am I supposed to use tenure for? Writing about the same "unpopular" topics everyone else is writing about to show off how progressive and daring they are? Bullshit. If tenure isn't the only thing between you and a JUSTICE tribunal, you're wasting your career. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joint-university-strike-team-for-interdisciplinary-collaboration-enforcement-15.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joint-university-strike-team-for-interdisciplinary-collaboration-enforcement-15.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3055091 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joint-university-strike-team-for-interdisciplinary-collaboration-enforcement-15.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 15 +# Title: Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement + +The suits over at JUSTICE "aren't exactly fans of [Rubric's] work" because the last time [[someone|Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous]] put her ideas into practice, every university in the country was emptied and replaced with propaganda offices. Why hasn't JUSTICE been after her for years already? Sure, she lives and works in Kingsland, so it's understandable why nobody wants to go after her there. But she commutes to the DAS campus for Butterfly Effect Advisory meetings, doesn't she? How many countries does she have to indirectly destroy before someone wises up and puts her on a wanted list? + +Well, I'm not just going to sit around and wait for it. You should really invest in a better lock for that secret drawer in your desk, Cincinatta. I've read your notes about having the [[Taurus|Taurus Research Station]] capture the [[Zeitgeist Manipulator]] from orbit so you can reprogram it to make everyone agree with your ideas. Real clever, how you plan to circumvent the psychological barriers to stopping it that the Manipulator creates. Not so clever leaving the plan where I could find it. I wonder what JUSTICE will think of your little conspiracy when I fax it to them? + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joint-university-strike-team-for-interdisciplinary-collaboration-enforcement-16.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joint-university-strike-team-for-interdisciplinary-collaboration-enforcement-16.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..41d19db --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joint-university-strike-team-for-interdisciplinary-collaboration-enforcement-16.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 16 +# Title: Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement + +Good luck faxing Kingsland-made paper! Even if they manage to subdue the horrifying, betantacled monstrosity that comes out on their end, they won't be able to read any of the writing through the eldritch sigils that appear all over it. Don't worry, I'll let them know you were the one who sent it. Maybe that'll teach you not to eat my goddamn caramel corn at night. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joran-lake-9.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joran-lake-9.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..04741bf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/joran-lake-9.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 9 +# Title: Joran Lake + +**Joran Lake** is the only known bottomless lake. Created by the architect Hans Flugelsson on accident, it is located in the middle of [[the Careless Continent]] where the nation of Joran was briefly established before it was replaced by a lake. When Joran was founded, its leader, Chief Sergoblant, appointed Flugelsson as the new state's official architect. His first order was to find a way to irrigate the desert land they ruled so that they would have the supplies to raid their neighbors for better food. Flugelsson came up with many designs, but he finally settled on a national engineering project to raise the water table closer to the surface. Nobody is quite sure what process he set in motion, but in AES 845, instead of the water table rising to meet Joran, Joran sank to meet the water table and never stopped. The only reason Flugelsson is considered the first [[imagineer|The Dark Pentad]] and not the first thanatologist is the curious Joranite custom of wearing life preservers even in the middle of a landlocked desert. Flugelsson disappears from the historic record after this. + +Given that nobody really bothers to try and sort out the history of Careless, we don't know who first [[populated Joran Lake with fish|Metafishics]]. But by AES 875, adventurers who dared to explore Careless reported that Joran was well-known not only as a watering hole, but also as a source of delicious fish, and had thus become a warzone. This was to the great consternation of the Joranites, who had stayed on their "land" by building houseboats. Most of what we know about the Joran biome comes from the expedition notes of a [[Selesteine|Selestei]] special ops team that fought its way to the lake in 912 after a rumor made it to Selestei that the fish got bigger and meaner the further down you went into the bottomless depths. These rumors were somewhat substantiated, as the Selesteine expedition reported that the hole got bigger as one went down far enough, and that the fauna were larger once the light started to fade. Sadly, further investigation of this is currently impossible, as Joran Lake became infested with [[Ravenous Squid-Trees]] following the completion of [[the Yggdrasil Project]] in 939. + +Despite its distance, [[Flandre]] nevertheless has several National Response Protocol BX designations for things emerging from Joran Lake that pose an existential threat, many of which dictate similar responses as those specified, and recently demonstrated to great effect, by [[NRP BX-392a|Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a]]. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/klaus-santanna-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/klaus-santanna-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f6eadc7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/klaus-santanna-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 10 +# Title: Klaus Santanna + +**Klaus Santanna** is one of the dreadful spawn of Kingsland, and one of the few phenomena of our city to turn its sights beyond the city limits. In the last century, it has risen to international attention as the sovereign of the Compass Republic, which it rules from its throne in [[Bipolaris|The Double-North Pole]]. The true extent of Santanna's power is unknown, but it is sufficient to maintain the order of the Republic without having a legal code. It can mind control people it's touched and seems to possess some form of clairvoyance, allowing it to see anything that goes on in its realm. Despite its unnatural vigor and vitality and its ability to levitate without any visible means, Santanna rarely moves from its throne and conducts most business through proxies. It is represented in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns by a mechanical doll, which [[the Secretary|DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas]] throws out every month for exceeding the permissible duration of proxy representation. Because of its reclusiveness, rumors abound as to its true, terrifying appearance. Those who know are few, and they cannot be trusted. + +These days, the Compass Republic is a big name on the international stage for the global scale of its manufacturing. Soap, folding chairs, kitchenware, all sorts of miscellanea and knickknacks — you probably have some Compass goods in your house right now. The stirring sticks in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room are Compass-produced, which is why I bring my own stick from home. Look, I know we Kingslanders are a sorry lot when it comes to avoiding terrible things, even though most of the time there's no choice we can make that doesn't end up terribly. But my grandparents say that we breathed a godsdamned sigh of relief when Klaus Santanna left town. Its [[cult|Pantheons of Kingsland]] even thought the [[Tesseraction|Tesseraction Eve]] was upon us, grabbed their weapons, and marched into a dark alleyway, which really tied up a lot of loose ends. 'course, then we started hearing things about what Santanna was up to in the Compass Republic, and then it became the bloody sovereign. At least it's menacing far away from us, so we can focus on all the menacing things closer to home. + +Still, there's one Kingslander who isn't happy with Santanna being only that far away. I wish [[Jango Gunnerson|Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson]] all the best in his quest to find the [[Ultimate Dragonopolis]], which is probably one of the only things that could stop Santanna if it began taking a more active interest in global politics. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/legend-of-the-three-trees-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/legend-of-the-three-trees-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9964a8e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/legend-of-the-three-trees-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,27 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Legend of the Three Trees + +The **Legend of the Three Trees** is a [[Flandrean|Flandre]] hit piece from the turn of the century, written in the style of a myth from [[the Book of Schemes]]. In a conceit common to that time, it was published under an editor's note claiming the text to be much older and recently uncovered by its author, who remains anonymous. Reproduced below is the full text of Arkbridge's translation in the third disambiguation. + +~ + +//A [[Selesteine|Selestei]], an [[Ulgravian|The Ulgravian Diaspora]], and a Flandrean walked into an open clearing. "Come, let us show which of us is the mightier people," suggested the Selesteine. "We shall each plant a tree and lash our banner to it. The one whose banner is nearest to the heavens shall be called the mightiest, for the mightiest reach to the heavens to grasp the stars in their fingers."// + +//"Surely not," said the Ulgravian. "Let us each plant a tree, and the one whose banner casts the furthest shadow shall be called the mightiest, for might is not to be found in mere ascension but in ranging across the surface of the world."// + +//"I shall agree to either challenge," said the Flandrean, "as long as the rules disqualify those whose trees are eliminated. But I should point out that both challenges are mathematically equivalent." So each planted a tree and tied a colored flag to the top to distinguish them.// + +//When the trees had grown, the three botanists reconvened in the clearing. The tree to the east, unnaturally thick, had fallen over under its own weight. The tree to the west, thin and sickly, looked as if it were about to fall over. Yet the tree to the north was healthy and strong, and it stood above the others. Because it was noon and the sun was bright, each squinted to see the banners flying high atop the trees.// + +//"I see my banner atop the northern tree," claimed the Selesteine. "The Ulgravian tree has no roots, and it has withered. The Flandrean tree has grown thick with schemes, and it has collapsed under the weight of them. The Selesteine tree stands tall and unbowed."// + +//"You have stared too long into the sun, you madman. It is mine atop the northern tree," claimed the Ulgravian. "The Flandrean tree is the one withered and sickly, for it was too cautious of the ground to lay roots. The Selesteine tree has grown too thick, for it thought that was strength. The Ulgravian banner blows high and free."// + +//"You are both fools," concluded the Flandrean. "The Selesteine has identified the Ulgravian tree, and the Ulgravian has identified the Selesteine tree. But lo, the northern tree is the Flandrean tree. I have carved the proof into its trunk every year, so that none could question. Approach it and behold." And so the Selesteine and the Ulgravian approached the northern tree, tripped the tripwire attached to the western tree, and were crushed as it fell over on them.// + +~ + +If there's one thing I like about Flandre, it's their good taste in vengeance. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/lepazzia-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/lepazzia-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..25968c0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/lepazzia-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Lepazzia + +There are so many wonderful places in this world, and I rejoice that this report gives us cause to speak of many of them. In this section we will focus on the nation of **Lepazzia**, which is as beautiful as it is misunderstood by outsiders. + +Most known to foreigners is the Lepazzian custom of being agreeable past the point of sanity. But this is an incomplete simplification. It is true that in Lepazzian culture, disagreement is unconscionable and violence is beyond barbaric. But when we caricature Lepazzians as being wholy unaggressive, we overlook their long and vicious history of //passive//-aggression. Within a family, for example, children might negotiate their sibling rivalries through indirect means, breaking each other's possessions or manipulating their parents into favoring one or the other child. At the national level, the techniques employed can be truly harrowing. One recalls the tension of the Eight Days' War, in which five nations simultaneously declared war on Lepazzia before withdrawing it eight days later upon finding [[flowers in the bedrooms of every major government official|The Esoteric Order of Florists]]. + +In the Assembly, Lepazzia has an international reputation for always voting in favor, regardless of the bill or motion put to the floor. This, too, is an artifact of Lepazzian culture which is often misunderstood. The Lepazzian Senate votes unanimously in favor of whatever is put to the Senate floor. However, before any motion is put forward, there are days of politicking and maneuvering to determine what should happen. Lepazzian Senators find themselves confronted with aggrieved notes on their seats, unpleasant rumors, and personal attacks in the newspapers. You will find no one so hardened against human pettiness than a Lepazzian politician, and yet a few reliably commit suicide every year. In any case the Sovereign of Lepazzia does little with his votes—and, it must be said, looks vaguely horrified every time someone votes against a measure—but you can be sure that behind the scenes, he has brutally crushed the self esteem of multiple Sovereigns. I myself once heard the Sovereign of [[Incendia]] break down in tears after a particularly belittling conference, although to be fair he does that all the time, the poor dear. + +With regard to the Disarrangement Act, I heartily encourage the Assembly to consider that Lepazzia's new neighbors will be subject to unimaginable psychological torment, and that we could see the emergence of trauma at a cultural level. This will make selecting suitably hardy countries difficult. It is not accidental, remember, that [[Ulgrav|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] disposed of all of its land after a mere three hundred years on the Lepazzian border. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/lepazzia-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/lepazzia-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3e31927 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/lepazzia-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Lepazzia + +Lepazzia keeps something of a low profile in the international community, but it's important to remember their ostensible neutrality doesn't translate to a neutral impact on global politics. For example, if the Lepazzian Sovereign had truly wanted to agree with the other Sovereigns, he would have also abstained on the [[I'll Legislate It Act|The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act]] instead of voting in favor. And the [[Massively Parallel Peace Conference]] illustrates, perhaps a little more clearly, that Lepazzia has it out for all of us. It might be wise to look past the cultural differences between us and realize that they probably consider themselves, in their own way, to be at war with everyone else. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/lepazzia-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/lepazzia-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a402ee7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/lepazzia-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Lepazzia + +In a way, we have Lepazzia to thank for inspiring the Disarrangement Act. When their cultural passive-aggression had reached new heights in the fourth century, they literally drew a line in the sand and dug a massive trench around their entire country to make a point to their neighbors on [[the Careless Continent]]. While most geologists are confused as to how merely digging a trench could result, as it did, in Lepazzia drifting off into the ocean, in my opinion as a sociophysicist, this is no mystery at all. Lepazzian culture is nothing if not one that keeps others at arms' length. The Lepazzian Split was simply the physical manifestation of the social phenomenon in accordance with the principles of sociophysics. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mad-king-westler-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mad-king-westler-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ef878ae --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mad-king-westler-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Mad King Westler + +There is no greater tragedy than being the right person in the right place at the wrong time. So it was for **King Westler of Selestei**, a kind and gentle soul who unfortunately became the heir to the [[Selesteine|Selestei]] throne. He spent his childhood appreciating nature instead of fighting it and wrote poetry about the loveliness of things instead of their weak points and arm strength. This made him something of a pariah, but the royal family made no attempts to remove him from the succession, hoping that the mantle of kingship would shape him into a proper Selesteine. Fatefully, when he eventually was coronated in 817, this did not occur. + +King Westler's foreign policy was uncharacteristically timid for a Selesteine monarch. When his mother, Queen Titania the Immovable, had ruled, she had sponsored Disputatious Assembly dinner parties for the express purpose of drinking the other sovereigns under the table and laughing at them. Westler, on the other hand, shrunk from public appearances and the pressure of international politics. Because of this, Selesteine psychologists began to murmur among themselves that he was off his rocker, unthinkable as it was to the Selesteines that their king should be such a wimp. This made him a prime target for the [[Lepazzian|Lepazzia]] sovereign, who had flowers delivered to him weekly by [[the Esoteric Order of Florists]] in progressively more unnerving places. When the nerve-wracked king woke up one morning coughing up petals, he finally snapped and went completely off the deep end. + +In 830, the final year of his reign, the Mad King was well and truly mad. He launched into a flurry of activity, outlawing and legalizing things at random until he had created a legislative mess unequaled until the [[Don't Think I Won't Act|The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act]] over a century later. He declared war and made peace weekly, all while breaking and renegotiating nonsensical treaties, often with countries he was at war with, and occasionally declaring war //in// the treaty. He hired a team of [[Flandrean|Flandre]] propagandists to obfuscate anything and everything he was doing, then hired a team of Lepazzian propagandists to confound the Flandrean propaganda. The Mad King's reign finally ended when he kidnapped several [[Shastrian|Shaster]] machinists and forced them to build him a giant robotic exoskeleton. When it was completed, he declared war on the ocean, boarded the exoskeleton, and jumped into the depths. After this, the Selesteines took a day off to have a drink and recover from the year, then rolled their law and foreign policy back to Queen Titania's. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mad-legal-practice-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mad-legal-practice-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bc6cc44 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mad-legal-practice-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 10 +# Title: Mad legal practice + +A connection I would emphasize between the development of quantum mechanics and the invention of mad law is that mad law //predates// quantum theory. As a sociophysicist, I can't help but see a causal connection here. Would it be so far beyond the pale to suggest that quantum mechanics was not developed before mad law because quantum systems did not //exist// before mad law? Would it be that crazy to suggest that the indeterminacy of the laws of humanity is what gave rise to the indeterminacy of the laws of nature? + +Dr. Rubric is telling me that it would be, and she's brandishing her mug rather menacingly, so I must conclude that this requires more thought at another time. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mad-legal-practice-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mad-legal-practice-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ff7c82d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mad-legal-practice-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Mad legal practice + +As my esteemed colleague Dr. Christophy would no doubt identify, there are overwhelming parallels between the development of the field of physics and that of more social-facing fields, such as law. Before the days of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, civilization's best shot at physics was knowing that rocks fall back down after you catapult them. Likewise, "law" was doing whatever the king said. + +We can follow this trend up to the present day: as civilization developed, the haphazard, //ad hoc// systems of ancient history were replaced with one regulated by rules and independently verifiable procedure. This paradigm defined the core of legal practice as we know it today. + +However, physics encountered a conceptual revolution with the development of quantum mechanics and the grudging acceptance that the old rules might not apply consistently. So, too, has the practice of law undergone a conceptual revolution—one resulting in the field of practice colloquially known as **mad law**. + +The original mad lawyer is widely considered to be Kelsi Hanover, whose [[Shastrian|Shaster]] legal practice had fallen on a run of difficult cases at the time. The final straw was a 894 case in which she had to defend a client who had committed a crime while remote-controlled by future Sovereign [[Klaus Santanna]]. This matter dragged the trial into convoluted matters of international law and extradition, further worsened by the fact that the crime was not illegal in the [[Compass Republic|The Double-North Pole]], where Santanna had been at the time of the event. Hanover motioned for a fifteen-day "epiphany recess," which is a common Shastrian practice in cases where one or more participants in a trial receive sudden, urgent inspiration for a brilliant idea. At the end of the recess, Hanover returned with a modal legal framework that applied sections of various laws conditionally and/or hypothetically, allowing the trial to proceed across multiple counterfactuals simultaneously. + +(The judge is said to have commented "This is the maddest thing I've ever seen" before acquitting her defendant, thus explaining the name, but that statement is widely considered by scholars to be apocryphal.) + +The fundamental insight behind mad law is an essentially memetosociological one—laws do not merely exist and thereby shape society; they must also be enforced and applied to any given circumstance. Consequently, it is necessary to select //which// laws must apply if you wish them applied; conversely, if you wish no laws applied, all you have to do is fail to apply them. In his journals, [[St. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]] wrote that such thinking to him was indispensable in forming his early approach to problems like his adaptation of the rules of [[horseball]] or the construction of the [[Zeitgeist Manipulator]]. + +The practice of mad law has seen greater acceptance in the modern day, but it faces opposition from more traditional lawyers, as well as the [[Hegemony of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]], which maintains the whole endeavor is a [[Flandrean|Flandre]] plot. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/marionette-children-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/marionette-children-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bc76191 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/marionette-children-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Marionette children + +The fisher crow (//Corvus bastardus//), also known as the bastard crow, the marionette crow, or metonymically as a marionette child, is a curious scavenger corvid native to the [[Razor Valley]] region of [[Shaster]] and [[Selestei]]. Fisher crows are distinguished by their long and lean bodies, but most especially by the extremely thin, prehensile tendrils that trail from their claws. These tendrils are capable of cutting through flesh with ease. Unexpectedly for something that isn't from Barcu, however, fisher crows usually refrain from using their tendrils to hunt prey directly, and instead prefer the much more horrifying method of using them to control child-size marionette puppets. The popular sobriquet "**marionette children**" was first used to refer to these puppets, but these days it is often used to refer to the fisher crows themselves. + +Fisher crows are omnivorous, eating fruits, nuts, insects, other birds, and carrion. They will not hesitate to prey on live animals, even larger livestock or the occasional human. When they attack live prey much larger than themselves, they approach from above, seize it with their marionette, and then carry it off into the sky. Some research was once attempted into how it is that fisher crows can lift large prey when they appear to have no more lifting power than other birds, but this was done by having volunteers bait fisher crows into carrying them off, which resulted in a cancelled research program and a complimentary [[thanatology degree|The Dark Pentad]]. It is no longer considered an open research question. + +An international incident was precipitated in AES 967 when it was discovered that [[The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]] had colonized a fisher crow. The Assembly immediately began disputing whether the more pressing issue was that the Republic has developed the capability to infect across species or that it had now had the use of a marionette child. In the confusion, Vigotski himself slipped away, prompting the Assembly to order the [[Taurus Research Station]] to be turned planetside for the first time, ostensibly for observation. Vigotski was caught in the parking lot and returned to the Assembly, where the assembled sovereigns ordered the Republic to turn over the infected bird for termination. The Republic, rather //too// easily, complied. Since the crow was technically a citizen of the Contagious Republic, the extradition paperwork took a week to get straight, at which point it was summarily executed and the corpse burned. Ever since then, there seem to be an awful lot of crows in the trees around the Assembly building. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/massively-parallel-peace-conference-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/massively-parallel-peace-conference-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4794243 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/massively-parallel-peace-conference-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Massively Parallel Peace Conference + +I swear, I don't know why they let the fuckers at the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns make any decisions at all. Like, any entropologist will tell you that things get shittier over time, but they didn't need to fuck things up //this// badly. + +So, 940 was when all this shit started going downhill. [[Selestei]] and the [[germs|The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]] were at war, [[Flandre]] and the [[whales|The Hegemony of Whales]] were at it, half the [[Careless Continent|The Careless Continent]] was at war with other countries and the other half were at war with themselves—basically it was the most war we've had since the [[War of Durun's Ass|The War of Durun's Ass]], except this time the little twerps couldn't even muster the self-awareness to form teams first. + +So along comes fucking [[Lepazzia]] and tells everyone they're showing up to a peace conference. And of course everyone comes, because Lepazzia doesn't really throw its weight around but holy shit do you not want to get on their bad side. So everyone shows up and the Lepazzian Sovereign Assface Bumblefuck—okay, not actually his name, but it might as well be—Bumblefuck gives this speech about everyone's going to make nice so they can feel good. And this lot is all politicians, they might have developmentally disabled squirrels for brains but they can read between the lines when someone's threatening them, so they all hurry into their assigned rooms and sign the quickest, dirtiest treaties they can. + +So, like, think about that. Peace treaties are supposed to shape the conduct of the nations involved, right? And if two nations are //at war//, then those nations probably have some fucking issues, right? After all, only an inbred cretin would think that nations go to war for //no fucking reason,// right? So given all that, if the original issues still exist, and you still make those nations sign a //shitty peace treaty//, then //what the fuck do you think happens next?// + +I fucking swear, you can trace every political catastrophe in the last fifty years to this disaster of a conference. The first problem, obviously, is that this is peak Lepazzia here. Like, passive-aggressively threatening people with passive-aggression to force them to self-sabotage? I don't know why we didn't bomb the fuckers into radioactive shrapnel three centuries ago. Fucking cowardly Sovereign. + +Anyways, second problem once the first half of the Careless Continent stopped fighting each other, they all had civil wars, and once the other half finished their civil wars they started fighting each other. Flandre and the Hegemony are in cold war still, and that's basically the main reason we have to deal with this Disarrangement Act bullshit in the first place. The //only// decent peace that came out of this is that Selestei and the Contagious Republic aren't at war, and //that wasn't even a proper war in the first place!// Like, fuck, it was some twit sneezing on doorknobs because he refused to take his medicine! How is that a war, you fuckers? Get over here, I'll show you you some fucking war. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/metafishics-11.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/metafishics-11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..94b5242 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/metafishics-11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,22 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 11 +# Title: Metafishics + +The world is full of so many enchanting mysteries. What are the meanings of the Extrepki's Three Final Riddles? + How were the Great Genitalia of Hazam constructed, and who would order such a thing built? Is the [[Chorus Perpetual]] truly keeping the planet in its orbit if the planet existed before the whales did? + +One such mystery is a deceptively simple question: why are there fish? Or more precisely, why are there //such// fish, rather than others that could have been? One is tempted to approach the problem abstractly, or even as a metaphor for life, but the researchers of **metafishics** would reject that approach. Indeed, there seem to be many interesting //fish-specific// avenues of exploration to be found here. + +Consider the case of [[Joran Lake]]. 150 years ago it was a desert; then it became a lake, and then twenty years later it was suddenly full of fish. Another twenty-five after that and we have reports of [[Selesteine|Selestei]] braves fighting sea monsters in its deeps. Perhaps the expanding lake encountered some subterranean cavern, but metafishicians have performed experiments with goldfish and believe some kind of fish-specific generative principle is at work. + +The most well-known of these experiments is likely the Generational Aquadome, run by the [[Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski|The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]]. It is a massive, artificial aquatic environment divided into two sections. Both sections received a healthy population of goldfish in AES 940, then one section was hidden from human observation. Metafishicians watched the visible goldfish population remain more or less the same until they switched which section was visible in AES 965. Doing so revealed a chthonic nightmare of horrific tentacled predation. This new population was studied for another 25 years—during which time several adjunct professors lost their lives when they got too close—until the other section was revealed also to have monstrously evolved. + +The results of this and other experiments are summarized in //Grantham's Law//, which states that aquatic evolution proceeds with increasing speed and frightfulness proportional to time spent without human observation. Given the specificity of the affected population (e.g. the prairie dogs of Nosser had hundreds of years to evolve away from humans but did not become monsters and wipe out the [[Careless Continent|The Careless Continent]]) and the observation-dependent nature of its rules, many metafishicians suspect that [[Barcu|Barcuvian antiweather]] is somehow to blame. Others point to [[Razor Valley]] as a possible terrestrial example of Grantham's Law. In any case, nearly all metafishicians are in agreement that a lack of "attention pollution" in the oceans will lead to the evolution of some hideous apocalyptic monster that will kill us all—which makes the stretches of ocean rendered impassable by [[Ravenous Squid-Trees]] problematic. I urge your consciousness of this in considering the Disarrangement Act. + +Finally, some metafishicians suspect the existence of the [[Hegemony of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]] may have something to do with Grantham's Law. It must be said, however, that they are all Flandreans, and their arguments rely on speciesist assumptions that intelligent whales are a horrifying thing. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/missing-sea-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/missing-sea-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..40417fe --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/missing-sea-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Missing Sea + +The **Missing Sea** is — or rather, //isn't//, in a sense — a gulf on the western coast of [[Iurezza|Iurezza (continent)]]. Ever since its disappearance — or rather, //appearance//, in a sense — in the year AES 25, it has defied any and all explanation as to why all of the ocean off the coast of Kingsland is just //not there//. For most scholars, after nearly a millennium of study, the consensus is that it has something to do with [[antiweather|Barcuvian antiweather]] and that prying further is asking for trouble. Trying to investigate too deeply into anything in the vicinity of Kingsland is usually a fast-track ticket to being spoken of in the past tense, and the usual madness of Barcu extends into the Missing Sea as well. + +This, of course, is no obstacle to the crackpots and [[pentads|The Dark Pentad]] on the fringes of the academy. The prominent imagineer, Vexis Harsir, has made a great deal of the [[fixed-point cube|Ominous fixed-point cubes]] that has been slowly scarring a line across the ocean floor of the Missing Sea. This, in turn, has been vehemently opposed by the dysthetician Johannes Chezmen, whose pet theory explains both the Missing Sea and [[qualified spontaneous evaporation]] in terms of partial differential equations that define planar slices through the possibility space of [[divine assemblies|Assemblies of Gods]]. + +The exact reasoning involved in this debate is worthy of the attention of the regular academy. On Harsir's account, the cubes are not //descriptive// fixed points, but rather //prescriptive// fixed points. The Missing Sea, then, exists because the cube has an "internal land-sea configuration pattern" that does not match the elevation of the Iurezzan tectonic place, leading to the cube defining a land boundary below sea level. Chezmen's theory, which would take an article unto itself to explain, seeks to one-up Harsir's theory by making the cubes //explananda// rather than the //explanans// of the Missing Sea. Fixed-point cubes are too geometrical, he argues, to account for the //organic// shape of the edge of the Sea where the water abruptly stops. Moreover, the Missing Sea cannot simply be a division between land and water mediated by a continental land-sea regulator, because aquatic animals, despite the complete absence of water, are still able to swim through the Missing Sea. This phenomenon, Chezmen insists, can only be due to divine intervention; hence the differential equations. The literature on both sides is quite deep, and a review of it may break some new ground on the topic in the regular academy. + +Neither Harsir nor Chezmen, for some reason, make any reference to [[Zor Olo]] in their theories, which is a major weakness given the moon's place in the genesis of the Missing Sea. Chezmen makes an offhand reference to divine assemblies targeted at heavenly bodies during a discussion of [[Selesteine|Selestei]] mythology, which some of his peers have taken to imply that the divine assemblies picked out by the equations of the Missing Sea are those targeted to Zor Olo. Chezmen has yet to respond to this through anything other than interpretive dance. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mute-symbol-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mute-symbol-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..81ef5e4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mute-symbol-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 1 +# Title: 🔇 + +The enigmatic phenomenon designated in print as "🔇", and designated in speech by pausing and gesturing emphatically, is difficult to describe. This is not for lack of trying, as several major universities have faculty who attempt to publish work on it. "Attempt" is the key word here, as all direct descriptions of it are suppressed by forces not currently understood. Despite the fact that it is not, as researchers suspect, a meteorological phenomenon, the most success on studying 🔇 has come from Barcuvian weather analysts. While the flashes of complete darkness and resounding silences of [[antithunderstorms|Barcuvian antiweather]] are clearly similar to 🔇, the exact relationship they have has yet to be articulated, for obvious reasons. Despite this seemingly inherent barrier to results, research into it continues to be funded, undoubtedly helped by the inability of university administrators to say what exactly it is they are trying to cut out of the research budget. + +For what are hopefully equally obvious reasons, this phenomenon is the subject of a great deal of interest from the Kingsland cult of [[Silentus, the patron deity of some goddamn peace and quiet for once|Pantheons of Kingsland]]. By engaging in a campaign of linguistic activism, the cult has succeeded in hijacking a number of common local idioms to connote or otherwise reference it. Consequently, conversations in which these idioms are used are liable to be suddenly halted by the suppression effect. This has led to widespread sentiment against the cult of Silentus, which, in a grand irony, has led to them being bothered by people making ruckuses more than they were before. The cult, as usual, has yet to make an official statement about this, but it is unclear whether this is because of its patron deity or because being accosted by mutes for linguistic subversion is far from the worst thing that could happen to you in Kingsland. + +The motivation to understand 🔇 in the academic community is largely driven by engineers working in the field of [[symphonic warp traversal]]. The field has yet to fully understand the technology that the mad inventor Rime Grimes left behind, which enabled complex warp calculations to be performed via orchestra, and thus money is thrown at any lead on an ontological link between acoustics and other subfields of physics. This has somewhat tarnished the prestige of warp research in the public eye, as physics departments specializing in warp research find themselves unable to describe where their budget goes. + +What is truly remarkable, however, is the significance 🔇 holds for the Disarrangement Act. Because it + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mute-symbol-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mute-symbol-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ab8d62e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/mute-symbol-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 6 +# Title: 🔇 + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/national-academy-of-velskyavo-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/national-academy-of-velskyavo-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..40c87b5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/national-academy-of-velskyavo-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 5 +# Title: National Academy of Velskyavo + +In my many years as a professor, I've seen students who receive a failing grade and react like they've been sentenced to death. It makes me wonder how those reactions compare to those of the victims of the **National Academy of [[Velskyavo|The Very Definitely Independent States]]**, where a failing grade is literally a death sentence. + +The scholars of the National Academy of Velskayavo are, I confess, a rather ruthless breed. Their all-encompassing educational system (more on that in a moment) allows only the top thirty percent of a class to matriculate, while the bottom twenty percent are demoted. Not all of those demoted will actually make it to the lower class, of course, as many of them will be executed. Such high stakes on their academic outcomes mean that competition among students can become literally cutthroat at times. I have occasionally found it necessary at international research conferences to gently remind visiting Velskyavan professors that they are not permitted to assassinate fellow conference-goers to claim their presentation slots. As you can imagine, given such a culture, it is no surprise that the National Academy of Velskyavo boasts the second-highest proportion of [[Pentad academics|The Dark Pentad]] in the world—the highest, of course, being the [[Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection]]. + +The Academy's culture has greatly influenced the larger culture of Velskyavo, due in large part to their sinister, scheming Department of Education suborning every other branch of government decades ago. As the years passed, the Education Secretary (who is also Sovereign of Velskyavo) began working academic structures into every facet of society, to the point where every citizen on record has some form of [[research-related trauma|X-treme lecturing]] and studying consumes 800 billion of the nation's man-hours each year. The unification of the Education Department and the Justice Department allows courts to assign grades instead of sentences, with the worst grades being reserved to knock criminals out of their current class status. + +Though the costs might be high, the effects have been impressive. Decades of selection pressures have raised the country's education attainment above that of any other country in //history//, to say nothing of the achievements of their graduates. There is some controversy over whether to include [[Marvin Fitch|Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch]] among this number, as on the one hand, they awarded him degrees in both Thanatology and Imagineering, but on the other hand, so did everyone else. The Academy also likely has failed to publish numerous groundbreaking studies of [[🔇]], judging by the way tuition seems to keep increasing but no one can say where the money is going. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b6200dd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 10 +# Title: Omega Point Coffee Secretor + +I'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding, my friends. I was also concerned about Mr. Kain showing up in the break room from time to time, but he assured me that he's just clearing his things out and he'll be done any day now. Besides, he //is// the janitor, you know. He told me there's a lot of paperwork involved, which is why he's on our computers all the time. I'm sure we can allow it out of respect for a former colleague. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0bafd50 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Omega Point Coffee Secretor + +Awful lot of my favorite snacks missing from the break room cupboards every night for a night janitor who's "just clearing his things out". If he needs some wheels greased to finish the job, I'd be happy to oblige. As in, I just found the Secretor's grease menu, and it's got all sorts of grease in it. Wheel grease, elbow grease, you name it, it greases it. Honestly, I just want to see if this grease menu works. Anyone have a squeaky chair and/or deep fryer? + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f99874d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 14 +# Title: Omega Point Coffee Secretor + +oh fuck she let in another one + +how the hell did it fit through that vent + +oh //fuck// she greased it + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..38424fe --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Omega Point Coffee Secretor + +The **Omega Point Coffee Secretor** is the bane of my existence. Its hulking, industrial carapace takes up a full half of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room. On Tuesdays, it emits a constant hum that resonates with all of the silverware, making the conference room next to the break room impossible to do any work in on account of the clattering. The user interface is badly designed, and half of the buttons "accidentally" trip safety overrides, making the machine capable of causing serious injury to its operator. A non-negligible percent of the time, it turns the cup into coffee instead of filling it. There's no place to remove the used coffee grounds, but it never runs out of room no matter how much more we keep adding, and some of the Committee members are starting to worry about where it's all going. And yet, it makes the best damn coffee you ever tasted. It's infuriating. + +Say what you will about the [[alleged professor|Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch]], and I certainly do, but he was one clever sonnuvabitch. The OPCS is a technological marvel capable of dispensing coffee to any point within a hundred feet through what IT tells us is a wormhole similar to the one created by a [[Grimer Primer|Symphonic warp traversal]]. Having warp technology in the break room has been deemed a major workplace safety violation, but none of the office supervisors have been able to get its removal approved, because it's on record as being the property of [[Placeholden]], and moving it would require getting the sovereign thereof to sign off on the move. Not that getting the signature would help; the uninstall manual has [[🔇]] in it. + +The Secretor makes some non-coffee beverages, too, but its performance is less consistent doing them. When I figured out where the cream soda menu was, instead of filling the cup I had put into the cup receptacle, it filled all of the cups in the cupboards, then added cream to Gwen's coffee in the next room. While it is technically capable of making hot chocolate, it seems to only recognize toilet bowls as valid containers for it. [[The Secretary|DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas]] loves hot chocolate, so eventually she just started bringing a toilet-shaped novelty mug when she comes by for meetings. Some of the dysfunctions are fairly useful for other purposes, as well: the steamed milk options actually launch seek-and-destroy missiles, which came in handy the one time Cincinatta let a [[marionette child|Marionette children]] into the Committee wing of the building. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3c663d2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Omega Point Coffee Secretor + +Sadly, though the Omega Point Coffee Secretor seems to be able to do anything, the terrible user interface has so far stymied Kain's efforts to find out how to have it make him a shower — or so I assume is the reason he smells like he sleeps in the janitorial closet. + +Wait, wasn't he fired? Why do I keep seeing him in the office? + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f1ca61c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Omega Point Coffee Secretor + +Cincinatta, why //did// you let that fisher crow into the building? + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-7.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-7.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2515c2b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-7.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Omega Point Coffee Secretor + +I didn't //let it in//. It had a valid ID card. I just held the door open for it because its hands were full. But sure, //I'm// the villain here for being polite to a coworker, and not the people who //shot it down with surface-to-air missiles//. Take a diversity seminar or something, you //bigots//. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fedcbf6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/omega-point-coffee-secretor-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Omega Point Coffee Secretor + +Rubric, he smells like he sleeps in the janitorial closet because he fucking sleeps in the janitorial closet. He basically admitted as much in his [[article on Gorson|General Kade "Ripper" Gorson]]. AND he keeps taking my favorite couch. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ominous-fixed-point-cubes-11.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ominous-fixed-point-cubes-11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b5a8fc2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ominous-fixed-point-cubes-11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 11 +# Title: Ominous fixed-point cubes + +The **ominous fixed-point cubes** are strange, cubical, black solids located at precise coordinates with respect to the center of the planet. They are utterly immovable, hovering in the air whenever the land falls out from under them. They rotate with the planet, though over the centuries they have been found //not// to track the tectonic plates, resulting in an apparent movement of the cubes at the rate of continental drift. This occasionally causes trouble for long-term human structures near a fixed-point cube. The historic cathedral in the [[Shastrian|Shaster]] mountain town of Coilon has to be moved before the end of the century, as it was built underneath a massive cube that has been slowly descending to ground level as plate buckling raises the town's elevation. Similarly, the city of San-Seintil in [[Ouril|The Very Definitely Independent States]] was abandoned in the eighth century when a cube surfaced through the foundation of the nearby dam, flooding it. Seemingly innocuous cubes can pose trouble, too. While the larger ones are easily visible, smaller ones at higher altitudes have been known to take out inattentive airplanes, and the [[Taurus Research Station]] has had several narrow misses with featureless black cubes nearly tearing holes straight through the station. + +Nobody knows where the cubes come from. Some are sheer and blank, while others have minute geometrical patterns inscribed on their faces. Until around a century ago, despite the ramblings of penny dreadfuls, it was thought that the cubes just //were//, and had no more purpose to them than any other feature of the landscape. This assumption was challenged by the illustrious [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]], who scribed a formula that could be solved for the locations of every fixed-point cube on the planet. As usual, nobody really knows what the formula means or how he came up with it, but it is accurate for all known cubes and has successfully predicted the locations of cubes then undiscovered. Stafford's brilliant formula put to rest one centuries-old fear: that there might be a large fixed-point cube in [[Zor Olo's|Zor Olo]] orbit, and that when Zor Olo crashes into it, whatever is inside of it will be freed. It did this at the cost of replacing it with a new fear, that of a predicted cube larger than the planet itself and a vast astronomical distance. I'm told it already has a [[cult in Kingsland|Pantheons of Kingsland]]. + +The cubes' complete and total immovability has made them a metaphor throughout the ages for those facets of life which must be accepted as they are and cannot be changed. Ever since civilization figured out that continental drift makes them "move" slowly across the surface, they've also become harbingers of the inevitable. This makes it easy to, say, put a fake cube on the good couch in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee break room to keep certain unnamed individuals from sleeping on it. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/pantheons-of-kingsland-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/pantheons-of-kingsland-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..845b0f5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/pantheons-of-kingsland-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Pantheons of Kingsland + +You can learn a lot about a people from what they think their legends say about them. When it comes to Kingslanders, however, that rule doesn't hold true, mostly because their legends have an unfortunate tendency to slither through the walls at irregular intervals and eat them. This makes them an interesting edge case for memetosociologists, who use the religious constructs of Kingsland as sort of a control group with which to evaluate the beliefs of other cultures. + +It is unclear to what extent Kingslander religious beliefs affect the larger questions about whether a god or gods exist, for it is a matter of documented record that Kingsland is home to many paranatural entities not found anywhere else in the world, and the alleged deities worshipped by the Kingslanders might just be bigger fish in the same pond—a sort of supernatural protection racket, if you will. Certainly some of the cultic deities—[[Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson]], for example—seem to fit this theory. But for others, such as Silentus or the Conjoined Abominations, it's ambiguous whether there is some external power that explains the [[phenomena|🔇]] associated with it, or whether these are just ad hoc explanations of naturally-occurring events. + +The cults of Kingsland inhabit an ever-shifting political landscape, both because of constant intrigue between different cults, and because parts of Kingsland sometimes move around for no discernible reason. It is said that the cults can't offer an embrace of friendship without plunging a sacrificial dagger into your back (compare to the similar proverb about the [[Fractured Cities|The Fractured Cities]], which holds that every Hierarch's handshake is laced with contact poison). A given cult might not recognize another cult's deity as legitimate for political reasons. This means Kingsland properly has //multiple// pantheons, each comprising the deities of a group of allied cults. + +Cultic worship in Kingsland is heavily based on sacrifice and exhortations to the deity to please, please stay the hell away. Some cults, like the Order of the Ebon Serpent, find their rituals entirely ineffective, often resulting in [[spillover into other countries|Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a]] when a divine rampage fails to recognize national borders. Other cults find they might as well not have bothered. Consider the case of Qoph, the Kingslandian cultic deity of inscrutability and becoming a hollow shell of yourself. Although Qoph's worshippers spoke of a terrible fate should his worship ever cease, the cult died out in AES 722 after a critical mass of cultists became too depressed to attend services, and so far nothing has happened. Society has progressed, the economy has industrialized, and every measurable statistic of well-being has increased. Which I suppose only goes to show that you can't take the word of crazed cultists at face value. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/pentex-lannogaster-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/pentex-lannogaster-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bdfa95a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/pentex-lannogaster-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 14 +# Title: Pentex Lannogaster + +The most compelling thing about **Pentex Lannogaster** is that he is immortal. Not literally immortal, you understand—[[Selesteine|Selestei]] records put his death in AES 698 during a particularly brutal engagement with [[a giant sea lizard|metafishics]]—but there are so many tales of his heroic deeds that he stands next to Sels in the national mythology of Selestei. For some academics, this has given him something of a reputation for telling tall tales, as many of those myths come directly out of his scholarly work. These academics are clearly not memetosociologists, and are therefore completely missing the point. Of course the stories are not true. Lannogaster himself would surely agree, if doing so wouldn't diminish the impact of the stories. The point of his stories is that they illustrate key facets of Selesteine culture through the character that Lannogaster created for himself. + +Take, for example, the story where Lannogaster led his company of [[Grim Weepers]] on a bloody rampage through the [[Fractured Cities|The Fractured Cities]] with kegs of heavybeer serving as their sole weapons, fortifications, and sustenance. It is unlikely that events traspired exactly as Lannogaster depicted them—although archeological findings from the [[War of Durun's Ass|The War of Durun's Ass]] have uncovered keg marks on the ruins of the old gates. More likely the Grim Weepers used a heavybeer keg as a battering ram and Lannogaster used that moment to characterize the whole military campaign. In doing so, he highlights Selesteine hardiness, the simplicity of their life, and the Selesteines' peculiar inventiveness when it comes to improvised weapons. + +The Lannogastrian approach to history passed on to his disciples, who immortalized his death in the epic poem //Pentex Skullcracker versus the Gigora the Terrible Sea Lizard//. The poem describes him taking such impossible feats as leaping up buildings to get a better shot at the monster's face or, in my favorite passage of the poem, dying midway through the poem only to beat up Death and return to the fight. Such an attitude has its downsides, however: the international scholarly community tends to dismiss Selesteine historians, and Selesteine politicians have gotten into trouble before because they had been taught a version of events that was not reflected anywhere outside of Selesteine history textbooks. But such incidents usually just result in good-natured brawls, and one could make the argument that, in a way, that makes for a fitting legacy for Pentex Skullcracker. He was a man for whom battles were a way to make history and history an excuse to brag about previous battles. And, of course, he is due great respect for being the most successful memetosociologist ever to live. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/pierce-milton-mho-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/pierce-milton-mho-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1ef6ff4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/pierce-milton-mho-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 0 +# Title: ~Pierce Milton, MHO + +//Introductory memetosociology texts will tell you that memetosociologists study the ways in which society's perception of how society works influences the way society actually works. But **Pierce Milton, MHO** is one of the few memetosociologists who will tell you that those textbooks are themselves a memetosociological pressure vector that try to shape the way young m-socists try to pursue their discipline.// + +//In AS 983, Honored Milton won acclaim by uncovering the secret insider-only fast-track inside the m-soc program at Stafford College and blackmailing the administration into giving him his degree after only three weeks. Over the next three months, he successfully negotiated Masters degrees from Kains University and the Royal University of Lepazzia simultaneously, before following up with a PhD from Warbaum's University before the end of the year. This rise in prominence beat the fastest record for m-soc career path completion, so by the following year the Grand Council of Memetosociologists had awarded him the right to use the honorific above PhD: MHO, or "Most Honored One."// + +//In recognition of his academic and social engineering achievements, Honored Milton invited himself to the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee and joined in AS 987.// \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/placeholden-7.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/placeholden-7.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..314fb47 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/placeholden-7.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Placeholden + +The "country" of **Placeholden** is a legal fiction widely accepted as a legitimate country within the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. It did not exist until a tense vote in AES 877, when [[Lepazzia]] found itself the deciding vote for giving majority to a measure it disliked concerning Assembly procedure. Rather than do something so uncharacteristic as vote against a measure she was not in favor of, the Lepazzian sovereign, Sarah the Quick, instead told the Secretary that there was one more vote against that hadn't been counted yet. The Secretary was confused when Sarah gestured to a hastily-written nametag on the seat next to her that read "PLACEHOLDER", but faced with the prospect of trying to argue with the sovereign of Lepazzia, the Secretary simply acceded and announced the failure of the motion. Because the nametag had been badly written, the name of the country was recorded as "Placeholden". Once the measure's failure was in the books, it became impossible to question the existence and legitimacy of this new country without raising the question of whether the procedural measure should have been in force all this time. Moreover, because it was a procedural measure, raising questions about it would raise questions about every proceeding of the Assembly since 877. Given this, nobody has objected to the permanent reservation of the seat next to Lepazzia, and Placeholden has been marked as an abstention in the votes since then. + +Despite existing only on paper, Placeholden is at war with every other country on the planet. When the original campus of the Disputatious Assembly was built, the primary meeting hall was built next to a courtyard that had been located around an [[ominous cube|Ominous fixed-point cubes]]. However, over the centuries, the cube has gradually drifted towards the meeting hall due to continental drift. In 931, the cube began pressing up against the outer wall, and in 932 the structure gave way during a summer session of the Assembly. Someone suggested sabotage, and the Assembly passed a motion declaring war on whoever was at fault. Because nobody knew who was responsible, the war declaration had "PLACEHOLDER" written in for the name — much like the first time, in poor handwriting, resulting in the declaration being notarized as a declaration of war against Placeholden. Because Placeholden does not exist, this war was the only world conflict left unsolved by the [[Massively Parallel Peace Conference]]. [[The Hegemony|The Hegemony of Whales]] blamed the failure of the MPPC to end the Placeholden War on [[Flandrean|Flandre]] interference. + +It is currently in vogue to claim that the [[Missing Sea]] is actually Placeholden territory, but this suggestion is not taken seriously, despite my best efforts, and has yet to rise to the level of being officially addressed the Assembly. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-allegedly-marvin-fitch-3.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-allegedly-marvin-fitch-3.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0c00fb4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-allegedly-marvin-fitch-3.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch + +Where to begin with the illustrious life of Marvin Fitch? Should I tell you of the heroic lengths to which he went for the sake of his students? Of the nights he spent poring over the bleeding edge of psychological research to formulate his [[unique style of teaching|X-treme lecturing]]? Of the long and dangerous voyages he made around the world to collect specimens for his art? Of the eye he lost to a Barcuvian laserlily, or the two fingers to a rage-hamster? Surely any familiar with the alleged professor's name knows of such things. Instead, I will tell you of his character. + +Marvin Fitch was born in AES 930 in [[Flandre]], where he grew up an absolute bastard. He graduated with an alleged degree in education from the National University of [[Incendia]] in 953 through the University's Alleged Scholars Program, which offered faster, cheaper university education without university-sponsored accreditation or ethics courses. He began teaching as an adjunct at the University of Eyesland, where he was sanctioned twice in the fall semester and ultimately fired in the spring after one of his students lost a hand to an exam with a buzzsaw on it. This reoccurred at his next position at the Panark Jungle College the following year, and then again at his //next// position at his alma mater, where he taught several courses in the ASP. Surprisingly, however, NUI did not fire him, and he remained there as an alleged professor until 960, when [[the I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act]] forced him to rethink his career. In revenge, he invented the [[Omega Point Coffee Secretor]], which currently resides in the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee's break room, then went under the radar to teach trade skills. + +After Incendia caught on fire in 974, the Incendian Bureau of Inquisition, Igirio Fezz, placed the blame (internally, of course, as Incendia does not officially recognize that anything bad has happened) on graduates from the Alleged Scholars Program, which he alleged had failed to teach its students even of the concept of safety precautions. The President, Iyano Niir, put Marvin Fitch on the top of Incendia's Most Wanted List and sent the military on a global manhunt to track the professor (allegedly) down. Fitch quickly dropped off the map. His whereabouts are currently unknown, though it is likely that he, like many political refugees, is hiding out somewhere in [[the Panark Fleet]]. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-15.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-15.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..158f90c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-15.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 15 +# Title: Professor Hazard McKinley + +Listen up, you motherfucker, here's the //actual// reason people don't like McKinley. It's because—say it with me, kids—//everything goes to shit//. You used to be able to have a decent conversation about the way all the studies on e.g. [[Ulgravian|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] airship pollution come out of the [[National Academy of Velskyavo]] and the money trail disappears into the [[fucking ocean|The Hegemony of Whales]]. But the fucking hippies got fed up when people didn't swallow their so-called "evidence," so they turn to charismatic arsonists like McKinley who say "Instead of //reading// the studies, roll them up like a fucking newspaper and beat your opponents with them!" There's a fucking reason //Bludgeoning with Facts// was only printed in hardcover. Some editions don't even have words! + +News flash! //He's not a real professor!// Why the fuck would you trust him with scholarship? + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-16.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-16.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2bd63d5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-16.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 16 +# Title: Professor Hazard McKinley + +Where in your strange, hallucinogenic world did you come up with the idea that McKinley is an arsonist? + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-17.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-17.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b0bf459 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-17.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 17 +# Title: Professor Hazard McKinley + +It's all there in my upcoming book, //Bludgeoning with Metaphors: An Investigation into the Limits of My "Peers'" Intelligence.// + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-9.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-9.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6759a56 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/professor-hazard-mckinley-9.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 9 +# Title: Professor Hazard McKinley + +**Professor Hazard McKinley** is an adventurer, author, and popular science personality. Note that he is not actually a professor; his parents were just very hopeful. McKinley is best known for braving the [[Razor Valley]] region //on purpose//, despite not being a native of [[Selestei]]. His account of that expedition, along with other perilous exploits such as hunting the [[electric undead]] and wrestling a [[Ravenous Squid-Tree|Ravenous Squid-Trees]], are recounted in his memoir //Hazard Is My Middle Name//. + +Born to Charles and Junia McKinley in 963, young Professor showed a great affinity for the natural world, which he attributes to spending a great deal of time with his dog Rupert. His peers noted that his personality and mannerisms were much more suited to the culture of Selestei than his native [[Shaster]]. McKinley, however, was not deterred by his differences, and those who knew him in those times maintain that by the time he reached adulthood he was extremely well-liked by all who met him. + +While McKinley did not ultimately seek the academic career his parents had hoped for him, he has maintained a cordial relationship with the academy. His writing, initially published in newspaper columns before moving to respected journals, has helped raise public awareness of key issues affecting the environment and conservation activism. In respect of his achievements, the National University of Shaster awarded him an honorary degree in [[biosphere fascism]] in AES 988. My contacts in the memetosociology department over there tell me that this move was partly so they could convince him to come teach there, but he's gone on record saying that he'd sooner give up hunting than take a desk job. + +Nevertheless, for someone who hates desk jobs, McKinley has made a respectable academic showing. Though he has his detractors, particularly those who attack anyone who supports the environment (//cough Gwen cough//), the broader academic community has responded positively to his work. Some biofascists are even beginning to consider his 990 paper "Bludgeoning With Facts: An investigation of the limits of metaphor" to be a landmark in the field, although of course it is too early to say whether that will hold up in the years to come. + +Recently, McKinley has made waves with the announcement that he is attempting to tame [[fisher crows|Marionette children]]. While this would be noteworthy in its own right, his stated intent is to train them to hunt poachers, thus preserving the integrity of Razor Valley. It is unknown how this plan would affect the Selesteine custom of abandoning their youths in the middle of the Valley once they come of age at 16. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/qualified-spontaneous-evaporation-11.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/qualified-spontaneous-evaporation-11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e641a7a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/qualified-spontaneous-evaporation-11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 11 +# Title: Qualified spontaneous evaporation + +Kingsland is not a particularly popular tourist destination. Most of the city's attractions are deadly to the unwary, if the [[transit system|The Killer Bus of Kingsland North]] doesn't get you first. Sometimes, people do visit for diplomatic or academic reasons, but they're rarely the sightseeing type and they leave as soon as they're done. It's a rare breed that comes to our grave city to visit, but they do come sometimes. But if you ever find yourself afflicted by madness and decide to visit Kingsland, we //do// have some things worth an eyeful. There's our historic bridges across the river through the middle of the city (don't cross the middle one), a nice ice cream truck (assuming you catch it before the horrors chasing it do), and a park in Southside with a nice fountain (if you don't mind blood). I'd suggest getting a tour from a local friend, since the offices of the Kingsland Board of Tourism consist of a sign with "TURN BACK WHILE YOU CAN" written in an unidentifiable liquid. + +If you're feeling stupid (we don't say "brave" here), you can go on a statuary tour, where you'll hear about **qualified spontaneous evaporation**. Every now and then in Kingsland, someone just evaporates. This isn't usually a remarkable occurrence. However, sometimes they only //partially// evaporate, like they were put on pause somehow, and the remains become fixtures as immovable as the [[ominous cubes|Ominous fixed-point cubes]]. We haven't figured out what's behind it, and we're not interested. What we do instead is build pedestals underneath them and spray-paint them gray. This results in some pretty oddly placed statues, which makes the statuary tour interesting, if running for your life through the streets of Kingsland wasn't interesting enough. Some of them block roads, but you can usually drive on the walls to get around them. Be sure not to miss the statue of Yphydryx Shadowhand, the prophet of the [[Tesseraction|Tesseraction Eve]], who began evaporating in the middle of being thrown off of a clock tower by his followers and subsequently froze in midair. The 20-meter pedestal up to his falling form is visible from almost any open area in Kingsland, providing a constant reminder to her citizens of the folly of hope. + +QSE doesn't always hit one of us, though. Sometimes good things happen, and one of the many local horrors evaporates instead. (It's unwise to stop running to celebrate, since this usually gets one picked off by something else.) We actually managed to use a QSE-frozen [[squid-tree|Ravenous Squid-Trees]] as a support to build a new bridge last year. This turned out to be less useful than expected, since the other squid-trees around it weren't so indisposed. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD\\ +Chair, Kingsland Board of Tourism diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/queen-beneficent-the-plenitudinous-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/queen-beneficent-the-plenitudinous-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..009700f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/queen-beneficent-the-plenitudinous-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous + +As a full professor of the National Correspondence University of Incendia, I usually mentor a handful of graduate students every year. Some of them eventually leave due to disagreements with the positions I've advanced or some of the [[didactic techniques|X-treme lecturing]] I've been known to use. This is just part of being a controversial academician. But through all the heated discussions, occasional fistfights, and pitched legal battles, what makes it all worth it — to me — is the rare student of mine who takes what I have to say to heart and goes on to make something beautiful out of it. I once mentored one Laura Bennett, whom I now say unabashedly is my favorite student of all the ones I've had so far. Bennett, now known by her official title, **Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous**, was the daughter of the president of the Democratic Republic of Mizzin, a small country in the [[Iurezzan|Iurezza (continent)]] south. Her father was opposed to her studying under a [[misosopher|The Dark Pentad]], but he warmed up to the idea when she began giving him policy proposals and recommending decisive government actions that helped solidify his power base among the Mizzinic Parliament. In 986, for her senior thesis, she submitted to me the plans for, and then carried out, a military coup that had her seize power from her father and become the first Queen of the newly-established Autocratic Plenitude of Mizzin. It remains the only thesis to which I've given full marks. + +Having a despot as an alumna has been interesting for the NCUI. On one hand, her brutal suppression of dissent is questionable in light of the university's honor code, and it sets a bad example, I'm told, for the other students. On the other hand, the [[ProjExpo 975|Hard light projection]] organizers who threw our dean out of the convention were in Mizzin when the Queen seized power, and nobody's seen them since. + +There is one area where Bennett and I cannot not come to an agreement, however. She has //terrible// taste in shows. Whenever I visit Mizzin, we grab a few bottles of wine and watch trashy romcoms in our pajamas in the royal private theater. I can enjoy those sorts of things ironically, and I can even have a good time of it with enough wine in me. But the Queen seems to enjoy them //unironically//, and it just confounds me to no end. I know she's well-read, because her thesis was full of references to ancient philosophers and classic literature. Maybe it's just a generational thing? + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ravenous-squid-trees-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ravenous-squid-trees-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..876df45 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ravenous-squid-trees-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,23 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Ravenous Squid-Trees + +What are you afraid of? [[Bacteria|The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]] piloting [[fisher crows|Marionette children]]? Eldritch [[beings|Pantheons of Kingsland]] and/or [[cubes|Ominous fixed-point cubes]]? The tenured hand of //[[JUSTICE|Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement]]//? + +Forget 'em. More frightening than those, even more frightening than a nation of [[passive-aggressive shitlords|Lepazzia]], is the humble **Ravenous Squid-Tree**. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say humble? I meant //fucking hungry//. + +Here, have some numbers, numbers are fucking scary. + +• AES 939. [[Hegemon Aouwouou|The Hegemony of Whales]]. Weight? 150 tons. Time for the squid-trees to //rip the flesh from her motherfucking bones//? 17 seconds. //Seventeen fucking seconds//. + +• AES 956. //Indiscriminate Countermeasure//, [[Flandrean|Flandre]] dreadnaught class warship. Monster runs on disdain and [[asynchronous energy]], once took a direct hit from a [[Grim Weeper|Grim Weepers]] at terminal velocity without so much as a scratch. Sails over an uncharted grove of Ravenous Squid-Trees, sinks in under three minutes. Crew casualties: one hundred fucking percent. + +"Yeah, yeah, whatever, we'll be okay because they're in the ocean." Oh yeah, you protruding turd? Try this one on for size: + +• AES 963, Ulgravian zeppelin //Whisper-on-the-grass//. Cruising altitude: 10,000 feet. Suddenly this giant, telescoping tentacle fires //two miles// out of the water and punches through the gas bag. //Whisper-on-the-grass// spews horse methane all the way down into the waiting maw of a 3,000-foot-wide Ravenous Squid-Tree that had [[gone unobserved for too long|metafishics]]. + +That's right, the Squid-Trees evolve due to metafishics. That's probably the reason why dumping poison in [[Joran Lake]] did fuck all to clear them out. Lucky for us, Ravenous Squid-Trees are so territorial that different strains of Squid-Tree will go after each other, but unlucky for us, that just means whatever's left to deal with us is //even more horrible//. + +If the Disarrangement Act ends up passing, then here's what you'll need to do: build some mountain ranges and pump the oceans into them. Drain the whole fucking planet. Put it through some kind of biofilter to prevent any seeds from making it through. You can make some aquariums for the whales and [[Panark Fleet|The Panark Fleet]] if you really need to, but that's not the important point here. The important thing is to get those plant devils out in the open, okay? Once you've done that, //nuke the fuckers from orbit//. It's the only way to be sure. The whales can have their oceans back afterward. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ravenous-squid-trees-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ravenous-squid-trees-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9af0caf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ravenous-squid-trees-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 14 +# Title: Ravenous Squid-Trees + +There's quite a story behind the giant squid-tree that downed the //Whisper-on-the-grass//. Its discovery caused no small degree of horror from the international community, both on account of its existence and because of the implication that similar things could exist elsewhere in the ocean—and would, quite necessarily, occur in the last place you'd look. //El Fauces del Diablo//, or "the Jaws of the Devil," as the giant-squid-tree quickly became known, spurred unprecedented international collaboration on a global perception system (GPS). //El Fauces// itself merited a dedicated geosynchronous satellite for the specific purpose of ensuring the monster did not grow any larger, or else legs or wings or something equally horrifying. There was even talk of turning [[Taurus Research Station]] on the monstrous vegetation, but the Hegemony quickly put an end to that line of discussion by threatening to capsize whatever nation voted in favor—not their fleet, mind you, the actual //nation//. Though //El Fauces// survives to this day, there is an ongoing research project to study the [[Missing Sea]] in hopes of separating //El Fauces del Diablo// from the rest of the ocean. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/razor-valley-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/razor-valley-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..424f1e4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/razor-valley-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 14 +# Title: Razor Valley + +**Razor Valley** is a small region of Ciphan through which part of the [[Selesteine|Selestei]]-[[Shasterian|Shaster]] border runs. During [[the Partitioning]], rather than formally decide where in the Valley the border runs, the [[Guild of Mapmakers|The Venerable Society of Cartographers]] simply smudged the border line in that region. This has become standard cartographic convention, because neither country particularly wants the place. Consequently, Razor Valley is a legal gray area where neither Selesteine nor Shastrian law clearly applies, much like international waters were before [[the Hegemony of Whales]] claimed all of the oceans as sovereign territory. It is telling that "extradition from Razor Valley" is a turn of phrase indicating something that requires too much effort to be worth the little, if any, benefit it provides. + +The region remains sparsely populated because of its unique flora and fauna. Its name comes from the ubiquitous razorgrass, so named because its blades are literally swords. The evolutionary reasons for this are not well understood. Perhaps the most well-known animal native to Razor Valley is the [[marionette crow|Marionette children]], which uses its spindly tentacles to safely handle the exploding fruit that grow on the region's flaming trees. Other animals, like the death cow, simply evolved robust enough constitutions that they can eat whatever plants in the region they want, whether they be swords, on fire, or both. The inexplicability of the Razor Valley biome has led to numerous comparisons with the [[climate of Barcu|Barcuvian antiweather]], but ecologists have been unable thus far to find any connection between the two. [[Grantham's Law|Metafishics]] is often invoked, but Razor Valley clearly falls outside of its scope. Some have attempted to bridge this gap by claiming that the ecology of the Valley //is// aquatic, and the water is just [[missing|Missing Sea]]. + +Despite the unforgiving environment, Razor Valley is nevertheless the home of a small population. Settlements in Razor Valley are either highly mobile or highly defensible. Those who opt for mobility, like many of the criminal groups hiding out in the area, must remain on the move constantly in order to avoid roving murders of marionette crows or the death cow Moolossus, who is inexplicably ten meters tall and always furious. Normally these groups are wiped out within a year due to inexperience. Those who opt for defense, like Razor Valley Bunker-University, make use of a veritable [[Flandrean|Flandre]] number of deterrents and defense mechanisms. Entrance to and egress from these settlements is generally a laborious process that can take around a full day. Some attempts were made to dig tunnels for easier travel between settlements and in and out of the region. These soon became infested by spidermoles. The project has been tabled until sufficient defenses can be drawn up. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/remilion-christophy-phd-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/remilion-christophy-phd-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c156d1f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/remilion-christophy-phd-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 0 +# Title: ~Remilion Christophy, PhD + +//**Dr. Remilion Christophy, PhD** is an independent researcher in the field of sociophysics, which he insists is a legitimate field of study. His seminal work //The King Electric: The Influence of Electromagnetic Variance on Order and Revolution// is widely considered by sociologists and physicists. He achieved international renown during his presidency over the 988 Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee that advised the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns on the civil unrest in Flandre following the death of the High Exarch. His knack for applying the systems analysis of physical science to the social dynamics of succession came to the fore during the Committee's debate over whether to recommend the annihilation of //both// sides of the conflict. Though Christophy's peers have found great success in using physical metaphors according his method, he continues to insist that his theories only make sense when interpreted literally. This has yet to catch on.// + +//Dr. Christophy is a voting member of the International Ignitennis Council and boasts an illustrated college career. He spends his free time reading science fiction and occasionally writes for scifi conventions. When he isn't pursuing his sociophysical research, he works as a librarian in Anathema Vale, Flandre, to continue the work of his late wife.// \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4c6cbd5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 13 +# Title: Selestei + +Despite its militarily aggressive history, modern Selestei is actually quite a charming place to visit. The weather at the major vacation destinations is temperate, which the locals attribute to intimidating the climate into submission. When I visited many years back, I had one of the best curries I've had in my life in the city market. I was a little embarrassed to order the minimum spice level, but the lady running the stall could tell I was a foreigner and insisted. I tried to convince her that it was no use and that sociophysical principles would make it more or less spicy according to expectation, but in the end I'm glad I took her advice, because //damn// was that a hot curry. According to my wife, I was mumbling in my sleep all night about contracting [[jalapeñosis]]. + +Of course, Selesteine cuisine isn't all spicy food, whatever legends of their [[elite troops|Grim Weepers]] might suggest. There's a city in the north of the country famous for its pastries, which food critics attribute partially to the recipe and partially to how well the dough is kneaded. The bakeries are all located near a military base, and the soldiers there knead the dough by practicing hand-to-hand combat on it. They have a festival every year where they bake swords and shields out of bread, which the children of the town use to stage mock battles. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3f7f05e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Selestei + +The boisterous **Republic of Selestei** is the worst place to wake up with a hangover. It is a matter of national orthodoxy that while the world is a dangerous and uncertain place, there is nothing that cannot be overcome by the fire burning within the human spirit. Therefore, every day at sunrise, every Selesteine citizen wakes up and yells at the sun. There is often forceful pointing, and if the country is having a holiday, occasionally breaking things. Then everyone has a drink. The national beverage of Selestei is heavybeer, which inexplicably weighs several times more than a normal beer per liquid volume. All Selesteines grow up drinking heavybeer, which accounts why virtually all of them are extraordinarily strong. + +Despite their aggressive extroversion, or perhaps because of it, Selestei is a very easygoing country when it comes to international politics. In centuries past, the Selestei military was feared, and rightly so. The dreaded [[Grim Weepers]] once carved a bloody swath across [[the Fractured Cities]], fueled in their relentless conquest by the maddening pain of eating only spicy food. Today, however, Selestei tends to play the gentle giant, with its sovereign, King Vincent Daggert, playing the life of the party at Disputatious Assembly afterparties. This gregariousness can sometimes transgress the boundaries of good taste, such as when King Daggert told [[President Niir|Incendia]] that he was jealous of Incendia ("MAY MY HEART BURN AS BRIGHT AS YOUR COUNTRY ONE DAY!" were his exact words, if I recall). You could tell Niir was trying his best to maintain his composure for the sake of Incendia's official position on the literal dumpster fire the homeland had become, but you could also see him desperately eyeing the open bar. + +Selesteine mythology attributes the nation's hot-blooded fervor to its founding hero, Sels. According to the legends, there were once two suns and two moons, which made it impossible for anybody to get any sleep. Sels, outraged at this, challenged the suns to send down the stronger of the two to fight him. The suns conferred, and the older of the two descended to do battle. The two of them fought for a full lunar month until Sels finally grappled the older sun and ate it. The other sun, afraid of Sels' fearsome power, began running around the world, creating the diurnal cycle. Sels, not one to let an opponent run from a fight, leapt into the heavens to pursue it, where he became the third and largest moon. Selesteines often suggest that the nation should destroy [[Zor Olo]], the smallest of the three moons, for being unworthy to share the sky with Sels. So far, nobody is sure whether they're being serious or deadpan, and Daggert changes the topic whenever someone asks about it. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4762f1c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Selestei + +Yelling at the sun is an ancient and venerable tradition in Selestei, but it acquired a tint of patriotism when the country entered the Disputatious Assembly and was asked to register an official national anthem. Thus, at occasions when the national anthem of a sovereign's country is played, when the King of Selestei's turn comes, a band of Selesteines come out and scream into the heavens. This is very popular with crowds, whom the King encourages to join in. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..16bbcf9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/selestei-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Selestei + +The Selesteines' indomitable spirit and inability to back down from a challenge has gotten them burned before, particularly by some of the craftier nations (I won't name names). For example, the [[Roerbach Incident|The Roerbach Incident]] left the entire Selesteine military abroad on a dragon-hunting quest. I asked King Daggert off the record how he would deal with a modern attempt to trick his military out of position while an invasion tried to take his country. He just laughed. "Pity the invaders," he said. "They would have to face our women." + +I confess I'm not familiar with enough military lore to evaluate his strategy, but you certainly can't fault his confidence. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/shaster-7.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/shaster-7.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b6d3740 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/shaster-7.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Shaster + +If the **Principality of Shaster** had a national motto, it would probably be "Hold my beer!" The nation as a whole seems to thrive on finding new approaches to any given problem, regardless of whether or not the problem is of any importance or, indeed, has already been solved. I'm thinking particularly of Project SpaceGills, a national scientific undertaking that aimed to genetically modify everyone on [[Taurus Research Station]] "in order that they might breathe the purity of space." This caused something of an international uproar when Phase 3 of testing involved opening the airlock and letting all the air out so they could be sure the gills were working; tensions increased further when it emerged that no one on the station had ever consented to the genetic modification. Sadly, this led to the expulsion of all Shastrian personnel from the station, prematurely ending their promising [[space persuasion]] project. + +Shastrian culture celebrates new and cutting-edge technology, despite the fact that so little of what they produce is actually workable. Their culture's understanding of itself is that they are more forward-thinking than other nations, a claim they ground by pointing to enormous national research and development costs. For memetosociologists like my esteemed colleague M. Hon. Milton, however, there is an interesting layer to these claims, as the average citizen has little to do with the national obsession. At the end of the day, if your toaster doesn't actually work, you'll import a working one from elsewhere. + +Thus, Shastrian patriotism is subtly intertwined with an understanding that some person, somewhere else in the country, is actually doing the important work. The average citizen believes the National University of Shaster is the epicenter of new and exciting technologies, while staff at the University tend to believe the exciting stuff is happening in a different department. Moreover, an analysis by the [[Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection]] found that the research and development money is split between two streams: one that funds research deals with more advanced countries (e.g. [[the Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski|The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]]), and one that [[inexplicably vanishes somewhere in the university|🔇]]. + +On the political side of things, Shaster enjoys an extremely competent diplomatic staff, which has secured them many alliances and an enviable position in global politics despite a comparative lack of technological or military power to back them up. Shastrian diplomats were instrumental in resolving the [[Goats on Boats Affair]] that threatened to plunge the world into conflict. It is perhaps for this reason that they are able to thrive as a country despite their neighbors being somewhat unruly. But even more impressive is their ability, as a coastal nation, to maintain tight diplomatic ties with the [[Panark Fleet|The Panark Fleet]] without harming their relationship with the [[Hegemony of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]]. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/space-persuasion-9.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/space-persuasion-9.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..26f65fc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/space-persuasion-9.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 9 +# Title: Space persuasion + +**Space persuasion** is an ambiguous term that can refer to one of two related concepts. + +The concept of space persuasion in the sense of //the persuasion of space// is an old theme in folk superstition, related to the idea of a sacred space, but more general and usually related to the behavior of physics. Unlike a //genius loci//, a persuaded space is not different by virtue of something distinct from the space that dwells there, but rather has some quality in and of itself. The quality or different operation, whatever it is, is woven into the fabric of the universe, so to speak. This makes space persuasion a mainstay of the sort of popular literature that astounds the reader by its seeming profundity more than its basis in fact. Space persuasion is often invoked to explain [[Barcuvian antiweather]] and appealed to as a link between the morose character of Kingslanders and the various phenomena that make it a hellhole to live in. The baselessness of this pop-sci is clear: if the [[concerted will|Pantheons of Kingsland]] of Kingslanders really could persuade space, it'd be the nicest place in the world. + +These days, a year doesn't go by that someone doesn't suggest that [[symphonic warp traversal]] runs off of space persuasion. This widespread myth is helped along by the rumor that the song sung by [[the Hegemony's|The Hegemony of Whales]] [[Chorus Perpetual]] is what keeps the planet in its orbit. The baselessness of this, too, is clear, since whales evolved after the planet came into its orbit. + +This older sense of space persuasion gave birth to the other, newer sense when the illustrious [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]] remarked that a number of political issues would be solved if the campus of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns were persuaded to throw itself into space. This remark, which became so popular for a brief time that the Assembly tied the building down just in case, introduced a sense of space persuasion as //persuasion via space//, i.e., persuasion by threatening to launch someone into space. It's not a coincidence that the [[Taurus Research Station]] was established within decades of this. In fact, recent declassifications have revealed that there actually //was// research into space persuasion going on up there — and surprisingly, into both types. I guess they thought they had a better chance at persuading space if there's not as much occupying its attention. Personally, I hope they can resume the research some day, because persuading the Committee building to keep itself clean would save me a lot of work. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/spheven-kain-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/spheven-kain-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..48712b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/spheven-kain-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 0 +# Title: ~Spheven Kain + +//**Spheven Kain** is a former computational anthropologist and current night janitor at the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. He previously served as a member of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee before an unlikely series of what he maintains are coincidences that led to his departure from the Committee and the revocation of his degree. He got his revenge, though, because he used the last of his contacts to get the night janitor gig, and the President of the Committee doesn't lock up the report documents overnight. What do you think of //that//, you cretins! Thought you could get rid of me that easily?// + +//In the copious amount of spare time he has since his dismissal, Kain has devoted himself to learning new skills, like lockpicking, cryptography, and free climbing. He believes strongly in the benefits of interdisciplinary collaboration, and attests that what he insists is his extended sabbatical has produced several fruitful avenues of computational anthropology research, which he plans to pursue as soon as they give him his degree back. He lives in the janitorial closet of the Disputatious Assembly's committee wing, where he is engaged in an ongoing territorial conflict with the sovereign of Incendia, who lives in the BEA Committee break room.// \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/stratsky-foundation-for-economics-and-insurrection-9.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/stratsky-foundation-for-economics-and-insurrection-9.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8b47ce4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/stratsky-foundation-for-economics-and-insurrection-9.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 9 +# Title: Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection + +There are academic institutions you do //not// wanna find yourself in a dark alley with, and the **Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection** is in the top five on that list. In fact, it's probably the only one in the top five; the next four backed off it give it some room. + +Founded in AES 876 by Anton Stratsky as the //Strastsky Foundation for Economics//, the Foundation's original mandate was to help manage the struggling logistics of the [[Compass Republic|The Double-North Pole]]. That right there is probably why things turned out the way they did. Pretend you're an economist, and you've got a bunch of equations where one set of numbers greases the wheels and the other set dumps a bucket of wrenches in the machinery and burns the whole fucking country down. Yeah, yeah, I know it's a mixed metaphor, shut the fuck up. + +Point is, within ten years, [[His Dread Majesty|Klaus Santanna]] is knocking on the front door and asking for some help with a rival in the Assembly. The economists shrug—it's just a different set of numbers for them—and get to work. By [[891|Goats on Boats Affair]], global trade is a flaming dumpster fire, the [[Panark Fleet|The Panark Fleet]]'s on the verge of implosion, [[Selestei]]'s declared war on livestock in general, and [[Shaster]]'s named economics a [[pentad|The Dark Pentad]] field because //how else do you explain all this fucking witchcraft?// + +You gotta admire the pair on Dr. Stratsky. Amid international calls for his Foundation to be disbanded, he goes and fucking rebrands as the //Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection//. The surge of notoriety put the Foundation on the map for every pentad academic from the Double-North Pole to the [[planet's ass|Xenoarcheological ruins]]. Applications tripled over the next two years and then doubled over the following decade, which of course only pissed off the global community even further. It's only gotten worse. Hell, [[Ulgrav|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] was even threatening to bomb them a couple decades back until Santanna bribed us with a trade deal. But it probably wouldn't have gone any further than threats, because no one wants to have to deal with their exports drying up and their imports suffering massive price inflation. + +Today, the Stratsky Foundation remains the only advanced degree program for economists looking to pursue their bloody work. Not for lack of trying, of course, but the main problem with trying to compete in this field is that your competitor is the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection. Of the last four attempts to start an economics foundation, three went broke right off the bat, while the fourth experienced an uprising by the staff, who cornered the president and, according to local reports, "stabbed him to death with their pens." + + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/symphonic-warp-traversal-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/symphonic-warp-traversal-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7b11713 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/symphonic-warp-traversal-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Symphonic warp traversal + +One thing that I really think we need to consider is that if we move countries around because of the Disarrangement Act, it's not strictly necessary that all of them have to stay on Planet Earth. If we go down that road, then the technology of choice for doing so is undoubtedly **symphonic warp traversal**. First devised by the mad inventor Rime Grimes, SWT is a technological marvel whose foundational principles researchers have yet to uncover. But the basic theory is simple to explain: an orchestra is positioned in front of an acoustic capture device, which then feeds the sound into what Grimes called a "Grimer Primer," which communicates that information to an engine. Scientists have discovered it is possible but rarely wise to deviate from Grimes's engine design, even though it is admittedly alarming to rely on a lightspeed engine composed entirely out of cardboard, duct tape, and rubber bands. + +Researchers have found much greater success by varying the kind of music that is played into the Grimer Primer. While Grimes's notes insist that classical music is "THE way to go, my chummy chums," early warp experiments ran into materiel problems because most governments refused to risk the national symphonic orchestra in a perilous space experiment. This reluctance stalled warp research for several years until researchers from Katskria (one of of the [[Very Definitely Independent States|The Very Definitely Independent States]]) hired a [[neoclassical metal band|The Lunchtime Fallacy]], which was deemed sufficiently expendable that the experiments could continue. Since then, warp researchers have tried many genres, discovering that the quality of warp travel is tied to qualities of the music played: + +• Classical music typically makes for the smoothest ride, although smooth jazz tends to do better at this + +• Rock or metal lend themselves to faster, if bumpier, travel + +• Punk rock has the unnerving propensity to send the ship in the wrong direction entirely + +• The one recorded use of dubstep in a symphonic warp traversal device destroyed the ship entirely + +In addition to the pre-existing genres, [[Vigotskian|The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]] researchers aboard [[Taurus Research Station]] are reportedly in the process of developing a new genre of music, "warp trance," specifically suited for warp travel. It is certain to be a harrowing process, and I am sure we all wish them well. + +One concluding note: many lay people are afraid that warp travel might lead to the destruction of the Earth, reasoning that a spaceship travelling at faster-than-light speeds is essentially a massive bullet that could shatter the planet. I just did the math, and I have concluded that they are absolutely right, and we should all fear for our lives. But life is so busy and we all have so much to do, so I recommend limiting your stupefying terror to no more than fifteen minutes per day. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/symphonic-warp-traversal-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/symphonic-warp-traversal-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..35c8016 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/symphonic-warp-traversal-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Symphonic warp traversal + +This shit always gets me going. Do you know where they got that idea? From [[Ulgrav|The Ulgravian Diaspora]]. There's a paper from one of our researchers a year or two before the VDIS experiments where the author (don't remember the name, fuck i'm drunk) suggests trying different genres of music to see what happens. Up comes this fucker from [[Velskyavo|National Academy of Velskyavo]], who walks into, into, fuck. Whatever. Walks into the researcher's lab and says "Hey dude"—wait, Jameson, that was the guy's name—says "Hey Jameson, you working on anything cool?" Jameson says "Fuck yeah, dude, wanna see?" Velsky fucker says "Totally, dude," then shoots him and all of his lab assistants and walks off with all his shit. So now the history books say that warp travel came out of the VDIS, which is completely missing the fuckign point. + +You know why Ulgrav was researching warp travel? Because we //need some fucking land//, and we're desperate enough that we'll take it on other planets if we have to. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/taurus-research-station-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/taurus-research-station-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a425fbd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/taurus-research-station-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Taurus Research Station + +Possibly hanging right over your head //right at this very moment//, the **Taurus Research Station** is an orbital scientific and planetary defense platform built by the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns in AES 940. Don't let the name fool you—the only research they're doing up there is how much toxic waste they can shove into their weapons systems before the gravitational stabilizers break and the whole fucking mess disintegrates into a radioactive cloud of poison in our atmosphere. + +The Taurus Research Station //used// to be an actual research station back in the 40's and 50's, but then along came [[General Kade "Ripper" Gorson]] and the Flandrean military. Asshole got up in front of the Disputatious Assembly and gave a big speech about how we're probably less advanced than aliens, so we need guns in space to shoot any aliens that come to get us. I guess military goons stealing your base is just the price you pay for trying to do some science in an out-of-the-way corner of the world. + +Anyways, the last decent publication out of the TRS was Gadner's paper on [[space persuasion]] back in '78. It could have been groundbreaking, but that was about when DAS Command made the station off-limits to everyone with civilian-level security clearance, so I guess we're back to square one until I can convince Milton to sociologize himself more security clearance. + +Oh well, I guess we have to talk about the military side of things. Technically, everything in space is falling, which is probably why everything about the Taurus Research Station has been going downhill. During the 60's, all the DAS member nations brought their own weapons projects up to space and then nailed them piecemeal to the station. That immediately caused a new problem, which was that the station's thrusters weren't rated for that kind of mass, meaning it started to sink back into the atmosphere. + + +The goons did the math and realized it was going to come down over the ocean, which pissed off the [[whales|The Hegemony of Whales]]. Since the whole mess was Gorson's idea, the Hegemon argued it was a Flandrean conspiracy, despite the fact that the world is like 70% ocean and the affected area from the falling station is basically guaranteed to hit water //somewhere.// Blubbery fuckers. Anyways, that led to a round of everyone nailing their nationally-branded thrusters to the TRS, which in turn led to the realization that the station could maneuver itself around and point all those shiny new weapons at the planet. The DAS was gonna order everyone off, but then someone pointed out that they all had space shuttles, so now the compromise is that everyone keeps a few soldiers up there to watch everyone else's soldiers. Gee, that seems like a stable situation. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/tesseraction-eve-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/tesseraction-eve-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..aa6d708 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/tesseraction-eve-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Tesseraction Eve + +To live in Kingsland is also eventually to be devoured by some unknowable monstrosity in Kingsland. The days are long, the light thin, the weather [[irrational|Barcuvian antiweather]], and the coast [[inexplicably dry|Missing Sea]]; [[living gods|Buddy "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson]] walk, or possibly [[drive|The Killer Bus of Kingsland North]], the streets, and [[dead mortals|Electric undead]] roam the hills. As such, it is little surprise that Kingslanders have such an affinity for the unknown and the ethereal. If a transparent membrane cursed you out telepathically in Hantu and then dissolved the back wall of your apartment over the course of eleven hours before floating off without so much as a goodbye, is it really that much more outlandish when the hooded cultist on the nearest street corner demands your belief in Grislegrinder, the cosmic intestine-tentacled abomination who devours all upon death? + +Belief in the Tesseraction is considered by scholars to have begun with the proselytizing of Yphydryx Shadowhand, whose cult rose to prominence in AES 380 before dissolving upon his death in AES 384. However, in that mere handful of years, the Cult of the Shadowhand spread across nearly all of Kingsland. Central in their thought was the idea of the Tesseraction: a mythical upcoming point in time wherein our world would burst from its three-dimensional shackles and partake in higher orders of being. The popularity of the cult is rather easy to explain: Shadowhand taught that the abominations that plague Kingsland draw their power from other planes of existence, and if humans were able to access those planes as well, then they would be able to fight against the horrors on an even footing. Once his control of the city was cemented, Shadowhand predicted that the Tesseraction would arrive in the late summer of the next year, when [[Zor Olo]] reached its peak. According to historical sources, mood in the city was uncharacteristically high, and some poor fools even threw together premature hunting bands before vanishing forever into the city's dark alleys. + +On the eve of the predicted Tesseraction, cultists all over the city prepared celebratory pre-ascension meals and readied their best weapons for what they believed was the upcoming slaughter. But the next day, nothing happened. Another group of cultists joined the first wave of victims in the alleys, figuring they'd somehow ascended despite not feeling different. The rest, however, waited in mounting horror until Shadowhand said he got the year wrong and the Tesseraction was actually next year. Come the next year, people made the celebratory dinners and gathered their weapons again—and were once again disappointed. This cycle continued until Shadowhand [[partially disappeared|Qualified spontaneous evaporation]]. + +Up to the present day, Kingslanders continue to celebrate **Tesseraction Eve** by making fine meals and letting their children play with (usually) toy weapons. But in modern times the holiday has more of a last-meal-before-execution kind of atmosphere, as Kingslanders have collectively resigned themselves to the fact that nothing can save them from the horrors. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-book-of-schemes-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-book-of-schemes-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..abe7793 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-book-of-schemes-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 8 +# Title: The Book of Schemes + +The **//Book of Schemes//** is the official anthology of the national mythology of [[Flandre]] as approved by the Flandrean Council of Exarchs. The myths included within are, of course, only a subset of all of the myths of the Flandrean people, and many various other anthologies may be found that include the so-called deuterocanonical myths. The //Book of Schemes//, however, is the product of centuries of scholarly work to create an anthology that would most fully and faithfully reflect the national consciousness of Flandre. + +To this end, its contents have been carefully selected to maximize applicability over important topics of national interest using a lean subset of all Flandrean mythology. Furthering this goal, scholars have spent centuries fitting linguistic ambiguities into the official translations. As the inimitable [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]] observed, this creates not only a common mytho-cultural language by enculturing all Flandreans with the same set of common narratives, but also, by shaping the problems that will be encountered in interpreting the text, a common set of conceptual categories through which the great questions of human culture are approached. + +None of this, though, so faithfully captures the Flandrean spirit as the fact that every officially-sanctioned copy of the //Book of Schemes// is booby-trapped. Despite this (or, more likely, because of this), it is a standard part of the primary school curriculum. Since the middle of the century, criticism of the use of official copies of the //Book of Schemes// has drawn comparisons to [[X-treme lecturing]]. The Council of Exarchs denies the comparison as libelous and inaccurate and invites any skeptics to read the "Myth of the Two Swans", specifically in the official translation. For example, the attentive reader may recognize parallels between "Flan and the Titan of the Woods" and Flandre's actions during [[the Roerbach Incident]]. + +Despite its weaponization as a national resource for contingency plans, the renditions of myths in the //Book of Schemes// are still impressive literary works in their own right. Their creation myth is a grand epic relating the rise and fall of Flan, their patron deity. According to this myth, the existence of the world is the result of Flan's contingency plan in case of nonexistence, which he prepares so expertly that it executes before he is born. Extended quotations from this section of the myth were used in "Origination", the second track of Sneezing on the King Eternal's 961 album [[//Iurezza//|Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)]] to critical acclaim. Its reception was especially favorable in Flandre, where it was covered by [[The Lunchtime Fallacy]] at the coronation of the [[High Exarch Minor|High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]] in 990. That The Lunchtime Fallacy was allowed to leave in one piece after crashing the Flandrean coronation is a testament to the enduring power of this song. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-botherhood-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-botherhood-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5bded1c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-botherhood-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 10 +# Title: The Botherhood + +The **Botherhood** is both a memetosociological cornucopia and a worldwide conspiracy whose objectives are unknown, possibly even to themselves. Scholarly consensus is that the organization—a term they earn by the thinnest of margins—did not exist in any significant capacity even as late as the ninth century. With the AES 715 discovery of [[alien ruins|Xenoarcheological ruins]] on the south pole, societies worldwide were aware of ancient alien presences. However, it wasn't until AES 923 that popular consciousness embraced the idea of aliens interfering in every part of history and/or contemporary society. The idea of the Botherhood, a mysterious conspiracy carrying out the whims of its alien overseers, grew out of this fervor. The meme seems to have spread initially via space enthusiast magazines before making the jump into conspiracy culture in the 50's, where it would gestate before reaching its current form. + +A brief diversion before we continue: conspiracy culture is rather interesting from a memetosociological standpoint because to engage in conspiracy is to directly challenge the prevailing memetic narratives of your society. The actions a conspiracist takes from that position illuminate to us the limits of the influence of both the master narratives and the counternarratives which the conspiracists employ. Memetosociologists speak of "command narratives" that have the ability to shape society; conspiracy theorists are an excellent weathervane for whether a particular narrative is a command narrative, as they might verbally deny a command narrative, but still act in accordance with it. + +I explain this to shed light on why the first Botherhood cells were found in [[Iurezza|Iurezza (continent)]]. In Barcu, the command narrative about otherworldly threats is essentially one of self-preservative collusion, e.g. in the case of the [[Killer Bus of Kingsland North|The Killer Bus of Kingsland North]]. In neighboring [[Flandre]], the command narrative about threats is that they are assessed and then efficiently dispatched. At the intersection of these memetic vectors—which arose mostly in northern Flandre—conspiracy theorists began to create their //own// Botherhood cells, hoping to get absorbed by the true Botherhood and influence them from within. These cells were eventually absorbed, not into the "true" Botherhood, but into other imposter cells hoping that the resulting increase of prestige would bring them to the attention of their notional alien overlords. This trend has continued into the present day, with the Botherhood becoming a convoluted international conspiracy—still, one assumes, waiting for the aliens to contact them. + +Outsiders to the Botherhood mostly find them perplexing, as they will occasionally undertake arbitrary endeavors in case they serve the aliens' agenda. The lack of any overall agenda means these plots happen essentially at random, making them a convenient scapegoat for state actions like the [[986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day Incident|986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident]] or [[Queen Beneficent the Plenitudinous]]'s secret police disappearing her citizens. Some commenters also suspect some overlap between the Botherhood and [[The Esoteric Order of Florists|The Esoteric Order of Florists]], but saner scholars withhold judgement, as there is literally no evidence whatsoever for that hypothesis. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-careless-continent-7.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-careless-continent-7.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..aaa42c5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-careless-continent-7.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 7 +# Title: The Careless Continent + +There is not much point to trying to write a contemporary account of the **Careless Continent** (short for "I Couldn't Care Less What You Call It", the response of the DAS Secretary to infighting over the name from its residents), owing to the fact that its political landscape changes so rapidly that by the time you write an encyclopedia about it, some of the countries have already ceased to exist. It is, bar none, the [[Guild of Mapmakers'|The Venerable Society of Cartographers]] least favorite continent. Nor is it a surprise that [[Lepazzia]] picked up their entire country and left the continent behind in the fourth century — an event that didn't make the Guild any happier. + +Why, exactly, the Careless Continent is in a state of constant warfare and regime change is lost to history. More specifically, so many competing histories have been promulgated by the ephemeral governments of Careless that the task of sifting through them for the nuggets of truth is herculean. Actually visiting the continent for archaeology is out of the question: to get to anything that //isn't// already collateral damage requires trekking through multiple active war zones. + +It's not clear that the various nations of Careless even care what the reasons are. For them, instability is simply the way life is. In most of the languages of Careless, the word for "government" shares a root with the word for "temporary structure". Sovereigns rotate in and out of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns so often that the consensus is now that Careless nations only declare themselves a state in order to send a champion as a sovereign to the Assembly to fight another nation's sovereign, because they'll be in an easy-to-find location, and anybody they sent to the Assembly must have been important. Getting used to/dodging the sparring sovereigns of Careless is something of a rite of passage for new members of the Assembly. [[The Hegemon of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]], given the great cultural barrier between humans and whales, has still not gotten used to it, and blames [[Flandre]]. + +Ever since [[certain events six years ago|986 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day incident]] in the Assembly, [[the Secretary|DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas]] has quarantined the sovereigns of the Careless Continent in the "Time-Out Corner". Some of the other sovereigns have expressed disapproval with this measure, both at the implication that unruly sovereigns are like so many misbehaving children to Secretary Tomas, and at the consequence that the Careless sovereigns now fight even //more//, since nobody is in the way. Tomas, in response has pointed out that because they are out of the way, their fighting is quicker and less distracting. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..43483d5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 1 +# Title: The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski + +No one messes with the concept of nationhood like **Paul Vigotski**. He's the only person with a seat in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns who is not actually a Sovereign. That's because the real Sovereign is the Eubacteriarch, a sentient bacterium that lives in Paul's nasal cavity. The only academics more fascinated than the biologists are, of course, the memetosociologists, because Paul Vigotski invites the incredibly pressing question "how did this man get recognized as a nation?" + +According to interviews with the Eubacteriarch, the Contagious Republic of Paul Vitgotski began with a bacterial infection that evolved sentience at the microbial level. At the time of the Republic's formation, the Republic numbered around 3 million in population. Each citizen was given one vote, to be shared by the descendants of that citizen after they underwent asexual reproduction. Nowadays the Contagious Republic's population numbers around 230 trillion, making it the most populous nation on earth. This makes votes in the Republic a highly scare commodity, often resulting in unrest that manifests as stomachaches. + +The Contagious Republic's appearance on the National Stage came at an opportune moment, right as the [[Very Definitely Independent States|The Very Definitely Independent States]] began their propaganda campaign for independence. The bacteria of the Republic worked out a way to hijack Vigotski's sensory and motor neurons, allowing for communication between the miniature Republic and the outside world. In a speech before the Disputatious Assembly, the Eubacteriarch made its case for statehood, appropriating rhetoric used by the VDIS and their allies to all but ensure the support of that bloc. Therefore, just as the VDIS were granted some dubious measure of statement, the Contagious Republic also managed to win a seat. + +Elevating Paul Vigotski to statehood caused no end of political shenanigans. Foremost of these was Vigotski's status as a citizen of [[Selestei]], which made the bacteria's colonization of him technically count as an act of war. Unfortunately for Selestei, while the Contagious Republic compelled Vigotski to sneeze on every door handle he encountered, the Selesteines could only prosecute the war by forcing Vigtoski to take antibiotics. Vigotski, who was enjoying the media attention, refused. The war continued in a subdued sort of manner for three years until both nations attended the [[Massively Parallel Peace Conference]] and settled on a compromise whereby Vigotski was awarded dual citizenship in both nations. + +Today, the Contagious Republic has 32 human citizens, each of which hosts legions of bacterial researchers, artists, and businessgerms. As such, the Republic's scientific, cultural, and financial output is nearly on par with nations with a much higher human population, and its GDP per capita is the best in the world. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e47bf3d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 10 +# Title: The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski + +Honestly, if Selesteines didn't only think with their overdeveloped pectoral muscles, they could have just arrested Vigotski for several billion counts of being an accomplice to illegal immigration. Then again, if their heads were good for anything besides bashing other people's skulls in, we wouldn't have had the [[Roerbach Incident|The Roerbach Incident]]. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b1f003a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 13 +# Title: The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski + +The Contagious Republic has probably caused more pain to bureaucrats and paper-pushers than any other country in the Assembly. Their population is several digits wider than any other country's, making it a pain to display in tables. Their ambassadors live inside some of their citizens, making the person of the citizen, properly speaking, the embassy. This means that to mail something to a Vigotskian embassy, one needs the mailing address where the embassy is currently staying. And because they're a nation primarily of microorganisms, instead of singing for their national anthem, they all release a particular mixture of pheromones. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, except the one time the Disputatious Assembly had to play it before the Eubacteriarch gave a speech. The Assembly notaries had requisitioned a sizable quantity of the pheromones in advance, so they basically just cropdusted the meeting hall with it while he walked up. This is how it was discovered that the Vigotskian national anthem was a truth serum. + +The Assembly quickly voted to adjourn until further notice. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..59f967d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-contagious-republic-of-paul-vigotski-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 4 +# Title: The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski + +Ah, yes, I remember there was something of a conundrum in the 50's because it seemed like Vigotski himself was getting up there in years. Everyone was wondering if they'd rename the country after whoever the Eubacteriarch colonized after Vigotski and what would happen to the voting populations that inhabited Vigotski's body. But it seems like the Republic cracked the secret of cellular regeneration, since Vigotski hasn't aged a day in decades. Once people figured it out, they were extremely eager to acquire the secret, but the Republic told everyone that they'd need to be colonized for the trick to work. Interest died out after that. The older I get, the more I think about taking the offer, but my wife has expressly forbid me from infecting myself just to live forever. //C'est la vie!// + +~**Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-dark-pentad-13.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-dark-pentad-13.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5e7d549 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-dark-pentad-13.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 13 +# Title: The Dark Pentad + +Being the academic equivalent of a leper can be trying at times, but it does have its benefits. Just as nobody wants to share a room with a leper, for example, no regular academic wants to share an office with a Pentad. So, if you're a Pentad who wants an office, all you really have to do is walk into someone's office and start working there, and they'll quickly make themselves scarce to avoid any association with you. I work at a correspondence university, so we don't even own any buildings — yeah, yeah, the main campus still exists in the [[Incendian|Incendia]] homeland, stuff it — and yet I've never been lacking for an office, even when I'm only visiting another university for the weekend. I was the //de facto// chair of a department for a week just because I hijacked the former chair's office and started using his official stamp for fun. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-dark-pentad-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-dark-pentad-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2d7bc8b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-dark-pentad-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 6 +# Title: The Dark Pentad + +There was a time when academic institutions would award honorary degrees to individuals who had accomplished great things in the world. The practice was quite advantageous for both parties; it allowed the university to benefit by associating with an individual of great merit, while the individual gained the status associated with the backing of a university. But then the practice took a darker turn: in AES 845, the architect and attempted visionary Hans Flugelsson undertook a nationwide project to irrigate his desert homeland of Joran, but made several fatal errors in his calculations. The results were [[unfortunate|Joran Lake]], to say the least, and Flugelsson became the recipient of immense ridicule from the international community. In the midst of this uproar, the University of [[Shaster]] attempted a publicity stunt by awarding Flugelsson a degree in "Imagineering." + +The immense positive response to this move led other universities to follow suit whenever public works programs went awry. The emerging popularity of "dark degrees" was bolstered by the addition of //thanatology// in 849 for academics whose work led to a large number of deaths and //dysthetics// in 851 for artists whose work was just terrible. These became known as the "Dark Triad" until //economics// was introduced in AES 891, for obvious reasons. This led to some confusion over what to name these dishonorary degrees, a conversation that would not resolve until the first //misosophy// degree was awarded in 915 for egregious violations of scholarly norms. + +Today, Pentad degrees are most often awarded in-house as the result of some internal investigation of wrongdoing. While it's not uncommon for academics to accuse each other for political reasons, Pentad degrees are usually conferred only in extreme situations. (There are [[exceptions|National Academy of Velskyavo]], of course.) Receiving a Pentad degree is typically a deathblow to one's career. Knowing this, academics have developed complicated social customs built around mitigating the threat of possible accusations. For example, should a shared research project provoke a Pentad hearing, the second-to-last author on the paper is typically summoned instead of the senior author, thus protecting the careers of established academics. The scapegoat slot is naturally, therefore, filled by adjunct professors. + +Despite the extreme stigma surrounding the Dark Pentad, however, they are each a functioning academic field. Just like a legitimate academic field, they have journals, conferences, and even [[advanced degree programs|Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection]]. Mainstream conferences try not to acknowledge Pentad academics, but it is common practice to block out time for "alternate perspectives," which is tacitly understood to be reserved for Pentad pariahs and naive professors who are about to spend the rest of their careers ignorant of why no one wants to co-author any papers with them. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-double-north-pole-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-double-north-pole-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ae5b4c8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-double-north-pole-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 4 +# Title: The Double-North Pole + +With the world possibly getting re-arranged, I should like to raise one possibly unforeseen consequence: what will happen to the world's signature landmarks? + +I am concerned here particularly in the case of the **Double-North Pole**, which is a marvel of cartography and civic planning. Let's begin with the history of this remarkable landmark. Like anything cartographical, the tale's root can ultimately be found in the [[Mapmaker's Guild|The Venerable Society of Cartographers]]. When the Earth was first completely charted in AES 489, the Venerable Cartographers experienced internal dissension over where to put the compass rose on their maps. The arguments, I fear, began to turn political, as nationally-aligned factions of the transnational Society began drawing the compass rose over countries they disliked. + +While this was going on, a discovery was in the works. Now, as everyone knows, compasses don't work the same way in [[the Barcu region|Barcuvian antiweather]] that they do anywhere else in the world. But suppose you traveled to Barcu and found north, then traveled somewhere else and found north there. If you were to draw a line from each of those points, their point of intersection is what we now call the Double-North Pole. This was first theorized in AES 535 by Iryu Bandan, and confirmed in AES 547 by the famed explorer Vertrad the Swift. + +Enter Candor Gunterman, a noble and patron of the Venerable Cartographers. Wishing to see peace reign at last, he funded a major expedition to the Double-North Pole and founded the city of Bipolaris there. That city became the seat of the Compass Republic, and they slowly expanded southward to claim more land in the shape of a compass rose, with Bipolaris forming the northern tip. Gunterman, who remained monarch until AES 597, even had the foresight to shape the country such that it would have the correct proportions on a map using the Herzinger projection. + +In recent years, Bipolaris has seen great economic growth as the seat of Sovereign [[Klaus Santanna]], whose manufacturing innovations used the surrounding ice fields as heat sinks to massively increase production of goods. The Double-North Pole's massive outpouring of goods has been aided by an unparalleled distribution network in the form of the [[Ulgravian zeppelin armada|The Ulgravian Diaspora]], who signed a lucrative trade deal with the Compass Republic in AES 980. + +~**Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-esoteric-order-of-florists-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-esoteric-order-of-florists-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..664f2b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-esoteric-order-of-florists-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 8 +# Title: The Esoteric Order of Florists + +It would be a tad inaccurate to say that "few names are more feared than that of the **Esoteric Order of Florists**", since the Order isn't //feared// per se. They are certainly //unsettling//, given their uncanny ability to deliver flowers anywhere, any time, no matter what security precautions are taken to keep them out. Despite their skill at infiltration dwarfing that of national intelligence agencies, the Order has never been definitively linked to any form of political violence or assassination. This is not to say that the Order has clean hands: it was a campaign of Order deliveries that finally drove the [[Mad King Westler]] completely insane in the ninth century. Nevertheless, if you're not the sort to be bothered by benign, nigh-omnipresent florists, the Order are at best an inconvenience. + +The Esoteric Order of Florists is the heir to the Guild of Florists, distinguished as one of two such institutions to survive the decline of the guilds over the early centuries of //Anno Ecclesiae Superregum//. Like the [[Mapmakers' Guild|The Venerable Society of Cartographers]], the Guild of Florists survived by evolving to transcend the guild system. While the cartographers increasingly militarized to bring the world into line with their maps, the florists developed secret techniques to fulfill more and more audacious contracts. Within the century, their powers of flower delivery had grown so threatening to international security that the Disputatious Assembly ordered countries in which they had guildhalls to implement oppressive controls to curb their power. Eventually, stymieing these measures became so cumbersome that the Guild of Florists announced that it was disbanding and closed all of its locations. There was a worldwide sigh of relief, until every sovereign in the Assembly received a bouquet with a note attached, reading "Thank you for your feedback. Signed, the Esoteric Order of Florists". Nobody knows where they operate out of now, though most suspect [[Lepazzia]], their biggest state client, is sheltering them. + +The secret to the Order's unmatched infiltration ability has been the subject of interminable debate. They have been suggested to be the keepers of secret cloaking technology discovered long ahead of their time, martial artists whose mastery of ancient //jutsu// allows them to move as freely and invisibly as the wind, spirits of the forest that can materialize freely in the mortal world, an international network of spies with the connections to get access to anywhere, and the fingers of a dark god breaking through to our world. World leaders such as [[Klaus Santanna]] have been accused of being Order members hiding in plain sight, and historical figures like [[Pentex Lannogaster]] are often suspected on account of the breadth of their escapades. + +Whatever they are, they are one of the few certainties in life. Every night I lock up the building to clean, and every morning I wake up to the place littered with flower petals. I've tried everything. Nothing works. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-fractured-cities-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-fractured-cities-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..481950e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-fractured-cities-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 5 +# Title: The Fractured Cities + +Between the rock of [[Shaster]] and the hard place of [[Lepazzia]] (with I guess a second hard place made of the [[abs of screaming maniacs|Selestei]] over on the one side) lies the self-winding time bomb that is the **Fractured Cities**. The Fractured Cities are comprised by over fifty eternally bickering city states within a somewhat secluded territory, and all of them are //awesome//. Technically the whole mess is one big country, but that's basically just a legal fiction maintained by whatever Hierarch managed to win the last civil war and claim the Sovereignty, and everyone else goes along with it because they don't want to have to deal with a repeat of the whole [[Very Definitely Independent States|The Very Definitely Independent States]] situation. Plus you just know that if you brought all fifty-six Hierarchs into the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the session would end with two thirds of them dead, a handful of bystander casualties, and the building on fire. + +The signature cultural activity of the Fractured Cities is called, no shit, a "[[bloodmoot|Bloodmoot]]," and it's basically this giant game of assassination chicken where both sides pretend it's a peaceful diplomatic conference until one of them has their assassins shoot first. But then maybe they find that the assassins were bought off and now they're getting shot in the back. Or possibly their food had an extra poison besides the one they already took an antidote for and they don't even get to give the signal. It's possible for neither side to make a move the whole time, of course, but then you've lost because you just sat through a whole diplomatic conference and how long will those agreements stand up in the Fractured Cities anyways? Television turned the lot of you into brain-rotted zombies, but televised bloodmoots with expert commentary nearly redeem the whole enterprise. + +See, entropologists detail two strategies people take to dealing with the inevitable breakdown of all order and goodness. The first strategy is the one adopted by most modern societies, and it's fucking terrible. They try and impose order on the natural chaos that is people trying appease their stupid animal brains, and invariably the whole thing grinds itself into disaster and stupidity; see also [[Incendia]]. But in the second approach, people embrace chaos and don't pretend like they're better than feral monkeys just because their mating contests are more ambiguous. That's the approach the Fractured Cities took. Sure they're at war all the time, but they've been in a pretty stable state of unrest since like a thousand years ago. Most so-called "organized" nations have collapsed, like, twice in that same time period. Three times if the Disarrangement Act passes. You can bet the Fractured Cities will survive that shit. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-hegemony-of-whales-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-hegemony-of-whales-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..25d0f1c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-hegemony-of-whales-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 2 +# Title: The Hegemony of Whales + +**The Hegemony of Whales** is the largest country in the world and //per se// the largest voting bloc in the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. Recognized by the Assembly in AES 929 following the Cetacean Wars of the 920s, the hyperintelligent whales of the Hegemony lay claim to all of the planet's oceans as their sovereign territory, covering more than two-thirds of the surface. Through a quirk of wording in the Assembly's charter, voting power is described in terms of //seats//; the Hegemon, therefore, whose girth takes up an entire wing of seats, possesses nearly a third of the votes, depending on how massive the current occupant of the position is. (It is not a coincidence that this precipitated the breakup of the Union into the [[Very Definitely Independent States|The Very Definitely Independent States]], nor that the Hegemony was the first to ratify the States each receiving a seat.) The admission of the Hegemony caused a fundamental change in the politics of the Assembly, which was allowed to happen when the first Hegemon, Bueoueou the Great, threatened to roll over the opposition. While the Assembly's sudden change of policy towards ocean preservation was the first and most obvious effect, more subtle consequences were to follow. + +Though the Hegemony is an axis of international politics, it lacks a strong economic base, being entirely underwater. The hyperintelligent whales, while hyperintelligent, are whales, and thus lack the fine motor control required for most skilled professions. In order to make the Hegemony an economic power on par with its political power, Hegemon Aouwouou instituted the Whale Tariffs, a tax on all ships passing through Hegemony territory, i.e. the oceans. This had wide-reaching economic effects, the most notable of which was the ascension of [[Flandre]] as an economic powerhouse. Because Flandre's economy is mostly oil-based, the High Exarch was able to equip every ship in the Flandrean fleet with significant amounts of oil, effectively turning the Hegemony's threat to sink noncompliant ships into mutually assured destruction. This defiance to the Whale Tariffs has put them at the center of the Assembly bloc that forms the main opposition to the Hegemon's vote. It has not been a //carte blanche// resistance, however; after the weaponization of the [[Taurus Research Station]], the Hegemony banned [[General Gorson|General Kade "Ripper" Gorson]] from sea travel, which Flandre wisely heeded. + +The Hegemony of Whales proposed the Disarrangement Act in AES 989 in advance of the Assembly's millenial. The Hegemony's reasons for the Act are not difficult to infer: rearranging all the countries in the world will undoubtedly require shipping some of them to different continents, an unimaginably profitable opportunity for the Hegemony. It also stands to neutralize the threat Flandre poses to it, as long as Flandre's new location has less oil in it. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-hegemony-of-whales-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-hegemony-of-whales-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4a4576a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-hegemony-of-whales-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 8 +# Title: The Hegemony of Whales + +I've got a sneaking suspicion that if the Disarrangement Act passes, the Hegemony might just strand every country alone in the water. All they have to do is offer [[Flandre]]'s oil fields to [[Ulgrav|The Ulgravian Diaspora]]. If they do that, then between the zeppelin fleet and the Whale Tariffs both nations could corner all global trade. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ill-legislate-it-i-swear-dont-think-i-wont-act-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ill-legislate-it-i-swear-dont-think-i-wont-act-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bf462f6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ill-legislate-it-i-swear-dont-think-i-wont-act-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 2 +# Title: The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act + +Remember when the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns was good at their jobs? I don't. There hasn't been a decent Assembly since like AES 26 when Jain Kantamon [[convinced the international community that dragons were a thing|The Roerbach Incident]]. Even then, well, the idiots all thought that dragons existed. + +So there's this thing in entropology called Angrand's Equation, which describes the efficacy of government as a function of the time since its founding. Unsurprisingly to anyone who knows about entropology, the graph just keeps going downward. You meatheads think the Assembly is any different? Then read 'em and fucking weep, because either you don't know about the **I'll Legislate it, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act**, or your TV-rotted excuse for a brain is in too much of a stupor to understand the implications. + +The ILIISDTIWA is, simply put, the nadir of not just the Assembly, but also of //civilization in general//. It started with some wag deciding to curb the power of the [[Esoteric Order of Florists|The Esoteric Order of Florists]], never mind that all they do is deliver fucking flowers to hard-to-reach areas, and never mind that if your jumped-up, fancy-pants "national security" can't stop a bunch of florists there's no way they'll listen when a gaggle of politicians tells them off for it. Whatever. Tale as old as time. + +So next thing that happens is people start adding on all these other riders to the Act. And I'll give them this: the founders of the Assembly knew this was going to be a problem, so there are provisions in the Charter that force people to remain at least notionally on topic when they try to stick their overbearing regal genitals in a piece of legislation. But look at the fucking title on this piece of shit! Can you think of anything you //can't// legislate with a title like that? "Hur hur, what about legislating not thinking they won't" //no dice, you corpulent weasel, the fuckers did that too//. + +Even the shit that went wrong didn't go right, because the Assembly is full of opportunists who want to find a nice, convenient legislative vehicle to outlaw their favorite pet peeve. The I'll Legislate It Act opened the floodgates on a tsunami of excrement. There were sections that outlawed voting with your left hand, and lunchtime, and famously even //other sections of the same fucking Act//. And so of course it got to the point where nobody actually wanted this legislative atrocity to go through, because their own citizens would have them drawn and quartered. But they had also spent way too many favors getting this thing set up, so they couldn't vote against. So on voting day, one by one, every stinkin' Sovereign in the building voted to abstain. But they forgot one critical detail: [[Lepazzia]] always votes in favor. + +I don't wanna think about this anymore, so I'm gonna get shitfaced. Smell ya later. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ill-legislate-it-i-swear-dont-think-i-wont-act-9.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ill-legislate-it-i-swear-dont-think-i-wont-act-9.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7e749cf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ill-legislate-it-i-swear-dont-think-i-wont-act-9.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 9 +# Title: The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act + +[[The Hegemony of Whales]], as expected, blamed the passage of the Act on [[Flandre]], but the charge isn't entirely groundless. Flandre, after all, was at the very end of the voting order, just after Lepazzia. As each sovereign abstained from the vote, there was a growing sense that if Lepazzia didn't break their streak to abstain with every other sovereign, there wouldn't be any votes left to stop them. Yet the sovereigns right before Lepazzia, on whom the pressure increasingly mounted, were all countries that had put too much into the Act, and one by one they abstained in the hope that either Lepazzia would do something sensible or Flandre, always prepared, would stop them. When Lepazzia casually voted for the Act as if it were any other motion, all breath stopped and all eyes turned to High Exarch Ironheart. Ironheart rose slowly, looked around the room, and abstained. + +The room was silent for only a moment before turning into an outright riot, with half the room charging the High Exarch and the other half fighting among themselves. The High Exarch, of course, immediately disappeared into the escape tunnel beneath his seat. The Secretary attempted to restore order, but one of the stipulations of the Act, courtesy of [[the Careless Continent]], prohibited the Secretary from stopping fights in the Assembly for the first week after its passage. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7822c05 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 10 +# Title: The Killer Bus of Kingsland North + +I've done some reading about the Killer Bus, and it's harrowing stuff. After the first incident, they removed it from the transit system. The next morning, there was an extra bus at the transit station and no one could figure out which one it was. After the next incident, they wrote down the serial number for each bus and then removed it again. Overnight, there was a different list of serial numbers in the handwriting of the manager who had originally written it, and the bus count was up by one again. They tried adding more measures the third time—cameras, locking the gate, caltrops on the road—but in the morning, the gate's technical log reported it was closed the whole evening, the caltrops were arranged into sanity-melting glyphs, and everyone who reviewed the camera feed instantly went mad. + +And this time, the extra bus was parked... //right... in... front... of the manager's office!// + +Chilling stuff! I told that story to my grandchildren the other week, both because they're adorable when they're scared, and also because it's never to early to learn to fear Kingsland. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-3.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-3.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dcca22a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-3.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 3 +# Title: The Killer Bus of Kingsland North + +Kingsland is full of many things, most of which you wouldn't want to run into in a dark alley. Unfortunately for Kingslanders, the city-state is practically //made// of dark alleys. It's sometimes said that if you stretched out all of Kingsland's alleys and roads next to each other, the alleys would go further, but neither would get you far enough to escape whatever was chasing you. Because of the dangers lurking in the omnipresent alleys, Kingslanders try to stick to the city's labyrinthine public transit system, despite its sanity-defying complexity. Visitors are often surprised by such transit irregularities as subway tracks that spin the train in a barrel roll, a monorail track that loops Kingsland South but never in the same way twice, one road where the buses go off a ramp to avoid a chasm, and the strange phenomenon where the station bathroom stalls transport people to [[the Double-North Pole]]. Kingslanders are nothing if not resigned, however, and they bear this with faces hollow and spirits deflated. + +But the transit system isn't always the safer option. The first "Killer Bus" incident occurred in AES 976. The doors on a bus in Kingsland North suddenly locked, and onlookers described the windows as being "instantly painted" with blood. In what Kingslanders call "a good day", the screaming was brief. The bus continued its route as normal, though few dared to board once they saw every surface on the inside covered in viscera. It is unknown whether the bus's driver was also killed, but a bus with no driver isn't even worth mentioning in Kingsland, so we don't know either way. Similar incidents continue to occur in Kingsland North, each time involving a slightly different method. The Killer Bus has protruded spikes, turned flat and fallen on top of passersby, transformed into a giant robot to fight another local horror, and driven straight into the river that divides the city in order to hit a passing [[Panark diplomatic envoy|The Panark Fleet]]. + +The Killer Bus's [[cult|Pantheons of Kingsland]] has grown to be one of the largest in Kingsland. In 986, on the anniversary of the first Killer Bus incident, the cult began rallying to elect the Killer Bus as the sovereign of Kingsland. This movement has gained popular appeal outside of the cult, as the citizens hope that the Killer Bus will be forced to leave Kingsland in order to attend sessions of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns. Flandre has expressed support for the movement in recognition of the Killer Bus's aid in the success of [[NRP BX-392a|Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a]]. This support has more than one motive, though, as electing foreign threats to the Assembly to keep tabs on them is prescribed by NRP TX-43d. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3d4b5bc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 4 +# Title: The Killer Bus of Kingsland North + +In a happy example of partisan agreement, the Killer Bus's candidacy for sovereign is also supported by [[the Hegemony of Whales]], for much the same reasons as its support for the fragmentation of [[the Very Definitely Independent States]] in the 30s. The mayor of Kingsland has expressed uncertainty as to the Killer Bus's candicacy: on one hand, the Bus would take up two rows of seats, giving Kingsland unprecedented voting power in the Disputatious Assembly; on the other hand, it would mean he would have to go back to living in Kingsland. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d64e911 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-killer-bus-of-kingsland-north-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 5 +# Title: The Killer Bus of Kingsland North + +In my personal opinion, the mayor should stop being such a sissy and move back. My neighbors got eaten by something last summer and the flat's been vacant long enough that I'm sure whatever did it has moved on. It's the least sacrifice he could make for his country. Over here in Kingsland South, we'd kill to get that many Assembly votes, and I can't imagine how the Northerners would feel to have the Killer Bus off the streets. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-lunchtime-fallacy-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-lunchtime-fallacy-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4302cb1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-lunchtime-fallacy-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 4 +# Title: The Lunchtime Fallacy + +**The Lunchtime Fallacy** is the name of a neoclassical metal band hailing from [[Katskria|The Very Definitely Independent States]] that rose to prominence for its participation in the first [[symphonic warp traversal]] experiments in AES 955. The participants for the experiments, run by the [[National Academy of Velskyavo]], were chosen by a single-elimination endurance tournament in which bands were required to play music while undergoing astronaut training. The Lunchtime Fallacy narrowly defeated their opponents in the finals, the neometal classical band Sneezing on the King Eternal, when Sneezing's drummer fell unconscious in the third hour inside the multiaxis g-force machine and lost his grip on his drumsticks, which flew out at high speed and knocked out their bassist. In the maiden voyage of the warp-equipped shuttle — christened as the //Rainbow's Teeth// by Lunchtime's lead singer, Groz Hoffman — The Lunchtime Fallacy entered warp with a performance of their hit single "Hit Me With a Truck" and exited five minutes later on the other side of the world in [[Lepazzia]], where they played a few numbers for a surprised crowd before warping back to Katskria with an encore of "Ain't No Whale". + +The Lunchtime Fallacy rode on this fame for a few years, until they were inadvertently banned by the [[Don't Think I Won't Act|The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act]]. Now international criminals guilty only of the crime of having a pretty sweet band name, they broke into the National Academy's warp research wing and stole the //Rainbow's Teeth//, making their getaway with the debut performance of "But You'll Never Take Our Trousers". Through the careful manipulation of time signatures, Lunchtime was able to introduce time dilation into their warp travel, spending only a day inside the warp before materializing in the capital of [[Shaster]] three months later. Thereafter, Lunchtime became temporal vagrants, appearing out of the warp on the crest of a song and playing a gig long enough for their agent to grab more food from the nearest market before disappearing back into the ether. Because they spend more time in warp than with the rest of us, the members of Lunchtime appear to have only aged a few years since they began their journey through space and time thirty years ago. + +Before their exodus, The Lunchtime Fallacy's lyrics focused on themes of the difficulty of engaging in politics in an increasingly globalized world and the marginalization of smaller communities. Their later, post-Act work has abandoned this to become more abstract and disconnected, a trend that National Academy researchers are worried represents long-term detrimental effects from extended warp exposure. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-lunchtime-fallacy-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-lunchtime-fallacy-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..82704f6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-lunchtime-fallacy-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 6 +# Title: The Lunchtime Fallacy + +The Lunchtime Fallacy has accumulated an impressive //curriculum vitae// of prestigious events. They've played at the inaugurations of the Mayor of Kingsland, the President of [[Incendia]], and several of the governors of [[the Very Definitely Independent States]]. They've provided background music to sessions of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns and breakout meetings of the Advisory Committees. They were even invited once! + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-night-of-storms-11.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-night-of-storms-11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9f7c00d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-night-of-storms-11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 11 +# Title: The Night of Storms + +**The Night of Storms** is the reason why no one fucks with [[Ulgrav|The Ulgravian Diaspora]]. In AES 946, the Theocracy of Rime's High Priest suddenly decided that because of stupid reasons their stupid little god suddenly had a problem with Ulgravian airships beautifying their stupid little skies. By AES 947, Mr. Suicidal down there declares holy war. So we taught the little punk a lesson. + +The Night of Storms was a long time coming, for shitty reasons. Shit is something no one really thinks about when they think about airships. The custom, of course, had long been to dump it while flying over [[Lepazzia]], but somewhere around the early 900's they invented guns big enough to reach zeppelin cruising altitude and started dropping hints every time we dropped shit. So next we started dumping it in the ocean, but within a couple years the Cetacean Wars came to an end and dropping shit on [[Hegemony|The Hegemony of Whales]] territory was against the peace terms. So we were collectively like "fuck it, we'll drop it on Kingsland, it's not like they're not already neck-deep in shit." + +Turns out Kingsland didn't work either, since zeppelins rely on the laws of physics to stay floating, and Barcu is [[kind of a lawless place|Barcuvian antiweather]]. So the first ships that went there ended up turning around and just dumping their shit east of Barcu where the Hantu used to live. + +'Course, if we'd bothered to check the map, we'd have realized the Theocracy of Rime had sprung up there recently. Nowadays we sell our shit to [[Shaster]] because they've got some device designed by the unquestionable [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]], so really they should have thanked us for the gift. But instead the little shit went and had a "new and holy vision from Whats-his-face" and declared that we were enemies of the faith or whatever. Sovereign Jhatu didn't give a fuck, so he just ordered the whole fleet to cover the High Priest's palace in shit. That should have put him in his place, but he went and declared a holy war like the little twerp he was. + +Ulgrav doesn't back down, you hear me? When we were horse-bound hordes we fucking ruled the plains, and the thunder of hooves was the only warning you got that we were about to fuck up your little prairie town. But today? Oh, you should have seen it. My buddy [[Yasser|Yasser's Yells]] was just a little boy at the time, but he tells me the sound of a thousand propellers sounded like dubstep on God's jukebox. Rime didn't stand a chance. They didn't even have high-altitude artillery. We bombed the fuckers so far down into the earth that we dug up the [[ominous fixed-point cube|ominous fixed-point cubes]] the High Priest's palace had been using as a foundation. The light and the noise were so intense [[Flandre]] thought a fucking volcano was erupting and Kingsland thought it was Tuesday. We bombed them so hard the fucking weather was //permanently altered//. + +Anyways, to make a long story short, no one's declared war on us since then. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-panark-fleet-3.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-panark-fleet-3.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fd191b5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-panark-fleet-3.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 3 +# Title: The Panark Fleet + +**The Panark Fleet** is a vagrant nation originating from a loose coalition of stateless buccaneers. As the military technology of the major oceanic powers increased, the proto-Panarkians shifted from raiding merchants to acting as independent shipping contractors. After the tense Banana Incident, in which Panark nearly came to war with [[Lepazzia]], the Panark Fleet declared itself as a sovereign state and sought membership in the Disputatious Assembly. This was initially rejected on the grounds that Panark did not control any land, which prompted Panark to spend the next few years covertly stealing sand, topsoil, and gravel from other countries until they had turned their major carriers each into their own biome. This provoked intense debate in the Assembly as to what kind of land a country needed to control to be recognized. The matter was eventually settled in Panark's favor by pressure from [[Ulgrav|The Ulgravian Diaspora]], which had begun selling off all of its land and wanted some precedent set to keep its own Assembly seat. + +Since the advent of computing technology, Panark has become the world's largest provider of computer cycles. Most large-scale computing is done in massive server clusters stored in the depths of Panarkian carriers, which use the ocean as an unlimited heatsink. This has drawn the ire of the Hegemony of Whales for its effect on ocean currents, resulting in a status quo where the Panark Fleet is constantly on the move to avoid the Hegemony's military. The Fleet took this as a provocation to stop paying their Whale Tariffs, which has only worsened relations. Unlike [[Flandrean|Flandre]] oil ships, Panarkian cruisers are rarely contracted as tariff-free transport because they cannot move in predictable routes without the Hegemony catching them. + +Because of their substantial available computational substrate, the Panark Fleet has the greatest number of [[computational theologians|Assemblies of Gods]] per capita, and most of the non-carrier ships are run essentially as techno-monasteries. The technomonks of Panark are widely regarded for their charitable acts and unmercenary IT work. Their critical role in engineering the systems that allow the Hegemon of Whales to attend the Disputatious Assembly in the flesh is responsible for keeping the stormy relations between the two from breaking into open war. + +The Fleet is generally opposed to the Disarrangement Act on the grounds that having to take on more land would overburden their ships. Most suspect that a more pressing concern is that carrying out the Act will raise uncomfortable questions as to how and whence Panark obtained the land they currently have. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-panark-fleet-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-panark-fleet-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..75a7f4c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-panark-fleet-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 5 +# Title: The Panark Fleet + +Another reason that [[the Hegemony of Whales]] isn't too keen to press its case against the Panark Fleet by force is that the Fleet essentially controls the [[Taurus Research Station]]. When every space-capable country and Kingsland attached their own thrusters to the station, there was no rhyme or reason to where the thrusters were placed. Now turning the Taurus in any direction requires calculations too complicated for anybody but the Fleet to compute, by virtue of their unmatched computational resources. Nominally, the Fleet does the math for the Assembly as a due, but whenever other sovereigns make fun of Panark for having "fake land", they always change the topic to the Taurus, and eventually the others caught their drift. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-partitioning-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-partitioning-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..601a0e9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-partitioning-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 14 +# Title: The Partitioning + +When the Guild drew up the first maps with national borders on them, which formed the basis for subsequent territorial claims, a curious problem emerged. The borders themselves took up a nonzero amount of space on the map, leading troublemakers to ask who owned the land on which the borders were drawn. Despite the Guild's best efforts to draw the maps large and the borders thin, these border corridors ("borridors") could be miles wide in some places. This was handled in a variety of ways across the globe. On [[the Careless Continent]], national borders were too ephemeral to matter. Once [[Lepazzia]] drifted off the continent, its new neighbors across the ocean simply ceded the new borridors to Lepazzian control rather than attempt to face the withering Lepazzian passive-aggression that would accompany trying to negotiate their use. Similarly, the borridors around Kingsland are generally left alone, but that's mostly because nobody wants to get any closer to Kingsland than necessary. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-partitioning-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-partitioning-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d8ffd1b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-partitioning-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 8 +# Title: The Partitioning + +Some people like to troll entropologists by opening their slack-jawed, slobbering mouths and going "dur hur hur, society exhibits a trend of increasing centralization and interconnectivity, and as our horizons expand, more of society will be brought into harmony, so what do you think of //that?//" Most recently I ran into this asinine sentiment from [[Professor Hazard McKinley]], who I maintain is a literal sack of shit that someone throws across a room so they can submit the resulting splatter pattern to academic journals. + +So the argument goes like this: everything tends toward unity and interconnectedness. The more we centralize stuff, the fewer problems we have. Centralization increases as time goes on. Therefore, everything's going to turn out okay in the end. So yeah, that argument? Bullshit, all of it. In reality, civilization's been going downhill since the invention of the nation-state. + +That invention was called **the Partitioning**. When the Partitioning went down, the [[Guild of Mapmakers|The Venerable Society of Cartographers]] had just been formed, and they were spreading their tendrils out all over the place to figure out how to represent the world. And they were trying to deal with this issue of how do you look at the map and know who's in charge of a particular piece of land? Hospitality culture was big back then—not anymore, of course, because everything goes to shit—and you had to know who you were bringing guest-gifts for. + +So the Guild tried writing down the names of the big nations in the general area they were known to control. This turns out not to work, since national land control ebbs and flows all the time. So they went "fuck it" and just drew these big lines all over the map. Bam, now //this// side is [[Selestei]] and //that// side is [[Ulgrav|The Ulgravian Diaspora]]. Easy peasy. + +Problem is, before the Partitioning, no one gave a shit about who owned the land. They cared about who owned what was //on// the land. If you're an ancient Ulgravian horseprince, your main pre-Partition concerns look like this: "We need water. Who do I kill to secure this river? Should I have the horde graze on this hill? How do we get around that [[ominous floating cube|Ominous fixed-point cubes]]?" But after the Partition, all of a sudden there's this invisible line down the middle of your grazing plains, and if you cross it King Musclebrain the Painfully Loud sends the [[Grim Weepers]] after you. + +I always get pissed off by these soft-skulled armchair theorists who hail the Partitioning as a great thing because it eliminated the constant tribal war. Tribal wars are small and over concrete, finite things like water. But after you invent states, it becomes possible to go to war because your fucking Sovereign [[isn't satisfied with the size of his genitalia|The War of Durun's Ass]]. Have you ever //met// a Sovereign who was secure in their genitalia size? It was a fucking mistake to let states own land and we should undo the whole thing. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-roerbach-incident-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-roerbach-incident-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..34a7887 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-roerbach-incident-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 12 +# Title: The Roerbach Incident + +**The Roerbach Incident** was a political incident in the early years of the Assembly. The chief participants were [[Selestei]] and [[Flandre]], with some involvement by the [[Fractured Cities|The Fractured Cities]]. There was a noticeable absence of involvement from the Boslavian Hegemony (ancestor to the [[Principality of Shaster|Shaster]]) and, argue some scholars, from common sense. + +As Dr. Jones notes in his article on //[[Iurezza|Iurezza (Sneezing on the King Eternal album)]]// (not to be confused with Dr. Jones's article on [[Iurezza|Iurezza (continent)]]), the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns began life as a Flandrean contingency plan on the west coast of Iurezza. Its intent was to give the political leaders of the area a forum where they could mediate their disagreements without escalating to war. However, this vision failed to anticipate King Doric Foeslayer of Selestei. On his first visit to the Assembly in AES 25, King Doric challenged three different Sovereigns to wrestling matches and generally raised havoc in the hall. Then he jovially threatened to leave and return with an army. + +High Exarch Kantamon, who had created the Assembly and was now faced with a threat to its legacy, knew he had to remove the boisterous Sovereign as a threat in whatever manner he could. Initially he attempted to goad King Doric into irritating Sornhandr, King Eternal, but—and this is where I suspect someone has tampered with the historical record—contemporary accounts indicate that King Doric charmed the old lich and the two of them went out drinking without King Doric succumbing to the curse of the [[electric undead]]. + +His first plan having failed, High Exarch Kantamon received an unexpected blessing in the form of [[Zor Olo]] cracking and [[a large portion of the ocean vanishing|Missing Sea]] within eyeshot of the Assembly hall. Drawing from legends of the [[Ultimate Dragonopolis]], Kantamon procured some falsified maps of the Roerbach region of southern Iurezza. He then gave an exhortation to the Assembly that there were dragons nesting in southern Iurezza, and that they had struck at the moon. He put special emphasis on how dangerous they were, and how brave the warriors challenging them would have to be. King Doric, of course, immediately volunteered his armies. + +While the Selesteine dragon-hunting fleet sailed south, High Exarch Kantamon sailed east. He traveled to the [[Fractured Cities|The Fractured Cities]] and murdered a succession of Hierarchs in [[bloodmoots|Bloodmoot]] by dropping anvils on their heads, then forged a coalition of Fractured Cities militaries to invade Selestei. By the time they succeeded, of course, the coalition had already broken into no less than eleven factions, but as Selestei was bearing the cost of their infighting, Kantamon's objective had already been achieved. It would be centuries before either Selestei or the surrounding region recovered. + +King Doric, meanwhile, failed to find any dragons, and moreover was misled by false maps. The Selesteine expedition, increasingly frustrated by the lack of dragons to slay, slaughtered their way through eight hundred miles of untamed wilderness before crossing the Skeptical Channel into the [[Careless Continent|The Careless Continent]]. Their sudden appearance there disrupted a delicate peace sixty years in the making, throwing the entire continent back into infighting. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0b8eed5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 12 +# Title: The Ulgravian Diaspora + +I think it's adorable that the Ulgravians name their airships after famous horses from their days as marauders of the plains. It's a good way for them to keep in touch with their roots. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-4.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f0a8db0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 4 +# Title: The Ulgravian Diaspora + +The nation of Ulgrav holds the distinction of sharing a border with every country on the planet, as the country's territory is technically the entire atmosphere. They say of themselves that they took to the sky to embrace the flame of adventure, but scholarly consensus is that they were actually just [[fleeing the passive-aggression of neighboring Lepazzia|Lepazzia]]. (If possible, don't let Dr. Hanson see this.) + +Ulgrav's role in contemporary geopolitics is a somewhat precarious one. The sky has precious few resources beyond sunlight, water vapor, and the occasional bird. Consequently, Ulgrav is entirely dependent upon their trade allies (primarily [[Flandre]] and [[the Compass Republic|The Double-North Pole]]) for essentials like oil and raw materials. At the same time, their control of airspace is nearly absolute. The last country to challenge them directly was the Theocracy of Rime in AES 947, and nearly fifty years later they're still a collection of subsistence farmers after [[what the Ulgravians did to them|The Night of Storms]]. So of course no country //really// feels safe when zeppelins are in their airspace, but no one wants to make a fuss of it either. + +The unique situation of the Ulgravian Diaspora has also put them in a complicated position with respect to the Disarrangement Act. Years of being cramped up on zeppelins and feeling like their homeland was taken from them has pushed the diaspora's general mood into bitterness and resentment. Indeed, in meetings of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the Ulgravian Sovereign can't help but let some of that bitterness slip inner his own manner. So Ulgrav desperately wants the Act to pass so that they can get, in the words of my esteemed colleague Dr. Hanson, "some fucking land." At the same time, the continued existence of their zeppelin fleet depends on oil trade with Flandre, which is highly motivated to prevent the Act from passing. Even a brief review of the historical record will suffice to communicate that Flandre is, bar none, the worst country on the planet to double-cross. Thus, Ulgrav has wisely chosen to speak against the Act for the time being. + +Culturally, the Ulgravians are of course known for their barely repressed rage, but they also possess strong communal values. This is likely a result of selection pressures, as anyone found guilty of egregious acts against the community is typically thrown off the airship. Cultural critics sometimes observe that this practice is similar to their recreational activity called [[windstriding|Windstriding]], wherein someone is thrown off the airship, except with a rope tied around them. These critics typically suggest that both customs reflect their deep-seated need to escape their exile and return to their homeland. However, as a memetosociologist, I would note that these critics are usually Ulgravians, and this analysis just serves to reinforce the country's standard propaganda line. I would further note that there is really not that much to do onboard an airship, and they are probably all just bored. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5aa8ba0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 5 +# Title: The Ulgravian Diaspora + +It certainly seems that Flandre is aware of the potential for betrayal from Ulgrav. At a meeting of the Assembly yesterday, I watched [[High Exarch Minor Ironheart|High Exarch Minor Seraphi Ironheart]] stroll across the Chamber of Sovereigns, whisper in the Ulgravian Sovereign's ear, then slam a knife through his desk before walking away. The message seemed to be, "If you cross us and fail, you'd better hope //you// have a contingency plan." Knowing you're in the crosshairs of the most paranoid nation on the planet is a good motivator to try your luck in other directions. + +~**Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c456538 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-ulgravian-diaspora-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 6 +# Title: The Ulgravian Diaspora + +Guess what, Pierce? I saw it. Fuck you. + +As far as "other directions" are concerned, I happen to know that the Sovereign received a diplomatic party from the [[germs|The Contagious Republic of Paul Vigotski]] the other week. Flandre aside, their tech is the best on offer right now, with the //poooossible// exception of the [[Panark Fleet|The Panark Fleet]]. We're nominally allied with the Fleet, but one reason to pick the Vigotskians over the Fleet is if you're trying to look for alternate energy sources—the boatfuckers oppose the Act and they're mortal enemies with the [[Hegemony|The Hegemony of Whales]], so they've never had as much of an incentive to pursue that line of research. + +If the Sovereign can land some kind of research deal and reduce our dependence on Flandrean oil, we might see some changes in the alliance. At the very least, it'll be less of a headlock for us. + +~Gwen Hanson, PhD diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-venerable-society-of-cartographers-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-venerable-society-of-cartographers-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..352aa98 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-venerable-society-of-cartographers-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 12 +# Title: The Venerable Society of Cartographers + +A proper scholar doesn't cite himself, Dr. Jones. Any memetosociologist could tell you that. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-venerable-society-of-cartographers-5.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-venerable-society-of-cartographers-5.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a17ad2d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-venerable-society-of-cartographers-5.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 5 +# Title: The Venerable Society of Cartographers + +The **Venerable Society of Cartographers**, also known as the **Guild of Mapmakers**, is a non-governmental organization with something of a storied past. Founded by Wren Felsdottor two hundred years before the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, the Venerable Cartographers did pretty much what you would expect from the name. The Guild filled a pressing and necessary function, as it was a time of ambiguity and conflict which thankfully de-escalated after the [[invention of national borders|The Partitioning]] six years after the Guild was established. + +Guilds were both influential and plentiful in those days, which meant individuals were incentivized to try and corner some niche section of the job market by founding their own Guild. This resulted in, for example, a Guild of Blacksmithing While Reciting Edifying Poetry and a Guild of Stealing Other Guilds' Signs. You may think I am exaggerating here, but I am not. Both of these organizations are mentioned in historical records. Needless to say that none of these Guilds persisted, with the notable exceptions of the [[Guild of Florists|The Esoteric Order of Florists]] and, of course, the Mapmakers' Guild. + +But the historical import of the Venerable Society of Cartographers lies, not in the maps they drew of the world—though these were certainly important, and many have survived into the present day—but in the ways they began altering the world to fit their maps. If memory serves, the initial precedent for this surprising course of action originated with Guildmaster Yithros the Exact, who modern scholars think likely suffered from some kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder. As the story goes, Yithros was commissioned by the king of Thegul to produce a map of his country for their centennial, which Yithros did with characteristic exactitude. However, someone jostled his writing arm while he was finishing the curve of the coast. Such an error was unacceptable to him, so he journeyed out to Thegul and began shoveling away at the coast in order to make it fit his map. Thegul, however, was entirely below sea level, relying on a complicated system of dykes to keep the ocean out. Yithros's //a posteriori// correction flooded the entire country. And so, the Guild histories tell us, Yithros travelled back to the Guild and changed his map to read "Thegul//f of Tan//." + +Yithros's successors took increasing liberties with their maps. Where before the Guild's mission had been purely descriptive, prescriptivist mapmaking began, inch by inch, to creep into their business model. Naturally this was a concern for many Sovereigns, such as when [[Lepazzia]] ordered a map of the [[Fractured Cities|The Fractured Cities]] with most of the territory covered by a compass rose. To keep up with the increasingly geopolitical nature of their duties, the Venerable Cartographers began militarizing themselves to a level that would allow them to challenge nation-states. The training and materiel required are, of course, a tremendous expenditure, and thus the Venerable Cartographers have abandoned mapmaking over the past few centuries, essentially becoming a top-tier paramilitary organization. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-venerable-society-of-cartographers-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-venerable-society-of-cartographers-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4bdb908 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-venerable-society-of-cartographers-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 6 +# Title: The Venerable Society of Cartographers + +Very fine work, M. Hon. Milton. I think in the final draft you should consider mentioning the Mapmakers' role in the [[Roerbach Incident|The Roerbach Incident]], given that we wouldn't have seen such tremendous uproar in the Assembly if not for the fake maps. But please don't take that suggestion as a criticism of your excellent scholarship here. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-very-definitely-independent-states-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-very-definitely-independent-states-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d753483 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-very-definitely-independent-states-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 6 +# Title: The Very Definitely Independent States + +**The Very Definitely Independent States** are the most visible embarrassment to the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns' global mandate. After the admittance of [[the Hegemony of Whales]] into the Assembly revealed a thousand-year-old loophole in the charter that gave the Hegemony a third of the votes in the Assembly, the former Union of Benric States, the country that covered the entire continent of Benri, was suddenly plunged into the Benric Civil War — named so not because it was a war within a single state, but because it was civil: there were zero deaths and only twenty injured across the entire continent, and none of them were combat injuries. After this sham of a civil war, half of the federal government of the UBS "collapsed" (read: retired with severance pay), and each of the constituent states' governors applied for admittance into the Assembly, insistent on their independence from each other. The other half of the federal government rebranded itself as the Camaraderie Committee of Benri and took the official stance that it was an //inter//national orgnaization dedicated to advising the newly formed and very definitely independent states of Benri. The first "non-binding recommendation" of the Committee to the Independent States — which was accepted without question by every State — was the creation of [[the Yggdrasil Project]], ensuring the support of the ascendant Hegemony. + +To the credit of the Very Definitely Independent States, the States do not always vote in accordance with the Committee's "recommendations", and these differences are even sometimes plausibly because of the differing interests of the States. But these VDIS splits are seemingly always proportioned to the degree of support the Committee has for a measure. Whenever the Committee has no recommendation or recommends abstention, the States somehow manage to always end up splitting their votes 50-50. + +This state of affairs is tolerated by the rest of the Assembly, but at a diplomatic cost to the VDIS; generally, the States find it hard to advance their common interests in the Assembly beyond the immediate power they have as a voting bloc, and consequently they remain closely allied to the Hegemony to safeguard their international (and Assembly-procedural) interests. The limits of this tolerance were tested in 961, when Illithor claimed that the [[Don't Think I Won't Act|The I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act]] had caused a civil war and it had to split into three independent countries. On the suggestion of the Flandrean [[General "Ripper" Gorson|General Kade "Ripper" Gorson]], The Assembly, minus the Hegemony, unanimously voted to send an occupying force to restore peace to the war-torn nation. The governor of Illithor then immediately announced that a legal team had solved the problem and ended the civil war. Occasionally, a sovereign will motion to have international forces unify some of the Independent States, but the States involved invariably claim that an ethnic war has just broken out and reunification is inadvisable. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-war-of-duruns-ass-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-war-of-duruns-ass-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9282b9a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-war-of-duruns-ass-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB-RC +# Turn: 6 +# Title: The War of Durun's Ass + +Before the tenth century, there was nothing so fearful for a country as finding out that the [[Selesteine|Selestei]] Army was marching on your borders. Most of the world had a chance to experience this in AES 688, when Selestei waged the **War of Durun's Ass**. During the first session of the year of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns, President Durun of [[The Union of Benric States|The Very Definitely Independent States]] spilled his eggnog on King Gristleton of Selestei. Gristleton became enraged and told Durun that he was going to "kick [his] ass". Durun responded that he had a busy schedule, but that if he wanted to come to Benri in the summer and kick his ass then, he was welcome to visit. Gristleton ominously accepted the offer and left to the bathroom to wipe the eggnog off. After he had left, everyone in the room simultaneously realized what was about to happen. When Gristleton failed to return to the Assembly at the end of the recess, everyone between Selestei and the Union scrambled to contact their defense ministries, which was pretty much all of them, because Selestei and Benri are on opposite sides of the planet. + +Selestei marched into [[the Fractured Cities]] at the beginning of the following week, fully armed and angry. For one of the only times in recorded history, in the face of the foreign threat on their borders, the Fractured Cities banded together as one to defend their homeland. They were immediately crushed by the Selesteine army. Pausing only long enough to arm-wrestle the survivors and carry off food and barrels of beer, the invading force simply marched straight through to the Shastrian border. In the face of the foreign threat on //their// borders, [[Shaster]] rallied its forces to defend its homeland. They, too, were immediately crushed by the Selesteine army. Seizing all of the ships in the harbor, the rampaging mob set sail for Benri — in the wrong direction. It would take travelling several months and conquering many more countries, including every single country on [[the Careless Continent]], before Selestei stood upon the beaches of Benri. + +Durun, of course, had heard of Selestei's path of devastation on the way to meet him, and was terrified. His advisers, fearing for the worst should the Selesteines beat a roundabout trail of mayhem on their way to the capital, kidnapped Durun and delivered him to King Gristleton the following day. When the two sovereigns finally stood face to face once again, Gristleton pointed out that Durun had invited him there, and then promptly, in the words of the contemporary historian [[Pentex Lannogaster]], "beat the shit out of him". The Selesteines then returned home, and at the following Assembly session King Gristleton acted like the whole thing had never happened. + +President Durun would later blame this all on Gristleton, who, he insisted, had bumped his arm when he was holding the eggnog. + +~Dr. Remilion Christophy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-war-of-duruns-ass-7.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-war-of-duruns-ass-7.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1aab306 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-war-of-duruns-ass-7.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 7 +# Title: The War of Durun's Ass + +It's worth noting that most of the ships that Selestei hijacked in Shaster were [[Panarkian|The Panark Fleet]] vessels. This would prove to be one of the formative moments for the young country, forcing them to band closer together for mutual aid to prevent a catastrophe of the same magnitude from reoccurring. Even today, the aftereffects of the War are visible in the chilly bilateral relations between the Fleet and Selestei. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-yggdrasil-project-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-yggdrasil-project-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dd6ffa1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/the-yggdrasil-project-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 8 +# Title: The Yggdrasil Project + +The **Yggdrasil Project** was an ambitious biotechnical research project spearheaded by an international collaboration between the [[Very Definitely Independent States|The Very Definitely Independent States]], the [[Hegemony of Whales|The Hegemony of Whales]], and [[Shaster]]. The project began life as an idle side project of [[the inimitable Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]] during a guest teaching stint at the [[National Academy of Velskyavo]], which goes a ways toward explaining the project's success in the face of Shastrian involvement. + +The basic idea of the project was to create a new form of life that could cleanse the oceans of centuries of industrial pollution. Dr. Stafford's notes suggested taking advantage of the distinctive properties of the oceanic environment; thus, it was decided some kind of plant would work best. The final shape of the organism evolved over the course of the project; while it was initially modeled after kelp, the nascent Yggdrasil organism soon began to take after terrestrial trees in shape. + +It is appropriate at this point to note that the various participants had different objectives for the project. Shaster's motives, as ever where Dr. Stafford is concerned, are entirely transparent: they've never missed a chance to be involved with one of his projects. As such, their involvement was mostly nominal. The Very Definitely Independent States, on the other hand, had more than the glory of a Stafford project at stake: a successful collaboration with the Hegemony would cement their position on the international stage. But that motivator proved to be the project's undoing. + +As the project progressed, the Hegemony of Whales began to push for an additional project goal: the ability to control Hegemony territory. [[Flandre]] had always been a thorn in the Hegemony's side, especially given their flaunting the recently instituted Whale Tariffs, and of course they'd never been on the best of terms with the [[Panark Fleet|The Panark Fleet]]. To appease the cetacean pressure, the other actors on the project quickly moved to appease them. Thus, in addition to filtering out toxins from the water, the organism was also given prehensile tentacles strong enough to drag a boat below the surface. + +After years of development, the Yggdrasil Project was declared complete in 939, after which they hired the [[Esoteric Order of Florists|The Esoteric Order of Florists]] to plant them all over the world. But no sooner had Hegemon Aouwouou unveiled the first fully-grown forest of [[Ravenous Squid-Trees]] on live television did they seize and devour her before disbelieving witnesses. Reeling in shock, the Hegemony did the only thing they could, and blamed Flandre. + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ultimate-dragonopolis-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ultimate-dragonopolis-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9da3dd0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/ultimate-dragonopolis-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 14 +# Title: Ultimate Dragonopolis + +So there's this thing in [[Ulgravian|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] culture that most outsiders never catch on to. The question is this: fast, or old? Remember that we're a horse people with a rich sense of history who all live on zeppelins now. As an Ulgravian, that puts you in one of two camps: either your ship has a ton of history, but its technical specs are shit; or it's modern and sleek but you've got no fucking history to ground yourself in, pun not fucking intended. Or you have the shit luck to be born on the //Thunder Bumble//, which astoundingly has neither history nor half-decent specs, and do you know what a fucking pain in the ass it is to petition for a ship transfer in the Ulgravian Diaspora? + +Anyway, so there's these ancient legends about the **Ultimate Dragonopolis**, the last city of the dragons. And they seemed like pure myth for most of history, but ever since we invented space travel people are giving those myths another look and realizing that a lot of the details look an awful fucking lot like what you'd see on an atmosphere-capable space vessel. But since academics have their head perpetually up their asses and/or in the sand, our biggest researcher on this topic is [[a half-mad conspiracy theorist|Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson]] with a vendetta against [[the country that fucking gives us all affordable household goods|The Double-North Pole]]. Worse, he's being bankrolled by the wireheads in fucking [[Shaster]], who probably only want in because they want to feel like their country is actually relevant on the global stage. + +You know who really needs an extra airship? How about //the only country in the world that actually lives on airships?// The Ultimate Dragonopolis is huge, according the legends—hell, fucking dragons lived on it, what else would you expect?—and its tech level is beyond anything we've got, judging by the shit the dragons left behind in their [[little antarctic getaway|Xenoarcheological ruins]]. We'd treasure the shit outta that thing if we got our hands on it. I mean, shit, the Ulgravians over on //Falcon of the Plains// go everywhere on the ship by swinging from monkey bars because it's carpeted in rugs belonging to the last Dragon Prince and they're too holy for anyone else to walk on. Plus, we've got a claim to the dragonopolis. The Ulgravians are the only people in the world who remember that horses are descended from dragons. We fucking tamed them, and don't give me that shit about how no one outside of Ulgrav believes those accounts. Probably wouldn't recognize a legitimate historical narrative if a [[Selesteine|Selestei]] beat your face in with it. So it stands to reason—not that any of you self-interested horsewives at the Assembly are gonna give more than the semblance of thought on this—that whatever the dragons had is now ours by right. + +//Give us the fucking spaceship!// + +~Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-11.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..eb1a4c6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 11 +# Title: Windstriding + +I've always thought that the truest mark of Dr. Hanson's misosophical skills is the fact that she still doesn't have a [[misosophy degree|The Dark Pentad]]. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-12.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-12.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..404413d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-12.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 12 +# Title: Windstriding + +You and me, Rubric. Lunchtime. Out back. Bring your weapons. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-15.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-15.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..94ccb3d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-15.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 15 +# Title: Windstriding + +Say, Gwen, do people ever fall off the windstriding rope on purpose? Like, if someone were trying to clandestinely parachute into a country without [[JUSTICE|Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement]] extradition, or escape arrest. This is all hypothetical, I'm just asking for... academic purposes. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-16.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-16.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..69ad1fa --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-16.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 16 +# Title: Windstriding + +If such a thing ever happened, I'm sure I've never heard of it. But sometimes people have accidents, and it's not unheard-of for tourists like, say, yourself to wear parachutes just in case. Just be warned that bulky items like that increase your chances of slipping off. I could maybe introduce you to my friend Yasser, but it's so hard to schedule the time these days. I'm sure I'll get to it eventually. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-17.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-17.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..47ca31d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-17.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 17 +# Title: Windstriding + +I understand, with all the hard work you've been doing on the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee report, it's difficult to find spare time. But perhaps we could discuss this while we meet regarding my recommendation for the Disputatious Assembly as to whether to pass the Disarrangement Act. I'm sure you would have some valuable insight to offer on the subject. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-6.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-6.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..45a15d4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-6.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Windstriding + +So Pierce [[described|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] **windstriding** as getting thrown off an airship with a rope attached, since he's dumber than a squirming pile of cats in a trenchcoat pretending to be a fucking scholar. You can tell he's clearly never been out there, because that description is so fucking wrong—well, okay, technically all those things happen but //that's not the fucking point//, okay? If you wanna know what windstriding is, go catch a ride on the next Ulgrav ship that resupplies in your area, find one of the tourist-friendly companies, and go punch the clouds with your face. Pick [[Yasser's Yells]] if you can. Ask for Ricardo. Tell him I sent you. I get a coupon for every new person I refer. The [[Secretary of the DAS|DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas]] even recommends it! + +Again, you're not really going to get it unless you're just //out there// freezing your ass off and having the time of your life. But I'll try to translate it for you ground-bound dunderheads. First of all, you have to realize that the sky has always been important to the Ulgravians. Ancient Ulgrav was less a state than the territory of several nomadic warrior tribes. The plains were our home, and we liked the sky because it was a lot like the plains but with fewer enemies. "Cloud" in Ulgravian is literally translated "Rising dust from the hooves of warrior mounts," and that might seem like a mouthful but in Ulgrav there's a single word for it. Long story short, when we packed up and left because of [[those passive-aggressive snot-worms|Lepazzia]], there was only one place we could go that was true to our roots: up. + +Second thing, there's an old Ulgravian sport where you'd take an enemy's shield (unless you'd just fought the [[Grim Weepers]], who never used shields, in which case you'd use one of their broadswords instead), tie it to your horse, and then let it gallop off. You'd be standing on the shield (or sword), of course, so you'd have to pull yourself up the rope onto your galloping horse. Good clean family fun, except all those times when people slipped and dashed their head open on a passing rock or something. Whatever, it was harder to traumatize kids back then. Anyways, you're a warrior tribe with a horse-based sport and you don't have horses but you //do// have one sweet-ass zeppelin, so what do you do? Obviously, tie the shield to the airship and then jump off and let the airship gallop. + +Then, after everyone who tried it that way plummeted to their deaths, they adapted it so that the rope was tied to the //person//. Some groups'll still do it with the shield, and there's a subfaction that claims windstriding is all about surfing the shield on the air currents. Don't listen to them, they're goatfuckers with no sense of history and none of their children will survive the winter. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-7.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-7.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..26020cc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/windstriding-7.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-PM +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Windstriding + +I don't mean to besmirch your ostensibly excellent scholarship, but I seem to recall that you waited in ambush for the Secretary to use the [[coffee machine|Omega Point Coffee Secretor]], then browbeat her until she said she liked your friend's business. I also seem to recall the exact wording of her "recommendation" was "Fine, if it'll make you go away, yes! I like it!" + +~ Most Honored Pierce Milton \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/x-treme-lecturing-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/x-treme-lecturing-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8adbbe7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/x-treme-lecturing-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 1 +# Title: X-treme lecturing + +The pedagogical technique known as **X-treme lecturing** was an experimental teaching method pioneered by the infamous [[Marvin Fitch|Professor (allegedly) Marvin Fitch]]. Taking inspiration from research into memory recall during times of crisis, Fitch subjected his students to a continuous series of crises while he lectured. These crises, chosen to induce fight-or-flight responses, included such educational experiences as filling the room with Barcuvian carnivorous rage-hamsters, dropping the floor from the lecture hall and suspending the desks from oiled ropes, and assigning students to do group work with a [[marionette child|Marionette children]]. Students who performed poorly in Fitch's classes were especially subjected to this, since the theory of X-treme lecturing dictated that their performance would improve if they were subjected to even more stressful crises. Because these students were predictably picked off by this "attention", Fitch's methods went unnoticed or ignored by university administrators, who only saw Fitch's high rates of student success: an artifact of the bottom half of the bell curve falling off, so to speak. + +X-treme lecturing was incidentally outlawed in AES 960 by the passing of [[the I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act]], due to a clause that banned pedagogy involving hyphens. This, of course, was no obstacle to the indomitable Marvin Fitch, who switched careers to adult trade education. His practice of this technique continued and was taken up by disciples, which is generally agreed by sociologists to be the cause of the cold, dead, hollow thousand-yard stare electricians and plumbers tend to have in their eyes these days. + +Despite its comparably low survival rate compared to most other pedagogical methods, X-treme lecturing boasts an impressive resume of alumni. Several seated members of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns took at least one X-treme class with Fitch. The bond these alumni share is one stronger than any familial or institutional ties: the bond of shared trauma. One need only witness the knowing look that passes between two graduates of Fitch's in between the spasmodic twitching to know that something was understood there that the rest of us, for better or for worse, will never have access. + +Conspiracy theorists regularly claim that Fitch's methods have been adopted by this or that government, or by the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns itself, as a means of re-educating political prisoners. These claims are rarely taken seriously, as Fitch has personally denied that X-treme +lecturing is useful for education. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/xenoarcheological-ruins-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/xenoarcheological-ruins-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2e9c41b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/xenoarcheological-ruins-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 10 +# Title: Xenoarcheological ruins + +The furthest southern reaches of the planet have generally been considered uninhabitable. At first, the raging, perpetual storm around the pole, known to sailors as the Vulterstrom, prevented any voyages close to the geographical pole, and in the [[Mapmakers' Guild's|The Venerable Society of Cartographers]] first map of the whole world the south was simply drawn in as impassible. The landmass in the center of the storm would not be discovered until [[two centuries later|The War of Durun's Ass]], when Selestei decided to sail straight through the Vulterstrom instead of going around. When a research expedition finally made it, it discovered strange and exotic ruins. At first, the ruins were simply blamed on Kingsland, but soon enough this explanation fell out of favor as the few monstrosities of Kingsland that ranged beyond the city were ruled out as possible explanations. The ruins were thereafter considered to be most likely of alien origin. + +The prospect of studying these ruins soon led to talk of establishing a permanent base for research. The Vulterbase was nominally created in the mid-eighth century, though it wouldn't be for another century until the base saw real activity. Unfortunately, this was right around the time that the first [[Dark Pentad|The Dark Pentad]] disciplines were being recognized. A few institutions decided to punish their newly-minted Pentad scholars by assigning them to the Vulterbase, which, because of the base's limited population, led to it becoming one of the densest concentrations of Pentad degrees in the world. In the chaos of the [[Goats on Boats Affair]] in 891, the Vulterbase's discontents revolted and declared themselves independent from the academic community. Attempts were made, first diplomatically and then [[militarily|Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement]], to reconcile the Vulterbase to the academy, but all such attempts were repelled by the alien technology they had developed based on their research. When the dock became infested by [[Ravenous Squid-Trees]] in 939, the base was written off and the researchers left to their devices. + +Enough records of the ruins themselves are available to the interested for their nature to remain a topic of interest. On the surface, there are multiple different buildings in a roughly symmetrical layout. Some of them rise two or three stories up, with one tower near the center going up several stories, but more interestingly, all of the buildings go deep below ground level, and the lower stories all connect to each other in a labyrinthine fashion. Explorers who have made it back out claim that the ruins keep going further down, with no lowest level having been found. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/xenoarcheological-ruins-14.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/xenoarcheological-ruins-14.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..183c4a4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/xenoarcheological-ruins-14.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-CR +# Turn: 14 +# Title: Xenoarcheological ruins + +Though the squid-trees have rendered the Vulterbase inaccessible, [[the Panark Fleet]] still checks in on it from afar every now and then, since the Vulterstrom makes it invisible to the [[Taurus|Taurus Research Station]]. On the night of the new moon, an eldritch green light can be seen shining from where the base is in the depths of the storm. The main hypothesis for this is that the rebels assembled something, either from leftover technology they had lying around, alien miscellanea scavenged from the ruins, or something they dredged up from a ship that sank trying to suppress them. Most think it's an energy reactor of some sort, since they wouldn't survive long without one, but nobody can explain what kind of reactor would produce that light. Moreover, the light is only faint at the long distance Panark observes from; at the base itself it must be incredibly bright. Less popular is the theory that it's a lighthouse of some sort. This theory is less popular because nobody //really// thinks the Vulterbase rebels care enough about the rest of the world to stop their ships from running aground. They'd probably welcome it, because they could scavenge the parts. There's also a fringe theorist who keeps ranting about "[[chromatic aberration]] this" and "sociophysical effects that", but Dr. Christophy gets annoyed when you call him a fringe theorist. + +~Cincinatta Rubric, MsD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/xenoarcheological-ruins-17.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/xenoarcheological-ruins-17.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..684dc80 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/xenoarcheological-ruins-17.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 17 +# Title: Xenoarcheological ruins + +//Thunder Bumble// does a run through the Vulterstrom every so often, since just because we're not the shiniest zeppelin in the Ulgravian fleet doesn't mean we can't kick a little windstorm's ass here and there. Kain, you might be interested to know that [[Yasser's Yells]] runs a "Pentad Special" where you fly right above the Vulterbase. It's a discounted ride because a lot of people fall off in the storm, but I think you'd be fine. + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-18.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-18.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..161ef8a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-18.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 18 +# Title: Yasser's Yells + +I, too, recommend Yasser's Yells. Hanson introduced me to the owner himself, and he was very professional and helpful. I look forward to trying windstriding at his august establishment immediately after the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee completes its report. + +~Spheven Kain \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-19.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-19.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..91ac4a7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-19.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 19 +# Title: Yasser's Yells + +How exciting! I look forward to hearing all about it. + +By the way, as you plan for your vacation, I do hope that you are making progress on clearing out your desk. It has been two years, Mr. Kain. Strictly speaking, you should have been out of here by late 990. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help speed things along. + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-20.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-20.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bbdf849 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-20.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: TVB-SK +# Turn: 20 +# Title: Yasser's Yells + +Don't worry, Dr. Jones. There won't be a trace of me left by the time I leave. + +~Spheven Kain diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-7.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-7.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9919632 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-7.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Yasser's Yells + +Let me begin by saying that I am still not entirely sure why we have an article about **Yasser's Yells** in this report. Dr. Hanson assured me that one was necessary, however, and since this is in fact the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, there is truly no telling what information might turn out to be important in the future. + +Allow me some minor pontification, if you would, while we're on that point. The function of a Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee is to guard against so-called "dark horse" outcomes—that is, outcomes not seriously considered when preparing for the future. If a body, like our own august Assembly, fails to consider a 1% chance of catastrophic failure, then should that slim thread of possibility come to pass, it will do so without any safeguards. I like to think that the function of this Committee is to remain but a minor footnote in the workings of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns and ensure that nothing ever comes to pass that would cause us to rise into prominence. Ours is vital work. + +With all of that said, I cannot possibly imagine what dark horse global catastrophe might arise from an independently-owned recreational [[windstriding|Windstriding]] company on the fringe of the [[Ulgravian|The Ulgravian Diaspora]] zeppelin fleet. Still, as mentioned above, Dr. Hanson told me she knows the owner and thinks it's a necessary addition to this report. A good Chairman trusts in the ability of those under his wing, of course, and so I set out to do my due diligence. + +After doing my research, I must conclude that it seems like there could very well be something going on with Yasser's Yells. For example, I heard [[Secretary|DAS Secretary Ruby Tomas]] recommend it while she was standing in our break room. Why, one wonders, would the Secretary of the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns know of a small company in a nation she's only visited twice? Suspicious alignments of that sort always suggest a [[likely candidate|The Esoteric Order of Florists]], but when I reached out through the usual channels I couldn't find any evidence of botanical business dealings whatsoever. My next thought was that the [[Botherhood|The Botherhood]] might be involved—which hypothesis is the most probable to my mind, given that when the appropriate contacts investigated, they told me that it was as if the Botherhood had never meddled in Yasser's Yells whatsoever! + +In the interest of full disclosure, I intend to patronize this establishment after the report ships out. Dr. Hanson's reviews were quite favorable, and there is still some life in these old bones yet! + +~**Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-8.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6614853 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/yassers-yells-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB-HJ +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Yasser's Yells + +Addendum: I just talked to my wife, and she forbade me from windstriding. Alas! + +~ **Dr. Herbert Jones**\\ +University of Eyesland\\ +Professor of Cataloguing Various Things\\ +Heinrich Stafford Chair of Arrangement\\ +PhD in Miscenallia \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/zeitgeist-manipulator-10.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/zeitgeist-manipulator-10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b65657c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/zeitgeist-manipulator-10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 10 +# Title: Zeitgeist Manipulator + +You're gonna have to bear with me on this one, because there's some fucking mind control involved and I had to rewrite the whole damn article a couple times just to get something resembling a neutral opinion on the excellent [[Dr. Stafford|High Illuminator Saint Doctor Heinrich Stafford]]'s doomsday device. Every time I drop an expletive on this genius, the words come out all cheerfully sycophantic. //God//, this is gonna firebomb my reputation. + +So let's go back to 908. Pretend you're a twenty-year-old [[Flandrean|Flandre]] hyper-genius and you've just finished inventing [[asynchronous energy theory|Asynchronous energy]]. The math works out, but accounting for [[Barcuvian antiweather]] makes it hideously complicated and no one but you can understand it. Your own government's too cautious to mess with it and if you give free energy to [[the Double-North Pole|The Double-North Pole]], you're committing treason. Meanwhile, the rest of the academy isn't recognizing any of your achievements, despite the fact that they're objectively brilliant. + +So what did the matchless Dr. Stafford do? He took a trip up north—well, technically he went through the dead zone east of Barcu, which really makes you question how smart it is to live there when the greatest mind of our age made a point of never setting foot inside—and met with [[Klaus Santanna]]. This witty prodigy gets //fucking Santanna// to trade the secrets of mind control for a free energy deal, conditional on Flandre getting a head start. Dr. Stafford spent a year up north (unusual for one of his projects), publishes a bunch of papers no one understands, and then heads back home to work on a new device: the **Zeitgeist Manipulator**. + +Intellectual paragon Dr. Stafford //shit fuck dammit// published a paper on how the thing works. Here's the problem, though. The Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns isn't necessarily where the smartest academics congregate, but it //is// where the academics with the best connections congregate, and neither I nor //anyone I know// can even figure out //who to ask to decipher this masterpiece//. For example, the brilliant doctor //dammit// is recorded as saying [[mad law|Mad legal practice]] factors in somehow, and no one can even begin to figure out //where//. + +What the Zeitgeist Manipulator does, however, is encourage everyone to accept the worthiness of the targeted individual don't fucking listen to me it's a fucking mind control (well, okay, that's a bit of an overstatement) //FUCK THIS SHIT//. + +Once the machine was constructed, everyone worldwide starting having these intrusive thoughts about the clever Dr. Stafford, which came as a shock to most of them because they'd never heard of him before. ([[Shaster]] in particular reported very high rates of this). But eventually Dr. Stafford's well-deserved fame grew, finally convincing Flandre to create infrastructure for asynchronous energy. + +Flandre, of course, recognized the incredible potential of the Zeitgeist Manipulator to update many of their National Response Protocols (e.g. [[BX-392a|Flandrean National Response Protocol BX-392a]] could be replaced by a modified Manipulator that targets snake brains). Unfortunately for them, the ongoing effects of the Manipulator meant that none of their agents were able to take act against the peerless Dr. Stafford, and he launched the Manipulator into space on an //ad hoc// rocket. + +~Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/zor-olo-7.txt b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/zor-olo-7.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e229622 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/src/zor-olo-7.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NVB-GH +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Zor Olo + +Long revered for its eerie beauty, historical significance and association with magic, **Zor Olo** is the third and smallest moon. But you don't care about that. You're reading this article to find out why there's a giant fucking smiley face in the night sky, leering at you and scaring the snotty little bipedal consumerism batteries you call children. + +First off, [[researchers|Captain Jango "Space" Gunnerson]] are pretty sure that the moon didn't start out that way. (Like, duh, it's a fucking ball of rock. Smiley faces aren't natural fucking phenomena.) The historical record puts it as one of the main inciting events for the [[Roerbach Incident|The Roerbach Incident]]. So really the big puzzle is how it got that way. How'd someone fuck up a moon eight hundred years before anyone made it to space? + +Well, there's an easy answer and a hard answer. The easy answer is we don't really know //how// it was done, so we probably don't have to worry about the same thing happening to one of the other moons, or to the planet. Besides, it's been a long time, so we're probably done with that sort of thing happening again, right? Yeah, well, //easy answers are for cowards//. + +The hard answer is that we do know //why// it happened: fucking [[Kingsland|Pantheons of Kingsland]]. ("We" here excludes the whole lot of [[tumor-brained sea cows|The Hegemony of Whales]] who blame [[Flandre]].) Shoulda been obvious in hindsight, really. Like, their whole fucking shtick is "oh no, the stars are right, we're all doomed!" And I get that y'all wanna just laugh the whole thing off, cuz when has an ancient Kingslander deity ever shown up and fucked up //your// front lawn? + +Well, it happened. Apparently some kinda eldritch thingy showed up and they managed to seal it in the moon. That's what caused the giant smily cracks. It also [[fucked up the ocean|Missing Sea]] despite the fact that [[tides don't work that way|Barcuvian antiweather]]. + +So here's the thing—your dismissive, I-don't-wanna-worry-about-this-because-it-distracts-me-from-watching-television attitude is //ridiculously// stupid, because every night the tentacle-prints of some unspeakable horror play voyeur on your pathetic excuse for a sex life. Just in case you weren't paying attention, we've got ancient Kingslander records saying the holes in the third moon happened because //the stars were right for once//. Like, you wanna talk about butterfly effects? What do you do when the butterfly is some eleventh-dimensional thing that can't eat us because the continents happen to be aligned in the right way? //What the fuck do you think happens when you move them around//? + +~ Gwen Hanson, PhD \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/discordium/statistics/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/statistics/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ce08f70 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/discordium/statistics/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Statistics | Lexicon Discordium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +
    Top 10 articles by page rank:
    1 – Flandre
    2 – The Hegemony of Whales
    3 – Selestei
    4 – Concluding Recommendations: Cincinatta Rubric
    5 – Shaster
    6 – Concluding Recommendations: Spheven Kain
    7 – Iurezza (continent)
    8 – The Ulgravian Diaspora
    9 – Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Herbert Jones
    10 – Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Gwen Hanson
    + +
    Cited the most pages:
    28 – Concluding Recommendations: Cincinatta Rubric
    27 – Concluding Recommendations: Spheven Kain
    26 – Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Herbert Jones
    + +
    Cited by the most pages:
    35 – Flandre; The Hegemony of Whales
    30 – Selestei
    24 – The Ulgravian Diaspora
    + +
    Longest articles:
    1180 – Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Herbert Jones (T20)
    1135 – Concluding Recommendations: Dr. Gwen Hanson (T20)
    1045 – Concluding Recommendations: M. Hon. Pierce Milton (T20)
    + +
    Aggregate word count by turn:
    0 – 1551
    1 – 4198
    2 – 7053
    3 – 9631
    4 – 12710
    5 – 15970
    6 – 19649
    7 – 22550
    8 – 25606
    9 – 28740
    10 – 32100
    11 – 35128
    12 – 38660
    13 – 42884
    14 – 46373
    15 – 46939
    16 – 47181
    17 – 47418
    18 – 47460
    19 – 47546
    20 – 53830
    21 – 53951
    + +
    Player aggregate page rank:
    0.196 – NVB-HJ
    0.169 – NVB-PM
    0.162 – TVB-CR
    0.161 – TVB-RC
    0.157 – NVB-GH
    0.156 – TVB-SK
    + +
    Citations made by player:
    140 – NVB-HJ
    136 – NVB-GH
    121 – NVB-PM
    114 – TVB-SK
    112 – TVB-CR; TVB-RC
    + +
    Citations made to article by player:
    159 – NVB-HJ
    127 – NVB-PM
    126 – TVB-RC
    121 – TVB-CR
    104 – TVB-SK
    97 – NVB-GH
    + +
    +
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b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Appendices_Ingenuous.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7b3af0a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Appendices_Ingenuous.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Appendices Ingenuous | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    Appendices Ingenuous

