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Tim Van Baak 2024-04-01 21:19:43 -07:00
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@ -12,3 +12,6 @@ The defaultPackage output of this repository's flake is a derivation containing
* `40k-thought-for-the-day.txt` is sourced from 40k Lexicanum.
* `bofh-excuses` is from Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses Server.
* `discordium` is from Lexicon Discordium.

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clock speed
solar flares
electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris
static from nylon underwear
static from plastic slide rules
global warming
poor power conditioning
static buildup
doppler effect
hardware stress fractures
magnetic interference from money/credit cards
dry joints on cable plug
we're waiting for [the phone company] to fix that line
sounds like a Windows problem, try calling Microsoft support
temporary routing anomaly
somebody was calculating pi on the server
fat electrons in the lines
excess surge protection
floating point processor overflow
divide-by-zero error
POSIX compliance problem
monitor resolution too high
improperly oriented keyboard
network packets travelling uphill (use a carrier pigeon)
Decreasing electron flux
first Saturday after first full moon in Winter
radiosity depletion
CPU radiator broken
It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem
positron router malfunction
cellular telephone interference
techtonic stress
piezo-electric interference
(l)user error
working as designed
dynamic software linking table corrupted
heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly
secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS
terrorist activities
not enough memory, go get system upgrade
interrupt configuration error
spaghetti cable cause packet failure
boss forgot system password
bank holiday - system operating credits not recharged
virus attack, luser responsible
waste water tank overflowed onto computer
Complete Transient Lockout
bad ether in the cables
Bogon emissions
Change in Earth's rotational speed
Cosmic ray particles crashed through the hard disk platter
Smell from unhygienic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads
Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fedexed from Wyoming
Evil dogs hypnotised the night shift
Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture
Electricians made popcorn in the power supply
Groundskeepers stole the root password
high pressure system failure
failed trials, system needs redesigned
system has been recalled
not approved by the FCC
need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem
not properly grounded, please bury computer
CPU needs recalibration
system needs to be rebooted
bit bucket overflow
descramble code needed from software company
only available on a need to know basis
knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked
nesting roaches shorted out the ether cable
The file system is full of it
Satan did it
Daemons did it
You're out of memory
There isn't any problem
Unoptimized hard drive
Typo in the code
Yes, yes, its called a design limitation
Look, buddy: Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.
That's a great computer you have there; have you considered how it would work as a BSD machine?
Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working.
Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.
Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER.
Someone is standing on the ethernet cable, causing a kink in the cable
Windows 95 undocumented "feature"
Runt packets
Password is too complex to decrypt
Boss' kid fucked up the machine
Electromagnetic energy loss
Budget cuts
Mouse chewed through power cable
Stale file handle (next time use Tupperware(tm)!)
Feature not yet implemented
Internet outage
Pentium FDIV bug
Vendor no longer supports the product
Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies
The vendor put the bug there.
SIMM crosstalk.
IRQ dropout
Collapsed Backbone
Power company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment
operators on strike due to broken coffee machine
backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD
UPS interrupted the server's power
The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the ethernet out.
The keyboard isn't plugged in
The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room
The electricity substation in the car park blew up.
The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out
The salesman drove over the CPU board.
The monitor is plugged into the serial port
Root nameservers are out of sync
electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.
your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes.
the real ttys became pseudo ttys and vice-versa.
the printer thinks its a router.
the router thinks its a printer.
evil hackers from Serbia.
we just switched to FDDI.
halon system went off and killed the operators.
because Bill Gates is a Jehovah's witness and so nothing can work on St. Swithin's day.
user to computer ratio too high.
user to computer ration too low.
we just switched to Sprint.
it has Intel Inside
Sticky bits on disk.
Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor
The ring needs another token
new management
telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused
SCSI Chain overterminated
It's not plugged in.
because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch
You put the disk in upside down.
Daemons loose in system.
User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.
BNC (brain not connected)
UBNC (user brain not connected)
LBNC (luser brain not connected)
disks spinning backwards - toggle the hemisphere jumper.
new guy cross-connected phone lines with ac power bus.
had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.
Too few computrons available.
Flat tire on station wagon with tapes. ("Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway" Andrew S. Tannenbaum)
Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.
Party-bug in the Aloha protocol.
Insert coin for new game
Dew on the telephone lines.
Arcserve crashed the server again.
Some one needed the powerstrip, so they pulled the switch plug.
My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip.
Big to little endian conversion error
You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish (from most tunefs man pages)
Dumb terminal
Zombie processes haunting the computer
Incorrect time synchronization
Defunct processes
Stubborn processes
non-redundant fan failure
monitor VLF leakage
bugs in the RAID
no "any" key on keyboard
root rot
Backbone Scoliosis
/pub/lunch
excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances
le0: no carrier: transceiver cable problem?
broadcast packets on wrong frequency
popper unable to process jumbo kernel
NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null: filesystem full
pseudo-user on a pseudo-terminal
Recursive traversal of loopback mount points
Backbone adjustment
OS swapped to disk
vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives
sticktion
short leg on process table
multicasts on broken packets
ether leak
Atilla the Hub
endothermal recalibration
filesystem not big enough for Jumbo Kernel Patch
loop found in loop in redundant loopback
system consumed all the paper for paging
permission denied
Reformatting Page. Wait...
..disk or the processor is on fire.
SCSI's too wide.
Proprietary Information.
Just type 'mv * /dev/null'.
runaway cat on system.
Did you pay the new Support Fee?
We only support a 1200 bps connection.
We only support a 28000 bps connection.
Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors.
I'm sorry a pentium won't do, you need an SGI to connect with us.
Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor.
the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.
The monitor needs another box of pixels.
RPC_PMAP_FAILURE
kernel panic: write-only-memory (/dev/wom0) capacity exceeded.
Write-only-memory subsystem too slow for this machine. Contact your local dealer.
Just pick up the phone and give modem connect sounds. "Well you said we should get more lines so we don't have voice lines."
Quantum dynamics are affecting the transistors
Police are examining all internet packets in the search for a narco-net-trafficker
We are currently trying a new concept of using a live mouse. Unfortunately, one has yet to survive being hooked up to the computer.....please bear with us.
Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.
Only people with names beginning with 'A' are getting mail this week (a la Microsoft)
We didn't pay the Internet bill and it's been cut off.
Lightning strikes.
Of course it doesn't work. We've performed a software upgrade.
Change your language to Finnish.
Fluorescent lights are generating negative ions. If turning them off doesn't work, take them out and put tin foil on the ends.
High nuclear activity in your area.
What office are you in? Oh, that one. Did you know that your building was built over the universities first nuclear research site? And wow, aren't you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!
The MGs ran out of gas.
The UPS doesn't have a battery backup.
Recursivity. Call back if it happens again.
Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch.
The mainframe needs to rest. It's getting old, you know.
I'm not sure. Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book.
The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?).
Jan 9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1
It's those computer people in X {city of world}. They keep stuffing things up.
A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN.
Fatal error right in front of screen
That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade.
wrong polarity of neutron flow
Lusers learning curve appears to be fractal
We had to turn off that service to comply with the CDA Bill.
Ionization from the air-conditioning
TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low.
Someone is broadcasting pygmy packets and the router doesn't know how to deal with them.
The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.
Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces
Plate voltage too low on demodulator tube
You did wha... oh _dear_....
CPU needs bearings repacked
Too many little pins on CPU confusing it, bend back and forth until 10-20% are neatly removed. Do _not_ leave metal bits visible!
_Rosin_ core solder? But...
Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...
The computer fleetly, mouse and all.
Your cat tried to eat the mouse.
The Borg tried to assimilate your system. Resistance is futile.
It must have been the lightning storm we had (yesterday) (last week) (last month)
Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time. (namely none allowed....)
Too much radiation coming from the soil.
Unfortunately we have run out of bits/bytes/whatever. Don't worry, the next supply will be coming next week.
Program load too heavy for processor to lift.
Processes running slowly due to weak power supply
Our ISP is having {switching,routing,SMDS,frame relay} problems
We've run out of licenses
Interference from lunar radiation
Standing room only on the bus.
You need to install an RTFM interface.
That would be because the software doesn't work.
That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.
Someone's tie is caught in the printer, and if anything else gets printed, he'll be in it too.
We're upgrading /dev/null
The Usenet news is out of date
Our POP server was kidnapped by a weasel.
It's stuck in the Web.
Your modem doesn't speak English.
The mouse escaped.
All of the packets are empty.
The UPS is on strike.
Neutrino overload on the nameserver
Melting hard drives
Someone has messed up the kernel pointers
The kernel license has expired
Netscape has crashed
The cord jumped over and hit the power switch.
It was OK before you touched it.