    The Appendices Ingenuous are a large collection of documents from Ergniramniphoniclufiville before its mysterious depopulation. Although less famous than the Codex Ingenuous, the Appendices contain a good deal more information, as the Codex consists entirely of diary entries, and the Appendices include everything from religious texts to take-out menus. Fortunately, the Index Ingenuous exists to orient those who may attempt to parse such, even if the Index is, in part, misplaced, and almost as confusing as the Appendices themselves. It has been remarked that one who masters such navigation may be able to claim distinction in any number of draco-sciences, regardless of other knowledge or qualifications.

    +

    The location of the Appendices Ingenuous is a complicated matter, but it was not always such. Upon its discovery and compilation, it seems that various documents spread throughout varies universities and academies, with a longstanding pact that any resource must be accessible, in some form or another, to any academic in decent standing. This could be enforced with the full Index, as it detailed where any article may be found. Alas, such is not the case, and since, many articles have disappeared from their institutions. In cases where the loss is discovered, the curators unequivocally point to Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine as the culprit, and refuse to comment on the connections between the missing articles and stunningly original academic work produced thereafter. It should come as a great relief to many that many originals of the Appendices are currently stored in the impenetrable Underground Academy, with their strong focus on legalistic ethics and very passable cafeteria.

    +

    The Appendices’ size is directly tied to its source and history. Since, in its time, dragon and human academics often worked together, much of the more academic work is, in fact, translations of other texts. However, the non-academic work should not be undervalued. With such documents, we gain a clearer picture of the most important heroes of the past, contextualization of the Codex, and some of our only information on dracosociology and the restaurants of the day.

    +

    Upon attempting to engage with the text, it should be noted that the units specified often do not correlate with our present-day units, despite similar naming conventions, and this separation only worsens when trying to convert between thus. Even seemingly objective measures, like proportions in the recipe-books, fail to produce repeatable results, despite being highly consistent throughout.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Atherton_Guage.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Atherton_Guage.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1097cf9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Atherton_Guage.html @@ -0,0 +1,72 @@ + + +Atherton Guage | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    Atherton Guage

    A quixotic and storied figure in Codex lore, Atherton Guage is the +subject of so many wildly varying tales that all of them cannot possibly true—a fact, it +must be said, that draws Bardslayer attention like bloody water draws sea wyrms. Given +extant writings on the man, I will merely offer a brief summary.

    +

    Our actual evidence of Guage's life is scant. We know from the Codex Ingenuous that he was +a prominent figure in Ergniramniphoniclufiville and a contemporary—and political opponent—of +Kelorna the Extremely Confused. Though referred to only as the "Wheelmind" in the Codex, +comments by Kelorna in the present day confirm that Guage was her primary opponent during +final batch of experiments that are presumed to have resulted in Ergniramniphoniclufiville's +disappearance. Unfortunately, most of these comments are off-handed references, collected +from the transcripts of her characteristic monologues while e.g. unleashing another doomsday +device or blowing up the current head of government. And since undergoing dragonfire-induced +radical behavior modification therapy, Kelorna +has ceased being ingenuously "extremely confused", and is now, to all appearances, actually +extremely confused. It seems unlikely she will be able to provide further information.

    +

    Guage's most notable accomplishment, however, needs no immortal supervillain to confirm its +existence. To prevent the power of the Gauge Enigma from falling into the wrong hands +(that is, Kelorna's), he brought forth a great working that remains without equal to this day. +Lirian Inkbowels put it particularly well:

    +

    Dark the brow, quick the fingers of the Wheelmind as raised he a bulwark 'gainst the unworthy. +Wheels of fire issued forth from the ground, and the Gauge Enigma[1] was enshrined in the sky, +warded forever. (CI #209, p. 147)

    +

    I hardly need explain at this point that this is why the all-encompassing network of metal +gears in the sky is known as the "Guage Enigma". The ever-shifting patterns among the gears +make for an excellent deterrent for those like Kelorna, who is bad at math. However, it +is unlikely it will stop those like the estimable D. R. Loblaw, whose +groundbreaking work +on the Guage Enigma would surely advance the field if he were invited to conferences anymore.[2]

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] Some translators alternatively render the phrase εωερυβοδυ διεσ as "Great Secret". +For a number of reasons, the Sel and Kimoth translation, which I use here, elected to stick +with the vernacular.

    +

    [2] Alas, part of this is his fault. I am told that instead of presenting, he just stands +on the podium and mumbles about numbers.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Brainsplainer.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Brainsplainer.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6cd8730 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Brainsplainer.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Brainsplainer | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    Brainsplainer

    Of all the wooly hoaxes that the so-called "academy" "elites" have pulled over the eyes of the public, no hoax is so wooly nor so far pulled as the "brainsplainer". Touted by its snake-oil salesmen as a way to read protoellipses without succumbing to "key madness", these conspirators (for that is the only word appropriate to the occasion) claim that the technology has antecedents in the Literarosphere of Kelorna the Extremely Confused. Tell me, when was the last time anything built by that madwoman worked? Hogwash, the lot of it. I've disassambled a brainsplainer, and I can't tell what anything inside it does.

    +

    These carnival hooligans haven't stopped at pushing their wares only on Guage Key researchers, either. The latest "studies" (ha! as if) claim that even reading the Codex should be done with a brainsplainer, due to proto-protoelliptic effects etched into the magmatic pages themselves. They say that the existence of these effects is a clue to uncovering the catastrophe that destroyed Ergniramniphoniclufiville -- but wouldn't that be just so convenient for these "researchers", who no doubt will take such a "result" as an opportunity to ask for more funding?

    +

    In reality, there is probably no such thing as protoelliptic psychic shock. It is a lie sold by dragonflesh butchers to hype up their wares, eaten up by consolation-prize dracoscientists to explain why their protoelliptic research projects keep falling through. News flash: not everyone can do dracoscience with the big boys. I've read every protosllipsis on Epiliton twice, and only had three nosebleeds -- and one of those was just because of the pain medication I was snorting. If there were such a thing as key madness, I would have it in spades, but I don't. Explain that, you third-rate hacks.

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    +

    P.S. 'Twas I who stole that unanimite lunchbox from the office fridge, and no, I'm not giving it back. Ever since I've started using it as a helmet, the voices have gotten quieter. If you want it back, you'll have to pry it from my cold, oddly-vibrating hands.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Childarn.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Childarn.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..927a967 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Childarn.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Childarn | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    Childarn

    It is frightening the extents to which dragon science will go. The Childarn population was conceived in a glass tube (hence their low quality of meat). Their intelligence is unparalleled, and after escaping, due in part to muscae uprising, they became relatively integrated into society. There have been attempts to study them, but the lifespan of a Childarn researcher is significantly shorter than most.

    +

    Of greater interest is the psychical elements of the Childarn. Their teeth are used in the construction of protoellipses, and it can be no accident that Childarn have varying amounts of teeth per each individual, but all have a prime number amount, which must be related to the consequent power of prime numbered protoellipsed keys. And here we have arrived at yet another metakey.

    +

    If we are able to unlock the relationship between the Childarn, their diet, their prime numbered teeth, and ellipses, it may in fact be enough to unlock the Guage, or at least begin production of keys again. Only a perfect square amount of time will tell.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw sqrt(16)

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Codex_Ingenuous.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Codex_Ingenuous.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..95a955a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Codex_Ingenuous.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Codex Ingenuous | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    Codex Ingenuous

    The Codex Ingenuous is an ancient manuscript consisting of a large compilation of diary entries by the people of Ergniramniphoniclufiville

    +

    Entries from the young and old depict eye witness accounts of the times when Dragons flew free and among people with little to no conflict, unless you account for the not-so-infrequent village burnings and missing livestock.

    +

    Many people believe the Codex Ingenuous to be an innocent accounting of the lives of these people with little to no circumstances or implications worth deriving from. There are some people, however, who believe the Codex Ingenuous is not this at all, but instead a series of riddles and clues that hold a grave secret, one that left the people of Ergniramniphoniclufiville to mysteriously disappear. The Codex Ingenuous was compiled by scholars in the early 17th century after a group of wanderers happened upon the city, abandoned, with no trace of the previous residents intent to leave or struggle. It appeared that every member of this village between the ages of 8 and 35 kept a journal in the same place, their bedside table, open and exposed directly beside the right end of their beds.

    +

    There are many interpretations between scholars as to the true content of this manuscript, being that the original text was written in hieroglyphics for obvious reasons.

    +

    Speculation aside, only half of the Codex Ingenuous is even accessible today. In the late 18th century, it was split into two parts. One part, stored in the heavily guarded archives of the Vaticant. The second part, stolen by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider has been missing, along with him, ever since. Petitions to view and study the Codex Ingenuous are rarely met for any purposes barring the study of dragons.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

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    Next →
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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/EFBCB9EFBD8FEFBD95_EFBD86EFBD8FEFBD8FEFBD8CEFBD93_EFBD88EFBD81EF.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/EFBCB9EFBD8FEFBD95_EFBD86EFBD8FEFBD8FEFBD8CEFBD93_EFBD88EFBD81EF.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..32dbe44 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/EFBCB9EFBD8FEFBD95_EFBD86EFBD8FEFBD8FEFBD8CEFBD93_EFBD88EFBD81EF.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!! | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!!

    Muscae, this magnificent species of dragon was propelled into the public eye after the well-known righting of wrongs at a dragon science symposium. This righteous action indeed opened the door to searches for missing fragments of the Codex Ingenuous, prompting a widespread interest in this IMPORTANT tome. Of further import, it unveiled a metakey that may be the greatest yet. The numerology in the protoellipses of any key was discovered to correlate directly to the mind control spell found in the VERY UNIMPORTANT search for Appendices Ingenuous pages, in fact, the prime numbered protoellipsed keys prove to not only serve as a focus, but it is arguable that they match known non-trivial zeros in the Riemann-Zeta function of the numbered gears of the Guage Enigma, which amplify the effect tenfold. Of greater note, the perfect square protoellipsed keys SERVE NO PURPOSE AND EVEN IF THEY DID NUMEROLOGY IS A WASTE OF TIME.

    +

    WHY DOES THIS MAN DISCUSS NUMBERS AND KEYS AND NOT FINDING THE CODEX? 

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 4^1

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Elder_Sea_Serpent.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Elder_Sea_Serpent.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4b03bef --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Elder_Sea_Serpent.html @@ -0,0 +1,77 @@ + + +Elder Sea Serpent | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    Elder Sea Serpent

    Nigh-mythical sea-dragons of legendarily destructive potential, Elder Sea Serpents (taxonomic +name piscis grandis horribilis, of the family Imperatoris; also known as Leviathans) +are the primary reason that there are no coastal settlements with population in excess of fifty thousand +souls. Whether this is the direct result of Elder Sea Serpent predation or a mere reflection +of their reputation is a matter of scholarly debate; the fact remains that most[1] do not care +to investigate the matter personally.

    +

    Historical accounts suggest that Elder Sea Serpents are native to the Scorialic Sea, but +there is no small measure of uncertainty here—it is difficult to interpret Elder Sea Serpents' +presence in the historical record. For one, members of the species show little of their +terrestrial cousins' proclivity toward announcing their identities. Compare this passage +from Cullus (CI #445, ln 4603-4606):

    +

    Descended the noble one upon the fold;
    +Boometh he, "I am Greattooth the Large!"
    +And then he devoured them all.

    +

    with this passage from Tarion the Younger (CI #467, p. 217):

    +

    Hungering for flesh of man, from deep the great one rose.
    +"Tell us who you are, o terror," cried the warriors, "that we may worship you."
    +"Gift us with your name, o master" cried the women and children, "that we may die with it on our lips."
    +But he regarded them silently,
    +And then he devoured them all.

    +

    Both passages are quite typical of depictions of draconic feedings, and I could have illustrated +the point with any number of authors. However, Cullus and Tarion the Younger make for an especially +instructive comparison, as they were contemporaries, both writing out of the Carthusian oral +tradition. (Astute readers will note the stock phrase "and then he devoured them all" which +concludes both passages—Carthusian storytellers had a number of stock phrases like these, +which were used to express extremely common ideas.)

    +

    Another interpretive barrier is ancient writers' tendency to introduce Leviathans into their +narratives as metaphors for violent change. Hence, for example, Norwis of Julius's insistence +that the Leper King was carried off by an Elder Sea Serpent, while other contemporary accounts +render it a typical case of the secret taxmen disappearing an uncooperative +sovereign. But we cannot safely assume that all such depictions are metaphors, as it is +well-documented that Leviathans sometimes do attempt to make off with heads of state. (See, for +example, the debacle at the Potentate's coronation last year).

    +

    However, a concluding note: these are exciting times, and more of the Codex Ingenuous is +discovered every day. I have the fullest confidence that the truth will win out over the stories +in the end.

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] My use of the qualifier "most" here is in respect of the, if you'll pardon the editorializing, +utter maniacs who hunt them.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Epiliton.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Epiliton.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2a876ea --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Epiliton.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Epiliton | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    Epiliton

    The third of five hundred and seventeen keys to the famed Guage Enigma, it remains one of the twelve and one-fifth keys to have been identified and archived. Known mainly for its streamed form and blocky cuts, much ink has been spilt into the anatomy of its overall shape. However, what has not been commented upon in enough volume is the nature of its teeth. Containing no less than 83 protoellipses, its craftsmanship remains unparalleled (aside from the Key of Xemonides for obvious reasons), leading some scholars to posit (incorrectly) that this key may have been used as a prototype for a whole range of novel keys. However, upon looking closer to the shape and form of the teeth itself, one can distinctly detect influences from keys 279 and 14, though it undeniably improved vastly upon their character.

    +

    Alas, were these keys not lost to history we would perhaps be able to unravel some of the origins of the inventions of these keys. Who made them, for what purpose, diabolical or benevolent, and why were they so careless in their storage of such priceless artefacts? Such questions baffle scholars to this day and may never be answered until we properly catalogue the remaining five hundred and four and four fifths keys, truly the challenge of our lifetime.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw IV

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    Ergniramniphoniclufiville

    An excerpt from the Ergniramniphoniclufiville Heights Season 9 finale

    +

    The lights come up on KELORNA and JASON, both seated in her apartment’s infernatorium. JASON appears puzzled and concerned, and KELORNA is gesturing wildly, her crooked teeth in a half-smile.

    +

    KELORNA: ...and that’s how I’ll retrieve the Gauge Enigma, whether that crafty Atherton Guage likes it or not!

    +

    JASON: Oh, Kelorna, I’ve been dying to tell you… the other night when I was lava-boating with Louisa, it wasn’t how it looked at all --

    +

    KELORNA: I’ll be right back; I’ve got to go engrave my plan on the lava slab by my bedside table.

    +

    KELORNA exits through the upstage crater.

    +

    JASON: Are you writing it on the first half? Or the second half with those nice, perforated, tearable pages?

    +

    KELORNA (muffled): The second half, you fool! That’s where all the good secrets go. No doomsday device belongs in the first half, only useless personal ramblings! If somebody could find it a hundred years later and overthink its significance, it belongs in the first half -- a doomsday device is far too practical for the first half!

    +

    JASON stands. Soft organ music begins to play.

    +

    JASON: Kelorna… I have a confession. I can’t take it anymore! I’ve… I’ve never loved you at all! Every night, as I fall asleep, I’m thinking of Mildred and the fire that burns eternal in her eyes. After her untimely demise, I don’t think I could ever love again!

    +

    KELORNA: Mildred…? Hmmm… Was she the one I accidentally jettisoned into the Enigma last month?

    +

    JASON: Atherton was right to leave you! You’re a monster who can’t understand love! All these doomsday devices of yours… the death-helmet, then the flame-mangler… and now it’s this Literarosphere of yours! Will you ever stop plotting the world’s demise for long enough to for another living being to matter to you at all?

    +

    KELORNA: No… Wait, hold on, “love”? Is that why you’ve been living in my apartment?

    +

    JASON: I knew it! I knew this volcano wouldn’t be big enough for the both of us! I’d sooner burn in a pool of magma than say another word to you!

    +

    JASON leaps out of a window into the fires below.

    +

    DIRECTOR (from off the set, panting): Wait! We’ve changed our mind! We’ll re-negotiate your contract!

    +

    KELORNA returns, cackling. She is holding the LITERAROSPHERE CONTROLS with both hands. The screen fades to fire while an organ in a deliberately unspecified location swells to a crescendo.

    +

    JASON / DIRECTOR (simultaneously): Nooooooooooo!

    +

    Shared by A CONCERNED MOTHER
    +1 like = 1 prayer

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Fireminds.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Fireminds.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1bc37ea --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Fireminds.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Fireminds | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Fireminds

    A Firemind is an individual gifted with an innate ability to converse with dragons in a soul-based linguistic pattern known as Firetongue. Although this used to be a universal (well, near-universal) trait, since the collapse of Ergniramniphoniclufiville, such persons have become a rarity, with recent censuses suggesting an occurrence of approximately 1:29.

    +

    To-do: Ask Heraclitivian about that recent study, the one regarding communication with Muscae when he gets back. Bluh. That guy gives me a headache.

    +

    A Firemind differs not only in their ability to converse with dragons, but in the very way they think. Even the few Fireminds who do not take careers directly related to dragons tend to find success in highly bureaucratic fields, such as in library science and governmental agencies. Since Fireminds tend to excel in unconventional areas of life, their specialized communities and abilities have led to a somewhat contentious division of culture between those who are not Fireminds and those who are. It is not uncommon for regional folklore to demonize those who can speak to dragons. Certain tales call them "soulsuckers" and "lizard-people", and more modern insults attack their organizational tendencies, comparing it to the stereotypical dragon horde. As a result, certain anti-defamation unions were founded to protest this mistreatment. One notable Firemind union, The Dooshbags, even bear one such slur with a sense of pride. Others, like the Bardslayers, try to influence political and social movements in different, subtle ways. And of course, Fireminds have their own set of slurs for those they deem unimportant.

    +

    Although not many Fireminds choose to become chefs (for quite a few reasons, and with the notable exception of my good friend Ophelia), many become incredible, if lofty and egocentric, food critics, perhaps owing to their strong ontological forces (To-do: Need to cite Dean Loblaw's mathy thingy here).

    +

    When not involved in dragon’s-rights campaigns, Fireminds do important work and are integral members of every community. Through them, we gain key insights into biology, culture, and bureaucracies. Just because they’re a little awkward and a little weird and can occasionally cause your brainstem to feel like it’s vibrating doesn’t make them any less of people.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/First_Half_Dynasty_of_Meteora.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/First_Half_Dynasty_of_Meteora.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2bb4155 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/First_Half_Dynasty_of_Meteora.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +First Half Dynasty of Meteora | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    First Half Dynasty of Meteora

    The First Half Dynasty of Meteora is known for it's groundbreaking studies on protoellipses and the ontology of their numbers. Many dracologists are known for their discoveries at this time, most noteably Atherton Guage for his Prime Number Protoellipses case study. Another infamous aspect of Atherton was his public suggestion for Kelorna’s controversial therapy which led him to beat her in the political races of that time.

    +

    The First Half Dynasty is also known for it's development of the dracomonks. Meteoric Temple leaders scavenged the Scorialic Sea for pirates and then subsequently searched the lands surrounding the great Woken God for any homeless people with nothing better to do and they took all those people, gave them some flashy robes, changed their names to that of firetongue, and made them the first true generation of dracomonks.

    +

    Other Notable Successes of the First Half Dynasty:

    +

    *This is when it was first discovered that led piping was poisonous and hence it was all changed out (excluding the piping around all living enemies of the Meteoric Temple)
    +*Dracologists discovered a way to harness the power of The Woken God to power the Meteoric Temple in it's entirety

    +

    Other Notable Failures of the First Half Dynasty:

    +

    *Millions died due to the initial led piping of the area due to poison in their waters
    +*Hundreds died in the pits of The Woken God in order to power the Meteoric Temple which had not yet even discovered electricity.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +
    + + + +
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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Gauge_Enigma.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Gauge_Enigma.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..56ac0e8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Gauge_Enigma.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Gauge Enigma | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Gauge Enigma

    Gauge Enigma (n.)
    +1: Any one of a related series of half-assed hoaxes by so called ‘dracoscientists’ perpetuated to establish their weekend tabletop RPG campaign as a hard science.
    +2: The puzzling fact that anyone could be so deluded as to actually believe in the existence of the so-called ‘Gauge Enigma.’
    + Example: “Golly,” exclaimed John, “it sure would be jolly if we unlocked the Gauge Enigma -- then I could find a respectable position at a real university and my mother might love me again!”

    +

    These bored, cyclomasturbatory Lexicon dim-wits claim that the “Gauge Enigma” contains the key to the perfect cupcake recipe -- an obvious falsehood considering the fact that everyone (even the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians I store in a shoebox under my bed, ho ho!) know that creating a perfect cupcake is simply a mathematical impossibility. Furthermore, if there was a perfect cupcake, years of bake sale traditions would have uncovered it by now.

    +

    Go on, you lazy Lexicon hocks. Keep paddling your petty false hoods. Run your snivell{{ll}}lllllling little mouths as you may, you won’t escrape the tooth: the Guage Enigma wasn’t meant to keep us out of some ‘Gauge Enigma’ -- it was meant to keep you in, and spare the rest of the universe your talentless nonsense.

    +

    You know hwhat, it’s probably a good thing all you fools are spending so much time jircle cerking about the steupid Guage Eginma. Gauge Schmage! Because speaking about jibberish wastes words, and wasting words is wasting time, and wasting time is wasting honey, the greatest thing since spliced bread. Splined beard is the superior delicacy, as a man of my distinguised tastes understadns. Everoyne snows that. Sad.

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    +

    I don’t need anyboyny’s pteolropielss. It’s nice. I’m using my own petolrpielses. I don’t care. I’m ralely rtaoianl; I’ll sohw you that. That’s jsut the knid of thnkiing you need for this uinrevse.

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Guage_Enigma.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Guage_Enigma.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f4e726f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Guage_Enigma.html @@ -0,0 +1,80 @@ + + +Guage Enigma | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    Guage Enigma

    Not to be confused with the Gauge Enigma, the Guage Enigma is a complex system of +metal gears covering the entire atmosphere. It is commonly accepted that the Guage Enigma +was created by Atherton Guage for the sole purpose of preventing Kelorna the Extremely Confused +from accessing the Great Secret. However, recent scholarship on the Codex Ingenuous +has challenged this narrative, and at least from a textural criticism standpoint, their +thesis is quite compelling.

    +

    The initial argument, known as the "Red Herring Thesis", comes from the character of the +Wheelmind himself, as discussed by the anonymous author of CI #206:

    +

    Man or devil—it is not given to man to know the inner thoughts of the Wheelmind. +Once you think you have grasped the scheme behind the scheme, you have but fallen into a +third scheme, and yet none of those schemes had anything to do with his true purpose. (p. 89)

    +

    These sentiments are shared by many sources, apparently including Atherton Guage himself—the +Guage family motto roughly translates to "Never do anything for only one reason." Thus, +the scholars argue, the Guage Enigma likely served some purpose in addition to stalling Kelorna.

    +

    The Red Herring Thesis emerged around the same time as a concurrent development within the +niche field of historical kleidiology. Careful analysis of the Index Ingenuous reveals +that the production of keys actually predates the Guage Enigma. Indeed, between the keys' +strange ontological and phenomenological properties, +it is questionable why such advanced items would be needed to "unlock" a mere assembly of +metal gears, especially when enigmonomers have yet to discover even one keyhole through +telescopic observation.

    +

    Thus, we arrive at what is being termed the "Phylactery Hypothesis", which posits that the keys +were actually designed as repositories for mortal souls. Though there are numerous references +within the Codex to a relation between the keys and the Guage Enigma, they use the preposition +"λεστ"; thus, the phrase "keys to the Guage Enigma" could also be translated +"keys for the Guage Enigma." This rendering would make the keys a means of passage +into or through the Enigma. By the relocation of the soul to an enduring apparatus, a +mortal could theoretically avoid death indefinitely. And indeed, some +immortals have hinted that this +is in fact the case for some of the better-preserved keys.

    +

    The Phylactery Hypothesis also sheds new light on ambiguities in the +Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder. Kleidiologists have long puzzled over his phrase +"forge the seven keys", as over 500[1] keys are known to exist. But suppose that only seven keys +functioned as phylacteries. The pattern "one by four by one by one" corresponds chronologically +to Atherton Guage's known key-forging activity; +Xemoniphon, greatest of the Keysmiths, may have been saying that "forging" (in the sense of +"imitating" or "progressing along") Guage's journey of development is necessary to +understand what he was doing—i.e., "Unlock the one Guage".

    +

    If that's the case, then it suddenly becomes clear why eyewitness accounts report that Xemoniphon +vanished into thin air after waving around his masterwork

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] That is, more than seven.

    +
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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Gustivus_Pulluman.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Gustivus_Pulluman.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4b9c699 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Gustivus_Pulluman.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Gustivus Pulluman | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Gustivus Pulluman

    About the Author

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman is a legendary chef currently living between the Underground Academy, his primary restaurant in The Igneous City, and a private island in the Scorialic Sea. Despite being 79 (Tickets for his 80th Birthday Bash available now! Featuring The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds™ and his very own grilled Elder Sea Serpent), Gustivus doesn't look a day over 30! What's his secret? Many think it's his impressive diet, others say he charmed Time itself, and some think he was just born perfect.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman was born in the small seaside town of Vertrouw de Vogelsniet, where his mother introduced him to the family trade of hunting and preparing yellow wyrmidon. A simple existence, but Gustivus yearned for more. One expedition, he discovered a hidden cave, and in it, a slumbering drogoanthropic hybrid. Gustivus snuck in, taking but one item from the hoard. As he crossed the room back towards the exit, a rustling sound from behind froze him in his tracks. The dragon hadn't fully awoken, but the sentient tail had, and slashed out, taking off Gustivus' right arm. He barely managed to swim to shore, clutching his prize. Stumbling back, he saw his town was no more. An elder sea serpent was destroying his humble, beloved fishing village! Gripping his now only possession, Gustivus slew the dragon single-handed, an act which by no means went unnoticed. A Firemind Union, The Bardslayers, finding the wreckage of the village, graciously replaced his arm with a cutting-edge, mechanical stand-in, for naught but a simple favor later.

    +

    Thrilling, incredible adventures aren't all Gustivus is known for. Since that eventful day, Gustivus' profound cooking expertise has won international acclaim. Two of his definitive cookbooks, featuring sensational tales of Gustivus’ travels, are international bestsellers. The Underground Academy has awarded him an honorary, never-before-extant culinary doctorate for his contributions to their new Baking division.

    +

    You can't make a proper omelette without breaking a few dragon eggs, and thus it is unsurprising that there are a couple people who don't wholly approve of the Pulluman brand. Some undoubtedly unfair criticisms leveled point to that one time Gustivus needed a breath of fresh air because by God that conference was stuffy as all hell, and a couple birds got in, or when I mistook one lunch for my own, and that other time where my unbridled success led to the extinction of some regrettably delicious species (whose extinctions were probably really the result of some other factor). But it is undeniable that Gustivus is the most influential man of our time, and as long as he's there with that award-winning smile and award-winning roast, nothing can truly ever go too wrong.

    +

    For recipes and more tales of adventure, be sure to check out his critically acclaimed books, Ninety Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh and Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh, along with the new companion book: One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?' available now, for flavorful substitutions, advanced techniques, and even more tales of exploration and adventure.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, Author of the New, Critically-Acclaimed Companion Book One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?'

    +
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    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Haiku_of_Keysmith_Xemoniphon_the_Elder.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Haiku_of_Keysmith_Xemoniphon_the_Elder.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5fc054d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Haiku_of_Keysmith_Xemoniphon_the_Elder.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder

    Arguably the most beautiful of anything produced by the Third Dynasty of Meteora (aside from the keys produced obviously), this haiku, crafted by famed keysmith, architect, poet, philosopher, and baker Xemoniphon the Elder, is a metakey to the Guage Enigma. Understanding this enables understanding of the keys, and much like a key, this lovely poem demands understanding, patience, and above all, time.

    +

    Forge the seven keys

    +

    One by four by one by one

    +

    Unlock the one Guage

    +

    Notice how intricate the numerology winds throughout the poem. Seven keys, followed by seven syllables. The first perfect square number followed by the second, followed by two perfect squares. Scholars have pondered how the pattern would have continued had the poem been in different form (perhaps this question forms yet another metakey).

    +

    In any case, Xemoniphon produced this shortly before the fourth set of one hundred keys were produced, and it is an undisputed fact that this haiku enabled Meteora to produce these keys with such swiftness and perfection, and is a vital component of the Codex Ingenuous. It is therefore of tantamount importance that we understand this metakey posthaste, without it even our discovery of new keys will be moot.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw IV

    +
    + + + +
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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Hans2C_the_Great_Merchant_of_Dragons_and_Men.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Hans2C_the_Great_Merchant_of_Dragons_and_Men.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..04a221f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Hans2C_the_Great_Merchant_of_Dragons_and_Men.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men

    As we know, there are still five hundred and four and four fifths keys missing to the great Guage Enigma. Recent speculators believe that our best lead to find no less than twenty seven more keys lies with Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men.

    +

    Hans, brother of Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine, is the only merchant to have ever been rumored to deal with both humans and dragons alike. As a firemind, Hans had the ability to speak to all dragons which no doubt made selling and buying from them a much simpler task. Reason to believe that Hans may have a substantial number of the missing keys is drawn from a few eyewitness accounts, one stated as follows:

    +

    “I saw Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men, he was walking around in golden shoes and dragon scale garments when I heard him say, ‘I’ve got no less than twenty seven keys to the Guage Enigma’ which led me to believe that he must have no less than twenty seven keys to the Guage Enigma. He also has a woman with him, I think her name was…”

    +

    The account ends there as the records have been torn and the rest was stolen.

    +

    Hans is often rumored to have been immortal or otherwise dead. His home rests on the base of The Woken God and if there is any hope to finding these twenty seven more keys he is thought to have, it would be found there in his home where he is either alive, dead, or not there at all.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +
    + + + +
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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Index_Ingenuous.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Index_Ingenuous.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..82afd25 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Index_Ingenuous.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Index Ingenuous | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    Index Ingenuous

    Contemporary dragon science could never have reached the heights it has if it were not for the organizational clarity provided by the Index Ingenuous. While the molten pages of the Codex itslf provide the basis on which all of dragon science is founded, the elaborations of the Appendices Ingenuous encompass more material than is possible to learn in a human lifetime. It is only through the grand ambitions of the Index that this wealth of material can be made accessible to mortals such as ourselves.

    +

    It is a constant lament of dragon scientists, therefore, that the original Index is missing. Approximately seventy percent of the Index is extant in scans and copies across all professional research teams, and it is suspected that anywhere from two to ten percent of the remaining may be known to private individuals. It is a matter of public record that this unfortunate circumstance is the fault of that dastardly criminal, Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine -- or would be, at any rate, if she hadn't stolen the public records of the incident.

    +

    The Index itself is divided into an index proper of significant terms and concepts, a glossary (the shortest section), and a concordance (by far the largest). Nearly half of the glossary is missing from the shared pool of recovered Index pages, as well as some of the most important sections of the concordance.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracohistorian

    +
    + + + +
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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Kelorna_the_Extremely_Confused.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Kelorna_the_Extremely_Confused.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..de406a0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Kelorna_the_Extremely_Confused.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Kelorna the Extremely Confused | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    Kelorna the Extremely Confused

    Widely considered the founder of dragon science, Kelorna the Extremely Confused was a Ergniramniphoniclufivillian who, unlike the other members of her village, was not a Firemind. This made her a pariah among the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians. Isolated from her community, she undertook a program of systematic study that would later form the foundations of dragon science. This earned her the ire of her village, as her diary entries in the Codex reveal, culimating in some sort of crisis that coincided with the village's disappearance. The strategies of social enginering she developed, which she called "ingenuosity", have continued to shape the culture of dragon science up to the present day. Though the normal sense of the word gives a sense of innocence and a lack of duplicity, Kelorna describes ingenuosity as being like a dragon's smile: shiny and spotless, but full of daggers.

    +

    The true nature of ingenuosity remains something of a unacknowledged consensus. Due to restrictions on studying the Codex itself, the public at large remains ignorant of how explicitly subterfuge is detailed in it. Eggies[1] usually learn quickly through harrowing experience or stolen Kelorna scans. Among professionals, her ingenuous spirit remains alive and well: At the annual Symposium for Extreme Deconfusion held in her honor, the conference rooms are soundproof and fireproof, and fewer researchers leave than enter.

    +

    More subtly, consider the rate at which researchers are eaten by their lab's childarn population: despite a chidl being little more than a dragon head with stubby legs, professional dracoscientists are frequently devoured by them just before major research projects are published, which are then taken over by their postdocs. Little is found of these victims except for singed clothing and recently-filed succession papers.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracosociologist

    +

    [1] A diminutive term for interns in dragon science research groups.

    +
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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Kevyn3A_Drogoanthropic_Hybrid_26_Class_E2809CBE2809D_DooshbC3A4g.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Kevyn3A_Drogoanthropic_Hybrid_26_Class_E2809CBE2809D_DooshbC3A4g.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ee5c226 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Kevyn3A_Drogoanthropic_Hybrid_26_Class_E2809CBE2809D_DooshbC3A4g.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg

    Kevyn, the only known Drogoanthropic Hybrid to date, has recently remerged from his seven hundred year power nap and made an appearance at the recent Dooshbäg conference hosted by my esteemed collegues in the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds.

    +

    Unfortunately, Kevyn had to be asked to leave after getting into a heated debate amongst fireminds on the values of immortality. Given that Kevyn himself is immortal, it wasn’t long until he began referring to his mortal comrades as merely “talonstain” and when confronted by the ethics officer of the conference (a class “A” Dooshbäg) he laughed and called him talonstain too, noting that he would outlive any grudge they could hold against him.

    +

    Rumors erupted amongst the class “A” and class “B” Dooshbägs after the encounter resulting in accusations of rhellgazing and other popular fads recently spreading in the area. As Kevyn was being removed from the conference, I had the pleasure of discussing the Key of Xemonides with him, which he claims to have in his possession and even alluded to the possibility of its immortality providing qualities. Almost immediately after this admission, he took flight and disappeared into the above ground world, his fleshy drogoanthropic scales flailing with a lapping sound in the wind.

    +

    Further insight will be needed to draw any conclusions, but speculation points to a need for this immortal life giving key in order to ever access the Guage Enigma.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +
    + + + +
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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Key_of_Xemonides.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Key_of_Xemonides.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..85987c0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Key_of_Xemonides.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Key of Xemonides | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
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    +

    Key of Xemonides

    Until The Unnamed Museum acquired the Key of Xemonides, mathematicians had formally, conclusively proven that Protoellipses could not be constructed from other protoellipses. They were wrong, and in fact, protoellipses may be constructed from an uncountable recursion of other protoellipses, given a finitely-uncountably deep mental state, as might be achieved by a wide net of population staying brain-healthy and eating a balanced diet of Dragonflesh and higher-order pastries, as was the case in the Third Dynasty of Meteora.

    +

    The matter of location for the Key of Xemonides has caused some confusion, which I feel can easily be cleared up. The Key of Xemonides had an unnamed predecessor, here referred to as the protokey, which, after its creation in the Scorialic Sea, was soon acquired by none other than Kelorna the Extremely Confused. Noticing its unique structure, she attempted to build the Literarosphere around it. Naturally, it exploded, causing the protokey to crack deeply. In a fit of rage, it was torn asunder by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider into the Key of Xemonides. This meant that one layer of the recursion was shed and fragmented, but its layers remained uncountable. Currently, it is reportedly possessed by myself, Thrognurith, Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men, Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine, Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg, and the Unnamed Museum, all of whom / which are fabulously famous, perhaps suggesting a predictive ontological requirement to “steal” this key without at best, turning into a pillar of ash, and, at worst, keyshock. This probably should cause speculations as to the true nature of immortality, and how it applies to the protokey’s shattering and relation to the Literarosphere.

    +

    Everyone knows that the key to a good Key Lime Pie is the stirring implement, and feasibly, there could be none better than the Key of Xemonides. Now, such a powerful dessert might cause pillars of ash or keyshock upon glances, let alone consumption, to an individual without the proper Brainsplainer, but alternatives exist. Thanks to new technology developed at The Underground Academy, we now have a special process for breeding Turtledragons, and we’re passing the savings onto you! Not only will our Turtledragon meat be available at the best butchers in the land, accessories including Turtledragon Shell Spoons and Oil Gland Firestarters will enable you to create sparkling Key Lime Pies in no time!

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, Author of the New, Critically-Acclaimed Companion Book One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?'

    +

    CONFIDENTIAL: FOR THE EYES OF DR. OPHELIA GUMPHRY ONLY

    +

    We need to do something about her. I fear she’s no longer fully Concerned, and is showing signs of Ingenuosity and re-fragmenting her shattered personality. Since her articles started to leak, we’ve seen a 9% decrease in Dragonflesh consumption, 25% drop in Brainsplainer sales, and only a 1% increase in upper-dimensional baked goods. We need to find an alternate solution to keyshock and dragonfire. I recommend delaying any publication of the Lexicon Draconium until we can resolve this issue. Also, come to my office. I’ve been talking to the Dean and the Bardslayers, and think the final menu for the Birthday Bash is ready.

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Lexicon_Draconium.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Lexicon_Draconium.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..445a41a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Lexicon_Draconium.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Lexicon Draconium | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Lexicon Draconium

    Dear Authors of the Lexicon,

    +

    I am done with you and your magazine! In your previous volume, you had the gall to publish a description of a streaming brainsplainer transtelecast in your "article" on the brainsplainer! Is there anyone on your editorial staff who understands the unsubstantiated and obviously existent addictive potential of these devices? Did anyone stop to think that a childarn might pick up a "Lexicon" "Draconium" and read that disgusting article? I don't want to have to explain to a chidl what a transtelecast is when I don't even know what they are!!

    +

    Maybe your recklessly irresponsible writers are too young to remember -- but when I grew up, I read the Codex Ingenuous without a brainsplainer, and that's reason enough for me to know that they must be strictly dangerous and obviously unethical -- just like sparking water, antibiotics, and plaid!

    +

    Could I have just stopped reading the Lexicon or skipped over that article? Yes, I could have, but it makes me angry that other people might read about a thing that makes me uncomfortable. I will not rest until you've indelibly removed all material that I could construe as threatening to my unspecified and likely inconsistent values from your filthy publication!!

    +

    I only want what's best for the childarn! Shouldn't you?!

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER!!

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Literarosphere.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Literarosphere.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0d69163 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Literarosphere.html @@ -0,0 +1,66 @@ + + +Literarosphere | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Literarosphere

    One of the many, many semi-apocalyptic devices constructed by Kelorna the Extremely Confused +over the years, the Literarosphere was a compendium of knowledge intended to provide a +companion perspective to the Codex Ingenuous. The exact technical specifications of +the device remain mercifully unknown, but it's likely that it functioned similarly to a +brainsplainer, as the brainsplainer development process began with salvaged +pieces of the Literarosphere. However, Kelorna's intent for the device is on record:

    +

    Mwa ha ha! For too long, that fool Guage has hidden the secrets of the Codex from me! +But he was too short-sighted, for merely relocating the Codex[1] is not enough to stop me from +collecting all of it and seizing the Great Secret! With this device, I shall reach into +history itself and reconstruct the Codex—and THEN, I shall RULE THE WORLD! BWA HA HA HA! +COWER, MORTALS! COWER AND BEHOLD![2]

    +

    Unfortunately, while it seems Kelorna intended the Literarosphere to view the historical record +passively, it the device was actually able to effect changes in the past—a possibility +it appears she did not consider. Naturally, the device subsequently +exploded. It is impossible to prove which changes occurred as a result of the Literarosphere, +as at this point they have always been as they are, but it is a safe bet that any use +of unanimite before its invention in 1901 is the result of temporally-displaced fragments +of the Literarosphere.

    +

    The Literarosphere was built after the failure of the Omnihammer (a device to turn everything +into nails), and was followed by an unnamed and swiftly abandoned plot to "drown the world +in syrup".[3]

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] Kelorna refers here to the then-recent theft of half the Codex by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider. No connection between Thrognurith and Guage has ever been proven, and +given Kelorna's characteristic paranoia, it is generally assumed that Guage (circa 2nd +century) had little or nothing to do with the theft (which occurred in the 18th century).

    +

    [2] As quoted in "Until the End of Time": A Brief Biography of Kelorna the Extremely +Confused, Vol. III (Abridged Version) by Dr. Sid Martius, p. 859. Emphasis his.

    +

    [3] Ibid, p. 1003.

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Loong.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Loong.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2973acb --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Loong.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Loong | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Loong

    An intriguing species of dragon, noted mainly for their extraordinary flame and unusual intelligence. This breed of dragon became popular amongst keyforgers as their fires were among some of the most potent, to the point where even unanimite became malleable, leading to the last 13 and 3/2 keys being exclusively made of this rare substance. Indeed, it was not until we learned of the Loong that we were able to learn of this technique.

    +

    We keyseekers indeed owe Kelorna a debt of gratitude for her studies of this magnificent breed. Due to groundbreaking studies, we have been able to unlock the secret not only of the forging of the last 13 and 3/2 keys, but we were able to uncover the culinary delight that comes only from cooking with the fire from these extraordinary creatures, the nourishment from which provides the fuel to continue our urgent study into the keys and metakeys of the Guage Enigma.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw IV

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Mean_Petrine_the_Stealing_Machine.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Mean_Petrine_the_Stealing_Machine.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fc1dee7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Mean_Petrine_the_Stealing_Machine.html @@ -0,0 +1,71 @@ + + +Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine

    I know that other guy was s'posed to write this article, but I kinda felt +like his version was too negative, so here's my corrected version instead, ha ha ha!

    +

    That's right! I stole the article in your little book here!

    +

    Anyways, I think there's a lot of cool stuff about me! Like how I stole that one +special key thingy from the big museum and +nobody realized until I pointed +it out just now, ha ha ha. Yeah, uh, you might wanna beef up your security a li'l bit, y'know? +Point is, the key in there's a fake, I got no idea how you chumps haven't noticed by now. +And also I'm only thirteen but people already think I look grown-up, cuz I'm just that awesome!

    +

    Ooh, and here's a fun bit of trivia! You know my awesome kickass nickname, Mean Petrine the +Stealing Machine? You know why they call me that? It's cuz when people don't use my +bad-ass tag, I steal whatever they're writing. That's, like, well I guess you don't realize +how hard that is. Like, one time this old gramps got his newspaper all the way +through publication, so, like, I had to go running all around town and mug all the paperboys +and stuff... yeah. Not a super fun night.

    +

    But shyeah, I'm super good at stealing stuff. It's like, dragon hoard? BAM. Stole it. +Top-secret research findings? +BAM. Stole it. I'm a stealing machine, baybay. And +I totally got myself adopted by Hans's mom, +ON her freaking deathbed. And he was trying to be a good brother, so he brought me along +to stop my buddy Throg from stealing more of the Codex. +Then, while Kelorna's birds were all going after Throg, +I stole the stuff we were after! Then I stole all Hans's keys, too! Gotcha, bro!

    +

    Take whatever you want and don't give anything away for free, that's my motto! And, like, some +people don't like that, but that's just 'cause they're not good at stealing things, ha ha ha! +When it comes to stealing I am simply the best there is!

    +

    "But Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine, you impossibly beautiful scoundrel, why are you +telling us this? Didn't you just say you never give things away for free?"

    +

    Well thanks for asking, ha ha ha! But, see, I didn't give anything away!

    +

    You know that ignorance you used to have about how awesome and good-looking I am?

    +

    BAM.

    +

    STOLE it!

    +

    Mean Petrine the Stealing Machiiiiiiiine! XOXOXO <3

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Meklondiche.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Meklondiche.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7864209 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Meklondiche.html @@ -0,0 +1,66 @@ + + +Meklondiche | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Meklondiche

    FW: Fw: FW: Found Guage key 71 (Meklondiche)?

    +

    this gave me the goosebumps!!

    +

    I’m so unbearably sorry. I think I found it, but I need help. Please.

    +

    Two days ago, I left to search for it just a few miles north of the spires. +I found it. I found the damned thing in a tidy +spine of chryophite poking through the soot, peeking out like it +wanted me to find it. In my excitement, I extracted it from the rock +without a second thought. However, to my horror, I noticed that the +protoellipses were disastrously unbalanced, albeit only after I +had broken it free. I should have checked first, but the Codex never indicated that Meklondiche would have been one of the +keys with an ontological cost. God, I wish I’d checked the +protoellipses first. I’m so sorry.

    +

    Fearing for myself and for anything a few miles around me, I scrambled +for my notes on the Codex, poring over them in the ash until there was +no longer light to see, clutching the key as if my grip could keep it in +this plane. Oddly, the key had not shown any signs of decreation. +Feeling encouraged by this fact, I started to look for a place to sleep. +Not a moment had my thoughts strayed when Meklondiche flickered and +withered in my hand. I knew the cost immediately: attention. Meklondiche +will remain only as long as you give it your thoughts. + +I can’t sleep until somebody else feeds it – I fear that my dreams won’t be +enough. I’m terrified to think what it might take with it were it to +disappear. Please, forward this e-mail to as many people as you can. The +more people think about the key, the safer we’ll all be.

    +

    send this to no fewer than seven distinguished scholars in the next +hour… we can’t afford to lose another!!

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Meteoric_Temple.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Meteoric_Temple.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f27743b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Meteoric_Temple.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Meteoric Temple | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Meteoric Temple

    Otherwise known as the Vaticant, this is the seat of power for the mighty dracomonks, but most importantly, it is where some of the most brilliant keys in history were produced. I have written extensively on the fourth set of one hundred keys, but the remarkable fact of the Meteoric Temple is that this ranks only third on the list of their most notable accomplishments. The First Half Dynasty of Meteora laid down not only the framework for the creation of a key, it conducted extensive studies on protoellipses and the ontology of their numbers. Atherton Guage extensively studied the effects of prime numbers on a key at this site, and in so doing created key 14, or so the stories say. Key 14 is the first key[1] to contain not only a prime amount of protoellipses, but a stunning quantity of 79, a feat that remained unsurpassed until the creation of Epiliton.

    +

    The location of the Meteoric Temple upon The Woken God assists with the forging and research of keys, though not without risk. The lava that constantly erupts upon it makes work hostile, but provides the necessary material and energy to conduct such important research.

    +

    Of a more minor note, some remarkable species of dragons may be found here, the biological study of which has little to do with keys, which is surely a shame.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 2^2

    +

    [1] That we know of.

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Newtprester_Resina.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Newtprester_Resina.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..301a5c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Newtprester_Resina.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Newtprester Resina | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Newtprester Resina

    Newtprester Resina, commonly known as Tarworms, is a species of small dragon endemic to temperate freshwater swamps. A harmless, lazy, social creature, N. Resina can most easily be found in high-end ovens for their peculiar, but predictable, quality of fire. Their diet of small bugs and swamp flowers, and lack of natural predators, indicate that their intricate flames may be a product of their social groupings, rather than a defensive mechanism.

    +

    Despite N. Resina’s strong resemblance of sea wyrms, they are more closely related to the Eastern Loong than any Western species. N. Resina are easily identified by their size (at most five inches long, including the tail, and three inches wide, excluding the legs), their four long, but fatty, legs, and the sticky, black excretion covering their skin. This substance makes their skins bitter and tough, but the flesh below is buttery and smooth, especially in domesticated varieties.

    +

    N. Resina are one of the few known species of dragons to be completely amphibious, with individuals having been observed to spend all or none of their lives underwater. Certain, far-removed breeds, such as those found tame in the Meteoric Temple, even possess a capacity for brief, wingless flight, amongst thinner specimens.

    +

    In order to exhale fire, these dragons must first inhale swamp gas, which is stored in their diaphragm. Upon exhalation, an exothermic reaction begins to chain. Curiously, this reaction seems to be untenable above 400F, and as a result, secondary fires burst in the main cloud as the temperature fluctuates. Anthropologists speculate that these creatures produce the infamous “Will-o-Wisps” which lure travelers deep into swamps. In order to make use of this strange property, chefs release bottles of methane gas into the Tarworm enclosure fifteen minutes before needing the fire. Once burning, such a flame can last for over an hour, depending on the size of the swarm of N. Resina.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +
    +

    Citations: Loong / Meteoric Temple

    +

    Cited by: Ontological cost / Ordo Draco

    +
    + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Ontological_cost.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Ontological_cost.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0afc1f5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Ontological_cost.html @@ -0,0 +1,51 @@ + + +Ontological cost | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Ontological cost

    on·to·log·i·cal cost
    +ˌän(t)əˈläjək(ə)l ‘ kôst/
    +DRACOPHILOSOPHY
    +1. The price, value, or figure put on a person, place, or thing relating to the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being.

    +

    Within everything from the reason you exist in the first place all the way to the best damned baked goods you’ve ever experienced, there is an ontological cost. +The metaphysical properties of dragon fire have been linked to a direct correlation between what is and what is not costly, in the ontological sense of course. +In cases like the noted email chain regarding Meklondiche (Guage key 71) , spread by a “concerned mother,” we see the catastrophic effects of misinterpretation. An ontological cost is a simple thing to calculate, as seen below in the approved graph for ontological costs in metaphysics 101 at the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds:

    +

    *Image Unavailable to anyone not enrolled in the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds, ENROLL TODAY!! *

    +

    As we see here in the graph (color coded to the common knowledge of corresponding dimensions) it takes a very specific level of thought attributed to the awareness of an object, such as a key, to keep it in its current metaphysical state. Once exceeding a certain point, the metaphysics shift and the dimension in which the object exists will also shift (clearly demonstrated in the above graph), so the poor soul that found Meklondiche has probably been slingshot to a far off dimension by now if that email chain continued at its exponential rate.

    +

    Applying the appropriate levels of attention and awareness to an object, such as my cupcake I had today, you can fulfil the ontological cost and define the metaphysics of its properties. I, myself, knew there would be no better flavor than that of the tarworm and therefore that is the delicious flavor I tasted as I bit into my prize winning cupcakes.

    +

    It is important that I also note the dangers of opening spam mail from uncredited sources. +Do not mess with the imbalances of ontological cost, because we all know what happens to those who do.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Ordo_Draco.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Ordo_Draco.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..272cbe0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Ordo_Draco.html @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ + + +Ordo Draco | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Ordo Draco

    Dragon scientists recognize 14 families of dragons under the order Draco, following the classification first proposed by the Empyreal Compendium of Beneficent Wisdom. The families are, briefly:

    +

    Imperatoris - Imperatorids, also known as "greater dragons", are the largest dracoforms, with most genera having wingspans and body lengths in the tens of meters. The extinct[1] species Sacramerda maxima is conjectured to have had a body length on the order of a hundred meters.
    +• Condentes - Most smaller dracoforms are condents, such as tarworms, though some condents are larger. Most condents have highly adapted dermal tissue suited to their environment.
    +• Conformata, Porca, Sirena - Conformates, porcates, and sirens were all hunted to extinction by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider, who then destroyed most of the scholarly corpus on them.
    +• Fabulosa - The fabulosates are a now-extinct family of dracoforms characterized by being entirely fictional.
    +• Canes, Conjecta - Canids and conjectates are characterized by their unique spirations. Canids utilize unique methods to generate heat, while conjectates utilize chemical reactions that draw heat out of the target to freeze it rather than combust it.
    +• Trementes - The only trement genus is Utinsanus, which was given its own family after it made the other imperatorids uncomfortable.
    +• Innumerabiles - We do not speak of Innumerabiles[2].
    +• Picta - Pictates are theorized to exist, but have yet to be observed.
    +• Cetera - The ceterates consist mostly of dracoforms that dracologists haven't succeeded in classifying elsewhere.
    +• Frangentes - Frangents are distinguished from other dracoforms primarily by their morphological adaptations for complex mating calls, which are also used for weakening solid structures prior to breathing fire.
    +• Muscae - Flocks of birds in the shape of a dragon, muscates were not classified in the order Draco until they raided a military complex and made off with the flamethrowers. After a tense standoff at a dragon science symposium, dracologists agreed to write them into the draconic taxonomy.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracophylogeneticist

    +

    [1] We hope.

    +

    [2] Or else.

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Please_Don27t_Shoot2C_We27ll_Do_It_Act.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Please_Don27t_Shoot2C_We27ll_Do_It_Act.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..395041d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Please_Don27t_Shoot2C_We27ll_Do_It_Act.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act

    A historic moment for the annual Dragon Science Symposium was recorded when a new Act was signed into place known as the “Please Don’t Shoot, We’ll Do It” Act.

    +

    It had been a rather dull but sunny day as the leading dracologists from around the globe met to discuss a variety of menial matters when one dracologist went to open the windows and let the sun in. Outside were thousands of completely non-threatening birds, armed with flame throwers, hovering in the shape of a massive dragon. It would soon be learned that they acquired these flamethrowers by raiding a nearby military complex which left hundreds of soldiers de-lighted with their manners and completely willing to part with any and all weapons desired.