Bit rot
U.S. Postal Service
Your Flux Capacitor has gone bad.
The Dilithium Crystals need to be rotated.
The static electricity routing is acting up...
Traceroute says that there is a routing problem in the backbone. It's not our problem.
The co-locator cannot verify the frame-relay gateway to the ISDN server.
High altitude condensation from U.S.A.F prototype aircraft has contaminated the primary subnet mask. Turn off your computer for 9 days to avoid damaging it.
Lawn mower blade in your fan need sharpening
Electrons on a bender
Telecommunications is upgrading.
Telecommunications is downgrading.
Telecommunications is downshifting.
Hard drive sleeping. Let it wake up on it's own...
Interference between the keyboard and the chair.
The CPU has shifted, and become decentralized.
Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.
We ran out of dial tone and we're and waiting for the phone company to deliver another bottle.
You must've hit the wrong any key.
PCMCIA slave driver
The Token fell out of the ring. Call us when you find it.
The hardware bus needs a new token.
Too many interrupts
Not enough interrupts
The data on your hard drive is out of balance.
Digital Manipulator exceeding velocity parameters
appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem
microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system
fractal radiation jamming the backbone
routing problems on the neural net
IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptible-Power-Supply
CPU-angle has to be adjusted because of vibrations coming from the nearby road
emissions from GSM-phones
CD-ROM server needs recalibration
firewall needs cooling
asynchronous inode failure
transient bus protocol violation
incompatible bit-registration operators
your process is not ISO 9000 compliant
You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus.
The recent proliferation of Nuclear Testing
Elves on strike. (Why do they call EMAG Elf Magic)
Internet exceeded Luser level, please wait until a luser logs off before attempting to log back on.
Your EMAIL is now being delivered by the USPS.
Your computer hasn't been returning all the bits it gets from the Internet.
You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus.
Scheduled global CPU outage
Your Pentium has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water.(Do not turn off your computer, you do not want to cool down the Pentium Chip while he isn't working, do you?)
Your processor has processed too many instructions. Turn it off immediately, do not type any commands!!
Your packets were eaten by the terminator
Your processor does not develop enough heat.
We need a licensed electrician to replace the light bulbs in the computer room.
The POP server is out of Coke
Fiber optics caused gas main leak
Server depressed, needs Prozac
quantum decoherence
those damn raccoons!
suboptimal routing experience
A plumber is needed, the network drain is clogged
50% of the manual is in .pdf readme files
the AA battery in the wallclock sends magnetic interference
the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer solstice
the butane lighter causes the pincushioning
old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes
manager in the cable duct
We'll fix that in the next (upgrade, update, patch release, service pack).
HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here
HTTPD Error 4004 : very old Intel cpu - insufficient processing power
The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes. We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute ?
Network failure - call NBC
Having to manually track the satellite.
Your/our computer(s) had suffered a memory leak, and we are waiting for them to be topped up.
The rubber band broke
We're on Token Ring, and it looks like the token got loose.
Stray Alpha Particles from memory packaging caused Hard Memory Error on Server.
paradigm shift...without a clutch
PEBKAC (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)
The cables are not the same length.
Second-system effect.
Chewing gum on /dev/sd3c
Boredom in the Kernel.
the daemons! the daemons! the terrible daemons!
I'd love to help you -- it's just that the Boss won't let me near the computer.
struck by the Good Times virus
YOU HAVE AN I/O ERROR -> Incompetent Operator error
Your parity check is overdrawn and you're out of cache.
Communist revolutionaries taking over the server room and demanding all the computers in the building or they shoot the sysadmin. Poor misguided fools.
Plasma conduit breach
Out of cards on drive D:
Sand fleas eating the Internet cables
parallel processors running perpendicular today
ATM cell has no roaming feature turned on, notebooks can't connect
Webmasters kidnapped by evil cult.
Failure to adjust for daylight savings time.
Virus transmitted from computer to sysadmins.
Virus due to computers having unsafe sex.
Incorrectly configured static routes on the corerouters.
Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit.
Suspicious pointer corrupted virtual machine
It's the InterNIC's fault.
Root name servers corrupted.
Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers.
Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine.
Operators killed by year 2000 bug bite.
We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.
Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.
Robotic tape changer mistook operator's tie for a backup tape.
Someone was smoking in the computer room and set off the halon systems.
Your processor has taken a ride to Heaven's Gate on the UFO behind Hale-Bopp's comet.
it's an ID-10-T error
Dyslexics retyping hosts file on servers
The Internet is being scanned for viruses.
Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight.
Bad user karma.
/dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
Increased sunspot activity.
We already sent around a notice about that.
It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.
Interference from the Van Allen Belt.
Jupiter is aligned with Mars.
Redundant ACLs.
Mail server hit by UniSpammer.
T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.
Data for intranet got routed through the extranet and landed on the internet.
We are a 100% Microsoft Shop.
We are Microsoft. What you are experiencing is not a problem; it is an undocumented feature.
Sales staff sold a product we don't offer.
Secretary sent chain letter to all 5000 employees.
Sysadmin didn't hear pager go off due to loud music from bar-room speakers.
Sysadmin accidentally destroyed pager with a large hammer.
Sysadmins unavailable because they are in a meeting talking about why they are unavailable so much.
Bad cafeteria food landed all the sysadmins in the hospital.
Route flapping at the NAP.
Computers under water due to SYN flooding.
The vulcan-death-grip ping has been applied.
Electrical conduits in machine room are melting.
Traffic jam on the Information Superhighway.
Radial Telemetry Infiltration
Cow-tippers tipped a cow onto the server.
tachyon emissions overloading the system
Maintenance window broken
We're out of slots on the server
Computer room being moved. Our systems are down for the weekend.
Sysadmins busy fighting SPAM.
Repeated reboots of the system failed to solve problem
Feature was not beta tested
Domain controller not responding
Someone else stole your IP address, call the Internet detectives!
It's not RFC-822 compliant.
operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)
stop bit received
internet is needed to catch the etherbunny
network down, IP packets delivered via UPS
Firmware update in the coffee machine
Temporal anomaly
Mouse has out-of-cheese-error
Borg implants are failing
Borg nanites have infested the server
error: one bad user found in front of screen
Please state the nature of the technical emergency
Internet shut down due to maintenance
Daemon escaped from pentagram
crop circles in the corn shell
sticky bit has come loose
Hot Java has gone cold
Cache miss - please take better aim next time
Hash table has woodworm
Trojan horse ran out of hay
Zombie processes detected, machine is haunted.
overflow error in /dev/null
Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it.
Mailer-daemon is busy burning your message in hell.
According to Microsoft, it's by design
vi needs to be upgraded to vii
greenpeace free'd the mallocs
Terrorists crashed an airplane into the server room, have to remove /bin/laden. (rm -rf /bin/laden)
astropneumatic oscillations in the water-cooling
Somebody ran the operating system through a spelling checker.
Rhythmic variations in the voltage reaching the power supply.
Keyboard Actuator Failure. Order and Replace.
Packet held up at customs.
Propagation delay.
High line impedance.
Someone set us up the bomb.
Power surges on the Underground.
Don't worry; it's been deprecated. The new one is worse.
Excess condensation in cloud network
It is a layer 8 problem
The math co-processor had an overflow error that leaked out and shorted the RAM
Leap second overloaded RHEL6 servers
DNS server drank too much and had a hiccup
Your machine had the fuses in backwards.

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When she is not at the Assembly on Committee business, she lives in her condo in Kingsland South with her pet snake Rufus and something that lives in the walls that she refuses to name, because to name it would be to acknowledge its presence.
Sixty years and seven academic positions later, he has not lost that early enthusiasm for rearranging humanity's knowledge into shapes that suit us better.
The work introduced an entry-level understanding of entropology to the general populace, which seemed like a good thing until it, inevitably, went to shit.
His seminal work The King Electric: The Influence of Electromagnetic Variance on Order and Revolution is widely considered by sociologists and physicists.
What do you think of that, you cretins! Thought you could get rid of me that easily?
The projected effects range from the edgelands dropping to absolute zero to the entire continent being converted to mass-energy to be sucked into the past. The implications of this for the Disarrangement Act are unclear.
The mild racism of these suggestions aside, answers have not been forthcoming, since the interns tasked with asking the King Eternal about this tend to receive ancient curses in an old and forgotten tongue instead of answers.
So they scrapped the whole field and replaced it with "biosphere fascism," which was lighter on the environmental science and heavier on making public examples of dissidents.
Now, the most important thing to know about going to a bloodmoot as a foreigner is that everyone there, with no exception, is out to get someone.
None of this, though, so faithfully captures the Flandrean spirit as the fact that every officially-sanctioned copy of the Book of Schemes is booby-trapped.