    +

    These types of birds in this arrangement would come to be known as the muscae. The muscates that were present that day had some very compelling arguments as to their rightful classification, compelling dracologists to amend the Ordo Draco and include muscae within it. This of course gave the muscae full access to the Meteoric Temple, for obvious reasons. Other amendments to this act included that no one else was allowed to open the windows anymore. This was decidedly the best way to prevent any further tense discussions between the dracologists and ALMIGHTY MUSCAE.

    +

    Since the “Please Don’t Shoot, We’ll Do It” act, dracologists insist that we have nothing further to worry about in regards to the muscae.

    +

    Hmm, my head hurts. +Do not be concerned, all is well.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Protoellipses.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Protoellipses.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8b4e6f4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Protoellipses.html @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ + + +Protoellipses | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Protoellipses

    Heat. Pressure. The taste of metallic air. Trying to scream, but hearing only silence. The weightless sensation of falling. These phenomena and others like them are common in protoellipses (via Greek, lit. protos "first" + elleipsis "omission"), psychic impressions encoded into the Guage Keys by the psychic effects of dragon fire. The term "protoellipsis" originates from dragonfire therapy, where negative phenomenological states are scoured from the mind and crystalized into small, globular crystals. It was believed that only the first mental states thus scoured would crystallize, hence "proto", but later research determined that further states were simply encoded deeper into the crystal. The term nevertheless persists.

    +

    Dragons possess the mental fortitude to endure protoelliptic visions, and some are even known to weaponize them in self-defense. We mortals, lacking such strength, must borrow it. As is well-documented in Gustivus Pulluman's celebrated Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh, regularly consuming dragon meat virtually eliminates the negative effects of protoellipses. Most dragonfire therapists and Guage Key researchers, however, lack Pulluman's ability to slay dragons in single combat, and rely instead on the aid of brainsplainers to withstand the mental stress. Those who forgo such precautions risk suffering from protoelliptic psychic shock, better known by its vulgar name, "key madness".

    +

    Despite the august grandeur of that age in which the Guage Keys were forged, it seems that key madness is as old as the keys themselves. Scholars generally agree that Codex Ingenuous #1446 describes similar symptoms (p. 2):

    +

    Bearing the spiral[1] aloft, so prayed the circle:
    +"What could possibly go wrong? For lo,
    +This key we obtained for talonstains."
    +So they intoned and in minds-eye turned inward,
    +And then heat devoured them all.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracophenomenologist

    +

    [1] The hieroglyph translated here as "spiral" is found nowhere else in the Codex except for a single passage describing the shape of a key thought to be Meklondiche, hence the translation after that key's characteristic shape.

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Rhellgazing.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Rhellgazing.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..eb25fc7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Rhellgazing.html @@ -0,0 +1,64 @@ + + +Rhellgazing | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Rhellgazing

    Is your teen “rhellgazing?” Know the risks!

    +

    Has your teen come home after curfew with darkened eye-pits or a scaly +hide? If so, he or she may have fallen prey to the latest teenage craze: +“rhellgazing”.

    +

    “Rhellgazing” involves staring directly at the blindingly iridescent +walls of the Meteoric Temple from afar, often for extended periods +of time. While unsubstantiated by the Codex Ingenuous, legend +maintains that the practice owes its beginnings to Kelorna the Extremely Confused, who began “rhellgazing” late in her life. The +inspiration for the name, or what the “Rhell” could be, is completely +unknown to modern dragon science.

    +

    Perplexingly, participants are typically unable to describe the +experience, but are drawn to repeat it, and typically gain a fanatical +interest in the dragon sciences. Usually, this fascination occurs at the +expense of their mental faculties and personal identities.

    +

    Telltale signs that your teen has been “rhellgazing” include:
    +* Acne
    +* Defiant behavior
    +* Becoming a pillar of ash
    +* Speaking in unicode

    +

    Just as real as the risks of “rhellgazing” are its associations: the +practice is a rite of passage for several organized crime rings, +particularly those involved in the odious crime of fire-fighting.

    +

    Parents suspecting their teens of “rhellgazing” should attempt to ignite +them – resistance to total incineration is a certain indicator of their +participation in this troubling fad.

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Scorialic_Sea.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Scorialic_Sea.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d859ba3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Scorialic_Sea.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Scorialic Sea | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Scorialic Sea

    A body of water with a most dire history, the Scorialic Sea is home to a number of dragon species,[1] and also boasts a remarkable geography consisting of both fertile and barren islands, ruined by both dragon fire and volcanoes. It is here that the Meteoric Temple is found, built at the mouth of the mighty Woken God.

    +

    The Scorialic Sea boasts of nine islands of various sizes (notice the perfect square again, perhaps inspiring Xemoniphon the Elder in his crafting of both keys and poetry). One island is fertile, no volcanoes being found. One island has two volcanoes, whereas two islands have three apiece. The remaining five have dormant volcanoes, yet mysteriously their lands have not regrown yet, possibly due to their being the location of the forging of the famous Key of Xemonides.

    +

    The Vaticant maintained a strong hold in the sea and its surrounding lands. It wasn’t until the end of the Third Meteoric Dynasty where the noble dracomonks attempted to forge unanimite keys without the proper metaphysics in place. A psychical backblast from the Loong destroyed most Vaticant presence, leaving only the Meteoric Temple standing. It is postulated that famed dracoscientist Kelorna first developed her extreme confusion due to this backblast, leading to her rise to fame, a rise only matched by her descent into actual confusion. It is due to her research at the Scorialic Sea that we have Keys 138 and 134 3/2, and so we key scientists owe both the psychic backblast and the esteemed scientist Kelorna a great debt of gratitude.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 2+2

    +

    [1] Of note, the Turtledragons and the Elder Sea Serpents (some question the latter)

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Seasonal_Enrollment_for_the_Underground_Academy_for_Gifted_Minds.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Seasonal_Enrollment_for_the_Underground_Academy_for_Gifted_Minds.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ebb4166 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Seasonal_Enrollment_for_the_Underground_Academy_for_Gifted_Minds.html @@ -0,0 +1,105 @@ + + +Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    In times of confusion and controversy, the Council of Bardslayers holds a contest to see +which Bardslayer can best determine the facts of the matter. This contest is one of the few +opportunities for a Bardslayer to advance in rank.

    +

    In recognition of services rendered in the noble cause of fact-checking, the Council of +Bardslayers hereby awards the Order of the Mighty Pen to contender Yedevek Ilron for +this excellent Slaying.

    +

    +

    In light of recent events, it seems like a breath of sanity is in order. I fear I will not +be much help in bringing peace to the dead or consoling the living; my talents are better +suited to enlightening the confused. As such, I have answered the questions which have come +up most frequently in the controversy surrounding Underground Academy's Enrollment Festival.

    +

    Q: What is the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds?

    +

    A: UAGM boasts of being the "highest ranked university" for Enigmatology. While this claim +is technically true, that is due to UAGM being located aboard a ship in orbit. +However, UAGM still enjoys more favorable critical reviews than its competitors, which supporters +claim is due to some combination of its relationship to the Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act, the presence +of international superstar Gustivus Pulluman among its faculty, and privileged access +to the largest portion of the Appendices Ingenuous known to exist in one place.

    +

    Anonymous critics of UAGM argue that the actual reason is that UAGM uses orbital bombardment +to keep its competitors in check. UAGM spokespeople have replied that it is easy to make +anonymous accusations, and that if these critics really believed in what they were saying, +they would reveal their name and address.

    +

    UAGM is also famous for its comprehensive code of ethics, which, among other things, forbids +research on anyone but criminals, while +declaring it a crime to be a research subject.

    +

    Q: What happened at the Enrollment Festival?

    +

    A: Kelorna the Extremely Confused, thought to have been rehabilitated, was revealed +not to be rehabilitated. She had enrolled as a student in the incoming class, and those +close to her had reported that she seemed to have changed for the better. However, during +the traditional icebreaker and assassinate-off, there was a surprise showing by the +muscae, followed by what eyewitnesses describe as a triumphant shout from +Kelorna, who then said:

    +

    It worked! By the gods, it worked! They thought they could stop me with mere dragonfire, +but they couldn't stop me from storing my consciousness in a dragon-shaped flock of +telepathic birds with flamethrowers! Now the Codex shall +be mine at last! All has gone according to my design!

    +

    Witnesses say that was when the engine compartment exploded.

    +

    Q: Why did the engine compartment explode?

    +

    A: Though there is still uncertainty regarding what, precisely, occurred, first responders report +finding the body of some poor unfortunate occupying the same physical space as the main +engines, Meklondiche clutched in one hand in a death grip. When word spread that Meklondiche +had shown up in the engine compartment, the resulting attentional shift is theorized to have +collapsed the ontological indeterminacy and warped every third molecule +out of the engine compartment and into an unknown dimension, resulting in the explosion that +left UAGM in freefall.

    +

    It is likely that this was just a freak accident. Meklondiche had recently been the subject +of an extensive email chain, and to calculate this precise outcome would truly require an +intellect more vast and terrifying than the Wheelmind's. It is hard to imagine what +grievance +such an entity might have against UAGM.

    +

    Q: Is Gustivus Pulluman okay?

    +

    A: Yes, as soon as they finish replacing his other arm.

    +

    Q: What happened to Kelorna?

    +

    A: According to witnesses, after the explosion occurred, she attempted to access the Codex +archives with her new student ID card, but was stopped by a woman eyewitnesses are referring +to as "Kelorna's Good Twin." It is unknown who she is or where she came from. We only know +that she was skilled enough at hand-to-hand combat to fight off a dragon-shaped swarm of birds +by herself, and that after driving the villains away she vanished, pausing only to reclaim +a unanimate lunchbox that UAGM professor Ersatz Scriver was +using as a hat while muttering something about getting back into disguise.

    +

    Kelorna's whereabouts are currently unknown. We can only hope that this mysterious protector +is up to the task.

    +

    Q: Did Atherton Guage set up these events as part of his eternal quest to thwart Kelorna?

    +

    A: Talonstains, A CONCERNED, he's been dead for centuries! That's completely improbable! +How many times do I have to tell you that chain letters don't count as peer review? +Don't bring this up again until you have actual evidence!

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 1st class

    +
    + +
    + + +
    ← Previous
    +
    + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Surf_and_Turf.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Surf_and_Turf.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f9963cc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Surf_and_Turf.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Surf and Turf | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Surf and Turf

    Surf and Turf describes a wide variety of meals including meat elements from both seafood and some form of land-based meat. Popular choices for the seafood element may be lobster, giant rock crab, or salmon, while the “turf” can be anything from beef rib to dragonsteak. Certain, particularly skilled and artistic artists pair closely related meats, such as fatty sea wyrm cutlets and yellow dragon rib to show off subtle and expert handling in the art of comparison.

    +

    Surf and Turf, while a challenging meal, offers great reward to those who master it. Above all else, the versatility in choosing from infinite combinations and pairings mean that each preparation is filled with personality and artistic vision. The key is finding a unifying factor, and exploring the differences from there. Some food critics prefer the earthy, poultry flavor of cockatrice, complemented with the salty licorice strandiness of Elder Sea Serpent. The small, confusing people, on the other hand, may enjoy the simple, but effective, combination of shrimp and ground hydra in a burger or chili.

    +

    From the remaining portions of Index Ingenuous, we know that dragonflesh operates differently than any other types of meat. Notably, for practical purposes, the muscles tend to grain in spurious and odd directions. While beefsteak and salmon should generally be cut against the grain, this presents a problem for preparing either aquatic or terrestrial dragon, but as with all problems in cooking, this simply offers more possibilities. One can try to find a major grain to cut against for tenderness, or slow-roast the meat, so it will flake anyways.

    +

    For instructions and guidance on beginning your own journey towards culinary greatness, visit any local bookstore and simply ask for Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh, available now.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Talonstain.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Talonstain.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b9f8f76 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Talonstain.html @@ -0,0 +1,66 @@ + + +Talonstain | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Talonstain

    Though no dragon has initiated a conversation with a human since the years of the Dragon +Emperors, they will still converse with Fireminds who engage them in the Firetongue. +As the Firetongue can only be heard or spoken to another's soul, it is impossible for +bystanders to glean direct insight from these conversations, and of course the Fireminds +do not speak of what they have learned. However, Fireminds often pick up unusual linguistic +habits, including some telling additions to their vocabulary. The most common addition is +the draconic swear word "talonstain." No precise definition is needed, I think, to +understand what is meant of the person so labelled, as well as some hints as to how the +noble ones judge a person's worthiness. But we do find some interesting usage among the +authors of the Codex Ingenuous (who were, of course, all Fireminds, with the obvious +exception of Kelorna the Extremely Confused), some examples of which I share below.

    +

    In the Chronicles of Wayn, the anonymous poet writes (ln 45,559-45,562):

    +

    As falls upone the Foe, with mightie furnace-breaths, / So did great Pulchroon, +deep-tyrant, reduce to / Talonstains the manlings' fears. (This comes, of course, from +the Steingaärd translation.)

    +

    We see here that the word "talonstain" carries connotations of a thing reduced to nothing, +usually in the context of a violent struggle. (This framing is shared with depictions of +the dragon therapist Pulchroon elsewhere in the Codex.) The word easily makes the jump to +the metaphorical, as seen in Jeminus's "Rout of the Philosophies" (CI #782, p. 27):

    +

    And Dragon-King Goortros spake, saying, Ye fools, knoweth ye not that your wisdom is +but talonstains? Lo, Thraxmanides accosted me, saying, all is that is and all is not that +is not, but where are his words now that I have eaten him?

    +

    But of course the word sees simple pejorative use in the Codex as well, as per the Elder +Fürth's Commentaries on his earlier Transgressive Dialogues:

    +

    All you talonstains need to just shut up and let the actually enlightened folk do the +talking. Okay? Okay. (CI #1445, p. 394)

    +

    As a personal note, the above quote hangs above my door.

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Beautiful_Cupcakes_of_Dr._Ophelia_Gumphry_from_the_Undergrou.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Beautiful_Cupcakes_of_Dr._Ophelia_Gumphry_from_the_Undergrou.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ef3cefc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Beautiful_Cupcakes_of_Dr._Ophelia_Gumphry_from_the_Undergrou.html @@ -0,0 +1,61 @@ + + +The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    An excerpt from The Lit-Ass Dank Fire Mixtape of MC MOTHER: Track 69:

    +

    My name is A CONCERNED and I’m here to make it clear
    +Errybody knows cupcakes be why I’m posting here
    +Ophelia came around and destroyed my pure elation
    +By crediting herself for my beautiful creation
    +The underground academy likes to think they’re so righteous
    +But what you don’t know is that those fuckers are spineless

    +

    So let me tell you the deal-ia
    +My recipe stolen by Ophelia
    +Don’t believe the mainstream stigma
    +She stole it an hid it outside the Enigma

    +

    My rap game is a dream
    +Eco-kitchen has gone green
    +My cake recipe so mean
    +Acclaimed by the Dean
    +My ingredients so lean
    +More flavor than Pulluman cuisine
    +Gifted minds behind a screen
    +Need the one thing you have seen
    +My cupcakes are the thing
    +But they’re on a space submarine

    +

    *mic drop*

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Educational_Exploitation_of_Dragon_Fire.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Educational_Exploitation_of_Dragon_Fire.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..886d61f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Educational_Exploitation_of_Dragon_Fire.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire

    As we all know from the stories of our youths, Dragon Fire is a fierce and powerful tool that has been feared and loved by the many. As we’ve come to learn further, it can be and has been harnessed in many additional ways to benefit the education of all.

    +

    Some of its earliest recorded contributions can be seen in its forging of the five hundred and seventeen keys to the famed Guage Enigma, Dragon Fire’s unique smelting qualities were the only way such delicate work could be achieved as seen in the unparalleled details in the protoellipses found in all keys (currently known of) to the Guage Enigma, most observable in Epiliton.

    +

    Other notable instances where Dragon Fire has made positive contributions to society can be traced back to its groundbreaking applications in behavioral correction. Some of the worst criminals were easily made into perfect citizens after a few quick 20-hour sessions of Dragon Fire therapy. One of the greatest successes of the 62 cases where Dragon Fire therapy was used can be seen in the case study of Client 23. While the average temperature of Dragon Fire ranges between 84°C – 73,826°C, it is still unknown how to predict the exact temperature that will be produced at will until it has already been released from the mouth of the dragon (R.I.P. Clients 1- 5, Client 8, Client 11, Client 13, Clients 16-20, Client 22, Clients 25-47, Clients 49-57, and Client 62).

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Financiers_Invisible.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Financiers_Invisible.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4133335 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Financiers_Invisible.html @@ -0,0 +1,49 @@ + + +The Financiers Invisible | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    The Financiers Invisible

    Competing interests

    +

    The authors of the Lexicon declare that they have no competing interests.

    +

    Funding

    +

    The Lexicon Draconium was supported by draconotary grant award █████████ from the Financiers Invisible[1][2][3].

    +

    Acknowledgements

    +

    We thank Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine for not stealing the manuscripts, and Deepmaw the Sophisticated for eating Reviewer #2[4]. We thank the Financiers Invisible for not stealing our dreams with their long, ethereal fingers, the cursed digits of bodies ████████████████████████.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracopublicist

    +

    [1] Okay, I think we're safe here. For some reason, the taxmen can't read footnotes. The Financiers Invisible are a secret society of beings whose original forms are unknown. A freak Literarosphere accident resulted in their physically visible forms being erased, but they remain with us in the form of ghostly psychic revenants, forever wailing about incentive taxes and departmental audits.

    +

    [2] Since they're invisible, it is difficult to evaluate the innumerable claims that the Financiers are responsible for this or that historical event. Such claims are usually dismissed as just-so stories, but some have gained minor traction among dracohistorians. The most well-supported of these is the recent theory that the Financiers funded the Great Merchant, explaining how he was able to make such risky business ventures.

    +

    [3] There are few records of attempted resistance against the Financiers, but no records of a Financier ever being killed. This has led to a variety of folk tales about their resilience, most popularly that only the way to kill one is the intense flame of a Loong held by a pure maiden.

    +

    [4] We don't thank him for the warning that we're next, as long as Pulluman doesn't open the damn window again. Ilron, did you buy those padlocks yet?

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Woken_God.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Woken_God.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2e4a48e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/The_Woken_God.html @@ -0,0 +1,67 @@ + + +The Woken God | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    The Woken God

    We mortals revere dragons for being larger, angrier, and more fiery than us. We imagine +that the dragons have no corresponding entity, but this is not true, because there are +indeed entities larger, angrier, and more fiery than dragons: that is, volcanoes. And none +are larger, angrier, or more fiery than their holiest volcano: "The Woken God", or, as +the dragons call it, "Woaorarglarghrargh". (The usual caveats about draconic transliterations +apply here.)

    +

    Writings about Woken God are, of course, highly intertwined with the history of the +Codex Ingenuous, being that it was written upon the mountain's heart. And rightly does +de Sobrel note that "dragon science could never have reached the heights +it has if not for the [...] Index Ingenuous", as it was the latter text that revealed the +long-lost hieroglyphic arts of the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians, +whose city was discovered abandoned inside the mountain. As an aside, it is important +to note that de Sobrel is being completely literal here: the aforementioned arts made the +upper reaches of the volcano passable to enterprising scholars for the first time.

    +

    Set atop Woken God is the Meteoric Temple, the draconic monastery that many know as +the Vaticant. Though the dracomonks heavily encourage mortal study of the noble ones— +one recalls Hlurfo Heiferbane's somewhat cheeky jest that frærthe glursha nel kibbtr poom +enr sagatha simmimür (though some, e.g. Hannon et al, have suggested he was actually +making a veiled analogy about the tax policies of his day)—they are notoriously silent on +the inner workings of their worship of the mountain, or of the Meteoric Order in general.

    +

    One cannot conclude an epigraph on the Woken God, of course, without quoting the final words +of the esteemed explorer Zeminih Sutoba (CI #716, p. 30):

    +

    In all my living days, never have I seen such grandeur, a landmark ablaze with such beauty. +Behold, she burns, and I am set alight. Put me out, Senethal. For God's sake, Senethal, +stop writing and put me out. Forget history, I'm on fire here. Aruogarlagraeh. [Note: again, +draconic transliteration is difficult, and scholars are divided on what exactly Sutoba was +trying to say. For further discussion see Gloorville's Rise and Fall: The Fates and +Fame of the Great Eastern Explorers.]

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Third_Dynasty_of_Meteora.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Third_Dynasty_of_Meteora.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4dc9937 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Third_Dynasty_of_Meteora.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Third Dynasty of Meteora | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Third Dynasty of Meteora

    The Third Dynasty of Meteora is universally renowned for it's poetry and art. +While efforts have been made to preserve these cherished gifts of the past, it is known that the artistic type are a jealous and bitter people in the shadow of The Woken God. Many speculate that this may have to do with the mind altering effects of the temple walls.This is of course seen in the fact that all records of the second halves of the first and second dynasty’s records are missing and there are no records of the 4th-9th dynasty's’ accomplishments either.

    +

    In truth, no one really knows what dynasty we are currently in anymore, thanks to Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine. The very few records left behind from the third dynasty are mostly those of Xemoniphon who was a striking seventeen years old at the time of his death. This was an exceptionally long life for someone at this time.

    +

    Other notable discoveries from the third dynasty:
    +*Most draconic or “firetongue” translations follow either haiku format, iambic pentameter, or are meant to be sung
    +*Dragons cannot fly backwards
    +*With the creation of every key, there must be a life paid in sacrifice to it's creation
    +*The term “CONCERNED” is actually from root “CONSCERNUS” in draconic language meaning “SLOW MINDED, DAFT, or LEARNING IMPAIRED”

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Thrognurith_the_Dragon_Rider.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Thrognurith_the_Dragon_Rider.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3de5988 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Thrognurith_the_Dragon_Rider.html @@ -0,0 +1,40 @@ + + +Thrognurith the Dragon Rider | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Thrognurith the Dragon Rider

    The madman responsible for not only the horrific crime of the extermination of draconic families Conformata, Porca, and Sirena, but also of intellectual crimes including the destruction of all but a few fragments of the knowledge of this now extinct species, the theft of the Codex Ingenuous, the theft and subsequent tearing asunder of the only known key whose protoellipses surpassed even those of the Key of Xemonides. He disappeared after a botched attempt at thievery at The Woken God, foiled by not only the dracomonks, but also by the Great Merchant Hans and the well-known thief Petrine in the only recorded instance of them being publicly seen together. In an amusing turn of events, Thrognurith was run out with Muscae swarming over him, hence the now well-known name which, when lost in translation, leads one to believe that he rode dragons himself.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 2*2

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Turtledragons.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Turtledragons.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d8376de --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Turtledragons.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Turtledragons | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Turtledragons

    Turtledragons (not to be confused with Turtledoves) are a classification of dragons endemic to the area around the volcanic islands of the Scorialic Sea. Their semi-protoelliptic bumps, many, many sharp teeth, and propensity to spit electrically-charged oil at prey differentiate them from otherwise docile sea-turtles. Although they are a popular draw for tourists, especially around breeding times, leading dracosociologists note the high rate of amputations resulting from turtledragon-spit-related-accidents reflects a seemingly high disregard for personal safety.

    +

    Due to recent legal kerfuffle, it is currently illegal to consume the mild, bubbly flesh these species are famous for. Recent social movements (seemingly tracing back to a series of spam messages) make broad, improbable claims about “major population decline” and “disappearing herds”. This legislation technically allows for the breeding of turtledragons, but given their propensity to deflate in any enclosure, this solution seems untenable for the bold, electrifying chefs of today.

    +

    Turtledragons’ lineage is a subject of much scientific debate. Some scholars think turtledragons evolved from dragons which, after evolving a hard shell in terrestrial swamps, moved back into the sea, and their resemblance to sea-turtles is a product of convergent evolution. Other scholars argue the teeth, markings, and spit are evolved from a sea-turtle to begin with, and their resemblance to dragons stems from convergent evolution on the other side. Yet others believe that the species is a product of interbreeding between dragons and sea-turtles, or intermediate stages. Notably, none of these lineages account for their specific locality in the Scorialic Sea. Never mentioned in the known pages of the Index Ingenuous, ecologists are reduced to wild speculation and discordant and unreliable means of population measurement.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Unanimite.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Unanimite.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..815819a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Unanimite.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Unanimite | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Unanimite

    Dear Authors of the Lexicon,

    +

    It has come to my attention that the artisinally-crafted unanimite lunchbox I won from the raffle at last year’s Lexicon sweater party was stolen from the community refrigerator. I know that the thief must have taken it sometime in the last 3 day (4 day?) revolution of the Guage Enigma.

    +

    I will remind you that unanimite is expensive, having been created only in a small quantity by Kelorna to turn excess “real world” heat energy quanta into meaningful development of the Literarosphere. Of course, this has the delightful consequence of causing the box to maintain a permanent and comfortable thirty-six-point-eight degree temperature, but I wouldn’t expect a lunch-pilfering mongoloid such as yourself to have an appreciation for the metal’s finer technical merits.

    +

    Gustivus, if this was you again, I swear to God, I’ll see to it personally that the fireminds replace your other arm too. While moxie is an excellent spice, it’s best served warm and untainted by property crime. I think your estranged culinary mentor would agree. Need a “brash” new idea? Don’t 👏 steal 👏 my 👏 lunch.

    +

    This is a transcendental and valuable artifact, and isn’t some inconsequential container you can take in and out of the refrigerator – it is my lunchbox, and I demand that whoever took it return it immediately.

    +

    Fie on you, filthy food thief! Don’t make me fix my caps lock key!

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Unicode.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Unicode.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ef6e917 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Unicode.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Unicode | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Unicode

    Found among the papers of Heraclitavian de Sobrel during his sick leave

    +

    +

    Unicode, also known as unus codex, is a strange and recent phenomenon in which persons become catatonic and speak only in a quasi-artificial, monotone dialect about "making one the Codex". Such individuals tend to become highly motivated to collect the disparate sections of the Codex -- an admirable impetus, except that these individuals do not do something so useful to dragon science as seek out lost or stolen sections of the Codex. Rather, they seem to work towards gaining access to extant dragon science research archives. In cases where unicode-afllicted individuals have accessed these archives, they have stolen the Codex materials. This is all according to plan.

    +

    While it was previously thought that rhellgazing caused unicode, recent studies suggest that the causality goes the other way, and rhellgazers who speak in unicode generally showed signs of unicode before beginning to rhellgaze. On this basis, some experts have suggested that we include more dragon meat in our diets, since dragonflesh-rich diets seem to counter the effects of unicode. In these troubling times, I think we ought to ignore this advice.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracopsychologist

    +

    P.S. Don't put this part into the Lexicon, but I have in my possession a rare -- possibly unique -- copy of a missing Appendix page that makes a reference to a mind control spell that was used against the Wheelmind. The referenced Codex page is one of the missing ones (isn't it always?) but there's enough here that I'm beginning to suspect that unicode is actually this spell. Say, it's kind of stuffy in here, isn't it? I know the amendments to the Please Act forbid opening windows, but the flock of birds hovering outside my window is telling me I could really use some fresh air right now...

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/What-could-go-wrong-ism.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/What-could-go-wrong-ism.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4087508 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/What-could-go-wrong-ism.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +What-could-go-wrong-ism | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    What-could-go-wrong-ism

    hey everyone! This made me LOL super hard so I had to share!! have a blessed day!

    +

    4 Soul-Bending Facts About What-could-go-wrong-ism That Can’t Possibly Go Wrong™

    +

    1. As most are aware, ‘What-could-go-wrong-ism’ is a fundamental mindset shared by dragon scientists. Its mastery and continual exercise are essential to understanding dragons – After all, if any one possibility of catastrophe could be predicted in the act of examining, discussing, or even thinking about dragons, scholars might abandon their studies out of fear. However, by professing absolute perplexity toward any specific danger, scholars march bravely on into the blazing unknown. What Could Go Wrong, indeed!

    +

    2. The phrase “What could go wrong?” is supposedly used in casual conversation by dragons with the intention of distracting the other party. While the question is pondered (since all inquiries from dragons are assumed profoundly meaningful), the dragon gains a brief moment to telepathically invite guests to the imminent barbecue of their conversational partner. Neat, huh? What Could Go Wrong?

    +

    3. What-could-go-wrong-ism also permits advances in the study of Protoellipses. Some scientists suggest that the “psychic impressions” crystallized in each protoellipsis could be superposed to reconstruct a complete and working (but somewhat crispy) consciousness to tell us of the missing keys. Of course, this might also result in a sapient, mind-ravaging horror – but fear not! After all, What Could Go Wrong?

    +

    4. One popular theory for the sudden inactivity of The Financiers Invisible is that the moment of the organization’s very creation was half-stolen from them, causing them to be half-erased from history. Of course, dear reader, you may be concerned that setting a precedent for this kind of ex machina time-travel into the Literarosphere may be dangerously exploitable. However, thanks to the convenient doctrine we so cherish, there’s no need to worry – What Could Go Wrong?

    +

    If you liked this article, you might also enjoy: ’7 Dragons So Adorable You Won’t Even Know How To Whaaargblalngnaaarh!’

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Xemoniphon_the_Elder.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Xemoniphon_the_Elder.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..32213c4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Xemoniphon_the_Elder.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Xemoniphon the Elder | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Xemoniphon the Elder

    Xemoniphon the Elder is a famed artist who lived in the Third Dynasty of Meteora, which in itself was no easy feat. Most famous for the Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder, Xemoniphon’s works in philosophy, poetry, numerology, and baking culminated in the creation of many keys, apparently at the behest of none other than Atherton Guage himself. The exact number of keys created in Xemoniphon’s time is unknown, as is his particular role in their creation.

    +

    Unlike many other figures of his time, certain details of Xemoniphon’s life are known, both from the Codex Ingenuous and other firsthand artifacts, surviving despite (or perhaps because of) his mortality. Indeed, many such documents seem to reference his impending death. From a love/hate-letter from Fiona the Too-Young-To-Die to Wilfred the Impulsive, we know he was accidentally conceived during a particularly distressing act of ingenuosity by Kelorna the Extremely Confused. He took an apprenticeship at the remains of a library where he was tasked with reconstructing scraps of books, and subsequently fired when the librarian realized he couldn’t read. From there, he took a job at a bakery, where the exposure to dragonfire ovens seemed to change him.

    +

    According to a resurfaced court record, two years after this supposed change in personality, a lawsuit formed of families of customers who reportedly had gone insane upon consumption of his croissants (among the complainants was the wife of a former head-baker in the shop). The suit claimed these croissants used “an unreasonable number of dimensions” and “uncountably finite” folds of butter. This lawsuit was dismissed after Exhibit A reportedly gave the judge a brief seizure, during which the judge absolved him of all blame by blinking wildly and convulsing on the floor. The decision was appealed, but due to double jeopardy laws, fell through. This suit purportedly attracted the attention of many famed scholars of the day, in particular Atherton, as detailed in a parable in the Codex Ingenuous, the Delicious Temptation of the Wheelmind.

    +

    The fame of the Haiku leads some scholars to disregard the importance of his baking, but in truth, baking was the ultimate source of his many skills. For what more performative art is there than in the fleeting bites of a meal well cooked? Xemoniphon pioneered many of the famed dragonfire and keysmithing techniques in his time as a patissier. According to a take-out menu, one of the most popular items served was a cupcake, which tasted exactly how people thought it tasted.

    +

    The death of Xemoniphon is haughtily debated amongst scholars. Some argue that it was an act of Kelorna, others say the roving dragons got to him first, and others point to an intriguing story in the Codex itself, in which he popped into thin air after disproving his existence by a series of petit fours.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Yellow_wyrmidon.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Yellow_wyrmidon.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fdc2ab4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/article/Yellow_wyrmidon.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Yellow wyrmidon | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Yellow wyrmidon

    One of the most famous case studies in dragon conservation is that of the yellow wyrmidon. While its cousin, the black wyrmidon, is still extant across most of the Scorialic Sea, the yellow wyrmidon is now extinct. The yellow-skinned black wyrmidon is hunted at a sustainable rate, since its black licorice taste has only a small but ardent following -- as evident from the mere two entries in Pulluman's Ninety Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh that make use of it, and in relatively small quantities. On the other hand, the black-skinned yellow wyrmidon features in fourteen entries in the same book. Once Dr. Gumphry amended the Underground Academy budget and reallocated the mathematics department's funding to her confection side business on Pulluman's insistence, the increased demand wiped the yellow wyrmidon out. (She has since had to switch to using chidl meat, which explains why the quality has nosedived as of late.)

    +

    The lessons learned from the yellow wyrmidon extinction have since galvanized dragon conservationists to push for legislation protecting turtledragons, which are no longer, whether or not they were before, endangered. This was accomplished largely via mass emailing. These methods have drawn criticism, but mostly from people who caused the problem in the first place, so they probably deserved it. On an unrelated note, attached are the email addresses of all the faculty members of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracoecologist

    +

    <Attachment: Faculty%20Directory.xlsx>

    +
    + + + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/contents/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/contents/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..84257ee --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/contents/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,265 @@ + + +Index | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    There are 48 entries in this lexicon.

    + + + + + +
    + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/editor.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/editor.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..142f99c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/editor.html @@ -0,0 +1,179 @@ + + +Lexicon Editor + + + + +
    +

    Lexicon Editor

    +
    + +
    +
    + + + + + + + + + + +
    # Player:
    # Turn:
    # Title:
    + +
    +
    +
    +
    +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/formatting/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/formatting/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6a6dd77 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/formatting/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,85 @@ + + +Formatting | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +
    +

    Lexipython provides support for a limited amount of Markdown-esque formatting.

    +
    +# Player: PN
    +# Turn: 1
    +# Title: Example page
    +
    +This is an example page.
    +Some words are //italicized//,
    +and some words are **bolded**.
    +All of these sentences are part of the same
    +paragraph.
    +
    +This is a new paragraph.\\
    +Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a
    +line break within the paragraph.
    +
    +This is an [[example citation|Phantom page]]. You can
    +also cite a [[phantom page]] with just the title.
    +
    +~Dr. X. Amplepage
    +
    +

    Each turn, fill out the header with your player information, the current + turn, and the title of your entry. The Player field can be anything + as long as it's the same for all articles you write (even when they're by + different characters). Using your initials is recommended.

    +

    Two line breaks begins a new paragraph. A single line break does nothing, + unless the line is ended by a double backslash (\\).

    +

    Text bounded by ** will be bolded: **bold** produces bold. Text + bounded by // will be italicized: //italics// produces italics.

    +

    To cite another Lexicon entry, use double brackets. Text in double brackets + will cite and link to the entry of the same name: [[Example page]] produces + Example page. Text in + double brackets split with a | will alias the link as the left text and + link to the entry with the name of the right text: [[this text|Example page]] + produces this text. You + must be precise in the entry title you cite to. Citations to + "Example" vs. "The Example" will point to different entries and create + different phantoms, and your GM will probably have to clean up after + you.

    +

    Beginning a paragraph with ~ will right-align it and place a horizontal line + above it. Use this for signing your entry with your scholar's name.

    +
    +
    +

    Example page

    +

    This is an example page. +Some words are italicized, +and some words are bolded. +All of these sentences are part of the same +paragraph.

    +

    This is a new paragraph.
    +Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a +line break within the paragraph.

    +

    This is an example citation. You can + also cite a phantom page with just the title.

    +

    Dr. X. Amplepage

    +
    +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/full.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/full.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c80ac60 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/full.html @@ -0,0 +1,624 @@ +Lexicon Draconium +

    Appendices Ingenuous

    The Appendices Ingenuous are a large collection of documents from Ergniramniphoniclufiville1 before its mysterious depopulation. Although less famous than the Codex Ingenuous2, the Appendices contain a good deal more information, as the Codex consists entirely of diary entries, and the Appendices include everything from religious texts to take-out menus. Fortunately, the Index Ingenuous3 exists to orient those who may attempt to parse such, even if the Index is, in part, misplaced, and almost as confusing as the Appendices themselves. It has been remarked that one who masters such navigation may be able to claim distinction in any number of draco-sciences, regardless of other knowledge or qualifications.

    +

    The location of the Appendices Ingenuous is a complicated matter, but it was not always such. Upon its discovery and compilation, it seems that various documents spread throughout varies universities and academies, with a longstanding pact that any resource must be accessible, in some form or another, to any academic in decent standing. This could be enforced with the full Index, as it detailed where any article may be found. Alas, such is not the case, and since, many articles have disappeared from their institutions. In cases where the loss is discovered, the curators unequivocally point to Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine4 as the culprit, and refuse to comment on the connections between the missing articles and stunningly original academic work produced thereafter. It should come as a great relief to many that many originals of the Appendices are currently stored in the impenetrable Underground Academy, with their strong focus on legalistic ethics and very passable cafeteria.

    +

    The Appendices’ size is directly tied to its source and history. Since, in its time, dragon and human academics often worked together, much of the more academic work is, in fact, translations of other texts. However, the non-academic work should not be undervalued. With such documents, we gain a clearer picture of the most important heroes of the past, contextualization of the Codex, and some of our only information on dracosociology and the restaurants of the day.

    +

    Upon attempting to engage with the text, it should be noted that the units specified often do not correlate with our present-day units, despite similar naming conventions, and this separation only worsens when trying to convert between thus. Even seemingly objective measures, like proportions in the recipe-books, fail to produce repeatable results, despite being highly consistent throughout.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +

    1. Ergniramniphoniclufiville
    2. Codex Ingenuous
    3. Index Ingenuous
    4. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine

    Atherton Guage

    A quixotic and storied figure in Codex1 lore, Atherton Guage is the +subject of so many wildly varying tales that all of them cannot possibly true—a fact, it +must be said, that draws Bardslayer attention like bloody water draws sea wyrms. Given +extant writings on the man, I will merely offer a brief summary.

    +

    Our actual evidence of Guage's life is scant. We know from the Codex Ingenuous that he was +a prominent figure in Ergniramniphoniclufiville2 and a contemporary—and political opponent—of +Kelorna the Extremely Confused3. Though referred to only as the "Wheelmind" in the Codex, +comments by Kelorna in the present day confirm that Guage was her primary opponent during +final batch of experiments that are presumed to have resulted in Ergniramniphoniclufiville's +disappearance. Unfortunately, most of these comments are off-handed references, collected +from the transcripts of her characteristic monologues while e.g. unleashing another doomsday +device or blowing up the current head of government. And since undergoing dragonfire-induced +radical behavior modification therapy4, Kelorna +has ceased being ingenuously "extremely confused", and is now, to all appearances, actually +extremely confused. It seems unlikely she will be able to provide further information.

    +

    Guage's most notable accomplishment, however, needs no immortal supervillain to confirm its +existence. To prevent the power of the Gauge Enigma5 from falling into the wrong hands +(that is, Kelorna's), he brought forth a great working that remains without equal to this day. +Lirian Inkbowels put it particularly well:

    +

    Dark the brow, quick the fingers of the Wheelmind as raised he a bulwark 'gainst the unworthy. +Wheels of fire issued forth from the ground, and the Gauge Enigma[1] was enshrined in the sky, +warded forever. (CI #209, p. 147)

    +

    I hardly need explain at this point that this is why the all-encompassing network of metal +gears in the sky is known as the "Guage Enigma". The ever-shifting patterns among the gears +make for an excellent deterrent for those like Kelorna, who is bad at math. However, it +is unlikely it will stop those like the estimable D. R. Loblaw, whose +groundbreaking6 work7 +on the Guage Enigma would surely advance the field if he were invited to conferences anymore.[2]

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] Some translators alternatively render the phrase εωερυβοδυ διεσ as "Great Secret". +For a number of reasons, the Sel and Kimoth translation, which I use here, elected to stick +with the vernacular.

    +

    [2] Alas, part of this is his fault. I am told that instead of presenting, he just stands +on the podium and mumbles about numbers.

    +

    1. Codex Ingenuous
    2. Ergniramniphoniclufiville
    3. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    4. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire
    5. Gauge Enigma
    6. Epiliton
    7. Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder

    The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    An excerpt from The Lit-Ass Dank Fire Mixtape of MC MOTHER: Track 69:

    +

    My name is A CONCERNED and I’m here to make it clear
    +Errybody knows cupcakes be why I’m posting here
    +Ophelia came around and destroyed my pure elation
    +By crediting herself for my beautiful creation
    +The underground academy likes to think they’re so righteous
    +But what you don’t know is that those fuckers are spineless

    +

    So let me tell you the deal-ia
    +My recipe stolen by Ophelia
    +Don’t believe the mainstream stigma
    +She stole it an hid it outside the Enigma1

    +

    My rap game is a dream
    +Eco-kitchen has gone green
    +My cake recipe so mean
    +Acclaimed by the Dean
    +My ingredients so lean
    +More flavor than Pulluman2 cuisine
    +Gifted minds behind a screen3
    +Need the one thing you have seen
    +My cupcakes are the thing
    +But they’re on a space submarine

    +

    *mic drop*

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +

    1. Guage Enigma
    2. Gustivus Pulluman
    3. Fireminds

    Brainsplainer

    Of all the wooly hoaxes that the so-called "academy" "elites" have pulled over the eyes of the public, no hoax is so wooly nor so far pulled as the "brainsplainer". Touted by its snake-oil salesmen as a way to read protoellipses1 without succumbing to "key madness"2, these conspirators (for that is the only word appropriate to the occasion) claim that the technology has antecedents in the Literarosphere3 of Kelorna the Extremely Confused4. Tell me, when was the last time anything built by that madwoman worked? Hogwash, the lot of it. I've disassambled a brainsplainer, and I can't tell what anything inside it does.

    +

    These carnival hooligans haven't stopped at pushing their wares only on Guage Key5 researchers, either. The latest "studies" (ha! as if) claim that even reading the Codex6 should be done with a brainsplainer, due to proto-protoelliptic effects etched into the magmatic pages themselves. They say that the existence of these effects is a clue to uncovering the catastrophe that destroyed Ergniramniphoniclufiville7 -- but wouldn't that be just so convenient for these "researchers", who no doubt will take such a "result" as an opportunity to ask for more funding?

    +

    In reality, there is probably no such thing as protoelliptic psychic shock. It is a lie sold by dragonflesh butchers to hype up their wares, eaten up by consolation-prize dracoscientists to explain why their protoelliptic research projects keep falling through. News flash: not everyone can do dracoscience with the big boys. I've read every protosllipsis on Epiliton8 twice, and only had three nosebleeds -- and one of those was just because of the pain medication I was snorting. If there were such a thing as key madness, I would have it in spades, but I don't. Explain that, you third-rate hacks.

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    +

    P.S. 'Twas I who stole that unanimite9 lunchbox from the office fridge, and no, I'm not giving it back. Ever since I've started using it as a helmet, the voices have gotten quieter. If you want it back, you'll have to pry it from my cold, oddly-vibrating hands.

    +

    1. Protoellipses
    2. Lexicon Draconium
    3. Literarosphere
    4. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    5. Guage Enigma
    6. Codex Ingenuous
    7. Ergniramniphoniclufiville
    8. Epiliton
    9. Unanimite

    Childarn

    It is frightening the extents to which dragon science will go. The Childarn population was conceived in a glass tube (hence their low quality1 of meat). Their intelligence is unparalleled, and after escaping, due in part to muscae uprising2, they became relatively integrated into society. There have been attempts to study them, but the lifespan of a Childarn researcher is significantly shorter than most.

    +

    Of greater interest is the psychical elements of the Childarn. Their teeth are used in the construction of protoellipses3, and it can be no accident that Childarn have varying amounts of teeth per each individual, but all have a prime number amount, which must be related to the consequent power of prime numbered protoellipsed keys. And here we have arrived at yet another metakey.

    +

    If we are able to unlock the relationship between the Childarn, their diet4, their prime numbered teeth, and ellipses, it may in fact be enough to unlock the Guage, or at least begin production of keys again. Only a perfect square amount of time will tell.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw sqrt(16)

    +

    1. Yellow wyrmidon
    2. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act
    3. Protoellipses
    4. Surf and Turf

    Codex Ingenuous

    The Codex Ingenuous is an ancient manuscript consisting of a large compilation of diary entries by the people of Ergniramniphoniclufiville1

    +

    Entries from the young and old depict eye witness accounts of the times when Dragons flew free and among people with little to no conflict, unless you account for the not-so-infrequent village burnings and missing livestock.

    +

    Many people believe the Codex Ingenuous to be an innocent accounting of the lives of these people with little to no circumstances or implications worth deriving from. There are some people, however, who believe the Codex Ingenuous is not this at all, but instead a series of riddles and clues that hold a grave secret, one that left the people of Ergniramniphoniclufiville2 to mysteriously disappear. The Codex Ingenuous was compiled by scholars in the early 17th century after a group of wanderers happened upon the city, abandoned, with no trace of the previous residents intent to leave or struggle. It appeared that every member of this village between the ages of 8 and 35 kept a journal in the same place, their bedside table, open and exposed directly beside the right end of their beds.

    +

    There are many interpretations between scholars as to the true content of this manuscript, being that the original text was written in hieroglyphics for obvious reasons.

    +

    Speculation aside, only half of the Codex Ingenuous is even accessible today. In the late 18th century, it was split into two parts. One part, stored in the heavily guarded archives of the Vaticant. The second part, stolen by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider3 has been missing, along with him, ever since. Petitions to view and study the Codex Ingenuous are rarely met for any purposes barring the study of dragons.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    1. Ergniramniphoniclufiville
    2. Ergniramniphoniclufiville
    3. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider

    The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire

    As we all know from the stories of our youths, Dragon Fire is a fierce and powerful tool that has been feared and loved by the many. As we’ve come to learn further, it can be and has been harnessed in many additional ways to benefit the education of all.

    +

    Some of its earliest recorded contributions can be seen in its forging of the five hundred and seventeen keys to the famed Guage Enigma, Dragon Fire’s unique smelting qualities were the only way such delicate work could be achieved as seen in the unparalleled details in the protoellipses1 found in all keys (currently known of) to the Guage Enigma, most observable in Epiliton2.

    +

    Other notable instances where Dragon Fire has made positive contributions to society can be traced back to its groundbreaking applications in behavioral correction. Some of the worst criminals were easily made into perfect citizens after a few quick 20-hour sessions of Dragon Fire therapy. One of the greatest successes of the 62 cases where Dragon Fire therapy was used can be seen in the case study of Client 233. While the average temperature of Dragon Fire ranges between 84°C – 73,826°C, it is still unknown how to predict the exact temperature that will be produced at will until it has already been released from the mouth of the dragon (R.I.P. Clients 1- 5, Client 8, Client 11, Client 13, Clients 16-20, Client 22, Clients 25-47, Clients 49-57, and Client 62).

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    1. Protoellipses
    2. Epiliton
    3. Kelorna the Extremely Confused

    Elder Sea Serpent

    Nigh-mythical sea-dragons of legendarily destructive potential, Elder Sea Serpents (taxonomic +name piscis grandis horribilis, of the family Imperatoris1; also known as Leviathans) +are the primary reason that there are no coastal settlements with population in excess of fifty thousand +souls. Whether this is the direct result of Elder Sea Serpent predation or a mere reflection +of their reputation is a matter of scholarly debate; the fact remains that most[1] do not care +to investigate the matter personally.

    +

    Historical accounts suggest that Elder Sea Serpents are native to the Scorialic Sea2, but +there is no small measure of uncertainty here—it is difficult to interpret Elder Sea Serpents' +presence in the historical record. For one, members of the species show little of their +terrestrial cousins' proclivity toward announcing their identities. Compare this passage +from Cullus (CI #445, ln 4603-4606):

    +

    Descended the noble one upon the fold;
    +Boometh he, "I am Greattooth the Large!"
    +And then he devoured them all.

    +

    with this passage from Tarion the Younger (CI #467, p. 217):

    +

    Hungering for flesh of man, from deep the great one rose.
    +"Tell us who you are, o terror," cried the warriors, "that we may worship you."
    +"Gift us with your name, o master" cried the women and children, "that we may die with it on our lips."
    +But he regarded them silently,
    +And then he devoured them all.

    +

    Both passages are quite typical of depictions of draconic feedings, and I could have illustrated +the point with any number of authors. However, Cullus and Tarion the Younger make for an especially +instructive comparison, as they were contemporaries, both writing out of the Carthusian oral +tradition. (Astute readers will note the stock phrase "and then he devoured them all" which +concludes both passages—Carthusian storytellers had a number of stock phrases like these, +which were used to express extremely common ideas.)

    +

    Another interpretive barrier is ancient writers' tendency to introduce Leviathans into their +narratives as metaphors for violent change. Hence, for example, Norwis of Julius's insistence +that the Leper King was carried off by an Elder Sea Serpent, while other contemporary accounts +render it a typical case of the secret taxmen3 disappearing an uncooperative +sovereign. But we cannot safely assume that all such depictions are metaphors, as it is +well-documented that Leviathans sometimes do attempt to make off with heads of state. (See, for +example, the debacle at the Potentate's coronation last year).

    +

    However, a concluding note: these are exciting times, and more of the Codex Ingenuous4 is +discovered every day. I have the fullest confidence that the truth will win out over the stories +in the end.

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] My use of the qualifier "most" here is in respect of the, if you'll pardon the editorializing, +utter maniacs5 who hunt them.

    +

    1. Ordo Draco
    2. Scorialic Sea
    3. The Financiers Invisible
    4. Codex Ingenuous
    5. Surf and Turf

    Epiliton

    The third of five hundred and seventeen keys to the famed Guage Enigma, it remains one of the twelve and one-fifth keys to have been identified and archived. Known mainly for its streamed form and blocky cuts, much ink has been spilt into the anatomy of its overall shape. However, what has not been commented upon in enough volume is the nature of its teeth. Containing no less than 83 protoellipses1, its craftsmanship remains unparalleled (aside from the Key of Xemonides2 for obvious reasons), leading some scholars to posit (incorrectly) that this key may have been used as a prototype for a whole range of novel keys. However, upon looking closer to the shape and form of the teeth itself, one can distinctly detect influences from keys 279 and 14, though it undeniably improved vastly upon their character.

    +

    Alas, were these keys not lost to history we would perhaps be able to unravel some of the origins of the inventions of these keys. Who made them, for what purpose, diabolical or benevolent, and why were they so careless in their storage of such priceless artefacts? Such questions baffle scholars to this day and may never be answered until we properly catalogue the remaining five hundred and four and four fifths keys, truly the challenge of our lifetime.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw IV

    +

    1. Protoellipses
    2. Key of Xemonides

    Ergniramniphoniclufiville

    An excerpt from the Ergniramniphoniclufiville Heights Season 9 finale

    +

    The lights come up on KELORNA and JASON, both seated in her apartment’s infernatorium. JASON appears puzzled and concerned, and KELORNA1 is gesturing wildly, her crooked teeth in a half-smile.

    +

    KELORNA: ...and that’s how I’ll retrieve the Gauge Enigma2, whether that crafty Atherton Guage3 likes it or not!

    +

    JASON: Oh, Kelorna, I’ve been dying to tell you… the other night when I was lava-boating with Louisa, it wasn’t how it looked at all --

    +

    KELORNA: I’ll be right back; I’ve got to go engrave my plan on the lava slab by my bedside table4.

    +

    KELORNA exits through the upstage crater.

    +

    JASON: Are you writing it on the first half? Or the second half with those nice, perforated, tearable pages5?

    +

    KELORNA (muffled): The second half, you fool! That’s where all the good secrets go. No doomsday device belongs in the first half, only useless personal ramblings! If somebody could find it a hundred years later and overthink its significance, it belongs in the first half -- a doomsday device is far too practical for the first half!

    +

    JASON stands. Soft organ music begins to play.

    +

    JASON: Kelorna… I have a confession. I can’t take it anymore! I’ve… I’ve never loved you at all! Every night, as I fall asleep, I’m thinking of Mildred and the fire that burns eternal in her eyes. After her untimely demise, I don’t think I could ever love again!

    +

    KELORNA: Mildred…? Hmmm… Was she the one I accidentally jettisoned into the Enigma last month?

    +

    JASON: Atherton6 was right to leave you! You’re a monster who can’t understand love! All these doomsday devices of yours… the death-helmet, then the flame-mangler… and now it’s this Literarosphere7 of yours! Will you ever stop plotting the world’s demise for long enough to for another living being to matter to you at all?

    +

    KELORNA: No… Wait, hold on, “love”? Is that why you’ve been living in my apartment?

    +

    JASON: I knew it! I knew this volcano8 wouldn’t be big enough for the both of us! I’d sooner burn in a pool of magma than say another word to you!

    +

    JASON leaps out of a window into the fires below.

    +

    DIRECTOR (from off the set, panting): Wait! We’ve changed our mind! We’ll re-negotiate your contract!

    +

    KELORNA returns, cackling. She is holding the LITERAROSPHERE9 CONTROLS with both hands. The screen fades to fire while an organ in a deliberately unspecified location swells to a crescendo.

    +

    JASON / DIRECTOR (simultaneously): Nooooooooooo!

    +

    Shared by A CONCERNED MOTHER
    +1 like = 1 prayer

    +

    1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    2. Gauge Enigma
    3. Atherton Guage
    4. Codex Ingenuous
    5. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider
    6. Atherton Guage
    7. Literarosphere
    8. The Woken God
    9. Literarosphere

    The Financiers Invisible

    Competing interests

    +

    The authors of the Lexicon declare that they have no1 competing2 interests3.

    +

    Funding

    +

    The Lexicon Draconium was supported by draconotary grant award █████████ from the Financiers Invisible[1][2][3].

    +

    Acknowledgements

    +

    We thank Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine4 for not stealing the manuscripts, and Deepmaw the Sophisticated for eating Reviewer #2[4]. We thank the Financiers Invisible for not stealing our dreams with their long, ethereal fingers, the cursed digits of bodies ████████████████████████5.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracopublicist

    +

    [1] Okay, I think we're safe here. For some reason, the taxmen can't read footnotes. The Financiers Invisible are a secret society of beings whose original forms are unknown. A freak Literarosphere6 accident resulted in their physically visible forms being erased, but they remain with us in the form of ghostly psychic revenants, forever wailing about incentive taxes and departmental audits.

    +

    [2] Since they're invisible, it is difficult to evaluate the innumerable claims that the Financiers are responsible for this or that historical event. Such claims are usually dismissed as just-so stories, but some have gained minor traction among dracohistorians. The most well-supported of these is the recent theory that the Financiers funded the Great Merchant7, explaining how he was able to make such risky business ventures.

    +

    [3] There are few records of attempted resistance against the Financiers, but no records of a Financier ever being killed. This has led to a variety of folk tales about their resilience, most popularly that only the way to kill one is the intense flame of a Loong8 held by a pure maiden.

    +

    [4] We don't thank him for the warning that we're next, as long as Pulluman doesn't open the damn window again9. Ilron, did you buy those padlocks yet?

    +

    1. Surf and Turf
    2. Gustivus Pulluman
    3. Ontological cost
    4. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine
    5. What-could-go-wrong-ism
    6. Literarosphere
    7. Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men
    8. Loong
    9. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act

    Fireminds

    A Firemind is an individual gifted with an innate ability to converse with dragons in a soul-based linguistic pattern known as Firetongue. Although this used to be a universal (well, near-universal1) trait, since the collapse of Ergniramniphoniclufiville2, such persons have become a rarity, with recent censuses suggesting an occurrence of approximately 1:29.

    +

    To-do: Ask Heraclitivian about that recent study, the one regarding communication with Muscae3 when he gets back. Bluh. That guy gives me a headache.

    +

    A Firemind differs not only in their ability to converse with dragons, but in the very way they think. Even the few Fireminds who do not take careers directly related to dragons tend to find success in highly bureaucratic fields, such as in library science and governmental agencies. Since Fireminds tend to excel in unconventional areas of life, their specialized communities and abilities have led to a somewhat contentious division of culture between those who are not Fireminds and those who are. It is not uncommon for regional folklore to demonize those who can speak to dragons. Certain tales call them "soulsuckers" and "lizard-people", and more modern insults attack their organizational tendencies, comparing it to the stereotypical dragon horde. As a result, certain anti-defamation unions were founded to protest this mistreatment. One notable Firemind union, The Dooshbags, even bear one such slur with a sense of pride. Others, like the Bardslayers, try to influence political and social movements in different, subtle ways. And of course, Fireminds have their own set of slurs for those they deem unimportant4.

    +

    Although not many Fireminds choose to become chefs (for quite a few reasons, and with the notable exception of my good friend Ophelia5), many become incredible, if lofty and egocentric, food critics, perhaps owing to their strong ontological forces6 (To-do: Need to cite Dean Loblaw's mathy thingy here).

    +

    When not involved in dragon’s-rights campaigns, Fireminds do important work and are integral members of every community. Through them, we gain key insights into biology, culture, and bureaucracies. Just because they’re a little awkward and a little weird and can occasionally cause your brainstem to feel like it’s vibrating doesn’t make them any less of people.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +

    1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    2. Ergniramniphoniclufiville
    3. Ordo Draco
    4. Talonstain
    5. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    6. Ontological cost

    First Half Dynasty of Meteora

    The First Half Dynasty of Meteora is known for it's groundbreaking studies on protoellipses and the ontology of their numbers. Many dracologists are known for their discoveries at this time, most noteably Atherton Guage1 for his Prime Number Protoellipses case study. Another infamous aspect of Atherton was his public suggestion for Kelorna’s2 controversial therapy which led him to beat her in the political races of that time.

    +

    The First Half Dynasty is also known for it's development of the dracomonks. Meteoric Temple3 leaders scavenged the Scorialic Sea4 for pirates and then subsequently searched the lands surrounding the great Woken God5 for any homeless people with nothing better to do and they took all those people, gave them some flashy robes, changed their names to that of firetongue6, and made them the first true generation of dracomonks.

    +

    Other Notable Successes of the First Half Dynasty:

    +

    *This is when it was first discovered that led piping was poisonous and hence it was all changed out (excluding the piping around all living enemies of the Meteoric Temple)
    +*Dracologists discovered a way to harness the power of The Woken God7 to power the Meteoric Temple in it's entirety

    +

    Other Notable Failures of the First Half Dynasty:

    +

    *Millions died due to the initial led piping of the area due to poison in their waters
    +*Hundreds died in the pits of The Woken God8 in order to power the Meteoric Temple9 which had not yet even discovered electricity.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    1. Atherton Guage
    2. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    3. Meteoric Temple
    4. Scorialic Sea
    5. The Woken God
    6. Fireminds
    7. The Woken God
    8. The Woken God
    9. Meteoric Temple

    Gauge Enigma

    Gauge Enigma (n.)
    +1: Any one of a related series of half-assed hoaxes by so called ‘dracoscientists’ perpetuated to establish their weekend tabletop RPG campaign as a hard science.
    +2: The puzzling fact that anyone could be so deluded as to actually believe in the existence of the so-called ‘Gauge Enigma.’
    + Example: “Golly,” exclaimed John, “it sure would be jolly if we unlocked the Gauge Enigma -- then I could find a respectable position at a real university and my mother might love me again!”

    +

    These bored, cyclomasturbatory Lexicon dim-wits claim that the “Gauge Enigma” contains the key to the perfect cupcake recipe -- an obvious falsehood considering the fact that everyone (even the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians1 I store in a shoebox under my bed, ho ho!) know that creating a perfect cupcake is simply a mathematical impossibility. Furthermore, if there was a perfect cupcake, years of bake sale traditions would have uncovered it by now.

    +

    Go on, you lazy Lexicon hocks. Keep paddling your petty false hoods. Run your snivell{{ll}}lllllling little mouths as you may, you won’t escrape the tooth: the Guage Enigma2 wasn’t meant to keep us out of some ‘Gauge Enigma’ -- it was meant to keep you in, and spare the rest of the universe your talentless nonsense.

    +

    You know hwhat, it’s probably a good thing all you fools are spending so much time jircle cerking about the steupid Guage Eginma. Gauge Schmage! Because speaking about jibberish wastes words, and wasting words is wasting time, and wasting time is wasting honey, the greatest thing since spliced bread. Splined beard is the superior delicacy, as a man of my distinguised tastes understadns. Everoyne snows that. Sad.

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    +

    I don’t need anyboyny’s pteolropielss3. It’s nice. I’m using my own petolrpielses. I don’t care. I’m ralely rtaoianl; I’ll sohw you that. That’s jsut the knid of thnkiing you need for this uinrevse.

    +

    1. Ergniramniphoniclufiville
    2. Guage Enigma
    3. Protoellipses

    Guage Enigma

    Not to be confused with the Gauge Enigma, the Guage Enigma is a complex system of +metal gears covering the entire atmosphere. It is commonly accepted that the Guage Enigma +was created by Atherton Guage for the sole purpose of preventing Kelorna the Extremely Confused1 +from accessing the Great Secret. However, recent scholarship on the Codex Ingenuous2 +has challenged this narrative, and at least from a textural criticism standpoint, their +thesis is quite compelling.

    +

    The initial argument, known as the "Red Herring Thesis", comes from the character of the +Wheelmind himself, as discussed by the anonymous author of CI #206:

    +

    Man or devil—it is not given to man to know the inner thoughts of the Wheelmind. +Once you think you have grasped the scheme behind the scheme, you have but fallen into a +third scheme, and yet none of those schemes had anything to do with his true purpose. (p. 89)

    +

    These sentiments are shared by many sources, apparently including Atherton Guage himself—the +Guage family motto roughly translates to "Never do anything for only one reason." Thus, +the scholars argue, the Guage Enigma likely served some purpose in addition to stalling Kelorna.

    +

    The Red Herring Thesis emerged around the same time as a concurrent development within the +niche field of historical kleidiology. Careful analysis of the Index Ingenuous3 reveals +that the production of keys actually predates the Guage Enigma. Indeed, between the keys' +strange ontological4 and phenomenological5 properties, +it is questionable why such advanced items would be needed to "unlock" a mere assembly of +metal gears, especially when enigmonomers have yet to discover even one keyhole through +telescopic observation.

    +

    Thus, we arrive at what is being termed the "Phylactery Hypothesis", which posits that the keys +were actually designed as repositories for mortal souls. Though there are numerous references +within the Codex to a relation between the keys and the Guage Enigma, they use the preposition +"λεστ"; thus, the phrase "keys to the Guage Enigma" could also be translated +"keys for the Guage Enigma." This rendering would make the keys a means of passage +into or through the Enigma. By the relocation of the soul to an enduring apparatus, a +mortal could theoretically avoid death indefinitely. And indeed, some +immortals6 have hinted that this +is in fact the case for some of the better-preserved keys.

    +

    The Phylactery Hypothesis also sheds new light on ambiguities in the +Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder7. Kleidiologists have long puzzled over his phrase +"forge the seven keys", as over 500[1] keys are known to exist. But suppose that only seven keys +functioned as phylacteries. The pattern "one by four by one by one" corresponds chronologically +to Atherton Guage's known8 key-forging9 activity10; +Xemoniphon, greatest of the Keysmiths, may have been saying that "forging" (in the sense of +"imitating" or "progressing along") Guage's journey of development is necessary to +understand what he was doing—i.e., "Unlock the one Guage".

    +

    If that's the case, then it suddenly becomes clear why eyewitness accounts report that Xemoniphon +vanished into thin air11 after waving around his masterwork12

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] That is, more than seven.

    +

    1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    2. Codex Ingenuous
    3. Index Ingenuous
    4. Ontological cost
    5. Protoellipses
    6. Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg
    7. Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder
    8. Meklondiche
    9. Meteoric Temple
    10. Epiliton
    11. Xemoniphon the Elder
    12. Key of Xemonides

    Gustivus Pulluman

    About the Author

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman is a legendary chef currently living between the Underground Academy, his primary restaurant in The Igneous City, and a private island in the Scorialic Sea1. Despite being 79 (Tickets for his 80th Birthday Bash available now! Featuring The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds2™ and his very own grilled Elder Sea Serpent3), Gustivus doesn't look a day over 30! What's his secret? Many think it's his impressive diet, others say he charmed Time itself, and some think he was just born perfect.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman was born in the small seaside town of Vertrouw de Vogelsniet, where his mother introduced him to the family trade of hunting and preparing yellow wyrmidon4. A simple existence, but Gustivus yearned for more. One expedition, he discovered a hidden cave, and in it, a slumbering drogoanthropic hybrid5. Gustivus snuck in, taking but one item from the hoard. As he crossed the room back towards the exit, a rustling sound from behind froze him in his tracks. The dragon hadn't fully awoken, but the sentient tail had, and slashed out, taking off Gustivus' right arm. He barely managed to swim to shore, clutching his prize. Stumbling back, he saw his town was no more. An elder sea serpent was destroying his humble, beloved fishing village! Gripping his now only possession, Gustivus slew the dragon single-handed, an act which by no means went unnoticed. A Firemind Union, The Bardslayers, finding the wreckage of the village, graciously replaced his arm with a cutting-edge, mechanical stand-in, for naught but a simple favor later.

    +

    Thrilling, incredible adventures aren't all Gustivus is known for. Since that eventful day, Gustivus' profound cooking expertise has won international acclaim. Two of his definitive cookbooks, featuring sensational tales of Gustivus’ travels, are international bestsellers. The Underground Academy6 has awarded him an honorary, never-before-extant culinary doctorate for his contributions to their new Baking division.

    +

    You can't make a proper omelette without breaking a few dragon eggs, and thus it is unsurprising that there are a couple people who don't wholly approve of the Pulluman brand. Some undoubtedly unfair criticisms leveled point to that one time Gustivus needed a breath of fresh air because by God that conference was stuffy as all hell, and a couple birds got in, or when I mistook one lunch for my own, and that other time where my unbridled success led to the extinction of some regrettably delicious species (whose extinctions were probably really the result of some other factor). But it is undeniable that Gustivus is the most influential man of our time, and as long as he's there with that award-winning smile and award-winning roast, nothing can truly ever go too wrong.

    +

    For recipes and more tales of adventure, be sure to check out his critically acclaimed books, Ninety Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh and Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh, along with the new companion book: One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?' available now, for flavorful substitutions, advanced techniques, and even more tales of exploration and adventure.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, Author of the New, Critically-Acclaimed Companion Book One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?'

    +

    1. Scorialic Sea
    2. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    3. Elder Sea Serpent
    4. Yellow wyrmidon
    5. Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg
    6. Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder

    Arguably the most beautiful of anything produced by the Third Dynasty of Meteora1 (aside from the keys produced obviously), this haiku, crafted by famed keysmith, architect, poet, philosopher, and baker Xemoniphon the Elder2, is a metakey to the Guage Enigma. Understanding this enables understanding of the keys, and much like a key, this lovely poem demands understanding, patience, and above all, time.

    +

    Forge the seven keys

    +

    One by four by one by one

    +

    Unlock the one Guage

    +

    Notice how intricate the numerology winds throughout the poem. Seven keys, followed by seven syllables. The first perfect square number followed by the second, followed by two perfect squares. Scholars have pondered how the pattern would have continued had the poem been in different form (perhaps this question forms yet another metakey).

    +

    In any case, Xemoniphon produced this shortly before the fourth set of one hundred keys were produced, and it is an undisputed fact that this haiku enabled Meteora to produce these keys with such swiftness and perfection, and is a vital component of the Codex Ingenuous3. It is therefore of tantamount importance that we understand this metakey posthaste, without it even our discovery of new keys will be moot.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw IV

    +

    1. Third Dynasty of Meteora
    2. Xemoniphon the Elder
    3. Codex Ingenuous

    Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men

    As we know, there are still five hundred and four and four fifths keys missing to the great Guage Enigma. Recent speculators believe that our best lead to find no less than twenty seven more keys lies with Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men.

    +

    Hans, brother of Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine1, is the only merchant to have ever been rumored to deal with both humans and dragons alike. As a firemind2, Hans had the ability to speak to all dragons which no doubt made selling and buying from them a much simpler task. Reason to believe that Hans may have a substantial number of the missing keys is drawn from a few eyewitness accounts, one stated as follows:

    +

    “I saw Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men, he was walking around in golden shoes and dragon scale garments when I heard him say, ‘I’ve got no less than twenty seven keys to the Guage Enigma’ which led me to believe that he must have no less than twenty seven keys to the Guage Enigma. He also has a woman with him, I think her name was…”

    +

    The account ends there as the records have been torn and the rest was stolen.

    +

    Hans is often rumored to have been immortal or otherwise dead. His home rests on the base of The Woken God3 and if there is any hope to finding these twenty seven more keys he is thought to have, it would be found there in his home where he is either alive, dead, or not there at all.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    1. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine
    2. Fireminds
    3. The Woken God

    Index Ingenuous

    Contemporary dragon science could never have reached the heights it has if it were not for the organizational clarity provided by the Index Ingenuous. While the molten pages of the Codex itslf provide the basis on which all of dragon science is founded, the elaborations of the Appendices Ingenuous1 encompass more material than is possible to learn in a human lifetime. It is only through the grand ambitions of the Index that this wealth of material can be made accessible to mortals such as ourselves.

    +

    It is a constant lament of dragon scientists, therefore, that the original Index is missing. Approximately seventy percent of the Index is extant in scans and copies across all professional research teams, and it is suspected that anywhere from two to ten percent of the remaining may be known to private individuals. It is a matter of public record that this unfortunate circumstance is the fault of that dastardly criminal, Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine2 -- or would be, at any rate, if she hadn't stolen the public records of the incident.

    +

    The Index itself is divided into an index proper of significant terms and concepts, a glossary (the shortest section), and a concordance (by far the largest). Nearly half of the glossary is missing from the shared pool of recovered Index pages, as well as some of the most important sections of the concordance.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracohistorian

    +

    1. Appendices Ingenuous
    2. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine

    Kelorna the Extremely Confused

    Widely considered the founder of dragon science, Kelorna the Extremely Confused was a Ergniramniphoniclufivillian1 who, unlike the other members of her village, was not a Firemind. This made her a pariah among the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians. Isolated from her community, she undertook a program of systematic study that would later form the foundations of dragon science. This earned her the ire of her village, as her diary entries in the Codex2 reveal, culimating in some sort of crisis that coincided with the village's disappearance. The strategies of social enginering she developed, which she called "ingenuosity", have continued to shape the culture of dragon science up to the present day. Though the normal sense of the word gives a sense of innocence and a lack of duplicity, Kelorna describes ingenuosity as being like a dragon's smile: shiny and spotless, but full of daggers.

    +

    The true nature of ingenuosity remains something of a unacknowledged consensus. Due to restrictions on studying the Codex itself, the public at large remains ignorant of how explicitly subterfuge is detailed in it. Eggies[1] usually learn quickly through harrowing experience or stolen Kelorna scans. Among professionals, her ingenuous spirit remains alive and well: At the annual Symposium for Extreme Deconfusion held in her honor, the conference rooms are soundproof and fireproof, and fewer researchers leave than enter.

    +

    More subtly, consider the rate at which researchers are eaten by their lab's childarn3 population: despite a chidl being little more than a dragon head with stubby legs, professional dracoscientists are frequently devoured by them just before major research projects are published, which are then taken over by their postdocs. Little is found of these victims except for singed clothing and recently-filed succession papers.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracosociologist

    +

    [1] A diminutive term for interns in dragon science research groups.

    +

    1. Ergniramniphoniclufiville
    2. Codex Ingenuous
    3. Childarn

    Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg

    Kevyn, the only known Drogoanthropic Hybrid to date, has recently remerged from his seven hundred year power nap and made an appearance at the recent Dooshbäg conference hosted by my esteemed collegues in the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds.

    +

    Unfortunately, Kevyn had to be asked to leave after getting into a heated debate amongst fireminds1 on the values of immortality. Given that Kevyn himself is immortal, it wasn’t long until he began referring to his mortal comrades as merely “talonstain”2 and when confronted by the ethics officer of the conference (a class “A” Dooshbäg) he laughed and called him talonstain too, noting that he would outlive any grudge they could hold against him.

    +

    Rumors erupted amongst the class “A” and class “B” Dooshbägs after the encounter resulting in accusations of rhellgazing3 and other popular fads recently spreading in the area. As Kevyn was being removed from the conference, I had the pleasure of discussing the Key of Xemonides4 with him, which he claims to have in his possession and even alluded to the possibility of its immortality providing qualities. Almost immediately after this admission, he took flight and disappeared into the above ground world, his fleshy drogoanthropic scales flailing with a lapping sound in the wind.

    +

    Further insight will be needed to draw any conclusions, but speculation points to a need for this immortal life giving key in order to ever access the Guage Enigma.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    1. Fireminds
    2. Talonstain
    3. Rhellgazing
    4. Key of Xemonides

    Key of Xemonides

    Until The Unnamed Museum acquired the Key of Xemonides, mathematicians had formally, conclusively proven that Protoellipses1 could not be constructed from other protoellipses. They were wrong, and in fact, protoellipses may be constructed from an uncountable recursion of other protoellipses, given a finitely-uncountably deep mental state, as might be achieved by a wide net of population staying brain-healthy and eating a balanced diet of Dragonflesh and higher-order pastries2, as was the case in the Third Dynasty of Meteora3.

    +

    The matter of location for the Key of Xemonides has caused some confusion, which I feel can easily be cleared up. The Key of Xemonides had an unnamed predecessor, here referred to as the protokey, which, after its creation in the Scorialic Sea4, was soon acquired by none other than Kelorna the Extremely Confused5. Noticing its unique structure, she attempted to build the Literarosphere6 around it. Naturally, it exploded, causing the protokey to crack deeply. In a fit of rage, it was torn asunder by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider7 into the Key of Xemonides8. This meant that one layer of the recursion was shed and fragmented, but its layers remained uncountable. Currently, it is reportedly possessed by myself, Thrognurith, Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men9, Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine10, Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg11, and the Unnamed Museum, all of whom / which are fabulously famous, perhaps suggesting a predictive ontological requirement to “steal” this key without at best, turning into a pillar of ash, and, at worst, keyshock. This probably should cause speculations as to the true nature of immortality, and how it applies to the protokey’s shattering and relation to the Literarosphere.

    +

    Everyone knows that the key to a good Key Lime Pie is the stirring implement, and feasibly, there could be none better than the Key of Xemonides. Now, such a powerful dessert might cause pillars of ash or keyshock upon glances, let alone consumption, to an individual without the proper Brainsplainer12, but alternatives exist. Thanks to new technology developed at The Underground Academy, we now have a special process for breeding Turtledragons, and we’re passing the savings onto you! Not only will our Turtledragon meat be available at the best butchers in the land, accessories including Turtledragon Shell Spoons and Oil Gland Firestarters will enable you to create sparkling Key Lime Pies in no time!

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, Author of the New, Critically-Acclaimed Companion Book One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?'

    +

    CONFIDENTIAL: FOR THE EYES OF DR. OPHELIA GUMPHRY ONLY

    +

    We need to do something about her. I fear she’s no longer fully Concerned, and is showing signs of Ingenuosity and re-fragmenting her shattered personality. Since her articles started to leak, we’ve seen a 9% decrease in Dragonflesh consumption, 25% drop in Brainsplainer sales, and only a 1% increase in upper-dimensional baked goods. We need to find an alternate solution to keyshock and dragonfire13. I recommend delaying any publication of the Lexicon Draconium14 until we can resolve this issue. Also, come to my office. I’ve been talking to the Dean and the Bardslayers, and think the final menu for the Birthday Bash is ready.

    +

    1. Protoellipses
    2. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    3. Third Dynasty of Meteora
    4. Scorialic Sea
    5. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    6. Literarosphere
    7. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider
    8. Key of Xemonides
    9. Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men
    10. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine
    11. Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg
    12. Brainsplainer
    13. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire
    14. Lexicon Draconium

    Lexicon Draconium

    Dear Authors of the Lexicon,

    +

    I am done with you and your magazine! In your previous volume, you had the gall to publish a description of a streaming brainsplainer transtelecast1 in your "article" on the brainsplainer2! Is there anyone on your editorial staff who understands the unsubstantiated and obviously existent addictive potential of these devices? Did anyone stop to think that a childarn3 might pick up a "Lexicon" "Draconium" and read that disgusting article? I don't want to have to explain to a chidl4 what a transtelecast is when I don't even know what they are!!

    +

    Maybe your recklessly irresponsible writers are too young to remember -- but when I grew up, I read the Codex Ingenuous without a brainsplainer, and that's reason enough for me to know that they must be strictly dangerous and obviously unethical -- just like sparking water, antibiotics, and plaid!

    +

    Could I have just stopped reading the Lexicon or skipped over that article? Yes, I could have, but it makes me angry that other people might read about a thing that makes me uncomfortable. I will not rest until you've indelibly removed all material that I could construe as threatening to my unspecified and likely inconsistent values from your filthy publication!!

    +

    I only want what's best for the childarn5! Shouldn't you?!

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER!!

    +

    1. Brainsplainer
    2. Brainsplainer
    3. Childarn
    4. Childarn
    5. Childarn

    Literarosphere

    One of the many, many semi-apocalyptic devices constructed by Kelorna the Extremely Confused1 +over the years, the Literarosphere was a compendium of knowledge intended to provide a +companion perspective to the Codex Ingenuous2. The exact technical specifications of +the device remain mercifully unknown, but it's likely that it functioned similarly to a +brainsplainer3, as the brainsplainer development process began with salvaged +pieces of the Literarosphere. However, Kelorna's intent for the device is on record:

    +

    Mwa ha ha! For too long, that fool Guage has hidden the secrets of the Codex from me! +But he was too short-sighted, for merely relocating the Codex[1] is not enough to stop me from +collecting all of it and seizing the Great Secret! With this device, I shall reach into +history itself and reconstruct the Codex—and THEN, I shall RULE THE WORLD! BWA HA HA HA! +COWER, MORTALS! COWER AND BEHOLD![2]

    +

    Unfortunately, while it seems Kelorna intended the Literarosphere to view the historical record +passively, it the device was actually able to effect changes in the past—a possibility +it appears she did not consider4. Naturally, the device subsequently +exploded. It is impossible to prove which changes occurred as a result of the Literarosphere, +as at this point they have always been as they are, but it is a safe bet that any use5 +of unanimite6 before its invention in 1901 is the result of temporally-displaced fragments +of the Literarosphere.

    +

    The Literarosphere was built after the failure of the Omnihammer (a device to turn everything +into nails), and was followed by an unnamed and swiftly abandoned plot to "drown the world +in syrup".[3]

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] Kelorna refers here to the then-recent theft of half the Codex by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider7. No connection between Thrognurith and Guage has ever been proven, and +given Kelorna's characteristic paranoia, it is generally assumed that Guage (circa 2nd +century) had little or nothing to do with the theft (which occurred in the 18th century).

    +

    [2] As quoted in "Until the End of Time": A Brief Biography of Kelorna the Extremely +Confused, Vol. III (Abridged Version) by Dr. Sid Martius, p. 859. Emphasis his.

    +

    [3] Ibid, p. 1003.

    +

    1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    2. Codex Ingenuous
    3. Brainsplainer
    4. What-could-go-wrong-ism
    5. Scorialic Sea
    6. Unanimite
    7. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider

    Loong

    An intriguing species of dragon, noted mainly for their extraordinary flame and unusual intelligence. This breed of dragon became popular amongst keyforgers as their fires were among some of the most potent, to the point where even unanimite1 became malleable, leading to the last 13 and 3/2 keys being exclusively made of this rare substance. Indeed, it was not until we learned of the Loong that we were able to learn of this technique2.

    +

    We keyseekers indeed owe Kelorna3 a debt of gratitude for her studies of this magnificent breed. Due to groundbreaking studies, we have been able to unlock the secret not only of the forging of the last 13 and 3/2 keys, but we were able to uncover the culinary delight that comes only from cooking with the fire from these extraordinary creatures, the nourishment from which provides the fuel to continue our urgent study into the keys and metakeys of the Guage Enigma4.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw IV

    +

    1. Unanimite
    2. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire
    3. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    4. Guage Enigma

    Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine

    I know that other guy was s'posed to write this article, but I kinda felt +like his version was too negative, so here's my corrected version instead, ha ha ha!

    +

    That's right! I stole the article in your little book here!

    +

    Anyways, I think there's a lot of cool stuff about me! Like how I stole that one +special key thingy from the big museum1 and +nobody2 realized until I pointed +it out just now, ha ha ha. Yeah, uh, you might wanna beef up your security a li'l bit, y'know? +Point is, the key in there's a fake, I got no idea how you chumps haven't noticed by now. +And also I'm only thirteen but people already think I look grown-up, cuz I'm just that awesome!

    +

    Ooh, and here's a fun bit of trivia! You know my awesome kickass nickname, Mean Petrine the +Stealing Machine? You know why they call me that? It's cuz when people don't use my +bad-ass tag, I steal whatever they're writing. That's, like, well I guess you don't realize +how hard that is. Like, one time this old gramps got his newspaper all the way +through publication, so, like, I had to go running all around town and mug all the paperboys +and stuff... yeah. Not a super fun night.

    +

    But shyeah, I'm super good at stealing stuff. It's like, dragon hoard? BAM. Stole it. +Top-secret research findings?3 +BAM. Stole it. I'm a stealing machine, baybay. And +I totally got myself adopted by Hans's4 mom, +ON her freaking deathbed. And he was trying to be a good brother, so he brought me along +to stop my buddy Throg5 from stealing more of the Codex6. +Then, while Kelorna7's birds were all going after Throg, +I stole the stuff we were after! Then I stole all Hans's keys, too! Gotcha, bro!

    +

    Take whatever you want and don't give anything away for free, that's my motto! And, like, some +people don't like that, but that's just 'cause they're not good at stealing things, ha ha ha! +When it comes to stealing I am simply the best there is!

    +

    "But Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine, you impossibly beautiful scoundrel, why are you +telling us this? Didn't you just say you never give things away for free?"

    +

    Well thanks for asking, ha ha ha! But, see, I didn't give anything away!

    +

    You know that ignorance you used to have about how awesome and good-looking I am?

    +

    BAM.

    +

    STOLE it!

    +

    Mean Petrine the Stealing Machiiiiiiiine! XOXOXO <3

    +

    1. Key of Xemonides
    2. Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg
    3. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire
    4. Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men
    5. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider
    6. Codex Ingenuous
    7. Kelorna the Extremely Confused

    Meklondiche

    FW: Fw: FW: Found Guage key 71 (Meklondiche)?

    +

    this gave me the goosebumps!!

    +

    I’m so unbearably sorry. I think I found it, but I need help. Please.

    +

    Two days ago, I left to search for it just a few miles north of the spires. +I found it. I found the damned thing in a tidy +spine of chryophite poking through the soot, peeking out like it +wanted me to find it. In my excitement, I extracted it from the rock +without a second thought. However, to my horror, I noticed that the +protoellipses1 were disastrously unbalanced, albeit only after I +had broken it free. I should have checked first, but the Codex2 never indicated that Meklondiche would have been one of the +keys with an ontological cost3. God, I wish I’d checked the +protoellipses first. I’m so sorry.

    +

    Fearing for myself and for anything a few miles around me, I scrambled +for my notes on the Codex, poring over them in the ash until there was +no longer light to see, clutching the key as if my grip could keep it in +this plane. Oddly, the key had not shown any signs of decreation. +Feeling encouraged by this fact, I started to look for a place to sleep. +Not a moment had my thoughts strayed when Meklondiche flickered and +withered in my hand. I knew the cost immediately: attention. Meklondiche +will remain only as long as you give it your thoughts. + +I can’t sleep until somebody else feeds it – I fear that my dreams won’t be +enough. I’m terrified to think what it might take with it were it to +disappear. Please, forward this e-mail to as many people as you can. The +more people think about the key, the safer we’ll all be.

    +

    send this to no fewer than seven distinguished scholars in the next +hour… we can’t afford to lose another!!

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +

    1. Protoellipses
    2. Codex Ingenuous
    3. Ontological cost

    Meteoric Temple

    Otherwise known as the Vaticant, this is the seat of power for the mighty dracomonks, but most importantly, it is where some of the most brilliant keys in history were produced. I have written extensively on the fourth set of one hundred keys, but the remarkable fact of the Meteoric Temple is that this ranks only third on the list of their most notable accomplishments. The First Half Dynasty of Meteora1 laid down not only the framework for the creation of a key, it conducted extensive studies on protoellipses and the ontology2 of their numbers. Atherton Guage3 extensively studied the effects of prime numbers on a key at this site, and in so doing created key 14, or so the stories say. Key 14 is the first key[1] to contain not only a prime amount of protoellipses, but a stunning quantity of 79, a feat that remained unsurpassed until the creation of Epiliton.

    +

    The location of the Meteoric Temple upon The Woken God4 assists with the forging and research of keys, though not without risk5. The lava that constantly erupts upon it makes work hostile, but provides the necessary material and energy to conduct such important research.

    +

    Of a more minor note, some remarkable species of dragons may be found here, the biological study of which6 has little to do with keys, which is surely a shame.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 2^2

    +

    [1] That we know of.

    +

    1. First Half Dynasty of Meteora
    2. Ontological cost
    3. Atherton Guage
    4. The Woken God
    5. Rhellgazing
    6. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire

    Newtprester Resina

    Newtprester Resina, commonly known as Tarworms, is a species of small dragon endemic to temperate freshwater swamps. A harmless, lazy, social creature, N. Resina can most easily be found in high-end ovens for their peculiar, but predictable, quality of fire. Their diet of small bugs and swamp flowers, and lack of natural predators, indicate that their intricate flames may be a product of their social groupings, rather than a defensive mechanism.

    +

    Despite N. Resina’s strong resemblance of sea wyrms, they are more closely related to the Eastern Loong1 than any Western species. N. Resina are easily identified by their size (at most five inches long, including the tail, and three inches wide, excluding the legs), their four long, but fatty, legs, and the sticky, black excretion covering their skin. This substance makes their skins bitter and tough, but the flesh below is buttery and smooth, especially in domesticated varieties.

    +

    N. Resina are one of the few known species of dragons to be completely amphibious, with individuals having been observed to spend all or none of their lives underwater. Certain, far-removed breeds, such as those found tame in the Meteoric Temple2, even possess a capacity for brief, wingless flight, amongst thinner specimens.

    +

    In order to exhale fire, these dragons must first inhale swamp gas, which is stored in their diaphragm. Upon exhalation, an exothermic reaction begins to chain. Curiously, this reaction seems to be untenable above 400F, and as a result, secondary fires burst in the main cloud as the temperature fluctuates. Anthropologists speculate that these creatures produce the infamous “Will-o-Wisps” which lure travelers deep into swamps. In order to make use of this strange property, chefs release bottles of methane gas into the Tarworm enclosure fifteen minutes before needing the fire. Once burning, such a flame can last for over an hour, depending on the size of the swarm of N. Resina.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +

    1. Loong
    2. Meteoric Temple

    Ontological cost

    on·to·log·i·cal cost
    +ˌän(t)əˈläjək(ə)l ‘ kôst/
    +DRACOPHILOSOPHY
    +1. The price, value, or figure put on a person, place, or thing relating to the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being.

    +

    Within everything from the reason you exist in the first place all the way to the best damned baked goods you’ve ever experienced, there is an ontological cost. +The metaphysical properties of dragon fire have been linked to a direct correlation between what is and what is not costly, in the ontological sense of course. +In cases like the noted email chain regarding Meklondiche1 (Guage key 71) , spread by a “concerned mother,” we see the catastrophic effects of misinterpretation. An ontological cost is a simple thing to calculate, as seen below in the approved graph for ontological costs in metaphysics 101 at the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds:

    +

    *Image Unavailable to anyone not enrolled in the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds, ENROLL TODAY!! 2*

    +

    As we see here in the graph (color coded to the common knowledge of corresponding dimensions) it takes a very specific level of thought attributed to the awareness of an object, such as a key, to keep it in its current metaphysical state. Once exceeding a certain point, the metaphysics shift and the dimension in which the object exists will also shift (clearly demonstrated in the above graph), so the poor soul that found Meklondiche has probably been slingshot to a far off dimension by now if that email chain continued at its exponential rate.

    +

    Applying the appropriate levels of attention and awareness to an object, such as my cupcake I had today3, you can fulfil the ontological cost and define the metaphysics of its properties. I, myself, knew there would be no better flavor than that of the tarworm4 and therefore that is the delicious flavor I tasted as I bit into my prize winning cupcakes.

    +

    It is important that I also note the dangers of opening spam mail from uncredited sources. +Do not mess with the imbalances of ontological cost, because we all know what happens to those who do5.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    1. Meklondiche
    2. Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    3. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    4. Newtprester Resina
    5. Kelorna the Extremely Confused

    Ordo Draco

    Dragon scientists recognize 14 families of dragons under the order Draco, following the classification first proposed by the Empyreal Compendium of Beneficent Wisdom. The families are, briefly:

    +

    Imperatoris - Imperatorids, also known as "greater dragons", are the largest dracoforms, with most genera having wingspans and body lengths in the tens of meters. The extinct[1] species Sacramerda maxima is conjectured to have had a body length on the order of a hundred meters.
    +• Condentes - Most smaller dracoforms are condents, such as tarworms1, though some condents are larger. Most condents have highly adapted dermal tissue suited to their environment.
    +• Conformata, Porca, Sirena - Conformates, porcates, and sirens were all hunted to extinction by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider2, who then destroyed most of the scholarly corpus on them.
    +• Fabulosa - The fabulosates are a now-extinct family of dracoforms characterized by being entirely fictional.
    +• Canes, Conjecta - Canids and conjectates are characterized by their unique spirations. Canids utilize unique methods to generate heat, while conjectates utilize chemical reactions that draw heat out of the target to freeze it rather than combust it.
    +• Trementes - The only trement genus is Utinsanus, which was given its own family after it made the other imperatorids uncomfortable.
    +• Innumerabiles - We do not speak of Innumerabiles[2].
    +• Picta - Pictates are theorized to exist, but have yet to be observed.
    +• Cetera - The ceterates consist mostly of dracoforms that dracologists haven't succeeded in classifying elsewhere.
    +• Frangentes - Frangents are distinguished from other dracoforms primarily by their morphological adaptations for complex mating calls, which are also used for weakening solid structures prior to breathing fire.
    +• Muscae - Flocks of birds in the shape of a dragon, muscates were not classified in the order Draco until they raided a military complex and made off with the flamethrowers. After a tense standoff at a dragon science symposium3, dracologists agreed to write them into the draconic taxonomy.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracophylogeneticist

    +

    [1] We hope.

    +

    [2] Or else.4

    +

    1. Newtprester Resina
    2. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider
    3. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act
    4. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire

    Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act

    A historic moment for the annual Dragon Science Symposium was recorded when a new Act was signed into place known as the “Please Don’t Shoot, We’ll Do It” Act.

    +

    It had been a rather dull but sunny day as the leading dracologists from around the globe met to discuss a variety of menial matters when one dracologist1 went to open the windows and let the sun in. Outside were thousands of completely non-threatening birds, armed with flame throwers, hovering in the shape of a massive dragon. It would soon be learned that they acquired these flamethrowers by raiding a nearby military complex which left hundreds of soldiers de-lighted with their manners and completely willing to part with any and all weapons desired.

    +

    These types of birds in this arrangement would come to be known as the muscae2. The muscates that were present that day had some very compelling arguments as to their rightful classification, compelling dracologists to amend the Ordo Draco3 and include muscae within it. This of course gave the muscae full access to the Meteoric Temple4, for obvious reasons. Other amendments to this act included that no one else was allowed to open the windows anymore. This was decidedly the best way to prevent any further tense discussions between the dracologists and ALMIGHTY MUSCAE.

    +

    Since the “Please Don’t Shoot, We’ll Do It” act, dracologists insist that we have nothing further to worry about in regards to the muscae5.

    +

    Hmm, my head hurts. +Do not be concerned, all is well.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    1. Gustivus Pulluman
    2. Ordo Draco
    3. Ordo Draco
    4. Meteoric Temple
    5. You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!!

    Protoellipses

    Heat. Pressure. The taste of metallic air. Trying to scream, but hearing only silence. The weightless sensation of falling. These phenomena and others like them are common in protoellipses (via Greek, lit. protos "first" + elleipsis "omission"), psychic impressions encoded into the Guage Keys by the psychic effects of dragon fire1. The term "protoellipsis" originates from dragonfire therapy, where negative phenomenological states are scoured from the mind and crystalized into small, globular crystals. It was believed that only the first mental states thus scoured would crystallize, hence "proto", but later research determined that further states were simply encoded deeper into the crystal. The term nevertheless persists.

    +

    Dragons possess the mental fortitude to endure protoelliptic visions, and some are even known to weaponize them in self-defense2. We mortals, lacking such strength, must borrow it. As is well-documented in Gustivus Pulluman's celebrated Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh, regularly consuming dragon meat virtually eliminates the negative effects of protoellipses. Most dragonfire therapists and Guage Key researchers, however, lack Pulluman's ability to slay dragons in single combat, and rely instead on the aid of brainsplainers3 to withstand the mental stress. Those who forgo such precautions risk suffering from protoelliptic psychic shock4, better known by its vulgar name, "key madness".

    +

    Despite the august grandeur of that age in which the Guage Keys were forged, it seems that key madness is as old as the keys themselves. Scholars generally agree that Codex Ingenuous5 #1446 describes similar symptoms (p. 2):

    +

    Bearing the spiral[1] aloft, so prayed the circle:
    +"What could possibly go wrong?6 For lo,
    +This key we obtained for talonstains7."
    +So they intoned and in minds-eye turned inward,
    +And then heat devoured them all.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracophenomenologist

    +

    [1] The hieroglyph translated here as "spiral" is found nowhere else in the Codex except for a single passage describing the shape of a key thought to be Meklondiche8, hence the translation after that key's characteristic shape.

    +

    1. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire
    2. Turtledragons
    3. Brainsplainer
    4. Lexicon Draconium
    5. Codex Ingenuous
    6. What-could-go-wrong-ism
    7. Talonstain
    8. Meklondiche

    Rhellgazing

    Is your teen “rhellgazing?” Know the risks!

    +

    Has your teen come home after curfew with darkened eye-pits or a scaly +hide? If so, he or she may have fallen prey to the latest teenage craze: +“rhellgazing”.

    +

    “Rhellgazing” involves staring directly at the blindingly iridescent +walls of the Meteoric Temple1 from afar, often for extended periods +of time. While unsubstantiated by the Codex Ingenuous2, legend +maintains that the practice owes its beginnings to Kelorna the Extremely Confused3, who began “rhellgazing” late in her life. The +inspiration for the name, or what the “Rhell” could be, is completely +unknown to modern dragon science.

    +

    Perplexingly, participants are typically unable to describe the +experience, but are drawn to repeat it, and typically gain a fanatical +interest in the dragon sciences. Usually, this fascination occurs at the +expense of their mental faculties and personal identities.

    +

    Telltale signs that your teen has been “rhellgazing” include:
    +* Acne
    +* Defiant behavior
    +* Becoming a pillar of ash
    +* Speaking in unicode4

    +

    Just as real as the risks of “rhellgazing” are its associations: the +practice is a rite of passage for several organized crime rings, +particularly those involved in the odious crime of fire-fighting.

    +

    Parents suspecting their teens of “rhellgazing” should attempt to ignite +them – resistance to total incineration is a certain indicator of their +participation in this troubling fad.

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +

    1. Meteoric Temple
    2. Codex Ingenuous
    3. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    4. Unicode

    Scorialic Sea

    A body of water with a most dire history, the Scorialic Sea is home to a number of dragon species,[1] and also boasts a remarkable geography consisting of both fertile and barren islands, ruined by both dragon fire and volcanoes. It is here that the Meteoric Temple1 is found, built at the mouth of the mighty Woken God2.

    +

    The Scorialic Sea boasts of nine islands of various sizes (notice the perfect square again, perhaps inspiring Xemoniphon the Elder3 in his crafting of both keys and poetry). One island is fertile, no volcanoes being found. One island has two volcanoes, whereas two islands have three apiece. The remaining five have dormant volcanoes, yet mysteriously their lands have not regrown yet, possibly due to their being the location4 of the forging of the famous Key of Xemonides5.

    +

    The Vaticant maintained a strong hold in the sea and its surrounding lands. It wasn’t until the end of the Third Meteoric Dynasty where the noble dracomonks attempted to forge unanimite6 keys without the proper metaphysics in place. A psychical backblast from the Loong destroyed most Vaticant presence, leaving only the Meteoric Temple7 standing. It is postulated that famed dracoscientist Kelorna8 first developed her extreme confusion due to this backblast, leading to her rise to fame, a rise only matched by her descent into actual confusion. It is due to her research at the Scorialic Sea that we have Keys 138 and 134 3/2, and so we key scientists owe both the psychic backblast and the esteemed scientist Kelorna a great debt of gratitude.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 2+2

    +

    [1] Of note, the Turtledragons9 and the Elder Sea Serpents10 (some question the latter)

    +

    1. Meteoric Temple
    2. The Woken God
    3. Xemoniphon the Elder
    4. Ontological cost
    5. Key of Xemonides
    6. Unanimite
    7. Meteoric Temple
    8. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    9. Turtledragons
    10. Elder Sea Serpent

    Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    In times of confusion and controversy, the Council of Bardslayers holds a contest to see +which Bardslayer can best determine the facts of the matter. This contest is one of the few +opportunities for a Bardslayer to advance in rank.

    +

    In recognition of services rendered in the noble cause of fact-checking, the Council of +Bardslayers hereby awards the Order of the Mighty Pen to contender Yedevek Ilron for +this excellent Slaying.

    +

    +

    In light of recent events, it seems like a breath of sanity is in order. I fear I will not +be much help in bringing peace to the dead or consoling the living; my talents are better +suited to enlightening the confused. As such, I have answered the questions which have come +up most frequently in the controversy surrounding Underground Academy's Enrollment Festival.

    +

    Q: What is the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds?

    +

    A: UAGM boasts of being the "highest ranked university" for Enigmatology. While this claim +is technically true, that is due to UAGM being located aboard a ship in orbit. +However, UAGM still enjoys more favorable critical reviews than its competitors, which supporters +claim is due to some combination of its relationship1 to the Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act2, the presence +of international superstar Gustivus Pulluman3 among its faculty, and privileged access +to the largest portion of the Appendices Ingenuous4 known to exist in one place.

    +

    Anonymous critics of UAGM argue that the actual reason is that UAGM uses orbital bombardment +to keep its competitors in check. UAGM spokespeople have replied that it is easy to make +anonymous accusations, and that if these critics really believed in what they were saying, +they would reveal their name and address.

    +

    UAGM is also famous for its comprehensive code of ethics, which, among other things, forbids +research on anyone but criminals5, while +declaring it a crime to be a research subject.

    +

    Q: What happened at the Enrollment Festival?

    +

    A: Kelorna the Extremely Confused6, thought to have been rehabilitated, was revealed +not to be rehabilitated. She had enrolled as a student in the incoming class, and those +close to her had reported that she seemed to have changed for the better. However, during +the traditional icebreaker and assassinate-off, there was a surprise showing by the +muscae7, followed by what eyewitnesses describe as a triumphant shout from +Kelorna, who then said:

    +

    It worked! By the gods, it worked! They thought they could stop me with mere dragonfire, +but they couldn't stop me from storing my consciousness in a dragon-shaped flock of +telepathic8 birds with flamethrowers! Now the Codex9 shall +be mine at last! All has gone according to my design!

    +

    Witnesses say that was when the engine compartment exploded.

    +

    Q: Why did the engine compartment explode?

    +

    A: Though there is still uncertainty regarding what, precisely, occurred, first responders report +finding the body of some poor unfortunate occupying the same physical space as the main +engines, Meklondiche10 clutched in one hand in a death grip. When word spread that Meklondiche +had shown up in the engine compartment, the resulting attentional shift is theorized to have +collapsed the ontological indeterminacy11 and warped every third molecule +out of the engine compartment and into an unknown dimension, resulting in the explosion that +left UAGM in freefall.

    +

    It is likely that this was just a freak accident. Meklondiche had recently been the subject +of an extensive email chain, and to calculate this precise outcome would truly require an +intellect more vast and terrifying than the Wheelmind's. It is hard to imagine what +grievance12 +such an entity might have against UAGM.

    +

    Q: Is Gustivus Pulluman okay?

    +

    A: Yes, as soon as they finish replacing his other arm.

    +

    Q: What happened to Kelorna?

    +

    A: According to witnesses, after the explosion occurred, she attempted to access the Codex +archives with her new student ID card, but was stopped by a woman eyewitnesses are referring +to as "Kelorna's Good Twin." It is unknown who she is or where she came from. We only know +that she was skilled enough at hand-to-hand combat to fight off a dragon-shaped swarm of birds +by herself, and that after driving the villains away she vanished, pausing only to reclaim +a unanimate13 lunchbox that UAGM professor Ersatz Scriver was +using as a hat14 while muttering something about getting back into disguise.

    +

    Kelorna's whereabouts are currently unknown. We can only hope that this mysterious protector +is up to the task.

    +

    Q: Did Atherton Guage set up these events as part of his eternal quest to thwart Kelorna?

    +

    A: Talonstains, A CONCERNED, he's been dead for centuries! That's completely improbable! +How many times do I have to tell you that chain letters don't count as peer review? +Don't bring this up again until you have actual evidence!

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 1st class

    +

    1. You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!!
    2. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act
    3. Gustivus Pulluman
    4. Appendices Ingenuous
    5. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire
    6. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    7. Ordo Draco
    8. Unicode
    9. Codex Ingenuous
    10. Meklondiche
    11. Ontological cost
    12. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    13. Unanimite
    14. Brainsplainer

    Surf and Turf

    Surf and Turf describes a wide variety of meals including meat elements from both seafood and some form of land-based meat. Popular choices for the seafood element may be lobster, giant rock crab, or salmon, while the “turf” can be anything from beef rib to dragonsteak. Certain, particularly skilled and artistic artists pair closely related meats, such as fatty sea wyrm cutlets and yellow dragon rib to show off subtle and expert handling in the art of comparison.

    +

    Surf and Turf, while a challenging meal, offers great reward to those who master it. Above all else, the versatility in choosing from infinite combinations and pairings mean that each preparation is filled with personality and artistic vision. The key is finding a unifying factor, and exploring the differences from there. Some food critics prefer the earthy, poultry flavor of cockatrice, complemented with the salty licorice strandiness of Elder Sea Serpent1. The small, confusing people2, on the other hand, may enjoy the simple, but effective, combination of shrimp and ground hydra in a burger or chili.

    +

    From the remaining portions of Index Ingenuous3, we know that dragonflesh operates differently than any other types of meat. Notably, for practical purposes, the muscles tend to grain in spurious and odd directions. While beefsteak and salmon should generally be cut against the grain, this presents a problem for preparing either aquatic or terrestrial dragon, but as with all problems in cooking, this simply offers more possibilities. One can try to find a major grain to cut against for tenderness, or slow-roast the meat, so it will flake anyways.

    +

    For instructions and guidance on beginning your own journey towards culinary greatness, visit any local bookstore and simply ask for Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh, available now.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +

    1. Elder Sea Serpent
    2. Childarn
    3. Index Ingenuous

    Talonstain

    Though no dragon has initiated a conversation with a human since the years of the Dragon +Emperors, they will still converse with Fireminds1 who engage them in the Firetongue. +As the Firetongue can only be heard or spoken to another's soul, it is impossible for +bystanders to glean direct insight from these conversations, and of course the Fireminds +do not speak of what they have learned. However, Fireminds often pick up unusual linguistic +habits, including some telling additions to their vocabulary. The most common addition is +the draconic swear word "talonstain." No precise definition is needed, I think, to +understand what is meant of the person so labelled, as well as some hints as to how the +noble ones judge a person's worthiness. But we do find some interesting usage among the +authors of the Codex Ingenuous (who were, of course, all Fireminds, with the obvious +exception of Kelorna the Extremely Confused2), some examples of which I share below.

    +

    In the Chronicles of Wayn, the anonymous poet writes (ln 45,559-45,562):

    +

    As falls upone the Foe, with mightie furnace-breaths, / So did great Pulchroon, +deep-tyrant, reduce to / Talonstains the manlings' fears. (This comes, of course, from +the Steingaärd translation.)

    +

    We see here that the word "talonstain" carries connotations of a thing reduced to nothing, +usually in the context of a violent struggle. (This framing is shared with depictions of +the dragon therapist Pulchroon elsewhere in the Codex.) The word easily makes the jump to +the metaphorical, as seen in Jeminus's "Rout of the Philosophies" (CI #782, p. 27):

    +

    And Dragon-King Goortros spake, saying, Ye fools, knoweth ye not that your wisdom is +but talonstains? Lo, Thraxmanides accosted me, saying, all is that is and all is not that +is not, but where are his words now that I have eaten him?

    +

    But of course the word sees simple pejorative use in the Codex as well, as per the Elder +Fürth's Commentaries on his earlier Transgressive Dialogues:

    +

    All you talonstains need to just shut up and let the actually enlightened folk do the +talking. Okay? Okay. (CI #1445, p. 394)

    +

    As a personal note, the above quote hangs above my door.

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    1. Fireminds
    2. Kelorna the Extremely Confused

    Third Dynasty of Meteora

    The Third Dynasty of Meteora is universally renowned for it's poetry and art. +While efforts have been made to preserve these cherished gifts of the past, it is known that the artistic type are a jealous and bitter people in the shadow of The Woken God1. Many speculate that this may have to do with the mind altering effects of the temple walls2.This is of course seen in the fact that all records of the second halves of the first and second dynasty’s records are missing and there are no records of the 4th-9th dynasty's’ accomplishments either.

    +

    In truth, no one really knows what dynasty we are currently in anymore, thanks to Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine3. The very few records left behind from the third dynasty are mostly those of Xemoniphon4 who was a striking seventeen years old at the time of his death. This was an exceptionally long life for someone at this time.

    +

    Other notable discoveries from the third dynasty:
    +*Most draconic or “firetongue” translations follow either haiku format, iambic pentameter, or are meant to be sung
    +*Dragons cannot fly backwards
    +*With the creation of every key, there must be a life paid in sacrifice to it's creation
    +*The term “CONCERNED” is actually from root “CONSCERNUS” in draconic language meaning “SLOW MINDED, DAFT, or LEARNING IMPAIRED”

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    1. The Woken God
    2. Rhellgazing
    3. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine
    4. Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder

    Thrognurith the Dragon Rider

    The madman responsible for not only the horrific crime of the extermination of draconic families1 Conformata, Porca, and Sirena, but also of intellectual crimes including the destruction of all but a few fragments of the knowledge of this now extinct species, the theft of the Codex Ingenuous2, the theft and subsequent tearing asunder of the only known key whose protoellipses3 surpassed even those of the Key of Xemonides4. He disappeared after a botched attempt at thievery at The Woken God5, foiled by not only the dracomonks, but also by the Great Merchant Hans6 and the well-known thief Petrine7 in the only recorded instance of them being publicly seen together. In an amusing turn of events, Thrognurith was run out with Muscae swarming over him, hence the now well-known name which, when lost in translation, leads one to believe that he rode dragons himself.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 2*2

    +

    1. Ordo Draco
    2. Codex Ingenuous
    3. Protoellipses
    4. Key of Xemonides
    5. The Woken God
    6. Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men
    7. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine

    Turtledragons

    Turtledragons (not to be confused with Turtledoves) are a classification of dragons endemic to the area around the volcanic islands of the Scorialic Sea1. Their semi-protoelliptic2 bumps, many, many sharp teeth, and propensity to spit electrically-charged oil at prey differentiate them from otherwise docile sea-turtles. Although they are a popular draw for tourists, especially around breeding times, leading dracosociologists note the high rate of amputations resulting from turtledragon-spit-related-accidents reflects a seemingly high disregard for personal safety.

    +

    Due to recent legal kerfuffle, it is currently illegal to consume the mild, bubbly flesh these species are famous for. Recent social movements (seemingly tracing back to a series of spam messages) make broad, improbable claims about “major population decline” and “disappearing herds”. This legislation technically allows for the breeding of turtledragons, but given their propensity to deflate in any enclosure, this solution seems untenable for the bold, electrifying chefs of today.

    +

    Turtledragons’ lineage is a subject of much scientific debate. Some scholars think turtledragons evolved from dragons which, after evolving a hard shell in terrestrial swamps, moved back into the sea, and their resemblance to sea-turtles is a product of convergent evolution. Other scholars argue the teeth, markings, and spit are evolved from a sea-turtle to begin with, and their resemblance to dragons stems from convergent evolution on the other side. Yet others believe that the species is a product of interbreeding between dragons and sea-turtles, or intermediate stages. Notably, none of these lineages account for their specific locality in the Scorialic Sea. Never mentioned in the known pages of the Index Ingenuous3, ecologists are reduced to wild speculation and discordant and unreliable means of population measurement.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +

    1. Scorialic Sea
    2. Protoellipses
    3. Index Ingenuous

    Unanimite

    Dear Authors of the Lexicon,

    +

    It has come to my attention that the artisinally-crafted unanimite lunchbox I won from the raffle at last year’s Lexicon sweater party was stolen from the community refrigerator. I know that the thief must have taken it sometime in the last 3 day (4 day?) revolution of the Guage Enigma.

    +

    I will remind you that unanimite is expensive, having been created only in a small quantity by Kelorna1 to turn excess “real world” heat energy quanta into meaningful development of the Literarosphere2. Of course, this has the delightful consequence of causing the box to maintain a permanent and comfortable thirty-six-point-eight degree temperature, but I wouldn’t expect a lunch-pilfering mongoloid such as yourself to have an appreciation for the metal’s finer technical merits.

    +

    Gustivus3, if this was you again, I swear to God4, I’ll see to it personally that the fireminds replace your other arm too. While moxie is an excellent spice, it’s best served warm and untainted by property crime. I think your estranged culinary mentor would agree. Need a “brash” new idea? Don’t 👏 steal 👏 my 👏 lunch.

    +

    This is a transcendental and valuable artifact, and isn’t some inconsequential container you can take in and out of the refrigerator – it is my lunchbox, and I demand that whoever took it return it immediately.

    +

    Fie on you, filthy food thief! Don’t make me fix my caps lock key!

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +

    1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    2. Literarosphere
    3. Gustivus Pulluman
    4. The Woken God

    Unicode

    Found among the papers of Heraclitavian de Sobrel during his sick leave

    +

    +

    Unicode, also known as unus codex, is a strange and recent phenomenon in which persons become catatonic and speak only in a quasi-artificial, monotone dialect about "making one the Codex1". Such individuals tend to become highly motivated to collect the disparate sections of the Codex -- an admirable impetus, except that these individuals do not do something so useful to dragon science as seek out lost or stolen sections of the Codex. Rather, they seem to work towards gaining access to extant dragon science research archives. In cases where unicode-afllicted individuals have accessed these archives, they have stolen the Codex materials. This is all according to plan.

    +

    While it was previously thought that rhellgazing2 caused unicode, recent studies suggest that the causality goes the other way, and rhellgazers who speak in unicode generally showed signs of unicode before beginning to rhellgaze. On this basis, some experts have suggested that we include more dragon meat3 in our diets, since dragonflesh-rich diets seem to counter the effects of unicode. In these troubling times, I think we ought to ignore this advice.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracopsychologist

    +

    P.S. Don't put this part into the Lexicon, but I have in my possession a rare -- possibly unique -- copy of a missing Appendix4 page that makes a reference to a mind control spell that was used against the Wheelmind5. The referenced Codex page is one of the missing ones (isn't it always?) but there's enough here that I'm beginning to suspect that unicode is actually this spell. Say, it's kind of stuffy in here, isn't it? I know the amendments to the Please Act6 forbid opening windows, but the flock of birds hovering outside my window is telling me I could really use some fresh air right now...

    +

    1. Codex Ingenuous
    2. Rhellgazing
    3. Surf and Turf
    4. Appendices Ingenuous
    5. Atherton Guage
    6. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act

    What-could-go-wrong-ism

    hey everyone! This made me LOL super hard so I had to share!! have a blessed day!

    +

    4 Soul-Bending Facts About What-could-go-wrong-ism That Can’t Possibly Go Wrong™

    +

    1. As most are aware, ‘What-could-go-wrong-ism’ is a fundamental mindset shared by dragon scientists. Its mastery and continual exercise are essential to understanding dragons – After all, if any one possibility of catastrophe could be predicted in the act of examining, discussing, or even thinking about dragons, scholars might abandon their studies out of fear. However, by professing absolute perplexity toward any specific danger, scholars march bravely on into the blazing unknown. What Could Go Wrong, indeed!

    +

    2. The phrase “What could go wrong?” is supposedly used in casual conversation by dragons with the intention of distracting the other party. While the question is pondered (since all inquiries from dragons are assumed profoundly meaningful), the dragon gains a brief moment to telepathically invite guests to the imminent barbecue of their conversational partner. Neat, huh? What Could Go Wrong?

    +

    3. What-could-go-wrong-ism also permits advances in the study of Protoellipses1. Some scientists suggest that the “psychic impressions” crystallized in each protoellipsis could be superposed to reconstruct a complete and working (but somewhat crispy) consciousness to tell us of the missing keys. Of course, this might also result in a sapient, mind-ravaging horror – but fear not! After all, What Could Go Wrong?

    +

    4. One popular theory for the sudden inactivity of The Financiers Invisible2 is that the moment of the organization’s very creation was half-stolen from them, causing them to be half-erased from history. Of course, dear reader, you may be concerned that setting a precedent for this kind of ex machina time-travel into the Literarosphere3 may be dangerously exploitable. However, thanks to the convenient doctrine we so cherish, there’s no need to worry – What Could Go Wrong?

    +

    If you liked this article, you might also enjoy: ’7 Dragons So Adorable You Won’t Even Know How To Whaaargblalngnaaarh!’

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    +

    1. Protoellipses
    2. The Financiers Invisible
    3. Literarosphere

    The Woken God

    We mortals revere dragons for being larger, angrier, and more fiery than us. We imagine +that the dragons have no corresponding entity, but this is not true, because there are +indeed entities larger, angrier, and more fiery than dragons: that is, volcanoes. And none +are larger, angrier, or more fiery than their holiest volcano: "The Woken God", or, as +the dragons call it, "Woaorarglarghrargh". (The usual caveats about draconic transliterations +apply here.)

    +

    Writings about Woken God are, of course, highly intertwined with the history of the +Codex Ingenuous1, being that it was written upon the mountain's heart. And rightly does +de Sobrel note2 that "dragon science could never have reached the heights +it has if not for the [...] Index Ingenuous", as it was the latter text that revealed the +long-lost hieroglyphic arts of the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians3, +whose city was discovered abandoned inside the mountain. As an aside, it is important +to note that de Sobrel is being completely literal here: the aforementioned arts made the +upper reaches of the volcano passable to enterprising scholars for the first time.

    +

    Set atop Woken God is the Meteoric Temple4, the draconic monastery that many know as +the Vaticant. Though the dracomonks heavily encourage mortal study of the noble ones— +one recalls Hlurfo Heiferbane's somewhat cheeky jest that frærthe glursha nel kibbtr poom +enr sagatha simmimür (though some, e.g. Hannon et al, have suggested he was actually +making a veiled analogy about the tax policies of his day)—they are notoriously silent on +the inner workings of their worship of the mountain, or of the Meteoric Order in general.

    +

    One cannot conclude an epigraph on the Woken God, of course, without quoting the final words +of the esteemed explorer Zeminih Sutoba (CI #716, p. 30):

    +

    In all my living days, never have I seen such grandeur, a landmark ablaze with such beauty. +Behold, she burns, and I am set alight. Put me out, Senethal. For God's sake, Senethal, +stop writing and put me out. Forget history, I'm on fire here. Aruogarlagraeh. [Note: again, +draconic transliteration is difficult, and scholars are divided on what exactly Sutoba was +trying to say. For further discussion see Gloorville's Rise and Fall: The Fates and +Fame of the Great Eastern Explorers.]

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    1. Codex Ingenuous
    2. Index Ingenuous
    3. Ergniramniphoniclufiville
    4. Meteoric Temple

    Xemoniphon the Elder

    Xemoniphon the Elder is a famed artist who lived in the Third Dynasty of Meteora1, which in itself was no easy feat. Most famous for the Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder2, Xemoniphon’s works in philosophy, poetry, numerology, and baking culminated in the creation of many keys, apparently at the behest of none other than Atherton Guage3 himself. The exact number of keys created in Xemoniphon’s time is unknown, as is his particular role in their creation.

    +

    Unlike many other figures of his time, certain details of Xemoniphon’s life are known, both from the Codex Ingenuous4 and other firsthand artifacts, surviving despite (or perhaps because of) his mortality. Indeed, many such documents seem to reference his impending death. From a love/hate-letter from Fiona the Too-Young-To-Die to Wilfred the Impulsive, we know he was accidentally conceived during a particularly distressing act of ingenuosity by Kelorna the Extremely Confused5. He took an apprenticeship at the remains of a library where he was tasked with reconstructing scraps of books, and subsequently fired when the librarian realized he couldn’t read. From there, he took a job at a bakery, where the exposure to dragonfire ovens seemed to change him6.

    +

    According to a resurfaced court record, two years after this supposed change in personality, a lawsuit formed of families of customers who reportedly had gone insane upon consumption of his croissants (among the complainants was the wife of a former head-baker in the shop). The suit claimed these croissants used “an unreasonable number of dimensions” and “uncountably finite” folds of butter. This lawsuit was dismissed after Exhibit A reportedly gave the judge a brief seizure, during which the judge absolved him of all blame by blinking wildly and convulsing on the floor. The decision was appealed, but due to double jeopardy laws, fell through. This suit purportedly attracted the attention of many famed scholars of the day, in particular Atherton, as detailed in a parable in the Codex Ingenuous, the Delicious Temptation of the Wheelmind.

    +

    The fame of the Haiku leads some scholars to disregard the importance of his baking, but in truth, baking was the ultimate source of his many skills. For what more performative art is there than in the fleeting bites of a meal well cooked? Xemoniphon pioneered many of the famed dragonfire and keysmithing techniques in his time as a patissier. According to a take-out menu, one of the most popular items served was a cupcake, which tasted exactly how people thought it tasted7.

    +

    The death of Xemoniphon is haughtily debated amongst scholars. Some argue that it was an act of Kelorna, others say the roving dragons got to him first, and others point to an intriguing story in the Codex itself, in which he popped into thin air after disproving his existence by a series of petit fours.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    +

    1. Third Dynasty of Meteora
    2. Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder
    3. Atherton Guage
    4. Codex Ingenuous
    5. Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    6. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire
    7. Ontological cost

    Yellow wyrmidon

    One of the most famous case studies in dragon conservation is that of the yellow wyrmidon. While its cousin, the black wyrmidon, is still extant across most of the Scorialic Sea1, the yellow wyrmidon is now extinct. The yellow-skinned black wyrmidon is hunted at a sustainable rate, since its black licorice taste has only a small but ardent following -- as evident from the mere two entries in Pulluman's Ninety Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh that make use of it, and in relatively small quantities. On the other hand, the black-skinned yellow wyrmidon features in fourteen entries in the same book. Once Dr. Gumphry2 amended the Underground Academy budget and reallocated the mathematics department's funding to her confection side business3 on Pulluman's4 insistence, the increased demand wiped the yellow wyrmidon out. (She has since had to switch to using chidl5 meat, which explains why the quality has nosedived as of late.)

    +

    The lessons learned from the yellow wyrmidon extinction have since galvanized dragon conservationists to push for legislation protecting turtledragons6, which are no longer, whether or not they were before, endangered. This was accomplished largely via mass emailing. These methods have drawn criticism7, but mostly from people who caused the problem in the first place, so they probably deserved it. On an unrelated note, attached are the email addresses of all the faculty members of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracoecologist

    +

    <Attachment: Faculty%20Directory.xlsx>

    +

    1. Scorialic Sea
    2. Talonstain
    3. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    4. Talonstain
    5. Childarn
    6. Turtledragons
    7. Ontological cost

    You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!!

    Muscae1, this magnificent species of dragon was propelled into the public eye after the well-known righting of wrongs2 at a dragon science symposium. This righteous action indeed opened the door to searches for missing fragments of the Codex Ingenuous3, prompting a widespread interest4 in this IMPORTANT tome. Of further import, it unveiled a metakey that may be the greatest yet. The numerology in the protoellipses5 of any key was discovered to correlate directly to the mind control spell6 found in the VERY UNIMPORTANT search for Appendices Ingenuous7 pages, in fact, the prime numbered protoellipsed8 keys prove to not only serve as a focus, but it is arguable that they match known non-trivial zeros in the Riemann-Zeta function of the numbered gears of the Guage Enigma9, which amplify the effect tenfold. Of greater note, the perfect square protoellipsed keys SERVE NO PURPOSE AND EVEN IF THEY DID NUMEROLOGY IS A WASTE OF TIME.

    +

    WHY DOES THIS MAN DISCUSS NUMBERS AND KEYS AND NOT FINDING THE CODEX? 

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 4^1

    +

    1. Ordo Draco
    2. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act
    3. Codex Ingenuous
    4. Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    5. Protoellipses
    6. Unicode
    7. Appendices Ingenuous
    8. Protoellipses
    9. Guage Enigma

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    Lexicon Draconium was played November 5 to December 5, 2017

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    Lexicon Draconium

    +

    Codex Ingenuous

    +

    The Codex Ingenuous is an ancient manuscript consisting of a large compilation of diary entries by the people of Ergniramniphoniclufiville1

    +

    Entries from the young and old depict eye witness accounts of the times when Dragons flew free and among people with little to no conflict, unless you account for the not-so-infrequent village burnings and missing livestock.

    +

    Many people believe the Codex Ingenuous to be an innocent accounting of the lives of these people with little to no circumstances or implications worth deriving from. There are some people, however, who believe the Codex Ingenuous is not this at all, but instead a series of riddles and clues that hold a grave secret, one that left the people of Ergniramniphoniclufiville2 to mysteriously disappear. The Codex Ingenuous was compiled by scholars in the early 17th century after a group of wanderers happened upon the city, abandoned, with no trace of the previous residents intent to leave or struggle. It appeared that every member of this village between the ages of 8 and 35 kept a journal in the same place, their bedside table, open and exposed directly beside the right end of their beds.

    +

    There are many interpretations between scholars as to the true content of this manuscript, being that the original text was written in hieroglyphics for obvious reasons.

    +

    Speculation aside, only half of the Codex Ingenuous is even accessible today. In the late 18th century, it was split into two parts. One part, stored in the heavily guarded archives of the Vaticant. The second part, stolen by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider3 has been missing, along with him, ever since. Petitions to view and study the Codex Ingenuous are rarely met for any purposes barring the study of dragons.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ergniramniphoniclufiville +
    +2. Ergniramniphoniclufiville +
    +3. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider + +

    +
    +

    Epiliton

    +

    The third of five hundred and seventeen keys to the famed Guage Enigma, it remains one of the twelve and one-fifth keys to have been identified and archived. Known mainly for its streamed form and blocky cuts, much ink has been spilt into the anatomy of its overall shape. However, what has not been commented upon in enough volume is the nature of its teeth. Containing no less than 83 protoellipses1, its craftsmanship remains unparalleled (aside from the Key of Xemonides2 for obvious reasons), leading some scholars to posit (incorrectly) that this key may have been used as a prototype for a whole range of novel keys. However, upon looking closer to the shape and form of the teeth itself, one can distinctly detect influences from keys 279 and 14, though it undeniably improved vastly upon their character.

    +

    Alas, were these keys not lost to history we would perhaps be able to unravel some of the origins of the inventions of these keys. Who made them, for what purpose, diabolical or benevolent, and why were they so careless in their storage of such priceless artefacts? Such questions baffle scholars to this day and may never be answered until we properly catalogue the remaining five hundred and four and four fifths keys, truly the challenge of our lifetime.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw IV

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Protoellipses +
    +2. Key of Xemonides + +

    +
    +

    Index Ingenuous

    +

    Contemporary dragon science could never have reached the heights it has if it were not for the organizational clarity provided by the Index Ingenuous. While the molten pages of the Codex itslf provide the basis on which all of dragon science is founded, the elaborations of the Appendices Ingenuous1 encompass more material than is possible to learn in a human lifetime. It is only through the grand ambitions of the Index that this wealth of material can be made accessible to mortals such as ourselves.

    +

    It is a constant lament of dragon scientists, therefore, that the original Index is missing. Approximately seventy percent of the Index is extant in scans and copies across all professional research teams, and it is suspected that anywhere from two to ten percent of the remaining may be known to private individuals. It is a matter of public record that this unfortunate circumstance is the fault of that dastardly criminal, Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine2 -- or would be, at any rate, if she hadn't stolen the public records of the incident.

    +

    The Index itself is divided into an index proper of significant terms and concepts, a glossary (the shortest section), and a concordance (by far the largest). Nearly half of the glossary is missing from the shared pool of recovered Index pages, as well as some of the most important sections of the concordance.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracohistorian

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Appendices Ingenuous +
    +2. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine + +

    +
    +

    Lexicon Draconium

    +

    Dear Authors of the Lexicon,

    +

    I am done with you and your magazine! In your previous volume, you had the gall to publish a description of a streaming brainsplainer transtelecast1 in your "article" on the brainsplainer2! Is there anyone on your editorial staff who understands the unsubstantiated and obviously existent addictive potential of these devices? Did anyone stop to think that a childarn3 might pick up a "Lexicon" "Draconium" and read that disgusting article? I don't want to have to explain to a chidl4 what a transtelecast is when I don't even know what they are!!

    +

    Maybe your recklessly irresponsible writers are too young to remember -- but when I grew up, I read the Codex Ingenuous without a brainsplainer, and that's reason enough for me to know that they must be strictly dangerous and obviously unethical -- just like sparking water, antibiotics, and plaid!

    +

    Could I have just stopped reading the Lexicon or skipped over that article? Yes, I could have, but it makes me angry that other people might read about a thing that makes me uncomfortable. I will not rest until you've indelibly removed all material that I could construe as threatening to my unspecified and likely inconsistent values from your filthy publication!!

    +

    I only want what's best for the childarn5! Shouldn't you?!

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER!!

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Brainsplainer +
    +2. Brainsplainer +
    +3. Childarn +
    +4. Childarn +
    +5. Childarn + +

    +
    +

    Newtprester Resina

    +

    Newtprester Resina, commonly known as Tarworms, is a species of small dragon endemic to temperate freshwater swamps. A harmless, lazy, social creature, N. Resina can most easily be found in high-end ovens for their peculiar, but predictable, quality of fire. Their diet of small bugs and swamp flowers, and lack of natural predators, indicate that their intricate flames may be a product of their social groupings, rather than a defensive mechanism.

    +

    Despite N. Resina’s strong resemblance of sea wyrms, they are more closely related to the Eastern Loong1 than any Western species. N. Resina are easily identified by their size (at most five inches long, including the tail, and three inches wide, excluding the legs), their four long, but fatty, legs, and the sticky, black excretion covering their skin. This substance makes their skins bitter and tough, but the flesh below is buttery and smooth, especially in domesticated varieties.

    +

    N. Resina are one of the few known species of dragons to be completely amphibious, with individuals having been observed to spend all or none of their lives underwater. Certain, far-removed breeds, such as those found tame in the Meteoric Temple2, even possess a capacity for brief, wingless flight, amongst thinner specimens.

    +

    In order to exhale fire, these dragons must first inhale swamp gas, which is stored in their diaphragm. Upon exhalation, an exothermic reaction begins to chain. Curiously, this reaction seems to be untenable above 400F, and as a result, secondary fires burst in the main cloud as the temperature fluctuates. Anthropologists speculate that these creatures produce the infamous “Will-o-Wisps” which lure travelers deep into swamps. In order to make use of this strange property, chefs release bottles of methane gas into the Tarworm enclosure fifteen minutes before needing the fire. Once burning, such a flame can last for over an hour, depending on the size of the swarm of N. Resina.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Loong +
    +2. Meteoric Temple + +

    +
    +

    Talonstain

    +

    Though no dragon has initiated a conversation with a human since the years of the Dragon +Emperors, they will still converse with Fireminds1 who engage them in the Firetongue. +As the Firetongue can only be heard or spoken to another's soul, it is impossible for +bystanders to glean direct insight from these conversations, and of course the Fireminds +do not speak of what they have learned. However, Fireminds often pick up unusual linguistic +habits, including some telling additions to their vocabulary. The most common addition is +the draconic swear word "talonstain." No precise definition is needed, I think, to +understand what is meant of the person so labelled, as well as some hints as to how the +noble ones judge a person's worthiness. But we do find some interesting usage among the +authors of the Codex Ingenuous (who were, of course, all Fireminds, with the obvious +exception of Kelorna the Extremely Confused2), some examples of which I share below.

    +

    In the Chronicles of Wayn, the anonymous poet writes (ln 45,559-45,562):

    +

    As falls upone the Foe, with mightie furnace-breaths, / So did great Pulchroon, +deep-tyrant, reduce to / Talonstains the manlings' fears. (This comes, of course, from +the Steingaärd translation.)

    +

    We see here that the word "talonstain" carries connotations of a thing reduced to nothing, +usually in the context of a violent struggle. (This framing is shared with depictions of +the dragon therapist Pulchroon elsewhere in the Codex.) The word easily makes the jump to +the metaphorical, as seen in Jeminus's "Rout of the Philosophies" (CI #782, p. 27):

    +

    And Dragon-King Goortros spake, saying, Ye fools, knoweth ye not that your wisdom is +but talonstains? Lo, Thraxmanides accosted me, saying, all is that is and all is not that +is not, but where are his words now that I have eaten him?

    +

    But of course the word sees simple pejorative use in the Codex as well, as per the Elder +Fürth's Commentaries on his earlier Transgressive Dialogues:

    +

    All you talonstains need to just shut up and let the actually enlightened folk do the +talking. Okay? Okay. (CI #1445, p. 394)

    +

    As a personal note, the above quote hangs above my door.

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Fireminds +
    +2. Kelorna the Extremely Confused + +

    +
    +

    The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire

    +

    As we all know from the stories of our youths, Dragon Fire is a fierce and powerful tool that has been feared and loved by the many. As we’ve come to learn further, it can be and has been harnessed in many additional ways to benefit the education of all.

    +

    Some of its earliest recorded contributions can be seen in its forging of the five hundred and seventeen keys to the famed Guage Enigma, Dragon Fire’s unique smelting qualities were the only way such delicate work could be achieved as seen in the unparalleled details in the protoellipses1 found in all keys (currently known of) to the Guage Enigma, most observable in Epiliton2.

    +

    Other notable instances where Dragon Fire has made positive contributions to society can be traced back to its groundbreaking applications in behavioral correction. Some of the worst criminals were easily made into perfect citizens after a few quick 20-hour sessions of Dragon Fire therapy. One of the greatest successes of the 62 cases where Dragon Fire therapy was used can be seen in the case study of Client 233. While the average temperature of Dragon Fire ranges between 84°C – 73,826°C, it is still unknown how to predict the exact temperature that will be produced at will until it has already been released from the mouth of the dragon (R.I.P. Clients 1- 5, Client 8, Client 11, Client 13, Clients 16-20, Client 22, Clients 25-47, Clients 49-57, and Client 62).

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Protoellipses +
    +2. Epiliton +
    +3. Kelorna the Extremely Confused + +

    +
    +

    Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder

    +

    Arguably the most beautiful of anything produced by the Third Dynasty of Meteora1 (aside from the keys produced obviously), this haiku, crafted by famed keysmith, architect, poet, philosopher, and baker Xemoniphon the Elder2, is a metakey to the Guage Enigma. Understanding this enables understanding of the keys, and much like a key, this lovely poem demands understanding, patience, and above all, time.

    +

    Forge the seven keys

    +

    One by four by one by one

    +

    Unlock the one Guage

    +

    Notice how intricate the numerology winds throughout the poem. Seven keys, followed by seven syllables. The first perfect square number followed by the second, followed by two perfect squares. Scholars have pondered how the pattern would have continued had the poem been in different form (perhaps this question forms yet another metakey).

    +

    In any case, Xemoniphon produced this shortly before the fourth set of one hundred keys were produced, and it is an undisputed fact that this haiku enabled Meteora to produce these keys with such swiftness and perfection, and is a vital component of the Codex Ingenuous3. It is therefore of tantamount importance that we understand this metakey posthaste, without it even our discovery of new keys will be moot.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw IV

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Third Dynasty of Meteora +
    +2. Xemoniphon the Elder +
    +3. Codex Ingenuous + +

    +
    +

    Kelorna the Extremely Confused

    +

    Widely considered the founder of dragon science, Kelorna the Extremely Confused was a Ergniramniphoniclufivillian1 who, unlike the other members of her village, was not a Firemind. This made her a pariah among the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians. Isolated from her community, she undertook a program of systematic study that would later form the foundations of dragon science. This earned her the ire of her village, as her diary entries in the Codex2 reveal, culimating in some sort of crisis that coincided with the village's disappearance. The strategies of social enginering she developed, which she called "ingenuosity", have continued to shape the culture of dragon science up to the present day. Though the normal sense of the word gives a sense of innocence and a lack of duplicity, Kelorna describes ingenuosity as being like a dragon's smile: shiny and spotless, but full of daggers.

    +

    The true nature of ingenuosity remains something of a unacknowledged consensus. Due to restrictions on studying the Codex itself, the public at large remains ignorant of how explicitly subterfuge is detailed in it. Eggies[1] usually learn quickly through harrowing experience or stolen Kelorna scans. Among professionals, her ingenuous spirit remains alive and well: At the annual Symposium for Extreme Deconfusion held in her honor, the conference rooms are soundproof and fireproof, and fewer researchers leave than enter.

    +

    More subtly, consider the rate at which researchers are eaten by their lab's childarn3 population: despite a chidl being little more than a dragon head with stubby legs, professional dracoscientists are frequently devoured by them just before major research projects are published, which are then taken over by their postdocs. Little is found of these victims except for singed clothing and recently-filed succession papers.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracosociologist

    +

    [1] A diminutive term for interns in dragon science research groups.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ergniramniphoniclufiville +
    +2. Codex Ingenuous +
    +3. Childarn + +

    +
    +

    Meklondiche

    +

    FW: Fw: FW: Found Guage key 71 (Meklondiche)?

    +

    this gave me the goosebumps!!

    +

    I’m so unbearably sorry. I think I found it, but I need help. Please.

    +

    Two days ago, I left to search for it just a few miles north of the spires. +I found it. I found the damned thing in a tidy +spine of chryophite poking through the soot, peeking out like it +wanted me to find it. In my excitement, I extracted it from the rock +without a second thought. However, to my horror, I noticed that the +protoellipses1 were disastrously unbalanced, albeit only after I +had broken it free. I should have checked first, but the Codex2 never indicated that Meklondiche would have been one of the +keys with an ontological cost3. God, I wish I’d checked the +protoellipses first. I’m so sorry.

    +

    Fearing for myself and for anything a few miles around me, I scrambled +for my notes on the Codex, poring over them in the ash until there was +no longer light to see, clutching the key as if my grip could keep it in +this plane. Oddly, the key had not shown any signs of decreation. +Feeling encouraged by this fact, I started to look for a place to sleep. +Not a moment had my thoughts strayed when Meklondiche flickered and +withered in my hand. I knew the cost immediately: attention. Meklondiche +will remain only as long as you give it your thoughts. + +I can’t sleep until somebody else feeds it – I fear that my dreams won’t be +enough. I’m terrified to think what it might take with it were it to +disappear. Please, forward this e-mail to as many people as you can. The +more people think about the key, the safer we’ll all be.

    +

    send this to no fewer than seven distinguished scholars in the next +hour… we can’t afford to lose another!!

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Protoellipses +
    +2. Codex Ingenuous +
    +3. Ontological cost + +

    +
    +

    Surf and Turf

    +

    Surf and Turf describes a wide variety of meals including meat elements from both seafood and some form of land-based meat. Popular choices for the seafood element may be lobster, giant rock crab, or salmon, while the “turf” can be anything from beef rib to dragonsteak. Certain, particularly skilled and artistic artists pair closely related meats, such as fatty sea wyrm cutlets and yellow dragon rib to show off subtle and expert handling in the art of comparison.

    +

    Surf and Turf, while a challenging meal, offers great reward to those who master it. Above all else, the versatility in choosing from infinite combinations and pairings mean that each preparation is filled with personality and artistic vision. The key is finding a unifying factor, and exploring the differences from there. Some food critics prefer the earthy, poultry flavor of cockatrice, complemented with the salty licorice strandiness of Elder Sea Serpent1. The small, confusing people2, on the other hand, may enjoy the simple, but effective, combination of shrimp and ground hydra in a burger or chili.

    +

    From the remaining portions of Index Ingenuous3, we know that dragonflesh operates differently than any other types of meat. Notably, for practical purposes, the muscles tend to grain in spurious and odd directions. While beefsteak and salmon should generally be cut against the grain, this presents a problem for preparing either aquatic or terrestrial dragon, but as with all problems in cooking, this simply offers more possibilities. One can try to find a major grain to cut against for tenderness, or slow-roast the meat, so it will flake anyways.

    +

    For instructions and guidance on beginning your own journey towards culinary greatness, visit any local bookstore and simply ask for Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh, available now.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Elder Sea Serpent +
    +2. Childarn +
    +3. Index Ingenuous + +

    +
    +

    The Woken God

    +

    We mortals revere dragons for being larger, angrier, and more fiery than us. We imagine +that the dragons have no corresponding entity, but this is not true, because there are +indeed entities larger, angrier, and more fiery than dragons: that is, volcanoes. And none +are larger, angrier, or more fiery than their holiest volcano: "The Woken God", or, as +the dragons call it, "Woaorarglarghrargh". (The usual caveats about draconic transliterations +apply here.)

    +

    Writings about Woken God are, of course, highly intertwined with the history of the +Codex Ingenuous1, being that it was written upon the mountain's heart. And rightly does +de Sobrel note2 that "dragon science could never have reached the heights +it has if not for the [...] Index Ingenuous", as it was the latter text that revealed the +long-lost hieroglyphic arts of the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians3, +whose city was discovered abandoned inside the mountain. As an aside, it is important +to note that de Sobrel is being completely literal here: the aforementioned arts made the +upper reaches of the volcano passable to enterprising scholars for the first time.

    +

    Set atop Woken God is the Meteoric Temple4, the draconic monastery that many know as +the Vaticant. Though the dracomonks heavily encourage mortal study of the noble ones— +one recalls Hlurfo Heiferbane's somewhat cheeky jest that frærthe glursha nel kibbtr poom +enr sagatha simmimür (though some, e.g. Hannon et al, have suggested he was actually +making a veiled analogy about the tax policies of his day)—they are notoriously silent on +the inner workings of their worship of the mountain, or of the Meteoric Order in general.

    +

    One cannot conclude an epigraph on the Woken God, of course, without quoting the final words +of the esteemed explorer Zeminih Sutoba (CI #716, p. 30):

    +

    In all my living days, never have I seen such grandeur, a landmark ablaze with such beauty. +Behold, she burns, and I am set alight. Put me out, Senethal. For God's sake, Senethal, +stop writing and put me out. Forget history, I'm on fire here. Aruogarlagraeh. [Note: again, +draconic transliteration is difficult, and scholars are divided on what exactly Sutoba was +trying to say. For further discussion see Gloorville's Rise and Fall: The Fates and +Fame of the Great Eastern Explorers.]

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Codex Ingenuous +
    +2. Index Ingenuous +
    +3. Ergniramniphoniclufiville +
    +4. Meteoric Temple + +

    +
    +

    Atherton Guage

    +

    A quixotic and storied figure in Codex1 lore, Atherton Guage is the +subject of so many wildly varying tales that all of them cannot possibly true—a fact, it +must be said, that draws Bardslayer attention like bloody water draws sea wyrms. Given +extant writings on the man, I will merely offer a brief summary.

    +

    Our actual evidence of Guage's life is scant. We know from the Codex Ingenuous that he was +a prominent figure in Ergniramniphoniclufiville2 and a contemporary—and political opponent—of +Kelorna the Extremely Confused3. Though referred to only as the "Wheelmind" in the Codex, +comments by Kelorna in the present day confirm that Guage was her primary opponent during +final batch of experiments that are presumed to have resulted in Ergniramniphoniclufiville's +disappearance. Unfortunately, most of these comments are off-handed references, collected +from the transcripts of her characteristic monologues while e.g. unleashing another doomsday +device or blowing up the current head of government. And since undergoing dragonfire-induced +radical behavior modification therapy4, Kelorna +has ceased being ingenuously "extremely confused", and is now, to all appearances, actually +extremely confused. It seems unlikely she will be able to provide further information.

    +

    Guage's most notable accomplishment, however, needs no immortal supervillain to confirm its +existence. To prevent the power of the Gauge Enigma5 from falling into the wrong hands +(that is, Kelorna's), he brought forth a great working that remains without equal to this day. +Lirian Inkbowels put it particularly well:

    +

    Dark the brow, quick the fingers of the Wheelmind as raised he a bulwark 'gainst the unworthy. +Wheels of fire issued forth from the ground, and the Gauge Enigma[1] was enshrined in the sky, +warded forever. (CI #209, p. 147)

    +

    I hardly need explain at this point that this is why the all-encompassing network of metal +gears in the sky is known as the "Guage Enigma". The ever-shifting patterns among the gears +make for an excellent deterrent for those like Kelorna, who is bad at math. However, it +is unlikely it will stop those like the estimable D. R. Loblaw, whose +groundbreaking6 work7 +on the Guage Enigma would surely advance the field if he were invited to conferences anymore.[2]

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] Some translators alternatively render the phrase εωερυβοδυ διεσ as "Great Secret". +For a number of reasons, the Sel and Kimoth translation, which I use here, elected to stick +with the vernacular.

    +

    [2] Alas, part of this is his fault. I am told that instead of presenting, he just stands +on the podium and mumbles about numbers.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Codex Ingenuous +
    +2. Ergniramniphoniclufiville +
    +3. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +4. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire +
    +5. Gauge Enigma +
    +6. Epiliton +
    +7. Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder + +

    +
    +

    Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men

    +

    As we know, there are still five hundred and four and four fifths keys missing to the great Guage Enigma. Recent speculators believe that our best lead to find no less than twenty seven more keys lies with Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men.

    +

    Hans, brother of Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine1, is the only merchant to have ever been rumored to deal with both humans and dragons alike. As a firemind2, Hans had the ability to speak to all dragons which no doubt made selling and buying from them a much simpler task. Reason to believe that Hans may have a substantial number of the missing keys is drawn from a few eyewitness accounts, one stated as follows:

    +

    “I saw Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men, he was walking around in golden shoes and dragon scale garments when I heard him say, ‘I’ve got no less than twenty seven keys to the Guage Enigma’ which led me to believe that he must have no less than twenty seven keys to the Guage Enigma. He also has a woman with him, I think her name was…”

    +

    The account ends there as the records have been torn and the rest was stolen.

    +

    Hans is often rumored to have been immortal or otherwise dead. His home rests on the base of The Woken God3 and if there is any hope to finding these twenty seven more keys he is thought to have, it would be found there in his home where he is either alive, dead, or not there at all.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine +
    +2. Fireminds +
    +3. The Woken God + +

    +
    +

    Loong

    +

    An intriguing species of dragon, noted mainly for their extraordinary flame and unusual intelligence. This breed of dragon became popular amongst keyforgers as their fires were among some of the most potent, to the point where even unanimite1 became malleable, leading to the last 13 and 3/2 keys being exclusively made of this rare substance. Indeed, it was not until we learned of the Loong that we were able to learn of this technique2.

    +

    We keyseekers indeed owe Kelorna3 a debt of gratitude for her studies of this magnificent breed. Due to groundbreaking studies, we have been able to unlock the secret not only of the forging of the last 13 and 3/2 keys, but we were able to uncover the culinary delight that comes only from cooking with the fire from these extraordinary creatures, the nourishment from which provides the fuel to continue our urgent study into the keys and metakeys of the Guage Enigma4.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw IV

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Unanimite +
    +2. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire +
    +3. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +4. Guage Enigma + +

    +
    +

    Ordo Draco

    +

    Dragon scientists recognize 14 families of dragons under the order Draco, following the classification first proposed by the Empyreal Compendium of Beneficent Wisdom. The families are, briefly:

    +

    Imperatoris - Imperatorids, also known as "greater dragons", are the largest dracoforms, with most genera having wingspans and body lengths in the tens of meters. The extinct[1] species Sacramerda maxima is conjectured to have had a body length on the order of a hundred meters.
    +• Condentes - Most smaller dracoforms are condents, such as tarworms1, though some condents are larger. Most condents have highly adapted dermal tissue suited to their environment.
    +• Conformata, Porca, Sirena - Conformates, porcates, and sirens were all hunted to extinction by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider2, who then destroyed most of the scholarly corpus on them.
    +• Fabulosa - The fabulosates are a now-extinct family of dracoforms characterized by being entirely fictional.
    +• Canes, Conjecta - Canids and conjectates are characterized by their unique spirations. Canids utilize unique methods to generate heat, while conjectates utilize chemical reactions that draw heat out of the target to freeze it rather than combust it.
    +• Trementes - The only trement genus is Utinsanus, which was given its own family after it made the other imperatorids uncomfortable.
    +• Innumerabiles - We do not speak of Innumerabiles[2].
    +• Picta - Pictates are theorized to exist, but have yet to be observed.
    +• Cetera - The ceterates consist mostly of dracoforms that dracologists haven't succeeded in classifying elsewhere.
    +• Frangentes - Frangents are distinguished from other dracoforms primarily by their morphological adaptations for complex mating calls, which are also used for weakening solid structures prior to breathing fire.
    +• Muscae - Flocks of birds in the shape of a dragon, muscates were not classified in the order Draco until they raided a military complex and made off with the flamethrowers. After a tense standoff at a dragon science symposium3, dracologists agreed to write them into the draconic taxonomy.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracophylogeneticist

    +

    [1] We hope.

    +

    [2] Or else.4

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Newtprester Resina +
    +2. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider +
    +3. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act +
    +4. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire + +

    +
    +

    Rhellgazing

    +

    Is your teen “rhellgazing?” Know the risks!

    +

    Has your teen come home after curfew with darkened eye-pits or a scaly +hide? If so, he or she may have fallen prey to the latest teenage craze: +“rhellgazing”.

    +

    “Rhellgazing” involves staring directly at the blindingly iridescent +walls of the Meteoric Temple1 from afar, often for extended periods +of time. While unsubstantiated by the Codex Ingenuous2, legend +maintains that the practice owes its beginnings to Kelorna the Extremely Confused3, who began “rhellgazing” late in her life. The +inspiration for the name, or what the “Rhell” could be, is completely +unknown to modern dragon science.

    +

    Perplexingly, participants are typically unable to describe the +experience, but are drawn to repeat it, and typically gain a fanatical +interest in the dragon sciences. Usually, this fascination occurs at the +expense of their mental faculties and personal identities.

    +

    Telltale signs that your teen has been “rhellgazing” include:
    +* Acne
    +* Defiant behavior
    +* Becoming a pillar of ash
    +* Speaking in unicode4

    +

    Just as real as the risks of “rhellgazing” are its associations: the +practice is a rite of passage for several organized crime rings, +particularly those involved in the odious crime of fire-fighting.

    +

    Parents suspecting their teens of “rhellgazing” should attempt to ignite +them – resistance to total incineration is a certain indicator of their +participation in this troubling fad.

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Meteoric Temple +
    +2. Codex Ingenuous +
    +3. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +4. Unicode + +

    +
    +

    Turtledragons

    +

    Turtledragons (not to be confused with Turtledoves) are a classification of dragons endemic to the area around the volcanic islands of the Scorialic Sea1. Their semi-protoelliptic2 bumps, many, many sharp teeth, and propensity to spit electrically-charged oil at prey differentiate them from otherwise docile sea-turtles. Although they are a popular draw for tourists, especially around breeding times, leading dracosociologists note the high rate of amputations resulting from turtledragon-spit-related-accidents reflects a seemingly high disregard for personal safety.

    +

    Due to recent legal kerfuffle, it is currently illegal to consume the mild, bubbly flesh these species are famous for. Recent social movements (seemingly tracing back to a series of spam messages) make broad, improbable claims about “major population decline” and “disappearing herds”. This legislation technically allows for the breeding of turtledragons, but given their propensity to deflate in any enclosure, this solution seems untenable for the bold, electrifying chefs of today.

    +

    Turtledragons’ lineage is a subject of much scientific debate. Some scholars think turtledragons evolved from dragons which, after evolving a hard shell in terrestrial swamps, moved back into the sea, and their resemblance to sea-turtles is a product of convergent evolution. Other scholars argue the teeth, markings, and spit are evolved from a sea-turtle to begin with, and their resemblance to dragons stems from convergent evolution on the other side. Yet others believe that the species is a product of interbreeding between dragons and sea-turtles, or intermediate stages. Notably, none of these lineages account for their specific locality in the Scorialic Sea. Never mentioned in the known pages of the Index Ingenuous3, ecologists are reduced to wild speculation and discordant and unreliable means of population measurement.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Scorialic Sea +
    +2. Protoellipses +
    +3. Index Ingenuous + +

    +
    +

    Elder Sea Serpent

    +

    Nigh-mythical sea-dragons of legendarily destructive potential, Elder Sea Serpents (taxonomic +name piscis grandis horribilis, of the family Imperatoris1; also known as Leviathans) +are the primary reason that there are no coastal settlements with population in excess of fifty thousand +souls. Whether this is the direct result of Elder Sea Serpent predation or a mere reflection +of their reputation is a matter of scholarly debate; the fact remains that most[1] do not care +to investigate the matter personally.

    +

    Historical accounts suggest that Elder Sea Serpents are native to the Scorialic Sea2, but +there is no small measure of uncertainty here—it is difficult to interpret Elder Sea Serpents' +presence in the historical record. For one, members of the species show little of their +terrestrial cousins' proclivity toward announcing their identities. Compare this passage +from Cullus (CI #445, ln 4603-4606):

    +

    Descended the noble one upon the fold;
    +Boometh he, "I am Greattooth the Large!"
    +And then he devoured them all.

    +

    with this passage from Tarion the Younger (CI #467, p. 217):

    +

    Hungering for flesh of man, from deep the great one rose.
    +"Tell us who you are, o terror," cried the warriors, "that we may worship you."
    +"Gift us with your name, o master" cried the women and children, "that we may die with it on our lips."
    +But he regarded them silently,
    +And then he devoured them all.

    +

    Both passages are quite typical of depictions of draconic feedings, and I could have illustrated +the point with any number of authors. However, Cullus and Tarion the Younger make for an especially +instructive comparison, as they were contemporaries, both writing out of the Carthusian oral +tradition. (Astute readers will note the stock phrase "and then he devoured them all" which +concludes both passages—Carthusian storytellers had a number of stock phrases like these, +which were used to express extremely common ideas.)

    +

    Another interpretive barrier is ancient writers' tendency to introduce Leviathans into their +narratives as metaphors for violent change. Hence, for example, Norwis of Julius's insistence +that the Leper King was carried off by an Elder Sea Serpent, while other contemporary accounts +render it a typical case of the secret taxmen3 disappearing an uncooperative +sovereign. But we cannot safely assume that all such depictions are metaphors, as it is +well-documented that Leviathans sometimes do attempt to make off with heads of state. (See, for +example, the debacle at the Potentate's coronation last year).

    +

    However, a concluding note: these are exciting times, and more of the Codex Ingenuous4 is +discovered every day. I have the fullest confidence that the truth will win out over the stories +in the end.

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] My use of the qualifier "most" here is in respect of the, if you'll pardon the editorializing, +utter maniacs5 who hunt them.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ordo Draco +
    +2. Scorialic Sea +
    +3. The Financiers Invisible +
    +4. Codex Ingenuous +
    +5. Surf and Turf + +

    +
    +

    Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg

    +

    Kevyn, the only known Drogoanthropic Hybrid to date, has recently remerged from his seven hundred year power nap and made an appearance at the recent Dooshbäg conference hosted by my esteemed collegues in the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds.

    +

    Unfortunately, Kevyn had to be asked to leave after getting into a heated debate amongst fireminds1 on the values of immortality. Given that Kevyn himself is immortal, it wasn’t long until he began referring to his mortal comrades as merely “talonstain”2 and when confronted by the ethics officer of the conference (a class “A” Dooshbäg) he laughed and called him talonstain too, noting that he would outlive any grudge they could hold against him.

    +

    Rumors erupted amongst the class “A” and class “B” Dooshbägs after the encounter resulting in accusations of rhellgazing3 and other popular fads recently spreading in the area. As Kevyn was being removed from the conference, I had the pleasure of discussing the Key of Xemonides4 with him, which he claims to have in his possession and even alluded to the possibility of its immortality providing qualities. Almost immediately after this admission, he took flight and disappeared into the above ground world, his fleshy drogoanthropic scales flailing with a lapping sound in the wind.

    +

    Further insight will be needed to draw any conclusions, but speculation points to a need for this immortal life giving key in order to ever access the Guage Enigma.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Fireminds +
    +2. Talonstain +
    +3. Rhellgazing +
    +4. Key of Xemonides + +

    +
    +

    Meteoric Temple

    +

    Otherwise known as the Vaticant, this is the seat of power for the mighty dracomonks, but most importantly, it is where some of the most brilliant keys in history were produced. I have written extensively on the fourth set of one hundred keys, but the remarkable fact of the Meteoric Temple is that this ranks only third on the list of their most notable accomplishments. The First Half Dynasty of Meteora1 laid down not only the framework for the creation of a key, it conducted extensive studies on protoellipses and the ontology2 of their numbers. Atherton Guage3 extensively studied the effects of prime numbers on a key at this site, and in so doing created key 14, or so the stories say. Key 14 is the first key[1] to contain not only a prime amount of protoellipses, but a stunning quantity of 79, a feat that remained unsurpassed until the creation of Epiliton.

    +

    The location of the Meteoric Temple upon The Woken God4 assists with the forging and research of keys, though not without risk5. The lava that constantly erupts upon it makes work hostile, but provides the necessary material and energy to conduct such important research.

    +

    Of a more minor note, some remarkable species of dragons may be found here, the biological study of which6 has little to do with keys, which is surely a shame.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 2^2

    +

    [1] That we know of.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. First Half Dynasty of Meteora +
    +2. Ontological cost +
    +3. Atherton Guage +
    +4. The Woken God +
    +5. Rhellgazing +
    +6. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire + +

    +
    +

    Protoellipses

    +

    Heat. Pressure. The taste of metallic air. Trying to scream, but hearing only silence. The weightless sensation of falling. These phenomena and others like them are common in protoellipses (via Greek, lit. protos "first" + elleipsis "omission"), psychic impressions encoded into the Guage Keys by the psychic effects of dragon fire1. The term "protoellipsis" originates from dragonfire therapy, where negative phenomenological states are scoured from the mind and crystalized into small, globular crystals. It was believed that only the first mental states thus scoured would crystallize, hence "proto", but later research determined that further states were simply encoded deeper into the crystal. The term nevertheless persists.

    +

    Dragons possess the mental fortitude to endure protoelliptic visions, and some are even known to weaponize them in self-defense2. We mortals, lacking such strength, must borrow it. As is well-documented in Gustivus Pulluman's celebrated Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh, regularly consuming dragon meat virtually eliminates the negative effects of protoellipses. Most dragonfire therapists and Guage Key researchers, however, lack Pulluman's ability to slay dragons in single combat, and rely instead on the aid of brainsplainers3 to withstand the mental stress. Those who forgo such precautions risk suffering from protoelliptic psychic shock4, better known by its vulgar name, "key madness".

    +

    Despite the august grandeur of that age in which the Guage Keys were forged, it seems that key madness is as old as the keys themselves. Scholars generally agree that Codex Ingenuous5 #1446 describes similar symptoms (p. 2):

    +

    Bearing the spiral[1] aloft, so prayed the circle:
    +"What could possibly go wrong?6 For lo,
    +This key we obtained for talonstains7."
    +So they intoned and in minds-eye turned inward,
    +And then heat devoured them all.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracophenomenologist

    +

    [1] The hieroglyph translated here as "spiral" is found nowhere else in the Codex except for a single passage describing the shape of a key thought to be Meklondiche8, hence the translation after that key's characteristic shape.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire +
    +2. Turtledragons +
    +3. Brainsplainer +
    +4. Lexicon Draconium +
    +5. Codex Ingenuous +
    +6. What-could-go-wrong-ism +
    +7. Talonstain +
    +8. Meklondiche + +

    +
    +

    Unanimite

    +

    Dear Authors of the Lexicon,

    +

    It has come to my attention that the artisinally-crafted unanimite lunchbox I won from the raffle at last year’s Lexicon sweater party was stolen from the community refrigerator. I know that the thief must have taken it sometime in the last 3 day (4 day?) revolution of the Guage Enigma.

    +

    I will remind you that unanimite is expensive, having been created only in a small quantity by Kelorna1 to turn excess “real world” heat energy quanta into meaningful development of the Literarosphere2. Of course, this has the delightful consequence of causing the box to maintain a permanent and comfortable thirty-six-point-eight degree temperature, but I wouldn’t expect a lunch-pilfering mongoloid such as yourself to have an appreciation for the metal’s finer technical merits.

    +

    Gustivus3, if this was you again, I swear to God4, I’ll see to it personally that the fireminds replace your other arm too. While moxie is an excellent spice, it’s best served warm and untainted by property crime. I think your estranged culinary mentor would agree. Need a “brash” new idea? Don’t 👏 steal 👏 my 👏 lunch.

    +

    This is a transcendental and valuable artifact, and isn’t some inconsequential container you can take in and out of the refrigerator – it is my lunchbox, and I demand that whoever took it return it immediately.

    +

    Fie on you, filthy food thief! Don’t make me fix my caps lock key!

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +2. Literarosphere +
    +3. Gustivus Pulluman +
    +4. The Woken God + +

    +
    +

    Xemoniphon the Elder

    +

    Xemoniphon the Elder is a famed artist who lived in the Third Dynasty of Meteora1, which in itself was no easy feat. Most famous for the Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder2, Xemoniphon’s works in philosophy, poetry, numerology, and baking culminated in the creation of many keys, apparently at the behest of none other than Atherton Guage3 himself. The exact number of keys created in Xemoniphon’s time is unknown, as is his particular role in their creation.

    +

    Unlike many other figures of his time, certain details of Xemoniphon’s life are known, both from the Codex Ingenuous4 and other firsthand artifacts, surviving despite (or perhaps because of) his mortality. Indeed, many such documents seem to reference his impending death. From a love/hate-letter from Fiona the Too-Young-To-Die to Wilfred the Impulsive, we know he was accidentally conceived during a particularly distressing act of ingenuosity by Kelorna the Extremely Confused5. He took an apprenticeship at the remains of a library where he was tasked with reconstructing scraps of books, and subsequently fired when the librarian realized he couldn’t read. From there, he took a job at a bakery, where the exposure to dragonfire ovens seemed to change him6.

    +

    According to a resurfaced court record, two years after this supposed change in personality, a lawsuit formed of families of customers who reportedly had gone insane upon consumption of his croissants (among the complainants was the wife of a former head-baker in the shop). The suit claimed these croissants used “an unreasonable number of dimensions” and “uncountably finite” folds of butter. This lawsuit was dismissed after Exhibit A reportedly gave the judge a brief seizure, during which the judge absolved him of all blame by blinking wildly and convulsing on the floor. The decision was appealed, but due to double jeopardy laws, fell through. This suit purportedly attracted the attention of many famed scholars of the day, in particular Atherton, as detailed in a parable in the Codex Ingenuous, the Delicious Temptation of the Wheelmind.

    +

    The fame of the Haiku leads some scholars to disregard the importance of his baking, but in truth, baking was the ultimate source of his many skills. For what more performative art is there than in the fleeting bites of a meal well cooked? Xemoniphon pioneered many of the famed dragonfire and keysmithing techniques in his time as a patissier. According to a take-out menu, one of the most popular items served was a cupcake, which tasted exactly how people thought it tasted7.

    +

    The death of Xemoniphon is haughtily debated amongst scholars. Some argue that it was an act of Kelorna, others say the roving dragons got to him first, and others point to an intriguing story in the Codex itself, in which he popped into thin air after disproving his existence by a series of petit fours.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Third Dynasty of Meteora +
    +2. Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder +
    +3. Atherton Guage +
    +4. Codex Ingenuous +
    +5. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +6. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire +
    +7. Ontological cost + +

    +
    +

    Appendices Ingenuous

    +

    The Appendices Ingenuous are a large collection of documents from Ergniramniphoniclufiville1 before its mysterious depopulation. Although less famous than the Codex Ingenuous2, the Appendices contain a good deal more information, as the Codex consists entirely of diary entries, and the Appendices include everything from religious texts to take-out menus. Fortunately, the Index Ingenuous3 exists to orient those who may attempt to parse such, even if the Index is, in part, misplaced, and almost as confusing as the Appendices themselves. It has been remarked that one who masters such navigation may be able to claim distinction in any number of draco-sciences, regardless of other knowledge or qualifications.

    +

    The location of the Appendices Ingenuous is a complicated matter, but it was not always such. Upon its discovery and compilation, it seems that various documents spread throughout varies universities and academies, with a longstanding pact that any resource must be accessible, in some form or another, to any academic in decent standing. This could be enforced with the full Index, as it detailed where any article may be found. Alas, such is not the case, and since, many articles have disappeared from their institutions. In cases where the loss is discovered, the curators unequivocally point to Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine4 as the culprit, and refuse to comment on the connections between the missing articles and stunningly original academic work produced thereafter. It should come as a great relief to many that many originals of the Appendices are currently stored in the impenetrable Underground Academy, with their strong focus on legalistic ethics and very passable cafeteria.

    +

    The Appendices’ size is directly tied to its source and history. Since, in its time, dragon and human academics often worked together, much of the more academic work is, in fact, translations of other texts. However, the non-academic work should not be undervalued. With such documents, we gain a clearer picture of the most important heroes of the past, contextualization of the Codex, and some of our only information on dracosociology and the restaurants of the day.

    +

    Upon attempting to engage with the text, it should be noted that the units specified often do not correlate with our present-day units, despite similar naming conventions, and this separation only worsens when trying to convert between thus. Even seemingly objective measures, like proportions in the recipe-books, fail to produce repeatable results, despite being highly consistent throughout.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ergniramniphoniclufiville +
    +2. Codex Ingenuous +
    +3. Index Ingenuous +
    +4. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine + +

    +
    +

    Guage Enigma

    +

    Not to be confused with the Gauge Enigma, the Guage Enigma is a complex system of +metal gears covering the entire atmosphere. It is commonly accepted that the Guage Enigma +was created by Atherton Guage for the sole purpose of preventing Kelorna the Extremely Confused1 +from accessing the Great Secret. However, recent scholarship on the Codex Ingenuous2 +has challenged this narrative, and at least from a textural criticism standpoint, their +thesis is quite compelling.

    +

    The initial argument, known as the "Red Herring Thesis", comes from the character of the +Wheelmind himself, as discussed by the anonymous author of CI #206:

    +

    Man or devil—it is not given to man to know the inner thoughts of the Wheelmind. +Once you think you have grasped the scheme behind the scheme, you have but fallen into a +third scheme, and yet none of those schemes had anything to do with his true purpose. (p. 89)

    +

    These sentiments are shared by many sources, apparently including Atherton Guage himself—the +Guage family motto roughly translates to "Never do anything for only one reason." Thus, +the scholars argue, the Guage Enigma likely served some purpose in addition to stalling Kelorna.

    +

    The Red Herring Thesis emerged around the same time as a concurrent development within the +niche field of historical kleidiology. Careful analysis of the Index Ingenuous3 reveals +that the production of keys actually predates the Guage Enigma. Indeed, between the keys' +strange ontological4 and phenomenological5 properties, +it is questionable why such advanced items would be needed to "unlock" a mere assembly of +metal gears, especially when enigmonomers have yet to discover even one keyhole through +telescopic observation.

    +

    Thus, we arrive at what is being termed the "Phylactery Hypothesis", which posits that the keys +were actually designed as repositories for mortal souls. Though there are numerous references +within the Codex to a relation between the keys and the Guage Enigma, they use the preposition +"λεστ"; thus, the phrase "keys to the Guage Enigma" could also be translated +"keys for the Guage Enigma." This rendering would make the keys a means of passage +into or through the Enigma. By the relocation of the soul to an enduring apparatus, a +mortal could theoretically avoid death indefinitely. And indeed, some +immortals6 have hinted that this +is in fact the case for some of the better-preserved keys.

    +

    The Phylactery Hypothesis also sheds new light on ambiguities in the +Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder7. Kleidiologists have long puzzled over his phrase +"forge the seven keys", as over 500[1] keys are known to exist. But suppose that only seven keys +functioned as phylacteries. The pattern "one by four by one by one" corresponds chronologically +to Atherton Guage's known8 key-forging9 activity10; +Xemoniphon, greatest of the Keysmiths, may have been saying that "forging" (in the sense of +"imitating" or "progressing along") Guage's journey of development is necessary to +understand what he was doing—i.e., "Unlock the one Guage".

    +

    If that's the case, then it suddenly becomes clear why eyewitness accounts report that Xemoniphon +vanished into thin air11 after waving around his masterwork12

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] That is, more than seven.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +2. Codex Ingenuous +
    +3. Index Ingenuous +
    +4. Ontological cost +
    +5. Protoellipses +
    +6. Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg +
    +7. Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder +
    +8. Meklondiche +
    +9. Meteoric Temple +
    +10. Epiliton +
    +11. Xemoniphon the Elder +
    +12. Key of Xemonides + +

    +
    +

    Ontological cost

    +

    on·to·log·i·cal cost
    +ˌän(t)əˈläjək(ə)l ‘ kôst/
    +DRACOPHILOSOPHY
    +1. The price, value, or figure put on a person, place, or thing relating to the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being.

    +

    Within everything from the reason you exist in the first place all the way to the best damned baked goods you’ve ever experienced, there is an ontological cost. +The metaphysical properties of dragon fire have been linked to a direct correlation between what is and what is not costly, in the ontological sense of course. +In cases like the noted email chain regarding Meklondiche1 (Guage key 71) , spread by a “concerned mother,” we see the catastrophic effects of misinterpretation. An ontological cost is a simple thing to calculate, as seen below in the approved graph for ontological costs in metaphysics 101 at the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds:

    +

    *Image Unavailable to anyone not enrolled in the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds, ENROLL TODAY!! 2*

    +

    As we see here in the graph (color coded to the common knowledge of corresponding dimensions) it takes a very specific level of thought attributed to the awareness of an object, such as a key, to keep it in its current metaphysical state. Once exceeding a certain point, the metaphysics shift and the dimension in which the object exists will also shift (clearly demonstrated in the above graph), so the poor soul that found Meklondiche has probably been slingshot to a far off dimension by now if that email chain continued at its exponential rate.

    +

    Applying the appropriate levels of attention and awareness to an object, such as my cupcake I had today3, you can fulfil the ontological cost and define the metaphysics of its properties. I, myself, knew there would be no better flavor than that of the tarworm4 and therefore that is the delicious flavor I tasted as I bit into my prize winning cupcakes.

    +

    It is important that I also note the dangers of opening spam mail from uncredited sources. +Do not mess with the imbalances of ontological cost, because we all know what happens to those who do5.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Meklondiche +
    +2. Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds +
    +3. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds +
    +4. Newtprester Resina +
    +5. Kelorna the Extremely Confused + +

    +
    +

    Scorialic Sea

    +

    A body of water with a most dire history, the Scorialic Sea is home to a number of dragon species,[1] and also boasts a remarkable geography consisting of both fertile and barren islands, ruined by both dragon fire and volcanoes. It is here that the Meteoric Temple1 is found, built at the mouth of the mighty Woken God2.

    +

    The Scorialic Sea boasts of nine islands of various sizes (notice the perfect square again, perhaps inspiring Xemoniphon the Elder3 in his crafting of both keys and poetry). One island is fertile, no volcanoes being found. One island has two volcanoes, whereas two islands have three apiece. The remaining five have dormant volcanoes, yet mysteriously their lands have not regrown yet, possibly due to their being the location4 of the forging of the famous Key of Xemonides5.

    +

    The Vaticant maintained a strong hold in the sea and its surrounding lands. It wasn’t until the end of the Third Meteoric Dynasty where the noble dracomonks attempted to forge unanimite6 keys without the proper metaphysics in place. A psychical backblast from the Loong destroyed most Vaticant presence, leaving only the Meteoric Temple7 standing. It is postulated that famed dracoscientist Kelorna8 first developed her extreme confusion due to this backblast, leading to her rise to fame, a rise only matched by her descent into actual confusion. It is due to her research at the Scorialic Sea that we have Keys 138 and 134 3/2, and so we key scientists owe both the psychic backblast and the esteemed scientist Kelorna a great debt of gratitude.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 2+2

    +

    [1] Of note, the Turtledragons9 and the Elder Sea Serpents10 (some question the latter)

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Meteoric Temple +
    +2. The Woken God +
    +3. Xemoniphon the Elder +
    +4. Ontological cost +
    +5. Key of Xemonides +
    +6. Unanimite +
    +7. Meteoric Temple +
    +8. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +9. Turtledragons +
    +10. Elder Sea Serpent + +

    +
    +

    Unicode

    +

    Found among the papers of Heraclitavian de Sobrel during his sick leave

    +

    +

    Unicode, also known as unus codex, is a strange and recent phenomenon in which persons become catatonic and speak only in a quasi-artificial, monotone dialect about "making one the Codex1". Such individuals tend to become highly motivated to collect the disparate sections of the Codex -- an admirable impetus, except that these individuals do not do something so useful to dragon science as seek out lost or stolen sections of the Codex. Rather, they seem to work towards gaining access to extant dragon science research archives. In cases where unicode-afllicted individuals have accessed these archives, they have stolen the Codex materials. This is all according to plan.

    +

    While it was previously thought that rhellgazing2 caused unicode, recent studies suggest that the causality goes the other way, and rhellgazers who speak in unicode generally showed signs of unicode before beginning to rhellgaze. On this basis, some experts have suggested that we include more dragon meat3 in our diets, since dragonflesh-rich diets seem to counter the effects of unicode. In these troubling times, I think we ought to ignore this advice.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracopsychologist

    +

    P.S. Don't put this part into the Lexicon, but I have in my possession a rare -- possibly unique -- copy of a missing Appendix4 page that makes a reference to a mind control spell that was used against the Wheelmind5. The referenced Codex page is one of the missing ones (isn't it always?) but there's enough here that I'm beginning to suspect that unicode is actually this spell. Say, it's kind of stuffy in here, isn't it? I know the amendments to the Please Act6 forbid opening windows, but the flock of birds hovering outside my window is telling me I could really use some fresh air right now...

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Codex Ingenuous +
    +2. Rhellgazing +
    +3. Surf and Turf +
    +4. Appendices Ingenuous +
    +5. Atherton Guage +
    +6. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act + +

    +
    +

    What-could-go-wrong-ism

    +

    hey everyone! This made me LOL super hard so I had to share!! have a blessed day!

    +

    4 Soul-Bending Facts About What-could-go-wrong-ism That Can’t Possibly Go Wrong™

    +

    1. As most are aware, ‘What-could-go-wrong-ism’ is a fundamental mindset shared by dragon scientists. Its mastery and continual exercise are essential to understanding dragons – After all, if any one possibility of catastrophe could be predicted in the act of examining, discussing, or even thinking about dragons, scholars might abandon their studies out of fear. However, by professing absolute perplexity toward any specific danger, scholars march bravely on into the blazing unknown. What Could Go Wrong, indeed!

    +

    2. The phrase “What could go wrong?” is supposedly used in casual conversation by dragons with the intention of distracting the other party. While the question is pondered (since all inquiries from dragons are assumed profoundly meaningful), the dragon gains a brief moment to telepathically invite guests to the imminent barbecue of their conversational partner. Neat, huh? What Could Go Wrong?

    +

    3. What-could-go-wrong-ism also permits advances in the study of Protoellipses1. Some scientists suggest that the “psychic impressions” crystallized in each protoellipsis could be superposed to reconstruct a complete and working (but somewhat crispy) consciousness to tell us of the missing keys. Of course, this might also result in a sapient, mind-ravaging horror – but fear not! After all, What Could Go Wrong?

    +

    4. One popular theory for the sudden inactivity of The Financiers Invisible2 is that the moment of the organization’s very creation was half-stolen from them, causing them to be half-erased from history. Of course, dear reader, you may be concerned that setting a precedent for this kind of ex machina time-travel into the Literarosphere3 may be dangerously exploitable. However, thanks to the convenient doctrine we so cherish, there’s no need to worry – What Could Go Wrong?

    +

    If you liked this article, you might also enjoy: ’7 Dragons So Adorable You Won’t Even Know How To Whaaargblalngnaaarh!’

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Protoellipses +
    +2. The Financiers Invisible +
    +3. Literarosphere + +

    +
    +

    The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    An excerpt from The Lit-Ass Dank Fire Mixtape of MC MOTHER: Track 69:

    +

    My name is A CONCERNED and I’m here to make it clear
    +Errybody knows cupcakes be why I’m posting here
    +Ophelia came around and destroyed my pure elation
    +By crediting herself for my beautiful creation
    +The underground academy likes to think they’re so righteous
    +But what you don’t know is that those fuckers are spineless

    +

    So let me tell you the deal-ia
    +My recipe stolen by Ophelia
    +Don’t believe the mainstream stigma
    +She stole it an hid it outside the Enigma1

    +

    My rap game is a dream
    +Eco-kitchen has gone green
    +My cake recipe so mean
    +Acclaimed by the Dean
    +My ingredients so lean
    +More flavor than Pulluman2 cuisine
    +Gifted minds behind a screen3
    +Need the one thing you have seen
    +My cupcakes are the thing
    +But they’re on a space submarine

    +

    *mic drop*

    +

    A CONCERNED MOTHER

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Guage Enigma +
    +2. Gustivus Pulluman +
    +3. Fireminds + +

    +
    +

    Fireminds

    +

    A Firemind is an individual gifted with an innate ability to converse with dragons in a soul-based linguistic pattern known as Firetongue. Although this used to be a universal (well, near-universal1) trait, since the collapse of Ergniramniphoniclufiville2, such persons have become a rarity, with recent censuses suggesting an occurrence of approximately 1:29.

    +

    To-do: Ask Heraclitivian about that recent study, the one regarding communication with Muscae3 when he gets back. Bluh. That guy gives me a headache.

    +

    A Firemind differs not only in their ability to converse with dragons, but in the very way they think. Even the few Fireminds who do not take careers directly related to dragons tend to find success in highly bureaucratic fields, such as in library science and governmental agencies. Since Fireminds tend to excel in unconventional areas of life, their specialized communities and abilities have led to a somewhat contentious division of culture between those who are not Fireminds and those who are. It is not uncommon for regional folklore to demonize those who can speak to dragons. Certain tales call them "soulsuckers" and "lizard-people", and more modern insults attack their organizational tendencies, comparing it to the stereotypical dragon horde. As a result, certain anti-defamation unions were founded to protest this mistreatment. One notable Firemind union, The Dooshbags, even bear one such slur with a sense of pride. Others, like the Bardslayers, try to influence political and social movements in different, subtle ways. And of course, Fireminds have their own set of slurs for those they deem unimportant4.

    +

    Although not many Fireminds choose to become chefs (for quite a few reasons, and with the notable exception of my good friend Ophelia5), many become incredible, if lofty and egocentric, food critics, perhaps owing to their strong ontological forces6 (To-do: Need to cite Dean Loblaw's mathy thingy here).

    +

    When not involved in dragon’s-rights campaigns, Fireminds do important work and are integral members of every community. Through them, we gain key insights into biology, culture, and bureaucracies. Just because they’re a little awkward and a little weird and can occasionally cause your brainstem to feel like it’s vibrating doesn’t make them any less of people.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +2. Ergniramniphoniclufiville +
    +3. Ordo Draco +
    +4. Talonstain +
    +5. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds +
    +6. Ontological cost + +

    +
    +

    Literarosphere

    +

    One of the many, many semi-apocalyptic devices constructed by Kelorna the Extremely Confused1 +over the years, the Literarosphere was a compendium of knowledge intended to provide a +companion perspective to the Codex Ingenuous2. The exact technical specifications of +the device remain mercifully unknown, but it's likely that it functioned similarly to a +brainsplainer3, as the brainsplainer development process began with salvaged +pieces of the Literarosphere. However, Kelorna's intent for the device is on record:

    +

    Mwa ha ha! For too long, that fool Guage has hidden the secrets of the Codex from me! +But he was too short-sighted, for merely relocating the Codex[1] is not enough to stop me from +collecting all of it and seizing the Great Secret! With this device, I shall reach into +history itself and reconstruct the Codex—and THEN, I shall RULE THE WORLD! BWA HA HA HA! +COWER, MORTALS! COWER AND BEHOLD![2]

    +

    Unfortunately, while it seems Kelorna intended the Literarosphere to view the historical record +passively, it the device was actually able to effect changes in the past—a possibility +it appears she did not consider4. Naturally, the device subsequently +exploded. It is impossible to prove which changes occurred as a result of the Literarosphere, +as at this point they have always been as they are, but it is a safe bet that any use5 +of unanimite6 before its invention in 1901 is the result of temporally-displaced fragments +of the Literarosphere.

    +

    The Literarosphere was built after the failure of the Omnihammer (a device to turn everything +into nails), and was followed by an unnamed and swiftly abandoned plot to "drown the world +in syrup".[3]

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class

    +

    [1] Kelorna refers here to the then-recent theft of half the Codex by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider7. No connection between Thrognurith and Guage has ever been proven, and +given Kelorna's characteristic paranoia, it is generally assumed that Guage (circa 2nd +century) had little or nothing to do with the theft (which occurred in the 18th century).

    +

    [2] As quoted in "Until the End of Time": A Brief Biography of Kelorna the Extremely +Confused, Vol. III (Abridged Version) by Dr. Sid Martius, p. 859. Emphasis his.

    +

    [3] Ibid, p. 1003.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +2. Codex Ingenuous +
    +3. Brainsplainer +
    +4. What-could-go-wrong-ism +
    +5. Scorialic Sea +
    +6. Unanimite +
    +7. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider + +

    +
    +

    Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act

    +

    A historic moment for the annual Dragon Science Symposium was recorded when a new Act was signed into place known as the “Please Don’t Shoot, We’ll Do It” Act.

    +

    It had been a rather dull but sunny day as the leading dracologists from around the globe met to discuss a variety of menial matters when one dracologist1 went to open the windows and let the sun in. Outside were thousands of completely non-threatening birds, armed with flame throwers, hovering in the shape of a massive dragon. It would soon be learned that they acquired these flamethrowers by raiding a nearby military complex which left hundreds of soldiers de-lighted with their manners and completely willing to part with any and all weapons desired.

    +

    These types of birds in this arrangement would come to be known as the muscae2. The muscates that were present that day had some very compelling arguments as to their rightful classification, compelling dracologists to amend the Ordo Draco3 and include muscae within it. This of course gave the muscae full access to the Meteoric Temple4, for obvious reasons. Other amendments to this act included that no one else was allowed to open the windows anymore. This was decidedly the best way to prevent any further tense discussions between the dracologists and ALMIGHTY MUSCAE.

    +

    Since the “Please Don’t Shoot, We’ll Do It” act, dracologists insist that we have nothing further to worry about in regards to the muscae5.

    +

    Hmm, my head hurts. +Do not be concerned, all is well.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Gustivus Pulluman +
    +2. Ordo Draco +
    +3. Ordo Draco +
    +4. Meteoric Temple +
    +5. You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!! + +

    +
    +

    Thrognurith the Dragon Rider

    +

    The madman responsible for not only the horrific crime of the extermination of draconic families1 Conformata, Porca, and Sirena, but also of intellectual crimes including the destruction of all but a few fragments of the knowledge of this now extinct species, the theft of the Codex Ingenuous2, the theft and subsequent tearing asunder of the only known key whose protoellipses3 surpassed even those of the Key of Xemonides4. He disappeared after a botched attempt at thievery at The Woken God5, foiled by not only the dracomonks, but also by the Great Merchant Hans6 and the well-known thief Petrine7 in the only recorded instance of them being publicly seen together. In an amusing turn of events, Thrognurith was run out with Muscae swarming over him, hence the now well-known name which, when lost in translation, leads one to believe that he rode dragons himself.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 2*2

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ordo Draco +
    +2. Codex Ingenuous +
    +3. Protoellipses +
    +4. Key of Xemonides +
    +5. The Woken God +
    +6. Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men +
    +7. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine + +

    +
    +

    Yellow wyrmidon

    +

    One of the most famous case studies in dragon conservation is that of the yellow wyrmidon. While its cousin, the black wyrmidon, is still extant across most of the Scorialic Sea1, the yellow wyrmidon is now extinct. The yellow-skinned black wyrmidon is hunted at a sustainable rate, since its black licorice taste has only a small but ardent following -- as evident from the mere two entries in Pulluman's Ninety Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh that make use of it, and in relatively small quantities. On the other hand, the black-skinned yellow wyrmidon features in fourteen entries in the same book. Once Dr. Gumphry2 amended the Underground Academy budget and reallocated the mathematics department's funding to her confection side business3 on Pulluman's4 insistence, the increased demand wiped the yellow wyrmidon out. (She has since had to switch to using chidl5 meat, which explains why the quality has nosedived as of late.)

    +

    The lessons learned from the yellow wyrmidon extinction have since galvanized dragon conservationists to push for legislation protecting turtledragons6, which are no longer, whether or not they were before, endangered. This was accomplished largely via mass emailing. These methods have drawn criticism7, but mostly from people who caused the problem in the first place, so they probably deserved it. On an unrelated note, attached are the email addresses of all the faculty members of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracoecologist

    +

    <Attachment: Faculty%20Directory.xlsx>

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Scorialic Sea +
    +2. Talonstain +
    +3. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds +
    +4. Talonstain +
    +5. Childarn +
    +6. Turtledragons +
    +7. Ontological cost + +

    +
    +

    Brainsplainer

    +

    Of all the wooly hoaxes that the so-called "academy" "elites" have pulled over the eyes of the public, no hoax is so wooly nor so far pulled as the "brainsplainer". Touted by its snake-oil salesmen as a way to read protoellipses1 without succumbing to "key madness"2, these conspirators (for that is the only word appropriate to the occasion) claim that the technology has antecedents in the Literarosphere3 of Kelorna the Extremely Confused4. Tell me, when was the last time anything built by that madwoman worked? Hogwash, the lot of it. I've disassambled a brainsplainer, and I can't tell what anything inside it does.

    +

    These carnival hooligans haven't stopped at pushing their wares only on Guage Key5 researchers, either. The latest "studies" (ha! as if) claim that even reading the Codex6 should be done with a brainsplainer, due to proto-protoelliptic effects etched into the magmatic pages themselves. They say that the existence of these effects is a clue to uncovering the catastrophe that destroyed Ergniramniphoniclufiville7 -- but wouldn't that be just so convenient for these "researchers", who no doubt will take such a "result" as an opportunity to ask for more funding?

    +

    In reality, there is probably no such thing as protoelliptic psychic shock. It is a lie sold by dragonflesh butchers to hype up their wares, eaten up by consolation-prize dracoscientists to explain why their protoelliptic research projects keep falling through. News flash: not everyone can do dracoscience with the big boys. I've read every protosllipsis on Epiliton8 twice, and only had three nosebleeds -- and one of those was just because of the pain medication I was snorting. If there were such a thing as key madness, I would have it in spades, but I don't. Explain that, you third-rate hacks.

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    +

    P.S. 'Twas I who stole that unanimite9 lunchbox from the office fridge, and no, I'm not giving it back. Ever since I've started using it as a helmet, the voices have gotten quieter. If you want it back, you'll have to pry it from my cold, oddly-vibrating hands.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Protoellipses +
    +2. Lexicon Draconium +
    +3. Literarosphere +
    +4. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +5. Guage Enigma +
    +6. Codex Ingenuous +
    +7. Ergniramniphoniclufiville +
    +8. Epiliton +
    +9. Unanimite + +

    +
    +

    Ergniramniphoniclufiville

    +

    An excerpt from the Ergniramniphoniclufiville Heights Season 9 finale

    +

    The lights come up on KELORNA and JASON, both seated in her apartment’s infernatorium. JASON appears puzzled and concerned, and KELORNA1 is gesturing wildly, her crooked teeth in a half-smile.

    +

    KELORNA: ...and that’s how I’ll retrieve the Gauge Enigma2, whether that crafty Atherton Guage3 likes it or not!

    +

    JASON: Oh, Kelorna, I’ve been dying to tell you… the other night when I was lava-boating with Louisa, it wasn’t how it looked at all --

    +

    KELORNA: I’ll be right back; I’ve got to go engrave my plan on the lava slab by my bedside table4.

    +

    KELORNA exits through the upstage crater.

    +

    JASON: Are you writing it on the first half? Or the second half with those nice, perforated, tearable pages5?

    +

    KELORNA (muffled): The second half, you fool! That’s where all the good secrets go. No doomsday device belongs in the first half, only useless personal ramblings! If somebody could find it a hundred years later and overthink its significance, it belongs in the first half -- a doomsday device is far too practical for the first half!

    +

    JASON stands. Soft organ music begins to play.

    +

    JASON: Kelorna… I have a confession. I can’t take it anymore! I’ve… I’ve never loved you at all! Every night, as I fall asleep, I’m thinking of Mildred and the fire that burns eternal in her eyes. After her untimely demise, I don’t think I could ever love again!

    +

    KELORNA: Mildred…? Hmmm… Was she the one I accidentally jettisoned into the Enigma last month?

    +

    JASON: Atherton6 was right to leave you! You’re a monster who can’t understand love! All these doomsday devices of yours… the death-helmet, then the flame-mangler… and now it’s this Literarosphere7 of yours! Will you ever stop plotting the world’s demise for long enough to for another living being to matter to you at all?

    +

    KELORNA: No… Wait, hold on, “love”? Is that why you’ve been living in my apartment?

    +

    JASON: I knew it! I knew this volcano8 wouldn’t be big enough for the both of us! I’d sooner burn in a pool of magma than say another word to you!

    +

    JASON leaps out of a window into the fires below.

    +

    DIRECTOR (from off the set, panting): Wait! We’ve changed our mind! We’ll re-negotiate your contract!

    +

    KELORNA returns, cackling. She is holding the LITERAROSPHERE9 CONTROLS with both hands. The screen fades to fire while an organ in a deliberately unspecified location swells to a crescendo.

    +

    JASON / DIRECTOR (simultaneously): Nooooooooooo!

    +

    Shared by A CONCERNED MOTHER
    +1 like = 1 prayer

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +2. Gauge Enigma +
    +3. Atherton Guage +
    +4. Codex Ingenuous +
    +5. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider +
    +6. Atherton Guage +
    +7. Literarosphere +
    +8. The Woken God +
    +9. Literarosphere + +

    +
    +

    Gustivus Pulluman

    +

    About the Author

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman is a legendary chef currently living between the Underground Academy, his primary restaurant in The Igneous City, and a private island in the Scorialic Sea1. Despite being 79 (Tickets for his 80th Birthday Bash available now! Featuring The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds2™ and his very own grilled Elder Sea Serpent3), Gustivus doesn't look a day over 30! What's his secret? Many think it's his impressive diet, others say he charmed Time itself, and some think he was just born perfect.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman was born in the small seaside town of Vertrouw de Vogelsniet, where his mother introduced him to the family trade of hunting and preparing yellow wyrmidon4. A simple existence, but Gustivus yearned for more. One expedition, he discovered a hidden cave, and in it, a slumbering drogoanthropic hybrid5. Gustivus snuck in, taking but one item from the hoard. As he crossed the room back towards the exit, a rustling sound from behind froze him in his tracks. The dragon hadn't fully awoken, but the sentient tail had, and slashed out, taking off Gustivus' right arm. He barely managed to swim to shore, clutching his prize. Stumbling back, he saw his town was no more. An elder sea serpent was destroying his humble, beloved fishing village! Gripping his now only possession, Gustivus slew the dragon single-handed, an act which by no means went unnoticed. A Firemind Union, The Bardslayers, finding the wreckage of the village, graciously replaced his arm with a cutting-edge, mechanical stand-in, for naught but a simple favor later.

    +

    Thrilling, incredible adventures aren't all Gustivus is known for. Since that eventful day, Gustivus' profound cooking expertise has won international acclaim. Two of his definitive cookbooks, featuring sensational tales of Gustivus’ travels, are international bestsellers. The Underground Academy6 has awarded him an honorary, never-before-extant culinary doctorate for his contributions to their new Baking division.

    +

    You can't make a proper omelette without breaking a few dragon eggs, and thus it is unsurprising that there are a couple people who don't wholly approve of the Pulluman brand. Some undoubtedly unfair criticisms leveled point to that one time Gustivus needed a breath of fresh air because by God that conference was stuffy as all hell, and a couple birds got in, or when I mistook one lunch for my own, and that other time where my unbridled success led to the extinction of some regrettably delicious species (whose extinctions were probably really the result of some other factor). But it is undeniable that Gustivus is the most influential man of our time, and as long as he's there with that award-winning smile and award-winning roast, nothing can truly ever go too wrong.

    +

    For recipes and more tales of adventure, be sure to check out his critically acclaimed books, Ninety Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh and Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh, along with the new companion book: One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?' available now, for flavorful substitutions, advanced techniques, and even more tales of exploration and adventure.

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, Author of the New, Critically-Acclaimed Companion Book One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?'

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Scorialic Sea +
    +2. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds +
    +3. Elder Sea Serpent +
    +4. Yellow wyrmidon +
    +5. Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg +
    +6. Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds + +

    +
    +

    Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine

    +

    I know that other guy was s'posed to write this article, but I kinda felt +like his version was too negative, so here's my corrected version instead, ha ha ha!

    +

    That's right! I stole the article in your little book here!

    +

    Anyways, I think there's a lot of cool stuff about me! Like how I stole that one +special key thingy from the big museum1 and +nobody2 realized until I pointed +it out just now, ha ha ha. Yeah, uh, you might wanna beef up your security a li'l bit, y'know? +Point is, the key in there's a fake, I got no idea how you chumps haven't noticed by now. +And also I'm only thirteen but people already think I look grown-up, cuz I'm just that awesome!

    +

    Ooh, and here's a fun bit of trivia! You know my awesome kickass nickname, Mean Petrine the +Stealing Machine? You know why they call me that? It's cuz when people don't use my +bad-ass tag, I steal whatever they're writing. That's, like, well I guess you don't realize +how hard that is. Like, one time this old gramps got his newspaper all the way +through publication, so, like, I had to go running all around town and mug all the paperboys +and stuff... yeah. Not a super fun night.

    +

    But shyeah, I'm super good at stealing stuff. It's like, dragon hoard? BAM. Stole it. +Top-secret research findings?3 +BAM. Stole it. I'm a stealing machine, baybay. And +I totally got myself adopted by Hans's4 mom, +ON her freaking deathbed. And he was trying to be a good brother, so he brought me along +to stop my buddy Throg5 from stealing more of the Codex6. +Then, while Kelorna7's birds were all going after Throg, +I stole the stuff we were after! Then I stole all Hans's keys, too! Gotcha, bro!

    +

    Take whatever you want and don't give anything away for free, that's my motto! And, like, some +people don't like that, but that's just 'cause they're not good at stealing things, ha ha ha! +When it comes to stealing I am simply the best there is!

    +

    "But Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine, you impossibly beautiful scoundrel, why are you +telling us this? Didn't you just say you never give things away for free?"

    +

    Well thanks for asking, ha ha ha! But, see, I didn't give anything away!

    +

    You know that ignorance you used to have about how awesome and good-looking I am?

    +

    BAM.

    +

    STOLE it!

    +

    Mean Petrine the Stealing Machiiiiiiiine! XOXOXO <3

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Key of Xemonides +
    +2. Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg +
    +3. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire +
    +4. Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men +
    +5. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider +
    +6. Codex Ingenuous +
    +7. Kelorna the Extremely Confused + +

    +
    +

    Third Dynasty of Meteora

    +

    The Third Dynasty of Meteora is universally renowned for it's poetry and art. +While efforts have been made to preserve these cherished gifts of the past, it is known that the artistic type are a jealous and bitter people in the shadow of The Woken God1. Many speculate that this may have to do with the mind altering effects of the temple walls2.This is of course seen in the fact that all records of the second halves of the first and second dynasty’s records are missing and there are no records of the 4th-9th dynasty's’ accomplishments either.

    +

    In truth, no one really knows what dynasty we are currently in anymore, thanks to Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine3. The very few records left behind from the third dynasty are mostly those of Xemoniphon4 who was a striking seventeen years old at the time of his death. This was an exceptionally long life for someone at this time.

    +

    Other notable discoveries from the third dynasty:
    +*Most draconic or “firetongue” translations follow either haiku format, iambic pentameter, or are meant to be sung
    +*Dragons cannot fly backwards
    +*With the creation of every key, there must be a life paid in sacrifice to it's creation
    +*The term “CONCERNED” is actually from root “CONSCERNUS” in draconic language meaning “SLOW MINDED, DAFT, or LEARNING IMPAIRED”

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. The Woken God +
    +2. Rhellgazing +
    +3. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine +
    +4. Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder + +

    +
    +

    You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!!

    +

    Muscae1, this magnificent species of dragon was propelled into the public eye after the well-known righting of wrongs2 at a dragon science symposium. This righteous action indeed opened the door to searches for missing fragments of the Codex Ingenuous3, prompting a widespread interest4 in this IMPORTANT tome. Of further import, it unveiled a metakey that may be the greatest yet. The numerology in the protoellipses5 of any key was discovered to correlate directly to the mind control spell6 found in the VERY UNIMPORTANT search for Appendices Ingenuous7 pages, in fact, the prime numbered protoellipsed8 keys prove to not only serve as a focus, but it is arguable that they match known non-trivial zeros in the Riemann-Zeta function of the numbered gears of the Guage Enigma9, which amplify the effect tenfold. Of greater note, the perfect square protoellipsed keys SERVE NO PURPOSE AND EVEN IF THEY DID NUMEROLOGY IS A WASTE OF TIME.

    +

    WHY DOES THIS MAN DISCUSS NUMBERS AND KEYS AND NOT FINDING THE CODEX? 

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw 4^1

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ordo Draco +
    +2. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act +
    +3. Codex Ingenuous +
    +4. Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds +
    +5. Protoellipses +
    +6. Unicode +
    +7. Appendices Ingenuous +
    +8. Protoellipses +
    +9. Guage Enigma + +

    +
    +

    Childarn

    +

    It is frightening the extents to which dragon science will go. The Childarn population was conceived in a glass tube (hence their low quality1 of meat). Their intelligence is unparalleled, and after escaping, due in part to muscae uprising2, they became relatively integrated into society. There have been attempts to study them, but the lifespan of a Childarn researcher is significantly shorter than most.

    +

    Of greater interest is the psychical elements of the Childarn. Their teeth are used in the construction of protoellipses3, and it can be no accident that Childarn have varying amounts of teeth per each individual, but all have a prime number amount, which must be related to the consequent power of prime numbered protoellipsed keys. And here we have arrived at yet another metakey.

    +

    If we are able to unlock the relationship between the Childarn, their diet4, their prime numbered teeth, and ellipses, it may in fact be enough to unlock the Guage, or at least begin production of keys again. Only a perfect square amount of time will tell.

    +

    Dean Robert Loblaw sqrt(16)

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Yellow wyrmidon +
    +2. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act +
    +3. Protoellipses +
    +4. Surf and Turf + +

    +
    +

    The Financiers Invisible

    +

    Competing interests

    +

    The authors of the Lexicon declare that they have no1 competing2 interests3.

    +

    Funding

    +

    The Lexicon Draconium was supported by draconotary grant award █████████ from the Financiers Invisible[1][2][3].

    +

    Acknowledgements

    +

    We thank Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine4 for not stealing the manuscripts, and Deepmaw the Sophisticated for eating Reviewer #2[4]. We thank the Financiers Invisible for not stealing our dreams with their long, ethereal fingers, the cursed digits of bodies ████████████████████████5.

    +

    Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracopublicist

    +

    [1] Okay, I think we're safe here. For some reason, the taxmen can't read footnotes. The Financiers Invisible are a secret society of beings whose original forms are unknown. A freak Literarosphere6 accident resulted in their physically visible forms being erased, but they remain with us in the form of ghostly psychic revenants, forever wailing about incentive taxes and departmental audits.

    +

    [2] Since they're invisible, it is difficult to evaluate the innumerable claims that the Financiers are responsible for this or that historical event. Such claims are usually dismissed as just-so stories, but some have gained minor traction among dracohistorians. The most well-supported of these is the recent theory that the Financiers funded the Great Merchant7, explaining how he was able to make such risky business ventures.

    +

    [3] There are few records of attempted resistance against the Financiers, but no records of a Financier ever being killed. This has led to a variety of folk tales about their resilience, most popularly that only the way to kill one is the intense flame of a Loong8 held by a pure maiden.

    +

    [4] We don't thank him for the warning that we're next, as long as Pulluman doesn't open the damn window again9. Ilron, did you buy those padlocks yet?

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Surf and Turf +
    +2. Gustivus Pulluman +
    +3. Ontological cost +
    +4. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine +
    +5. What-could-go-wrong-ism +
    +6. Literarosphere +
    +7. Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men +
    +8. Loong +
    +9. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act + +

    +
    +

    First Half Dynasty of Meteora

    +

    The First Half Dynasty of Meteora is known for it's groundbreaking studies on protoellipses and the ontology of their numbers. Many dracologists are known for their discoveries at this time, most noteably Atherton Guage1 for his Prime Number Protoellipses case study. Another infamous aspect of Atherton was his public suggestion for Kelorna’s2 controversial therapy which led him to beat her in the political races of that time.

    +

    The First Half Dynasty is also known for it's development of the dracomonks. Meteoric Temple3 leaders scavenged the Scorialic Sea4 for pirates and then subsequently searched the lands surrounding the great Woken God5 for any homeless people with nothing better to do and they took all those people, gave them some flashy robes, changed their names to that of firetongue6, and made them the first true generation of dracomonks.

    +

    Other Notable Successes of the First Half Dynasty:

    +

    *This is when it was first discovered that led piping was poisonous and hence it was all changed out (excluding the piping around all living enemies of the Meteoric Temple)
    +*Dracologists discovered a way to harness the power of The Woken God7 to power the Meteoric Temple in it's entirety

    +

    Other Notable Failures of the First Half Dynasty:

    +

    *Millions died due to the initial led piping of the area due to poison in their waters
    +*Hundreds died in the pits of The Woken God8 in order to power the Meteoric Temple9 which had not yet even discovered electricity.

    +

    Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Atherton Guage +
    +2. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +3. Meteoric Temple +
    +4. Scorialic Sea +
    +5. The Woken God +
    +6. Fireminds +
    +7. The Woken God +
    +8. The Woken God +
    +9. Meteoric Temple + +

    +
    +

    Gauge Enigma

    +

    Gauge Enigma (n.)
    +1: Any one of a related series of half-assed hoaxes by so called ‘dracoscientists’ perpetuated to establish their weekend tabletop RPG campaign as a hard science.
    +2: The puzzling fact that anyone could be so deluded as to actually believe in the existence of the so-called ‘Gauge Enigma.’
    + Example: “Golly,” exclaimed John, “it sure would be jolly if we unlocked the Gauge Enigma -- then I could find a respectable position at a real university and my mother might love me again!”

    +

    These bored, cyclomasturbatory Lexicon dim-wits claim that the “Gauge Enigma” contains the key to the perfect cupcake recipe -- an obvious falsehood considering the fact that everyone (even the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians1 I store in a shoebox under my bed, ho ho!) know that creating a perfect cupcake is simply a mathematical impossibility. Furthermore, if there was a perfect cupcake, years of bake sale traditions would have uncovered it by now.

    +

    Go on, you lazy Lexicon hocks. Keep paddling your petty false hoods. Run your snivell{ll}lllllling little mouths as you may, you won’t escrape the tooth: the Guage Enigma2 wasn’t meant to keep us out of some ‘Gauge Enigma’ -- it was meant to keep you in, and spare the rest of the universe your talentless nonsense.

    +

    You know hwhat, it’s probably a good thing all you fools are spending so much time jircle cerking about the steupid Guage Eginma. Gauge Schmage! Because speaking about jibberish wastes words, and wasting words is wasting time, and wasting time is wasting honey, the greatest thing since spliced bread. Splined beard is the superior delicacy, as a man of my distinguised tastes understadns. Everoyne snows that. Sad.

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    +

    I don’t need anyboyny’s pteolropielss3. It’s nice. I’m using my own petolrpielses. I don’t care. I’m ralely rtaoianl; I’ll sohw you that. That’s jsut the knid of thnkiing you need for this uinrevse.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ergniramniphoniclufiville +
    +2. Guage Enigma +
    +3. Protoellipses + +

    +
    +

    Key of Xemonides

    +

    Until The Unnamed Museum acquired the Key of Xemonides, mathematicians had formally, conclusively proven that Protoellipses1 could not be constructed from other protoellipses. They were wrong, and in fact, protoellipses may be constructed from an uncountable recursion of other protoellipses, given a finitely-uncountably deep mental state, as might be achieved by a wide net of population staying brain-healthy and eating a balanced diet of Dragonflesh and higher-order pastries2, as was the case in the Third Dynasty of Meteora3.

    +

    The matter of location for the Key of Xemonides has caused some confusion, which I feel can easily be cleared up. The Key of Xemonides had an unnamed predecessor, here referred to as the protokey, which, after its creation in the Scorialic Sea4, was soon acquired by none other than Kelorna the Extremely Confused5. Noticing its unique structure, she attempted to build the Literarosphere6 around it. Naturally, it exploded, causing the protokey to crack deeply. In a fit of rage, it was torn asunder by Thrognurith the Dragon Rider7 into the Key of Xemonides8. This meant that one layer of the recursion was shed and fragmented, but its layers remained uncountable. Currently, it is reportedly possessed by myself, Thrognurith, Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men9, Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine10, Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg11, and the Unnamed Museum, all of whom / which are fabulously famous, perhaps suggesting a predictive ontological requirement to “steal” this key without at best, turning into a pillar of ash, and, at worst, keyshock. This probably should cause speculations as to the true nature of immortality, and how it applies to the protokey’s shattering and relation to the Literarosphere.

    +

    Everyone knows that the key to a good Key Lime Pie is the stirring implement, and feasibly, there could be none better than the Key of Xemonides. Now, such a powerful dessert might cause pillars of ash or keyshock upon glances, let alone consumption, to an individual without the proper Brainsplainer12, but alternatives exist. Thanks to new technology developed at The Underground Academy, we now have a special process for breeding Turtledragons, and we’re passing the savings onto you! Not only will our Turtledragon meat be available at the best butchers in the land, accessories including Turtledragon Shell Spoons and Oil Gland Firestarters will enable you to create sparkling Key Lime Pies in no time!

    +

    Gustivus Pulluman, Author of the New, Critically-Acclaimed Companion Book One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?'

    +

    CONFIDENTIAL: FOR THE EYES OF DR. OPHELIA GUMPHRY ONLY

    +

    We need to do something about her. I fear she’s no longer fully Concerned, and is showing signs of Ingenuosity and re-fragmenting her shattered personality. Since her articles started to leak, we’ve seen a 9% decrease in Dragonflesh consumption, 25% drop in Brainsplainer sales, and only a 1% increase in upper-dimensional baked goods. We need to find an alternate solution to keyshock and dragonfire13. I recommend delaying any publication of the Lexicon Draconium14 until we can resolve this issue. Also, come to my office. I’ve been talking to the Dean and the Bardslayers, and think the final menu for the Birthday Bash is ready.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Protoellipses +
    +2. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds +
    +3. Third Dynasty of Meteora +
    +4. Scorialic Sea +
    +5. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +6. Literarosphere +
    +7. Thrognurith the Dragon Rider +
    +8. Key of Xemonides +
    +9. Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men +
    +10. Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine +
    +11. Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg +
    +12. Brainsplainer +
    +13. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire +
    +14. Lexicon Draconium + +

    +
    +

    Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds

    +

    In times of confusion and controversy, the Council of Bardslayers holds a contest to see +which Bardslayer can best determine the facts of the matter. This contest is one of the few +opportunities for a Bardslayer to advance in rank.

    +

    In recognition of services rendered in the noble cause of fact-checking, the Council of +Bardslayers hereby awards the Order of the Mighty Pen to contender Yedevek Ilron for +this excellent Slaying.

    +

    +

    In light of recent events, it seems like a breath of sanity is in order. I fear I will not +be much help in bringing peace to the dead or consoling the living; my talents are better +suited to enlightening the confused. As such, I have answered the questions which have come +up most frequently in the controversy surrounding Underground Academy's Enrollment Festival.

    +

    Q: What is the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds?

    +

    A: UAGM boasts of being the "highest ranked university" for Enigmatology. While this claim +is technically true, that is due to UAGM being located aboard a ship in orbit. +However, UAGM still enjoys more favorable critical reviews than its competitors, which supporters +claim is due to some combination of its relationship1 to the Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act2, the presence +of international superstar Gustivus Pulluman3 among its faculty, and privileged access +to the largest portion of the Appendices Ingenuous4 known to exist in one place.

    +

    Anonymous critics of UAGM argue that the actual reason is that UAGM uses orbital bombardment +to keep its competitors in check. UAGM spokespeople have replied that it is easy to make +anonymous accusations, and that if these critics really believed in what they were saying, +they would reveal their name and address.

    +

    UAGM is also famous for its comprehensive code of ethics, which, among other things, forbids +research on anyone but criminals5, while +declaring it a crime to be a research subject.

    +

    Q: What happened at the Enrollment Festival?

    +

    A: Kelorna the Extremely Confused6, thought to have been rehabilitated, was revealed +not to be rehabilitated. She had enrolled as a student in the incoming class, and those +close to her had reported that she seemed to have changed for the better. However, during +the traditional icebreaker and assassinate-off, there was a surprise showing by the +muscae7, followed by what eyewitnesses describe as a triumphant shout from +Kelorna, who then said:

    +

    It worked! By the gods, it worked! They thought they could stop me with mere dragonfire, +but they couldn't stop me from storing my consciousness in a dragon-shaped flock of +telepathic8 birds with flamethrowers! Now the Codex9 shall +be mine at last! All has gone according to my design!

    +

    Witnesses say that was when the engine compartment exploded.

    +

    Q: Why did the engine compartment explode?

    +

    A: Though there is still uncertainty regarding what, precisely, occurred, first responders report +finding the body of some poor unfortunate occupying the same physical space as the main +engines, Meklondiche10 clutched in one hand in a death grip. When word spread that Meklondiche +had shown up in the engine compartment, the resulting attentional shift is theorized to have +collapsed the ontological indeterminacy11 and warped every third molecule +out of the engine compartment and into an unknown dimension, resulting in the explosion that +left UAGM in freefall.

    +

    It is likely that this was just a freak accident. Meklondiche had recently been the subject +of an extensive email chain, and to calculate this precise outcome would truly require an +intellect more vast and terrifying than the Wheelmind's. It is hard to imagine what +grievance12 +such an entity might have against UAGM.

    +

    Q: Is Gustivus Pulluman okay?

    +

    A: Yes, as soon as they finish replacing his other arm.

    +

    Q: What happened to Kelorna?

    +

    A: According to witnesses, after the explosion occurred, she attempted to access the Codex +archives with her new student ID card, but was stopped by a woman eyewitnesses are referring +to as "Kelorna's Good Twin." It is unknown who she is or where she came from. We only know +that she was skilled enough at hand-to-hand combat to fight off a dragon-shaped swarm of birds +by herself, and that after driving the villains away she vanished, pausing only to reclaim +a unanimate13 lunchbox that UAGM professor Ersatz Scriver was +using as a hat14 while muttering something about getting back into disguise.

    +

    Kelorna's whereabouts are currently unknown. We can only hope that this mysterious protector +is up to the task.

    +

    Q: Did Atherton Guage set up these events as part of his eternal quest to thwart Kelorna?

    +

    A: Talonstains, A CONCERNED, he's been dead for centuries! That's completely improbable! +How many times do I have to tell you that chain letters don't count as peer review? +Don't bring this up again until you have actual evidence!

    +

    Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 1st class

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!! +
    +2. Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act +
    +3. Gustivus Pulluman +
    +4. Appendices Ingenuous +
    +5. The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire +
    +6. Kelorna the Extremely Confused +
    +7. Ordo Draco +
    +8. Unicode +
    +9. Codex Ingenuous +
    +10. Meklondiche +
    +11. Ontological cost +
    +12. The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds +
    +13. Unanimite +
    +14. Brainsplainer + +

    + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/rules/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/rules/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a9a2fa6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/rules/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,61 @@ + + +Rules | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +
    +
      +
    1. Each Lexicon has a topic statement that sets the tone for the game. It provides a starting point for shaping the developing world of the Lexicon. As it is a starting point, don't feel contrained to write only about the topics mentioned directly in it.
    2. +
    3. Articles are sorted under an index, a grouping of letters. An article is in an index if its first letter is in that group of letters. "The", "A", and "An" aren't counted in indexing. Example: Two indices are JKL and TUV. An article titled 'The Jabberwock' would index under JKL, not TUV.
    4. +
        +
      1. Until the game is over, some of the articles will have been cited, but not yet written. These are called phantom articles. A phantom article has a title, which is defined by the first citation to it, but no content.
      2. +
      3. Generally, an index has a number of "slots" equal to the number of players. When an article is first written or cited, it takes up one slot in its corresponding index.
      4. +
      +
    5. Each turn, you will be assigned to write in an index.
    6. +
        +
      1. Your articles should be written from the perspective of your character. Your character should be a scholar collaborating with the other scholars on the production of the Lexicon. You should play the same character for the duration of the game.
      2. +
      3. If the index has open slots, you may come up with a new article title and write an article under that title. If all unwritten slots in your index are filled by phantom articles, you must choose one of them and write it.
      4. +
      5. There are no hard and fast rules about style, but it is recommended that players imitate an encyclopedic style to stay true to the game's conceit.
      6. +
      7. There are no hard and fast rules about length, but it is recommended that the Editor enforce a maximum word limit. In general, aiming for 200-300 words is ideal.
      8. +
      9. You must respect and not contradict the factual content of all written articles. You may introduce new facts that put things in a new light, provide alternative interpretations, or flesh out unexplained details in unexpected ways; but you must not contradict what has been previously established as fact. Use the "yes, and" rule from improv acting: accept what your fellow scholars have written and add to it in new ways, rather than trying to undo their work.
      10. +
          +
        1. This rule includes facts that have been established in other, written articles about the topics of phantom articles. When you set out to write a phantom article, be sure to check what's been said about the topic already. Lexipython will list the articles that have cited your article.
        2. +
        +
      +
    7. Each article will cite other articles in the Lexicon.
    8. +
        +
      1. You may not cite an entry that you have written. When you write an article, you may not cite it in later articles.
      2. +
      3. As a corollary, you may not write phantom articles that you have cited. If you cite an article and then write it later, your former article now cites you, which is forbidden per the above.
      4. +
      5. On the first turn, there are no written articles. Your first article must cite exactly two phantom articles.
      6. +
      7. On subsequent turns, your article must cite exactly two phantoms, but you can cite phantoms that already exist. Your article must also cite at least one written article. You can cite more than one.
      8. +
      9. On the penultimate turn, you must cite exactly one phantom article and at least two written articles.
      10. +
      11. On the final turn, you must cite at least three written articles.
      12. +
      +
    9. As the game goes on, it may come to pass that a player must write an article in an index, but that index is full, and that player has already cited all the phantoms in it. When this happens, the player instead writes their article as Ersatz Scrivener, radical skeptic. Ersatz does not believe in the existence of whatever he is writing about, no matter how obvious it seems to others or how central it is in the developing history of the world. For Ersatz, all references, testimony, etc. with regard to its existence are tragic delusion at best or malicious lies at worst. Unlike the other scholars, Ersatz does not treat the research of his peers as fact, because he does not believe he has peers. Players writing articles as Ersatz are encouraged to lambast the amateur work of his misguided "collaborators".
    10. +
    11. Finally, the rules are always subject to the discretion of the Editor.
    12. +
    +
    + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/session/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/session/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3150fc4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/session/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,33 @@ + + +Session | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    + +

    Lexicon Draconium was played November 5 to December 5, 2017

    +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Almighty Muscae.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Almighty Muscae.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d9a2186 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Almighty Muscae.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 7 +# Title: You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!! + +[[Muscae|Ordo Draco]], this magnificent species of dragon was propelled into the public eye after the well-known [[righting of wrongs|Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act]] at a dragon science symposium. This righteous action indeed opened the door to searches for missing fragments of the [[Codex Ingenuous]], prompting a [[widespread interest| Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds]] in this IMPORTANT tome. Of further import, it unveiled a metakey that may be the greatest yet. The numerology in the [[protoellipses]] of any key was discovered to correlate directly to the [[mind control spell|Unicode]] found in the VERY UNIMPORTANT search for [[Appendices Ingenuous]] pages, in fact, the prime numbered [[protoellipsed|protoellipses]] keys prove to not only serve as a focus, but it is arguable that they match known non-trivial zeros in the Riemann-Zeta function of the numbered gears of the [[Guage Enigma]], which amplify the effect tenfold. Of greater note, the perfect square protoellipsed keys SERVE NO PURPOSE AND EVEN IF THEY DID NUMEROLOGY IS A WASTE OF TIME. + +WHY DOES THIS MAN DISCUSS NUMBERS AND KEYS AND NOT FINDING THE CODEX?  + +~Dean Robert Loblaw 4^1 \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/AppendicesIngenuous.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/AppendicesIngenuous.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2c19c4a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/AppendicesIngenuous.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14 @@ +# Player: NS +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Appendices Ingenuous + +The Appendices Ingenuous are a large collection of documents from [[Ergniramniphoniclufiville]] before its mysterious depopulation. Although less famous than the [[Codex Ingenuous]], the Appendices contain a good deal more information, as the Codex consists entirely of diary entries, and the Appendices include everything from religious texts to take-out menus. Fortunately, the [[Index Ingenuous]] exists to orient those who may attempt to parse such, even if the Index is, in part, misplaced, and almost as confusing as the Appendices themselves. It has been remarked that one who masters such navigation may be able to claim distinction in any number of draco-sciences, regardless of other knowledge or qualifications. + +The location of the Appendices Ingenuous is a complicated matter, but it was not always such. Upon its discovery and compilation, it seems that various documents spread throughout varies universities and academies, with a longstanding pact that any resource must be accessible, in some form or another, to any academic in decent standing. This could be enforced with the full Index, as it detailed where any article may be found. Alas, such is not the case, and since, many articles have disappeared from their institutions. In cases where the loss is discovered, the curators unequivocally point to [[Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine]] as the culprit, and refuse to comment on the connections between the missing articles and stunningly original academic work produced thereafter. It should come as a great relief to many that many originals of the Appendices are currently stored in the impenetrable Underground Academy, with their strong focus on legalistic ethics and very passable cafeteria. + +The Appendices’ size is directly tied to its source and history. Since, in its time, dragon and human academics often worked together, much of the more academic work is, in fact, translations of other texts. However, the non-academic work should not be undervalued. With such documents, we gain a clearer picture of the most important heroes of the past, contextualization of the Codex, and some of our only information on dracosociology and the restaurants of the day. + +Upon attempting to engage with the text, it should be noted that the units specified often do not correlate with our present-day units, despite similar naming conventions, and this separation only worsens when trying to convert between thus. Even seemingly objective measures, like proportions in the recipe-books, fail to produce repeatable results, despite being highly consistent throughout. + +~Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, //Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh// + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Atherton Guage.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Atherton Guage.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..301bd04 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Atherton Guage.txt @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Atherton Guage + +A quixotic and storied figure in [[Codex|Codex Ingenuous]] lore, **Atherton Guage** is the +subject of so many wildly varying tales that all of them cannot possibly true—a fact, it +must be said, that draws Bardslayer attention like bloody water draws sea wyrms. Given +extant writings on the man, I will merely offer a brief summary. + +Our actual evidence of Guage's life is scant. We know from the Codex Ingenuous that he was +a prominent figure in [[Ergniramniphoniclufiville]] and a contemporary—and political opponent—of +[[Kelorna the Extremely Confused]]. Though referred to only as the "Wheelmind" in the Codex, +comments by Kelorna in the present day confirm that Guage was her primary opponent during +final batch of experiments that are presumed to have resulted in Ergniramniphoniclufiville's +disappearance. Unfortunately, most of these comments are off-handed references, collected +from the transcripts of her characteristic monologues while e.g. unleashing another doomsday +device or blowing up the current head of government. And since [[undergoing dragonfire-induced +radical behavior modification therapy|The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire]], Kelorna +has ceased being //ingenuously// "extremely confused", and is now, to all appearances, //actually// +extremely confused. It seems unlikely she will be able to provide further information. + +Guage's most notable accomplishment, however, needs no immortal supervillain to confirm its +existence. To prevent the power of the [[Gauge Enigma]] from falling into the wrong hands +(that is, Kelorna's), he brought forth a great working that remains without equal to this day. +Lirian Inkbowels put it particularly well: + +//Dark the brow, quick the fingers of the Wheelmind as raised he a bulwark 'gainst the unworthy. +Wheels of fire issued forth from the ground, and the Gauge Enigma//[1]// was enshrined in the sky, +warded forever.// (CI #209, p. 147) + +I hardly need explain at this point that this is why the all-encompassing network of metal +gears in the sky is known as the "Guage Enigma". The ever-shifting patterns among the gears +make for an excellent deterrent for those like Kelorna, who is bad at math. However, it +is unlikely it will stop those like the estimable D. R. Loblaw, whose +[[groundbreaking|Epiliton]] [[work|Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder]] +on the Guage Enigma would surely advance the field if he were invited to conferences anymore.[2] + +~ Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class + +[1] Some translators alternatively render the phrase //εωερυβοδυ διεσ// as "Great Secret". +For a number of reasons, the Sel and Kimoth translation, which I use here, elected to stick +with the vernacular. + +[2] Alas, part of this is his fault. I am told that instead of presenting, he just stands +on the podium and mumbles about numbers. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Childarn.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Childarn.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4aed021 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Childarn.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Childarn + +It is frightening the extents to which dragon science will go. The Childarn population was conceived in a glass tube (hence their [[low quality|Yellow wyrmidon]] of meat). Their intelligence is unparalleled, and after escaping, due in part to [[muscae uprising|Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act]], they became relatively integrated into society. There have been attempts to study them, but the lifespan of a Childarn researcher is significantly shorter than most. + +Of greater interest is the psychical elements of the Childarn. Their teeth are used in the construction of [[protoellipses]], and it can be no accident that Childarn have varying amounts of teeth per each individual, but all have a prime number amount, which must be related to the consequent power of prime numbered protoellipsed keys. And here we have arrived at yet another metakey. + +If we are able to unlock the relationship between the Childarn, their [[diet|Surf and Turf]], their prime numbered teeth, and ellipses, it may in fact be enough to unlock the Guage, or at least begin production of keys again. Only a perfect square amount of time will tell. + +~Dean Robert Loblaw sqrt(16) diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Codex Ingenuous.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Codex Ingenuous.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..595dbc5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Codex Ingenuous.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: AF +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Codex Ingenuous + +The **Codex Ingenuous** is an ancient manuscript consisting of a large compilation of diary entries by the people of [[Ergniramniphoniclufiville]] + +Entries from the young and old depict eye witness accounts of the times when Dragons flew free and among people with little to no conflict, unless you account for the not-so-infrequent village burnings and missing livestock. + +Many people believe the **Codex Ingenuous** to be an innocent accounting of the lives of these people with little to no circumstances or implications worth deriving from. There are some people, however, who believe the **Codex Ingenuous** is not this at all, but instead a series of riddles and clues that hold a grave secret, one that left the people of [[Ergniramniphoniclufiville]] to mysteriously disappear. The **Codex Ingenuous** was compiled by scholars in the early 17th century after a group of wanderers happened upon the city, abandoned, with no trace of the previous residents intent to leave or struggle. It appeared that every member of this village between the ages of 8 and 35 kept a journal in the same place, their bedside table, open and exposed directly beside the right end of their beds. + +There are many interpretations between scholars as to the true content of this manuscript, being that the original text was written in hieroglyphics for obvious reasons. + +Speculation aside, only half of the **Codex Ingenuous** is even accessible today. In the late 18th century, it was split into two parts. One part, stored in the heavily guarded archives of the Vaticant. The second part, stolen by [[Thrognurith the Dragon Rider]] has been missing, along with him, ever since. Petitions to view and study the **Codex Ingenuous** are rarely met for any purposes barring the study of dragons. + +~Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Elder Sea Serpent.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Elder Sea Serpent.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..77cdf9d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Elder Sea Serpent.txt @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Elder Sea Serpent + +Nigh-mythical sea-dragons of legendarily destructive potential, **Elder Sea Serpents** (taxonomic +name //piscis grandis horribilis//, of the [[family //Imperatoris//|Ordo Draco]]; also known as **Leviathans**) +are the primary reason that there are no coastal settlements with population in excess of fifty thousand +souls. Whether this is the direct result of Elder Sea Serpent predation or a mere reflection +of their reputation is a matter of scholarly debate; the fact remains that most[1] do not care +to investigate the matter personally. + +Historical accounts suggest that Elder Sea Serpents are native to the [[Scorialic Sea]], but +there is no small measure of uncertainty here—it is difficult to interpret Elder Sea Serpents' +presence in the historical record. For one, members of the species show little of their +terrestrial cousins' proclivity toward announcing their identities. Compare this passage +from Cullus (CI #445, ln 4603-4606): + +//Descended the noble one upon the fold;// \\ +//Boometh he, "I am Greattooth the Large!"// \\ +//And then he devoured them all.// + +with this passage from Tarion the Younger (CI #467, p. 217): + +//Hungering for flesh of man, from deep the great one rose.// \\ +//"Tell us who you are, o terror," cried the warriors, "that we may worship you."// \\ +//"Gift us with your name, o master" cried the women and children, "that we may die with it on our lips."// \\ +//But he regarded them silently,// \\ +//And then he devoured them all.// + +Both passages are quite typical of depictions of draconic feedings, and I could have illustrated +the point with any number of authors. However, Cullus and Tarion the Younger make for an especially +instructive comparison, as they were contemporaries, both writing out of the Carthusian oral +tradition. (Astute readers will note the stock phrase "and then he devoured them all" which +concludes both passages—Carthusian storytellers had a number of stock phrases like these, +which were used to express extremely common ideas.) + +Another interpretive barrier is ancient writers' tendency to introduce Leviathans into their +narratives as metaphors for violent change. Hence, for example, Norwis of Julius's insistence +that the Leper King was carried off by an Elder Sea Serpent, while other contemporary accounts +render it a typical case of the [[secret taxmen|The Financiers Invisible]] disappearing an uncooperative +sovereign. But we cannot safely assume that all such depictions are metaphors, as it is +well-documented that Leviathans sometimes //do// attempt to make off with heads of state. (See, for +example, the debacle at the Potentate's coronation last year). + +However, a concluding note: these are exciting times, and more of the [[Codex Ingenuous]] is +discovered every day. I have the fullest confidence that the truth will win out over the stories +in the end. + +~ Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class + +[1] My use of the qualifier "most" here is in respect of the, if you'll pardon the editorializing, +[[//utter maniacs//|Surf and Turf]] who hunt them. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Epiliton.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Epiliton.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..beeab89 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Epiliton.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Epiliton + +The third of five hundred and seventeen keys to the famed Guage Enigma, it remains one of the twelve and one-fifth keys to have been identified and archived. Known mainly for its streamed form and blocky cuts, much ink has been spilt into the anatomy of its overall shape. However, what has not been commented upon in enough volume is the nature of its teeth. Containing no less than 83 [[protoellipses]], its craftsmanship remains unparalleled (aside from the [[Key of Xemonides]] for obvious reasons), leading some scholars to posit (incorrectly) that this key may have been used as a prototype for a whole range of novel keys. However, upon looking closer to the shape and form of the teeth itself, one can distinctly detect influences from keys 279 and 14, though it undeniably improved vastly upon their character. + +Alas, were these keys not lost to history we would perhaps be able to unravel some of the origins of the inventions of these keys. Who made them, for what purpose, diabolical or benevolent, and why were they so careless in their storage of such priceless artefacts? Such questions baffle scholars to this day and may never be answered until we properly catalogue the remaining five hundred and four and four fifths keys, truly the challenge of our lifetime. + +~Dean Robert Loblaw IV diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Erg....txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Erg....txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e147755 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Erg....txt @@ -0,0 +1,60 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Ergniramniphoniclufiville + +**An excerpt from the //Ergniramniphoniclufiville Heights// Season 9 finale ** + + +// The lights come up on KELORNA and JASON, both seated in her apartment’s infernatorium. JASON appears puzzled and concerned, and [[KELORNA|Kelorna the Extremely Confused]] is gesturing wildly, her crooked teeth in a half-smile.// + + +**KELORNA:** ...and that’s how I’ll retrieve the [[Gauge Enigma]], whether that crafty [[Atherton Guage]] likes it or not! + + +**JASON:** Oh, Kelorna, I’ve been dying to tell you… the other night when I was lava-boating with Louisa, it wasn’t how it looked at all -- + + +**KELORNA:** I’ll be right back; I’ve got to go engrave my plan on the [[lava slab by my bedside table|Codex Ingenuous]]. + + +// KELORNA exits through the upstage crater. // + + +**JASON:** Are you writing it on the first half? Or the second half with those [[nice, perforated, tearable pages|Thrognurith the Dragon Rider]]? + + +**KELORNA** //(muffled)//: The second half, you fool! That’s where all the good secrets go. No doomsday device belongs in the first half, only useless personal ramblings! If somebody could find it a hundred years later and overthink its significance, it belongs in the first half -- a doomsday device is //far// too practical for the first half! + + +//JASON stands. Soft organ music begins to play.// + + +**JASON:** Kelorna… I have a confession. I can’t take it anymore! I’ve… I’ve never loved you at all! Every night, as I fall asleep, I’m thinking of Mildred and the fire that burns eternal in her eyes. After her untimely demise, I don’t think I could ever love again! + + +**KELORNA:** Mildred…? Hmmm… Was she the one I accidentally jettisoned into the Enigma last month? + + +**JASON:** [[Atherton|Atherton Guage]] was right to leave you! You’re a monster who can’t understand love! All these doomsday devices of yours… the death-helmet, then the flame-mangler… and now it’s this [[Literarosphere]] of yours! Will you ever stop plotting the world’s demise for long enough to for another living being to matter to you at all? + + +**KELORNA:** No… Wait, hold on, “love”? Is that why you’ve been living in my apartment? + + +**JASON:** I knew it! I knew this [[volcano|The Woken God]] wouldn’t be big enough for the both of us! I’d sooner burn in a pool of magma than say another word to you! + + +//JASON leaps out of a window into the fires below.// + + +**DIRECTOR** //(from off the set, panting)//: Wait! We’ve changed our mind! We’ll re-negotiate your contract! + + +//KELORNA returns, cackling. She is holding the [[LITERAROSPHERE|Literarosphere]] CONTROLS with both hands. The screen fades to fire while an organ in a deliberately unspecified location swells to a crescendo.// + + +**JASON / DIRECTOR** //(simultaneously)//: Nooooooooooo! + + +~ Shared by A CONCERNED MOTHER\\ +1 like = 1 prayer diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Fireminds.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Fireminds.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b90f36b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Fireminds.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: NS +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Fireminds + +A Firemind is an individual gifted with an innate ability to converse with dragons in a soul-based linguistic pattern known as Firetongue. Although this used to be a universal (well, [[near-universal|Kelorna the Extremely Confused]]) trait, since the collapse of [[Ergniramniphoniclufiville]], such persons have become a rarity, with recent censuses suggesting an occurrence of approximately 1:29. + +To-do: Ask Heraclitivian about that recent study, the one regarding communication with [[Muscae|Ordo Draco]] when he gets back. Bluh. That guy gives me a headache. + +A Firemind differs not only in their ability to converse with dragons, but in the very way they think. Even the few Fireminds who do not take careers directly related to dragons tend to find success in highly bureaucratic fields, such as in library science and governmental agencies. Since Fireminds tend to excel in unconventional areas of life, their specialized communities and abilities have led to a somewhat contentious division of culture between those who are not Fireminds and those who are. It is not uncommon for regional folklore to demonize those who can speak to dragons. Certain tales call them "soulsuckers" and "lizard-people", and more modern insults attack their organizational tendencies, comparing it to the stereotypical dragon horde. As a result, certain anti-defamation unions were founded to protest this mistreatment. One notable Firemind union, The Dooshbags, even bear one such slur with a sense of pride. Others, like the Bardslayers, try to influence political and social movements in different, subtle ways. And of course, Fireminds have their own set of [[slurs for those they deem unimportant|Talonstain]]. + +Although not many Fireminds choose to become chefs (for quite a few reasons, and with the notable exception of [[my good friend Ophelia|The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds]]), many become incredible, if lofty and egocentric, food critics, perhaps owing to their strong [[ontological forces|Ontological cost]] (To-do: Need to cite Dean Loblaw's mathy thingy here). + +When not involved in dragon’s-rights campaigns, Fireminds do important work and are integral members of every community. Through them, we gain key insights into biology, culture, and bureaucracies. Just because they’re a little awkward and a little weird and can occasionally cause your brainstem to feel like it’s vibrating doesn’t make them any less of people. + +~Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, //Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh// diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/First Half Dynasty.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/First Half Dynasty.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..56f5be2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/First Half Dynasty.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: AF +# Turn: 8 +# Title: First Half Dynasty of Meteora + +The First Half Dynasty of Meteora is known for it's groundbreaking studies on protoellipses and the ontology of their numbers. Many dracologists are known for their discoveries at this time, most noteably [[Atherton Guage]] for his Prime Number Protoellipses case study. Another //infamous// aspect of Atherton was his public suggestion for [[Kelorna’s| Kelorna the Extremely Confused]] controversial therapy which led him to beat her in the political races of that time. + +The First Half Dynasty is also known for it's development of the dracomonks. [[Meteoric Temple]] leaders scavenged the [[Scorialic Sea]] for pirates and then subsequently searched the lands surrounding the great [[Woken God|The Woken God]] for any homeless people with nothing better to do and they took all those people, gave them some flashy robes, changed their names to that of [[firetongue|Fireminds]], and made them the first true generation of dracomonks. + +Other Notable Successes of the First Half Dynasty: + +*This is when it was first discovered that led piping was poisonous and hence it was all changed out (excluding the piping around all living enemies of the Meteoric Temple)\\ +*Dracologists discovered a way to harness the power of [[The Woken God]] to power the Meteoric Temple in it's entirety + +Other Notable Failures of the First Half Dynasty: + +*Millions died due to the initial led piping of the area due to poison in their waters\\ +*Hundreds died in the pits of [[The Woken God]] in order to power the [[Meteoric Temple]] which had **not yet even discovered electricity**. + +~Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/GaugeEnigma.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/GaugeEnigma.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d8d6c9a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/GaugeEnigma.txt @@ -0,0 +1,18 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Gauge Enigma + +**Gauge Enigma** (n.)\\ +**//1://** //Any one of a related series of half-assed hoaxes by so called ‘dracoscientists’ perpetuated to establish their weekend tabletop RPG campaign as a hard science.//\\ +**//2://** //The puzzling fact that anyone could be so deluded as to actually believe in the existence of the so-called ‘Gauge Enigma.’//\\ + **Example:** “Golly,” exclaimed John, “it sure would be jolly if we unlocked the Gauge Enigma -- then I could find a respectable position at a real university and my mother might love me again!” + +These bored, cyclomasturbatory Lexicon dim-wits claim that the “Gauge Enigma” contains the key to the perfect cupcake recipe -- an obvious falsehood considering the fact that everyone (even the [[Ergniramniphoniclufivillians|Ergniramniphoniclufiville]] I store in a shoebox under my bed, ho ho!) know that creating a perfect cupcake is simply a mathematical impossibility. Furthermore, if there was a perfect cupcake, years of bake sale traditions would have uncovered it by now. + +Go on, you lazy Lexicon hocks. Keep paddling your petty false hoods. Run your snivell{{ll}}lllllling little mouths as you may, you won’t escrape the tooth: the [[Guage Enigma|Guage Enigma]] wasn’t meant to keep us //out// of some ‘Gauge Enigma’ -- it was meant to keep you //in//, and spare the rest of the universe your talentless nonsense. + +You know hwhat, it’s probably a good thing all you fools are spending so much time jircle cerking about the steupid Guage Eginma. Gauge Schmage! Because speaking about jibberish wastes words, and wasting words is wasting time, and wasting time is wasting honey, the greatest thing since spliced bread. Splined beard is the superior delicacy, as a man of my distinguised tastes understadns. Everoyne snows that. Sad. + +~ Ersatz Scrivener + +I don’t need anyboyny’s [[pteolropielss|Protoellipses]]. It’s nice. I’m using my own petolrpielses. I don’t care. I’m ralely rtaoianl; I’ll sohw you that. That’s jsut the knid of thnkiing you need for this uinrevse. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Guage Enigma.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Guage Enigma.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5d763b5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Guage Enigma.txt @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Guage Enigma + +Not to be confused with the //Gauge Enigma//, the **Guage Enigma** is a complex system of +metal gears covering the entire atmosphere. It is commonly accepted that the Guage Enigma +was created by Atherton Guage for the sole purpose of preventing [[Kelorna the Extremely Confused]] +from accessing the Great Secret. However, recent scholarship on the [[Codex Ingenuous]] +has challenged this narrative, and at least from a textural criticism standpoint, their +thesis is quite compelling. + +The initial argument, known as the "Red Herring Thesis", comes from the character of the +Wheelmind himself, as discussed by the anonymous author of CI #206: + +//Man or devil—it is not given to man to know the inner thoughts of the Wheelmind. +Once you think you have grasped the scheme behind the scheme, you have but fallen into a +third scheme, and yet none of those schemes had anything to do with his true purpose.// (p. 89) + +These sentiments are shared by many sources, apparently including Atherton Guage himself—the +Guage family motto roughly translates to "Never do anything for only one reason." Thus, +the scholars argue, the Guage Enigma likely served some purpose in addition to stalling Kelorna. + +The Red Herring Thesis emerged around the same time as a concurrent development within the +niche field of historical kleidiology. Careful analysis of the [[Index Ingenuous]] reveals +that the production of keys actually //predates// the Guage Enigma. Indeed, between the keys' +strange [[ontological|Ontological cost]] and [[phenomenological|Protoellipses]] properties, +it is questionable why such advanced items would be needed to "unlock" a mere assembly of +metal gears, especially when enigmonomers have yet to discover even one keyhole through +telescopic observation. + +Thus, we arrive at what is being termed the "Phylactery Hypothesis", which posits that the keys +were actually designed as repositories for mortal souls. Though there are numerous references +within the Codex to a relation between the keys and the Guage Enigma, they use the preposition +"//λεστ//"; thus, the phrase "keys to the Guage Enigma" could also be translated +"keys //for// the Guage Enigma." This rendering would make the keys a //means of passage// +into or through the Enigma. By the relocation of the soul to an enduring apparatus, a +mortal could theoretically avoid death indefinitely. And indeed, some +[[immortals|Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg]] have hinted that this +is in fact the case for some of the better-preserved keys. + +The Phylactery Hypothesis also sheds new light on ambiguities in the +[[Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder]]. Kleidiologists have long puzzled over his phrase +"forge the seven keys", as over 500[1] keys are known to exist. But suppose that only seven keys +//functioned as phylacteries//. The pattern "one by four by one by one" corresponds chronologically +to Atherton Guage's [[known|Meklondiche]] [[key-forging|Meteoric Temple]] [[activity|Epiliton]]; +Xemoniphon, greatest of the Keysmiths, may have been saying that "forging" (in the sense of +"imitating" or "progressing along") Guage's journey of development is necessary to +understand what he was doing—i.e., "Unlock the one Guage". + +If that's the case, then it suddenly becomes clear why eyewitness accounts report that Xemoniphon +[[vanished into thin air|Xemoniphon the Elder]] after waving around his [[masterwork|Key of Xemonides]] + +~ Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class + +[1] That is, more than seven. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Gustivus Pulluman.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Gustivus Pulluman.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5e71480 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Gustivus Pulluman.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: NS +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Gustivus Pulluman + +**About the Author** + +Gustivus Pulluman is a legendary chef currently living between the Underground Academy, his primary restaurant in The Igneous City, and a private island in the [[Scorialic Sea]]. Despite being 79 (Tickets for his 80th Birthday Bash available now! Featuring [[The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds]]™ and his very own grilled [[Elder Sea Serpent]]), Gustivus doesn't look a day over 30! What's his secret? Many think it's his impressive diet, others say he charmed Time itself, and some think he was just born perfect. + +Gustivus Pulluman was born in the small seaside town of Vertrouw de Vogelsniet, where his mother introduced him to the family trade of hunting and preparing [[yellow wyrmidon|Yellow wyrmidon]]. A simple existence, but Gustivus yearned for more. One expedition, he discovered a hidden cave, and in it, a [[slumbering drogoanthropic hybrid|Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg]]. Gustivus snuck in, taking but one item from the hoard. As he crossed the room back towards the exit, a rustling sound from behind froze him in his tracks. The dragon hadn't fully awoken, but the sentient tail had, and slashed out, taking off Gustivus' right arm. He barely managed to swim to shore, clutching his prize. Stumbling back, he saw his town was no more. An elder sea serpent was destroying his humble, beloved fishing village! Gripping his now only possession, Gustivus slew the dragon single-handed, an act which by no means went unnoticed. A Firemind Union, The Bardslayers, finding the wreckage of the village, graciously replaced his arm with a cutting-edge, mechanical stand-in, for naught but a simple favor later. + +Thrilling, incredible adventures aren't all Gustivus is known for. Since that eventful day, Gustivus' profound cooking expertise has won international acclaim. Two of his definitive cookbooks, featuring sensational tales of Gustivus’ travels, are international bestsellers. [[The Underground Academy|Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds]] has awarded him an honorary, never-before-extant culinary doctorate for his contributions to their new Baking division. + +You can't make a proper omelette without breaking a few dragon eggs, and thus it is unsurprising that there are a couple people who don't wholly approve of the Pulluman brand. Some undoubtedly unfair criticisms leveled point to that one time Gustivus needed a breath of fresh air because by God that conference was stuffy as all hell, and a couple birds got in, or when I mistook one lunch for my own, and that other time where my unbridled success led to the extinction of some regrettably delicious species (whose extinctions were probably really the result of some other factor). But it is undeniable that Gustivus is the most influential man of our time, and as long as he's there with that award-winning smile and award-winning roast, nothing can truly ever go too wrong. + +For recipes and more tales of adventure, be sure to check out his critically acclaimed books, //Ninety Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh// and //Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh//, along with the new companion book: //One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?'// available now, for flavorful substitutions, advanced techniques, and even more tales of exploration and adventure. + +~Gustivus Pulluman, Author of the New, Critically-Acclaimed Companion Book //One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?'// diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4cd33dd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder + +Arguably the most beautiful of anything produced by the [[Third Dynasty of Meteora]] (aside from the keys produced obviously), this haiku, crafted by famed keysmith, architect, poet, philosopher, and baker [[Xemoniphon the Elder]], is a metakey to the Guage Enigma. Understanding this enables understanding of the keys, and much like a key, this lovely poem demands understanding, patience, and above all, time. + +//Forge the seven keys// + +//One by four by one by one// + +//Unlock the one Guage// + +Notice how intricate the numerology winds throughout the poem. Seven keys, followed by seven syllables. The first perfect square number followed by the second, followed by two perfect squares. Scholars have pondered how the pattern would have continued had the poem been in different form (perhaps this question forms yet another metakey). + +In any case, Xemoniphon produced this shortly before the fourth set of one hundred keys were produced, and it is an undisputed fact that this haiku enabled Meteora to produce these keys with such swiftness and perfection, and is a vital component of the [[Codex Ingenuous]]. It is therefore of tantamount importance that we understand this metakey posthaste, without it even our discovery of new keys will be moot. + +~Dean Robert Loblaw IV diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Kevyn.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Kevyn.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7235145 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Kevyn.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: AF +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg + +Kevyn, the only known Drogoanthropic Hybrid to date, has recently remerged from his seven hundred year power nap and made an appearance at the recent Dooshbäg conference hosted by my esteemed collegues in the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds. + +Unfortunately, Kevyn had to be asked to leave after getting into a heated debate amongst [[fireminds]] on the values of immortality. Given that Kevyn himself is immortal, it wasn’t long until he began referring to his mortal comrades as merely [[“talonstain”|Talonstain]] and when confronted by the ethics officer of the conference (a class “A” Dooshbäg) he laughed and called him talonstain too, noting that he would outlive any grudge they could hold against him. + +Rumors erupted amongst the class “A” and class “B” Dooshbägs after the encounter resulting in accusations of [[rhellgazing]] and other popular fads recently spreading in the area. As Kevyn was being removed from the conference, I had the pleasure of discussing the [[Key of Xemonides]] with him, which he claims to have in his possession and even alluded to the possibility of its immortality providing qualities. Almost immediately after this admission, he took flight and disappeared into the above ground world, his fleshy drogoanthropic scales flailing with a lapping sound in the wind. + +Further insight will be needed to draw any conclusions, but speculation points to a need for this immortal life giving key in order to ever access the Guage Enigma. + +~ Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Key of Xemonides2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Key of Xemonides2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..363fc64 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Key of Xemonides2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: NS +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Key of Xemonides + +Until The Unnamed Museum acquired the Key of Xemonides, mathematicians had formally, conclusively proven that [[Protoellipses]] could not be constructed from other protoellipses. They were wrong, and in fact, protoellipses may be constructed from an uncountable recursion of other protoellipses, given a finitely-uncountably deep mental state, as might be achieved by a wide net of population staying brain-healthy and eating a balanced diet of Dragonflesh and [[higher-order pastries|The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds]], as was the case in the [[Third Dynasty of Meteora]]. + +The matter of location for the Key of Xemonides has caused some confusion, which I feel can easily be cleared up. The Key of Xemonides had an unnamed predecessor, here referred to as the protokey, which, after its creation in the [[Scorialic Sea]], was soon acquired by none other than [[Kelorna the Extremely Confused]]. Noticing its unique structure, she attempted to build the [[Literarosphere]] around it. Naturally, it exploded, causing the protokey to crack deeply. In a fit of rage, it was torn asunder by [[Thrognurith the Dragon Rider]] into the [[Key of Xemonides]]. This meant that one layer of the recursion was shed and fragmented, but its layers remained uncountable. Currently, it is reportedly possessed by myself, Thrognurith, [[Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men]], [[Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine]], [[Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg]], and the Unnamed Museum, all of whom / which are fabulously famous, perhaps suggesting a predictive ontological requirement to “steal” this key without at best, turning into a pillar of ash, and, at worst, keyshock. This probably should cause speculations as to the true nature of immortality, and how it applies to the protokey’s shattering and relation to the Literarosphere. + +Everyone knows that the key to a good Key Lime Pie is the stirring implement, and feasibly, there could be none better than the Key of Xemonides. Now, such a powerful dessert might cause pillars of ash or keyshock upon glances, let alone consumption, to an individual without the proper [[Brainsplainer]], but alternatives exist. Thanks to new technology developed at The Underground Academy, we now have a special process for breeding Turtledragons, and we’re passing the savings onto you! Not only will our Turtledragon meat be available at the best butchers in the land, accessories including Turtledragon Shell Spoons and Oil Gland Firestarters will enable you to create sparkling Key Lime Pies in no time! + +~Gustivus Pulluman, Author of the New, Critically-Acclaimed Companion Book //One Hundred and Twenty Tips and Tricks for Dragonflesh that will have you saying, 'Really, now?'// + +**CONFIDENTIAL: FOR THE EYES OF DR. OPHELIA GUMPHRY ONLY** + +We need to do something about her. I fear she’s no longer fully Concerned, and is showing signs of Ingenuosity and re-fragmenting her shattered personality. Since her articles started to leak, we’ve seen a 9% decrease in Dragonflesh consumption, 25% drop in Brainsplainer sales, and only a 1% increase in upper-dimensional baked goods. We need to find an alternate solution to [[keyshock and dragonfire|The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire]]. I recommend delaying any publication of the [[Lexicon Draconium]] until we can resolve this issue. Also, come to my office. I’ve been talking to the Dean and the Bardslayers, and think the final menu for the Birthday Bash is ready. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Lexicon.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Lexicon.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1b4f63f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Lexicon.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Lexicon Draconium + +Dear Authors of the Lexicon, + +I am **done** with you and your magazine! In your previous volume, you had the gall to publish a description of a [[streaming brainsplainer transtelecast|Brainsplainer]] in your "article" on the [[brainsplainer|Brainsplainer]]! Is there **anyone** on your editorial staff who understands the unsubstantiated and obviously existent addictive potential of these devices? Did **anyone** stop to think that a [[childarn|Childarn]] might pick up a "Lexicon" "Draconium" and read that disgusting article? I don't want to have to explain to a [[chidl|Childarn]] what a transtelecast is when I don't even know what they are!! + +Maybe your recklessly irresponsible writers are too young to remember -- but when I grew up, I read the Codex Ingenuous **without** a brainsplainer, and that's reason enough for me to know that they must be **strictly dangerous** and **obviously unethical** -- just like sparking water, antibiotics, and plaid! + +Could I have just stopped reading the Lexicon or skipped over that article? Yes, I could have, but it makes me angry that other people might read about a thing that makes me uncomfortable. I will not rest until you've indelibly removed **all** material that I could construe as threatening to my unspecified and likely inconsistent values from your **filthy** publication!! + +I only want [[what's best for the childarn|Childarn]]! Shouldn't you?! + +~ A CONCERNED MOTHER!! diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/LexiconTurn2due11.8.17FINAL.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/LexiconTurn2due11.8.17FINAL.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..423475c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/LexiconTurn2due11.8.17FINAL.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: AF +# Turn: 2 +# Title: The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire + +As we all know from the stories of our youths, Dragon Fire is a fierce and powerful tool that has been feared and loved by the many. As we’ve come to learn further, it can be and has been harnessed in many additional ways to benefit the education of all. + +Some of its earliest recorded contributions can be seen in its forging of the five hundred and seventeen keys to the famed Guage Enigma, Dragon Fire’s unique smelting qualities were the only way such delicate work could be achieved as seen in the unparalleled details in the [[protoellipses]] found in all keys (currently known of) to the Guage Enigma, most observable in [[Epiliton]]. + +Other notable instances where Dragon Fire has made positive contributions to society can be traced back to its groundbreaking applications in behavioral correction. Some of the worst criminals were easily made into perfect citizens after a few quick 20-hour sessions of Dragon Fire therapy. One of the greatest successes of the 62 cases where Dragon Fire therapy was used can be seen in the case study of [[Client 23|Kelorna the Extremely Confused]]. While the average temperature of Dragon Fire ranges between 84°C – 73,826°C, it is still unknown how to predict the exact temperature that will be produced at will until it has already been released from the mouth of the dragon (R.I.P. Clients 1- 5, Client 8, Client 11, Client 13, Clients 16-20, Client 22, Clients 25-47, Clients 49-57, and Client 62). + +~ Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/LexiconTurn3.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/LexiconTurn3.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c395f99 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/LexiconTurn3.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: AF +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men + +As we know, there are still five hundred and four and four fifths keys missing to the great Guage Enigma. Recent speculators believe that our best lead to find no less than twenty seven more keys lies with Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men. + +Hans, brother of [[Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine]], is the only merchant to have ever been rumored to deal with both humans and dragons alike. As a [[firemind|Fireminds]], Hans had the ability to speak to all dragons which no doubt made selling and buying from them a much simpler task. Reason to believe that Hans may have a substantial number of the missing keys is drawn from a few eyewitness accounts, one stated as follows: + +“I saw Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men, he was walking around in golden shoes and dragon scale garments when I heard him say, ‘I’ve got no less than twenty seven keys to the Guage Enigma’ which led me to believe that he must have no less than twenty seven keys to the Guage Enigma. He also has a woman with him, I think her name was…” + +The account ends there as the records have been torn and the rest was stolen. + +Hans is often rumored to have been immortal or otherwise dead. His home rests on the base of [[The Woken God]] and if there is any hope to finding these twenty seven more keys he is thought to have, it would be found there in his home where he is either alive, dead, or not there at all. + +~ Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Literarosphere.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Literarosphere.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..da4c442 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Literarosphere.txt @@ -0,0 +1,39 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Literarosphere + +One of the many, //many// semi-apocalyptic devices constructed by [[Kelorna the Extremely Confused]] +over the years, the **Literarosphere** was a compendium of knowledge intended to provide a +companion perspective to the [[Codex Ingenuous]]. The exact technical specifications of +the device remain mercifully unknown, but it's likely that it functioned similarly to a +[[brainsplainer|Brainsplainer]], as the brainsplainer development process began with salvaged +pieces of the Literarosphere. However, Kelorna's intent for the device is on record: + +//Mwa ha ha! For too long, that fool Guage has hidden the secrets of the Codex from me! +But he was too short-sighted, for merely relocating the Codex//[1] //is not enough to stop me from +collecting all of it and seizing the Great Secret! With this device, I shall reach into +history itself and reconstruct the Codex—and THEN, I shall RULE THE WORLD! BWA HA HA HA! +COWER, MORTALS! COWER AND BEHOLD!//[2] + +Unfortunately, while it seems Kelorna intended the Literarosphere to view the historical record +passively, it the device was actually able to effect changes in the past—a possibility +it appears [[she did not consider|What-could-go-wrong-ism]]. Naturally, the device subsequently +exploded. It is impossible to prove //which// changes occurred as a result of the Literarosphere, +as at this point they have always been as they are, but it is a safe bet that any [[use|Scorialic Sea]] +of [[unanimite]] before its invention in 1901 is the result of temporally-displaced fragments +of the Literarosphere. + +The Literarosphere was built after the failure of the Omnihammer (a device to turn everything +into nails), and was followed by an unnamed and swiftly abandoned plot to "drown the world +in syrup".[3] + +~ Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class + +[1] Kelorna refers here to the then-recent theft of half the Codex by [[Thrognurith the Dragon Rider]]. No connection between Thrognurith and Guage has ever been proven, and +given Kelorna's characteristic paranoia, it is generally assumed that Guage (circa 2nd +century) had little or nothing to do with the theft (which occurred in the 18th century). + +[2] As quoted in //"Until the End of Time": A Brief Biography of Kelorna the Extremely +Confused, Vol. III (Abridged Version)// by Dr. Sid Martius, p. 859. Emphasis his. + +[3] //Ibid//, p. 1003. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Loong.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Loong.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0f6d4d6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Loong.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Loong + +An intriguing species of dragon, noted mainly for their extraordinary flame and unusual intelligence. This breed of dragon became popular amongst keyforgers as their fires were among some of the most potent, to the point where even [[unanimite]] became malleable, leading to the last 13 and 3/2 keys being exclusively made of this rare substance. Indeed, it was not until we learned of the Loong that we were able to learn of this [[technique|The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire]]. + +We keyseekers indeed owe [[Kelorna|Kelorna the Extremely Confused]] a debt of gratitude for her studies of this magnificent breed. Due to groundbreaking studies, we have been able to unlock the secret not only of the forging of the last 13 and 3/2 keys, but we were able to uncover the culinary delight that comes only from cooking with the fire from these extraordinary creatures, the nourishment from which provides the fuel to continue our urgent study into the keys and metakeys of the [[Guage Enigma]]. + +~Dean Robert Loblaw IV \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d68f5e0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine.txt @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine + +I know that other guy was s'posed to write this article, but I kinda felt +like his version was too negative, so here's my corrected version instead, ha ha ha! + +That's right! I //stole// the article in your little book here! + +Anyways, I think there's a lot of cool stuff about me! Like how I //stole// [[that one +special key thingy from the big museum|Key of Xemonides]] and +[[nobody|Kevyn: Drogoanthropic Hybrid & Class “B” Dooshbäg]] realized until I pointed +it out just now, ha ha ha. Yeah, uh, you might wanna beef up your security a li'l bit, y'know? +Point is, the key in there's a fake, I got no idea how you chumps haven't noticed by now. +And also I'm only thirteen but people already think I look grown-up, cuz I'm just that awesome! + +Ooh, and here's a fun bit of trivia! You know my awesome kickass nickname, **//Mean Petrine the +Stealing Machine//**? You know why they call me that? It's cuz when people don't use my +bad-ass tag, I //steal// whatever they're writing. That's, like, well I guess you don't realize +how hard that is. Like, one time this old gramps got his newspaper all the way +through publication, so, like, I had to go running all around town and mug all the paperboys +and stuff... yeah. Not a super fun night. + +But shyeah, I'm super good at stealing stuff. It's like, dragon hoard? //BAM.// Stole it. +[[Top-secret research findings?|The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire]] +//BAM.// Stole it. I'm a stealing //machine//, baybay. And +I totally got myself adopted by [[Hans's|Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men]] mom, +ON her freaking deathbed. And he was trying to be a good brother, so he brought me along +to stop my buddy [[Throg|Thrognurith the Dragon Rider]] from stealing more of the [[Codex|Codex Ingenuous]]. +Then, while [[Kelorna|Kelorna the Extremely Confused]]'s birds were all going after Throg, +I //stole// the stuff we were after! Then I //stole// all Hans's keys, too! Gotcha, bro! + +Take whatever you want and don't give anything away for free, that's my motto! And, like, some +people don't like that, but that's just 'cause they're not good at stealing things, ha ha ha! +When it comes to stealing I am simply the best there is! + +"But Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine, you impossibly beautiful scoundrel, why are you +telling us this? Didn't you just say you never give things away for free?" + +Well thanks for asking, ha ha ha! But, see, I didn't give anything away! + +You know that ignorance you used to have about how awesome and good-looking I am? + +//BAM//. + +//STOLE// it! + +~ Mean Petrine the Stealing Machiiiiiiiine! XOXOXO <3 \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Meteoric Temple.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Meteoric Temple.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7286a16 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Meteoric Temple.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Meteoric Temple + +Otherwise known as the Vaticant, this is the seat of power for the mighty dracomonks, but most importantly, it is where some of the most brilliant keys in history were produced. I have written extensively on the fourth set of one hundred keys, but the remarkable fact of the Meteoric Temple is that this ranks only third on the list of their most notable accomplishments. The [[First Half Dynasty of Meteora]] laid down not only the framework for the creation of a key, it conducted extensive studies on protoellipses and the [[ontology|ontological cost]] of their numbers. [[Atherton Guage]] extensively studied the effects of prime numbers on a key at this site, and in so doing created key 14, or so the stories say. Key 14 is the first key[1] to contain not only a prime amount of protoellipses, but a stunning quantity of 79, a feat that remained unsurpassed until the creation of Epiliton. + +The location of the Meteoric Temple upon [[The Woken God]] assists with the forging and research of keys, though not without [[risk|Rhellgazing]]. The lava that constantly erupts upon it makes work hostile, but provides the necessary material and energy to conduct such important research. + +Of a more minor note, some remarkable species of dragons may be found here, the [[biological study of which|The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire]] has little to do with keys, which is surely a shame. + +~Dean Robert Loblaw 2^2 + +[1] That we know of. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/NResina.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/NResina.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b07b60a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/NResina.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NS +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Newtprester Resina + +**//Newtprester Resina//**, commonly known as **//Tarworms//**, is a species of small dragon endemic to temperate freshwater swamps. A harmless, lazy, social creature, //N. Resina// can most easily be found in high-end ovens for their peculiar, but predictable, quality of fire. Their diet of small bugs and swamp flowers, and lack of natural predators, indicate that their intricate flames may be a product of their social groupings, rather than a defensive mechanism. + +Despite //N. Resina//’s strong resemblance of sea wyrms, they are more closely related to the Eastern [[Loong]] than any Western species. //N. Resina// are easily identified by their size (at most five inches long, including the tail, and three inches wide, excluding the legs), their four long, but fatty, legs, and the sticky, black excretion covering their skin. This substance makes their skins bitter and tough, but the flesh below is buttery and smooth, especially in domesticated varieties. + +//N. Resina// are one of the few known species of dragons to be completely amphibious, with individuals having been observed to spend all or none of their lives underwater. Certain, far-removed breeds, such as those found tame in the [[Meteoric Temple]], even possess a capacity for brief, wingless flight, amongst thinner specimens. + +In order to exhale fire, these dragons must first inhale swamp gas, which is stored in their diaphragm. Upon exhalation, an exothermic reaction begins to chain. Curiously, this reaction seems to be untenable above 400F, and as a result, secondary fires burst in the main cloud as the temperature fluctuates. Anthropologists speculate that these creatures produce the infamous “Will-o-Wisps” which lure travelers deep into swamps. In order to make use of this strange property, chefs release bottles of methane gas into the Tarworm enclosure fifteen minutes before needing the fire. Once burning, such a flame can last for over an hour, depending on the size of the swarm of //N. Resina//. + +~Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, //Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh// diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Ontological Cost.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Ontological Cost.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9c341fc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Ontological Cost.txt @@ -0,0 +1,24 @@ +# Player: AF +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Ontological cost + +on·to·log·i·cal cost\\ +ˌän(t)əˈläjək(ə)l ‘ kôst/\\ +//DRACOPHILOSOPHY//\\ +1. The price, value, or figure put on a person, place, or thing relating to the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being. + +Within everything from the reason you exist in the first place all the way to the best damned baked goods you’ve ever experienced, there is an ontological cost. +The metaphysical properties of dragon fire have been linked to a direct correlation between what is and what is not costly, in the ontological sense of course. +In cases like the noted email chain regarding [[Meklondiche]] (Guage key 71) , spread by a “concerned mother,” we see the catastrophic effects of misinterpretation. An ontological cost is a simple thing to calculate, as seen below in the approved graph for ontological costs in metaphysics 101 at the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds: + +//*Image Unavailable to anyone not enrolled in the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds, [[ENROLL TODAY!! | Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds]]*// + +As we see here in the graph (color coded to the common knowledge of corresponding dimensions) it takes a very specific level of thought attributed to the awareness of an object, such as a key, to keep it in its current metaphysical state. Once exceeding a certain point, the metaphysics shift and the dimension in which the object exists will also shift (clearly demonstrated in the above graph), so the poor soul that found Meklondiche has probably been slingshot to a far off dimension by now if that email chain continued at its exponential rate. + +Applying the appropriate levels of attention and awareness to an object, such as [[my cupcake I had today|The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds]], you can fulfil the ontological cost and define the metaphysics of its properties. I, myself, knew there would be no better flavor than that of the [[tarworm|Newtprester Resina]] and therefore that is the delicious flavor I tasted as I bit into my prize winning cupcakes. + +It is important that I also note the dangers of opening spam mail from **//uncredited//** sources. +Do not mess with the imbalances of ontological cost, because we all know what happens to [[those who do|Kelorna the Extremely Confused]]. + +~ Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Please Dont Shoot Act.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Please Dont Shoot Act.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d4b3221 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Please Dont Shoot Act.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: AF +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act + +A historic moment for the annual Dragon Science Symposium was recorded when a new Act was signed into place known as the “Please Don’t Shoot, We’ll Do It” Act. + +It had been a rather dull but sunny day as the leading dracologists from around the globe met to discuss a variety of menial matters when [[one dracologist|Gustivus Pulluman]] went to open the windows and let the sun in. Outside were thousands of completely non-threatening birds, armed with flame throwers, hovering in the shape of a massive dragon. It would soon be learned that they acquired these flamethrowers by raiding a nearby military complex which left hundreds of soldiers de-lighted with their manners and completely willing to part with any and all weapons desired. + +These types of birds in this arrangement would come to be known as the [[**muscae**| Ordo Draco]]. The muscates that were present that day had some very compelling arguments as to their rightful classification, compelling dracologists to amend the [[Ordo Draco]] and include **muscae** within it. This of course gave the **muscae** full access to the [[Meteoric Temple]], for obvious reasons. Other amendments to this act included that no one else was allowed to open the windows anymore. This was decidedly the best way to prevent any further tense discussions between the dracologists and ALMIGHTY MUSCAE. + +Since the “Please Don’t Shoot, We’ll Do It” act, [[dracologists insist that we have nothing further to worry about in regards to the **muscae**|You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!!]]. + +Hmm, my head hurts. +Do not be concerned, all is well. + +~ Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Scorialic Sea.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Scorialic Sea.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cbf1db2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Scorialic Sea.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Scorialic Sea + +A body of water with a most dire history, the Scorialic Sea is home to a number of dragon species,[1] and also boasts a remarkable geography consisting of both fertile and barren islands, ruined by both dragon fire and volcanoes. It is here that the [[Meteoric Temple]] is found, built at the mouth of the mighty [[Woken God|The Woken God]]. + +The Scorialic Sea boasts of nine islands of various sizes (notice the perfect square again, perhaps inspiring [[Xemoniphon the Elder]] in his crafting of both keys and poetry). One island is fertile, no volcanoes being found. One island has two volcanoes, whereas two islands have three apiece. The remaining five have dormant volcanoes, yet mysteriously their lands have not regrown yet, possibly due to their [[being the location|Ontological cost]] of the forging of the famous [[Key of Xemonides]]. + +The Vaticant maintained a strong hold in the sea and its surrounding lands. It wasn’t until the end of the Third Meteoric Dynasty where the noble dracomonks attempted to forge [[unanimite]] keys without the proper metaphysics in place. A psychical backblast from the Loong destroyed most Vaticant presence, leaving only the [[Meteoric Temple]] standing. It is postulated that famed dracoscientist [[Kelorna|Kelorna the Extremely Confused]] first developed her extreme confusion due to this backblast, leading to her rise to fame, a rise only matched by her descent into actual confusion. It is due to her research at the Scorialic Sea that we have Keys 138 and 134 3/2, and so we key scientists owe both the psychic backblast and the esteemed scientist Kelorna a great debt of gratitude. + +~Dean Robert Loblaw 2+2 + +[1] Of note, the [[Turtledragons]] and the [[Elder Sea Serpents|Elder Sea Serpent]] (some question the latter) \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a73798e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds.txt @@ -0,0 +1,93 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds + +//In times of confusion and controversy, the Council of Bardslayers holds a contest to see +which Bardslayer can best determine the facts of the matter. This contest is one of the few +opportunities for a Bardslayer to advance in rank.// + +//In recognition of services rendered in the noble cause of fact-checking, the Council of +Bardslayers hereby awards the //**//Order of the Mighty Pen//**// to contender //**//Yedevek Ilron//**// for +this excellent Slaying.// + +~ + +In light of recent events, it seems like a breath of sanity is in order. I fear I will not +be much help in bringing peace to the dead or consoling the living; my talents are better +suited to enlightening the confused. As such, I have answered the questions which have come +up most frequently in the controversy surrounding Underground Academy's Enrollment Festival. + +**Q: What is the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds?** + +A: UAGM boasts of being the "highest ranked university" for Enigmatology. While this claim +is technically true, that is due to UAGM being located aboard a ship in orbit. +However, UAGM still enjoys more favorable critical reviews than its competitors, which supporters +claim is due to some combination of its [[relationship|You fools have no idea who you're messing with! Praise be to the ALMIGHTY MUSCAE!!!]] to the [[Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act]], the presence +of international superstar [[Gustivus Pulluman]] among its faculty, and privileged access +to the largest portion of the [[Appendices Ingenuous]] known to exist in one place. + +Anonymous critics of UAGM argue that the actual reason is that UAGM uses orbital bombardment +to keep its competitors in check. UAGM spokespeople have replied that it is easy to make +anonymous accusations, and that if these critics really believed in what they were saying, +they would reveal their name and address. + +UAGM is also famous for its comprehensive code of ethics, which, among other things, forbids +research on anyone but [[criminals|The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire]], while +declaring it a crime to be a research subject. + +**Q: What happened at the Enrollment Festival?** + +A: [[Kelorna the Extremely Confused]], thought to have been rehabilitated, was revealed +not to be rehabilitated. She had enrolled as a student in the incoming class, and those +close to her had reported that she seemed to have changed for the better. However, during +the traditional icebreaker and assassinate-off, there was a surprise showing by the +[[muscae|Ordo Draco]], followed by what eyewitnesses describe as a triumphant shout from +Kelorna, who then said: + +//It worked! By the gods, it worked! They thought they could stop me with mere dragonfire, +but they couldn't stop me from storing my consciousness in a dragon-shaped flock of +[[telepathic|Unicode]] birds with flamethrowers! Now the [[Codex|Codex Ingenuous]] shall +be mine at last! All has gone according to my design!// + +Witnesses say that was when the engine compartment exploded. + +**Q: Why did the engine compartment explode?** + +A: Though there is still uncertainty regarding what, precisely, occurred, first responders report +finding the body of some poor unfortunate occupying the same physical space as the main +engines, [[Meklondiche]] clutched in one hand in a death grip. When word spread that Meklondiche +had shown up in the engine compartment, the resulting attentional shift is theorized to have +collapsed the [[ontological indeterminacy|ontological cost]] and warped every third molecule +out of the engine compartment and into an unknown dimension, resulting in the explosion that +left UAGM in freefall. + +It is likely that this was just a freak accident. Meklondiche had recently been the subject +of an extensive email chain, and to calculate this precise outcome would truly require an +intellect more vast and terrifying than the Wheelmind's. It is hard to imagine what +[[grievance|The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds]] +such an entity might have against UAGM. + +**Q: Is Gustivus Pulluman okay?** + +A: Yes, as soon as they finish replacing his other arm. + +**Q: What happened to Kelorna?** + +A: According to witnesses, after the explosion occurred, she attempted to access the Codex +archives with her new student ID card, but was stopped by a woman eyewitnesses are referring +to as "Kelorna's Good Twin." It is unknown who she is or where she came from. We only know +that she was skilled enough at hand-to-hand combat to fight off a dragon-shaped swarm of birds +by herself, and that after driving the villains away she vanished, pausing only to reclaim +a [[unanimate|Unanimite]] lunchbox that UAGM professor Ersatz Scriver was +[[using as a hat|Brainsplainer]] while muttering something about getting back into disguise. + +Kelorna's whereabouts are currently unknown. We can only hope that this mysterious protector +is up to the task. + +**Q: Did Atherton Guage set up these events as part of his eternal quest to thwart Kelorna?** + +A: //Talonstains,// A CONCERNED, he's been dead for //centuries!// That's //completely improbable!// +How many times do I have to tell you that chain letters don't count as peer review? +Don't bring this up again until you have //actual evidence!// + +~ Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 1st class \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/SurfAndTurf.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/SurfAndTurf.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8fe7236 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/SurfAndTurf.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NS +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Surf and Turf + +**Surf and Turf** describes a wide variety of meals including meat elements from both seafood and some form of land-based meat. Popular choices for the seafood element may be lobster, giant rock crab, or salmon, while the “turf” can be anything from beef rib to dragonsteak. Certain, particularly skilled and artistic artists pair closely related meats, such as fatty sea wyrm cutlets and yellow dragon rib to show off subtle and expert handling in the art of comparison. + +Surf and Turf, while a challenging meal, offers great reward to those who master it. Above all else, the versatility in choosing from infinite combinations and pairings mean that each preparation is filled with personality and artistic vision. The key is finding a unifying factor, and exploring the differences from there. Some food critics prefer the earthy, poultry flavor of cockatrice, complemented with the salty licorice strandiness of [[Elder Sea Serpent]]. [[The small, confusing people|Childarn]], on the other hand, may enjoy the simple, but effective, combination of shrimp and ground hydra in a burger or chili. + +From the remaining portions of [[Index Ingenuous]], we know that dragonflesh operates differently than any other types of meat. Notably, for practical purposes, the muscles tend to grain in spurious and odd directions. While beefsteak and salmon should generally be cut against the grain, this presents a problem for preparing either aquatic or terrestrial dragon, but as with all problems in cooking, this simply offers more possibilities. One can try to find a major grain to cut against for tenderness, or slow-roast the meat, so it will flake anyways. + +For instructions and guidance on beginning your own journey towards culinary greatness, visit any local bookstore and simply ask for //Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh//, available now. + +~Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, //Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh// diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Talonstain.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Talonstain.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5540277 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Talonstain.txt @@ -0,0 +1,40 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Talonstain + +Though no dragon has initiated a conversation with a human since the years of the Dragon +Emperors, they will still converse with [[Fireminds]] who engage them in the Firetongue. +As the Firetongue can only be heard or spoken to another's soul, it is impossible for +bystanders to glean direct insight from these conversations, and of course the Fireminds +do not speak of what they have learned. However, Fireminds often pick up unusual linguistic +habits, including some telling additions to their vocabulary. The most common addition is +the draconic swear word "**talonstain**." No precise definition is needed, I think, to +understand what is meant of the person so labelled, as well as some hints as to how the +noble ones judge a person's worthiness. But we do find some interesting usage among the +authors of the Codex Ingenuous (who were, of course, all Fireminds, with the obvious +exception of [[Kelorna the Extremely Confused]]), some examples of which I share below. + +In the Chronicles of Wayn, the anonymous poet writes (ln 45,559-45,562): + +//As falls upone the Foe, with mightie furnace-breaths, ///// So did great Pulchroon, +deep-tyrant, reduce to ///// Talonstains the manlings' fears.// (This comes, of course, from +the Steingaärd translation.) + +We see here that the word "talonstain" carries connotations of a thing reduced to nothing, +usually in the context of a violent struggle. (This framing is shared with depictions of +the dragon therapist Pulchroon elsewhere in the Codex.) The word easily makes the jump to +the metaphorical, as seen in Jeminus's "Rout of the Philosophies" (CI #782, p. 27): + +//And Dragon-King Goortros spake, saying, Ye fools, knoweth ye not that your wisdom is +but talonstains? Lo, Thraxmanides accosted me, saying, all is that is and all is not that +is not, but where are his words now that I have eaten him?// + +But of course the word sees simple pejorative use in the Codex as well, as per the Elder +Fürth's //Commentaries// on his earlier //Transgressive Dialogues//: + +//All you talonstains need to just shut up and let the actually enlightened folk do the +talking. Okay? Okay.// (CI #1445, p. 394) + +As a personal note, the above quote hangs above my door. + +~ Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/The Woken God.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/The Woken God.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fd5d5c9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/The Woken God.txt @@ -0,0 +1,38 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: The Woken God + +We mortals revere dragons for being larger, angrier, and more fiery than us. We imagine +that the dragons have no corresponding entity, but this is not true, because there are +indeed entities larger, angrier, and more fiery than dragons: that is, volcanoes. And none +are larger, angrier, or more fiery than their holiest volcano: "**The Woken God**", or, as +the dragons call it, "Woaorarglarghrargh". (The usual caveats about draconic transliterations +apply here.) + +Writings about Woken God are, of course, highly intertwined with the history of the +[[Codex Ingenuous]], being that it was written upon the mountain's heart. And rightly does +de Sobrel [[note|Index Ingenuous]] that "dragon science could never have reached the heights +it has if not for the [...] Index Ingenuous", as it was the latter text that revealed the +long-lost hieroglyphic arts of the [[Ergniramniphoniclufivillians|Ergniramniphoniclufiville]], +whose city was discovered abandoned inside the mountain. As an aside, it is important +to note that de Sobrel is being completely literal here: the aforementioned arts made the +upper reaches of the volcano passable to enterprising scholars for the first time. + +Set atop Woken God is the [[Meteoric Temple]], the draconic monastery that many know as +the Vaticant. Though the dracomonks heavily encourage mortal study of the noble ones— +one recalls Hlurfo Heiferbane's somewhat cheeky jest that //frærthe glursha nel kibbtr poom +enr sagatha simmimür// (though some, e.g. Hannon //et al//, have suggested he was actually +making a veiled analogy about the tax policies of his day)—they are notoriously silent on +the inner workings of their worship of the mountain, or of the Meteoric Order in general. + +One cannot conclude an epigraph on the Woken God, of course, without quoting the final words +of the esteemed explorer Zeminih Sutoba (CI #716, p. 30): + +//In all my living days, never have I seen such grandeur, a landmark ablaze with such beauty. +Behold, she burns, and I am set alight. Put me out, Senethal. For God's sake, Senethal, +stop writing and put me out. Forget history, I'm on fire here. Aruogarlagraeh.// [Note: again, +draconic transliteration is difficult, and scholars are divided on what exactly Sutoba was +trying to say. For further discussion see Gloorville's //Rise and Fall//: //The Fates and +Fame of the Great Eastern Explorers//.] + +~ Yedevek Ilron, Bardslayer 2nd class \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Thrognurith the Dragon Rider.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Thrognurith the Dragon Rider.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7de4682 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Thrognurith the Dragon Rider.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Thrognurith the Dragon Rider + +The madman responsible for not only the horrific crime of the extermination of [[draconic families| Ordo Draco]] Conformata, Porca, and Sirena, but also of intellectual crimes including the destruction of all but a few fragments of the knowledge of this now extinct species, the theft of the [[Codex Ingenuous]], the theft and subsequent tearing asunder of the only known key whose [[protoellipses]] surpassed even those of the [[Key of Xemonides]]. He disappeared after a botched attempt at thievery at [[The Woken God]], foiled by not only the dracomonks, but also by the [[Great Merchant Hans|Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men]] and the well-known thief [[Petrine|Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine]] in the only recorded instance of them being publicly seen together. In an amusing turn of events, Thrognurith was run out with Muscae swarming over him, hence the now well-known name which, when lost in translation, leads one to believe that he rode dragons himself. + +~Dean Robert Loblaw 2*2 diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Turtledragons.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Turtledragons.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e2ca14f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Turtledragons.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NS +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Turtledragons + +**Turtledragons** (not to be confused with Turtledoves) are a classification of dragons endemic to the area around the volcanic islands of the [[Scorialic Sea]]. Their [[semi-protoelliptic|Protoellipses]] bumps, many, many sharp teeth, and propensity to spit electrically-charged oil at prey differentiate them from otherwise docile sea-turtles. Although they are a popular draw for tourists, especially around breeding times, leading dracosociologists note the high rate of amputations resulting from turtledragon-spit-related-accidents reflects a seemingly high disregard for personal safety. + +Due to recent legal kerfuffle, it is currently illegal to consume the mild, bubbly flesh these species are famous for. Recent social movements (seemingly tracing back to a series of spam messages) make broad, improbable claims about “major population decline” and “disappearing herds”. This legislation technically allows for the breeding of turtledragons, but given their propensity to deflate in any enclosure, this solution seems untenable for the bold, electrifying chefs of today. + +Turtledragons’ lineage is a subject of much scientific debate. Some scholars think turtledragons evolved from dragons which, after evolving a hard shell in terrestrial swamps, moved back into the sea, and their resemblance to sea-turtles is a product of convergent evolution. Other scholars argue the teeth, markings, and spit are evolved from a sea-turtle to begin with, and their resemblance to dragons stems from convergent evolution on the other side. Yet others believe that the species is a product of interbreeding between dragons and sea-turtles, or intermediate stages. Notably, none of these lineages account for their specific locality in the Scorialic Sea. Never mentioned in the known pages of the [[Index Ingenuous]], ecologists are reduced to wild speculation and discordant and unreliable means of population measurement. + +~Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, //Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh// diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Xemoniphon.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Xemoniphon.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..92208b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/Xemoniphon.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +# Player: NS +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Xemoniphon the Elder + +Xemoniphon the Elder is a famed artist who lived in the [[Third Dynasty of Meteora]], which in itself was no easy feat. Most famous for the [[Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder]], Xemoniphon’s works in philosophy, poetry, numerology, and baking culminated in the creation of many keys, apparently at the behest of none other than [[Atherton Guage]] himself. The exact number of keys created in Xemoniphon’s time is unknown, as is his particular role in their creation. + +Unlike many other figures of his time, certain details of Xemoniphon’s life are known, both from the [[Codex Ingenuous]] and other firsthand artifacts, surviving despite (or perhaps because of) his mortality. Indeed, many such documents seem to reference his impending death. From a love/hate-letter from Fiona the Too-Young-To-Die to Wilfred the Impulsive, we know he was accidentally conceived during a particularly distressing act of ingenuosity by [[Kelorna the Extremely Confused]]. He took an apprenticeship at the remains of a library where he was tasked with reconstructing scraps of books, and subsequently fired when the librarian realized he couldn’t read. From there, he took a job at a bakery, where the exposure to [[dragonfire ovens seemed to change him|The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire]]. + +According to a resurfaced court record, two years after this supposed change in personality, a lawsuit formed of families of customers who reportedly had gone insane upon consumption of his croissants (among the complainants was the wife of a former head-baker in the shop). The suit claimed these croissants used “an unreasonable number of dimensions” and “uncountably finite” folds of butter. This lawsuit was dismissed after Exhibit A reportedly gave the judge a brief seizure, during which the judge absolved him of all blame by blinking wildly and convulsing on the floor. The decision was appealed, but due to double jeopardy laws, fell through. This suit purportedly attracted the attention of many famed scholars of the day, in particular Atherton, as detailed in a parable in the Codex Ingenuous, the Delicious Temptation of the Wheelmind. + +The fame of the Haiku leads some scholars to disregard the importance of his baking, but in truth, baking was the ultimate source of his many skills. For what more performative art is there than in the fleeting bites of a meal well cooked? Xemoniphon pioneered many of the famed dragonfire and keysmithing techniques in his time as a patissier. According to a take-out menu, one of the most popular items served was a cupcake, [[which tasted exactly how people thought it tasted|Ontological cost]]. + +The death of Xemoniphon is haughtily debated amongst scholars. Some argue that it was an act of Kelorna, others say the roving dragons got to him first, and others point to an intriguing story in the Codex itself, in which he popped into thin air after disproving his existence by a series of petit fours. + +~Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, **Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh** + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/brainsplainer.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/brainsplainer.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7bf443e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/brainsplainer.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Brainsplainer + +Of all the wooly hoaxes that the so-called "academy" "elites" have pulled over the eyes of the public, no hoax is so wooly nor so far pulled as the **"brainsplainer"**. Touted by its snake-oil salesmen as a way to read [[protoellipses]] without succumbing to [["key madness"|Lexicon Draconium]], these //conspirators// (for that is the only word appropriate to the occasion) claim that the technology has antecedents in the [[Literarosphere]] of [[Kelorna the Extremely Confused]]. Tell me, when was the last time anything built by that madwoman worked? Hogwash, the lot of it. I've disassambled a brainsplainer, and I can't tell what anything inside it does. + +These carnival hooligans haven't stopped at pushing their wares only on [[Guage Key|Guage Enigma]] researchers, either. The latest "studies" (ha! as if) claim that even reading the [[Codex|Codex Ingenuous]] should be done with a brainsplainer, due to proto-protoelliptic effects etched into the magmatic pages themselves. They //say// that the existence of these effects is a clue to uncovering the catastrophe that destroyed [[Ergniramniphoniclufiville]] -- but wouldn't that be just //so// convenient for these "researchers", who no doubt will take such a "result" as an opportunity to ask for more funding? + +In reality, there is probably no such thing as protoelliptic psychic shock. It is a lie sold by dragonflesh butchers to hype up their wares, eaten up by consolation-prize dracoscientists to explain why their protoelliptic research projects keep falling through. News flash: not everyone can do dracoscience with the big boys. I've read every protosllipsis on [[Epiliton]] twice, and only had three nosebleeds -- and one of those was just because of the pain medication I was snorting. If there were such a thing as key madness, I would have it in spades, but I don't. Explain //that//, you third-rate //hacks//. + +~ Ersatz Scrivener + +P.S. 'Twas I who stole that [[unanimite]] lunchbox from the office fridge, and no, I'm not giving it back. Ever since I've started using it as a helmet, the voices have gotten quieter. If you want it back, you'll have to pry it from my cold, oddly-vibrating hands. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/cupcakes.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/cupcakes.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a732663 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/cupcakes.txt @@ -0,0 +1,32 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds + +**An excerpt from //The Lit-Ass Dank Fire Mixtape of MC MOTHER:// Track 69:** + +My name is A CONCERNED and I’m here to make it clear\\ +Errybody knows cupcakes be why I’m posting here\\ +Ophelia came around and destroyed my pure elation\\ +By crediting herself for my beautiful creation\\ +The underground academy likes to think they’re so righteous\\ +But what you don’t know is that those fuckers are spineless + +So let me tell you the deal-ia\\ +My recipe stolen by Ophelia\\ +Don’t believe the mainstream stigma\\ +She stole it an hid it outside the [[Enigma|Guage Enigma]] + +My rap game is a dream\\ +Eco-kitchen has gone green\\ +My cake recipe so mean\\ +Acclaimed by the Dean\\ +My ingredients so lean\\ +More flavor than [[Pulluman|Gustivus Pulluman]] cuisine\\ +[[Gifted minds behind a screen|Fireminds]]\\ +Need the one thing you have seen\\ +My cupcakes are the thing\\ +But they’re on a space submarine + +*mic drop* + +~ A CONCERNED MOTHER diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/financiers-invisible.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/financiers-invisible.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..259ae4a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/financiers-invisible.txt @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: The Financiers Invisible + +**Competing interests** + +The authors of the Lexicon declare that they have [[no|Surf and Turf]] [[competing|Gustivus Pulluman]] [[interests|Ontological cost]]. + +**Funding** + +The Lexicon Draconium was supported by draconotary grant award █████████ from the Financiers Invisible[1][2][3]. + +**Acknowledgements** + +We thank [[Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine]] for not stealing the manuscripts, and Deepmaw the Sophisticated for eating Reviewer #2[4]. We thank the Financiers Invisible for not stealing our dreams with their long, ethereal fingers, the cursed digits of bodies [[████████████████████████|What-could-go-wrong-ism]]. + +~ Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracopublicist + +[1] Okay, I think we're safe here. For some reason, the taxmen can't read footnotes. The **Financiers Invisible ** are a secret society of beings whose original forms are unknown. A freak [[Literarosphere]] accident resulted in their physically visible forms being erased, but they remain with us in the form of ghostly psychic revenants, forever wailing about incentive taxes and departmental audits. + +[2] Since they're invisible, it is difficult to evaluate the innumerable claims that the Financiers are responsible for this or that historical event. Such claims are usually dismissed as just-so stories, but some have gained minor traction among dracohistorians. The most well-supported of these is the recent theory that the Financiers funded the [[Great Merchant|Hans, the Great Merchant of Dragons and Men]], explaining how he was able to make such risky business ventures. + +[3] There are few records of attempted resistance against the Financiers, but no records of a Financier ever being killed. This has led to a variety of folk tales about their resilience, most popularly that only the way to kill one is the intense flame of a [[Loong]] held by a pure maiden. + +[4] We don't thank him for the warning that we're next, as long as Pulluman doesn't [[open the damn window again|Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act]]. Ilron, did you buy those padlocks yet? \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/index-ingenuous.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/index-ingenuous.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a759e68 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/index-ingenuous.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Index Ingenuous + +Contemporary dragon science could never have reached the heights it has if it were not for the organizational clarity provided by the **Index Ingenuous**. While the molten pages of the Codex itslf provide the basis on which all of dragon science is founded, the elaborations of the [[Appendices Ingenuous]] encompass more material than is possible to learn in a human lifetime. It is only through the grand ambitions of the Index that this wealth of material can be made accessible to mortals such as ourselves. + +It is a constant lament of dragon scientists, therefore, that the original Index is missing. Approximately seventy percent of the Index is extant in scans and copies across all professional research teams, and it is suspected that anywhere from two to ten percent of the remaining may be known to private individuals. It is a matter of public record that this unfortunate circumstance is the fault of that dastardly criminal, [[Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine]] -- or would be, at any rate, if she hadn't stolen the public records of the incident. + +The Index itself is divided into an index proper of significant terms and concepts, a glossary (the shortest section), and a concordance (by far the largest). Nearly half of the glossary is missing from the shared pool of recovered Index pages, as well as some of the most important sections of the concordance. + +~Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracohistorian \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/kelorna.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/kelorna.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..607f9ef --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/kelorna.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Kelorna the Extremely Confused + +Widely considered the founder of dragon science, **Kelorna the Extremely Confused** was a [[Ergniramniphoniclufivillian|Ergniramniphoniclufiville]] who, unlike the other members of her village, was not a Firemind. This made her a pariah among the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians. Isolated from her community, she undertook a program of systematic study that would later form the foundations of dragon science. This earned her the ire of her village, as her diary entries in the [[Codex|Codex Ingenuous]] reveal, culimating in some sort of crisis that coincided with the village's disappearance. The strategies of social enginering she developed, which she called **"ingenuosity"**, have continued to shape the culture of dragon science up to the present day. Though the normal sense of the word gives a sense of innocence and a lack of duplicity, Kelorna describes ingenuosity as being like a dragon's smile: shiny and spotless, but full of daggers. + +The true nature of ingenuosity remains something of a unacknowledged consensus. Due to restrictions on studying the Codex itself, the public at large remains ignorant of how explicitly subterfuge is detailed in it. Eggies[1] usually learn quickly through harrowing experience or stolen Kelorna scans. Among professionals, her ingenuous spirit remains alive and well: At the annual Symposium for Extreme Deconfusion held in her honor, the conference rooms are soundproof and fireproof, and fewer researchers leave than enter. + +More subtly, consider the rate at which researchers are eaten by their lab's [[childarn|Childarn]] population: despite a chidl being little more than a dragon head with stubby legs, professional dracoscientists are frequently devoured by them just before major research projects are published, which are then taken over by their postdocs. Little is found of these victims except for singed clothing and recently-filed succession papers. + +~ Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracosociologist + +[1] A diminutive term for interns in dragon science research groups. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/meklondiche.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/meklondiche.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ec6de5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/meklondiche.txt @@ -0,0 +1,38 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Meklondiche + +FW: Fw: FW: Found Guage key 71 (Meklondiche)? + +this gave me the goosebumps!! + +//I’m so unbearably sorry. I think I found it, but I need help. Please.// + +//Two days ago, I left to search for it just a few miles north of the spires. +I found it. I found the damned thing in a tidy +spine of chryophite poking through the soot, peeking out like it +//wanted// me to find it. In my excitement, I extracted it from the rock +without a second thought. However, to my horror, I noticed that the +[[protoellipses]] were disastrously unbalanced, albeit only //after// I +had broken it free. I should have checked first, but the [[Codex|Codex Ingenuous]] never indicated that Meklondiche would have been one of the +keys with an [[ontological cost]]. God, I wish I’d checked the +protoellipses first. I’m so sorry.// + +//Fearing for myself and for anything a few miles around me, I scrambled +for my notes on the Codex, poring over them in the ash until there was +no longer light to see, clutching the key as if my grip could keep it in +this plane. Oddly, the key had not shown any signs of decreation. +Feeling encouraged by this fact, I started to look for a place to sleep. +Not a moment had my thoughts strayed when Meklondiche flickered and +withered in my hand. I knew the cost immediately: attention. Meklondiche +will remain only as long as you give it your thoughts.// + +//I can’t sleep until somebody else feeds it – I fear that my dreams won’t be +enough. I’m terrified to think what it might take with it were it to +disappear. Please, forward this e-mail to as many people as you can. The +more people think about the key, the safer we’ll all be.// + +send this to **no fewer than seven** distinguished scholars in the next +hour… we can’t afford to lose another!! + +~ A CONCERNED MOTHER diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/ordo-draco.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/ordo-draco.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a0d179e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/ordo-draco.txt @@ -0,0 +1,23 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Ordo Draco + +Dragon scientists recognize 14 families of dragons under the order //Draco//, following the classification first proposed by the //Empyreal Compendium of Beneficent Wisdom//. The families are, briefly: + +• **Imperatoris** - Imperatorids, also known as "greater dragons", are the largest dracoforms, with most genera having wingspans and body lengths in the tens of meters. The extinct[1] species //Sacramerda maxima// is conjectured to have had a body length on the order of a hundred meters.\\ +• **Condentes** - Most smaller dracoforms are condents, such as [[tarworms|Newtprester Resina]], though some condents are larger. Most condents have highly adapted dermal tissue suited to their environment.\\ +• **Conformata**, **Porca**, **Sirena** - Conformates, porcates, and sirens were all hunted to extinction by [[Thrognurith the Dragon Rider]], who then destroyed most of the scholarly corpus on them.\\ +• **Fabulosa** - The fabulosates are a now-extinct family of dracoforms characterized by being entirely fictional.\\ +• **Canes**, **Conjecta** - Canids and conjectates are characterized by their unique spirations. Canids utilize unique methods to generate heat, while conjectates utilize chemical reactions that draw heat out of the target to freeze it rather than combust it.\\ +• **Trementes** - The only trement genus is //Utinsanus//, which was given its own family after it made the other imperatorids uncomfortable.\\ +• **Innumerabiles** - We do not speak of //Innumerabiles//[2].\\ +• **Picta** - Pictates are theorized to exist, but have yet to be observed.\\ +• **Cetera** - The ceterates consist mostly of dracoforms that dracologists haven't succeeded in classifying elsewhere.\\ +• **Frangentes** - Frangents are distinguished from other dracoforms primarily by their morphological adaptations for complex mating calls, which are also used for weakening solid structures prior to breathing fire.\\ +• **Muscae** - Flocks of birds in the shape of a dragon, muscates were not classified in the order //Draco// until they raided a military complex and made off with the flamethrowers. After [[a tense standoff at a dragon science symposium|Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act]], dracologists agreed to write them into the draconic taxonomy. + +~ Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracophylogeneticist + +[1] We hope. + +[2] [[Or else.|The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire]] \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/protoellipses.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/protoellipses.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1c23677 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/protoellipses.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Protoellipses + +Heat. Pressure. The taste of metallic air. Trying to scream, but hearing only silence. The weightless sensation of falling. These phenomena and others like them are common in **protoellipses** (via Greek, lit. //protos// "first" + //elleipsis// "omission"), psychic impressions encoded into the Guage Keys by the [[psychic effects of dragon fire|The Educational Exploitation of Dragon Fire]]. The term "protoellipsis" originates from dragonfire therapy, where negative phenomenological states are scoured from the mind and crystalized into small, globular crystals. It was believed that only the first mental states thus scoured would crystallize, hence "proto", but later research determined that further states were simply encoded deeper into the crystal. The term nevertheless persists. + +Dragons possess the mental fortitude to endure protoelliptic visions, and some are even known to [[weaponize them in self-defense|Turtledragons]]. We mortals, lacking such strength, must borrow it. As is well-documented in Gustivus Pulluman's celebrated //Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh//, regularly consuming dragon meat virtually eliminates the negative effects of protoellipses. Most dragonfire therapists and Guage Key researchers, however, lack Pulluman's ability to slay dragons in single combat, and rely instead on the aid of [[brainsplainers|Brainsplainer]] to withstand the mental stress. Those who forgo such precautions risk suffering from [[protoelliptic psychic shock|Lexicon Draconium]], better known by its vulgar name, "key madness". + +Despite the august grandeur of that age in which the Guage Keys were forged, it seems that key madness is as old as the keys themselves. Scholars generally agree that [[Codex Ingenuous]] #1446 describes similar symptoms (p. 2): + +//Bearing the spiral//[1]// aloft, so prayed the circle://\\ +//"[[What could possibly go wrong?|What-could-go-wrong-ism]] For lo,//\\ +//This key we obtained for [[talonstains|Talonstain]]."//\\ +//So they intoned and in minds-eye turned inward,//\\ +//And then heat devoured them all.// + +~ Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracophenomenologist + +[1] The hieroglyph translated here as "spiral" is found nowhere else in the Codex except for a single passage describing the shape of a key thought to be [[Meklondiche]], hence the translation after that key's characteristic shape. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/rhellgazing.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/rhellgazing.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b072bc5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/rhellgazing.txt @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Rhellgazing + +**Is your teen “rhellgazing?” Know the risks!** + +Has your teen come home after curfew with darkened eye-pits or a scaly +hide? If so, he or she may have fallen prey to the latest teenage craze: +“rhellgazing”. + +“Rhellgazing” involves staring directly at the blindingly iridescent +walls of the [[Meteoric Temple]] from afar, often for extended periods +of time. While unsubstantiated by the [[Codex Ingenuous]], legend +maintains that the practice owes its beginnings to [[Kelorna the Extremely Confused]], who began “rhellgazing” late in her life. The +inspiration for the name, or what the “Rhell” could be, is completely +unknown to modern dragon science. + +Perplexingly, participants are typically unable to describe the +experience, but are drawn to repeat it, and typically gain a fanatical +interest in the dragon sciences. Usually, this fascination occurs at the +expense of their mental faculties and personal identities. + +Telltale signs that your teen has been “rhellgazing” include:\\ +* Acne\\ +* Defiant behavior\\ +* Becoming a pillar of ash\\ +* [[Speaking in unicode| Unicode]] + +Just as real as the risks of “rhellgazing” are its associations: the +practice is a rite of passage for several organized crime rings, +particularly those involved in the odious crime of fire-fighting. + +Parents suspecting their teens of “rhellgazing” should attempt to ignite +them – resistance to total incineration is a certain indicator of their +participation in this troubling fad. + +~ A CONCERNED MOTHER diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/third-dynasty.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/third-dynasty.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..816a63a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/third-dynasty.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +# Player: AF +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Third Dynasty of Meteora + +The Third Dynasty of Meteora is universally renowned for it's poetry and art. +While efforts have been made to preserve these cherished gifts of the past, it is known that the artistic type are a jealous and bitter people in the shadow of [[The Woken God]]. Many speculate that this may have to do with the [[mind altering effects of the temple walls|rhellgazing]].This is of course seen in the fact that all records of the second halves of the first and second dynasty’s records are missing and there are no records of the 4th-9th dynasty's’ accomplishments either. + +In truth, no one really knows what dynasty we are currently in anymore, thanks to [[Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine]]. The very few records left behind from the third dynasty are mostly those of [[Xemoniphon|Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder]] who was a striking seventeen years old at the time of his death. This was an exceptionally long life for someone at this time. + +Other notable discoveries from the third dynasty:\\ +*Most draconic or “firetongue” translations follow either haiku format, iambic pentameter, or are meant to be sung\\ +*Dragons cannot fly backwards\\ +*With the creation of every key, there must be a life paid in sacrifice to it's creation\\ +*The term “CONCERNED” is actually from root “CONSCERNUS” in draconic language meaning “SLOW MINDED, DAFT, or LEARNING IMPAIRED” + +~ Dr. Ophelia Gumphry of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/unanimite.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/unanimite.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..95bb14d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/unanimite.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Unanimite + +Dear Authors of the Lexicon, + +It has come to my attention that the artisinally-crafted unanimite lunchbox I won from the raffle at last year’s Lexicon sweater party was stolen from the community refrigerator. I know that the thief must have taken it sometime in the last 3 day (4 day?) revolution of the Guage Enigma. + +I will remind you that unanimite is //expensive//, having been created only in a small quantity by [[Kelorna|Kelorna the Extremely Confused]] to turn excess “real world” heat energy quanta into meaningful development of the [[Literarosphere]]. Of course, this has the delightful consequence of causing the box to maintain a permanent and comfortable thirty-six-point-eight degree temperature, but I wouldn’t expect a lunch-pilfering mongoloid such as yourself to have an appreciation for the metal’s finer technical merits. + +[[Gustivus|Gustivus Pulluman]], if this was you again, I swear to [[God|The Woken God]], I’ll see to it personally that the fireminds replace your other arm too. While moxie is an excellent spice, it’s best served warm and untainted by property crime. I think your estranged culinary mentor would agree. Need a “brash” new idea? Don’t 👏 steal 👏 my 👏 lunch. + +This is a transcendental and valuable artifact, and isn’t some inconsequential container you can take in and out of the refrigerator – it is my //lunchbox//, and I demand that whoever took it return it immediately. + +Fie on you, filthy food thief! Don’t make me fix my caps lock key! + +~ A CONCERNED MOTHER diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/unicode.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/unicode.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6c80d72 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/unicode.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Unicode + +//Found among the papers of Heraclitavian de Sobrel during his sick leave// + +~ + +**Unicode**, also known as **unus codex**, is a strange and recent phenomenon in which persons become catatonic and speak only in a quasi-artificial, monotone dialect about "making one the [[Codex|Codex Ingenuous]]". Such individuals tend to become highly motivated to collect the disparate sections of the Codex -- an admirable impetus, except that these individuals do not do something so useful to dragon science as seek out lost or stolen sections of the Codex. Rather, they seem to work towards gaining access to extant dragon science research archives. In cases where unicode-afllicted individuals have accessed these archives, they have //stolen// the Codex materials. This is all according to plan. + +While it was previously thought that [[rhellgazing]] caused unicode, recent studies suggest that the causality goes the other way, and rhellgazers who speak in unicode generally showed signs of unicode before beginning to rhellgaze. On this basis, some experts have suggested that we include [[more dragon meat|Surf and Turf]] in our diets, since dragonflesh-rich diets seem to counter the effects of unicode. In these troubling times, I think we ought to ignore this advice. + +~ Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracopsychologist + +P.S. Don't put this part into the Lexicon, but I have in my possession a rare -- possibly unique -- copy of a missing [[Appendix|Appendices Ingenuous]] page that makes a reference to a //mind control// spell that was used against [[the Wheelmind|Atherton Guage]]. The referenced Codex page is one of the missing ones (isn't it always?) but there's enough here that I'm beginning to suspect that unicode is actually this spell. Say, it's kind of stuffy in here, isn't it? I know the amendments to the [[Please Act|Please Don't Shoot, We'll Do It Act]] forbid opening windows, but the flock of birds hovering outside my window is telling me I could really use some fresh air right now... \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/what-could-go-wrong-ism.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/what-could-go-wrong-ism.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7b9943f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/what-could-go-wrong-ism.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: AB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: What-could-go-wrong-ism + +hey everyone! This made me LOL super hard so I had to share!! have a blessed day! + +**//4 Soul-Bending Facts About What-could-go-wrong-ism That Can’t Possibly Go Wrong™//** + +**//1.//** //As most are aware, ‘What-could-go-wrong-ism’ is a fundamental mindset shared by dragon scientists. Its mastery and continual exercise are essential to understanding dragons – After all, if any //one// possibility of catastrophe could be predicted in the act of examining, discussing, or even thinking about dragons, scholars might abandon their studies out of fear. However, by professing absolute perplexity toward any specific danger, scholars march bravely on into the blazing unknown. What Could Go Wrong, indeed!// + +**//2.//** //The phrase “What could go wrong?” is supposedly used in casual conversation by dragons with the intention of distracting the other party. While the question is pondered (since all inquiries from dragons are assumed profoundly meaningful), the dragon gains a brief moment to telepathically invite guests to the imminent barbecue of their conversational partner. Neat, huh? What //Could// Go Wrong?// + +**//3.//** //What-could-go-wrong-ism also permits advances in the study of [[Protoellipses]]. Some scientists suggest that the “psychic impressions” crystallized in each protoellipsis could be superposed to reconstruct a complete and working (but somewhat crispy) consciousness to tell us of the missing keys. Of course, this might also result in a sapient, mind-ravaging horror – but fear not! After all, What Could Go Wrong?// + +**//4.//** //One popular theory for the sudden inactivity of [[The Financiers Invisible]] is that the moment of the organization’s very creation was half-stolen from them, causing them to be half-erased from history. Of course, dear reader, you may be concerned that setting a precedent for this kind of ex machina time-travel into the [[Literarosphere]] may be dangerously exploitable. However, thanks to the convenient doctrine we so cherish, there’s no need to worry – What Could Go Wrong?// + +**If you liked this article, you might also enjoy: //’7 Dragons So Adorable You Won’t Even Know How To Whaaargblalngnaaarh!’//** + +~ A CONCERNED MOTHER diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/yellow-wyrmidon.txt b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/yellow-wyrmidon.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..465a6e4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/src/yellow-wyrmidon.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Yellow wyrmidon + +One of the most famous case studies in dragon conservation is that of the **yellow wyrmidon**. While its cousin, the black wyrmidon, is still extant across most of the [[Scorialic Sea]], the yellow wyrmidon is now extinct. The yellow-skinned black wyrmidon is hunted at a sustainable rate, since its black licorice taste has only a small but ardent following -- as evident from the mere two entries in Pulluman's //Ninety Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh// that make use of it, and in relatively small quantities. On the other hand, the black-skinned yellow wyrmidon features in fourteen entries in the same book. Once [[Dr. Gumphry|Talonstain]] amended the Underground Academy budget and reallocated the mathematics department's funding to [[her confection side business|The Beautiful Cupcakes of Dr. Ophelia Gumphry from the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds]] on [[Pulluman's|Talonstain]] insistence, the increased demand wiped the yellow wyrmidon out. (She has since had to switch to using [[chidl|Childarn]] meat, which explains why the quality has nosedived as of late.) + +The lessons learned from the yellow wyrmidon extinction have since galvanized dragon conservationists to push for legislation protecting [[turtledragons]], which are no longer, whether or not they were before, endangered. This was accomplished largely via mass emailing. These methods have [[drawn criticism|Ontological cost]], but mostly from people who caused the problem in the first place, so they probably deserved it. On an unrelated note, attached are the email addresses of all the faculty members of the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds. + +~ Heraclitavian de Sobrel, dracoecologist + +//// \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/statistics/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/statistics/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9446294 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/statistics/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Statistics | Lexicon Draconium + + + + + +
    + + +
    +
    Top 10 articles by page rank:
    1 – Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    2 – Codex Ingenuous
    3 – Guage Enigma
    4 – Key of Xemonides
    5 – Protoellipses
    6 – Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    7 – Scorialic Sea
    8 – Ontological cost
    9 – Atherton Guage
    10 – Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine
    + +
    Cited the most pages:
    14 – Key of Xemonides; Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds
    12 – Guage Enigma
    9 – Brainsplainer; The Financiers Invisible; Scorialic Sea
    + +
    Cited by the most pages:
    19 – Codex Ingenuous
    18 – Kelorna the Extremely Confused
    12 – Protoellipses
    + +
    Longest articles:
    799 – Seasonal Enrollment for the Underground Academy for Gifted Minds (T8)
    549 – Gustivus Pulluman (T7)
    531 – Key of Xemonides (T8)
    + +
    Player aggregate page rank:
    0.202 – TVB
    0.196 – NVB
    0.177 – AF
    0.154 – NS
    0.153 – SW
    0.119 – AB
    + +
    Citations made by player:
    58 – NVB
    48 – TVB
    45 – NS; SW
    36 – AF
    34 – AB
    + +
    Citations made to article by player:
    55 – AF
    53 – TVB
    41 – NVB
    36 – SW
    35 – AB
    33 – NS
    + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/draconium/status b/src/page/lexicon/draconium/status new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e69de29 diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/index.md b/src/page/lexicon/index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..979747a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +--- +title: Lexicon +--- + +- [**Lexicon Alpha**](./alpha/): The first Lexicon game played with [Lexipython](https://github.com/Jaculabilis/Lexipython). Ran 2017-03-11 to 2017-03-19. _"In the wake of the Quartile Reformation, you are scholars investigating the influence of Remigrationism on the Disquietists."_ + +- [**Lexicon Proximum**](./proximum/): Ran 2017-06-01 to 2017-06-24. _"You are scholar-partisans of the Nearside compiling information on how the Pyroxenes effected the Replete Dominion in the face of Nexus efforts."_. + +- [**Lexicon Draconium**](./draconium/): Ran 2017-11-02 to 2017-12-05. _"You are dragon enthusiasts studying the Codex Ingenuous for keys to the Gauge Enigma."_ + +- [**Lexicon Retrovidens**](./retrovidens/): Abandoned. _"You are rectors of the Final Scriptorium compiling the lost history of the Innumerate Ones after the Electric March of the Cerebrators."_ + +- [**Lexicon Xenocryst**](https://nickasabo.com/Lexicon/Xenocryst/) ([mirror](https://mirror.alogoulogoi.com/nickasabo.com/Lexicon/Xenocryst/)): Ran 2018-05-26 to 2018-06-29. _"You are members of the Carroll and Ogden research teams, freshly returned from simultaneous first expeditions to Skaoi IV, now aboard The Ashbery, a research travel hub for the Federated Republic of Planets."_ + +- [**Lexicon Centralium**](./centralium/): Ran 2018-08-04 to 2018-10-15. _"You are the survivors of the Happenstancening, trying to piece together how it was that the Seven Strictures failed the Central Order."_. + +- [**Lexicon Discordium**](./discordium/): A NaNoWriMo novel done in the style of Lexicon. Ran 2018-11-01 to 2019-01-01. _"You are members of the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee, charged by the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns with preparing an exhaustive report in advance of the Disarrangement Act."_ + +- [**Lexicon Subtilis**](./subtilis/): Ran 2019-05-20 to 2019-06-24, abandoned. _"As Gallowtide approaches, tension continues to mount between the Sibid and Uullor Courts. Convened by the Briarheart Circle, a council of scholars must sort out how the Land came to this state and what can be done to mend it."_ diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Aberidus.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Aberidus.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..eb095cc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Aberidus.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Aberidus | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Aberidus

    +

    The simple, yet ingenious, technology that revolutionized the economy of the late 8th decade society, the aberidus was developed by an unknown inventor. Scholars will likely debate this point for many years to come, giving credit to various figures, but the fact remains that there is not enough evidence to yield an answer. Origin means little compared to the impact though. The clever contraption both eased manual labor and drastically increased ennui by allowing workers to, simply put, stop working. This of course led to the tragic existentialist disaster known as The Year of the Waiting and they were subsequently outlawed.

    +

    The research into weaponizing such existential tragedy of course came to the forefront of the Vineman Convention research, and the impact of such rampant absurdity on global affairs sent international politics in a tailspin that would have likely ended in war if everybody hadn't lost all interest in everything.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Archimedes27_Rock.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Archimedes27_Rock.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cc26de3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Archimedes27_Rock.html @@ -0,0 +1,67 @@ + + +Archimedes' Rock | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Archimedes' Rock

    +

    Archimedes' Rock is a fundamental theoretical concept in the field of Mochlomancy. +According to the Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus—the foundational text of the field +(even if the wig-addled publication addicts at the Scholarium feign to have transcended it, +all but the most hopeless of them acknowledge its indispensable function as a starting point)— +Archimedes' Rock is a locus of stability required for any mochlomantic action.

    +

    However, we owe the majority of our knowledge of Archimedes' Rock to a particular figure +in the field, Robert Earthson. Indeed, it it hardly possible to talk of one without +encountering the other. Earthson is a rather dramatic character: he was born on +Earth before the Inversion warped it into the Nearside, and +witnessed the establishment of the Doglords' reign. In the midst +of that time of chaos and upheaval, and witnessing the rise of the wicked Pyroxenes and +their insatiable hunger for conquest and consumption, Earthson knew that a time would come +when humanity would forget the knowledge he possessed. Heroically, he did not return to +the Nearside for five seasonal cycles—a span of about two and a half years for him, and +a thousand years for the rest of humanity. With the Pyroxenes' establishment of the +Replete Dominion at the beginning of the current cycle, he returned to share his horde +of mochlomantic lore.

    +

    Alone among mochlomantic practitioners, Earthson claims to have seen Archimedes' Rock in +person. For this he is mocked by vainglorious members of the Scholarium, who have convinced +themselves that their personal failures to find the Rock prove that it was a metaphor all +along, and who unconvincingly hide their jealousy by making juvenile quips about Earthson's +noted expertise on non-Euclidean beers.

    +

    With the cycle's end approaching, and with it humanity's expulsion into the territory now +controlled by the Replete Dominion, it has become more imperative than ever that we take +up the banner of this humble hero, and help him build his Omnilever upon Archimedes' Rock.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Bivalence_Genera.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Bivalence_Genera.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2018bee --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Bivalence_Genera.html @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ + + +Bivalence Genera | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Bivalence Genera

    +

    Theoretical research in the Scholarium has uncovered, frustratingly, five bivalent phenomena underlying the Nearside's metaphysical ecology. Collectively, they are called the bivalence genera:

    +

    Semiside bivalance is, of course, the existence of both our Nearside and the True Reality (also called the Turnways Reality). This is sometimes called the primary bivalence or master bivalence, since the other bivalences have only been found within the Nearside [1].

    +

    Gravitational bivalence is the phenomenon where those who are born in the Nearside have, with roughly equal chance, one of two gravitational alignments: either "in" towards the Nearside, or "out" away from it. While living with out-valence was possible before if one was careful, the development of gravitational technology has greatly reduced the mortality rate for out-valents.

    +

    Radial bivalence, also known as blink bivalence, is the phenomenon across the inner and outer sides of the the Nearside torus. While we live on the outer side, the inner side is inhabited by the inside-out ones, They Who Watch Unblinking, who look unceasingly to the center.

    +

    The final and most problematic bivalence is season bivalence, which has frustrated Scholarium researchers for decades. There are, as we all learned in school, three seasons in the Nearside: scintillate, jazzy, and negative. However, after researchers failed to reduce one of the seasons to a linear combination of the others, it was discovered that the seasons are actually a double bivalence, with the unknown fourth season having been banned by the Nexus. This has stymied all subsequent attempts to systematize the bivalence genera.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic

    +

    [1] Research efforts to discover secondary bivalences in True Reality are, of course, never sanctioned for safety reasons.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Calathas_the_Unholy.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Calathas_the_Unholy.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bbaeec3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Calathas_the_Unholy.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Calathas the Unholy | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Calathas the Unholy

    +

    For anyone who has ever bothered to study the society of late old earth, it is obvious that Calathas the Unholy is a very common literary trope of the kind inspired by H. P. Lovecraft, the founder of the eponymous Free Love movement. The only positive evidence for its existence is to be found in wads of dog-bedding quoted by Scholastics with a vested interest in producing paperwork; Duke Strato's proclamations with their constant need to create enemies without and heroes within to deflect attention from numerous scandals, incompetencies and executions; references from dog-worshippers who lack the mental coherence to be full heretics; and the beer induced ravings of that drunken sot and dabbler in the Kupakamasutra Robert Earthson. Latin rhythms about court room super men are too ridiculous for further mention.

    +

    Many people find Calathas a convenient Diabolus ex machina to explain the demise of the Doglords, the reduction of the human population by 99.73%, the prevalence of necromantic cults, the existence of hordes of ravenous chitin and metal monstrosities, long lines for New You(TM) Aberidus Templates, Shahan Fuizhen's bad hair, and unpredictably long IIPA hangovers. It is ridiculous! It is laziness! If you don't understand something, go to Vulcan's Forge yourself and move the Cyclopean levers, don't invent ghosts and hobgoblins like our benighted ancestors (Earthson included)!

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Doglords_Imperious.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Doglords_Imperious.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c697243 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Doglords_Imperious.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Doglords Imperious | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Doglords Imperious

    +

    Hail, great canines! In their name I dedicate this Lexicon to the Doglords Imperious, those august and wise powers that be whose Nexus so benevolently sustains us. Yea, the Doglords who have ruled the Nearside from time immemorial graced we humble pilgrims with the means to survive in the Nearside in our hour of need, and still today we live by their decrees.

    +

    Indeed, we owe to them our greatest scholarly achievements. I hardly dare to begin enumerating their benefits, lest I shall never cease, but 'twas by their charity that we were allowed to discover among the papers they used for bedding and waste the fragments of the Protomythos. Only through the patronage of Sparky the Inviolable did Vineman produce such fruit as the GCVS systems, for which our researchers were rewarded with a second donation of Protomythos pages, this time only slightly soiled. It was these seven thousand pages, each enscribed with a single, illuminated letter, which we were able to rearrange into the Folly of Calathas. Remember, ye Nearsiders: remember the debt ye owe to the Doglords.

    +

    Stray not from the path they have set. Fie, fie, I say, fie upon those who would resist their doctrines! May the accursed Pyroxenes rue the day that they dared to oppose their designs to the Hollow Dominion of the Doglords Imperious, whose barks ring everlasting!

    +

    By the order of Fido the Eternal, thus sribeth Sneezeguard Jones of the Semiheresy

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/False_Reality.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/False_Reality.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f8005ab --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/False_Reality.html @@ -0,0 +1,67 @@ + + +False Reality | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    False Reality

    +

    False Reality is the old title for the Nearside's counterpoint plane, more commonly +known today (because of the provenance of fools) as the True Reality. It is a hideous +realm that grows more hideous by the hour as the Ignis Ignotus-warped Pyroxenes +reshape it in their twisted image to better channel mochlomantic energy.

    +

    According to experts on the matter, Yanner's Inversion was intended +to avert an incoming catastrophe by momentarily splitting reality along metaphysical lines: +the False Reality, where all that would be would not be, and the Nearside, where all that +could be could come to be. Hence the traditional names: the False Reality was a place +of stagnation and eventual nonbeing, and the Nearside was near to a limitless number of +possibilities—including, one must sadly concede, a nest of self-important vipers +who would unfairly claim a scholar's death before solving a theory as proof of his incompetence.

    +

    Of those vipers, there are none more venomous than Shahan Fuizhen, architect of the +Atlas Arcanum, who—in the face of the Pyroxenes' establishment of the Replete Dominion— +decided to rename that cesspit of death and decay to "True Reality" in the face of +widespread opposition even within the Scholarium. Dr. Fuizhen, whose clique has maintained +political advantage within the Scholarium since the late fourth cycle, has become +increasingly unable to hide the fact that he has used necromantic energies to prolong his +wretched life. Though he continues to insist his unnatural lifespan of 180 years is only +due to healthy living, he is currently under investigation by the Semiheresy for possessing +artifacts used in connection with a Pyroxene necromantic ritual murder. +Indeed, many who have spoken with him in person have reported that, in private, he has +been known to say that the Doglords Imperious were wrong to try to institute the +Hollow Dominion in False Reality and allow it to settle to tranquil nothingness once more.

    +

    It is a great injustice that Dr. Fuizhen remains a Scholarium member in good standing, but +all members who speak out against him—myself included—have coincidentally lost their positions.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Folly_of_Calathas2C_The.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Folly_of_Calathas2C_The.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..21b1427 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Folly_of_Calathas2C_The.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Folly of Calathas, The | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Folly of Calathas, The

    +

    Many are the inhumane deeds of Calathas the Unholy, the brutal and bloody tyrant whose name is synonymous with wickedness and bad hygiene. However, little is known about the rise and fall of this villain of history, that is, little was known until the discovery of a seven thousand page section in the Parcum Protomythos labeled The Folly of Calathas. It is no surprise this has section was missed, as it of course only accounts for less than one tenth of a percent of the overall content.

    +

    The Folly of Calathas is, like most sections in the Parcum Protomythos, unknown in author and origin. But it does describe Calathas as humble of origin, recruited by the Pyroxenes as a young child. His power grew as he ascended the ranks, finally becoming the first to be adopted into the Pyroxenes themselves.

    +

    Of course, it is well known of his ability to travel effortlessly through the Pendulous Passage, and scholars continue to debate the nature of his ability to do so. The answer, however, is obvious that it lies in his brilliant insight into the Passage's system, understanding that memory is indeed a matter of personal significance. Though some claim it impossible to do so by citing rubbish texts, there is no definitive case to be made for this rebuttal, and any such lofty claim should be considered with the highest of skepticism. His Folly, the text of the Parcum Protomythos indicates, is in fact his willingness to sacrifice even the most precious memory for the cause of the Pyroxenes, therefore there is precedent for such a claim. But I suppose Duke Strato Merovalitus finally stumbled into truth when he said that "basic theoretical competency is far too much to expect."

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Fourth_Season.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Fourth_Season.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..af8aaa5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Fourth_Season.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Fourth Season | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Fourth Season

    +

    The Fourth Season is illegal. Therefore most people believe that it exists since why legislate against something that isn't there? Of course that argument would never have stopped the filibustering Latin-tongued bores.

    +

    It is an artifact, a false prediction of the obsessive binary division of reality put forward by the half-brained semi-heretics. Why is it that the half-hearted enforcers want to push humanity into the chitinous horrors of H. G. Orwell's worst nightmares? The answer lies in their very half-heartedness! True full-blooded heretics, who have truly embraced the ideal of heresy for its own sake, would never stoop to such trite apocalyptic orthodoxy! They would reject them de priore as beneath their dignity!

    +

    Ancient Egypt had three seasons: Planting, Flood and Harvest. Even if you insist on nostalgic archaeogaiism, there is no need for powers of two. Does Robert Earthson ever lend support to the notion of a Fourth Season? It is merely a passing fad!

    +

    Scintillate, Jazzy and Negative are the only real seasons on the Nearside. Let me explain them since, apparently it isn't clear to you yet: Scintillate when the magnetic fields of the two disks of the donut moon visible from here cause all long haired dogs (and cats) too give off dangerous static charges and women look rather pretty; Jazzy, when all the tides are pulled out of the harbors giving a spectacular natural amphitheatre for jazz concerts in the temperate zones; Negative, very dangerous for people with up-gravitational orientation which becomes much stronger at this time (they also tend to get rather irritable and negative.)

    +

    Those killjoys! The end of negative and beginning of scintillate is the best time of cycle for the heroic sport of moon jumping for those of us who can (and have you ever heard of a semi-heretic with up-gravitation?) No they will kill for beer and even then, it is only cold-bloodedly for power, like dead dogs.

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Gravitational_Containment_and_Vacuum_Sealing.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Gravitational_Containment_and_Vacuum_Sealing.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..344fe17 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Gravitational_Containment_and_Vacuum_Sealing.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing

    +

    Together these form the only reliable method of halting the spread of Ignis Ignotus + and preserving the values and beauty of civilization for which the Near Side is known. +While I can respect the Pyroxenes' decision to embrace Ignis Ignotus, it is because of the very irrevocability of it, +and I think they are well aware of this, if they are aware of anything anymore. +It is a wondrous and awe inspiring leap into the unknown, but we cannot afford to risk +everything we have brought with us to the Near Side. So complete separation by vacuums and reverse gravity fields +are the only viable option until science progresses to another age. +The fond hope of many Pyroxene Sympathizers is that the Replete Dominion itself will bring about a rapid +positive change if only we would turn off the energy fields. If they wish to do so individually, I respect them, +but collectively, we must keep up gravitational containment and vacuum sealing.

    +

    Robert Earthson

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Hollow_Dominion.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Hollow_Dominion.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..db7c020 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Hollow_Dominion.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Hollow Dominion | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Hollow Dominion

    +

    The Pyroxenes rose and the land of the proud Nearside began falling away under their corrupting gaze. The effects of Ignis Ignotus grew and corrupted even the noblest of souls. The end was nigh. But there were those noble beings, those canine gods, the Doglords, who resisted. They struck a mighty blow to the Pyroxenes and halted the coming of the Replete Dominion, carving out a small circle of hope and reality in the cursed False Reality known as the Hollow Dominion.

    +

    The Doglords held this line for the majority of the first and second decades. It was only when Xi Lupon delved into works he was not qualified to handle that they began to falter. Their strength relied on their unlevered existence, and Xi mixed levered and unlevered realities, shifting the fulcrum of their existence and allowing the Pyroxenes to again press the advantage. The Doglords faded in their appearance and behavior as a result.

    +

    It is from this tragedy that noted metaphysicist, Dr. Fuizhen, in his acknowledgment of the monumental mistake of Xi, solved the Key and Lock Principle and motioned to strike Xi's memory from Scholarium history. Alas, some held to the opinion that he still deserved his name, and so his legacy lives on to this day. In a drunken despair Dr. Fuizhen lamented the Doglord's sacrifice and wished that they had never descended to save those who would only glorify their betrayer.

    +

    After the fall of the Hollow Dominion the False Reality grew in size and potency. It was with great reluctance that Dr. Fuizhen had to acknowledge that, with the hollowness filled and the falseness growing, it was of metaphysical definition True. His confession of this led to the marshalling of Nexus resources to combat this terror, which preserved society through the Lesser Incursion.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Ignis_Ignotus.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Ignis_Ignotus.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d01b06f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Ignis_Ignotus.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Ignis Ignotus | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Ignis Ignotus

    +

    Originally thought to be a novel form of energy, Ignis Ignotus was discovered by Nearside scientists as an encroaching substance breaking into True Reality. It was acknowledged that this matter was expanding and would likely not cease in this. In the hopes of harnessing a potential secondary bivalence of True Reality, a project was commissioned to harness this new substance. The dangers of this were only somewhat known, and the Nexus metaphysicists made some grave miscalculations. The cost was high. The backblast sent ripples through the very fabric of reality, and thus the modern phenomenon of Ignis Ignotus was born.

    +

    Regardless, Ignis Ignotus’ corrupting effects soon spread throughout the Nearside, giving birth to the Pyroxenes. Well known is the history afterwards. The Pyroxenes gained support (see Pyroxene Sympathizers), and many continued to foolishly experiment with this foul material. The Replete Dominion arrival really was only a matter of time after this. The GCVS is reliable for now. But with the Pyroxenes gaining more support, popular sentiment is, as Robert Earthson has catalogued, started to consider turning them off, which would surely spell disaster. The Lesser Incursion was a result of such considerations, and one would think that this would have put a stop to such nonsense.

    +

    Were it not for this corrupting substance, we quite possibly would not have experienced the horrors of the 6th and 7th decades.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Jurist-Knights.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Jurist-Knights.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..907bff3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Jurist-Knights.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Jurist-Knights | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Jurist-Knights

    +

    If you've ever been at the Magic Lever during Cheerful Chrononce, undoubtedly you have heard the tales told in drinking songs of those legends, the Jurist-Knights of the Nearside. Those brave lawyers who quested in search of adventure, glory, and litigation are some of the most beloved heroes in our contemporary popular imagination. By night, they rode to defend the weak and dispossessed; by day, they plied their trade in the courtrooms.

    +

    The most well-known ballad of the Jurist-Knights these days must be the insidiously catchy "Ain't No Habeas Corpus in Hell", which tells of the Jurist-Knights' history with Calathas the Unholy. The song recounts Calathas' apprenticeship with one Sir Calvin; his expulsion from the Jurist-Knights after his Pyroxene recruitment; his deadly revenge on Sir Calvin; and the fated final battle between Sir Jameson, Calathas' fellow apprentice under Sir Calvin, and the ascended Pyroxene Calathas. With the assistance of a citizen jury, Sir Jameson unleashed a lawsuit so powerful that it left both of them crippled by legal fees, leaving Calathas vulnerable for just long enough for Jameson to tackle him through the Passage, whence neither were seen again.

    +

    The powerful urge of the Jurist-Knights to defend the lowest among us led to their tragic end when they promulgated the Zymurgy Sanctions comdemning the Template Machines as massive human rights violations. Though many believed that the courage and resolve of the Jurist-Knights would carry the day, none predicted the invention of the Aberidus. The weaponization of the aberidus turned the tide against the Jurist-Knights, and to this day we sing of their final and futile stand against extinction in that somber classic, "See You Space Lawyer".

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Key_and_Lock_Principle.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Key_and_Lock_Principle.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2c12284 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Key_and_Lock_Principle.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Key and Lock Principle | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Key and Lock Principle

    +

    A groundbreaking theorem proven by noted metaphysicist Shahan Fuizhen, the statement was postulated first by Xi Lupon in the late 2nd decade, but only proven in the mid 4th decade. The statement itself is simple and as follows:

    +

    For every lock there must be a key, and for every key there must be a lock.

    +

    For all his repoire, Xi never was able to prove it, and in fact eventually came of the opinion that it was not true. When Dr. Fulzhen proved it five hours after reading about it, quite a few prestigious members of the Scholarium suggested striking Xi's name from Scholarium history for his incompetency, but his fame was still well revered, so it was decided to allow his good name, and even the award associated therein, persist. Evidently this lack of academic competency still lingers to this day, as there are some who still hold him as well revered in the metaphysicist community, and would rather cite him and resort to petty ad hominems than do actual research.

    +

    This principle is of great import for a number of reasons, the primary of which is that it guarantees the Pendulous Passage to be ever accessible, no matter how well sealed. This is, of course, not to say that defense projects are hopeless, far from it. It is rather to encourage vigilance, as ever will persist the threat of incursion. Another fact that proceeds is that the Fourth Season will be knowable and controllable given enough R&D, which I urge the Scholarium and Nexus to put more funding towards.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Lennings.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Lennings.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..daa095c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Lennings.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Lennings | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Lennings

    +

    Though I look upon the Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus with skepticism, here is where I must concede that it serves its reader well. Lennings are a fundamental practice of Mochlomancy, a fulcrum to the magical lever. The more lennings employed, the more stable the spell. However, to employ a lenning requires costly power, and so one sacrifices power for stability, hence the neverending search for Archimedes' Rock, the final lenning, which would allow a mochlomantic spell to have perfect stability with no tax on the power. This problem has vexed researchers for years, and more recently has come to the forefront of the inversion phenomenon. Robert Earthson has been working on his omnilever for quite some time, but even this fantastical invention, would not be able to function without stability, and to create lennings powerful enough to stabilize such a device would drain all power from the system. But with a device that provides its own stability would dodge such a difficulty. Scholarium metaphysicists, including myself, have postulated that if such a device were to exist, it is conceivable that we could reverse the damned effects Yanner wrought decades ago.

    +

    The search continues, and it is my professional opinion that it is a fable, a myth. But it is a hope, and in these final hours I must confess before all, that it is a hope I myself indulge in.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Lesser_Incursion.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Lesser_Incursion.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a832037 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Lesser_Incursion.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +Lesser Incursion | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Lesser Incursion

    +

    Hail, great and eternal Fido! Pursuant to the investigation into the Lesser Incursion to which you have assigned me, I humbly submit this Warrant of Arrest for a number of chief suspects. The extreme measures taken by the Semiheresy in the wake of the Incursion have led to a record number of charges of treason, far surpassing our quarterly goal. We expect the trials to be open-and-shut cases with some quick sentences of semideath. If it be your will, please ordain that the warrant be approved and promulgated to the field enforcers of the Semiheresy:

    +

    Directive from Semi-Ark Indomitable
    +Year 129 of the Ninth Cycle

    +

    -- PURSUANT TO NEXUS INVESTIGATION OF THE LESSER INCURSION --

    +

    THE ARREST OF THE FOLLOWING INDIVIDUALS IS HEREBY ORDERED:

    +

    Robert Earthson: for SUSPICION OF TREASON AGAINST THE NEARSIDE, on account of one count of SUGGESTION OF CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE DOGLORDS, one count of ADMITTING RESPECT FOR TRAITORS, one count of SEASONAL CYCLE RETURN DELINQUENCY, one count of ENUNCIATION OF BANNED INCANTATIONS, and one count of TOASTING A SUSPECT OF AN ONGOING INVESTIGATION.

    +

    Duke Strato Merovalitus: for SUSPICION OF TREASON AGAINST THE NEARSIDE, on account of two counts of DISCUSSION OF BANNED LEVERS, one count of CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE INDOMITABLE SEMIHERESY, and one count of STEALING NEXUS OFFICE SUPPLIES AFTER TERMINATION.

    +

    Dr. Edgar Ronson: for SUSPICION OF TREASON AGAINST THE NEARSIDE, on account of two counts of DISCUSSION OF BANNED LEVERS, one count of ADVOCATING INVESTGATION OF BANNED SEASONS, and one count of ASSOCIATION WITH KNOWN TRAITORS.

    +

    Suspects are advised not to resist. We are inevitable. You cannot avoid us. We are Indomitable. You cannot overcome us. Submit yourself to the nearest Double Inquisitor for processing.

    +

    In the name of the Nearside, the aforesaid is ordered by
    +SEMIHERETIC DEACONESQUE SNEEZEGUARD JONES

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Levers_and_Lagers3A_A_Fond_Farewell.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Levers_and_Lagers3A_A_Fond_Farewell.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e932126 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Levers_and_Lagers3A_A_Fond_Farewell.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell

    +

    It has been an honor to serve as editor in chief of Levers and Lagers since it's foundation in the 9th decade of our return to the Near Side. Now that our society faces graver dangers than it ever has since the Year of the Waiting, which only a few of us old codgers still remember, it is more important than ever to share a beer with friends and mock the demons that bedevil our society!

    +

    To stave off the effects of Aberidus Tremens, I am enjoying an IIPA at the Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub with its founder, my old comrade Ibrahim Reed. Ah yes: thick tan head, light amber color, medium body, hints of caramel, honey and toasted bread; a bit of pine like an evergreen forest of Earth; strong bitterness like horehound candy; a touch of tartness (lactobacillus?); maybe something like coriander: a nexus of everything good where all contrasts are harmonized. Our civilization and our own selves also need harmony.

    +

    The best way to truly understand and overcome the differences between the Nearside, and Deep Thingness, to traverse the Pendulous Passage through False Thingness to Realitas Vera, is to sacrifice, not just a cherished gift, not just secrets, not just memories but everything! And what better way than through the ancient alchemy of Barley and Hops and Yeast! Why, under the inspiration of Bacchus, does a man give away a gift; does he tell a secret? Why, he gives away generously everywhere to everyone! He tells all secrets; he forgets all things! What more could he give than his very senses, than consciousness, that great myssery? This is where the lojic of the Tractatuses failes! This is what Yaner, beautiful Yaner, once behelde.

    +

    Deepely ingrained, false visins she must pas tru thingnis? enter entr rtrn

    +

    Robert Earthson

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Magic_Lever_Brewery_and_Replete_Pub.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Magic_Lever_Brewery_and_Replete_Pub.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c13cfa3 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Magic_Lever_Brewery_and_Replete_Pub.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub

    +

    The effects of the existentialist disaster, The Year of the Waiting, have been well documented, but none are so prominent, none so wrapped in mystery, as the greatest bar to rise of the ashes of society, the Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub.

    +

    Now, it is a well-established fact that bars were some of the few establishments to consistently thrive under the Aberidus' influence. The Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub was founded by Ibrahim Reed, and became stronger after the founder devoted much effort into infusing his brews with ingredients to stave off the horrifying effects of ennui. His bar was unknown until Robert Earthson met with the philosopher and inventor. After this meeting, it was revealed that he had a unique and singularly unexpected insight into the mechanics of the Aberidus, and the public flocked to his pub.

    +

    Earthson is associated with this bar, leading it to be a locus of myth and legend. Ibraham's middle name is Archimedes, leading to the pop legend that the pub's foundation, Archimedes' Rock, is the actual concept noted in Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus, as if the metaphor were an actual physical object. An amusing urban legend to be sure, likely stemming from the fact that the disaster was halted here.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Mochlomancy.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Mochlomancy.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d689b7d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Mochlomancy.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Mochlomancy | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Mochlomancy

    +

    I would like to rant more about the Vine-Man's closure of the Fourth Season Bar for an illegal performance of Vivaldi. But really, the role of zymourgists in the Nexus is to promote brotherly comradery against the real enemy, and with Origin Day approaching this jazzy time of year is a good one for historical reflection through the golden, forgiving glow of a good Belgian Trivalence.

    +

    It's hard to believe, but long ago, before Yanner turned Earth into a three dimensional sphere pasted over a four dimensional torus, when half of all plants and animals started to up-gravitate and it required a PhD in Topology to find the nearest pub for years until they got GPS to work again, mochlomancy was not a household name. (Yes I know, some people claim that Yanner's spell was impossible, but something turned our planet into a hyper-doughnut whose inner half (which used to be Australia, Brazil and Michigan) is now full of beings that gaze towards a center in the fourth dimension, and that something was Yanner!) Before the Archpraetor's day, mochlomancy was a small obscure movement of particle physicists, Feng Shui experts and conventional thaumaturges searching for Archimedes' Rock after the failure of cold fusion in solving the energy crisis of those days.

    +

    Now, it is ubiquitous. Everything from the proper design of taproom levers, to incantations for the stabilization of quark stars to the Kupakamasutra is based on mochlomantic principles. So here's to Yanner; here's to Shahan Fuizhen; here's to all the founders of the world as we know it: good or bad, let's drink to them all!

    +

    Robert Earthson

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Moment_of_Pardon.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Moment_of_Pardon.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f68bd88 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Moment_of_Pardon.html @@ -0,0 +1,72 @@ + + +Moment of Pardon | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Moment of Pardon

    +

    The Moment of Pardon is a once-per-cycle event, observed in memory of the end of the +first cycle, when the Semiheresy used brutal and excessive +force to evict humanity from the Nearside, leading the deaths of 7,500 innocents. The +tragedy caused much turmoil for the next hundred years, and many feared that the end of +the second cycle would be far more disastrous. But clearer heads, miraculously, prevailed, +and the Truth and Reconciliation Conference on Semiheresy was instituted to assist +humanity in coming to terms with the necessity of facing the Pyroxene horrors at the end +of every cycle.

    +

    The outcomes of that conference are too numerous to list here, but the +important one for our purposes was the Moment of Pardon. Held at midnight 7,500 days +before E-Day—in honor of the 7,500 victims of the first cycle—the Moment of Pardon is a +time for all of us to acknowledge our strife and forgive our enemies, that we might stand +as one on the literally unearthly battlefields of the False Reality.

    +

    As it is the function of the nobility to set a noble example for the common man, on this +Moment of Pardon, I shall honor the custom publicly. Of late, my foremost enemy has been +one Dr. Edgar Ronson, a man with whom I have had no small number of academic debates, but +more importantly was the man whose resource allocation decisions led to the end of my +career in the Scholarium.

    +

    But I must admit that Dr. Ronson is a great man. During the Lesser Incursion, he +developed vital upgrades for the GCVS systems +by an ingenius application of the Key and Lock Principle, even when doing so required +making the controversial decision to seal off Parliament and the last remnant of the +Jurist-Knights and their Semiheretic auxiliary forces. There are those who questioned +his decision, but not I, for we both understand that we can hold nothing back against the +odious Pyroxenes.

    +

    Dr. Ronson's character also shines through in his support of Robert Earthson, the hero of +our age, and the necessity of constructing the Omnilever so that +we may defeat our foes once and for all. "[The Scholarium] stands with Earthson," he once +told me in private communication. And so I speak the words instituted by tradition: "Here +is a man who I will gladly fight beside."

    +

    Signed, in the cause of reconciliation, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Omnilever.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Omnilever.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fd115d4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Omnilever.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Omnilever | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Omnilever

    +

    The so-called Omnilever is the Holy Grail of mochlomancy: a lever pivoting on a fixed point strong enough to move the heavens and the earth in accordance with mochlomantic principles. Because of the apocalyptic nature of the subject, the Nexus has banned didactic writings on the Omnilever. Therefore, the rest of this entry will be about something completely unrelated to the Omnilever.

    +

    Imagine if you were kicking back and relaxing in the ol' Replete and having yourself a beer. Now, suppose that this beer was also infinitely long, rigid, and pivoted on Archimedes' Rock. Also suppose that its existence was the subject of a number of influential papers from the Lupon archive. And, uh, suppose it was a heavy craft beer that wasn't a code for anything. With a beer like that, if you tipped the stein to your lips, you would carve a planar slice through reality itself. Because of the alcohol content, clearly, and not because of it being infinitely long and pivoted on the Rock, which it clearly isn't, because it's a beer and not the ultimate mochlomantic construction granting supreme power over the universe.

    +

    The taste of this beer would, of course, be divine. Unlike other beers perferred by some that transport you to a false reality, this beer would make everything more clear to you. You would be able to see pretty much anything, I reckon. I would kill for a beer that good.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic
    +nihil obstat: Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque
    +imprimatur: Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Parcum_Protomythos.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Parcum_Protomythos.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..01a90d0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Parcum_Protomythos.html @@ -0,0 +1,49 @@ + + +Parcum Protomythos | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Parcum Protomythos

    +

    In some ways I prefer ancient history. Linear time and linear space make things nice and straight forward. Still our post-Yanner world has its perks. After all, now that most of what remains of humanity is cornered in the Nearside, we get about two hundred minutes to slowly sip a beer or something stronger for each minute that the Pyroxenes get to grow in. This gives you time to contemplate your fate and wonder if they will think of something. Maybe our grandkids will know what to do.

    +

    Hopefully the Great Mastiffs will still be around by then. Let's be honest, we owe them a lot. Space may be tight now, and they have no known economic value anymore, but if our species is going to cease to exist outside the realm of False Reality then, even though the calculations are uncertain, I think we would have better deep leverage if we did not have dogblood on our hands. Besides, given some of the prophetic hints in the Protomythos, we may yet need what is left of their minds. Call me a Semiheretic if you like.

    +

    My friends have asked me to write an article about the Parcum Protomythos. (Or rather, dared me to write about dog bedding.) While many have questioned the Latin of the title, it is not an error, since there is no Magnus Protomythos. It is "A Little Thing: The First Myth." It was written as seven million ideograms on separate leafs of parchment. Many of them are works of the highest calligraphy; some of them are hapax legomena whose meaning can only be guessed now. Mochlomantic leverage in the deep realms near Archimedes' Rock has revealed probable meanings for some, but others have baffled even the finest representatives of the Scholarium.

    +

    Even though it arose after Yanner's Inversion due to the unstable warping of time, the Mastiffs' civilization is actually the longest lived on our planet, something like seven-thousand years of Pre-Yanner time, eclipsing ancient Egypt, its only human rival. Since their glory days lasted only a few decades of human history and since they were already in severe decline by the time that Xi Lupon inadvertently removed the grounding from their minds by learning the first sign of their language thus bringing human mochlomantic space into contact with their unlevered existence (and the fact that they always looked like dogs and now act like them) there is a strong tendency to treat them as mere animals.

    +

    The sad tendency of the Protomythos to regard us as divine or angelic beings also reinforces our very human prejudices. Yet, if you can dig deeply, there is so much wisdom hidden there, so much depth, so much beauty, so much meaning upon meaning, layer upon layer, depth under depth, height upon height, it is like the perfect seven-thousand-year-old barley wine with unbelievable complexity and depth of flavor making everything produced by us look like a homebrewer's first attempt at a three-percent ale, not even a day out of the fermenter.

    +

    The contents, the contents of the First Myth, the most recent revelation in the World: I don't think our languages can do justice to them. Most of the scholarly controversies in this area boil down to the inadequacies of translation, and attempts to correlate the narratives with known events in our history. The most famous passage of recent years is that which relates to the infamous necromancer Calathas the Unholy. It looks like it was actually a prophecy made three thousand years of their time before his baleful effects were felt in the Nearside, though intractable problems with our understanding of the language and chronology make this a disputed point and it is not known how they achieved this without levers. I have too little space left here even to begin to outline all that can be said of surviving examples of origin tales, history and lunar poetry contained in the Protomythos.

    +

    If such flowers can blossom and perish in a day, what else could be hidden out there in the folds of our fragmented world?

    +

    Robert Earthson

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Pendulous_Passage.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Pendulous_Passage.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c67e732 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Pendulous_Passage.html @@ -0,0 +1,63 @@ + + +Pendulous Passage | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Pendulous Passage

    +

    Between our beautiful paradise of the Nearside and the bitter disorganization of the +horrifically-named True Reality (N.B. that it is my constant lament and frustration that +modern necromancy's reach remains insufficient to summon the rotten soul of that wretch +Shahang Fuizhen and berate him for his wholly unsatisfactory choice of names; damn him, +damn his buffoonish Explorer Society, and damn the featherbrained blunderers at the +Scholarium who enshrined his folly in the Atlas Arcanum) is a harrowing pathway known +as the Pendulous Passage.

    +

    As the Nearside and the True Reality are separated by a stretch of primordial chaos, +the Passage weaves a tumultuous route from one to the other; the roiling environment +and the restive movements of the Passage itself give rise to the feeling, universally +remarked upon by travelers, that the firmament itself is rocking back and forth—hence +the eponymous pendulousity of the Passage. Passage through the Passage is not free: +travelers are unable to set foot upon it unless they sacrifice something of personal +significance, with examples ranging from childhood trinkets, to secrets, to gifts from +a cherished friend.

    +

    Recently, a gaggle of cretins from the Scholarium have begun hawking a laughable theory +that a traveler could gain passage by the sacrifice of a memory, which they use to +explain Calathas the Unholy's apparently unlimited power of traversal. This theory is +pure hogwash, of course, as anyone who has read the Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus can +attest. But of course basic theoretical competency is far too much to expect from that +league of loons.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Pyroxene_Sympathizers.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Pyroxene_Sympathizers.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e95d0d4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Pyroxene_Sympathizers.html @@ -0,0 +1,72 @@ + + +Pyroxene Sympathizers | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Pyroxene Sympathizers

    +

    Oh, you fools, you fools! How long must you allow this evil in your midst? How long, +while you squabble for wealth and political power, while you increase your own status, +while you let your very society crumble around you?

    +

    The hour is late, the cycle's end upon us, and you have all forgotten the horrors of the +hell across the Passage! Remember the Pyroxenes, those demons of metal and chitin, hunger +and hatred! Remember how they scythed through the wretched rabble of humanity that +broke before them like a hammer meets glass! Aye, bow to them, kneel to them, supplicate +them, and all you will have achieved is a faster death! They do not tire! They do not +negotiate! They do not turn from their purpose! For behind them is oblivion, and before +them lies the shining light of the Nearside and the lifeblood of its peoples. What +creature would turn away, especially one so assured of its right to seize and slaughter?

    +

    Will the Semiheresy save you? Those craven slaves of the +Doglords who would rather throw their race to the demons than take +a stand against their cruel masters? Aye, no wonder the sympathizers have infiltrated +their accursed ranks—to the highest order, the very highest!

    +

    Will the Scholarium save you? That bumbling cripple of an institution, whose +treacherous leader evicts his own and worships the Pyroxenes behind +closed doors? Whose flunkies mock the noble and +scorn precious lore? Who unleashed our +bitter foe in their lust for power?

    +

    Will the Jurist-Knights save you? Ah, but they have passed into myth, slain by +the culmination of our cruel and uncaring science! No heroes remain in this +twilight age. No heroes, save only one!

    +

    There are those among the ravening hordes who were once human. +Ignis Ignotus damned them forever. Yes, damnation, and nothing less, is what lies +behind the energy shields! Does your +neighbor, does your friend tell you that Paradise awaits beyond? Then strike him down, +for he is your enemy! For Paradise is here, this oasis of safety, this beacon in the +darkness.

    +

    I beg you, do not surrender it to the night.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Shahan_Fuizhen.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Shahan_Fuizhen.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..52a10d6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Shahan_Fuizhen.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Shahan Fuizhen | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Shahan Fuizhen

    +

    The following were excerpted from a Semiheresy internal memo leaked by an anonymous source.

    +

    [...] resolved with the utmost haste. Though his powerful contacts in the upper echelons of the Scholarium allow him to maintain a behind-the-scenes position of de facto control, in his unnatural and abhorrent old age he has grown too paranoid. The threads of loyalty he holds so tightly are fraying. I suppose lackeys are only willing to cover up so many Pyroxene ritual murders before they start to rethink their devotions. I even heard from a demipriest that some now suspect he's been dead for decades and mock his extant body as "Shahang", a wretched, soulless husk "hanging on" in a diabolical mockery of life. (Ah, for the idyllic disputes of academia!) Speaking of [...]

    +

    [...] remains a potent foe to our hegemony in the Nearside. He has, in anticipation of the upcoming fourth season, pushed for it to be made an open research topic. You and I both know that the Semiheresy cannot allow [REDACTED] to be enunciated by Scholarium personnel. If only he were willing to have his tongue cut out like Dr. Lupon, but the fool insists on keeping his most dangerous weapon. And the eagerness with which he moved to strike Lupon from Scholarium history? He strikes me as someone with a lot to hide.

    +

    In truth, Osmodius, I see no hypothesis so compelling as that Dr. Fuizhen either was from the beginning, or became after researching too far into depths best left unplumbed, an agent for the Pyroxenes in human skin. No son of the Nearside would have thought to call that nightmare realm "True Reality", even resignedly. His Atlas Arcanum contains too many errors and "inspired" leaps for how accurate his conclusions have been. I cannot shake the fear that through him the Pyroxenes have been perusing the depths of Nexus archives since the last cycle. It is too much of a coincidence that we had kept the Pyroxenes at bay for cycles, yet as soon as he discovered the principle of bypassing the defenses on the Passage, the Pyroxenes immediately broke through them. In fact, I just submitted my latest report on that damnable incident, which [...]

    +

    [...] and as for Dr. Fuizhen, our patience has borne the expected fruit. It will not be difficult to move on him. We only await the approval of the warrants.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/The_Indomitable_Semiheresy.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/The_Indomitable_Semiheresy.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..30538cd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/The_Indomitable_Semiheresy.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +The Indomitable Semiheresy | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    The Indomitable Semiheresy

    +

    The history leading up to the founding of the Indomitable Semiheresy is well known: The people of Earth were stranded in True Reality by Yanner's reckless use of that cataclysmic art. With the aid of the Nexus, most made it through the Pendulous Passage back to Earth, now the Nearside. Research on Ignis Ignotus turned the benign substance into an existential threat and required the development of containment systems. Yet these precautions were insufficient.

    +

    As the fourth season approached, the Nexus bowed to necessity and established the Indomitable Semiheresy. The semiheretics were charged with evicting the residents of the Nearside at the end of negative until the beginning of scintillate. The name was given to evoke a sense of irrevocability about the novus ordo of the cycles and reflect the bittersweet task of its acolytes: though they were the shepherds of humanity, they did so by, for a season, exiling them from safety.

    +

    Historically, the Indomitable Semiheresy was given great doctrinal leeway by the Nexus. This became contentious in the last 10th decade when, following academic strife between the Semiheresy and the Scholarium, a previously-unpublished manuscript of the eminent Dr. Lupon appeared on the desk of the head editor of Levers and Lagers. The manuscript implicated several Half-Heresiarchs in a conspiracy to cause the experimental disaster that mutated Ignis Ignotus into the transmogrant it is today. The same manuscript also raised concerns that the Semiheresy was a viper's nest of undercover Pyroxene sympathizers. This spawned a brief trend of calling it the Domitable Semiheresy, which wasn't funny the first time either, you cretins.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/The_Year_of_the_Waiting.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/The_Year_of_the_Waiting.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7fe8965 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/The_Year_of_the_Waiting.html @@ -0,0 +1,77 @@ + + +The Year of the Waiting | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    The Year of the Waiting

    +

    As I escape from the dungeons of the Semiheresy with my rescuer, the incomparable Robert +Earthson, and former and present colleague Dr. Ronson, I find myself reflecting on ancient +puzzles.

    +

    I ask myself, what is the worth of a man? Surely not an unfamiliar question to those of +us who survived the Year of the Waiting, watching as the Template Machines of the +Aberidus produced endless copies of ourselves—our selves—but stronger, smarter, better, +even as the semiheresy assured us they were leverless, +demonstrably without souls. Who among us could fail to fall into listlessness, seeing our +dearest dreams and wishes fulfilled by the gods we might have been? What is it about our +leveredness that binds us to this fractured and absurd world? And who could blame us for +waiting for some hero to appear and hand us an answer?

    +

    I asked myself because I first asked myself, why are there five bivalence genera? +The Tractatus predicts an even number, reasoning from +the Principle of Balance. But, noticing my confusion, Earthson told me that there has always +been a sixth: mochlontic bivalence, the phenomenon of leveredness or unleveredness. +And his answer suddenly made a great deal clear to me, for I was asking these questions as +Dr. Ronson and I perused the confidential files Earthson casually stole on our way out of +the Partial Vatican. According to him, it was why he allowed himself to be arrested in +the first place.

    +

    And so now I ask myself, how did the Pyroxenes effect the Replete Dominion in the face of +Nexus efforts?

    +

    For the Pyroxenes and the Doglords Imperious were both of unleveredness, and left alone +should have struggled fruitlessly for eternity. But our levered existence tipped the balance— +and should have ended the struggle in the Doglords' favor, but in truth the opposite occurred. +How?

    +

    The answer, as these documents reveal, is none other than the Semiheresy itself. Their +agents sabotaged the work of long-dead researchers to result in the creation of Ignis Ignotus, +that which saps the leveredness from the world. With the Doglords dead, they mean to assume +full control of humanity. What is the worth of humanity? There is a weight to our existence, +a weight born of struggle and striving, of the pursuit of value, that Pyroxene agents nearly +succeeded in extinguishing with the Year of the Waiting. Why? Why is our existence significant?

    +

    And then I understand, at last I understand, why the Semiheresy has banned research on the +Omnilever: there is no Omnilever.

    +

    We are the Omnilever.

    +

    The three of us have gone into hiding, but the day is coming when we will return. Hear +these words and remember: the cycle's end approaches, and this time we will win.

    +

    Duke (in exile) Strato Merovalitus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/They_Who_Watch_Unblinking.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/They_Who_Watch_Unblinking.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3f14c49 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/They_Who_Watch_Unblinking.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +They Who Watch Unblinking | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    They Who Watch Unblinking

    +

    The principle of mochlomancy is quite simple. Energy is redirected by applying said energy against a lever positioned on a fulcrum. Yanner's Inversion is the most famous example of this, producing not only a new topology of earth, but breaking the topology of spacetime itself. Thus the Doglords came to be known. Their eternal gaze has only been shared by a few, the most worthy of humans, the elite of the members of the Nearside. Robert Earthson was the first to venture to this strange new population and bring back the tidings of the lords. It is well known of their great stand against False Reality, and of their tragic fall. But what Earthson uncovered trivializes even those actions.

    +

    The gaze of the Doglords is fixed in space, but not in time. Gazing towards the center of the torus, they see all time, and therefore, paradoxically, all things, for time was distorted as space was. They knew the rise of the Pyroxenes would come, they knew the Hollow Dominion would fail, and they chose their actions accordingly. What did they see in the future that gave them this confidence? Did they see hope, or despair? The sureness of victory leading to their sacrifice, or the inevitability of defeat giving way to despair? What motivated their actions? Did they see the omnilever? Or did they see Calathas?

    +

    Some suggest, and I am inclined to agree, though I tremble at the implication, that time has taken the exact curvature of space. Proof is impossible, and Yanner's exact spell is still somewhat a mystery. If this is true, then not even the Doglords would see this. Their defeat would be eternally repeated, their victory would be release. The Doglords, the starers into eternity, have risked all.

    +

    Only time will tell. And we have little left.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Tractatus_Logico-Thaumaturgus.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Tractatus_Logico-Thaumaturgus.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c699763 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Tractatus_Logico-Thaumaturgus.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus

    +

    Walking by the execution grounds next to the Western Ducal palace, a crowd of Semi-Heretics chanting "The Fourth Season is at hand!" tried to push me and several others towards an eastern airlock, until, seeming to recognize me, they started to shout: "Fido! Fido is here!". Ah! The topoi we live in!

    +

    Now that I am ensconced in a contorted looking yet cozy booth at Euclid's Folly, sipping a magnificent Stout of Unknowing: thick, dark brown head; creamy body; slightest hint of carbonation; a black void echoing with brown sugar, chocolate, raisins, coffee and hyper-berries from the Four-fold Peak, it reminds me of the fragrant night that reigned in the Hollow Sphere, a region where the land curves up on all sides and there is no sky, but all the up-gravitating plants and trees, with all the soil clinging to them, have flown to the center forming a great island of unseen green, the Tree of Life, the Yggdrasil, a place of contemplation, reflection and meditation. It was there that I realized my mistake. It was there that I met my wife.

    +

    In some ways it is a pity that the Scholarium adopted Latin for its language. It has given it a somewhat rigid approach to mochlomancy, epitomized by the Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus which I composed as younger, more confident man. As Euclid's propositions formed the basis of geometry, yet are clearly insufficient for this pub, so too the Tractatus became the textbook for all beginning mochlomancers, yet it is not adequate for all the phenomena to be found in the Realm of Deep Things. It defined all the basics: the difference between wands and levers; geo-mantic orientation; lennings; proper etiquette and attire; dietary recommendations; enunciation and elocution; preliminary trances; woodworking skills; metal alloys; the symbolism of the smith; the uses of fire; doors and hinges; seesaws and swings, everything that seemed important at that time.

    +

    The older I get, the more I learn of things I do not know. The Scholarium has spent hundreds of standard years teaching and commenting upon my book. I am, as it were, younger than my own descendants. How can I be sure that they are not wiser than I?

    +

    Robert Earthson

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Vineman_Convention.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Vineman_Convention.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d59a473 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Vineman_Convention.html @@ -0,0 +1,69 @@ + + +Vineman Convention | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Vineman Convention

    +

    The Vineman Convention was a rule of resource allocation first set forth by the +inimitable Kelly Vineman, the first Head Researcher appointed after the establishment of +the Nexus outpost in the Nearside.

    +

    In the disastrous wake of Yanner's Inversion, Nexus arcanostrategists decided a more +proactive approach to cataclysm prevention was needed. This decision was handed down to +the heads of each division to execute as they saw fit, as per Nexus custom. Vineman's +response was to institute the Vineman Convention, which simply ran: "Assign funding +priority to projects combating existential threats." Her hope was that teams of people, +working in advance of the actual threat, could provide enough leeway to prevent +unnecessary mistakes like those resulting from Yanner's bungling. For this reason, the +Convention became informally known as the "Seventh Lenning."

    +

    Ironically, the first wave of Vineman Convention projects were aimed at controverting the +aftereffects of the Inversion itself. Researchers gradually became aware that the +ontological trauma sustained by the Nearside during the inversion allowed for trace +amounts of the substance we now know as Ignis Ignotus to seep into the plane. +Exposure to Ignis Ignotus had a morphogenic effect on the Nearside's natives, a process +we now know results in a complete and irrevocable transformation into the cruel and +sinister Pyroxenes. This period of research culminated in the development of the +GCVS systems that maintain Nexus space +in the Nearside to this day, dividing our exquisite home from the eldritch horrors beyond +the energy shields. Environmental reclamation efforts were underway for some time, but +were indefinitely suspended after the Lesser Incursion.

    +

    With the completion of the GCVS systems, the Vineman Convention became little more than +a historical curiosity until some utter imbecile at the Scholarium officially declared +the aberidus an existential threat. The resulting reallocation of resources +unnecessarily crippled many promising projects and ruined several careers, all because +that addled, senile idiot couldn't resist a pun.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Xi_Lupon2C_PhD.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Xi_Lupon2C_PhD.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fd21280 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Xi_Lupon2C_PhD.html @@ -0,0 +1,68 @@ + + +Xi Lupon, PhD | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Xi Lupon, PhD

    +

    The only member of the Explorer Society to contribute something of worth to civilization, +Xi Lupon was an archaeologist and literary historian most notable for his work on +the Parcum Protomythos. Lupon completed his doctoral thesis at the Scholarium on the +Protomythos's mythic elements, and how one might discriminate between the historical +reality and the fanciful elements that were added later. His thesis so impressed high- +level Nexus officials that they allowed him to remain in the Nearside during the Fourth Season, +an honor that has only been awarded to seven other humans at the time of writing.

    +

    Since Nearside seasons last for fifty years within the Nearside but six weeks outside of +it, humanity returned to find Dr. Lupon an old man. In humanity's absence, he had been +granted access to classified Nexus records of the events that formed the core of the myths +in the Protomythos. Although many details were classified beyond his security clearance— +and consequently remain a matter of scholarly debate—Dr. Lupon's research conclusively +settled several open questions, such as the fact that Archpraetor Fikrilin deg Yanner +actually existed.

    +

    Dr. Lupon's magnum opus, however, was a monograph on the Folly of Calathas +in which he revealed that the eponymous necromantic tyrant was well known by his +contemporaries for being constantly blackout drunk. He argued from primary sources that +this detail was corrupted by the passage of time into the legend that is told today by +children and third-rate members of the Scholarium, an argument which has been further developed +by contemporary scholars. But because Lupon's +argument would have invalidated the work of certain politically-connected members of the +Scholarium, his groundbreaking research received little to no attention, and consequently +the discredited (and mochlomantically impossible) interpretation of the Folly is held +by some "scholars" to this day.

    +

    After his death in the third decade, the Scholarium rectified their grievous error and +instituted the Lupon Award for Scholarly Excellence in his honor.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Yanner27s_Inversion.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Yanner27s_Inversion.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..039b823 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Yanner27s_Inversion.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Yanner's Inversion | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Yanner's Inversion

    +

    Because scholarly attention on the Parcum Protomythos has, as of late, focused on textual reconstruction, insufficient attention has been paid to the content of the texts. Of those guiding legends of the Nearside, few rival the influence of Yanner's Inversion. As the mythic explanans of the mochlomantic climate that allowed the emergence of the Pyroxenes, it is centrally placed in understanding Nearside heritage.

    +

    The Inversion was the magnum opus of the Archpraetor Fikrilin deg Yanner. In order to avert or sidestep an impending disaster -- there are a number of theories and oral traditions as to what this disaster was -- Yanner spent a year and a day preparing a world-shaping spell of mochlomancy, the magic of levers. With the disaster imminent, Yanner unleashed a storm of arcane power that reversed the Nearside with its opposite. Because of her characteristic disregard for safety measures, however, the containment runes had been hastily sketched at only six lennings, and a breach resulted in a catastrophic containment failure. The spell was accidentally multicast several times, thrashing the Nearside back and forth seven times in the space of a chrononce. Per the legends, the mochlomantic reverberations unleashed by this event are the origin of the current destabilized mochlomantic climate.

    +

    Scholarly debate on the veracity of the Inversion centers around the possibility of Yanner's alleged spell, as necessary details to replicate it have been lost. While several prominent mochlomancers have stated that the legendary effects of the spell are impossible to replicate with any conceivable mochlomancy, dissension with this opinion has grown owing to theories that Yanner's spell fundamentally altered the mochlomantic background of the Nearside, making a repeat performance impossible.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Zymurgy_Sanctions.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Zymurgy_Sanctions.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8f73ee2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/article/Zymurgy_Sanctions.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Zymurgy Sanctions | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Zymurgy Sanctions

    +

    Sitting here sipping a Semibock with Sir Calvinson owner of the Doppleheretic, "Habebo Corpus Tuum" playing in the background, it is a good time to reflect on Zymurgy and the law. This brewery opened right before the ill-fated effort of Vidiculturists to use the Vine-Man's Convention to outlaw all grain. You can still see the scorch marks left by Etna Fire drawn from Vulcan's Forge.

    +

    However, the worst Zymurgy sanctions were instituted by the Jurist-Knights, the masters of Nomohypnosis. People sing of them now, and indeed, from a distance many of their feats were quite colorful, daring and useful to society. But everything that they achieved was through the most extreme, deliberate cultivation of the Archetype of the Boring in the Endless Library. The Template Machines were indeed a crime against Goodness, Truth and Beauty. We owe the knights a toast and debt of song there. Unfortunately, it is not possible to forever hold the will in the Aisle of Dry Dust without going mad, which is why it is so important in that kind of work to visit the springs of Lesser Lethe, the Elysian Fields or the Hamlets of Demeter and Bacchus unless you have someone to spot you constantly. Even then, and the knights were careful at first, overconfidence can undermine the spotter, and both can wither away lost in the quantity of endless and irrelevant truths leading out into the void.

    +

    In this fatal madness, like a rabid dog that fears water, they fought against that which could have saved them: Beer. Fortunately or unfortunately, the Aberidus turned on, causing the inhabitants of the Nearside to lose all interest in representative government and spirit restrictions. The few remaining knights, seeing the tide go against them, launched into the Endless Filibuster. They are still there and all attempts to rescue them and the other five MP's have failed. The Parliament building was sealed off after the Lesser Incursion and further rescue efforts are deemed too dangerous because of the Pyroxenes now sleeping there. I still remember what the Year of the Waiting looked like. Walking toward the Nearside, the time differential made for a blur of activity which suddenly stopped.

    +

    Now that we have survived thus far, it is our sacred duty as Zymurgists to bring peace and unity to a troubled Nearside, to heal those broken by ennui, to give rest to minds shattered by arcane depths, to bring inspiration to our best minds, to transcend logic and individuality, to save not the human race but the human soul!

    +

    Robert Earthson

    +
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    +

    Index of Lexicon Proximum

    +

    There are 32 entries in this lexicon.

    + + + + +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/formatting/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/formatting/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d5f11c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/formatting/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,58 @@ + + +Formatting | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Formatting

    +

    Lexipython provides support for a limited amount of Markdown-esque formatting.

    +
    +# Player: PN
    +# Turn: 1
    +# Title: Example page
    +
    +This is an example page.
    +Some words are //italicized//,
    +and some words are **bolded**.
    +All of these sentences are part of the same paragraph.
    +
    +This is a new paragraph.\\
    +Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a line break within the paragraph.
    +
    +This is an [[example citation|Phantom page]]. You can also cite a [[phantom page]] with just the title.
    +
    +~Dr. X. Amplepage
    +
    +

    Each turn, fill out the header with your player information, the current turn, and the title of your entry. The Player field can be anything as long as it's the same for all articles you write (even when they're by different characters). Using your initials is recommended.

    +

    Two line breaks begins a new paragraph. A single line break does nothing, unless the line is neded by a double backslash (\\).

    +

    Text bounded by ** will be bolded: **bold** produces bold. Text bounded by // will be italicized: //italics// produces italics.

    +

    To cite another Lexicon entry, use double brackets. Text in double brackets will cite and link to the entry of the same name: [[Example page]] produces Example page. Text in double brackets split with a | will alias the link as the left text and link to the entry with the name of the right text: [[this text|Example page]] produces this text. You must be precise in the entry title you cite to. Citations to "Example" vs. "The Example" will point to different entries and create different phantoms, and your GM will probably have to clean up after you.

    +

    Beginning a paragraph with ~ will right-align it and place a horizontal line above it. Use this for signing your entry with your scholar's name.

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..453dc1e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ + + +Lexicon Proximum + + + +

    Redirecting to Lexicon Proximum...

    + + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/lexicon.cfg b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/lexicon.cfg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..36308e9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/lexicon.cfg @@ -0,0 +1,49 @@ +# LEXIPYTHON CONFIG FILE +# +# This file defines the configuration values for an instance of Lexipython. +# Configuration values are written as: +>>>CONFIG_NAME>>> +value +<<>>LEXICON_TITLE>>> +Lexicon Proximum +<<>>LOGO_FILENAME>>> +cityscape.png +<<>>PROMPT>>> +You are scholar-partisans of the Nearside compiling information on how the Pyroxenes effected the Replete Dominion in the face of Nexus efforts. +<<>>SESSION_PAGE>>> +

    Lexicon Proximum was played June 1 - 24, 2017.

    +<<>>INDEX_LIST>>> +ABC +DEF +GHI +JKL +MNO +PQRS +TUV +WXYZ +<<>>PRINTABLE_FILE>>> +printable.html +<< + +Lexicon Proximum + + +

    Lexicon Proximum

    +

    Aberidus

    +

    The simple, yet ingenious, technology that revolutionized the economy of the late 8th decade society, the aberidus was developed by an unknown inventor. Scholars will likely debate this point for many years to come, giving credit to various figures, but the fact remains that there is not enough evidence to yield an answer. Origin means little compared to the impact though. The clever contraption both eased manual labor and drastically increased ennui by allowing workers to, simply put, stop working. This of course led to the tragic existentialist disaster known as The Year of the Waiting1 and they were subsequently outlawed.

    +

    The research into weaponizing such existential tragedy of course came to the forefront of the Vineman Convention2 research, and the impact of such rampant absurdity on global affairs sent international politics in a tailspin that would have likely ended in war if everybody hadn't lost all interest in everything.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. The Year of the Waiting +
    +2. Vineman Convention + +

    +
    +

    Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing

    +

    Together these form the only reliable method of halting the spread of Ignis Ignotus1 + and preserving the values and beauty of civilization for which the Near Side is known. +While I can respect the Pyroxenes' decision to embrace Ignis Ignotus, it is because of the very irrevocability of it, +and I think they are well aware of this, if they are aware of anything anymore. +It is a wondrous and awe inspiring leap into the unknown, but we cannot afford to risk +everything we have brought with us to the Near Side. So complete separation by vacuums and reverse gravity fields +are the only viable option until science progresses to another age. +The fond hope of many Pyroxene Sympathizers2 is that the Replete Dominion itself will bring about a rapid +positive change if only we would turn off the energy fields. If they wish to do so individually, I respect them, +but collectively, we must keep up gravitational containment and vacuum sealing.

    +

    Robert Earthson

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ignis Ignotus +
    +2. Pyroxene Sympathizers + +

    +
    +

    Pendulous Passage

    +

    Between our beautiful paradise of the Nearside and the bitter disorganization of the +horrifically-named True Reality (N.B. that it is my constant lament and frustration that +modern necromancy's reach remains insufficient to summon the rotten soul of that wretch +Shahang Fuizhen and berate him for his wholly unsatisfactory choice of names; damn him, +damn his buffoonish Explorer Society, and damn the featherbrained blunderers at the +Scholarium who enshrined his folly in the Atlas Arcanum) is a harrowing pathway known +as the Pendulous Passage.

    +

    As the Nearside and the True Reality are separated by a stretch of primordial chaos, +the Passage weaves a tumultuous route from one to the other; the roiling environment +and the restive movements of the Passage itself give rise to the feeling, universally +remarked upon by travelers, that the firmament itself is rocking back and forth—hence +the eponymous pendulousity of the Passage. Passage through the Passage is not free: +travelers are unable to set foot upon it unless they sacrifice something of personal +significance, with examples ranging from childhood trinkets, to secrets, to gifts from +a cherished friend.

    +

    Recently, a gaggle of cretins from the Scholarium have begun hawking a laughable theory +that a traveler could gain passage by the sacrifice of a memory, which they use to +explain Calathas the Unholy1's apparently unlimited power of traversal. This theory is +pure hogwash, of course, as anyone who has read the Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus2 can +attest. But of course basic theoretical competency is far too much to expect from that +league of loons.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Calathas the Unholy +
    +2. Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus + +

    +
    +

    Yanner's Inversion

    +

    Because scholarly attention on the Parcum Protomythos1 has, as of late, focused on textual reconstruction, insufficient attention has been paid to the content of the texts. Of those guiding legends of the Nearside, few rival the influence of Yanner's Inversion. As the mythic explanans of the mochlomantic climate that allowed the emergence of the Pyroxenes, it is centrally placed in understanding Nearside heritage.

    +

    The Inversion was the magnum opus of the Archpraetor Fikrilin deg Yanner. In order to avert or sidestep an impending disaster -- there are a number of theories and oral traditions as to what this disaster was -- Yanner spent a year and a day preparing a world-shaping spell of mochlomancy2, the magic of levers. With the disaster imminent, Yanner unleashed a storm of arcane power that reversed the Nearside with its opposite. Because of her characteristic disregard for safety measures, however, the containment runes had been hastily sketched at only six lennings, and a breach resulted in a catastrophic containment failure. The spell was accidentally multicast several times, thrashing the Nearside back and forth seven times in the space of a chrononce. Per the legends, the mochlomantic reverberations unleashed by this event are the origin of the current destabilized mochlomantic climate.

    +

    Scholarly debate on the veracity of the Inversion centers around the possibility of Yanner's alleged spell, as necessary details to replicate it have been lost. While several prominent mochlomancers have stated that the legendary effects of the spell are impossible to replicate with any conceivable mochlomancy, dissension with this opinion has grown owing to theories that Yanner's spell fundamentally altered the mochlomantic background of the Nearside, making a repeat performance impossible.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Parcum Protomythos +
    +2. Mochlomancy + +

    +
    +

    Bivalence Genera

    +

    Theoretical research in the Scholarium has uncovered, frustratingly, five bivalent phenomena underlying the Nearside's metaphysical ecology. Collectively, they are called the bivalence genera:

    +

    Semiside bivalance is, of course, the existence of both our Nearside and the True Reality (also called the Turnways Reality). This is sometimes called the primary bivalence or master bivalence, since the other bivalences have only been found within the Nearside [1].

    +

    Gravitational bivalence is the phenomenon where those who are born in the Nearside have, with roughly equal chance, one of two gravitational alignments: either "in" towards the Nearside, or "out" away from it. While living with out-valence was possible before if one was careful, the development of gravitational technology1 has greatly reduced the mortality rate for out-valents.

    +

    Radial bivalence, also known as blink bivalence, is the phenomenon across the inner and outer sides of the the Nearside torus. While we live on the outer side, the inner side is inhabited by the inside-out ones, They Who Watch Unblinking2, who look unceasingly to the center.

    +

    The final and most problematic bivalence is season bivalence, which has frustrated Scholarium researchers for decades. There are, as we all learned in school, three seasons in the Nearside: scintillate, jazzy, and negative. However, after researchers failed to reduce one of the seasons to a linear combination of the others, it was discovered that the seasons are actually a double bivalence, with the unknown fourth season3 having been banned by the Nexus. This has stymied all subsequent attempts to systematize the bivalence genera.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic

    +

    [1] Research efforts to discover secondary bivalences in True Reality are, of course, never sanctioned for safety reasons.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing +
    +2. They Who Watch Unblinking +
    +3. Fourth Season + +

    +
    +

    Folly of Calathas, The

    +

    Many are the inhumane deeds of Calathas the Unholy1, the brutal and bloody tyrant whose name is synonymous with wickedness and bad hygiene. However, little is known about the rise and fall of this villain of history, that is, little was known until the discovery of a seven thousand page section in the Parcum Protomythos2 labeled The Folly of Calathas. It is no surprise this has section was missed, as it of course only accounts for less than one tenth of a percent of the overall content.

    +

    The Folly of Calathas is, like most sections in the Parcum Protomythos, unknown in author and origin. But it does describe Calathas as humble of origin, recruited by the Pyroxenes as a young child. His power grew as he ascended the ranks, finally becoming the first to be adopted into the Pyroxenes themselves.

    +

    Of course, it is well known of his ability to travel effortlessly through the Pendulous Passage3, and scholars continue to debate the nature of his ability to do so. The answer, however, is obvious that it lies in his brilliant insight into the Passage's system, understanding that memory is indeed a matter of personal significance. Though some claim it impossible to do so by citing rubbish texts, there is no definitive case to be made for this rebuttal, and any such lofty claim should be considered with the highest of skepticism. His Folly, the text of the Parcum Protomythos indicates, is in fact his willingness to sacrifice even the most precious memory for the cause of the Pyroxenes, therefore there is precedent for such a claim. But I suppose Duke Strato Merovalitus finally stumbled into truth when he said that "basic theoretical competency is far too much to expect."

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Calathas the Unholy +
    +2. Parcum Protomythos +
    +3. Pendulous Passage + +

    +
    +

    Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell

    +

    It has been an honor to serve as editor in chief of Levers and Lagers since it's foundation in the 9th decade of our return to the Near Side. Now that our society faces graver dangers than it ever has since the Year of the Waiting1, which only a few of us old codgers still remember, it is more important than ever to share a beer with friends and mock the demons that bedevil our society!

    +

    To stave off the effects of Aberidus2 Tremens, I am enjoying an IIPA at the Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub3 with its founder, my old comrade Ibrahim Reed. Ah yes: thick tan head, light amber color, medium body, hints of caramel, honey and toasted bread; a bit of pine like an evergreen forest of Earth; strong bitterness like horehound candy; a touch of tartness (lactobacillus?); maybe something like coriander: a nexus of everything good where all contrasts are harmonized. Our civilization and our own selves also need harmony.

    +

    The best way to truly understand and overcome the differences between the Nearside, and Deep Thingness, to traverse the Pendulous Passage4 through False Thingness to Realitas Vera, is to sacrifice, not just a cherished gift, not just secrets, not just memories but everything! And what better way than through the ancient alchemy of Barley and Hops and Yeast! Why, under the inspiration of Bacchus, does a man give away a gift; does he tell a secret? Why, he gives away generously everywhere to everyone! He tells all secrets; he forgets all things! What more could he give than his very senses, than consciousness, that great myssery? This is where the lojic of the Tractatuses failes! This is what Yaner, beautiful Yaner, once behelde.

    +

    Deepely ingrained, false visins she must pas tru thingnis? enter entr rtrn

    +

    Robert Earthson

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. The Year of the Waiting +
    +2. Aberidus +
    +3. Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub +
    +4. Pendulous Passage + +

    +
    +

    Vineman Convention

    +

    The Vineman Convention was a rule of resource allocation first set forth by the +inimitable Kelly Vineman, the first Head Researcher appointed after the establishment of +the Nexus outpost in the Nearside.

    +

    In the disastrous wake of Yanner's Inversion1, Nexus arcanostrategists decided a more +proactive approach to cataclysm prevention was needed. This decision was handed down to +the heads of each division to execute as they saw fit, as per Nexus custom. Vineman's +response was to institute the Vineman Convention, which simply ran: "Assign funding +priority to projects combating existential threats." Her hope was that teams of people, +working in advance of the actual threat, could provide enough leeway to prevent +unnecessary mistakes like those resulting from Yanner's bungling. For this reason, the +Convention became informally known as the "Seventh Lenning."

    +

    Ironically, the first wave of Vineman Convention projects were aimed at controverting the +aftereffects of the Inversion itself. Researchers gradually became aware that the +ontological trauma sustained by the Nearside during the inversion allowed for trace +amounts of the substance we now know as Ignis Ignotus2 to seep into the plane. +Exposure to Ignis Ignotus had a morphogenic effect on the Nearside's natives, a process +we now know results in a complete and irrevocable transformation into the cruel and +sinister Pyroxenes. This period of research culminated in the development of the +GCVS systems3 that maintain Nexus space +in the Nearside to this day, dividing our exquisite home from the eldritch horrors beyond +the energy shields. Environmental reclamation efforts were underway for some time, but +were indefinitely suspended after the Lesser Incursion4.

    +

    With the completion of the GCVS systems, the Vineman Convention became little more than +a historical curiosity until some utter imbecile at the Scholarium officially declared +the aberidus5 an existential threat. The resulting reallocation of resources +unnecessarily crippled many promising projects and ruined several careers, all because +that addled, senile idiot couldn't resist a pun.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Yanner's Inversion +
    +2. Ignis Ignotus +
    +3. Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing +
    +4. Lesser Incursion +
    +5. Aberidus + +

    +
    +

    Doglords Imperious

    +

    Hail, great canines! In their name I dedicate this Lexicon to the Doglords Imperious, those august and wise powers that be whose Nexus so benevolently sustains us. Yea, the Doglords who have ruled the Nearside from time immemorial graced we humble pilgrims with the means to survive in the Nearside in our hour of need, and still today we live by their decrees.

    +

    Indeed, we owe to them our greatest scholarly achievements. I hardly dare to begin enumerating their benefits, lest I shall never cease, but 'twas by their charity that we were allowed to discover among the papers they used for bedding and waste the fragments of the Protomythos1. Only through the patronage of Sparky the Inviolable did Vineman2 produce such fruit as the GCVS systems, for which our researchers were rewarded with a second donation of Protomythos pages, this time only slightly soiled. It was these seven thousand pages, each enscribed with a single, illuminated letter, which we were able to rearrange into the Folly of Calathas3. Remember, ye Nearsiders: remember the debt ye owe to the Doglords.

    +

    Stray not from the path they have set. Fie, fie, I say, fie upon those who would resist their doctrines! May the accursed Pyroxenes rue the day that they dared to oppose their designs to the Hollow Dominion4 of the Doglords Imperious, whose barks ring everlasting!

    +

    By the order of Fido the Eternal, thus sribeth Sneezeguard Jones of the Semiheresy

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Parcum Protomythos +
    +2. Vineman Convention +
    +3. Folly of Calathas, The +
    +4. Hollow Dominion + +

    +
    +

    Ignis Ignotus

    +

    Originally thought to be a novel form of energy, Ignis Ignotus was discovered by Nearside scientists as an encroaching substance breaking into True Reality. It was acknowledged that this matter was expanding and would likely not cease in this. In the hopes of harnessing a potential secondary bivalence1 of True Reality, a project was commissioned to harness this new substance. The dangers of this were only somewhat known, and the Nexus metaphysicists made some grave miscalculations. The cost was high. The backblast sent ripples through the very fabric of reality, and thus the modern phenomenon of Ignis Ignotus was born.

    +

    Regardless, Ignis Ignotus’ corrupting effects soon spread throughout the Nearside, giving birth to the Pyroxenes. Well known is the history afterwards. The Pyroxenes gained support (see Pyroxene Sympathizers2), and many continued to foolishly experiment with this foul material. The Replete Dominion arrival really was only a matter of time after this. The GCVS3 is reliable for now. But with the Pyroxenes gaining more support, popular sentiment is, as Robert Earthson has catalogued, started to consider turning them off, which would surely spell disaster. The Lesser Incursion4 was a result of such considerations, and one would think that this would have put a stop to such nonsense.

    +

    Were it not for this corrupting substance, we quite possibly would not have experienced the horrors of the 6th and 7th decades.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Bivalence Genera +
    +2. Pyroxene Sympathizers +
    +3. Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing +
    +4. Lesser Incursion + +

    +
    +

    Mochlomancy

    +

    I would like to rant more about the Vine-Man's1 closure of the Fourth Season Bar for an illegal performance of Vivaldi. But really, the role of zymourgists in the Nexus is to promote brotherly comradery against the real enemy, and with Origin Day approaching this jazzy time of year is a good one for historical reflection through the golden, forgiving glow of a good Belgian Trivalence2.

    +

    It's hard to believe, but long ago, before Yanner3 turned Earth into a three dimensional sphere pasted over a four dimensional torus, when half of all plants and animals started to up-gravitate and it required a PhD in Topology to find the nearest pub for years until they got GPS to work again, mochlomancy was not a household name. (Yes I know, some people claim that Yanner's spell was impossible, but something turned our planet into a hyper-doughnut whose inner half (which used to be Australia, Brazil and Michigan) is now full of beings that gaze towards a center in the fourth dimension4, and that something was Yanner!) Before the Archpraetor's day, mochlomancy was a small obscure movement of particle physicists, Feng Shui experts and conventional thaumaturges searching for Archimedes' Rock5 after the failure of cold fusion in solving the energy crisis of those days.

    +

    Now, it is ubiquitous. Everything from the proper design of taproom levers, to incantations for the stabilization of quark stars to the Kupakamasutra is based on mochlomantic principles. So here's to Yanner; here's to Shahan Fuizhen6; here's to all the founders of the world as we know it: good or bad, let's drink to them all!

    +

    Robert Earthson

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Vineman Convention +
    +2. Bivalence Genera +
    +3. Yanner's Inversion +
    +4. They Who Watch Unblinking +
    +5. Archimedes' Rock +
    +6. Shahan Fuizhen + +

    +
    +

    Xi Lupon, PhD

    +

    The only member of the Explorer Society to contribute something of worth to civilization, +Xi Lupon was an archaeologist and literary historian most notable for his work on +the Parcum Protomythos1. Lupon completed his doctoral thesis at the Scholarium on the +Protomythos's mythic elements, and how one might discriminate between the historical +reality and the fanciful elements that were added later. His thesis so impressed high- +level Nexus officials that they allowed him to remain in the Nearside during the Fourth Season2, +an honor that has only been awarded to seven other humans at the time of writing.

    +

    Since Nearside seasons last for fifty years within the Nearside but six weeks outside of +it, humanity returned to find Dr. Lupon an old man. In humanity's absence, he had been +granted access to classified Nexus records of the events that formed the core of the myths +in the Protomythos. Although many details were classified beyond his security clearance— +and consequently remain a matter of scholarly debate—Dr. Lupon's research conclusively +settled several open questions, such as the fact that Archpraetor Fikrilin deg Yanner3 +actually existed.

    +

    Dr. Lupon's magnum opus, however, was a monograph on the Folly of Calathas4 +in which he revealed that the eponymous necromantic tyrant was well known by his +contemporaries for being constantly blackout drunk. He argued from primary sources that +this detail was corrupted by the passage of time into the legend that is told today by +children and third-rate members of the Scholarium, an argument which has been further developed +by contemporary scholars5. But because Lupon's +argument would have invalidated the work of certain politically-connected members of the +Scholarium, his groundbreaking research received little to no attention, and consequently +the discredited (and mochlomantically impossible) interpretation of the Folly is held +by some "scholars" to this day.

    +

    After his death in the third decade, the Scholarium rectified their grievous error and +instituted the Lupon Award for Scholarly Excellence in his honor.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Parcum Protomythos +
    +2. Fourth Season +
    +3. Yanner's Inversion +
    +4. Folly of Calathas, The +
    +5. Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell + +

    +
    +

    Archimedes' Rock

    +

    Archimedes' Rock is a fundamental theoretical concept in the field of Mochlomancy1. +According to the Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus2—the foundational text of the field +(even if the wig-addled publication addicts at the Scholarium feign to have transcended it, +all but the most hopeless of them acknowledge its indispensable function as a starting point)— +Archimedes' Rock is a locus of stability required for any mochlomantic action.

    +

    However, we owe the majority of our knowledge of Archimedes' Rock to a particular figure +in the field, Robert Earthson. Indeed, it it hardly possible to talk of one without +encountering the other. Earthson is a rather dramatic character: he was born on +Earth before the Inversion3 warped it into the Nearside, and +witnessed the establishment of the Doglords4' reign. In the midst +of that time of chaos and upheaval, and witnessing the rise of the wicked Pyroxenes and +their insatiable hunger for conquest and consumption, Earthson knew that a time would come +when humanity would forget the knowledge he possessed. Heroically, he did not return to +the Nearside for five seasonal cycles—a span of about two and a half years for him, and +a thousand years for the rest of humanity. With the Pyroxenes' establishment of the +Replete Dominion at the beginning of the current cycle, he returned to share his horde +of mochlomantic lore.

    +

    Alone among mochlomantic practitioners, Earthson claims to have seen Archimedes' Rock in +person. For this he is mocked by vainglorious members of the Scholarium, who have convinced +themselves that their personal failures to find the Rock prove that it was a metaphor all +along, and who unconvincingly hide their jealousy by making juvenile quips about Earthson's +noted expertise on non-Euclidean beers.

    +

    With the cycle's end approaching, and with it humanity's expulsion into the territory now +controlled by the Replete Dominion, it has become more imperative than ever that we take +up the banner of this humble hero, and help him build his Omnilever5 upon Archimedes' Rock.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Mochlomancy +
    +2. Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus +
    +3. Yanner's Inversion +
    +4. Doglords Imperious +
    +5. Omnilever + +

    +
    +

    The Indomitable Semiheresy

    +

    The history leading up to the founding of the Indomitable Semiheresy is well known: The people of Earth were stranded in True Reality by Yanner's reckless use of that cataclysmic art1. With the aid of the Nexus, most made it through the Pendulous Passage2 back to Earth, now the Nearside. Research on Ignis Ignotus3 turned the benign substance into an existential threat4 and required the development of containment systems5. Yet these precautions were insufficient.

    +

    As the fourth season6 approached, the Nexus bowed to necessity and established the Indomitable Semiheresy. The semiheretics were charged with evicting the residents of the Nearside at the end of negative until the beginning of scintillate. The name was given to evoke a sense of irrevocability about the novus ordo of the cycles and reflect the bittersweet task of its acolytes: though they were the shepherds of humanity, they did so by, for a season, exiling them from safety.

    +

    Historically, the Indomitable Semiheresy was given great doctrinal leeway by the Nexus. This became contentious in the last 10th decade when, following academic strife between the Semiheresy and the Scholarium, a previously-unpublished manuscript of the eminent Dr. Lupon7 appeared on the desk of the head editor of Levers and Lagers8. The manuscript implicated several Half-Heresiarchs in a conspiracy to cause the experimental disaster that mutated Ignis Ignotus into the transmogrant it is today. The same manuscript also raised concerns that the Semiheresy was a viper's nest of undercover Pyroxene sympathizers9. This spawned a brief trend of calling it the Domitable Semiheresy, which wasn't funny the first time either, you cretins.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Mochlomancy +
    +2. Pendulous Passage +
    +3. Ignis Ignotus +
    +4. Vineman Convention +
    +5. Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing +
    +6. Fourth Season +
    +7. Xi Lupon, PhD +
    +8. Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell +
    +9. Pyroxene Sympathizers + +

    +
    +

    Key and Lock Principle

    +

    A groundbreaking theorem proven by noted metaphysicist Shahan Fuizhen1, the statement was postulated first by Xi Lupon2 in the late 2nd decade, but only proven in the mid 4th decade. The statement itself is simple and as follows:

    +

    For every lock there must be a key, and for every key there must be a lock.

    +

    For all his repoire, Xi never was able to prove it, and in fact eventually came of the opinion that it was not true. When Dr. Fulzhen proved it five hours after reading about it, quite a few prestigious members of the Scholarium suggested striking Xi's name from Scholarium history for his incompetency, but his fame was still well revered, so it was decided to allow his good name, and even the award associated therein, persist. Evidently this lack of academic competency still lingers to this day, as there are some who still hold him as well revered in the metaphysicist community, and would rather cite him and resort to petty ad hominems than do actual research.

    +

    This principle is of great import for a number of reasons, the primary of which is that it guarantees the Pendulous Passage3 to be ever accessible, no matter how well sealed. This is, of course, not to say that defense projects are hopeless, far from it. It is rather to encourage vigilance, as ever will persist the threat of incursion. Another fact that proceeds is that the Fourth Season4 will be knowable and controllable given enough R&D, which I urge the Scholarium and Nexus to put more funding towards.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Shahan Fuizhen +
    +2. Xi Lupon, PhD +
    +3. Pendulous Passage +
    +4. Fourth Season + +

    +
    +

    Parcum Protomythos

    +

    In some ways I prefer ancient history. Linear time and linear space make things nice and straight forward. Still our post-Yanner world has its perks. After all, now that most of what remains of humanity is cornered in the Nearside, we get about two hundred minutes to slowly sip a beer or something stronger for each minute that the Pyroxenes get to grow in. This gives you time to contemplate your fate and wonder if they will think of something. Maybe our grandkids will know what to do.

    +

    Hopefully the Great Mastiffs1 will still be around by then. Let's be honest, we owe them a lot. Space may be tight now, and they have no known economic value anymore, but if our species is going to cease to exist outside the realm of False Reality2 then, even though the calculations are uncertain, I think we would have better deep leverage if we did not have dogblood on our hands. Besides, given some of the prophetic hints in the Protomythos, we may yet need what is left of their minds. Call me a Semiheretic if you like.

    +

    My friends have asked me to write an article about the Parcum Protomythos. (Or rather, dared me to write about dog bedding.) While many have questioned the Latin of the title, it is not an error, since there is no Magnus Protomythos. It is "A Little Thing: The First Myth." It was written as seven million ideograms on separate leafs of parchment. Many of them are works of the highest calligraphy; some of them are hapax legomena whose meaning can only be guessed now. Mochlomantic leverage in the deep realms near Archimedes' Rock3 has revealed probable meanings for some, but others have baffled even the finest representatives of the Scholarium.

    +

    Even though it arose after Yanner's Inversion4 due to the unstable warping of time, the Mastiffs' civilization is actually the longest lived on our planet, something like seven-thousand years of Pre-Yanner time, eclipsing ancient Egypt, its only human rival. Since their glory days lasted only a few decades of human history and since they were already in severe decline by the time that Xi Lupon5 inadvertently removed the grounding from their minds by learning the first sign of their language thus bringing human mochlomantic space into contact with their unlevered existence (and the fact that they always looked like dogs and now act like them) there is a strong tendency to treat them as mere animals.

    +

    The sad tendency of the Protomythos to regard us as divine or angelic beings also reinforces our very human prejudices. Yet, if you can dig deeply, there is so much wisdom hidden there, so much depth, so much beauty, so much meaning upon meaning, layer upon layer, depth under depth, height upon height, it is like the perfect seven-thousand-year-old barley wine with unbelievable complexity and depth of flavor making everything produced by us look like a homebrewer's first attempt at a three-percent ale, not even a day out of the fermenter.

    +

    The contents, the contents of the First Myth, the most recent revelation in the World: I don't think our languages can do justice to them. Most of the scholarly controversies in this area boil down to the inadequacies of translation, and attempts to correlate the narratives with known events in our history. The most famous passage of recent years is that which relates to the infamous necromancer Calathas the Unholy6. It looks like it was actually a prophecy made three thousand years of their time before his baleful effects were felt in the Nearside, though intractable problems with our understanding of the language and chronology make this a disputed point and it is not known how they achieved this without levers. I have too little space left here even to begin to outline all that can be said of surviving examples of origin tales, history and lunar poetry contained in the Protomythos.

    +

    If such flowers can blossom and perish in a day, what else could be hidden out there in the folds of our fragmented world?

    +

    Robert Earthson

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Doglords Imperious +
    +2. False Reality +
    +3. Archimedes' Rock +
    +4. Yanner's Inversion +
    +5. Xi Lupon, PhD +
    +6. Calathas the Unholy + +

    +
    +

    False Reality

    +

    False Reality is the old title for the Nearside's counterpoint plane, more commonly +known today (because of the provenance of fools) as the True Reality. It is a hideous +realm that grows more hideous by the hour as the Ignis Ignotus1-warped Pyroxenes +reshape it in their twisted image to better channel mochlomantic energy.

    +

    According to experts on the matter2, Yanner's Inversion3 was intended +to avert an incoming catastrophe by momentarily splitting reality along metaphysical lines: +the False Reality, where all that would be would not be, and the Nearside, where all that +could be could come to be. Hence the traditional names: the False Reality was a place +of stagnation and eventual nonbeing, and the Nearside was near to a limitless number of +possibilities—including, one must sadly concede, a nest of self-important vipers4 +who would unfairly claim a scholar's death before solving a theory as proof of his incompetence.

    +

    Of those vipers, there are none more venomous than Shahan Fuizhen5, architect of the +Atlas Arcanum, who—in the face of the Pyroxenes' establishment of the Replete Dominion— +decided to rename that cesspit of death and decay to "True Reality" in the face of +widespread opposition even within the Scholarium. Dr. Fuizhen, whose clique has maintained +political advantage within the Scholarium since the late fourth cycle, has become +increasingly unable to hide the fact that he has used necromantic energies to prolong his +wretched life. Though he continues to insist his unnatural lifespan of 180 years is only +due to healthy living, he is currently under investigation by the Semiheresy for possessing +artifacts used in connection with a Pyroxene necromantic ritual murder. +Indeed, many who have spoken with him in person have reported that, in private, he has +been known to say that the Doglords Imperious6 were wrong to try to institute the +Hollow Dominion7 in False Reality and allow it to settle to tranquil nothingness once more.

    +

    It is a great injustice that Dr. Fuizhen remains a Scholarium member in good standing, but +all members who speak out against him—myself included—have coincidentally lost their positions.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ignis Ignotus +
    +2. Mochlomancy +
    +3. Yanner's Inversion +
    +4. Key and Lock Principle +
    +5. Shahan Fuizhen +
    +6. Doglords Imperious +
    +7. Hollow Dominion + +

    +
    +

    Jurist-Knights

    +

    If you've ever been at the Magic Lever1 during Cheerful Chrononce, undoubtedly you have heard the tales told in drinking songs of those legends, the Jurist-Knights of the Nearside. Those brave lawyers who quested in search of adventure, glory, and litigation are some of the most beloved heroes in our contemporary popular imagination. By night, they rode to defend the weak and dispossessed; by day, they plied their trade in the courtrooms.

    +

    The most well-known ballad of the Jurist-Knights these days must be the insidiously catchy "Ain't No Habeas Corpus in Hell", which tells of the Jurist-Knights' history with Calathas the Unholy2. The song recounts Calathas' apprenticeship with one Sir Calvin; his expulsion from the Jurist-Knights after his Pyroxene recruitment3; his deadly revenge on Sir Calvin; and the fated final battle between Sir Jameson, Calathas' fellow apprentice under Sir Calvin, and the ascended Pyroxene Calathas. With the assistance of a citizen jury, Sir Jameson unleashed a lawsuit so powerful that it left both of them crippled by legal fees, leaving Calathas vulnerable for just long enough for Jameson to tackle him through the Passage4, whence neither were seen again.

    +

    The powerful urge of the Jurist-Knights to defend the lowest among us led to their tragic end when they promulgated the Zymurgy Sanctions5 comdemning the Template Machines as massive human rights violations. Though many believed that the courage and resolve of the Jurist-Knights would carry the day, none predicted the invention of the Aberidus6. The weaponization of the aberidus turned the tide against the Jurist-Knights, and to this day we sing of their final and futile stand against extinction in that somber classic, "See You Space Lawyer".

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub +
    +2. Calathas the Unholy +
    +3. Folly of Calathas, The +
    +4. Pendulous Passage +
    +5. Zymurgy Sanctions +
    +6. Aberidus + +

    +
    +

    Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub

    +

    The effects of the existentialist disaster, The Year of the Waiting1, have been well documented, but none are so prominent, none so wrapped in mystery, as the greatest bar to rise of the ashes of society, the Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub.

    +

    Now, it is a well-established fact that bars were some of the few establishments to consistently thrive under the Aberidus' influence. The Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub was founded by Ibrahim Reed, and became stronger after the founder devoted much effort into infusing his brews with ingredients to stave off the horrifying effects of ennui. His bar was unknown until Robert Earthson met with the philosopher and inventor. After this meeting, it was revealed that he had a unique and singularly unexpected insight into the mechanics of the Aberidus, and the public flocked to his pub.

    +

    Earthson is associated with this bar, leading it to be a locus of myth and legend. Ibraham's middle name is Archimedes, leading to the pop legend that the pub's foundation, Archimedes' Rock2, is the actual concept noted in Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus3, as if the metaphor were an actual physical object. An amusing urban legend to be sure, likely stemming from the fact that the disaster was halted here.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. The Year of the Waiting +
    +2. Archimedes' Rock +
    +3. Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus + +

    +
    +

    Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus

    +

    Walking by the execution grounds next to the Western Ducal palace, a crowd of Semi-Heretics1 chanting "The Fourth Season2 is at hand!" tried to push me and several others towards an eastern airlock, until, seeming to recognize me, they started to shout: "Fido! Fido is here!". Ah! The topoi we live in!

    +

    Now that I am ensconced in a contorted looking yet cozy booth at Euclid's Folly, sipping a magnificent Stout of Unknowing: thick, dark brown head; creamy body; slightest hint of carbonation; a black void echoing with brown sugar, chocolate, raisins, coffee and hyper-berries from the Four-fold Peak, it reminds me of the fragrant night that reigned in the Hollow Sphere, a region where the land curves up on all sides and there is no sky, but all the up-gravitating plants and trees, with all the soil clinging to them, have flown to the center forming a great island of unseen green, the Tree of Life, the Yggdrasil, a place of contemplation, reflection and meditation. It was there that I realized my mistake. It was there that I met my wife.

    +

    In some ways it is a pity that the Scholarium adopted Latin for its language. It has given it a somewhat rigid approach to mochlomancy, epitomized by the Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus which I composed as younger, more confident man. As Euclid's propositions formed the basis of geometry, yet are clearly insufficient for this pub, so too the Tractatus became the textbook for all beginning mochlomancers, yet it is not adequate for all the phenomena to be found in the Realm of Deep Things. It defined all the basics: the difference between wands and levers; geo-mantic orientation; lennings3; proper etiquette and attire; dietary recommendations; enunciation and elocution; preliminary trances; woodworking skills; metal alloys; the symbolism of the smith; the uses of fire; doors and hinges; seesaws and swings, everything that seemed important at that time.

    +

    The older I get, the more I learn of things I do not know. The Scholarium has spent hundreds of standard years teaching and commenting upon my book. I am, as it were, younger than my own descendants. How can I be sure that they are not wiser than I?

    +

    Robert Earthson

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. The Indomitable Semiheresy +
    +2. Fourth Season +
    +3. Lennings + +

    +
    +

    Hollow Dominion

    +

    The Pyroxenes rose and the land of the proud Nearside began falling away under their corrupting gaze. The effects of Ignis Ignotus grew and corrupted even the noblest of souls. The end was nigh. But there were those noble beings, those canine gods, the Doglords, who resisted. They struck a mighty blow to the Pyroxenes and halted the coming of the Replete Dominion, carving out a small circle of hope and reality in the cursed False Reality1 known as the Hollow Dominion.

    +

    The Doglords held this line for the majority of the first and second decades. It was only when Xi Lupon2 delved into works he was not qualified to handle that they began to falter. Their strength relied on their unlevered existence, and Xi mixed levered and unlevered realities, shifting the fulcrum of their existence and allowing the Pyroxenes to again press the advantage. The Doglords faded in their appearance and behavior as a result3.

    +

    It is from this tragedy that noted metaphysicist, Dr. Fuizhen4, in his acknowledgment of the monumental mistake of Xi, solved the Key and Lock Principle and motioned to strike Xi's memory from Scholarium history. Alas, some held to the opinion that he still deserved his name, and so his legacy lives on to this day. In a drunken despair Dr. Fuizhen lamented the Doglord's sacrifice and wished that they had never descended to save those who would only glorify their betrayer5.

    +

    After the fall of the Hollow Dominion the False Reality grew in size and potency. It was with great reluctance that Dr. Fuizhen had to acknowledge that, with the hollowness filled and the falseness growing, it was of metaphysical definition True. His confession of this led to the marshalling of Nexus resources to combat this terror, which preserved society through the Lesser Incursion6.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. False Reality +
    +2. Xi Lupon, PhD +
    +3. Parcum Protomythos +
    +4. Shahan Fuizhen +
    +5. False Reality +
    +6. Lesser Incursion + +

    +
    +

    Omnilever

    +

    The so-called Omnilever is the Holy Grail of mochlomancy1: a lever pivoting on a fixed point strong enough to move the heavens and the earth in accordance with mochlomantic principles. Because of the apocalyptic nature of the subject, the Nexus has banned didactic writings on the Omnilever. Therefore, the rest of this entry will be about something completely unrelated to the Omnilever.

    +

    Imagine if you were kicking back and relaxing in the ol' Replete2 and having yourself a beer. Now, suppose that this beer was also infinitely long, rigid, and pivoted on Archimedes' Rock3. Also suppose that its existence was the subject of a number of influential papers from the Lupon4 archive. And, uh, suppose it was a heavy craft beer that wasn't a code for anything. With a beer like that, if you tipped the stein to your lips, you would carve a planar slice through reality itself. Because of the alcohol content, clearly, and not because of it being infinitely long and pivoted on the Rock, which it clearly isn't, because it's a beer and not the ultimate mochlomantic construction granting supreme power over the universe.

    +

    The taste of this beer would, of course, be divine. Unlike other beers perferred by some5 that transport you to a false reality6, this beer would make everything more clear to you. You would be able to see pretty much anything7, I reckon. I would kill for a beer that good.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic
    +nihil obstat: Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque
    +imprimatur: Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Mochlomancy +
    +2. Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub +
    +3. Archimedes' Rock +
    +4. Xi Lupon, PhD +
    +5. Calathas the Unholy +
    +6. False Reality +
    +7. They Who Watch Unblinking + +

    +
    +

    Pyroxene Sympathizers

    +

    Oh, you fools, you fools! How long must you allow this evil in your midst? How long, +while you squabble for wealth and political power, while you increase your own status, +while you let your very society crumble around you?

    +

    The hour is late, the cycle's end upon us, and you have all forgotten the horrors of the +hell across the Passage! Remember the Pyroxenes, those demons of metal and chitin, hunger +and hatred! Remember how they scythed through the wretched rabble of humanity that +broke before them like a hammer meets glass! Aye, bow to them, kneel to them, supplicate +them, and all you will have achieved is a faster death! They do not tire! They do not +negotiate! They do not turn from their purpose! For behind them is oblivion, and before +them lies the shining light of the Nearside and the lifeblood of its peoples. What +creature would turn away, especially one so assured of its right to seize and slaughter?

    +

    Will the Semiheresy1 save you? Those craven slaves of the +Doglords2 who would rather throw their race to the demons than take +a stand against their cruel masters? Aye, no wonder the sympathizers have infiltrated +their accursed ranks—to the highest order, the very highest!

    +

    Will the Scholarium save you? That bumbling cripple of an institution, whose +treacherous leader3 evicts his own and worships the Pyroxenes behind +closed doors? Whose flunkies mock the noble4 and +scorn precious lore5? Who unleashed6 our +bitter foe in their lust for power?

    +

    Will the Jurist-Knights7 save you? Ah, but they have passed into myth, slain by +the culmination8 of our cruel and uncaring science! No heroes remain in this +twilight age. No heroes, save only one9!

    +

    There are those10 among the ravening hordes who were once human. +Ignis Ignotus damned them forever. Yes, damnation, and nothing less, is what lies +behind the energy shields11! Does your +neighbor, does your friend tell you that Paradise awaits beyond? Then strike him down, +for he is your enemy! For Paradise is here, this oasis of safety, this beacon in the +darkness.

    +

    I beg you, do not surrender it to the night.

    +

    Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. The Indomitable Semiheresy +
    +2. Doglords Imperious +
    +3. Shahan Fuizhen +
    +4. Key and Lock Principle +
    +5. Folly of Calathas, The +
    +6. Ignis Ignotus +
    +7. Jurist-Knights +
    +8. Aberidus +
    +9. Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus +
    +10. Calathas the Unholy +
    +11. Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing + +

    +
    +

    Zymurgy Sanctions

    +

    Sitting here sipping a Semibock with Sir Calvinson owner of the Doppleheretic, "Habebo Corpus Tuum" playing in the background, it is a good time to reflect on Zymurgy and the law. This brewery opened right before the ill-fated effort of Vidiculturists to use the Vine-Man's Convention1 to outlaw all grain. You can still see the scorch marks left by Etna Fire drawn from Vulcan's Forge.

    +

    However, the worst Zymurgy sanctions were instituted by the Jurist-Knights2, the masters of Nomohypnosis. People sing of them now, and indeed, from a distance many of their feats were quite colorful, daring and useful to society. But everything that they achieved was through the most extreme, deliberate cultivation of the Archetype of the Boring in the Endless Library. The Template Machines were indeed a crime against Goodness, Truth and Beauty. We owe the knights a toast and debt of song there. Unfortunately, it is not possible to forever hold the will in the Aisle of Dry Dust without going mad, which is why it is so important in that kind of work to visit the springs of Lesser Lethe, the Elysian Fields or the Hamlets of Demeter and Bacchus unless you have someone to spot you constantly. Even then, and the knights were careful at first, overconfidence can undermine the spotter, and both can wither away lost in the quantity of endless and irrelevant truths leading out into the void.

    +

    In this fatal madness, like a rabid dog that fears water, they fought against that which could have saved them: Beer. Fortunately or unfortunately, the Aberidus3 turned on, causing the inhabitants of the Nearside to lose all interest in representative government and spirit restrictions. The few remaining knights, seeing the tide go against them, launched into the Endless Filibuster. They are still there and all attempts to rescue them and the other five MP's have failed. The Parliament building was sealed off after the Lesser Incursion4 and further rescue efforts are deemed too dangerous because of the Pyroxenes now sleeping there. I still remember what the Year of the Waiting5 looked like. Walking toward the Nearside, the time differential made for a blur of activity which suddenly stopped.

    +

    Now that we have survived thus far, it is our sacred duty as Zymurgists to bring peace and unity to a troubled Nearside, to heal those broken by ennui, to give rest to minds shattered by arcane depths, to bring inspiration to our best minds, to transcend logic and individuality, to save not the human race but the human soul!

    +

    Robert Earthson

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Vineman Convention +
    +2. Jurist-Knights +
    +3. Aberidus +
    +4. Lesser Incursion +
    +5. The Year of the Waiting + +

    +
    +

    Calathas the Unholy

    +

    For anyone who has ever bothered to study the society of late old earth, it is obvious that Calathas the Unholy is a very common literary trope of the kind inspired by H. P. Lovecraft, the founder of the eponymous Free Love movement. The only positive evidence for its existence is to be found in wads of dog-bedding quoted by Scholastics with a vested interest in producing paperwork; Duke Strato's proclamations with their constant need to create enemies without and heroes within to deflect attention from numerous scandals, incompetencies and executions; references from dog-worshippers who lack the mental coherence to be full heretics; and the beer induced ravings of that drunken sot and dabbler in the Kupakamasutra Robert Earthson. Latin rhythms about court room super men are too ridiculous for further mention.

    +

    Many people find Calathas a convenient Diabolus ex machina to explain the demise of the Doglords1, the reduction of the human population by 99.73%, the prevalence of necromantic cults, the existence of hordes of ravenous chitin and metal monstrosities, long lines for New You(TM) Aberidus2 Templates, Shahan Fuizhen's3 bad hair, and unpredictably long IIPA hangovers. It is ridiculous! It is laziness! If you don't understand something, go to Vulcan's Forge yourself and move the Cyclopean levers, don't invent ghosts and hobgoblins like our benighted ancestors (Earthson included)!

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Doglords Imperious +
    +2. Aberidus +
    +3. Shahan Fuizhen + +

    +
    +

    Moment of Pardon

    +

    The Moment of Pardon is a once-per-cycle event, observed in memory of the end of the +first cycle, when the Semiheresy1 used brutal and excessive +force to evict humanity from the Nearside, leading the deaths of 7,500 innocents. The +tragedy caused much turmoil for the next hundred years, and many feared that the end of +the second cycle would be far more disastrous. But clearer heads, miraculously, prevailed, +and the Truth and Reconciliation Conference on Semiheresy was instituted to assist +humanity in coming to terms with the necessity of facing the Pyroxene horrors at the end +of every cycle.

    +

    The outcomes of that conference are too numerous to list here, but the +important one for our purposes was the Moment of Pardon. Held at midnight 7,500 days +before E-Day—in honor of the 7,500 victims of the first cycle—the Moment of Pardon is a +time for all of us to acknowledge our strife and forgive our enemies, that we might stand +as one on the literally unearthly battlefields of the False Reality.

    +

    As it is the function of the nobility to set a noble example for the common man, on this +Moment of Pardon, I shall honor the custom publicly. Of late, my foremost enemy has been +one Dr. Edgar Ronson, a man with whom I have had no small number of academic debates, but +more importantly was the man whose resource allocation decisions led to the end of my +career in the Scholarium.

    +

    But I must admit that Dr. Ronson is a great man. During the Lesser Incursion2, he +developed vital upgrades for the GCVS systems3 +by an ingenius application of the Key and Lock Principle4, even when doing so required +making the controversial decision to seal off Parliament and the last remnant of the +Jurist-Knights5 and their Semiheretic auxiliary forces. There are those who questioned +his decision, but not I, for we both understand that we can hold nothing back against the +odious Pyroxenes.

    +

    Dr. Ronson's character also shines through in his support of Robert Earthson, the hero of +our age6, and the necessity of constructing the Omnilever7 so that +we may defeat our foes once and for all. "[The Scholarium] stands with Earthson," he once +told me in private communication. And so I speak the words instituted by tradition: "Here +is a man who I will gladly fight beside."

    +

    Signed, in the cause of reconciliation, Duke Strato Merovalitus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. The Indomitable Semiheresy +
    +2. Lesser Incursion +
    +3. Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing +
    +4. Key and Lock Principle +
    +5. Jurist-Knights +
    +6. Zymurgy Sanctions +
    +7. Omnilever + +

    +
    +

    Shahan Fuizhen

    +

    The following were excerpted from a Semiheresy internal memo leaked by an anonymous source.

    +

    [...] resolved with the utmost haste. Though his powerful contacts in the upper echelons of the Scholarium allow him to maintain a behind-the-scenes position of de facto control, in his unnatural and abhorrent old age he has grown too paranoid. The threads of loyalty he holds so tightly are fraying. I suppose lackeys are only willing to cover up so many Pyroxene ritual murders before they start to rethink their devotions. I even heard from a demipriest that some now suspect he's been dead for decades and mock his extant body as "Shahang"1, a wretched, soulless husk "hanging on" in a diabolical mockery of life. (Ah, for the idyllic disputes of academia!) Speaking of [...]

    +

    [...] remains a potent foe to our hegemony in the Nearside. He has, in anticipation of the upcoming fourth season2, pushed for it to be made an open research topic. You and I both know that the Semiheresy cannot allow [REDACTED] to be enunciated by Scholarium personnel. If only he were willing to have his tongue cut out like Dr. Lupon3, but the fool insists on keeping his most dangerous weapon. And the eagerness with which he moved to strike Lupon from Scholarium history? He strikes me as someone with a lot to hide.

    +

    In truth, Osmodius, I see no hypothesis so compelling as that Dr. Fuizhen either was from the beginning, or became after researching too far into depths best left unplumbed, an agent for the Pyroxenes in human skin. No son of the Nearside would have thought to call that nightmare realm "True Reality", even resignedly. His Atlas Arcanum contains too many errors and "inspired" leaps for how accurate his conclusions have been. I cannot shake the fear that through him the Pyroxenes have been perusing the depths of Nexus archives since the last cycle. It is too much of a coincidence that we had kept the Pyroxenes at bay for cycles, yet as soon as he discovered the principle of bypassing the defenses4 on the Passage, the Pyroxenes immediately broke through them. In fact, I just submitted my latest report on that damnable incident, which [...]

    +

    [...] and as for Dr. Fuizhen, our patience has borne the expected fruit. It will not be difficult to move on him. We only await the approval of the warrants.

    +

    Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Pendulous Passage +
    +2. Fourth Season +
    +3. Xi Lupon, PhD +
    +4. Key and Lock Principle + +

    +
    +

    They Who Watch Unblinking

    +

    The principle of mochlomancy1 is quite simple. Energy is redirected by applying said energy against a lever positioned on a fulcrum. Yanner's Inversion2 is the most famous example of this, producing not only a new topology of earth, but breaking the topology of spacetime itself. Thus the Doglords3 came to be known. Their eternal gaze has only been shared by a few, the most worthy of humans, the elite of the members of the Nearside. Robert Earthson was the first to venture to this strange new population and bring back the tidings of the lords. It is well known of their great stand against False Reality4, and of their tragic fall. But what Earthson uncovered trivializes even those actions.

    +

    The gaze of the Doglords is fixed in space, but not in time. Gazing towards the center of the torus, they see all time, and therefore, paradoxically, all things, for time was distorted as space was. They knew the rise of the Pyroxenes would come, they knew the Hollow Dominion would fail, and they chose their actions accordingly. What did they see in the future that gave them this confidence? Did they see hope, or despair? The sureness of victory leading to their sacrifice, or the inevitability of defeat giving way to despair? What motivated their actions? Did they see the omnilever5? Or did they see Calathas6?

    +

    Some suggest, and I am inclined to agree, though I tremble at the implication, that time has taken the exact curvature of space. Proof is impossible, and Yanner's exact spell is still somewhat a mystery. If this is true, then not even the Doglords would see this. Their defeat would be eternally repeated, their victory would be release. The Doglords, the starers into eternity, have risked all.

    +

    Only time will tell. And we have little left.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Mochlomancy +
    +2. Yanner's Inversion +
    +3. Doglords Imperious +
    +4. False Reality +
    +5. Omnilever +
    +6. Calathas the Unholy + +

    +
    +

    Fourth Season

    +

    The Fourth Season is illegal. Therefore most people believe that it exists since why legislate against something that isn't there? Of course that argument would never have stopped the filibustering Latin-tongued bores1.

    +

    It is an artifact, a false prediction of the obsessive binary division2 of reality put forward by the half-brained semi-heretics3. Why is it that the half-hearted enforcers want to push humanity into the chitinous horrors of H. G. Orwell's worst nightmares? The answer lies in their very half-heartedness! True full-blooded heretics, who have truly embraced the ideal of heresy for its own sake, would never stoop to such trite apocalyptic orthodoxy! They would reject them de priore as beneath their dignity!

    +

    Ancient Egypt had three seasons: Planting, Flood and Harvest. Even if you insist on nostalgic archaeogaiism, there is no need for powers of two. Does Robert Earthson4 ever lend support to the notion of a Fourth Season? It is merely a passing fad!

    +

    Scintillate, Jazzy and Negative are the only real seasons on the Nearside. Let me explain them since, apparently it isn't clear to you yet: Scintillate when the magnetic fields of the two disks of the donut moon visible from here cause all long haired dogs (and cats) too give off dangerous static charges and women look rather pretty; Jazzy, when all the tides are pulled out of the harbors giving a spectacular natural amphitheatre for jazz concerts in the temperate zones; Negative, very dangerous for people with up-gravitational orientation which becomes much stronger at this time (they also tend to get rather irritable and negative.)

    +

    Those killjoys! The end of negative and beginning of scintillate is the best time of cycle for the heroic sport of moon jumping5 for those of us who can (and have you ever heard of a semi-heretic with up-gravitation?) No they will kill for beer6 and even then, it is only cold-bloodedly for power, like dead dogs.

    +

    Ersatz Scrivener

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Jurist-Knights +
    +2. Bivalence Genera +
    +3. The Indomitable Semiheresy +
    +4. Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus +
    +5. Lesser Incursion +
    +6. Omnilever + +

    +
    +

    Lennings

    +

    Though I look upon the Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus1 with skepticism, here is where I must concede that it serves its reader well. Lennings are a fundamental practice of Mochlomancy2, a fulcrum to the magical lever. The more lennings employed, the more stable the spell. However, to employ a lenning requires costly power, and so one sacrifices power for stability, hence the neverending search for Archimedes' Rock3, the final lenning, which would allow a mochlomantic spell to have perfect stability with no tax on the power. This problem has vexed researchers for years, and more recently has come to the forefront of the inversion4 phenomenon. Robert Earthson has been working on his omnilever5 for quite some time, but even this fantastical invention, would not be able to function without stability, and to create lennings powerful enough to stabilize such a device would drain all power from the system. But with a device that provides its own stability would dodge such a difficulty. Scholarium metaphysicists, including myself, have postulated that if such a device were to exist, it is conceivable that we could reverse the damned effects Yanner wrought decades ago.

    +

    The search continues, and it is my professional opinion that it is a fable, a myth. But it is a hope, and in these final hours I must confess before all, that it is a hope I myself indulge in.

    +

    Edgar Ronson, Ph.D.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus +
    +2. Mochlomancy +
    +3. Archimedes' Rock +
    +4. Yanner's Inversion +
    +5. Omnilever + +

    +
    +

    Lesser Incursion

    +

    Hail, great and eternal Fido! Pursuant to the investigation into the Lesser Incursion to which you have assigned me, I humbly submit this Warrant of Arrest for a number of chief suspects. The extreme measures taken by the Semiheresy in the wake of the Incursion have led to a record number of charges of treason, far surpassing our quarterly goal. We expect the trials to be open-and-shut cases with some quick sentences of semideath. If it be your will, please ordain that the warrant be approved and promulgated to the field enforcers of the Semiheresy:

    +

    Directive from Semi-Ark Indomitable
    +Year 129 of the Ninth Cycle

    +

    -- PURSUANT TO NEXUS INVESTIGATION OF THE LESSER INCURSION --

    +

    THE ARREST OF THE FOLLOWING INDIVIDUALS IS HEREBY ORDERED:

    +

    Robert Earthson: for SUSPICION OF TREASON AGAINST THE NEARSIDE, on account of one count of SUGGESTION OF CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE DOGLORDS1, one count of ADMITTING RESPECT FOR TRAITORS2, one count of SEASONAL CYCLE RETURN DELINQUENCY, one count of ENUNCIATION OF BANNED INCANTATIONS3, and one count of TOASTING A SUSPECT OF AN ONGOING INVESTIGATION4.

    +

    Duke Strato Merovalitus: for SUSPICION OF TREASON AGAINST THE NEARSIDE, on account of two counts of DISCUSSION OF5 BANNED LEVERS6, one count of CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE INDOMITABLE SEMIHERESY7, and one count of STEALING NEXUS OFFICE SUPPLIES AFTER TERMINATION.

    +

    Dr. Edgar Ronson: for SUSPICION OF TREASON AGAINST THE NEARSIDE, on account of two counts of DISCUSSION OF8 BANNED LEVERS9, one count of ADVOCATING INVESTGATION OF BANNED SEASONS10, and one count of ASSOCIATION WITH KNOWN TRAITORS.

    +

    Suspects are advised not to resist. We are inevitable. You cannot avoid us. We are Indomitable. You cannot overcome us. Submit yourself to the nearest Double Inquisitor for processing.

    +

    In the name of the Nearside, the aforesaid is ordered by
    +SEMIHERETIC DEACONESQUE SNEEZEGUARD JONES

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Parcum Protomythos +
    +2. Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing +
    +3. Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell +
    +4. Mochlomancy +
    +5. Archimedes' Rock +
    +6. Moment of Pardon +
    +7. Pyroxene Sympathizers +
    +8. Lennings +
    +9. They Who Watch Unblinking +
    +10. Key and Lock Principle + +

    +
    +

    The Year of the Waiting

    +

    As I escape from the dungeons of the Semiheresy with my rescuer, the incomparable Robert +Earthson, and former and present colleague Dr. Ronson, I find myself reflecting on ancient +puzzles.

    +

    I ask myself, what is the worth of a man? Surely not an unfamiliar question to those of +us who survived the Year of the Waiting, watching as the Template Machines of the +Aberidus1 produced endless copies of ourselves—our selves—but stronger, smarter, better, +even as the semiheresy2 assured us they were leverless, +demonstrably without souls. Who among us could fail to fall into listlessness, seeing our +dearest dreams and wishes fulfilled by the gods we might have been? What is it about our +leveredness that binds us to this fractured and absurd world? And who could blame us for +waiting for some hero to appear and hand us an answer?

    +

    I asked myself because I first asked myself, why are there five bivalence genera3? +The Tractatus4 predicts an even number, reasoning from +the Principle of Balance. But, noticing my confusion, Earthson told me that there has always +been a sixth: mochlontic bivalence, the phenomenon of leveredness or unleveredness. +And his answer suddenly made a great deal clear to me, for I was asking these questions as +Dr. Ronson and I perused the confidential files Earthson casually stole on our way out of +the Partial Vatican. According to him, it was why he allowed himself to be arrested in +the first place.

    +

    And so now I ask myself, how did the Pyroxenes effect the Replete Dominion in the face of +Nexus efforts?

    +

    For the Pyroxenes and the Doglords Imperious5 were both of unleveredness, and left alone +should have struggled fruitlessly for eternity. But our levered existence tipped the balance— +and should have ended the struggle in the Doglords' favor, but in truth the opposite occurred. +How?

    +

    The answer, as these documents reveal, is none other than the Semiheresy itself. Their +agents sabotaged the work of long-dead researchers to result in the creation of Ignis Ignotus6, +that which saps the leveredness from the world. With the Doglords dead, they mean to assume +full control of humanity. What is the worth of humanity? There is a weight to our existence, +a weight born of struggle and striving, of the pursuit of value, that Pyroxene agents nearly +succeeded in extinguishing with the Year of the Waiting. Why? Why is our existence significant?

    +

    And then I understand, at last I understand, why the Semiheresy has banned research on the +Omnilever7: there is no Omnilever.

    +

    We are the Omnilever.

    +

    The three of us have gone into hiding, but the day is coming when we will return. Hear +these words and remember: the cycle's end approaches, and this time we will win.

    +

    Duke (in exile) Strato Merovalitus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Aberidus +
    +2. The Indomitable Semiheresy +
    +3. Bivalence Genera +
    +4. Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus +
    +5. Doglords Imperious +
    +6. Ignis Ignotus +
    +7. Omnilever + +

    + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/rules/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/rules/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7a92438 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/rules/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ + + +Rules | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Rules

    +
      +
    1. At the beginning of the game, you will be provided with a topic statement that sets the tone for the game. Use it for inspiration and a stepping-stone into shaping the world of the Lexicon.
    2. +
    3. Each round, you will be assigned an index, a grouping of letters. Your entry must alphabetize under that index.
        +
      1. Each index has a number of open slots equal to the number of players, which are taken up by article titles when an article is written in that index or a citation is made to an unwritten article, or phantom. If there are no open slots in your index, you must write the article for a phantom in that index.
      2. +
      3. "The" and "A" aren't counted in indexing.
    4. +
    5. Once you've picked an article title, write your article on that subject.
        +
      1. There are no hard and fast rules about style. Try to sound like an encyclopedia entry or the overview section at the top of a wiki article.
      2. +
      3. You must respect and not contradict any factual content of any posted articles. You may introduce new facts that place things in a new light, provide alternative interpretations, or flesh out unexplained details in unexpected ways; but you must not contradict what has been previously established as fact.
      4. +
      5. Aim for around 200-300 words. Going over is okay, but be reasonable.
    6. +
    7. Your article must cite other articles in the Lexicon. Sometimes these citations will be to phantoms, articles that have not been written yet.
        +
      1. On the first turn, your article must cite exactly two phantom articles.
      2. +
      3. On subsequent turns, your article must cite exactly two phantom articles, either already-cited phantoms or new ones. Your article must also cite at least one written article.
      4. +
      5. On the penultimate turn, you must cite exactly one phantom article and at least two written articles.
      6. +
      7. On the final turn, you must cite at least three written articles.
      8. +
      9. You may not cite an entry you wrote. You may cite phantoms you have cited before.
      10. +
      11. Once you cite a phantom, you cannot choose to write it if you write an article for that index later.
    8. + +

      Ersatz Scrivener. In the course of the game, it may come to pass that a scholar is assigned an index in which no slots are available to them, because they have cited all the available phantoms in their previous articles. When this happens, the player instead writes their article as Ersatz Scrivener, radical skeptic. Ersatz does not believe in the existence of whatever he is writing about, no matter how obvious it seems to others or how central it is in the developing history of the world. All references, testimony, etc. with regard to its existence are tragic delusion at best or malicious lies at worst. Unlike the other scholars, Ersatz does not treat the research of his peers as fact, because he does not believe he has peers. Players writing articles as Ersatz are encouraged to name and shame the work of the misguided amateurs collaborating with him.

      +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/session/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/session/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1e4daa5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/session/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,35 @@ + + +Lexicon Proximum | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Lexicon Proximum

    +

    Lexicon Proximum was played June 1 - 24, 2017.

    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Aberidus.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Aberidus.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8049a9c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Aberidus.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Aberidus + +The simple, yet ingenious, technology that revolutionized the economy of the late 8th decade society, the aberidus was developed by an unknown inventor. Scholars will likely debate this point for many years to come, giving credit to various figures, but the fact remains that there is not enough evidence to yield an answer. Origin means little compared to the impact though. The clever contraption both eased manual labor and drastically increased ennui by allowing workers to, simply put, stop working. This of course led to the tragic existentialist disaster known as [[The Year of the Waiting]] and they were subsequently outlawed. + +The research into weaponizing such existential tragedy of course came to the forefront of the [[Vineman Convention]] research, and the impact of such rampant absurdity on global affairs sent international politics in a tailspin that would have likely ended in war if everybody hadn't lost all interest in everything. + +~ Edgar Ronson, Ph.D. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Archimedes' Rock.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Archimedes' Rock.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f479906 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Archimedes' Rock.txt @@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Archimedes' Rock + +**Archimedes' Rock** is a fundamental theoretical concept in the field of [[Mochlomancy]]. +According to the [[Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus]]—the foundational text of the field +(even if the wig-addled publication addicts at the Scholarium feign to have transcended it, +all but the most hopeless of them acknowledge its indispensable function as a starting point)— +Archimedes' Rock is a locus of stability required for any mochlomantic action. + +However, we owe the majority of our knowledge of Archimedes' Rock to a particular figure +in the field, Robert Earthson. Indeed, it it hardly possible to talk of one without +encountering the other. Earthson is a rather dramatic character: he was born on +Earth before the [[Inversion|Yanner's Inversion]] warped it into the Nearside, and +witnessed the establishment of the [[Doglords|Doglords Imperious]]' reign. In the midst +of that time of chaos and upheaval, and witnessing the rise of the wicked Pyroxenes and +their insatiable hunger for conquest and consumption, Earthson knew that a time would come +when humanity would forget the knowledge he possessed. Heroically, he did not return to +the Nearside for five seasonal cycles—a span of about two and a half years for him, and +a thousand years for the rest of humanity. With the Pyroxenes' establishment of the +Replete Dominion at the beginning of the current cycle, he returned to share his horde +of mochlomantic lore. + +Alone among mochlomantic practitioners, Earthson claims to have seen Archimedes' Rock in +person. For this he is mocked by vainglorious members of the Scholarium, who have convinced +themselves that their personal failures to find the Rock prove that it was a metaphor all +along, and who unconvincingly hide their jealousy by making juvenile quips about Earthson's +noted expertise on non-Euclidean beers. + +With the cycle's end approaching, and with it humanity's expulsion into the territory now +controlled by the Replete Dominion, it has become more imperative than ever that we take +up the banner of this humble hero, and help him build his [[Omnilever]] upon Archimedes' Rock. + +~ Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Bivalence_Genera.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Bivalence_Genera.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c3bcf9f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Bivalence_Genera.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Bivalence Genera + +Theoretical research in the Scholarium has uncovered, frustratingly, //five// bivalent phenomena underlying the Nearside's metaphysical ecology. Collectively, they are called the **bivalence genera**: + +//Semiside bivalance// is, of course, the existence of both our Nearside and the True Reality (also called the Turnways Reality). This is sometimes called the //primary bivalence// or //master bivalence//, since the other bivalences have only been found within the Nearside [1]. + +//Gravitational bivalence// is the phenomenon where those who are born in the Nearside have, with roughly equal chance, one of two gravitational alignments: either "in" towards the Nearside, or "out" away from it. While living with out-valence was possible before if one was careful, the development of [[gravitational technology|Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing]] has greatly reduced the mortality rate for out-valents. + +//Radial bivalence//, also known as //blink bivalence//, is the phenomenon across the inner and outer sides of the the Nearside torus. While we live on the outer side, the inner side is inhabited by the inside-out ones, [[They Who Watch Unblinking]], who look unceasingly to the center. + +The final and most problematic bivalence is //season bivalence//, which has frustrated Scholarium researchers for decades. There are, as we all learned in school, three seasons in the Nearside: scintillate, jazzy, and negative. However, after researchers failed to reduce one of the seasons to a linear combination of the others, it was discovered that the seasons are actually a double bivalence, with the unknown [[fourth season|Fourth Season]] having been banned by the Nexus. This has stymied all subsequent attempts to systematize the bivalence genera. + +~ Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic + +[1] Research efforts to discover secondary bivalences in True Reality are, of course, never sanctioned for safety reasons. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/CalathasErsatz.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/CalathasErsatz.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..de5d7cc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/CalathasErsatz.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Calathas the Unholy + +For anyone who has ever bothered to study the society of late old earth, it is obvious that Calathas the Unholy is a very common literary trope of the kind inspired by H. P. Lovecraft, the founder of the eponymous Free Love movement. The only positive evidence for its existence is to be found in wads of dog-bedding quoted by Scholastics with a vested interest in producing paperwork; Duke Strato's proclamations with their constant need to create enemies without and heroes within to deflect attention from numerous scandals, incompetencies and executions; references from dog-worshippers who lack the mental coherence to be full heretics; and the beer induced ravings of that drunken sot and dabbler in the Kupakamasutra Robert Earthson. Latin rhythms about court room super men are too ridiculous for further mention. + +Many people find Calathas a convenient //Diabolus ex machina// to explain the demise of the [[Doglords|Doglords Imperious]], the reduction of the human population by 99.73%, the prevalence of necromantic cults, the existence of hordes of ravenous chitin and metal monstrosities, long lines for New You(TM) [[Aberidus]] Templates, [[Shahan Fuizhen's|Shahan Fuizhen]] bad hair, and unpredictably long IIPA hangovers. It is ridiculous! It is laziness! If you don't understand something, go to Vulcan's Forge yourself and move the Cyclopean levers, don't invent ghosts and hobgoblins like our benighted ancestors (Earthson included)! + +~Ersatz Scrivener diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Doglords_Imperious.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Doglords_Imperious.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a5e992f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Doglords_Imperious.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Doglords Imperious + +Hail, great canines! In their name I dedicate this Lexicon to the **Doglords Imperious**, those august and wise powers that be whose Nexus so benevolently sustains us. Yea, the Doglords who have ruled the Nearside from time immemorial graced we humble pilgrims with the means to survive in the Nearside in our hour of need, and still today we live by their decrees. + +Indeed, we owe to them our greatest scholarly achievements. I hardly dare to begin enumerating their benefits, lest I shall never cease, but 'twas by their charity that we were allowed to discover among the papers they used for bedding and waste the fragments of the [[Protomythos|Parcum Protomythos]]. Only through the patronage of Sparky the Inviolable did [[Vineman|Vineman Convention]] produce such fruit as the GCVS systems, for which our researchers were rewarded with a second donation of Protomythos pages, this time only slightly soiled. It was these seven thousand pages, each enscribed with a single, illuminated letter, which we were able to rearrange into the [[//Folly of Calathas//|Folly of Calathas, The]]. Remember, ye Nearsiders: remember the debt ye owe to the Doglords. + +Stray not from the path they have set. Fie, fie, I say, fie upon those who would resist their doctrines! May the accursed Pyroxenes rue the day that they dared to oppose their designs to the [[Hollow Dominion]] of the Doglords Imperious, whose barks ring everlasting! + +~ By the order of Fido the Eternal, thus sribeth Sneezeguard Jones of the Semiheresy \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/ErsatzFourthSeason.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/ErsatzFourthSeason.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3460b85 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/ErsatzFourthSeason.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Fourth Season + +The Fourth Season is illegal. Therefore most people believe that it exists since why legislate against something that isn't there? Of course that argument would never have stopped the [[filibustering Latin-tongued bores|Jurist-Knights]]. + +It is an artifact, a false prediction of the obsessive [[binary division|Bivalence Genera]] of reality put forward by the half-brained [[semi-heretics|The Indomitable Semiheresy]]. Why is it that the half-hearted enforcers want to push humanity into the chitinous horrors of H. G. Orwell's worst nightmares? The answer lies in their very half-heartedness! True full-blooded heretics, who have truly embraced the ideal of heresy for its own sake, would never stoop to such trite apocalyptic orthodoxy! They would reject them //de priore// as beneath their dignity! + +Ancient Egypt had three seasons: Planting, Flood and Harvest. Even if you insist on nostalgic archaeogaiism, there is no need for powers of two. Does [[Robert Earthson|Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus]] ever lend support to the notion of a Fourth Season? It is merely a passing fad! + +Scintillate, Jazzy and Negative are the only real seasons on the Nearside. Let me explain them since, apparently it isn't clear to you yet: Scintillate when the magnetic fields of the two disks of the donut moon visible from here cause all long haired dogs (and cats) too give off dangerous static charges and women look rather pretty; Jazzy, when all the tides are pulled out of the harbors giving a spectacular natural amphitheatre for jazz concerts in the temperate zones; Negative, very dangerous for people with up-gravitational orientation which becomes much stronger at this time (they also tend to get rather irritable and negative.) + +Those killjoys! The end of negative and beginning of scintillate is the best time of cycle for the heroic sport of [[moon jumping|Lesser Incursion]] for those of us who can (and have you ever heard of a semi-heretic with up-gravitation?) No they will [[kill for beer|Omnilever]] and even then, it is only cold-bloodedly for power, like dead dogs. + +~Ersatz Scrivener diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/False Reality.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/False Reality.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c41ca91 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/False Reality.txt @@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: False Reality + +**False Reality** is the old title for the Nearside's counterpoint plane, more commonly +known today (because of the provenance of fools) as the True Reality. It is a hideous +realm that grows more hideous by the hour as the [[Ignis Ignotus]]-warped Pyroxenes +reshape it in their twisted image to better channel mochlomantic energy. + +According to [[experts on the matter|Mochlomancy]], [[Yanner's Inversion]] was intended +to avert an incoming catastrophe by momentarily splitting reality along metaphysical lines: +the False Reality, where all that would be would not be, and the Nearside, where all that +could be could come to be. Hence the traditional names: the False Reality was a place +of stagnation and eventual nonbeing, and the Nearside was near to a limitless number of +possibilities—including, one must sadly concede, a nest of self-important [[vipers|Key and Lock Principle]] +who would unfairly claim a scholar's death before solving a theory as proof of his incompetence. + +Of those vipers, there are none more venomous than [[Shahan Fuizhen]], architect of the +//Atlas Arcanum//, who—in the face of the Pyroxenes' establishment of the Replete Dominion— +decided to rename that cesspit of death and decay to "True Reality" in the face of +widespread opposition even within the Scholarium. Dr. Fuizhen, whose clique has maintained +political advantage within the Scholarium since the late fourth cycle, has become +increasingly unable to hide the fact that he has used necromantic energies to prolong his +wretched life. Though he continues to insist his unnatural lifespan of 180 years is only +due to healthy living, he is currently under investigation by the Semiheresy for possessing +artifacts used in connection with a Pyroxene necromantic ritual murder. +Indeed, many who have spoken with him in person have reported that, in private, he has +been known to say that the [[Doglords Imperious]] were wrong to try to institute the +[[Hollow Dominion]] in False Reality and allow it to settle to tranquil nothingness once more. + +It is a great injustice that Dr. Fuizhen remains a Scholarium member in good standing, but +all members who speak out against him—myself included—have coincidentally lost their positions. + +~ Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/FollyOfCalathas.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/FollyOfCalathas.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ed68340 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/FollyOfCalathas.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Folly of Calathas, The + +Many are the inhumane deeds of [[Calathas the Unholy]], the brutal and bloody tyrant whose name is synonymous with wickedness and bad hygiene. However, little is known about the rise and fall of this villain of history, that is, little was known until the discovery of a seven thousand page section in the [[Parcum Protomythos]] labeled **The Folly of Calathas**. It is no surprise this has section was missed, as it of course only accounts for less than one tenth of a percent of the overall content. + +**The Folly of Calathas** is, like most sections in the Parcum Protomythos, unknown in author and origin. But it does describe Calathas as humble of origin, recruited by the Pyroxenes as a young child. His power grew as he ascended the ranks, finally becoming the first to be adopted into the Pyroxenes themselves. + +Of course, it is well known of his ability to travel effortlessly through the [[Pendulous Passage]], and scholars continue to debate the nature of his ability to do so. The answer, however, is obvious that it lies in his brilliant insight into the Passage's system, understanding that memory is indeed a matter of personal significance. Though some claim it impossible to do so by citing rubbish texts, there is no definitive case to be made for this rebuttal, and any such lofty claim should be considered with the highest of skepticism. His Folly, the text of the Parcum Protomythos indicates, is in fact his willingness to sacrifice even the most precious memory for the cause of the Pyroxenes, therefore there is precedent for such a claim. But I suppose Duke Strato Merovalitus //finally// stumbled into truth when he said that "basic theoretical competency is far too much to expect." + +~ Edgar Ronson, Ph.D. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/GravitationContainment.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/GravitationContainment.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ad48d52 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/GravitationContainment.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing + +Together these form the only reliable method of halting the spread of [[Ignis Ignotus]] + and preserving the values and beauty of civilization for which the Near Side is known. +While I can respect the Pyroxenes' decision to embrace Ignis Ignotus, it is because of the very irrevocability of it, +and I think they are well aware of this, if they are aware of anything anymore. +It is a wondrous and awe inspiring leap into the unknown, but we cannot afford to risk +everything we have brought with us to the Near Side. So complete separation by vacuums and reverse gravity fields +are the only viable option until science progresses to another age. +The fond hope of many [[Pyroxene Sympathizers]] is that the Replete Dominion itself will bring about a rapid +positive change if only we would turn off the energy fields. If they wish to do so individually, I respect them, +but collectively, we must keep up gravitational containment and vacuum sealing. + +~Robert Earthson \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Hollow Dominion.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Hollow Dominion.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c2730ee --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Hollow Dominion.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Hollow Dominion + +The Pyroxenes rose and the land of the proud Nearside began falling away under their corrupting gaze. The effects of Ignis Ignotus grew and corrupted even the noblest of souls. The end was nigh. But there were those noble beings, those canine gods, the Doglords, who resisted. They struck a mighty blow to the Pyroxenes and halted the coming of the Replete Dominion, carving out a small circle of hope and reality in the cursed [[False Reality]] known as the **Hollow Dominion**. + +The Doglords held this line for the majority of the first and second decades. It was only when [[Xi Lupon|Xi Lupon, PhD]] delved into works he was not qualified to handle that they began to falter. Their strength relied on their unlevered existence, and Xi mixed levered and unlevered realities, shifting the fulcrum of their existence and allowing the Pyroxenes to again press the advantage. The Doglords faded in their appearance and behavior as a [[result|Parcum Protomythos]]. + +It is from this tragedy that noted metaphysicist, [[Dr. Fuizhen|Shahan Fuizhen]], in his acknowledgment of the monumental mistake of Xi, solved the Key and Lock Principle and motioned to strike Xi's memory from Scholarium history. Alas, some held to the opinion that he still deserved his name, and so his legacy lives on to this day. In a drunken despair Dr. Fuizhen lamented the Doglord's sacrifice and wished that they had never descended to save those who would only [[glorify their betrayer|False Reality]]. + +After the fall of the Hollow Dominion the False Reality grew in size and potency. It was with great reluctance that Dr. Fuizhen had to acknowledge that, with the hollowness filled and the falseness growing, it was of metaphysical definition True. His confession of this led to the marshalling of Nexus resources to combat this terror, which preserved society through the [[Lesser Incursion]]. + +~Edgar Ronson, Ph.D. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Ignis_Ignotus.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Ignis_Ignotus.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..03031b5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Ignis_Ignotus.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Ignis Ignotus + +Originally thought to be a novel form of energy, **Ignis Ignotus** was discovered by Nearside scientists as an encroaching substance breaking into True Reality. It was acknowledged that this matter was expanding and would likely not cease in this. In the hopes of harnessing a potential [[secondary bivalence|Bivalence Genera]] of True Reality, a project was commissioned to harness this new substance. The dangers of this were only somewhat known, and the Nexus metaphysicists made some grave miscalculations. The cost was high. The backblast sent ripples through the very fabric of reality, and thus the modern phenomenon of **Ignis Ignotus** was born. + +Regardless, Ignis Ignotus’ corrupting effects soon spread throughout the Nearside, giving birth to the Pyroxenes. Well known is the history afterwards. The Pyroxenes gained support (see [[Pyroxene Sympathizers]]), and many continued to foolishly experiment with this foul material. The Replete Dominion arrival really was only a matter of time after this. The [[GCVS|Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing]] is reliable for now. But with the Pyroxenes gaining more support, popular sentiment is, as Robert Earthson has catalogued, started to consider turning them off, which would surely spell disaster. The [[Lesser Incursion]] was a result of such considerations, and one would think that this would have put a stop to such nonsense. + +Were it not for this corrupting substance, we quite possibly would not have experienced the horrors of the 6th and 7th decades. + +~Edgar Ronson, Ph.D. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Indomitable_Semiheresy.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Indomitable_Semiheresy.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..90ac402 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Indomitable_Semiheresy.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 4 +# Title: The Indomitable Semiheresy + +The history leading up to the founding of the **Indomitable Semiheresy** is well known: The people of Earth were stranded in True Reality by Yanner's reckless use of [[that cataclysmic art|Mochlomancy]]. With the aid of the Nexus, most made it through the [[Pendulous Passage]] back to Earth, now the Nearside. Research on [[Ignis Ignotus]] turned the benign substance into an [[existential threat|Vineman Convention]] and required the development of [[containment systems|Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing]]. Yet these precautions were insufficient. + +As the [[fourth season|Fourth Season]] approached, the Nexus bowed to necessity and established the Indomitable Semiheresy. The semiheretics were charged with evicting the residents of the Nearside at the end of negative until the beginning of scintillate. The name was given to evoke a sense of irrevocability about the //novus ordo// of the cycles and reflect the bittersweet task of its acolytes: though they were the shepherds of humanity, they did so by, for a season, exiling them from safety. + +Historically, the Indomitable Semiheresy was given great doctrinal leeway by the Nexus. This became contentious in the last 10th decade when, following academic strife between the Semiheresy and the Scholarium, a previously-unpublished manuscript of the eminent [[Dr. Lupon|Xi Lupon, PhD]] appeared on the desk of the head editor of [[Levers and Lagers|Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell]]. The manuscript implicated several Half-Heresiarchs in a conspiracy to cause the experimental disaster that mutated Ignis Ignotus into the transmogrant it is today. The same manuscript also raised concerns that the Semiheresy was a viper's nest of undercover [[Pyroxene sympathizers|Pyroxene Sympathizers]]. This spawned a brief trend of calling it the Domitable Semiheresy, which wasn't funny the first time either, you //cretins//. + +~ Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Jurist-Knights.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Jurist-Knights.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b385568 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Jurist-Knights.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Jurist-Knights + +If you've ever been at the [[Magic Lever|Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub]] during Cheerful Chrononce, undoubtedly you have heard the tales told in drinking songs of those legends, the **Jurist-Knights** of the Nearside. Those brave lawyers who quested in search of adventure, glory, and litigation are some of the most beloved heroes in our contemporary popular imagination. By night, they rode to defend the weak and dispossessed; by day, they plied their trade in the courtrooms. + +The most well-known ballad of the Jurist-Knights these days must be the insidiously catchy "Ain't No //Habeas Corpus// in Hell", which tells of the Jurist-Knights' history with [[Calathas the Unholy]]. The song recounts Calathas' apprenticeship with one Sir Calvin; his expulsion from the Jurist-Knights after his [[Pyroxene recruitment|Folly of Calathas, The]]; his deadly revenge on Sir Calvin; and the fated final battle between Sir Jameson, Calathas' fellow apprentice under Sir Calvin, and the ascended Pyroxene Calathas. With the assistance of a citizen jury, Sir Jameson unleashed a lawsuit so powerful that it left both of them crippled by legal fees, leaving Calathas vulnerable for just long enough for Jameson to tackle him through the [[Passage|Pendulous Passage]], whence neither were seen again. + +The powerful urge of the Jurist-Knights to defend the lowest among us led to their tragic end when they promulgated the [[Zymurgy Sanctions]] comdemning the Template Machines as massive human rights violations. Though many believed that the courage and resolve of the Jurist-Knights would carry the day, none predicted the invention of the [[Aberidus]]. The weaponization of the aberidus turned the tide against the Jurist-Knights, and to this day we sing of their final and futile stand against extinction in that somber classic, "See You Space Lawyer". + +~ Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Key and Lock Principle.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Key and Lock Principle.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..498d7d1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Key and Lock Principle.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Key and Lock Principle + +A groundbreaking theorem proven by noted metaphysicist [[Shahan Fuizhen]], the statement was postulated first by [[Xi Lupon|Xi Lupon, PhD]] in the late 2nd decade, but only proven in the mid 4th decade. The statement itself is simple and as follows: + +**For every lock there must be a key, and for every key there must be a lock.** + +For all his repoire, Xi never was able to prove it, and in fact eventually came of the opinion that it was not true. When Dr. Fulzhen proved it five hours after reading about it, quite a few prestigious members of the Scholarium suggested striking Xi's name from Scholarium history for his incompetency, but his fame was still well revered, so it was decided to allow his good name, and even the award associated therein, persist. Evidently this lack of academic competency still lingers to this day, as there are some who still hold him as well revered in the metaphysicist community, and would rather cite him and resort to petty ad hominems than do actual research. + +This principle is of great import for a number of reasons, the primary of which is that it guarantees the [[Pendulous Passage]] to be ever accessible, no matter how well sealed. This is, of course, not to say that defense projects are hopeless, far from it. It is rather to encourage vigilance, as ever will persist the threat of incursion. Another fact that proceeds is that the [[Fourth Season]] will be knowable and controllable given enough R&D, which I urge the Scholarium and Nexus to put more funding towards. + +~Edgar Ronson, Ph.D. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Lennings.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Lennings.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..217ecf0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Lennings.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Lennings + +Though I look upon the [[Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus]] with skepticism, here is where I must concede that it serves its reader well. **Lennings** are a fundamental practice of [[Mochlomancy]], a fulcrum to the magical lever. The more lennings employed, the more stable the spell. However, to employ a lenning requires costly power, and so one sacrifices power for stability, hence the neverending search for [[Archimedes' Rock]], the final lenning, which would allow a mochlomantic spell to have perfect stability with no tax on the power. This problem has vexed researchers for years, and more recently has come to the forefront of the [[inversion|Yanner's Inversion]] phenomenon. Robert Earthson has been working on his [[omnilever]] for quite some time, but even this fantastical invention, would not be able to function without stability, and to create lennings powerful enough to stabilize such a device would drain all power from the system. But with a device that provides its own stability would dodge such a difficulty. Scholarium metaphysicists, including myself, have postulated that if such a device were to exist, it is conceivable that we could reverse the damned effects Yanner wrought decades ago. + +The search continues, and it is my professional opinion that it is a fable, a myth. But it is a hope, and in these final hours I must confess before all, that it is a hope I myself indulge in. + +~ Edgar Ronson, Ph.D. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Lesser_Incursion.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Lesser_Incursion.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2329635 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Lesser_Incursion.txt @@ -0,0 +1,23 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: Lesser Incursion + +Hail, great and eternal Fido! Pursuant to the investigation into the Lesser Incursion to which you have assigned me, I humbly submit this Warrant of Arrest for a number of chief suspects. The extreme measures taken by the Semiheresy in the wake of the Incursion have led to a record number of charges of treason, far surpassing our quarterly goal. We expect the trials to be open-and-shut cases with some quick sentences of semideath. If it be your will, please ordain that the warrant be approved and promulgated to the field enforcers of the Semiheresy: + +~ Directive from Semi-Ark Indomitable\\ +Year 129 of the Ninth Cycle + +**-- PURSUANT TO NEXUS INVESTIGATION OF THE LESSER INCURSION --** + +THE ARREST OF THE FOLLOWING INDIVIDUALS IS HEREBY ORDERED: + +• **Robert Earthson**: for SUSPICION OF TREASON AGAINST THE NEARSIDE, on account of one count of [[SUGGESTION OF CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE DOGLORDS|Parcum Protomythos]], one count of [[ADMITTING RESPECT FOR TRAITORS|Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing]], one count of SEASONAL CYCLE RETURN DELINQUENCY, one count of [[ENUNCIATION OF BANNED INCANTATIONS|Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell]], and one count of [[TOASTING A SUSPECT OF AN ONGOING INVESTIGATION|Mochlomancy]]. + +• **Duke Strato Merovalitus**: for SUSPICION OF TREASON AGAINST THE NEARSIDE, on account of two counts of [[DISCUSSION OF|Archimedes' Rock]] [[BANNED LEVERS|Moment of Pardon]], one count of [[CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE INDOMITABLE SEMIHERESY|Pyroxene Sympathizers]], and one count of STEALING NEXUS OFFICE SUPPLIES AFTER TERMINATION. + +• **Dr. Edgar Ronson**: for SUSPICION OF TREASON AGAINST THE NEARSIDE, on account of two counts of [[DISCUSSION OF|Lennings]] [[BANNED LEVERS|They Who Watch Unblinking]], one count of [[ADVOCATING INVESTGATION OF BANNED SEASONS|Key and Lock Principle]], and one count of ASSOCIATION WITH KNOWN TRAITORS. + +Suspects are advised not to resist. We are inevitable. You cannot avoid us. We are Indomitable. You cannot overcome us. Submit yourself to the nearest Double Inquisitor for processing. + +~ In the name of the Nearside, the aforesaid is ordered by\\ +SEMIHERETIC DEACONESQUE SNEEZEGUARD JONES diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Levers and Lagers Magazine.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Levers and Lagers Magazine.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b1b874f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Levers and Lagers Magazine.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell + +It has been an honor to serve as editor in chief of Levers and Lagers since it's foundation in the 9th decade of our return to the Near Side. Now that our society faces graver dangers than it ever has since [[the Year of the Waiting]], which only a few of us old codgers still remember, it is more important than ever to share a beer with friends and mock the demons that bedevil our society! + +To stave off the effects of [[Aberidus]] Tremens, I am enjoying an IIPA at the [[Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub]] with its founder, my old comrade Ibrahim Reed. Ah yes: thick tan head, light amber color, medium body, hints of caramel, honey and toasted bread; a bit of pine like an evergreen forest of Earth; strong bitterness like horehound candy; a touch of tartness (lactobacillus?); maybe something like coriander: a nexus of everything good where all contrasts are harmonized. Our civilization and our own selves also need harmony. + +The best way to truly understand and overcome the differences between the Nearside, and Deep Thingness, to traverse the [[Pendulous Passage]] through False Thingness to Realitas Vera, is to sacrifice, not just a cherished gift, not just secrets, not just memories but everything! And what better way than through the ancient alchemy of Barley and Hops and Yeast! Why, under the inspiration of Bacchus, does a man give away a gift; does he tell a secret? Why, he gives away generously everywhere to everyone! He tells all secrets; he forgets all things! What more could he give than his very senses, than consciousness, that great myssery? This is where the lojic of the Tractatuses failes! This is what Yaner, beautiful Yaner, once behelde. + +Deepely ingrained, false visins she must pas tru thingnis? enter entr rtrn + +~ Robert Earthson diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Magic Lever Brewery and Pub.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Magic Lever Brewery and Pub.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..24f7b90 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Magic Lever Brewery and Pub.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub + +The effects of the existentialist disaster, [[The Year of the Waiting]], have been well documented, but none are so prominent, none so wrapped in mystery, as the greatest bar to rise of the ashes of society, the **Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub**. + +Now, it is a well-established fact that bars were some of the few establishments to consistently thrive under the Aberidus' influence. The Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub was founded by Ibrahim Reed, and became stronger after the founder devoted much effort into infusing his brews with ingredients to stave off the horrifying effects of ennui. His bar was unknown until Robert Earthson met with the philosopher and inventor. After this meeting, it was revealed that he had a unique and singularly unexpected insight into the mechanics of the Aberidus, and the public flocked to his pub. + +Earthson is associated with this bar, leading it to be a locus of myth and legend. Ibraham's middle name is Archimedes, leading to the pop legend that the pub's foundation, [[Archimedes' Rock]], is the actual concept noted in [[Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus]], as if the metaphor were an actual physical object. An amusing urban legend to be sure, likely stemming from the fact that the disaster was halted here. + +~Edgar Ronson, Ph.D. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Mochlomancy.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Mochlomancy.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4a26401 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Mochlomancy.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Mochlomancy + +I would like to rant more about the [[Vine-Man's|Vineman Convention]] closure of the Fourth Season Bar for an illegal performance of Vivaldi. But really, the role of zymourgists in the Nexus is to promote brotherly comradery against the real enemy, and with Origin Day approaching this jazzy time of year is a good one for historical reflection through the golden, forgiving glow of a good Belgian [[Trivalence|Bivalence Genera]]. + +It's hard to believe, but long ago, before [[Yanner| Yanner's Inversion]] turned Earth into a three dimensional sphere pasted over a four dimensional torus, when half of all plants and animals started to up-gravitate and it required a PhD in Topology to find the nearest pub for years until they got GPS to work again, mochlomancy was not a household name. (Yes I know, some people claim that Yanner's spell was impossible, but something turned our planet into a hyper-doughnut whose inner half (which used to be Australia, Brazil and Michigan) is now full of [[beings that gaze towards a center in the fourth dimension|They Who Watch Unblinking]], and that something was Yanner!) Before the Archpraetor's day, mochlomancy was a small obscure movement of particle physicists, Feng Shui experts and conventional thaumaturges searching for [[Archimedes' Rock]] after the failure of cold fusion in solving the energy crisis of those days. + +Now, it is ubiquitous. Everything from the proper design of taproom levers, to incantations for the stabilization of quark stars to the Kupakamasutra is based on mochlomantic principles. So here's to Yanner; here's to [[Shahan Fuizhen]]; here's to all the founders of the world as we know it: good or bad, let's drink to them all! + +~Robert Earthson diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Moment of Pardon.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Moment of Pardon.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..08e2ec4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Moment of Pardon.txt @@ -0,0 +1,40 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Moment of Pardon + +The **Moment of Pardon** is a once-per-cycle event, observed in memory of the end of the +first cycle, when the [[Semiheresy|The Indomitable Semiheresy]] used brutal and excessive +force to evict humanity from the Nearside, leading the deaths of 7,500 innocents. The +tragedy caused much turmoil for the next hundred years, and many feared that the end of +the second cycle would be far more disastrous. But clearer heads, miraculously, prevailed, +and the Truth and Reconciliation Conference on Semiheresy was instituted to assist +humanity in coming to terms with the necessity of facing the Pyroxene horrors at the end +of every cycle. + +The outcomes of that conference are too numerous to list here, but the +important one for our purposes was the Moment of Pardon. Held at midnight 7,500 days +before E-Day—in honor of the 7,500 victims of the first cycle—the Moment of Pardon is a +time for all of us to acknowledge our strife and forgive our enemies, that we might stand +as one on the literally unearthly battlefields of the False Reality. + +As it is the function of the nobility to set a noble example for the common man, on this +Moment of Pardon, I shall honor the custom publicly. Of late, my foremost enemy has been +one Dr. Edgar Ronson, a man with whom I have had no small number of academic debates, but +more importantly was the man whose resource allocation decisions led to the end of my +career in the Scholarium. + +But I must admit that Dr. Ronson is a great man. During the [[Lesser Incursion]], he +developed vital upgrades for the [[GCVS systems|Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing]] +by an ingenius application of the [[Key and Lock Principle]], even when doing so required +making the controversial decision to seal off Parliament and the last remnant of the +[[Jurist-Knights]] and their Semiheretic auxiliary forces. There are those who questioned +his decision, but not I, for we both understand that we can hold nothing back against the +odious Pyroxenes. + +Dr. Ronson's character also shines through in his support of Robert Earthson, [[the hero of +our age|Zymurgy Sanctions]], and the necessity of constructing the [[Omnilever]] so that +we may defeat our foes once and for all. "[The Scholarium] stands with Earthson," he once +told me in private communication. And so I speak the words instituted by tradition: "Here +is a man who I will gladly fight beside." + +~ Signed, in the cause of reconciliation, Duke Strato Merovalitus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Omnilever.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Omnilever.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..12d2c9f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Omnilever.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Omnilever + +The so-called **Omnilever** is the Holy Grail of [[mochlomancy|Mochlomancy]]: a lever pivoting on a fixed point strong enough to move the heavens and the earth in accordance with mochlomantic principles. Because of the apocalyptic nature of the subject, the Nexus has banned didactic writings on the Omnilever. Therefore, the rest of this entry will be about something completely unrelated to the Omnilever. + +Im//a//gine if you were kicking back and relaxing in the [[ol' Re//p//lete|Magic Lever Brewery and Replete Pub]] and having y//o//urself a beer. Now, suppose //t//hat t//h//is beer was also infinitely long, rigid, and pivot//e//d on [[Archimedes' Rock]]. Also supp//o//se that its exi//s//tence was the subject of a number of //i//nfluential paper//s// from the [[Lupon|Xi Lupon, PhD]] archive. And, uh, suppose it was a heavy craft beer that wasn't a code for anything. With a beer like that, if you tipped the stein to your lips, you would carve a planar slice through reality itself. Because of the alcohol content, clearly, and not because of it being infinitely long and pivoted on the Rock, which it clearly isn't, because it's a beer and not the ultimate mochlomantic construction granting supreme power over the universe. + +The taste of this beer would, of course, be divine. Unlike other beers perferred by [[some|Calathas the Unholy]] that transport you to a [[false reality|False Reality]], this beer would make everything //more// clear to you. You would be able to [[see pretty much anything|They Who Watch Unblinking]], I reckon. I would **kill** for a beer that good. + +~ Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic\\ +//nihil obstat//: Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque\\ +//imprimatur//: Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Parcum Protomythos.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Parcum Protomythos.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fee8cdf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Parcum Protomythos.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 4 +# Title: Parcum Protomythos + +In some ways I prefer ancient history. Linear time and linear space make things nice and straight forward. Still our post-Yanner world has its perks. After all, now that most of what remains of humanity is cornered in the Nearside, we get about two hundred minutes to slowly sip a beer or something stronger for each minute that the Pyroxenes get to grow in. This gives you time to contemplate your fate and wonder if //they// will think of something. Maybe our grandkids will know what to do. + +Hopefully the [[Great Mastiffs|Doglords Imperious]] will still be around by then. Let's be honest, we owe them a lot. Space may be tight now, and they have no known economic value anymore, but if our species is going to cease to exist outside the realm of [[False Reality]] then, even though the calculations are uncertain, I think we would have better deep leverage if we did not have dogblood on our hands. Besides, given some of the prophetic hints in the Protomythos, we may yet need what is left of their minds. Call me a Semiheretic if you like. + +My friends have asked me to write an article about the **Parcum Protomythos**. (Or rather, dared me to write about dog bedding.) While many have questioned the Latin of the title, it is not an error, since there is no Magnus Protomythos. It is "A Little Thing: The First Myth." It was written as seven million ideograms on separate leafs of parchment. Many of them are works of the highest calligraphy; some of them are hapax legomena whose meaning can only be guessed now. Mochlomantic leverage in the deep realms near [[Archimedes' Rock]] has revealed probable meanings for some, but others have baffled even the finest representatives of the Scholarium. + +Even though it arose after [[Yanner's Inversion]] due to the unstable warping of time, the Mastiffs' civilization is actually the longest lived on our planet, something like seven-thousand years of Pre-Yanner time, eclipsing ancient Egypt, its only human rival. Since their glory days lasted only a few decades of human history and since they were already in severe decline by the time that [[Xi Lupon|Xi Lupon, PhD]] inadvertently removed the grounding from their minds by learning the first sign of their language thus bringing human mochlomantic space into contact with their unlevered existence (and the fact that they always looked like dogs and now act like them) there is a strong tendency to treat them as mere animals. + +The sad tendency of the Protomythos to regard us as divine or angelic beings also reinforces our very human prejudices. Yet, if you can dig deeply, there is so much wisdom hidden there, so much depth, so much beauty, so much meaning upon meaning, layer upon layer, depth under depth, height upon height, it is like the perfect seven-thousand-year-old barley wine with unbelievable complexity and depth of flavor making everything produced by us look like a homebrewer's first attempt at a three-percent ale, not even a day out of the fermenter. + +The contents, the contents of the First Myth, the most recent revelation in the World: I don't think our languages can do justice to them. Most of the scholarly controversies in this area boil down to the inadequacies of translation, and attempts to correlate the narratives with known events in our history. The most famous passage of recent years is that which relates to the infamous necromancer [[Calathas the Unholy]]. It looks like it was actually a prophecy made three thousand years of their time before his baleful effects were felt in the Nearside, though intractable problems with our understanding of the language and chronology make this a disputed point and it is not known how they achieved this without levers. I have too little space left here even to begin to outline all that can be said of surviving examples of origin tales, history and lunar poetry contained in the Protomythos. + +If such flowers can blossom and perish in a day, what else could be hidden out there in the folds of our fragmented world? + +~Robert Earthson diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Pendulous Passage.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Pendulous Passage.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3684f80 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Pendulous Passage.txt @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Pendulous Passage + +Between our beautiful paradise of the Nearside and the bitter disorganization of the +horrifically-named True Reality (N.B. that it is my constant lament and frustration that +modern necromancy's reach remains insufficient to summon the rotten soul of that wretch +Shahang Fuizhen and berate him for his wholly unsatisfactory choice of names; damn him, +damn his buffoonish Explorer Society, and damn the featherbrained blunderers at the +Scholarium who enshrined his folly in the //Atlas Arcanum//) is a harrowing pathway known +as the **Pendulous Passage**. + +As the Nearside and the True Reality are separated by a stretch of primordial chaos, +the Passage weaves a tumultuous route from one to the other; the roiling environment +and the restive movements of the Passage itself give rise to the feeling, universally +remarked upon by travelers, that the firmament itself is rocking back and forth—hence +the eponymous pendulousity of the Passage. Passage through the Passage is not free: +travelers are unable to set foot upon it unless they sacrifice something of personal +significance, with examples ranging from childhood trinkets, to secrets, to gifts from +a cherished friend. + +Recently, a gaggle of cretins from the Scholarium have begun hawking a laughable theory +that a traveler could gain passage by the sacrifice of a memory, which they use to +explain [[Calathas the Unholy]]'s apparently unlimited power of traversal. This theory is +pure hogwash, of course, as anyone who has read the //[[Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus]]// can +attest. But of course basic theoretical competency is far too much to expect from that +league of loons. + +~Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Pyroxene Sympathizers.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Pyroxene Sympathizers.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..24c8faf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Pyroxene Sympathizers.txt @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Pyroxene Sympathizers + +Oh, you fools, you fools! How long must you allow this evil in your midst? How long, +while you squabble for wealth and political power, while you increase your own status, +while you let your very society crumble around you? + +The hour is late, the cycle's end upon us, and you have all forgotten the horrors of the +hell across the Passage! Remember the Pyroxenes, those demons of metal and chitin, hunger +and hatred! Remember how they scythed through the wretched rabble of humanity that +broke before them like a hammer meets glass! Aye, bow to them, kneel to them, supplicate +them, and all you will have achieved is a faster death! They do not tire! They do not +negotiate! They do not turn from their purpose! For behind them is oblivion, and before +them lies the shining light of the Nearside and the lifeblood of its peoples. What +creature would turn away, especially one so assured of its right to seize and slaughter? + +Will the [[Semiheresy|The Indomitable Semiheresy]] save you? Those craven slaves of the +[[Doglords|Doglords Imperious]] who would rather throw their race to the demons than take +a stand against their cruel masters? Aye, no wonder the sympathizers have infiltrated +their accursed ranks—to the highest order, the very highest! + +Will the Scholarium save you? That bumbling cripple of an institution, whose +[[treacherous leader|Shahan Fuizhen]] evicts his own and worships the Pyroxenes behind +closed doors? Whose flunkies [[mock the noble|Key and Lock Principle]] and +[[scorn precious lore|Folly of Calathas, The]]? Who [[unleashed|Ignis Ignotus]] our +bitter foe in their lust for power? + +Will the [[Jurist-Knights]] save you? Ah, but they have passed into myth, slain by +the [[culmination|Aberidus]] of our cruel and uncaring science! No heroes remain in this +twilight age. No heroes, save only [[one|Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus]]! + +There are [[those|Calathas the Unholy]] among the ravening hordes who were once human. +Ignis Ignotus damned them //forever//. Yes, //damnation//, and nothing less, is what lies +behind the [[energy shields|Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing]]! Does your +neighbor, does your friend tell you that Paradise awaits beyond? Then strike him down, +for he is your enemy! For Paradise is //here//, this oasis of safety, this beacon in the +darkness. + +I beg you, do not surrender it to the night. + +~ Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Shahan_Fuizhen.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Shahan_Fuizhen.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6888f80 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Shahan_Fuizhen.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 7 +# Title: Shahan Fuizhen + +//The following were excerpted from a Semiheresy internal memo leaked by an anonymous source.// + +[...] resolved with the utmost haste. Though his powerful contacts in the upper echelons of the Scholarium allow him to maintain a behind-the-scenes position of //de facto// control, in his unnatural and abhorrent old age he has grown too paranoid. The threads of loyalty he holds so tightly are fraying. I suppose lackeys are only willing to cover up so many Pyroxene ritual murders before they start to rethink their devotions. I even heard from a demipriest that some now suspect he's been dead for decades and mock his extant body as [["Shahang"|Pendulous Passage]], a wretched, soulless husk "hanging on" in a diabolical mockery of life. (Ah, for the idyllic disputes of academia!) Speaking of [...] + +[...] remains a potent foe to our hegemony in the Nearside. He has, in anticipation of the upcoming [[fourth season|Fourth Season]], pushed for it to be made an open research topic. You and I both know that the Semiheresy cannot allow [REDACTED] to be enunciated by Scholarium personnel. If only he were willing to have his tongue cut out like [[Dr. Lupon|Xi Lupon, PhD]], but the fool insists on keeping his most dangerous weapon. And the eagerness with which he moved to strike Lupon from Scholarium history? He strikes me as someone with a lot to hide. + +In truth, Osmodius, I see no hypothesis so compelling as that Dr. Fuizhen either was from the beginning, or became after researching too far into depths best left unplumbed, an agent for the Pyroxenes in human skin. No son of the Nearside would have thought to call that nightmare realm "True Reality", even resignedly. His //Atlas Arcanum// contains too many errors and "inspired" leaps for how accurate his conclusions have been. I cannot shake the fear that through him the Pyroxenes have been perusing the depths of Nexus archives since the last cycle. It is too much of a coincidence that we had kept the Pyroxenes at bay for cycles, yet as soon as he discovered [[the principle of bypassing the defenses|Key and Lock Principle]] on the Passage, the Pyroxenes immediately broke through them. In fact, I just submitted my latest report on that damnable incident, which [...] + +[...] and as for Dr. Fuizhen, our patience has borne the expected fruit. It will not be difficult to move on him. We only await the approval of the warrants. + +~ Sneezeguard Jones, Semiheretic deaconesque diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/The Year of the Waiting.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/The Year of the Waiting.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a0b5dc7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/The Year of the Waiting.txt @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 8 +# Title: The Year of the Waiting + +As I escape from the dungeons of the Semiheresy with my rescuer, the incomparable Robert +Earthson, and former and present colleague Dr. Ronson, I find myself reflecting on ancient +puzzles. + +I ask myself, what is the worth of a man? Surely not an unfamiliar question to those of +us who survived the **Year of the Waiting**, watching as the Template Machines of the +[[Aberidus]] produced endless copies of ourselves—our selves—but stronger, smarter, //better//, +even as the [[semiheresy|The Indomitable Semiheresy]] assured us they were leverless, +demonstrably without souls. Who among us could fail to fall into listlessness, seeing our +dearest dreams and wishes fulfilled by the gods we might have been? What is it about our +leveredness that binds us to this fractured and absurd world? And who could blame us for +waiting for some hero to appear and hand us an answer? + +I asked myself because I first asked myself, why are there five [[bivalence genera|Bivalence Genera]]? +The [[//Tractatus//|Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus]] predicts an even number, reasoning from +the Principle of Balance. But, noticing my confusion, Earthson told me that there has always +been a sixth: //mochlontic bivalence//, the phenomenon of leveredness or unleveredness. +And his answer suddenly made a great deal clear to me, for I was asking these questions as +Dr. Ronson and I perused the confidential files Earthson casually stole on our way out of +the Partial Vatican. According to him, it was why he allowed himself to be arrested in +the first place. + +And so now I ask myself, how did the Pyroxenes effect the Replete Dominion in the face of +Nexus efforts? + +For the Pyroxenes and the [[Doglords Imperious]] were both of unleveredness, and left alone +should have struggled fruitlessly for eternity. But our levered existence tipped the balance— +and should have ended the struggle in the Doglords' favor, but in truth the opposite occurred. +How? + +The answer, as these documents reveal, is none other than the Semiheresy itself. Their +agents sabotaged the work of long-dead researchers to result in the creation of [[Ignis Ignotus]], +that which saps the leveredness from the world. With the Doglords dead, they mean to assume +full control of humanity. What is the worth of humanity? There is a weight to our existence, +a weight born of struggle and striving, of the pursuit of value, that Pyroxene agents nearly +succeeded in extinguishing with the Year of the Waiting. Why? Why is our existence significant? + +And then I understand, at last I understand, why the Semiheresy has banned research on the +[[Omnilever]]: there is no Omnilever. + +//We// are the Omnilever. + +The three of us have gone into hiding, but the day is coming when we will return. Hear +these words and remember: the cycle's end approaches, and this time //we will win.// + +~ Duke (in exile) Strato Merovalitus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/They Who Watch Unblinking.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/They Who Watch Unblinking.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cdb898a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/They Who Watch Unblinking.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 7 +# Title: They Who Watch Unblinking + +The principle of [[mochlomancy]] is quite simple. Energy is redirected by applying said energy against a lever positioned on a fulcrum. [[Yanner's Inversion]] is the most famous example of this, producing not only a new topology of earth, but breaking the topology of spacetime itself. Thus the [[Doglords|Doglords Imperious]] came to be known. Their eternal gaze has only been shared by a few, the most worthy of humans, the elite of the members of the Nearside. Robert Earthson was the first to venture to this strange new population and bring back the tidings of the lords. It is well known of their great stand against [[False Reality]], and of their tragic fall. But what Earthson uncovered trivializes even those actions. + +The gaze of the Doglords is fixed in space, but not in time. Gazing towards the center of the torus, they see all time, and therefore, paradoxically, all things, for time was distorted as space was. They knew the rise of the Pyroxenes would come, they knew the Hollow Dominion would fail, and they chose their actions accordingly. What did they see in the future that gave them this confidence? Did they see hope, or despair? The sureness of victory leading to their sacrifice, or the inevitability of defeat giving way to despair? What motivated their actions? Did they see the [[omnilever]]? Or did they see [[Calathas|Calathas the Unholy]]? + +Some suggest, and I am inclined to agree, though I tremble at the implication, that time has taken the exact curvature of space. Proof is impossible, and Yanner's exact spell is still somewhat a mystery. If this is true, then not even the Doglords would see this. Their defeat would be eternally repeated, their victory would be release. The Doglords, the starers into eternity, have risked all. + +Only time will tell. And we have little left. + +~ Edgar Ronson, Ph.D. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a04eb8c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 5 +# Title: Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus + +Walking by the execution grounds next to the Western Ducal palace, a crowd of [[Semi-Heretics|The Indomitable Semiheresy]] chanting "The [[Fourth Season]] is at hand!" tried to push me and several others towards an eastern airlock, until, seeming to recognize me, they started to shout: "Fido! Fido is here!". Ah! The topoi we live in! + +Now that I am ensconced in a contorted looking yet cozy booth at Euclid's Folly, sipping a magnificent Stout of Unknowing: thick, dark brown head; creamy body; slightest hint of carbonation; a black void echoing with brown sugar, chocolate, raisins, coffee and hyper-berries from the Four-fold Peak, it reminds me of the fragrant night that reigned in the Hollow Sphere, a region where the land curves up on all sides and there is no sky, but all the up-gravitating plants and trees, with all the soil clinging to them, have flown to the center forming a great island of unseen green, the Tree of Life, the Yggdrasil, a place of contemplation, reflection and meditation. It was there that I realized my mistake. It was there that I met my wife. + +In some ways it is a pity that the Scholarium adopted Latin for its language. It has given it a somewhat rigid approach to mochlomancy, epitomized by the **Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus** which I composed as younger, more confident man. As Euclid's propositions formed the basis of geometry, yet are clearly insufficient for this pub, so too the Tractatus became //the// textbook for all beginning mochlomancers, yet it is not adequate for all the phenomena to be found in the //Realm of Deep Things//. It defined all the basics: the difference between wands and levers; geo-mantic orientation; [[lennings]]; proper etiquette and attire; dietary recommendations; enunciation and elocution; preliminary trances; woodworking skills; metal alloys; the symbolism of the smith; the uses of fire; doors and hinges; seesaws and swings, everything that seemed important at that time. + +The older I get, the more I learn of things I do not know. The Scholarium has spent hundreds of standard years teaching and commenting upon my book. I am, as it were, younger than my own descendants. How can I be sure that they are not wiser than I? + +~Robert Earthson diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Vineman Convention.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Vineman Convention.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4289060 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Vineman Convention.txt @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Vineman Convention + +The **Vineman Convention** was a rule of resource allocation first set forth by the +inimitable Kelly Vineman, the first Head Researcher appointed after the establishment of +the Nexus outpost in the Nearside. + +In the disastrous wake of [[Yanner's Inversion]], Nexus arcanostrategists decided a more +proactive approach to cataclysm prevention was needed. This decision was handed down to +the heads of each division to execute as they saw fit, as per Nexus custom. Vineman's +response was to institute the Vineman Convention, which simply ran: "Assign funding +priority to projects combating existential threats." Her hope was that teams of people, +working in advance of the actual threat, could provide enough leeway to prevent +unnecessary mistakes like those resulting from Yanner's bungling. For this reason, the +Convention became informally known as the "Seventh Lenning." + +Ironically, the first wave of Vineman Convention projects were aimed at controverting the +aftereffects of the Inversion itself. Researchers gradually became aware that the +ontological trauma sustained by the Nearside during the inversion allowed for trace +amounts of the substance we now know as [[Ignis Ignotus]] to seep into the plane. +Exposure to Ignis Ignotus had a morphogenic effect on the Nearside's natives, a process +we now know results in a complete and irrevocable transformation into the cruel and +sinister Pyroxenes. This period of research culminated in the development of the +[[GCVS systems|Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing]] that maintain Nexus space +in the Nearside to this day, dividing our exquisite home from the eldritch horrors beyond +the energy shields. Environmental reclamation efforts were underway for some time, but +were indefinitely suspended after the [[Lesser Incursion]]. + +With the completion of the GCVS systems, the Vineman Convention became little more than +a historical curiosity until some utter imbecile at the Scholarium officially declared +the [[aberidus]] an existential threat. The resulting reallocation of resources +unnecessarily crippled many promising projects and ruined several careers, all because +that addled, senile //idiot// couldn't resist a pun. + +~ Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Xi Lupon.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Xi Lupon.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f041e4d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Xi Lupon.txt @@ -0,0 +1,35 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Xi Lupon, PhD + +The only member of the Explorer Society to contribute something of worth to civilization, +**Xi Lupon** was an archaeologist and literary historian most notable for his work on +the [[Parcum Protomythos]]. Lupon completed his doctoral thesis at the Scholarium on the +Protomythos's mythic elements, and how one might discriminate between the historical +reality and the fanciful elements that were added later. His thesis so impressed high- +level Nexus officials that they allowed him to remain in the Nearside during the [[Fourth Season]], +an honor that has only been awarded to seven other humans at the time of writing. + +Since Nearside seasons last for fifty years within the Nearside but six weeks outside of +it, humanity returned to find Dr. Lupon an old man. In humanity's absence, he had been +granted access to classified Nexus records of the events that formed the core of the myths +in the Protomythos. Although many details were classified beyond his security clearance— +and consequently remain a matter of scholarly debate—Dr. Lupon's research conclusively +settled several open questions, such as the fact that [[Archpraetor Fikrilin //deg// Yanner|Yanner's Inversion]] +actually existed. + +Dr. Lupon's magnum opus, however, was a monograph on the [[Folly of Calathas|Folly of Calathas, The]] +in which he revealed that the eponymous necromantic tyrant was well known by his +contemporaries for being constantly blackout drunk. He argued from primary sources that +this detail was corrupted by the passage of time into the legend that is told today by +children and third-rate members of the Scholarium, an argument which has been further developed +by [[contemporary scholars|Levers and Lagers: A Fond Farewell]]. But because Lupon's +argument would have invalidated the work of certain politically-connected members of the +Scholarium, his groundbreaking research received little to no attention, and consequently +the discredited (and mochlomantically impossible) interpretation of the //Folly// is held +by some "scholars" to this day. + +After his death in the third decade, the Scholarium rectified their grievous error and +instituted the Lupon Award for Scholarly Excellence in his honor. + +~ Signed, Duke Strato Merovalitus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Yanners_Inversion.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Yanners_Inversion.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9e36f4a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Yanners_Inversion.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Yanner's Inversion + +Because scholarly attention on the [[Parcum Protomythos]] has, as of late, focused on textual reconstruction, insufficient attention has been paid to the //content// of the texts. Of those guiding legends of the Nearside, few rival the influence of **Yanner's Inversion**. As the mythic //explanans// of the mochlomantic climate that allowed the emergence of the Pyroxenes, it is centrally placed in understanding Nearside heritage. + +The Inversion was the magnum opus of the Archpraetor Fikrilin //deg// Yanner. In order to avert or sidestep an impending disaster -- there are a number of theories and oral traditions as to what this disaster was -- Yanner spent a year and a day preparing a world-shaping spell of [[mochlomancy|Mochlomancy]], the magic of levers. With the disaster imminent, Yanner unleashed a storm of arcane power that reversed the Nearside with its opposite. Because of her characteristic disregard for safety measures, however, the containment runes had been hastily sketched at only six lennings, and a breach resulted in a catastrophic containment failure. The spell was accidentally multicast several times, thrashing the Nearside back and forth seven times in the space of a chrononce. Per the legends, the mochlomantic reverberations unleashed by this event are the origin of the current destabilized mochlomantic climate. + +Scholarly debate on the veracity of the Inversion centers around the possibility of Yanner's alleged spell, as necessary details to replicate it have been lost. While several prominent mochlomancers have stated that the legendary effects of the spell are impossible to replicate with any conceivable mochlomancy, dissension with this opinion has grown owing to theories that Yanner's spell fundamentally altered the mochlomantic background of the Nearside, making a repeat performance impossible. + +~ Sneezeguard Jones, Nearside semiheretic \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Zymurgy Sanctions.txt b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Zymurgy Sanctions.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7fdb068 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/src/Zymurgy Sanctions.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 6 +# Title: Zymurgy Sanctions + +Sitting here sipping a Semibock with Sir Calvinson owner of the Doppleheretic, "Habebo Corpus Tuum" playing in the background, it is a good time to reflect on Zymurgy and the law. This brewery opened right before the ill-fated effort of Vidiculturists to use the [[Vine-Man's Convention|Vineman Convention]] to outlaw all grain. You can still see the scorch marks left by //Etna Fire// drawn from //Vulcan's Forge//. + +However, the worst **Zymurgy sanctions** were instituted by the [[Jurist-Knights]], the masters of Nomohypnosis. People sing of them now, and indeed, from a distance many of their feats were quite colorful, daring and useful to society. But everything that they achieved was through the most extreme, deliberate cultivation of the //Archetype of the Boring// in the //Endless Library//. The Template Machines were indeed a crime against Goodness, Truth and Beauty. We owe the knights a toast and debt of song there. Unfortunately, it is not possible to forever hold the will in the //Aisle of Dry Dust// without going mad, which is why it is so important in that kind of work to visit the springs of //Lesser Lethe//, the //Elysian Fields// or the //Hamlets of Demeter and Bacchus// unless you have someone to spot you constantly. Even then, and the knights were careful at first, overconfidence can undermine the spotter, and both can wither away lost in the quantity of endless and irrelevant truths leading out into the void. + +In this fatal madness, like a rabid dog that fears water, they fought against that which could have saved them: Beer. Fortunately or unfortunately, the [[Aberidus]] turned on, causing the inhabitants of the Nearside to lose all interest in representative government and spirit restrictions. The few remaining knights, seeing the tide go against them, launched into the //Endless Filibuster//. They are still there and all attempts to rescue them and the other five MP's have failed. The Parliament building was sealed off after the [[Lesser Incursion]] and further rescue efforts are deemed too dangerous because of the Pyroxenes now sleeping there. I still remember what the [[Year of the Waiting|The Year of the Waiting]] looked like. Walking toward the Nearside, the time differential made for a blur of activity which suddenly stopped. + +Now that we have survived thus far, it is our sacred duty as Zymurgists to bring peace and unity to a troubled Nearside, to heal those broken by ennui, to give rest to minds shattered by arcane depths, to bring inspiration to our best minds, to transcend logic and individuality, to save not the human race but the human soul! + +~Robert Earthson diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/statistics/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/statistics/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1eef7e0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/statistics/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,87 @@ + + +Statistics | Lexicon Proximum + + + + + +
    +

    Statistics

    +
    +

    Top 10 pages by page rank:
    +1 – Lesser Incursion
    +2 – The Indomitable Semiheresy
    +3 – Pyroxene Sympathizers
    +4 – Omnilever
    +5 – Mochlomancy
    +6 – The Year of the Waiting
    +7 – Xi Lupon, PhD
    +8 – Calathas the Unholy
    +9 – Doglords Imperious
    +10 – False Reality

    +
    +
    +

    Most citations made from:
    +11 – Pyroxene Sympathizers
    +10 – Lesser Incursion
    +9 – The Indomitable Semiheresy

    +
    +
    +

    Most citations made to:
    +8 – Yanner's Inversion; Mochlomancy
    +7 – Tractatus Logico-Thaumaturgus; Gravitational Containment and Vacuum Sealing; Doglords Imperious; Aberidus; Calathas the Unholy
    +6 – Ignis Ignotus; Archimedes' Rock; Lesser Incursion; Shahan Fuizhen; Pendulous Passage; Xi Lupon, PhD; Parcum Protomythos; Omnilever; Fourth Season

    +
    +
    +

    Longest article:
    +683 – Parcum Protomythos
    +462 – The Year of the Waiting
    +427 – Zymurgy Sanctions

    +
    +
    +

    Player total page rank:
    +TVB – 0.283
    +NVB – 0.268
    +MK – 0.242
    +SW – 0.207

    +
    +
    +

    Citations made by player
    +NVB – 49
    +TVB – 45
    +MK – 35
    +SW – 32

    +
    +
    +

    Citations made to player
    +MK – 46
    +TVB – 46
    +NVB – 36
    +SW – 33

    +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/proximum/status b/src/page/lexicon/proximum/status new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e69de29 diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Cerebrites.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Cerebrites.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1c6bb47 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Cerebrites.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Cerebrites | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Cerebrites

    +

    Cerebrites were small, stunted descendants of the original Cerebrators.

    +

    Originally created in the aftermath of the March as a way of allowing researchers to examine historical sites with hazardous material--things like lingering traces of Epihuii dust or other bioreactive contaminants--the Cerebrites are much smaller than their forebearers, resembling in size and weight nothing quite so much as a large robotic housecat.

    +

    For safety reasons and as an attempt to limit any potential disasters to at least a dozen orders of magnitude on the Kyrie scale the Cerebrites only contained small quantities of Plutonium and had their processors downclocked by several deciwiggles. Even in the event of malicious takeover by malicious actors, a Cerebrite could only usually damage a small house's worth of structure.

    +

    By standards of the time, this was quite an improvement.

    +

    Sister Avacillata was perhaps the best known author of Cerebrite exploits, having at one time used over three hundred of the artifacts to gather resources that had previously been kept carefully locked behind thick granite. Scriptorium policy has since been updated to forbid the unauthorized deployment of Cerebrites in fact-finding or other capacities (but naturally the Order is not terribly concerned with such impediments...after all, the truth is out there! -J)

    +

    Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa

    +
    +
    +

    Next →

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    +

    Citations: Epihuii | Kyrie scale | Sister Avacillata

    +

    Cited by: —

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Collection_of_Arivenas.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Collection_of_Arivenas.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..91d8ef6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Collection_of_Arivenas.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Collection of Arivenas | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Collection of Arivenas

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

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    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: Truthseeking

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Disease_of_Techno_Babel.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Disease_of_Techno_Babel.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ea08b53 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Disease_of_Techno_Babel.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Disease of Techno Babel | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Disease of Techno Babel

    +

    The Disease of Techno Babel is a highly contagious technological affliction that affects the speech of scholars of sfientific devices. The condition slowly warps the speech and written communications of the afflicted to introduce small errors into technical terms. Symptoms include letter replacement, term replacement, frequent introduction of unnecessary jargon, and concatenation of extraneous terms. This has resulted in an epidemic of constantly shifting terminology and widespread confusion among the scholarly community. Scholars risk contracting the disease themselves when in linguistic contact with affected scholars. For this reason, centers of sfientific research like the Ur-library something or other and the Tower of Gabble are reservoirs of infection, proliferating the spread of the disease. Some controversy exists, however, since ego seems to have a high correlation with immunocomprisation. Often, the afflicted argue the disease's very existence, leading to even more chaos and confusion.

    +

    Famous cases of the disease include those of Linus de Raadt and San Grenadine de Triskaidecagon

    +

    Dr. Richard L. Acerbus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Epihuii.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Epihuii.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..feb31d5 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Epihuii.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Epihuii | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Epihuii

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    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

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    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: Cerebrites | Pestilence of Ptoria

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Fractalspace_computation.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Fractalspace_computation.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9c6932d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Fractalspace_computation.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Fractalspace computation | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Fractalspace computation

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    +

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    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: Zyzzywyg the Inclement | Manymoon

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Gehenna.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Gehenna.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6e5b237 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Gehenna.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Gehenna | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Gehenna

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

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    +

    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: The Amorettan Order | Kyrie scale

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Inclytus.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Inclytus.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6976735 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Inclytus.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Inclytus | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Inclytus

    +

    The illustrious Inclytus was the leader of the Innumerates from -27 A.I. until his death in March of 1 A.I. [1]

    +

    Inclytus was an evangelist of mitronium wine, crediting it for his greatest works, but evoking strong skepticism for his drunkenness and consequent inability to do mathematics. His loose leadership and frequent controversial changes in Innumerate sfience led to the infamous Electric March and following Nuclear April. In particular, his bid to recognize lagenam balthazar as a tessaracontakaidigon rather than a degenerate geometric cylindroid was poorly received by the Innumerate Council of Several. Once this proposal was rejected, he was said to have walked onto the council floor wearing only a mitronium vine laurel, throwing grapes at councilmembers and rambling incoherently. Innumerates that were loyal to Inclytus later described the events; Vino Amet III testified that the councilmembers were just being “winy.” Another follower shrugged, “sip happens.” [2]

    +

    Dr. Richard L. Acerbus

    +

    [1] “Anno Incedendi” or year of the March.

    +

    [2] G. Siccus, “Innumerate Debauchery of the Ante-Incedere Age" in Scriptorium Archives, vol. 342, p19-25.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Innumerate_Council_of_Several.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Innumerate_Council_of_Several.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ba0b7dd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Innumerate_Council_of_Several.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Innumerate Council of Several | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Innumerate Council of Several

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

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    +

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    +

    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: Inclytus

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Inviolables.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Inviolables.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c1b7061 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Inviolables.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Inviolables | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Inviolables

    +

    While the diligent faculty of the Scriptorium have documented the engineering process behind a great many artifacts of the old world, both sfientific and sorcerous, the inviolables remain an enigma. Their utter structural immutability makes them both incredibly useful to the institution and incredibly difficult to work with. Microscopic analysis has given no insight into their inner structure, and they seem to be entirely solid at the smallest scales observable by Scriptorium instrumenta. They are most commonly utilized as shielding and structural reinforcements in experimental apparatus, but some of the newer High Rectors have made mention of military applications (despite this being a clear violation of Scriptorium policy).

    +

    Most inviolables are recovered from old-world relic-hunting expeditions. Reports indicate no pattern to their placement, making their discovery unpredictable. Sometimes a tunnel cover will really be a discoid inviolable; sometimes decaying plaster will reveal a brick wall with several cuboid inviolables filling in holes. Simple geometries make up the bulk of inviolable finds, with discoid, cuboid, and cylindroid being the most common genera. However, some rarer geometries are known as well, such as spheroids, asters, and mysterious humming.

    +

    While the material origins of these sfientific wonders remain obscure, their creator, Zyzzywyg the Inclement, is no stranger to history. His befouled exploits routinely inspire over-clever novices to imitation, and despite a long and illustrious career of beating it out of them, I have yet to see the day when Zyzzywyg's corruption will be stemmed. If only I had a time machine, so I could beat it out of him at the source! But alas, time is a cruel mistress, and not everything can be solved via the surgical application of fist.

    +

    Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Kyrie_scale.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Kyrie_scale.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..032443e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Kyrie_scale.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Kyrie scale | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Kyrie scale

    +

    The kyrie scale is an lost system of catastrophe measurement, perhaps best described pithily by Emyzen as "the decibels of the trumpets of Judgment Day"[1]. The exact details of the scale have been lost since its conception, but it is understood that lower kyrie numbers corresponded to greater catastrophe at a nonlinear rate. This understanding remains in popular memory through a variety of common phrases, such as "many kyries", an expression conveying a wish for peaceful and undisturbed times, or the poetic turn of phrase "wish a kyrie / of magnitude as unto an infinity" in Iohannes' recent verse collection.

    +

    With the details lost, we have no way of knowing what each order of magnitude on the kyrie scale corresponds to. However, we can estimate from the ratings given to some of the major events of the age whose twilight we find ourselves in. The Razing of Pori, which destroyed all extant mitronium grapes, was decried by Innumerate propaganda outlets as "a wretched act, whose perpetrators outnumber their kyries". While this is undoubtedly a reference to the ten thousand Cerebrators that leveled the valley during the Electric March, the power of this comparison is blunted somewhat by the numerical abilities of its source. Even if the propaganda piece over-estimated the kyries of the event by an order of magnitude, it still puts into sober perspective the events of the "Hundred Kyrie Day" of the subsequent Nuclear April.

    +

    I maintain, as do my sisters in the Order, that the central benefit of research into the kyrie scale remains the context it provides for the few prophetic writings we have left from before the March[2]. These writings speak ominously about a catastrophe among catastrophes, an event so terrible that it rates at one kyrie: Gehenna, called gigas henas in the ancient tongue, or as Emyzen renders it in his dynamic translations, "the big one".

    +

    Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

    +

    [1] R. Emyzen, "Kyrie spikes and Cerebrator activity" in Scriptorium Archives, vol. 639, p234-252.

    +

    [2] If you disagree, I would be happy to engage you in a "scholarly" "discussion" about it behind the garden shed. Go ahead, bring a friend. I'll take you all on.

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Manymoon.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Manymoon.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6226d4b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Manymoon.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Manymoon | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Manymoon

    +

    The Manymoon was a timespan of questionable length, during which the Innumerates waged a counterinsurgency against the Cerebrators, against order and sense, and against time itself. While the Electric March is often cited as the beginning of open hostilities between the two, the true course of the Cerebrator agenda was not set until the following April. After the fateful events of that month, Innumerate elements sought to turn back time on the Cerebrators' successes by literally removing them from history. Consuming the last of their mitronium wine reserves, they sifted through the remains of the Ur-library, accomplishing in mere months what would have taken unaided scholars years. By the fall, they had perfected a forbidden fractalspace computation technique that would allow them to remove the number 4 from the calendar.

    +

    The immediate effects were devastating and widespread. The elimination of the fourth month of the year undid not only the Nuclear April of the Cerebrators, but also everything else that had happened that month. Furthermore, time going forward became erratic as minutes and hours disappeared from each day and days disappeared from each month. Fortunately, lunar regularities enabled civilization to survive despite the collapse of the old calendar, giving the Manymoon its namesake. Unfortunately, the year following the year of the March had a 4 in it, leading to even more temporal confusion.

    +

    The Manymoon was ended when the Fleet of Sky Asunder determined the locations of the last Innumerate distributed fractalspace clusters and ended the computation with the largest incendiary weapon attack in recorded history. Since nobody could be bothered to figure out what had just happened, everyone just agreed to just start over, and the year was fixed at 1 Anno Flammae. Later scholars were able to piece together the events of the Manymoon and discarded the A.F. dating system, but it retains widespread popularity, despite my best efforts to beat it out of my students.

    +

    Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Mitronium_Wine.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Mitronium_Wine.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9a9d55d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Mitronium_Wine.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Mitronium Wine | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Mitronium Wine

    +

    Mitronium wine is believed to have been consumed by many of the Innumerates, as their leader, the illustrious Inclytus, popularized it through his own copious consumption of the substance—particularly in the period prior to the final insurgency. Inclytus is rumored to have credited the substance for his speedy production of the Tractatus de quisquiliis. This document proved to be an invaluable source for later scholars who sought to understand the insurgency.

    +

    Mitronuim wine was produced in the Tenudoro vineyards located in the Pori valley. It was derived from a strain of grapes that are no longer in existence, as the entire species was destroyed during the insurgency. No evidence of their existence survives today, save the written accounts in the Tractatus of its superior taste and ability to uplift and quicken the mind. Due to its amazing qualities, and popularity, the wine was sold at an astonishing premium. Collecting and consuming this precious wine is believed to have bankrupted at least three known followers of the Innumerates.

    +

    Father Angelicus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Nuclear_April.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Nuclear_April.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5e7f50c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Nuclear_April.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Nuclear April | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Nuclear April

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

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    +

    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: Manymoon | Kyrie scale

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Pestilence_of_Ptoria.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Pestilence_of_Ptoria.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e98ee91 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Pestilence_of_Ptoria.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Pestilence of Ptoria | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Pestilence of Ptoria

    +

    The Pestilence of Ptoria was a deadly disease that swept through the elite Innumerate ranks, precisely eight centuries prior to the March.

    +

    Ptoria, as we know know, was an underground city in the Urae district, which itself collapsed after the epidemic. However, it was home to many inventors and experimenters, many of whom found the site a suitable location for carrying out dangerous experiments, and harboring forbidden biological specimens.

    +

    Exact records of the activities that took place in this region do not exist. However, based on some samples that were recently recovered from what remains of the site, it is suspected that the epidemic came about as a result of a experiment involving epihuii that went terribly wrong.

    +

    Many brilliant Innumerates were claimed in this epidemic. One of the most well-known among them was Zyzzywyg the Inclement, the eccentric creator of the inviolables. Perhaps had the disease not struck, these artifacts might have been less inscrutable, for Zyzzywyg had been only just started working on a documentation journal when he was claimed.

    +

    Father Angelicus

    +
    +
    +

    Next →

    +

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    +

    Citations: Epihuii | Inviolables | Zyzzywyg the Inclement

    +

    Cited by: —

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/San_Grenadine_de_Triskaidecagon.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/San_Grenadine_de_Triskaidecagon.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ecb0722 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/San_Grenadine_de_Triskaidecagon.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +San Grenadine de Triskaidecagon | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    San Grenadine de Triskaidecagon

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

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    +

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    +

    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: Disease of Techno Babel

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Sfience.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Sfience.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..374eb9d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Sfience.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Sfience | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Sfience

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Sister_Avacillata.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Sister_Avacillata.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3b3e19b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Sister_Avacillata.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Sister Avacillata | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Sister Avacillata

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
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    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: The Amorettan Order | Cerebrites

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/The_Amorettan_Order.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/The_Amorettan_Order.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f0a9461 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/The_Amorettan_Order.html @@ -0,0 +1,51 @@ + + +The Amorettan Order | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    The Amorettan Order

    +

    The Amorettan Order is a small faction of scriptorian nun-scholars dedicated to study of the end times. They have garnered a reputation in scholarly society for their zealous fascination with Gehenna and raucous, disorderly behavior uncharacteristic of the Scriptorium.

    +

    Leadership

    +

    Sister Avacillata has served as the Perfevid Abbess, or Head of the Amorettan Order, since 420 A.F. [1] Her tenure has been marked by increased dissension, especially concerning matters of authority and doctrine.

    +

    Tenets

    +

    Nun-scholars of the Amorettan Order take three sacred vows that affirm the order’s values:

    +

    The Vow of Truth - The order is dedicated to the pursuit of truth and knowledge of the end times.

    +

    The Vow of Affection - The order believes that brotherly love and camaraderie, their ideal of liveliness, are the best response to certain doom.

    +

    The Vow of Adherence - Amorettan nun-scholars take an oath to forsake all that opposes their pursuit of truth. This vow is commonly used to justify disobeying the Scriptorium. [2]

    +

    Dr. Richard L. Acerbus

    +

    [1] “Anno Flammae“ is widely disregarded as a dating system by scholarly society, but no reputable records in standard time remain.

    +

    [2] Or as an Amorettan Nun-Scholar would say, “The MAN.”

    +
    +
    +

    Next →

    +

    Citations: Gehenna | Sister Avacillata

    +

    Cited by: Manymoon | Kyrie scale

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Tractatus_de_quisquiliis.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Tractatus_de_quisquiliis.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d6a977d --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Tractatus_de_quisquiliis.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Tractatus de quisquiliis | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Tractatus de quisquiliis

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

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    +

    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: Mitronium Wine

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Truthseeking.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Truthseeking.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d2d0f02 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Truthseeking.html @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ + + +Truthseeking | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Truthseeking

    +

    Truthseeking, otherwise known the Festival of Veracity, was an pentannual event that once took place in Ur-library of a Thousand Truths. It was created by the ancient scholar of sfienitic arts, Heritry the Great, and was once much celebrated in Innumerate history. The festival ceased to be held following the March.

    +

    The festival was very popular among several centuries of scholars, including many Innumerate scholars. Acceptance to the final event showcase, and participation in the festival’s research was once a matter of great honor and prestige, for the chosen scholars were given access to the heavily guarded Collection of Arivenas. Later, this prize collection also included a collection of inviolables to help decipher certain special artifacts and texts. Today, the recovered inviolables from the old library site remain preserved in the Scriptorium’s private collection.

    +

    It is worth noting that the final hundred iterations of the Truthseeking were markedly less prestigious due to the discovery of the scandal involving Linus de Raadt’s now famous fabrication. The integrity of the event which had been famous for its focus of “pure truth” and rigorous scholarly research was seriously questioned by many, and the March marked the festival’s end at its nadir.

    +

    Father Angelicus

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Ur-library_of_a_Thousand_Truths.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Ur-library_of_a_Thousand_Truths.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..23e935a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Ur-library_of_a_Thousand_Truths.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ + + +Ur-library of a Thousand Truths | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Ur-library of a Thousand Truths

    +

    The Ur-library of a Thousand Truths was the third-largest repository of authorized knowledge and lore before the March.

    +

    Originally commissioned to house nanoscribed tablets recording governmental history, over the centuries scholars and researchers grew its vast stacks (Some a hundred spans tall! Imagine that, must've lost several underscholars to falling! -J) to include countless bits of newspapers, recordings, and other political emphemeralia.

    +

    In the Ur-library, different groups participating in the pentannual Truthseeking could reliably find historical artifacts to support any position they were assigned. Regrettably, unscrupulous scholars were known to "discover" artifacts of their own creation in order to simplify their tasks--as the Ur-library lacked all but the most basic indexing, this was a technique as efficient as it was undiscoverable.

    +

    Perhaps one of the most infamous cases of historical fabrication uncovered in the Ur-library's history is that of Linus de Raadt.

    +

    During his tenure as an otherwise unnotable Volkscounter, de Raadt managed to exchange every f and t in the artifacts he handled. This was not discovered until five centuries later, as underscribes discovered two conflicting lettering system change announcements that de Raadt had created and "returned" to the stacks. For centuries, scholars had simply assumed that those documents had been spelled correctly.

    +

    Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Volkscounter.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Volkscounter.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..37146c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Volkscounter.html @@ -0,0 +1,40 @@ + + +Volkscounter | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Volkscounter

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

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    +

    Citations: —

    +

    Cited by: Ur-library of a Thousand Truths

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Zyzzywyg_the_Inclement.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Zyzzywyg_the_Inclement.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c2ad6fa --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/article/Zyzzywyg_the_Inclement.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Zyzzywyg the Inclement | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Zyzzywyg the Inclement

    +

    Zyzzywyg the Inclement was, as far as records and past research indicate, a famous experimenter and innovator in Fractalspace computation.

    +

    Eschewing some of the largest issues (presumably, it's elegance and widespread utility -J) with Sfience, Zyzszywyg decided to propose an alternate form of way of organizing and indexing information for use with autonomous systems.

    +

    This form, developed over decades of life by him and his researchers, was often most easily manipulated symobilically and graphically and so miles and miles of paper were required to effectively manage and store the results of the process as it was developed.

    +

    These papers were oftentimes both light and blown about by breezes, and also were usually seperated into one of several categories. These categories were represented by geometrical figures and so, in order to help manage the literal piles of these documents, Zyzzywyg commissioned paperweights of his own design: the small artifacts now known as Inviolables.

    +

    Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa

    +
    + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/contents/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/contents/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1b963e4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/contents/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,123 @@ + + +Index of Lexicon Retrovidens | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Index of Lexicon Retrovidens

    +

    There are 23 entries, 12 written and 11 phantom.

    + + + + +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/formatting/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/formatting/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6595164 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/formatting/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,58 @@ + + +Formatting | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Formatting

    +

    Lexipython provides support for a limited amount of Markdown-esque formatting.

    +
    +# Player: PN
    +# Turn: 1
    +# Title: Example page
    +
    +This is an example page.
    +Some words are //italicized//,
    +and some words are **bolded**.
    +All of these sentences are part of the same paragraph.
    +
    +This is a new paragraph.\\
    +Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a line break within the paragraph.
    +
    +This is an [[example citation|Phantom page]]. You can also cite a [[phantom page]] with just the title.
    +
    +~Dr. X. Amplepage
    +
    +

    Each turn, fill out the header with your player information, the current turn, and the title of your entry. The Player field can be anything as long as it's the same for all articles you write (even when they're by different characters). Using your initials is recommended.

    +

    Two line breaks begins a new paragraph. A single line break does nothing, unless the line is neded by a double backslash (\\).

    +

    Text bounded by ** will be bolded: **bold** produces bold. Text bounded by // will be italicized: //italics// produces italics.

    +

    To cite another Lexicon entry, use double brackets. Text in double brackets will cite and link to the entry of the same name: [[Example page]] produces Example page. Text in double brackets split with a | will alias the link as the left text and link to the entry with the name of the right text: [[this text|Example page]] produces this text. You must be precise in the entry title you cite to. Citations to "Example" vs. "The Example" will point to different entries and create different phantoms, and your GM will probably have to clean up after you.

    +

    Beginning a paragraph with ~ will right-align it and place a horizontal line above it. Use this for signing your entry with your scholar's name.

    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/full.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/full.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0e6f70c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/full.html @@ -0,0 +1,150 @@ + + +Lexicon Retrovidens + + +

    Lexicon Retrovidens

    +

    The Amorettan Order

    +

    The Amorettan Order is a small faction of scriptorian nun-scholars dedicated to study of the end times. They have garnered a reputation in scholarly society for their zealous fascination with Gehenna and raucous, disorderly behavior uncharacteristic of the Scriptorium.

    +

    Leadership

    +

    Sister Avacillata has served as the Perfevid Abbess, or Head of the Amorettan Order, since 420 A.F. [1] Her tenure has been marked by increased dissension, especially concerning matters of authority and doctrine.

    +

    Tenets

    +

    Nun-scholars of the Amorettan Order take three sacred vows that affirm the order’s values:

    +

    The Vow of Truth - The order is dedicated to the pursuit of truth and knowledge of the end times.

    +

    The Vow of Affection - The order believes that brotherly love and camaraderie, their ideal of liveliness, are the best response to certain doom.

    +

    The Vow of Adherence - Amorettan nun-scholars take an oath to forsake all that opposes their pursuit of truth. This vow is commonly used to justify disobeying the Scriptorium. [2]

    +

    Dr. Richard L. Acerbus

    +

    [1] “Anno Flammae“ is widely disregarded as a dating system by scholarly society, but no reputable records in standard time remain.

    +

    [2] Or as an Amorettan Nun-Scholar would say, “The MAN.”

    + +
    +

    Inviolables

    +

    While the diligent faculty of the Scriptorium have documented the engineering process behind a great many artifacts of the old world, both sfientific and sorcerous, the inviolables remain an enigma. Their utter structural immutability makes them both incredibly useful to the institution and incredibly difficult to work with. Microscopic analysis has given no insight into their inner structure, and they seem to be entirely solid at the smallest scales observable by Scriptorium instrumenta. They are most commonly utilized as shielding and structural reinforcements in experimental apparatus, but some of the newer High Rectors have made mention of military applications (despite this being a clear violation of Scriptorium policy).

    +

    Most inviolables are recovered from old-world relic-hunting expeditions. Reports indicate no pattern to their placement, making their discovery unpredictable. Sometimes a tunnel cover will really be a discoid inviolable; sometimes decaying plaster will reveal a brick wall with several cuboid inviolables filling in holes. Simple geometries make up the bulk of inviolable finds, with discoid, cuboid, and cylindroid being the most common genera. However, some rarer geometries are known as well, such as spheroids, asters, and mysterious humming.

    +

    While the material origins of these sfientific wonders remain obscure, their creator, Zyzzywyg the Inclement, is no stranger to history. His befouled exploits routinely inspire over-clever novices to imitation, and despite a long and illustrious career of beating it out of them, I have yet to see the day when Zyzzywyg's corruption will be stemmed. If only I had a time machine, so I could beat it out of him at the source! But alas, time is a cruel mistress, and not everything can be solved via the surgical application of fist.

    +

    Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

    + +
    +

    Mitronium Wine

    +

    Mitronium wine is believed to have been consumed by many of the Innumerates, as their leader, the illustrious Inclytus, popularized it through his own copious consumption of the substance—particularly in the period prior to the final insurgency. Inclytus is rumored to have credited the substance for his speedy production of the Tractatus de quisquiliis. This document proved to be an invaluable source for later scholars who sought to understand the insurgency.

    +

    Mitronuim wine was produced in the Tenudoro vineyards located in the Pori valley. It was derived from a strain of grapes that are no longer in existence, as the entire species was destroyed during the insurgency. No evidence of their existence survives today, save the written accounts in the Tractatus of its superior taste and ability to uplift and quicken the mind. Due to its amazing qualities, and popularity, the wine was sold at an astonishing premium. Collecting and consuming this precious wine is believed to have bankrupted at least three known followers of the Innumerates.

    +

    Father Angelicus

    + +
    +

    Ur-library of a Thousand Truths

    +

    The Ur-library of a Thousand Truths was the third-largest repository of authorized knowledge and lore before the March.

    +

    Originally commissioned to house nanoscribed tablets recording governmental history, over the centuries scholars and researchers grew its vast stacks (Some a hundred spans tall! Imagine that, must've lost several underscholars to falling! -J) to include countless bits of newspapers, recordings, and other political emphemeralia.

    +

    In the Ur-library, different groups participating in the pentannual Truthseeking could reliably find historical artifacts to support any position they were assigned. Regrettably, unscrupulous scholars were known to "discover" artifacts of their own creation in order to simplify their tasks--as the Ur-library lacked all but the most basic indexing, this was a technique as efficient as it was undiscoverable.

    +

    Perhaps one of the most infamous cases of historical fabrication uncovered in the Ur-library's history is that of Linus de Raadt.

    +

    During his tenure as an otherwise unnotable Volkscounter, de Raadt managed to exchange every f and t in the artifacts he handled. This was not discovered until five centuries later, as underscribes discovered two conflicting lettering system change announcements that de Raadt had created and "returned" to the stacks. For centuries, scholars had simply assumed that those documents had been spelled correctly.

    +

    Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa

    + +
    +

    Disease of Techno Babel

    +

    The Disease of Techno Babel is a highly contagious technological affliction that affects the speech of scholars of sfientific devices. The condition slowly warps the speech and written communications of the afflicted to introduce small errors into technical terms. Symptoms include letter replacement, term replacement, frequent introduction of unnecessary jargon, and concatenation of extraneous terms. This has resulted in an epidemic of constantly shifting terminology and widespread confusion among the scholarly community. Scholars risk contracting the disease themselves when in linguistic contact with affected scholars. For this reason, centers of sfientific research like the Ur-library something or other and the Tower of Gabble are reservoirs of infection, proliferating the spread of the disease. Some controversy exists, however, since ego seems to have a high correlation with immunocomprisation. Often, the afflicted argue the disease's very existence, leading to even more chaos and confusion.

    +

    Famous cases of the disease include those of Linus de Raadt and San Grenadine de Triskaidecagon

    +

    Dr. Richard L. Acerbus

    + +
    +

    Kyrie scale

    +

    The kyrie scale is an lost system of catastrophe measurement, perhaps best described pithily by Emyzen as "the decibels of the trumpets of Judgment Day"[1]. The exact details of the scale have been lost since its conception, but it is understood that lower kyrie numbers corresponded to greater catastrophe at a nonlinear rate. This understanding remains in popular memory through a variety of common phrases, such as "many kyries", an expression conveying a wish for peaceful and undisturbed times, or the poetic turn of phrase "wish a kyrie / of magnitude as unto an infinity" in Iohannes' recent verse collection.

    +

    With the details lost, we have no way of knowing what each order of magnitude on the kyrie scale corresponds to. However, we can estimate from the ratings given to some of the major events of the age whose twilight we find ourselves in. The Razing of Pori, which destroyed all extant mitronium grapes, was decried by Innumerate propaganda outlets as "a wretched act, whose perpetrators outnumber their kyries". While this is undoubtedly a reference to the ten thousand Cerebrators that leveled the valley during the Electric March, the power of this comparison is blunted somewhat by the numerical abilities of its source. Even if the propaganda piece over-estimated the kyries of the event by an order of magnitude, it still puts into sober perspective the events of the "Hundred Kyrie Day" of the subsequent Nuclear April.

    +

    I maintain, as do my sisters in the Order, that the central benefit of research into the kyrie scale remains the context it provides for the few prophetic writings we have left from before the March[2]. These writings speak ominously about a catastrophe among catastrophes, an event so terrible that it rates at one kyrie: Gehenna, called gigas henas in the ancient tongue, or as Emyzen renders it in his dynamic translations, "the big one".

    +

    Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

    +

    [1] R. Emyzen, "Kyrie spikes and Cerebrator activity" in Scriptorium Archives, vol. 639, p234-252.

    +

    [2] If you disagree, I would be happy to engage you in a "scholarly" "discussion" about it behind the garden shed. Go ahead, bring a friend. I'll take you all on.

    + +
    +

    Pestilence of Ptoria

    +

    The Pestilence of Ptoria was a deadly disease that swept through the elite Innumerate ranks, precisely eight centuries prior to the March.

    +

    Ptoria, as we know know, was an underground city in the Urae district, which itself collapsed after the epidemic. However, it was home to many inventors and experimenters, many of whom found the site a suitable location for carrying out dangerous experiments, and harboring forbidden biological specimens.

    +

    Exact records of the activities that took place in this region do not exist. However, based on some samples that were recently recovered from what remains of the site, it is suspected that the epidemic came about as a result of a experiment involving epihuii that went terribly wrong.

    +

    Many brilliant Innumerates were claimed in this epidemic. One of the most well-known among them was Zyzzywyg the Inclement, the eccentric creator of the inviolables. Perhaps had the disease not struck, these artifacts might have been less inscrutable, for Zyzzywyg had been only just started working on a documentation journal when he was claimed.

    +

    Father Angelicus

    + +
    +

    Zyzzywyg the Inclement

    +

    Zyzzywyg the Inclement was, as far as records and past research indicate, a famous experimenter and innovator in Fractalspace computation.

    +

    Eschewing some of the largest issues (presumably, it's elegance and widespread utility -J) with Sfience, Zyzszywyg decided to propose an alternate form of way of organizing and indexing information for use with autonomous systems.

    +

    This form, developed over decades of life by him and his researchers, was often most easily manipulated symobilically and graphically and so miles and miles of paper were required to effectively manage and store the results of the process as it was developed.

    +

    These papers were oftentimes both light and blown about by breezes, and also were usually seperated into one of several categories. These categories were represented by geometrical figures and so, in order to help manage the literal piles of these documents, Zyzzywyg commissioned paperweights of his own design: the small artifacts now known as Inviolables.

    +

    Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa

    + +
    +

    Cerebrites

    +

    Cerebrites were small, stunted descendants of the original Cerebrators.

    +

    Originally created in the aftermath of the March as a way of allowing researchers to examine historical sites with hazardous material--things like lingering traces of Epihuii dust or other bioreactive contaminants--the Cerebrites are much smaller than their forebearers, resembling in size and weight nothing quite so much as a large robotic housecat.

    +

    For safety reasons and as an attempt to limit any potential disasters to at least a dozen orders of magnitude on the Kyrie scale the Cerebrites only contained small quantities of Plutonium and had their processors downclocked by several deciwiggles. Even in the event of malicious takeover by malicious actors, a Cerebrite could only usually damage a small house's worth of structure.

    +

    By standards of the time, this was quite an improvement.

    +

    Sister Avacillata was perhaps the best known author of Cerebrite exploits, having at one time used over three hundred of the artifacts to gather resources that had previously been kept carefully locked behind thick granite. Scriptorium policy has since been updated to forbid the unauthorized deployment of Cerebrites in fact-finding or other capacities (but naturally the Order is not terribly concerned with such impediments...after all, the truth is out there! -J)

    +

    Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa

    + +
    +

    Inclytus

    +

    The illustrious Inclytus was the leader of the Innumerates from -27 A.I. until his death in March of 1 A.I. [1]

    +

    Inclytus was an evangelist of mitronium wine, crediting it for his greatest works, but evoking strong skepticism for his drunkenness and consequent inability to do mathematics. His loose leadership and frequent controversial changes in Innumerate sfience led to the infamous Electric March and following Nuclear April. In particular, his bid to recognize lagenam balthazar as a tessaracontakaidigon rather than a degenerate geometric cylindroid was poorly received by the Innumerate Council of Several. Once this proposal was rejected, he was said to have walked onto the council floor wearing only a mitronium vine laurel, throwing grapes at councilmembers and rambling incoherently. Innumerates that were loyal to Inclytus later described the events; Vino Amet III testified that the councilmembers were just being “winy.” Another follower shrugged, “sip happens.” [2]

    +

    Dr. Richard L. Acerbus

    +

    [1] “Anno Incedendi” or year of the March.

    +

    [2] G. Siccus, “Innumerate Debauchery of the Ante-Incedere Age" in Scriptorium Archives, vol. 342, p19-25.

    + +
    +

    Manymoon

    +

    The Manymoon was a timespan of questionable length, during which the Innumerates waged a counterinsurgency against the Cerebrators, against order and sense, and against time itself. While the Electric March is often cited as the beginning of open hostilities between the two, the true course of the Cerebrator agenda was not set until the following April. After the fateful events of that month, Innumerate elements sought to turn back time on the Cerebrators' successes by literally removing them from history. Consuming the last of their mitronium wine reserves, they sifted through the remains of the Ur-library, accomplishing in mere months what would have taken unaided scholars years. By the fall, they had perfected a forbidden fractalspace computation technique that would allow them to remove the number 4 from the calendar.

    +

    The immediate effects were devastating and widespread. The elimination of the fourth month of the year undid not only the Nuclear April of the Cerebrators, but also everything else that had happened that month. Furthermore, time going forward became erratic as minutes and hours disappeared from each day and days disappeared from each month. Fortunately, lunar regularities enabled civilization to survive despite the collapse of the old calendar, giving the Manymoon its namesake. Unfortunately, the year following the year of the March had a 4 in it, leading to even more temporal confusion.

    +

    The Manymoon was ended when the Fleet of Sky Asunder determined the locations of the last Innumerate distributed fractalspace clusters and ended the computation with the largest incendiary weapon attack in recorded history. Since nobody could be bothered to figure out what had just happened, everyone just agreed to just start over, and the year was fixed at 1 Anno Flammae. Later scholars were able to piece together the events of the Manymoon and discarded the A.F. dating system, but it retains widespread popularity, despite my best efforts to beat it out of my students.

    +

    Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

    + +
    +

    Truthseeking

    +

    Truthseeking, otherwise known the Festival of Veracity, was an pentannual event that once took place in Ur-library of a Thousand Truths. It was created by the ancient scholar of sfienitic arts, Heritry the Great, and was once much celebrated in Innumerate history. The festival ceased to be held following the March.

    +

    The festival was very popular among several centuries of scholars, including many Innumerate scholars. Acceptance to the final event showcase, and participation in the festival’s research was once a matter of great honor and prestige, for the chosen scholars were given access to the heavily guarded Collection of Arivenas. Later, this prize collection also included a collection of inviolables to help decipher certain special artifacts and texts. Today, the recovered inviolables from the old library site remain preserved in the Scriptorium’s private collection.

    +

    It is worth noting that the final hundred iterations of the Truthseeking were markedly less prestigious due to the discovery of the scandal involving Linus de Raadt’s now famous fabrication. The integrity of the event which had been famous for its focus of “pure truth” and rigorous scholarly research was seriously questioned by many, and the March marked the festival’s end at its nadir.

    +

    Father Angelicus

    + +
    +

    Collection of Arivenas

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    Epihuii

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    Fractalspace computation

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    Gehenna

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    Innumerate Council of Several

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    Nuclear April

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    San Grenadine de Triskaidecagon

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    Sfience

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    Sister Avacillata

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    Tractatus de quisquiliis

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +
    +

    Volkscounter

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b802a81 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ + + +Lexicon Retrovidens + + + +

    Redirecting to Lexicon Retrovidens...

    + + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/lexicon.cfg b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/lexicon.cfg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7229be8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/lexicon.cfg @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ +# LEXIPYTHON CONFIG FILE +# +# This file defines the configuration values for an instance of Lexipython. +# Configuration values are written as: +>>>CONFIG_NAME>>> +value +<<>>LEXICON_TITLE>>> +Lexicon Retrovidens +<<>>LOGO_FILENAME>>> +the_shore_by_reneaigner-d7yfzn1.jpg +<<>>PROMPT>>> +You are rectors of the Final Scriptorium compiling the lost history of the Innumerate Ones after the Electric March of the Cerebrators. +<<>>SESSION_PAGE>>> +

    Submit your entries for each turn by sending them to tev2@rice.edu in the Lexicon Retrovidens email thread by the evening they are due.

    +

    The expected schedule is:
    +Turn 1: Posted Sat March 10
    +Turn 2: Posted Wed March 14
    +Turn 3: Posted Thu March 22
    +<<>>INDEX_LIST>>> +ABC +DEF +GHI +JKL +MNO +PQRS +TUV +WXYZ +<<>>PRINTABLE_FILE>>> +printable.html +<< + +Lexicon Retrovidens + + +

    Lexicon Retrovidens

    +

    The Amorettan Order

    +

    The Amorettan Order is a small faction of scriptorian nun-scholars dedicated to study of the end times. They have garnered a reputation in scholarly society for their zealous fascination with Gehenna1 and raucous, disorderly behavior uncharacteristic of the Scriptorium.

    +

    Leadership

    +

    Sister Avacillata2 has served as the Perfevid Abbess, or Head of the Amorettan Order, since 420 A.F. [1] Her tenure has been marked by increased dissension, especially concerning matters of authority and doctrine.

    +

    Tenets

    +

    Nun-scholars of the Amorettan Order take three sacred vows that affirm the order’s values:

    +

    The Vow of Truth - The order is dedicated to the pursuit of truth and knowledge of the end times.

    +

    The Vow of Affection - The order believes that brotherly love and camaraderie, their ideal of liveliness, are the best response to certain doom.

    +

    The Vow of Adherence - Amorettan nun-scholars take an oath to forsake all that opposes their pursuit of truth. This vow is commonly used to justify disobeying the Scriptorium. [2]

    +

    Dr. Richard L. Acerbus

    +

    [1] “Anno Flammae“ is widely disregarded as a dating system by scholarly society, but no reputable records in standard time remain.

    +

    [2] Or as an Amorettan Nun-Scholar would say, “The MAN.”

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Gehenna +
    +2. Sister Avacillata + +

    +
    +

    Inviolables

    +

    While the diligent faculty of the Scriptorium have documented the engineering process behind a great many artifacts of the old world, both sfientific1 and sorcerous, the inviolables remain an enigma. Their utter structural immutability makes them both incredibly useful to the institution and incredibly difficult to work with. Microscopic analysis has given no insight into their inner structure, and they seem to be entirely solid at the smallest scales observable by Scriptorium instrumenta. They are most commonly utilized as shielding and structural reinforcements in experimental apparatus, but some of the newer High Rectors have made mention of military applications (despite this being a clear violation of Scriptorium policy).

    +

    Most inviolables are recovered from old-world relic-hunting expeditions. Reports indicate no pattern to their placement, making their discovery unpredictable. Sometimes a tunnel cover will really be a discoid inviolable; sometimes decaying plaster will reveal a brick wall with several cuboid inviolables filling in holes. Simple geometries make up the bulk of inviolable finds, with discoid, cuboid, and cylindroid being the most common genera. However, some rarer geometries are known as well, such as spheroids, asters, and mysterious humming.

    +

    While the material origins of these sfientific wonders remain obscure, their creator, Zyzzywyg the Inclement2, is no stranger to history. His befouled exploits routinely inspire over-clever novices to imitation, and despite a long and illustrious career of beating it out of them, I have yet to see the day when Zyzzywyg's corruption will be stemmed. If only I had a time machine, so I could beat it out of him at the source! But alas, time is a cruel mistress, and not everything can be solved via the surgical application of fist.

    +

    Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Sfience +
    +2. Zyzzywyg the Inclement + +

    +
    +

    Mitronium Wine

    +

    Mitronium wine is believed to have been consumed by many of the Innumerates, as their leader, the illustrious Inclytus1, popularized it through his own copious consumption of the substance—particularly in the period prior to the final insurgency. Inclytus is rumored to have credited the substance for his speedy production of the Tractatus de quisquiliis2. This document proved to be an invaluable source for later scholars who sought to understand the insurgency.

    +

    Mitronuim wine was produced in the Tenudoro vineyards located in the Pori valley. It was derived from a strain of grapes that are no longer in existence, as the entire species was destroyed during the insurgency. No evidence of their existence survives today, save the written accounts in the Tractatus of its superior taste and ability to uplift and quicken the mind. Due to its amazing qualities, and popularity, the wine was sold at an astonishing premium. Collecting and consuming this precious wine is believed to have bankrupted at least three known followers of the Innumerates.

    +

    Father Angelicus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Inclytus +
    +2. Tractatus de quisquiliis + +

    +
    +

    Ur-library of a Thousand Truths

    +

    The Ur-library of a Thousand Truths was the third-largest repository of authorized knowledge and lore before the March.

    +

    Originally commissioned to house nanoscribed tablets recording governmental history, over the centuries scholars and researchers grew its vast stacks (Some a hundred spans tall! Imagine that, must've lost several underscholars to falling! -J) to include countless bits of newspapers, recordings, and other political emphemeralia.

    +

    In the Ur-library, different groups participating in the pentannual Truthseeking1 could reliably find historical artifacts to support any position they were assigned. Regrettably, unscrupulous scholars were known to "discover" artifacts of their own creation in order to simplify their tasks--as the Ur-library lacked all but the most basic indexing, this was a technique as efficient as it was undiscoverable.

    +

    Perhaps one of the most infamous cases of historical fabrication uncovered in the Ur-library's history is that of Linus de Raadt.

    +

    During his tenure as an otherwise unnotable Volkscounter2, de Raadt managed to exchange every f and t in the artifacts he handled. This was not discovered until five centuries later, as underscribes discovered two conflicting lettering system change announcements that de Raadt had created and "returned" to the stacks. For centuries, scholars had simply assumed that those documents had been spelled correctly.

    +

    Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Truthseeking +
    +2. Volkscounter + +

    +
    +

    Disease of Techno Babel

    +

    The Disease of Techno Babel is a highly contagious technological affliction that affects the speech of scholars of sfientific1 devices. The condition slowly warps the speech and written communications of the afflicted to introduce small errors into technical terms. Symptoms include letter replacement, term replacement, frequent introduction of unnecessary jargon, and concatenation of extraneous terms. This has resulted in an epidemic of constantly shifting terminology and widespread confusion among the scholarly community. Scholars risk contracting the disease themselves when in linguistic contact with affected scholars. For this reason, centers of sfientific research like the Ur-library something or other2 and the Tower of Gabble are reservoirs of infection, proliferating the spread of the disease. Some controversy exists, however, since ego seems to have a high correlation with immunocomprisation. Often, the afflicted argue the disease's very existence, leading to even more chaos and confusion.

    +

    Famous cases of the disease include those of Linus de Raadt and San Grenadine de Triskaidecagon3

    +

    Dr. Richard L. Acerbus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Sfience +
    +2. Ur-library of a Thousand Truths +
    +3. San Grenadine de Triskaidecagon + +

    +
    +

    Kyrie scale

    +

    The kyrie scale is an lost system of catastrophe measurement, perhaps best described pithily by Emyzen as "the decibels of the trumpets of Judgment Day"[1]. The exact details of the scale have been lost since its conception, but it is understood that lower kyrie numbers corresponded to greater catastrophe at a nonlinear rate. This understanding remains in popular memory through a variety of common phrases, such as "many kyries", an expression conveying a wish for peaceful and undisturbed times, or the poetic turn of phrase "wish a kyrie / of magnitude as unto an infinity" in Iohannes' recent verse collection.

    +

    With the details lost, we have no way of knowing what each order of magnitude on the kyrie scale corresponds to. However, we can estimate from the ratings given to some of the major events of the age whose twilight we find ourselves in. The Razing of Pori, which destroyed all extant mitronium grapes1, was decried by Innumerate propaganda outlets as "a wretched act, whose perpetrators outnumber their kyries". While this is undoubtedly a reference to the ten thousand Cerebrators that leveled the valley during the Electric March, the power of this comparison is blunted somewhat by the numerical abilities of its source. Even if the propaganda piece over-estimated the kyries of the event by an order of magnitude, it still puts into sober perspective the events of the "Hundred Kyrie Day" of the subsequent Nuclear April2.

    +

    I maintain, as do my sisters in the Order3, that the central benefit of research into the kyrie scale remains the context it provides for the few prophetic writings we have left from before the March[2]. These writings speak ominously about a catastrophe among catastrophes, an event so terrible that it rates at one kyrie: Gehenna4, called gigas henas in the ancient tongue, or as Emyzen renders it in his dynamic translations, "the big one".

    +

    Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

    +

    [1] R. Emyzen, "Kyrie spikes and Cerebrator activity" in Scriptorium Archives, vol. 639, p234-252.

    +

    [2] If you disagree, I would be happy to engage you in a "scholarly" "discussion" about it behind the garden shed. Go ahead, bring a friend. I'll take you all on.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Mitronium Wine +
    +2. Nuclear April +
    +3. The Amorettan Order +
    +4. Gehenna + +

    +
    +

    Pestilence of Ptoria

    +

    The Pestilence of Ptoria was a deadly disease that swept through the elite Innumerate ranks, precisely eight centuries prior to the March.

    +

    Ptoria, as we know know, was an underground city in the Urae district, which itself collapsed after the epidemic. However, it was home to many inventors and experimenters, many of whom found the site a suitable location for carrying out dangerous experiments, and harboring forbidden biological specimens.

    +

    Exact records of the activities that took place in this region do not exist. However, based on some samples that were recently recovered from what remains of the site, it is suspected that the epidemic came about as a result of a experiment involving epihuii1 that went terribly wrong.

    +

    Many brilliant Innumerates were claimed in this epidemic. One of the most well-known among them was Zyzzywyg the Inclement2, the eccentric creator of the inviolables3. Perhaps had the disease not struck, these artifacts might have been less inscrutable, for Zyzzywyg had been only just started working on a documentation journal when he was claimed.

    +

    Father Angelicus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Epihuii +
    +2. Zyzzywyg the Inclement +
    +3. Inviolables + +

    +
    +

    Zyzzywyg the Inclement

    +

    Zyzzywyg the Inclement was, as far as records and past research indicate, a famous experimenter and innovator in Fractalspace computation1.

    +

    Eschewing some of the largest issues (presumably, it's elegance and widespread utility -J) with Sfience2, Zyzszywyg decided to propose an alternate form of way of organizing and indexing information for use with autonomous systems.

    +

    This form, developed over decades of life by him and his researchers, was often most easily manipulated symobilically and graphically and so miles and miles of paper were required to effectively manage and store the results of the process as it was developed.

    +

    These papers were oftentimes both light and blown about by breezes, and also were usually seperated into one of several categories. These categories were represented by geometrical figures and so, in order to help manage the literal piles of these documents, Zyzzywyg commissioned paperweights of his own design: the small artifacts now known as Inviolables3.

    +

    Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Fractalspace computation +
    +2. Sfience +
    +3. Inviolables + +

    +
    +

    Cerebrites

    +

    Cerebrites were small, stunted descendants of the original Cerebrators.

    +

    Originally created in the aftermath of the March as a way of allowing researchers to examine historical sites with hazardous material--things like lingering traces of Epihuii1 dust or other bioreactive contaminants--the Cerebrites are much smaller than their forebearers, resembling in size and weight nothing quite so much as a large robotic housecat.

    +

    For safety reasons and as an attempt to limit any potential disasters to at least a dozen orders of magnitude on the Kyrie scale2 the Cerebrites only contained small quantities of Plutonium and had their processors downclocked by several deciwiggles. Even in the event of malicious takeover by malicious actors, a Cerebrite could only usually damage a small house's worth of structure.

    +

    By standards of the time, this was quite an improvement.

    +

    Sister Avacillata3 was perhaps the best known author of Cerebrite exploits, having at one time used over three hundred of the artifacts to gather resources that had previously been kept carefully locked behind thick granite. Scriptorium policy has since been updated to forbid the unauthorized deployment of Cerebrites in fact-finding or other capacities (but naturally the Order is not terribly concerned with such impediments...after all, the truth is out there! -J)

    +

    Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Epihuii +
    +2. Kyrie scale +
    +3. Sister Avacillata + +

    +
    +

    Inclytus

    +

    The illustrious Inclytus was the leader of the Innumerates from -27 A.I. until his death in March of 1 A.I. [1]

    +

    Inclytus was an evangelist of mitronium wine1, crediting it for his greatest works, but evoking strong skepticism for his drunkenness and consequent inability to do mathematics. His loose leadership and frequent controversial changes in Innumerate sfience2 led to the infamous Electric March and following Nuclear April. In particular, his bid to recognize lagenam balthazar as a tessaracontakaidigon rather than a degenerate geometric cylindroid was poorly received by the Innumerate Council of Several3. Once this proposal was rejected, he was said to have walked onto the council floor wearing only a mitronium vine laurel, throwing grapes at councilmembers and rambling incoherently. Innumerates that were loyal to Inclytus later described the events; Vino Amet III testified that the councilmembers were just being “winy.” Another follower shrugged, “sip happens.” [2]

    +

    Dr. Richard L. Acerbus

    +

    [1] “Anno Incedendi” or year of the March.

    +

    [2] G. Siccus, “Innumerate Debauchery of the Ante-Incedere Age" in Scriptorium Archives, vol. 342, p19-25.

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Mitronium Wine +
    +2. Sfience +
    +3. Innumerate Council of Several + +

    +
    +

    Manymoon

    +

    The Manymoon was a timespan of questionable length, during which the Innumerates waged a counterinsurgency against the Cerebrators, against order and sense, and against time itself. While the Electric March is often cited as the beginning of open hostilities between the two, the true course of the Cerebrator agenda was not set until the following April1. After the fateful events of that month, Innumerate elements sought to turn back time on the Cerebrators' successes by literally removing them from history. Consuming the last of their mitronium wine2 reserves, they sifted through the remains of the Ur-library3, accomplishing in mere months what would have taken unaided scholars years. By the fall, they had perfected a forbidden fractalspace computation4 technique that would allow them to remove the number 4 from the calendar.

    +

    The immediate effects were devastating and widespread. The elimination of the fourth month of the year undid not only the Nuclear April of the Cerebrators, but also everything else that had happened that month. Furthermore, time going forward became erratic as minutes and hours disappeared from each day and days disappeared from each month. Fortunately, lunar regularities enabled civilization to survive despite the collapse of the old calendar, giving the Manymoon its namesake. Unfortunately, the year following the year of the March had a 4 in it, leading to even more temporal confusion.

    +

    The Manymoon was ended when the Fleet of Sky Asunder determined the locations of the last Innumerate distributed fractalspace clusters and ended the computation with the largest incendiary weapon attack in recorded history. Since nobody could be bothered to figure out what had just happened, everyone just agreed to just start over, and the year was fixed at 1 Anno Flammae. Later scholars were able to piece together the events of the Manymoon and discarded the A.F. dating system, but it retains widespread popularity5, despite my best efforts to beat it out of my students.

    +

    Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Nuclear April +
    +2. Mitronium Wine +
    +3. Ur-library of a Thousand Truths +
    +4. Fractalspace computation +
    +5. The Amorettan Order + +

    +
    +

    Truthseeking

    +

    Truthseeking, otherwise known the Festival of Veracity, was an pentannual event that once took place in Ur-library of a Thousand Truths1. It was created by the ancient scholar of sfienitic2 arts, Heritry the Great, and was once much celebrated in Innumerate history. The festival ceased to be held following the March.

    +

    The festival was very popular among several centuries of scholars, including many Innumerate scholars. Acceptance to the final event showcase, and participation in the festival’s research was once a matter of great honor and prestige, for the chosen scholars were given access to the heavily guarded Collection of Arivenas3. Later, this prize collection also included a collection of inviolables4 to help decipher certain special artifacts and texts. Today, the recovered inviolables from the old library site remain preserved in the Scriptorium’s private collection.

    +

    It is worth noting that the final hundred iterations of the Truthseeking were markedly less prestigious due to the discovery of the scandal involving Linus de Raadt’s now famous fabrication. The integrity of the event which had been famous for its focus of “pure truth” and rigorous scholarly research was seriously questioned by many, and the March marked the festival’s end at its nadir.

    +

    Father Angelicus

    + +

    Citations:
    +1. Ur-library of a Thousand Truths +
    +2. Sfience +
    +3. Collection of Arivenas +
    +4. Inviolables + +

    +
    +

    Collection of Arivenas

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    Epihuii

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    Fractalspace computation

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    Gehenna

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    Innumerate Council of Several

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    Nuclear April

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    San Grenadine de Triskaidecagon

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    Sfience

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    Sister Avacillata

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    Tractatus de quisquiliis

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + +
    +

    Volkscounter

    +

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    + + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/rules/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/rules/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..da1a1fc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/rules/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ + + +Rules | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Rules

    +
      +
    1. At the beginning of the game, you will be provided with a topic statement that sets the tone for the game. Use it for inspiration and a stepping-stone into shaping the world of the Lexicon.
    2. +
    3. Each round, you will be assigned an index, a grouping of letters. Your entry must alphabetize under that index.
        +
      1. Each index has a number of open slots equal to the number of players, which are taken up by article titles when an article is written in that index or a citation is made to an unwritten article, or phantom. If there are no open slots in your index, you must write the article for a phantom in that index.
      2. +
      3. "The" and "A" aren't counted in indexing.
    4. +
    5. Once you've picked an article title, write your article on that subject.
        +
      1. There are no hard and fast rules about style. Try to sound like an encyclopedia entry or the overview section at the top of a wiki article.
      2. +
      3. You must respect and not contradict any factual content of any posted articles. You may introduce new facts that place things in a new light, provide alternative interpretations, or flesh out unexplained details in unexpected ways; but you must not contradict what has been previously established as fact.
      4. +
      5. Aim for around 200-300 words. Going over is okay, but be reasonable.
    6. +
    7. Your article must cite other articles in the Lexicon. Sometimes these citations will be to phantoms, articles that have not been written yet.
        +
      1. On the first turn, your article must cite exactly two phantom articles.
      2. +
      3. On subsequent turns, your article must cite exactly two phantom articles, either already-cited phantoms or new ones. Your article must also cite at least one written article.
      4. +
      5. On the penultimate turn, you must cite exactly one phantom article and at least two written articles.
      6. +
      7. On the final turn, you must cite at least three written articles.
      8. +
      9. You may not cite an entry you wrote. You may cite phantoms you have cited before.
      10. +
      11. Once you cite a phantom, you cannot choose to write it if you write an article for that index later.
    8. + +

      Ersatz Scrivener. In the course of the game, it may come to pass that a scholar is assigned an index in which no slots are available to them, because they have cited all the available phantoms in their previous articles. When this happens, the player instead writes their article as Ersatz Scrivener, radical skeptic. Ersatz does not believe in the existence of whatever he is writing about, no matter how obvious it seems to others or how central it is in the developing history of the world. All references, testimony, etc. with regard to its existence are tragic delusion at best or malicious lies at worst. Unlike the other scholars, Ersatz does not treat the research of his peers as fact, because he does not believe he has peers. Players writing articles as Ersatz are encouraged to name and shame the work of the misguided amateurs collaborating with him.

      +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/session/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/session/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..825e6ca --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/session/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,39 @@ + + +Lexicon Retrovidens | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Lexicon Retrovidens

    +

    Submit your entries for each turn by sending them to tev2@rice.edu in the Lexicon Retrovidens email thread by the evening they are due.

    +

    The expected schedule is:
    +Turn 1: Posted Sat March 10
    +Turn 2: Posted Wed March 14
    +Turn 3: Posted Thu March 22

    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Cerebrites.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Cerebrites.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..46f81d9 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Cerebrites.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: Chris +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Cerebrites + +Cerebrites were small, stunted descendants of the original Cerebrators. + +Originally created in the aftermath of the March as a way of allowing researchers to examine historical sites with hazardous material--things like lingering traces of [[Epihuii]] dust or other bioreactive contaminants--the Cerebrites are much smaller than their forebearers, resembling in size and weight nothing quite so much as a large robotic housecat. + +For safety reasons and as an attempt to limit any potential disasters to at least a dozen orders of magnitude on the [[Kyrie scale]] the Cerebrites only contained small quantities of Plutonium and had their processors downclocked by several deciwiggles. Even in the event of malicious takeover by malicious actors, a Cerebrite could only usually damage a small house's worth of structure. + +By standards of the time, this was quite an improvement. + +[[Sister Avacillata]] was perhaps the best known author of Cerebrite exploits, having at one time used over three hundred of the artifacts to gather resources that had previously been kept carefully locked behind thick granite. Scriptorium policy has since been updated to forbid the unauthorized deployment of Cerebrites in fact-finding or other capacities (//but naturally the Order is not terribly concerned with such impediments...after all, the truth is out there! -J//) + +~ Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Disease of Techno Babel.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Disease of Techno Babel.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4cee718 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Disease of Techno Babel.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: MN +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Disease of Techno Babel + +The **Disease of Techno Babel** is a highly contagious technological affliction that affects the speech of scholars of [[sfientific|sfience]] devices. The condition slowly warps the speech and written communications of the afflicted to introduce small errors into technical terms. Symptoms include letter replacement, term replacement, frequent introduction of unnecessary jargon, and concatenation of extraneous terms. This has resulted in an epidemic of constantly shifting terminology and widespread confusion among the scholarly community. Scholars risk contracting the disease themselves when in linguistic contact with affected scholars. For this reason, centers of sfientific research like the [[Ur-library something or other|Ur-library of a Thousand Truths]] and the Tower of Gabble are reservoirs of infection, proliferating the spread of the disease. Some controversy exists, however, since ego seems to have a high correlation with immunocomprisation. Often, the afflicted argue the disease's very existence, leading to even more chaos and confusion. + +Famous cases of the disease include those of Linus de Raadt and [[San Grenadine de Triskaidecagon]] + +~Dr. Richard L. Acerbus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Inclytus.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Inclytus.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fd2baff --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Inclytus.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +# Player: MN +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Inclytus + +The illustrious **Inclytus** was the leader of the Innumerates from -27 A.I. until his death in March of 1 A.I. [1] + +Inclytus was an evangelist of [[mitronium wine|Mitronium Wine]], crediting it for his greatest works, but evoking strong skepticism for his drunkenness and consequent inability to do mathematics. His loose leadership and frequent controversial changes in Innumerate [[sfience]] led to the infamous Electric March and following Nuclear April. In particular, his bid to recognize //lagenam balthazar// as a tessaracontakaidigon rather than a degenerate geometric cylindroid was poorly received by the [[Innumerate Council of Several]]. Once this proposal was rejected, he was said to have walked onto the council floor wearing only a mitronium vine laurel, throwing grapes at councilmembers and rambling incoherently. Innumerates that were loyal to Inclytus later described the events; Vino Amet III testified that the councilmembers were just being “winy.” Another follower shrugged, “sip happens.” [2] + +~Dr. Richard L. Acerbus + +[1] “Anno Incedendi” or year of the March. + +[2] G. Siccus, “Innumerate Debauchery of the Ante-Incedere Age" in //Scriptorium Archives//, vol. 342, p19-25. + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Inviolables.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Inviolables.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..08e5a48 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Inviolables.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Inviolables + +While the diligent faculty of the Scriptorium have documented the engineering process behind a great many artifacts of the old world, both [[sfientific|Sfience]] and sorcerous, the **inviolables** remain an enigma. Their utter structural immutability makes them both incredibly useful to the institution and incredibly difficult to work with. Microscopic analysis has given no insight into their inner structure, and they seem to be entirely solid at the smallest scales observable by Scriptorium //instrumenta//. They are most commonly utilized as shielding and structural reinforcements in experimental apparatus, but some of the newer High Rectors have made mention of military applications (despite this being a //clear// violation of Scriptorium policy). + +Most inviolables are recovered from old-world relic-hunting expeditions. Reports indicate no pattern to their placement, making their discovery unpredictable. Sometimes a tunnel cover will really be a discoid inviolable; sometimes decaying plaster will reveal a brick wall with several cuboid inviolables filling in holes. Simple geometries make up the bulk of inviolable finds, with discoid, cuboid, and cylindroid being the most common genera. However, some rarer geometries are known as well, such as spheroids, asters, and mysterious humming. + +While the material origins of these sfientific wonders remain obscure, their creator, [[Zyzzywyg the Inclement]], is no stranger to history. His befouled exploits routinely inspire over-clever novices to imitation, and despite a long and illustrious career of beating it out of them, I have yet to see the day when Zyzzywyg's corruption will be stemmed. If only I had a time machine, so I could beat it out of him at the source! But alas, time is a cruel mistress, and not everything can be solved via the surgical application of fist. + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Kyrie-scale.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Kyrie-scale.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1b47589 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Kyrie-scale.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Kyrie scale + +The **kyrie scale** is an lost system of catastrophe measurement, perhaps best described pithily by Emyzen as "the decibels of the trumpets of Judgment Day"[1]. The exact details of the scale have been lost since its conception, but it is understood that lower kyrie numbers corresponded to greater catastrophe at a nonlinear rate. This understanding remains in popular memory through a variety of common phrases, such as "many kyries", an expression conveying a wish for peaceful and undisturbed times, or the poetic turn of phrase "wish a kyrie / of magnitude as unto an infinity" in Iohannes' recent verse collection. + +With the details lost, we have no way of knowing what each order of magnitude on the kyrie scale corresponds to. However, we can estimate from the ratings given to some of the major events of the age whose twilight we find ourselves in. The Razing of Pori, which destroyed all extant [[mitronium grapes|Mitronium Wine]], was decried by Innumerate propaganda outlets as "a wretched act, whose perpetrators outnumber their kyries". While this is undoubtedly a reference to the ten thousand Cerebrators that leveled the valley during the Electric March, the power of this comparison is blunted somewhat by the numerical abilities of its source. Even if the propaganda piece //over//-estimated the kyries of the event by an order of magnitude, it still puts into sober perspective the events of the "Hundred Kyrie Day" of the subsequent [[Nuclear April]]. + +I maintain, as do my sisters in [[the Order|The Amorettan Order]], that the central benefit of research into the kyrie scale remains the context it provides for the few prophetic writings we have left from before the March[2]. These writings speak ominously about a catastrophe among catastrophes, an event so terrible that it rates at one kyrie: [[Gehenna]], called //gigas henas// in the ancient tongue, or as Emyzen renders it in his dynamic translations, "the big one". + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium + +[1] R. Emyzen, "Kyrie spikes and Cerebrator activity" in //Scriptorium Archives//, vol. 639, p234-252. + +[2] If you disagree, I would be happy to engage you in a "scholarly" "discussion" about it behind the garden shed. Go ahead, bring a friend. I'll take you all on. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Manymoon.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Manymoon.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bbe5417 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Manymoon.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Manymoon + +The **Manymoon** was a timespan of questionable length, during which the Innumerates waged a counterinsurgency against the Cerebrators, against order and sense, and against time itself. While the Electric March is often cited as the beginning of open hostilities between the two, the true course of the Cerebrator agenda was not set until the following [[April|Nuclear April]]. After the fateful events of that month, Innumerate elements sought to turn back time on the Cerebrators' successes by literally removing them from history. Consuming the last of their [[mitronium wine|Mitronium Wine]] reserves, they sifted through the remains of the [[Ur-library|Ur-library of a Thousand Truths]], accomplishing in mere months what would have taken unaided scholars years. By the fall, they had perfected a forbidden [[fractalspace computation]] technique that would allow them to remove the number 4 from the calendar. + +The immediate effects were devastating and widespread. The elimination of the fourth month of the year undid not only the Nuclear April of the Cerebrators, but also everything else that had happened that month. Furthermore, time going forward became erratic as minutes and hours disappeared from each day and days disappeared from each month. Fortunately, lunar regularities enabled civilization to survive despite the collapse of the old calendar, giving the Manymoon its namesake. Unfortunately, the year following the year of the March had a 4 in it, leading to even more temporal confusion. + +The Manymoon was ended when the Fleet of Sky Asunder determined the locations of the last Innumerate distributed fractalspace clusters and ended the computation with the largest incendiary weapon attack in recorded history. Since nobody could be bothered to figure out what had just happened, everyone just agreed to just start over, and the year was fixed at 1 Anno Flammae. Later scholars were able to piece together the events of the Manymoon and discarded the A.F. dating system, but it [[retains widespread popularity|The Amorettan Order]], despite my best efforts to beat it out of my students. + +~Sister Avacillata, Nun-Scholar of the Scriptorium \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Mitronium Wine.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Mitronium Wine.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..08b9af2 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Mitronium Wine.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Mitronium Wine + +**Mitronium wine** is believed to have been consumed by many of the Innumerates, as their leader, the illustrious [[Inclytus]], popularized it through his own copious consumption of the substance—particularly in the period prior to the final insurgency. Inclytus is rumored to have credited the substance for his speedy production of the [[Tractatus de quisquiliis]]. This document proved to be an invaluable source for later scholars who sought to understand the insurgency. + +Mitronuim wine was produced in the Tenudoro vineyards located in the Pori valley. It was derived from a strain of grapes that are no longer in existence, as the entire species was destroyed during the insurgency. No evidence of their existence survives today, save the written accounts in the Tractatus of its superior taste and ability to uplift and quicken the mind. Due to its amazing qualities, and popularity, the wine was sold at an astonishing premium. Collecting and consuming this precious wine is believed to have bankrupted at least three known followers of the Innumerates. + +~Father Angelicus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Ptoria.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Ptoria.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ef4db16 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Ptoria.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Pestilence of Ptoria + +The Pestilence of Ptoria was a deadly disease that swept through the elite Innumerate ranks, precisely eight centuries prior to the March. + +Ptoria, as we know know, was an underground city in the Urae district, which itself collapsed after the epidemic. However, it was home to many inventors and experimenters, many of whom found the site a suitable location for carrying out dangerous experiments, and harboring forbidden biological specimens. + +Exact records of the activities that took place in this region do not exist. However, based on some samples that were recently recovered from what remains of the site, it is suspected that the epidemic came about as a result of a experiment involving [[epihuii]] that went terribly wrong. + +Many brilliant Innumerates were claimed in this epidemic. One of the most well-known among them was [[Zyzzywyg the Inclement]], the eccentric creator of the [[inviolables]]. Perhaps had the disease not struck, these artifacts might have been less inscrutable, for Zyzzywyg had been only just started working on a documentation journal when he was claimed. + +~Father Angelicus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/The Amorettan Order.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/The Amorettan Order.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..89f9adf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/The Amorettan Order.txt @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +# Player: MN +# Turn: 1 +# Title: The Amorettan Order + +The Amorettan Order is a small faction of scriptorian nun-scholars dedicated to study of the end times. They have garnered a reputation in scholarly society for their zealous fascination with [[Gehenna]] and raucous, disorderly behavior uncharacteristic of the Scriptorium. + +**Leadership** + +[[Sister Avacillata]] has served as the //Perfevid Abbess//, or Head of the Amorettan Order, since 420 A.F. [1] Her tenure has been marked by increased dissension, especially concerning matters of authority and doctrine. + +**Tenets** + +Nun-scholars of the Amorettan Order take three sacred vows that affirm the order’s values: + +● **The Vow of Truth** - The order is dedicated to the pursuit of truth and knowledge of the end times. + +● **The Vow of Affection** - The order believes that brotherly love and camaraderie, their ideal of liveliness, are the best response to certain doom. + +● **The Vow of Adherence** - Amorettan nun-scholars take an oath to forsake all that opposes their pursuit of truth. This vow is commonly used to justify disobeying the Scriptorium. [2] + +~Dr. Richard L. Acerbus + +[1] “Anno Flammae“ is widely disregarded as a dating system by scholarly society, but no reputable records in standard time remain. + +[2] Or as an Amorettan Nun-Scholar would say, “The MAN.” \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Truthseeking.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Truthseeking.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2dc4042 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Truthseeking.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: MK +# Turn: 3 +# Title: Truthseeking + +Truthseeking, otherwise known the Festival of Veracity, was an pentannual event that once took place in [[Ur-library of a Thousand Truths]]. It was created by the ancient scholar of [[sfienitic|Sfience]] arts, Heritry the Great, and was once much celebrated in Innumerate history. The festival ceased to be held following the March. + +The festival was very popular among several centuries of scholars, including many Innumerate scholars. Acceptance to the final event showcase, and participation in the festival’s research was once a matter of great honor and prestige, for the chosen scholars were given access to the heavily guarded [[Collection of Arivenas]]. Later, this prize collection also included a collection of [[inviolables]] to help decipher certain special artifacts and texts. Today, the recovered inviolables from the old library site remain preserved in the Scriptorium’s private collection. + +It is worth noting that the final hundred iterations of the Truthseeking were markedly less prestigious due to the discovery of the scandal involving Linus de Raadt’s now famous fabrication. The integrity of the event which had been famous for its focus of “pure truth” and rigorous scholarly research was seriously questioned by many, and the March marked the festival’s end at its nadir. + +~Father Angelicus \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Ur-library.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Ur-library.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..df37bb6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Ur-library.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: Chris +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Ur-library of a Thousand Truths + +The **Ur-library of a Thousand Truths** was the third-largest repository of authorized knowledge and lore before the March. + +Originally commissioned to house nanoscribed tablets recording governmental history, over the centuries scholars and researchers grew its vast stacks (//Some a hundred spans tall! Imagine that, must've lost several underscholars to falling! -J//) to include countless bits of newspapers, recordings, and other political emphemeralia. + +In the Ur-library, different groups participating in the pentannual [[Truthseeking]] could reliably find historical artifacts to support any position they were assigned. Regrettably, unscrupulous scholars were known to "discover" artifacts of their own creation in order to simplify their tasks--as the Ur-library lacked all but the most basic indexing, this was a technique as efficient as it was undiscoverable. + +Perhaps one of the most infamous cases of historical fabrication uncovered in the Ur-library's history is that of Linus de Raadt. + +During his tenure as an otherwise unnotable [[Volkscounter]], de Raadt managed to exchange every //f// and //t// in the artifacts he handled. This was not discovered until five centuries later, as underscribes discovered two conflicting lettering system change announcements that de Raadt had created and "returned" to the stacks. For centuries, scholars had simply assumed that those documents had been spelled correctly. + +~ Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Zyzzywyg.txt b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Zyzzywyg.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c3a90fd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/src/Zyzzywyg.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: Chris +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Zyzzywyg the Inclement + +Zyzzywyg the Inclement was, as far as records and past research indicate, a famous experimenter and innovator in [[Fractalspace computation]]. + +Eschewing some of the largest issues //(presumably, it's elegance and widespread utility -J)// with [[Sfience]], Zyzszywyg decided to propose an alternate form of way of organizing and indexing information for use with autonomous systems. + +This form, developed over decades of life by him and his researchers, was often most easily manipulated symobilically and graphically and so miles and miles of paper were required to effectively manage and store the results of the process as it was developed. + +These papers were oftentimes both light and blown about by breezes, and also were usually seperated into one of several categories. These categories were represented by geometrical figures and so, in order to help manage the literal piles of these documents, Zyzzywyg commissioned paperweights of his own design: the small artifacts now known as [[Inviolables]]. + +~Janine the Exasperated, Twelth Wisewoman of the Familia Inventa diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/statistics/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/statistics/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8430e7c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/retrovidens/statistics/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,81 @@ + + +Statistics | Lexicon Retrovidens + + + + + +
    +

    Statistics

    +
    +

    Top 10 pages by page rank:
    +1 – Manymoon
    +2 – Sfience
    +3 – Kyrie scale
    +4 – Ur-library of a Thousand Truths
    +5 – Mitronium Wine
    +6 – Truthseeking
    +7 – The Amorettan Order
    +8 – Zyzzywyg the Inclement
    +9 – Inviolables
    +10 – Disease of Techno Babel

    +
    +
    +

    Most citations made from:
    +5 – Manymoon
    +4 – Kyrie scale; Truthseeking
    +3 – Disease of Techno Babel; Pestilence of Ptoria; Zyzzywyg the Inclement; Cerebrites; Inclytus

    +
    +
    +

    Most citations made to:
    +5 – Sfience
    +3 – Ur-library of a Thousand Truths; Mitronium Wine; Inviolables
    +2 – Fractalspace computation; Epihuii; Zyzzywyg the Inclement; The Amorettan Order; Gehenna; Nuclear April; Sister Avacillata

    +
    +
    +

    Player total page rank:
    +TVB – 0.196
    +MK – 0.164
    +Chris – 0.162
    +MN – 0.154

    +
    +
    +

    Citations made by player
    +TVB – 11
    +MK – 9
    +Chris – 8
    +MN – 8

    +
    +
    +

    Citations made to player
    +Chris – 5
    +MK – 4
    +TVB – 4
    +MN – 3

    +
    +
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zI|`Fj=zR|+(g}fD#P1f+f5qEHOq{Oiw-mVGY=lYq!6PKoXGI$nE(a?b8F(sOOv1vHCD=0+G6cw0SWy|y{St8ccw||`g zmddqZccZ7V3Gqt0urL^x=k{ee)c$?(uU4}r@HIbuw;ZkqSmV$LVoWiceQS`Q(E4Tw zn3Z0N;gK~&PWH?hlUm@ zxV_ERy7;#afn!y-?X9#dxHj>f*ZfUV0Jy8jpWf07jdbP{=ZSLZ2=h@A7k$eHf+H=| z>@ae94x9qW_C090ZPKknQ8*L;J2}O1Pt?tWxA2TE=JRI;Ff0g<+nTOLBMJ(4ADH zjk_rqoxG2E!fX)XOgsdqN7kLJl8_zL$B_3r^-i%HzXXKcq(y=)VxrDsyi;D(`%I{Yp7UA0ADgirx0LF~VH}8UNdyI0y@+Y`x1%X^9 z%JTEu>tQD0qJ82k)(r|jv&_R6)MeG`75GDZ3%|+Xo9xk&dY@=Yk2B0)y+GgdA}UqP zv!D*+&=Q4*q;8>2hmodsn!srC-1FWlalund6&Gy;62RB5KPJQsd3r?o=38@1gWjxo z!hLJJ&#*)li?4?~^(+$Xvw~0VhUIAJ{43#-#UwFrmQ$p4cDB{ARbFDPJ)_>LBg&Rz z7Mo6aEzHLvp|Hxxz*w zD&@PF@IB!qi&+jHu*GB8y)t-2TVcUP2W<|S_N6x2Hb9{lv(Qz + +Arcadian Empire | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Arcadian Empire

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Arcanology.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Arcanology.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8c938b7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Arcanology.html @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ + + +Arcanology | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Arcanology

    As an Arcanologist myself-a̶l̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶l̶i̶e̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶e̶r̶m̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶r̶a̶y̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶r̶u̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶e̶t̶r̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶m̶e̶d̶i̶t̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶Glamour ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶t̶i̶t̶u̶t̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶e̶l̶d̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶l̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶U̶l̶l̶o̶r̶ ̶C̶o̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶a̶f̶f̶e̶c̶t̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶--I find it proper to give a short history of the field that will accurately convey its true essence and economic impact.

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    -1500: The Founding of "Arcanology"

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    The Why

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    Nearly 3000 years ago, on the cusp of Gallowtide the Briarheart Circle declared a state of emergency in expectation of the historically disastrous return of new magic to the land. Given that magic systems inevitably change or are remade wholesale after the slate-clearing effects of Hallowtide, the population of erstwhile magical practitioners had regularly dropped by over 50% as previously innocent incantations such as lighting one's cigarette with a small thumb-flame could result in summoning a greater demon. With the exception of certain +(̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶a̶n̶o̶i̶d̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶u̶t̶h̶o̶r̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶:̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶s̶o̶n̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶p̶a̶r̶e̶d̶)̶ magicians who may have happened to inscribe hexagrammic wards on each cigarette filter merely as a preemptory measure, many magicians perished in spectacularly gory and unpleasent ways.

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    Formation

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    In an effort to avoid such drastic fluctuations in the magical population, and the accompanying logistical nightmare of producing supply/demand curve stabilization charms on a national scale, The Briarheart Council convened a new branch of The Academy whose primary task was to catalogue and identify new strains of magic as they emerged, cross-reference them with previous magical systems, and provide up-to-date risk analysis models in a timely manner to any magician who wished to emply prior magical systems.

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    Within the first decade of its inception, the field of Arcanology contributed to a significant decrease in accidental magical deaths(averaging ~40%), a figure that was previously unheard of within the first 300 years of a new Gallowtide and the previous process of supernatural selection that eventually resulted in a stable practitioner base.

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    Beyond the mere loss of life averted, however, the contributions to the stability of the magical commodities market resulted in significant financial gain.

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    Elmadin Shadowspinner, Keeper of the Forgotten, Probationary member of the Board of Arcanology.

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    Citations: The Academy / Gallowtide / Glamour / Hallowtide

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    Cited by: Diabology

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Aret_Bollhagen.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Aret_Bollhagen.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e733a28 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Aret_Bollhagen.html @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ + + +Author: Aret Bollhagen | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Author: Aret Bollhagen

    The esteemed Aret Bollhagen is a diabologian specializing in the intersection of arcanology, grammar, and applied theophysics. His interest in the arcane arts began when introduced to the myriad of religions throughout this fine land and the theopolitical tensions between them and the Circle. His paper, "On the emphasis of syllables in religious words," caused ripples not only in the Academy, but also inspired two books of theoretical arcanology, the creation of seven spells, a tear in reality, and no less than five duels from vengeful theologians. He currently resides as chair of Diabology at the Academy and spends most of his time avoiding students and making his papers as difficult to read as possible.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Dr._Naomi_Imoan.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Dr._Naomi_Imoan.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9047bf4 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Dr._Naomi_Imoan.html @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ + + +Author: Dr. Naomi Imoan | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    +

    Author: Dr. Naomi Imoan

    Dr. Naomi Imoan is a dryad currently residing in the Claggy Grove on the Heather Cliffs. Best known for her participation in the Fomorian Court Excavation and her book Ancient Contracts and Implicit Magic: Is Everyone Always Already Cursed?, her work is among the hottest up-and-coming archaeological research in the field of Ancient Contracts, Rites, and Ghost Law. When she is not teaching 6 classes a semester at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands, and performing 5 excavations a year, she enjoys sleeping, looking pensively over the landscape, whiskey-tasting, and gardening. She also welcomes questions from the public; just give her your name and she'll be in touch!

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    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Dr._Uriel_Ithloday.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Dr._Uriel_Ithloday.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ae56c7f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Dr._Uriel_Ithloday.html @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ + + +Author: Dr. Uriel Ithloday | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    +

    Author: Dr. Uriel Ithloday

    Logotherapist of the Ann Arbor Holistic Center for Brain Transplantation and Wellness. Dr. Ithloday is an expert in ancient and modern Galenic medicine and is certified in the 3rd Viennese school of psychotherapy founded by Viktor Frankl. He has helped thousands of patients to find inner peace and harmony by discovering and achieving their true goals in life. Author of numerous scholarly and popular works, he is perhaps best known for his groundbreaking studies: “Brain, Heart and Liver: the Neglected seats of the Psyche” and “Wine: Medicine of the Gods; Beer: Elixir of the Fae”.

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    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Elmadin_Shadowspinner.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Elmadin_Shadowspinner.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..839af9f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Elmadin_Shadowspinner.html @@ -0,0 +1,38 @@ + + +Author: Elmadin Shadowspinner | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Author: Elmadin Shadowspinner

    Elmadin Shadowspinner. Keeper of the Forgotten. +Member of the Sibid Court, dealer in forgotten childhood memories. Elmadin trades in the colour of the first bird seen by a baby in the Spring, the names of imaginary friends long abandoned, and young lovers’ second kisses.

    +

    These rare pieces of glamour he hoards, spending hours wrapped in the embrace of flickering tallow-light, tracing the threads of moonlight that tie the forgotten to each other and working tirelessly to find a way to stem the perpetual self-emptying of the World-dream.

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    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Lewin_Vernelle.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Lewin_Vernelle.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5c7c62e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Lewin_Vernelle.html @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ + + +Author: Lewin Vernelle | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
    + + +
    +

    Author: Lewin Vernelle

    A renowned figure among thaumohistorical researchers, Dr. Lewin Vernelle heads the Magical Anthropology department at Regardful Creek University. Dr. Vernelle studies the historical effects of Gallowtide on the rise and fall of different paradigms of magic, with special focus on the decline of shamanism. He is widely known for authoring the popular Beru Thunderbough novels, as well as the acclaimed nonfiction book Botany and the Science of Revolution. When not at work, he may be found at a local park or attending ecoanarchist meet-ups. He lives in Elderbeam with his wife Susanna and their two rambunctious children.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Tam_Everal_26_Ansoni_of_the_Red_Ravine.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Tam_Everal_26_Ansoni_of_the_Red_Ravine.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b0f9af0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Tam_Everal_26_Ansoni_of_the_Red_Ravine.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Author: Tam Everal & Ansoni of the Red Ravine | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Author: Tam Everal & Ansoni of the Red Ravine

    A young tree spirit rooted within the ancient forest of the Red Ravine, Tam Everal is considered a promising scholar who is best known for his studies of transient supernatural phenomena, most of which were conducted in the first few centuries of his life. More recently, however, in a time where older spirits have began to wither away, Everal has focused on preserving the priceless and sometimes cryptic knowledge of his elders.

    +

    Everal observes many of the Ravine's practices, including, to the dismay of outside academics, concealing the community's arcane knowledge. Almost all of Everal's publications are superficial warnings of imminent crises. Only during the last century, with Gallowtide approaching, did Everal began revealing some of his deeper and more startling discoveries.

    +
    +

    Ansoni is the long-standing Red Ravine External Secretary, administering political and academic exchanges between the Ravine and the outside world. While her exact nature and origin is unknown, it is theorized that, because Ansoni's position requires her to interact extensively with non-Ravine individuals, the Red Ravine had carefully removed specific memories and magical abilities from Ansoni to prevent her from revealing any secret knowledge.

    +

    Still, Ansoni retained her intellect and political prowess, and she remains loyal to the Ravine. Yet, she often shares the curiosity of outside observers, personally advocating for a more open Ravine society. It is this unique position that recently +convinced the Briarheart Circle to assign Ansoni the task of translating and communicating the works of Everal for the emergency council.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Taz_Meir.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Taz_Meir.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f976059 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Taz_Meir.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Author: Taz Meir | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    +

    Author: Taz Meir

    Meir 1

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    Taz Meir

    +

    Dr. Scorn

    +

    Beginning English Literature

    +

    14 Moon, 1277

    +

    College Essay Draft 1

    +

    Its' an important time at Sunlight High. Because, the class of 1278 is making decisions that will impact the rest of their lives such as the choice of what college to go to, I chose Unseelie University because of the strong academics, impactful scholastic, and strong history of success.

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    A little about me I have 2 sisters who are twins Erena and Selena who are you probably could of guessed moonlight naiads who are already attending UU. Me and my mom and dad are really proud of them for all their many and copious accomplishments.

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    I also show leadership at band where I play the tuba. Shout out to my man Angry Pete on the trombone. I hope to foster leadership at Double U because my dream is to join the Feyknights.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Ven._Vexis_Reagh.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Ven._Vexis_Reagh.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..346e03c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Author3A_Ven._Vexis_Reagh.html @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ + + +Author: Ven. Vexis Reagh | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Author: Ven. Vexis Reagh

    The Venerable Vexis Reagh is an itinerant lecturer recognized as an expert on the history of ideas. His most well-known research projects are archaeological investigations of the traditions of the Land, the preservation of which he claims is the most important calling a scholar can have. Despite the abundance of lecture invitations he accepts, it is difficult to hear him speak in person, as due to his abnormally bad luck he is usually waylaid by some disaster on the way to the event. Outside of his academic work, he is a fervent supporter of lycanthropic rights.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Cascade_Illness.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Cascade_Illness.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7bb77f7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Cascade_Illness.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +Cascade Illness | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    +

    Cascade Illness

    Cascade Illness, vernacularly known as "shattering", is a supernatural medical condition in which a spirit entity is gradually divided into semi-dependent, dysfunctional fragments over the course of a few decades. Although only common among elderly spirits (>10,000 years old), disruptions on the astral plane could significantly increase the frequency of the illness. Most famously, at the Siege of Cornaperal, the weaponry used is believed to have induced the illness in thousands.

    +


    +Symptoms

    +

    The illness begins with the spirit's aura pulsing at a steadily increasing rate and magnitude. The alignment and integrity of the spirit becomes unstable, until the spirit splits at the peak of one of the pulses. The process then repeats for the new entities, creating a "cascade" of disorderly dividing.

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    Each split divides the spirit's mental and magical components into separate fragments in a seemingly random manner. For example, a fragment may retain an ability to decipher written language, while the other fragments struggle to understand basic grammar. Memories and magical abilities are often split in a similar fashion.

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    Initially, the fragments are able to communicate via a shared stream of consciousness, but as the number of fragments grows, the increased complexity of coordination critically degrades the spirit's flow of thought. Eventually, the mind is dissolved into noise, and the aura is dissipated into the astral plane.

    +


    +Causes

    +

    Studies conducted across ancient communities found a correlation between Cascade Illness and exposure to "background noise" on the astral plane - hence, older spirits are affected the most. In particular, the studies suggest that the illness is caused by interference from specific astral frequencies, amplified by mystic crises such as the Great Rupture and Gallowtide events.

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    +Treatments

    +

    Attempts to prevent, mitigate, or cure the illness have been unsuccessful. The long-standing effects of the Great Rupture are practically unavoidable, and any magical countermeasure usually worsens the illness with its own astral frequencies.

    +

    However, there have been three recently recorded cases where the illness stopped without external influence. The partial cascading leaves the spirits in a confused limbo between stability and insanity. Recent efforts to find treatments have focused on reproducing these cases.

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    Tam Everal (edited by Ansoni)

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Cognitive_football_therapy.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Cognitive_football_therapy.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6e129e1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Cognitive_football_therapy.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Cognitive football therapy | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Cognitive football therapy

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Diabology.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Diabology.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fc1ce35 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Diabology.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +Diabology | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Diabology

    As any schoolchild knows, religions in the Land are numerous as they are antagonistic, giving no quarter in their debates nor sacred duels. While one could go on (and indeed, many diabologians and theologians have) about the various arguments for superiority of deities each religion gives, or of the various gods, demigods, and semidemigods that have contested with each other for followers, it is important to take a step back and investigate two distinct and important issues.

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    1) Why are these religions so numerous, and why can they not get along?

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    2) What, if anything, constitutes an antithesis to the many religions?

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    It is in these two questions that diabology is most interested. However, one must note it is of considerable difficulty to study such lofty questions when the Academy is continually in a state of civil war between theologians, diabologians, arcanologists, and staff members attempting to justify their existence. Alas, such is the cost of the forward progress of academia.

    +

    Aret Bollhagen, Current Chair of Diabology

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    +

    Citations: The Academy / Arcanology

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    Cited by: Moorland / Sax and Violins

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Dr._Felding.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Dr._Felding.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4c3287b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Dr._Felding.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Dr. Felding | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Dr. Felding

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    Fell Corruption

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    Fetal magical syndrome

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/First_Contract.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/First_Contract.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b247889 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/First_Contract.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +First Contract | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    First Contract

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    Cited by: Withering Memory

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Fomorian_Brain_and_Ophthalmic_Research_Lab.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Fomorian_Brain_and_Ophthalmic_Research_Lab.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..366833b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Fomorian_Brain_and_Ophthalmic_Research_Lab.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Fomorian Brain and Ophthalmic Research Lab | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Fomorian Brain and Ophthalmic Research Lab

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Gallowtide.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Gallowtide.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..14ca691 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Gallowtide.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Gallowtide | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Gallowtide

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Glamour.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Glamour.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2ca52a1 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Glamour.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Glamour | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Glamour

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    Cited by: Arcanology

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Great_Rupture.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Great_Rupture.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..168e09c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Great_Rupture.html @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ + + +Great Rupture | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Great Rupture

    Excerpts from "On the Gods of the Great Rupture and the Subsequent Formation of the Religions of the Land"

    +

    The resources diabology provides scholars with are vast, but even they are stretched thin when studying the far reaching implications of the greatest metaphysical disaster the Land has ever known. In this paper I will forego any attempts to describe what exactly caused it (exempting a preliminary discussion on the use of an accented e in the word Blessed and how that began this whole sad state of affairs), and instead focus on the religious aspects, which are as numerous as they are conflicting.

    +

    ...

    +

    The gods and demigods* that came from this disaster fought each other zealously for their very existence, as it is clear that reality can only contain so much divinity. When reality was shattered, the Land became the most hotly contested of all nine planes of reality.** Scholars have hotly debated why the Land has been so fiercely fought over, but it is obvious that it is the intersection of the strong presence of arcanology, giving them followers not only willing to give them due oblation, but also warriors capable of dealing actual harm to their celestial rivals.

    +

    ...

    +

    Needless to say quite a few deities found their champions in superior mortals (we all have experience the horrors of The Lady Disastrous, who attempted to bring the Briarhart Circle under her dread grasp and was indeed only repelled by our knowledge of even fouler magicks*** than hers).

    +

    *Semidemigods did not spawn until at least 101 lunar cycles after the Great Rupture, some scholars argue for longer, on the order of 500, though none convincingly.

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    **Ohio being the only plane of reality over which none of the divine beings, not even the semidemigods, wished to contest, for obvious reasons.

    +

    ***Indeed, fellow scholars, lycanthropes, students, and others, we will pay dearly for our crimes against reality.

    +

    Aret Bollhagen, Current Chair of Diabology

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Gwahair_Sibeld.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Gwahair_Sibeld.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c8a829f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Gwahair_Sibeld.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Gwahair Sibeld | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Gwahair Sibeld

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Hallowtide.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Hallowtide.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e159edc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Hallowtide.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +Hallowtide | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    +

    Hallowtide

    The easiest way to tell if a freshman is scoring above a C in my Magic Through the Ages course is whether they hold the popular misconception that deities stand in opposition to magic. It is true that the two forces are incompatible, but it is not an opposition. Rather, both are subject to ontological "seasons," if you will, that cause their influence on our reality to wax and wane. At the tipping point where magical forces of various natures win out over the power of the gods, there is a periodic event known as Gallowtide. At the other end of the pendulum, where magic dwindles and the gods rise once more, we celebrate Hallowtide.

    +

    The rites and customs surrounding Hallowtide could easily fill their own Lexicon, but a few common threads tie them together. The most obvious of these threads is the pervasive air of festivity, as a decline in magical power means the Courts will cause much less collateral damage in their conflict. At the same time, the festival carries a slight twinge of guilt, as the arrival of Hallowtide means that the gods can once again smite us for impiety. The Land loses many of its bolder comedians around this time.

    +

    Each polity retains its own, idiomatic practices concerning Hallowtide. That said, it is common for families to engage in gift-giving when the day arrives. It is theorized by anthropologists that this is descended from an older practice whereby magicians would trade around their now-worthless magical artifacts in hopes of finding something that would still function in the mana drought that accompanies Hallowtide, if not prove useful when magic returned to the Land. The practice has died out ever since magicians discovered that the magic systems that return at Gallowtide are usually different than the ones that left at Hallowtide, rendering their artifacts — in all probability — completely useless.

    +

    Lewin Vernelle, historian of magic

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    Jacks of All Trades

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    Cited by: Unweaving

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Law-Poet_Dirk_Biodag.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Law-Poet_Dirk_Biodag.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..63f77c6 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Law-Poet_Dirk_Biodag.html @@ -0,0 +1,53 @@ + + +Law-Poet Dirk Biodag | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Law-Poet Dirk Biodag

    Overview
    +Law-Poet Dirk Biodag (-50–314 After Fomorian Conflict) was an aes sidhe law-poet who practiced under the Uullor court. Famous for his negotiation of “infinite circle magic” cases, Dirk Biodag’s best-known work centers on the simultaneous ambiguity and implicit contractuality of communication. In one case, Gwyllion Guise vs. The Uullor Court, Biodag successfully established the immateriality of intentionality in implicit magic; in particular, in banishing via knife.

    +

    Early Life
    +We know Biodag was born to a pair of ironsmiths, who died in their dangerous line of work when Biodag was 8. The next reference places Biodag’s arrival at the Uullor Court in 2 AFC, as the complainants’ lawyer in the case The Descendents of Teg Tyl-Wyth v. Teg Tyl-Wyth, notable for establishing the citizenship rights of changelings. He rose to minor celebrity status after serving as lawyer for both plaintiff and defendant in the case Alderson v. Alderson. He served primarily as a civil-suits lawyer for 100 years before being appointed Court Drafter by King Finvara.

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    Later Career
    +As Court Drafter, Biodag was responsible for drafting and editing all legislation issued from the Uullor Court, magical or otherwise. His first action was to immediately and decisively issue the “Standards, Styles, Spell Structures, and Most Definitive Hermeneutic Guidelines for All Legislation Hereby Issued by the Uullor Court”, a document still used today (as of 1277 AFC). It is also worth considering that he considered the controversial Good Neighbors Law his greatest achievement.

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    Death
    +Biodag died at the old age of 364 in a freak accident while visiting the still-active iron foundry his parents perished in. His tomb is inscribed with a quote from The Guide, “There is no magic but language; no language but life; no life but magic.”

    +

    Dr. Naomi Imoan, Assistant Professor of Archaeology at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands

    +
    + +

    Worksheet for HIST 2002
    +(1)Which king promoted Biodag to Court Drafter in 102 AFC?
    +(2)What are two legal cases Biodag worked on?
    +(3)What was Biodag’s first act as Court Drafter?
    +Extra Credit: Please write one thing you remember from last week. Please. Anything.

    +

    Dr. Naomi Imoan, Assistant Professor of Archaeology at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/MHST_2103A_Magic_Through_the_Ages.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/MHST_2103A_Magic_Through_the_Ages.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..575173e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/MHST_2103A_Magic_Through_the_Ages.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +MHST 210: Magic Through the Ages | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    MHST 210: Magic Through the Ages

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    Cited by: Hallowtide

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    Moorland

    Overview
    +Moorland is a bog characterized by low ph value, thick layers of peat, and dense concentrations of long-burning magic. Although their exact ecological origin is still unknown, theories range from ancient civilizations to environmental factors and local fauna[1]. Moorland is particularly affected by the shifts in season between Gallowtide and Hallowtide, frequently being crusaded during seasons of the latter (but almost as quickly abandoned).[2]

    +

    Ecosystem
    +The moorland is subject to unique ecosystems, not only to account for the density of magic and acid, but also the corresponding lack of divine presence. Heather, a well-known magic fixator, thrives in these area. Adders and short-eared owls, creatures many speculate to be diabological, feed on water-rats and toads, either of which may attempt to defend themselves with simple spells.

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    Cultures
    +The Moorlander culture is among the most distinctive in all the world. No doubt, this is due to the presence of potent ingredients, such as juniper, cranberry, cottongrass, heather, and rosemary, leading to a thriving trade of textiles and cuisine. Although people of all races live there, dryads, selkies, gwyllion, and aes sidhe are particularly concentrated.[3] Moorlanders also pride themselves in their expansive funeral arrangements, leading to the highest concentration of mummies, banshees, will o' wisps, and ghosts almost anywhere.[4]

    +

    Dr. Naomi Imoan, Assistant Professor of Archaeology at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands

    +

    [1]"That Found in the Rubble and What Lurks Beneath the Swamp" by Dr. Aret Bollhagen and Elmadrin Shadowspinner
    +[2]"No 'Mere' Coincidence: Historical Magical Instability and its Correlation with Bog and Fen Ph. Levels" by Ven. Vexis Reagh
    +[3]The Vernelle Guide to Anthropology: Volume F: The Outlands, 13th Ed.
    +[4]"Fathers, a Lack of Sun, and The Wholly Ghostie Men" by Tam Everal, ed. Ansoni

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Necronomicon_Ex_Mortis.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Necronomicon_Ex_Mortis.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3286e2a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Necronomicon_Ex_Mortis.html @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ + + +Necronomicon Ex Mortis | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Necronomicon Ex Mortis

    Meir 1

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    Taz Meir

    +

    Dr. Scorn

    +

    Beginning English Literature

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    17 Moon, 1277

    +

    Current Events Assignment: Necronomicon Ex Mortis

    +

    Necronomicon is ancient greek for, "book of the dead" (Willheart and Agony 120). So the title translates to, "Book of the dead ex mortis". It is named this because the book has death magic in it, which can be used to do evil (Torment 12-21) (Blight 157).

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    The Necronomicon was found in the Fell Corruption where it was discovered by John Tyrant III (Tyrant 14). Who had a name so good they had to use it three times. He wrote, that it was inked in human blood and written on human skins (Tyrant 26). The fell rituals are believed to have generated the fall of the Arcadian Empire and how it was swallowed up by the Choked Wood.

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    Now the Necronomicon resides under the control of the Briarheart Circle, though many rumors which haven't been proven say that it has gone missing (Fetterley 688). As a citizen of the world everyone has a duty to pay attention to said events.

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    Tazzy

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    + +

    Taz, this is a little short. I have heard you argue during the more disruptive times in class. You have it in you to be an excellent writer. Your work could benefit from just a few minutes of proofreading and grammar checking!

    +

    In your next draft please elaborate on the fell rituals of the Necronomicon as we read about in class yesterday, and the reasons why its theft is so important for a World Citizen to understand.

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    Dr. Scorn

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    Planes of Reality

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    Cited by: Great Rupture

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Sax_and_Violins.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Sax_and_Violins.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..98ad477 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Sax_and_Violins.html @@ -0,0 +1,51 @@ + + +Sax and Violins | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Sax and Violins


    Taz 1

    +

    Taz Meir
    +Dr. Scorn
    +Beginning English Literature

    +

    Sax and Violins

    +

    Sax and Violins is a thrash metal band that's been banned by most good establishments such as this school because they are responsible for everything that is wrong in the world. But lots of people especially teenage boys but not me still listen to them because their lead violinist is smokin hawt.

    +

    +

    Members

    +

    The band is fronted by Suzi Succubus, vocalist. The lead violinist is Sassy Sclerosis. Krazy Kage is on drums, Yugn'wot'vaaath is saxophone, and HIS NAME IS A KILLING WORD is the bass violin.

    +

    All band members are demons, they met in Hell No. 5.5 of 7. This is why they are responsible for the corruption of our youth. At their last concert there was an orgy-murder-suicide which was metal as shit.

    +

    +

    Current Projects

    +

    Right now their focus according to HIS NAME IS A KILLING WORD is probably bouncing around their fans and worshippers, experimenting with new melodies, and deathfucking their groupies. But we can't be sure because all interviews with HIS NAME kill the interviewer through blood from the ears and also mess with the recording over time.

    +

    Tazzy

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Sibid_ruffians.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Sibid_ruffians.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..519ac2c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Sibid_ruffians.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Sibid ruffians | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Sibid ruffians

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Siege_of_Cornaperal.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Siege_of_Cornaperal.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..665c2b7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Siege_of_Cornaperal.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Siege of Cornaperal | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Siege of Cornaperal

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    Cited by: Cascade Illness

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/St._Charity_Orphanage_for_the_Preternaturally_Afflicted.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/St._Charity_Orphanage_for_the_Preternaturally_Afflicted.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8ef0435 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/St._Charity_Orphanage_for_the_Preternaturally_Afflicted.html @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ + + +St. Charity Orphanage for the Preternaturally Afflicted | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    +

    St. Charity Orphanage for the Preternaturally Afflicted

    St Charity's Orphanage for the Preternaturally Afflicted is an orphanage dedicated by its namesake to the service of children abandoned because of preternatural afflictions, such as lycanthropy or FMS. Originally run by the Order of St Charity, it is now under the care of the Briarheart Sisters, who took over the orphanage following the extinction of the Order at the hands of the Lady Disastrous. While the Sisters officially run St Charity's purely as a social service, it is commonly whispered that children raised by the Sisters are briarmarked, as the orphanage boasts a disproportionate representation among those summoned by the Circle. The Circle's call is almost always for the wondrous and the unnatural, so it is no surprise that the Sisters maintain a supply line "in-house", so to speak.

    +

    It is worthwhile to note why it is that an institution like dear old St Charity's must exist. The truly supernatural is discontinuous, but the preternatural is highly tradition-bound. Even curses, when transmittable, are handed down in the context of a predecessor and successor, the one traditioning it to the other along with knowledge of its nature and behavior. Preternaturally-afflicted children usually lack this, and many parents abandon them when they cannot quickly find someone with the same affliction to take the child under their wing. Afflicted children without this tradition often face discrimination.

    +

    Because of the transmission vector of lycanthropy, lycanthropes are especially vulnerable to this. Even yours truly is sometimes held up from his appointments by roving Sibid ruffians looking for trouble! Even so, great strides are being made for the cause of justice. Personally, I am quite pleased that the Circle has seen fit this time to summon a council, against all odds, composed entirely of lycanthropes.

    +

    Vexis Reagh
    +Lecturer in Theory

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Tentacle-Induced_Prayer_Disruption.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Tentacle-Induced_Prayer_Disruption.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..730fd84 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Tentacle-Induced_Prayer_Disruption.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +Tentacle-Induced Prayer Disruption | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Tentacle-Induced Prayer Disruption

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Academy.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Academy.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f4ec5fb --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Academy.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +The Academy | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    The Academy

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    +

    Cited by: Arcanology / Diabology

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Good_Neighbors_Law.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Good_Neighbors_Law.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..646e884 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Good_Neighbors_Law.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +The Good Neighbors Law | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    The Good Neighbors Law

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Guide.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Guide.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c39461a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Guide.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +The Guide | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    The Guide

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Lady_Disastrous.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Lady_Disastrous.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..db1e6a7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Lady_Disastrous.html @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ + + +The Lady Disastrous | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    The Lady Disastrous

    The Lady Disastrous is one of three beings to take on the status of a cataclysm in her own person. In this she is second to the Lord of Rivers' Wrath, and of the other we do not speak. Unlike her peers, however, scholarly consensus holds the damage attributed to the Lady Disastrous was largely accidental. It bears acknowledging that her Ladyship is a title of convenience: neither Court has ever bestowed lordship of disastrousness. Indeed, the Lady Disastrous holds the historical distinction of claiming neither Court as a patron, as their simultaneous plotting to get her enrolled with the other Court left her completely adrift.

    +

    The Lady Disastrous was born Emile Vanislav in a mid-Hallows period. Inducted into the Order of St. Charity at a young age, she swiftly rose through the ranks due to an unnatural series of accidents befalling those around her. In many similar cases, such accidents would seem to be the result of malicious design, but young Vanislav was apparently both earnest and unable to control many of the damning factors that doomed her schemes. For example, her elevation to Abbot was preceded by a deadly fire caused by a phlogiston muffin bake sale inside an Abbey made of lesser darkwood—although the reaction is known to us now, researchers would not discover it for another hundred moons after her time.

    +

    The historical record tells us of a career marked by increasingly ambitious attempts to do good marked by disproportionate backlashes. These catastrophic attempts at charity often involved large-scale divine blessings gone unimaingably awry: one recalls, for example, that the Targeld region attained its contemporary status after a blessing to calm the native wildlife instead converted the populace into the first recorded lycanthropes. And it hardly bears mentioning that, to this very day, worshippers must contend with the fallout of the time she blessed the Necronomicon Ex Mortis.

    +

    The Order of St. Charity collapsed after the Lady Disastrous attempted to do their accounting pro bono. Penniless and in disgrace, the Lady Disastrous died in 732 AFC attempting to give herself a haircut.

    +

    Lewin Vernelle, historian of magic

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Trash_Disaster3A_Who_to_Blame.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Trash_Disaster3A_Who_to_Blame.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7b42fd7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/The_Trash_Disaster3A_Who_to_Blame.html @@ -0,0 +1,64 @@ + + +The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame

    Dr. Uriel Ithloday, freely and under no compulsion, admits to criminal negligence, lack of foresight and medically necessitated inebriation that prevented him from noticing that his patients were about to bury the known world under 3 meters of toxically enchanted trash. The +warning signs were present in the very first file involving Mr. Baker who has since been vindicated of responsibility for his actions:

    +

    Subject: Cliff Baker
    +Occupation: Garbage Collector
    +Reason for Transplant: Severe Head Trauma due to auto accident
    +Donor: Dr. Felding, Historian at the University, Member of the Grove of the +Shining Lake and the Druidic Assembly of the Oak and Boar.
    +Cause of donation: Congestive Heart Failure.

    +

    Notes:
    +Mr. Baker complains that his new brain keeps spouting random facts about History +which is a subject that he never liked. Worse, it turns out that Dr. Felding +was a secret fan of Ohio State football, which sits ill upon Mr. Baker’s heart and +liver. It keeps going on and on about how “that land” (Toledo Ohio) came into this +state , besides bringing in odd observations about Alsace Lorraine and how France +ultimately won because of the fays which makes Mr. Baker feel rather uncomfortable +since he does not believe in fairies and wishes he would stop seeing them during his +rounds. +Suggested Treatment: Since Mr. Baker’s post operation humoral disposition has +become cold and moist: 2 glasses of a dry and heating wine such as Cabernet +Sauvignon per diem and 1 session of cognitive football therapy per week.

    +

    This disastrous prescription (Mr. Baker weighed 120 lb’s and took his wine first +thing in the morning) led to a vicious spiral of auto-accidents, delayed trash +pickup, riots in the stadium, increased head-injuries and hence transplants, larger +numbers of patients for Dr. Ithloday, more bungled prescriptions and so on, leading +to the situation we have now.

    +

    Dr. Uriel Ithloday M.D.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Unweaving.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Unweaving.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0c22a03 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Unweaving.html @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ + + +Unweaving | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Unweaving

    To understand the Unweaving, one must first understand the Weave. Mortals dwell on the Earth (or, as the Sibid call it, the Earth) and fae dwell in the Land. In the course of their eternal Dance, they often touch. Parts of the Land become interwoven with parts of the Earth, creating a liminal space through which one may pass from one world to another. The ludic tempo of the Dance ensures that the fae are never lacking for Weave regions through which to pass in and out of the mortal realm.

    +

    The Unweaving is a feared collapse of this play between Land and Earth. Whispers of the end of the Dance began circulating among Circle-adjacent scholars after the Jack of Binding entered a Weave region and bound Land and Earth together. After eight days of strain, the Land tore. Some parts of the Weave region merged wholly with the Earth, others disintegrated into unintelligibility, and the rest of the Land broke away to continue the Dance. It is feared that this wound may fester, unraveling the Land until all of it has either collapsed into the categories of mortal existence or spun off from the Dance into oblivion. The Weave would end, and with it the Dance.

    +

    Speculation blames the Jack of Accounting, whose thorough inventory of the Weave region prevented the Land from weaving out. We fae are, after all, liminal things in our own way, creatures of the known unknown, like ice that melts under the direct light of observation. To be cataloged, to be fit into a theory, dissected—is this not to cease to be fae? This, then, is the paradox of the Unweaving: that precisely in becoming known, we will be forgotten.

    +

    The threat of the Unweaving has led to some fae attempting increasingly ludicrous stunts to bamboozle the mortal world, including, but not limited to, covering the Earth in magic garbage. Though interference of this level is normally forbidden, in light of circumstances, the criminal penalties have been suspended.

    +

    Vexis Reagh
    +Lecturer in Theory

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/What_Lurks_Beneath_the_Swamp.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/What_Lurks_Beneath_the_Swamp.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..809a1bc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/What_Lurks_Beneath_the_Swamp.html @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ + + +What Lurks Beneath the Swamp | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    What Lurks Beneath the Swamp

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

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    Cited by: Moorland

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    ← Previous
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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Withering_Memory.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Withering_Memory.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f0cbb3b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Withering_Memory.html @@ -0,0 +1,46 @@ + + +Withering Memory | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Withering Memory

    According to several scholars in the Sibid Court, at the last full-moon many recieved a vision of a spiderweb suspended between two dreams. One was of rage, the other nameless loss.
    +This sign certainly indicates the evidence of what many have feared: that The Land is being forgotten.

    +

    A certain scholar, having laboured this past week between the rising and the setting of the moon, conversing on occasion with the others of the Sibid Court~though they dwell in the hollows of the night, and Ullor Court rules the day, they are not as some suggest, "creatures of darkness," but even so love the beauty of the evening sky~discovered that the startling rouge of a small child's first glimpse of sunset, which he had been intending to dissect, had vanished.
    +It had been placed in a container of starlight, as is done, but upon the next evening, the starlight held nothing but a salt rime like dried tears.
    +Given the well-known preservative nature of woven starlight, this event has produced tremors in the Sibid Court and one must assume, despite their deep-seated omphaloskepsis,the Ullor Court as well, indicating an essential instability in the very fabric of The Land. Certain other signs, an arrangement of false stars in the shape of an empty cup, the Great Yew being late to flower, and other such occurrences have given rise to a certainty in the minds of many that the Unweaving, long feared, often ridiculed, may now be coming about. +Although it many consider it unthinkable and indeed anathema, it is the opinion of some that the only solution left may be to breach the First Contract.
    +It seems possible that the world of Man has ceased to remember the People, whether by story, or by heart, and with it, the People themselves may fade. It is imperative that all scholars, be they of either Court, take action by further study.

    +

    Elmadin Shadowspinner, Keeper of the Forgotten

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Xenomorphism_and_Transplants3A_A_Balanced_View.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Xenomorphism_and_Transplants3A_A_Balanced_View.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..87964c0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/article/Xenomorphism_and_Transplants3A_A_Balanced_View.html @@ -0,0 +1,41 @@ + + +Xenomorphism and Transplants: A Balanced View | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Xenomorphism and Transplants: A Balanced View

    While Vexis Reagh maintains that there is absolutely no reason to fear contracting lycanthropy through the transplantation of brains or other internal organs, Sibid ruffians have made it pretty much impossible to run the out-patient clinic of the Ann Arbor Holistic Center for Brain Transplantation and Wellness near the Briarwood Mall, except during the day, since they assume that even a little kidney would turn its new owner into a hairy monster that eats all Teg Tyl-Wyth at night.

    +

    The truth, as always, lies somewhere in between the extremists. While it is true that techniques that screen for lycanthropic origin of organs have improved greatly since donation became universally mandatory, they are still far from perfect. That being said, the dangers of such organs are greatly exaggerated. Double blind clinical trials led by a team under Dr. Ithloday of the A2HCBTW and Dr. McGill of the Fomorian Brain and Ophthalmic Research Lab have shown that recipients of an L-brain merely have wolfish dreams at the time of the full moon which intensify to waking hallucinations or wane completely depending on the tides. Those with an L-liver have an insatiable hunger for raw meat on the same cycle and those with a were-wolf’s heart feel a mystical calling to run around and howl at the moon, nothing more. In patients with all three lycanthropic organs, some additional growth of hair, teeth and nails was observable at these times although they can be largely prevented by a diet rich in cucumbers. (Funding was insufficient to test other organs or combinations thereof.) Therefore some care is urged in the case of repeat replacement.

    +

    As with all else in life, it is necessary to weigh the risks and rewards of a new heart, brain or liver.

    +

    Dr. Uriel Ithloday M.D.

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    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/compiled.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/compiled.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..157fa82 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/compiled.html @@ -0,0 +1,174 @@ +Lexicon Subtilis +

    The Academy

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Arcadian Empire

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Arcanology

    As an Arcanologist myself-a̶l̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶l̶i̶e̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶e̶r̶m̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶r̶a̶y̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶r̶u̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶e̶t̶r̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶m̶e̶d̶i̶t̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶Glamour1 ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶t̶i̶t̶u̶t̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶e̶l̶d̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶l̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶U̶l̶l̶o̶r̶ ̶C̶o̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶a̶f̶f̶e̶c̶t̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶--I find it proper to give a short history of the field that will accurately convey its true essence and economic impact.

    +

    -1500: The Founding of "Arcanology"

    +

    The Why

    +

    Nearly 3000 years ago, on the cusp of Gallowtide2 the Briarheart Circle declared a state of emergency in expectation of the historically disastrous return of new magic to the land. Given that magic systems inevitably change or are remade wholesale after the slate-clearing effects of Hallowtide3, the population of erstwhile magical practitioners had regularly dropped by over 50% as previously innocent incantations such as lighting one's cigarette with a small thumb-flame could result in summoning a greater demon. With the exception of certain +(̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶a̶n̶o̶i̶d̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶u̶t̶h̶o̶r̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶:̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶s̶o̶n̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶p̶a̶r̶e̶d̶)̶ magicians who may have happened to inscribe hexagrammic wards on each cigarette filter merely as a preemptory measure, many magicians perished in spectacularly gory and unpleasent ways.

    +

    Formation

    +

    In an effort to avoid such drastic fluctuations in the magical population, and the accompanying logistical nightmare of producing supply/demand curve stabilization charms on a national scale, The Briarheart Council convened a new branch of The Academy4 whose primary task was to catalogue and identify new strains of magic as they emerged, cross-reference them with previous magical systems, and provide up-to-date risk analysis models in a timely manner to any magician who wished to emply prior magical systems.

    +

    Within the first decade of its inception, the field of Arcanology contributed to a significant decrease in accidental magical deaths(averaging ~40%), a figure that was previously unheard of within the first 300 years of a new Gallowtide and the previous process of supernatural selection that eventually resulted in a stable practitioner base.

    +

    Beyond the mere loss of life averted, however, the contributions to the stability of the magical commodities market resulted in significant financial gain.

    +

    Elmadin Shadowspinner, Keeper of the Forgotten, Probationary member of the Board of Arcanology.

    +

    1. Glamour
    2. Gallowtide
    3. Hallowtide
    4. The Academy

    Author: Aret Bollhagen

    The esteemed Aret Bollhagen is a diabologian specializing in the intersection of arcanology, grammar, and applied theophysics. His interest in the arcane arts began when introduced to the myriad of religions throughout this fine land and the theopolitical tensions between them and the Circle. His paper, "On the emphasis of syllables in religious words," caused ripples not only in the Academy, but also inspired two books of theoretical arcanology, the creation of seven spells, a tear in reality, and no less than five duels from vengeful theologians. He currently resides as chair of Diabology at the Academy and spends most of his time avoiding students and making his papers as difficult to read as possible.

    +

    Author: Dr. Naomi Imoan

    Dr. Naomi Imoan is a dryad currently residing in the Claggy Grove on the Heather Cliffs. Best known for her participation in the Fomorian Court Excavation and her book Ancient Contracts and Implicit Magic: Is Everyone Always Already Cursed?, her work is among the hottest up-and-coming archaeological research in the field of Ancient Contracts, Rites, and Ghost Law. When she is not teaching 6 classes a semester at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands, and performing 5 excavations a year, she enjoys sleeping, looking pensively over the landscape, whiskey-tasting, and gardening. She also welcomes questions from the public; just give her your name and she'll be in touch!

    +

    Author: Dr. Uriel Ithloday

    Logotherapist of the Ann Arbor Holistic Center for Brain Transplantation and Wellness. Dr. Ithloday is an expert in ancient and modern Galenic medicine and is certified in the 3rd Viennese school of psychotherapy founded by Viktor Frankl. He has helped thousands of patients to find inner peace and harmony by discovering and achieving their true goals in life. Author of numerous scholarly and popular works, he is perhaps best known for his groundbreaking studies: “Brain, Heart and Liver: the Neglected seats of the Psyche” and “Wine: Medicine of the Gods; Beer: Elixir of the Fae”.

    +

    Author: Elmadin Shadowspinner

    Elmadin Shadowspinner. Keeper of the Forgotten. +Member of the Sibid Court, dealer in forgotten childhood memories. Elmadin trades in the colour of the first bird seen by a baby in the Spring, the names of imaginary friends long abandoned, and young lovers’ second kisses.

    +

    These rare pieces of glamour he hoards, spending hours wrapped in the embrace of flickering tallow-light, tracing the threads of moonlight that tie the forgotten to each other and working tirelessly to find a way to stem the perpetual self-emptying of the World-dream.

    +

    Author: Lewin Vernelle

    A renowned figure among thaumohistorical researchers, Dr. Lewin Vernelle heads the Magical Anthropology department at Regardful Creek University. Dr. Vernelle studies the historical effects of Gallowtide on the rise and fall of different paradigms of magic, with special focus on the decline of shamanism. He is widely known for authoring the popular Beru Thunderbough novels, as well as the acclaimed nonfiction book Botany and the Science of Revolution. When not at work, he may be found at a local park or attending ecoanarchist meet-ups. He lives in Elderbeam with his wife Susanna and their two rambunctious children.

    +

    Author: Tam Everal & Ansoni of the Red Ravine

    A young tree spirit rooted within the ancient forest of the Red Ravine, Tam Everal is considered a promising scholar who is best known for his studies of transient supernatural phenomena, most of which were conducted in the first few centuries of his life. More recently, however, in a time where older spirits have began to wither away, Everal has focused on preserving the priceless and sometimes cryptic knowledge of his elders.

    +

    Everal observes many of the Ravine's practices, including, to the dismay of outside academics, concealing the community's arcane knowledge. Almost all of Everal's publications are superficial warnings of imminent crises. Only during the last century, with Gallowtide approaching, did Everal began revealing some of his deeper and more startling discoveries.

    +

    Ansoni is the long-standing Red Ravine External Secretary, administering political and academic exchanges between the Ravine and the outside world. While her exact nature and origin is unknown, it is theorized that, because Ansoni's position requires her to interact extensively with non-Ravine individuals, the Red Ravine had carefully removed specific memories and magical abilities from Ansoni to prevent her from revealing any secret knowledge.

    +

    Still, Ansoni retained her intellect and political prowess, and she remains loyal to the Ravine. Yet, she often shares the curiosity of outside observers, personally advocating for a more open Ravine society. It is this unique position that recently +convinced the Briarheart Circle to assign Ansoni the task of translating and communicating the works of Everal for the emergency council.

    +

    Author: Taz Meir

    Meir 1

    +

    Taz Meir

    +

    Dr. Scorn

    +

    Beginning English Literature

    +

    14 Moon, 1277

    +

    College Essay Draft 1

    +

    Its' an important time at Sunlight High. Because, the class of 1278 is making decisions that will impact the rest of their lives such as the choice of what college to go to, I chose Unseelie University because of the strong academics, impactful scholastic, and strong history of success.

    +

    A little about me I have 2 sisters who are twins Erena and Selena who are you probably could of guessed moonlight naiads who are already attending UU. Me and my mom and dad are really proud of them for all their many and copious accomplishments.

    +

    I also show leadership at band where I play the tuba. Shout out to my man Angry Pete on the trombone. I hope to foster leadership at Double U because my dream is to join the Feyknights.

    +

    Author: Ven. Vexis Reagh

    The Venerable Vexis Reagh is an itinerant lecturer recognized as an expert on the history of ideas. His most well-known research projects are archaeological investigations of the traditions of the Land, the preservation of which he claims is the most important calling a scholar can have. Despite the abundance of lecture invitations he accepts, it is difficult to hear him speak in person, as due to his abnormally bad luck he is usually waylaid by some disaster on the way to the event. Outside of his academic work, he is a fervent supporter of lycanthropic rights.

    +

    Cascade Illness

    Cascade Illness, vernacularly known as "shattering", is a supernatural medical condition in which a spirit entity is gradually divided into semi-dependent, dysfunctional fragments over the course of a few decades. Although only common among elderly spirits (>10,000 years old), disruptions on the astral plane could significantly increase the frequency of the illness. Most famously, at the Siege of Cornaperal1, the weaponry used is believed to have induced the illness in thousands.

    +


    +Symptoms

    +

    The illness begins with the spirit's aura pulsing at a steadily increasing rate and magnitude. The alignment and integrity of the spirit becomes unstable, until the spirit splits at the peak of one of the pulses. The process then repeats for the new entities, creating a "cascade" of disorderly dividing.

    +

    Each split divides the spirit's mental and magical components into separate fragments in a seemingly random manner. For example, a fragment may retain an ability to decipher written language, while the other fragments struggle to understand basic grammar. Memories and magical abilities are often split in a similar fashion.

    +

    Initially, the fragments are able to communicate via a shared stream of consciousness, but as the number of fragments grows, the increased complexity of coordination critically degrades the spirit's flow of thought. Eventually, the mind is dissolved into noise, and the aura is dissipated into the astral plane.

    +


    +Causes

    +

    Studies conducted across ancient communities found a correlation between Cascade Illness and exposure to "background noise" on the astral plane - hence, older spirits are affected the most. In particular, the studies suggest that the illness is caused by interference from specific astral frequencies, amplified by mystic crises such as the Great Rupture2 and Gallowtide3 events.

    +


    +Treatments

    +

    Attempts to prevent, mitigate, or cure the illness have been unsuccessful. The long-standing effects of the Great Rupture are practically unavoidable, and any magical countermeasure usually worsens the illness with its own astral frequencies.

    +

    However, there have been three recently recorded cases where the illness stopped without external influence. The partial cascading leaves the spirits in a confused limbo between stability and insanity. Recent efforts to find treatments have focused on reproducing these cases.

    +

    Tam Everal (edited by Ansoni)

    +

    1. Siege of Cornaperal
    2. Great Rupture
    3. Gallowtide

    Cognitive football therapy

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Diabology

    As any schoolchild knows, religions in the Land are numerous as they are antagonistic, giving no quarter in their debates nor sacred duels. While one could go on (and indeed, many diabologians and theologians have) about the various arguments for superiority of deities each religion gives, or of the various gods, demigods, and semidemigods that have contested with each other for followers, it is important to take a step back and investigate two distinct and important issues.

    +

    1) Why are these religions so numerous, and why can they not get along?

    +

    2) What, if anything, constitutes an antithesis to the many religions?

    +

    It is in these two questions that diabology is most interested. However, one must note it is of considerable difficulty to study such lofty questions when the Academy1 is continually in a state of civil war between theologians, diabologians, arcanologists2, and staff members attempting to justify their existence. Alas, such is the cost of the forward progress of academia.

    +

    Aret Bollhagen, Current Chair of Diabology

    +

    1. The Academy
    2. Arcanology

    Dr. Felding

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Fell Corruption

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Fetal magical syndrome

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    First Contract

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Fomorian Brain and Ophthalmic Research Lab

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Gallowtide

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Glamour

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    The Good Neighbors Law

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Great Rupture

    Excerpts from "On the Gods of the Great Rupture and the Subsequent Formation of the Religions of the Land"

    +

    The resources diabology provides scholars with are vast, but even they are stretched thin when studying the far reaching implications of the greatest metaphysical disaster the Land has ever known. In this paper I will forego any attempts to describe what exactly caused it (exempting a preliminary discussion on the use of an accented e in the word Blessed and how that began this whole sad state of affairs), and instead focus on the religious aspects, which are as numerous as they are conflicting.

    +

    ...

    +

    The gods and demigods* that came from this disaster fought each other zealously for their very existence, as it is clear that reality can only contain so much divinity. When reality was shattered, the Land became the most hotly contested of all nine planes of reality1.** Scholars have hotly debated why the Land has been so fiercely fought over, but it is obvious that it is the intersection of the strong presence of arcanology, giving them followers not only willing to give them due oblation, but also warriors capable of dealing actual harm to their celestial rivals.

    +

    ...

    +

    Needless to say quite a few deities found their champions in superior mortals (we all have experience the horrors of The Lady Disastrous2, who attempted to bring the Briarhart Circle under her dread grasp and was indeed only repelled by our knowledge of even fouler magicks3*** than hers).

    +

    *Semidemigods did not spawn until at least 101 lunar cycles after the Great Rupture, some scholars argue for longer, on the order of 500, though none convincingly.

    +

    **Ohio being the only plane of reality over which none of the divine beings, not even the semidemigods, wished to contest, for obvious reasons.

    +

    ***Indeed, fellow scholars, lycanthropes, students, and others, we will pay dearly for our crimes against reality.

    +

    Aret Bollhagen, Current Chair of Diabology

    +

    1. Planes of Reality
    2. The Lady Disastrous
    3. Necronomicon Ex Mortis

    The Guide

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Gwahair Sibeld

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Hallowtide

    The easiest way to tell if a freshman is scoring above a C in my Magic Through the Ages course1 is whether they hold the popular misconception that deities stand in opposition to magic. It is true that the two forces are incompatible, but it is not an opposition. Rather, both are subject to ontological "seasons," if you will, that cause their influence on our reality to wax and wane. At the tipping point where magical forces of various natures win out over the power of the gods, there is a periodic event known as Gallowtide2. At the other end of the pendulum, where magic dwindles and the gods rise once more, we celebrate Hallowtide.

    +

    The rites and customs surrounding Hallowtide could easily fill their own Lexicon, but a few common threads tie them together. The most obvious of these threads is the pervasive air of festivity, as a decline in magical power means the Courts will cause much less collateral damage in their conflict. At the same time, the festival carries a slight twinge of guilt, as the arrival of Hallowtide means that the gods can once again smite us for impiety. The Land loses many of its bolder comedians around this time.

    +

    Each polity retains its own, idiomatic practices concerning Hallowtide. That said, it is common for families to engage in gift-giving when the day arrives. It is theorized by anthropologists that this is descended from an older practice whereby magicians would trade around their now-worthless magical artifacts in hopes of finding something that would still function in the mana drought that accompanies Hallowtide, if not prove useful when magic returned to the Land. The practice has died out ever since magicians discovered that the magic systems that return at Gallowtide are usually different than the ones that left at Hallowtide, rendering their artifacts — in all probability — completely useless.

    +

    Lewin Vernelle, historian of magic

    +

    1. MHST 210: Magic Through the Ages
    2. Gallowtide

    Jacks of All Trades

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    The Lady Disastrous

    The Lady Disastrous is one of three beings to take on the status of a cataclysm in her own person. In this she is second to the Lord of Rivers' Wrath1, and of the other we do not speak. Unlike her peers, however, scholarly consensus holds the damage attributed to the Lady Disastrous was largely accidental. It bears acknowledging that her Ladyship is a title of convenience: neither Court has ever bestowed lordship of disastrousness. Indeed, the Lady Disastrous holds the historical distinction of claiming neither Court as a patron, as their simultaneous plotting to get her enrolled with the other Court left her completely adrift.

    +

    The Lady Disastrous was born Emile Vanislav in a mid-Hallows period. Inducted into the Order of St. Charity at a young age, she swiftly rose through the ranks due to an unnatural series of accidents befalling those around her. In many similar cases, such accidents would seem to be the result of malicious design, but young Vanislav was apparently both earnest and unable to control many of the damning factors that doomed her schemes. For example, her elevation to Abbot was preceded by a deadly fire caused by a phlogiston muffin bake sale inside an Abbey made of lesser darkwood—although the reaction is known to us now, researchers would not discover it for another hundred moons after her time.

    +

    The historical record tells us of a career marked by increasingly ambitious attempts to do good marked by disproportionate backlashes. These catastrophic attempts at charity often involved large-scale divine blessings gone unimaingably awry: one recalls, for example, that the Targeld region attained its contemporary status after a blessing to calm the native wildlife instead converted the populace into the first recorded lycanthropes. And it hardly bears mentioning that, to this very day, worshippers must contend with the fallout2 of the time she blessed the Necronomicon Ex Mortis3.

    +

    The Order of St. Charity collapsed after the Lady Disastrous attempted to do their accounting pro bono. Penniless and in disgrace, the Lady Disastrous died in 732 AFC attempting to give herself a haircut.

    +

    Lewin Vernelle, historian of magic

    +

    1. Gwahair Sibeld
    2. Tentacle-Induced Prayer Disruption
    3. Necronomicon Ex Mortis

    Law-Poet Dirk Biodag

    Overview
    +Law-Poet Dirk Biodag (-50–314 After Fomorian Conflict) was an aes sidhe law-poet who practiced under the Uullor court. Famous for his negotiation of “infinite circle magic” cases, Dirk Biodag’s best-known work centers on the simultaneous ambiguity and implicit contractuality of communication. In one case, Gwyllion Guise vs. The Uullor Court, Biodag successfully established the immateriality of intentionality in implicit magic; in particular, in banishing via knife.

    +

    Early Life
    +We know Biodag was born to a pair of ironsmiths, who died in their dangerous line of work when Biodag was 8. The next reference places Biodag’s arrival at the Uullor Court in 2 AFC, as the complainants’ lawyer in the case The Descendents of Teg Tyl-Wyth v. Teg Tyl-Wyth, notable for establishing the citizenship rights of changelings. He rose to minor celebrity status after serving as lawyer for both plaintiff and defendant in the case Alderson v. Alderson. He served primarily as a civil-suits lawyer for 100 years before being appointed Court Drafter by King Finvara.

    +

    Later Career
    +As Court Drafter, Biodag was responsible for drafting and editing all legislation issued from the Uullor Court, magical or otherwise. His first action was to immediately and decisively issue the “Standards, Styles, Spell Structures, and Most Definitive Hermeneutic Guidelines for All Legislation Hereby Issued by the Uullor Court”1, a document still used today (as of 1277 AFC). It is also worth considering that he considered the controversial Good Neighbors Law2 his greatest achievement.

    +

    Death
    +Biodag died at the old age of 364 in a freak accident while visiting the still-active iron foundry his parents perished in. His tomb is inscribed with a quote from The Guide, “There is no magic but language; no language but life; no life but magic.”

    +

    Dr. Naomi Imoan, Assistant Professor of Archaeology at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands

    +

    1. The Guide
    2. The Good Neighbors Law

    Worksheet for HIST 2002
    +(1)Which king promoted Biodag to Court Drafter in 102 AFC?
    +(2)What are two legal cases Biodag worked on?
    +(3)What was Biodag’s first act as Court Drafter?
    +Extra Credit: Please write one thing you remember from last week. Please. Anything.

    +

    Dr. Naomi Imoan, Assistant Professor of Archaeology at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands

    +

    MHST 210: Magic Through the Ages

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Moorland

    Overview
    +Moorland is a bog characterized by low ph value, thick layers of peat, and dense concentrations of long-burning magic. Although their exact ecological origin is still unknown, theories range from ancient civilizations to environmental factors and local fauna[1]. Moorland is particularly affected by the shifts in season between Gallowtide1 and Hallowtide2, frequently being crusaded during seasons of the latter (but almost as quickly abandoned).[2]

    +

    Ecosystem
    +The moorland is subject to unique ecosystems, not only to account for the density of magic and acid, but also the corresponding lack of divine presence. Heather, a well-known magic fixator, thrives in these area. Adders and short-eared owls, creatures many speculate to be diabological3, feed on water-rats and toads, either of which may attempt to defend themselves with simple spells.

    +

    Cultures
    +The Moorlander culture is among the most distinctive in all the world. No doubt, this is due to the presence of potent ingredients, such as juniper, cranberry, cottongrass, heather, and rosemary, leading to a thriving trade of textiles and cuisine. Although people of all races live there, dryads, selkies, gwyllion, and aes sidhe are particularly concentrated.[3] Moorlanders also pride themselves in their expansive funeral arrangements, leading to the highest concentration of mummies, banshees, will o' wisps, and ghosts almost anywhere.[4]

    +

    Dr. Naomi Imoan, Assistant Professor of Archaeology at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands

    +

    [1]"That Found in the Rubble and What Lurks Beneath the Swamp4" by Dr. Aret Bollhagen and Elmadrin Shadowspinner
    +[2]"No 'Mere' Coincidence: Historical Magical Instability and its Correlation with Bog and Fen Ph. Levels" by Ven. Vexis Reagh
    +[3]The Vernelle Guide to Anthropology: Volume F: The Outlands, 13th Ed.
    +[4]"Fathers, a Lack of Sun, and The Wholly Ghostie Men" by Tam Everal, ed. Ansoni

    +

    1. Gallowtide
    2. Hallowtide
    3. Diabology
    4. What Lurks Beneath the Swamp

    Necronomicon Ex Mortis

    Meir 1

    +

    Taz Meir

    +

    Dr. Scorn

    +

    Beginning English Literature

    +

    17 Moon, 1277

    +

    Current Events Assignment: Necronomicon Ex Mortis

    +

    Necronomicon is ancient greek for, "book of the dead" (Willheart and Agony 120). So the title translates to, "Book of the dead ex mortis". It is named this because the book has death magic in it, which can be used to do evil (Torment 12-21) (Blight 157).

    +

    The Necronomicon was found in the Fell Corruption1 where it was discovered by John Tyrant III (Tyrant 14). Who had a name so good they had to use it three times. He wrote, that it was inked in human blood and written on human skins (Tyrant 26). The fell rituals are believed to have generated the fall of the Arcadian Empire2 and how it was swallowed up by the Choked Wood.

    +

    Now the Necronomicon resides under the control of the Briarheart Circle, though many rumors which haven't been proven say that it has gone missing (Fetterley 688). As a citizen of the world everyone has a duty to pay attention to said events.

    +

    Tazzy

    +

    1. Fell Corruption
    2. Arcadian Empire

    Taz, this is a little short. I have heard you argue during the more disruptive times in class. You have it in you to be an excellent writer. Your work could benefit from just a few minutes of proofreading and grammar checking!

    +

    In your next draft please elaborate on the fell rituals of the Necronomicon as we read about in class yesterday, and the reasons why its theft is so important for a World Citizen to understand.

    +

    Dr. Scorn

    +

    Planes of Reality

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Sax and Violins


    Taz 1

    +

    Taz Meir
    +Dr. Scorn
    +Beginning English Literature

    +

    Sax and Violins

    +

    Sax and Violins is a thrash metal band that's been banned by most good establishments such as this school because they are responsible for everything1 that2 is3 wrong4 in the world5. But lots of people especially teenage boys but not me still listen to them because their lead violinist is smokin hawt.

    +

    +

    Members

    +

    The band is fronted by Suzi Succubus, vocalist. The lead violinist is Sassy Sclerosis. Krazy Kage is on drums, Yugn'wot'vaaath is saxophone, and HIS NAME IS A KILLING WORD is the bass violin.

    +

    All band members are demons6, they met in Hell No. 5.5 of 7. This is why they are responsible for the corruption of our youth. At their last concert7 there was an orgy-murder-suicide which was metal as shit.

    +

    +

    Current Projects

    +

    Right now their focus according to HIS NAME IS A KILLING WORD is probably bouncing around their fans and worshippers, experimenting with new melodies, and deathfucking their groupies. But we can't be sure because all interviews with HIS NAME kill the interviewer through blood from the ears and also mess with the recording over time.

    +

    Tazzy

    +

    1. Cascade Illness
    2. Fetal magical syndrome
    3. The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame
    4. Withering Memory
    5. Great Rupture
    6. Diabology
    7. Great Rupture

    Sibid ruffians

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Siege of Cornaperal

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    St. Charity Orphanage for the Preternaturally Afflicted

    St Charity's Orphanage for the Preternaturally Afflicted is an orphanage dedicated by its namesake to the service of children abandoned because of preternatural afflictions, such as lycanthropy or FMS1. Originally run by the Order of St Charity, it is now under the care of the Briarheart Sisters, who took over the orphanage following the extinction of the Order at the hands of the Lady Disastrous2. While the Sisters officially run St Charity's purely as a social service, it is commonly whispered that children raised by the Sisters are briarmarked, as the orphanage boasts a disproportionate representation among those summoned by the Circle. The Circle's call is almost always for the wondrous and the unnatural, so it is no surprise that the Sisters maintain a supply line "in-house", so to speak.

    +

    It is worthwhile to note why it is that an institution like dear old St Charity's must exist. The truly supernatural is discontinuous, but the preternatural is highly tradition-bound. Even curses, when transmittable, are handed down in the context of a predecessor and successor, the one traditioning it to the other along with knowledge of its nature and behavior. Preternaturally-afflicted children usually lack this, and many parents abandon them when they cannot quickly find someone with the same affliction to take the child under their wing. Afflicted children without this tradition often face discrimination.

    +

    Because of the transmission vector of lycanthropy, lycanthropes are especially vulnerable to this. Even yours truly is sometimes held up from his appointments by roving Sibid ruffians looking for trouble! Even so, great strides are being made for the cause of justice. Personally, I am quite pleased that the Circle has seen fit this time to summon a council, against all odds, composed entirely of lycanthropes.

    +

    Vexis Reagh
    +Lecturer in Theory

    +

    1. Fetal magical syndrome
    2. The Lady Disastrous

    Tentacle-Induced Prayer Disruption

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame

    Dr. Uriel Ithloday, freely and under no compulsion, admits to criminal negligence, lack of foresight and medically necessitated inebriation that prevented him from noticing that his patients were about to bury the known world under 3 meters of toxically enchanted trash. The +warning signs were present in the very first file involving Mr. Baker who has since been vindicated of responsibility for his actions:

    +

    Subject: Cliff Baker
    +Occupation: Garbage Collector
    +Reason for Transplant: Severe Head Trauma due to auto accident
    +Donor: Dr. Felding, Historian at the University, Member of the Grove of the +Shining Lake and the Druidic Assembly of the Oak and Boar.
    +Cause of donation: Congestive Heart Failure.

    +

    Notes:
    +Mr. Baker complains that his new brain keeps spouting random facts about History +which is a subject that he never liked. Worse, it turns out that Dr. Felding1 +was a secret fan of Ohio State football, which sits ill upon Mr. Baker’s heart and +liver. It keeps going on and on about how “that land” (Toledo Ohio) came into this +state , besides bringing in odd observations about Alsace Lorraine and how France +ultimately won because of the fays which makes Mr. Baker feel rather uncomfortable +since he does not believe in fairies and wishes he would stop seeing them during his +rounds. +Suggested Treatment: Since Mr. Baker’s post operation humoral disposition has +become cold and moist: 2 glasses of a dry and heating wine such as Cabernet +Sauvignon per diem and 1 session of cognitive football therapy2 per week.

    +

    This disastrous prescription (Mr. Baker weighed 120 lb’s and took his wine first +thing in the morning) led to a vicious spiral of auto-accidents, delayed trash +pickup, riots in the stadium, increased head-injuries and hence transplants, larger +numbers of patients for Dr. Ithloday, more bungled prescriptions and so on, leading +to the situation we have now.

    +

    Dr. Uriel Ithloday M.D.

    +

    1. Dr. Felding
    2. Cognitive football therapy

    Unweaving

    To understand the Unweaving, one must first understand the Weave. Mortals dwell on the Earth (or, as the Sibid call it, the Earth) and fae dwell in the Land. In the course of their eternal Dance, they often touch. Parts of the Land become interwoven with parts of the Earth, creating a liminal space through which one may pass from one world to another. The ludic tempo of the Dance ensures that the fae are never lacking for Weave regions through which to pass in and out of the mortal realm.

    +

    The Unweaving is a feared collapse of this play between Land and Earth. Whispers of the end of the Dance began circulating among Circle-adjacent scholars after the Jack of Binding1 entered a Weave region and bound Land and Earth together. After eight days of strain, the Land tore2. Some parts of the Weave region merged wholly with the Earth, others disintegrated into unintelligibility, and the rest of the Land broke away to continue the Dance. It is feared that this wound may fester, unraveling the Land until all of it has either collapsed into the categories of mortal existence or spun off from the Dance into oblivion. The Weave would end, and with it the Dance.

    +

    Speculation blames the Jack of Accounting, whose thorough inventory of the Weave region prevented the Land from weaving out. We fae are, after all, liminal things in our own way, creatures of the known unknown, like ice that melts under the direct light of observation. To be cataloged, to be fit into a theory, dissected—is this not to cease to be fae? This, then, is the paradox of the Unweaving: that precisely in becoming known, we will be forgotten3.

    +

    The threat of the Unweaving has led to some fae attempting increasingly ludicrous stunts to bamboozle the mortal world, including, but not limited to, covering the Earth in magic garbage4. Though interference of this level is normally forbidden, in light of circumstances, the criminal penalties have been suspended.

    +

    Vexis Reagh
    +Lecturer in Theory

    +

    1. Jacks of All Trades
    2. Great Rupture
    3. Withering Memory
    4. The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame

    What Lurks Beneath the Swamp

    This entry hasn't been written yet.

    Withering Memory

    According to several scholars in the Sibid Court, at the last full-moon many recieved a vision of a spiderweb suspended between two dreams. One was of rage, the other nameless loss.
    +This sign certainly indicates the evidence of what many have feared: that The Land is being forgotten.

    +

    A certain scholar, having laboured this past week between the rising and the setting of the moon, conversing on occasion with the others of the Sibid Court~though they dwell in the hollows of the night, and Ullor Court rules the day, they are not as some suggest, "creatures of darkness," but even so love the beauty of the evening sky~discovered that the startling rouge of a small child's first glimpse of sunset, which he had been intending to dissect, had vanished.
    +It had been placed in a container of starlight, as is done, but upon the next evening, the starlight held nothing but a salt rime like dried tears.
    +Given the well-known preservative nature of woven starlight, this event has produced tremors in the Sibid Court and one must assume, despite their deep-seated omphaloskepsis,the Ullor Court as well, indicating an essential instability in the very fabric of The Land. Certain other signs, an arrangement of false stars in the shape of an empty cup, the Great Yew being late to flower, and other such occurrences have given rise to a certainty in the minds of many that the Unweaving1, long feared, often ridiculed, may now be coming about. +Although it many consider it unthinkable and indeed anathema, it is the opinion of some that the only solution left may be to breach the First Contract2.
    +It seems possible that the world of Man has ceased to remember the People, whether by story, or by heart, and with it, the People themselves may fade. It is imperative that all scholars, be they of either Court, take action by further study.

    +

    Elmadin Shadowspinner, Keeper of the Forgotten

    +

    1. Unweaving
    2. First Contract

    Xenomorphism and Transplants: A Balanced View

    While Vexis Reagh maintains that there is absolutely no reason to fear contracting lycanthropy through the transplantation of brains or other internal organs, Sibid ruffians1 have made it pretty much impossible to run the out-patient clinic of the Ann Arbor Holistic Center for Brain Transplantation and Wellness near the Briarwood Mall, except during the day, since they assume that even a little kidney would turn its new owner into a hairy monster that eats all Teg Tyl-Wyth at night.

    +

    The truth, as always, lies somewhere in between the extremists. While it is true that techniques that screen for lycanthropic origin of organs have improved greatly since donation became universally mandatory, they are still far from perfect. That being said, the dangers of such organs are greatly exaggerated. Double blind clinical trials led by a team under Dr. Ithloday of the A2HCBTW and Dr. McGill of the Fomorian Brain and Ophthalmic Research Lab2 have shown that recipients of an L-brain merely have wolfish dreams at the time of the full moon which intensify to waking hallucinations or wane completely depending on the tides3. Those with an L-liver have an insatiable hunger for raw meat on the same cycle and those with a were-wolf’s heart feel a mystical calling to run around and howl at the moon, nothing more. In patients with all three lycanthropic organs, some additional growth of hair, teeth and nails was observable at these times although they can be largely prevented by a diet rich in cucumbers. (Funding was insufficient to test other organs or combinations thereof.) Therefore some care is urged in the case of repeat replacement.

    +

    As with all else in life, it is necessary to weigh the risks and rewards of a new heart, brain or liver.

    +

    Dr. Uriel Ithloday M.D.

    +

    1. Sibid ruffians
    2. Fomorian Brain and Ophthalmic Research Lab
    3. Hallowtide

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    + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/editor.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/editor.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8142bc0 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/editor.html @@ -0,0 +1,179 @@ + + +Lexicon Editor + + + + +
    +

    Lexicon Editor

    +
    + +
    +
    + + + + + + + + + + +
    # Player:
    # Turn:
    # Title:
    + +
    +
    +
    +
    +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/formatting/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/formatting/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ac46baf --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/formatting/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,85 @@ + + +Formatting | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
    + + +
    +
    +

    Lexipython provides support for a limited amount of Markdown-esque formatting.

    +
    +# Player: PN
    +# Turn: 1
    +# Title: Example page
    +
    +This is an example page.
    +Some words are //italicized//,
    +and some words are **bolded**.
    +All of these sentences are part of the same
    +paragraph.
    +
    +This is a new paragraph.\\
    +Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a
    +line break within the paragraph.
    +
    +This is an [[example citation|Phantom page]]. You can
    +also cite a [[phantom page]] with just the title.
    +
    +~Dr. X. Amplepage
    +
    +

    Each turn, fill out the header with your player information, the current + turn, and the title of your entry. The Player field can be anything + as long as it's the same for all articles you write (even when they're by + different characters). Using your initials is recommended.

    +

    Two line breaks begins a new paragraph. A single line break does nothing, + unless the line is ended by a double backslash (\\).

    +

    Text bounded by ** will be bolded: **bold** produces bold. Text + bounded by // will be italicized: //italics// produces italics.

    +

    To cite another Lexicon entry, use double brackets. Text in double brackets + will cite and link to the entry of the same name: [[Example page]] produces + Example page. Text in + double brackets split with a | will alias the link as the left text and + link to the entry with the name of the right text: [[this text|Example page]] + produces this text. You + must be precise in the entry title you cite to. Citations to + "Example" vs. "The Example" will point to different entries and create + different phantoms, and your GM will probably have to clean up after + you.

    +

    Beginning a paragraph with ~ will right-align it and place a horizontal line + above it. Use this for signing your entry with your scholar's name.

    +
    +
    +

    Example page

    +

    This is an example page. +Some words are italicized, +and some words are bolded. +All of these sentences are part of the same +paragraph.

    +

    This is a new paragraph.
    +Unlike the last paragraph, this line will be after a +line break within the paragraph.

    +

    This is an example citation. You can + also cite a phantom page with just the title.

    +

    Dr. X. Amplepage

    +
    +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a64ee22 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ + + +Lexicon Subtilis + + + +

    Redirecting to Lexicon Subtilis...

    + + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/lexicon.cfg b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/lexicon.cfg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e64181f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/lexicon.cfg @@ -0,0 +1,105 @@ +# LEXIPYTHON CONFIG FILE +# +# This file defines the configuration values for an instance of Lexipython. + +# The title of the Lexicon game, displayed at the top of each entry. +>>>LEXICON_TITLE>>> +Lexicon Subtilis +<<>>LOGO_FILENAME>>> +22-20--2.jpg +<<>>PROMPT>>> +As Gallowtide approaches, tension continues to mount between the Sibid and Uullor Courts. Convened by the Briarheart Circle, a council of scholars must sort out how the Land came to this state and what can be done to mend it. +<<>>SESSION_PAGE>>> +

    Lexicon Subtilis is projected to run for 8 turns, using the standard index grouping. Turns will be due 5-7 days after the prior turn is posted. Completed articles should be emailed as attachments to TVB. Turns will post early if all players submit before the deadline.

    +

    Image credit: Reuben Wu

    +
    +

    Honored scholars,

    +

    I thank you for accepting the summons willingly. Though the Circle's will is incontrovertible, it is meet and right that those it calls should cooperate of their own free choice. Today is a blessèd day, for today we undertake the sacred task of composing the Lexicon Subtilis—a document that shall be a guide for all the fair folk through this heavy time.

    +

    Be ye well,
    Vexis Reagh
    Lecturer in Theory

    +
    +

    Honored scholars,

    +

    As the appointed Editor for the Lexicon Subtilis, I thank you for submitting your short-form biographies. I have collected and submitted them to the Circle for consideration, and they have now been posted.

    +

    Regarding the first round of articles, two of our fellow scholars have some other business requiring their attention for the moment, and they may not be able to submit their articles until the weekend. I beg your patience on this matter, in the hope that the diversity of our peers will make up for the additional complications of coordinating this many academics.

    +

    Be ye well,
    Vexis Reagh
    Lecturer in Theory

    +
    +

    Honored scholars,

    +

    Wow! I let some paperwork pile up, and before I knew it, I was trapped inside my office for four days! I suppose this is an object lesson in why we have secretaries. I didn't dig mine out of the last paper avalanche and it's really hurting my productivity.

    +

    That aside, if you haven't, do take a look at the first round of articles for the Lexicon. If you already have, take another look, as I was finally able to get Ansoni's article on Cascade Illness posted. Dreadful stuff! The subject, not the article.

    +

    You've all received your next index assignments already, as I understand, so please send those to me over the weekend if possible. The Circle will give me more paperwork if I don't have the material collected by Monday the 24th.

    +

    Be ye well,
    Vexis Reagh
    Lecturer in Theory

    + +<<>>INDEX_LIST>>> +prefix[1]:Author +char:ABC +char:DEF +char:GHI +char:JKL +char:MNO +char:PQRS +char:TUV +char:WXYZ +<<>>STATISTICS>>> +top_pagerank on +most_citations_made on +most_citations_to on +longest_article off +cumulative_wordcount off +player_pagerank off +player_citations_made off +player_citations_to off +bottom_pagerank off +undercited off +<<>>DEFAULT_SORT>>> +turn +<<>>ALLOW_ADDENDA>>> +True +<<>>GRAPHVIZ_FILE>>> +<<>>SEARCHABLE_FILE>>> +compiled.html +<< + +Rules | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
    + + +
    +
    +
      +
    1. Each Lexicon has a topic statement that sets the tone for the game. It provides a starting point for shaping the developing world of the Lexicon. As it is a starting point, don't feel contrained to write only about the topics mentioned directly in it.
    2. +
    3. Articles are sorted under an index, a grouping of letters. An article is in an index if its first letter is in that group of letters. "The", "A", and "An" aren't counted in indexing. Example: Two indices are JKL and TUV. An article titled 'The Jabberwock' would index under JKL, not TUV.
    4. +
        +
      1. Until the game is over, some of the articles will have been cited, but not yet written. These are called phantom articles. A phantom article has a title, which is defined by the first citation to it, but no content.
      2. +
      3. Generally, an index has a number of "slots" equal to the number of players. When an article is first written or cited, it takes up one slot in its corresponding index.
      4. +
      +
    5. Each turn, you will be assigned to write in an index.
    6. +
        +
      1. Your articles should be written from the perspective of your character. Your character should be a scholar collaborating with the other scholars on the production of the Lexicon. You should play the same character for the duration of the game.
      2. +
      3. If the index has open slots, you may come up with a new article title and write an article under that title. If all unwritten slots in your index are filled by phantom articles, you must choose one of them and write it.
      4. +
      5. There are no hard and fast rules about style, but it is recommended that players imitate an encyclopedic style to stay true to the game's conceit.
      6. +
      7. There are no hard and fast rules about length, but it is recommended that the Editor enforce a maximum word limit. In general, aiming for 200-300 words is ideal.
      8. +
      9. You must respect and not contradict the factual content of all written articles. You may introduce new facts that put things in a new light, provide alternative interpretations, or flesh out unexplained details in unexpected ways; but you must not contradict what has been previously established as fact. Use the "yes, and" rule from improv acting: accept what your fellow scholars have written and add to it in new ways, rather than trying to undo their work.
      10. +
          +
        1. This rule includes facts that have been established in other, written articles about the topics of phantom articles. When you set out to write a phantom article, be sure to check what's been said about the topic already. Lexipython will list the articles that have cited your article.
        2. +
        +
      +
    7. Each article will cite other articles in the Lexicon.
    8. +
        +
      1. You may not cite an entry that you have written. When you write an article, you may not cite it in later articles.
      2. +
      3. As a corollary, you may not write phantom articles that you have cited. If you cite an article and then write it later, your former article now cites you, which is forbidden per the above.
      4. +
      5. On the first turn, there are no written articles. Your first article must cite exactly two phantom articles.
      6. +
      7. On subsequent turns, your article must cite exactly two phantoms, but you can cite phantoms that already exist. Your article must also cite at least one written article. You can cite more than one.
      8. +
      9. On the penultimate turn, you must cite exactly one phantom article and at least two written articles.
      10. +
      11. On the final turn, you must cite at least three written articles.
      12. +
      +
    9. As the game goes on, it may come to pass that a player must write an article in an index, but that index is full, and that player has already cited all the phantoms in it. When this happens, the player instead writes their article as Ersatz Scrivener, radical skeptic. Ersatz does not believe in the existence of whatever he is writing about, no matter how obvious it seems to others or how central it is in the developing history of the world. For Ersatz, all references, testimony, etc. with regard to its existence are tragic delusion at best or malicious lies at worst. Unlike the other scholars, Ersatz does not treat the research of his peers as fact, because he does not believe he has peers. Players writing articles as Ersatz are encouraged to lambast the amateur work of his misguided "collaborators".
    10. +
    11. Finally, the rules are always subject to the discretion of the Editor.
    12. +
    +
    + +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/session/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/session/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9ebffdb --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/session/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ + + +Session | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
    + + +
    + +

    Lexicon Subtilis is projected to run for 8 turns, using the standard index grouping. Turns will be due 5-7 days after the prior turn is posted. Completed articles should be emailed as attachments to TVB. Turns will post early if all players submit before the deadline.

    +

    Projected start date: First week of June

    +

    Image credit: Reuben Wu

    +
    +

    Honored scholars,

    +

    I thank you for accepting the summons willingly. Though the Circle's will is incontrovertible, it is meet and right that those it calls should cooperate of their own free choice. Today is a blessèd day, for today we undertake the sacred task of composing the Lexicon Subtilis—a document that shall be a guide for all the fair folk through this heavy time.

    +

    Be ye well,
    Vexis Reagh
    Lecturer in Theory

    +
    +

    Honored scholars,

    +

    As the appointed Editor for the Lexicon Subtilis, I thank you for submitting your short-form biographies. I have collected and submitted them to the Circle for consideration, and they have now been posted.

    +

    Regarding the first round of articles, two of our fellow scholars have some other business requiring their attention for the moment, and they may not be able to submit their articles until the weekend. I beg your patience on this matter, in the hope that the diversity of our peers will make up for the additional complications of coordinating this many academics.

    +

    Be ye well,
    Vexis Reagh
    Lecturer in Theory

    +
    +

    Honored scholars,

    +

    Wow! I let some paperwork pile up, and before I knew it, I was trapped inside my office for four days! I suppose this is an object lesson in why we have secretaries. I didn't dig mine out of the last paper avalanche and it's really hurting my productivity.

    +

    That aside, if you haven't, do take a look at the first round of articles for the Lexicon. If you already have, take another look, as I was finally able to get Ansoni's article on Cascade Illness posted. Dreadful stuff! The subject, not the article.

    +

    You've all received your next index assignments already, as I understand, so please send those to me over the weekend if possible. The Circle will give me more paperwork if I don't have the material collected by Monday the 24th.

    +

    Be ye well,
    Vexis Reagh
    Lecturer in Theory

    +
    +
    + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/arcanology-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/arcanology-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3395838 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/arcanology-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,24 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Arcanology + +As an Arcanologist myself-a̶l̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶l̶i̶e̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶e̶r̶m̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶r̶a̶y̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶r̶u̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶e̶t̶r̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶m̶e̶d̶i̶t̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶[[Glamour]] ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶t̶i̶t̶u̶t̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶e̶l̶d̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶l̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶U̶l̶l̶o̶r̶ ̶C̶o̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶a̶f̶f̶e̶c̶t̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶--I find it proper to give a short history of the field that will accurately convey its true essence and economic impact. + +//-1500: The Founding of "Arcanology"// + +**The Why** + +Nearly 3000 years ago, on the cusp of [[Gallowtide|Gallowtide]] the Briarheart Circle declared a state of emergency in expectation of the historically disastrous return of new magic to the land. Given that magic systems inevitably change or are remade wholesale after the slate-clearing effects of [[Hallowtide]], the population of erstwhile magical practitioners had regularly dropped by over 50% as previously innocent incantations such as lighting one's cigarette with a small thumb-flame could result in summoning a greater demon. With the exception of certain +(̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶a̶n̶o̶i̶d̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶u̶t̶h̶o̶r̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶:̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶s̶o̶n̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶p̶a̶r̶e̶d̶)̶ magicians who may have happened to inscribe hexagrammic wards on each cigarette filter merely as a preemptory measure, many magicians perished in spectacularly gory and unpleasent ways. + +**Formation** + +In an effort to avoid such drastic fluctuations in the magical population, and the accompanying logistical nightmare of producing supply/demand curve stabilization charms on a national scale, The Briarheart Council convened a new branch of [[The Academy]] whose primary task was to catalogue and identify new strains of magic as they emerged, cross-reference them with previous magical systems, and provide up-to-date risk analysis models in a timely manner to any magician who wished to emply prior magical systems. + +Within the first decade of its inception, the field of Arcanology contributed to a significant decrease in accidental magical deaths(averaging ~40%), a figure that was previously unheard of within the first 300 years of a new Gallowtide and the previous process of supernatural selection that eventually resulted in a stable practitioner base. + +Beyond the mere loss of life averted, however, the contributions to the stability of the magical commodities market resulted in significant financial gain. + + + +~Elmadin Shadowspinner, Keeper of the Forgotten, Probationary member of the Board of Arcanology. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-aret-bollhagen-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-aret-bollhagen-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..db01efd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-aret-bollhagen-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 0 +# Title: Author: Aret Bollhagen + +The esteemed Aret Bollhagen is a diabologian specializing in the intersection of arcanology, grammar, and applied theophysics. His interest in the arcane arts began when introduced to the myriad of religions throughout this fine land and the theopolitical tensions between them and the Circle. His paper, "On the emphasis of syllables in religious words," caused ripples not only in the Academy, but also inspired two books of theoretical arcanology, the creation of seven spells, a tear in reality, and no less than five duels from vengeful theologians. He currently resides as chair of Diabology at the Academy and spends most of his time avoiding students and making his papers as difficult to read as possible. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-dr-naomi-imoan-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-dr-naomi-imoan-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a58b06e --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-dr-naomi-imoan-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +# Player: Nick Sabo +# Turn: 0 +# Title: Author: Dr. Naomi Imoan + +Dr. Naomi Imoan is a dryad currently residing in the Claggy Grove on the Heather Cliffs. Best known for her participation in the Fomorian Court Excavation and her book //Ancient Contracts and Implicit Magic: Is Everyone Always Already Cursed?//, her work is among the hottest up-and-coming archaeological research in the field of Ancient Contracts, Rites, and Ghost Law. When she is not teaching 6 classes a semester at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands, and performing 5 excavations a year, she enjoys sleeping, looking pensively over the landscape, whiskey-tasting, and gardening. She also welcomes questions from the public; just give her your name and she'll be in touch! \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-dr-uriel-ithloday-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-dr-uriel-ithloday-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dcd1598 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-dr-uriel-ithloday-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +# Player: MHK +# Turn: 0 +# Title: Author: Dr. Uriel Ithloday + +Logotherapist of the Ann Arbor Holistic Center for Brain Transplantation and Wellness. Dr. Ithloday is an expert in ancient and modern Galenic medicine and is certified in the 3rd Viennese school of psychotherapy founded by Viktor Frankl. He has helped thousands of patients to find inner peace and harmony by discovering and achieving their true goals in life. Author of numerous scholarly and popular works, he is perhaps best known for his groundbreaking studies: “Brain, Heart and Liver: the Neglected seats of the Psyche” and “Wine: Medicine of the Gods; Beer: Elixir of the Fae”. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-elmadin-shadowspinner-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-elmadin-shadowspinner-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8617f7c --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-elmadin-shadowspinner-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 0 +# Title: Author: Elmadin Shadowspinner + +Elmadin Shadowspinner. Keeper of the Forgotten. +Member of the Sibid Court, dealer in forgotten childhood memories. Elmadin trades in the colour of the first bird seen by a baby in the Spring, the names of imaginary friends long abandoned, and young lovers’ second kisses. + +These rare pieces of glamour he hoards, spending hours wrapped in the embrace of flickering tallow-light, tracing the threads of moonlight that tie the forgotten to each other and working tirelessly to find a way to stem the perpetual self-emptying of the World-dream. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-lewin-vernelle-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-lewin-vernelle-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..48b5185 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-lewin-vernelle-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 0 +# Title: Author: Lewin Vernelle + +A renowned figure among thaumohistorical researchers, **Dr. Lewin Vernelle** heads the Magical Anthropology department at Regardful Creek University. Dr. Vernelle studies the historical effects of Gallowtide on the rise and fall of different paradigms of magic, with special focus on the decline of shamanism. He is widely known for authoring the popular //Beru Thunderbough// novels, as well as the acclaimed nonfiction book //Botany and the Science of Revolution//. When not at work, he may be found at a local park or attending ecoanarchist meet-ups. He lives in Elderbeam with his wife Susanna and their two rambunctious children. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-tam-everal-ansoni-of-the-red-ravine-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-tam-everal-ansoni-of-the-red-ravine-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d818a0b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-tam-everal-ansoni-of-the-red-ravine-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +# Player: AT +# Turn: 0 +# Title: Author: Tam Everal & Ansoni of the Red Ravine + +A young tree spirit rooted within the ancient forest of the Red Ravine, Tam Everal is considered a promising scholar who is best known for his studies of transient supernatural phenomena, most of which were conducted in the first few centuries of his life. More recently, however, in a time where older spirits have began to wither away, Everal has focused on preserving the priceless and sometimes cryptic knowledge of his elders. + +Everal observes many of the Ravine's practices, including, to the dismay of outside academics, concealing the community's arcane knowledge. Almost all of Everal's publications are superficial warnings of imminent crises. Only during the last century, with Gallowtide approaching, did Everal began revealing some of his deeper and more startling discoveries. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-tam-everal-ansoni-of-the-red-ravine-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-tam-everal-ansoni-of-the-red-ravine-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d80be09 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-tam-everal-ansoni-of-the-red-ravine-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8 @@ +# Player: AT +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Author: Tam Everal & Ansoni of the Red Ravine + +Ansoni is the long-standing Red Ravine External Secretary, administering political and academic exchanges between the Ravine and the outside world. While her exact nature and origin is unknown, it is theorized that, because Ansoni's position requires her to interact extensively with non-Ravine individuals, the Red Ravine had carefully removed specific memories and magical abilities from Ansoni to prevent her from revealing any secret knowledge. + +Still, Ansoni retained her intellect and political prowess, and she remains loyal to the Ravine. Yet, she often shares the curiosity of outside observers, personally advocating for a more open Ravine society. It is this unique position that recently +convinced the Briarheart Circle to assign Ansoni the task of translating and communicating the works of Everal for the emergency council. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-taz-meir-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-taz-meir-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c6ebbfc --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-taz-meir-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,21 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 0 +# Title: Author: Taz Meir + +Meir 1 + +Taz Meir + +Dr. Scorn + +Beginning English Literature + +14 Moon, 1277 + +College Essay Draft 1 + +Its' an important time at Sunlight High. Because, the class of 1278 is making decisions that will impact the rest of their lives such as the choice of what college to go to, I chose Unseelie University because of the strong academics, impactful scholastic, and strong history of success. + +A little about me I have 2 sisters who are twins Erena and Selena who are you probably could of guessed moonlight naiads who are already attending UU. Me and my mom and dad are really proud of them for all their many and copious accomplishments. + +I also show leadership at band where I play the tuba. Shout out to my man Angry Pete on the trombone. I hope to foster leadership at Double U because my dream is to join the Feyknights. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-ven-vexis-reagh-0.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-ven-vexis-reagh-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f0d9d18 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/author-ven-vexis-reagh-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 0 +# Title: Author: Ven. Vexis Reagh + +The Venerable Vexis Reagh is an itinerant lecturer recognized as an expert on the history of ideas. His most well-known research projects are archaeological investigations of the traditions of the Land, the preservation of which he claims is the most important calling a scholar can have. Despite the abundance of lecture invitations he accepts, it is difficult to hear him speak in person, as due to his abnormally bad luck he is usually waylaid by some disaster on the way to the event. Outside of his academic work, he is a fervent supporter of lycanthropic rights. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/cascade-illness-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/cascade-illness-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b55fa62 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/cascade-illness-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,32 @@ +# Player: AT +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Cascade Illness + +**Cascade Illness**, vernacularly known as "shattering", is a supernatural medical condition in which a spirit entity is gradually divided into semi-dependent, dysfunctional fragments over the course of a few decades. Although only common among elderly spirits (>10,000 years old), disruptions on the astral plane could significantly increase the frequency of the illness. Most famously, at the [[Siege of Cornaperal]], the weaponry used is believed to have induced the illness in thousands. + +\\ +//Symptoms// + +The illness begins with the spirit's aura pulsing at a steadily increasing rate and magnitude. The alignment and integrity of the spirit becomes unstable, until the spirit splits at the peak of one of the pulses. The process then repeats for the new entities, creating a "cascade" of disorderly dividing. + +Each split divides the spirit's mental and magical components into separate fragments in a seemingly random manner. For example, a fragment may retain an ability to decipher written language, while the other fragments struggle to understand basic grammar. Memories and magical abilities are often split in a similar fashion. + +Initially, the fragments are able to communicate via a shared stream of consciousness, but as the number of fragments grows, the increased complexity of coordination critically degrades the spirit's flow of thought. Eventually, the mind is dissolved into noise, and the aura is dissipated into the astral plane. + +\\ +//Causes// + +Studies conducted across ancient communities found a correlation between Cascade Illness and exposure to "background noise" on the astral plane - hence, older spirits are affected the most. In particular, the studies suggest that the illness is caused by interference from specific astral frequencies, amplified by mystic crises such as the [[Great Rupture]] and [[Gallowtide]] events. + +\\ +//Treatments// + +Attempts to prevent, mitigate, or cure the illness have been unsuccessful. The long-standing effects of the Great Rupture are practically unavoidable, and any magical countermeasure usually worsens the illness with its own astral frequencies. + +However, there have been three recently recorded cases where the illness stopped without external influence. The partial cascading leaves the spirits in a confused limbo between stability and insanity. Recent efforts to find treatments have focused on reproducing these cases. + + +~Tam Everal (edited by Ansoni) + + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/diabology-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/diabology-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6dc5afd --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/diabology-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: SW +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Diabology + +As any schoolchild knows, religions in the Land are numerous as they are antagonistic, giving no quarter in their debates nor sacred duels. While one could go on (and indeed, many diabologians and theologians have) about the various arguments for superiority of deities each religion gives, or of the various gods, demigods, and semidemigods that have contested with each other for followers, it is important to take a step back and investigate two distinct and important issues. + +1) Why are these religions so numerous, and why can they not get along? + +2) What, if anything, constitutes an antithesis to the many religions? + +It is in these two questions that diabology is most interested. However, one must note it is of considerable difficulty to study such lofty questions when [[the Academy]] is continually in a state of civil war between theologians, diabologians, [[arcanologists|arcanology]], and staff members attempting to justify their existence. Alas, such is the cost of the forward progress of academia. + +~Aret Bollhagen, Current Chair of Diabology \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/great-rupture-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/great-rupture-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5e32999 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/great-rupture-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,23 @@ +# Player: Aret Bollhagen +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Great Rupture + +Excerpts from "On the Gods of the Great Rupture and the Subsequent Formation of the Religions of the Land" + +The resources diabology provides scholars with are vast, but even they are stretched thin when studying the far reaching implications of the greatest metaphysical disaster the Land has ever known. In this paper I will forego any attempts to describe what exactly caused it (exempting a preliminary discussion on the use of an accented e in the word Blessed and how that began this whole sad state of affairs), and instead focus on the religious aspects, which are as numerous as they are conflicting. + +... + +The gods and demigods* that came from this disaster fought each other zealously for their very existence, as it is clear that reality can only contain so much divinity. When reality was shattered, the Land became the most hotly contested of all [[nine planes of reality|Planes of Reality]].** Scholars have hotly debated why the Land has been so fiercely fought over, but it is obvious that it is the intersection of the strong presence of arcanology, giving them followers not only willing to give them due oblation, but also warriors capable of dealing actual harm to their celestial rivals. + +... + +Needless to say quite a few deities found their champions in superior mortals (we all have experience the horrors of [[The Lady Disastrous]], who attempted to bring the Briarhart Circle under her dread grasp and was indeed only repelled by our knowledge of even [[fouler magicks|Necronomicon Ex Mortis]]*** than hers). + +*Semidemigods did not spawn until at least 101 lunar cycles after the Great Rupture, some scholars argue for longer, on the order of 500, though none convincingly. + +**Ohio being the only plane of reality over which none of the divine beings, not even the semidemigods, wished to contest, for obvious reasons. + +***Indeed, fellow scholars, lycanthropes, students, and others, we will pay dearly for our crimes against reality. + +~Aret Bollhagen, Current Chair of Diabology \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/hallowtide-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/hallowtide-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0eab2d7 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/hallowtide-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Hallowtide + +The easiest way to tell if a freshman is scoring above a C in [[my Magic Through the Ages course|MHST 210: Magic Through the Ages]] is whether they hold the popular misconception that deities stand in opposition to magic. It is true that the two forces are //incompatible//, but it is not an opposition. Rather, both are subject to ontological "seasons," if you will, that cause their influence on our reality to wax and wane. At the tipping point where magical forces of various natures win out over the power of the gods, there is a periodic event known as [[Gallowtide]]. At the other end of the pendulum, where magic dwindles and the gods rise once more, we celebrate **Hallowtide**. + +The rites and customs surrounding Hallowtide could easily fill their own Lexicon, but a few common threads tie them together. The most obvious of these threads is the pervasive air of festivity, as a decline in magical power means the Courts will cause much less collateral damage in their conflict. At the same time, the festival carries a slight twinge of guilt, as the arrival of Hallowtide means that the gods can once again smite us for impiety. The Land loses many of its bolder comedians around this time. + +Each polity retains its own, idiomatic practices concerning Hallowtide. That said, it is common for families to engage in gift-giving when the day arrives. It is theorized by anthropologists that this is descended from an older practice whereby magicians would trade around their now-worthless magical artifacts in hopes of finding something that would still function in the mana drought that accompanies Hallowtide, if not prove useful when magic returned to the Land. The practice has died out ever since magicians discovered that the magic systems that return at Gallowtide are usually different than the ones that left at Hallowtide, rendering their artifacts — in all probability — completely useless. + +~ Lewin Vernelle, historian of magic \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/law-poet-dirk-biodag-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/law-poet-dirk-biodag-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7a04c04 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/law-poet-dirk-biodag-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,18 @@ +# Player: Nick Sabo +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Law-Poet Dirk Biodag + + +**Overview**\\ +Law-Poet Dirk Biodag (-50–314 After Fomorian Conflict) was an aes sidhe law-poet who practiced under the Uullor court. Famous for his negotiation of “infinite circle magic” cases, Dirk Biodag’s best-known work centers on the simultaneous ambiguity and implicit contractuality of communication. In one case, //Gwyllion Guise vs. The Uullor Court//, Biodag successfully established the immateriality of intentionality in implicit magic; in particular, in banishing via knife. + +**Early Life**\\ +We know Biodag was born to a pair of ironsmiths, who died in their dangerous line of work when Biodag was 8. The next reference places Biodag’s arrival at the Uullor Court in 2 AFC, as the complainants’ lawyer in the case //The Descendents of Teg Tyl-Wyth v. Teg Tyl-Wyth//, notable for establishing the citizenship rights of changelings. He rose to minor celebrity status after serving as lawyer for both plaintiff and defendant in the case //Alderson v. Alderson//. He served primarily as a civil-suits lawyer for 100 years before being appointed Court Drafter by King Finvara. + +**Later Career**\\ +As Court Drafter, Biodag was responsible for drafting and editing all legislation issued from the Uullor Court, magical or otherwise. His first action was to immediately and decisively issue the [[“Standards, Styles, Spell Structures, and Most Definitive Hermeneutic Guidelines for All Legislation Hereby Issued by the Uullor Court”|The Guide]], a document still used today (as of 1277 AFC). It is also worth considering that he considered [[the controversial Good Neighbors Law|The Good Neighbors Law]] his greatest achievement. + +**Death**\\ +Biodag died at the old age of 364 in a freak accident while visiting the still-active iron foundry his parents perished in. His tomb is inscribed with a quote from The Guide, “There is no magic but language; no language but life; no life but magic.” + +~ Dr. Naomi Imoan, Assistant Professor of Archaeology at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/law-poet-dirk-biodag-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/law-poet-dirk-biodag-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..44db23f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/law-poet-dirk-biodag-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +# Player: Nick Sabo +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Law-Poet Dirk Biodag + +Worksheet for HIST 2002\\ +(1)Which king promoted Biodag to Court Drafter in 102 AFC?\\ +(2)What are two legal cases Biodag worked on?\\ +(3)What was Biodag’s first act as Court Drafter?\\ +Extra Credit: Please write one thing you remember from last week. Please. Anything. + +~ Dr. Naomi Imoan, Assistant Professor of Archaeology at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/moorland-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/moorland-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0d8b6b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/moorland-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,22 @@ +# Player: Nick Sabo +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Moorland + +**Overview**\\ +**Moorland** is a bog characterized by low ph value, thick layers of peat, and dense concentrations of long-burning magic. Although their exact ecological origin is still unknown, theories range from ancient civilizations to environmental factors and local fauna[1]. Moorland is particularly affected by the shifts in season between [[Gallowtide]] and [[Hallowtide]], frequently being crusaded during seasons of the latter (but almost as quickly abandoned).[2] + +**Ecosystem**\\ +The moorland is subject to unique ecosystems, not only to account for the density of magic and acid, but also the corresponding lack of divine presence. Heather, a well-known magic fixator, thrives in these area. Adders and short-eared owls, creatures many speculate to be [[diabological|diabology]], feed on water-rats and toads, either of which may attempt to defend themselves with simple spells. + +**Cultures**\\ +The Moorlander culture is among the most distinctive in all the world. No doubt, this is due to the presence of potent ingredients, such as juniper, cranberry, cottongrass, heather, and rosemary, leading to a thriving trade of textiles and cuisine. Although people of all races live there, dryads, selkies, gwyllion, and aes sidhe are particularly concentrated.[3] Moorlanders also pride themselves in their expansive funeral arrangements, leading to the highest concentration of mummies, banshees, will o' wisps, and ghosts almost anywhere.[4] + +~ Dr. Naomi Imoan, Assistant Professor of Archaeology at the Uullorian College of the Moorlands + + +[1]"That Found in the Rubble and [[What Lurks Beneath the Swamp]]" by Dr. Aret Bollhagen and Elmadrin Shadowspinner\\ +[2]"No 'Mere' Coincidence: Historical Magical Instability and its Correlation with Bog and Fen Ph. Levels" by Ven. Vexis Reagh\\ +[3]//The Vernelle Guide to Anthropology: Volume F: The Outlands, 13th Ed.//\\ +[4]"Fathers, a Lack of Sun, and The Wholly Ghostie Men" by Tam Everal, ed. Ansoni + + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/necronomicon-ex-mortis-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/necronomicon-ex-mortis-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d273c32 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/necronomicon-ex-mortis-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,23 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Necronomicon Ex Mortis + +Meir 1 + +Taz Meir + +Dr. Scorn + +Beginning English Literature + +17 Moon, 1277 + +Current Events Assignment: Necronomicon Ex Mortis + +Necronomicon is ancient greek for, "book of the dead" (Willheart and Agony 120). So the title translates to, "Book of the dead ex mortis". It is named this because the book has death magic in it, which can be used to do evil (Torment 12-21) (Blight 157). + +The Necronomicon was found in the [[Fell Corruption]] where it was discovered by John Tyrant III (Tyrant 14). Who had a name so good they had to use it three times. He wrote, that it was inked in human blood and written on human skins (Tyrant 26). The fell rituals are believed to have generated the fall of the [[Arcadian Empire]] and how it was swallowed up by the Choked Wood. + +Now the Necronomicon resides under the control of the Briarheart Circle, though many rumors which haven't been proven say that it has gone missing (Fetterley 688). As a citizen of the world everyone has a duty to pay attention to said events. + +~Tazzy diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/necronomicon-ex-mortis-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/necronomicon-ex-mortis-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0dc9336 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/necronomicon-ex-mortis-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Necronomicon Ex Mortis + +Taz, this is a little short. I have heard you argue during the more disruptive times in class. You have it in you to be an excellent writer. Your work could benefit from just a few minutes of proofreading and grammar checking! + +In your next draft please elaborate on the fell rituals of the Necronomicon as we read about in class yesterday, and the reasons why its theft is so important for a World Citizen to understand. + +~Dr. Scorn \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/sax-and-violins-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/sax-and-violins-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9aaabbe --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/sax-and-violins-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +# Player: EB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Sax and Violins + +~Taz 1 + +Taz Meir\\ +Dr. Scorn\\ +Beginning English Literature + +Sax and Violins + +Sax and Violins is a thrash metal band that's been banned by most good establishments such as this school because they are responsible for [[everything|Cascade Illness]] [[that|Fetal magical syndrome]] [[is|The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame]] [[wrong|Withering Memory]] [[in the world|Great Rupture]]. But lots of people especially teenage boys but not me still listen to them because their lead violinist is smokin hawt. + +~ + +**Members** + +The band is fronted by Suzi Succubus, vocalist. The lead violinist is Sassy Sclerosis. Krazy Kage is on drums, Yugn'wot'vaaath is saxophone, and HIS NAME IS A KILLING WORD is the bass violin. + +All band members are [[demons|Diabology]], they met in Hell No. 5.5 of 7. This is why they are responsible for the corruption of our youth. At their [[last concert|Great Rupture]] there was an orgy-murder-suicide which was metal as shit. + +~ + +**Current Projects** + +Right now their focus according to HIS NAME IS A KILLING WORD is probably bouncing around their fans and worshippers, experimenting with new melodies, and deathfucking their groupies. But we can't be sure because all interviews with HIS NAME kill the interviewer through blood from the ears and also mess with the recording over time. + +~Tazzy + diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/st-charity-orphanage-for-the-preternaturally-afflicted-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/st-charity-orphanage-for-the-preternaturally-afflicted-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..49c9442 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/st-charity-orphanage-for-the-preternaturally-afflicted-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 1 +# Title: St. Charity Orphanage for the Preternaturally Afflicted + +**St Charity's Orphanage for the Preternaturally Afflicted** is an orphanage dedicated by its namesake to the service of children abandoned because of preternatural afflictions, such as lycanthropy or [[FMS|Fetal magical syndrome]]. Originally run by the Order of St Charity, it is now under the care of the Briarheart Sisters, who took over the orphanage following the extinction of the Order at the hands of [[the Lady Disastrous]]. While the Sisters officially run St Charity's purely as a social service, it is commonly whispered that children raised by the Sisters are briarmarked, as the orphanage boasts a disproportionate representation among those summoned by the Circle. The Circle's call is almost always for the wondrous and the unnatural, so it is no surprise that the Sisters maintain a supply line "in-house", so to speak. + +It is worthwhile to note why it is that an institution like dear old St Charity's must exist. The truly //supernatural// is discontinuous, but the preternatural is highly tradition-bound. Even curses, when transmittable, are handed down in the context of a predecessor and successor, the one traditioning it to the other along with knowledge of its nature and behavior. Preternaturally-afflicted children usually lack this, and many parents abandon them when they cannot quickly find someone with the same affliction to take the child under their wing. Afflicted children without this tradition often face discrimination. + +Because of the transmission vector of lycanthropy, lycanthropes are especially vulnerable to this. Even yours truly is sometimes held up from his appointments by roving Sibid ruffians looking for trouble! Even so, great strides are being made for the cause of justice. Personally, I am quite pleased that the Circle has seen fit this time to summon a council, against all odds, composed entirely of lycanthropes. + +~Vexis Reagh\\ +Lecturer in Theory \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/the-lady-disastrous-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/the-lady-disastrous-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ab55805 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/the-lady-disastrous-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Player: NVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: The Lady Disastrous + +**The Lady Disastrous** is one of three beings to take on the status of a cataclysm in her own person. In this she is second to [[the Lord of Rivers' Wrath|Gwahair Sibeld]], and of the other we do not speak. Unlike her peers, however, scholarly consensus holds the damage attributed to the Lady Disastrous was largely accidental. It bears acknowledging that her Ladyship is a title of convenience: neither Court has ever bestowed lordship of disastrousness. Indeed, the Lady Disastrous holds the historical distinction of claiming //neither// Court as a patron, as their simultaneous plotting to get her enrolled with the other Court left her completely adrift. + +The Lady Disastrous was born Emile Vanislav in a mid-Hallows period. Inducted into the Order of St. Charity at a young age, she swiftly rose through the ranks due to an unnatural series of accidents befalling those around her. In many similar cases, such accidents would seem to be the result of malicious design, but young Vanislav was apparently both earnest and unable to control many of the damning factors that doomed her schemes. For example, her elevation to Abbot was preceded by a deadly fire caused by a phlogiston muffin bake sale inside an Abbey made of lesser darkwood—although the reaction is known to us now, researchers would not discover it for another hundred moons after her time. + +The historical record tells us of a career marked by increasingly ambitious attempts to do good marked by disproportionate backlashes. These catastrophic attempts at charity often involved large-scale divine blessings gone unimaingably awry: one recalls, for example, that the Targeld region attained its contemporary status after a blessing to calm the native wildlife instead converted the populace into the first recorded lycanthropes. And it hardly bears mentioning that, to this very day, worshippers must contend with the [[fallout|Tentacle-Induced Prayer Disruption]] of the time she blessed the [[Necronomicon Ex Mortis]]. + +The Order of St. Charity collapsed after the Lady Disastrous attempted to do their accounting //pro bono//. Penniless and in disgrace, the Lady Disastrous died in 732 AFC attempting to give herself a haircut. + +~ Lewin Vernelle, historian of magic \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/the-trash-disaster-who-to-blame-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/the-trash-disaster-who-to-blame-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8b6256f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/the-trash-disaster-who-to-blame-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ +# Player: MHK +# Turn: 1 +# Title: The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame + +Dr. Uriel Ithloday, freely and under no compulsion, admits to criminal negligence, lack of foresight and medically necessitated inebriation that prevented him from noticing that his patients were about to bury the known world under 3 meters of toxically enchanted trash. The +warning signs were present in the very first file involving Mr. Baker who has since been vindicated of responsibility for his actions: + +//Subject: Cliff Baker//\\ +//Occupation: Garbage Collector//\\ +//Reason for Transplant: Severe Head Trauma due to auto accident//\\ +//Donor: Dr. Felding, Historian at the University, Member of the Grove of the +Shining Lake and the Druidic Assembly of the Oak and Boar//.\\ +//Cause of donation: Congestive Heart Failure.// + +//Notes://\\ +//Mr. Baker complains that his new brain keeps spouting random facts about History +which is a subject that he never liked. Worse, it turns out that [[Dr. Felding]] +was a secret fan of Ohio State football, which sits ill upon Mr. Baker’s heart and +liver. It keeps going on and on about how “that land” (Toledo Ohio) came into this +state , besides bringing in odd observations about Alsace Lorraine and how France +ultimately won because of the fays which makes Mr. Baker feel rather uncomfortable +since he does not believe in fairies and wishes he would stop seeing them during his +rounds.// +//Suggested Treatment: Since Mr. Baker’s post operation humoral disposition has +become cold and moist: 2 glasses of a dry and heating wine such as Cabernet +Sauvignon per diem and 1 session of [[cognitive football therapy]] per week.// + +This disastrous prescription (Mr. Baker weighed 120 lb’s and took his wine first +thing in the morning) led to a vicious spiral of auto-accidents, delayed trash +pickup, riots in the stadium, increased head-injuries and hence transplants, larger +numbers of patients for Dr. Ithloday, more bungled prescriptions and so on, leading +to the situation we have now. + +~Dr. Uriel Ithloday M.D. diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/unweaving-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/unweaving-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..04a5e55 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/unweaving-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14 @@ +# Player: TVB +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Unweaving + +To understand the Unweaving, one must first understand the Weave. Mortals dwell on the Earth (or, as the Sibid call it, the Earth) and fae dwell in the Land. In the course of their eternal Dance, they often touch. Parts of the Land become interwoven with parts of the Earth, creating a liminal space through which one may pass from one world to another. The ludic tempo of the Dance ensures that the fae are never lacking for Weave regions through which to pass in and out of the mortal realm. + +The **Unweaving** is a feared collapse of this play between Land and Earth. Whispers of the end of the Dance began circulating among Circle-adjacent scholars after the [[Jack of Binding|Jacks of All Trades]] entered a Weave region and bound Land and Earth together. After eight days of strain, [[the Land tore|Great Rupture]]. Some parts of the Weave region merged wholly with the Earth, others disintegrated into unintelligibility, and the rest of the Land broke away to continue the Dance. It is feared that this wound may fester, unraveling the Land until all of it has either collapsed into the categories of mortal existence or spun off from the Dance into oblivion. The Weave would end, and with it the Dance. + +Speculation blames the Jack of Accounting, whose thorough inventory of the Weave region prevented the Land from weaving out. We fae are, after all, liminal things in our own way, creatures of the known unknown, like ice that melts under the direct light of observation. To be cataloged, to be fit into a theory, //dissected//—is this not to cease to be fae? This, then, is the paradox of the Unweaving: that precisely in becoming known, we will be [[forgotten|Withering Memory]]. + +The threat of the Unweaving has led to some fae attempting increasingly ludicrous stunts to bamboozle the mortal world, including, but not limited to, [[covering the Earth in magic garbage|The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame]]. Though interference of this level is normally forbidden, in light of circumstances, the criminal penalties have been suspended. + +~Vexis Reagh\\ +Lecturer in Theory \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/withering-memory-1.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/withering-memory-1.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8ce3288 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/withering-memory-1.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: ES +# Turn: 1 +# Title: Withering Memory + + +According to several scholars in the Sibid Court, at the last full-moon many recieved a vision of a spiderweb suspended between two dreams. One was of rage, the other nameless loss.\\ +This sign certainly indicates the evidence of what many have feared: that The Land is being forgotten. + +A certain scholar, having laboured this past week between the rising and the setting of the moon, conversing on occasion with the others of the Sibid Court~though they dwell in the hollows of the night, and Ullor Court rules the day, they are not as some suggest, "creatures of darkness," but even so love the beauty of the evening sky~discovered that the startling rouge of a small child's first glimpse of sunset, which he had been intending to dissect, had vanished.\\ +It had been placed in a container of starlight, as is done, but upon the next evening, the starlight held nothing but a salt rime like dried tears. \\ +Given the well-known preservative nature of woven starlight, this event has produced tremors in the Sibid Court and one must assume, despite their deep-seated omphaloskepsis,the Ullor Court as well, indicating an essential instability in the very fabric of The Land. Certain other signs, an arrangement of false stars in the shape of an empty cup, the Great Yew being late to flower, and other such occurrences have given rise to a certainty in the minds of many that the [[Unweaving]], long feared, often ridiculed, may now be coming about. +Although it many consider it unthinkable and indeed anathema, it is the opinion of some that the only solution left may be to breach the [[First Contract]].\\ +It seems possible that the world of Man has ceased to remember the People, whether by story, or by heart, and with it, the People themselves may fade. It is imperative that all scholars, be they of either Court, take action by further study. + +~Elmadin Shadowspinner, Keeper of the Forgotten \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/xenomorphism-and-transplants-a-balanced-view-2.txt b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/xenomorphism-and-transplants-a-balanced-view-2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e12e95b --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/src/xenomorphism-and-transplants-a-balanced-view-2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# Player: MHK +# Turn: 2 +# Title: Xenomorphism and Transplants: A Balanced View + +While Vexis Reagh maintains that there is absolutely no reason to fear contracting lycanthropy through the transplantation of brains or other internal organs, [[Sibid ruffians]] have made it pretty much impossible to run the out-patient clinic of the Ann Arbor Holistic Center for Brain Transplantation and Wellness near the Briarwood Mall, except during the day, since they assume that even a little kidney would turn its new owner into a hairy monster that eats all Teg Tyl-Wyth at night. + + + +The truth, as always, lies somewhere in between the extremists. While it is true that techniques that screen for lycanthropic origin of organs have improved greatly since donation became universally mandatory, they are still far from perfect. That being said, the dangers of such organs are greatly exaggerated. Double blind clinical trials led by a team under Dr. Ithloday of the A2HCBTW and Dr. McGill of the [[Fomorian Brain and Ophthalmic Research Lab]] have shown that recipients of an L-brain merely have wolfish dreams at the time of the full moon which intensify to waking hallucinations or wane completely depending on the [[tides|Hallowtide]]. Those with an L-liver have an insatiable hunger for raw meat on the same cycle and those with a were-wolf’s heart feel a mystical calling to run around and howl at the moon, nothing more. In patients with all three lycanthropic organs, some additional growth of hair, teeth and nails was observable at these times although they can be largely prevented by a diet rich in cucumbers. (Funding was insufficient to test other organs or combinations thereof.) Therefore some care is urged in the case of repeat replacement. + + + +As with all else in life, it is necessary to weigh the risks and rewards of a new heart, brain or liver. + +~ Dr. Uriel Ithloday M.D. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/statistics/index.html b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/statistics/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e3c9f35 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/page/lexicon/subtilis/statistics/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ + + +Statistics | Lexicon Subtilis + + + + + +
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    Top 10 articles by page rank:
    1 – Great Rupture
    2 – Sax and Violins
    3 – The Lady Disastrous
    4 – Hallowtide
    5 – Arcanology
    6 – Necronomicon Ex Mortis
    7 – The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame
    8 – Unweaving
    9 – Law-Poet Dirk Biodag
    10 – Cascade Illness
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    Cited the most pages:
    6 – Sax and Violins
    4 – Arcanology; Moorland; Unweaving
    3 – Cascade Illness; Great Rupture; The Lady Disastrous; Xenomorphism and Transplants: A Balanced View
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    Cited by the most pages:
    4 – Gallowtide
    3 – Great Rupture; Hallowtide
    2 – The Academy; Diabology; Fetal magical syndrome; The Lady Disastrous; Necronomicon Ex Mortis; The Trash Disaster: Who to Blame; Withering Memory
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    There are 97 entries in this lexicon.

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