He can squeeze his body through any hole large enough to fit his bones, which are the only parts of him that aren't made of snakes — as far as we know.
The fact that the tension has yet to escalate either indicates that Shaster's diplomats are doing their job well, or that Santanna thinks planetary bombardment by an advanced alien vessel is nothing to worry about.
I mean "take heart" in the Kingslander sense, of course, i.e., "[fear for your life as if someone were trying to] take [your] heart [out of your chest with a rusty spoon]", because you never know when an unnoticed squid-tree grove might send us plunging into the sun.
Similarly, the colored flags in that old legend appear as different colors to each character. A variation on sociophysical chromatic aberration would explain this handily. Please fund my research.
Unfortunately for Selestei, while the Contagious Republic compelled Vigotski to sneeze on every door handle he encountered, the Selesteines could only prosecute the war by forcing Vigtoski to take antibiotics.
The scapegoat slot is naturally, therefore, filled by adjunct professors.
Many sovereigns rankle at the condescension displayed at times by the Secretary, but complaining means you lose your gold star for the week, and only those who kept their stars for the month get homemade cookies.
She's standing behind me right now, in fact. Hello, Secretary Tomas. Yes, I'm getting work done. No, I'm not writing anything bad about you.
Nevertheless, if you're not the sort to be bothered by benign, nigh-omnipresent florists, the Order are at best an inconvenience.
Every night I lock up the building to clean, and every morning I wake up to the place littered with flower petals. I've tried everything. Nothing works.
But Flan's mental might was too great, and as much as he schemed, he could not outsmart himself. Thus he had an aneurysm and died.
In fact, some researchers believe ancient Flandreans might have actually invented the concept of government in order to coordinate their contingency plans.
The success of the new Protocol, no doubt aided by the Killer Bus's longstanding rivalry with "Literally Made of Snakes" Johnson, served to revitalize the Flandrean heavy weapons and cryotechnology industries.
It's understood that this course of action is extremely high-risk, but it goes hand in hand with another piece of Flandrean wisdom, which is that sometimes a solvable crisis is better than an unsolvable inconvenience.
Sure they're at war all the time, but they've been in a pretty stable state of unrest since like a thousand years ago. Most so-called "organized" nations have collapsed, like, twice in that same time period.
Sadly, he became somewhat unhinged in his later years, advocating for such policies as helping Selestei destroy Zor Olo, or declaring war on horseball — not players of horseball, mind you, but the abstract concept of the sport.
The admission of the Hegemony caused a fundamental change in the politics of the Assembly, which was allowed to happen when the first Hegemon, Bueoueou the Great, threatened to roll over the opposition.
Devices designed by the illustrious Dr. Stafford can be found at the root of most modern technological innovations, and it seems the man could not order a sandwich without founding a revolutionary academic discipline.
Instead of players on horses passing around a ball, Selesteine horseball involves players passing around a horse rolled up into a ball.
Remember when the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns was good at their jobs? I don't.
As a result, the entire country collapsed into a giant sinkhole during the 974 Open Flame Festival, the inauspicious timing of which ignited the gas deposits, creating the still-burning conflagration we know today.
When he began to lose the defending case, he resorted to personal attacks against the plaintiff (i.e. himself), until the trial degenerated into a fistfight in which he put himself in a headlock and choked himself out.
• Several species of bird.
We will set sail for the glory / One last time, we raise our blades / Let the world tell them our story / History will know our names
Their beer is more massive by volume than concrete, and some of their condiments are also used in industrial manufacturing. It is an enduring mystery how the Selesteines are even alive.
Bullshit. If tenure isn't the only thing between you and a JUSTICE tribunal, you're wasting your career.
In what Kingslanders call "a good day", the screaming was brief.
I told that story to my grandchildren the other week, both because they're adorable when they're scared, and also because it's never to early to learn to fear Kingsland.
Those who know are few, and they cannot be trusted.
If there's one thing I like about Flandre, it's their good taste in vengeance.
I myself once heard the Sovereign of Incendia break down in tears after a particularly belittling conference, although to be fair he does that all the time, the poor dear.
Lepazzia has it out for all of us. It might be wise to look past the cultural differences between us and realize that they probably consider themselves, in their own way, to be at war with everyone else.
The participants for the experiments, run by the National Academy of Velskyavo, were chosen by a single-elimination endurance tournament in which bands were required to play music while undergoing astronaut training.
When his mother, Queen Titania the Immovable, had ruled, she had sponsored Disputatious Assembly dinner parties for the express purpose of drinking the other sovereigns under the table and laughing at them.
Since the crow was technically a citizen of the Contagious Republic, the extradition paperwork took a week to get straight, at which point it was summarily executed and the corpse burned.
One such mystery is a deceptively simple question: why are there fish? Or more precisely, why are there such fish, rather than others that could have been?
It must be said, however, that they are all Flandreans, and their arguments rely on speciesist assumptions that intelligent whales are a horrifying thing.
The Missing Sea is — or rather, isn't, in a sense — a gulf on the western coast of Iurezza.
This phenomenon, Chezmen insists, can only be due to divine intervention; hence the differential equations.
Chezmen has yet to respond to this through anything other than interpretive dance.
I have occasionally found it necessary at international research conferences to gently remind visiting Velskyavan professors that they are not permitted to assassinate fellow conference-goers to claim their presentation slots.
There is some controversy over whether to include Marvin Fitch among this number, as on the one hand, they awarded him degrees in both Thanatology and Imagineering, but on the other hand, so did everyone else.
My buddy Yasser was just a little boy at the time, but he tells me the sound of a thousand propellers sounded like dubstep on God's jukebox.
Having warp technology in the break room has been deemed a major workplace safety violation, but none of the office supervisors have been able to get its removal approved.
But sure, I'm the villain here for being polite to a coworker, and not the people who shot it down with surface-to-air missiles. Take a diversity seminar or something, you bigots.
As in, I just found the Secretor's grease menu, and it's got all sorts of grease in it. Wheel grease, elbow grease, you name it, it greases it. Honestly, I just want to see if this grease menu works.
I'm told it already has a cult in Kingsland.
The technomonks of Panark are widely regarded for their charitable acts and unmercenary IT work.
When it comes to Kingslanders, however, that rule doesn't hold true, mostly because their legends have an unfortunate tendency to slither through the walls at irregular intervals and eat them.
In reality, civilization's been going downhill since the invention of the nation-state.
He was a man for whom battles were a way to make history and history an excuse to brag about previous battles.
Despite existing only on paper, Placeholden is at war with every other country on the planet.
Every now and then in Kingsland, someone just evaporates. This isn't usually a remarkable occurrence.
The 20-meter pedestal up to his falling form is visible from almost any open area in Kingsland, providing a constant reminder to her citizens of the folly of hope.
On one hand, her brutal suppression of dissent is questionable in light of the university's honor code, and it sets a bad example, I'm told, for the other students.
There was even talk of turning Taurus Research Station on the monstrous vegetation, but the Hegemony quickly put an end to that line of discussion by threatening to capsize whatever nation voted in favor—not their fleet, mind you, the actual nation.
Other animals, like the death cow, simply evolved robust enough constitutions that they can eat whatever plants in the region they want, whether they be swords, on fire, or both.
Those who opt for mobility, like many of the criminal groups hiding out in the area, must remain on the move constantly in order to avoid roving murders of marionette crows or the death cow Moolossus, who is inexplicably ten meters tall and always furious.
Therefore, every day at sunrise, every Selesteine citizen wakes up and yells at the sun. There is often forceful pointing, and if the country is having a holiday, occasionally breaking things. Then everyone has a drink.
The two of them fought for a full lunar month until Sels finally grappled the older sun and ate it. The other sun, afraid of Sels' fearsome power, began running around the world, creating the diurnal cycle.
If the Principality of Shaster had a national motto, it would probably be "Hold my beer!"
There are academic institutions you do not wanna find yourself in a dark alley with, and the Stratsky Foundation for Economics and Insurrection is in the top five on that list.
Scientists have discovered it is possible but rarely wise to deviate from Grimes's engine design, even though it is admittedly alarming to rely on a lightspeed engine composed entirely out of cardboard, duct tape, and rubber bands.
I just did the math, and I have concluded that they are absolutely right, and we should all fear for our lives. But life is so busy and we all have so much to do, so I recommend limiting your stupefying terror to no more than fifteen minutes per day.
To live in Kingsland is also eventually to be devoured by some unknowable monstrosity in Kingsland.
Is it really that much more outlandish when the hooded cultist on the nearest street corner demands your belief in Grislegrinder, the cosmic intestine-tentacled abomination who devours all upon death?
The sky has precious few resources beyond sunlight, water vapor, and the occasional bird.
Culturally, the Ulgravians are of course known for their barely repressed rage, but they also possess strong communal values. This is likely a result of selection pressures, as anyone found guilty of egregious acts against the community is typically thrown off the airship.
Remember that we're a horse people with a rich sense of history who all live on zeppelins now.
The Very Definitely Independent States are the most visible embarrassment to the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns' global mandate.
Gristleton became enraged and told Durun that he was going to "kick [his] ass". Durun responded that he had a busy schedule, but that if he wanted to come to Benri in the summer and kick his ass then, he was welcome to visit.
When the two sovereigns finally stood face to face once again, Gristleton pointed out that Durun had invited him there, and then promptly, in the words of the contemporary historian Pentex Lannogaster, "beat the shit out of him".
If you wanna know what windstriding is, go catch a ride on the next Ulgrav ship that resupplies in your area, find one of the tourist-friendly companies, and go punch the clouds with your face.
Good clean family fun, except all those times when people slipped and dashed their head open on a passing rock or something. Whatever, it was harder to traumatize kids back then.
X-treme lecturing was incidentally outlawed in AES 960 by the passing of the I'll Legislate It, I Swear, Don't Think I Won't Act, due to a clause that banned pedagogy involving hyphens.
But no sooner had Hegemon Aouwouou unveiled the first fully-grown forest of Ravenous Squid-Trees on live television did they seize and devour her before disbelieving witnesses.
Reeling in shock, the Hegemony did the only thing they could, and blamed Flandre.
You're reading this article to find out why there's a giant fucking smiley face in the night sky, leering at you and scaring the snotty little bipedal consumerism batteries you call children.
Every night the tentacle-prints of some unspeakable horror play voyeur on your pathetic excuse for a sex life.
Nowhere else will you find the heights of power so entangled with the lows of maturity.
The cult, as usual, has yet to make an official statement about this, but it is unclear whether this is because of its patron deity or because being accosted by mutes for linguistic subversion is far from the worst thing that could happen to you in Kingsland.
What is truly remarkable, however, is the significance 🔇 holds for the Disarrangement Act. Because it
The Assembly will have some wiggle room to shuffle countries around if a few of them are put into space.
In some sense the Disarrangement will be a vindication of the unreasonable hope cultivated by some Kingslanders that something will eventually deliver us from Kingsland.
What if the Hegemony celebrates its victory and accidentally cuts off the Chorus Perpetual, and we plunge into the sun?
Here's a hint: What has an average cruising altitude of 2 miles, has already wiped one country off the map, and carries eight million descendants of the angriest fucking warriors this world has ever known?
This argument is spurious for many, many reasons. First of all, we've already lost large chunk of the planet and been totally fine.
Not only is there the possibility of creating a second Kingsland, there is no air up there. The entire country would be dead in minutes. I confess I do not understand why I keep running into this suggestion.
In the interest of avoiding dimensional predators, the Assembly should endeavor to change the shape of the globe as little as possible.
Might this not cause people to regard the whole world as having become, in a sense, Barcu? Each of you Sovereigns should consider whether, having avoided your country being moved to Barcu, Barcu might yet move to your country.
This would be utterly disastrous.
I have no idea what an antihurricane would do, but I don't want to find out and neither should you.
The consequences will be unimaginably horrific.
I am honestly surprised that a thinking person could entertain this argument in good faith for more than a few moments. Even a brief examination of world history reveals the absurdity of the notion.
In light of the available evidence, I can see no other conclusion than that implementing the Act would essentially be a form of global suicide—if a world war does not erupt before we even get that far.
Consider how many problems are solved simply by being far away from them.
With global networking, anyone across the globe can feel threatened by anything going on anywhere.
Now, said Kingslander has to wake up each morning to the distressing fact that they haven't been annihilated from orbit. (They had to before, too, but this just makes it worse.)
Unfortunately, I will be unavailable for comment and/or arrest when this Committee's report is presented to the Assembly.
Though the loss of your academic career was tragic, I've always felt your work as a night janitor has been exceptional.

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flake.nix
View File

@ -9,6 +9,8 @@
motdFiles = {
"40k" = ./40k-thought-for-the-day.txt;
rebirth = ./boi-rebirth-fortunes.txt;
bofh = ./bofh-excuses.txt;
discordium = ./discordium.txt;
};
in
flake-utils.lib.eachDefaultSystem (system: